The concept of a flunkwad loser college student running for president of Texas and later the entire nation is not a new one in America, so when we heard that there is some story about how Rick Perry was also a giant underachieving goof-off during his undergraduate years, we figured we’d probably just copy-paste some sentences about old idiot George W. Bush as a young idiot and no one would know the difference. We are trying to avoid carpal tunnel. But then someone just had to mention Rick Perry’s time as a cheerleader at Texas A&M, and… oh fine, that got our attention. Perry was named “yell leader,” a macho-fied Aggie term for “queen of the cheer squad,” which he discovered he liked quite a bit: “Really, being yell leader had more political consequence than anything else,” Perry said. “It was really visible.” AND A POLITICAL STAR + HIS STRATEGY WAS BORNED.
Perry was unable to pursue a career as a veterinarian because his 2.5 GPA in animal sciences was too low to qualify for the program, so he mostly went around tormenting other students with dumb pranks. He even had a more successful buddy, John Sharp, who did study hard and won student body president and went on to serve in the Texas House and Senate, but who would later lose to Perry in the race for lieutenant governor.
From the Texas Tribune:
Another more elaborate prank took Perry months to execute. It involved M-80 firecrackers and an acquired knowledge of the plumbing in A&M buildings.
Perry learned that he could drop something down the second floor toilet and get it to come out the first floor toilet. Then he learned M-80s had waterproof detonators — a perfect combination. His accomplice, Sharp, would give the high sign out the window when a potential target wandered into a stall. Perry, from the floor above, would flush the lit firework down.
“It kind of launched the guy off of the seat,” Sharp told the Tribune in June. “It was quite a hoot. It was one of our more perfect deals.”
Perry was also in the cadet corps, which is where the crazy photo comes from, and upon graduation he became a military pilot for a few years before eventually going to work for his father. Copy-paste, copy-paste. [Texas Tribune]
{ 303 comments }
So Governor GoodHair has experience in delivering explosive asshole reaming. He IS qualified to lead the free world!
A little light in the loafers, eh?
Sounds just like Chimpy McFlightsuit.
That's President Chimpy Codpiece McFlightsuit!
It also looks like he's trying to hide his boner in that picture.
That's not even fair to Bush, who at least flew an obsolete fighter plane around Galveston for a hundred hours or so, some of those hours possibly even solo. Whereas the most dangerous thing Perry likely ever did was drive a Chevy Blazer up the side of a hill with "Flirtin With Disaster" playing really loud.
Also, "yell leaders" a whole different kettle of fish. Typical Aggie reasoning: take the girls out of cheerleading, ostensibly to make it less gay.
At least Chimpy went to Yale, not the largest high school in Texas.
Ouch!
With a Rebel Yell Leader, she** cried More More More!
** Lindsey and Turtleman will have to compete for the affections of Governor Goodhair.
~
The only thing we need to know about Presidenting desiring Texas Governors: spit or swallow?
So, OK, what kind of "______wad" is still an acceptable term? Inquiring minds want to know.
Hairwad?
Do-wad diddy diddy.
All of them, Katie.
Actually, you know who else was queen of the cheer squad, at Andover?
Hitler?
~
James Franco?
Humphrey Bogart? (Expelled in 1918)
Will Ferrell?
Wonkbot?
Not fair! Andover was a boys' school back then.
Matt Damon?
David Foster Wallace? I thought tennis was his game.
… surely you infinitely jest
RuPaul?
Several of Newt Gingrich's ex-wives and 5.78 billion Twitter followers?
Bush cheerleader at Yale. Perry cheerleader at Texas A&M. I guess if you mess with Texas, you might get a pom pom in the face.
And that's also the origin of the Tea Bagger party.
That is some of the funniest "don't mess with Texas" shizz I've seen in…well…forever. You win ALL the burritos!
Gov. Perry, the jack-booted thug.
Barry totally needs to treat wingers like shit. They only respect the dominator/trix.
Love the picture. Only needs a small square of black above the upper lip. Gay Hitler.
Rick Perry Gay, trending with a woody!
"Holy dog shit. Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy. And you don't look much like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?"
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman
"I don't see no horns, you want to fuck me in the ass"
Gunnery Sargent Foley.
yes, but is that uniform gay enough?
For Lindsey Graham? Yes.
I thought lindsey liked his men in stockings.
http://wonkette.com/448523/giuliani-breaks-promis...
No. Jack boots are better.
Just a pair of Oakley's away from the Village People. Or give him the white horse and chrome helmet and it's Niedermeyer from "Animal House"
You should see the shot from the back – those are assless chaps, not pants.
Springtime, for Perry, and Texas…
I did that once in High School with a cherry bomb (ya know to see if it really worked). Timing is critical. My timing was off and I blew the fucking commode to shards. It was pretty cool.
Timing is critical. I watched a kid blow his fingertips off with a cherry bomb. Not so cool for him, but my best friend and I got to apply our Boy Scout first aid skills. That was cool.
So it all worked out. I don't know how I didn't get caught. It was me and 3 other kids running down the halls soaking wet and deaf.
What?
You aren't from San Jose (Alum Rock area), by any chance, and named DuWayne in real life are you? Just have to ask, as the only person I know in real life who has done this was DuWayne, although I just don't picture him as a Wonkette commenter. Although come to think of it, he may have used half a stick of dynamite rather than a cherry bomb, which brought his scholastic career to a sudden end.
No, but who is this DuWayne person you speak of? I like his style.
I think DuWayne peaked at ~17, unfortunately. He was a friend of one of my (now deceased) cousins, part of a group of fun-loving kids who liked to blow up, set on fire, or run over pretty much everything. Kind of a fun group to hang out with during summers as an early teen, but definitely best not to have to spend the full year with, as I was not a fan of police stations or drugs beyond pot or shrooms.
DuWayne is an unusual name for a fellow like that. In my experience, for some reason, they are usually named Donny.
Someone did it in my junior high school. To be doing it in college is, in the literal sense of the word, retarded.
OT–The prez is about to come out and way something about that shitty debt limit "deal." If that son of a bitch says, "Both sides came together" I am sending another $100 to We Are Wisconsin and next time the Hopeys call for money, tell them Wisconsin recalls got my cash.
Which I will probably do anyway, but don't tell the Hopeys that because I don't want to lose the powerful influence missing my $100 will give me.
Wait, wait, don't tell me: we all have to make sacrifices [and by that he means some of us will be sacrificed by those who don't have to make sacrifices].
I'm trending that same way, DBB. I'll only give my $ to true progressives because they appreciate every cent and will do something closer to the righteous thing with it.
And Kirsten Gillibrand. Because she's hot.
Well. Hot for a congresswoman.
I actually keep saying the same thing at my libtard drinking meetup. This is one of the most important lessons that the teabag party has for progressives: in post Shitizens United politics especially, the way you influence candidates best, and push the narrative in the direction it needs pushing, is by funding causes, not candidates.
Third-party groups that are able to both pressure fence-leaners and influence the narrative through advertising matter a hell of a lot more than even a reliably progressive candidate's war chest (see Russ Feingold, for instance) and waaay more than funding Democrats that are just going to be reeds in the political wind.
I've been sending my munnies to Wisconsin, because they actually appear to be accomplishing something with it.
So Perry was an early
turdblossomturdblaster. That helps explain why he is such a pain in the ass.That pic should put all of those 'gay rumors' about Goober Perry to rest once and for all.
Damn, Texass – "fool me once shame on me…"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKgPY1adc0A
"fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again"
(FIXED)
fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.
No, we can't get fooled again — hey look! WMD! No, no, I was mistaken, but now that all the troops are there we can't just cut and run, can we?
Normally I'm not about snap judgments, but I think everything you need to know about Perry and his ilk is right there in that fucking terrifying photo.
So very, very true and so very, very disturbing.
is that a pledge pin. on your uniform?
Kind of looks like those little wing badges airlines used to give out to small children.
Exactly.
http://www.hark.com/clips/kglqybczbn-a-pledge-pin...
Covers the stain (as in blue dress) wink wink.
You know who ELSE enjoyed posing in jodhpurs, jackboots and dark shirts, with hair falling diagonally across the forehead?
Luke Russert?
LOL!
General Douglas MacArthur?
You could have asked "you know who else enjoyed watching figure skating championships, and I'd still answer, "HITLER!"
~
Brian Boitano?
Dick Button?
Tanya Harding?
Sonja Henie?
Prince Harry?
Um, the Highlander?
Uh, the question was "who else?" But there can be only one.
Micheal Ian Black?
Marlene Dietrich?
Hawt!
Luke Skywalker?
Spandau Ballet?
Moe, from The Three Stooges?
Katharine Hepburn?
Um… also kinda Hawt!
I love this game.
Ayn Rand?
Pol Pot?
And in front of fake books. Sir Baden Powell would be my best guess.
Andy "Two Swords" Hancock?
Minge der Mitleidlos?
Marcus?
Hey, leave Marcus alone!
Jeanne D' Arc?
Napoleon?
Delta Burke.
John Foster Dulles?
Indira Gandhi?
Say what you will about that photo, he made an absolutely adorable Rolf Gruber in the Glee Club "Sound of Music" production.
He's conservative
Making a pot of tea
He's not the least bit gay
If he wins the vote
Then I'll buy a boat
And sail very far away
He can't get far enough away for my taste…
Give it to Neidermeier, he's a sneaky little shit.
That was my first reaction. Didn't realize Perry was in Animal House.
He was actually killed in Vietnam in a "friendly fire" incident.
This is Texas' secret plan for Secession isn't it? Supply theU.S. with a steady supply of incompetent idiot presidents until the day the rest of us finally throw up our hands in desperation and beg the Lone Star State to kindly form their own country to ruin.
I'm already there. And let them take the rest red state Murka with 'em
They like their boys cute and stupid in Texas
Young, dumb, and fulla cum.
Free M-80s at the Houston Rally for Prayer on Saturday? Count me in.
Dean Wormer: Greg, what is the worst fraternity on this campus?
Greg: Well that would be hard to say, sir. They're each outstanding in their own way.
Dean Wormer: Cut the horseshit, son. I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.
Although the first scene that came to my mind was "Pledge pin?…"
Boone: He can't treat our pledge like that.
Otter: Only we can treat our pledge like that.
Definitely Niedermeyer material right there.
"Is it supposed to be this soft?" Ah, Mandy Pepperidge…
So the humor was to explode a soggy bowl of poop into someone's colon. Sounds like a GOP plan for 2012: "Reverse engineering the poop chute since 1980."
Rick, Perry – weren't they the killers in In Cold Blood?
Richard "Dick" Hickock and Perry Edward Smith
James Richard "Rick" Perry
It's all falling into place.
Experienced pranksters know that "M-80" is a military model designation, like the M16 rifle. M-80s are used as simulated explosive devices in infantry low-crawl confidence courses, and that's why the fuse ("fuze" in military patois) is waterproof.
The "M" in A&M is often thought to stand for "military" but does not. Nonetheless in Ricky's time there it's possible that all male students still had to be in ROTC. And the Aggies alums are a kind of cult, not unlike Skull & Bones, only less wealthy.
"Agricultural & Mechanical"
or more simply put
"Hoes & Wheelbarrows"
That picture implies plenty of wheelbarrows, but not so many hoes. If you know what I mean. AND I THINK YOU DO.
Back about twenty years ago, I spent a couple years logging oil wells up in the Brazos "Valley" (floodplain, actually). When I would drive around College Station, I couldn't help but notice the number of cars driving around with one hot co-ed behind the wheel, by herself, and the number driving around with half a dozen guys with peculiar haircuts, and no chicks. Dudes, you're doing it wrong!
"Shit and Rust"
Wow, that pic! I didn't realize that Perry was a World War One aviator.
Smoke him a kipper…
He was also voted Most Likely to Live Forever as an Insufferable Hologram (Smeghead)
Isn't that Tom Cruise from the Top Gun days?
Dye his hair blonde and he could be a spitting image of George Peppard in The Blue Max.
I pity the fool who connects George Peppard to this vulgar abomination.
2.5 GPA in animal sciences
And my 3.75 GPA in Engineering has procured me little but unemployment lately. Glad to be reminded how the world is fair.
Grade damaged because he would not leave the sheep alone.
That's called animal "husbandry".
Zing!
He kept praying for a higher GPA but it never materialized.
Apparently that GPA makes you overqualified to be Governor of Texas.
Obviously, you went into the wrong field of work. With the right look, you could have been a governor or reality television star.
So a firecracker up your arse is a way to launch one's political career upwards over Texas..
And it took him months to figure that out, no less, which likely explains the 2.5 GPA. Bart Simpson reached a similar conclusion within a 24minute episode, for comparison.
Could this fuckwad be the unknown son of the Bush clan? The similarities to W are astounding – including the douchey accent and faux macho bullshit.
Maybe Jar-Jar Bush survived, after all?
Jar Jar Bush FTW!
I tell ya, the first time I ever heard Dick Perry, I was sure I was hearing Bush.
he's the gay one.
Both are among the many bastard grandchildren of Aleister Crowley!
Perry learned that he could drop something down the second floor toilet and get it to come out the first floor toilet…“It kind of launched the guy off of the seat. It was quite a hoot. It was one of our more perfect deals.”
Can someone *please* teach that trick to the Democrats…if it's not too late already?
If he needs a campaign song maybe Toni Basil could do a retool called "Ricky."
"Hey Ricky, you're so crass, you're so crass you blow my ass! Hey Ricky!!"
Y'all non-Texans laugh at Texans. We Texans laugh at Aggies.
And Aggies laugh at the Yell Leader.
Well, they would if they came equipped with a sense of humor.
Wait, you don't think first degree felonious assault with explosive device is funny?!?
Sheesh, what an aguafiesta.
I once told my Aggie mother-in-law that outside of Texas, A&M is "just another university." What was I thinking?
The question I'm always asked is "where did you got to school?" The only possible answers are "UT" and "A&M". If you give them a different answer, you get a look like you have two heads.
Longhorns and Aggies are like the Protestants and Catholics of Texas college grads. Bears, Owls, Red Raiders, Mustangs etc are like the Anabaptists, Amish, Buddhists, etc.
So where does that leave those of us who attended schools in other states?
And Aggies laugh at Teabaggers?
Not all Teabaggers are Aggies, but a lot of Aggies are Teabaggers.
Especially the better off ones -mainly inheritors of family businesses in oil, gas, aggregates or such, in my experience.
Taggies?
Hook 'em Horns!
Isn't that the weird name that some Texans give to the Devil Horns you use to indicate you're a metal fan? Texans are weird. And a ton of them are still into metal apparently, like it's still 1987.
Well, in a lot of ways it's even worse, like 1957 or 1937.
And Aggies never get the joke. Dumb and mean.
BTW 2.5 at A&M in Animal Sciences? What is that at a decent school, about a 1.3?
I've had to limit my laughing at Aggies ever since I married one. And no, I don't make her wear the boots.
Well, Aggies and Teatards are one thing. But if you really want to go for your stealth wing-nut whack jobs, Baylor can't be beat. Old Baylor is gone, and the new version, presided over by Ken Starr himself, is nothing but a bump on the ass of Texas. Although come to think of it, A & M is a little further south, though.
Sometimes our corporate overlords can be funny too.
I don't think the "Tom Cruise in the movie T*A*P*S" look works for him. Just sayin'.
Needz moar M-60 vs Tank.
Boys will be boys.
No matter how much you polish it, Rick Perry is still a turd.
And on Saturday, you and all your friends can come to Houston (it will be 103-105F) and hang out with Rick at his Prayer-a-pooloza. Don't bring no f**ing Korans or Buddas because Rick and his fat Christian friends don't want none of that alternative religion shit.
I hope the humidity is 90% at Reliant stadium just so I can watch that shit stain sweat his ass off on my tee-vee while I turn my thermostat down to 75F, drink some Jack Daniels all in the comfort of my house.
I predict he'll go Palin on the event and tell everyone he's sorry he couldn't attend because he needed to make a media moment at the DPS Emergency Operations Center because its hot outside.
I'm kind of hoping for a ranch-house-sized comet or meteor to hit Reliant during this event. It would be the cherry on the sundae of God-dealt destruction and mayhem that has been inflicted across the bible belt all year long. The frisson will be delightful, might even have to change my shorts afterwards.
Even a couple of well placed lightning bolts would be nice.
Dood, the whole nation will need to change its shorts if that happens.
They made it clear that people of *ahem* all faiths would be welcome. Also they will be fasting. So… fat people, 105F and high humidity, and no food. Can't wait to see how God responds to that!
"all faiths" = "Southen Baptists AND mega-church goers"
Well, the EMS techs will probably earn their overtime.
Cherry bomb all the toilets simultaneously!
And then there was that time when Perry was sent to detention on Saturday for taping a guy's ass cheeks together. And he hooked up with a basketcase who could make her dandruff look like snow and was actually kind of pretty when you put a little makeup on her…. That was a great movie.
You sure have a purty mouth, son, now drop them panties right now!
You weren't kidding when you said I'd be surprised at where your dick has been, were ya?
I never kid about anything as important to me as my dick.
Sounds like he was a "fabulous" student. Did he pray it away?
You might have noticed that praying has never worked too well for Ricardo Perez.
Say what you will, he can at least read a plumbing schematic to make a sort of poor man's bidet.
Nothing cleans the perineum like a good blast of gunpowder.
Gets rid of unwanted ass-hair too.
It only took him "months" to figure this out.
Does he wear that outfit when he battles Snoopy?
Here's the photo put in a joke -because he and Bush were separated at birth.
A&M's motto is "Gig 'em, Aggies," which is a type of fishing with a long spear for frogs. Ricky's undies say "Gig ME!" when his skirt flies up. On the butt.
I would hesitate to arm that man with a sword, myself. Bold photographer!
Like we needed the parallels to know what kind of know-nothing, do-nothing, ineffectual figurehead Perry would be. Governor of Texas pretty much covers it.
You've got to remember, the Governorship of TX is an office that carries very little actual political power. Sort of the ultimate presidential prep school for Republicans, in other words.
The similarities are uncanny – like that Lincoln and Kennedy stuff. How could we go wrong?
Did you realize that George Bush and Rick Perry each have ten letters? Well, close enough.
Notice also that "Bush" is what it is, and "Rick" rhymes with prick.
You are so right. 9 and 10 are the same number unless you have a full set of fingers.
Unfortunately, less bullets.
It's not fair to compare Rick Perry to W. Rick Perry is actually less accomplished than W was at this point. Perhaps we should call him "w" (lower case).
I hear from his Rose Garden address that Barry's now moving on to the controversial subject of patent reform. That should solve this jobs crisis in, oh, 30 years or so.
Guess he's learned not to bite off more than he can chew.
gahhh, … THIS again, …. of course, ….. This again.
deja vu. will we be doomed to repeat history all over again? haha, probably.
USA is number 1!! ….in being the stupidest nation on earth, BAR NONE.
Those who do not pass History 101 are doomed to repeat it.
He'd have gone on panty raids too, but A&M didn't go co-ed till two years after he graduated, so off to the frat house! Watch your BVDs, fellas!!!
If conservatives hate Nazis so much, why the hell do they always insist on dressing up like them?
Southern Repugs love affair with pom poms includes Trent Lott from Mississippi who also was a cheerleader. Perhaps Newtie was a stealth cheerleader, but thought the poms were suppositories and his figure today shows the result of a 40-year blockage.
/ hold a Stay Puft explosion vision
oh, good lord, what a Wonkette softball.
Rick Perry "launched the guy off of the seat"
You know who else made a Buttsexx innuendo?
ps. its this guy or hopey
So, then. A Yeller Rose in Texas, eh?
That was SO horrible, so awful, so imminently upfist-able.
Well, it'll certainly have ya yellin', but I thought it was a little closer to brown?
Today, we are all given a Screaming Sphincter by Rick Perry.
But not the good kind of screaming sphincter.
You mean, like from habaneros?
"Come on ice cream!!!"
ZOMG, I thought the only person who knew that (other than me) was the sexxxay Bangladeshi filmmaker lady who told it to me.
Low grades kept Rick out of vet school, and dogs and cats across Texas say 'whew, we dodged a bullet on that one.'
It took him MONTHS to figure out that plumbing is connected, or MONTHS to figure out that an M-80 (not just the fuse or the detonator) is waterproof? Both?
He sounds overqualified to be Preznent-from-Tecksus.
I had the same thought. It took him MONTHs to figure out what most 13 year olds learn when they become bar mitzvah.
This does not bode well:
"Perry learned that he could
droplaunch something fromsecond floor toiletIsrael and get it to come out inthe first floor toiletIran"Is that a male cheerleader in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
If you weren't sure about the jackboot picture, the adjoining one, with the white pants, confirms all suspicions. Such a pretty boy, and his dog, too! http://static.texastribune.org/media/images/AM-Pe...
Left leg, there is an odd shaped bump on his thigh. I'm getting a Cheney crotch vibe from ole Rick right now.
Gross.
That's just his rolled-up sock, hon. All the boys do it.
Nothing says "smug, sanctimonious douchebag" quite like a yachting outfit and a collie wearing a coat of arms.
"Ahoy polloi… where did you come from, a scotch ad?"
Oy. The douchebaggery is strong in that one.
Blech, nice collies should never be left alone in a room with a creeper like Ricky.
Side note, though, minus the spurs (looks like spurs, anyway), I'd totally rock those boots, like maybe with a cute shirt-dress. Boys would be all over me, just like they are with Ricky.
Definitely spurs – it's all part of the tradition.
And what dainty little feet!
hitler youth much?
jesus.
In all fairness, everyone sported the riding boots / sholder strap / britches ensemble back then. Even Girl Scouts and expectant mothers, from what I understand.
So either Rick Perry was in college at the tender age of 10 or he was an immature douchebag playing with firecrackers?
Oh thank goodness, I've been jonesing for a C average college cheerleader from Texas to occupy the White House again. And by the looks of that uniform I bet Rick will also fill out a flight suit with a codpiece…oh yeah!
That picture is quite something, like a movie cast photo from "Valkyrie" – or if he'd had longer hair, maybe "Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!"
Nazi cheerleader.
And Kay Bailey Hutchinson was a cheerleader at UT/Austin. As much as I love this State, Texas voters can sure pick some real dumbshits.
If you look at a list of notable UT alumni, we T-Sips have a lot to be proud of. But a lot to hang our head in shame for, as well.
Don't feel bad BalderT. I graduated from Oklahoma State University and many of our alumni jizzem all over themselves because of T. Boone Pickens. Many of those same folks fail to recognize that T. Boone was the first guy to invent and apply hostile corporate takeovers and he practiced it on Phillips Petroleum Company. With a stroke of pen on a check, he eliminated 3,000 jobs.
And he proposed America's Energy Policy should consist of converting automobiles over to use natural gas, because it's cleaner burning, and T. Boone Pickens basically owns all of the natural gas processors in the United States.
But hey, they've got a fancy new football stadium in Stillwater.
I'm reusing this (I forget the wonktard who first said it) :
Read my lips, no new Texans.
I used it at least once, and I'm sure others have, too. It's just too damn good not to.
Damn its good. I just said it to my wife and she snort laughed like a sexxy pig.
Any response to that would just get me into trouble.
Aw, fuck it. Mount her, dude, and git 'er done.
Squeal like pig baby!! LOL..oh man, if she read this, I'll have back pain for a week from sleeping on the couch.
So we can agree that Perry is a big pain in the ass.
They thought that was funny?!? What a pair of assholes.
Was he channeling Patton or Mussolini when that retarded picture was taken?
I wonder how many of his victims now have permanently damaged "deals".
Is it just me or is that costume kinda…hot?
Ranger / lost camper role play FTW.
Thanks friends! These remarks are very beneficial in helping me maintain my Perma-Nausea Diet plan!
Hoora—rrrraaaallllffff
"My camping permit? Can you bend waaaaayyy over and pull it out of my knapsack there? What's that you say? I lost it?!?!?! What should I do to make it up to you, Mr. Ranger Sir?"
Aggie Yell Leaders are goofier than you suspect. First, only men can be Yell Leaders. Girls have cooties or something. Then, if they want to add a new cheer, uh, yell, they have to get all the living current and former Yell Leaders to vote on it to see if a majority agrees that it's appropriate. Worst of all, they dress as if they're serving up ice cream or are just starting a job as a school custodian.
…and then one of them has to eat the biscuit.
Is it me or does the American flag look embarrassed about that photograph?
They also had to paint books onto the backdrop, because there aint that many books at A&M, let alone the entire state of Texas.
What a Dandy!
He's a gay old lad, is he not? Quite the fop, I dare say.
After that perfect deal with M-80s, he may be able to solve to infamous Liquidity Trap problem. Perry/Santorum 2012.
You know, a lot of other people pulled stupid pranks that put innocent people in danger when they were younger, but most of them did so in high school or junior high, not in college when they should have known better, and as adults regret doing something so stupid, instead of being proud of it like Perry here. He truly does revel in being a dangerous moron.
This photo is disturbing. I know it was an important part of our history, but it's just too much.
Another fine Wonkette classic!
So true. Can't beat these oldie-goldies.
You can, however, flog them mercilessly in pursuit of the the elusive pee.
I don't think even John Waters could spoof it up as good as that picture.
LBJ, then Bush 1, then Bush 2. Now Perry. See what happens, Texas, when you don't understand evolution?
I think that's a pretty compelling argument for de-volution you just laid out there, amigo.
This guy, Michele Bachmann, Owes Tiffany's $500,000, Godfather Pizza, Mr. Clairol: Could the Republican roll-out of this-year's-models be more Stellar and Inspiring?!?
Just imagine if this man were commander-in-chief; our military would no longer keep accidentally blowing up Afghan weddings, but would be ordered to do so as a "prank". "Ninety-four guests dead? That's quite a hoot!"
Then he was put in charge of building the Homecoming bonfire…
For a state that comes off as being macho, Texans sure vote for a lot of male cheerleaders to be Governor.
A majority of Texas voters are idiots.
When Rick Perry was in college, "Smoking a bowl" meant you had the lathe turned up too fast in shop class…
His GPA is too high to be a teabagger. But then anything beyond "High School Dropout" is a pointy-headed intellectual in teabagistan.
Too high to be a teabagger, but not too high to make money off teabaggers.
Hummmm… another low achieving, white boy, "C" student, from a wealthy family is the governor of Texas. What is this, some sort of affirmative action for dickwads?
Let's cut Texas.
It's the Doug Neidermeyer character from Animal House. ("You're all worthless and weak! Now drop and give me twenty!" )
Mussolini and Patton got together and somehow made a baby. Perhaps out of poop?
I have already read this book… I don't want to waste my time on the movie version.
If you want to see the training ground for the right-wing military-fethishist cultist groupthink that rules the GOP, look no further than the Texas A&M Corps of Cadets. It's like the Nazis but with a better marching band.
Other titles that were tested before settling on "yell leader"?
Butch Bellower
Heroic Howler
Warmongering Whoopmeister
Sissy Bitch
I bet he could make into the Village People if he tried a tiny bit harder.Must have been those grades. Everything else fits
he is one mustache short of being Hitler in this photo.
oh dear god in heaven please tell me that picture was photoshopped. i can't stand any more of this. wait a minute. there's a bottle of red breast in the liquor cabinet.
Anybody else think he looks a little like Douglas C. Neidermeyer?
Texas is so gay.
A "yell leader" who wanted to be a veterinarian? Methinks the Joker-faced poseur has overcompensated too much with the boots and guns and hats.
The picture of him with the dog is priceless. Please add that to the post, Jr..
Holy Shit, Niedermayer in real life! "Drop and give me 20!"
Have you seen Junior's grades?
And The Cradle Will Rock
Karl Rove's boy
I never had one of those people in my life. But all my friends did. His name was Baconzgood. I grew out of that phase of my life. Now it's just petty vandalism around the office.
With any luck, still in another state. If not, up ye olde fecall rivulet.
Yer like, Mormons. Weird and foreign.
Your "catshit in the pencil-sharpener shavings drum" was a classic.
JimmyCarl, man, who you playin' with, now that Frank's gone and all?
Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!
Sleeping on the couch will be the least of your worries, take it from me. (I have no idea what upset her so much, all I said was — oops, never mind.)
Pssst. 48 hours. Had a dicey patch at the critical hour, but plugged through successfully. 48 hours.
Awesome — this is great news. That's a huge milestone, and I'm proud of you. Soon, the physiological chaos will have passed, and you'll start to feel human again. It was that second full night of sleep that really made the difference.
How do you feel? Can you make it without meds?
By getting through that dicey patch, you've proved that you're capable of getting through future dicey patches. You know what you have to do, now.
Just let me know when we need to readjust that burlap sack.
EDIT: And if you like chocolate, be sure to keep some on hand.
Thanks sponsor-of-owls! Two full days, but I'm still struggling to rein myself in and fucking stop looking at the far instead of the near. Why's it so fucking hard to pull back to 'next hour' instead of 'oh my fucking god, less than 30 days before she comes back home, then what…life?!?'
Right now, amigo, I'm thinking…knowing, in fact…that I need some ativan assistance. Too edgy, too agitated. I know I have to be very careful, extremely careful given my previous 5-year vicodin addiction (clean since Feb 2010). Wish I didn't need it, but I think I do. One other thing that I'm not sure I mentioned: it's very likely I will be diagnosed officially with bipolar disorder and adult ADHD…but the fucking psychiatrists here have at least a two month waiting period. That's two long for me to be out on the rope, Dewey…it's just too long.
Don't let this worry you, ok? If I want to follow your path, and I very much do, then I have to follow all of it, starting with the ugly and torturous. I can see your footsteps clearly…in front of me…and all I need to do right this minute is to step in the next one. That's all, just the next one. To hear you say you're proud of me brings gushing tears of the very best kind. Today is Wednesday. I have roughly 12 hours until it is 72 hours. Step, step, step.
Don't worry. Ativan, unlike vicodin, is not opiate. It's still addictive, but let's worry about that separately. If you can't get to your shrink, get to some other doctor you can trust. Tell them it's urgent. Tell them what's at stake, if you have the stomach to do that.
I have a motto that's similar to the 'one-day-at-a-time" thing, but which I like better. My engineer training tells me to "break the Big Problem into a bunch of Small Problems, then solve the Small Problems". The Small Problems — getting through the next hour, calming your nerves with ativan or tea or something, finding a task to keep yourself busy — are MUCH easier to solve, and the totality of their solutions will be the solution to the Big Problem.
When I first went to the clinic seeking help, they told me there was a 5-day waiting period. TWO MONTHS!?!? 5 days was too long for me. So I found another way. Find another way.
Are you at work right now? Is being at work better or worse than being at home? Do you have someone you can call if you need to? I'm here to talk you down if you need it. I check email at least every 1/2 hour.
You're doing great — keep doing it.
Comments on this entry are closed.