for every elderly person who gets a social security check, that is one less terrorist joe lieberman gets to kill.America’s ugliest angel of war Joe Lieberman hobbled onto the Senate floor during the debt ceiling debate today to complain about how budget reductions will affect his favorite taxpayer-funded school for disadvantaged children, the Pentagon. Lieberman frames the debate over spending cuts by explaining that we should all begin viewing Social Security and national security as two zero-sum opponents pitting all of the country’s old people against all of its bombs and its torture dungeons. Which of these two things would America rather keep? “Kill Grandma or kill bin Laden’s corpse over and over again,” is Joe Lieberman’s Final Offer to everyone. VIDEO after the jump:

“Bottom line: we can’t protect these entitlements and also have the national defense we need to protect us while we’re at war against Islamist extremists,” Lieberman says. Or kill two birds with one stone, and just fire the old people at the extremists, but the video cuts off before he can say that.


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  • metamarcisf

    Lieberman can't even remember which state he represents, much less how he voted on today's bill.

  • nounverb911

    Lieberman is old, so hopefully he won't collect social security for long.

    • PristineODummy

      He would make me very happy if he would either (1) explode in public like the pusbag that he is tomorrow morning at 11 am; or (2) suddenly develop a particularly violent form of anthrax leprosy mu, have his insurance rejected for some valid reason, and expire in slow, agonizing increments in extreme poverty.

  • Come here a minute

    What a Joe-mentous speech. Which is to say, it's shit.

  • Giveusabob

    And why haven't yet dropped Joe Lieberman on any of the countries presently receiving US aggression, ahem, peacekeeping assistance? Wouldn't that scare Iraq / Afghanistan / Libya / etc into sorting themselves out pronto? And for dramatically cheaper than the current method, I'd bet.

  • terriblyfamous

    It's a strong argument. Unfortunately it argues in both directions — you could end the wars and increase entitlement spending like WOAH.

    • Giveusabob

      Careful there, son. You might shoot your eye out with that "logic" toy you found.

  • memzilla

    Funny how all the Teatard congresscritters — and Joe — who can't wait to cut entitlement benefits are the ones who won't need them. Be nice to see them all be required to take a proportional cut in their retirement benefits equal to the cuts they vote for.

    • Ohforcripessake

      I think the top .1% should pay all costs of our wars through a "war tax". After all, they are the ones with the most to lose.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Any chance they'll discuss cutting congressional pensions?

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Aw, give him a break, he just really, really, really loves war.

    Please don't take away his toy soldiers and planes and bombs.

    • And latkes.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Those are Freedom Pancakes, commie!

  • Joe Lieberman's final offer is always about killing Muslims. You could almost call it his final solution.

    • Crank_Tango

      you know who else…um.

      • Craaaank…

      • SudsMcKenzie

        Lyle Lovett?

      • Mother Teresa?

        • Doktor Zoom

          Don't be ridiculous. Lyle Lovett is a far better singer.

        • PristineODummy

          Absolutely. She was ALL about killing the … well, pretty much anybody, really, the vile old hag.

      • Radiotherapy®

        Pope Gregory VII?

      • zhubajie

        Gov. Winthrop, Mass. Bay Colony

  • nounverb911

    I blame Connecticut for this.

    • I apologize on behalf on the nutmeg state.

      • baconzgood

        "You have anymore of that nutmeg?"


    • GOPCrusher

      Agreed. I don't think the rest of the country will ever forgive Connecticut for re-electing this asshat after he was defeated in his primary.

      • iburl

        Sure didn't help that Hillary, Obama and most of the rest firmly supported him over the Democrat.

        • PristineODummy

          No, it did not. WTF does Lieberman know about their otherwise-secret perversions?

    • MissusBarry

      CT is the real 'murka of the northeast. Instead of flying over, people drive through.

  • Weenus299


    • Radiotherapy®

      Joe Lub'em'n'lieberman.

      • PristineODummy

        Sure, if your idea of lub is being bombed, shot, and tortured, not in that order.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    I like how only the people who don't need SS want to cut it. Except for the stupid Tea Baggers…but they only want to cut everyone else's and not theirs.

    • WhatTheHolyHeck


  • smitallica

    Somebody tell this decrepit old fuck that Osama bin Laden is dead, and so is everyone who gives a fuck what Lieberman thinks.

  • Crank_Tango

    hmmm, social security or militarized police state, so hard to choose. How about, whichever one is cheaper? Oh no, ok uh never mind, see you later…

  • Mahousu

    Grandma getting a hip transplant = providing material support to terrorists (by denying it to the Pentagon). Get her to Gitmo.

    • PristineODummy

      Well, hell, it's not like they're setting up no DEATH panels or nothin'.

  • baconzgood

    Turn the olds into sucide bombers. Another of americas problems solved by me. You're welcome citizens (and mexicans/minorities)

  • Callyson

    Let's hope this proposal has as much Joe – mentum as his 2004 presidential bid had…

  • Why doesn't he just jackoff to pics of OBL's corpse? Much easier. Cheaper, too.

    • bumfug

      Jacking off presupposes the possibility of getting an erection. That's where your suggestion starts to fall apart.

    • PristineODummy

      Barry won't let him have any because he's been such an asshole.

  • Lucidamente1

    I believe this is an example of what my uncle Milt used to call a "shanda for the goyim."

    • PristineODummy

      I swear to God, your Uncle Milt would agree. He's a disgrace. (Lieberman, not Uncle Milt.)

  • DaRooster

    So wait… now they are going to complain about "Obama's" cuts throughout the government and how that is going to affect our security? I too, like Lieberman, is cornfused.

    • BarackMyWorld

      It's almost as if the Republicans want to blame him for the policies they champion once they prove unpopular…how strange…

  • I'll just repost my comment to neckbeard DoucheHat at the NYT this AM (who was whinging about the same thing, surprise surprise surprise):

    Oh darn, you mean wars don't actually pay for themselves?

    The real dilemma is how this country rids itself of the advice and influence of the right-wingers who have created its problems.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Many thumbs up.

  • Ohforcripessake

    I just love it when these multi-millionaires talk about "entitlements". Who the fuck "entitled" the extremely wealthy to accumulate their wealth without having to pay their fair share of taxes??

    • God.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      St Ronald of Reagan (pbuh), of course.

    • GOPCrusher

      Doesn't Connecticut get alot of "entitlements" in the manner of Defense spending on an attack submarine base in Groton? And General Dynamics Electric Boat facilities?

      • emmelemm

        DING! We have a winner.

        Some war-mongers in Congress are just plain cuckoo for war; others are just pork-barrelling for their state's war industries. (Joe, probably both?)

    • SorosBot

      The Great and Holy Free Market, and Ayn its prophet.

    • terriblyfamous

      Congress. Congress did that.

  • It is because of people like Joe that we have death panels.
    I volunteer to stuff him into the suicide booth.

  • Joe Fuck Yourself.

  • baconzgood

    You know else was named Joe and liked killing people?

    • Doktor Zoom

      Tail-gunner Joe?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      GI Joe? The one I had was a psychopath.

    • HelmutNewton

      Joe Pesci?

    • Hitler?

      • Little known fact: nickname was 'Adolf'.

        • You don't know Joe Hitler? The hit squad's local contact at the Munich Olympics?

          Whadya, educated in Texas?

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Mighty Joe Young?

    • MissTaken

      Joe Camel?

    • SorosBot

      Never caught his last name, but when I asked him "Hey, where you going with that gun in your hand?" he said he was gonna shoot his old lady; caught her messing 'round with another man.

    • Joe the Lion?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      My next door neighbor?

    • GOPCrusher

      Joe Mama?

    • Doktor Zoom
    • Major Thom

      Joe Stalin?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Joe the Headless Thompson Gunner?

    • rahelio

      Josef Mengele? Whoops, was that the wrong German (or the worst)?

    • PristineODummy

      Well … I know it wasn't Stilwell. What was Hitler's first name again?

  • MinAgain

    Or kill two birds with one stone, and just fire the old people at the extremists,

    You mock, but cannon fodder is cannon fodder.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Jomentum, Y U No Like teh Olds? U R 1.

    Oh yeah, many corporations will cover his retirement years, and Israel also too.

  • mavenmaven

    They like to shovel money at the military and ongoing wars for profits, but they don't like paying for the VA and the the medical care for those who served and were wounded.

    • MissTaken

      Silly Maven – VA benefits are for people and everyone knows the military isn't made of people, it's made of jets that go real fast and guns that go boom boom boom.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Especially if they are suffer from cry-baby pretend syndromes we didn't have names for or recognize in any of the W's, Korea or Vietnam.

    • Rotundo_

      It is fun to watch the twisted logic of someone trying desperately to justify manned combat aircraft when drones get all the headlines, and the pilots are in Florida and the ground crew is no doubt a good ways away from the target. But we still need a new joint tactical fighter cause someone might actually build something that might stand a chance in hell of shooting one of ours down in oh, 15 years or so. And yes, the biggest flag wavers are usually the cheapest fucks when it comes to VA funding.

    • PristineODummy

      And yet, John McCain has been drawing 100% disability benefits from the Navy since god was young. Even though he makes about $400K pa and his wife makes $6-$10 MIL pa.

  • DaRooster

    How about we just load up the Olds in human cannons and shoot them at brown people around the world… wallah.

  • Doktor Zoom

    I know! We need to develop tiny scavenger drones that can ride along with the missiles, jump off just before they hit, then search the bodies for valuables. THIS WILL PAY FOR ITSELF, PEOPLE!!!!!

    • Rotundo_

      Shhhhh. You're compromising the security of project Buzzard!

    • PristineODummy

      I like the way you think.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I'm glad someone's finally thinking of our poor defense contractors, stuck on their fixed incomes and on the verge of freezing to death every winter. You old and sick people, the party's over — it's time you got down with our nation's real priorities.

    • PristineODummy

      They might have been The Greatest Generation a few years ago, but now they're just old, sick, and expensive.

  • Poindexter718

    The generals versus the geriatrics: It's the classic guns or (I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-)Butter dilemma that has always dogged our politics.

  • hagajim

    If we have to pit the bombs vs. the olds, why don't we just bomb Liebermann and be done with it?

    • PristineODummy

      Dayum, that's one of the best suggestions I have EVAH heard.

  • Buzz Feedback

    Joementistan is a modern day Sparta.

    • LetUsBray

      Without the boinkable boys.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    He can see the Insurance Companies from his house.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I'm holding out on making up my mind on this until I hear what John Bolton has to say.

    • x111e7thst

      Or lindsay (lohan or graham either will do).

    • nounverb911

      Didn't Bolton used to host the "The Three Stooges" show on WPIX in NYC during the 60's?

      • Rosie_Scenario

        I remember Officer Joe Bolton, too. I guess we are both old.

    • GeneralTapioca

      "Invade Iran" is my guess.

      • PristineODummy

        You never know. He *might* say "Take my wife. Please." *

        * I understand he's done this before and the wife in question is a hot, hot actress.

    • MissTaken

      Remember when Michael Bolton was the worst Bolton in the world? I miss those days.

    • PristineODummy

      Or his pr0n 'stache.

  • Nothingisamiss

    Is it too late for Dan Savage to define "Lieberman" for us?

    • SudsMcKenzie

      a " droopy superfluous third sack" ?

    • Limeylizzie

      When the testicles of an elderly man start to sag and get jowls?

      • OneDollarJuana

        It's the smell of an old man's testicle sweat as they chafe on his hairy calves.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Week old latkes?

    • widestanceroman

      Drunken hook-up morning after talk:

      A. Hey, you got puke in my santorum.

      B. Well, you got santorum in my puke.

      A + B. Let's call it lieberman.

      Actually, I'm not sure this is vile enough.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I'm sure that staying safe from suicide bombers truly hinges on continued funding of the F-22, the F-35, the V-22 Osprey, and especially the SSBN-X, follow-on to the Ohio-class Trident ballistic missile submarines. Oh, those will be built at Electric Boat in Groton CT? What a fucking coincidence!!!

    • Doktor Zoom

      Funny how often things like that happen.

    • We need new "Stealth" Cruisers to sneak up on those Evil Muslim Extremists with their Radar and Superpowered Laser Tanks. I've heard that the Muslim Extremists have all prayed for AntiShip missles from Alah and guess who's getting Silkworm missles for Ramadan!

  • This must be the silver lining in Bush v. Gore.

    Still not worth the rest, though.

  • GeneralTapioca

    What a shit!

  • anniegetyerfun

    Taking care of Americans in their old age is almost as unconscionable as caring for the innocent Iraqis who are horribly disfigured by our bombs and terrorist attacks. Worse, actually.

  • SorosBot

    We have always been at war with "Islamic Extremism", as a vague concept that could never actually be defeated, it's a perfect perpetual war for perpetual peace.

  • Goonemeritus

    Fuck him fuck him fuck him. How is this guy still in the Senate, who the fuck are his constituents? He needs to withdraw from public life and SHUT THE FUCK UP.

    Edit: Oh and fuck him!

    • PristineODummy

      I'd love to oblige, but I'm sure the sight of his ancient, pasty, sagging, flabby, wrinkled, droopy white ass would send me reeling in horror.

  • WhatTheHeck

    When I start drawing on my SS checks, I will be filled with remorse, knowing that each check could have gone toward a toilet seat on a stealth bomber or toward a palette of cash to buy off someone somewhere in the world. I don't deserve to live.

    • OneDollarJuana

      My wife gets SS checks, and at the rate they aren't keeping up with inflation, she might as well start drawing on them.

  • pinkocommi

    I have an idea! Why don't we stop fighting the war on Islam?… I mean, the entire Middle East?… I mean, terrorist extremists? I love killing Muslins as much as the next red-blooded Amerikkkan. But Grandma is going to need a hip replacement if we expect her to work at a minimum wage job until she dies. 'Cuz I sure as hell am not going to take care of that freeloader.

  • MissTaken

    Everyone knows that you give tin or aluminum for a 10th anniversary. Joe was just hoping to drop some shiny bombs to ring in the 9/11 anniversary all classy-like, except the fucking oldz decided to use the money for food and shelter instead. Selfish fuckers.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Man, I was really enjoying this thread, mocking that sad fuck Lieberman, but then I got down to the bottom of the page and saw

    Previous post: Obama’s Tea Party Bill Signed, Stocks Collapse

    and got all depressed again

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Think about it, would any of us really want to be old in a world where we couldn't kill brown people?

    • pinkocommi

      Oh, Lionel! I would laugh if it weren't so true.


  • MissTaken

    Are we killing the brown people over there so we don't have to kill the old people over here?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I think you got a little confused, it's "killing the old people here so we can kill the brown people there." Win-win.

      • MissTaken

        Thank you for clearing that up! I'm going to go smother my Grandpa with a pillow now….for freedom.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Your Grandpa will be proud of you. Just make sure that you take all of his money first, give half of it to a multi-national corporation or the Kochs, and use the rest to blow up brown people, and you will have achieved the American Dream.

        • El Pinche

          Elderly mulato female teachers who are Iraq vets = 100 pts
          Old fat rich xtian whitey = -100 pts
          etc. etc.

        • PristineODummy

          Don't forget to take Grandma, or GreatUncle/GreatAunt out first so they don't warn the cops or anything. We don't want you freeloading off that prison system.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      I get the feeling that Joe the Warmonger is claiming we can do both.

  • BarackMyWorld
    • PristineODummy

      That's OK. Even now, John McAncient 2011 is wishing he could rip out JohnMcCain2008's guts for garters, for bring the Snowbilly Grifter to rule over us all.

  • Mahousu

    Here's a fun fact: You've probably heard that the current defense budget is the highest, in constant dollars, since World War II. But it's actually higher than most of the years we were fighting World War II, as well! According to the Federal budget's historical tables, in constant FY 2000 dollars, WWII defense spending was:

    1942 – 216 billion; 1943 – 526 billion; 1944 – 684 billion; 1945 775 billion

    Including the "emergency" funding for the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, the current defense budget is at or slightly above the 1944 level. Only 1945 is more.

    Now that I think about it, that fact isn't really so fun after all.

    • OneDollarJuana

      AND WWII provided many, many, many more "jobs".

    • prommie

      Its not enough! No amount of American taxpayer dollars is too much when the security of the Nation of Israel is at stake!

    • Yeah, but we won these wars! Oh wait.

  • V572 Hair of Destiny

    Aside from CT-based United Techmologies, which makes all the helicopter engines, Joe doesn't care about national defense. Joe cares about Homeland Security, the enormous feudal fief he persuaded Chimpy to carve out for him, and which he uses to distribute favors and earn obligations from congress members all across the country.


  • MissTaken

    I get nauseous when I remember that I actually voted for this droopy scrotum face when he was Gore's running mate. This is my inconvenient truth.

  • owhatever

    Stop all gummint spending except for the Pentagon, to protect us from terrorisms. And lower taxes on the rich.

    • ttommyunger

      And Israel, don't forget Israel.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    Remember how irrelevant you are, Joe? That's why you're quitting, Joe. You can't get reelected with that kind of horseshit coming out of your mouth.

  • Poindexter718

    Thinking out of the box here: What if we made one month of IED detection duty a prerequisite for getting a scooter thru Medicare? There are all sorts of efficiencies–from procurement to demographics–to be had there.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Brilliant! Or maybe mine removal. After all, people needing Rascals would otherwise have to crawl. Crawling slowly is one of the major activities of mine removers. And if we lose a couple? That's just two Hoverounds we have saved our economy!

      • Poindexter718

        Thanks. The question is whether the socialist pussies who run the Senate would insist on outfitting the Hoverounds with armor before deployment. Preliminary scoring from the CBO suggests that between the cost of the armor and the decrease in mortality among the drivers, doing so would virtually eliminate all the cost savings from my plan.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Why not enlist the olds into the war effort–make 'em earn those big Social Security checks by torturing the GITMO prisoners with their old, boring stories? Joe Momentum could be the first volunteer–I know I'd want to kill myself/divulge any secret after listening to Joe for more than 10 minutes.

  • "You know what makes me sad? Not being in the spotlight."

  • mumbly_joe

    One wonders how ever other single country in the developed world manages to do it. Last time I checked, the biggest problem they all had had was white supremacists who were angry that they weren't carrying out pogroms against Muslims. And guess what- we have those guys, too! Several of them are in Congress, even!


    A Jew from Connecticut wants to bomb the Muslims. Slow news today?

  • LetUsBray

    Is this fuckbag at least still on track to fuck the hell off after the 2012 elections? It would be the first decent thing he's ever done, which is why I'm expecting him to renege on it.

  • fuflans

    i am so sick of DC and baggers and these stupid arguments and debt ceilings and taxes and mcconnell and ryan and bachmann and harry reid.

    can we just start snarking on italy instead?

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Haha, those spaghetti-munching fucks keep reelecting the guy who runs almost all of their media and has bunga-bunga parties!

      Wait, that's still better than here.

  • Uniprober

    "two zero-sum opponents pitting all of the country’s old people against all of its bombs and its torture dungeons" The Ultimate Cage Match. I'm all in…

  • …into space!

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Joe Lieberman is still alive? And capable of speaking incoherently? I had no idea…

  • jus_wonderin



  • proudgrampa

    To paraphrase Joe Biden, "Lieberman's a big fucking asshole."

  • zappadoo76

    But is it good for Israel?

  • Radiotherapy®

    Hey all of you Oldz….Get off of my lawn!

  • DustBowlBlues

    Watching Hardball: the more I learn about the shit sandwich the president signed onto, the worst it sounds.

    Sure, the "trigger" can be pulled by Obama but seriously–is anyone going to take that seriously now?

  • Oy fuck! Watching that clip I had a vision of Lieberman in lederhosen singing ♪♫ Springtime for Hitler and Germany ♫♪

  • Radiotherapy®

    I, for one, am not going to miss those reach-around cataract sunglasses.

  • GhostBuggy

    “Bottom line: we can’t protect these entitlements and also have the national defense we need to protect us while we’re at war against Islamist extremists…"

    Actually, we totally can, you cretinous fuck. NEWSFLASH TO HORRIBLE OLD MONSTERS: The goddamn dept. of war profiteering can do the (probably more efficient) job with a fraction of the budget it has now. But you wouldn't fucking know that, would you, you thing? You only know the monies and the killing of children that you get off on.

    …Well. Man. Sorry about that.

  • jus_wonderin

    Is it about time for anyone that is not a rightwing loon to go on strike? Maybe that would show them how their bread gets buttered?

    Oh and "starve the oldz and browns!!"

    • Rotundo_

      A lovely thought, but given 25% unemployment on the street, I'm thinking it won't work. If *everyone* was "in" it would work magnificently, or if a given sector (health, police or something universal) but not some half assed scatter shot effort like one would expect would happen.

    • And that fits with HistoricCat's salient Soylent solution above.

      • jus_wonderin

        I might be predisposed to DOOM today. I am writing game copy related to a future world that is teetering on an apocalyptic knives edge…from the perspective of an NPR call in talk show.

        Edit: I guess this is pre-apocalyptic.

        • Well it's a packalyinlips at least

  • An_Outhouse

    So we should bomb Iran while we still can?

  • Beetagger

    God, I hope I outlive this bastard.

  • schvitzatura

    This is a significant…wait for it, wait for it…


  • poorgradstudent

    Joe Lieberman? I thought someone would have figured out where he hides the coffin he sleeps in by now.

  • arcadesproject

    Mr. Lieberman. He brain dead.

  • mrpuma2u

    Joe is worried we won't be able to buy the Israelis more white phosphorous munitions to kill the Palestinian browns.

  • DahBoner

    They don't call him Joe "Military Service" Lieberman, for nothing!

    Now, don't get confused here. Old Joe services the military, not served in the military.

    //snort, snort

  • Warpde

    Well now Joe.
    If the Gubermant didn't pillage these entitlements that have been paid into by
    the M'ercan taxpayer there would be no Bottom line.

  • ttommyunger

    I'm surprised he took his face off of Netenyahu's lap long enough to make a speech.

  • Naked_Bunny

    We must spend more on war than all nations combined or we will not be safe from right-wing religious nuts (of the Muslim persuasion) with box cutters and FBI bombs!

  • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    big trip to Israel
    Joe Lieberman
    Herman Cain
    Glenn Beck
    Rick Perry

  • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi


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