THAT'S ONE SOLID EXCUSE SLIP  1:43 pm August 1, 2011

Unlike All You Rich People, Michele Bachmann Deserves Her Federal Loan

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

probably this llama is richer than michele, even.One of the richly ironic centerpieces of sparkly welfare princess Michele Bachmann’s garbled mind is a dogged conviction that recipients of federal monies are generally freeloading layabouts with not enough Protestant Work Ethic, angry white people code for “not enough melanin,” even though Michele is also predictably a constant recipient of dirty, sexy taxpayer funds. Most recently, the Washington Post uncovered a $417,000 federally-subsidized loan from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to help purchase a luxury house. Michele’s simple explanation for this is that “unlike all of you, who I’m sure pay cash for your homes, there are people out there like myself who actually have to go to a bank and get a mortgage.” Michele sounds a little hurt. Sorry, it is not our fault if the rest of us sleep in giant chocolate palaces made of cocoa beans melted together over fires of burning dollar bills!

And don’t forget, Bachmann has received thousands of dollars in farm subsidies, $137,000 in Medicaid payments to Marcus Bachmann’s “Jesus band-aid for your gay heart” clinic, and now the home loan. It’s almost like, oh, what would you call it, maybe the Holy Trinity of Hypocrisy?

ThinkProgress reports from the National Press Club:

MODERATOR: I got a lot of questions from people asking is it fair for you to call for dismantling federal programs you ultimately have been a beneficiary of? So in terms of guaranteeing home mortgages, do you think the federal government has a role in that…?

BACHMANN: Now unlike all of you, who I’m sure pay cash for your homes, there are people out there like myself who actually have to go to a bank and get a mortgage. And this is the problem. It’s almost impossible to buy a home in this country today without the federal government being involved. Whether it is with the FHA, whether it’s with Fannie, whether it’s with Freddie, it’s almost impossible to buy a home…What’s important is that we do dismantle a number of these federal programs that everyone agrees are clearly out of control.

We cannot make sense of that statement, so we will be returning to our chocolate mansion for a chocolate martini and a nap, thanks. [ThinkProgress]

 

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{ 265 comments }

NorthStarSpanx August 1, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Unlike all of you who pay cash for a house? Who are we all? Bristol Palin?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 1, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Today we are all Bristol Palin?

Pass the wine coolers.

SorosBot August 1, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Today we all get six-figure salaries for barely working for a phony charity? That could be nice.

Mahousu August 1, 2011 at 2:35 pm

The teenage pregnancy would be a little hard for some of us to manage, though.

nounverb911 August 1, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Needs more meth.

Beowoof August 1, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Call Levi's Mom.

Winnie_Cooper August 1, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Some of us don't even get to own houses. We have to rent. *gasp*!

DahBoner August 1, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Renters are all shifty, nefarious drifters.

Winnie_Cooper August 2, 2011 at 10:19 am

Meh, I guess I can't argue with that one.

deelzebub August 1, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Got a VA home loan myself. The gubermint teat tastes soooo good!

OneDollarJuana August 1, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I didn't get no federal help for my house *sniff*.

justkillmenow August 1, 2011 at 1:45 pm

I'm sure many of us here have worked for our share of crazy people. But can you imagine what her campaign office must be like? Does anyone sane work there? I would want to kill myself on a nightly basis.

Texan_Bulldog August 1, 2011 at 1:51 pm

I think Ed Rollins is her campaign manager, who is actually kind of normal & rational. Not sure why he hooked his wagon to her lutefisk train but maybe she's paying him in blow jobs that Marcus does not want…at least from her.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 1, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Maybe Marcus is handing out the blow jobs.

SorosBot August 1, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Her congressional office has had unusually high turnover, so she's probably not a great boss.

GOPCrusher August 1, 2011 at 5:16 pm

I just don't think that those people who left truly appreciate the sheer awesomeness that is Michele Bachmann. She is a true visionary!

weejee August 1, 2011 at 1:47 pm

the richly ironic centerpieces of sparkly welfare princess Michele Bachmann

the richly ironic codpiece of sparkly welfare princess Michele Bachmann

fixed

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 12:16 pm

"the richly ironic codpiece of sparkly welfare princess Michele Bachmann"
??
I thought the one with the codpiece was a different screeching, crazy-eyed wingnut bimbo/tranny/whatever.

Gunner Asch August 1, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Nice rant Kirsten but your typing got ahead of your outrage…try "too much melanin"

nedbeaumontjr August 1, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Damn. I was hoping for a Lathe of Heaven outcome.

Angry_Marmot August 1, 2011 at 2:10 pm

To go is to return.

Grief_Lessons August 1, 2011 at 2:15 pm

I am sick of this nation's albino welfare queens.

Texan_Bulldog August 1, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Gawd, all that stupid must be the reason for her migraines!

Weenus299 August 1, 2011 at 2:33 pm

It's all the intelligent brain cells screaming to get out.

FNMA August 1, 2011 at 3:04 pm

They escaped long ago.

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Both of them.

YasserArraFeck August 1, 2011 at 3:27 pm

"Left Behind" in microcosm – all the "good" brain cells were raptured out, and all the "bad" brain cells are busy tribulatin' in there. All the screaming and dying would give anyone a spitting headache

James Michael Curley August 1, 2011 at 3:47 pm

I have seen this phenomena before. All of her brain cells are scared of the thoughts she creates. Thus two cells come together and combine into one cell. This process is known as reverse cellular mitosis. As time goes by a few large cells remain with only limited thought capabilities; eat, drink, involuntary bodily functions. It gets so bad that soon voluntary functions deminish to none which renders the person experiencing reverse cellular mitosis into a state known as 'full of shit.'

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 3:00 am

There aren't that many, so I don't get why she's hurting at all.

SayItWithWookies August 1, 2011 at 2:38 pm

It's her frontal lobe banging on her skull, hoping to be rescued.

BerkeleyBear August 1, 2011 at 4:35 pm

I'm guessing if they are bad enough, she's done some permanent damage from home efforts to get rid of them. Like banging an icepick into her brain in desperation and swirling it around.

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 3:01 am

Trepanation is NOT a good thing. Not even for Ol' KrayKrayEyez.

mumbly_joe August 1, 2011 at 4:53 pm

All of her stupidity is certainly the reason for mine, at least.

Gratuitous World August 1, 2011 at 1:48 pm

?what? Is she advocating the dismantling of the U.S. House of Reps?

Mahousu August 1, 2011 at 2:37 pm

At this point, who would argue with her?

metamarcisf August 1, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Love the photo of the Mr. & Mrs. Bachmann.

riverside68 August 1, 2011 at 1:55 pm

That's not her husband, that is her bit on the side.

Isn't it funny how people pick lovers who look like their spouses?

Guppy06 August 1, 2011 at 2:00 pm

For some reason, talk of Michele and "her bit" made my mind immediately go to ponyplay.

MaxNeanderthal August 1, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Yup. Michelle + llama + Ponygirl costume= Funfappytime…..

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 12:21 pm

I liked your comment, but was uncertain whether to upfist it.
Now that the downfist option is no more, are we supposed to be upfisting you, or not rating your comments at all, or what?

metamarcisf August 2, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Go to Breitbart and downfist everyone in my honor.

bigdupa August 1, 2011 at 1:49 pm

The invisible hand of the market has performed a partial lobotomy.

Cash for my house? I have a deal with Bank of America called the double secret reverse mortgage. Sorry. Can't share the details. It involves Bermuda, pork bellies, Eric Cantor, and betting against the Washington Redskins.

James Michael Curley August 1, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Bad timing. Pork bellies became officially delisted by the Chicago Merk this morning.

BerkeleyBear August 1, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Just makes it more exclusive.

deelzebub August 1, 2011 at 8:25 pm

So you're now in the black market porkbellies game? How intriguing!

Guppy06 August 1, 2011 at 11:49 pm

Fine, then I'll put money into soy-based imitation pork bellies.

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Rumor has it that Newt Gringo and Chris Christie have bought up the world's entire supply of pork bellies.
For sex purposes.
With each other.

NorthStarSpanx August 1, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Former welfare/food stamp king Craig T. Nelson, Alaska's U.S. Primary Senate winner (then loser) Joe Miller and the Bachmanns sure are making it hard for us spend & tax bleeding heart liberals to support social safety nets anymore.

hollywooddood August 1, 2011 at 1:54 pm

I feel sorry for them. No one would help them in their time of need.

GOPCrusher August 1, 2011 at 2:22 pm

And her son is a member of that Socialist Indoctrination program, AmeriCorps. If these attacks on social programs continue, he may have to get a job.

Guppy06 August 1, 2011 at 11:57 pm

On a serious note, this is why I think we should all vote "cut and cauterize" teabaggers to Congress while saving Marxism for the state level. Then just let the red states go inevitably Mad Max for a while until they're ready to behave like grown-ups.

nappyduggs August 1, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Sure I paid cash for my house. Well, I paid for the refrigerator that was inside of it before I moved in.

emmelemm August 1, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Thus, you own the refrigerator box outright, and have a fully paid place to move into!

HobbesEvilTwin August 1, 2011 at 1:50 pm

I also pay cash to pray away teh gheys and plant my crops every year, so fuck you Michele.

elviouslyqueer August 1, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Twat's that, Shelley? I cunt hear you over all the screaming hypocrisy.

MaxNeanderthal August 1, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Altogether now…. say "Cognitive dissonance".

politics_nerd August 1, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Dudleydidwrong August 1, 2011 at 2:47 pm

About time Santorum had a twin.

politics_nerd August 1, 2011 at 3:21 pm

google that page! tell all your friends. :)

Radiotherapy® August 1, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Bachmann/Santorum '12

SexySmurf August 1, 2011 at 1:50 pm

What color is her Cadillac?

Ruhe August 1, 2011 at 3:01 pm
DahBoner August 1, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Team Jen!

deelzebub August 1, 2011 at 8:33 pm

Wait, with the Bachmanns, I thought Michele was the beard?

BerkeleyBear August 1, 2011 at 4:37 pm

All of them, Katie.

donner_froh August 1, 2011 at 1:51 pm

"What’s important is that we do dismantle a number of these federal programs that everyone agrees are clearly out of control don't put money in my pocket."

DustBowlBlues August 1, 2011 at 2:32 pm

That's the exact view of every Teabagglican in America.

When we had a church dinner and gave the proceeds to the nutrition site that feeds old people really cheap, I had to bite my tongue several times and contributed dessert and volunteer time with my teeth clenched, lest I open my mouth.

Who did those old fucks vote for? Huh? They're getting what they voted for. Don't ask me to make up the slack.

GOPCrusher August 1, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Everyone agrees are clearly out of control=Benefit minorities.

Mumbletypeg August 1, 2011 at 1:51 pm

I liked it better when FLOTUS was asking me to wash down my custard pie with raw veggies and fruits. This other Michel[l]e, her word salad is interfering with my choco-castle daydreaming

riverside68 August 1, 2011 at 1:52 pm

She's reminds me of a former client who once said to me: "Why are you yelling at me? You know I'm a junkie." He made a good point, I knew he was completely unable to withstand any whim involving immediate gratification.

He, however, had sufficent self awareness not to run for elected office.

tihond August 1, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Not yet, at least. That usually comes after they become "born again."

DustBowlBlues August 1, 2011 at 2:37 pm

When I ran the employee appeal board, I once to a call from a library employee whose defense was: Sure, I stole money from the fine box, but I really needed it. If they had my cocaine habit, they'd steal too. You should see my apartment. I haven't got any furniture. Not even a teevee." (This time, I am no exaggerating a thing. My hand to god.)

Because this was the library, I explained to the man that my commission didn't have jurisdiction and sent him to the library board. I did caution him that if that was his defense, he had an uphill battle ahead of him.

Guppy06 August 1, 2011 at 11:47 pm

Today we are all coked-out librarians.

deanbooth August 1, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Are you a doctor, lawyer, or pusher?

DahBoner August 1, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Candlestick Maker?

riverside68 August 1, 2011 at 5:39 pm

I represented the dealer.

Which makes me the only one out of the three without ready access to drugs.

Chillwaver August 1, 2011 at 1:52 pm

MODERATOR: How many federal programs you ultimately have been a beneficiary of?
BACHMANN: All of 'em, Katie.

Crank_Tango August 1, 2011 at 2:03 pm

…that's why we need to dismantle them. Would you give money to me?

GOPCrusher August 1, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Literally.
How much you want to bet that dear Michele was getting food stamps to help put groceries in the bellies of those poor, starving, foster children she raised?

RavenRant August 1, 2011 at 6:16 pm

Don't know about food stamps, but MN paid $30 per child per day tax free. If she had each of her 23 foster children for one year each, she pocketed $251,850. Again, tax free.

I just wonder how much double dipping went on. For instance, if Marcus charged the state for 'therapy' for the kids, etc.

I would love to see a website with a database that displayed how much state, federal, and local money these free market frauds suck in.

Michele was a tax attorney for the IRS, now gets her salary and health care from the federal government – has she ever earned a dime that didn't come from the government?

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 3:07 am

She has never held any kind of job that did not involve a government paycheck.

BaldarTFlagass August 1, 2011 at 1:52 pm

It’s almost impossible to buy a home in this country today without the federal government being involved… What’s important is that we do dismantle a number of these federal programs…

So no one can buy a home?

powersuit August 1, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Uh, yes? Where's the problem? Don't we all want to pay 12% interest rates on our mortgages? Don't we all want to see the return of prepayment penalties? Michelle knows, that goddam regulation keeps getting in the way of good-old-fashioned usury!

DustBowlBlues August 1, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Why weren't you there to make this excellent point? Falling down on the job, 'gass.

GOPCrusher August 1, 2011 at 2:40 pm

To be fair, the only people in Somalia that own a home are the ones with superior firepower.

Dashboard_Jesus August 1, 2011 at 10:57 pm

FREE MARKETZ!!!!!!

mog253 August 1, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Enter Mr. Potter, stage right, to deny all of the poors access to a mortgage, 'let them save their money to buy a house".

Beowoof August 1, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Well then we can pay rent to Mr. Potter (Koch).

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 3:08 am

She's not bright enough to have figured that out yet.

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 1:04 pm

A former co-worker of mine quite correctly observed that the management in our workplace viewed staff as "something that keeps work from getting done".

In Michele's little corner of Bizarro World, apparently Federal housing programs are something that keep people from being able to buy a house.

I particularly like her use of the weasel word "involved"; apparently she's not too insane to realize that if she said Federal government *funding* prevented people from buying houses, everyone would laugh in her face.

PalinPussyPower August 1, 2011 at 1:54 pm

My face just puckered tighter than Marcus's asshole. By "Marcus's asshole" I mean his wife.

BornInATrailer August 1, 2011 at 1:59 pm

And by that you mean Santorum's face, slack-jawed.

Nostrildamus August 1, 2011 at 3:02 pm

My gaydar suspects Marcus has a pretty loose asshole. And by "loose asshole" I also mean his wife.

ttommyunger August 1, 2011 at 10:56 pm

Trust me, Marcus' asshole is not puckered. Prolly was when he was a pre-teen. Not since.

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 3:10 am

Oh, jeezus, Ttommy, and here I just invoked your name in vain!

ttommyunger August 2, 2011 at 10:59 am

Feel free.

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 3:10 am

I have it on good authority (thanks, Ttommy!) that a regularly used anal orifice is as smooth as a baby's … cheek. So, if by Marcus' asshole you mean Michele, OK, maybe she has teh pucker. But always remember: Marcus' actual asshole is as smooth and unpuckered as the finest silk.

Mort_Sinclair August 1, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Cash for a home? Who the hell pays cash for a home? It's either a mortgage–subsidized or not–or a free home in the form of a refrigerator box "appropriated" from the loading dock of Sears.

GOPCrusher August 1, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Without a mortgage, how would our corporate overlords at Citi, BofA, Wells Fargo, etc. be able to buy a new Lexus for the little woman at Xmas time?

Chet Kincaid August 1, 2011 at 2:52 pm

She was trying to be sarcastic.

Mort_Sinclair August 1, 2011 at 5:24 pm

I think the world would be a far more interesting place if we hold her accountable for meaning exactly what she says.

slithytoves August 1, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Honey, most of us have a hard time paying cash for booze and food, never mind houses.

DustBowlBlues August 1, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Not to mention the prescription pain pills that keep us Olds going.

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 3:11 am

Yah. Let's not talk about those, OK.

GOPCrusher August 1, 2011 at 2:44 pm

Maybe it's time to get rid of the cable tv and cell phone?
Priorities, people!

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 3:12 am

What cable tv? What cell phone?

mog253 August 1, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Yeah, my liquor bill should qualify for a rebate!

Doktor Zoom August 1, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Clearly, you just need to cancel your country club membership.

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 3:12 am

There ya go! It was the CC that was eating up my income with all those dues and fees and golf club memberships and shit.

GeneralTapioca August 1, 2011 at 1:54 pm

She's not necessarily against federal spending so much as against federal spending on other people.

I'm pretty sure this is spelled out on the Tea Party Website.

Goonemeritus August 1, 2011 at 4:21 pm

They are specifically against programs that they no longer need. Representative Bachmann has her loan time to pull up the bridge. This reminds me of a friend that started opposing all new residential development in his area on the drive home from picking up his building permit.

GeneralTapioca August 1, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Just look at the Tea Party poll numbers on the Ryan plan once they realized it meant a cut in their medicare and S.S. 80% opposed! Now that's fiscal responsibility.

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 3:13 am

She's not necessarily against federal spending so much as against federal spending on other Negro people.

FIFY, no need to thank.

Edited to include ^^

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 1:22 pm

"She's not necessarily against federal spending so much as against federal spending on other people."

*salutes GeneralTapioca briskly*
Sir, Win, SIR!

FlownOver August 1, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Sarcasm PLUS ignorance PLUS hypocrisy – It's the Bachmann Trifecta! Rarely seen in the wild, recent reports indicate potential for a strong comeback. Pretty soon we can remove it from the endangered species list, unless we remove the list first.

BaldarTFlagass August 1, 2011 at 1:55 pm

"What’s important is that we do dismantle a number of these federal programs that everyone agrees are helping out poor people, black people, brown people, gay people, and any other disgusting minority whom I can't think of right now."

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Although we wimminz aren't technically a minority, I feel sure that we will be included.

samsuncle August 1, 2011 at 1:56 pm

It always angers me that politicians can never answer a yes or no question with a simple yes or no answer. Instead you get a 5 minute diatribe that skirts the question.
So if you were to ask me if Bachmann was batshit insane my simple answer would be "Hell yes".

HelmutNewton August 1, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Bachmann is absolutely the worst at this. I've seen TV pundits on their hands and knees, just BEGGING her to say one word, either "yes" or "no". And she just won't do it.

DustBowlBlues August 1, 2011 at 2:44 pm

And any time any politician uses the interviewer's or reporter's first name to address him or her, they are lying or at the least dissembling. LIberal or conservatard, it makes no difference. And the more they do it, the more they're covering up something. It's also a way of showing disdain for the asker.

For scientific proof of this, watch deadbeat dad Walsh and Chris Matthews. The day after, Tweety played the tape of the interview. Walsh used "Chris" 61 times.

emmelemm August 1, 2011 at 2:46 pm

That is so true.

Dashboard_Jesus August 1, 2011 at 11:38 pm

crazy like a FOX! dumb cunt, also

arihaya August 1, 2011 at 1:56 pm

at least her farm is a real farm, and her husband's family are real farmers,

unlike Dubya whose farm was merely a photo prop

Lucidamente1 August 1, 2011 at 1:57 pm

So, does Marcus prefer Freddie or Fannie?

gurukalehuru August 1, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Freddie's fannie.

MissusBarry August 1, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Huh, I always figured he was more catcher than pitcher and was going with Freddie in his fanny.

Chet Kincaid August 1, 2011 at 2:55 pm

All of them, Lucidamente1!

forgracie August 1, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Tranny Mae.

MaxNeanderthal August 1, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Michelle doesn't know which way to turn……

SaintRond August 1, 2011 at 1:58 pm

That cunt.

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 1, 2011 at 1:58 pm

So, in today's world, Goin' Gault means sucking as much from the federal system as you can, while trying to deny anyone else's ability to do so?

genxr August 1, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Little known fact: Galt's Gulch was built with a block grant from the TVA.

PubOption August 1, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Exactly, if all the federal aid went to deserving people, like me, there would be no problem. The problem is that all you undeserving people have your snouts in the trough, too.

V572 Hair of Destiny August 1, 2011 at 2:29 pm

That's what Alan Simpson says.

Does Wyoming produce more asshole politicians (Cheney, Simpson, Wallop) per capita then Texas ? Discuss.

Graham Cracker August 1, 2011 at 3:25 pm

The winner would then have to take on South Carolina for the championship.

freddymcmurray August 2, 2011 at 4:37 am

Per capita, almost certainly. Wyoming has only 0.5 mill people. The U2 concert I recently attended had more people in attendance than Wyoming's largest city.

freddymcmurray August 2, 2011 at 4:37 am

Per capita, almost certainly. Wyoming has only 0.5 mill people. I've been to concerts that had more people in attendance than Wyoming's largest city.

emmelemm August 1, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Well, that's what Ayn Rand did, right?

fuflans August 1, 2011 at 1:58 pm

god i hate these people. i will try to think of something funny, but right now i just hate these fucking hypocrites.

it would be cool if we could find a modern day messiah to throw these goddamned moneylenders out of the proverbial temple because otherwise they're just going to keep spinning their bullshit stripping poor people of safety nets while pocketing their federal cash rewards.

god.

Guppy06 August 1, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Shorter version: screw you, I got mine.

LettucePrey August 1, 2011 at 2:45 pm

"[Snotty comment about how everyone else is rich except her]… I had to take out a mortgage to buy a home. And this is the problem: It’s impossible to buy a home today without a bank mortgage, even though everyone except me is rich. So we must dismantle all the federal loan subsidy programs so people like me can no longer buy a home."

That is, literally, the word-for-word translation of her quote. I tried to remove 38% of the retard but my computer exploded.

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 1:58 pm

"everyone except me is rich"

So how is it that the country is overrun with lazy poors?

Lionel[redacted]Esq August 1, 2011 at 2:00 pm

It is a shame there is not a federal subsidy for being a Lesbian, as I'm sure that would change Bachmann's position.

Chet Kincaid August 1, 2011 at 3:02 pm

"Well of COURSE I had to bury my face in all of this delicious, subsidized twat — I guess you pay cash for your pussy!"

4TheTurnstiles August 1, 2011 at 2:01 pm

OK, Michele. Have mercy on a poor sinner like me and with the generous blessings the Lord has bestowed up on you, buy me this cheap but mechanically interesting motorcycle. And yes, I'm willing to do for you whatever your husband isn't, except voting for you.
http://www.imz-ural.com/solo.aspl

DashboardBuddha August 1, 2011 at 2:07 pm

that looks like a pretty cool ride. I'd go for the one with the sidecar though.

4TheTurnstiles August 1, 2011 at 2:14 pm

It's surprisingly difficult to ride with a sidecar. Angela Lansbury made it look easy in _Bedknobs and Broomsticks._

James Michael Curley August 1, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Sidecars tilt opposite the turn. So it's unerving to have the side car post up off its wheel when you turn right and go squat when your turn left (for a right side mounted side car). Remember that and you are golden.

AJWjr. August 1, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Marcus prefers this one.

James Michael Curley August 1, 2011 at 4:14 pm

The Ural is mechanically interesting because it hasn't been duplicated outside of Russia since 1945. At least they increased the cc's by 250. Bike was a war trophy for the Soviets from their share of WWII Germany.

starfanglednut August 1, 2011 at 9:42 pm

Doing Michelle? Not worth it, dude.

Guppy06 August 1, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Oh, just photoshop Michele into a suit covered in question marks already.

Dashboard_Jesus August 1, 2011 at 11:43 pm

PERFECT! just searched google images and it seems no one has done it yet? ima work on it

El Pinche August 1, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Got the rest of those pics of Bachmann and the llama? Did Marcus watch ? I hear llamas throw a mean rope.

MissTaken August 1, 2011 at 2:05 pm

"Now unlike all of you, who I’m sure pay cash for your homes, there are people out there like myself who actually have to go to a bank and get a mortgage. And this is the problem."

She's right, I do pay cash for my home. It's called RENT you fucking twat because despite being gainfully employed for many years I cannot qualify for a mortgage, federally subsidized or not. Glad to know she could though!

SorosBot August 1, 2011 at 2:33 pm

And is that rent too damn high?

RedneckMuslin August 1, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Did that animal spit up on her dress?

Terry August 1, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Bachmann and Clarence Thomas have this in common, then. He consistently benefitted from Affirmative Action and was selected for the Supreme Court strictly on the basis of his being the only black conservative judge they could find. Since then, he's consistently been against any form of Affirmative Action. He's got his, screw the rest of you. Shelley is just the same. She's cashed her check, the rest of you can go pound sand.

RavenRant August 1, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Also, Paul Ryan. Lived of social security, as did his family. He got his, everybody else can drop dead.

His only private sector jobs were driving the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile, waiting tables, being a fitness trainer, and working as a 'marketing consultant' for his family's business.

Other than that, government tit all the way.

Ducksworthy August 2, 2011 at 10:54 am

I'm pleased that your description checks out on Wiki. Also, it's encouraging that Ryan's father and grandfather died of heart attacks in their 50's.

RavenRant August 2, 2011 at 10:18 pm

I feel only slightly guilty that I am also encouraged by that.

Fuck it. Not guilty at all. The sooner the better.

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 2:05 pm

"His only private sector jobs were driving the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile"

*stamps dainty foot*
I wanna jerb driving the Weinermobile!
*pouts*

RavenRant August 2, 2011 at 10:20 pm

I'm not sure there still is a Weinermbile, but if there is, I'm rooting for you.

ProgressiveInga August 1, 2011 at 2:08 pm

So, how long before Fannie and Freddie apologize to the Bachmann clan for making them borrow $400+K?………..

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Right after Ginnie Thomas drunk dials them?

Warpde August 1, 2011 at 2:10 pm

I would have paid cash for my house but hey, that would mean I would have to stop drinking.
Yeah, right, as if that's gonna happen.

Please tell me Mr. Ollama spit in her face.
It's customary don't ya know.

baconzgood August 1, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Unrelated to this post:

Dammmnnnnnn! Where's the man? WHERE'S THE MAN?!?! GIT ME A GOD-DAMN MIRROR…….YEAH THERE'S THE MAN!!!!! THE MAN'S NAME IS BACONZGOOD HE'S LOOKIN LIKE A $$$$$ MAKER!!!!! BLING BLING!!

I should change my name from "baconzgood" to "all them Monies, all thoses womens all the cars".

Dept. Dir. Dale: Can you sell?
Baconz: Yeah I'll sell your wife and bring you 20 points over what YOU KNOW she's worth.

DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNN!!!!BACONZ fucking Buster Poindexter the last 3 weeks 'cause he's "HOT HOT HOT". Bring on that fuckin' intern and I'll show that whuppin' boy/gal how we do shit…..Mr. Zgood style.

AJWjr. August 1, 2011 at 2:57 pm

This your way of telling us you got a jerb?

baconzgood August 1, 2011 at 3:13 pm

I don't what "jerb" is but if it's any thing like Ricky Roma from a Mammet play…..well then yes I got "Jerb" commin out the whazoo.

widestanceroman August 1, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Anybody else think she is only keeping her true crazy flag at half-mast by sounding more and more like "Miss Michele" from Romper Room? No doubt, there is medication involved.

She's gonna whip out that mirror and start talking about who she sees it in any day now.

BaldarTFlagass August 1, 2011 at 2:11 pm

If I ever become a misogynist, this will be one of the reasons.

RavenRant August 1, 2011 at 6:45 pm

You can't blame us all for Michele, unless you take personal responsibility for Beck, Limbaugh, Goehmert, Sanford, Haley Barbour, etc., etc., etc.

mavenmaven August 1, 2011 at 2:12 pm

One doesn't have to be Dr Freud to now understand what is at the true heart of her campaign. Fat speaking fees ahead!

VinnyThePooh August 1, 2011 at 2:12 pm

I imagine the guests leave the Bachmann villa much like they do the Munster’s – jumping over the iron gate at 2X speed.

SorosBot August 1, 2011 at 2:14 pm

If Michele could think, she'd realize that the fact that she couldn't buy a house without a federally subsidized loan indicates that government programs are a good and necessary thing. But that would require logic.

prommie August 1, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Oh SorosBot, not you too, thinking that "common sense" is sufficient to answer questions involving the behavior of complicated systems? Economists who study the impact of government interventions in markets would never make this conclusion. Besides the fact its a "propter hoc" fallacy, when a gubmint program offers a bonus or subsidy, this subsidy gets factored into the market price, its factored into the lenders risk-factor, and its factored into all loans the lender makes, whether insured or not. With a demand-driven product, the sellers will just increase their profits by the amount of any subsidy, because the buyers set the price.

GortRay August 1, 2011 at 2:17 pm

All of us out here pay cash for our houses?!?!?! Fuck you Michelle! Fuck you up the ass! Fuck you up the ass with a baseball bat! Fuck you up the ass with a baseball bat sideways! Your hypocrisy is spectacular.

finallyhappy August 1, 2011 at 7:57 pm

my monthly mortgage payment(no gov't loan for me) was in cash but I'm pretty sure crazy eye batshit lady didn't mean that.

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 2:13 pm

"Fuck you up the ass with a baseball bat sideways!"

She shouldn't be without a sensation…

BlueStateLibel August 1, 2011 at 2:17 pm

The brain-damaged crazy witch is also a lying, evil hypocrite, who would have thought?

terriblyfamous August 1, 2011 at 2:17 pm

How does she live inside that maze of contradictions?! Did she learn to think in a Martian concentration camp? It hurts my mind!

BaldarTFlagass August 1, 2011 at 2:33 pm

She's the Minnesota Minotaur!!

BaldarTFlagass August 1, 2011 at 2:43 pm

She's the Minnesota Minotaur!!

Maman August 1, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Ahh the classic American game of "I got mine! Screw you though". The logic always amazes me.

nounverb911 August 1, 2011 at 2:18 pm

“not enough melanin,”
not enough melanoma–fixed

Camaro Nova August 1, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Rick Perry will be the next presuhdent. You can thank me later for this info.

Dudleydidwrong August 1, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Jesus God! Is that where your dart landed? Christ! Throw again, throw again!

Monsieur_Grumpe August 1, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Lama/Bachmann 2012

At least the shit we get from the lama is useful.

baconzgood August 1, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Baconz just read the Kirsten's post my snark is:

"Now unlike all of you, who I’m sure pay cash for your homes, there are people out there like myself who actually have to go to a bank and get a mortgage. Do as I tell you not as I welfare"
-Michele Bachmann-

"Listen CUNT, I just busted my fuckin' ass to make the booty. I live in the REAL WORLD you white collar ghetto whore."
-Baconz retort-

V572 Hair of Destiny August 1, 2011 at 2:22 pm

I was on a car Web site last week, and somebody said "In my opinion anybody who works for the government does so because they can't make it anywhere else." I suggested that government employee Sal Giunta, for one, might take issue with that assertion. The commenter angrily wrote back that the military is not part of the government, so neener neener, I was wrong.

And this is how they all think: government payments to others are all welfare; government payments to me are my well earned, richly deserved birthright.

mookwrthwilson August 1, 2011 at 2:54 pm

I'm sure Nobel Prize Winner Steven Chu would be collecting food stamps if he weren't Secretary of Energy.

V572 Hair of Destiny August 1, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Not the mention those lazy firemen who ran into the WTC just before it collapsed.

mookwrthwilson August 1, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Well you have to be pretty dumb to run into a burning building…those free market private firefighters only run into buildings that aren't on fire!

elviouslyqueer August 1, 2011 at 3:02 pm

The commenter angrily wrote back that the military is not part of the government, so neener neener, I was wrong.

I had a similar experience with an arch-conservative friend of mine who has been bitching and moaning throughout the debt ceiling "crisis" that government spending is totally out of control. Irony: he's an Air Force retiree, making him the beneficiary of that sweet, sweet gubmit pension moneez.

Oh, and on a side note, this same guy–a married het with two kids–has been railing about the DADT repeal, conveniently ignoring the fact that during high school, his mouth seemed to find its way to my dick at regular intervals.

starfanglednut August 1, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Oh, that kind of straight. I know some of those.

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 3:27 am

200% straight. It's only the thumb stuck up his ass that's preventing him from getting away from those awful queers who keep sticking their dicks in his helpless mouth.

GOPCrusher August 1, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Well, they certainly don't understand that the Department of Defense expenses get paid out of American tax dollars, because they had no problem raising the debt ceiling or voting for supplemental funding during the Bushyt Misadministration.

johnnyzhivago August 1, 2011 at 2:23 pm

I'd pay to see that Llama give her a big sopping French kiss….

widestanceroman August 1, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Llama dirty sanchez or gtfo.

natoslug August 1, 2011 at 3:19 pm

I'd pay double for the llama to bite her lips and tongue off. With surveyors' marks, of course.

finallyhappy August 1, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Well, the llama will do what Marcus won't

Native_of_SL_UT August 1, 2011 at 2:23 pm

The only home I ever paid cash for was a 1983 Dodge van.

Callyson August 1, 2011 at 2:24 pm

“unlike all of you, who I’m sure actually own your homes, there are people out there like myself who actually have to go to an apartment complex and rent a place to live because we can't get financing from the banks/lost our jobs/still can't afford to buy a house on the pittance we are paid.”
/fixed

comrad_darkness August 1, 2011 at 2:30 pm

What a stupid bitch.

Weenus299 August 1, 2011 at 2:37 pm

WELL. Unlike most of you people think, I think you should give me a lot of cash so I can run for president.

ChrisM2011 August 1, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Oh, FUCK her. Someone get me a bazooka. Preferably one paid in cash.

KotBR August 1, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Yes, Michelle, it's the Federal Government's fault that a good portion of the home owning public is upside down on their mortgages. Not the corrupt banks, or the corrupt hedge fundies, or the corrupt debt ratings agencies. All. The. Government.

GOPCrusher August 1, 2011 at 3:34 pm

In Michele's Reality, President Obama spent the entire 14 trillion dollars that comprise our national debt.

mog253 August 1, 2011 at 4:05 pm

on veggies and fruit, no doubt.

RavenRant August 1, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Arugula and grey poupon!

fuflans August 1, 2011 at 2:42 pm

oh i bet that's 417,000 of bad taste.

elviouslyqueer August 1, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Ordinarily I would agree, but you know that Marcus will turn it into something fabulous.

Poindexter718 August 1, 2011 at 2:47 pm

The truly amazing thing is that the audience was the National Press Club. So Rep. Bachmann-Crazy-Overdrive believes the ink-stained wretches of the Fourth Estate pay cash for their houses? More like they pay in plasma for their illegal basement apartments…

prommie August 1, 2011 at 3:17 pm

There's this thing called sarcasm, or being facetious, and even wild-eyed idiot ladies are capable of it.

Poindexter718 August 1, 2011 at 3:32 pm

I tend to doubt she was being ironic. It's not hard for me to imagine that in the alternative universe Rep. Bachmann inhabits, the sharpies in the Washington press-corp with their fancy liberal arts backgrounds, pollysyllabic vocabularies and Apple devices get million-dollar checks from George Soros for writing their un-American screeds.

Doktor Zoom August 1, 2011 at 2:49 pm

I work hard for my money, and I hate to see the gummint take my money and give it to freeloaders like me.

SayItWithWookies August 1, 2011 at 2:52 pm

It’s almost impossible to buy a home in this country today without the federal government being involved. Whether it is with the FHA, whether it’s with Fannie, whether it’s with Freddie, it’s almost impossible to buy a home…

It's like the Mortgage Gestapo out there — oppressing good people like Michele by backing up loans in case they default, so she's more likely to get a house without paying exorbitant fees. We the people can only take so much of this, you know!

GOPCrusher August 1, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Since the CRA was passed, the Mortgage Gestapo go around and shove money into the hands of the peoples.

Radiotherapy® August 1, 2011 at 2:53 pm

She puts the lame in llama.

Redhead August 1, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Of course she deserves it. Her husband is, of course, doing God's work by converting all those men from homosexuality to a more godly lifestyle… all those yummy, scrumptious young men…

ndisang67 August 1, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Does Bachmann deduct her Mortgage Interest payments on her taxes? Does she know that, the money she gets back is a tax payer subsidy for her home?…kinda socialist?…and that the government has to borrow that money to give her?. Is she and the teahadists willing to give that up?

Dudleydidwrong August 1, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Anagram of "Michele Bachmann" = "hypocritical cunnt"

Ansnarkist August 1, 2011 at 3:03 pm

We can only hope that the Chinese foreclose on her house and convert it into a good Chinese restaurant. Minnesota could use another one of those.

AJWjr. August 1, 2011 at 3:04 pm

I guess you could say I paid cash for my house, in that I built it myself paycheck to paycheck, to the exclusion of almost anything else other than that required to feed and clothe myself, and get to and from my jerb. Construction came to a screeching halt in June of 2007 when I lost my jerb, though. It's mostly watertight, at least.

emmelemm August 1, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Does it have any indoor plumbing? Because that's the real deal-breaker, from my point of view.

AJWjr. August 1, 2011 at 5:52 pm

Well, yeah–the county pretty much insists on that before issuing the certificate of occupancy.

prommie August 1, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Must we deliberately misread what she says, to make fun of her? She was using a thing called sarcasm against those who criticize her for having an insured loan by pointing out she is not the only one in the room with a mortgage, and then she points out that the vast majority of all mortgages are federally insured, and thus its actually hard to find a lender who wants to offer people a non-insured loan (why should they? which would you prefer, if you were lending the money?). I don't see much hypocracy, she wants to change the system, until its changed, she has to deal with the system as it is, like everyone else.

AlaskaGrrl August 1, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Fannie and Freddie are indeed out of control! They gave the Bachmanns a loan, that's all the proof I need.

prommie August 1, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Ima say it again, she's still a batshit evil crazed christian reconstructionist who longs for a white christian theocracy for the USA, but this mortgage guarantee "gotcha" is just garden variety nitpicking chickenshit political criticism, its no vast crime of incredible evil moral hypocracy, some of you sound like those hairshirt wearing drama queens over at libtard heaven, DU.

LiveToServeYa August 1, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Thank you, though hairshirts from llama wool are OK. Upfist.

GOPCrusher August 1, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Ducks Unlimited?

FNMA August 1, 2011 at 3:13 pm

She has a point: These government programs are so out of control that they keep giving her money. Reminds me of this Onion column:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 3:32 am

No, no, that article should be reminding you of *Marcus.*

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 2:41 pm

This was clearly (or queerly?) written by elviouslyqueer's buddy (see comment upthread).

prommie August 1, 2011 at 3:19 pm

There's one thing I hate in my snark, and thats sanctimony. You can be funny, or holier-than-thou, but never both.

Tommmcatt August 1, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Really? You should take that up with George Will. He's got a stick up his butt so far he could fly-fish out of his left nostril, and his columns are hillarious.

fartknocker August 1, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Damn this is fun. This is the same stupid twat who said that Glenn Beckal Matter could use his magic chalk board and solve the deficit:
http://blogs.citypages.com/blotter/2011/02/michel

I want to thank the pharmacist at Michelle's Walgreen/CVS/Walmart for the extra dosage of pixie stupid dust in her migraine medications.

LiveToServeYa August 1, 2011 at 3:26 pm

I've been thinking for some time now that maybe we could gay the pray away.

NorthStarSpanx August 1, 2011 at 3:33 pm

What’s important is that we do dismantle a number of these federal programs that everyone agrees are clearly out of control. – MB

Ahhhh, attacking the old inefficient, wasteful federal programs that defy common-sense-time-tested-truths of fiscal conservatism. . .During the 2006 campaign for governor, Sarah Palin spoke often about how she was going to cut state spending, review agency operations then prioritize state spending and cut those services that were not ”constitutionally mandated.” The words “finding efficiencies” seemed to be laced in every speech.

In December 2006, Governor Palin’s initial budget proposal for FY’08 grabbed early headlines for her promise to cut the operating budget by $150 million.

The spending cuts were never made by Palin, and six months later she signed the largest budget in state history.

Michele is as marvelously vague with bogey-man federal hand-outs, what track-record would she have given that she actually engages in House votes or becomes a producer of policy?

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 2:44 pm

"Ahhhh, attacking the old inefficient, wasteful federal programs that defy common-sense-time-tested-truths of fiscal conservatism"

Otherwise known as "kick the niggers off welfare".

DerrickWildcat August 1, 2011 at 3:38 pm

What's the deal with that lady?

4TheTurnstiles August 1, 2011 at 3:45 pm

LIZARD PEOPLE

user-of-owls August 1, 2011 at 3:49 pm

So, yeah, this is just too precious to require any connection to this post. From "The Hill":

Emanuel Cleaver (D-Mo.) – Head of the Congressional Black Caucus called it [the deficit ceiling deal] a "sugar-coated Satan sandwich."

finallyhappy August 1, 2011 at 8:02 pm

And a local ice cream parlor actually made those today(really- in Alexandria, VA)

user-of-owls August 1, 2011 at 8:11 pm

That's the spirit!

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 2:45 pm

MMMmmm… sugar coated Satan sandwich…
*drool a la Homer Simpson*

smashedinhat August 1, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I think most people feel a lot better just knowing exactly where she is at any point in time. Not crouching behind a bush or running in and out of the WC but out in the open where one can keep an eye on her. Michele that is.

user-of-owls August 1, 2011 at 4:05 pm

All she needs now is for the Post to find a disgruntled grocery clerk who reveals that she uses Food Stamps.

She's gonna hit for the cycle!

Doktor Zoom August 1, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Hey, Owls! Understand that today's The Big Day, and just wanted you to know we're rooting for you, in your corner, have your back, and are sending fond agnostic thoughts in your general direction. May your fartbox never lack for tongue-punching, good sir.

user-of-owls August 1, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Mil gracias, compa, mil gracias.

iburl August 1, 2011 at 4:09 pm

"What’s important is that we do dismantle a number of these federal programs that everyone agrees are clearly out of control."

Evidently she's asked that "we" "dismantle" her "house" anybody live nearby with some heavy equipment? Praise Jeebus.

Hurricane Ali August 1, 2011 at 4:25 pm

This has probably already been said numerous times and, if so, I do not care, but WHO THE HELL PAYS CASH FOR THEIR HOUSE?@@!!!

MiniMencken August 1, 2011 at 4:33 pm

There once was a gaucho named Bruno
Who said, "Now, screwing is one thing I do know!
A woman is fine
And a sheep is divine,
But the llama is Numero Uno!"

owhatever August 1, 2011 at 6:40 pm

Dum…with a capital um.

rocktonsam August 1, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Reagun warned us against the intelleckual elite.

Quayle2012_KNOT August 1, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Michele inadvertently undermined the Teatard canard about running the Federal budget as if it were a household. Normal households carry mortgage debt, car loan debt, college loan debt and so on, or they wouldn't be able to function. Gordie Howe Bless Michele's simple little mind, she's onto something!

Camaro Nova August 1, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Brushing my chocolate poodle with an air of incontinent disdain … what trash. Just trash.

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 2:47 pm

In the future, could you please try to avoid using the words "chocolate" and "incontinent" in the same sentence?
Thanks in advance for your consideration.

Camaro Nova August 7, 2011 at 3:11 pm

I thought "incontinent" and "poodle" was worse, but OK

ttommyunger August 1, 2011 at 11:06 pm

God, I feel for her. Imagine the embarrassment; having to actually get a loan of nearly half a million dollars to buy your home. Shit, everybody I know pays cash for their half million dollar homes, I mean, who doesn't have at least a half a mil in cash lying around loose? Poor woman, I feel like sending her some money, don't you?

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 2:50 pm

"I feel like sending her some money, don't you?"

Yeah.
Rolls of pennies, hurled with great force and accuracy.

PristineODummy August 2, 2011 at 2:57 am

Why is CrayCrayLayDee making out with that poor llama? Did she mistake it for Marcus? Or does she just have a thing for Teh Hairy?

hagajim August 2, 2011 at 11:20 am

Sorry – I've been in absentia for the past week (trying to figure out where I can get my hobo beans)…but hey, maybe I can borrow money from the taxpayers and then rail about the evils of federal spending. Works for Bachmann.

smithoman August 7, 2011 at 12:39 pm

It's only a matter of time before she's exposed as the charlitan that she is. Who are the ALEC people going to push forth next? Jerry Falwell?

tessiee August 2, 2011 at 12:19 pm

"It's a tumor!"

IT IS NOT A TOOMAH!!

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