AND ON THE “LIGHTER SIDE!” As we mentioned last week, Ohio State Senator Jarrod Martin was charged with drunk driving and child endangerment, just another “normal week” for Ohio’s legislative body, at this point. But also fun! Martin is predictably no stranger to idiot middle-of-the-night run-ins with police. There is a litany of dumb facts about Martin’s drunken antics here, but our favorite is the one where his parents were forced to pick up Martin and his friends from a (probably nude gay wrestling) party in the middle of the night:

On May 16, 2010, the night manager at the Residence Inn in Beavercreek called police about guests yelling and fighting on the fifth floor at 4:30 a.m. Officers found Martin and six other men “highly intoxicated” at a bachelor party. The men said they weren’t fighting; just having a “friendly wrestling match in their hotel room,” a Beavercreek police report said.

Martin’s parents were called to pick up the men and their belongings, according to the police report. Police noted that the room was tidied up and not damaged.

[Dayton Daily News]

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  • Barb

    They were men who were wrestling in a "tidy" room? Was a Bette Midler concert DVD playing on the TV?

    • Those barbarians!

    • bumfug

      No, they were watching movies about gladiators.

      • Barrelhse

        I'm always glad I ate her.

    • Mahousu

      Jarrod's penchant for shirtlessness makes it more likely it was 300 that was playing. The police thought the room was "tidy" as the furniture looked freshly oiled.

      I also suspect the "wrestling" involved moves not sanctioned by the NCAA. Or, for that matter, WWE. Or possibly even by NAMBLA.

    • PrimlyStable

      Maybe Ken Russell's adaptation of Women In Love, specifically the bit with Oliver Reed and Alan Bates in front of the fire.

    • NotYerGaryBusey

      "Residence Inn: Where Santorum on the walls is a'ight with us!"
      Isn't this the chain where the logo looks like a silhouette of a nice and neat steaming pile?

  • OkieDokieDog

    Mom & Dad? Really? I can't believe that he isn't covered in hot horny ready to bake a baby babes, since he wants to be a daddy so bad. Or something. Oh this; too

  • Goonemeritus

    Yes and why would you assume that the wearing of ass chaps makes it a gay wrestling match?

  • PrimlyStable

    I think it's worth underlining the fact that Martin was 31 years old when his parents were called to collect him from a party where he'd got a bit overexcited.

    That last happened to me when I was about eight.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      At this rate, by the time he's crippled by fat and confined to a scooter, he'll be roughly as mature as 17-year-old. In other words, teabagger material.

    • PristineODummy

      I thought you knew that eight of your years = 31 Martinyears. Or something.

  • bumfug

    Tidied up = They wiped the santorum off all the counters.

  • When his parents picked him up, I'm pretty sure he blamed it on 'The Unions.'

    • PristineODummy

      And I'm sure he didn't specify "the unions of dicks with assholes."

  • Steverino247

    What happens in Beavercreek, stays in Beavercreek.

  • OurHoboSenator

    Friendly wrestling in Beavercreek. I think I saw that on the internet (for research purposes) once.

    I still like that he was found in the Riffe Center garage passed out on Bill Batchelder's car. Because any excuse to link to a picture of Bill Batchelder is welcome.

    • Steverino247

      Plus, he's from District 69! Yesssss!

    • Ken Cuccinelli

      Wow, Brian Peppers got a job.

    • PristineODummy


      Don't you think you should include a CAUTIONMAYNEEDGALLONSOFEYEBLEACH warning heah?

    • tcaalaw

      How did Charles Nelson Riley get elected to the Ohio state legislature let alone as Speaker of the House?

      • horsedreamer_1

        Who wouldn't take "the Party of 'No'" for the block?

    • prommie

      Holy Shit what a screaming gay queen of gay gayness with gay on top and a side of homo! He's gay enough to marry Liza!

    • Heyyy, are those my glasses from the 70's? I knew I put them somewhere.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Was it Spartan wrestling (i.e., naked?). Were they oiled up? Was there a gladiator movie on the TV? Did they say they liked to hang around gymnasiums…

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Sounds an awful lot like Rep. Eric Massa's tickle fights with his unwilling staff/roommates.

    “Now they are saying I groped a male staffer,’’ he told Mr. Beck. “Yeah I did. Not only did I grope him. I tickled him until he couldn’t breathe and then four guys jumped on top of me. It was my 50th birthday. It was kill the old guy. You can take anything out of context.’’

    • emmelemm

      Um, what?

    • PristineODummy

      Whatever happened to dear old Eric Massa?

    • MissTaken

      I love a wonkette comment that is purely an actual quote from a dumbass. Truly American Exceptionalism.

    • poncho_pilot

      yes, son
      i want to kill you.
      i want to fuck father."

      something like that.

  • Five men having a "friendly wrestling match" in a motel room sounds like a Villiage People rehersal to me.

    • There was the Indian, the Cowboy, the Cop, the Construction Guy, the Sailor … and the Repubican State Senator. What a cliché!

  • nappyduggs

    "Police noted that the room was tidied up and not damaged."
    Yet the smell of balls, Jagermeister, and frustration lingers on to this day.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, were his parents more alarm that he was drunk, or apparently very, very gay.

    • Goddamn it Reba, we gotta pick up our gay son again.. I wonder what fabulous corner he's painted himself into this time!

      • poncho_pilot

        "i love…my dead, gay son!"

  • Callyson

    (Martin) was found passed out in a downtown Columbus parking garage, according to police records.
    The Ohio Highway Patrol found Martin, R-Beavercreek, at 1:05 a.m. on March 24, 2010 slumped over a Chevy Suburban that belonged to state Rep. William Batchelder, R-Medina, who left his car in the garage overnight. Batchelder is now the Speaker of the House.
    Medics were called after a state trooper tried unsuccessfully for 20 minutes to wake Martin, according to the patrol’s log.
    At 3:22 a.m., long-time lawmaker Rep. Ron Amstutz, R-Wooster, called the patrol and arranged for House Republican campaign director Mike Dittoe to pick up Martin. It is unclear why Amstutz was called. Amstutz did not return messages on Friday.
    Just out of curiosity, are there any Ohio Republican legislators who are *not* overgrown frat boy closet cases?

    • OurHoboSenator

      Maybe the women? Maybe?

    • zhubajie


    • PristineODummy

      Judging from the photos I've seen *so* far, that would be a resounding "No!"

    • comrad_darkness

      >Medics were called after a state trooper tried unsuccessfully for 20 minutes to wake Martin, according to the patrol’s log.
      20 minutes??

      Officer's unofficial log:
      1:04am Found passed out man on hood of suburban.
      1:05am Unable to rouse man.
      1:10amTook man's wallet to check id.
      1:10am Went to Dunkin for a cuppa and a half dozen donut holes.
      1:25am Returned to scene. Man still unconscious.

  • MissusBarry

    This fucking kid has a bright future in rethug politics. Drunken boy on boy antics and three kids at age 32.

    • hagajim

      Just in time to reinvent himself ala W and become a responsible adult.

  • MinAgain

    friendly wrestling match in their hotel room

    See, I remember when this kind of thing was called an "orgy".

    Good times, good times.

  • I'm guessing it didn't matter to them.

  • Did anyone put Martin in the cradle and stick 'em?

    Hey, hey, those are for realz wrestlin' terms, for true.

    • justkillmenow

      Figure 4 and fart, FTW.

  • Duly_Noted

    Columbus, Ohio shall be renamed Sodom-on-the-Scioto.

    • The boyfriend is from Ohio and I can vouch for the fact that Columbus is actually surprisingly decadent.

  • Bachelor party, huh?

  • gullywompr

    That was no wrestling match, it was a squirmish!

  • Some people have to work at it but this guy is a natural asshole (R).

  • Pragmatist2

    His mother probably "tidied up" after him. She's probably been doing that for years.

  • Tommmcatt

    his parents were forced to pick up Martin and his friends from a (probably nude gay wrestling) party

    There are very high standards for random male-male group sex. No pumpkin-headed, moobed freak like that would get invited to one of my orgies, thank you very much.

    • prommie

      Yeah, but you are one of those high-falutin cultural elite coastal homos, these flyover bears must have lower standards; they would have to, I'd think. You notice it said they left the room "tidy" and "neat?" That sets the gaydar off.

  • Hey Jarrod, c'mon out of the closet. It gets better!

    • PristineODummy

      Not for him, hon. There's not a man worth looking at that would dip his dick in *that.*

  • Radiotherapy®

    OK, he gets caught drunk driving topless, is 31 yo and his parents pick him up from a gay wrestling party. Police noted that the room was tidied up, he looks like this and his name is Jar Rod.
    Move along people, nothing to look at here.

    • PristineODummy

      And he's found passed out on the car of the GAYEST of the gay politicians EVAH, Bill Bachelder. Holy geez.

    • horsedreamer_1

      He will be seen on Mad Men, season 5, as the closetted new hire at Sterling Cooper Draper Price. Peggy will be first to find out his secret when she seems him leaving a masseur's in the West Village.

  • mavenmaven

    They were, you know, nudge nudge, wink wink, "alleviating the debt" and "enhancing small government" and "dealing with waste", you know what I mean, all appropriate naked drunk GOP activities.

    • PristineODummy

      Oh, secreting the Santorum?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Seance or gayance?

  • x111e7thst

    I had the misfortune to stumble across JarRod's picture. All I could think is that I would be reluctant to leave this guy alone with a dog I didn't particularly like.

    • zhubajie

      Those eyes are pretty close together, aren't they?

  • Sue4466

    His parents had to come get him in May 2010? That was a year ago. How old is this guy?

    • phlox✔

      He's only 31. Youthful antics FTW!

      • PristineODummy

        Hey, Eric Cantor's one of the Young Republicans of the House, and he's 50! Republicans — or perhaps the teabaggage strain — mature late.

  • AJWjr.

    Damn, I was really hoping he was from same august body that produced Boner, but sadly, no…

  • chascates

    The Rightwing always boisterously debates the sanctity of marriage and the reverence for women at bachelor parties. And the infallible ability of the free market to self-regulate and the attributes of offshore labor are often cause for hilarity at cocktail bars and moderately-priced strip clubs.

    And probably as often in the nude and drinking a pint of cheap scotch.

    • And don't forget fiscal conservatism at lesbian themed bondage clubs.

  • ttommyunger

    Mike Huckabee and his criminal offspring are heaving a sigh of relief. This puts the spotlight somewhere else for a change.

  • “friendly wrestling match in their hotel room,”

    Back in my day we called it butt fuckin'.

    • PristineODummy

      You must be an Oldz.

    • horsedreamer_1

      What happens in Cedar Rapids, stays in Cedar Rapids.

    • prommie

      We called it "corn-holing." I am amazed when I see "corn hole" games openly advertised for sale these days.

  • bigdupa

    Beaver Creek the new Sausage Alley

  • DahBoner

    These patriotic boys were trying to warn Americans the British are coming…

    • bagofmice

      At least they tidy up after themselves.

    • poncho_pilot

      shooting each other in the face and something about ringing balls. there was no horse but there was a bit and a saddle.

  • Negropolis

    Ohio is for lovers. Dayton used to produce things like the Wright Brothers and bicycles and airplanes. Now all that it produces is crippling depression and stupidity.

    Not this guy, again. Not the one with no eyebrows, and a head shaped like a big, stupid breadbox.

  • BornInATrailer

    I guess Raginghomoschlongbonercreek was too long for the postcards.

  • Beowoof

    A bachelor party but gay marriage isn't legal in Ohio.

  • iKento

    Don't think his parents will sign his permission slip next time.

  • I'm not sure that "Bachelor Party" means what they think it means.

  • politics_nerd

    Did mommy and daddy tidy up the room?

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