HAPPY BIRTHDAY  10:28 pm August 3, 2011

On the Ground At Barack Obama’s Birthday/Ramadan Festival

by Blair Burke

bike terrorist!President Obama is celebrating his birthday tonight, with Jennifer Hudson and those treadmill-dancing fellows. He is doing this in Chicago, so your Wonkette decided to give up a perfectly good Wednesday evening to try to go hear Rahm Emanuel yell some swears. This did not happen, and overall it was a very boring street gathering of Poors unable to pay their way inside. But we took pictures anyway, so there you go.

Our President decided to hold his birthday fiesta at the Aragon Ballroom, which is located in Chicago’s Uptown neighborhood, home of immigrants, refugees, meth addicts and lunchtime drive-bys. The Crazies did not really act out any more than usual, and did not really seem to care that President Obama was having a $$$uper fun 50th while they waited for their food stamps to be reloaded. There was a brief moment of excitement when a biker man in a black skirt and pink pigtails decided to just pedal on through the security barrier, forcing Chicago police to waddle over to him, yelling “Hey you, uh, stop that!”
no poors allowed
Bored people waiting outside thought that maybe Barry would come “say hi” but HA HA, he does not do that, silly Poors.
america, in summary
We were especially disappointed that there was no Tea Party “Jobs Bash” at the bar across the street. We thought that maybe they had been scared off by the Ethiopian restaurants and Pride flags, but oh, it also turns out that you can’t just have organized events at bars that hate you, according to the guy checking ID at the door. “I’m sure you will see them around the neighborhood, looking glassy-eyed and out of place,” he said, with hate in his eyes. Happy birthday, Barry!

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 172 comments }

FakaktaSouth August 3, 2011 at 10:31 pm

Happy Birthday, Mr. President. I would love to give you a good spanking…

Castle Anthrax http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtcSYPjJbgg

Limeylizzie August 4, 2011 at 8:40 am

Who among us hasn't called out "After the spanking, the oral sex"?

OC_Surf_Serf August 3, 2011 at 10:32 pm

wait..its already tomorrow in Kenya, so his birfday was yesterday…

How do the baggers keep up with all this?

Negropolis August 3, 2011 at 10:49 pm

I know he's 50 in American years, but how many years is that in Kenya?

GodShammgod August 3, 2011 at 11:21 pm

57! Hur hur hur he said there were 57 states once! Hur hur hur he's so stupid! Teleprompter! Jimmy Carter!

flamingpdog August 4, 2011 at 12:35 am

So, maybe he's actually 57 years old? Time to look at that birf certificate more closely.

horsedreamer_1 August 4, 2011 at 10:51 am

Barack Obama, Our Forty Fourth Dimensional President.

Beowoof August 3, 2011 at 10:32 pm

What the fuck, Obama's birthday is a big fucking deal, in Chicago and Nairobi. And Emanuel didn't even have the fucking courtesy to cuss anyone out. Epic fail.

weejee August 3, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Happy five oh, Barry, but default or no, still pissed on the debt deal.

Jerry Fjord August 3, 2011 at 10:45 pm

I'm surprised he didn't give up this party to them too.

V572 Hair of Destiny August 3, 2011 at 11:24 pm

Jonah Goldberg is working on his "How can Barry party while others need jobs?" column right now.

PristinePantalones August 3, 2011 at 11:36 pm

I thought K-Lo wrote those and Jonah just rewarded her with a pearl necklace. No? Damn, it's gettin' harder to come up with anything fapworthy any more.

bagofmice August 4, 2011 at 8:03 am

I'm ruined. How did it get harder when discussing K-Lo?

Beowoof August 3, 2011 at 10:36 pm

Oh and a dedication to Barry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7QxOllK0VU&fe

memzilla August 3, 2011 at 10:37 pm

I would like to see John Boehner in a starring role as the birthday piñata.

emmelemm August 3, 2011 at 10:42 pm

I could think of a number of people I'd rather see hit with a baseball bat more than Boehner, but, yeah, I'll take it.

bagofmice August 4, 2011 at 8:22 am

Why would you subject some poor flying mammal to that toner?

CountryClubJihadi August 3, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Or at least "Pin The Tail on the Honkey".

PsycWench August 3, 2011 at 11:26 pm

Hey, Boehner's a man of color: orange.

JustPixelz September 1, 2011 at 5:53 pm

where are you? michele bachmann is crazy. and evil. we need an evil psychologist.

PsycWench September 2, 2011 at 10:11 am

I am frantically working on a new course that is right at the limits of my expertise. I still love everyone and am hoping to reengage maybe next week.

As for Bachmann, she is way past psychologist and in meds+ straitjacket territory.

Dashboard_Jesus August 3, 2011 at 11:26 pm

Oompa Loompas for EVERYBODY!

Sue4466 August 3, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Maybe for his 50th, he'll get a shiny new spine to help stand up to the GOP's next hostage taking?

Haahaahhhhaaaa! That won't happen. He's still a Democrat.

Jerry Fjord August 3, 2011 at 10:47 pm

It's too little, too late (to fall in love again)

not that Dewey August 3, 2011 at 11:03 pm

A titanium spine, perhaps?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 3, 2011 at 11:12 pm
V572 Hair of Destiny August 3, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Perfect.

KenLayIsAlive August 3, 2011 at 11:28 pm

Awww. You think that's a Jack "Retard" Stuef piece?

Sue4466 August 3, 2011 at 11:40 pm

The Onion IS America's finest news source: http://www.theonion.com/articles/bush-our-long-na

BarackMyWorld August 4, 2011 at 12:25 am

i wuz gunna post this. :(

flamingpdog August 4, 2011 at 12:47 am

The guys at the Onion don't even have to work hard anymore. Obama writes the stories for them.

starfanglednut August 4, 2011 at 8:26 am

My all time favorite, worthy of a repost:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-passion

horsedreamer_1 August 4, 2011 at 10:53 am

Never gets old. Especially since I am from the ONION's ancestral home — & know plenty of people about whom that article could be.

Looking at you, doughty Irish-American Teatard proprietor of the sports-bar 'round the block from my house.

mooncrushworld August 3, 2011 at 11:17 pm

Beat me to it, I was going to say maybe now his balls will drop.

orygoon August 4, 2011 at 12:53 am

Hell, it doesn't have to be shiny and new. The right old used gross model would do. Say, Ivan the Terrible's, or Macedonian Alexander's.

Nothingisamiss August 3, 2011 at 10:40 pm

Not just John Boehner as pinata, but the whole fucking mess of them. Lots of the rethugs like this, though, so…lose.

Maybe Burke didn't stay late enough, maybe they gave free hobo beans out to the drunks that remained passed out on the street.

BlairEBurke August 3, 2011 at 10:43 pm

Possible, but it appeared that the drunks were moving on in search of better parties.

flamingpdog August 4, 2011 at 12:49 am

Sorry, but every free can of hobo beans given out to drunks passed out on the street brings a tear* to the eyes of the Koch brothers, and we can have none of that!

*of rage

noodlesalad August 3, 2011 at 10:45 pm

It's still his birthday? I thought that he had to give that up as part of the debt deal.

flamingpdog August 4, 2011 at 12:50 am

His Birthday? No. Your birthday and the birthday of all the other Wonketeers? We all might want to check our calendars.

noodlesalad August 4, 2011 at 12:58 am

My letter to Santa this year will definitely have a trigger option, which will allow for more presents if a certain level of presents is not reached by December 26, 2011.

Negropolis August 3, 2011 at 10:48 pm

This is a worthless birthday bash without Beyonce popping out of a cake singing a sultry take on "Happy Birthday, Mr. President." Jennifer Hudson is the better singing, but lower rent, Beyonce.

Lascauxcaveman August 3, 2011 at 11:00 pm

Jennifer Hudson is alright, but she's no Marilyn Monroe.

♬ ♪ Happy Biiiiiiirthday Mr. Prezzzident, Happy Birrrrrthday tooooo yoooo…♬ ♪

Limeylizzie August 3, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Oh I think she is a much better singer and doesn't get lightened up on magazine covers , as much as Beyonce.

V572 Coif of Destiny August 3, 2011 at 11:26 pm

Too much Blackitude narrows your market share. That's why Time
put virtual Kiwi shoe polish on OJ .

Chet Kincaid August 4, 2011 at 12:26 am

I hope she dedicated a rip-snorting, uppity rendition of "And I Am Telling You I Am Not Going!" from "Dreamgirls" to the Teabaggers after singing "Happy Birthday".

axmxz August 3, 2011 at 10:50 pm

What do you mean, no Tea Party bash? Then who hung out the " ⃠bama" sign with the reverse-slash zero?

Callyson August 3, 2011 at 10:50 pm

In the hope that the wisdom that comes with experience leads to a president who stands up against the wingnuts…as Marilyn would have had it…
Happy Birthday Mr President http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCGgKYmRGPQ&fe

Papa_Uniform August 3, 2011 at 10:50 pm

I heard Boehner sent him a birthday cake with 98% of it eaten.

Weenus299 August 3, 2011 at 11:06 pm

and a card demanding he return the two percent or no more birthdays.

flamingpdog August 4, 2011 at 12:53 am

a cake with a thousand candles, but none of them would light.

Radiotherapy® August 4, 2011 at 3:15 am

Let Dems eat cake….

Negropolis August 4, 2011 at 8:01 am

We at least get to pick the flavor, right?

iburl August 3, 2011 at 10:52 pm

Let them eat cake.

keepem_sikanpor August 3, 2011 at 11:43 pm

Preceded by cheesy poofs and swallowed down with Mountain Dew. Heart attacks aplenty for the wing nuts is my birthday wish for Barry. I'm very mad at him but I still wish these things.

JoshuaNorton August 3, 2011 at 10:54 pm

If they had invited Santorum they could have gotten some free jelly.

Just sayin….

SayItWithWookies August 3, 2011 at 10:54 pm

Happy Birthday, President Obama! Between your adversaries and your allies you've sure kicked up a shitstorm for your five-oh, but I'm still on your side. No, don't cry…

Limeylizzie August 3, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Oh Wookies, I am still on his side, as well, my love will not die.

PristinePantalones August 3, 2011 at 11:39 pm

That's my Lizzie!

SayItWithWookies August 4, 2011 at 12:07 am

What the heck, I'll go and order that second phone booth then.

starfanglednut August 4, 2011 at 8:28 am

Pris, You changed your name!

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 1:13 pm

I just thought I should put on my pantalones over here at teh Wonketz. Wrong?

Dashboard_Jesus August 4, 2011 at 3:50 am

I'm with you on this one, it's hard out here for an Obama pimp…while I wish he'd do the 'angry black guy' (btw, what happened to him?) and kick some major Boner/ Cuntor/ McTurtle ass I still think he's making SOME progress, it's just never enough for us commie librulz

finallyhappy August 4, 2011 at 8:25 am

I am not fooling myself- no way that voting for some third party candidate or some GOP tool would help us by destroying us.I'm wearing my Obama button again- BECAUSE it is campaign season. Any chance BIden will be replaced?

BlueMonkeh August 4, 2011 at 9:44 am

Hey – I may need a new gig. And I'm from a red state. And I'm a middle aged white female. Married, matched set of kids, dogs and cats. Near perfect demographics to balance the kenyanmuslinsocialistcommiefascist top of the ticket.

I'd be willing to hang up my jeans,t-shirt & flip-flop software developer uniform to hit the trail with Hopey. And as long as I don't get too drunk I probably won't even say anything too stupid.

Can someone nom-nom-nominate me?

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Om-nom-nom-nom-nominated.

PrimlyStable August 3, 2011 at 10:55 pm

Did he eat any birthday cake BEFORE the sun went down? If not, this is proof that he is a secret Muslin.

Lascauxcaveman August 3, 2011 at 10:58 pm

I'm 50 too.

No, not 52, fifty also. And too.

PristinePantalones August 3, 2011 at 11:39 pm

Well, happy birfday to you too, then.

orygoon August 4, 2011 at 12:49 am

and you would probably make a very fine president.

Dashboard_Jesus August 4, 2011 at 3:54 am

congrats, I'm ACTUALLY 52 last month and somewhat grateful to have made it this far w/out exploding from an aneurysm just from living in this fucked up cuntry…I know too many who didn't make it this far…

finallyhappy August 4, 2011 at 8:27 am

I'm 58 and have an MRI next week- just in case I do have something growing in my head(let's hope- as I do-that it is stress and not some alien being- puppet master)

snoopyfan2010 August 4, 2011 at 1:03 pm

I'm not 50 but happy birthday anyway.

Lascauxcaveman August 4, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Thank you all! You're so kind, but my birthday was several months ago. I'm 50.x years old, actually.

Mumbletypeg August 3, 2011 at 11:02 pm

Chicago?!? DISAPPOINTED. I thought he'd be doing a Hawai'i 5-0.

/ripe for abuse

Weenus299 August 3, 2011 at 11:05 pm

It is the Kenyan tradition whereupon when the male reaches 50, he begins his reelection campaign.

WinterOuthouse August 3, 2011 at 11:08 pm

The Super Committee was there in its tights and cape and screamed, "Let them eat cake"

Chet Kincaid August 3, 2011 at 11:12 pm

Hey Blair, didn't know you were the Wonkette's Chicago bureau!

Limeylizzie August 3, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Hi baby, does it feel less , well less Limey, in Chicago today?

Chet Kincaid August 3, 2011 at 11:37 pm

Now that you mention it, I am lost in erotic reverie only every 15 minutes today, rather than every 5!

fuflans August 4, 2011 at 12:47 am

right?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 3, 2011 at 11:13 pm

Did his father, Malcolm X show up?

finallyhappy August 4, 2011 at 8:28 am

What about his brother- Mr. Farrakahn?

horsedreamer_1 August 4, 2011 at 10:56 am

Louie was too busy strategically placing broken fence pickets with rusty nails sticking out around the perimeter of his property.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 3, 2011 at 11:15 pm

Obama announced before hand that he would only go if they had Cake, but in the end accepted the granola that Michelle brought in a baggie.

Negropolis August 4, 2011 at 7:43 am

Michelle then threw both cake and granola out the window for which the president hailed the birthday event as an example of a grand bargain and compromise. Everyone in attendence clapped, and then individual cakes were brought out to half of the guest.

NorthStarSpanx August 3, 2011 at 11:17 pm

@SarahPalinUSA
Hmmmm really America? I can win over Half-Black 50 yo washed-up has-been celebratin nations debt with ChiMafia in bball and POTUS 2012.

ifthethunderdontgetya August 3, 2011 at 11:18 pm

But we took pictures anyway, so there you go.

That's my philosophy.
~

KenLayIsAlive August 3, 2011 at 11:25 pm

How many "Happy Fifty Seventh Birthday" wishes do you think he is getting from the Breathfarters?

102415 August 4, 2011 at 12:07 am

Who knows? There is another idiot from there following me uselessly around as of this very evening.This one is a real meany weeny. Not like that sad old pussy downfister spanky.
Hey asshole Chou en Lai, here is your very first message from me. " …..haven't got the stomach for it"? More like you haven't got the brains for it.
Well KenLayIsAlive, they can say r****ded over there all they want too apparently. I'm kind of impressed but then it's self descriptive for them so maybe that's how they get away with it. Still, it's nice to be noticed even if it's only a demented right wing stalker with nothing else to do or even a wee little pus spewing robot.

Chet Kincaid August 3, 2011 at 11:25 pm

Just a little local color for you downstaters (i.e. everyone not from Chicago): The Aragon is one of three Grand Shithole last-century ballrooms near that particular corner in Uptown. The Riviera Theatre and The Aragon now host hipster rock, Mexican and Salsa shows, and the sound and amenities are atrocious. How fitting a fundraising birthday party place for these interesting times!

The Green Mill Jazz bar where the Teabaggers were supposedly gonna gather to heckle is famous for being owned by Al Capone and for launching the Poetry Slam. I spent more time slamming (and winning) there than you guys should know about. I would like to see some teabaggers drag their sorry asses into that scary, "Urban"/Latino/Asian neighborhood to start some shit! That would be hilarious.

Or maybe it's all gentrified now — I haven't lived a hop-skip from that area since 1998, so maybe the Teabaggers can just drive around in pickups jeering at the yuppies for not voting in 2010.

not that Dewey August 3, 2011 at 11:59 pm

I left in '93, so you have WAY more recent intel than I do. I wasted much of my youth in all of those very fine establishments you just described, and it's a delight to know that hipsters can now celebrate the President's birthday there, rather than just take a bunch of acid and watch Ministry concerts (not that I would know anything about that…)

Chet Kincaid August 4, 2011 at 1:30 am

Remember when one of Ministry's earlier, poppier tunes got used in a Michelob commercial? It was weird later, when they signed that exclusive deal with Smack.®

not that Dewey August 4, 2011 at 8:12 am

I thought it was Old Style (?), but yes. Fucking sell-outs.

The Smack era produced some of their best material — "Just One Fix" and "Jesus Built My Hotrod" totally made up for their earlier, commercialistic work.

Chet Kincaid August 4, 2011 at 1:12 pm

I remember there was a big scandal when a local junkie poet died, and people blamed Jourgensen and the heroin scene around Ministry. This was back in the days when flame wars raged via snail mail in the letters section of The Reader.

fuflans August 4, 2011 at 12:57 am

no it's not fully gentrified. getting there but certainly not for baggers. would love to see a scooter besuited teatard try to rough it up on lawrence and broadway.

back in 1998 we had a closing night party at some fab space on lawrence and kenmore. we let our sole teen age cast member get a cab home alone.

but we were closing 'titus andronicus' so it was appropriate.

Dashboard_Jesus August 4, 2011 at 3:56 am

thanks for the personal history lesson Chet, I always learn somethin' from yer posts…my maternal family's from southside Chicago and I know nothin' about it

Limeylizzie August 4, 2011 at 8:06 am

Oh God, Chetkincaid I used to to the Green Mill all the time! I loved the old man who used to play piano there and I would always ask him to play some random tunes from WW2 and earlier and he would look at me and go "Your'e too young how the hell do you know these?"

Chet Kincaid August 4, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Well, most Sunday nights between 1988 and 1993, I was there reading and/or competing. I think I only went there for the music on a different night once in all those years. I lived two neighborhoods down, near Irving Park and Ashland, from about '92 to '98, and roamed far and wide from Ukranian Village and Wicker Park to Rogers Park, in search of Bohemia.

Limeylizzie August 4, 2011 at 1:23 pm

I lived at 921 North Leavitt in Ukrainian Village from 1994-1999.

not that Dewey August 4, 2011 at 3:02 pm

I lived at Wolcott/Division from '90 – '93. I would occasionally do a slam at a bar at Milwaukee & Damen around that time (don't remember the name — I've slept since then), and of course at the venerable Bop Shop (where Mrs Dewey and I later got married!)

We probably met in a previous life.

Chet Kincaid August 4, 2011 at 3:37 pm

There were a lot of bars and coffeehouses around the "Artistic Crotch" of Damen, North & Milwaukee in those days that had poetry events. Back in the early '90s, the now-defunct Hot House was in the Flat Iron Building, and I was involved with the Guild Complex's readings down there.

Maman August 3, 2011 at 11:25 pm

He makes the fancy people go to Uptown so they remember to be grateful that he is President and not Romney or any other Repug.

V572 Hair of Destiny August 3, 2011 at 11:30 pm

Well when Mitch McConnell's Super Congress Debt Reduction Committee starts going through the budget line by line, this is the kind of event that will get whacked right away.

Doktor Zoom August 3, 2011 at 11:41 pm

I celebrated Barry's birthday by watching Troll 2, arguably the Worst Movie Ever Made.* I tell you, it was so bad that I kept myEYES WIDE OP….

Oh, fuck, I'm just tired of it.

In any case, I have come down with a return of the summer cold that I thought I was rid of, so goodnight. Tomorrow I shall watch Best Worst Movie, the documentary about the cult following that Troll 2 has acquired.

——-

*I still think the title may belong to Manos, The Hands of Fate, but it's been a few years since I've seen it. I have a feeling that while Manos is indeed more thoroughly inept and incompetent in every aspect of film craft, Troll 2 may be more consistently batshit insane in its ineptitude and incompetence, which may give it the edge.

not that Dewey August 3, 2011 at 11:52 pm

I heard Troll 2 was SO BAD IT GIVES YOU SHIVERS and that it's NOT HOW BAD IT IS, BUT HOW IT MAKES YOU SUFFER that counts.

BarackMyWorld August 4, 2011 at 12:05 am

Oh…you said "Manos"!

Every frame of that film looks like someone's last known photograph.

Angry_Marmot August 4, 2011 at 5:04 am

And Manos features granny-pantie wrestling, a place Troll 2 dared not go.

SudsMcKenzie August 4, 2011 at 10:41 am

My favorite movie review was for the "Love Guru", cant remember who the reviewer was;

"Its not that this movie is good or evil, it takes you to a place beyond good and evil where your alone, in the dark, naked, cold and shivering".

keepem_sikanpor August 3, 2011 at 11:53 pm

Apparently an undetermined period of time prior to a Demoncrat who is President turns 50, he/she may appear all Reptilian. Good to know. Happy birthday, Barry. You're still my number one but COME ON already!

johnnyzhivago August 3, 2011 at 11:55 pm

Special guests at the party were the KGB operatives who placed his phony birth announcements in those Honululu newspapers 50 years ago.

BarackMyWorld August 4, 2011 at 12:04 am

You know what other national leader threw a big party for their 50th birthday?

MozakiBlocks August 4, 2011 at 12:11 am

Margaret Thatcher?

keepem_sikanpor August 4, 2011 at 12:16 am

All of them?

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 12:19 am

Not JFK?

too soon?

phlox✔ August 4, 2011 at 12:31 am

The Queen Mum?

102415 August 4, 2011 at 12:48 am

Lil' Kim.

flamingpdog August 4, 2011 at 1:00 am

Coca-Cola?

Oh, I thought you said national liter.

horsedreamer_1 August 4, 2011 at 10:59 am

Anwar Sadat?

Nostrildamus August 4, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Nah, him and some army buddies just did shots.

archikvetch August 4, 2011 at 12:25 am

I sure hope they aren't going to make Nancy Reagan jump out of that cake on her Galanos drapped Mobility Skooter.

orygoon August 4, 2011 at 12:26 am

I house- and dog-sat for some out-of-town friends for my 50th birfday. I meditated about it all day, which means I sulked, with Boris and Otto to help a little. Then I went to a kind of street festival and, when eating a soft, squishy brownie or cookie or something, a little part of one of my teeth just fell out. Guess what, Mr. President? Your body's warranty has run out. The decline might be gentle, or it might be ugly, but it's all downhill now.

102415 August 4, 2011 at 12:31 am

Oh no. It's KDS52 now all snoopy. Off dooty. Troll 2 all right. The time these idiots waste.Me? I like to sit back and imagine how the Big Government takes the money right out of his wallet and transfers it direct deposit right into my bank account. The more he makes the more I get. I'm spending it on an ice cold beer right this minute. Thanks! All my abortions and birth controls are free now along with my Pell grants and SS and midnight basketball and PBS. I wouldn't have any of those things if he didn't work night and day. What a great guy.

flamingpdog August 4, 2011 at 12:43 am
Chet Kincaid August 4, 2011 at 1:17 am

I know I am going to get my ass creamed for posting these, but here are some birthday presents for those who want them.
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la
http://vichydems.blogspot.com/2011/08/democrats-p
http://immasmartypants.blogspot.com/2011/08/enoug

imissopus August 4, 2011 at 1:45 am

No no no, Obama sold us out! Please stop posting links to detailed arguments that contradict our narrative, we might have to stop feeling bitter and sorry for ourselves!

fuflans August 4, 2011 at 2:08 am

so many kisses for that.

if that counts as ass creaming, well so be it.

lulzmonger August 4, 2011 at 2:45 am

Nice … but the Chicken Little Lobby will merely use this damning evidence to prove that you're in the back pocket of Big Sky.

Negropolis August 4, 2011 at 7:57 am

The Poltiburo has the best news. Hold on, I hear the mighty Wurlitzer warming up…

johnnyzhivago August 4, 2011 at 8:47 am

"Why that's a very good analysis!!! Of course the Democrats won this… Now, pull up your pajamas, and get back to your nice padded room. I hear a new episode of Mythbusters is coming on tonight and you don't want to miss your dinner – it's meatloaf, your favorite!!!"

not that Dewey August 4, 2011 at 9:18 am

Thanks for the perspective, Chet. I've gotta go use those on my wingy liberal facebook friends.

Even libunatic bulwark TPM is starting to recognize this new fact.

"As for the Tea Party, it seems that on the debt ceiling, even when they win, they lose."

Nostrildamus August 4, 2011 at 3:39 pm

If those analyses are right what Obama has done is crafted a long-term winning strategy to counter the GOP's relentlessly short-term thinking.

Hope, hope, hope.

KenLayIsAlive August 4, 2011 at 11:33 pm

okay, okay, I read them. There is some good stuff in there.

ShaveTheWhales August 9, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Interesting analyses. Let's say I'm not totally persuaded (there's a blurry line between analysis and rationalization), but I certainly hope the writers are correct in their optimism.

fuflans August 4, 2011 at 1:26 am

see forget all this debt crap and bagger reigns of terror and untaxed gazillionaires. i just don't think a party that hires 'Reince Priebus' can be taken seriously.

i mean, confess. have you ever read a paragraph containing that name and not done a spit take? and then asked yourself: "what self respecting political party would let itself be headed by Reince fucking Priebus??!?!

Chet Kincaid August 4, 2011 at 1:27 am

Employees Are Required To Reince Priebus Before Returning To Kitchen

(can't remember if somebody said that months ago, but they should have!)

anniegetyerfun August 4, 2011 at 1:32 am

"Barack Obama" took some getting used to, but at least it rolls right off the tongue, you know? Reince Priebus is both kind of difficult to say, and sounds filthy.

Chet Kincaid August 4, 2011 at 1:40 am

"Forensic pathologists have traced the outbreak to an unreinced priebus in the Washington Metro area."

Negropolis August 4, 2011 at 7:50 am

Barack Obama isn't exactly a traditional American name that just rolls off the tongue, either. It's no mistake the guy went by Barry for most of his childhood and adolesence.

Admittedly, Reince Priebus does sound like some incurable but treatable disease.

johnnyzhivago August 4, 2011 at 8:50 am

He has a wife you know…. Do you know what her name is?? Incontinentia Buttocks .

SorosBot August 4, 2011 at 1:38 am

The talk of Uptown makes me miss Chicago, which is easy to do this time of year; but not in the winter. It's home to the best Indian food I've ever had.

Limeylizzie August 4, 2011 at 8:07 am

Mmmm. Devon FTW!

user-of-owls August 4, 2011 at 1:47 am

72 hours & they're gettin harder, what'd you expect. Tomorrow's another day

Doktor Zoom August 4, 2011 at 2:10 am

Perhaps Kittens would help?

Seriously, thinking good thoughts for you. Hang in there, compadre.

Radiotherapy® August 4, 2011 at 3:21 am

It's the Nueve Wonkateers.
abrazo y besos,
Radio

not that Dewey August 4, 2011 at 9:11 am

You should send that picture to Obama. It could melt even his heart.

donner_froh August 4, 2011 at 5:04 am

Nothing to say other than you have the good wishes of a lot of people including a bunch you will never know but who want to see you make it.

not that Dewey August 4, 2011 at 8:56 am

I know. It sucks. But if you go back now, you're just gonna have to repeat the last 3 days' worth of crap (plus whatever crap you haven't experienced yet), and you don't want to do that.

Did I neglect to mention that this would be an uphill sack race, through briar patches and enemy fire? No. I didn't need to tell you that. You knew it would be. The purpose of the withdrawals is not to punish you for what you've already done, but to serve as an object lesson in why you shouldn't do it again.

Listen — I'm not very good at playing the martinet. I could go get DustBowlBlues so she can administer her patented Tough Love Ass-Kicking™ — it's VERY effective.

Just call me if it happens again. It appears you got my message.

I find it hard to believe you don't know
The beauty that you are.
But if you don't, let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you won't be afraid

user-of-owls August 4, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Day Four….come on you dizzy children, another day, another ride! wee! Kinda like watching someone on a tightrope, isn't it?

Doktor Zoom August 4, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Just remember, you've got a lot of good people under you, holding a net.

Who's Annette?

A net! A net!

zappadoo76 August 4, 2011 at 1:48 am

From the article: "HA, he does not do that, silly Poors."

The poorz will always be with you, but I will not always be with you. — Matt. 21:11

SayItWithWookies August 4, 2011 at 2:41 am

Unfortunately, Jesus was only half right.

fartknocker August 4, 2011 at 2:23 am

Fuck a bunch of birthdays. If I wake up in the morning, it's kind of like a new day for me at my age. I'm too young to retire on my lifestyle of drinking Jack Daniels and eating South Texas food like brisket and mexican food.

Happy fucking birthday Mr. President. I'll still vote for you next year. But I really hope Michelle gives you a larger ball sack and nuts the size of lemons so you can scare the shit out of John Boehner. He's a gaping asshole – as if you didn't know.

donner_froh August 4, 2011 at 2:26 am

Aragon Ballroom–Lawrence Ave. and the El tracks if I remember correctly. A couple of boxers I worked with got their starts their. Pretty cool.

fuflans August 4, 2011 at 2:40 am

yeah you remember correctly…

at least for me, good times.

Radiotherapy® August 4, 2011 at 3:22 am

Yo fitty.

rhaguns August 4, 2011 at 6:32 am

Happy Birthday, Mr. President… good luck…

Celebrities profile
http://www.nagudi.blogspot.com http://www.goalindo.blogspot.com

rhaguns August 4, 2011 at 6:38 am

Happy Birthday, Mr. President… good luck…

player football profile http://www.goalindo.blogspot.com/

Terry August 4, 2011 at 8:08 am

"it also turns out that you can’t just have organized events at bars that hate you, according to the guy checking ID at the door"

This is awesome.

The tea baggers wouldn't be in that area, anyway. Too many ethnics, immigrants, and gay people. They all could be seeeeekrit mooslims.

BlueStateLibel August 4, 2011 at 8:39 am

The teabaggers are terrified of cities, no need to worry about that. They'd be panicked just to walk down a small stretch of Fifth Avenue by the Museum of Modern Art in broad daylight. But when did Hopey stand out on the balcony and tell all the poors to eat cake?

poncho_pilot August 4, 2011 at 9:19 am

yay! he can celebrate failing, too. since i'm turning 33 in a month, i can think of nothing but Jesus. if Jesus had a 34th b-day, i wonder what it would've been like. because he kind of blew his load by 33. all down hill from there, achievement-wise.

LiveToServeYa August 4, 2011 at 9:46 am

Happy birthday, you elitist Kenyan atheist Muslim.

horsedreamer_1 August 4, 2011 at 11:01 am

Chicago’s Uptown neighborhood, home of immigrants, refugees, meth addicts and lunchtime drive-bys

Don't forget the Jesuits. If memory serves — & it prolly doesn't — I recall Loyola U. being around there. But I was only there, once, for a Weezer show at the Aragon, May 2005.

Ducksworthy August 4, 2011 at 11:15 am

So its true. Barry is the muslin messiah.

rocktonsam August 4, 2011 at 12:57 pm

sorry chicago couldn't turn out for ya mr. president, there is a pennant race going on ya know.

gurukalehuru August 4, 2011 at 2:05 pm

When is Bradley Manning's birthday?

ttommyunger August 4, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Fox talking heads decrying how much of the taxpayer's money was spent on this party in 3…..2…..1…..

horsedreamer_1 August 4, 2011 at 10:54 am

Accented with Orange Peels, no doubt.

starfanglednut August 4, 2011 at 2:34 pm

No! I like it!

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Usually, I only get that enthusiastic reaction to offers to take OFF my pantalones. You haz wounded my ego, and now I haz a sad.

starfanglednut August 4, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Really? I hope not.

PristinePantalones August 4, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Nah, I was just fishing for the offer. Can't blame me for trying, right? Right?

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