Whiny loser Rick Santorum is the only person we have ever heard of to date who is terrified of public preschool teachers, except possibly a few humans out there in the sub-five age group. Three-year-olds are probably justifiably terrified of preschool teachers because of the ever-present threat of a mandatory nap time when there is still a very cool toy sitting out. Rick Santorum is terrified because in his Orwellian phantasmaverse, public preschools are renaming children things like “No. 3192482XS” and spending nap time playing record collections of James Earl Jones reading Frederick Engels at low volumes into their small ears (backwards the way Satan likes it). “The government wants their hands on your children as fast as they can,” Rick says. “That is why I opposed all these early starts and pre-early starts, and early-early starts. They want your children from the womb so they can indoctrinate your children as to what they want them to be. I am against that.” FETUS INDOCTRINATION ALERT.
From the Des Moines Register:
“We need to get the federal government out of that business. We need a leader in Washington to start talking with the states and the communities to rally parents to demand that the educational establishment in this country start meeting the needs of their child, not children. See, that is the difference. Obviously, socialists love children, just like they love people in groups of one million or more,” he said.
No one in the educational establishment in Washington, D.C., knows the names of your children, Santorum added. “They can’t possibly know what is best for them, yet they act as if they do, and that is wrong.”
The real fear-mongering pros out there point out that Rick Santorum may have to choose something slightly more terrifying than public daycare providers to stay in the election. [Des Moines Register]
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Never too young to have "Heather Has Two Mommies" read to you, over and over again, until you adopt the idea that, sure, it's cool to marry someone exactly like you. Thank you, Rick, for pointing this out, but what can you do about it, jelly give away man?
I prefer "Bi-Curious George"
My favorite was always Richard Scarry's "Cars and Trucks and Things that Go Both Ways."
total win +++++
My favorite was Dr. Seuss' Bread and Butter Buttsex Book
I might have liked reading it to my kids if that was the actual book. Goldbug drove me nuts!!
Now that he's ruined that name forever, that made me immediately thing of George Bush and ew, I need brain bleach now please.
I got your brain bleach, Soros. Watch Jon Stewart's show from last night. you will go running screaming into the night. : )
Are you referring to the Jason Jones Special Report? http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-august-4-20...
Honestly, I feel sorry for anyone else who might have the last name Santorum. But not enough to regret that Dan Savage totally ruined this sick bastard.
The government doesn't know what's right for America's children, but Rick Santorum does. Got it.
Which is why we need santorum in government? OK then!
That sounds awfully messy.
And if Santorum gets elected (perish the thought!), he will become the government and will immediately cease to know what is right for America's children. So don't vote for Santorum.
Exactly. As evidenced by Rick's own brood, including the lovely vision in calico who will eventually find some nice woman to settle down with, and his bug-eyed son who's destined to become America's Next Big Serial Killer™.
Ever notice that her dress matches the doll's?
He doesn't say he personally knows what's best. Only that the parents do. He probably doesn't know that most parents are clueless crash test dummies who would turn baby Jesus into a drug addicted homeless psychotic screaming about the radio waves, the radio waves, the radio waves.
"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit THE RADIO WAVES THE RADIO WAVES THE RADIO WAVES…"
So the way to make a fetus safe from the horrors of preschool is to keep it in a jar?
That was Barbara Bush. But yes.
Rick & co just worshipped little Nolan or whatever they named the dead fleshbag/totem
Santorum kept his in a blanket.
A jar of Santorum?
Just don''t keep he/she/it in a Sharia Jar.
Socialists "love children." Implication that non-socialists don't. Res Ipsa Douchenozzle.
Socialists "love children" roasted on a spit, obvs.
A good garlic rub improves the flavor greatly.
Going to a pig roast this weekend. The most fun part is ramming the spit up the piggy's hind end and out its mouth. Often involves a hatchet. We have pics.
Only the fat ones. They're too greasy to fry.
Hi, I'm President Pedo Bear, and I'm here to help.
Frothing at the mouth once again, Santorum is preaching we should teach our children the antisocial behavior of antisocialism. He's such a riot.
Frothing from both ends, quite literally.
What a santorum this Santorum is.
Santorum is as Santorum does.
Santorum is as does Santorum
A Santorum is a santorum is a santorum.
Marklar?
I know that the whole premise of "getting in line and waiting your turn" that I was indoctrinated with in kindergarten turned me into the socialist that I am today.
And that whole "Stand up straight and say the Pledge Allegiance to the Flag" stuff. Wake up, Sheeple1!!11!!
"Waiting in line" is for illegal Mexican immigrants who want to become Americans, not for people who are already Americans!
Yep, and the whole counting (sharia numbers!) and ABCs (fucking literate woman!) and sharing (commie!). Preschool was the root of my liberal ways. Oh, wait, I'm from a rural area that didn't have public preschool then and, since my parents weren't scraping for hobo beans, I actually went to preschool at a baptist church. Think I found a flaw in your logic, Ricky…still grew up to be a fetus-hating socialist.
Washing my hands after I pee taught me to destroy all evidence of my crimes. Only free market capitalists get caught so all convicted criminals are free market capitalists.
We had a "crying mat" where the weepiest of us were put, I suspect John Boehner may have had a similar expereience.
haha, preschool didn't exist when I was a kid and kindergarten was not required(I stayed home and read extremist literature- or something) . I became a commie liberal socialist anyway!!!
Good for you. I taught myself to read at four but went to school so I could meet guys and catch a husband.
Catch a husband doing what?
"Oh, Chet. Do you want to look at this Gameboy for a few minutes? How about half of my green Burrito?" It probably would still work today.
Mrs.Satan
Dan Savage tramuatized this poor drooling dipshit beyond any hope of healing or salvation.
To which I say, well done, Mr Savage, well done sir.
Time to move on to Rick Perry or Sarah Palin. I look forward to seeing your work
I have a modest recommendation that we might want to consider: All threads pertaining to Rick Santorum should include a complimentary mention of Dan Savage and the good work he's done and continues to do.
I second tessiee's motion!
And I second that emotion too
"Maybe you want to give me kisses sweet…"
Mr Obama, TEAR DOWN THESE SCHOOLS!!!
Srsly, the churchies are just pissed that they can't get hold of EVERYONE ELSE'S kids, so now they want to burn the system down. What has pubic education ever done for America anyway?
Teeth flossing with the hair?
At least someone's reading carefully.
"What has pubic education ever done for America anyway?"
Everything?
Needs moar home skoolin'
Hitler?
SIMAC LIBEL!!!
Allowed families of modest means to better themselves? Introduced children of recent immigrants to native-born children, so that each may learn from the other? Inculcated democratic principles in all?
These are terrible things. Thank goodness Ricky 1 is going to put a stop to it, along with the scholiasm.
And the sanitation.
Pubic education is a matter for families and churches only. And the less kids know about that pubic stuff, the better–just don't call attention to their genitals and they won't use them.
Special purpose? I'VE got a special purpose!!
I may be sending more money home soon, as my friend Patty has promised me a blow job.
How will they find the lice, though?
When I started, I had a pretty good line comparing Santorum to a pubic louse, but it seems to have faded away.
"No one in the educational establishment in Washington, D.C., knows the names of your children,"
Because Socialists lie about their names and social security numbers so we can get them into better schools?
And thank goodness- do you really want total strangers knowing your kids names??
A system of pubic roadways?
Watch out for patches of "brown ice" — Santorum spills can be deadly
Besdies all THIS what has public education ever done for America?!
It would be easier to list what doesn't cause Santorum to shit himself.
Which is apparently nothing.
"Obviously, socialists love children."
WAT WAT WAT?? I thought we hated them because they can't contribute to the collective!
American parents should fear their child's early exposure to Santorum is all I'm saying.
Especially the gurls cause last thing we want is fur th wimmins to read an rite.
Ha! Where you meets wimmens who know how to read?
You don't live in Kentucky or West Vagina…..
I wonder what he thinks about Cub Scouts? They all dress alike just like commies do.
I'm afraid he thinks of cub scouts all of the time.
Well the Girl Scouts have already been proved to be a lesbian communist front organization:
http://www.wnd.com/?pageId=97977
The best part about that article is the photo of the coconut Samoa off to the side – they couldn't go with a Thin Mint, because it wouldn't evoke a nutty, sweet, delicious vagina the same way that a Samoa would.
Also, on a side note, that article seriously makes me want to get involved with Girl Scouts. If I end up with male offspring, I will be severely disappointed.
We've been sending our daughters to the local Maoist dyke Girl Scout Indoctrination Camp this summer, and let me tell you, Girl Scouts are totally awesome!
Baby shark … Baby shark … Baby shark … Baby shark …
if you end up with a son, dress him like a girl and enroll him in the Scouts, anyway. works in movies.
"…Zen gardens and feminist, communist and lesbian role models." Ah – NOW it's all starting to make sense…
Zen gardens and feminist, communist and lesbian role models
Somehow I had never connected those things. Thank you.
funny. it just sounds like a visit with my sister-in-law and her gf in Portland.
wait a minute…she was a Girl Scout!
And that is why my daughter was a scout and why I was the troop cookie mom for 6 years. So we could promote the commie agenda- I left the lesbian agenda to another mom.
Now Billy we have to take some pictures with your clothes off… well in case you get lost and lose your clothes then we can identify you.
I think it's more like SS troops, which is OK in the Republican book.
"I wonder what he thinks about Cub Scouts?"
They should change their uniform to the color brown.
So they can deliver UPS packages….
Or do something with packages, anyway.
Another day, another way to thank Bob Casey.
No one in the educational establishment in Washington, D.C., knows the names of your children,
Maybe if you sent a jar of Ricky Santorum's special private reserve jelly they would.
So, what he's saying is, every child's educational requirements are somehow encoded into their names, and if we send him this list of names (and maybe addresses and photos, too), he will know exactly how to "educate" them?
and possibly how to discipline them.
“That is why I opposed all these early starts and pre-early starts, and early-early starts."
"Yeah."
"And early-early-early starts."
"Sure."
"And early-early-early-early starts."
"Yeah, all right Rick, don't belabor the point."
But belaboring idiotic points is his thing, his signature.
Let Santorum be santorum!
Let the santorum flow!
Head starts lead to head shops, the path is so clear.
"And those ultrasounds. They are really sending messaged to the fetus. It's all part of Obamacare."
Oh, no that's the way the right wing contacts the fetus. They have firsts. It's the LAW!
I think we should tell him the comedy rule of threes only works when it is comedy.
but how does he feel about premies, pre-come, and premature ejaculation?
We need to get the federal government out of that business.
like in Somalia perhaps, where there are no functioning federal government
Somolia is a great model for the USA – and think of it – LOTS of opportunities for pirates and highwaymen…
More raping and pillaging! And think of all the wonderful rape-fetii to love and rape-babies to leave starving and homeless. It's obviously the way to go.
And 29,000 Somalian children under the age of 5 died of starvation in the last three months. . .so it's good we don't know each of their names, otherwise this news would hurt a little bit.
I know. It's absolutely heartbreaking. I signed up to have a monthly deduction taken from my bank account by UNWFP. It felt better than obsessing about the American economy.
They aren't thieves, they're entrepreneurs!
"Obviously, socialists love children."
By extension, Republicans hate children.
Each Republican loves one child, and only one child. And there's nothing creepy about it at all. Just that one child, to love all by themselves.
Then why do they have so fucking many of them?
Seriously folks… quit pumping out litters.
I think you mean one child *at a time*. Like priests.
Preschool teachers don't have time to read Engels during naptime. They're too busy cooking krokodil while reading Dan Savage aloud.
Yeah, it's Friday!!! Go Google yourself, Rick!
Btw, is he really trying to say that "Socialists" don't like individualism? That's odd, cause every cookie-cutter asshole I know happens to be a Conservative…
"rally parents to demand that the educational establishment in this country start meeting the needs of their child"
Sounds like a… wait for it…. COMMUNITY ORGANIZER!!!!
Santorum is a COMMIE infiltrator!!!
Because, after all, it's too much bother for the parents to do all that 'meeting the needs' crap.
I think it is clear conservatives don't want to teach kids to read or think, because when you do they will figure out how full of shit conservatives are.
It is amazing how a command of reality and factual information seems to contradict conservative dogma effectively. Keep 'em dumb and corn-fed and mis-informed and you can manipulate them into any worldview you need them to have. Who would have thought that corn and stupid would fuel our dystopian future!
Home schooling will take care of all that dangerous edumacation.
Come on, Rick, we all know the real reason you want to eliminate preschool; because, by taking care of the kids, it makes it easier for their mothers to actually work when woman-hating shitheads like you think all ladies should be forced to stay home and waste their lives as housewives.
And really, Rick, take a good objective look at your kids. Do you really think this has worked out well?
Waste? I'm not going to fight with you here, you can think whatever you would like about my life as a "housewife," but I will say this – I fucking love it.
I'd do it in a heartbeat.
I don't think SorosBot meant it like that. When it's a choice, that's awesome. When it's an agenda of keep 'em home barefoot and preggo, not awesome. My mom was a homemaker all through my childhood and there were a lot of things that were great about that (although, by the time I was a teen, I wished she had something else to do with her time than worry about what I was doing every minute), but it was a choice. And she went back to work when I was 18, retired for six months 3 years ago and now, pushing 70, is thinking about retiring again. All about choices…Ricky hates that word, especially when applied to women.
Thanks; I was trying to think of a way to say that I didn't mean it that way, only that it's a waste when a woman is forced to be a housewife; but couldn't think of a way that didn't sound pathetic. But you got it there.
I totally get that, and I meant it when I said I don't care what people think – not being ugly in the least. I seriously do LOVE it – cause my 4yo kid goes to preschool! (and summer is over on Wednesday and then the two older ones will be out as well! WOO HOO!)
Also, I have an English degree, so…working? A skilled job? Um, yeah no.
When it's what you want to and can do, it's great. And, speaking as somebody raised that way, I'm sure it's really beneficial for your kids. I spoke like a 40 year old when I was 4…which really showed up in my language skills all through my education. I'm pretty sure my parents really sent me to preschool for the socialization aspect, since I'm an only.
I would have loved to stay home with my chitlins when they were little but the hubby didn't make enough at that time for us to be safely above the poverty line.
But I appreciate the fact that I was "allowed" to remain in my career and not forced out because of my productive uterus.
Always remember, the fundamental perversion of catholicism is its misogyny. Its not for concern with the fetus that they hate abortion, its that they want to control the mother, its not that they think sex is evil that makes them so prudish, its that sex leads to consorting with evil evil women. Anti birth control, anti-women. Its really all about the women. Saint Paul, Saint Augustine, they founded the one true original he-man woman-hating club.
I will never understand my Catholic women friends – it is a club where they very much don't want vaginal insertion in the discourse. I don't know why any female would be a part of an organization that tells you outright, as a member of the be-twatted class you are not fit to have power/serve/molest/abuse people. WHAT IF I WAAAAANT TO abuse people? I might be really good at it, how could they know?
"WHAT IF I WAAAAANT TO abuse people? I might be really good at it, how could they know?"
They could always get themselves to a Nunnery and go into a teaching order. My nuns loved abusing children.
Very good point. Perchance the lesson is, sexual repression is BAD all the way around, tis better to be a breeder of sinners…but thanks anyway Hamlet.
Exactly. They've always regarded all the pedo stuff with an indulgent eye because at least then their clergy are staying away from icky, icky women.
Children should be kept far away from santorum… at least until they're 15 or 16.
I say again: Launch All Teachers!
For great social justice?
…rally parents to demand that the educational establishment in this country start meeting the needs of their child, not children. See, that is the difference.
Is this guy actually trying to say that schools should only meet the needs of specific children who have parents with the time, ability and inclination to make demands of the school system? And those children who, for whatever reason, do not have such parents can suck it? Please correct me if I'm wrong – I'm working with the 2008 edition of the English/Crazy dictionary and that shit gets updated all the time.
This is exactly the school system we have here – EXACTLY, and you can see the kids with helicopter moms who spend all of their time involved in the schools, and the kids who are poor or "of working parents" and, dare I say it? Left behind. It is an evil farce.
My thoughts exactly. We already have that happening.
My son is in middle school now under the auspices of the women we refer to as the "Party Principle". She earned that moniker with us 6 years ago when our oldest started middle school. She sat all us parents down – mind you there were moms and dads in attendance – and proceeded to talk about all the fun things the MOMS could do at the school to help out with special activities. As in, the same bitches that turned elementary school into a PTO reign of terror would now have the opportunity to expand to middle school.
And here's an idea. Some of us love our own child (or children) more than anything in the world. But you couldn't pay us to deal with the spawn of others. Therefore, I do not want to do a bunch of "fun" things at school that involve me having to tolerate other people's kids.
Here's another thing. I ALREADY WENT TO SCHOOL – BY MYSELF. But yeah, it's a whole "fill my life up" through competition with other moms, out-momming each other, or hell, honestly – avoiding getting a job – but I don't do that shit either. I have learned with the first two kids that I am a "can I write you a check not to have to be on your committee/not have to glue stuff" type. I got articles to comment on, okay???
Yeah, I THINK that is what he was trying to say. Although if I recall correctly my time in public schools, they DO cater to a single student – the dumbest one in the class who spends all of his time eating paint and farting. That's why the rest of us had to learn the same math problems from 3-6th grade, because James Williamson was too fucking stupid to keep up with the rest of us.
That kid is still in rehab. No really he is.
Really? I heard he was a Republican state senator.
Ha ha ha – and that is why a good, big school system like the one my kids are fortunate enough to attend is just fucking awesome.
My oldest is a goddamn little introverted genius. She was in the high ability learner classes all through elementary and middle school. When she got to high school she was in advanced placement and honors classes for the first two years and is now on her way to earning her International Baccalaureate diploma (which will start her out as a sophmore in college almost everywhere).
My youngest is Mr. Good Times and spent the first few years of elementary school as Special Ed. He needs structure and attention and he gets it because they have an excellent targeted needs program in our school system. It keeps his type from messing up class for the poindexters.
I honestly can't imagine how miserable my husband and I and our kids would be if they were in a smaller or crappier school system that did not afford the different levels of study (like my husband and I both attended, coming from bumfuck nowhere midwestern towns).
Yes, all very nice, comrade. Real American Patriots know all about the communist nature of the International Baccalaureate program. Hope you enjoy your black helicopter ride.
(snark off: congrats on your kids' achievements, and huzzah for good public schools!)
LOL!
Seriously, all the bitching about the IB program by the wingnuts made me feel double-extra special proud that my kid was in it.
And a hearty huzzah right back at ya!
James Williamson, the second guitarist from The Stooges? i'd buy that.
I think Rick had an issue with toilet training.
Vitter, ditto.
Had?
He may need Rick Perry's treatment with the M-80s.
"Obviously, socialists love children, just like they love people in groups of one million or more.”
If your group of people only numbers 999,999, we socialists say "Fuck off."
Rick hates democracy. Especially majority rule. That's how the 25% of paranoid right wing nitwits brought this country to it's knees.
" they love people in groups of one million or more."
That's because groups of people of one million or more are easy to manipulate.
Like the Million Man March…
It must be terrifying for Rick to have to worry about all of the 3 year olds who are smarter than he is. Also, here, everyone I know sends their kids to CHURCHES for preschool – you know, elites who PAY FOR IT because this COUNTRY IS FUCKED UP, so I see what he is talking about what with the indoctrination and all. (EVERYone I know, EVEN ALL THE Repubs KNOW it is better to GET A HEAD START, that is why we pay to do it.) I think public school SHOULD START at 3. FUCK THIS FUCKING MORON. Sorry. Sorry. It's too early and I swore I was going to stop swearing so much on the Wonk…
" I swore I was going to stop swearing so much on the Wonk."
Somebody needs a hug. It's OK.
" I swore I was going to stop swearing"
Other than a little cognitive dissonance on my part, it's no fucking problem.
The other day, one of our local TV news programs did a story about a study that indicated that swearing does not release stress and that it, in fact, increases stress levels.
Fuck that fucking bullshit.
Goddam fucking bullshit is what it is. Fuck those ratbastard cocksucking shitsticks.
Fuck your local TV news program. I have come to the conclusion, after years of study and field observation, that the use of the term "you fucking asshole," clearly enunciated, is very therapeutic.
Earlier this morning, one of my (good) bosses called my name as I walked by his office, to which I responded in annoyed tone of voice "What the hell do you want?" He thought that was pretty funny, and we subsequently declared that today is "Bad Attitude Friday."
Bullshit.
Profanity can reduce your pain and stress
Motherfucking, cocksucking little shitstain goddam wankers.
But your swearing, its so hot.
The high levels of Santorum made you do it
Ya know, there IS a "higher number of swears to level of conservative stupidity ratio" in my speech patterns, that is completely true.
You might know The Cursing Mommy
That is the greatest thing I have ever read for the trashy mama. Thank you so, so much.
She is priceless!
Fucking Ian Frazier kicks fucking ass.
TeleTerrorbabies
If we banned women from the workforce, they would have no choice but to go back to their God ordained roles of homeschooling their children – and reduce unemployment considerably.
They also should lose their right to vote, because it's clear they are too prone to sentimental, liberal causes like health care reform, education and keeping out of wars.
Unless they are Sarah Palin.
Or are otherwise endowed with a Grizzly snatch.
His kids were homepreschooled. They loved it when daddy would come to their class and they got to fingerpaint with Santorum.
As one might imagine, Santorum was ALL OVER that classroom. At one point, his frustrated wife, who was nominally the head teacher, demanded he go back to work: "I can't work with [Santorum] in my hair like this."
In the immortal words of Detective Munch from when he was still working Homicide in Baltimore, "Who advocates for nothing?"
Answer: Rick does. Some of us believe that it is in our nation's best interest to guarantee a minimum level of nutrition and education for our children, even our toddlers. But dear x-senator Santorum believes that what is best for America's children is … nothing.
Ex nihilo Santorum fit
And the translation would be "out of nothing santorum santorums"?
"But dear x-senator Santorum believes that what is best for America's children is … nothing."
Exactly!!!!!
You take food out of those neer-do-well's mouths and give it to Rich People, where it belongs…
Well, it looks like Santorum knows the difference between one and a million, which is about his chances of ever being on the presidential ticket, much less winning a single primary state.
Suck it, Rick.
There are two options. Either Santorum is a deeply disturbed and fundimentally stupid man or he's desperate to differentiate himself from the rest of the GOP pack that he'll come out against most anything. Thinking about it, though, maybe it's both options at once.
Rick Santorum, taking a noble stand against day care and kindergarten since 2011.
As he was my Senator for five years, I can tell you that yes, he is a deeply disturbed and fundamentally stupid man. Luckily what he is not is someone with any chance of becoming President.
You know who ELSE was a deeply disturbed and fundamentally stupid man who no one thought would be able to run a nation?
George W Bush?
Got it in one!
Dan Quayle?
Sarah Palin?
he is also deeply stupid and fundamentally disturbed. He is disturbingly stupid, and deeply fundamentalist, too.
You know who really scared the fuck out of me? Mrs. Poole, my 4th grade teacher. She was a fat little black lady that was really nice, but she had these little black hairs that grew out of her chin, and a pretty heavy girlstache. Scarred me for life.
Sorry about that, Baldar. My 4th Grade teacher (Mrs. Myers) was kind of hot. And very understanding. She barely punished me when I accidently shot her in the ass with a paperwad.
She barely punished me when I accidently shot her in the ass with a paperwad.
Go on …
all the right words – just needs a little more connective narrative…
I had a kindergarten teacher named "Miss Fuzzmark" (and I have no idea what the correct spelling of that name might be).
Seriously. Wrap your heads around that one.
"I opposed all these early starts…"
[read: waking up for work pre-7:00 a.m.]
"…and pre-early starts…"
[trying to fit a workout in before work, say 6:00 a.m.]
"..and early-early starts"
[catching a 6:00 a.m. flight requiring arrival 2 hrs. in advance for screening]
Zoinks, I actually might agree with Santorotum on something. We apparently both include ourselves among the not a morning person camp of late sleepers.
No wonder the pictures of all his poor kids looks like they're in a hostage photo. There's a huge part of me that hopes at least two of them end up on the pole.
When she becomes a teenager. I hope his crying daughter dyes her hair fuchsia and wears a black bomber jacket with "Choose Death" stenciled on the back.
And ends up on the pole.
With dollar bills in her underwear?
More likely married to a career criminal. One who is near, if you get my drift…
Rick's fambly could use a little swirl babby.
No shit, that crew is blindingly white.
Needz moar Mudpeople!
"Cause they got the ugly genes from mommy and daddy, the pole is out of the question.
Maybe the boys will end up smoking the "pole". That would be both schaddy and freuddy.
I think it is definitely in the cards.
I hope all his kids end up doing hardcore S&M same sex porn
You must go to a higher class of Gentlemen's Clubs than I do, because I don't think ugly is a deal breaker at the joints I go to.
There is a difference between your run of the mill ugly and “Instant Soft-On” Ugly.
The boy is destined to be a creepily grinning mug shot on the 6 o'clock news.
I'd also strongly recommend a move to homeschool children all the way through graduate school. No good reason to have your kids poisoned by the outright communist indoctrination of our colleges and universities. I see no reason why the typical mom couldn't provide a good grounding in reading, writing or even electrical engineering or biochemistry. All it takes is some books (I recommend the "for dummies" guides) and a little bit of "stick-to-it-ivness" and we can do this.
You know, that's a good idea.
Not having to start paying for my kid's college in a year would allow me the freedumb to lose my job. Matlock reruns await!
Besides, she could just watch all those lectures on iTunes, no?
I don’t see how being able to quote Karl Marx and Fredrick Engels at 5 years of age hurt my children. Sure the Mao jacket was a little warm for summer wear but on the whole my children seem well adjusted.
But could they sing L'Internationale at that age?
Debout, les damnés de la terre
Debout, les forçats de la faim
Why yes only in English however since we would put them down for naps playing Billy Bragg on their Fisher Price close and play.
All you fascists. lalalala
But I'm sure Rick would be all for the little tykes quoting Adam Smith, scripture, and John Galt's 70-page speech from Atlas Rugburns (verbatim).
"Brainwashing is evil whey They do it… but when *I* do it, it's cute."
I still have the beautiful 1916 edition of The Communist Manifesto my son gave me on my birthday when he was still a little tyke. Last night I woke up and had an urge to actually read it.
Santorum campaign theme song: "School's out COMPLETELY."
Does Santorum get to vandalize schools, too?
Well, well. I think *someone* needs a time out.
That's funny. We all know that Santorum didn't REALLY say that, though.
Oh the HORROR!!!!!
Nap time….
Coloring….
Those little cartons of milk….
Make it stop!!!!!!!! THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!!!!!
Eating paste.
MMmmmm. And the smell mimeograph ink.
The smell of chalk dust in the morning …
Cleaning the erasers with the vacuum in the school basement sucks…
And that red sawdust that the custodian puts on the floor before he sweeps it.
I'm mildly lactose intolerant and despise milk, so those little milk cartons always grossed me out.
Well, now they have Lactose Free Organic Milk, but you'll be branded as a hippy if your Mom asks for it…
Well, there is a connection between early childhood and buggery on Planet Santorum.
Small children should work for free on their parent's political campaigns, like God intended!
Small children should work for free in sweatshops owned by plutocrats who donate to Ricky's prez campaign, as God intended!
5-year-olds picking rocks out of "clean coal". Just like our forefathers had them do.
Thank you sir! May I have another?
HEY KIRSTEN!!!! I used to date a gal of that name…. She was really cool. She managed a Goodwill, had a bunch of mannequins dressed as Catholic Nuns around her appartment, had a plant box made out of a 50's TV, liked the Cramps, was in a band….SHIT! She even had "Theme" parties, where we'd watch "Shitty Sylvester Stallone movies (like Tango&Cash and Over the Top) then insist, at midnight, that evry one get's a "flowbee" hair cut or they are tossed out of the party! And Kirsten meant it too! She was THE COOLEST CHICK I EVER DATED……….
So when post somthing about Rick Santorum…..
"Shitty Sylvester Stallone movies (like just about everything he ever made)"
Fixed that for ya, Bakes.
No, man, Over The Top reaches a level of transcendant badness, it really does stand out even among the wretched awful crap mound that is the ouevre of Stallone. When I want to watch a so shitty its amusing movie, I reach for the old standby, "Road House."
"Road House" — you get extra upfists for that one. But put "Showgirls" in that category, too.
When the stuffed polar bear falls on the fat bad guy, oh, what a scene. If you look at scenes in Monty Burns' office or home, on The Simpsons, you will often see that stuffed polar bear in the corner.
"When I want to watch a so shitty its amusing movie, I reach for the old standby, "Road House." "
How is it that the MST3K guys never did their own unique version of "Roadhouse"?
O MY GOD. Me and the Lil lady saw a movie that HAD to be on MST3K if they were still on the air. It was called……I don't remember but it SUCKED!!!! We found it buried on "ON DEMAND", and it was about a 8 fot mutant sheep. It was hard to find the worst actor in this movie 'cause they ALL SUCKED. At the end of it we looked at each other "DAMN are we THAT lax that we didn't change the movie? Seriously we didn't even smoke any pot….We're toooooooo lazy"
I got a kick out of "Stop or My Mom Will Shoot", mostly because of Estelle Getty. Also, because I was stuffed full of medicine to get rid of my tapeworm, in a hotel in Beijing, and probably hallucinating a bit.
You had tapeworm, and got rid of it! Man, people pay good money for tapeworm, its the new fad diet.
Oh, it had done its job. I think I lost a total of 40 pounds.
"tapeworm, its the new fad diet"
It's actually the old fad diet. Ingesting tapeworms for weight loss was apparently popular in the Victorian age:
http://www.cracked.com/article_15780_the-6-most-i...
Scroll down to 2., but be forewarned, it's pretty disgusting.
That was on the agenda too. After the Flo-bee and the devo costumes.
Aw, the first "Rocky" is o.k.
Dang, y'all, I did use the "just about" caveat so as to be non-all-inclusive. Sheesh.
I dated a Kristin, a Kristie and a Christine, but only lusted after a Kirsten. If only I'd dated a Kirsten, I'd have had the 3K's.
She was cool. A little crazy though. Hit me in the head with a bottle of vodka then cried and said "WHY DID YOU LEAVE???"
"Uhhhhh…..'Cause you busted me up side the mellon with a 1/5 of Smirnoff 8 minutes ago & I walked out to let you calm down"
If she also went by the name Rachel, then I need to apologize — I was dating her as well. The good days were when she didn't get her xanax and her speed mixed up.
PUNK ROCK GIRLS!!!! You never know if they will fuck you crazy style or fuck you up. At least it kept the relationship interesting. I can tell you it kept ME on my toes.
Rick Santorum proudly standing against knowledge and education.
Oh yeah: Suck it Spanky
Spanky's here? I got a reply from our old pal goatzebeck yesterday, thought he died.
Spanky2 is now deleted, although the sockpuppet Spanky2b still exists; he's been fairly quiet though, as if his inability to waste his life clicking the downfist button has sapped his pathetic reason to live.
I haven't even gotten a new "[Insert racist or otherwise offensive name here] is now following you" email in quite some time.
Lucky you. I did two nights ago from some different asshole KDS52 otherwise known as Chou en Lai or Off Dooty so far.Spanky's on vacay or what ever these idiots do when it gets hot in the basement.
Hmm. I've got two (2) Spanky2Bs in the "following" roster. Not sure why. Maybe he thinks I'm a funny motherfucker.
It looks like he's created a new account to use on Breitbart, while the Spanky2 is deleted and the Spanky2b account is blocked by IntenseDebate.
"Suck it Spanky"
You said it, Buckwheat!
O-tay!
Seems he's improving a little bit. I mean, at least he didn't say that socialists hated children, which I am sure is what he really thinks.
"They want your children from the womb so they can indoctrinate your children as to what they want them to be."
Ricky wants them before they are out of the womb.
That's the thing that this story's picture makes so hilarious. Ooooo Socialism will have power to inspect you in your home*. Meanwhile Santo and his ilk want to have the power to inspect your womb. Cognitive disconnect is the new black.
*Speaking of inspecting the home…I sell insurance and I can say with authority that insurance companies reserve the right to inspect a customer's home at any time. Hey, no big deal, just free market their asses and cancel the policy. Wait, what? Your mortgage company requires that you have insurance or they will put a "Forced Place" policy on your home…an obscenely expensive coverage that will only pay the bank should there be a total loss. Oh…and they reserve the right to inspect your home too.
Free market for the win!!111
So Dash,
Are you saying that at anytime we can be expecting… uh… "visits" from
spies of our overlordsInsurance Agents?Great… one more thing to peak my paranoia for the weekend.
No…not your agent. He/she is usually a pretty stand up dude/dudette. We might come by for pictures of the exterior, but that's it. No, the carrier's inspector will come to your home, walk around outside and then come in and inspect from basement to attic, question you about your choice of woodstove, and ask personal questions about your dog.
Not in Florida. They need to see that your roof is tied down to the walls. Also, no grow houses.
"Meanwhile Santo and his ilk want to have the power to inspect your womb."
They just want a womb with a view.
Story time: My sweetie was watching me give a hard time to one of my former students on facebook because of something he said about the band Gwar. (a band he really digs…and by band, I mean mental illness). She asked who was Gwar so off to youtube we go. The song I pulled up happened to be "Womb with a View".
Long story short, Gwar will NOT be played at the wedding.
Who knew that their album "This Toilet Earth" would be so prescient.
Given their posterior polling positions, the PPP, Santorum and Gingrich must absolutely need to be pulling grifter wages out of these campaigns to be willing to accept the embarrassment of such suck-o PPP and straw polling. Losers for life.
For Gingrich, if it weren't for the support of certified douche and former C'Addle Mariners owner Georgie Porgie Argyros heavy contributions Newtie's campaign would be deader that a Tejas carp. Is Argyros getting a Crisco job or a Stay Puff marshmallow job in exchange for covering Breakfast at Tiffany's?
Santorum really is as stupid as they say he is. And thats saying something.
"backwards the way Satan likes it"
I hear he likes it frothy too, Ricky.
This proves Santorum should be president.
America is full of stupid people, and they need a leader who reflects their values.
~
I'm confused.
So, I hate fetuses, and kill them with secular abandon, but once they're born, I love them? Whereas, the right loves fetuses, but once they're born, their fate rests in their free-enterprise bootstraps?
Yep, I'm confused.
You hate the unborn, yes. Once they are born, you love them, but only when there are a cold million of them in one spot.
It's very simple, really.
A million toddlers all gathered in one huge bus going to the government funded petting zoo to cuddle with the wolf puppies. I think that sounds like fun.
Oh, dear. I made the terrible mistake of putting my children in the hands of a couple of morally bankrupt pre-school teachers.
Now I can't decide who is better suited to run my life. Rick Santorum or the Church?
Either.
It sounds at first as if Santorum has simply given up on Iowa but then you realize that he really is stupid enough to think people will vote for him because he hates and fears preschool.
Given the past few elections, I'd say Mr. Santorum isn't far off that mark.
I don't know that I can define "bat-shit crazy" but I know it when I see it.
Somebody please tell Ravin' Rick that the federal government doesn't operate any schools. It's the almighty local school board that performs that task. And also mention that who is most anxious to "indoctrinate" everybody else's kids with a philosophy are the people who want to terach Creationism in the public schools.
"Somebody please tell Ravin' Rick that the federal government doesn't operate any schools."
*raises hand*
Uhh, almost. DoDDs/DoDEA alumnus here. And they don't do such a bad job:
"DoDEA maintains a high school graduation rate of approximately 97 percent. The 3,102 graduating seniors in DoDEA's Class of 2002 earned more than USD$35 million in scholarships and grants."
Army brat, huh? Not really a fair fight in some of the backwaters where DoD runs schools: Killen TX, Hopkinsville KY, Boloxi MS.
Air Force, ekshually. Fort Meade Maryland (my dad was stationed at NSA there for a number of years), Karamursel Turkey, etc. When he was stationed at Keesler, they actually bused us base kids to the "black" school down in darkest Biloxi. Quite an experience!
I went to High School at Fort Meade! But not any fancy DOD school – the local HS was just situated on the base.
Don't forget the School of the Americas, where they educate the most ruthless dictators and their henchmen.
Notable commencement speakers have included Erik Prince, Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld, Oliver North, and G Gordon Liddy.
The Anti-Education President! What a win for Rick! He has finally found a niche where he can develop a campaign: A stoopid Amurka is a freedumbed Amurka! We nead to think with owr harts and use owr hedds for holdin owr baysbul kapz. Wee shall all bee dum, Wee shall all bee dum, Wee shall all bee dum summ day! Wee shall awl bee dum summ daey!
Thats just beautiful, inspiring even. I can't wait for the dumb pride march on DC now, and Rick's "I have a dumb dream" speach.
We saw the Dumb Pride March on DC about this time last year with that Glenn Beck scooter-fest.
It's just normal right wing PR stuff. There is a reason they always go to shoot up kids at a school or camp and want to break the teachers unions. Deep inside these people still hate the teacher and the other kids. Not to forget that getting a free education is not mentioned in the Declaration of Independence. Amirite?
Religious nuts always seem to know a little *too* much about brainwashing kids.
Robert Fulghum would probably disagree.
A staunch Catholic warning about indoctrination. The lack of this man's sense of irony never ceases to astound me.
Santorum: "Fuck the children."
Father Mike: "Hey, that's my job."
Let us raise our children the American way: a massive amount of shitty daytime programming with endless product placement, shoving their fat little faces with junk food, and giving them a good smack when those little faggots step out of line.
I think Rick Santorum *loves* children, if you catch my drift.
I too only love things in increments of one million. Who is this maverick with the gift of reading our souls?
Down with the paternalistic forces of Kindergarten!
By the way, "his orwellian phantasmaverse"…coinage of the decade, baby.
This from a man who brought his dead baby home to sleep with the family for the night.
Oh yeah Rick, tell me what to do with my preschooler.
"No one in the educational establishment in Washington, D.C., knows the names of your children…"
Rick, you and your brood mare have churned out seven children. Do YOU even know all their names?
This is just…it's just gibberish. It's not even the usual collection of vicious lies we'd expect from today's modern conservative on the go. It's not a simple, "liberals are evil" meme, even. Just total nonsense. Dude's getting desperate.
speaking as a socialist, no i do not love children.
Me either. This is one of the few places on earth where it's safe to admit to either horror. When people ask why I don't have children, still fighting the urge to say, "Because I was afraid they'd turn out like yours."
I'm with you both! I harbor an abstract affection for the children of adults for whom I have a genuine affection, but I avoid contact with said children as much as possible because I simply do not like kids. Also, I have a habit of getting a few beers in me and rambling about how awesome it is that I'm fixed.
Selfish child-hater.
You forgot, "and proud of it!" I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy about six weeks ago…major internal bleeding, emergency surgery, transfusions, the whole nine (I'm fine, now). Well meaning people started saying things like "I'm sorry for your loss." I couldn't help myself and responded with, "my only loss was type O+." I'm kinda a cunt, but that fucking post-fixed fetus tried to kill me and I had zero sad.
My father told me when I was about 40 that he'd rather I come home and tell him that I was gay than come home and tell him I was bringing home a grandchild. I told him that, at my age, the likelihood of either had pretty much passed.
I like kids, they're fun and generally nicer than adults. I just don't want any of them living in my house.
No one in the educational establishment in Washington, D.C., knows the names of your children, Santorum added. “They can’t possibly know what is best for them, yet they act as if they do, and that is wrong.”
Sure Ricky… there have never been any studies done on what is actually good for kids. But I guess that is science-talk… and probably completely silly.
Oh, no. He learned a new word.
Go Rick Go! Next, he needs to point out the Communist indoctrination of our children going on with children's television. Turn on Sesame St, and within the first few minutes you will be assaulted with numerous anti-capitalist, pro-socialist messages like accepting other people's differences, helping those less fortunate, and respecting old people. We need good conservative children's television that teaches values like kicking people when they are down, all the toys in the toy box ARE yours, and if Daddy didn't want you to bring his gun to school, he's a communist.
You know what Ricky? Homeschool your mouthbreathing trisome Morlock and leave us Eloi alone.
This from a man who thinks forcing his children to handle a dead baby corpse is a good thing…
Get the government out of the education process and put the churches in? That's worked so well in Pakistan.
Don'tNever forget Saudi Arabia!How about Ireland? That's the correct church so far as Ricky is concerned.
But there's a lot of Irish who were raped as children who have a bit of an issue with the church-run schools.
Only the bad Catholics among them. The child-raping was all due to the culture of permissiveness in the 60's & 70's, not to an insular authoritarian power structure.
I seem to recall hearing something about "The power of Christ compels you."
Schools are indoctrination facilities full stop. That's why they are useful and how national unity is created. I don't understand why the right thinks they're losing when we worship slave owners as heroes and deify Ronald Reagan.
Let's see: "Federal Government, children, socialism, leader, educational establishment". Yep, got a shitload of catch-phrases lumped in there. Forgot apple pie and the flag, oh well, next time. BTW, while I'm on a Rick-Roll, Governor "Perfect Hair Forever" Rick Perry as admitted receiving satanic stem cell treatment for a bad back. No doubt an old football injury suffered when he was a CHEERLEADER in college. Hee, hee. Dubya was lucky enough to complete his cheerleading years at Andover injury free, except for that torn anus thing during his Fraternity's Hell Week.
Old football injury? How about old vigorous BJ injury?
“Reach Around” elbow?
Lockjaw
“Cleveland Steamer” Shin-splints?
Why does Santorum hate the troops? After all, aren't they indoctrinated into a 100% Socialist institution?
"They want your children from the womb so they can indoctrinate your children as to what they want them to be."
Sounds like Sunday School.
There's stupid and there's Santorum stupid.
And that is why we need abortion…abort those babies before the socialists get to them.
OK, Rick, we get it, you didn't do very well on your SAT's…
OT
Billie Bob Clinton's Labor Secretary Robert Reich thinks the debt deal sucks an undersized orange Boehner. Quelle surprise, n'est pas?
Hey, Rick, here in the lovely state of PA (which I understand you might be familiar with), some of my friends are paying $16,000+ for their kids to attend a licensed pre-k where they won't be shot. Since I don't actually have a spare $16k sitting around my home, by all means, bring on the public pre-schools.
Help me here. I have to go get my tooth fixed so I can't stay but remind me. Wasn't there a lawsuit or court case concerning the Santorum's and the school where they claimed to live and they were collecting cash for special ed but the kids lived in DC? I think that was just before the people of Pennsylvania got wise and and told him to go get a job. When the money got cut off was that when they started the home schoolin'?
Yep. It was "online learning" IIRC.
Thanks.
…public preschools are renaming children things like “No. 3192482XS”…
Now that's just preposterous — everybody knows that the first character has to be a letter, and then any combination of letters and numbers.
Also, the liberal vs. conservative version of the relationship between prayer and education: liberals believe education should be public and prayer should be practiced — if at all — in private as though it were a secret shame, and conservatives see it exactly the opposite.
prayer should be practiced — if at all — in private as though it were a secret shame
Or as Jesus would have you do it.
When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. (Matthew 6:5-8)
And yeah, I know Jesus wasn't saying you can't pray publicly…
In the new conservabible edition coming out will add, "…unless you're in an air conditioned sports stadium and planning to run for Presidnet. Then beatest thy bible upon the brows of thine flock."
"Socialism Would Mean Inspectors All Around"
Socialism down at the food processing plant sounds like a good thing, right Mr. Sal Monella?
Those conservative cops are peaking in making sure no one is having gay sexytime right?.
Santorum Patrol
What a loser…
What a looser….
Correct me if I am wrong…but isn't the unemployment rate for those with an edumacation a lot lower than those without? Does Santorum want to make sure all children are permanently unemployable?
Freedom's just another word for nothing left to add to your CV.
"Does Santorum want to make sure all children are permanently unemployable"
Yes, this is part of the Republican plan.
Eliminate the competition of other educated kids competing with your kids (sent to expensive $$$$$$ private schools, of course).
BINGO!!!!
Rick will now argue that girls do not need to be educated at all. A man's multiple wives will teach her to sew and cook, and by age twelve she can prepare herself for marriage with an older man. The boys should be taken under the care of Catholic priests. They can all learn the Bible by heart. Oh, happy day.
Oh for fucks sake, give it up already!
"Hi, I'm Rick Santorum. Vote for me. I'm stone … cold … NUTZ!"
During a town hall meeting attended by about 20 people at the Perry Public Library, the Pennsylvania Republican said Americans should demand that the educational establishment start meeting the needs of their children as individuals.
He said that if business people wanted to establish an educational system from scratch they would provide a product that was appealing to parents, and to some degree, to children, to maximize what parents wanted their children to be taught. But that isn’t happening, he said.
To be honest, I don't know which paragraph is worse (20 fucking people at the Perry Public Library).
OR
Children are a product, kind of like a can of soup, designed to satisfy their parents.
He certainly deserves his moniker.
To be honest, I don't know which paragraph is worse (20 fucking people at the Perry Public Library).
To be fair, the intersection of people who read and people willing to listen to Jelly Man ain't that large.
A Repubican who doesn't like education. This is news, why?
That Santorum, always frothing about something…
Shorter: If kids aren't kept ignorant and isolated, it's a lot harder for us to get them to believe the stupid shit we say.
I don't talk to my sister as often as I ought to, but if one of my nephews had been frog-marched into a Head Start program I think I would have heard about it. Pretty sure it's always been voluntary, maybe someone could tell Santorum.
So is he advocating a teacher per pupil?
I think this whole topic (Santorum) is so funny I blogged on it.
As well he should be.
David Lynch should have been the producer.
"I'll FUCK ANY POLAR BEAR THAT MOVES"
That stuffed polar bear wouldn't have a chance against Frank Booth.
Didn't the polar bear fall on Mr. Burns once, too? I think it was the episode where Smithers went on vacation and Homer had to fill in for him.
My parents both worked, and as a kid I wanted to be home, my kids are home and they ask to go to "after school" programs. (ruining my golden ticket if they don't stfu) also, as for their teenaged years – they are fucked. I am NOT getting a job so they can have make out parties in the basement. (see, I SAID my parents worked…I KNOW what goes on…)
Daddy would prolly fap to it.
With each other.
With the name "Santorum" they already have a huge brandname advantage over quite a few porn stars.
Yep, I had to keep rewinding the DVR to see if I saw what I thought I saw, lol.
now THAT'S hilarious, thanks for sharing (now if Santorum would only have a retroactive vasectomy and eliminate all those little Santorums which are frothing all around his tiny balls)
'Perzackle!
You're afraid that your kids will do what you did when you were a kid?
Me too. And probably 99% of all other parents out there… although I wonder about repressed douchebags like Santorum, who've never had a fun moment in their lives.
I'm afraid that make-out parties are long gone- it is usually way beyond that now but the idea is the same.
I've spent the first 12, 10 and 4 years of their lives having to suffer them busting up in the room/sleeping in my bed and all kinds of interference to me "getting some" or "getting drunk" or whatever – why shouldn't they have to suffer the same for the next 12?
Fair is fair.
(obligatory "I really do love my kids" here)
Ouch. Of course I don’t hate children and don’t imagine you do either. It’s just weird that society expects those without children to explain the deficiency.
I suppose not, I just prefer not to be around them until they're adults, although I totally do crazy aunt missusbarry for friends' kids. I find, though, I don't get as much flack about not breeding as I used to. It was always, "oh, you'll change your mind when you get older/find the right guy/whatever," but I think 5th grade was the first time I announced I would never breed and I've been completely unwavering and vehement in this stance, so I guess people started to believe me. And, I know I'm lucky…when I was going to get fixed, my mom only said, "so you're sure, I'm only getting granddogs," and my dad took me to the hospital…sometimes I fail to give my own parents sufficient credit. And MisterBarry, too…I ran into him the night I got fixed (ling before he was my mister) and he recalls thinking, "what a cool, independent chick" and claims it was the first time he really had impure thoughts about me. I, of course, was hopped up on opiates and only vaguely remember talking to him that night.
The polar bear fell on Mr. Burns, but I think that was a different ep than "Homer the Smithers". I think that was the one where Mr. Burns fell out a window, resulting in one of my favorite lines from that show EVER:
Lisa: Did he live?
Homer [completely indifferent]: What am I, a doctor?
you spoiled brat- we had to clap the erasers outside in the school yard- someone had to do it every day- and winters get cold!
I will look it up -I would like an 8 foot mutant sheep
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