Bloated elephant furry Newt Gingrich is coasting on fumes at this point. His flabby presidential candidacy is a worn-out joke, his campaign is over $1 million in debt, and he is still consistently polling several points below “none/no one” among likely GOP voters. Is there anywhere that the Newtron implosion still shines? Oh, right. Twitter! Newt is still Twitter’s favorite littlest would-be GOP dictator issuing nonsense declarations to his 1.3 million followers. The new, previously unasked and yet obvious followup question is: are those followers real humans? No, probably not, according to an anonymous former Gingrich staffer who told Gawker that Newt hired “firms” to load Newt’s follower list with fake Twitter accounts. Sorry, bad on everyone! We apparently were not alone in just assuming until right now that Newt could muster 1.299 million ironic follows.
From Gawker’s former Gingrich staffer source:
Newt employs a variety of agencies whose sole purpose is to procure Twitter followers for people who are shallow/insecure/unpopular enough to pay for them. As you might guess, Newt is most decidedly one of the people to which these agencies cater.
About 80 percent of those accounts are inactive or are dummy accounts created by various “follow agencies,” another 10 percent are real people who are part of a network of folks who follow others back and are paying for followers themselves (Newt’s profile just happens to be a part of these networks because he uses them, although he doesn’t follow back), and the remaining 10 percent may, in fact, be real, sentient people who happen to like Newt Gingrich. If you simply scroll through his list of followers you’ll see that most of them have odd usernames and no profile photos, which has to do with the fact that they were mass generated. Pathetic, isn’t it?
Ben Smith at POLITICO is all “maybe they are real!” for whatever reason, but…eh. Newt hasn’t said anything about this “scandal of the Twits” on his account. We can only point out that “pathetic” rings pretty true. [Gawker]
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Newt is screwed if he looses the start up disk for that wife of his.
format: c
She does look like she needs a hard reboot. And then a secure firewall needs to be set up.
Why is it the term "firewall" associated with Newt makes me feel dirty?
I think you misunderstand what it means when Newt "boots" a wife.
It tends to involve cancer treatment and a hospital.
But Newt is the one that needs the virus protection.
Do they have worms on Twitter (yet)?
They have hookworms anyway.
T
He'll just mosey on down and get a new one. Wife, not disc.
Newt won't be screwed if he looses the start up disk for that wife of his.
There *fixed*
Really? Am I the only perve/nerd who thought, "Chobits"?
More proof that the Fukushima reactors aren't the only source of toxic emissions.
"Welcome to the circus, Mrs. Gingrich. How was your flight in from Stepford?"
C'mon, Newt: do the right thing. Quit. You'll be glad. Callista won't, but isn't she about worn out by now anyway?
I'm not sure he can quit. Doesn't Mooselini hold the Quitter™ trademark?
Yeah, her "use by" date must be just around the corner.
"Yeah, her "use by" date must be just around the
cornerhospital bed."/Fixed
Newt should listen to Leon, from Curb Yer Enthusiams:
Leon: Get out there, and get some new ass. Know what I'm saying, huh? You done ran the other ass in the ground, right?
Marty: I don't want to talk about my wife like that.
Leon: You ran that ass in the ground, and you're movin' on, right?
Marty: Well, I didn't run any—we had a nice marriage for twenty…
Leon: You ran that other ass in the ground…
Marty: I don't run people's ass in the ground.
Leon: All men do!
Larry: It's not a negative thing to run an ass in the ground.
I assumed that his presidential run was just a cover to find a new wife.
Do you run for President around here often?
Plot of an episode of NewsRadio, believe it or not. I recently saw it and remembered how much I missed Phil Hartman.
But the bling is real! As real as bling on credit can be.
Dance you fat salamander, dance!
It's not real credit though – interest free!!! (Asshole.) (Newt, that is.)
nds mr tfnys.
Mishima-san?
"…the remaining 10 percent may, in fact, be real, sentient people who happen to like Newt Gingrich."
C'mon… there has to be another excuse.
you beat me to it and it makes me wonder if the whole article is just a spoof.
Everyone knows that there are no "sentient people who happen to like Newt Gingrich."
I'd suggest spontaneous, auto-lobotomy to account for the actions of those 10%. Indeed, although clicking "Unfollow" is quite easy, when you have that icepick just sitting nearby, tempting you…
I'm calling bullshit on that too, there's still no way Newt has twice as many real followers as Miche1e and Mittens. I mean, there are people who actually like both of them, whereas, I don't think there's a single person who honestly wants Newt to president, including himself.
But he has a PhD!
Pretty huge dick? Oh. I thought you said "is."
Reporters & ironic 90s nostalgia geeks?
I hope the old fucker fades into obscurity. When you choose a first name that means your an amphibian in the salamander family, you've lost all credibility in my house for any form of fucking leadership. Hell, call yourself turd for all I care.
Not that a mitt is much better, mind you.
Reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw when Newt was actually in Congress: "Newt gives amphibians a bad name."
Well, I'm sure Tiffany's accounting department is a real follower.
I'm confused, I thought he paid them off.
The Tiffany's lobbying department you mean. The accountants undoubtedly squawked about an interest-free cool million.
Wait, so you're telling me I could get paid to create fake twatter accounts to follow people nobody likes? And the twatter is filled with people nobody likes spewing idiocy? I need to get on this so I can get "job creator" rich and stop paying taxes.
It's like a pyramid scheme, though–only the first few people to think of it make any money off it. You'll need to find a new or more efficient way to grift from the gullible.
Damn, I never get in on the ground floor. Guess I'm destined to earn my hobo beans rather than grift my way to a Gulfstream.
I hope for her sake that Callista doesn't get into a car accident and Newt throws her over for Rev. 5.0. Oh wait… that was John Mc Chipmunkcheeks. Never mind.
Nope, there is no way that Newt can fit inside that elephant outfit. A blue whale? Maybe, but not an elephant.
Might be David Wu … it's exactly the same pose!
Is this guy still around? I forgot all about him.
Very round.
Is Lou Sarah a follower?
Hell, she's about fifty of them.
She was, but she quit.
Potemkin, anyone?
I loved him on Chicago Hope!
Sam Francisco FTW!
Are you referring to the mutiny on the Battleship which started the Russian Revolution of 1905? Is Newt coming back in 12 years?
Or was the budget showdown with Clinton the mutiny and this is the real revolution?
In which case Newt sorta looks like the Mensheviks to me.
Too soon?
Does anyone actually pay any attention to how many twits follow a person's tweets?
Yes, the kind of person who pays for follower-bots.
How many tweets could a twit twat tweet if a twit twat could twit tweets?
The only one that I've heard about is that more people follow Lady GaGa than President Obama. For what that's worth.
alt text: Is that Newt in there? We can't tell. Probably.
Newt from 30 years back woulda been too fat to fit in that thing.
On the bright side, her necklace is sparkly and obv from Tiffany's. Definitely a step up from the pearl necklaces Newt usually gives her.
I know the term "threw up in my mouth" is an oft repeated sentiment these days and has lost much of its meaning, however, sometimes that shit is for real. I like a good blow job reference as much as the next girl, but the idea of the mechanics of that how situation would be presented, and the look on Newt AND Callista's faces much less…oh god.
Yeah, one half of a pearl squeezed out for dear life does not a necklace make.
He hasn't learned from the more successful Republicans the more important tricks-generating fake voters, fake supreme court justices, etc.
@newtgingrich #fatfraud
I'm sure that the old downfist-bot that serially annoyed us here is a follower.
For sure. Someone has to empty their chamber pots.
Newton is post-mod like that.
One day, you luddites will understand and he shall welcome you into his virtual Oval Office, where he rules over Farmville with wisdom and benevolent magnamanity.
"Some pigs are more equal than others."
i dont know. his twitter followers are real in the same way his replicant wife is real.
Matt Stirrbait, Ricardo Hurtz, Mike Hunt: Newt's list of followers is endless…
Yeah, a quick glance at some of Newt's followers reveals a bunch of self-proclaimed "experts", self-promoters and MLM schemers (in addition to all the dummy accounts). In other words, a typical Twitter account.
Wow, yeah, I just checked his followers and this seems pretty obvious. Like lots of people with no tweets and following thousands…. why didn't we notice this earlier? Oh, wait.. no one cares/bothered.
Also, I definitely attract plenty of twitter bot followers, for free. not sure what I do, but I think he's doing it wrong.
That pic. Can't tell which one is in fursona. Both, so very fake.
What's Callista, the Whitest Woman on the Planet (TM) doing cosying up to that African?
Ears say Asian, still though.
Nah, Africa outsourced all its elephants to India.
Any names like Twiki, R2D2, C3P0, T-900, Data, Robby?
Amanda Huginkiss? Al Koholek? Ben Dover?
Truck Knuts?
Dr. Shaden Freud, O. Blivious, Bee Fuddled (Michele Bachmann keeps asking her for money one of my email acounts), Dee Ranged, Sir Cumference, Anita Handjob (stole that one from the National Lampoon High School Yearbook – still a classic) – the list just goes on and on.
In the same vein, how does "Homo Erectus" sound as a Wonkette handle? Too subtle?
Ben Dover Smith works at the Politihoze.
Buster Hyman?
Hugh Jorgan?
What, isn't Heywood Jablome good enough?
Mike Hunt and Mike Hawke?
scroll through his list of followers you’ll see that most of them have odd usernames and no profile photos
Our name is legion for we are many.
His campaign needs an Exorcist.
Gee, lots of fake names generated to look popular — something else Newt has in common with our Breitbart troll.
Well, now I see how Newtie attracts the ladies. You know what they say about a big nose…
It contains a lot of boogers?
It means you have big feet?
As long as Newt can still afford to purchase his next wife it's all good.
Good thing Newt's not on Intense Debate, he'd probably hire some firms to continually upfist him and he'd have, like, 119,284 p points.
He tried to hire me as his ID consultant but I'm very careful with my magic.
I wish I could give you a hundred upfists, meta…
LOL.
I see Callista's traded up.
Does this mean Newt has cancer?
Well, his campaign is on life support, at least.
Oh great… and I can't follow 2001 people because I might be too much of a twitter-whore.
I'll take my tweets strait up Grassley. Thanks anyways.
Gingrich complained yesterday that the press is ignoring his prodigious Twitter audience
I'll bet he wishes the press were ignoring it now…idiot…
*and*
"I have six times as many Twitter followers as all the other candidates combined, but it didn't count because if it counted I'd still be a candidate; since I can't be a candidate that can't count."
Why shouldn't Newt be president? Let's count the reasons…
He sorta dared the press to look into it, didn't he?
Moses supposes
his toes'es are roses.
Is there anything this doofus-wad
doesn't suppose erroneously?
Newt's twitter audience – twitties galore!
Twits or GTFO.
Ima Dick? Juan Chingar? L. Gustoesmio?
Why, if it isn't Juan Thing!
It should be noted that the Pachyderm's appendage was fully erect prior to the would-be First-Cunt's appearance: Calista=Immediate Soft-On.
You laugh now, but those names are all on voter lists — and they're all Republicans.
If one drew a Ven diagram of (A.) People likely to use Twitter; and (B.) People who like Ole Newt – the two circles just wouldn't ever overlap.
"People who like Ole Newt"
It takes more than a single point to make a circle.
I like the photo of Meghan McCanns on the elephant a lot more.
Newt is giving Rudi the lisping cross-dressing cousin-marrying Bernie Kerik-blowing tiny balcony-seeking nasty nasty man Giuliani a run for the title of Worst Candidate Evar. That being said, does anyone want to be my friend? I will pay you.
" does anyone want to be my friend? I will pay you."
OK fine. But don't expect me to acknowledge you in public or respond with anything more than sentences comprised of one syllable words. And put some pants on!
I actually did have a girlfriend once who asked me not to tell anyone that she was seeing me.
This won't stop him from being the most-featured guest on Meet the Press. David Gregory totally gets off on that whole pathetic, irrelevant, doughy thing.
Oopsie, wasn't paying attention. Enjoy your "correction erection"
Newt Gingrich: 1,300,000 fake people can't be wrong….Or can they?
Was Lou Sarah one of them? Enquiring minds wanna know.
Here's your answer.
Trololo Newty Toot.
In all fairness, they could be 1.3 million Tiffany's employees and accountants.
"odd usernames and no profile photos"
Mass generated…. or AOL users.
PAC-yderm Libel!! (sorry)
Newt should be challenged to say, send out a Tweet to tell his minions to "all flush your toilets at noon" and see if anything happens.
I hate that AT&T commercial with the heat of a thousand suns, but the thought of a Newt Flash Mob just made me guffaw.
Because such a waste of oxygen would be the perfect metaphor for the Newt Gingrich Presidential Campaign.
Normally, I'd feel sorry for a guy who had no friends and was so pathetic he had to pay people to pretend to be his imaginary friends; but this is the guy who did everything he could to try and destroy the country in the 90s, and helped lay the groundwork for the teabagging Republicans who are now trying to finish the job, so instead he deserves a Nelson Muntz "HA, HA!"
Normally, I'd feel sorry for a guy who had no friends and was so pathetic he had to pay people to pretend to be his imaginary friends
I appreciate the sympathy, Soros, but fortunately for me Wonkette is free!
Not only did he want to Tea Party the country before it was cool, he's a real stand-out hypocritical shit amongst the party of hypocritical shit. Family values, my ass.
He is, truly, one of the most loathsome creatures ever to roam the Earth. No one should feel sorry for him.
SB: Not only did he have to pay people to be his friend – which, as you say, under normal circumstances is pathetic – he probably didn't even know he was doing it! With an ego the size of his wife's friend in that photo, I'm guessing he really thought 1,300,000 people would follow him.
Which is even more pathetic.
Although also pretty sweet.
'Fake' Twitter, 'real' Twitter, who can tell them apart?
You can't tell the difference after dark.
I think "looses" is appropriate. It would be a disaster for robo-wives everywhere if Newt's viral operating system were loosed into the wilds of Georgia.
Somewhere David Wu is gnashing his teeth and tearing his Tigger suit in furious anger.
Not somewhere..here. No furry apparel, regrettably.
well obviously this is obama's fault.
Does Pedo Bear have a new job?
That's Pedophant, the new Republican Mascot!
Flabby. Nice choice of words Kirsten. Flabby should appear in any reference to Newt. Flaccid is also good.
"Panniculus" is also useful in describing the disgraced former speaker.
Are going to live-blog Barry's Rose Garden speech? Are we going to trot out the utterly bogus* both-sides-hate-it-so-it-must-be-good argument?
________________________
*How about: both sides hate it so it really sucks?
All this to sell books and (maybe) go on Dancing With the Stars?
Little known fact: Even the Twitter Bots find Newt a bit slimy.
That photo creeps me out. I do not like empty creature-shaped suits posing as humans. I also do not like elephants.
This to hoping the Newster can finds his next wifey off his tweeter following…
It's the kind of "sentience" that requires a Senator Bill Frist video diagnosis.
Sorry, I havent' had sex in a few weeks and am too distracted looking at that lady felating a cucumber to bother thinking about something so irrelevant as Newt Gingrich.
The best thinker in the Republican Party, and this is all he thought of? Tweet numbers? Harpoon this whale and set Callista free.
What's Twitter?
That's a good picture of Snoot. It makes him look thin.
That photo is terrible – Ole Newt has really let himself go.
Turns out only 92% of his followers are fake. http://gawker.com/5826960/update-only-92-of-newt-...
Newt, you're fat and old and no one likes you.
Does this mean I won't get my El Salvadorean made campaign souvenir tee shirt for following the helmet heads?
Alas, our poor fool is hanged.
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