the devil take them all

So What Did Obama *Really* Sign Today, To Destroy America?

Just another day at the office of Richest 400 Americans, Ltd.The White House rushed out a Flickr picture of Obama signing this awful thing, because everybody really wants that for their smartphone wallpaper or whatever, before they throw away the smartphone because who can afford such things? But what did the corporate shill really sign? A tipster sends us an enhancement of the photo above, which reveals this guy’s true feelings about us. (Hint: Are you a billionaire? Then Obama really thinks you’re swell. Are you, say, anyone else in America? He hates you.)

Don't forget to give thanks to Satan, the god of the wealthy.[Flickr]

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177 comments

    1. riverside68

      At pen point.

      Which, in case you are interested, is worse than with a gun.

      (With a gun they can only take what you have on you at that moment.)

  1. WhatTheHolyHeck

    Any graphologer will tell you the large open B in this signature indicates a strong will and lack of concern for the rules.

    So it's clearly a fake.

  2. SexySmurf

    I voted for Obama in 2008 because I hate America and I want our enemies to win, so I'm feeling pretty good right now.

    1. HobbesEvilTwin

      hear hear! I voted for Obama so there would be more torture and war and killing brown children. It's a win-win all around!

    2. genxr

      I was hoping to weaken our position in the world and steal everything from the wealthy, so I'm batting a .500

    3. snoopyfan2010

      I just wanted to see a bunch of angry old white people on my TV all day. I got what I wanted! Feels like Christmas!

    4. guangho

      I voted for Obama because I have low sodium levels and need all the tears of disappointment I can lick.

    5. jetjaguar

      I voted for Obama because I love reading racist chain-mail from my family. It does not depress or embarrasses me one bit, in fact, I cannot WAIT until my children are old enough to explain to them what tea-baggers are (were?) and why their grandparents were members. NOTHING DEPRESSING ABOUT THAT, ONLY PRIDE

  3. mavenmaven

    The actual document was his commitment to the 2013 season of Dancing With the Stars, because at this rate…

  4. bureaucrap

    did you see all the pens on his desk? Each US citizen worth $10Billion or more gets one of those pens, just for being the great super wonderful guys and girls they are. Plus a year's supply of rice a roni.

  5. OneYieldRegular

    So mean. I hope I get a souvenir pen, though. To live on. By the way, is that a Satan sandwich stain in the lower right-hand corner? Because I'll eat that napkin if it is.

  6. metamarcisf

    As a southpaw, I'm getting sick and tired of all these left-handed presidents. Obama, Clinton, George HW: three outa the last four. The grade school I went to had nuns that would whack you across the knuckles if they saw you writing with your left hand. Look how I turned out!

  7. GhostBuggy

    Welp, I'm pretty much done voting. Between this and my local city council/school board being overrun with conservatives, I see very little point.

    1. mrpuma2u

      *turns snark off* As a veteran who gave up 4 years of my life so everyone had/has the right to vote, I urge you to reconsider. Move somewhere more liberal, or something, but don't give up.

      1. GhostBuggy

        Well, I can't say some local issue or race won't rally me from my bellyaching, honestly. And I thank you for your service, no snark. However, I think the fact that we've reached the point where the only compelling reason to vote is because it's hard-won, and somewhat rare, in this fucked up world is sort of depressing. Not that a lot of people, or even many of the Wonkeratti, may feel that way,but I'm willing to bet it's more than it used to be, and something drastic needs to happen to change it.

        I guess that's where I'm still optimistic, in that I believe it's still possible for large social change to take place in this country, some day.

    1. Suck My Balls

      The Satan I know and love is the one that drives a Camero and listens to Heavy Metal.

      Teabagger Satan can pound sand.

  8. Maman

    Seems like this could have been the plot to a sad Afterschool Special. Barry turns his back on his friends to hang out with the cool kids only to find out that the cool kids are just playing with him as a joke.

  9. DemonicRage

    Nothing funny about this. This is the end of the Obama moment in history. I don't know anyone who still feels the way they did about him when his Administration started. This is total capitulation to a bunch of lunatics. Utterly.

    1. powersuit

      Go have a good meal, watch a good movie, drink some wine. You'll feel better in the morning.

    2. Fox n Fiends

      "bunch of lunatics"? No, a bunch of billionaires. Whatever fantasy anybody has about democracy in this country should die today. Its a pure plutocracy and will be forever more.

      1. HobbesEvilTwin

        1000 not one of the legislative drafters has even read the whole thing, not to mention our wise legislators.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      Is it longer than 3 pages? Because Herman Cain thinks legislation is like a children's book.

      1. inapewetrust

        it's a familiar face – baphomet will teach you how to get rich and powerful by destroying everything, everywhere. so kind of like larry kudlow?

  10. MissTaken

    I bet on the other side it says:

    Happy Birthday to Me
    Happy Birthday to Me
    Happy Birthday I'm the President
    Fuck You, America

  11. SorosBot

    So now that the reichwing knows Obama will always capitulate to economic terrorists, what do you think their next hostage will be, and what'll they demand for it?

    1. comrad_darkness

      NPR, because you know it uses the same $ as an hour of Air Conditioning of our tents in Iraq and that's totally unacceptable waste.

    2. comptoneffect

      "What do you think their next hostage will be?" A Dairy Queen Heath Blizzard.

      "What'll they demand for it?" Social Security

  12. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    (Hint: Are you a billionaire? Then Obama really thinks you’re swell. Are you, say, anyone else in America? He hates you.)

    Junior, I hate to tell you this, but if you watch FOX News, you would know that this is all an elaborate gimmick on Obama's part to ensure that the rich are in fact rounded up and sent to concentration camps after they are deprived of all their money.

    What part of Half-Muslim Socialist are you not getting?

    1. gullywompr

      Yup. And the GOP is Neville Chamberlain. Fox says Tea Party intransigence set up: a giveaway in negotiations from $36 billion to just $7 billion; Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security are untouchable, except if the trigger is pulled, then it's only a measly 2% cut to Medicare providers, which Dems don't oppose; there is a $350 billion in Pentagon cuts; the only cuts left for the “Super Congress” to find is loopholes for corporations, or more defense cuts; and there is absolutely no way to stop the Bush Tax cuts from expiring. In summary, they gave up on their principles, and even worse, set a precedent where the Dems no longer have to roll over on everything.

      The FoxHoles are pretty miserable, bless their hearts.

      1. PristineODummy

        They're weeping and wailing over at their caves about how the Repubs must go and only ideological TP purity can save the United States of Exceptionalism. If anything, they're weeping a lot louder than anyone on the left, which kinda gives me … hope.

        1. gullywompr

          And there you have it. Surely all of us remember our predictions that the TP would destroy the GOP. Well, here it is. Could Hillary have pulled that off?

          1. gullywompr

            Oddly enough, the TP is destroying itself – more that half of the TP caucus voted for the bill. So, there's that. Maybe it's not so odd at that…

          2. PristineODummy

            No. In two short years under Obama, Fox went from the most trusted source of news for a majority of Americans to just another outlet losing viewership. I don't think Hillary could have done that. What bothers me about the current foofaraw dominating the InnerToobs is that in 2008, people were convinced that Bush would NEVER give up power, Diebold had us in thrall 4 LIFE!, the coming economic disaster would make the Great Depression look like a trip to DisneyWorld, yadayadayada. So, despite all Teh CrayCray, we DID have elections, and we DID elect a fine President (admittedly Bush set the bar so low that anyone who could walk and talk at the same time would have been an improvement). Did everybody think the battle would be over immediately? That the Forces of Evil who we railed against would disappear quietly without complaint? That somehow Pres Hopey would lull them all into a state of KumbayaGraceComeHither? Why is everyone complaining now? Did anyone really delude themselves into thinking this fight was over on 1/20/2009? They're going to make us work to hold on to anything we value because they want it all, and they're not above using our guts for shark chum just because it amuses them. These people have no conscience, morality, care, or, pretty much, any "normal, human" values. They're psychopaths. With them the war is never over. And it bothers me that we forget we're all in this together and we cannot afford – if we value our lives – to let them win. We should be preparing for the next struggle, and figuring out ways to ACT, not REACT. Right now, they yank our chain and we flail and yell. We have to prepare, to organize, because there's no time to mourn.

            OK, off the soapbox now.

          3. gullywompr

            Damn you're good. I'll just add that saying Reagan Jr. signed a Tea Party Disaster Bill today… well, methinks my beloved left dost protest too much. It just may be disastrous for the Tea Party at that.

          4. PristineODummy

            Thanks, but it's more like "steamed." Yes, our brothers and sisters on this side are not seeing the forest for the trees. It's looking like the Republicans/teagaggers are splitting right before our eyes. A pox on both their houses, and long may they battle each other.

          5. user-of-owls

            I've been crowing about this for a long time now. The Right is in a death spiral that will disembowel the Republican party before the 2012 elections. Here, just one tidbit:

            "A recent poll by a Gainesville Republican pollster and political consultant said independent voters, crucial in a statewide Florida race, look unfavorably on the tea party movement by a 3-1 margin" (Tampa Tribune, July 11, 2011)

            It's fascinating to watch what we in the business call a 'centrifugal dynamic' play out as a political scientist.

            It is also terrifying and profoundly dangerous to watch this evil, fatal tango unfold as an American who values democracy.

          6. PristineODummy

            It certainly feels as if we're living in interesting times. But the amount of spin-merchandising that's going on makes it hard to know what to think, sometimes. I'm heartened by the fact that, whereas the Kochs could once count on 50-75,000 at a rally, the current numbers seem to range from the tens to a few hundreds. The TP has pretty much fizzled out already, and I'd be surprised to see them returned to office when their time is up. But we can't let our guard down until we have secured those things we consider most precious to our political system (and probably not even then). I'm constantly amazed how the battle for our right to define ourselves and what we hold dear has continued through the ages. Different faces, different names, same struggle. I think the loss of power by the Teeps is best seen by examining Pawlenty's inability to gain traction at all in the current lineup. Here is the man who went out of his way to identify himself with those clowns from the start. And his numbers keep dropping. There are those who would point to Bachmann as evidence that the Teeps are still strong. In response, I point to attendance at her most recent "rally" – 30 people in toto. They're done.

          7. PristineODummy

            From your lips to the ears of any benevolent Higher Intelligence, even if its Trafalmadorian. Or however you spell it.

          8. SaneCatLady

            You rock, Pristine! Thanks for this halftime pep talk. (Also, thank you for not including any clips of The Town.)

          9. PristineODummy

            How out of it I am: I had no idea what "The Town" was till those dolts used it to get their peeners all wee-wee'd up for this bill.

      2. starfanglednut

        I wish I could read a copy of this thing, or have it explained to me in detail, because I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm not sure what it means exactly.

        Call me naive, or an Obama apologist or whatever, but all this "Ronald Reagan Junior" stuff annoys me. Is he the messiah on a unicorn some thought they were voting for? No, but neither is he evil incarnate. He passed (some kind of) health care reform and repealed DADT, and he did so in a laborious, annoying "bipartisan" manner that makes it unlikely that these things will be undone the first day of the next republican president's term. He just recently has set in motion requirements that health insurance cover birth control, and that new cars get over 50 mpg. The man is facing quite possibly the most difficult situation an American president has ever faced, and enduring constant racist attacks as a reward. I'm as upset about the situation in this country as the next person, but life is full of grey areas, and placing hopey in the same class as Reagan, whose intention was to screw over the poor, because he has been unable to fully prevent it is (I feel) simplistic and unfair.

        No desire to antagonize my wonkette brethren, but felt I needed to say it.

    2. Suck My Balls

      I may have to start watching Fox then. It's a sad day when their plot line fills me with hope.

  13. terriblyfamous

    I don't know, he looks pretty gloomy in the photo. Do ya think Boehner's got his balls in a vise under the desk?

    1. DustBowlBlues

      NOOOO. Two of us used gloomy in the same thread and no one will believe that I used it in a reply before I read yours and everyone will call me a copy cat.

    1. Suck My Balls

      Sorry, there are only enough to give away one to each American who will actually benefit from this bill.

  14. MLHencken

    Things left off this list:

    • Sell ANWAR to United Arab Emirates.
    • New Interstellar Travel Initiative: launch all Seniors into space.
    • Replace dollars with Ameros.
    • Get Lloyd Blankfein's capuccino machine fixed.

    1. Radiotherapy®

      Yo tambien.
      Who would ever think the best political writing over the last few years have been out of Rolling Stone? Especially Matt Taibbi. He has written the best exposés of the folly of Obamacare and the ruthless nature of the Wall Street Puppeteers. Yet few know of him and it falls mostly on deaf ears.

      1. johnnymeatworth

        Wow, they really ARE revolutionary and magical–iPads, that is, not skinny white girls….

    1. mourningnmerica

      "Suck My Balls"? Seriously? Boy, you're lucky someone didn't scoop that name up before you thought of it !!! Welcome to the club, genius. Ken? Ken? A little help over here on aisle three?

  15. DustBowlBlues

    It wouldn't be so bad if Stewart hadn't run a clip last night of a Dec. press conference after he agreed to the tax cut extension where a reporter in glasses who was so young that Stewart made a Harry Potter joke about him asked if agreeing to the Bush tax cuts gave the Rs a big bargaining tool. The prez asked the kid what he meant by that. At this point, Potter is looking nervous but instead of saying, "Just forget about it" and running out of the room, he explains that the debt ceiling vote is coming up and hopey doesn't have anything to bargain with.

    President Obama? He says that Boner has assured him they won't politicize (or something like that) the debt ceiling vote and he takes Boner at his word.

    How fucking clueless is this administration? Did they not realize that Boner had no control over his caucus? Maybe rather than badmouthing the "professional left" Nohopey should start listening to them. At least, read the wonket. We had this figured out months ago.

    1. axmxz

      It's amazing how consistently Hopey's best intentions are undermined by his unshakeable belief in the basic decency of the white man's culture.

  16. Callyson

    Looking forward to reading Michelle's tell – all book when she gets dumped for Michele…

  17. poorgradstudent

    This is obviously fake. I have enough confidence in Obama and his tastes that I'm sure he would go for Sarah Palin over Bachmann. Who has a whole series of porno movies to her name? It ain't Bachmann (yet).

  18. MiniMencken

    If Barry actually has any balls, from now on, he'll veto any bill containing any earmarks for any state that is a net user of Federal funds. Or, if he were me, he'd invoke the RICO Act and seize the assets of everyone connected to the Republican Party. That would wipe out the Federal debt in about two minutes.

    1. PristineODummy

      How quickly they forget! Wasn't it barely two months ago that he refused to hand over the pork for a port in S. Carolina, and Lindsay Graham threw a fit and cried while Jim Demented was forced to stand by his "no pork" position?

      1. MiniMencken

        O.K., O.K. But I still the the language in the RICO Act is broad enough to totally roll up the entire Republican Party. Holder needs to get busy.

        1. PristinePantalones

          Problem there is we have a Supreme Ct dominated by RWNJs – as well as many lower courts stuffed with their ilk, and a Congress who fights each and every potential Obama appointee tooth and nail. Before you can take a case to court, your evidence has to be pretty airtight, and gathering evidence, initiating prosecution, etc., takes YEARS. I'd love to see RICO bring all these fuckers down, but courts tend to decline political issues, since the balance of powers is pretty clearly spelled out in the constitution, and the President may not use the courts to exact retribution on his political enemies. Frankly, I sometimes want raw, bloody retribution, but that only works if you're willing to be Somalia and I ain't.

  19. Chet Kincaid

    So, Layne or "Jr." or whoever you are, insane juvenile garbage posts are the new buttsechs on Wonkette? I hope Newell was poking around to buy the joint, because it's going to hell.

  20. arcadesproject

    Hey, guess what? The president of the United States is an evil, sadistic sociopath!

  21. zappadoo76

    Alternate headline: Corporate Shillbilly Satanist Signs Death Warrant for Olds, Youngs and Poors.

  22. trai_dep

    Once simply can't stock the Bohemian Grove with enough challenging prey for members to hunt down. Fortunately, once Obama's cuts kick in, there will be enough parents happy to offer one of their kids to them, for the cash equivalent of whatever extending the unemployment benefits for those without a job for 99 weeks is.

    See? Obama is a job creator!

  23. Warpde

    Yes!
    Thank you.
    I've been looking for a new Desktop background.
    Damn that looks good.
    See how long the Wife let's me keep this one.
    It doesn't have titties so I may be in luck.

  24. snoopyfan2010

    Obama is a twinkie. Soft on the outside, mushy on the inside. That's all I have to add to this discussion.

  25. johnnyzhivago

    Nostrodamus 3:33

    The New Land In the West
    Shall havest a king from East,
    Born in the darkest heart of the darkest continent
    But he shall claimeth to be from a place where
    Women folk wear clothes of grass and dancest to and throw
    Where the earth spews fire into the air and ocean.
    And those that disbelieve will be scoffed at and called bafoons.

    Pretendest to bringest Hope to the peasants, but really
    An agent of a Golden man carrying many mysterious sacks.
    He shall turneth against those who loveth and adoreth him
    In a secret pact sealed over a cuppeth of tea.
    And although on their pleasure screens they will watchest
    The wretched entertainment provided by an evil fox and an impotent peacock,
    Soon they will wail and mash their teeth..

  26. ttommyunger

    My suggestion: join Boner in the tanning booth. The one sure way Barry could drive the Rightards completely around the bend-get darker!

  27. mrbubb

    Just don't have the energy to try to be funny. Fuck this fucking country. Why do the Democrats keep bringing a knife to a gun fight?

  28. ragnarok4msm

    Editor’s Note
    A HuffPost story on an exchange between Norah O’Donnell and Jay Carney incorrectly raised the possibility that Andrew Breitbart had “doctored” a video clip from a White House briefing to make O’Donnell look like she was “distraught over the debt compromise.” A viewing of the clip in question clearly shows that he did not. We regret the error, have removed the story, and apologize to Mr. Breitbart.

  29. Winnie_Cooper

    Can I be like that one turkey they pardon every Thanksgiving and be pardoned from poverty and sent to live on a nice farm somewhere while everyone else gets cooked?

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