DRUNK REPUBLICANS IN THE NEWS  7:01 pm August 1, 2011

Parents Forced To Collect Drunk Ohio GOP State Senator Son From Party

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

AND ON THE “LIGHTER SIDE!” As we mentioned last week, Ohio State Senator Jarrod Martin was charged with drunk driving and child endangerment, just another “normal week” for Ohio’s legislative body, at this point. But also fun! Martin is predictably no stranger to idiot middle-of-the-night run-ins with police. There is a litany of dumb facts about Martin’s drunken antics here, but our favorite is the one where his parents were forced to pick up Martin and his friends from a (probably nude gay wrestling) party in the middle of the night:

On May 16, 2010, the night manager at the Residence Inn in Beavercreek called police about guests yelling and fighting on the fifth floor at 4:30 a.m. Officers found Martin and six other men “highly intoxicated” at a bachelor party. The men said they weren’t fighting; just having a “friendly wrestling match in their hotel room,” a Beavercreek police report said.

Martin’s parents were called to pick up the men and their belongings, according to the police report. Police noted that the room was tidied up and not damaged.

[Dayton Daily News]

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Barb August 1, 2011 at 7:04 pm

They were men who were wrestling in a "tidy" room? Was a Bette Midler concert DVD playing on the TV?

JustPixelz August 1, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Those barbarians!

bumfug August 1, 2011 at 7:49 pm

No, they were watching movies about gladiators.

Barrelhse August 1, 2011 at 8:41 pm

I'm always glad I ate her.

Mahousu August 1, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Jarrod's penchant for shirtlessness makes it more likely it was 300 that was playing. The police thought the room was "tidy" as the furniture looked freshly oiled.

I also suspect the "wrestling" involved moves not sanctioned by the NCAA. Or, for that matter, WWE. Or possibly even by NAMBLA.

PrimlyStable August 1, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Maybe Ken Russell's adaptation of Women In Love, specifically the bit with Oliver Reed and Alan Bates in front of the fire.

NotYerGaryBusey August 2, 2011 at 11:44 am

"Residence Inn: Where Santorum on the walls is a'ight with us!"
Isn't this the chain where the logo looks like a silhouette of a nice and neat steaming pile?

OkieDokieDog August 1, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Mom & Dad? Really? I can't believe that he isn't covered in hot horny ready to bake a baby babes, since he wants to be a daddy so bad. Or something. Oh this; too

Goonemeritus August 1, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Yes and why would you assume that the wearing of ass chaps makes it a gay wrestling match?

PrimlyStable August 1, 2011 at 7:10 pm

I think it's worth underlining the fact that Martin was 31 years old when his parents were called to collect him from a party where he'd got a bit overexcited.

That last happened to me when I was about eight.

Biel_ze_Bubba August 1, 2011 at 7:58 pm

At this rate, by the time he's crippled by fat and confined to a scooter, he'll be roughly as mature as 17-year-old. In other words, teabagger material.

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 1:57 am

I thought you knew that eight of your years = 31 Martinyears. Or something.

bumfug August 1, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Tidied up = They wiped the santorum off all the counters.

Gratuitous World August 1, 2011 at 7:12 pm

When his parents picked him up, I'm pretty sure he blamed it on 'The Unions.'

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 1:59 am

And I'm sure he didn't specify "the unions of dicks with assholes."

Steverino247 August 1, 2011 at 7:13 pm

What happens in Beavercreek, stays in Beavercreek.

OurHoboSenator August 1, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Friendly wrestling in Beavercreek. I think I saw that on the internet (for research purposes) once.

I still like that he was found in the Riffe Center garage passed out on Bill Batchelder's car. Because any excuse to link to a picture of Bill Batchelder is welcome.

Steverino247 August 1, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Plus, he's from District 69! Yesssss!

Ken Cuccinelli August 1, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Wow, Brian Peppers got a job.

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 2:00 am


Don't you think you should include a CAUTIONMAYNEEDGALLONSOFEYEBLEACH warning heah?

tcaalaw August 2, 2011 at 9:34 am

How did Charles Nelson Riley get elected to the Ohio state legislature let alone as Speaker of the House?

horsedreamer_1 August 2, 2011 at 11:14 am

Who wouldn't take "the Party of 'No'" for the block?

prommie August 2, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Holy Shit what a screaming gay queen of gay gayness with gay on top and a side of homo! He's gay enough to marry Liza!

starfanglednut August 2, 2011 at 11:41 pm

Heyyy, are those my glasses from the 70's? I knew I put them somewhere.

PuckStopsHere August 1, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Was it Spartan wrestling (i.e., naked?). Were they oiled up? Was there a gladiator movie on the TV? Did they say they liked to hang around gymnasiums…

NorthStarSpanx August 1, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Sounds an awful lot like Rep. Eric Massa's tickle fights with his unwilling staff/roommates.

“Now they are saying I groped a male staffer,’’ he told Mr. Beck. “Yeah I did. Not only did I grope him. I tickled him until he couldn’t breathe and then four guys jumped on top of me. It was my 50th birthday. It was kill the old guy. You can take anything out of context.’’

emmelemm August 1, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Um, what?

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 2:01 am

Whatever happened to dear old Eric Massa?

MissTaken August 2, 2011 at 10:31 am

I love a wonkette comment that is purely an actual quote from a dumbass. Truly American Exceptionalism.

poncho_pilot August 3, 2011 at 8:58 am

yes, son
i want to kill you.
i want to fuck father."

something like that.

johnnyzhivago August 1, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Five men having a "friendly wrestling match" in a motel room sounds like a Villiage People rehersal to me.

JustPixelz August 1, 2011 at 7:52 pm

There was the Indian, the Cowboy, the Cop, the Construction Guy, the Sailor … and the Repubican State Senator. What a cliché!

nappyduggs August 1, 2011 at 7:29 pm

"Police noted that the room was tidied up and not damaged."
Yet the smell of balls, Jagermeister, and frustration lingers on to this day.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 1, 2011 at 7:29 pm

So, were his parents more alarm that he was drunk, or apparently very, very gay.

smokefilleddoommate August 1, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Goddamn it Reba, we gotta pick up our gay son again.. I wonder what fabulous corner he's painted himself into this time!

poncho_pilot August 3, 2011 at 8:57 am

"i love…my dead, gay son!"

Callyson August 1, 2011 at 7:29 pm

(Martin) was found passed out in a downtown Columbus parking garage, according to police records.
The Ohio Highway Patrol found Martin, R-Beavercreek, at 1:05 a.m. on March 24, 2010 slumped over a Chevy Suburban that belonged to state Rep. William Batchelder, R-Medina, who left his car in the garage overnight. Batchelder is now the Speaker of the House.
Medics were called after a state trooper tried unsuccessfully for 20 minutes to wake Martin, according to the patrol’s log.
At 3:22 a.m., long-time lawmaker Rep. Ron Amstutz, R-Wooster, called the patrol and arranged for House Republican campaign director Mike Dittoe to pick up Martin. It is unclear why Amstutz was called. Amstutz did not return messages on Friday.
Just out of curiosity, are there any Ohio Republican legislators who are *not* overgrown frat boy closet cases?

OurHoboSenator August 1, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Maybe the women? Maybe?

zhubajie August 1, 2011 at 10:40 pm


PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 2:02 am

Judging from the photos I've seen *so* far, that would be a resounding "No!"

comrad_darkness August 2, 2011 at 5:04 pm

>Medics were called after a state trooper tried unsuccessfully for 20 minutes to wake Martin, according to the patrol’s log.
20 minutes??

Officer's unofficial log:
1:04am Found passed out man on hood of suburban.
1:05am Unable to rouse man.
1:10amTook man's wallet to check id.
1:10am Went to Dunkin for a cuppa and a half dozen donut holes.
1:25am Returned to scene. Man still unconscious.

MissusBarry August 1, 2011 at 7:32 pm

This fucking kid has a bright future in rethug politics. Drunken boy on boy antics and three kids at age 32.

hagajim August 2, 2011 at 11:24 am

Just in time to reinvent himself ala W and become a responsible adult.

MinAgain August 1, 2011 at 7:49 pm

friendly wrestling match in their hotel room

See, I remember when this kind of thing was called an "orgy".

Good times, good times.

JustPixelz August 1, 2011 at 7:49 pm

I'm guessing it didn't matter to them.

weejee August 1, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Did anyone put Martin in the cradle and stick 'em?

Hey, hey, those are for realz wrestlin' terms, for true.

justkillmenow August 2, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Figure 4 and fart, FTW.

Duly_Noted August 1, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Columbus, Ohio shall be renamed Sodom-on-the-Scioto.

tymberwolf817 August 9, 2011 at 11:09 am

The boyfriend is from Ohio and I can vouch for the fact that Columbus is actually surprisingly decadent.

SpurningBeer August 1, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Bachelor party, huh?

gullywompr August 1, 2011 at 8:19 pm

That was no wrestling match, it was a squirmish!

Monsieur_Grumpe August 1, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Some people have to work at it but this guy is a natural asshole (R).

Pragmatist2 August 1, 2011 at 8:34 pm

His mother probably "tidied up" after him. She's probably been doing that for years.

Tommmcatt August 1, 2011 at 8:38 pm

his parents were forced to pick up Martin and his friends from a (probably nude gay wrestling) party

There are very high standards for random male-male group sex. No pumpkin-headed, moobed freak like that would get invited to one of my orgies, thank you very much.

prommie August 2, 2011 at 11:58 am

Yeah, but you are one of those high-falutin cultural elite coastal homos, these flyover bears must have lower standards; they would have to, I'd think. You notice it said they left the room "tidy" and "neat?" That sets the gaydar off.

ProgressiveInga August 1, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Hey Jarrod, c'mon out of the closet. It gets better!

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 2:04 am

Not for him, hon. There's not a man worth looking at that would dip his dick in *that.*

Radiotherapy® August 1, 2011 at 8:46 pm

OK, he gets caught drunk driving topless, is 31 yo and his parents pick him up from a gay wrestling party. Police noted that the room was tidied up, he looks like this and his name is Jar Rod.
Move along people, nothing to look at here.

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 2:05 am

And he's found passed out on the car of the GAYEST of the gay politicians EVAH, Bill Bachelder. Holy geez.

horsedreamer_1 August 2, 2011 at 11:16 am

He will be seen on Mad Men, season 5, as the closetted new hire at Sterling Cooper Draper Price. Peggy will be first to find out his secret when she seems him leaving a masseur's in the West Village.

mavenmaven August 1, 2011 at 8:57 pm

They were, you know, nudge nudge, wink wink, "alleviating the debt" and "enhancing small government" and "dealing with waste", you know what I mean, all appropriate naked drunk GOP activities.

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 2:05 am

Oh, secreting the Santorum?

BaldarTFlagass August 1, 2011 at 9:04 pm

Seance or gayance?

x111e7thst August 1, 2011 at 9:06 pm

I had the misfortune to stumble across JarRod's picture. All I could think is that I would be reluctant to leave this guy alone with a dog I didn't particularly like.

zhubajie August 2, 2011 at 2:11 am

Those eyes are pretty close together, aren't they?

Sue4466 August 1, 2011 at 9:29 pm

His parents had to come get him in May 2010? That was a year ago. How old is this guy?

phlox✔ August 1, 2011 at 10:18 pm

He's only 31. Youthful antics FTW!

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 2:06 am

Hey, Eric Cantor's one of the Young Republicans of the House, and he's 50! Republicans — or perhaps the teabaggage strain — mature late.

AJWjr. August 1, 2011 at 10:16 pm

Damn, I was really hoping he was from same august body that produced Boner, but sadly, no…

chascates August 1, 2011 at 10:17 pm

The Rightwing always boisterously debates the sanctity of marriage and the reverence for women at bachelor parties. And the infallible ability of the free market to self-regulate and the attributes of offshore labor are often cause for hilarity at cocktail bars and moderately-priced strip clubs.

And probably as often in the nude and drinking a pint of cheap scotch.

starfanglednut August 2, 2011 at 11:47 pm

And don't forget fiscal conservatism at lesbian themed bondage clubs.

ttommyunger August 1, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Mike Huckabee and his criminal offspring are heaving a sigh of relief. This puts the spotlight somewhere else for a change.

DerrickWildcat August 1, 2011 at 10:20 pm

“friendly wrestling match in their hotel room,”

Back in my day we called it butt fuckin'.

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 2:08 am

You must be an Oldz.

horsedreamer_1 August 2, 2011 at 11:16 am

What happens in Cedar Rapids, stays in Cedar Rapids.

prommie August 2, 2011 at 12:00 pm

We called it "corn-holing." I am amazed when I see "corn hole" games openly advertised for sale these days.

poncho_pilot August 3, 2011 at 9:04 am

since you mentioned it…

bigdupa August 1, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Beaver Creek the new Sausage Alley

DahBoner August 1, 2011 at 11:07 pm

These patriotic boys were trying to warn Americans the British are coming…

bagofmice August 2, 2011 at 12:24 pm

At least they tidy up after themselves.

poncho_pilot August 3, 2011 at 9:07 am

shooting each other in the face and something about ringing balls. there was no horse but there was a bit and a saddle.

Negropolis August 1, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Ohio is for lovers. Dayton used to produce things like the Wright Brothers and bicycles and airplanes. Now all that it produces is crippling depression and stupidity.

Not this guy, again. Not the one with no eyebrows, and a head shaped like a big, stupid breadbox.

BornInATrailer August 2, 2011 at 9:12 am

I guess Raginghomoschlongbonercreek was too long for the postcards.

Beowoof August 2, 2011 at 10:35 am

A bachelor party but gay marriage isn't legal in Ohio.

iKento August 2, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Don't think his parents will sign his permission slip next time.

gurukalehuru August 2, 2011 at 2:57 pm

I'm not sure that "Bachelor Party" means what they think it means.

politics_nerd August 2, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Did mommy and daddy tidy up the room?

starfanglednut August 2, 2011 at 11:48 pm

No, just mommy, silly.

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