OUR FLOURISHING ECONOMY  4:27 pm August 4, 2011

Dow Jones Drunk Skydiving Without Parachute Again, Falls 500 Points

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

hopenchangenhopenchangeHOORAY hooray hooray hooray, time for a special “endless economic doom” update: the Dow Jones did a 500-point nosedive today, and something called the “fear index” rose above 30, which is Very Bad (And Yet Seems Normal?), because that is its “biggest daily percentage move since May 2010″ according to MSNBC. What was happening in May 2010? Uh, Bono was performing at the White House, which explains that particular “fear index” spike. What is behind today’s FEAR INDEX? Eh, mostly probably just the “widespread economic uncertainty in the face of total government incompetence across the United States and Eurozone, for mysteriously believing strict austerity measures will reinforce weak economies.”

Uh:

“People are throwing in the towel because they can’t find relief on any front. There are a lot of worries about the economy,” said Milton Ezrati, market strategist at Lord Abbett Co. in Jersey City, New Jersey, which manages $110 billion in assets.

Analysts predicted further losses ahead, given the strong degree of pessimism in the market.

Investors are now nervously focused on the crucial monthly jobs data to be released Friday by the Labor Department. Expectations are not high.

Nonfarm payrolls likely increased 85,000 last month, according to a Reuters survey, after rising only 18,000 in June. The unemployment rate is expected to hold steady at 9.2 percent.

Awesome. [MSNBC]

 
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{ 472 comments }

nounverb911 August 4, 2011 at 4:29 pm

The good news here is that the Koch boys lost a lot of money today.

Thurman Munster IV August 4, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Naw, those fuckers probably are short sellers too

nounverb911 August 4, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Down market is a good time to buy. Too, also.

4tehlulz_lite August 4, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Are you sure? As real Americans. I'm sure they short us and profit from our pain.

flamingpdog August 4, 2011 at 4:43 pm

They'll recover that money where Obama cuts taxes for the rich to prevent the next Constitutional crisis the Teatards come up with.

DashboardBuddha August 4, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Yeah…and I lost a quarter today…virtually the same effect.

crybabyboehner August 4, 2011 at 5:27 pm

I doubt it. Since they own Georgia Pacific they make a penny every time somebody wipes their ass with Charmin.

Also, Bounty is the quicker picker-upper.

genxr August 4, 2011 at 6:46 pm

That's it. I'm boycotting toilet paper.

DahBoner August 4, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Then you'll need a a short tube connected to a water tap..

Oh, and the left hand.

Sharia law and all that…

Jerry Fjord August 4, 2011 at 7:08 pm

Reuse, recycle, maaan

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 8:33 am

As long as you've got a hole to squat over, a bucket of water and soap, and you're anal about always splashing the "area" with your left hand, you're good to go.

Crank_Tango August 4, 2011 at 8:18 pm

et tu charmin?

mumbly_joe August 4, 2011 at 10:20 pm

Scott's also a reasonably ethical alternative. Which is to say, I'm aware firsthand of some of the decent stuff they do, they've cleaned up their act vis a vis forestry, and I'm not aware of anything especially shitty their parent company, Kimberly-Clark, has done either.

If I'm wrong, hopefully someone will correct me.

mannacler August 5, 2011 at 12:53 am

Northern and Angel Soft are tp's that are made by Koch Industries. Charmin is a Proctor and Gamble product. Charmin is on the Greenpeace shit-list though for using non-recycled paper and making their product with a bleaching process.

widget2011 August 5, 2011 at 5:29 am

I think it's Brawney, the gay lumberjack?

iburl August 4, 2011 at 5:37 pm

If they lose half of everything, they will still own Obama's ass.

Barrelhse August 4, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Your goddam right they lost a lot of money, primarily because I didn't buy Angel Soft.

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 7:10 pm

I'll console myself with that thought as I attempt to warm the remaining hobo beans.

Terry August 4, 2011 at 8:58 pm

The really good news would be if both Koch brothers had unfortunate and frequent meetings with candIru fish.

OneDollarJuana August 4, 2011 at 10:51 pm

But Eric Cantor is jumping with joy.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 5, 2011 at 2:42 am

"the Koch boys lost a lot of money today."

Finally, a tax cut I can believe in.

Madfall August 4, 2011 at 4:29 pm

We are doomed, I am investing in a hunting rifle and a Mad Max wardrobe right now.

mog253 August 4, 2011 at 4:31 pm

How do you look in a leather jockstrap?

Madfall August 4, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Fine, but it chafes something fierce on hot days.

Omophagist August 4, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Eh, ammo's gonna run out with hording and all pretty quickly. I'd go with a crossbow or regular bow, you know, something whose projectiles you can use again after taking them out of the neck of the person you just killed.

Madfall August 4, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Oh believe me, I am planning on some non-standard edged weaponry as well. I don't like to spill all my secrets at once though.

DahBoner August 4, 2011 at 6:59 pm

I invested in Smith & Wesson in 2010 but sold it when even Teatards were too poor to buy more guns, and their profits went down…

Madfall August 4, 2011 at 7:03 pm

The profits dropped on S&W? Truly these are end times.

Nothingisamiss August 5, 2011 at 7:49 am

Madfall, we know you're one of them euro-limey types. Sorry, but we know you'd better only compete in broadswords and armour. And can you road kill squirrel? CAN YOU???!!!!!

Oth, pics please re: Mad Max wardrobe.

Madfall August 5, 2011 at 7:55 am

I may be a Euro-Limey (which I really like as a description BTW) but if all works out then I should be moving to the States next year. I'm gonna get my stuff delivered in advance.

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 8:15 am

Excellent timing!!

prommie August 4, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Beautiful, I give it a 9.9, an almost perfect Reverse Triple Boehner, with Teatard spin.

Barb August 4, 2011 at 4:30 pm

The brokers are going to go from Wall Street to Wal Mart greeter.

nounverb911 August 4, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Will they take the elevator down or simply jump out the window?

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 7:12 pm

They've always been great believers in efficiency.

Negropolis August 4, 2011 at 9:59 pm

God willing it'll be the latter.

user-of-owls August 4, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Not much greeting to do when your clientele are out in the wood foraging for grass and tree bark, which might have a grub or beetle in it, if'n they're lucky.

HedonismBot August 4, 2011 at 6:34 pm

YAY!!

DahBoner August 4, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Broker?

Yes, they did…

widget2011 August 5, 2011 at 5:31 am

Naw, this just means I'' have get a 5th job.

Nothingisamiss August 5, 2011 at 7:51 am

C'mon Barb, the wall streeters are too big to fail, and the walmart greeters are old people who need to expect to work more with less money from their SS checks. No one in their right(wing) mind cares about them.

Another bailout for wall street, plz…..I wouldn't want anyone to suffer.

hollywooddood August 4, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Damn, I'd pull every penny I have out of the stock market, too, if I had any.

AJWjr. August 4, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I pulled mine out several years ago, put it in short-term money markets. They've tanked, too. Next plan is stuff it in my mattress sleeping bag.

GeoatBeck August 4, 2011 at 6:26 pm

You have Obama care,welfare and food stamps. No worries.

glamourdammerung August 4, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Cry more.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 4, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Wait a minute. . . . You have pennies?

hollywooddood August 4, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Now don't go all jealous on me, but yes. Yes, I do.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 5, 2011 at 2:50 am

You're going to want the old ones, so they retain their value when melted down and turned into useful stuff.

DahBoner August 4, 2011 at 7:01 pm

There's no Coinstar machine nearby?

mog253 August 4, 2011 at 4:31 pm

And my financial advisor told me Monday that if they signed the debt bill the market would take off. Guess she didn't say which direction. And guess I'll be working until I'm 70.

emmelemm August 4, 2011 at 4:36 pm

You have a financial advisor?

mog253 August 4, 2011 at 4:39 pm

If you count my 8-ball.

Tundra Grifter August 4, 2011 at 4:42 pm

I was speaking with my stock broker this morning. He was so upset he put the wrong color polish on my shoes.

Jerry Fjord August 4, 2011 at 4:38 pm

I saw some prick comment after the agreement was reached that hw was going to sit back on Monday and make a tidy profit off of his recently purchased Dow stocks. It sucks to take pleasure from his fail that's at the expense of the rest of us.

GOPCrusher August 4, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Seems like there was a lot of Republiklans that kept saying that the stock market would love cuts in spending with out raising revenues. I'm still appalled by the fact that we let these morons anywhere near our economy.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 4, 2011 at 5:03 pm

It's just Magical Thinking. St Ronald al-Reagan (pbuh) cut some taxes at a point where the business cycle was on the upswing, so therefore it must be the tax cuts which caused the upswing. So let's keep doing that even though most economists simply roll their eyes and it doesn't actually work.

revmod August 4, 2011 at 6:55 pm

It's exactly the opposite. The market has realized there's an entire HoR caucus of dipshits ready to put a gun to the head of the economy every time they don't get their way. Institutional investors may hate taxes, but they hate unpredictable regimes much, much more.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 4, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Ah, I was more referring to the idiots in the HoR caucus than the stock market. The stock market is acting semi-rationally. Well, as much as it ever does, which is not very.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 5, 2011 at 2:57 am

Perfectly rationally. Corporations are scared shitless, and sitting on their cash. Take some of it away from them as tax revenue, however, and it gets pumped back into the economy: you could employ a whole lot of people, who would buy a whole lot of stuff, if you took those hundreds of billions of dollars and built some infrastructure with it. (Tell me how many jobs Apple will create when they buy Netflix, or Cisco, or whatever, with their $70 billion.)

But no, we got ourselves a Teabagger Recession: nothing gets done, nothing gets built, and the whole fucking economy follows the trajectory of the FAA.

Ducksworthy August 5, 2011 at 10:52 am

Insane ideological theocrats making economic policy for the next 10-20 years. Why would that unsettle the markets?

user-of-owls August 4, 2011 at 5:49 pm

She was just using a different sense of the phrase, "to take off."

In this case the sense was clearly of the sort, "If Billy Joe offers your wife a six pack of Bud and the offer of 'good times', she will take off for sure"

mog253 August 4, 2011 at 6:22 pm

Please join me in waving good-bye to my pension. *wave, sob* What's 32 years between friends?

Radiotherapy® August 4, 2011 at 6:52 pm

Owls, you sure picked a bad week to quit drinking.

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 7:17 pm

I'm already pouring myself one to dull the pain.

Swampgas_Man August 4, 2011 at 6:28 pm

I'll be wishing for a job that lasts til I'm 70.

mog253 August 4, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Yeah, me too. Wish in one hand… well, you know.

orygoon August 5, 2011 at 1:06 am

I just got a fucking rejection letter for a job that I did, in fact, want.

mourningnmerica August 5, 2011 at 1:51 am

The ARE no fucking jobs in Oregon. Silly.

orygoon August 5, 2011 at 11:15 am

To paraphrase Gilbert and Sullivan: "Hardly any". And this one was up in Washington. And hey, if their seven semi-finalists turn out to be resume-liars or obvious headcases, they promise that they'll give me another chance. So there's no need to jump off of bridge just yet.

Dr_pangloss August 5, 2011 at 7:15 am

I haven't checked my account yet but I probably lost the rest of my bet on the Wall Street Wheel of Riches. Oh well. Half of it wasn't even my money to begin with.

nounverb911 August 4, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Time to go long on Hobo Bean Futures?

DahBoner August 4, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Better go long on Basmasti rice and lentil futures.

People in India and China don't eat much beans.

Also, pork for the new Chinese middleclass…

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 10:05 am

Ummm, basmati and lentils! Now THAT'S a dystopia I can get behind!

GunToting[Redacted] August 4, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Amalgamated Bindles.

metamarcisf August 4, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Happy Birthday, Mr. Communist

Jerry Fjord August 4, 2011 at 4:40 pm

He's just tenderizing us before he gives the order to overthrow the elites.

DahBoner August 4, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Chill out motherfuckers, he's got this…

Laughitoff22 August 4, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Won't someone please think of the billionaires??? I mean, with a market this terrible, they might have to go with 18 carat instead of 24 carat fixtures atop their toilet bowls now…

prommie August 4, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Oh, the big thing now is the $6,000 japanese toilet, it wipes your ass for you, yes, you do your business, press a button, and an electrically operated bidet mechanism swings into action, squirts the mess from your Kochhole, and then, an air-dryer device deploys, and gently blows your butthole dry. True fact.

SheriffRoscoe August 4, 2011 at 4:39 pm

It's true! And the toilet seat itself has a built in warmer! Relieving oneself will never have to be a chore anymore.

prommie August 4, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Costco has a low-budget version now, its a $200 toilet seat, and all the sprayers, blowers, and warmers are in the seat, but its a mitchegosh, wires and hoses all over the place. I liken it to those Excalibur Roadsters from the 1970s, faux riche.

LiveToServeYa August 4, 2011 at 5:08 pm

It should have a little jar for Santorum jelly.

V572 Coif of Destiny August 4, 2011 at 5:44 pm

Yet another reason to hate Costco. Their motto ought to be "Not quite as evil as Walmart. Well actually just as evil, but better at shrink-wrapping evil into three-packs that seem like a really good deal until you have to throw away half of it."

Kind of a wordy motto, true.

orygoon August 4, 2011 at 5:59 pm

I wanted one of those after reading the fascinating book "The Big Necessity:The Unmentionable World of Human Waste and Why It Matters", but the spouse downfisted that idea. For want of a better word–shit!

Ducksworthy August 5, 2011 at 10:55 am

There are now lots of Amurrikans who would happily take the job of that Japanese toilet. If only the Kochsuckers were real patriots.

weejee August 4, 2011 at 4:39 pm

A 50 caliber with a good scope might help bring the problem of the billionaires into focus.

grizzlyalbert August 4, 2011 at 5:10 pm

WG, that’s good enough to steal.

imissopus August 4, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Neilist? When did you get hold of weejee's login?

Swampgas_Man August 4, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Remind me again why we aren't marching w/ pitchforks,torches and the occasional shotgun?

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Some of us are. Slacker.

HogeyeGrex August 4, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Nahhhh. They'll just get us to make up the difference by raiding the treasury again.

If that doesn't work, they'll sell poor children off to make the cat food the rest of us are going to be living on

Profit!.

V572 Coif of Destiny August 4, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Here's another thing billionaires like: the Bugatti Veyron , with 1,000 ozone-layer-destroying horsepower under the hood. How many shall I put you down for?

jodyleek August 4, 2011 at 4:33 pm

All the Wonkeratti are welcome to my humble Minnesota home for hobo bean hotdish! Bring your own Ripple.

rocktonsam August 4, 2011 at 4:38 pm

yeah a potluck!

any lutheran gals coming over?

jodyleek August 4, 2011 at 9:24 pm

Ya, sure, you betcha!

hollywooddood August 4, 2011 at 5:09 pm

I'll bring the ketchup packets and boiling water for the soup course.

jodyleek August 4, 2011 at 9:32 pm

I laughed so hard at this, I am sure the guy in the next refrigerator box over thought I was off my meds.

Swampgas_Man August 4, 2011 at 6:31 pm

I'll bring PA Concorde– it's not quite as sweet as Manischevitz, but it's economical and I like to buy local.

jodyleek August 4, 2011 at 9:42 pm

Well, if you can't get the Concorde here, I think there are a couple bottles of Listerine in the house somewhere.

DahBoner August 4, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Need some fat in it. Tell ya what, I'll bring my bow over and we'll go Teatard hunting…

jodyleek August 4, 2011 at 9:26 pm

Teatards are like coot – fun to shoot but not fer eatin'. We could render them down though and make soap.

GOPCrusher August 5, 2011 at 12:10 pm

The proper way to prepare coot is to barbecue it slowly on a shingle. When done, throw away the coot, and eat the shingle.
This also works with mergansers.

Hurricane Ali August 4, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Now that's some Minnesota hospitality for you – will be out there in 6-8 months, as hopping trains and sleeping under overpasses really slows down your mileage.

jodyleek August 4, 2011 at 9:40 pm

If you can steal a truck on your way here, there's a nice deer carcass on Hwy 12 with lots of meat on it.

Doktor Zoom August 4, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Hah hah, you goons! I'm already unemployed, and there's not much farther for me to fall! In a race to the bottom, a lot of us have a HUGE head start!

angryhaiku August 4, 2011 at 5:29 pm

We can still be Welfare Queens when there's no more welfare, right?

DahBoner August 4, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Welfare Queens are so 1980's….

Negropolis August 4, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Well, we can still be King and Queen Hobo. It's like a Welfare Queen, but without any steady income at all.

angryhaiku August 4, 2011 at 10:17 pm

Hooray! I made us these tiaras out of concertina wire.

Negropolis August 5, 2011 at 1:29 am

Might as well just fashion a crown of thorns, then.

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 9:38 am

I
I will be king
And you
You will be queen
We can be Hobos
Starting today

And you
You can make beans
And I
will drink what I find
'Cause we're Hobos
Now let's eat the cat!

MozakiBlocks August 4, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Right there with you Doktor. Getting ready to tell the bank to take this house and shove it too.

Fuckers.

Limeylizzie August 4, 2011 at 5:35 pm

If I wasn't adorable and snagged a rich husband, I would be in sorry shape.

V572 Coif of Destiny August 4, 2011 at 5:46 pm

I'd have believed you if you hadn't failed to use the subjunctive in that statement.

Limeylizzie August 4, 2011 at 5:55 pm

ok, if i weren't adorable…

V572 Coif of Destiny August 4, 2011 at 5:57 pm

My mother was an English teacher. I can’t stop myself. You are adorable, it’s true.

DashboardBuddha August 4, 2011 at 10:32 pm

I'm available for adoption. I can play the guitar, bass, and sing. I am great with animals. I'm house trained, can cook AND can tell a wicked funny story. Contact me offline..

BTWBFDIMHO August 4, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Same here, and underwater in the Texan drought. But not praying, yet.

fuflans August 4, 2011 at 7:29 pm

huh. a lot of wonkette is unemployed. Makes me fell slightly better…

also if I weren't living in sin w/an employed person i'd be totally fucked.

greypanter August 4, 2011 at 4:33 pm

That makes me look like a genius for investing my $500 in a 0.1% APR personal checking account. Where is my cabinet post?

Biel_ze_Bubba August 5, 2011 at 2:36 am

Welcome to the Teabagger Recession — and we bow in awe of your financial astuteness. I'm going to follow your lead, just as soon as I scrape up $500, and find a bank in NYC that won't rape me for $20 a month on such a miserly sum. Yeah, that's $240/year, roughly a FIFTY FUCKING PERCENT annual fee.

Zombie_Reagan August 4, 2011 at 4:33 pm

With Boehner's "laser-like" focus on jobs, this recession should be over in no time!

Chet Kincaid August 4, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Those rheumy eyes are firmly fixed on his Glenlivet.

Omophagist August 4, 2011 at 6:22 pm

I'm pretty sure the only lasers he has are pointed at his skin for tanning purposes.

Swampgas_Man August 4, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Aaaaany minute now. . .

DahBoner August 4, 2011 at 7:07 pm

No, Boner's looking around jobs to that abortion bill back over there.

Just like when you watch porno, you look around the dicks, unless you're into that sort of thing…

Biel_ze_Bubba August 5, 2011 at 2:39 am

The only job the 'baggers have a focus on is Obama's. Here's hoping the electorate gives the GOP a sincere, heartfelt "Fuck You!" come November 2012. (That's going to be my toast, every glass I raise, for the next 18 months.)

Dr_pangloss August 5, 2011 at 7:18 am

He's working on getting more jobs in the security field. Gotta put all those highly trained former military personel to work, wouldn't want them joining the ever growing mob outside the burbclave. Gotta keep building that gate higher.

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 9:46 am

I like "burbclave." How about "gutted community"?

Dr_pangloss August 9, 2011 at 6:37 am

It's from Neil Stevenson's "Snow Crash", distopian fututre where only the Super Rich and the poor exist, among other things.

FakaktaSouth August 4, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I betcha Boehner comes out and says this was part of the 2% he didn't ask for.

metamarcisf August 4, 2011 at 4:33 pm

This is good new for Tiffany's

CrunchyKnee August 4, 2011 at 4:34 pm

In Greece they rioted in the streets, here we'll just heave a collective "meh", eat the last of the Cheetos and wonder what Kim Kardashian is wearing.

Jerry Fjord August 4, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Or what Kourtney is choking down today.

CalamityJames August 4, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Can we pleasepleasepleaseplease do SOMETHING?! I'll happily quit my 12 hour/week job to do some hardcore/fuck you rioting.

Can we do a rideshare thing too?

Ken Cuccinelli August 4, 2011 at 7:43 pm

"In Greece they rioted in the streets"

Fat lot of good that did 'em. And they invented democracy.

pinkocommi August 5, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Kim Kardashian is wearing nothing whenever I think of her. And I am a straight chick.

SudsMcKenzie August 4, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Shit, my "fear index" is at 30 by the time I walk to the bathroom in the morning.

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 7:44 pm
rocktonsam August 4, 2011 at 4:35 pm

moar tax breaks tax breaks tax breaks, create jobs, create jobs .

job creators job creators

cripes

rocktonsam August 4, 2011 at 4:45 pm

bail out bail out bail out, also

deanbooth August 4, 2011 at 4:50 pm

401K losses are like taxes without the increase in revenue. All that money is just vaporized.

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 7:45 pm

I'd like to give the job creators a tax break on their respective necks.

NorthStarSpanx August 4, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Fear Factor, Fear Index, Politics of Fear, and all of the GOP POTUS contenders, fear is the new black (even though it is red.)

Sue4466 August 4, 2011 at 4:56 pm

And since Obama is black, Obama is the new fear?

emmelemm August 4, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Same as the old fear.

SorosBot August 4, 2011 at 5:00 pm

It's manifestation of the Fear of a Black Planet.

NorthStarSpanx August 5, 2011 at 10:40 am

Ohhhhh, I forgot about Obama being black. . .

GuyClinch August 4, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I smell opportunity. Gonna open a sidewalk cleaning service on Wall St. Maybe call it The Red and the Black.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 4, 2011 at 4:43 pm

You leap, we sweep!

PuckStopsHere August 5, 2011 at 12:05 am

You're a goddamn marketing genius!

Doktor Zoom August 4, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Hey, buddy, c'mon and jump! Ya can't Stendhal day on that ledge!

GuyClinch August 4, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Yow! That's a good one.

Doktor Zoom August 4, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Yeah, I'm getting maximum value out of that PhD in English

riverside68 August 4, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Piled higher and Deeper?

Come the class war you can wear the glasses, we will call you Doc.

GuyClinch August 4, 2011 at 5:04 pm

That and $6.00 will get you a cup of coffee.

HogeyeGrex August 4, 2011 at 5:52 pm

I didn't think anyone hired pump jockeys anymore. It's all self-serve around here.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 4, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Oh, nailed that one!

imissopus August 4, 2011 at 5:11 pm

His dismount was strong but he really went splat on the landing.

johnnyzhivago August 4, 2011 at 4:35 pm

The incompetent decision making will continue until the economy improves.

user-of-owls August 4, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Steel balls or Truck Nutz in those insane hands?

DahBoner August 4, 2011 at 7:10 pm

The incompetent decision making will continue until the economy improves you believe this was all caused by The Black Guy and Republicans win and then double down on the "Tax Cut and Spend".

//fixed

teebob2000 August 4, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Maybe it's just coincidence, but this morning, just after breakfast, I had MY biggest daily percentage move since May 2010!

user-of-owls August 4, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Now THAT'S job creatin' !!

You need a tax break for that!

ifthethunderdontgetya August 4, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Barry McHoover

That's the fact, Jack.
~

V572 Coif of Destiny August 4, 2011 at 5:48 pm

I"d berate you blogwhoring if the pic weren't so good.

weejee August 4, 2011 at 4:37 pm

total government incompetence

Couple that with electorate intellectual incontinence and it is no wonder the economy is such a total pisser.

SudsMcKenzie August 4, 2011 at 4:37 pm

I hope Paul Krugman is in a padded room this evening.

flamingpdog August 4, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Today, we are all Paul Krugman.

Sue4466 August 4, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Krugman: "How many times did I try to tell them? Do they listen? OF COURSE not. I'm only a Nobel Prize winning economist, what the fuck do I know compared to Michele Bachmann?"

SorosBot August 4, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Considering that the GOP blocked Nobel winner from the Fed, sadly I doubt anyone will ever listen to Krugman; I mean it's not like he predicted the housing disaster years ahead of time and kept warning people about it or anything.

Hurricane Ali August 4, 2011 at 8:06 pm

He and Roubini who predicted the collapse of the housing bubble and the recession to begin in 2007. No one believes the economists, for some reason.

emmelemm August 4, 2011 at 8:16 pm

The Cassandra complex at work…

I have a friend named Cassandra, and she's actually irritated that she has the same name as a doomed prophetess.

johnnyzhivago August 4, 2011 at 4:37 pm

It's so bad that Goldman had to lay off Sachs today. It's really a shame, their prospects are just drying up – almost nothing is left to pillage.

ManchuCandidate August 4, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Yeah…

Let's recap shall we?

1990s: Attempts to regulate derivatives market failed. Accounting regulations spread wide like a hooker's legs. GOPers heavily involved. Chris Dude/Dodd and the blue dog Demrats, too.
1999: Glass Steagal Removed. GOPers cummed. Blue Dogs jizzed, too.
2001: Tech Bubble Imploded. 9/11 happened. Eagle cries Tear. GOPers and Blue Dogs masturbate to War Drums.
2002: Taxcuts to the top 5%. GOPers cummed. Blue Dog Demrats jizzed on command.
2003: Iraqinam War started. Financial sinkhole created
2005: Katrina Happens. Enron happens.
2006: Warned that US America Real Estate market unreal. GOPers and Blue Dogs laugh.
2007: First subprime shit explodes. Blacks/Browns blamed
2008: Bear Stearns dies (and rightfully so) Lehman dies (again rightfully so.) Merril Lynch dies. Lots of Wall Sters shit their pants. Golden Sackers sucks at Fed Teat thanks to ex Golden Sackers at the helm of the Treasury Dept. Bush sticks head in the sand.
2009: Barry launches stimulus. Because GOPers and Blue Dogs get all pissy about tax increases and recinding tax cuts to Eelights who bought them. 1/2 Tax Cuts. Smarter economists say this is not enough.
2011: Smarter economists correct. GOPers and Blue Dogs and MSM who cheerleaded most of this shit now dance to deflect blame to Barry the sometimes Ball-less.

PalinPussyPower August 4, 2011 at 4:50 pm

You forgot the intervening blowjob.

ManchuCandidate August 4, 2011 at 5:15 pm

From the economic narrative it was a sideshow that was done by GOPers jealous Bubbha had younger women throwing themselves at his dick.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 4, 2011 at 4:56 pm

I'll add one more – post 9/11, fed starts cutting fed funds interest rates. And again. And again. This fuels the housing bubble while making the economy look as if it's growing.

2004-2006: slowly raise interest rates because they know they've made a rather large booboo and almost all economic growth is a byproduct of artificially low interest rates. Consumer confidence is up because consumers are fucking idiots and are using HELOCs to buy Hummers and bass boats.

2008: Ooops. Interest rate goes to virtually zero. Last-gasp macroeconomic tool now gathering dust in the garage because it's of no use. At this point, the people responsible for the artificial growth post 9/11 should be taken out and shot, but that's just wishful thinking.

ManchuCandidate August 4, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Yeah. I agree the idiots who caused this should be shot, but unfortunately we all gotta eat this gimungo shit sandwich.

Sue4466 August 4, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Do you keep a running tally or did you just type all this out in one rant?

Either way, win.

ManchuCandidate August 4, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Typed all out, based on conversations from multiple people who know better than I.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 4, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Manchu, I believe you have forgotten one.

February, 2010: President Obama created a bipartisan deficit panel, co-chaired by asshole Republican former Senator Alan Simpson and Erskine Bowles, a person known in the last decade only because he calls himself a Democrat and hates Social Security.
~

V572 Coif of Destiny August 4, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Doesn't count because no one listened to them, in no small part because Simpson makes bin Laden seem personable.

riverside68 August 4, 2011 at 5:05 pm

If at first you do not suceed (in destroying the economy)

Try, try again.

American persistance paying off!

orygoon August 4, 2011 at 5:36 pm

I see that you ever so charitably did not date this back to the deregulation of the S&Ls.

ManchuCandidate August 4, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Yeah, I could go back there too, but that was a time when bankers could go to jail and that was a giant shit sandwich, too.

Chet Kincaid August 4, 2011 at 5:58 pm

James Ellroy, is that you?

GeoatBeck August 4, 2011 at 6:32 pm

And some here will buy into your fantasy. Maybe more logical heads will go find out really how we got here.

glamourdammerung August 4, 2011 at 6:49 pm

And if your fantasy was valid, those logical heads certainly are not going to be Big Failure trolls.

Doktor Zoom August 4, 2011 at 6:54 pm

I think it was probably the Jews. Or poor people. You know how they pretty much have control over the economy, those poor people, what with their stubborn refusal to work and get rich. If only they'd take three more subminimum wage jobs….

Fukui_sanYesOta August 4, 2011 at 7:03 pm

and PAY THEIR DAMN TAXES!!!! Stupid freeloading poors. </idiot>

glamourdammerung August 4, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Well, we will never know since all our Breitard was able to muster was a feeble insult about how we are all wrong, but no actual reality-based reason why.

flamingpdog August 4, 2011 at 8:01 pm

OHMIDARWIN, I wasn't paying attention and just upfisted the troll! We just gots to bring back the downfist so someone with a functioning brain could fix my mistake. Can I blame it on O'Bomber?

ManchuCandidate August 4, 2011 at 8:46 pm

I won't hold it against you.

SayItWithWookies August 5, 2011 at 12:32 am

So your answer is "I don't have any idea what happened, but that can't be right?" Hmmmm…

ManchuCandidate August 5, 2011 at 7:06 am

He does not comprehend because there is no chalkboard filled with crazy shit about Bilderbergs, Masons, ACORN, Kenyans and Reverse Vampires plus he believes that rich white people would never fuck him over cause they're so honest and hardworking

What's funny is that Breitard thinks he's (snicker) logical.

Dashboard_Jesus August 5, 2011 at 12:52 am

oh yeah, and MAYBE if you pulled yer head outta yer ass once in awhile for some fresh air your 'ill-logical' brain might just get enough oxygen to reverse the degenerative mental retardation you are obviously experiencing asshole, also…too :)

ManchuCandidate August 5, 2011 at 8:15 am

Ah Goat boy we meet again.

Is it a fantasy because it's not outlined in Cheeto dust and on a chalkboard?

What do you have big guy? Can you outline why you think we're all gonna eat a big shit sandwich?

A lot of this information is in the public records. The congressional debates surrounding relaxing of public accounting rules happened in 1993-4 and those for derivative regulation occurred in the mid 90s. Glass Steagal which helped keep banks from acting as investment banks and insurance companies (and visa versa) was removed by the Gramm–Leach–Bliley Act. Gramm-Leach-Billey were all GOPers (it's all in the public records.) The removal of this allowed banks to run amok and make unwise investments with your money and our money and heavily lobbied for by the banking industry. I didn't pull this out of my ass. This is PUBLIC RECORD.

As for the other stuff. Do you even read? You know… books? I'll bet your bookshelf is lined with drivel from Hannity, Beck, Coulter, gun catalogs, an unread bible, Readers Digest and even a Stephen Ambrose "history", but I'm pretty damn sure that there is nothing that could be considered a well researched book. After I lost a lot of money in the stock market, I spent a lot of money buying books on various financial scandals to get a better understanding of why I lost. I read those written by Wall St Insiders. Hell I even contacted classmates and friends who worked in the financial markets and talked to them.

Did you?

Of course not. Liebruls are to blame and that's it in your small simple world.

Iraqinam has cost the US America 1.1-1.5 Trillion dollars (depending on who you talk to.)

I happen to read a lot of military history. Do you know how many times in history that a nation has gone to war and cut taxes? Only once… yup US America in 2002–I'll bet you loved the W tax cuts too. The reason why no one else did was because weapons, fuel, ammo, food, oil, gas, spare parts, salaries, bulletproof vests, helmets, uniforms, bandages, canteens, jet engines, bombs, Anti-IED gizmos, weapons manufacturer CEO salaries, defective bulletproof vest manufacturer CEOs salaries, healthcare costs, over priced mercenary companies, MASH units, etc all cost money you know. That was a war you supported, man. WAR is an expensive business yet you wanted tax cuts. The least a civilian can do in a time of war is help pay for it (not just put a cheap ass Chinese made yellow ribbon on your pickup truck) but you wanted tax cuts. A lot of fathers, mothers, sons and daughters (some you probably know) died for and because of those tax cuts.

Those very people who pushed for those tax cuts are the same ones who bank rolled your precious teabaggers and spoon feed you your "newz." Again, it's on the public record if you wanted to read it.

You have been lied to, abused and yet you'll eat it up because you can't let go of your fantasies, Goatboy.

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 8:24 am

Make it plain, now!

GOPCrusher August 5, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Fucking libruls and their gotcha history.

GeoatBeck August 7, 2011 at 9:05 am

Why do you stop at the 90's? What about 1973? Who exploited this? We know where forgetting history gets us and what opportunity it gives those who want us to skip over it. So you fast forward and cherry pick.This is not the first time these things have happened. Who relaxed the safeguards after the great depression? Who exploited this? I spelled out all of this many times (part of public record). The Tea Party Americans are self-motivated and this ain't Haight / Ashbury. You should watch "Hippies" on the HIstory channel. Explains a about those pushing the libprog agenda.

ManchuCandidate August 8, 2011 at 10:11 am

Of course it's not. Let's see 1973. Combined oil shock with cost of the Vietnam war. 1936… relaxed regulations… that would be the GOP again. That again would be Wall St (who bankrolled this mess and many others in the past 100 or so years.)

And the 80s when Ronald Reagan let Wall St run the Treasury Dept.

Cherry Pick? The seeds of the current mess were done in the 90s. By that time, most of the damage from the previous crises was dealt with.

It's funny that you keep using self motivated for Teabaggers. Where was the outcry about fiscal deregulation and fiscal misdeeds or crying about the Credit limit which was raised 9 times during the Bush era? BTW, any event not run by Dick Armey's team of lobbyists has blown up into a comedic mess. See Weekend in Las Vegas.

Chet Kincaid August 4, 2011 at 7:04 pm

ManchuCandidate, meet powersuit below. H/she completes you.

CapnFatback August 4, 2011 at 4:38 pm

More like the DOWN Jones, amirite? HEH HEH HEH
Heh
H-

Anyone wanna buy a pencil?

Barb August 4, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Will you take payments?

CapnFatback August 4, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Here's a tip: I can give you a reduced rate cuz I like ya, but you'd have to pay points.

CapnFatback August 4, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Boy, I was afraid that joke would go over like a lead balloon.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 4, 2011 at 4:43 pm

I've got apples. Their only $5.00 American, but I'll sell for $3.50 Canadian!

Fukui_sanYesOta August 4, 2011 at 4:45 pm

S&P now just going to be called the P

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 7:44 pm

So it's true. The Poorz really do control the economy.

Doktor Zoom August 4, 2011 at 4:50 pm

I'm going to start selling pencil derivatives and clean up.

flamingpdog August 4, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Just your luck, the economy will totally go in the crapper and all your gains will be erased.

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 7:45 pm

I think you need eraser derivatives to clean up.

Thurman Munster IV August 4, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Is it covered with Santorum brand Jelly?

Hey guys, ya gotta laugh. Or gag

imissopus August 4, 2011 at 5:09 pm

I'll trade you one pencil today for an anus burger next Tuesday.

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Barter a dozen for one small apple?

Hurricane Ali August 4, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Your more ritzy poors can get artisanal pencils.

SorosBot August 4, 2011 at 4:39 pm

The economy may be cratering again, but at least we don't have to face the great injustice of forcing the rich to face a slightly higher top marginal tax rate, and oil and farm subsidies still stand!

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 4, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Yep. Wouldn't want to get in between the rich and all those jobs they have been creating since Bush took office and cut their tax rates.

SorosBot August 4, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Yeah, then unemployment might be high!

SexySmurf August 4, 2011 at 4:40 pm

If only we had cut Granny's Medicare…

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 7:17 pm

There's still time!

emmelemm August 4, 2011 at 7:32 pm

SuperCongress powers, activate!

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Shape of : Stupidity! Form of: Cowardice!

tihond August 4, 2011 at 4:40 pm

STOCK LIBEL!

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 4, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I for one await the GOP's explanation of why, once the stimulus plan was over, we returned to Bush Fiscal Policies, and the GOP has demanded and gotten reductions in spending, that we have returned to exactly the place we were before Obama. In a rotten economy with the markets crashing.

Of course, I am sure they will simply say it is because Obama is black put us down the road to Socialism.

prommie August 4, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Its because of the mess you liberals had made the last 70 years, you socialist, the invisible hand is magic, but its sloooooow magic, takes it some time to work.

Chet Kincaid August 4, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Show me on the Dow where the Invisible Hand touched you.

ManchuCandidate August 4, 2011 at 11:28 pm

My pension got fisted in the asshole by the Invisible Hand.

Mumbletypeg August 4, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Will Bono be the opening act for Barry's "I'm Bringing SexyYour Jobs Back" tour that kicks off next week? Sasha or Malia'd probably veto that idea.. "His name rhymes with mono, Dad, and his band is called 'youtube,' how lame…"

Tundra Grifter August 4, 2011 at 4:43 pm

At least DB Cooper had a parachute.

WhatTheHeck August 4, 2011 at 5:00 pm

yeah. But he ended up hanging from the tree-top by his parachute with the money falling to the ground and him not able to hang on to his ill-gotten gains. Wait. That sound like the market today.

DoktorThompson August 4, 2011 at 5:21 pm

And a pile of money.

Tundra Grifter August 4, 2011 at 7:43 pm

Probably not enough to soften his landing.

BaldarTFlagass August 4, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Maybe Ken will come back and post something comforting.

prommie August 4, 2011 at 5:00 pm

He always gives me the warm fuzzies. I'm buying a 50 pound sack of rice and a 50 pound sack of beans on the way home. I'll have 6 months or so, anyway.

GuyClinch August 4, 2011 at 5:21 pm

You might consider stocking up on air freshener while you're at it.

Sharkey August 4, 2011 at 8:40 pm

Yeah, Ken's posts are the best! Why is it that reading depressing things makes me happy… it makes no sense…

Chillwaver August 4, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Dow Jones goes down, my planned retirement age goes up. You can't explain it.

prommie August 4, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Who put dat dere?

102415 August 4, 2011 at 9:40 pm

It's like the tides. No one can explain it!

hollywooddood August 4, 2011 at 4:46 pm

I kinda liked him when he went all metal.

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 7:46 pm

Although his cover of Deep Purple's "Smoke On The Water" – uh uh uh.

metamarcisf August 4, 2011 at 4:48 pm

It is times like these that we need the twisted inspiration of Sara Benincasa. I hear they might let her out on Black Friday.

PalinPussyPower August 4, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Any stock from publicly traded pr0n companies going for cheap? This might be my chance to take the money out from under my mattress and buy into something useful.

Barrelhse August 4, 2011 at 5:51 pm

You may want to glove-up and bring a scraper when you go for that money.

inapewetrust August 4, 2011 at 4:48 pm

man, who knew that obama calling wall street fat cats "fat cats" that one singular time would cause such nonstop economic devastation? that's what's causing all this, right? i mean, steve wynn said so, and he's the smartest man in las vegas!

comrad_darkness August 5, 2011 at 12:05 am

The smartest man in Las Vegas would never step foot in Las Vegas. So I call bullshit.

gurukalehuru August 4, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Well, since I don't own stocks I'm not really concerned about this and I'm going to go wildly OT, also since I'm too lazy to figure out the tips thingie. Maine Governor Paul LePrick, who is probably America's 2nd fattest governor, has taken an unbelievably stupid position once again. (hint – he hates trees even more than Ronald Reagan) http://www.gurukalehuru.com

donner_froh August 4, 2011 at 7:25 pm

That might be the most insane thing a Republican has done the last couple of hours.

Private citizen: I have 70,000 acres of forested land I would like to donate to the Federal Government for a national park and $40,000,000 I would like to donate for its upkeep.

All the Republicans in Maine: Fuck you, lady. Keep your forests and your money.

jodyleek August 5, 2011 at 9:36 am

Ugh. What a jerk. I say run Pepe Le Pew down and beat him about the head and neck with a copy of The Lorax. Not that he would understand the message of the book, but just an excuse to beat him about the head and neck really.

WhatTheHeck August 4, 2011 at 4:53 pm

The stock market sometimes behaves like a fish market.

comrad_darkness August 5, 2011 at 12:04 am

Too subtle!

flamingpdog August 4, 2011 at 4:53 pm

“Dow goes up, Dow goes down. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that. You can’t explain why the Dow goes down.”

- Bill O'Greenspan.

Doktor Zoom August 4, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Gosh. If only someone had suggested that we learn from the economic example of 1936-37.

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Or even 2008.

Guppy06 August 4, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Time to slash Medicare for the sake of another bank bailout!

Fukui_sanYesOta August 4, 2011 at 5:09 pm

and don't forget, at times of high unemployment, destroy social security! the problem sort of fixes itself then.

oh, remember when GWB wanted to privatize SS? bang it all in the market? good times, good times.

GOPCrusher August 4, 2011 at 5:22 pm

I wonder if Herman Cain is re-thinking his "privatize" Social Security stance now?

emmelemm August 4, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Nope.

/Republicans don't "rethink" based on facts, evidence or experience

Fukui_sanYesOta August 4, 2011 at 5:29 pm

He probably thinks that injecting vast boatloads of our money into the markets would provide a fantastic stimulus for the economy, and not just get instantly stolen by pricks on the Street.

Doktor Zoom August 4, 2011 at 6:20 pm

They're really big on faith-based economics.

Guppy06 August 4, 2011 at 5:24 pm

"Rethink" implies there was thought to begin with.

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Yes. He's rethinking shouting it louder the next time around.

glamourdammerung August 4, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Who would have ever guessed that screwing the middle class to the point where most of them have lost their money and/or jobs would ever negatively impact our consumption based economy?

Besides every real economist and person with common sense?

smitallica August 4, 2011 at 4:59 pm

I look forward to this being blamed on Obama by the party that forced him into the shitty debt deal. You'd almost think that was their plan all along, y'know, in order to make him a one-term president. Luckily, the Senate Minority leader never actually stated that that was their sole legislative goal. Except when he did. Repeatedly.

GOPCrusher August 4, 2011 at 5:24 pm

I have no doubt that within the hour, Michele Bachmann will issue a statement claiming that the downturn in the stock market is directly tied to the fact the debt ceiling was raised.

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 7:51 pm

She's already said it's all Barry's fault. Does she have to get specific, or what?

Chet Kincaid August 4, 2011 at 7:28 pm

You know, it's probably in the best interest of progressives to actually work with the Old Turtle on that plan. It may be necessary to engage in some short-term tactical alliances with those we fundamentally disagree with in every way to get Obama's attention.

mumbly_joe August 4, 2011 at 8:55 pm

This is good news for Jane Hamsher

Monsieur_Grumpe August 4, 2011 at 5:01 pm

But the rich are spending more! Everything is OK folks. Nothing to see here. Carry on and don't look at your retirement funds.
http://www.startribune.com/business/126738873.htm

hagajim August 4, 2011 at 5:04 pm

The richies are just setting up the inevitable revolt that gets them all Marie Antonette'd – if they can't get out of country fast enough.

Rotundo_ August 4, 2011 at 5:02 pm

30 Years of conservative economic theory come to fruition. Yep, all those tax cuts for all those years have made us the economic force we are today. The money people are Winning!

powersuit August 4, 2011 at 5:02 pm

So here are the 3-and-a-half pillars of the global economy:
(1) Japan: shit sandwich; afraid to do anything at all; still trying to scrub plutonium off of the Yen bill
(2) Europe: Shit sandwich; years of excessive partying and waiting for others do to the work catching up to it;
(3) US: shit sandwich; years of lousy fiscal policy favoring the gild-the-lily crowd catching up to it; corrective efforts held by the shorthairs by angry mouthbreathers who think they are entitled to not to pay any taxes;
(1/2)* China: things are getting a little hot; who cares, though? They'll just go Picasso on their currency valuation, stick it to some poor workers, and they'll be back in the game.

(*1/2 because China plays the global economy with monopoly money where the rest of us deal in cold, hard cash)

Chet Kincaid August 4, 2011 at 7:04 pm

powersuit, meet ManchuCandidate above. H/she completes you.

johnnyzhivago August 4, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Hey, as a confirmed member of the Gild The Lily Crowd, I resent your tone.

hagajim August 4, 2011 at 5:03 pm

I guess that Wall Street reacted – now that the uncertainty of the debt ceiling crisis is behind us. FUCK!!

Sue4466 August 4, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Has anyone else paused to reflect that we're spending $30 million/day because the GOP didn't want to pass a bill that would continue to subsidize rural airport at a cost of $16 million.

AND that these are the same assholes who fought to ensure continuation of corporate jet tax breaks by claiming $3 BILLION isn't all that much money.

If only the Koch Bros flew into Bumfuck Airport more often, the FAA wouldn't be sidelined right now.

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 7:54 pm

If only the Koch Bros flew into Bumfuck Airport

If only they'd fly straight into a mountain.

flamingpdog August 4, 2011 at 8:10 pm

Why do you hate mountains?

MiniMencken August 4, 2011 at 5:07 pm

I'm afraid I'm going to have to start eating my polo ponies.

imissopus August 4, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Hobo beans! Get yer hobo beans here! Three cans for an Amero!

GOPCrusher August 4, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Apple cores! Apple cores! I've got apple cores!

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Mmm. Momma said the core is the best part!

flamingpdog August 4, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Of cores it is!

Negropolis August 5, 2011 at 1:18 am

I've got pizza crusts, right here! With a used tissue on them, even!

riverside68 August 4, 2011 at 5:10 pm

ha ha ha ha I took 20% out of the market last week

boho boho boho I left 80% in the market.

But that 20% means I can buy a round of hobo beans for the house!

Belly up to the bar right now!

Smitros August 4, 2011 at 5:11 pm

I long for a kinder, gentler time of belugas and mariachis.

finallyhappy August 4, 2011 at 5:11 pm

time for me to start the blog for us retired seniors on how to get discounts on cat and dog food and where to get the sturdiest cardboard boxes

SayItWithWookies August 4, 2011 at 5:17 pm

First, I hope stocks are taking a dive directly because all those businesses that were shorting the dollar in collusion with Boehner et. al. in the hopes of a collapse get theirs. The Euro getting shaky is ostensibly the reason for this, but if it was, a secondary cause could be that this would make the dollar stronger by comparison.
Second, the corporate weasels who've been sitting on all that cash instead of hiring us workers deserve it. My money evaporated from the stock market a while ago, and besides, the stock market isn't the economy anyway. When it was soaring while the economy was in the shitter it didn't make non-investors feel any better. Maybe the powers that be will focus on some real solutions and give up voodoo for a little while.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 4, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Wookies, the market is taking a dive because the Administration and the Republicans and the press have all been focused on "austerity".

There is a person who has been right all along about this, his name is Paul Krugman.

But he's just a silly-assed liberal with a "PhD", and so hahaha fuck him, right?

And when the Democratic party goes down in flames in 2012, it will all be P.K.'s fault. (Also Jane Hamsher, and The Left, and firebaggers, etc.)
~

SayItWithWookies August 4, 2011 at 5:38 pm

That's funny, 'cause even though they mention our crummy "recovery," the BBC seems to think the Eurozone crisis is more pertinent. The WaPo seems to think both the US and European economies have something to do with this.

Additionally, it was corporate investors who most favored the idiotic austerity measures that were just passed with the debt deal — but the debt deal hasn't taken effect yet, so I'd attribute it more to events that have actually had an impact on the economy, namely the Euro staggering.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 4, 2011 at 5:47 pm

I agree that the U.S. and European economies have something to do with this. If only Obama were a Senator or a House Representative, you know, someone with actual power.

But I will not agree with you in saying that corporate investors favored the idiotic measures that were just passed anymore than Obama and the people he listens to.

Corporate investors, Obama, and his advisers are all the same. Stupid, shortsighted greedheads.

Who told us we need to eat our peas?
~

SayItWithWookies August 4, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Obama's "eat your peas" remark was made while he was explaining that the Republicans have to accede to some tax hikes they don't want just like the Democrats accepted spending cuts they didn't want. The teabaggers right now are upset that the group of six senators and representatives is allowed to even consider closing some huge loopholes or even raising taxes right now — so yes indeed, Obama was more in favor of raising taxes than the right.

Chet Kincaid August 4, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Please game out this scenario where Obama "listened to Krugman" and demanded our ideal policies. Explain in detail how he would have persuaded a hostile Republican Party, Tea Party and Blue Dog Democrats to back Krugmanomics. I want to know exactly the obvious steps that idiot, spineless, ball-less sellout Obama would have taken to avoid these crises which you and others have been telling us over and over are solely and completely caused by his moral failings. Be convincing!

mumbly_joe August 4, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Honestly? I'll bite.

1) Ask for roughly twice the stimulus he actually did ask for, knowing full well it would be negotiated down anyway. That was an unforced error, and he honestly wasn't enough of a political neophyte for it to be excusable. The American public is completely innumerate when we're talking sums in this scale, and haters were gonna hate whether he asked for a million dollars of stimulus or a trillion. Getting the stimulus right would have cost him nothing, politically.

2) Not frontload the stimulus as much as it was. The biggest problem with the stimulus other than the "way too small" problem is and has been that most of the stimulative elements took place in the first year or so, resulting in another precipitous drop-off of productivity, a year or two later (i.e, now).

3) Related to 1) and 2), not pretend the negotiated package was Just Right and not woefully insufficient for the shortfall in the economy, when it really was obvious that it was- Obama left himself zero room to negotiate additional stimulus if the need did materialize (as it has!)

4) Not sabotage the more comprehensive health care proposals before they left the gate. Not only would a more comprehensive, more rapidly deployed health care plan have been more stimulative, but one that, say, worked by expanding Medicare would have left Medicare unassailable in the near term. Not only would it have deprived the 2010 teabaggers of some credibility to the "he's taking away Medicare" rallying lie, but compare the plausibility of serious, deep, program-altering cuts to Medicare to the likelihood that baggers actually will succeed in "repealing Obamacare". One of those has a much better shot than the other, right?

mumbly_joe August 4, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Note also that 1, 3, and especially 4 are all things he could have done before 2010 that would have helped cut out the legs from beneath the teabag party in some small way. Which in turn means fewer seats turned over in 2010, which means a better congressional environment over the past year.

OH YEAH SPEAKING OF WHICH:

5) Actually campaign in 2010 to help at-risk Dems keep their seats. As president, he's the de facto leader of the party, and that means he needs to be a goddamn politician sometimes.

bagofmice August 4, 2011 at 9:20 pm

So "the Carter maneuver", ideally done wearing a sweater.

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 10:03 am

Hey Mumbles, thanks for taking the time to actually think through a position instead of just emoting through a bunch of "Obama is Satan" bullshit. Respect.

GOPCrusher August 5, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Although there were several economists that stated that there would need to be even more stimulus spending than the 900 billion that was requested, I'm not sure that even more would have helped, since it's obvious that the private sector has made it apparent that they are more interested in hoarding their gold than spending it to put people to work.
Until someone convinces the private sector it's in their best interest to start spending some of that moldy money, there won't be a meaningful sustained recovery.
And the Republiklans stated right from the very start that their number one goal is to ensure that President Obama is a one term President. Even if it take destroying the American economy to do it.

imissopus August 5, 2011 at 3:03 pm

If you don't frontload the stimulus, then what's the point of it? The idea is to get as much money into the economy as quickly as possible. If you set aside $500 billion for stimulus and announce you're holding back on $250 billion of that for a year or more, you're not doing yourself much good.

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 8:28 pm

Explain in detail how he would have persuaded a hostile Republican Party, Tea Party and Blue Dog Democrats to back Krugmanomics.

He doesn't have to persuade them. He doesn't even have to win all the time. But can't he at least mention that maybe we don't like the taste when the other side is making us eat a shit sandwich? No, he's all like: "A Win for the Economy and Budget Discipline".

At this point he is all phony optimism and "American people" this and "our economy" that… just ugh. Enough with this above the fray bullshit. Time to be honest. Time to say "Shit is not going well for a lot of people." He starts from there, then he can figure out, in detail, how to proceed.

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 11:26 pm

"He doesn't have to persuade them. He doesn't even have to win all the time. But can't he at least mention that maybe we don't like the taste when the other side is making us eat a shit sandwich?"

So that's the essence of your discontent, that he didn't put on enough of a show for you, not that he could have been more persuasive of the other Power-Possessors in achieving a better outcome. For myself, I would take more "persuasion" and "winning," if anybody had a serious critique of his behavior and tactics, based on the facts on the ground, that would have gotten us more of what we wanted.

imissopus August 5, 2011 at 3:21 pm

This thread has started running far afield from this point, which I think is important: Krugman is a brilliant economist, but he is NOT A POLITICIAN. It's all well and good for him to sit in his office and say that Obama needs to push a bigger stimulus or whatever, but he's not the one who has to negotiate with Congress and it's Teatard contingent. Sure, Obama could have asked for $2 trillion in stimulus knowing he wouldn't get more than half that…or maybe he would have gotten nothing because even the moderates in Congress would have thought that $1 trillion was too much. He and his advisers went with what they thought they could get, and maybe they thought it was enough, and obviously they were wrong about that (all this presumes that $1 trillion or even $2 trillion would have been enough.)

I really don't get why the Krugman Kult wants to keep arguing about this, or about the public option (I'll also note that even Krugman would probably tell you he's not a health-care policy expert and also wrote a column after the ACA passed in which he said while it's not as far to the left as he would prefer, it was a really good start.) I like Krugman and agree with his policy views most of the time, but I hardly ever read him anymore because so many of his columns and blog posts are of the "I told you so" variety, which just keeps his readers in a high state of dudgeon about the fact that Obama didn't follow his advice. What is that good for, besides starting arguments on Wonkette?

mumbly_joe August 4, 2011 at 8:43 pm

You know, I happen to be bitter and angry that Obama isn't the lefty I voted for, and I do happen to be an ardent follower of PK's stuff (my beloved college macro prof was basically Krugman without the Nobel), BUT:

I don't actually mind noting that Jane Hamsher's political instincts (let's collab with GROVER FUCKING NORQUIST to claim a scalp from the Obama administration! Let's work together with the tea party to further their political agenda while giving the rebranded same-old-movement-conservatives "bipartisan" cover!) are dead-wrong so frequently that it honestly gives credence to the notion that she's trying to sabotage the Left from within.

I mean, goodness, Firebagger was a term first used, on FDL, by Hamsher, to describe her fantasy of teabaggers and the FDLocytes arm-in-arm working to primary Democrats and thwart the White House. There's a pretty obvious reason this morphed into a term of abuse for FDL in rapid course.

BlueStateLibel August 4, 2011 at 7:26 pm

The weird thing is, when you think about it, voodoo probably is a lot more effective than teatard economic policy.

Voodoo libel!

not that Dewey August 4, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Does this mean I have to give up my country club membership?

rocktonsam August 4, 2011 at 5:48 pm

no way I 'm giving up my caddy

I'll take 2 cases of hobo beans please.

On my tab. also.

mumbly_joe August 4, 2011 at 5:19 pm

I'm pretty sure none of this woudl have happened if we'd just converted Social Security and Medicare into stock portfolios instead like Dubya and Paul Ryan want.

No wait, it'd actually be much much worse.

BTWBFDIMHO August 4, 2011 at 5:20 pm

If Europe is now the Eurozone, what are we, the Teatardzone?

Fukui_sanYesOta August 4, 2011 at 5:37 pm

"fucked"

SorosBot August 4, 2011 at 5:52 pm

We're riding through the danger zone.

AJWjr. August 4, 2011 at 6:04 pm

I sure hope I get to go through it with pre-lesbian-phase Kelly McGillis.

imissopus August 4, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Take my breath..and my job…and my house…awaaaaaaay….

littlebigdaddy August 4, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Fuckwadistan.

Hurricane Ali August 4, 2011 at 8:18 pm

We have always been at war with Teatardasia.

Negropolis August 5, 2011 at 1:19 am

Nah, we're in the Twilight Zone, now.

Callyson August 4, 2011 at 5:25 pm

The only thing we have to fear is…
…fuck it, we have everything to fear at this point…

jus_wonderin August 4, 2011 at 5:31 pm

………..Rmagedn!Rmagedn!Rmagedn!Rmagedn!RRRR

Hurricane Ali August 4, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Are you wishing the Wonkeratti Mubarak Ramadan? Thank you and same to you.

orygoon August 4, 2011 at 8:56 pm

Is it Talk Like A Pirate Day again, already?

KochsuCker August 4, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Well I think you have a lot of people who were holding short positions betting that the gov't would screw the pooch and not raise the debt ceiling. So we have the huge funds forcing prices down so they could cover their shorts w/out getting reamed.

Eve8Apples August 4, 2011 at 5:33 pm

I'd like to see that video of Mitch McConnell and Johnny Boehner thanking the Tea Party Republicans for bringing their fiscal wisdom to Washington. High fives and reach arounds for everyone!

mumbly_joe August 4, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Dow goes up, dow goes down. Jobs go out, jobs go out. You can't explain that!

DahBoner August 4, 2011 at 7:19 pm

Unemployment goes up. People get discouraged. People stop looking. Unemployment rate goes down. It's just a natural cycle.

BarackMyWorld August 4, 2011 at 5:38 pm

I'm sure the media will try to uncover the real causes of this and not just document the resulting partisan bickering and fingerpointing, and then have various non-experts on their talkshows to regurgitate talking points without any thought to whether their comments are accurate or not.

jus_wonderin August 4, 2011 at 5:40 pm

You might like the series I am reading. It is about a boy that won a TimeJump contest in the year 14 billion and 74. It a cool read. <g>

mumbly_joe August 4, 2011 at 5:41 pm

I'm pretty sure this happened because Obama thought a mean thought about a businessman once today.

There! Now I can claim that every Sunday political show guest is plagarising my work, this weekend.

orygoon August 4, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Mammon wept.

iburl August 4, 2011 at 5:40 pm

When the market dips like this, it's buying time for the major players. This little dip is music to the plutocrats' ears.

not that Dewey August 4, 2011 at 5:40 pm

Somewhat O/T: I received my copy of Ken Layne's Dygnyty: Dyspatches from Dystopia yesterday. I couldn't be happier. I now have a roadmap to post-apocalyptic bliss!

jus_wonderin August 4, 2011 at 5:59 pm

Does it have one of those transparent sections with layers of a disected frog????

not that Dewey August 4, 2011 at 7:52 pm

No. Does yours? I'm so jealous.

DahBoner August 4, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Does it have survival tips like how to take a hot shower using only plastic garbage bags and a plastic spray bottle?

not that Dewey August 4, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Ken Layne does not believe in plastic. He'll have your head for that, heretic!

DashboardBuddha August 4, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Fuck that noise…if I'm going to be reduced to being clean once per week, I'm going to fucking well use a black plastic garbage bag and a sprinkler head.

not that Dewey August 5, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Existence is suffering.

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 8:56 pm

That could come in handy in the New Austerity Era.

flamingpdog August 4, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Does it have edible pages?

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 8:57 pm

It would cost a lot more if it did.

not that Dewey August 5, 2011 at 9:01 am

God, I sure hope so.

orygoon August 4, 2011 at 5:55 pm

UPFISTS FOR EVERYONE! AND YOU CAN TAKE IT TO THE BANK!!!!

axmxz August 4, 2011 at 5:56 pm

11-dimensional chess player Barry sez: you broke it, you bought it assholes! Good luck in 2012.

metamarcisf August 4, 2011 at 6:07 pm

On the bright side, the Westboro Baptist Church has announced plans to protest the funerals in Norway, saying God sent this guy (Brevik? Breitbart?) to punish Norway for their tolerance of homosexuality. Where's Bryan Fischer when we need him?

Doktor Zoom August 4, 2011 at 6:35 pm

I'm sure the nice married lesbian couple who saved 40 kids from Utoya Island will be glad to hear that.

Of course, all they did was to make four trips back and forth to the island in their homo-boat, which actually came under fire from Breivik. Instead of all that sinful heroism, they should have been repenting and turning to Christ, right?

As I've said before, one of the downsides to atheism is not being able to take any satisfaction from the thought of Fred Phelps and family going to hell for their hate.

Hurricane Ali August 4, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Thank you. You beat me to it and said it way more elegantly.

SayItWithWookies August 4, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Holy two-sizes-too-big-for-the-narrative, Batman! I knew nothing about these two until just now. That's amazing and heroic and inspiring. And fucking shameful on the part of our media. Thanks for the link.

As for an upside to atheism, there's always the bit where the Phelps family, after they die, simply rot in the ground without awareness, afterlife, or heavenly glorification of any kind. It kinda gives me a little boost.

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Would it be illegal for Norway to arrest them and throw them all off a fijord?

I think this is a gray area of international law that should really be explored.

flamingpdog August 5, 2011 at 12:30 am

Have you been thrown into a Fjord lately?

zhubajie August 5, 2011 at 10:55 am

No, they can do what they like in their own country. I propose making them eat a lutefisk lunch first, then a compulsory swim in near freezing water.

zhubajie August 5, 2011 at 10:54 am

Will Norway let them in?

BTWBFDIMHO August 4, 2011 at 6:07 pm

The Dow will recover on Monday, after Perry's praying.

DahBoner August 4, 2011 at 7:21 pm

"The Dow will recover on Monday, after Perry's praying."

Unfortunately, the collection plate will be a little lighter after Perry's preying…

mumbly_joe August 4, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Fortunately, something will trickle down to us little people, after Perry's spraying.

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 8:00 pm

The country will recover on Monday, after Perry's spaying.

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 9:00 pm

That means we're *really* fucked. How long has he been praying for rain?

Nostrildamus August 4, 2011 at 6:08 pm

The emergence of Santorum jelly has caused a national panic.

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 8:00 pm

God. Gross, where did it emerge from?

WinterOuthouse August 4, 2011 at 6:08 pm

I wonder what the Boner is crying about today. Cigarette prices? Booze costs? Gas for the get away vehicle soaring? What a leader. Slimy orange little bastard. I'd like to shove the fear index up his santorum covered ass.

emmelemm August 4, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Tanning booth taxes.

DahBoner August 4, 2011 at 7:23 pm

"Booze costs?"

Bad weather in France raising the price of that Cab Sav to well over $500 per bottle….

Neoyorquino August 4, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Ha! I avoided the rush by getting laid off now.

owhatever August 4, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Teatards win the debt argument. No new taxes for Snoop Dogg or Paris Hilton. Global economy sighs with relief and millions of jobs are created. All is well. Republicans now turn their attention to making sure the Olson twins can afford new stuff. Oh. Wait. Something is going wrong in GOOP happyland.

Fox n Fiends August 4, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Hear that? Its the economy drowning in Grover Norquist's bathtub.

ProudLibunatic August 4, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Sorry this is OT, but I had to tell you guys…
This morning I was in Stanford Ambulatory Surgery with my daughter, (she's fine), feeling guilty about the luxurious surroundings, and reading "The Help," an engrossing novel (white-guilt's wet dream), about segregation in Mississippi in the early 60's. In came a wheelchair, and in it was a black man (about 75 yrs. old), accompanied by his family and someone they just called Reverend. There was a lot of lively chatter, and I was dumbfounded because his voice and accent could have come off the pages I was reading, and I thought of what a world he's seen. It was surreal.
(I know I sound naive, but I was raised overseas, and once in awhile US culture smacks me in the face.)
Also, the book's portrayal of the proto-baggers defying President Kennedy sounded very familiar.

Doktor Zoom August 4, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Indeed. There never was a Golden Age.

I've mentioned this 2010 James Fallows piece before; I find it somewhat comforting when he notes

Through the entirety of my conscious life, America has been on the brink of ruination, or so we have heard, from the launch of Sputnik through whatever is the latest indication of national falling apart or falling behind. Pick a year over the past half century, and I will supply an indicator of what at the time seemed a major turning point for the worse. The first oil shocks and gas-station lines in peacetime history; the first presidential resignation ever; assassinations and riots; failing schools; failing industries; polarized politics; vulgarized culture; polluted air and water; divisive and inconclusive wars. It all seemed so terrible, during a period defined in retrospect as a time of unquestioned American strength. “Through the 1970s, people seemed ready to conclude that the world was coming to an end at the drop of a hat,” Rick Perlstein, the author of Nixonland, told me. “Thomas Jefferson was probably sure the country was going to hell when John Adams supported the Alien and Sedition Acts,” said Gary Hart, the former Democratic senator and presidential candidate. “And Adams was sure it was going to hell when Thomas Jefferson was elected president.”

scionkirk August 4, 2011 at 6:47 pm

damnit, I just KNEW this was going to happen if gay people started getting married.

SaintRond August 4, 2011 at 6:59 pm

I know of some banos in old Mexico that are so fucking disgusting you have to see it to believe it. The worst one is this Pulqueria in Juarez where these rascal teenagers think it's really funny to roll severed heads in through the front door and watch everyone freak out.

Anyway, the toilet also serves as a shower and a vomitorium. I don't know if those are maggots on the floor or intestinal parasites looking for a place to live. But I want all you suffering gringos to know that each and every one of you are invited to come on down and clean it up. We pay scale so everything's on the up and up. Oh, and use your tongues please. It's greener that way.

DahBoner August 4, 2011 at 7:16 pm

I've been saying this for a few years.

The December 2007 crash was "just another stair step down".

At the beginning of the Great Depression, no one called it a "depression" or even thought it would last more than a year…

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 7:21 pm

From Mr. KenLayIsAlive
Attn; Dear Wonkette

I'm happy to inform you about my success in getting those funds transferred under the cooperation of a new partner from Nigeria. Presently i am in Nigeria for investment projects with my own share of the total sum. mean while,i didn't forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds despite that it failed us some how.Now contact my Manager in LONDON.

Please post your bank information in the replies below, so that I may complete this money transfer! Thank you Mrs. and Mr.s Wonkettes!

V572 Coif of Destiny August 4, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Slightly OT, but who's going to be on the Super Committee? How about:

Republicans & similar:
Steve King, (R, IA)
Louis Gohmert, (R, TX)
Miche1e Bachmann, (R, MN)
Darrell Issa (R, CA)
Joe Lieberman (I, CT)
Mike Crapo (R, ID)

Dems & kindred spirits:
Eni F. H Faleomavaega,.(D, American Samoa)
Bernie Saunders (S, VT)
Al Franken (D, MN)
Chuck Shumer (D, NY)
Eleanor Holmes Norton (D, DC)
Madeleine Bordallo (D, Guam)

This composition should maximize the entertainment value.

johnnyzhivago August 4, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Spongebob Squarepants?

Negropolis August 4, 2011 at 10:34 pm

I'ts going to be six of the most conservative Republican senators, and every bluedog they can find on the Democratic side of things. You know, like usual.

johnnyzhivago August 4, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Lord Abbett Co. in Jersey City, New Jersey manages $110 billion in assets and is concerned about the pending collapse of the West India tea trade, not to mention those Caribbean pirates skirmishing shipping near the Crown colonies.

fuflans August 4, 2011 at 7:36 pm

well you have admit, america was prety exceptional today.

donner_froh August 4, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Set to expire in 2012:

Federal extension for unemployment insurance payments. So you get what the state gives you and nothing else. In Michigan that is now 20 weeks.

The cut in payroll taxes (social security) for those still employed.

The right wing lackeys in congress have begun the drumbeat that extending them for another year would be too expensive.

This would be an obvious fight with good guys and bad guys and should be perfect for the Democrats although they may be too busy sucking Koch to notice.

Radiotherapy® August 4, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Anybody want to buy a yacht?

emmelemm August 4, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Let me just cancel my country club membership and I should free up some capital…

flamingpdog August 5, 2011 at 12:33 am

I have a warehouse full of, um, "liberated" Hoverrounds. Can we work up a trade?

DahBoner August 5, 2011 at 12:29 pm

"Anybody want to buy a yacht?"

Can you get it below wholesale?

V572 Coif of Destiny August 4, 2011 at 7:57 pm

We don't really have to worry, because Nancy Pelosi detailed her plan in an interview today:

[Pelosi] admitted the difficulty of trying to pass jobs legislation when Congress has refused any more spending and when Republicans prioritize preserving the richest Americans' wealth. In a moment of introspection, she wondered out loud about how many homes, pieces of "museum-quality art," or big yachts a person could possibly need. "I have concluded that some of these people want something that is intangible," she said. "Immortality!" But she said she had plans in the works, citing at least four places for bipartisan compromise: infrastructure investment, nudging China on its currency manipulation, "incentivizing" the private sector, and clean energy.

Just "nudge" China! And man, when we start seriously incentivizing the private sector, they'll really start hiring! Just like now!

It's getting harder to be optimistic.

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Haha. Nancy knows rich people, that's for sure.

Sigh.

cheetojeebus August 4, 2011 at 8:07 pm

One fresh dead pigeon ( trapped with a box and stick is best but you can also find em out at the wind farm)
3 packets salt from Burger king
3 packets pepper see above
6 packets ketchup above
1 packet malt vinegar Long John Silver
a pocket full of lard from that big barrel behind popeye's chicken

pluck pigeon and gut
season with S & P
heat lard in hubcap over campfire ( don't make fire over by the old mall, you'll attract too many folks looking for a free meal.)
saute pigeon parts then squirt with ketchup and vinegar
MMMMM tasty

Pigeon-pot Pete, King of that culvert under the I 95 overpass that's always dry

LiveToServeYa August 5, 2011 at 8:39 am

With the Nile virus around, I'd be too afraid my pigeon would be a carrier.

cheetojeebus August 5, 2011 at 9:12 am

Well, then i'd marinade in some Everclear. Serve with Pitas, You can sometimes find some in the dumpster back o the greek pizza place on 5th.

jodyleek August 5, 2011 at 9:28 am

Hey, don't throw out the heart, liver and gizzard. That's the hors d'oeuvres!

cheetojeebus August 5, 2011 at 9:56 am

Oh, I guess you haven't seen my cookbook "Rollin' Along, Hubcap Cuisine by the side of the road" There's a copy scribbled on an old cardboard box in that abandoned Impala at the Stop n Go. I have a whole chapter on Appetizers! "Bugs, Bits and dandelion salad"

mumbly_joe August 5, 2011 at 2:23 pm

But if I use all of my ketchup on the pigeon, then how will I have any left to make hobo wine?

Sharkey August 4, 2011 at 8:14 pm

I tell ya what, my parachute is DEFINITELY golden.

Hurricane Ali August 4, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Haha, time to start taking in wash for a few cents here and there; at least my neighbors across the street are nudists and don't have to worry about that. I can do mending, as well.

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 9:24 pm

Gross. I hope they're at least sometimes washing the skidmarks off their sofa.

BTWBFDIMHO August 4, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Let's have a revolution now, and make the American riches to look like Mubarak in trial.

BTWBFDIMHO August 4, 2011 at 8:35 pm

From Paul Krugman's blog:
OK, OK, we always need to bear in mind Paul Samuelson’s line about how the stock market had predicted nine of the last five recessions.

DahBoner August 5, 2011 at 12:26 pm

That's because SHORT TERM TRADERS are ruining the place….

BigDumbRedDog August 4, 2011 at 8:44 pm

I better start planning now if I'm going to run Bartertown!

BigDumbRedDog August 4, 2011 at 8:49 pm

My 401K : money goes in, balance goes down. Who can explain it?!

DemonicRage August 4, 2011 at 8:51 pm

On the same day, the NY Times had a story about some blonde (very blond, like Princess Diana) shopping for $1495 high-heeled shoes at Bergdorf's, in NYC. Some people are not affected by this unfortunate ripple in the market. Meanwhile, in the Daily News, there's a full page ad from some company that will meet in various hotels all over the state to buy anything of value (gold, watches). Someone's betting on things getting worse.

emmelemm August 4, 2011 at 9:26 pm

some company that will meet in various hotels all over the state to buy anything of value (gold, watches)

Gold teeth, organs… you know, anything of value. Yeah, it's getting worse all right.

bagofmice August 4, 2011 at 9:30 pm

The obvious lesson for us plebes is standard 4chan wisdom.
Tits or GTFO.

mrblifil August 4, 2011 at 9:10 pm

It is for times like these that the internet comes equipped with free porn.

Radiotherapy® August 4, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Mitts Romney is like, "fudge yeah, this is fantastic news!"

Negropolis August 4, 2011 at 9:57 pm

The stock market is the biggest contrived invention this world has ever known. There is no real method to its madness. Invisible Hand of the market, my ass. If it exists, the body that it's attached to is drunk and high as hell most of the time. I fucking hate the stock market.

mumbly_joe August 4, 2011 at 10:39 pm

"When the capital development of a country becomes a by-product of the activities of a casino, the job is likely to be ill-done."

–That dead guy that no economist with actual political influence pays any attention to.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 5, 2011 at 1:15 am

Uppity upfist x stimulus for both him and you

SayItWithWookies August 4, 2011 at 11:44 pm

is drunk and high as hell most of the time.

Oh shit — I knew I was forgetting something today.

Radiotherapy® August 5, 2011 at 2:30 am

If you hate the stock market as a contrivance, please don't delve into the "concept" of derivatives, wherein, the invisible hand becomes an arthritic, warty fisting. Where even the guy who got the blowjob off the Oval Office is afraid he made a huge mistake. Is $300 Trillion enough?

DahBoner August 5, 2011 at 12:25 pm

"I fucking hate the stock market."

Only two rules: Buy Low. Sell high.

crybabyboehner August 4, 2011 at 10:03 pm

As Grandpa always said, "This so-called 'silver lining' is kind of like a reacharound."

Negropolis August 4, 2011 at 10:05 pm

Y'all know what this means, right? Time for the president to both extend and lower Bush-era tax rates!

Radiotherapy® August 4, 2011 at 10:25 pm

How can you raise taxes in this* economic environment?

*Insert recession, surplus, Dow up, Dow down, wartime, peace dividend, bubble, boom, Republican held, Democratic held, Carter, Reagan, Bush Jr., Obama, etc.

mumbly_joe August 4, 2011 at 10:37 pm

Oh, sure, you snark about that, but when was the last time you saw a librul who was willing to cut government spending, in any economic environment?

Oh right, this past Tuesday.

Radiotherapy® August 4, 2011 at 10:48 pm

but when was the last time you saw a Republican who was willing to cut government spending, in any economic environment?
As I've been saying, if these teabaggers want a candidate who cut gov't spending, had low unemployment and balanced a budget, then:

Bill Clinton '12

mumbly_joe August 4, 2011 at 10:57 pm

He also prompted a decade of growth and widespread prosperity that immediately followed him raising taxes. Which makes him an evil Warlock, clearly.

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 11:05 pm

It's about time the Job Creators® got a break!.

Radiotherapy® August 4, 2011 at 11:09 pm

And the poors need to start paying their fair share!

Negropolis August 5, 2011 at 6:12 am

This is why I continue to come to Wonkette. Well played, you guys. You took my rather weak snark-post, and turned it into something worth a visit.

Weenus299 August 4, 2011 at 10:20 pm

We're fucked. This is only the beginning. We're doomed and stuff. I'm trying to be humorous, when in fact, I actually have to go to the bathroom.

rahelio August 4, 2011 at 10:32 pm

If you pray really hard, God will send down a brand new pair of bootstraps – that are, oddly enough, only sold in Super Wal-Marts – from you can pull yourself up.

The instructions come in Mandarin.

DashboardBuddha August 4, 2011 at 10:39 pm

I was talking to a hyper-patriot acquaintance of mine and he was yarbling on about the Great Big War On Terror. I got to thinking about how Dubya and his cronies were duped into getting us into sinkhole type wars. Then I thought, what if Al-Queada had known from the start that they couldn't beat us militarily, but had actually set up to bankrupt the west. If that's the case, not only was it brilliant, but it kicked.our.fucking.asses.

SayItWithWookies August 4, 2011 at 11:57 pm

Well, that's been a principle of asymmetrical warfare since the American Revolution, so it wouldn't be surprising if bin Laden knew that. And I'm pretty sure I've run across some articles where he's explicitly said such things.

It's this form of hubris that's the pitfall of most nations that are dominant in some way — the people you lord it over always know more about you than you know about them. This leads us into pit-traps like Iraq and Vietnam from which were dare not withdraw, partly out of pride and partly because there's enough crazy nonsense out there that's somehow credible that it takes hold of our policy. I mean really — some guy in a cave rental house in Pakistan and his 200 friends are going to form a global caliphate and destroy our country? Really? Okay, I'll consider them an existential threat when they're running Syria, Iraq, Jordan and Saudi Arabia. Maybe.

SayItWithWookies August 5, 2011 at 12:51 am

Oh yeah — here we go:

[Bin] Laden (spoke) of how he used "guerrilla warfare and the war of attrition to fight tyrannical superpowers, as we, alongside the mujaheddin, bled Russia for ten years, until it went bankrupt." He has compared the United States to the Soviet Union on numerous occasions — and these comparisons have been explicitly economic. For example, in October 2004 bin Laden said that just as the Arab fighters and Afghan mujaheddin had destroyed Russia economically, al Qaeda was now doing the same to the United States, "continuing this policy in bleeding America to the point of bankruptcy." Similarly, in a September 2007 video message, bin Laden claimed that "thinkers who study events and happenings" were now predicting the American empire's collapse. He gloated, "The mistakes of Brezhnev are being repeated by Bush."

Fukui_sanYesOta August 5, 2011 at 1:21 am

Between crazy-ass wars, restructuring and expansion of the security apparatus and idiot tax cuts after 9/11, it must have cost the US something like $5Tn to not recover from a small cadre of motivated people who killed 3000 Americans in a spectacular way.

edit: that's 1.6Bn per person who died in the attacks. That's your asymmetric economic warfare right there.

glamourdammerung August 5, 2011 at 1:29 am

So, do you think the teabaggers are high-fiving over doing more damage to this country than bin Laden did?

SayItWithWookies August 5, 2011 at 1:47 am

I think a lot of them, being political neophytes and with only one perspective that they get their information from, honestly have no idea. The working class and retired folks don't have any stake in creating a volatile economy and destroying the social safety net — the people who use them as tools, however, do.

Negropolis August 5, 2011 at 4:40 am

Well, that was exactly Bin Laden's plan. He even stated publically as such weeks after the attack. Not only that, but that's kind of the exact reason for the use of terrorism.

DashboardBuddha August 5, 2011 at 7:57 am

Yeah…I had forgotten about that when I wrote the post.

LiveToServeYa August 5, 2011 at 8:30 am

I think BoA, Chase, and Citibank have managed that with only a little help from Al-Qaeda.

Radiotherapy® August 4, 2011 at 10:58 pm

OT, but *gag* I wondered over to Blitefart and they still have downfisting on their Intense Debate. As Negropolis said the other day it reeks of 7 year old soccer where everybody wins.
Also, Michael Eric Dyson is guest hosting on The Ed Show. and I feel a little less pissed than usual. As well as him pointing out that Fox n' Fiends is accusing Nickolodean and SpongeBob Squarepants of a liberal global warming indoctrination. Hahaha.

Fukui_sanYesOta August 5, 2011 at 2:03 am

I'd never been there before bit nipped over to see what it was like. Found this gem about Sarah Palin in the comments for an article about that 'palling around' idiocy, illustrated with a picture of her sporting a large weapon:

When she is POTUS her first Executive Order should be "All registered Democrats get a Tax Rate Double those for Republicans !"
They are the ones who want higher taxes ! And you can not change parties !
Second "Repeal ObamaCare" !!
Third arrest Imam Obama and send him to GITMO
Then after lunch she can fix the Country …….
On her second day "Bomb Bomb Bomb Iran….
On her third day,Deport All Illegals,and build a fence.
Damn………..She could fix this country in less than a week !

and of course the obligatory

Nice gun!

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 9:27 am

Or could be a Wonketeer or other species of smart-ass fucking with them.

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 8:40 am

Personally, I would rather get a clean number of how many people liked a post than one gamed up and down by/because of trolls and retards. Those comment systems that tally up and down votes separately, so that you see 2 scores, are the best, imho. Of course, because I care even a tiny bit about all of that shit, I am a gigantic loser.

not that Dewey August 5, 2011 at 9:00 am

THAT'S SUCH A GODDAMNED REASONABLE SUGGESTION, YOU LOSER!

not that Dewey August 5, 2011 at 8:59 am

Does this mean my pee will get an asterisk next to it in the history books, like Barry Bonds?

El Pinche August 4, 2011 at 11:14 pm

I just saw Michelle O showing kids the new low-fat Hobo beans on Disney XD channel.

Radiotherapy® August 5, 2011 at 12:25 am

Well, at least they weren't watching SpongeBobAlinskyPants.

comrad_darkness August 5, 2011 at 12:02 am

But, but, the teatard index is WAY up . . . oh, I get it.

DahBoner August 5, 2011 at 12:23 pm

"the teatard index is WAY up"

If I could short stupid, I'd be rich a long time ago….

widget2011 August 5, 2011 at 5:51 am

And Jesus wept. My guess is he put all his chips on that Santorum Jelly Factory.

He should have tasted it first!

Negropolis August 5, 2011 at 7:24 am

So, who wants to bet the market surges 200 points of some shit just to fuck with us, today?

neiltheblaze August 5, 2011 at 7:41 am

There will be a lot of tasty little bargains after the free-fall – so, yeah – if not today, sometime next week.

Negropolis August 5, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Well, it wasn't 200 points, but I knew we'd be back up.

The stock market is magic!

worrierqueen August 5, 2011 at 7:43 am

Just another 11,383 to go and the teatards can retire happy with a job well done.

BlueStateLibel August 5, 2011 at 8:47 am

I hate to say it, but this won't bother your average mouthbreathing teatard, due to the fact that the concept of a stock market is way beyond their mental capabilities, I know, I've talked to them. On the other hand, their Walmart running out of Cheetoh's would sent them into a panic.

ManchuCandidate August 5, 2011 at 8:56 am

To be fair, Cat In the Hat is way beyond their mental capabilities.

LiveToServeYa August 5, 2011 at 9:24 am

Only the Lord can stop stocks from sliding and, incidentally, buy everyone a Mercedes Benz. Now, let us prey.

DahBoner August 5, 2011 at 12:22 pm

" Now, let us prey."

I checked the value of my 401K account this morning, and Wall Street beat ya to it….

Ducksworthy August 5, 2011 at 10:58 am

Cheer up! CCA has arranged for thousands of lucrative and satisfying positions in prison industries. Make up to $0.20 an hour processing contaminate meat into school lunches.

ttommyunger August 5, 2011 at 11:33 am

Wall Street's Birfday Present to Barry, with a big "FUCK YOU, BOY" on top of the cake in Santorum.

comrad_darkness August 5, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Down again today. Every single world market except the Swedes. Tea Party tells U.S. to fuck off and die, so Wall Street tells Tea Party, we'll take your retirement funds. Thanks. Fair trade.

DahBoner August 5, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Never try to catch a falling knife.

Whatever that means…

DahBoner August 5, 2011 at 12:24 pm

OT: "Bush's Grilling Beans"

Who grills beans?

DailyOlivier August 5, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Yet another "so what?" from middle America. The average American doesn't have a stock portfolio. The real news is that investors are going to seek refuge in the stability of commodities. Here we go $5 /gallon gas!

Negropolis August 5, 2011 at 9:47 pm

Sorry to suspend snark, but this matters because even the stuff we little people think we own (unless you're literally living in poverty) is actually owned by people that trade on Wall Street.

All your houses, cars, gasoline, etc…are belong to us. – Wall Street

pinkocommi August 4, 2011 at 5:52 pm

There are not enough lamp posts along Wall Street to hang all the bodies. Maybe that's how we can stimulate the economy. More lamp posts!

Limeylizzie August 4, 2011 at 6:06 pm

I was an English teacher, as well! I knew as soon as i sent that that I had erred!

ifthethunderdontgetya August 4, 2011 at 6:23 pm

There should not have been any spending cuts or even discussing of same in the post Bush-Cheney economy.. Hence my comparison of Obama to Herbert Hoover, which I suspect will become increasingly apt.

As for raising taxes, Shirley you are referring to some mythological beast?
~

SayItWithWookies August 4, 2011 at 6:30 pm

There should not have been a lot of things — however, dealing with the only Congress there is does not make Obama into Hoover. How would you have suggested he got the debt ceiling bill passed, then?

CalamityJames August 4, 2011 at 6:36 pm

I don't get it. You were a teacher and still had to marry rich? Surely you've heard that teachers are rolling in the dough? Must've gotten a bad contract.

mumbly_joe August 4, 2011 at 10:14 pm

Yes, but what subject did you teach?

ifthethunderdontgetya August 4, 2011 at 7:18 pm

Oh, the phony-baloney debt ceiling crisis?

The thing that will be used as an excuse to cut Social Security and Medicare, just as Obama wanted to do all along (see Simpson-Bowles, above)?

Are you really this credulous, Wookies?

Next you will be telling me that the reason Obama has to go after Bush era whistle-blowers is to protect us from terrorists.
~

ManchuCandidate August 4, 2011 at 8:44 pm

This is why Breitard is Breitard.

But yeah, you're right it was a feeble insult. I demand more kra kray krazy.

OneDollarJuana August 4, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Hey, I like Costco. They donate to Dems, and don't appear to openly wish the domination of the world, unlike Wally World. Unfortunately, the mere existence of big box stores is bad for our economy, just as the mere existence of high-fructose corn syrup is killing our bodies.

Limeylizzie August 4, 2011 at 10:57 pm

Ha, ha! Stay behind after class.

Radiotherapy® August 4, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Glass-Steagall and unleashing the derivative market aside, remember when he also shepherded the peace dividend and smoothed the Balkans? Clearly Slick Willie was Beelzabub incarnate.

Nothingisamiss August 5, 2011 at 7:54 am

THAT's how you nag a rich husband! How many times did he have to stay behind (after class) til he knew you were the one? (Smart man.)

DashboardBuddha August 5, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Wait…BO isn't Satan? I have to go take a virgin off of the alt…er, wash the car.

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 2:12 pm

But the stimulus created jobs from government contracts directly, right? What you're saying definitely applies to the "don't tax the Job Creators" lie, though.

mumbly_joe August 5, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Well, that leads us to the third problem with the stimulus- quality. Not all fiscal policy is created equal, and tax cuts, which were roughly a third of the not-big-enough stimulus, are particularly ineffective precisely because it's filtered through peoples' predisposition to hoard their Ameros. This means direct government transfers that were designed to be immediately spent -expanded unemployment benefits, grants for infrastructure projects, and aid to states to help them balance their budgets and lay off fewer local employees* needed to do the heavy lifting that tax cuts weren't. So, you really only have 2/3 of the stimulus actually stimulating, and the actual number was low-balled to the point it wouldn't have worked if it had been 100% effective.

*Of course, then you had places like Wisconsin and New Jersey, which decided to undermine the stimulus by taking the funds, and then giving out massive tax cuts, thus creating state budget shortfalls and local government cuts and layoffs anew.

ETA: I do actually agree with your other point that people need to pressure money types to actually spend their piles of Ameros. This is actually one of the thing that taxes should actually be capable of, barring capital gains fuckery, since a tax on a business's net profits ought to encourage people to expand and reinvest in said businesses, hire new workers, etc, in order to minimize their visible profits, and thus, their tax burden.

mumbly_joe August 5, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Well, no, *Bo* is Satan, but not Barry.

Which is sort of food for thought, in the context of this post earlier.

Chet Kincaid August 5, 2011 at 2:44 pm

"…tax cuts, which were roughly a third of the not-big-enough stimulus, are particularly ineffective precisely because it's filtered through peoples' predisposition to hoard their Ameros."

Wait a minute, which tax cuts are you talking about? Didn't the tax cuts that were part of the stimulus go to the middle class and lower? I would argue out of my own wallet that this money got spent, not saved, given the dire economic straits a lot of people are in. Maybe I'm wrong, please clarify.

mumbly_joe August 5, 2011 at 6:28 pm

A lot of people did spend it, yes- indeed, it was actually pretty well-structured to maximize the proportion of it that would be spent (i.e, it reduced witholding, so it was spread out in small portions throughout everyone's paychecks over the year, instead of Bush's "let's cut everyone a check" approach, which was overwhelmingly saved rather than spent), but ultimately, not everyone spends all of their money, and so when you give people money and tell them to do whatever with it, you're getting a substantially less effective stimulus than when you make sure it gets spent: at least you're making sure the money makes it into the economy for realz.

Obviously, the richer someone is, the greater the proportion they're going to save, so policy targeted at the poors is going to be the most effective, but let's also keep in mind that a fair chunk of the people who spend everything they earn aren't going to have income tax liability at all, so federal income tax cuts won't really do them much good.

KenLayIsAlive August 7, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Sorry Chet, talking to people honestly and representing people who've been ignored for decades by voicing their point of view is not a "show".

Fact is he is not doing any persuading or any winning at all. And in doing so, instead of being honest about who and what he is up against, or what his goals are, the message from the White House is that they've been successful in his own way, and people who feel differently just don't "get it".

It'a an honest critique, and I don't think it is frivolous at. He is failing to lead and is slowly isolating himself.

This is typical: "the President will insist on shared sacrifice from the most well-off and those with the most indefensible tax breaks."

Okay… he'll insist this time? Like last time?

That said, I hear where you are coming from. I gave him my vote, I should lend him my support. The other options are horrifying. This is all true, and I will vote for him again, just as I voted in 2010. But damn.
http://www.whitehouse.gov/fact-sheet-victory-bipa

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