BARRY CAN YOU HEAR ME?  2:02 pm August 5, 2011

Barry Hates Riding In Cars With Boys

by Sara Benincasa

I'M BACK, YOU SAUCY FUCKS!Greetings, liberal larvae! I hope you enjoyed your Dear Leader’s Most Sacred and Honorable Birthday Week in the appropriate fashion: prostrating yourself at the Virgin of Obamalupe altar you’ve built in the corner of your shack with colorful tin cans and wee little milagros depicting Michelle, Sasha and Malia with glorious halos. Other things happened this week besides the anniversary of the birth of your dusky-hued Christ, but it’s not like you care. So without further adieu ado (note: my Francophilic instincts got the best of me), let’s get into Office White House Videographer Arun Chaudhary’s weekly “Triumph of the Will” reboot, West Wing Week!

On Friday, Barry jive-talked at the country about debt negotiations. Using customary metaphors about dice games on streetcorners, he encouraged the nation to loot and destroy the homes of white Americans in order to convince them to call their representatives on the Twitter box. Then, he made some speech about fuel efficiency in front of a bunch of car makers. Dead Henry Ford chortled, “I loves me a Nazi in any color–as long as it’s black!” and high-fived Hitler in Democrat Heaven. Then Barack Obama welcomed four “democratically elected” (HA!) leaders from his home nation of Afrika. “Assalamu Alaikum, my brothers in destruction!” he shouted, and then they all played basketball and menaced Megyn Kelly with their eyes.

West Wing Week is silent about Saturday, which means there was murder.

On Sunday, the president held a news conference to announce a bisexual compromise to allow assholes to continue being assholes, economically speaking. Everyone’s dad got mad and yelled at the teevee. Some of the dads were mad at Barack; others were mad at Congress; others were delusional and thought they were watching a live satellite feed from Satan, in Hell (haha, not delusional at all, that is exactly what Barack Obama is.)

West Wing Week is silent about Monday, which means there was consensual fingerblasting, all day long.

On Tuesday, Barack watched votes happen on teevee, just like you did (nerds), and then talked at people. “Voters may have chosen divided government,” he said, “But they sure didn’t vote for dysfunctional government. Also, SUCK IT, GOD!” Then he pissed all over the actual Baby Jesus, because this is what he does, for funz.

Later Tuesday, Bill S-365 arrived at the White House and got stamped by Executive Clerk Timothy Saunders, who screamed, “I’m not even supposed to be here today!” Then everyone played hockey on the roof of the White House. After that, Staff Secretary Rajesh De brought the bill over to the president to be signed with the customary 18,000 pens. Barry wiped his ass with the bill and sent it off to wherever bills go after that.

Christ, Tuesday was busy. After all THAT, it was time to welcome The Space People! One of the Space Persons was Commander Mark Kelly, whose wife voted on the aforementioned bill and was featured in maybe the only time you have ever cried at C-SPAN since the president’s inaugural address, you progressive pussies. It is okay, your authoress did, too. (Incidentally, your authoress and Mark Kelly are represented by the same speakers’ bureau, even though one of them is a Professional Space Hero and the other one makes filthy jokes at the Ha-Ha Hut and types word salad on the Internets for a tuppence.)

On Wednesday, the preznit held a cabinet meeting to yell at everybody about the FAA negotiations Because FOX News has yet to invent a fear graphic and call it STALEMATE IN THE SKY!!!!111!!!! your kkkolumnista does not care. What she does care about is Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton’s excellent hair. It is Park Avenue blond, straight, and long-ish, with some tasteful highlights, and it is fabulous. Maybe thousands of FAA employees are out of work because Congress is golfing at Sandals in Cozumel, but HRC is OWNING those tresses.

On Thirsty Thursday, BIRTHDAY TIME! So much debauchery went down, but it has been covered elsewhere on this site by Blair, so you should go read that! The best part of West Wing Week comes at 6:05, where Arun customarily puts the blooper reel. This time, Barack makes a funny joke at the car manufacturing thing (remember earlier? In this column?) about how Malia is getting her learner’s permit in a few years and he hopes they invent ejector seats so he can keep boys out of the car. OH HA HA HA YES WE SHOULD RESTRICT THE FREEDUMBZ OF GOOD RED-BLOODED TEENAGE AMERICAN MALES AND INJURE THEM WITH CARS FOR FUNZ, YOU BLOODTHIRSTY SCOUNDREL.

Alright-a-rooney, leftist maggots. It’s the weekend and it’s time for freakin’, so your writer assumes you will be rutting and grunting in the mud like the socialist pigs you are, producing more porcine spawn to bleed the government coffers dry. Your gal will be compulsively Tweeting as per usual, and mayhaps even recording another episode of her sexytime podcast. If you are a mentally ill person (and let’s face it: you are), you may in particular enjoy this episode, which has nothing to do with politiks and much to do with why your own personal Maureen Dowd has maybe not been so present on this site of late as in months past. Consider this the first and last time I will ever apologize or explain myself to you subhumans. Have a funky weekend, America!

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 174 comments }

nounverb911 August 5, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Well that weeks over, let's get drunk and forget about it.

LesBontemps August 5, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Traditional Wonkette values, right there!

vodkamuppet August 5, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Way ahead of you.

Jerry Fjord August 5, 2011 at 2:44 pm

You haven't already been 'celebrating' Barryness de Kenya's birthday all week?

PristinePantalones August 5, 2011 at 2:58 pm

"Get"? What's keeping y'all, dammit, it's five o'clock somewheres.

Fare la Volpe August 5, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Forget about what?

littlebigdaddy August 5, 2011 at 2:09 pm

I understand the car thing….Barry's just worried that African-Americans were much more likely to have nuclear families under slavery and all.

Doktor Zoom August 5, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Dear God, we needed you this week, Sara. You're our only hope.

BaldarTFlagass August 5, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Where is this Ha-Ha Hut of which you speak? I will travel there.

Doktor Zoom August 5, 2011 at 2:19 pm

I hope that is not the same as the Hoo-Ha hut, to which teh wimmenz are banished when they are "unclean." Ladyparts do weird stuff that men's insurance premiums should not have to pay for.

BaldarTFlagass August 5, 2011 at 2:33 pm

My Jewish ex-girlfriend told me about these. Given how cranky she was when she was having the painters in, I was wishing they had one nearby.

PristinePantalones August 5, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Wow, she has painters do her ladyparts? I must speak with these painters.

SorosBot August 5, 2011 at 3:07 pm

That seems almost as elaborate as a vagazzling.

SaraJBenincasa August 5, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Go to http://sarabenincasa.com/shows to see where I spread my filth. FILTH!

flamingpdog August 5, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Saddleback College? Are you gonna drop over to one of the nearby Saddleback Churches to find Jesus with Pastor Rick?

SaraJBenincasa August 5, 2011 at 4:13 pm

DUDE. YES.

natoslug August 5, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Your upcoming shows schedule has a typo. It appears someone accidentally typed "Saddleback College Mission Viejo, CA" when they obviously meant "Humboldt State University Arcata, CA"

SorosBot August 5, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Still nothing in my town. :(

BaldarTFlagass August 5, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Ooh, I may be able to swing Indianapolis, and travel on the government nickel to boot. Just have to come up with a good boondoggly reason to go up to my base in Kokomo/Peru, but I am very creative. Ha ha, suck it, taxpayers!

BaldarTFlagass August 5, 2011 at 2:11 pm

"he hopes they invent ejector seats so he can keep boys out of the car."

The president should get in touch with Q over in MI-6, I think he's got a slightly used Aston Martin DB-4 that he can pick up cheap.

Nothingisamiss August 5, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Some fighter jets that prolly have this technology are just sitting on a runway somewhere.

DahBoner August 5, 2011 at 2:11 pm

"Barry Hates Riding In Cars With Boys"

More proof Obama is a Secret Democrat…

MissusBarry August 5, 2011 at 2:13 pm

As I understand you are actually a human, rather than some kind of interwebs-insult-bot, may I say I'm glad for the thorough beat down of my self-worth and sexy Barack stories that so brighten my Fridays. If you'll excuse me, I have rutting to do with MisterBarry, who will actually bang me (unlike a certain presnit who's only into FLOTUS).

Sans snark, I hope you're feeling better, Ms. Benincasa.

SaraJBenincasa August 5, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Thanks, honey-honey. ;)

BaldarTFlagass August 5, 2011 at 2:14 pm

I'm a little bit let down, she hardly abused us at all.

Sharkey August 5, 2011 at 3:11 pm

I know, she could beat us with the halos or something.

TheSheriffsNear August 5, 2011 at 3:25 pm

I think she misplaced her riding crop after being gone so long.

PristinePantalones August 5, 2011 at 3:33 pm

I think she's tired from chaining RWNJs to the stove and then beating them to a bloody pulp with their own chains.

SaraJBenincasa August 5, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Ken wants me to be nice so you won't cry like the fucking teary-eyed monsters you are.

TheSheriffsNear August 5, 2011 at 3:52 pm

There's our girl!

flamingpdog August 5, 2011 at 4:14 pm

She's back!!1!!

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 4:32 pm

You and Ken are like the ultimate Bad Parents. He demoralizes us about the world around us, while you take hammer and tongs to the self-esteem!

PristinePantalones August 5, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Only because he's already ass-fucked us into sobbing misery. You're the good cop in this scenario, aint'cha?

BaldarTFlagass August 5, 2011 at 5:36 pm

That's better! It's difficult to cry and fap at the same time. Especially in a cubicle farm. But I'm home now.

gullywompr August 6, 2011 at 9:04 pm

You get better at it over time.

neiltheblaze August 5, 2011 at 4:19 pm

I don't know – she did call us "larvae" and "maggots" – which I guess are the same thing – and subhuman – so, I'm good.

gullywompr August 6, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Still, not a single fuck was given, er… written. I count them, you know.

Doktor Zoom August 5, 2011 at 2:14 pm

"Then he pissed all over the actual Baby Jesus, because this is what he does, for funz."

Thanks to my having finally seen Troll 2 earlier this week, I can say with all sincerity, You don't piss on hospitality! I won't allow it!

OC_Surf_Serf August 5, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Barry: The leather runs smooth on the passenger seat…

Fellow leftist maggots: Drink well and drink often.

Crank_Tango August 5, 2011 at 2:54 pm

I would go out tonight, but I haven't got a stitch to wear…

flamingpdog August 5, 2011 at 4:15 pm

I buy my hobo beans in the large industrial-sized can from Costco, and punch out holes for the arms and legs when I need to refresh my wardrobe.

And I use bootstraps, not suspenders, to hold it up.

PristinePantalones August 5, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Darn tootin'.

Crank_Tango August 5, 2011 at 2:15 pm

You know who else had a 50th birthday while war raged on two fronts and his generals conspired against him…

ifthethunderdontgetya August 5, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Spongebob Squarepants?
~

DoktorThompson August 5, 2011 at 2:20 pm

The F-35 Joint Strike Fighter?

Doktor Zoom August 5, 2011 at 2:25 pm

71-hour Ahmed, chief assassin for the Seriph of Al Khali?

SayItWithWookies August 5, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Julius Caesar?

scionkirk August 5, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Emperor Lucius Septimius Severus Augustus?

SorosBot August 5, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Frodo Baggins?

ProgressiveInga August 5, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Voldemort?

PristinePantalones August 5, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Asoka. No? Khusro Khusrovand?

flamingpdog August 5, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Abe Lincoln?

(Sorry, I gotta be serious every once in a while on this snark-site.)

flamingpdog August 5, 2011 at 4:21 pm

If you hadn't said "his", I woulda guessed Sara Benincasa.

DahBoner August 5, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Mrs. Newt Gingrich?

Come here a minute August 5, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Incidentally, your authoress and Mark Kelly are represented by the same speakers’ bureau.

Hmmm, which one shall I request for my corporate motivational bonding retreat/sex party?

SaraJBenincasa August 5, 2011 at 3:45 pm

ME NOW. FUCK ASTRONAUTS.

flamingpdog August 5, 2011 at 4:20 pm

HA! You're just jealous of Gabby Giffords.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 5, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Are you running for Preznit, Sara?

Everyone else is.
~

MissusBarry August 5, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Benincasa/Barb 2012!

Barb August 5, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Thanks Missus! That's one vote we have, 200 million more to go.

neiltheblaze August 5, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Oh, two votes at least – and I'll work for the campaign. For free.

prommie August 5, 2011 at 3:22 pm

She can't, she's underage.

MissusBarry August 5, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Fuck, you're right, but I think we might be ok for 2016. Sometimes actually caring what the Constitution says (the real one, not the fake Jeebus one) can suck.

flamingpdog August 5, 2011 at 4:22 pm

So that's sweet Sara is so beloved at teh Wonkette! Underage female!

PristinePantalones August 5, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Oh, so if everyone else was jumping off a cliff, you'd jump too?

Radiotherapy® August 5, 2011 at 2:19 pm

I want to know more about this bisexual compromise bill.

Doktor Zoom August 5, 2011 at 2:30 pm

But really, who HASN'T had a few bisexual compromises, especially in college?

vodkamuppet August 5, 2011 at 2:44 pm

I was drunk and if It had happened in New Mexico it wouldn't even have counted. After college totally counts though.

V572 Coif of Destiny August 5, 2011 at 2:44 pm

I was experimenting, I tell you. Double-blind trials with control groups, I swear. Just like that acid I experimented with, too.

PristinePantalones August 5, 2011 at 3:35 pm

I notice no one ventured to proffer that they hadn't.

MissusBarry August 5, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Sadly, me. Can't help wondering if I missed out. Maybe that's why I hit on LimeyLizzie.

PristinePantalones August 5, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Well, get on with it! I want a ringside seat. And I have seen her pussy, and let me tellya. That is one good-looking pussy.

iburl August 5, 2011 at 2:20 pm

I got 98% of everything I wanted out of this column.

jus_wonderin August 5, 2011 at 2:54 pm

A Boenher?

Goonemeritus August 5, 2011 at 2:26 pm

I will have you know I am reduced to racking sobs every time I watch C-Span

Beowoof August 5, 2011 at 3:02 pm

More pics of Sara would help ease the pain.

PristinePantalones August 5, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Switch to Fox and you can sob over racks instead.

VespulaMaculata August 5, 2011 at 2:27 pm

It's like that Seinfeld episode where George can't stop obsessing on the woman who so openly dislikes him. The more she hates him, the more attracted he gets. I'd let Benincasa walk on me with golf shoes.

PristinePantalones August 5, 2011 at 3:37 pm

She probably goes in for spike-heeled boots, in preference. Long black leather boots ending just above her charming knees, revealing muscular, long, bare, tanned thighs … BRB.

SaraJBenincasa August 5, 2011 at 3:46 pm

No tan! I am a proud white American.

PristinePantalones August 5, 2011 at 3:53 pm

I notice you didn't dispute the rest of my pervy description.

flamingpdog August 5, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Time for my afternoon *coffee* break. *rushes to mens' room*

CrunchyKnee August 5, 2011 at 2:28 pm

I don't always fap to a Wonkett posting, but when I do it is a Benincasa Wonkett post. Stay thirsty, my friends.

orygoon August 5, 2011 at 2:28 pm

How does this ejector seat work, as in knowing which passengers are wrong-gendered? Does it sniff, or feel up, the crotch parts? And if it is the latter, does it feel nice to the right-gendered persons?

Beowoof August 5, 2011 at 3:04 pm

A hard on detector, as a father of daughters something I have thought was necessary, with an alert sent to dad everytime the little bundle of hormones with feet gets one.

Barb August 5, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Sara, if you are in town you and I should do this together: http://www.rt66casino.com/node/1256
This is one of the 3 casinos my husband is a corporate business executive for. We could get some navy blue, wraparound dresses and have our picture taken with Bill. Or we could go total SHOWGIRL. Let me know so I can start bidding on feathers and sequins over at E-Bay.

Barb August 5, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Holy shit! I read read the bio on this link and it addresses HRC as "secretary" and not Secretary of State, LOL. Read it fast before they fix it. I just called them.

"President Clinton was born on August 19, 1946, in Hope, Arkansas. He and his wife Secretary Hillary Rodham Clinton have one daughter, Chelsea, and live in Chappaqua, New York."

weejee August 5, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Bubba's doing casinos now like the haz-ben geezer rockers. $50 on the back line.

V572 Coif of Destiny August 5, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Next week: Andy Williams!

prommie August 5, 2011 at 2:59 pm

I hope he plays Moon River!

flamingpdog August 5, 2011 at 4:27 pm

And moons River Phoenix.

Barb August 5, 2011 at 2:49 pm

WeeJee, I have a signed cow bell from Blue Oyster Cult. I love when the geezers come by. The guys from "Pawn Stars" will be there next week. Chum Lee!

weejee August 5, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Godzilla don't fear the reaper.

pdiddycornchips August 5, 2011 at 3:03 pm

It is an odd venue for a rock star from mars Ex President. One wonders where Hopey will be a decade after his White House days are over. I'm thinking Adjunct
Professor at some Chicagoland community college.

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 4:19 pm

That doesn't even make any sense.

weejee August 5, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Agreed. My guess is Barry & our beloved FLOTUS will chill in DC until Shasha is off to college. Then I'd expect something more along the lines of the Carters for retirement for the two of them – something heavy to continued public service, and less to lecture fees.

flamingpdog August 5, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Uh, um I'm thinking more along the lines of Professor of Putting His Feet Up on the Desk and Smoking a Stogie at the Carlyle Group Community College for 52 megadollars a year.

prommie August 5, 2011 at 2:58 pm

I'm sorry, I deleted. I wasn't making fun of him, I was making fun of you!

Barb August 5, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Bye.

prommie August 5, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Bye bye, so long, farewell?

DustBowlBlues August 5, 2011 at 3:24 pm

You left out the auf–whatever German word –no. Clever prommie–you were doing the closing line.

Today I said I didn't want anything crass or crappy. Drove me nuts until I remembered the rest of the line–Nothing crass or crappy, that would make me very happy.

weejee August 5, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Wasn't there a deleted meme the other day?

Beowoof August 5, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Is the girl at the bottom of the ad what got Bill to show up?

flamingpdog August 5, 2011 at 4:32 pm

No, I think it was the "Hot Dates" linky button in the upper left hand corner.

SaraJBenincasa August 5, 2011 at 4:01 pm

OMG WHY IS THIS THE BEST THING EVER. Do you understand that if I were in town (I'll be in New Orleans) I would so be there? Also I used to teach high school in Las Cruces, FACT.

Barb August 5, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Let me know if your plans change.

GhostBuggy August 5, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Oh man, you were a high school teacher? Oh man. Man.

BTWBFDIMHO August 6, 2011 at 9:51 am

You are from New Mexico? I hope to be back in Santa Fe by Xmas. Farolitos in Canyon Road!

SorosBot August 5, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Well I came.

weejee August 5, 2011 at 2:41 pm

But Hopey sawed while Boner conquered.

fartknocker August 5, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Thanks Sara. I feel so much better. I guess I'll take off now and go to the 7-11 and pick up a 10 pound sack of ice to go with my Jack Daniels. It's 0:bar 30 somewhere in the world.

slithytoves August 5, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Barry wiped his ass with the bill and sent it off to wherever bills go after that.

This pretty much sums up all my feelings about U.S. politics. Many thanks!

V572 Coif of Destiny August 5, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Ah, Sara, now the weekend can properly begin because you have conferred your blessing on the wine I was having "with" lunch, anyway. A thousand thank yous.

SilverTsunami August 5, 2011 at 2:48 pm

How did you know about my Obamalupe shrine? There are details there you could not have made up. Are you *watching* me?

prommie August 5, 2011 at 2:48 pm

If you want to earn a few more tuppence, Sarah, I got something for ya . . . .

jus_wonderin August 5, 2011 at 2:58 pm

I sold Tuppence when I was temporarily out of work. And, don't you hate, when at work, someone leaves a Tuppence in the office fridge for 5 months???

prommie August 5, 2011 at 3:16 pm

I've done that. The thing is, after the first month, you just don't want to touch it.

GunToting[Redacted] August 5, 2011 at 4:33 pm

True story… I was working in a hospital lab between college and grad school. Someone was cleaning out the lunch fridge (not the specimen fridge in the path lab) and there was one of those tiny little tupperware containers which held about 2 tablespoons of something. It appeared to be empty. After sitting on the table in the break room for about 45 minutes, the top BLEW off and sailed about 8 feet in the air. It released the most noxious stench imaginable. I like to think that this is the malign spirit which infected the current tea party.

jus_wonderin August 5, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Vodka induced “LOL!!!”

scionkirk August 5, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Do you do out calls? That post made me feel kinda randy, it was exactly what a bad liberal like me deserved.

SayItWithWookies August 5, 2011 at 2:53 pm

It’s the weekend and it’s time for freakin’, so your writer assumes you will be rutting and grunting in the mud like the socialist pigs you are, producing more porcine spawn to bleed the government coffers dry.

After last weekend's rutting and grunting I got a bad case of ticks (the teeny tiny ones) so I might be practicing birth control indoors this time. No fetii are planned, expressly to infuriate the Santorum Jelly Co.

Mumbletypeg August 5, 2011 at 3:27 pm

bad case of ticks

Mercy. Hired-Help-Around-The-Yard p0rn sure isn’t what it used to be.

SayItWithWookies August 5, 2011 at 3:35 pm

To be fair, I was in some yard I don't ordinarily frequent.

SaraJBenincasa August 5, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Oh no! Lyme Disease?

SayItWithWookies August 5, 2011 at 5:44 pm

I certainly hope not — I've had a tick-free summer up until this weekend, but now I've got a reason to insist on my annual Lyme test — it helps me practice overruling my doctor when he says it's probably not necessary. While I enjoy most forms of self-destructive behavior, I draw the line at insidious autoimmune conditions.

vodkamuppet August 5, 2011 at 2:54 pm

I for one plan on getting drunk and grilling tonight. I love grilling so much, I do it every weekend because I haven't had electricity since May because I'm poor love the fresh air and hanging out on my deck. Have any wonketteers really tried hobo beens? Try them with cumin, delicious.

Sharkey August 5, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Yes, I will be spawning this weekend, how'd you know?

PristinePantalones August 5, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Nothing like a dose of Sara Benincasa to make the weekend anticipatably fappy. When will you address us correctly as the hind leg of the capitalist running-dog, Sara Benincasa?

Guppy06 August 5, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Only a librul like Obamar would want to fight teen pregnancy.

Sharkey August 5, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Ha, Barry thinks Malia will be bringing boys home.

PristinePantalones August 5, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Friend's teenage daughter, upon being told she was not going to the prom, responded with, "How would you like it if I turned out to be a lesbian?" Mom's immediate comeback: "Great! I won't have to worry about you getting pregnant!" Barry might actually prefer it.

MiniMencken August 5, 2011 at 3:12 pm

You painted Jezebel! You call that abuse, you sniveling, coffee-nosed, malodorus pervert? I feel utterly, insufficiently abused by you this week! Now, earn your keep and get to coining phrases such as "filthy hamsters."

jus_wonderin August 5, 2011 at 3:28 pm

"ferrets of the apocalypse"?

Hey, I am going to start a band and use that name. Is David Cassidy available?

MiniMencken August 5, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Excellent coinage, my good person of indeterminate gender!

Tommmcatt August 5, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Is a fingerblast anything like a fingerbang? Explain slowly and in detail, please. With an illustrative story, perhaps.

nappyduggs August 5, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Maybe Ms. B can back me up on this, but I think a fingerblast is simply a fingerbang with the addition of blowing on the, uh, element with alternating puffs of hot and cool air. Or maybe it is a horrible ice milk desert offered over at the Tastee-Freeze, who knows.

Tommmcatt August 5, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Prolly both.

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Now how exactly would one execute this? Rapidly cycling ice cubes and jalapenos?

nappyduggs August 5, 2011 at 4:42 pm

A cinnamon-flavored hard candy pre-coitus ought to do it. Please to not be placing the hot peppers on the nooknook!! Though, the ice cubes are always a fine idea.

Tommmcatt August 5, 2011 at 4:53 pm

I used to do the ice cube thing with boys, back in my wild club kid days. They loved it, particularly when rolling on XTC.

I imagine you don't want to know the exact particulars, however.

prommie August 5, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Fingerbanging sounds like a blast.

Tommmcatt August 5, 2011 at 3:31 pm

I think I have an educational manual on it somewhere.

DustBowlBlues August 5, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Wait a minute–how did Sara know we're liberals? Can she read our dirty little left wing minds, or something?

BTWBFDIMHO August 5, 2011 at 3:22 pm

My own personal Maureen Dowd? No, please. In my wet dreams you always appear as my personal Sofía Margarita Vergara.

nappyduggs August 5, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Sweet Jesus, that woman is F-I-N-E. I haven't turned on the AC part of my AC/DC in years, but I would drink her bath agua.

SaraJBenincasa August 5, 2011 at 4:03 pm

That is how I look in my dreams too: like Sofia Vergara.

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 4:27 pm

You are more than perfectly presentable, appear as yourself!

flamingpdog August 5, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Better yet, appear at my front door after work tonight.

Negropolis August 6, 2011 at 12:58 am

Actually, I think her birthname is Sofia Viagra.

gurukalehuru August 5, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Is it my imagination, or is even the extremely Barackophilic Sarah Benathome showing signs of disillusionment? Dark days indeed.

TheSheriffsNear August 5, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Yay! Ms. Sassy McPottymouth is back. Just when I was starting to work through my abandonment issues.

donner_froh August 5, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Since TeeVee has a Shark Week, Wonkette should have a Sara Week. Ratings would go though the roof.

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 4:35 pm

That would be jumping the Sara.

donner_froh August 5, 2011 at 5:04 pm

In my dreams…

WinterOuthouse August 5, 2011 at 3:49 pm

There is no pursing of pleasure people. Santorum has spoken and you have lost that right. No pleasuring yourself! No reading Sara.

neiltheblaze August 5, 2011 at 4:25 pm

We've been naughty, Sara – we need to be spanked.

flamingpdog August 5, 2011 at 4:46 pm

DAMN! Back to the mens' room again for another *coffee break*.

GhostBuggy August 5, 2011 at 5:30 pm

It never even crossed my mind to be into abuse and humiliation, but with every (now rare) visit from our interwebz dominatrix, I'm pretty sure some kind of weird spark has ignited. How will I explain this to the wife?

A: While asking to be slapped, is how, I guess.

ttommyunger August 5, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Needz moar buttsecks.

subsum August 6, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Between Sara and Jon Stewart I think I gots everthin' I needz to know.

lulzmonger August 6, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Welcome back! Your podcast rules the waves like Brittania.

I aspire to one day be promoted to liberal pupa. Soon, soon.

SaraJBenincasa August 8, 2011 at 3:43 am

Thanks for listening to "Sex and Other Human Activities!"

PristinePantalones August 5, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Dang, it's not like such an outrageously desirable lily needs any further gilding. The ladypeople, they haz a good ha-ha with this, yes?

prommie August 5, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Its actually from "See You In September," I am only vaguely aware of The Sound of Music, which is younger, I think.

nappyduggs August 5, 2011 at 5:11 pm

That is incorrect. Sounds moist and yummy.

DahBoner August 5, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Pics?

MissusBarry August 5, 2011 at 5:34 pm

I always wonder if I know any of the wonkeratti outside our splendid virtual sanctuary, but would venture a guess I haven't seen any of their genitals. Could be wrong.

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 5:24 pm

This is rapidly turning into an early Prince song. Are you guys Wendy and Lisa?

Tommmcatt August 5, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Come on over and I'll give you a little seminar, Chet.

nappyduggs August 5, 2011 at 5:51 pm

No. But I was dreamin' when I wrote this. Forgive me if it goes astray.

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 6:09 pm

I'm not your lover. I'm not your friend. I am something that you'll never comprehend!

Tommmcatt August 5, 2011 at 7:10 pm

WIN!!!!

PristinePantalones August 6, 2011 at 12:14 am

Girlfriend, if you knew me IRL you would SO know it.

PristinePantalones August 6, 2011 at 12:33 pm

You'll have to ask Limeylizzie herself. She was very kind to oblige me the first time around. God, what a gorgeous pussy.

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