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Dow Jones Drunk Skydiving Without Parachute Again, Falls 500 Points

hopenchangenhopenchangeHOORAY hooray hooray hooray, time for a special “endless economic doom” update: the Dow Jones did a 500-point nosedive today, and something called the “fear index” rose above 30, which is Very Bad (And Yet Seems Normal?), because that is its “biggest daily percentage move since May 2010″ according to MSNBC. What was happening in May 2010? Uh, Bono was performing at the White House, which explains that particular “fear index” spike. What is behind today’s FEAR INDEX? Eh, mostly probably just the “widespread economic uncertainty in the face of total government incompetence across the United States and Eurozone, for mysteriously believing strict austerity measures will reinforce weak economies.”

Uh:

“People are throwing in the towel because they can’t find relief on any front. There are a lot of worries about the economy,” said Milton Ezrati, market strategist at Lord Abbett Co. in Jersey City, New Jersey, which manages $110 billion in assets.

Analysts predicted further losses ahead, given the strong degree of pessimism in the market.

Related video

Investors are now nervously focused on the crucial monthly jobs data to be released Friday by the Labor Department. Expectations are not high.

Nonfarm payrolls likely increased 85,000 last month, according to a Reuters survey, after rising only 18,000 in June. The unemployment rate is expected to hold steady at 9.2 percent.

Awesome. [MSNBC]

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Hola wonkerados.

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472 comments

    1. flamingpdog

      They'll recover that money where Obama cuts taxes for the rich to prevent the next Constitutional crisis the Teatards come up with.

    2. crybabyboehner

      I doubt it. Since they own Georgia Pacific they make a penny every time somebody wipes their ass with Charmin.

      Also, Bounty is the quicker picker-upper.

        1. DahBoner

          Then you'll need a a short tube connected to a water tap..

          Oh, and the left hand.

          Sharia law and all that…

        2. Chet Kincaid

          As long as you've got a hole to squat over, a bucket of water and soap, and you're anal about always splashing the "area" with your left hand, you're good to go.

      1. mumbly_joe

        Scott's also a reasonably ethical alternative. Which is to say, I'm aware firsthand of some of the decent stuff they do, they've cleaned up their act vis a vis forestry, and I'm not aware of anything especially shitty their parent company, Kimberly-Clark, has done either.

        If I'm wrong, hopefully someone will correct me.

      2. mannacler

        Northern and Angel Soft are tp's that are made by Koch Industries. Charmin is a Proctor and Gamble product. Charmin is on the Greenpeace shit-list though for using non-recycled paper and making their product with a bleaching process.

    3. PristinePantalones

      I'll console myself with that thought as I attempt to warm the remaining hobo beans.

    4. Terry

      The really good news would be if both Koch brothers had unfortunate and frequent meetings with candIru fish.

    1. Omophagist

      Eh, ammo's gonna run out with hording and all pretty quickly. I'd go with a crossbow or regular bow, you know, something whose projectiles you can use again after taking them out of the neck of the person you just killed.

      1. Madfall

        Oh believe me, I am planning on some non-standard edged weaponry as well. I don't like to spill all my secrets at once though.

    2. DahBoner

      I invested in Smith & Wesson in 2010 but sold it when even Teatards were too poor to buy more guns, and their profits went down…

    3. Nothingisamiss

      Madfall, we know you're one of them euro-limey types. Sorry, but we know you'd better only compete in broadswords and armour. And can you road kill squirrel? CAN YOU???!!!!!

      Oth, pics please re: Mad Max wardrobe.

      1. Madfall

        I may be a Euro-Limey (which I really like as a description BTW) but if all works out then I should be moving to the States next year. I'm gonna get my stuff delivered in advance.

    1. user-of-owls

      Not much greeting to do when your clientele are out in the wood foraging for grass and tree bark, which might have a grub or beetle in it, if'n they're lucky.

    2. Nothingisamiss

      C'mon Barb, the wall streeters are too big to fail, and the walmart greeters are old people who need to expect to work more with less money from their SS checks. No one in their right(wing) mind cares about them.

      Another bailout for wall street, plz…..I wouldn't want anyone to suffer.

    1. AJWjr.

      I pulled mine out several years ago, put it in short-term money markets. They've tanked, too. Next plan is stuff it in my mattress sleeping bag.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          You're going to want the old ones, so they retain their value when melted down and turned into useful stuff.

  1. mog253

    And my financial advisor told me Monday that if they signed the debt bill the market would take off. Guess she didn't say which direction. And guess I'll be working until I'm 70.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        I was speaking with my stock broker this morning. He was so upset he put the wrong color polish on my shoes.

    1. Jerry Fjord

      I saw some prick comment after the agreement was reached that hw was going to sit back on Monday and make a tidy profit off of his recently purchased Dow stocks. It sucks to take pleasure from his fail that's at the expense of the rest of us.

    2. GOPCrusher

      Seems like there was a lot of Republiklans that kept saying that the stock market would love cuts in spending with out raising revenues. I'm still appalled by the fact that we let these morons anywhere near our economy.

      1. Fukui_sanYesOta

        It's just Magical Thinking. St Ronald al-Reagan (pbuh) cut some taxes at a point where the business cycle was on the upswing, so therefore it must be the tax cuts which caused the upswing. So let's keep doing that even though most economists simply roll their eyes and it doesn't actually work.

      2. revmod

        It's exactly the opposite. The market has realized there's an entire HoR caucus of dipshits ready to put a gun to the head of the economy every time they don't get their way. Institutional investors may hate taxes, but they hate unpredictable regimes much, much more.

        1. Fukui_sanYesOta

          Ah, I was more referring to the idiots in the HoR caucus than the stock market. The stock market is acting semi-rationally. Well, as much as it ever does, which is not very.

          1. Biel_ze_Bubba

            Perfectly rationally. Corporations are scared shitless, and sitting on their cash. Take some of it away from them as tax revenue, however, and it gets pumped back into the economy: you could employ a whole lot of people, who would buy a whole lot of stuff, if you took those hundreds of billions of dollars and built some infrastructure with it. (Tell me how many jobs Apple will create when they buy Netflix, or Cisco, or whatever, with their $70 billion.)

            But no, we got ourselves a Teabagger Recession: nothing gets done, nothing gets built, and the whole fucking economy follows the trajectory of the FAA.

        2. Ducksworthy

          Insane ideological theocrats making economic policy for the next 10-20 years. Why would that unsettle the markets?

    3. user-of-owls

      She was just using a different sense of the phrase, "to take off."

      In this case the sense was clearly of the sort, "If Billy Joe offers your wife a six pack of Bud and the offer of 'good times', she will take off for sure"

      1. mog253

        Please join me in waving good-bye to my pension. *wave, sob* What's 32 years between friends?

          1. orygoon

            To paraphrase Gilbert and Sullivan: "Hardly any". And this one was up in Washington. And hey, if their seven semi-finalists turn out to be resume-liars or obvious headcases, they promise that they'll give me another chance. So there's no need to jump off of bridge just yet.

    4. Dr_pangloss

      I haven't checked my account yet but I probably lost the rest of my bet on the Wall Street Wheel of Riches. Oh well. Half of it wasn't even my money to begin with.

    1. DahBoner

      Better go long on Basmasti rice and lentil futures.

      People in India and China don't eat much beans.

      Also, pork for the new Chinese middleclass…

  2. Laughitoff22

    Won't someone please think of the billionaires??? I mean, with a market this terrible, they might have to go with 18 carat instead of 24 carat fixtures atop their toilet bowls now…

    1. prommie

      Oh, the big thing now is the $6,000 japanese toilet, it wipes your ass for you, yes, you do your business, press a button, and an electrically operated bidet mechanism swings into action, squirts the mess from your Kochhole, and then, an air-dryer device deploys, and gently blows your butthole dry. True fact.

      1. SheriffRoscoe

        It's true! And the toilet seat itself has a built in warmer! Relieving oneself will never have to be a chore anymore.

        1. prommie

          Costco has a low-budget version now, its a $200 toilet seat, and all the sprayers, blowers, and warmers are in the seat, but its a mitchegosh, wires and hoses all over the place. I liken it to those Excalibur Roadsters from the 1970s, faux riche.

          1. V572 Coif of Destiny

            Yet another reason to hate Costco. Their motto ought to be "Not quite as evil as Walmart. Well actually just as evil, but better at shrink-wrapping evil into three-packs that seem like a really good deal until you have to throw away half of it."

            Kind of a wordy motto, true.

          2. OneDollarJuana

            Hey, I like Costco. They donate to Dems, and don't appear to openly wish the domination of the world, unlike Wally World. Unfortunately, the mere existence of big box stores is bad for our economy, just as the mere existence of high-fructose corn syrup is killing our bodies.

      2. orygoon

        I wanted one of those after reading the fascinating book "The Big Necessity:The Unmentionable World of Human Waste and Why It Matters", but the spouse downfisted that idea. For want of a better word–shit!

      3. Ducksworthy

        There are now lots of Amurrikans who would happily take the job of that Japanese toilet. If only the Kochsuckers were real patriots.

      1. Swampgas_Man

        Remind me again why we aren't marching w/ pitchforks,torches and the occasional shotgun?

    2. HogeyeGrex

      Nahhhh. They'll just get us to make up the difference by raiding the treasury again.

      If that doesn't work, they'll sell poor children off to make the cat food the rest of us are going to be living on

      Profit!.

    3. V572 Coif of Destiny

      Here's another thing billionaires like: the Bugatti Veyron , with 1,000 ozone-layer-destroying horsepower under the hood. How many shall I put you down for?

  3. jodyleek

    All the Wonkeratti are welcome to my humble Minnesota home for hobo bean hotdish! Bring your own Ripple.

      1. jodyleek

        I laughed so hard at this, I am sure the guy in the next refrigerator box over thought I was off my meds.

    1. Swampgas_Man

      I'll bring PA Concorde– it's not quite as sweet as Manischevitz, but it's economical and I like to buy local.

      1. jodyleek

        Well, if you can't get the Concorde here, I think there are a couple bottles of Listerine in the house somewhere.

    2. DahBoner

      Need some fat in it. Tell ya what, I'll bring my bow over and we'll go Teatard hunting…

      1. jodyleek

        Teatards are like coot – fun to shoot but not fer eatin'. We could render them down though and make soap.

        1. GOPCrusher

          The proper way to prepare coot is to barbecue it slowly on a shingle. When done, throw away the coot, and eat the shingle.
          This also works with mergansers.

    3. Hurricane Ali

      Now that's some Minnesota hospitality for you – will be out there in 6-8 months, as hopping trains and sleeping under overpasses really slows down your mileage.

      1. jodyleek

        If you can steal a truck on your way here, there's a nice deer carcass on Hwy 12 with lots of meat on it.

  4. Doktor Zoom

    Hah hah, you goons! I'm already unemployed, and there's not much farther for me to fall! In a race to the bottom, a lot of us have a HUGE head start!

      1. Negropolis

        Well, we can still be King and Queen Hobo. It's like a Welfare Queen, but without any steady income at all.

        1. Chet Kincaid

          I
          I will be king
          And you
          You will be queen
          We can be Hobos
          Starting today

          And you
          You can make beans
          And I
          will drink what I find
          'Cause we're Hobos
          Now let's eat the cat!

    1. MozakiBlocks

      Right there with you Doktor. Getting ready to tell the bank to take this house and shove it too.

      Fuckers.

      1. V572 Coif of Destiny

        I'd have believed you if you hadn't failed to use the subjunctive in that statement.

          1. V572 Coif of Destiny

            My mother was an English teacher. I can’t stop myself. You are adorable, it’s true.

          2. CalamityJames

            I don't get it. You were a teacher and still had to marry rich? Surely you've heard that teachers are rolling in the dough? Must've gotten a bad contract.

          3. Nothingisamiss

            THAT's how you nag a rich husband! How many times did he have to stay behind (after class) til he knew you were the one? (Smart man.)

      2. DashboardBuddha

        I'm available for adoption. I can play the guitar, bass, and sing. I am great with animals. I'm house trained, can cook AND can tell a wicked funny story. Contact me offline..

    2. fuflans

      huh. a lot of wonkette is unemployed. Makes me fell slightly better…

      also if I weren't living in sin w/an employed person i'd be totally fucked.

  5. greypanter

    That makes me look like a genius for investing my $500 in a 0.1% APR personal checking account. Where is my cabinet post?

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Welcome to the Teabagger Recession — and we bow in awe of your financial astuteness. I'm going to follow your lead, just as soon as I scrape up $500, and find a bank in NYC that won't rape me for $20 a month on such a miserly sum. Yeah, that's $240/year, roughly a FIFTY FUCKING PERCENT annual fee.

  6. Zombie_Reagan

    With Boehner's "laser-like" focus on jobs, this recession should be over in no time!

    1. DahBoner

      No, Boner's looking around jobs to that abortion bill back over there.

      Just like when you watch porno, you look around the dicks, unless you're into that sort of thing…

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The only job the 'baggers have a focus on is Obama's. Here's hoping the electorate gives the GOP a sincere, heartfelt "Fuck You!" come November 2012. (That's going to be my toast, every glass I raise, for the next 18 months.)

    3. Dr_pangloss

      He's working on getting more jobs in the security field. Gotta put all those highly trained former military personel to work, wouldn't want them joining the ever growing mob outside the burbclave. Gotta keep building that gate higher.

  7. CrunchyKnee

    In Greece they rioted in the streets, here we'll just heave a collective "meh", eat the last of the Cheetos and wonder what Kim Kardashian is wearing.

    1. CalamityJames

      Can we pleasepleasepleaseplease do SOMETHING?! I'll happily quit my 12 hour/week job to do some hardcore/fuck you rioting.

      Can we do a rideshare thing too?

    2. Ken Cuccinelli

      "In Greece they rioted in the streets"

      Fat lot of good that did 'em. And they invented democracy.

  8. rocktonsam

    moar tax breaks tax breaks tax breaks, create jobs, create jobs .

    job creators job creators

    cripes

  9. NorthStarSpanx

    Fear Factor, Fear Index, Politics of Fear, and all of the GOP POTUS contenders, fear is the new black (even though it is red.)

          1. riverside68

            Piled higher and Deeper?

            Come the class war you can wear the glasses, we will call you Doc.

    1. DahBoner

      The incompetent decision making will continue until the economy improves you believe this was all caused by The Black Guy and Republicans win and then double down on the "Tax Cut and Spend".

      //fixed

  10. teebob2000

    Maybe it's just coincidence, but this morning, just after breakfast, I had MY biggest daily percentage move since May 2010!

  11. weejee

    total government incompetence

    Couple that with electorate intellectual incontinence and it is no wonder the economy is such a total pisser.

    1. Sue4466

      Krugman: "How many times did I try to tell them? Do they listen? OF COURSE not. I'm only a Nobel Prize winning economist, what the fuck do I know compared to Michele Bachmann?"

      1. SorosBot

        Considering that the GOP blocked Nobel winner from the Fed, sadly I doubt anyone will ever listen to Krugman; I mean it's not like he predicted the housing disaster years ahead of time and kept warning people about it or anything.

          1. emmelemm

            The Cassandra complex at work…

            I have a friend named Cassandra, and she's actually irritated that she has the same name as a doomed prophetess.

  12. ManchuCandidate

    Yeah…

    Let's recap shall we?

    1990s: Attempts to regulate derivatives market failed. Accounting regulations spread wide like a hooker's legs. GOPers heavily involved. Chris Dude/Dodd and the blue dog Demrats, too.
    1999: Glass Steagal Removed. GOPers cummed. Blue Dogs jizzed, too.
    2001: Tech Bubble Imploded. 9/11 happened. Eagle cries Tear. GOPers and Blue Dogs masturbate to War Drums.
    2002: Taxcuts to the top 5%. GOPers cummed. Blue Dog Demrats jizzed on command.
    2003: Iraqinam War started. Financial sinkhole created
    2005: Katrina Happens. Enron happens.
    2006: Warned that US America Real Estate market unreal. GOPers and Blue Dogs laugh.
    2007: First subprime shit explodes. Blacks/Browns blamed
    2008: Bear Stearns dies (and rightfully so) Lehman dies (again rightfully so.) Merril Lynch dies. Lots of Wall Sters shit their pants. Golden Sackers sucks at Fed Teat thanks to ex Golden Sackers at the helm of the Treasury Dept. Bush sticks head in the sand.
    2009: Barry launches stimulus. Because GOPers and Blue Dogs get all pissy about tax increases and recinding tax cuts to Eelights who bought them. 1/2 Tax Cuts. Smarter economists say this is not enough.
    2011: Smarter economists correct. GOPers and Blue Dogs and MSM who cheerleaded most of this shit now dance to deflect blame to Barry the sometimes Ball-less.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      I'll add one more – post 9/11, fed starts cutting fed funds interest rates. And again. And again. This fuels the housing bubble while making the economy look as if it's growing.

      2004-2006: slowly raise interest rates because they know they've made a rather large booboo and almost all economic growth is a byproduct of artificially low interest rates. Consumer confidence is up because consumers are fucking idiots and are using HELOCs to buy Hummers and bass boats.

      2008: Ooops. Interest rate goes to virtually zero. Last-gasp macroeconomic tool now gathering dust in the garage because it's of no use. At this point, the people responsible for the artificial growth post 9/11 should be taken out and shot, but that's just wishful thinking.

    2. Sue4466

      Do you keep a running tally or did you just type all this out in one rant?

      Either way, win.

      1. V572 Coif of Destiny

        Doesn't count because no one listened to them, in no small part because Simpson makes bin Laden seem personable.

    3. riverside68

      If at first you do not suceed (in destroying the economy)

      Try, try again.

      American persistance paying off!

      1. glamourdammerung

        And if your fantasy was valid, those logical heads certainly are not going to be Big Failure trolls.

        1. Doktor Zoom

          I think it was probably the Jews. Or poor people. You know how they pretty much have control over the economy, those poor people, what with their stubborn refusal to work and get rich. If only they'd take three more subminimum wage jobs….

          1. glamourdammerung

            Well, we will never know since all our Breitard was able to muster was a feeble insult about how we are all wrong, but no actual reality-based reason why.

        2. flamingpdog

          OHMIDARWIN, I wasn't paying attention and just upfisted the troll! We just gots to bring back the downfist so someone with a functioning brain could fix my mistake. Can I blame it on O'Bomber?

      2. SayItWithWookies

        So your answer is "I don't have any idea what happened, but that can't be right?" Hmmmm…

        1. ManchuCandidate

          He does not comprehend because there is no chalkboard filled with crazy shit about Bilderbergs, Masons, ACORN, Kenyans and Reverse Vampires plus he believes that rich white people would never fuck him over cause they're so honest and hardworking

          What's funny is that Breitard thinks he's (snicker) logical.

      3. Dashboard_Jesus

        oh yeah, and MAYBE if you pulled yer head outta yer ass once in awhile for some fresh air your 'ill-logical' brain might just get enough oxygen to reverse the degenerative mental retardation you are obviously experiencing asshole, also…too :)

      4. ManchuCandidate

        Ah Goat boy we meet again.

        Is it a fantasy because it's not outlined in Cheeto dust and on a chalkboard?

        What do you have big guy? Can you outline why you think we're all gonna eat a big shit sandwich?

        A lot of this information is in the public records. The congressional debates surrounding relaxing of public accounting rules happened in 1993-4 and those for derivative regulation occurred in the mid 90s. Glass Steagal which helped keep banks from acting as investment banks and insurance companies (and visa versa) was removed by the Gramm–Leach–Bliley Act. Gramm-Leach-Billey were all GOPers (it's all in the public records.) The removal of this allowed banks to run amok and make unwise investments with your money and our money and heavily lobbied for by the banking industry. I didn't pull this out of my ass. This is PUBLIC RECORD.

        As for the other stuff. Do you even read? You know… books? I'll bet your bookshelf is lined with drivel from Hannity, Beck, Coulter, gun catalogs, an unread bible, Readers Digest and even a Stephen Ambrose "history", but I'm pretty damn sure that there is nothing that could be considered a well researched book. After I lost a lot of money in the stock market, I spent a lot of money buying books on various financial scandals to get a better understanding of why I lost. I read those written by Wall St Insiders. Hell I even contacted classmates and friends who worked in the financial markets and talked to them.

        Did you?

        Of course not. Liebruls are to blame and that's it in your small simple world.

        Iraqinam has cost the US America 1.1-1.5 Trillion dollars (depending on who you talk to.)

        I happen to read a lot of military history. Do you know how many times in history that a nation has gone to war and cut taxes? Only once… yup US America in 2002–I'll bet you loved the W tax cuts too. The reason why no one else did was because weapons, fuel, ammo, food, oil, gas, spare parts, salaries, bulletproof vests, helmets, uniforms, bandages, canteens, jet engines, bombs, Anti-IED gizmos, weapons manufacturer CEO salaries, defective bulletproof vest manufacturer CEOs salaries, healthcare costs, over priced mercenary companies, MASH units, etc all cost money you know. That was a war you supported, man. WAR is an expensive business yet you wanted tax cuts. The least a civilian can do in a time of war is help pay for it (not just put a cheap ass Chinese made yellow ribbon on your pickup truck) but you wanted tax cuts. A lot of fathers, mothers, sons and daughters (some you probably know) died for and because of those tax cuts.

        Those very people who pushed for those tax cuts are the same ones who bank rolled your precious teabaggers and spoon feed you your "newz." Again, it's on the public record if you wanted to read it.

        You have been lied to, abused and yet you'll eat it up because you can't let go of your fantasies, Goatboy.

        1. GeoatBeck

          Why do you stop at the 90's? What about 1973? Who exploited this? We know where forgetting history gets us and what opportunity it gives those who want us to skip over it. So you fast forward and cherry pick.This is not the first time these things have happened. Who relaxed the safeguards after the great depression? Who exploited this? I spelled out all of this many times (part of public record). The Tea Party Americans are self-motivated and this ain't Haight / Ashbury. You should watch "Hippies" on the HIstory channel. Explains a about those pushing the libprog agenda.

          1. ManchuCandidate

            Of course it's not. Let's see 1973. Combined oil shock with cost of the Vietnam war. 1936… relaxed regulations… that would be the GOP again. That again would be Wall St (who bankrolled this mess and many others in the past 100 or so years.)

            And the 80s when Ronald Reagan let Wall St run the Treasury Dept.

            Cherry Pick? The seeds of the current mess were done in the 90s. By that time, most of the damage from the previous crises was dealt with.

            It's funny that you keep using self motivated for Teabaggers. Where was the outcry about fiscal deregulation and fiscal misdeeds or crying about the Credit limit which was raised 9 times during the Bush era? BTW, any event not run by Dick Armey's team of lobbyists has blown up into a comedic mess. See Weekend in Las Vegas.

      1. CapnFatback

        Here's a tip: I can give you a reduced rate cuz I like ya, but you'd have to pay points.

      1. flamingpdog

        Just your luck, the economy will totally go in the crapper and all your gains will be erased.

  13. SorosBot

    The economy may be cratering again, but at least we don't have to face the great injustice of forcing the rich to face a slightly higher top marginal tax rate, and oil and farm subsidies still stand!

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Yep. Wouldn't want to get in between the rich and all those jobs they have been creating since Bush took office and cut their tax rates.

  14. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I for one await the GOP's explanation of why, once the stimulus plan was over, we returned to Bush Fiscal Policies, and the GOP has demanded and gotten reductions in spending, that we have returned to exactly the place we were before Obama. In a rotten economy with the markets crashing.

    Of course, I am sure they will simply say it is because Obama is black put us down the road to Socialism.

    1. prommie

      Its because of the mess you liberals had made the last 70 years, you socialist, the invisible hand is magic, but its sloooooow magic, takes it some time to work.

  15. Mumbletypeg

    Will Bono be the opening act for Barry's "I'm Bringing SexyYour Jobs Back" tour that kicks off next week? Sasha or Malia'd probably veto that idea.. "His name rhymes with mono, Dad, and his band is called 'youtube,' how lame…"

    1. WhatTheHeck

      yeah. But he ended up hanging from the tree-top by his parachute with the money falling to the ground and him not able to hang on to his ill-gotten gains. Wait. That sound like the market today.

    1. prommie

      He always gives me the warm fuzzies. I'm buying a 50 pound sack of rice and a 50 pound sack of beans on the way home. I'll have 6 months or so, anyway.

  16. metamarcisf

    It is times like these that we need the twisted inspiration of Sara Benincasa. I hear they might let her out on Black Friday.

  17. PalinPussyPower

    Any stock from publicly traded pr0n companies going for cheap? This might be my chance to take the money out from under my mattress and buy into something useful.

  18. inapewetrust

    man, who knew that obama calling wall street fat cats "fat cats" that one singular time would cause such nonstop economic devastation? that's what's causing all this, right? i mean, steve wynn said so, and he's the smartest man in las vegas!

  19. gurukalehuru

    Well, since I don't own stocks I'm not really concerned about this and I'm going to go wildly OT, also since I'm too lazy to figure out the tips thingie. Maine Governor Paul LePrick, who is probably America's 2nd fattest governor, has taken an unbelievably stupid position once again. (hint – he hates trees even more than Ronald Reagan) http://www.gurukalehuru.com

    1. donner_froh

      That might be the most insane thing a Republican has done the last couple of hours.

      Private citizen: I have 70,000 acres of forested land I would like to donate to the Federal Government for a national park and $40,000,000 I would like to donate for its upkeep.

      All the Republicans in Maine: Fuck you, lady. Keep your forests and your money.

    2. jodyleek

      Ugh. What a jerk. I say run Pepe Le Pew down and beat him about the head and neck with a copy of The Lorax. Not that he would understand the message of the book, but just an excuse to beat him about the head and neck really.

  20. flamingpdog

    “Dow goes up, Dow goes down. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that. You can’t explain why the Dow goes down.”

    - Bill O'Greenspan.

  21. Doktor Zoom

    Gosh. If only someone had suggested that we learn from the economic example of 1936-37.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      and don't forget, at times of high unemployment, destroy social security! the problem sort of fixes itself then.

      oh, remember when GWB wanted to privatize SS? bang it all in the market? good times, good times.

          1. Fukui_sanYesOta

            He probably thinks that injecting vast boatloads of our money into the markets would provide a fantastic stimulus for the economy, and not just get instantly stolen by pricks on the Street.

  22. glamourdammerung

    Who would have ever guessed that screwing the middle class to the point where most of them have lost their money and/or jobs would ever negatively impact our consumption based economy?

    Besides every real economist and person with common sense?

  23. smitallica

    I look forward to this being blamed on Obama by the party that forced him into the shitty debt deal. You'd almost think that was their plan all along, y'know, in order to make him a one-term president. Luckily, the Senate Minority leader never actually stated that that was their sole legislative goal. Except when he did. Repeatedly.

    1. GOPCrusher

      I have no doubt that within the hour, Michele Bachmann will issue a statement claiming that the downturn in the stock market is directly tied to the fact the debt ceiling was raised.

      1. PristinePantalones

        She's already said it's all Barry's fault. Does she have to get specific, or what?

    2. Chet Kincaid

      You know, it's probably in the best interest of progressives to actually work with the Old Turtle on that plan. It may be necessary to engage in some short-term tactical alliances with those we fundamentally disagree with in every way to get Obama's attention.

    1. hagajim

      The richies are just setting up the inevitable revolt that gets them all Marie Antonette'd – if they can't get out of country fast enough.

  24. Rotundo_

    30 Years of conservative economic theory come to fruition. Yep, all those tax cuts for all those years have made us the economic force we are today. The money people are Winning!

  25. powersuit

    So here are the 3-and-a-half pillars of the global economy:
    (1) Japan: shit sandwich; afraid to do anything at all; still trying to scrub plutonium off of the Yen bill
    (2) Europe: Shit sandwich; years of excessive partying and waiting for others do to the work catching up to it;
    (3) US: shit sandwich; years of lousy fiscal policy favoring the gild-the-lily crowd catching up to it; corrective efforts held by the shorthairs by angry mouthbreathers who think they are entitled to not to pay any taxes;
    (1/2)* China: things are getting a little hot; who cares, though? They'll just go Picasso on their currency valuation, stick it to some poor workers, and they'll be back in the game.

    (*1/2 because China plays the global economy with monopoly money where the rest of us deal in cold, hard cash)

  26. hagajim

    I guess that Wall Street reacted – now that the uncertainty of the debt ceiling crisis is behind us. FUCK!!

  27. Sue4466

    Has anyone else paused to reflect that we're spending $30 million/day because the GOP didn't want to pass a bill that would continue to subsidize rural airport at a cost of $16 million.

    AND that these are the same assholes who fought to ensure continuation of corporate jet tax breaks by claiming $3 BILLION isn't all that much money.

    If only the Koch Bros flew into Bumfuck Airport more often, the FAA wouldn't be sidelined right now.

  28. riverside68

    ha ha ha ha I took 20% out of the market last week

    boho boho boho I left 80% in the market.

    But that 20% means I can buy a round of hobo beans for the house!

    Belly up to the bar right now!

  29. finallyhappy

    time for me to start the blog for us retired seniors on how to get discounts on cat and dog food and where to get the sturdiest cardboard boxes

  30. SayItWithWookies

    First, I hope stocks are taking a dive directly because all those businesses that were shorting the dollar in collusion with Boehner et. al. in the hopes of a collapse get theirs. The Euro getting shaky is ostensibly the reason for this, but if it was, a secondary cause could be that this would make the dollar stronger by comparison.
    Second, the corporate weasels who've been sitting on all that cash instead of hiring us workers deserve it. My money evaporated from the stock market a while ago, and besides, the stock market isn't the economy anyway. When it was soaring while the economy was in the shitter it didn't make non-investors feel any better. Maybe the powers that be will focus on some real solutions and give up voodoo for a little while.

    1. ifthethunderdontgetya

      Wookies, the market is taking a dive because the Administration and the Republicans and the press have all been focused on "austerity".

      There is a person who has been right all along about this, his name is Paul Krugman.

      But he's just a silly-assed liberal with a "PhD", and so hahaha fuck him, right?

      And when the Democratic party goes down in flames in 2012, it will all be P.K.'s fault. (Also Jane Hamsher, and The Left, and firebaggers, etc.)
      ~

      1. SayItWithWookies

        That's funny, 'cause even though they mention our crummy "recovery," the BBC seems to think the Eurozone crisis is more pertinent. The WaPo seems to think both the US and European economies have something to do with this.

        Additionally, it was corporate investors who most favored the idiotic austerity measures that were just passed with the debt deal — but the debt deal hasn't taken effect yet, so I'd attribute it more to events that have actually had an impact on the economy, namely the Euro staggering.

        1. ifthethunderdontgetya

          I agree that the U.S. and European economies have something to do with this. If only Obama were a Senator or a House Representative, you know, someone with actual power.

          But I will not agree with you in saying that corporate investors favored the idiotic measures that were just passed anymore than Obama and the people he listens to.

          Corporate investors, Obama, and his advisers are all the same. Stupid, shortsighted greedheads.

          Who told us we need to eat our peas?
          ~

          1. SayItWithWookies

            Obama's "eat your peas" remark was made while he was explaining that the Republicans have to accede to some tax hikes they don't want just like the Democrats accepted spending cuts they didn't want. The teabaggers right now are upset that the group of six senators and representatives is allowed to even consider closing some huge loopholes or even raising taxes right now — so yes indeed, Obama was more in favor of raising taxes than the right.

          2. ifthethunderdontgetya

            There should not have been any spending cuts or even discussing of same in the post Bush-Cheney economy.. Hence my comparison of Obama to Herbert Hoover, which I suspect will become increasingly apt.

            As for raising taxes, Shirley you are referring to some mythological beast?
            ~

          3. SayItWithWookies

            There should not have been a lot of things — however, dealing with the only Congress there is does not make Obama into Hoover. How would you have suggested he got the debt ceiling bill passed, then?

      2. Chet Kincaid

        Please game out this scenario where Obama "listened to Krugman" and demanded our ideal policies. Explain in detail how he would have persuaded a hostile Republican Party, Tea Party and Blue Dog Democrats to back Krugmanomics. I want to know exactly the obvious steps that idiot, spineless, ball-less sellout Obama would have taken to avoid these crises which you and others have been telling us over and over are solely and completely caused by his moral failings. Be convincing!

        1. mumbly_joe

          Honestly? I'll bite.

          1) Ask for roughly twice the stimulus he actually did ask for, knowing full well it would be negotiated down anyway. That was an unforced error, and he honestly wasn't enough of a political neophyte for it to be excusable. The American public is completely innumerate when we're talking sums in this scale, and haters were gonna hate whether he asked for a million dollars of stimulus or a trillion. Getting the stimulus right would have cost him nothing, politically.

          2) Not frontload the stimulus as much as it was. The biggest problem with the stimulus other than the "way too small" problem is and has been that most of the stimulative elements took place in the first year or so, resulting in another precipitous drop-off of productivity, a year or two later (i.e, now).

          3) Related to 1) and 2), not pretend the negotiated package was Just Right and not woefully insufficient for the shortfall in the economy, when it really was obvious that it was- Obama left himself zero room to negotiate additional stimulus if the need did materialize (as it has!)

          4) Not sabotage the more comprehensive health care proposals before they left the gate. Not only would a more comprehensive, more rapidly deployed health care plan have been more stimulative, but one that, say, worked by expanding Medicare would have left Medicare unassailable in the near term. Not only would it have deprived the 2010 teabaggers of some credibility to the "he's taking away Medicare" rallying lie, but compare the plausibility of serious, deep, program-altering cuts to Medicare to the likelihood that baggers actually will succeed in "repealing Obamacare". One of those has a much better shot than the other, right?

          1. mumbly_joe

            Note also that 1, 3, and especially 4 are all things he could have done before 2010 that would have helped cut out the legs from beneath the teabag party in some small way. Which in turn means fewer seats turned over in 2010, which means a better congressional environment over the past year.

            OH YEAH SPEAKING OF WHICH:

            5) Actually campaign in 2010 to help at-risk Dems keep their seats. As president, he's the de facto leader of the party, and that means he needs to be a goddamn politician sometimes.

          2. Chet Kincaid

            Hey Mumbles, thanks for taking the time to actually think through a position instead of just emoting through a bunch of "Obama is Satan" bullshit. Respect.

          3. DashboardBuddha

            Wait…BO isn't Satan? I have to go take a virgin off of the alt…er, wash the car.

          4. GOPCrusher

            Although there were several economists that stated that there would need to be even more stimulus spending than the 900 billion that was requested, I'm not sure that even more would have helped, since it's obvious that the private sector has made it apparent that they are more interested in hoarding their gold than spending it to put people to work.
            Until someone convinces the private sector it's in their best interest to start spending some of that moldy money, there won't be a meaningful sustained recovery.
            And the Republiklans stated right from the very start that their number one goal is to ensure that President Obama is a one term President. Even if it take destroying the American economy to do it.

          5. Chet Kincaid

            But the stimulus created jobs from government contracts directly, right? What you're saying definitely applies to the "don't tax the Job Creators" lie, though.

          6. mumbly_joe

            Well, that leads us to the third problem with the stimulus- quality. Not all fiscal policy is created equal, and tax cuts, which were roughly a third of the not-big-enough stimulus, are particularly ineffective precisely because it's filtered through peoples' predisposition to hoard their Ameros. This means direct government transfers that were designed to be immediately spent -expanded unemployment benefits, grants for infrastructure projects, and aid to states to help them balance their budgets and lay off fewer local employees* needed to do the heavy lifting that tax cuts weren't. So, you really only have 2/3 of the stimulus actually stimulating, and the actual number was low-balled to the point it wouldn't have worked if it had been 100% effective.

            *Of course, then you had places like Wisconsin and New Jersey, which decided to undermine the stimulus by taking the funds, and then giving out massive tax cuts, thus creating state budget shortfalls and local government cuts and layoffs anew.

            ETA: I do actually agree with your other point that people need to pressure money types to actually spend their piles of Ameros. This is actually one of the thing that taxes should actually be capable of, barring capital gains fuckery, since a tax on a business's net profits ought to encourage people to expand and reinvest in said businesses, hire new workers, etc, in order to minimize their visible profits, and thus, their tax burden.

          7. Chet Kincaid

            "…tax cuts, which were roughly a third of the not-big-enough stimulus, are particularly ineffective precisely because it's filtered through peoples' predisposition to hoard their Ameros."

            Wait a minute, which tax cuts are you talking about? Didn't the tax cuts that were part of the stimulus go to the middle class and lower? I would argue out of my own wallet that this money got spent, not saved, given the dire economic straits a lot of people are in. Maybe I'm wrong, please clarify.

          8. mumbly_joe

            A lot of people did spend it, yes- indeed, it was actually pretty well-structured to maximize the proportion of it that would be spent (i.e, it reduced witholding, so it was spread out in small portions throughout everyone's paychecks over the year, instead of Bush's "let's cut everyone a check" approach, which was overwhelmingly saved rather than spent), but ultimately, not everyone spends all of their money, and so when you give people money and tell them to do whatever with it, you're getting a substantially less effective stimulus than when you make sure it gets spent: at least you're making sure the money makes it into the economy for realz.

            Obviously, the richer someone is, the greater the proportion they're going to save, so policy targeted at the poors is going to be the most effective, but let's also keep in mind that a fair chunk of the people who spend everything they earn aren't going to have income tax liability at all, so federal income tax cuts won't really do them much good.

          9. imissopus

            If you don't frontload the stimulus, then what's the point of it? The idea is to get as much money into the economy as quickly as possible. If you set aside $500 billion for stimulus and announce you're holding back on $250 billion of that for a year or more, you're not doing yourself much good.

        2. KenLayIsAlive

          Explain in detail how he would have persuaded a hostile Republican Party, Tea Party and Blue Dog Democrats to back Krugmanomics.

          He doesn't have to persuade them. He doesn't even have to win all the time. But can't he at least mention that maybe we don't like the taste when the other side is making us eat a shit sandwich? No, he's all like: "A Win for the Economy and Budget Discipline".

          At this point he is all phony optimism and "American people" this and "our economy" that… just ugh. Enough with this above the fray bullshit. Time to be honest. Time to say "Shit is not going well for a lot of people." He starts from there, then he can figure out, in detail, how to proceed.

          1. Chet Kincaid

            "He doesn't have to persuade them. He doesn't even have to win all the time. But can't he at least mention that maybe we don't like the taste when the other side is making us eat a shit sandwich?"

            So that's the essence of your discontent, that he didn't put on enough of a show for you, not that he could have been more persuasive of the other Power-Possessors in achieving a better outcome. For myself, I would take more "persuasion" and "winning," if anybody had a serious critique of his behavior and tactics, based on the facts on the ground, that would have gotten us more of what we wanted.

          2. KenLayIsAlive

            Sorry Chet, talking to people honestly and representing people who've been ignored for decades by voicing their point of view is not a "show".

            Fact is he is not doing any persuading or any winning at all. And in doing so, instead of being honest about who and what he is up against, or what his goals are, the message from the White House is that they've been successful in his own way, and people who feel differently just don't "get it".

            It'a an honest critique, and I don't think it is frivolous at. He is failing to lead and is slowly isolating himself.

            This is typical: "the President will insist on shared sacrifice from the most well-off and those with the most indefensible tax breaks."

            Okay… he'll insist this time? Like last time?

            That said, I hear where you are coming from. I gave him my vote, I should lend him my support. The other options are horrifying. This is all true, and I will vote for him again, just as I voted in 2010. But damn.
            http://www.whitehouse.gov/fact-sheet-victory-bipa

        3. imissopus

          This thread has started running far afield from this point, which I think is important: Krugman is a brilliant economist, but he is NOT A POLITICIAN. It's all well and good for him to sit in his office and say that Obama needs to push a bigger stimulus or whatever, but he's not the one who has to negotiate with Congress and it's Teatard contingent. Sure, Obama could have asked for $2 trillion in stimulus knowing he wouldn't get more than half that…or maybe he would have gotten nothing because even the moderates in Congress would have thought that $1 trillion was too much. He and his advisers went with what they thought they could get, and maybe they thought it was enough, and obviously they were wrong about that (all this presumes that $1 trillion or even $2 trillion would have been enough.)

          I really don't get why the Krugman Kult wants to keep arguing about this, or about the public option (I'll also note that even Krugman would probably tell you he's not a health-care policy expert and also wrote a column after the ACA passed in which he said while it's not as far to the left as he would prefer, it was a really good start.) I like Krugman and agree with his policy views most of the time, but I hardly ever read him anymore because so many of his columns and blog posts are of the "I told you so" variety, which just keeps his readers in a high state of dudgeon about the fact that Obama didn't follow his advice. What is that good for, besides starting arguments on Wonkette?

      3. mumbly_joe

        You know, I happen to be bitter and angry that Obama isn't the lefty I voted for, and I do happen to be an ardent follower of PK's stuff (my beloved college macro prof was basically Krugman without the Nobel), BUT:

        I don't actually mind noting that Jane Hamsher's political instincts (let's collab with GROVER FUCKING NORQUIST to claim a scalp from the Obama administration! Let's work together with the tea party to further their political agenda while giving the rebranded same-old-movement-conservatives "bipartisan" cover!) are dead-wrong so frequently that it honestly gives credence to the notion that she's trying to sabotage the Left from within.

        I mean, goodness, Firebagger was a term first used, on FDL, by Hamsher, to describe her fantasy of teabaggers and the FDLocytes arm-in-arm working to primary Democrats and thwart the White House. There's a pretty obvious reason this morphed into a term of abuse for FDL in rapid course.

    2. BlueStateLibel

      The weird thing is, when you think about it, voodoo probably is a lot more effective than teatard economic policy.

      Voodoo libel!

    1. rocktonsam

      no way I 'm giving up my caddy

      I'll take 2 cases of hobo beans please.

      On my tab. also.

  31. mumbly_joe

    I'm pretty sure none of this woudl have happened if we'd just converted Social Security and Medicare into stock portfolios instead like Dubya and Paul Ryan want.

    No wait, it'd actually be much much worse.

  32. Callyson

    The only thing we have to fear is…
    …fuck it, we have everything to fear at this point…

  33. KochsuCker

    Well I think you have a lot of people who were holding short positions betting that the gov't would screw the pooch and not raise the debt ceiling. So we have the huge funds forcing prices down so they could cover their shorts w/out getting reamed.

  34. Eve8Apples

    I'd like to see that video of Mitch McConnell and Johnny Boehner thanking the Tea Party Republicans for bringing their fiscal wisdom to Washington. High fives and reach arounds for everyone!

    1. DahBoner

      Unemployment goes up. People get discouraged. People stop looking. Unemployment rate goes down. It's just a natural cycle.

  35. BarackMyWorld

    I'm sure the media will try to uncover the real causes of this and not just document the resulting partisan bickering and fingerpointing, and then have various non-experts on their talkshows to regurgitate talking points without any thought to whether their comments are accurate or not.

    1. jus_wonderin

      You might like the series I am reading. It is about a boy that won a TimeJump contest in the year 14 billion and 74. It a cool read. <g>

    2. mumbly_joe

      I'm pretty sure this happened because Obama thought a mean thought about a businessman once today.

      There! Now I can claim that every Sunday political show guest is plagarising my work, this weekend.

  36. iburl

    When the market dips like this, it's buying time for the major players. This little dip is music to the plutocrats' ears.

  37. not that Dewey

    Somewhat O/T: I received my copy of Ken Layne's Dygnyty: Dyspatches from Dystopia yesterday. I couldn't be happier. I now have a roadmap to post-apocalyptic bliss!

    1. DahBoner

      Does it have survival tips like how to take a hot shower using only plastic garbage bags and a plastic spray bottle?

        1. DashboardBuddha

          Fuck that noise…if I'm going to be reduced to being clean once per week, I'm going to fucking well use a black plastic garbage bag and a sprinkler head.

  38. axmxz

    11-dimensional chess player Barry sez: you broke it, you bought it assholes! Good luck in 2012.

  39. metamarcisf

    On the bright side, the Westboro Baptist Church has announced plans to protest the funerals in Norway, saying God sent this guy (Brevik? Breitbart?) to punish Norway for their tolerance of homosexuality. Where's Bryan Fischer when we need him?

    1. Doktor Zoom

      I'm sure the nice married lesbian couple who saved 40 kids from Utoya Island will be glad to hear that.

      Of course, all they did was to make four trips back and forth to the island in their homo-boat, which actually came under fire from Breivik. Instead of all that sinful heroism, they should have been repenting and turning to Christ, right?

      As I've said before, one of the downsides to atheism is not being able to take any satisfaction from the thought of Fred Phelps and family going to hell for their hate.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Holy two-sizes-too-big-for-the-narrative, Batman! I knew nothing about these two until just now. That's amazing and heroic and inspiring. And fucking shameful on the part of our media. Thanks for the link.

        As for an upside to atheism, there's always the bit where the Phelps family, after they die, simply rot in the ground without awareness, afterlife, or heavenly glorification of any kind. It kinda gives me a little boost.

    2. KenLayIsAlive

      Would it be illegal for Norway to arrest them and throw them all off a fijord?

      I think this is a gray area of international law that should really be explored.

      1. zhubajie

        No, they can do what they like in their own country. I propose making them eat a lutefisk lunch first, then a compulsory swim in near freezing water.

    1. DahBoner

      "The Dow will recover on Monday, after Perry's praying."

      Unfortunately, the collection plate will be a little lighter after Perry's preying…

  40. WinterOuthouse

    I wonder what the Boner is crying about today. Cigarette prices? Booze costs? Gas for the get away vehicle soaring? What a leader. Slimy orange little bastard. I'd like to shove the fear index up his santorum covered ass.

    1. DahBoner

      "Booze costs?"

      Bad weather in France raising the price of that Cab Sav to well over $500 per bottle….

  41. owhatever

    Teatards win the debt argument. No new taxes for Snoop Dogg or Paris Hilton. Global economy sighs with relief and millions of jobs are created. All is well. Republicans now turn their attention to making sure the Olson twins can afford new stuff. Oh. Wait. Something is going wrong in GOOP happyland.

  42. ProudLibunatic

    Sorry this is OT, but I had to tell you guys…
    This morning I was in Stanford Ambulatory Surgery with my daughter, (she's fine), feeling guilty about the luxurious surroundings, and reading "The Help," an engrossing novel (white-guilt's wet dream), about segregation in Mississippi in the early 60's. In came a wheelchair, and in it was a black man (about 75 yrs. old), accompanied by his family and someone they just called Reverend. There was a lot of lively chatter, and I was dumbfounded because his voice and accent could have come off the pages I was reading, and I thought of what a world he's seen. It was surreal.
    (I know I sound naive, but I was raised overseas, and once in awhile US culture smacks me in the face.)
    Also, the book's portrayal of the proto-baggers defying President Kennedy sounded very familiar.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Indeed. There never was a Golden Age.

      I've mentioned this 2010 James Fallows piece before; I find it somewhat comforting when he notes

      Through the entirety of my conscious life, America has been on the brink of ruination, or so we have heard, from the launch of Sputnik through whatever is the latest indication of national falling apart or falling behind. Pick a year over the past half century, and I will supply an indicator of what at the time seemed a major turning point for the worse. The first oil shocks and gas-station lines in peacetime history; the first presidential resignation ever; assassinations and riots; failing schools; failing industries; polarized politics; vulgarized culture; polluted air and water; divisive and inconclusive wars. It all seemed so terrible, during a period defined in retrospect as a time of unquestioned American strength. “Through the 1970s, people seemed ready to conclude that the world was coming to an end at the drop of a hat,” Rick Perlstein, the author of Nixonland, told me. “Thomas Jefferson was probably sure the country was going to hell when John Adams supported the Alien and Sedition Acts,” said Gary Hart, the former Democratic senator and presidential candidate. “And Adams was sure it was going to hell when Thomas Jefferson was elected president.”

  43. SaintRond

    I know of some banos in old Mexico that are so fucking disgusting you have to see it to believe it. The worst one is this Pulqueria in Juarez where these rascal teenagers think it's really funny to roll severed heads in through the front door and watch everyone freak out.

    Anyway, the toilet also serves as a shower and a vomitorium. I don't know if those are maggots on the floor or intestinal parasites looking for a place to live. But I want all you suffering gringos to know that each and every one of you are invited to come on down and clean it up. We pay scale so everything's on the up and up. Oh, and use your tongues please. It's greener that way.

  44. DahBoner

    I've been saying this for a few years.

    The December 2007 crash was "just another stair step down".

    At the beginning of the Great Depression, no one called it a "depression" or even thought it would last more than a year…

  45. KenLayIsAlive

    From Mr. KenLayIsAlive
    Attn; Dear Wonkette

    I'm happy to inform you about my success in getting those funds transferred under the cooperation of a new partner from Nigeria. Presently i am in Nigeria for investment projects with my own share of the total sum. mean while,i didn't forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds despite that it failed us some how.Now contact my Manager in LONDON.

    Please post your bank information in the replies below, so that I may complete this money transfer! Thank you Mrs. and Mr.s Wonkettes!

  46. V572 Coif of Destiny

    Slightly OT, but who's going to be on the Super Committee? How about:

    Republicans & similar:
    Steve King, (R, IA)
    Louis Gohmert, (R, TX)
    Miche1e Bachmann, (R, MN)
    Darrell Issa (R, CA)
    Joe Lieberman (I, CT)
    Mike Crapo (R, ID)

    Dems & kindred spirits:
    Eni F. H Faleomavaega,.(D, American Samoa)
    Bernie Saunders (S, VT)
    Al Franken (D, MN)
    Chuck Shumer (D, NY)
    Eleanor Holmes Norton (D, DC)
    Madeleine Bordallo (D, Guam)

    This composition should maximize the entertainment value.

    1. Negropolis

      I'ts going to be six of the most conservative Republican senators, and every bluedog they can find on the Democratic side of things. You know, like usual.

  47. johnnyzhivago

    Lord Abbett Co. in Jersey City, New Jersey manages $110 billion in assets and is concerned about the pending collapse of the West India tea trade, not to mention those Caribbean pirates skirmishing shipping near the Crown colonies.

  48. donner_froh

    Set to expire in 2012:

    Federal extension for unemployment insurance payments. So you get what the state gives you and nothing else. In Michigan that is now 20 weeks.

    The cut in payroll taxes (social security) for those still employed.

    The right wing lackeys in congress have begun the drumbeat that extending them for another year would be too expensive.

    This would be an obvious fight with good guys and bad guys and should be perfect for the Democrats although they may be too busy sucking Koch to notice.

  49. V572 Coif of Destiny

    We don't really have to worry, because Nancy Pelosi detailed her plan in an interview today:

    [Pelosi] admitted the difficulty of trying to pass jobs legislation when Congress has refused any more spending and when Republicans prioritize preserving the richest Americans' wealth. In a moment of introspection, she wondered out loud about how many homes, pieces of "museum-quality art," or big yachts a person could possibly need. "I have concluded that some of these people want something that is intangible," she said. "Immortality!" But she said she had plans in the works, citing at least four places for bipartisan compromise: infrastructure investment, nudging China on its currency manipulation, "incentivizing" the private sector, and clean energy.

    Just "nudge" China! And man, when we start seriously incentivizing the private sector, they'll really start hiring! Just like now!

    It's getting harder to be optimistic.

  50. cheetojeebus

    One fresh dead pigeon ( trapped with a box and stick is best but you can also find em out at the wind farm)
    3 packets salt from Burger king
    3 packets pepper see above
    6 packets ketchup above
    1 packet malt vinegar Long John Silver
    a pocket full of lard from that big barrel behind popeye's chicken

    pluck pigeon and gut
    season with S & P
    heat lard in hubcap over campfire ( don't make fire over by the old mall, you'll attract too many folks looking for a free meal.)
    saute pigeon parts then squirt with ketchup and vinegar
    MMMMM tasty

    Pigeon-pot Pete, King of that culvert under the I 95 overpass that's always dry

      1. cheetojeebus

        Well, then i'd marinade in some Everclear. Serve with Pitas, You can sometimes find some in the dumpster back o the greek pizza place on 5th.

      1. cheetojeebus

        Oh, I guess you haven't seen my cookbook "Rollin' Along, Hubcap Cuisine by the side of the road" There's a copy scribbled on an old cardboard box in that abandoned Impala at the Stop n Go. I have a whole chapter on Appetizers! "Bugs, Bits and dandelion salad"

    1. mumbly_joe

      But if I use all of my ketchup on the pigeon, then how will I have any left to make hobo wine?

  51. Hurricane Ali

    Haha, time to start taking in wash for a few cents here and there; at least my neighbors across the street are nudists and don't have to worry about that. I can do mending, as well.

  52. BTWBFDIMHO

    Let's have a revolution now, and make the American riches to look like Mubarak in trial.

  53. BTWBFDIMHO

    From Paul Krugman's blog:
    OK, OK, we always need to bear in mind Paul Samuelson’s line about how the stock market had predicted nine of the last five recessions.

  54. DemonicRage

    On the same day, the NY Times had a story about some blonde (very blond, like Princess Diana) shopping for $1495 high-heeled shoes at Bergdorf's, in NYC. Some people are not affected by this unfortunate ripple in the market. Meanwhile, in the Daily News, there's a full page ad from some company that will meet in various hotels all over the state to buy anything of value (gold, watches). Someone's betting on things getting worse.

    1. emmelemm

      some company that will meet in various hotels all over the state to buy anything of value (gold, watches)

      Gold teeth, organs… you know, anything of value. Yeah, it's getting worse all right.

  55. Negropolis

    The stock market is the biggest contrived invention this world has ever known. There is no real method to its madness. Invisible Hand of the market, my ass. If it exists, the body that it's attached to is drunk and high as hell most of the time. I fucking hate the stock market.

    1. mumbly_joe

      "When the capital development of a country becomes a by-product of the activities of a casino, the job is likely to be ill-done."

      –That dead guy that no economist with actual political influence pays any attention to.

    2. SayItWithWookies

      is drunk and high as hell most of the time.

      Oh shit — I knew I was forgetting something today.

    3. Radiotherapy®

      If you hate the stock market as a contrivance, please don't delve into the "concept" of derivatives, wherein, the invisible hand becomes an arthritic, warty fisting. Where even the guy who got the blowjob off the Oval Office is afraid he made a huge mistake. Is $300 Trillion enough?

  56. crybabyboehner

    As Grandpa always said, "This so-called 'silver lining' is kind of like a reacharound."

  57. Negropolis

    Y'all know what this means, right? Time for the president to both extend and lower Bush-era tax rates!

    1. Radiotherapy®

      How can you raise taxes in this* economic environment?

      *Insert recession, surplus, Dow up, Dow down, wartime, peace dividend, bubble, boom, Republican held, Democratic held, Carter, Reagan, Bush Jr., Obama, etc.

      1. mumbly_joe

        Oh, sure, you snark about that, but when was the last time you saw a librul who was willing to cut government spending, in any economic environment?

        Oh right, this past Tuesday.

        1. Radiotherapy®

          but when was the last time you saw a Republican who was willing to cut government spending, in any economic environment?
          As I've been saying, if these teabaggers want a candidate who cut gov't spending, had low unemployment and balanced a budget, then:

          Bill Clinton '12

          1. mumbly_joe

            He also prompted a decade of growth and widespread prosperity that immediately followed him raising taxes. Which makes him an evil Warlock, clearly.

          2. Radiotherapy®

            Glass-Steagall and unleashing the derivative market aside, remember when he also shepherded the peace dividend and smoothed the Balkans? Clearly Slick Willie was Beelzabub incarnate.

    2. Negropolis

      This is why I continue to come to Wonkette. Well played, you guys. You took my rather weak snark-post, and turned it into something worth a visit.

  58. Weenus299

    We're fucked. This is only the beginning. We're doomed and stuff. I'm trying to be humorous, when in fact, I actually have to go to the bathroom.

  59. rahelio

    If you pray really hard, God will send down a brand new pair of bootstraps – that are, oddly enough, only sold in Super Wal-Marts – from you can pull yourself up.

    The instructions come in Mandarin.

  60. DashboardBuddha

    I was talking to a hyper-patriot acquaintance of mine and he was yarbling on about the Great Big War On Terror. I got to thinking about how Dubya and his cronies were duped into getting us into sinkhole type wars. Then I thought, what if Al-Queada had known from the start that they couldn't beat us militarily, but had actually set up to bankrupt the west. If that's the case, not only was it brilliant, but it kicked.our.fucking.asses.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Well, that's been a principle of asymmetrical warfare since the American Revolution, so it wouldn't be surprising if bin Laden knew that. And I'm pretty sure I've run across some articles where he's explicitly said such things.

      It's this form of hubris that's the pitfall of most nations that are dominant in some way — the people you lord it over always know more about you than you know about them. This leads us into pit-traps like Iraq and Vietnam from which were dare not withdraw, partly out of pride and partly because there's enough crazy nonsense out there that's somehow credible that it takes hold of our policy. I mean really — some guy in a cave rental house in Pakistan and his 200 friends are going to form a global caliphate and destroy our country? Really? Okay, I'll consider them an existential threat when they're running Syria, Iraq, Jordan and Saudi Arabia. Maybe.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Oh yeah — here we go:

        [Bin] Laden (spoke) of how he used "guerrilla warfare and the war of attrition to fight tyrannical superpowers, as we, alongside the mujaheddin, bled Russia for ten years, until it went bankrupt." He has compared the United States to the Soviet Union on numerous occasions — and these comparisons have been explicitly economic. For example, in October 2004 bin Laden said that just as the Arab fighters and Afghan mujaheddin had destroyed Russia economically, al Qaeda was now doing the same to the United States, "continuing this policy in bleeding America to the point of bankruptcy." Similarly, in a September 2007 video message, bin Laden claimed that "thinkers who study events and happenings" were now predicting the American empire's collapse. He gloated, "The mistakes of Brezhnev are being repeated by Bush."

        1. Fukui_sanYesOta

          Between crazy-ass wars, restructuring and expansion of the security apparatus and idiot tax cuts after 9/11, it must have cost the US something like $5Tn to not recover from a small cadre of motivated people who killed 3000 Americans in a spectacular way.

          edit: that's 1.6Bn per person who died in the attacks. That's your asymmetric economic warfare right there.

    2. glamourdammerung

      So, do you think the teabaggers are high-fiving over doing more damage to this country than bin Laden did?

      1. SayItWithWookies

        I think a lot of them, being political neophytes and with only one perspective that they get their information from, honestly have no idea. The working class and retired folks don't have any stake in creating a volatile economy and destroying the social safety net — the people who use them as tools, however, do.

    3. Negropolis

      Well, that was exactly Bin Laden's plan. He even stated publically as such weeks after the attack. Not only that, but that's kind of the exact reason for the use of terrorism.

    4. LiveToServeYa

      I think BoA, Chase, and Citibank have managed that with only a little help from Al-Qaeda.

  61. Radiotherapy®

    OT, but *gag* I wondered over to Blitefart and they still have downfisting on their Intense Debate. As Negropolis said the other day it reeks of 7 year old soccer where everybody wins.
    Also, Michael Eric Dyson is guest hosting on The Ed Show. and I feel a little less pissed than usual. As well as him pointing out that Fox n' Fiends is accusing Nickolodean and SpongeBob Squarepants of a liberal global warming indoctrination. Hahaha.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      I'd never been there before bit nipped over to see what it was like. Found this gem about Sarah Palin in the comments for an article about that 'palling around' idiocy, illustrated with a picture of her sporting a large weapon:

      When she is POTUS her first Executive Order should be "All registered Democrats get a Tax Rate Double those for Republicans !"
      They are the ones who want higher taxes ! And you can not change parties !
      Second "Repeal ObamaCare" !!
      Third arrest Imam Obama and send him to GITMO
      Then after lunch she can fix the Country …….
      On her second day "Bomb Bomb Bomb Iran….
      On her third day,Deport All Illegals,and build a fence.
      Damn………..She could fix this country in less than a week !

      and of course the obligatory

      Nice gun!

    2. Chet Kincaid

      Personally, I would rather get a clean number of how many people liked a post than one gamed up and down by/because of trolls and retards. Those comment systems that tally up and down votes separately, so that you see 2 scores, are the best, imho. Of course, because I care even a tiny bit about all of that shit, I am a gigantic loser.

    3. not that Dewey

      Does this mean my pee will get an asterisk next to it in the history books, like Barry Bonds?

  62. widget2011

    And Jesus wept. My guess is he put all his chips on that Santorum Jelly Factory.

    He should have tasted it first!

  63. Negropolis

    So, who wants to bet the market surges 200 points of some shit just to fuck with us, today?

    1. neiltheblaze

      There will be a lot of tasty little bargains after the free-fall – so, yeah – if not today, sometime next week.

  64. BlueStateLibel

    I hate to say it, but this won't bother your average mouthbreathing teatard, due to the fact that the concept of a stock market is way beyond their mental capabilities, I know, I've talked to them. On the other hand, their Walmart running out of Cheetoh's would sent them into a panic.

  65. LiveToServeYa

    Only the Lord can stop stocks from sliding and, incidentally, buy everyone a Mercedes Benz. Now, let us prey.

    1. DahBoner

      " Now, let us prey."

      I checked the value of my 401K account this morning, and Wall Street beat ya to it….

  66. Ducksworthy

    Cheer up! CCA has arranged for thousands of lucrative and satisfying positions in prison industries. Make up to $0.20 an hour processing contaminate meat into school lunches.

  67. ttommyunger

    Wall Street's Birfday Present to Barry, with a big "FUCK YOU, BOY" on top of the cake in Santorum.

  68. comrad_darkness

    Down again today. Every single world market except the Swedes. Tea Party tells U.S. to fuck off and die, so Wall Street tells Tea Party, we'll take your retirement funds. Thanks. Fair trade.

  69. DailyOlivier

    Yet another "so what?" from middle America. The average American doesn't have a stock portfolio. The real news is that investors are going to seek refuge in the stability of commodities. Here we go $5 /gallon gas!

    1. Negropolis

      Sorry to suspend snark, but this matters because even the stuff we little people think we own (unless you're literally living in poverty) is actually owned by people that trade on Wall Street.

      All your houses, cars, gasoline, etc…are belong to us. – Wall Street

  70. pinkocommi

    There are not enough lamp posts along Wall Street to hang all the bodies. Maybe that's how we can stimulate the economy. More lamp posts!

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