science is a funny thing

Couch Potato Children Now Forced To Consider Possibility of Climate Change

It used to be that parents could just plop their fat little children in front of “Ren & Stimpy” for hours without having to worry a bit about the little ones being attacked by “knowledge” or “science.” But this is the age of Obama and librul media and Sharia law, etc., so naturally the days of a carefree slob childhood are all but over.

On the August 3 edition of Fox & Friends, co-host Steve Doocy said:

DOOCY: The Department of Education invited a bunch of DC kids in and they had this festivity and they handed out these particular Nickelodeon books where clearly Nickelodeon is pushing a global warming agenda.

CARLSON: The Department of Education using SpongeBob SquarePants now to teach kids about global warming. The government agency showed kids this cartoon and handed out books that blamed man for global warming, but they did not tell kids that that is actually a disputed fact. Oops!

CARLSON: We all know that SpongeBob is popular with the kids and for the life of me I still keep trying to figure out why it is. My kids watch limited TV but every time they chose that show, I’m like, ‘Why?’ Anyway — it’s hard to even follow sometimes. Anyway now maybe that will be a good thing because SpongeBob is talking a lot about global warming, and he’s only looking at it from one point of view.

Gretchen Carlson is at least a little relieved now, because she has a reason to forbid her children from watching this cartoon show, which is very difficult for her to understand. Gretchen Carlson does not understand the part about living creatures existing under the water. Isn’t that just where all the oil lives? [Media Matters for America]

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Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

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  1. PrimlyStable

    And why didn't the Flintstones make clear that the concept of man living side by side with dinosaurs was a widely disputed theory supported only by crackpot Christians?

  2. BeWoot

    "Nickelodeon is pushing a global warming agenda." Doocy does mean Nickelodeon favors global warning, right? I'm surprised, frankly. Does Nickelodeon sell air conditioning on the side or something?

  3. noodlesalad

    Well, she does admit that she has trouble following Spongebob Squarepants. Should we be surprised she doesn't understand a broad scientific consensus on climate change? Maybe we just need to go a little bit lower to help Retchin' understand global warming. Little Einsteins? Teletubbies? Finger puppets? Sledgehammer?

    1. DoktorThompson

      Maybe we just need to go a little bit lower to help Retchin' understand global warming.

      How about Fox & Friends?

    2. ShaveTheWhales

      She can't follow Spongebob Squarepants? Fuck me. I'm 63 now, but when my toddlers enjoyed the 'bob, I suppose I was a sprightly 50-ish. I had no trouble following it. Of course, it was mostly stupid puns, but I like stupid puns, so there's that.

      But "hard to follow"? It's targeted at eight-year-olds, for fuck's sake.

  4. Steverino247

    Climate change caused by human activity is only controversial to those paid to say so and those stupid enough to believe those paid to say so

    The Good News is if we're causing it, because then we can do something about it. An example of this is the ozone layer.

    The Bad News would be if we can't stop the process no matter what we try.

    I don't know if the sea levels are rising, but I do know the humidity is rising, so all that arctic ice is going somewhere…

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      "Climate change caused by human activity is only controversial to those paid to say so and those stupid enough to believe those paid to say so."

      Now that is some rock-the-house succinticity!!

  5. not that Dewey

    Tom and Jerry are forever pushing their pro-getting-run-over-by-a-steamroller agenda. TEACH TO THE CONTROVERSY, WILLIAM HANNA

      1. not that Dewey

        That just leads to stars swirling around our heads, which in turn leads to homosexuality and socialism.

  6. SorosBot

    "The government agency showed kids this cartoon and handed out books that blamed man for global warming, but they did not tell kids that that is actually a disputed fact. Oops!"

    What the fuck is the "oops!" for? It is not a disputed fact; why does Ms. Carlson oppose teaching proven scientific facts to kids?

    1. not that Dewey

      Because that would undermine the shimmering city of self-delusion she has constructed around herself.

      Oh. Your question was rhetorical. Nevermind.

    2. GOPCrusher

      I would think by this point, man made climate change would only be considered a "disputed fact" by morons.

  7. Guppy06

    OK, so I see at least two things to take away from this:

    1.) She has difficulty following content aimed at a ten year-old audience.

    2.) She wants to limit her children's exposure to what she herself is putting out.

    1. emmelemm

      Is Spongebob aimed at 10-year-olds? I would have thought younger, but I don't have kids, so I don't know what I'm talking about.

      1. GOPCrusher

        I, for one, have accepted Spongebob Squarepants as my Lord and Savior. All hail the Absorbent One!

  8. SayItWithWookies

    I'm sure to Steve and Gretchen there is a plenitude of agendas based on disputed facts being presented as accepted. I'll bet they argue long into the night about the feasability of the RNA World model of how life came about because it hasn't been shown to work in the oxygen-poor atmosphere of primeval earth. Or whether the study of isolated languages truly reveals that space and time are subjective phenomena or merely that primitive societies, unable to create metaphors when they've experienced, say, only one river in their entire lives, have so internalized some of these basic concepts to the point where they're unspoken or untranslateable. Or whether unscrupulous micromanaging tycoon Rupert Murdoch could possibly have known nothing of the massive hacking that was going on in his empire. Stuff like that.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Spongebob covered all that stuff two seasons ago … these guys need to start paying attention.

    2. ShaveTheWhales

      As an utterly unrelated anecdote, I went through Lassen Park for the first time a few days ago. Wildly recommend to any left coasters near enough.

      Anyhow, the one of the tribes native to the area had five directions in their view of the world: N, S, E, W, and NW — the NW being the direction of Mt Lassen from where they lived. I'd give it a compass direction, too.

      Sorry, it was your reference to basic concepts that set me off.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      Yeah…that's a head-scratcher. A "disputed fact"? Yes, yes…it's a fact that when I drop a teabagger from a great height, he will plummet to a gory yet colorful death. But I'm not sure about this whole "gravity thing". I'll just dispute that fact for now.

  9. DoktorThompson

    If you watch Looney Tunes on Fox, Wile E. Coyote never falls off the cliff because gravity is just a theory.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      I've seen some suspicious scenes, where they're clearly pushing a falling anvil agenda.

  10. SorosBot

    The government agency showed kids this globe and handed out books that claimed the Earth was round, but they did not tell kids that that is actually a disputed fact. Oops!

  11. KenLayIsAlive

    My gawd, the department of education talking to children and handing out books?

    Well. I. Never.

    Next thing you know our Air Force will be bombing someone.

  12. bumfug

    All my life my mom told me to not make fun of the retards and I was OK with that but then they put Fox & Friends on and made it so easy. Sorry, mom.

    1. Radiotherapy®

      Jack Stuef wasn't allowed to make fun of retards either until he made some comment about a politician's prop being used and then …..chop, chop.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        "Retard" and "Retards" are OK, but you can't use "re†arded"?
        That's just, well, re†arded.

        1. tcaalaw

          I like your technique of substituting a cross for the "t". It's a clever workaround that preserves the readability of the original while at the same time it adds an entirely new layer of meaning.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Why does that surprise you? If even panda bears and Russian wolfhounds can get it right every once in a while, I'm sure Gretchen could manage it, given some time and practice.

  13. SorosBot

    O/T, but has anyone else been watching Craig Ferguson in Paris this week? It's so strange to see a talk show with almost none of the normal trappings, filmed on the street with no audience except gawkers and therefore no audience laughter, but I think it's been hilarious, and a successful experiment.

    Also, I have fallen in love with Kristen Bell all over again and think Ferguson should ditch the robot and Bell should stop doing the shitty romantic comedies she's been starring in ever since Veronica Mars was canceled and become his regular co-host / sidekick.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Monday's show seemed pretty hacked up and aimless for the first half hour, so I lost interest. Also, my favorite part of his show is the rambling, somewhat improvised 20-to-25-minute opening monologue. I understand why he didn't do it, as the episodes were taped, but still — it took away most of my incentive to see more.

    2. Negropolis

      It's gotten better as the week has gone on, because Monday's show was pretty horrible. It's gotten a lot better, but some of the pieces are still hit-and-miss. CBS should have given him more money to work with, really. It's a bit too barebones to feature his type of comedy.

    3. emmelemm

      I liked his live rendition of the theme song, with the piano. I didn't stay up to watch all of Monday's show, but I was definitely enjoying the randomness.

    4. AJWjr.

      My hearing is messed up, necessitating the use of closed-captioning. Too many different accents for the captioners to keep up with, so I'm hopelessly lost, there.

  14. smokefilleddoommate

    That's okay Gretchen, I'm sure a lot of Fox viewers sometimes wonder why they've tuned in and find you a little hard to follow, but after pressing the mute button and reaching for the Jergens, it all comes back to them.

  15. Negropolis

    I get the feeling that there are many things the good Gretchen doesn't get, poor thing.

    BTW, for as dumb as Gretchen is, Brian "Killmenow" easily wins Best in Show.

  16. Schmannnity

    "My kids watch limited TV but every time they chose that show, I’m like, ‘Why?’ Anyway — it’s hard to even follow sometimes"

    It's nice to know that Fox and Friends is less intellectual and easier to follow than Sponge Bob. If only Mr. Crabbe could replace that doofus Brian Kilmeade, and Patrick replaced Doocy, they might have a better shot at relevance and intelligence.

  17. SayItWithWookies

    Now I would understand Fox 'n' Friends' reaction to this if there actually had been a controversy. All the little dogs in the yards yip and yip at the dogs being walked past them that you can pracitcally follow their progress through the neighborhood. This is the same thing, except in this case, there's no dog. Really, FnF just made this up:

    Department of Education: "We've Never Shown Any Videos" At The Reading Events. Contrary to Carlson's claim, Tim Tuten of the Department of Education said that the SpongeBob video was not shown at the reading events. "We've never shown any videos ever, so I have no idea where that is coming from," he said. Tuten added that participants were permitted to choose one of dozens of diverse books to take home with them and the SpongeBob book was one of those options.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Faux blowhards ranting about made-up facts? How 'bout that.
      In related news, the sun is rising this morning.

    2. FakaktaSouth

      "I have no idea where this is coming from" is the reaction I have to just about every single piece of information Fox puts out there.

  18. pinkocommi

    I cannot for the life of me understand why the same people who call man's causal connection to global warming a "disputed fact" are so often the same people who firmly believe in god. Why is it so hard for people to understand science based on documented and observable data, but so easy for them to believe whole-heartedly in something that can never, ever be proved?

    People are stupid.

  19. smokefilleddoommate

    He lives in a pineapple under the sea. He's absorbent, yellow and porous. Gretchen, if you'd just listen to the fucking theme song maybe SpongeBob wouldn't be so "hard to follow".

  20. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Carlson won the title of Miss Minnesota in 1989.
    Again, I find myself apologizing for my adopted state.
    Mosquito repellant overdoes?

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Building that many dams sure must have kept the Corps of Engineers and Bureau of Reclamation busy. Fucking boondoggles.

    1. AJWjr.

      And that waste of a Stanford education, too. Plus, now according to teh wiki, good ol' one "L" Miche1e was her nanny!

      1. mayor_quimby

        Please, please tell me that isn't true! Jesus fucking christ on a stick, is there just a nonstop incest-fest going on at Faux?

    2. ttommyunger

      In fairness to your State, that was long before she went cross-eyed from sucking on Rupert's wrinkled goober day after day.

  21. Goonemeritus

    Some say that Steve Doocy and Gretchen Carlson are high priest and priestess of a cult that rips the heads off kittens and stack them in neat pyramids. I recognize that the two deny this allegation but since it’s in dispute shouldn’t Fox be reporting on it?

  22. ManchuCandidate

    What's sad is that Doocey and Gretch the Wretch are way less intelligent than Spongebob even though he is just a piece of celluloid while, sigh, both Doochey and Wretch are allegedly human beings.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Had I read that transcript without anyone telling me who said it, I would NEVER have guess the big CC. Also makes me a tidge sad – I'm having to be all surprised and excited over someone not being a racist, but giving a person a job based on merit and ability.

      1. Limeylizzie

        I know, it saddened me that this was in the North East and not the Deep South , where you , sadly, expect some lunatic to pose a question about Sharia Law.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          I'm proud to say that in the Northeast, even our teatard politicians are endowed with a moderate dose of brains. With the exception, of course, of that dick from Staten Island (the Mississippi of New York City.)

    2. BlueMonkeh

      Chris Christie is right. (Didn't think I'd ever say that.)

      Why in the hell can't more of our elected and appointed officials call out the nutbaggery for what it is?

    3. metamarcisf

      If you're interested, auditions are being held for Christie's new reality show, "Two and a Half Tons"

    4. GOPCrusher

      Well, I guess that should put to an end any further talk of Chris Christie as a Republiklan candidate for President.

    5. gurukalehuru

      Who is that intelligent, articulate and seemingly liberal gentleman at the microphone? He bears a striking physical resemblance to teabagger dumbass Chris Christie.

  23. johnnyzhivago

    This gives me the ammunition to demand that our school board point out that it's a "disputed fact" about the earth being round, that man landed on the moon and that it was Martians who attacked us at Pearl Harbor.

  24. FakaktaSouth

    I have noticed this my own self – that Nickelodeon and also Disney can be very conscientious with Michelle O and Linda Ellerby and the "news for kids" – topics including health, exercise, education, environment AND PERSONAL AND COMMUNITY RESPONSIBILITY IN GENERAL. I find that Gretchen Carlson's repudiation of these channels reinforces my thought that these are VERY good things. Fuck you, Gretch.

  25. MissusBarry

    How could poor, feeble Gretch be expected to understand SpongeBob…why would they anthropomorphize those things next to the shower gel at the Walmart? If you aren't even aware of the theory that sponges are animals, disputed fact or not, the whole premise just falls apart.

  26. DashboardBuddha

    "My kids watch limited TV but every time they chose that show, I’m like, ‘Why?’ "

    Are you that stupid? Weren't you once a kid? One of the big reasons to like something is because your parents hated it.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Your theory falls flat given the evidence of (1) Sesame Street (at least in its '90s incarnation) and (2) Rocky & Bullwinkle.

      Or did parents manage to hide the (disputed) fact that they loved these shows?

  27. poncho_pilot

    i don't know how people can watch Buster Friendly and His Friendly Friends and take any of this shit seriously.

  28. weejee

    Gretch graduated cum laude in science stupid from Stanford. Need to lean on Hopey to pull all the Cardinal's science funding to help with the cost cutting.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Bleh this info made me look at her wikipedia. She's married to a sports agent (baseball – including Jeter apparently and Ryan Howard and some other big big money) who's like repping for people who are in a UNION for Christ's sake. How can this BE???
      It's SO HARD to be a hardliner who sticks to the stuff they say, just ask Michele FHA Bachmann, right???

    2. snarkycomments

      So what you're telling us (I think, it's hard to parse your thought processes from your writing) is that it's all an act? You're saying that she's not really stupid, she's just pandering to the barely sentient mouth-breathers who make up her audience? Okay. You've convinced me: Gretchen Carlson is an intelligent woman who has zero respect for her audience and for the American people.

    3. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Stanford gives rise to a surprising number of wingnuts. The Hoover Institute is like this festering herpes sore that they just can't get rid of, and it's a magnet for right-wingers with an inexplicable talent for taking standardized tests.

  29. BaldarTFlagass

    handed out these particular Nickelodeon books where clearly Nickelodeon is pushing a global warming agenda.

    "It's a cookbook!!!!"

    1. Steverino247

      Unfortunately, we're all cooking. However, it's worse is Texas so there's a bright side to it.

  30. metamarcisf

    Hopefully when the gay cartoon character SpongeBob Square Pants changes his mind and informs our kids about the climate change communist conspiracy, he will be offered his own show, in Glenn Beck's old time slot.

  31. CalamityJames

    Let me get this straight: the ENTIRE fucking world is in the middle of a fucking nosedive of epic proportions, Somalia is starving to death, literally, Syria is being destroyed, FAA is shutdown for freedumz while congress is on a paid vacation, and the one goddamned thing the cunt twins are worried about is a talking sponge possibly teaching their kids about a well established FACTFACTFACTFACTFACTFACT.

    Sounds about right. Moving on.

  32. joobajooba

    Actually, Carlson had it about right when he said blaming man for global warming is a "disputed fact." It is a fact, disputed by people who refuse to believe facts.

  33. DangerHelvetica

    And there was this episode where he was fired from the Krusty Krab and collected waterfare (that's their version of welfare) checks all day

  34. Ducksworthy

    One last comment Gretchen. Once something has been established as a fact, only morans continue to dispute it.

  35. Billmatic

    Wow. Gretchen thinks SpongeBob is hard to follow, no wonder she doesn't understand climate change.

  36. poorgradstudent

    The US military officially lists climate change as a threat to national security and is investing in "green" technologies. Why does Gretchen hate our fighting men and women so much she would publicly call them liars?

  37. Serolf_Divad

    All you need to know about Gretchen Carlson is the fact that she finds Spongebob Squarepants "challenging" to follow.

    I'd like to hand her a Raymond Chandler novel and laugh as I watch her head explode.

  38. Camaro Nova

    What a perfect little slip there – "disputed fact." There is no such thing as a 'disputed fact' Mr Doocy and Ms Carlson. Yet, this is what the teatards are all about – disputing facts (climate change, evolution, the earth is not flat, the heliocentric system, etc)

  39. SheriffRoscoe

    I used to put on a towel "cape" and fly around like Superman. If my mom wondered why, she never showed it.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      That's 'cause she didn't find DC comics "hard to follow".
      Was she a Democrat, or an old-school Republican?

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