Just yesterday, Kenyan Supervillain President Obama was plotting the grand finale of his economic assault on America (mostly through angry illustrations of himself standing next to John Boehner on top of a cake, as it is done in New York City) when he got bored for a minute and decided to allow all the ladies of the U.S.A. to get free birth control pills! “That will really throw them off,” he cackled, while eating cigarettes. Health insurers will now be required to cover contraception and other lady things without additional cost to said ladies. Somewhere in Alaska or maybe Scottsdale (who knows cares?) Bristol Palin is throwing a boxed wine-flavored temper tantrum, because if girls stop getting knocked up, who will pay Bristol Palin to lecture them on teen motherhood? And Princess Bristol is not the only one who is upset about this, because it starts with free birth control, and then all of a sudden this is “Red China” and everyone is getting free foot massages.
The ladies of Fox News’ Curling Iron Residue Guild convened this morning to discuss how seriously awful this new birth control situation is for America’s women. Concerned guest Sandy Rios pointed out just how slippery this heavily lubricated sex slope is: “We’re $14 trillion in debt and now we’re going to cover birth control, breast pumps, counseling for abuse? Are we going to do pedicures and manicures as well?” Yeah, abused women, we know you enjoy your outings to the counseling center, but this isn’t a sleepover party. Priorities!
Yes, obviously, “Having a baby is not the worst thing.” The worst thing is being a baby that belongs to this country’s millions of Worst Things. [ThinkProgress]
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Counseling for abuse! Preposterous!
I say, if abused people get counseling, then only outlaws will get abused. Or something.
That's why, when Sarah Palin was governor, she made rape victims pay for their own mani-pedis.
What we need to know if whether this counseling of abusers occurs prior to or after the fact. Do they receive advice on such issues as abuse etiquette? Or do those expressing post-abuse remorse earn expressions of sympathy?
Say, will all this birth control, breast pumps and counseling for abuse cost as much as even one bomb that we ALWAYS have money for?
Every breast pump we buy is a theft from the hard working bomb makers in America.
The teabaggers don't want to pay the bomb-MAKERS either. Purely a mindless labor job that anyone could do. M.S. in Engineering … meh. Now the people who decide where the bombs GO, that's a different story. We can't pay Lieberman, McCain, and their girlfriend Lindsey enough! Not even a lifetime of healthcare, a staff full of bodyguards and toadies, lobbying and media jobs for everyone in their families, huge bags of cash, and the fealty of a grateful nation is enough for those Patriots.
What an un-American question! What are you…an elite who thinks he/she know better, or a poor that needs help? Either way…socialist!
Yay! I get to be an elite who knows better! Because of all the kids who were (tries to think of an elite way to say "pushed out of my body with the force of a million kiegels") ANYWAY – TAKE YOUR FREE PILLS LADIES!!! Be whatever kind of whore you'd like. Fuck em and smile, but take the pills. And tell any bitch with a problem to go fuck HERSELF, you've got dicks to play with. (Or maybe ya just don't wanna be on the rag much, which, I wd think wd be a man's lobby, but whatevs) All the lesbians who don't want kids, just go be superior, like over there…with your money and time and no semen near you…
"(tries to think of an elite way to say "pushed out of my body with the force of a million kiegels")"
The words you're looking for are "pooped out" – courtesy of Jim Newell.
That is what first came to mind, and while it is accurate, I don't want for anything to sound like it shot out of anything quickly, so as not to disparage my lady parts who have done a yeoman's job of staying strong and put together in spite of me, ya know what I mean?
"pushed out of my body with the force of a million Kegels" is actually the elite/socialist way of saying, "pooped out".
Silly liberal. Bombs come from a TOTALLY DIFFERENT BUDGET than abuse counseling. The one can be totally flush while the other is DESTROYING AMERICA WITH DEBT BURDENING OUR GRANDCHILDREN.
Off topic but I love your username.
Funny post over at Blatherwatch.
I pledge allegiance to the flag, but not the Gubbiment cause amurika iz run by a moran. During this tyranny I say refudiate Nobama and give us dear sweet Sara. Cut taxes so they can’t go the collage and save my Medicare. And please lord, save my children’s future…so I don’t have to pay that ex-beotch child support.
Truck Nutz
Relax, faux ladies, you'll win in the long term. These kids would have probably ended up attending the Obama Youth National Socialist Public Skool Programme, where they would have burned bibles and studied LIBERAL artz etc etc. The Home Schoolers will continue to squeeze out baby Jesus babies to swell the ranks of the teatards.
I would bet a lot that many of those home-schooled by fundo-ignoramuses will go to the other extreme, come age 18, and become witches or yezidis or maybe even get remedial education! There can't be too many jobs for engineers who think pi = 3.
"These kids would have probably ended up attending the Obama Youth National Socialist Public Skool Programme"
[bug-eyed kid, speaking in robotic monotone]
"Hello, Mother. Nothing happened today during my uneventful day at school"
[then yelling]
"ALL HAIL OUR GLORIOUS KENYAN LEADER AND HIS SOCIALIST EMPIRE!!!"
What's really going to kill me is if this also covers free Bon-Bons for women too.
Well, but they'll be filled with creamy Lipitor.
Well, for *your* information, Mr. Smarty Pants Know It All, I already *have* free Bon-bons.
I lie on the couch which I bought with my welfare check, reading Bon-bons and eating trashy romance novels.
.
I love bon bons. I like the ice cream ones. I will definitely vote for Democrats now. When can I get them?
Times are tough in America–and it is unconscionable for teh poors to keep getting these basic human rights provided whilst the multi-billionaires are being threatened to have their private jets taxed. It's the truly bipartisan thing to do…or something like that.
Uh, if we don't start making a helluva lot more babies pronto, what the hell are we going to eat once the hobo beans run out? Think, morans!!!
Modest Proposal for America: make the poor have babies, then buy them cheap for food! Barbecued baby yum-yum, or so Jno. Swift!
We eat Hobo Beans while the babbies eat their skin flakes. Ahhhh, the arrogance of the pro-lifers. . .
http://articles.nydailynews.com/2011-05-04/news/2...
I prefer to eat the rich.
Before we give all those sluts free birth control pills, let's be sure to ask them if their husbands/boyfriends/daddies have locks on the gunracks.
Don't locks on gunracks violate the second amendment?
So say the gun fetishists, who oppose pediatricians asking parents if they have their guns locked up.
http://thetruthaboutguns.com/2011/03/robert-farag...
Isn't that just the government taking guns away from children at the expense of personal responsibility?
Oh god. My douchenut boss is always going on about "personal responsibility". He even invoked it when a co worker wanted to remove peanut butter cookies in case any of he kids that ride the boat have peanut allergies. I guess the 4 year olds are supposed to have "personal responsibiliy" and not eat the cookies, and if a child dies on our boat for his assinine ideology, then so be it.
Sheesh; once again, Teabaggistanis are snark-proof.
"Teabaggistanis are snark-proof"
*thoughtfully*
I'll bet they're not shark-proof, though.
I'm just sayin'.
I liked the guy in the comments who said "even though I have at least one gun on every floor of my house (3 floors), they are all in safes. Most are fully loaded in quick access safes, and I do carry in my house. I am safe, and my kid is too!"
He carries in his house.
Does this strike anyone as a somewhat paranoid way to live?
You just never know when Mooslim terrrrists are gonna come and try to blow up your rec room.
If you want to use a gun to defend yourself against a home invasion/robber/meth freak or whatever boogieman you’re afraid of, you have to do the following:(1) Buy a handgun and some ammo. Long guns won’t work because you can’t keep them handy or train them on intruders fast enough.(2) Go to the range and learn how to shoot the thing. It’s not instinctive and will scare the shit out of you the first time you do it. You have to practice and get good. The other folks there will be a little scary, but very happy to admit another member to their cult.(3) Keep the weapon, loaded, and with the safety off, in the nightstand, next to your bed. You can’t lock the drawer, even though Junior might find it and kill himself or somebody else you don’t want dead, because you need to be able to lay your hands on that pistol right now.(4) Oh, here’s the hard one: you have to be ready and willing to shoot somebody in the head or the chest. The crackhead home invaders aren’t going to carefully consider the situation and your superior firepower and retreat because you tell them to. You have to be ready to kill. It could be your teenage son coming home late and drunk and wandering into the wrong room. That’d be a shame, but what can you do? You thought he was a burglar.So I can’t do that. Maybe some people can.
Hmm…. it seems that the word that sounds just like "rettarrddedd" is once again being insta-banned by the Incensed Debate electro-gestapo. Pardon my consonants.
Ahem!
So, if guns are rettarrddedd, only rettarrdds will have guns — and it looks like we're just about there.
"Once upon a time we needed … to commit violent acts on large animals so we could all eat. Now the addition of a thumb leads primarily to their offspring accidentally shooting themselves with the loaded guns they keep in their homes … Because they are no longer necessary, and the laws of [Nature] have dictated that … their genetic line should not continue."
– Mary Dugger, "The History of Lesbian Hair"
"husbands/boyfriends/daddies"
This is one person, right?
“We’re $14 trillion in debt and now we’re going to cover birth control, breast pumps, counseling for abuse? I mean, that's what we got pimps for."
The olds that make up Fox news and the tea party only care about Viagra.
Which, as we well know, is fully covered by Medicare and every insurance plan under the sun. They never think that the reason women NEED the government to assist them is because so many insurance plans do not. At least the Republicans can rejoice that Medicaid does not cover erectile dysfunction treatment. No whoopee for the poors … everyone knows they're all Democrats.
While Republicans should never have to miss a chance to screw somebody.
And doing it on someone else's dime probably makes it all the more enjoyable.
These teatard ladeez are just jealous that somebody out there actually needs birth control. All they've got in the way of romance are furtive glances at their dirty Danielle Steele novels.
"Viagra? No problem, Sir. Birth control? Get lost, slut!" — Tom Tomorrow
What else are we going to pay for? Free bad analogy training?
That's just like the Nazi Party!
You sure Hoekstra-ed that one outta the park!
Being compared to Hoekstra is exactly the same treatment that the Ainu got under the Meiji regime.
I think going full Godwin would have been acceptable.
OMG! Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-MI-x) just tweeted!!
Just got out done by a witty Meiji post. Now I know what it feels like to live in Hama these days.
I'll pay an extra buck a year for this. I live in a red state, so naturally most of the tax dollars will flow towards us.
Theyrz nuthin in teh CONstitutpion bout birf control!!1 Are FOURfathers diddunt hab NOB reastRummpS!!! WAT iZ RONG wit dis cUNTRY!1!!
YAY! Except this; too young to partake and enjoy in the sexy 1960's and now too old to enjoy the free birth control. Crap.
I'm sure if our FOURfathers had access to the pill, Mr. Jefferson and Mr. Franklin, at the very least, would have been making liberal use of it. And given how smart they were, no doubt they would have figured out a way to get the government to pay for it.
Some of them enjoyed breasts and rumps, anyway! Franklin, for example.
Even though I am not a breasted-american, I want a breast pump. I'm sure I can reconfigure it into a shape useful for–something…
But what of free condoms? We could all use a few dozen to ambush the nearest Teatard. Filled with water or whatever.
Mayonnaise?, with axel grease on the outside (brown of course).
Savior of the drooling masses Rep Steve King (Crazy-NY) had this to say on the issue:
"We have people that are single, we have people that are past reproductive age, we have priests that are celibate. All of them, paying insurance premiums that cover contraceptives so that somebody else doesn't have to pay the full fare of that? And they've called it preventative medicine. Preventative medicine. Well if you applied that preventative medicine universally what you end up with is you've prevented a generation. Preventing babies from being born is not medicine. That's not— that's not constructive to our culture and our civilization. If we let our birth rate get down below replacement rate we're a dying civilization."
I think this is the part where my head explodes in frustration.
It's cute that he thinks single people (or Catholic priests for that matter) aren't knocking boots. No one tell him women are now allowed to wear trousers; he might get a case of the vapors.
Adding the IQs of the members of the House of Representatives with the surname "King" would yield a negative number.
No, Steve King is the crazy Iowa bigot, not to be confused with the crazy New York bigot Peter King.
Speaking of which, you know who else was obsessed with the birth rate of his civilization?
Mao Zedong?
Nicolae Ceaușescu?
Romanian reproductive history under communism is definitely a worthwhile read for anyone interested. I wish these teabaggers would realize how closely their conservative ideology matches that of Ceausescu.
I wrote a paper for my Anthropology of Sex and Gender class about the nationalization of reproduction under Ceausescu. I remember reading this one report that said women were so desperate to have an abortion without the government knowing that they poured tuica and palinca into their vaginas. Homemade, hardcore, take the paint off the walls liquor. I can't even describe the details. If they sought medical help after a botched attempt, and the doctors realized what happened, they would literally let them suffer or die.
I recommend grabbing this book from the library or used through Amazon, The Politics of Duplicity: Controlling Reproduction in Ceausescu's Romania
If I am not mistaken, the net effect of that policy was orphanages overrun with infants whom nobody wanted or took care of. So, having compelled women to carry and bear these infants, the Romanian government couldn't then think of anything to do with them other than ignore them.
Yes, I do!
Anders Breivik?
Why, we've got fully half the population that doesn't have ladyparts paying into coverage for ladypart doctors. Is that fair, I ask you?
As a person without any cancer whatsoever, I am outraged that my insurance premiums are going to pay for fancy "treatments" for these chemotherapy queens.
What's next, pedicures for women with cervical cancer? It's an outrage!
It's sorta the least you can do after de-funding pap smears, honestly.
I, too, take umbrage that a generally abused and largely ineffectual treatment like radiotherapy is pushed upon the dying civilized patients, with the blessing of insurance companies, under the auspices of "hope" and "don't you want to live?" all the while money flows thru the medical-industrial complex.
Damn straight! Don't even get me started on those degenerative motor neuron disease leeches.
MS-holes!
I don't want to pay for all these clowns who injure themselves skiing or rock-climbing.
Single people don't need birth control? Woo hoo! (throws condoms out window) Hey single ladies, let's get biz-ay!
Bamp-chicka-bamp!
If we get to pick and choose which government programs our taxes are used for, I'm not buying any more goddamn wars for quite a while.
There was a SF short story (in Analog maybe?) where the protagonist was filling out his taxes. The twist was that you were told how much owed and your tax form was how you allocated the money (5% for education, 3% for health, etc.)
Made sense to me.
"Accountants Of Dune" is the boringest SF novella ever.
The material costs must flow.
Worse than "Foundation : Depreciation"? Or "The Auditors of Pern"?
I, personally, would like to opt out of any more $100 ashtrays and $700. toilet seats.
Oh, yeah, and paying corporations to move jerbs overseas.
Actually, the thing about just letting our civilization die out sounds like a pretty good idea.
http://www.vhemt.org/
Is it possible to send King to London or the Hague or some place on terrorism charges?
Some go to jail for refusing to pay taxes for wars they don't like!
Living in America, theses days, is like having to sit through the Mad Hatter's tea party, accept that if you excuse yourself from the table, he shoots you square between the eyes, well, because he's mad as a hatter.
plus you don't get cakes or tea, just depression
And you can't be late.
One word: Viagra.
And Goddammit, I don't have a fucking prostate! All you mens can just check yer own and decide what to do from there! I'm sick of paying for walkers for old people! If they can't pick themselves up by their own bootstraps and get to the bathroom without help, then let them break a hip! And we don't need any fancy pants ambulances picking people up. People need to start being responsible for for driving themselves to the damn hospital even when they can't drive! What the fuck is this country coming to?!
Let's see…
Labor & Delivery ~ $10k
Pill/condom ~ $0.30
Makes sense to me. Does it to you?
How about if we give free birth control to Tea Bag ladies only? That way, we can prevent the birth of new Tea Baggers. I call that preventative medicine!
We should change the name of the government to the Ameriplex Corporation, then, when people try to cut services, we can just say, "what, do you hate big business.?" It will need a douchey-looking old guy to the figurehead CEO.
Rupert Murdoch will be looking for something to do once Wendi (Cultural Revolution) Deng Murdoch elbows him aside.
Ameriplex … I like that. I usually call us the United Corporations of America, but your choice is much more "corporate." Huzzah!
too bad Heston is dead. "you'll get good customer service when you pry it from my cold dead hands. please hold."
RAMJAC
But I DO hate big business. Now I don't know what to think.
Why yes, I do want to put ideology over public health.
These are the people who were ready to blow up our whole country's economy because the gubbmint's run by a colored feller, I mean, debt!!!!11! This is hardly a stunner.
"Public" health? That sounds kind of Communistic to me.
Ms Rios could have just about got away with it had she stopped after "breast pumps".
Or better yet, stopped after "We're".
Or before she left the green room.
In Soviet China, fetus aborts you!
I'm down to my last good egg but I want me some of that birth control .
who IS that ginger beauty??
That's Neville, my enormous cat.
Appeaser!
Named for Nevil Shute, but I preferred Chamberlain's spelling of the name.
They makes the boobies bigger, but they gives you the cancer. It's a difficult choice.
Didn't you hear what the rich blonde lady was saying? If we make birth control accessible to all women, the next thing the government'll be doing is checking to see if they've been taking them, then forcing them to get abortions just like they do in China. Because some liberal has obviously decided that one billion Americans is far too many, and we have to take drastic action to reduce our population growth before we — wait a minute…
death panels by any other name. touche' palin.
This is why I support more widespread acceptance of the Facial Money Shot Technique.
Not with my taxpayer dollars! No wait, I support that. More funding for research!
subscribes to newsletter
Funny, although I have never understood why that is a turn-on. But eleventy-billion other male porn consumers can't be wrong!
In Red China foot massages you. A foot that is firmly encased in a spiked boot.
Sounds more like Japan!
FUCK?…..Yeah.
Heavily lubricated sex slopes are HAWTT!
I don't know – if I had a to choose "What is the worst thing?" between birth control and a mangled vagina, I think I'd go with "mangled vagina". To say nothing of the squawling brat that I'd have to raise.
Do you really want to encourage people to have sex whenever, wherever, and however they want? And how can we do it in the most cost effective manner? I propose we eliminate co-pays for Makers Mark on the rocks.
All fetuses (feti?) should have manicures. Those fingernails have gotta hurt on the way out!
AP Stylebook suggests fetusauruses as the plural of fetus.
Poor ladies. I've had government peanut butter. (*shudder*) I can't even imagine how these government condoms are going to taste.
Ever seen a condom designed by committee? They're basically surgical gloves.
Their tune would change if any of THEM ever had the crap beaten out of them by some man.
*bangs head against desk
Why, yes, yes it would. They would want to know how they can be more biblical and quiverful, so that their wicked womanish ways didn't upset the poor man again and make him do that.
Not if you are a dutiful little subservient wife in the biblical way.
Whacking 'ol what's his name….$60 billion.
Contraceptives covered by insurance….$100, Co-pay
Watching the Right Wing blow a head gasket….Priceless
“We’re $14 trillion in debt and now we’re going to cover birth control, breast pumps, counseling for abuse? Are we going to do pedicures and manicures as well?”
It's interesting how easily the anti-birth-control lady admits that although she's against abortion, she's also against birth control — almost as though abstinence is the only possible option, and people should be forbidden from taking reasonable measures to control their reproductive behavior. I certainly hope this lady eats all her food completely raw, too, as the wild animals do, because once we kept people from getting liver flukes and salmonella, you know what happened? Obesity. People would be far more careful about what they ate if their chances of dying from lunch were greater.
We really should go back to the good old pre-hospital days, when one in four women died in childbirth as Jesus intended. How else will the sluts ever learn?
When are we going to start seeing 21 States trying to force through vasectomy mandations required at puberty to be reversed at the presentation of marriage certificates fulfilling DOMA requirements?
Can we form some kind of Wonkommune?
I call village pimp / schoolteacher.
Nice combo!
i call free mani / pedi.
I'm pretty good with hand tools, and can fashion crude shelters out of pine boughs and the like. Plus I know a bit about red wines and can help select the good ones when we loot the liquor store.
I am a pretty good cook, lousy baker though, have a fabulous repertoire of filthy British Music Hall songs and am a good knitter so I could knit little outfits for us.
You're definitely in charge of the Dramatic Ensemble.
(Hey, somebody want to tell me why the only costumes we have are "Nazi Interrogator" and "Free French spy"?)
Also, rough-hewn Jewish Partisan.
The Wonder Bread bakery is going to be off limits, so we will need someone who can make hard-crusted, chewy sourdough bread every morning, or maybe German-style brötchen. I'll get up at 4:30 and tend the fire with scraps from the shop, but somebody with a good touch has to roll out that dough.
Dust Bowl Blues is our gal, I believe.
Marginal baker here (better with quickbreads and yeast doughs than French baguettes, but that is at least partially an equipment issue), good cook, trained in beer, cheese and coffee types/tastes. So I can provide both machiattos (the real kind, not Starbucks crap) and biscotti.
Plus I'm a semi-reformed lawyer, so I can spot and shoot them on sight to keep our commune clean.
That made me laugh for the first time in a couple of days, I think the Wonkette Kommune would be a lovely place, as long as dogs and cats are allowed.
I make a mean anusburger, and after several years of reading Wonkette, I've become expert at laughing and crying simultaneously – I could teach a class in that.
I'm good with teh public health, and also cook/bake. I'm in. I look forward to the people protesting health and happiness, though.
Hey, any teacher out there want to teach Howard Zinn's history of America?
Ixnay on the inn-Zay– we call it "supplemental material." The state-approved textbooks were written in the 1980s by a committee of tone-deaf Freidmanites who think the Dawes Act failed because the natives wouldn't wise up and join the free market.
I sort of have to wonder about the blonde wingnut lady. She launches into her sense-free talking points without the least hesitation, and with great emotional brio, but it just seems so rehearsed and phony. I wonder if after she's off the air she looks in the mirror and says, how long can I keep on spouting this bullshit? Sure, the yahoos eat it up, but I feel so dead inside…
EDIT: Oh, I see. She's a former chair of Concerned Women for America. In which case she is 100% deadly serious, and kinda scary.
Allen West, your move.
"No condoms or manicures for that insolent, insubordinate heifer Wasserman-Schultz!!!"
woooaahhh. sandy rios.
cunt.
Also is that a porn name?
Her name is Rios, and she dances on the Sandy
How do you make a pheromone? Put sand in her rios.
Free Birth Control and Manicures
Shit, if Obama did both of those, it would make up for that shitty debt ceiling deal. Well almost.
I'm so effing GLAD that with all this debt, the country is looking at providing, err, requiring insurance companies to provide birth control, since that is SO much more expensive than paying for 9 months of prenatal care of 18 years of a kid.
Oops, I forgot, I'm a wimminz; how dare I be thinking or actually adding those number things instead of being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, always!
(Pats you encouragingly on the head) Oh, you dear, sweet, fragile little thing! That was close! Happily, you know your limits!
Several years ago my type-1 diabetic sister had to pay for her own birth control pills (she had otherwise-stellar health insurance coverage). As her doctor pointed out, the cost of oral contraceptives was WAY lower than what the insurance company would have to fork out for 9 months of prenatal care. I guess for that particular insurance provider, placating the lunatic right wing was even more important than saving money.
This is good news for Bristle Palin.
Oh, and think of all those poor, empty orphanages that just need filling up. It's such a shame that Angelina Jolie has to trek to Namibia to pick up a kid nowadays — and you know why? Our indiscriminate use of birth control.
Also:
I made it to 3:18 before I started to hurl projectiles at the computer screen. The anti – birth control beeyatch actually thinks that free birth control will mean that women will have "uncontrolled sexual behavior"?!?
I've got birth control, guys! Open legs right here!
They mean uncontrolled by that "small government" they're always yammering about.
As a form of birth control, Small Government is even more unreliable than the Rhythm Method.
Free birth control isn't free. They also have to counsel you on gestational diabetes.
I've got birth control, guys! Open legs right here!
And you guys are raggin' on Barry? After he's done this for us?
This is good news for… well, me.
God, when the blonde ones open their mouths it's like listening to my cats fighting.
The interview cut out just before Ms. Rios got crushed by a house.
A tragedy indeed. But at least her last meal in the Green Room before going on set was that lovely carpaccio of Hansel and Gretel.
Callyson- that's exactly where I couldn't watch anymore. I think that instead of birth control, we can just make people watch that clip, I swore myself to celibacy while watching her. "In a heartbeat!"
When the teabaggers find out about this birth control thing, they will threaten to blow up a bridge on I-35W unless Obama reverses it and puts fertility clinics in every Starbucks. Obama will insist on putting them in Best Buys only. They will compromise on Kinko's. The teabaggers will blow up the bridge anyway.
Oh great.
Three ankle biting rug-rats later and NOW De Guberman't want's to help kill my sperm.
2 kid's too late.
But hey, thanks for the thought.
if ANY ONE OFTHESE FUCKING TOOLs OFFERED ME A FREE MANI/PEDI ….
i would vote for them forever.
(i am shallow that way.)
You're just asking for it!
A mani-pedi, I mean. Not anything else otherwise you might need abuse counseling and that shit costs.
These fucking idiots.
Did somebody say free foot massages?
Ha! And you all thought Obama didn't know how to negotiate!
Jules: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa… stop right there. Eatin' a bitch out, and givin' a bitch a foot massage ain't even the same fuckin' thing.
Vincent: It's not. It's the same ballpark.
Jules: Ain't no fuckin' ballpark neither. Now look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but, you know, touchin' his wife's feet, and stickin' your tongue in her Holiest of Holies, ain't the same fuckin' ballpark, it ain't the same league, it ain't even the same fuckin' sport.
But Obama is a Secret Republican out to destroy all non-wealthy Americans! Birth control would give women more control over their bodies, allowing poorer women in particular the chance to break the cycle of poverty by forgoing childrearing until they are in a better position to take care of a smaller number of children, which would lessen demand for social services and save the government money! How can this be an evil Koch plot?
There you go again with that "thinking" thing.
Doncha know that logic has a well-known liberal bias?
Once upon a time, I remember people raging against "welfare queens" who had as many babies as possible to inflate her proverbial gubmint check. Are we over hating on those, then?
No. Remember, the subtext is always "white babies."
Hey, is that a tar baby the President is holding up? Like a quagmire or a sticky situation?
I think that's called a "sticky wicket".
Hmmmm? Watch this FoxNews clip of botoxed plastic lying Foxhoes OR apply more preparation-H ?
Hell yes. Look people, if you don't have enough money for it, you just have no business being a woman.
cool, …. now where all the white women at?
Try the dole office.
I said "white". heyooo
With all of the Viagra he's been popping over the years, I wouldn't doubt it. **rimshot**
Wow, it's like Obama believes he's in a country where it's possible to have a serious national discussion about birth control. He does believe in hope, after all!
I've met thes teabagger fucks. I know these teabagger fucks. And I'll tell you whats burbling inside of their Limbaugh-Beck shrunken brains – the more destitute single mothers there are, desperate to feed their children, the more likely I am to get a $10 blow job.
I like the way you think. So, where do I go to get the blowjob?
There's a male republican state rep. in Fla. willing to pay you $20 to suck your cock in a public restroom, as long as you're a black man.
And I'll bet you a buck he's a "values voter".
True enough, but they think $10.00 is waaaaaay too much, they (tea-tards) want their blow jobs for $4.99, and believe me, they want that penny back.
Yeah, because pedicures and manicures are the equivalent of abuse counseling. That's what women do, right? You know, schedule a session of abuse, followed by a few hours of counseling, and then an afternoon out on the town for pedicures and manicures.
Stupid bitch is stupid.
Don't forget the walk-in abortion at Wal-Mart.
Wow. I don't condone violence against women. But I would very much like to slap Sandy Rios right in the fucking face. With a shovel. The pointy end.
Keep ur gubbmint out of my manicure!! Seriously, I've seen what kind of colors they paint things, and I want no part of it.
"Your choices are black and white. I'd recommend against choosing an urban color."
Wow. Imagine what an entire generation of wanted babies would be like.
They would still suck in airplanes.
Granted. I should have added "…once they grow up and get to run things."
Because I am heartily sick of this country being governed by people who didn't get held enough as babies.
Having a baby is not the worst thing.
The worst thing is the wimmins having the sex, and enjoying the sex, without a lifetime of Consequences.
– “Is the White House out of their mind? Does the West Wing not know what the left wing is doing? We’re $14 trillion in debt and now we’re going to cover birth control, breast pumps, counseling for abuse? Are we going to do pedicures and manicures as well?”
Concerning Sandy Rios:
Counseling for abuse? How awful! To think our government would try to help women who have had the living shit knocked out of them? This is terrible. The government should instead be giving tips to wife beaters, and should certainly be paying said wife beaters for "keeping women in their place! " I hope this biatch is gang raped by 50 or so ex-cons every 10 months and forced by her god "Judge Scalia" to have about 15 or so bastard children. Hell, let's even get rid of those pesky deadbeat dad laws, so all 50 ex-cons can live with her & beat her to within inches of her life every single day, only to be told by the hospital "Sorry, you had it coming".
Let's keep the manicures though.
As someone that maxes out their insurance prescription coverage by about April, YES Sandy, this will actually help people who -do- already make the effort to get their pills. Feel free to go straight to hell.
All these stuck-up bitches think they are such hot shit, walking around with their tax-payer birth-control, going to their tax-payer abuse counseling. Why do all these cock-teases even need birth control in Barry's communist lesbian matriarchy??
Bring back scarlet letters! These fine women would be so lettered they'd look like they had fallen face-first onto Sesame Street, the rough part of Sesame Street, anyway. Brought to you by the letters…oh hell, "all of them, Katie".
OT, but, fuck Andrew Gross, I can't even scroll around without his sales pitch popping up. And another point, all the world needs is a another playbook (to encourage) sociopaths. In my 50 years I've only encountered one of them, and believe me, one is too many.
The unindicted co-conspirator in Rios's rant is Fox News's target audience: the aggrieved white male. These guys can't hack it in the modern economy. They're being out educated and out performed by a young generation of women that was more or less given equal opportunities. And it threatens them and it pisses them off. Every time a woman gets anything that a man does not, even abuse counseling, it wounds their fragile male egos even more.
Of course, all these entitled, sexist fucks get a major hard-on when some Fox News babe tells women that if they don't want to get pregnant, they should buy their own birth control or start taking it up the ass. It's just their way of feeling morally superior to all the women who are beating them in the market place.
Murdoch needs poor babies for his war machine. Come on guys. Think of the warmongering elites.
What is the alternative?
Give out Bristol's book and a bottle of boon's farm?
How is it government spending when INSURANCE is paying for it???
I mean, unless you are on Medicaid which covers it anyway….
Some girls take birth control to control painful and abnormal periods….
Just walk it off! Man up (so to speak)!
Rub some dirt on it!!
"and reaction has been swift"…boated?…
Slippery slope arguments are themselves a slippery slope. I mean, where does it end? First we use them to create reductio ad absurda about birth control. Next thing you know, we'll be using them to … oh, wait.
Only in a country as monumentally stupid as ours would free birth control be considered "controversial". I long to live in a country where believing in an invisible sky daddy who wants women to poop out as many brats as humanly possible is considered "controversial".
Ahhh…li'l Barry trying to appease the masses with bread and birth control – so we are supposed to ignore the fact that he got "mushroom stamped" by a Boehner and a Cuntor?
First they give loans so people can buy houses — now they pay for birth control clinics? Is there no end to the evil this gubmint will do?
The shotgun wedding industry in Alaska are going to suffer mightily with this kind of empowerment.
Republicans go for blowjobs only. I've heard with my own ears, "Fucking is for truck drivers, blowjobs are the thing." They can't fuck and therefore nobody else should be fucking. Ergo, no birth control should be encouraged or provided so that intercourse is therefore discouraged. It is beyond sad.
I wonder how effective those $5 a month, made in China, generic "no frills" no brand name birth control pills are, and what kind of polluted water, lead-rich stream flows near the factory that makes them (manned by slaves)?
Oh, wow, we work for the same guy.
Does he have a shaved head and a soul patch?
Howie Mandel?
Or a Democrat is going to knock on your door and ask for your vote.
I'm usually too drunk to shoot after 5pm, so I leave the boy-child (11) in charge of the firearms. Somebody has to be ready to defend our home from terrorists and wood-elves.
Seriously, I just wasted the minutes after posting my question looking up a few discussions of the best ways to home carry. (One guy advocates a number of loaded handguns cached throughout the house, in a strategic path backing up to the Safe Room).
A very mean part of me sort of likes the idea that one of these loons will be armed to the teeth, trained like a ninja to defend his home fortress from the 82nd Airborne, and then get stung to death by bees on his patio.
Thank you.
This is the truth, not snark: I was once the victim of a home invasion and I can tell you flat out, had I had a firearm strapped to my ankle, I couldn't have retrieved it fast enough to train on the very quiet perpetrator (referred to by the police as "the actor" … ha ha, he wasn't acting!) before he was on top of me with a huge knife at my throat. I don't know why these gun nuts always think the "actor" is going to make his appearance when they are conveniently situated right next to their nightstands. It hardly EVER happens that way.
Wouldn't a really good German Shepherd or two be a lot more effective?
The average teabagger is not going to hear an intruder breaking in in the middle of the night over the snoring of his wife, but your average trusty dog will.
Well, duh, that's why he needs enough guns to shoot all the bees.
Snort!
The little bastards are hard to hit:
A combination of alcohol, bees and a gun resulted in a Williamsburg (PA) man making a trip to the hospital Sunday. … According to police 57-year-old David Walls had been drinking when he tried to shoot down some bees flying above him using a .22 caliber revolver loaded with buckshot. Walls ended up shooting himself in the left hand causing soft tissue damage.
Wow. You’re brave to be able to talk about it.
That's awful and scary and I'm glad you survived without shooting anyone.
But… would you have, if you'd had your gun in your hand?
Very glad you're alright…live to snark another day. I suspect my response would be the same. I once carried a gun from my car to my front door (lived in a bad neighborhood) but an actual home invasion would have been impossible to get through.. No way to get to the gun, I've always lived with large dogs, knowing that if said invader had a piece of bacon in his hand I would be toast.
I've thought a lot about that. First, he was much bigger than I am, so chances are he could have disarmed me. But also he was high as a kite and I'm such a liberal all I could think was, "This is a sick person. Just do what he says and get him out of here." I truly believe that's how I lived through the experience; had I fought him in any way, I would be dead. And had I killed HIM, I would still feel guilty about it.
After awhile, it seems like something that happened to someone else. It took about five years to get there, though.
WhenLara Logan described being assaulted in Tahrir Square on “60 Minutes , I expected to hate it for the tawdryness. Came away admiring her courage.
Oh, don't. I've seen hospital abuse of that first hand under the NHS and that's a fucking government system.
Fuck only knows how bad it gets under a for-profit system.
Honestly, though, other than slicing and dicing, is there really such a thing as a cost-effective cancer treatment? Especially once we're talking late-stage? I've seen chemo drugs give someone an extra few months or even years once they've run multiple courses, and you even get the occasional remission, but some of those drugs run $10,000 or more a dose, too.
God, I remember how the wingnuts flipped out when the FDA de-approved bevacizimab for breast cancer because of efficacy issues. Yes, god forbid you not be able to spend tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars on drugs that are proven not to work.
A good defense against those bees would be to buy a dog that shoots bees out of its mouth when it barks.
The security company that took care of me in Afghanistan also looks after Lara and a number of other correspondents over there; I'm good friends with the owner of the company and he has brought her out drinking with us on several occasions (as you might imagine, she is a blast to go drinking with). She is one tough gal and took the whole thing a lot better than I would have ever imagined.
For your amusement, some pics of Lara not on 60 Minutes. http://s236.photobucket.com/albums/ff119/geoman77...
Thanks!
Are you "Me"? If so, nice to put a face with a handle. You are a braver man than I!
This proves you have lady parts. I've been in men's restrooms at the office, listening to someone in the next stall mightily working away. I just want to yell "eat some damn vegetables" at them some times. Where was I? Oh yes – pooped out. Doesn't have to mean quickly.
Aha. Yes, this DOES make sense, relative to the male female bathroom time ratio. And you're right, fiber, fiber, fiber.
But, also, Kegels.
Oh Lizzie, you might want to wait until this epic comes out on DVD, lest you be tempted to behave inappropriately in the theater:
http://artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/07/29/red-...
Yes, the fat drunken lout with the post-deployment need of a haircut is indeed the human face of Flagass.
Oh my goodness! That Michael B. Jordan is a handsome devil! I hope they do a good job with that, seems it's about time that story was told, I remember watching a tv movie about the Tuskegee Airmen that was just ok.
I propose a new meme: "Makes as much sense as shooting at bees."
Goddammit, is there not one absurd gun-related scenario we can invent that has not already happened in fact?
Like Lizzie, you're much better-looking than your avatar.
Let's all use our actual pictures as avatars! Whaddya think?
"other than slicing and dicing, is there really such a thing as a cost-effective cancer treatment?"
I worked as a temp for a very well-respected cancer program that operated in conjunction with the CDC and the Komen foundation. Because funding was severely limited, the powers that be sat down and crunched the numbers, and discovered that it was cheaper to prevent cancer in a thousand patients than to treat it in one patient — literally.
Kind of like our "pro-lifers", eh?
More fun to go for a walk with, anyway.
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