Stale humanoid Mitt Romney finally woke up today with some sort of simultaneously lazy and terrified opinion about the debt ceiling deal, and, uh, he’s against all of it. Should he even say that much? “As president, my plan would have produced a budget that was cut, capped and balanced – not one that opens the door to higher taxes and puts defense cuts on the table,” Mittens said in a statement. Love his commanding “would have” verb tense! From now on Mittens will be telling voters what he “would have” done, just as soon as the crisis is over. Seriously, Mittens. Even Tim Pawlenty managed to just say “this pretty much sucks” in a straightforward, believable tone.
From the The Caucus blog at the NYT:
Mr. Romney, whose central argument of why he should be president is based on his economic prowess, has been largely absent during the extended Washington debate over whether — and how — to raise the debt ceiling.
Throughout the debate, Mr. Romney has been careful to weigh in with only vague expressions of support for Republicans in Congress. The absence of a full-throated economic argument from Mr. Romney has been noted by his rivals.
Mitt will happily explain to everyone how he “would have” fixed the jobs crisis once it is over. [NYT]
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Has Mittens announced for 2016 yet? He's certainly not going to get the nomination this time around.
He truly is the William Jennings Bryan of this century.
He's going to have to dump the Mormons for the Pentecostal Holiness Church first.
It's not Romney's fault, his batteries needed recharging the last few weeks.
OT but still related: Rick Klein on the Twitterz: Pelosi on "satan sandwich" debt deal: "Probably is, with some satan fries on the side."
I saw Emanuel Cleaver's "satan sandwich" remark and lol'ed all morning.
mmmmm….Satan
I still prefer the good old fashioned 'shit sandwich'…
Yeah, he was trying to say shit sandwich, but politely.
Who the fuck has heard of a satan sandwich??
I would prefer an anusburger any day.
That was what Bush handed over.
Well, the less bread you got, the more Satan you gotta eat.
Oops, I almost typed "Santorum" by understandable mistake.
Today, we are all eating more santorum.
Fun fact: You can re-arrange the letters of "SATAN SANDWICH" to make the phrase "BUSH CAUSED THIS". (You have to add some letters and drop some other letters, but it works.)
I didn't know that!
Do you know about the Scrabble "S-A-T-I-R-E" thing? Add one letter and you get 69 different bingo possibilities.
http://www.tsproviders.com/scrabble/scrabble/sati...
"Chicken noodle soup, chicken noodle soup, chicken noodle soup wid a soda on da side…"
I prefer Wonton Soup http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8m5CIcbytfM
Thank you BasedGod!
And she's still voting for it. Pelosi is even lamer than Mittens.
Aw Mittens, we know you guys have to keep balanced budgets so the sister-wives don't show up on tax returns. Why you have to be bitter?
Romney's plan needs more Romneycare.
Doesn't a humanoid have to be at least partly human?
Come on, Mittens! As this empire winds down NOBODY thinks that there will be any cuts to the efficient and accomplished military, nor will any taxes ever be raised (except maybe on the working class). You can't try and retell the joke after the punchline's already been delivered. You're so July 2011.
Romney's 2012 platform: I'll tell you how you should have done it, after you've done it. For instance: Romney would've made sure that: (1) Saddam really had chemical weapons, (2) AIG's balance sheet was really sound, and that (3) Monica wouldn't have mentioned anything to Lucianne or or her mom.
Reagan already made sure Saddam had chemical weapons. It was Clinton who really dropped the ball there.
Mittens would have put that debt ceiling in a crate on the roof of the station wagon and driven it around the block till it puked and shit all over itself.
So… the only difference is he'd add a station wagon?
Innovation is Rewarded
Execution is Worshipped
Two P's in worshiped for extra Penis.
You get extra "P" for that!
Lemme guess: Willard was in Texas for that pic.
I had to check this, apparently the "English" english spelling is with two "pees" and the american/australian with one. I botch this one from time to time two, but yeah, in Mitten's case, extra penis for those funny undies.
What kind of executions are they worshipping?
Messicans, Negroes, gheys – the sky's the limit!
Dipshit is acting like dipshit.
Mittens: Post-Analyst or Flip-Flopper?
WHAT economic prowess? I have never heard a single compelling shred of evidence that this guy actually knows anything about economics. He is rich? So are the bozos that broke our banking system.
Here is another example of his economic mediocrity — he can't come up with anything intelligent to say about the debt ceiling debate, so he's just like "cut, cap, balance, where's the punch?"
But, but, but, he singlehandedly save the Olympics. TEH OLIMPIKS!!1!
Obama couldn't even get the Olympics to go to choose Chicago over the place with no pubes.
But,but — the "Massachusetts Miracle" — wait, was that Dukakis?
Singlehandedly? I believe he tapped the US Government for several hundred mil to save the Olympics. So we all helped him on that one.
McCain even said he was stealing money from US taxpayers. Have to say I enjoyed Mac's obvious contempt of Mittens, who treated him like the preening phony that he is during the debates in 2008.
He managed to become a successful businessman from the lowly beginnings of being the son of the CEO of General Motors turned Governor; that's got to take a lot of hard word and economic expertise.
No doubt he was fussing around with global economic projections over his bowl of Rice Krispies before kindergarten.
I believe his dad George–an actual moderate republic–was with American Motors, just as a point of information. I've been reading you for several years now, and this is the first mistake I've ever known you to make and it has shaken me to the core. Or perhaps it's my drink that's been shaken to the core. Uh, let me get back to you o that, 'kay?
Too many of these Rethug-likuns resumes read the same: they worked their way up to CEO from a humble beginning as Executive Vice-President of Spending Daddy's Money. Saying Mittens has business experience from his hedge fund is a bit like saying that winning the Pick Six at Santa Anita qualifies you as a horse doctor.
Yeah, yeah, yeah…shoulda, woulda, coulda, Mitt.
Say, have you picked a slogan yet?
20/20 Backseat Driver '12!
Innovation is Rewarded
Execution is Worshipped
Romney 2012: Not Every Mormon Rapes 12 Year Olds?
YES. WE. COULD HAVE.
If he'd only known that all this was going on! Why? Why did no one tell him?
Mittens is richer than 3 feet up a cow's ass. He doesn't give a tinkers damn about the middle class. His statement is like stepping in dog shit while barefooted.
But he's really good at "connecting" with those poor, especially minority poor: you know, like joking with them about how he's unemployed just like them, only $300 million richer, or saying "Who let the dogs out?" to groups of startled black ladies.
I would have bought the winning Powerball numbers on Saturday.
7/30/2011: 20 40 41 47 55 19
If I were you.
~
The only reason I can think of why Barack Obama did not go out and buy a bunch of winning lottery tickets to solve the country's financial problems is that he is a Muslim, and gambling is prohibited by the Koran.
So we'll find out how he'll answer that 3 AM phone call around 5ish?
5ish the next day.
But, please make sure the next day isn't the weekend, or you'll have to wait until Monday.
Well, with your head so far up your ass, Mittens, it's no wonder you come through with such pearls of hindsight wisdom. Ok, really, even your hindsight "would've done" is incredibly banal.
Face it, hindsight is much easier when one's head is up one's own ass.
He also would unshackle the economy from the chains of regulation and never infringe on 2nd Amendment rights.
"It's got good parts, but it's also got bad parts. My deal would've kept all the good parts and had none of the bad parts."
It's really a great strategy as long as you don't wait around for people to ask questions.
Innovation is Rewarded
Execution is Worshiped
Self – immolation is Appreciated
Buh – bye Mittens…
Aren't you unemployed, Mitt? Maybe you should be looking for a job. And, I don't mean this whole "running for president" joke, but a job you could actually do like, well, um…I'll have to get back to you on that.
"Mitt Romney–strong leadership. Not afraid to take a stand."*
*except in times preceding an election year
I would have made sure we cut, without cutting; cap, without limiting; and balance, without taxes. You should have listened to what I said just now, back then. Now it's too late.
Old Spice Guy for preznit!
Go back to sleep Gramps you're babbling again.
I'm running for president! I'm different! I swear it, whatever those other guys are doing that you don't like, I'm totally the opposite of that! Another Wall Street Fuckwad.
Douglas Adams had some campaign advice for Romney:
you can have on-book haventa forewhen presooning returningwenta retrohome
I think the term you're looking to describe your campaigning style for is one used to describe people who act like you in that SE Asian war you avoided, Mittens.
Rear Echelon Motherfucker.
Ha! Goddamned right. REMF fits him perfectly.
Damn straight.
Like when he would have saved the auto companies by letting them go bankrupt, or when he would have supported TARP until he changed his mind. Jesus…what an Asshat.
The first rule of leadership: Be decisive.
The second rule of leadership: Then keep changing your mind until you get it right.
Mitt's afraid of the Tea Baggers and, God forbid, having an opinion on anything; at least Michelle Bachmann is forthright and owns her craziness.
She's still paying the federally guaranteed mortgage on that craziness.
Cut, capped and balanced in your magic underwear.
So this guy doesn't want to make a coment until he can Monday morning quarter back it. Am I supposed to give a shit what he thinks…EVER?
He would have resolved the debt deal exactly the way you want it. Yes, every single one of you; whatever you're thinking of, that's what Romney would have done.
Oooh he's good. Romney is using Sun Tzu and utilizing a war strategy where he ambushes an issue after the fact which is often misunderstood as lame ass pussy. It's all those years of being a failed business man/ governor has toughened him up.
*Gag*, it's either this or some smug, self-assured, pricklenut like Paul Ryan to say the same thing. Over and over and over again.
Dear Mittens: it's easy to be brave from a distance, ASSHOLE
Forward they cried from the rear, and the front ranks died.
“While I appreciate the extraordinarily difficult situation President Obama’s lack of leadership has placed Republican members of Congress in, I personally cannot support this deal,” he said.
Oh really, Mitt? Because I don't really think anyone gives two good goddamns what you, an unemployed former governor and third-rate also-ran presidential candidate, personally supports.
And I say to myself, "What exactly does he mean, HE cannot support this deal? That's gonna stop the deal somehow? Exactly what weight does his nonsupport carry? NONE, that's what. N-O-FUCKING-NE."
Mitt also felt that were he President Lincoln he wouldn’t have patronized live theater.
November 22, 1963. Dallas. Mitt's hair moves back, and to the left.
You don't need a weatherman to know which way Romney blows.
Mitt would have sprung for spa-like kennel for Seamus, too, but he didn't.
blah, blah, blah… sick of him making noise that means nothing
Thanks, Willard, for resurfacing just when we're heartsick with disappointment with the prez: You've reminded us once again that, no matter what a bunch of lame-ass no-gonad clueless dipshits the Democrats are, the one alternative our horrible, horrible political system offers us is always terrifyingly worse.
Exactly. Look, I know President Obama doesn't often make us happy. Yesterday, I was having some really serious doubts about him. But every time I feel that way, I go look at the entire goddamned lineup of the Republican Party and I am grateful once again that no matter how much he may disappoint me sometimes, Obama is my President. Not McCain. Not Palin. Not Mittens, or Squirl-Poppin'Fresh Huckabee or Thad McCotter, or Mitch Daniels and his watermelon-seed-spitting wife. Barack Obama. He's a damn sight better than that whole passel of louts put together.
The only thing this guy is an authority on is L'Oreall for Men, with just two mysterious white tabs near the ears, please.
So how come a dude with as much money as this pathetic schlub can't afford a decent hair job? I mean, his wife's hobby is dressage, and she owns AN ENTIRE STABLE full of dressage horses, each of which costs up to $100,000 per year for care, feeding, and veterinary/training services. Surely he can afford a decent dye job.
Is "balanced" some new gang violence term I haven't heard yet?
Well, he can stay unemployed for all I care.
And World War II? Why, I would have first landed my infantry in France and then…
Now that the dust is settled, brave Mitt Romney bravely peeps his head around the bushes…now it's time to bravely run away.
Mittens never would have sold Babe Ruth. Also.
Mitt later said that he would have called fan interference in the eight inning of game six in the NLCS playoff game between the Cubs and Marlins in 2003.
"As president, my plan would have produced a budget that was cut (…) – not one that opens the door to (…) defense cuts(.)"
Mittens, Mittens, Mittens! Would you cut or would you not cut?
Granted, the Republican base doesn't care if you can't maintain logical coherence even within the same sentence, but there are still a few dozen of us in the country that try to comprehend the noises that come out of our politicians' word-holes.
(Insert bris joke here.)
Mittins has a keen for the obvious, only in reverse.
Mittens: You are not allowed to place a bet once the game is over.
Mittens would have done it doggy style–tied Congress to the roof of Air Force One and flown to Salt Lake City.
That might actually be a good idea! So he wouldn't think of it.
Yaknow, I can't find it in my heart to object to that.
Seriously, a debt ceiling is not complete without the economic equivalent of crown molding.
In a powerful upcoming series of speeches, Mitt Romney lets you in on:
How I would have stopped World War II before it started.
How I would have stopped the Civil War before it started.
How I would have not eaten the apple if I were Adam.
How I would have never supported the Ghayez if I had known I was going to run for President as a Republican.
How I would have stopped the exploding on the Hindenburg.
How I would have never sailed the Titanic into an ice berg.
How I would have prevented Martin Luther King Jr. from being killed.
How I would have never have let the planes crash into the World Trade Center.
How I would have captured Osama bin Laden before 9/11.
And more. Order the audio tapes today!
I would have written a post that was much snarkier, and doesn't leave an opening for asinine replies like this one.
His use of "would have" is either past subjunctive, unreal conditional or just plain stupid.
I think it's future perfect erection aspirational, as in was the wood have in when young in France
I wonder how Romney "would have" implemented health insurance reform.
He'd never have done it if he knew it was going to be almost exactly copied by a Marxist Kenyan Muslin!
Sadly, Herman Cain is "the best and brightest" of the GOP candidates.
Interesting photo. Is he singing "Who let the dogs out?" , again?
I don't think what he did could be called "singing." Not even by the kindest of men.
Mitt Romney reminds me of that one weird, gawky kid who always sang out of tune, danced out of step, and had the sniffles just when you were supposed to be observing a moment of silence in church.
Neither can Rap.
Filthy scavenger. But, that's what he's been all of his life, bless his heart. He doesn't know any other way than but to wait for carcasses and then piece them up.
This is a true future statement, because Mitt won't ever be president. He'll be using that verb tense very often and for forever more.
Willard's been so quiet, because, quite frankly, he'd have been pushing for a deal – any deal – to avoid default because he's actually not insane.
In December, 2012, he'll be talking about how he would have been elected president, if he had carried more than just the solid South and Utah.
I like things that are cool. I hate things that suck. heh heh heh
"Execution is worshipped"
I see that while the Romneys were down in Mexico, they picked up a few business tips from the Mayans and Aztecs.
Had Obama produced a cut cap balanced, Multiple-Choice Mitt would have said he'd have gone for military cuts and taxes…
-typical Mittens…
"The absence of a full-throated economic argument from Mr. Romney has been noted by his rivals."
i'm sure some of his friends have received a full-throated response from Mittens once or twice.
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