Dow Jones Drunk Skydiving Without Parachute Again, Falls 500 Points
HOORAY hooray hooray hooray, time for a special "endless economic doom" update: the Dow Jones did a 500-point nosedive today, and something called the "fear index" rose above 30, which is Very Bad (And Yet Seems Normal?), because that is its "biggest daily percentage move since May 2010" according to MSNBC. What was happening in May 2010? Uh, Bono was performing at the White House, which explains that particular "fear index" spike. What is behind today's FEAR INDEX? Eh, mostly probably just the "widespread economic uncertainty in the face of total government incompetence across the United States and Eurozone, for mysteriously believing strict austerity measures will reinforce weak economies."
"People are throwing in the towel because they can't find relief on any front. There are a lot of worries about the economy," said Milton Ezrati, market strategist at Lord Abbett Co. in Jersey City, New Jersey, which manages $110 billion in assets.
Analysts predicted further losses ahead, given the strong degree of pessimism in the market.
Investors are now nervously focused on the crucial monthly jobs data to be released Friday by the Labor Department. Expectations are not high.
Nonfarm payrolls likely increased 85,000 last month, according to a Reuters survey, after rising only 18,000 in June. The unemployment rate is expected to hold steady at 9.2 percent.
Awesome. [ MSNBC ]
Wait...BO isn't Satan? I have to go take a virgin off of the alt...er, wash the car.
Welcome to the Teabagger Recession -- and we bow in awe of your financial astuteness. I'm going to follow your lead, just as soon as I scrape up $500, and find a bank in NYC that won't rape me for $20 a month on such a miserly sum. Yeah, that's $240/year, roughly a FIFTY FUCKING PERCENT annual fee.