It is almost sad, that’s how easy it is to make a joke out of doughy marshmallow Newt Gingrich these days. But Newt Gingrich is determined to make the unintentional comedy scale tip in his favor, for Victory 2012! These are hard times, after all. Maybe all America really wants to do is laugh! What America does not want to do is earn two dollars an hour sweating to death in a t-shirt factory, a fact that was recently brought to the attention of Newt Gingrich by some snob with a video camera.

A person somewhere who is already unfortunate enough to hold the title “Newt Gingrich Campaign Volunteer” is now going to get fired, because he ordered a bunch of t-shirts from El Salvador instead of from that creepy guy at American Apparel, a company Newt Gingrich has probably heard of from his time hanging out with the Youths on Twitter.

“I’ll have to ask the folks who ordered this,” Gingrich responded. “I don’t order it and I don’t do it.”

Campaign spokesperson Michelle Selesky said “That was a rush order made by some of the volunteers.” Selesky noted the print work on the shirts was done in Atlanta.

“One of the challenges with a volunteer campaign is lots of volunteers do lots of different things,” Gingrich said.

This is what happens when you can only get mediocre volunteers on your campaign, Newt! Do you think Bachmann has to put up with this nonsense? Of course not, because her volunteers are afraid that if they mess up she will have her angry, cannibal version of Jesus eat them alive. [TPM/CNN]

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  • Barb

    Those are t-shirts? I thought they were tourniquets to stop his campaign coffers from hemorrhaging money.

    • jus_wonderin

      Thing is, since they are t-shirts from El Salvador they probably shred easily so Newt can tie all his remaining campaign volunteers to chairs.

      "No, no, you sit quietly there until I am President!"

  • “One of the challenges with a volunteer campaign is lots of volunteers do lots of different things,” Gingrich said.

    "Math is hard,' the bloated bimbo added.

    • "…math… added."
      OMG nobody picks up on Tom Swifties anymore. There went my Friday Fun~

      • revmatty

        What do you think the upvotes are for?!?!?

        • nevermind, one hoped it might have spawned more of them in a going-Godwin sense. I don't actually give a flip about attention span or numbers … oh hey there's a palindrome in my pee score

      • tessiee

        Sorry, I got distracted trying to think about whether Newt wasn't too unattractive to be labeled a bimbo.

  • baconzgood

    "I shut down the government out of spite because I couldn't sit next to Clinton on Air Force 1 and all I got was this stupid t-shirt and a Faux-Noose contract worth millions"

  • Fox n Fiends

    Blame the Volunteers!!! They're like "community organizers" with whiter skin.

  • OneDollarJuana

    “One of the challenges with a volunteer campaign is lots of volunteers do lots of different things,” Gingrich said.

    Newt, on the other hand, does two things: Leave his wives when they're down, and fail politically.

    • Negropolis

      And he does each with equal aplomb, bless his heart. Newt's "not afraid of life", you see. He's not afraid to epically fail. And, then again, I guess he shouldn't because he's seen it enough times to just accept that that is the most likely outcome of his life.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Newt. So very presidential. Kind of like: Cher, Charo, Madonna, etc. But without the talent.

  • Nothingisamiss

    Is that the tent that Bristol had a wine cooler in, or is it just Newt's t-shirt?

    • widestanceroman

      Thought it was his bus, but then remembered, his bus is a Pacer with 'Newt 2012' on one side, and 'Pussy Wagon' on the other.

  • His campaign is gaining all the traction of a drunk salamander on a teflon pan being hit with a fire hose.

    • jus_wonderin

      I think you won my Friday. So visual.

  • jus_wonderin

    Wouldn't it have been perfect if they spelled his name wrong?????

    • Noot? Neut?

      • MissusBarry


        • Negropolis


          • MissusBarry

            Touch of dyslexia, too? Kunt.

    • OzoneTom

      No problem. That wouldn't have been his fault either.

    • haha. you're too kind. Started out as a newt joke, but I thought newts were too cute to be compared with actual Newt. True story.

    • Isyaignert

      I always spell it "Gnewt."

  • Nothingisamiss

    When is he gonna quit this thing, anyway? This is not turning into the grift he thought it would be.

    • HistoriCat

      Either there really are enough suckers out there that he's still taking in Ameros … or there is a hot young volunteer he would not have an excuse to have hanging around any more if he quit.

  • DaSandman

    Get em' now kiddos because they're sure to be collectors items in 5…4…3…2…

  • SayItWithWookies

    Newt really meant to say he was sorry and he takes full responsibility — it's just that blaming others is an overwhelming reflex of his. Also, he was spending all his time thinking about banging an intern.

    • widestanceroman

      For God and Cuntry. Newt/2012

  • JoshuaNorton

    Poor Newtie. He can't seem to handle any relationship that's not built on diamond earrings and viagra.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    In his defense, Tiffany's doesn't make T-shirts.

  • DaRooster

    Poor El Salvadorian folks… I wonder if they laced the shirts with Anthrax?

    • DahBoner

      " I wonder if they laced the shirts with Anthrax?"

      You ever been to El Salvador?

      The people are nice, but the country is a shit hole.

      If they could afford Anthrax, they probably would move to Miami…

  • genxr

    Newt has volunteers?

    • emmelemm

      Well, he certainly doesn't have the money for paid staffers…

    • DahBoner

      Newt has volunteers?


      They're all hoping Newt will hook them up with a new set of Michelin tires…

    • Nostrildamus

      Like that nice Nigerian prince who volunteered to run his online campaign.

  • YasserArraFeck

    The volunteer bought the shirts from the El Salvadorians, because Callista had blocked the slightly porny American Apparel site on all the campaign computers – she didn't want Newtie getting all squirmish at the prospect of finding wife #4 modeling short shorts.

    • DahBoner

      But American Apparel models are all brunette & muslimy.

      Newt's wimmens all come with a giant size bottle of peroxide…

      • widestanceroman

        It's not like they're gonna come with him, amirite?

  • DashboardBuddha

    Off topic, but I hate waiting the last 10 minutes for work to end. With my luck a customer will call with a complicated problem.

    • jus_wonderin

      I get in early. Always, always, someone wants to call an important meeting at 5? WTF is up with that??

      • HistoriCat

        And yet the reverse is never possible. Just try calling an early morning meeting – no shows galore.

    • Pragmatist2

      Post your number. We will all call at the same time and shut down the system.

    • OneDollarJuana

      I hate waiting for the last four days of my work week to end.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Update: I escaped unscathed and am now working my way through that bottle of scotch.

  • Billmatic

    Well never fear, pretty soon America will be filled with sweatshops thanks to the Teatards "taking our country back" to the 19th Century.

  • gullywompr

    That's just part of it – wait till you hear of his plan to ship weapons to Iran by way of Israel.

    • DahBoner

      Another Iran-ContraGate Commonsense patriot!

  • Wake me up when Newt manages to do something right in his campaign.

    • genxr

      Like shutting it down, for example.

      • As my incredibly awesome Italian daughter would say: "Eggz-Ackly!"

  • DaRooster

    Volunteer: "Mr. Gingrich I just ordered the shirts. They were nice and cheap and really take advantage of brown people in a poor country.
    Newt: "Good job! Come blow me!"

  • edgydrifter

    This looks like the beginning of the worst wet T-shirt contest ever.

    • genxr

      Who will win? Newt or Ron Paul?

  • timbo71351

    His ass looks like it was carved out of a loaf of white bread. Drop out the race, because no one likes you.

  • Indiepalin

    I didn't even know that Tiffany's had a branch office in El Salvador.

  • <– I'm Voting for Stupid

    • jus_wonderin

      Or "Vote with this /\,
      not with this \/."

  • BarackMyWorld

    Wait…does this mean Newt's still running?

    • HistoriCat

      From the looks of that picture, no – not for years.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    "It is almost sad, that’s how easy it is to make a joke out of doughy marshmallow Newt Gingrich these days."

    Not sad–hilarious! (And well deserved just desserts for odious Newt monster.)

  • OneDollarJuana

    Not only did Newt dodge responsibility for being a hypocrite by blaming his volunteer, did you notice how he also dissed the remaining American apparel manufacturers by saying that his sweatshop shirt order was required because it was a rush job, implying that American workers are slugs?

    • MissTaken

      He's a JOB CREATOR!

  • Goonemeritus

    Newt is making the Fred Thompson campaign look case study good by comparison.

  • hollywooddood

    No doubt they'll be a popular, politically fashionable statement for baggers who long for a return to family values and ethics.

    Do they come in XXXL?

    • SmutBoffin

      'XXXL' is the new 'M', and 'M' is the new 'toddler'.

      • comrad_darkness

        I took advantage of that last trip to the beach. I really wanted this particular shirt, but they only made it for kids. But, lo and behold the children's XL was an adult medium. SCARY. Children of the Corn Syrup . . .

    • MissTaken

      Considering that shirt he's holding looks like it's as wide as Newt, I'm guessing anything smaller than XXXXL is by special order only.

    • Why, does Chris Christie want one?

  • Callyson

    “One of the challenges with a Republican campaign is lots of Republicans do lots of different things"

  • SmutBoffin

    The only other option was to get the shirts from some UNITE shop, probably. But since unionized American labor is unAmerican, obviously, he hadda get child slaves to do it, for freedom.

  • LettucePrey
  • Tea-Paw has more relevance the Newt Gingrich.

    "Damning with faint praise."

    • DahBoner


  • bumfug

    They tried to get shirts made here but the American workers kept misspelling "Newt".

    • Callyson

      And no matter how many of them tried to tell him it was an ironic statement, Gingrinch could not go with "Nut 2012"…

    • OneDollarJuana

      How did they spell it? A S S H O L E ?

      • tessiee

        No, bumfug said "misspelling".

  • Buckminster

    Neuter's whole campaign act is a joke. Hell, his life is a punchline.

  • DahBoner

    "What America does not want to do is earn two dollars an hour sweating to death in a t-shirt factory"

    The only American job Newt has created is a blowjob…..

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Haha, it's like an avalanche of shit keeps tumbling down on Newt. He deserves it too, the hypocritical son of a bitch.

    • DahBoner

      "He deserves it too, the hypocritical son of a bitch."

      Newt had a special lecturn built when he was speaker of the house.

      It housed a intern, with a gloryhole in the lecturn, just about waist level.

      Newt only used this special lecturn when he gave speeches about Clinton getting a blowjob.

      Which was every speech…

  • genxr

    Why is the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man running for President anyway? Didn't he do enough damage already?

  • crybabyboehner

    I think Newt Gingrich knows a little bit more about running a political campaign than some guy with a video camera.

    For instance, how the hell are you supposed to bust unions if you buy stuff that was made in America?

  • Nostrildamus

    This was just the work of a few bad apples.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    They should have stuck with iron-on decals. That way, they could blame the voter for buying a non-made-in-america shirt.

  • GortRay

    T shirts made in a furrin land! That's a real blow to his patriotism. Speaking of real blows…. I suppose some purty lil intern girl will comfort him in the back seat of his Explorer. And such as.

    • comrad_darkness

      He loves his t-shirts so much he HAD to bone that intern.

  • Comes in only one size… XXXXXL

  • OneYieldRegular

    That someone would need those shirts in a hurry is pretty incredibly doubtful. So I'm assuming the spokeswoman meant "Rush" with a capital "R."

    • Nostrildamus

      Wrong order. That was for Salvadorian rent boys.

  • mumbly_joe

    You have to understand, Newt went with El Salvadorian sweatshop labor because he just loves America too much not to cheat on it.

  • Veritas78

    I'm holding out for Giuliani's campaign swag. Can a t-shirt go straight to Goodwill?

  • mavenmaven

    Newt Gingrich's campaign is an excellent metaphor for the entire tea bag-right wing movement and what they are doing to the USA.

  • gizdal

    why the complaints? at least the t-shirts were made in the American hemisphere! El Salvador is in "America."
    they were not, in any event, made in china.
    so be happy everyone, when ging-rich becomes prez, he will ship your jobs to central AMERICA.

  • fuflans

    he's still running?

    this is actually not snark. i forgot.

  • fuflans

    i thought he was all in favor of globalization?

  • Tundra Grifter

    Who? Newt who?

    This is so 1994…

  • squirmisher

    It's not even funny anymore, it's too easy, like taking candy from a child….actually never mind it's fucking hilarious.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Yeah, these damn staff, volunteers, babysitters, supporters, bodyguards, donors, directors, producers, publishers, tiny teams behind tiny teams, un-acknowledged ambassadors of a nonexistent movement. . .they all are there for tread marks on their backs when things make you look bad.

  • Bill O'Reilly's stupid shirts on his web site are from El-Salvador as well. He even still sells, "Boycott France" shit too.

  • comrad_darkness

    Eh, there must be leftover Grinch Who stole Christmas shirts around somewhere. Just reuse those. Although, Newt's heart AND brain are two sizes too small.

    • tessiee

      Does that balance out the fact that everything else is at least a dozen sizes too big?

  • Gurkman

    Isn't El Salvador technically America anyways? Via Peace Corps Pan-American peace-and-love exporting by liberally-inclined students junior year?

  • Guppy06

    El Salvador? He didn't have the common decency to get shirts made by the All-American sweatshops of Saipan?

    This is an insult to The Troops who died to capture the island (and never got around to giving it back to the natives)!

  • teebob2000

    Olbermann had the best analogy for Newt's campaign: it resembles a guy walking around his yard who keeps stepping on rake, after rake, after rake…

    • tessiee

      "a guy walking around his yard who keeps stepping on rake, after rake, after rake… "

      Sideshow Bob? He's a lot more intelligent than Newt… although, come to think of it, Bob is a Republican, too.

  • user-of-owls

    NewtFail Checklist: What State to Lose Today

    Make derogatory remarks about volunteers.

    Next stop?

  • El Pinche

    My daily Wonkette puree:

    • fuflans

      this pleases me more than any of the other spock sightings.

  • Negropolis

    You simply can't make this stuff up. This is really getting sad. I was less surprised to hear he'd done this than I was surprised that he was getting press coverage, at all, or that he was still in the race.

    Poor Newt. He can't be faithful to, or responsible for, anything. Not whatever wife he's with and not the country not his personal bills.

  • ttommyunger

    Ha Ha Ha! Blame your staff. Better yet, blame the unpaid staffers! Stay classy, Newt.

  • Made in El Salvador, I'm surprised it didn't come out as Newt Gringo.

    • tessiee

      Of course, nothing's to prevent *us* from referring to him as Newt Gringo.

  • I love how he was set up holding that shirt with that idiot grin.
    Almost makes you feel sorry for him. Almost.

  • MAINEiac4434

    Why…is he still here? Why is he still running? Doesn't he realize that he's just a waddling joke now?

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