Nice Spaceman Running For Senate From Washington State; Will End Minimum Wage & Colonize Space

  space bums

You know things are horrible in American Politics when a guy campaigning for U.S. Senate on a platform of free trade/space colonization and ending the minimum age so bums can work as low-paid “government helpers” sounds more reasonable than actual senators currently in positions of great power.

Courtesy of Wonkette commenter/operative AnnieGetYerFun, here’s some of the Idealz that drive Seattle economist/amateur astronomer Michael Goodspaceguy Nelson:

  • With help from NASA, let’s start the seeds of several small and growing orbital space colonies in orbit around Earth, around the Moon, and around Mars. With all the money we have already spent on our space programs, we should already have these growing, orbital space colonies.
  • Let’s use our unemployed people! Unemployment is a huge waste! Our government should back its minimum wage by employing those who apply (including people with problems). Because some workers want more leisure, government should lead by creating many flexible employment programs, such as the three day and four day work week options.
  • Our economy is like a truck. Economics tells us how to operate and unsabotage our economic truck. Elect small-spending candidates who understand economics. Identify and vote against big spenders.
  • Let’s establish a head tax to slow the population explosion (the cause of many problems) on our Spaceship Earth. A head tax would be more pleasant than the old, cruel methods of population control, such as starvation, disease, and war.
  • Because Maryland donated the land that became Washington D. C., I want the people of Washington D. C. to be allowed to vote in federal elections through the state of Maryland. I, Goodspaceguy, want beautiful Puerto Rico to become our 51st state.
  • [Our Spaceship Earth]

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    157 comments

    1. nounverb911

      "Because some workers want more leisure, government should lead by creating many flexible employment programs, such as the three day and four day work week options."

      Didn't Walmart already do that so they won't have to pay benefits?

      1. anniegetyerfun

        The awesome thing about this guy is that he ALSO wants to do away with the minimum wage.

    2. OkieDokieDog

      I agree with all of it. Not really sure what any of it means, but what the hell, it's spacey!

      1. LettucePrey

        That guy is tense. Tension is a killer. I used to be in a barbershop quartet in Skokie, Illinois. The baritone was this guy named Kip Diskin, big fat guy, I mean, like, orca fat…. Back when I was picking beans in Guatemala, we used to make fresh coffee, right off the trees I mean. That was good. This is shit but, hey, I'm in a police station.

      2. DustBowlBlues

        But you have to remember, my fellow okie, that the two of us have a pretty low bar when it comes to what you have to do to be in the senate. At least this clown seems to believe in science and population control, which puts him way out front of the two douchebags currently serving in the upper house from our idiot state.

    3. LettucePrey

      A head tax would be more pleasant than the old, cruel methods of population control, such as starvation, disease, and war.

      Dude has never heard of condoms?

      1. metamarcisf

        When I joined MST in the '90s, instead of paying the small fee, I mailed them a copy of a Hamilton, Joe Frank & Reynolds album.

      2. deanbooth

        Speaking of MST3K, I considered commenting on the Biden/Secret Service thread: "If Biden had a second shed, he'd be Joe 'Two Sheds' Biden." — a line from A Touch of Satan that I never understood. Any ideas what it's a reference to?

    4. Come here a minute

      With all the money we have spent in Iraq and Afghanistan, we should already have several orbital Iraqs and Afghanistans.

    5. AJWjr.

      If it means I get more head, I'll gladly pay more taxes for it. And I can almost see Area 51 from my house, this guy is one of us!

    6. ifthethunderdontgetya

      Let’s use our unemployed people!

      Soylent green. It's the future.

      Economics tells us how to operate and unsabotage our economic truck. Elect small-spending candidates who understand economics.

      Allegedly I understand Economics, at least that's how I'm interpreting the fact that they gave me a degree in just 4 years (boy, were my friends surprised!).

      Anywho, cut spending during a period of high unemployment* like we have now, and we might just get another depression.

      * In other words, exactly what we're about to try.
      ~

      1. LettucePrey

        Our government should back its minimum wage by employing those who apply (including people with problems).

        Does my addiction to eating styrofoam popcorn count?

      2. SayItWithWookies

        Oh, come on — cutting spending during a period of high unemployment is the perfect pairing with cutting taxes in a time of war. It's the New York Strip and Pinot Noir of Republican politics — and how can you go wrong with that?

      3. hagajim

        Right on baby! Lets see what happens when our lovely Washington DC dicks get done cutting to save America. Won't be much left to save. BTW, is it just me or are the homeless really running rampant nowadays?

    7. ManchuCandidate

      Yeah… small gubbiment and space colonization don't compute.

      I prefer Bill "Spaceman" Lee who ran for preznit on the motto of "No guns, no butter. Both can kill you."

      Of course he never got elected as much of US America masturbates to their guns with butter.

      1. hagajim

        Pretty soon everyone…a person has to eat. Only problem is those paying are the 0.5% who can afford it.

    8. elviouslyqueer

      Let’s establish a head tax to slow the population explosion (the cause of many problems) on our Spaceship Earth. A head tax would be more pleasant than the old, cruel methods of population control, such as starvation, disease, and war.

      Sounds like somebody's watched one too many episodes of "The Tudors."

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        I dunno, I saw a few episodes of that and I remember the war, disease and war to be all a part of the the big, sexy Tudorian package. But more Anne Boleyn, please, also.

      1. ManchuCandidate

        The US America economize is more like a pair of trucknutz that is being pelted by rocks and gravel from an unpaved road while stuck to the hitch of the biggest Hummer driven by the fattest tiniest dicked asshole.

    9. Atlas Frooged

      He's got my vote. Him and every other unqualified 'outsider,' big gubmint hater and socially backward jackhole. Let's just bankrupt and crash this bitch already so we can hit the restart button.

    10. mavenmaven

      I would vote for him if he would provide free Seattle grown psychedelic mushrooms as part of the "space exploration" platform. (cue early Hawkwind on headphones!)

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Oh, for the days when good acid was available — there's nothing like taking a good four-hour walk, then coming home and listening to Fripp and Eno's No Pussyfooting while peaking.

          1. SayItWithWookies

            Oh yeah — whatever the album is with "Sapphire Bullets of Pure Love" on it — the 7/8 time signature is so jarring and yet so awesome. Much better use of it than Floyd did with "Money," where they try to make it less noticeable by hiding it in a whiny dirge.

    11. baconzgood

      "Let's go to the colonies"

      -Disembodied Voice from Dirigible with a Kimono Clad Chick Holding a Coke-

      1. ArmoredLibunatic

        Alas, I have but one upfist to give.

        He better do something about all the Replicates takin' our jerbs, too.

        1. baconzgood

          That's ok about the Skin Jobs. They only live for 4 years and I heard that they only dream of electronic sheep.

    12. Sue4466

      Just to clarify, our economy is like a truck, but our internet is most definitely not a truck.

      It is now and always will be a series of tubes.

      Not afraid to go meme-deep.

    13. Doktor Zoom

      You have to like a guy who believes in his ideas (such as they are) enough to change his name to run for office. And I'd far rather vote for Goodspaceguy than the candidate named Pro-Life, who used to be Marvin Richardson.

      First he did what Goodspaceguy did, just changing his middle name, but when the Idaho Sec'y of State wouldn't list his middle name on the ballot, he changed the whole thing. Then the Lege thwarted his plans somewhat by requiring anyone who changed their names to that of a political position also had to have the note "(a person formerly known as_________)" on the ballot.

      So much for my plans to run as "Tax, Kill, and Eat the Obscenely Wealthy Pigfucking Bastards"

      1. MinAgain

        Sounds like a Republican loon we had here in Tennessee, who changed his middle name, so that the ballot read Byron "Low Tax" Looper. And knowing Tennesseans, he might have done pretty well at the polls, if he hadn't shot his Democratic opponent, who was a popular incumbent, in the head and killed him.

        1. emmelemm

          Are you… serious about the shot in the head thing? He didn't just metaphorically shoot him in the head, with votes?

          Because that is FUCKED UP.

          1. MinAgain

            Yup. Happened in 1998. Looper went out to Senator Burks' farm and shot him in the face. He was found dead in the front seat of his truck. At the time, a dead person could not appear on a Tennessee ballot, so Looper ended up being the only candidate for the seat, and he continued to campaign from jail. However, a write-in campaign was organized, and Senator Burks' wife Charlotte was elected to the seat. She is still a sitting state senator, one of the few Tennessee Democrats in the upper house.

            1. emmelemm

              I like that story, because it had a happy(ISH) ending.

              "At the time, a dead person could not appear…" – so dead people are now allowed on the ballot in TN? (Just checking!)

            2. MinAgain

              Yup. The law was changed the next year to read:

              (e) If a candidate dies within forty days before the election, the decedent's name shall remain on the ballot. If the deceased candidate receives the necessary votes to otherwise be elected, then a vacancy shall exist. The vacancy shall be filled as otherwise provided for by law.

              Senator Charlotte Burks was one of the sponsors.

      2. Lascauxcaveman

        So much for my plans to run as "Tax, Kill, and Eat the Obscenely Wealthy Pigfucking Bastards"

        Just run in neighboring Washington state (it's nicer there anyway), Where a fellow named "Mike the Mover" has run on many a ballot over the last 20 years or so. No mention of his former legal name whatsoever.

      3. GOPCrusher

        There's the infamous Rev. Bud Green that runs for President under the campaign promise to legalize marijuana. I know, go figure.

      1. DashboardBuddha

        OT: When I was in college I worked with this dude who was a Vietnam vet…cool guy. His wife's father (racist fuckwad/religious looney/all-around asshole) was loaded, seriously loaded and when he died my co-worker stood to inherit a LOT of money. I asked him what he was going to do with all of that money and he said he was going to buy brothel in Bangkok and name it after the old man.

    14. Grief_Lessons

      Would you set foot on an orbiting space station built by sub-minimum wage government employees?

      1. ArmoredLibunatic

        I wouldn't even get on the goddamned astro-bus! Odds are it's being flown* by some half-conscious meth head.

        *read as "haphazardly careened"

    15. baconzgood

      "•Our economy is like a truck. Economics tells us how to operate and unsabotage our economic truck. Elect small-spending candidates who understand economics. Identify and vote against big spenders"

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (whipe a tear from my eye) that's rich…. You make me laugh Michael.

    16. arihaya

      did he got his resolutions idea from Xenu ? sending the poors to outer space and then blast in with volcano ?

    17. not that Dewey

      Is "unsabotaging a truck" anything like "unscrambling an egg"? If so, entropy fail.

      1. V572 Hair of Destiny

        Unringing a bell. Unshooting a bullet. Unsaying a cruel thing. Ya just cain't do'er.

    18. MinAgain

      Head tax sounds rather unpleasantly like head cheese, and nobody wants that nasty stuff on Spaceship Earth.

    19. DashboardBuddha

      I wanted to be a Spaceguy
      That's what I wanted to be
      But now that I am a Spaceguy
      No one is voting for me

    20. SayItWithWookies

      Well he may be crazy, but I'm betting his tarp under the bridge wasn't paid for with a Fannie-Mae-backed $417,000 loan.

    21. weejee

      Goodspaceguy is a perennial candidate here in Warshington. He's back to running for the County Council, but he's run for the US Congress and Senate in the past. Although he runs on a somewhat incoherent platform, it is in so many ways much more sensible than say that of Christine O'Donnell.

    22. BaldarTFlagass

      With help from NASA, let’s start the seeds of several small and growing orbital space colonies in orbit around Earth, around the Moon, and around Mars, and develop lifeforms that are both organic and synthetic, and they can buzz around the galaxy and assimilate other lifeforms. Resistance will, of course, be futile.

      —Evilspaceguy

    23. Chet Kincaid

      "Unfortunately, much of our space money has been wasted. It is as if our leaders have not been educated in orbital space colonization."

      That's priceless. Bless his heart.

    24. MissTaken

      "With help from NASA, let’s start the seeds of several small and growing orbital space colonies in orbit around Earth, around the Moon, and around Mars"

      Screw that, I only vote for candidates who want to start growing the orbital space colonies in orbit around Venus. Because I vote with my vagina.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        This is why I wear rubber gloves when I vote—ya never know where that lever has been.

      2. SorosBot

        So is Marcus Bachmann pestering Michele to start orbital colonies around Uranus?

        Sorry, it's obvious, but I had to do it.

      3. Steverino247

        A question for the apparently uniquely talented MissTaken:

        If you vote with your vagina, can you sing from your diaphragm?

    25. terriblyfamous

      "•Let’s establish a head tax to slow the population explosion (the cause of many problems) on our Spaceship Earth. A head tax would be more pleasant than the old, cruel methods of population control, such as starvation, disease, and war."

      Yowza, that one takes the cake for wacky. A head tax would be "more pleasant" than just cold killin' motherfuckers with plagues and battleaxes.

    26. Doktor Zoom

      He wakes up every morning
      with a smile upon his face
      His natural exuberance
      spills out all over the place
      He's the urban spaceman
      He's intelligent and clean
      Know what I mean?

      Urban Spaceguy: He'd vote for YOU.

    27. BlueStateLibel

      He wants to elect "small-spending" candidates and then throw billions of taxpayer money into NASA…

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Puerto Rico,
        You lovely island . . .
        Island of tropical breezes.
        Always the pineapples growing,
        Always the coffee blossoms blowing . . .

        Puerto Rico . . .
        You ugly island . . .
        Island of tropic diseases.
        Always the hurricanes blowing,
        Always the population growing . . .
        And the money owing,
        And the babies crying,
        And the bullets flying.
        I like the island Manhattan.
        Smoke on your pipe and put that in!

        1. Chet Kincaid

          The movie version lyrics are a much sharper-pointed stick:

          GIRLS
          I like to be in America
          OK by me in America
          Everything free in America
          BERNARDO
          For a small fee in America

          ANITA
          Buying on credit is so nice
          BERNARDO
          One look at us and they charge twice
          ROSALIA
          I'll have my own washing machine
          CHINO
          What will you have, though, to keep clean?

          ANITA
          Skyscrapers bloom in America
          ROSALIA
          Cadillacs zoom in America
          TERESITA
          Industry boom in America
          BOYS
          Twelve in a room in America

          ANITA
          Lots of new housing with more space
          BERNARDO
          Lots of doors slamming in our face
          ANITA
          I'll get a terrace apartment
          BERNARDO
          Better get rid of your accent…

          ANITA
          Life can be bright in America
          BOYS
          If you can fight in America
          GIRLS
          Life is alright in America
          BOYS
          If you're all white in America

          ANITA and CONSUELO
          Here you are free and you have pride
          BOYS
          Long as you stay on your own side
          ANITA and CONSUELO
          Free to be anything you choose
          BOYS
          Free to wait tables and shine shoes

          BERNARDO
          Everywhere grime in America
          Organised crime in America
          Terrible time in America
          ANITA
          You forget I'm in America!

          BERNARDO
          I think I go back to San Juan
          ANITA
          I know a boat you can get on! Bye bye!
          BERNARDO
          Everyone there will give big cheer!
          ANITA
          Everyone there will have moved here!

    28. SorosBot

      Won't Mr. Goodspaceman please take the Byrds along for the ride? They won't do anything wrong.

    29. johnnyzhivago

      I'll support anyone who proposes that we build the Space Elevator, you know the million ton space station held in place by an unbreakable carbon fiber cable that stretches from Cape Canaveral up through the atmpsphere and also serves as an elevator pulley?

      Not that I think it's a good idea, mind you, but it would be an interesting way for the world to end if the million ton counterweight on earth broke loose and this giant slab of concrete were dragged around the earth randomly oblitherating everything in it's path….

      1. GOPCrusher

        Sounds like an enterprising way to clean up the 50+ years of space garbage that has accumulated in orbit.

    30. mumbly_joe

      Hmm, if this guy "understands economics" so much, how come he's misapplying it so badly?

    31. justkillmenow

      I do believe this man has been touched by the good Lord…with a 2×4 upside the head.

    32. SenileAgitation

      This fellow sounds like he's tied in with Duck Nelson, the Intergalactic Supermarket and King Bob of Mars. All hail!

    33. nanooknw

      I'm in Seattle and I've never heard of this guy. Sounds more reasonable than the
      tea potty folks. I'll only vote for him if he colonizes outer space with teabaggers.
      They're already space cadets, so it wouldn't be much of reach for them.

    34. alaninthecastro

      Doesn't sound like this guy is gonna need any help from NASA to establish his space colony.

      Also, if he establishes a "head tax," wouldn't that unfairly impact multi-headed aliens who, in all fairness, would still constitute just one population unit each?

    35. Ken Cuccinelli

      Let's see…he says he has a Bachelor's and a Master's, says what he minored in (economics) but not what his degrees are actually in.

      Five "educated stupid" bucks says this guy's an engineer of some kind.

    36. Negropolis

      What a strange mix for a platform. It's like a #1 combination platter at the Chinese place down the street.

    37. gurukalehuru

      Well, I actually like his idea about letting D.C. residents be considered Marylanders for Federal elections and making Puerto Rico a state, although some D.C. residents, Marylanders and Puerto Ricans might disagree.
      Also, his use of the phrase Spaceship Earth indicates he's familiar with the work of Buckminster Fuller. I would like to see a Fullerianist party.
      But I'm opposed to a head tax unless the rich heads have to pay more than the poor heads.

    38. likethehours

      I'd vote for this guy before Michelle Bachman, way before Rick Santorum, before Jim DeMint and I would repeat vote for this guy before any Mitch McConnell

    39. Pragmatist2

      The "Head Tax" is a great idea but how would it work with Siamese twins? And these "small spenders," exactly how small do they have to be? 5'6"? 5'2"?

    40. gizdal

      i am willing to pay a head tax if it will guarantee me some head. where do i apply?
      in outer space? great!

    41. comrad_darkness

      Well, at least he closed strong.

      And here I thought our economy was a series of tubes.

    42. Isyaignert

      This nit wit runs in every election. Trouble is that he's not far from the Republicon party's platform on any given issue. Best to keep him an oddity and pass on his election. Keep trying tho, Space Guy, you're always good for a laugh and we do appreciate that!
      Cheers, ya nit wit.

    43. MissusBarry

      Me, too, apparently. What can I say, I'm a pushover. I think he's only ever been denied because I was hungover and quite certain that vomiting would be almost instantaneous. I may also be bad at censoring myself.

    Comments are closed.