SCIENCE IS A FUNNY THING  9:38 am July 29, 2011

Bill Nye Explains To Fox News Moon Volcanoes Don’t Cause Global Warming

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Bill Nye the Science Guy! We remember him. “Bill Nye the Science Guy” was a 90s television program on PBS Kids that taught science in fun and accessible ways to children. Explaining science to children, you might say, is Bill Nye’s great gift. Here is Bill Nye talking to Fox News anchor Jon Scott about the exciting recent discovery of volcanoes on the Moon and its implications for life’s origins. Scott isn’t terribly interested in this, but he does want to know if these volcano things caused the climate change on the moon. It’s not like humans even burned any fossil fuels on the moon, and look how the moon turned out!

Bill Nye sort of stares at him for a second, because for a scientist this irrational tangent is probably a little hard to follow. Sorry, Bill, we should have reminded you to review a dictionary of idiot speak before you went on the show. The word “science” sounds like “global warming conspiracy” in a Fox News brain. Nye patiently explains to Jon Scott that volcanoes have nothing to do with global warming, mining does, and science shows that global warming will make Earth into a hellfire lava pool that kills off every living thing, more like Venus. That’s what “science” says. Blank stare. What do hippie leftist environazis have to do with Venus? Okay, well thanks. That’s the last time Fox News tries to invite an actual children’s science teacher on the program. [Media Matters]

 
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{ 301 comments }

Chillwaver July 29, 2011 at 9:40 am

This only means one thing: Defund PBS!

prommie July 29, 2011 at 9:44 am

Even better, do what Greasy, Gasping Fat Fuck Christie did with NJ's PBS station, and privatize it.

OC_Surf_Serf July 29, 2011 at 9:42 am

Hey Jon, in space they can't hear you scream all your racist, homophobic, anti-muslin rants…

Swampgas_Man July 29, 2011 at 10:05 am

And that's why nobody wants to go to space anymore.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 29, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Can't hear Faux News in space? Where do I sign up?

prommie July 29, 2011 at 9:42 am

Who put dat dere, huh? Who put dat dere? Nobody knows.

SheriffRoscoe July 29, 2011 at 11:35 am

Bill O'Reilly actually said that to Richard Dawkins, making the task of me ridiculing him embarrassingly easy.

Lascauxcaveman July 29, 2011 at 11:56 am

Didja notice how Jon actually let Bill Nye finish multiple sentences in a row without shouting him down?

Fox News Anchor FAIL, Jon.

Ruhe July 29, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Perhaps The Science Guy had warned him before the segment started, "Hey, Jon, now that physical contact is okay here at Fox, I should warn you that I'm a fifth degree blackbelt and if you interrupt me or cut me off I'm gonna put my left foot right here" (pointing to the anchor's adam's apple).

mumbly_joe July 29, 2011 at 5:17 pm

In that guy's defense, Hugh Hewitt is a complete sack of shit. If any douchebag deserves to have the smug slapped out of them, it's… actually a three-way tie between him, Grover Norquist, and Andy Breitbart.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 29, 2011 at 3:19 pm

The dweeb was probably still challenged by the task of processing sentence 1 when sentence 2 came out… and it snowballed on him.
My 5-year-old daughter, on the other hand (now studying neuroscience), had no problem with Nye, and loved his show. Bit of a liberal, too — I blame the Pell grants.

Not_So_Much July 29, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Goes in, goes out — no explanation…

Arken July 29, 2011 at 9:42 am

Tide comes in, tide goes out. You can't explain it!

jakegittes July 29, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Bread goes in. Toast pops up. You can't explain dat.

starfanglednut July 30, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Mmmm, but its yummy with butter, cinnamon and sugar.

ArmoredLibunatic July 29, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Sure I can, and I'm just a hack who grew up with Beakman (take that, Billy boy!). So do you want the long or short answer?

Laughitoff22 July 29, 2011 at 9:44 am

I don't think I've ever loved Bill Nye more. He sufficiently and calmly explained why this news anchor, as well as (most likely) the majority of fox news viewers are idiots, as though he was a petulant child.

I think I'm in love.

NorthStarSpanx July 29, 2011 at 9:48 am

Made him all sexy didn't it?

bagofmice July 29, 2011 at 10:06 am

Then you need to put on your tights and get ready to chase after SPEED WALKER.

freakishlywrong July 29, 2011 at 10:11 am

Fox has "news anchors"?

DashboardBuddha July 29, 2011 at 10:37 am

I think in this case it's more like anchors that are dragging down the SS Critical Thought.

anniegetyerfun July 29, 2011 at 10:32 am

Despite the fact that he apparently has had oodles of Botox, his calm demeanor makes me want to pleasure him.

JustPixelz July 29, 2011 at 11:30 am

"Think you're in love".

If you're hot for Bill Nye, that would explain the global warming that isn't happening. [long pause] On the moon. [longer pause] Using science.

Texan_Bulldog July 29, 2011 at 11:33 am

Love how he had to break out the cupcake vs. cake analogy for the moon and earth. That's definitely about the right mentality for Jon.

Mumbletypeg July 29, 2011 at 9:44 am

De-Nye-al is not a river in Egypt, Jon.

iburl July 29, 2011 at 9:44 am

Why did they have Bill Nye on, why not a real scientist? I heard there was a professor at Liberty University who has calculated how many dinosaurs were on Noah's ark.

nonbeliever7 July 29, 2011 at 10:47 am

All of them!

starfanglednut July 30, 2011 at 5:28 pm

,Katie.

CessnaDriver August 2, 2011 at 4:23 pm

The lastest talking point is that the dinos were brought onboard as eggs, because of the whole they would have eaten Noah and every other living thing thing.

Nice to know that someone was thinking when they watched Jurassic Park.

The mock up of the Ark at some chirstian playground will have racks of dino eggs.

donner_froh July 29, 2011 at 9:45 am

Science has no place on Faux News. Science deals with the systematic arrangement of facts.

Fare la Volpe July 29, 2011 at 10:15 am

And if Fox presented "facts" all the time, they couldn't provide fair and balanced coverage!

Ducksworthy July 29, 2011 at 10:22 am

Exactly. The facts are not fair and balanced despite what the MSM would try to have you think. They pretty much all line up on the side of reality.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 29, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Equal time for facts and fantasy … you can't get more balanced than that!

Chillwaver July 29, 2011 at 9:46 am

"Volcanos: how the fuck do they work?"
-Jon Scott

(Is he related to Rick?)

MildMidwesterner July 29, 2011 at 10:02 am

Volcanos are caused by a combination of vinegar and baking soda.

Chet Kincaid July 29, 2011 at 10:55 am

Where did you go to school?! Volcanoes are caused by Coke and Mentos!

horsedreamer_1 July 29, 2011 at 10:57 am

You've just created a Mentocularity!

DaRooster July 29, 2011 at 10:22 am

"(Is he related to Rick?)"

I think they use the same hair.

Guppy06 July 29, 2011 at 10:53 am

More importantly, Bobby Jindal wants to know why we're monitoring them.

ManchuCandidate July 29, 2011 at 9:46 am

I can't wait for their next discussion.

"If Gravity isn't in the US America Constitution then why is it a LAW? Can you answer me that Mr Science Guy?"

FNMA July 29, 2011 at 10:02 am

Gravity is merely a theory, like evolution.

ChessieNefercat July 29, 2011 at 10:08 am

Well how come thermodynamics gets to be a law, huh? It's not in the Constutueshun either!

riverside68 July 29, 2011 at 10:12 am

Gravity doesn't exist don't ya know?

(warped space keeps everything down)

FNMA July 29, 2011 at 10:22 am

Gravity was intelligently designed by God to be the mechanism to let you know that you've had too much tequila.

nonbeliever7 July 29, 2011 at 10:48 am

If God invented tequila, I may have to re-think this whole non-belief thing I got going on.

LesPaultard July 29, 2011 at 10:23 am

Same theory as light bulbs…they don't create light, they suck away the dark.

Chet Kincaid July 29, 2011 at 10:28 am

"Light Bulbs: Suck Away The Dark" is the worst Broadway musical of all time.

proudgrampa July 29, 2011 at 10:50 am

There is no gravity. The Earth sucks!

DaRooster July 29, 2011 at 10:23 am

Relativity is only a theory too… that is why Faux stays away from anything relative…

OC_Surf_Serf July 29, 2011 at 9:46 am

Bill Nye the Speed Walking Crime Fighter from KING5's Almost Live solves another case for Truth.

donner_froh July 29, 2011 at 9:47 am

Nye: "Science is true".
Fox News guy: Furrows brow, wonders what to say next.

Terry July 29, 2011 at 9:58 am

Fox News guys all ways get like that when something comes up that's not on the talking points they get from the Koch Brothers and the RNC.

Rotundo_ July 29, 2011 at 2:15 pm

They have these "Westworld" moments like seizures and lock up and don't seem to know what to say or do. It's amusing in small bite sized chunks like this, but not worth watching Faux News for any amount of time.

poncho_pilot July 29, 2011 at 10:57 am

Fox News guy: Furrows brow, wonders what to say next. Beats chest. Grunts. Attacks Bill Nye with antelope femur.

Me: Run, Bill! Run!

zhubajie July 29, 2011 at 11:01 am

The usual reply (outside of FOX News) is, "But the BIBLE says…!"

Fare la Volpe July 29, 2011 at 11:45 am

The usual FOX reply is "But some people say," which makes them balanced, also.

GunToting[Redacted] July 29, 2011 at 12:09 pm

What their target audience fails to appreciate is that "some people" are really fucking stupid. Coincidentally, "some people" is their key target demographic.

Naked_Bunny July 29, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Actually, that's pretty much any network, and newspaper, and magazine, these days.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 29, 2011 at 9:48 am

That’s the same look I give a 3 year old that has had too much sugar.

DaSandman July 29, 2011 at 9:48 am

I will do science to them.

It won't help.

bagofmice July 29, 2011 at 10:11 am

Will you exit light? Possibly enter night?

comptoneffect July 29, 2011 at 9:48 am

Another example of a Fox News anchor not missing an opportunity to spout a right-wing talking point. Say what you will about the Fox corporate training program but it’s remarkably efficient.

FNMA July 29, 2011 at 10:04 am

They gotten much better with the ice pick to the frontal lobe since that mishap with the Fox & Friends crew.

Ruhe July 29, 2011 at 10:07 am

Really. Like do they have members of their production staff who specialize in finding the opportunities to place that shit in various stories and interviews, you know like the ones who work on the Spielberg movies placing product. Or is the anchors? Are they just that good?

Rotundo_ July 29, 2011 at 2:18 pm

So is it like behavior modification where they shove a M&M in their mouths every time they spout the line? Or do Roger and Rupert use shock collars on them?

BlueMonkeh July 29, 2011 at 9:49 am

Did Nye have to give himself a "Silkwood" shower after that?

Barb July 29, 2011 at 9:56 am

Yes, he did! But he's so skinny that he had to hop around the shower to get wet.

zhubajie July 29, 2011 at 11:03 am

Exorcism!

boobookitteh July 29, 2011 at 9:49 am

Science has a well known liberal bias.

weejee July 29, 2011 at 9:57 am

In skew perhaps, but the collective girth of the Hoverrounds kills the platykuric (no not the Katie Couric) through an especially short and fat kurtosis. I hate those hoverrounding platykuriciders

boobookitteh July 29, 2011 at 10:20 am

You're going to need to re-explain that using baked goods as an example.

Fukui_sanYesOta July 29, 2011 at 12:30 pm

Oh so many upfists for platykuric and kurtosis.

Now that's a word I've not heard since ….

LesBontemps July 29, 2011 at 9:50 am

Fox News brain

Ha, if only!

poncho_pilot July 29, 2011 at 10:58 am

lizard brain. that's about it.

hollywooddood July 29, 2011 at 9:50 am

Even children, armed with comic books and calculators, could teach Jon Scott a few things.

anniegetyerfun July 29, 2011 at 10:39 am

Infants, armed with boogers and spit-up, could teach Jon Scott a few things.

I am relatively confident that my Pekingese could teach Jon Scott a few things.

poncho_pilot July 29, 2011 at 10:59 am

i know cats who could finally teach him how door knobs work.

Geminisunmars July 29, 2011 at 11:16 am

Umm. . . someone has to want to learn in order to learn. That ship has sailed, if it was ever in the harbor to begin with.

ifthethunderdontgetya July 29, 2011 at 9:50 am

Global warming isn't in the Constitution!

*bang*

Next, Bill Nye will explain how come people living in New Zealand (aka upsidedownieland) don't fall off the world.
~

ChessieNefercat July 29, 2011 at 10:13 am

"Next, Bill Nye will explain how come people living in New Zealand (aka upsidedownieland) don't fall off the world."

I think it's like dinosaur fossils, God's idea of a kneeslapper of a joke that makes people uh…um, be more impressed with God? Yeah, um, Bible! Bible! Bible!

(The joke is that New Zealand doesn't really exist because the earth is flat!)

tcaalaw July 29, 2011 at 9:50 am

Holy Climate Science Denial Non-Sequitur, Batman!

Weenus299 July 29, 2011 at 9:51 am

It's because the moon volcanoes are conspiring to raise taxes. All that moon-lava shit is just a distraction.

donner_froh July 29, 2011 at 9:52 am

Nye lost the fox news guy when he started using Venus as an example. Now if he had talked about Uranus he would have been offered his own show.

MildMidwesterner July 29, 2011 at 10:04 am

Finally… an ass fucking joke to bring Wonkette back to its roots.

bagofmice July 29, 2011 at 10:14 am

Fear of a wide stance planet.

Because apparently the taint of the solar system stretches from Venus to Uranus, and has a Great Red Spot in the middle.

Geminisunmars July 29, 2011 at 11:19 am

Isn't that Mons Veneris?

JerkCade July 29, 2011 at 9:53 am

"Science is true for everybody" is my new favorite quote.

Tundra Grifter July 29, 2011 at 9:58 am

JC: Bill Nye could have expanded that to "truth is the same for everybody. That's pretty much what makes it 'truth.'"

But then Jon Scott's head would have exploded.

Ruhe July 29, 2011 at 10:11 am

No, no. He would have laughed at him like the villain from a Bond film and then paraphrased Charles Foster Kane…"The truth is what we say it is Mr. Nye."

prommie July 29, 2011 at 10:27 am

We create our own reality, and people like you write it down.

SorosBot July 29, 2011 at 11:56 am

Well of course; we've always been at war with Eastasia.

tessiee July 29, 2011 at 11:20 am

^
^
This?
*kisses bunched-together fingertips*
Beautiful.

arihaya July 29, 2011 at 10:09 am

that will only be my 2nd favorite quote after "Nothing is true, everything is permitted"

tessiee July 29, 2011 at 11:22 am

"Whatever is not forbidden is mandatory" — T.H. White, The once and future king

Mapmonger July 29, 2011 at 11:35 am

"Nothing means anything, everything's permitted. Nothing is forbidden, so anything goes" ~ nomeansno

Fare la Volpe July 29, 2011 at 10:16 am

"The good thing about science is that it's true whether you believe in it or not." -Neil deGrasse Tyson

Geminisunmars July 29, 2011 at 11:20 am

Nah unh.

NorthStarSpanx July 29, 2011 at 9:54 am

There's more to the story. When they signed off, even peace-loving Nye was forced to violently refudiate bunghole Scott when he boasted about suspending that polar bear scientists ass in Alaska for fudging their drowning numbers.

AJWjr. July 29, 2011 at 10:04 am

But did he 'splain why on earth there are no bears on the poles of the moon? Lunar polar bears–never thought of that, didja?

LesBontemps July 29, 2011 at 10:12 am

Lunar polar bears with frickin' lasers on their heads! Now that's science!

NorthStarSpanx July 29, 2011 at 10:16 am

There is no water on the moon; hence they can't drown. I see it now.

riverside68 July 29, 2011 at 10:17 am

It's a Ayers Kenyan plot!

Damn we got a lunar polar bear laser gap!

ChessieNefercat July 29, 2011 at 10:15 am

Aren't those the creepy bears in those coke ads? Yes. Lunar polar bears.

poncho_pilot July 29, 2011 at 11:05 am

Teddy Roosevelt bagged a Lunar Polar Bear in 1894. he later tried and failed to establish a Nature Reserve in Mare Tranquillitatis.

Tundra Grifter July 29, 2011 at 9:56 am

Sen. John McCain has the same look on his face when he patiently explains to Sheer InSannity (again) that the US Government doesn't have enough revenue to pay its bills unless the debt limit is increased. Or how the US Senate operates.

Say what you will about Ole Walnuts (and we do) – when he is dealing with a child he takes his time and does his best to calmly explain it in terms anyone can understand.

Well, almost anyone. "Am i An Idiot?" InSannity never seems to be able to grasp it.

OneDollarJuana July 29, 2011 at 10:06 am

You may paint Sean with the moniker "InSannity", but clearly the insane one is John McCain, who keeps trying to explain to his Republican party members the facts of reality, when clearly it doesn't, and will never, work.

arihaya July 29, 2011 at 10:06 am

it is disheartening to know than Juan McCain is the sane voice in the GOP

VaWyo July 29, 2011 at 9:56 am

Be careful, Bill. Fox news is probably trying to hack into your phone right now.

Weenus299 July 29, 2011 at 9:57 am

Bill Nye the Science Guy is about to become Bill Nye the Hacked Phone Guy.

horsedreamer_1 July 29, 2011 at 10:59 am

His penchant for Olympia, Wash., trannies will be revealed to all, forever discrediting his life's work.

Fare la Volpe July 29, 2011 at 11:45 am

He just likes to experiment.

HobbesEvilTwin July 29, 2011 at 10:00 am

Sadly, any three year old watching that exchange took away more from it than Jon Scott.

Doktor Zoom July 29, 2011 at 11:41 am

Any three year old watching that exchange was desperately trying to insert an Elmo DVD in the player.

Ducksworthy July 29, 2011 at 10:01 am

Look here Bill Nye, if Jon Scott wants to believe that global warming is caused by moon volcanoes he'll believe that global warming is caused by moon volcanoes and all your sciencey talk will go in one ear and out the other because there's noting in his head to even slow it down.

poncho_pilot July 29, 2011 at 12:03 pm

and just try explaining the almost complete lack of friction in a vacuum. just try.

EatsBabyDingos July 29, 2011 at 10:01 am

Bill Nye had Yo Yo Ma play at his wedding. Faux Newsies get MaMa YoYo (insert Bachmann joke here).

LettucePrey July 29, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Unfortunately, Bill Nye also had Rick Warren officiate his wedding. The marriage was annuled four months later after it was discovered that Fat Rick didn't have the proper license to marry people. True story.

Pragmatist2 July 29, 2011 at 10:01 am

The Moon is all dry and baked because they did not use air conditioning.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 29, 2011 at 3:32 pm

I thought it was the lack of a free market.

arihaya July 29, 2011 at 10:02 am

That 70s suit and painted bow-tie should be a capital offense !!!!

Gunner Asch July 29, 2011 at 12:15 pm

It's his trademark image thingie. He dressed just like that when he was on Almost Live.

widestanceroman July 29, 2011 at 10:03 am

Q: Where was noted anti-volcanologist, Bobby Jindal for this discussion?
A: Bringing another bucket of sand to rebuild the dang berm.

SorosBot July 29, 2011 at 10:24 am

Jindahl doesn't think people should study Vulcans? But they are the most logical and peaceful of races.

Oh wait, Republicans are opposed to logic and peace.

widestanceroman July 29, 2011 at 10:47 am

Vulcans look kind of muslin-y to them.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 29, 2011 at 11:41 am

They did stop building that silly-ass thing after Barry plugged the leak, didn't they? Please?

OneDollarJuana July 29, 2011 at 10:04 am

I watched the whole clip and it's apparent that Jon Scott never really caught on to what Nye was explaining. He's still trying to figure it out, I'm sure.

Geminisunmars July 29, 2011 at 11:38 am

Doubtful that he is trying to figure it out. Or ever wanted to try.

Tundra Grifter July 29, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Sadly, you are quite correct. Just as soon as Jon Scott figured out Bil Nye was linking science with facts with global climate change, he cut off the discussion.

SorosBot July 29, 2011 at 10:04 am

Bill did a good job; you'd think he might have trouble, since explaining science to 5-year-olds is on a much higher intellectual level than explaining it to Fox hosts.

mumbly_joe July 29, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Literally. I remember his show pretty well, and I'm pretty sure he explains several of the exact concepts (i.e, the relationship between surface area and volume as you scale size up or down) on his show for elementary and middle school students, but much more rapidly and with higher-level terminology.

Also too, compare his appearances on Maddow, where he fully expects her and her libtard audience to have some basic operating knowledge of how science works and what words and math mean.

cuzcorrelation July 29, 2011 at 10:05 am


Explaining science to children, you might say, is Bill Nye’s great gift.

Then the Fox audience is right up his alley.

HobbesEvilTwin July 29, 2011 at 10:18 am

why do you hate children?

baconzgood July 29, 2011 at 10:07 am

He's a witch! BUUUUUUUUURRRRRRNNNNN HIM!!!!!!!!!

EatsBabyDingos July 29, 2011 at 10:11 am

Mr. Nye, how do you explain the moon cow methane issue?

weejee July 29, 2011 at 10:19 am

Moon cow farts are what powers the waxing and waning.

Ducksworthy July 29, 2011 at 10:30 am

Now I understand why the tides go in and out. Thank you.

tribbzthesquidz July 29, 2011 at 10:13 am

It was light. It was dark. It was light. It was dark. Can't explain it.

donner_froh July 29, 2011 at 10:13 am

Jon Scott, after the interview: "Anyone know what that guy was talking about?"

freakishlywrong July 29, 2011 at 10:13 am

You gotta hand it the clowndagandists, they NEVER break character, bitches.

teebob2000 July 29, 2011 at 10:14 am

Eliteist egghead and his "sie-ince" !!!1

LesBontemps July 29, 2011 at 10:14 am

Shorter Jon Scott: Science is hard!

Ruhe July 29, 2011 at 12:18 pm

But what's amazing is that they always manage to pull of this wise-ass attitude that implies that the scientists and guys like Nye or even Al Gore are all either credulous dupes or conspirators.

widestanceroman July 29, 2011 at 10:16 am

Nye blinded him. . .with science.

Chet Kincaid July 29, 2011 at 10:42 am

Through the airwaves.

MinAgain July 29, 2011 at 10:17 am

Science. It is a difficult concept.

Geminisunmars July 29, 2011 at 11:41 am

But true. For me and for you. And everybody. You get some science, and you get some science, and you. . .

SorosBot July 29, 2011 at 12:08 pm

It's so difficult, she blinded me with it.

DashboardBuddha July 29, 2011 at 10:19 am

BN – Smaller objects cool faster than larger objects
JS – I'm afraid I don't understand, Bill.
BN – Because of the ratio of size to surface area, small objects give off heat faster.
JS – I dunno Bill – it's all pops and whistles on my end.
BN – A cupcake cools faster than a whole cake.
JS – Yummmm! Cake!

weejee July 29, 2011 at 10:20 am

Jon Scott still isn't ready for C'Addle's Almost Live where Nye is an alum.

poncho_pilot July 29, 2011 at 12:08 pm

although he could be a high fivin' white guy.

DustBowlBlues July 29, 2011 at 1:00 pm

I'd forgotten the high fivin' white guys. He was also a part of the Ballard School of Driving. We lived on Phinny Ridge, just up the hill from aged Scandy-ville so we could second their view of Ballard driving.

DustBowlBlues July 29, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Speed Walker!!!

SudsMcKenzie July 29, 2011 at 10:21 am

Next up, the Teletubbies will explain sun spots, … except that gay one.

FNMA July 29, 2011 at 11:47 am

What do you have against gay sun spots?
Sun-spot-ophobe!

Beetagger July 29, 2011 at 10:27 am

I would feel better if Rick Sanchez could explain the whole moon volcano thing to me.

KenLayIsAlive July 29, 2011 at 11:20 am

It's the Moon Jews.

Limeylizzie July 29, 2011 at 10:28 am

That's the look Mrlimeylizzie gives me when I do something really stupid, although he tempers it with love, so it's more "Oh God, I am married to a short, sexy moron" .

not that Dewey July 29, 2011 at 10:32 am

I wish I had Mr. Limeylizzie's problems.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 29, 2011 at 10:35 am

Morons are widely available, as are short people. Two out of three?

not that Dewey July 29, 2011 at 10:59 am

If I'm not mistaken, TLC has about 4 hours of primetime programming on that very subject.

DashboardBuddha July 29, 2011 at 10:42 am

As do we all, Dewey…as do we all.

Limeylizzie July 29, 2011 at 10:49 am

Full disclosure, when we first knew each other I was at his apartment and he was at work and I took a shower and got locked in the stall for 5 hours, until he came home and rescued me.

Guppy06 July 29, 2011 at 10:58 am

His plan to make you think it was an accident apparently worked out well for him.

Chet Kincaid July 29, 2011 at 11:12 am

Polygamous Mormons call that "Foreplay".

Barb July 29, 2011 at 11:30 am

When we first got married I locked myself out of the house in a nightgown and with no shoes on. The gate was locked in the back yard and I had to jump the concrete block wall. Without shoes, I couldn't run across the gravel to get speed to hoist myself. I had no knickers on and I could hear the garbage guys making the rounds in the truck. I had to either scale that wall or go back into the garage for 8 hours and wait for Jeff.

With scraped toes, knuckles and knees, I got over that wall and ran across the gravel and got in the window. I wonder if anyone saw it and put it on YouTube?

Limeylizzie July 29, 2011 at 11:36 am

We are from the same egg!

DashboardBuddha July 29, 2011 at 11:47 am

Back when I still had a romantic soul, I thought it would be a great idea to play a love song under the window of a young woman I was wooing at the time. And it would have been a great idea except I was standing under the wrong apartment window.

Nasty old bitch threatened to call the cops on me.

DashboardBuddha July 29, 2011 at 11:45 am

I bet you were really clean though.

Limeylizzie July 29, 2011 at 12:11 pm

It was one of those really old-circa 1940-very tall, self-contained stalls, quite wide, and made of tempered glass, so there was no climbing out, so I washed myself multiple times, shaved practically all of my body hair, put conditioner all over me, so I didn't get all pruney and sang torch songs!

Barb July 29, 2011 at 10:35 am

My husband got that look the other day. I was ordering something for him online and he was spelling the last name for me. Um, it's only 5 letters and it's my name too!

freakishlywrong July 29, 2011 at 10:44 am

You were having a "conservative moment". Poor things, they go through their whole lives like that.

Guppy06 July 29, 2011 at 10:59 am

As someone who has gone his whole life having to explain his last name to people, I can tell you that it's reflex, a conditioned response. Don't blame him.

Barb July 29, 2011 at 11:15 am

You're right, Guppy. The last 3 letters are "m-a-n" and it is pronounced "min", rhymes with "fin." It confuses people.

Geminisunmars July 29, 2011 at 11:46 am

Ooooo. The clues to your identity are mounting up!

Guppy06 July 29, 2011 at 12:03 pm

"It confuses people."

If you need help remembering that people are idiots, scroll back up to the top.

PuckStopsHere July 29, 2011 at 11:05 am

I sort of did that. Right after we had gotten married, I had to pick up the dry cleaning and I asked my bride whose name they were under and she said, "Uh, ours?"

Doktor Zoom July 29, 2011 at 11:47 am

Oh, yes. Gave my ex that look once when, in the car, she glanced at the the radio and said "Huh. That's the third Beatles song they've played in a row."

I gave her that face and said, "It's a tape."

We can still get a laugh from each other with that one.

Redhead July 29, 2011 at 10:28 am

If your idiocy makes a man whose job it is to explain science to elementary school children want to bang his head against a wall, well….

you might be a teabagger.

Pragmatist2 July 29, 2011 at 10:29 am

A syllogism.
Global warming is caused by cow farts.
The Moon has been warmed into a dust pile.
There are no cows on the Moon.
Ergo: There is no global warming
QED

weejee July 29, 2011 at 10:43 am

Noble alert, Noble alert!!!1!1

Pack your bags for a trip to Norway.

PS don't forget your Kevlar vest

anniegetyerfun July 29, 2011 at 10:29 am

Fox News should really know better than to have someone on their network who believes in science.

Goonemeritus July 29, 2011 at 10:30 am

Will that cupcake thing be on the test?

genxr July 29, 2011 at 10:33 am

These liberal greenies want to outlaw cupcakes!

Hurricane Ali July 29, 2011 at 10:34 am

Bill Nye is the bomb, but what the heck is he doing on FOX news? He's a scientist, for goodness sake – he should know better!

DashboardBuddha July 29, 2011 at 10:41 am

The bigger question is what was Fox thinking when it asked BN to come on the show? Fox usually brings in atheists that are dumber on science than Bill-o

weejee July 29, 2011 at 10:46 am

For sure he did thorough research and got any needed shot updates before and will get full decontamination after.

inapewetrust July 29, 2011 at 10:34 am

they are so impressed by his reference to "algebra" that they immediately deputize him to resolve the debt ceiling fight. "whoa, did you hear him talk about surface area? he must be the smartest man alive! let's have him take care of that thing where a bunch of dumb republican politicians are trying to destroy us all, because i'm pretty sure that's some kind of math problem. it involves numbers, anyway, as far as i understand."

these people have high-paying jobs in a terrible economy. meritocracy!

LesBontemps July 29, 2011 at 10:42 am

Al-Gebra = terrists, so Bill Nye = mooslin global warming conspiracy.

poncho_pilot July 29, 2011 at 10:50 am

i think this is the math problem:

Congress – Corporate Lackeys + Actual Progressives = ???

AJWjr. July 29, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Profit!

tessiee July 29, 2011 at 11:59 am

They heard "Algebra" and thought it was "Al Jazeera", so naturally they're suspicious.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 29, 2011 at 10:34 am

Science on Venus and the moon is the same as science on Earth, except Venus and the moon don't have Jeebus.

weejee July 29, 2011 at 10:49 am

V572 apparently you were snoozing a bit too much in your astronomy class.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 29, 2011 at 11:18 am

Of course, the beautiful and inspiring ascent of human knowledge from Ptolemy* to Tycho Brahae to Copernicus to Galileo to Kepler to Newton to…Jeebus.

_________________
*And don't underestimate Ptolemy. His math worked, and he could predict eclipses from a geocentric model.

genxr July 29, 2011 at 11:37 am

Veenus Jeebus has six arms and bleeds sulfuric acid stigmata. His body temperature is 500 degrees but it has nothing to do with fossil fuels.

Rosie_Scenario July 29, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Looks more llike the face of a lion to me.

simplyblue7 July 29, 2011 at 10:37 am

A moon??? A MOON? That's not a moon…that's just a pie in the sky. (Thank you underfunded schooling!)

Native_of_SL_UT July 29, 2011 at 11:48 am

I don't know what skool you went to, but we here understand that wasn't a volcano at all, but some sort of mold problem on the cheese.

tessiee July 29, 2011 at 12:01 pm

No, no! It's not that the moon IS a pie, it's that the moon hits your eye LIKE a big pizza pie!
*sings*
When a gigantic eel takes a bite of your heel, that's a moray…

AJWjr. July 29, 2011 at 12:40 pm

I like Moon Pies.

teebob2000 July 29, 2011 at 10:37 am

He promotes the homosexual agenda by co-hosting that ride in normally family-friendly Epcot with known lesbian Ellen!!

DerrickWildcat July 29, 2011 at 10:38 am

Like talking to a dog.

weejee July 29, 2011 at 10:51 am

Absent rabies, most dogs are more empathetic, and some would have even greater comprehension, than Jon Scott.

DerrickWildcat July 29, 2011 at 10:57 am

True, at least a dog looks at you and tries to understand what you are saying.

tessiee July 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm

"Blah blah Ginger blah blah blah taxes blah soshulizm blah blah blah gays blah blah mexicans blah blah darkies blah blah blah guvmint gonna take away everybody's guns blah blah blah"

horsedreamer_1 July 29, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Beginners Libel!

Serolf_Divad July 29, 2011 at 10:41 am

no atmosphere = no atmospheric warming

But I realize that's a bit too much information for a Fox News guy to take in all at once.

poncho_pilot July 29, 2011 at 10:42 am

maybe Nye needs to do a parody of The Nuge to get through to the Fox folks:
http://youtu.be/RCmaxzH6JhI

johnnyzhivago July 29, 2011 at 10:46 am

Piers Morgan would have hacked into the Man-on-the-Moon's voicemail and gotten more of the sexy details.

ShreditorsDesk July 29, 2011 at 10:47 am

There is no such thing as 'Fox News'….there is only 'Fox'.

teebob2000 July 29, 2011 at 10:47 am

He muted me with SCIENCE!!

fuflans July 29, 2011 at 10:47 am

wow. at first i thought that wasbill NIGHY and THA would be awesome.

Pop_Socket July 29, 2011 at 10:48 am

Bill Nye on Fox. Talk about casting pearls before swine.

johnnyzhivago July 29, 2011 at 10:49 am

To be honest, as a typical Fox viewer, these guys lost me when they started talking about hurricanes.

johnnyzhivago July 29, 2011 at 10:51 am

Doesn't FOX usually have a disclaimer or something under a guest if they haven't been lobotomized?

AJWjr. July 29, 2011 at 12:43 pm

"D", I think.

Sharkey July 29, 2011 at 10:55 am

I have a stye in my eye and it rhymes with Bill Nye!

prommie July 29, 2011 at 10:56 am

This Jon Scott sure is pretty dumb. Anyone who understands anything at all about climate science knows that moon volcanos have nothing to do with global warming. Everybody knows that the real significance of moon volcanos is that they prove that we should not raise the debt ceiling, that muslims are all secret jihadists intent on imposing Sharia slavery on us all, and that Obama is a Kenyan anti-colonialist.

LesBontemps July 29, 2011 at 11:56 am

Well, duh!

AJWjr. July 29, 2011 at 12:45 pm

I thought we wanted to colonize the moon?

Pop_Socket July 29, 2011 at 10:56 am

On Fox, gotchya journalism is only used against liberals and scientists.

Guppy06 July 29, 2011 at 11:00 am

Fox doesn't use any kind of journalism, ever.

Mahousu July 29, 2011 at 11:00 am

Global warming is hot, and ice cream is cold. So if there were global warming, there wouldn't be any ice cream. And yet I had an ice cream cone just last night. How does your "science" explain THAT, Mr. Nye??

AJWjr. July 29, 2011 at 12:46 pm

And why does my freezer produce so much heat?

horsedreamer_1 July 29, 2011 at 11:01 am

Jon Scott, a journalist so skillful he couldn't outperform Chris Hansen, Predator Catcher on Dateline NBC. Had to take his talents to South of the Truth Beach.

weejee July 29, 2011 at 11:01 am

This post just drives me batty!

El Pinche July 29, 2011 at 11:04 am

JS: What about other "planets?"
BN: The noxious gases of Uranus could kill a man. (rimshot)

tessiee July 29, 2011 at 11:06 am

Step 1: Fool Real Amurricans into believing global warming conspiracy/hoax.
Step 2: ?????
Step 3: Profit!!

Gleem_McShineys July 29, 2011 at 1:40 pm

With one minor adjustment, you can fill in step 2 from reality.

Step 1: Fool Real Amurricans into believing global warming is a conspiracy/hoax.
Step 2: Sell lots of oil, SUV's, and bombastic teevee advertising time
Step 3: Profit!!

not that Dewey July 29, 2011 at 11:06 am

I should stop being amazed that my 4-year-old can out-explain foxnews anchors and teaparty politicians on subjects ranging from science to American history, and just accept that we are a nation of idiots.

poncho_pilot July 29, 2011 at 11:24 am

America seems largely devoid of intellectual curiosity. by the 5th grade i learned i should keep my mouth shut most of the time.

El Pinche July 29, 2011 at 11:06 am

I'm surprised they didn't have a science expert like Neil Cavuto on this.

poncho_pilot July 29, 2011 at 11:11 am

the last moments when they discuss sending Nye to Congress reminds me greatly of Idiocracy.

aside from that, it sounds more like a threat to Nye than a moment of, "hey, this guy could really help." more like, "take him to…Detroit."

weejee July 29, 2011 at 11:18 am

Jebus with the gout, the New York State Fair has introduced the Big Kahuna anus burger – 1/3 lb of cheesy bacon anus held lovingly within a sliced glazed doughnut. A 1500 calorie delight. Clearly, no tofu fu feast here.

Fare la Volpe July 29, 2011 at 11:52 am

Psh, that's just a Luther.

weejee July 29, 2011 at 12:41 pm

We are so ignorant of such things here in C'Addle. Jeesh, we've 3.5 mil and only two Krispy Kremes for fats' sake.

Cicada July 29, 2011 at 12:05 pm

The California State Fair had something like that a few years back, but made with a battered and deep fried (of course) chicken breast slathered in "secret sauce" on a glazed donut. Bacon was one topping option.

It's monstrosities like this that make me appreciate the refined aesthetics of deep fried butter.

smitallica July 29, 2011 at 11:18 am

"The great thing about science is, it's true for all of us."

In other words, all the propaganda, religion, and asshole Republican demagoguing can't change little things like facts. You fucktards.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 29, 2011 at 11:23 am

Which is why Saint Ronnie of Santa Barbara told us that facts are stupid things. And he knew his science! For instance, Ronnie believed, until informed otherwise by the Defense Department, that intercontinental ballistic missiles could be recalled or rerouted after launch. Scary!

x111e7thst July 29, 2011 at 11:22 am

Fox "News" anchors recognize that science and reality are not to be trusted when they conflict with dogma. They are truly of the Elect.

SayItWithWookies July 29, 2011 at 11:23 am

That's so cute — Bill, explaining things to a FOX News anchor is like explaining them to a Pomeranian only without the big wet eyes and the cocked head. Actually, the Pomeranian wouldn't have an inane comeback question either.

freddymcmurray July 29, 2011 at 11:29 am

A little number crunching. And ball busting.

natoslug July 29, 2011 at 11:32 am

"Explain it to me as if I were a complete idiot, Bill."
"Well Jon, I would, but most complete idiots are at least an order of magnitude brighter than you. Let's talk about cupcakes instead, mmmkay?"

JustPixelz July 29, 2011 at 11:35 am

Having Bill Nye on is part of Fox's commitment to being Fair and Balanced® by including "facts" as a way to tell the other side.

BaldarTFlagass July 29, 2011 at 11:39 am

It may have already been said above, ain't got time to check, but it seems that this Jon Scott guy must not have watched Bill Nye the Science guy when he was younger. Or if he did, he didn't watch for comprehension.

DashboardBuddha July 29, 2011 at 11:44 am

He dug the Rat.

BaldarTFlagass July 29, 2011 at 11:40 am

I liked Jon Scott better when he sang for AC/DC back in the 1970s.

♪"We're on the highway to hell!"♫

widestanceroman July 29, 2011 at 11:41 am

I try to live by science alone.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 29, 2011 at 11:55 am

What kind of sex does that include?

widestanceroman July 29, 2011 at 12:25 pm

To V572 Hair of Destiny, re: deleted comment:

Accurate, measured and verifiable

Pres.Beeblebrox July 29, 2011 at 11:47 am

What's the Eleventh Doctor doing on Fox News? I didn't think they had politics on Gallifrey.

SorosBot July 29, 2011 at 11:52 am

No politics on Galifrey? Try telling that to President Borusa, if he wasn't now stone. Someone needs to see The Deadly Assassin and The Five Doctors.

Pres.Beeblebrox July 29, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Eh, I always thought Gallifrey was more of a dictatorship, esp. with rotting-corpse Masters running around sowing chaos and the Eye of Harmony basically running the show, figuratively and literally. But those outfits they wear are the shizzle. (I never could get into those multiple-Doctor shows, but the Deadly Assassin is one of the best eps EVAR.)

Doktor Zoom July 29, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Nerd.

Pres.Beeblebrox July 29, 2011 at 12:42 pm

You rang?

KenLayIsAlive July 29, 2011 at 11:51 am

From explaining science to children, to explaining science to childish assholes. This is a big step for Bill Nye.

tessiee July 29, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Yeah, a big step BACK!
[ba dum bum]

Chet Kincaid July 29, 2011 at 11:52 am

OT: Other sites that use IntenseDebate still have thumbs-down buttons activated, so downfist-free Wonkette must be a choice of the proprietors.

widestanceroman July 29, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Yay, we get special rights like queers!

Chet Kincaid July 29, 2011 at 12:49 pm

More like, nobody loses! Everyboy gets a participation certificate!!

Pres.Beeblebrox July 29, 2011 at 12:43 pm

But how will we downfist Trolls and Breitfarts? Unless Ken has figured out a way to immediately banhammer them…

thefrontpage July 29, 2011 at 11:57 am

Bill Nye should know about aliens since he is one.

Nye is to science what "Dr., but Not a Doctor" Phil is to psychology.

Both are idiots, by the way.

HuddledMass July 29, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Too harsh — lots of MIT kiddies were Bill Nye fans in their infancy. Although Beakman's World had a big following too.

Pres.Beeblebrox July 29, 2011 at 12:51 pm

See, I was right. He IS a Time Lord. Weird outfit – check. Idiosyncratic fashion accessory – check. Whimsical hairdo – check. Strange affect – check. Someone see if he is packing a sonic screwdriver and knows Venusian aikido.

Pres.Beeblebrox July 29, 2011 at 12:48 pm

I think Bill Nye's past his sell-by date. Our new resident Science Nerd should be Doctor "I was a neuroscientist who appeared on Big Brother and then I got saline implants and went to Hollywood and appeared on Hot Tub Fantasy Football Pick Show" Michele Noonan.

LesBontemps July 29, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Works for me. But I'm cheap and easy.

Sharkey July 29, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Scott is more concerned about Galactic Warming.

comrad_darkness July 29, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Fox hires the absolutely stupidest people it can, right? They can't possibly scrape the barrel any deeper, right?

Crank_Tango July 29, 2011 at 12:18 pm

But would you eat the moon if it was made of barbecued spare-ribs?

HedonismBot July 29, 2011 at 12:28 pm

Silver lining here. I know Fox News only has scientists on their programs as part of pathetic and misguided attempts to discredit them and distort real scientific discoveries to convince viewers that global warming is somehow a fraud. But maybe, in the midst of all the smoke and mirrors and Flat-Earthery, some viewers with higher than average cranial capacity might somehow – even if only by accident – actually learn something.
Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Science rules…

tessiee July 29, 2011 at 1:01 pm

"Fox News only has scientists on their programs as part of pathetic and misguided attempts to discredit them and distort real scientific discoveries to convince viewers that global warming is somehow a fraud."

It really is like on the Simpsons when Fox digitally adds flames and devil horns to Democrats.

mormos July 29, 2011 at 12:35 pm

FUCK YEAH BILL NYE! dude is awesome. Mr. Rogers level awesome!

user-of-owls July 29, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Bill Nye, typical moonbat.

weejee July 29, 2011 at 12:52 pm

And Bill can be with the certains, even when he's wrong. I had a talk with Bill some years back when he wuz still here in C'Addle and we were waiting for a sailboat to pass before we could cross the draw bridge to the beloved Republic of Fremont. There is a much higher, troll guarded bridge that soars just east of the Fremont Bridge. And I asked Bill if he new that that bridge, usually called the "Aurora Bridge" was really the George Washington Bridge? Bill emphatically said I was crazy. Mmmm, the Wiki seems to think maybe not so much.

user-of-owls July 29, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Bill Nye, the Obdurate Guy.

user-of-owls July 29, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Well, that cinches it. The only moral thing to do now is to eliminate PBS completely.

DahBoner July 29, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Hey Jon!

Gravity is just a "theory", like global warming.

Hey, if you're too smart to believe in theories, why don't you jump off the Empire State building.

Theories can't kill you, amirite?

thefrontpage July 29, 2011 at 12:48 pm

It's not too harsh to criticize Nye–he's often veered stupidly into Crazy Town, said some incredibly stupid things, and has often been flat-out wrong, biased and inaccurate on numerous issues. He's also got an, er, "reputation," if you know what I mean. He's nuts. And he does not practice real science. Just like "Dr. but Not a Doctor" Phil does not practice any real anything. They're both jerks.

DangerHelvetica July 29, 2011 at 12:59 pm

I don't know what you mean.

Pres.Beeblebrox July 29, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Next up on Fox & Friends: Shaggy 2 Dope on magnetism, and Claudius Ptolemy on the Solar System.

tessiee July 29, 2011 at 12:57 pm

That's because belief is not only morally superior to evidence, it's factually superior.
*looks sideways suspiciously at proudgrampa*
Unless you're one a them atheists…

mumbly_joe July 29, 2011 at 12:57 pm

The best part is, I remember his children's show very well, and I'm absolutely certain that he had to take his time and explain things more slowly and patiently and in lower-concept terminology on Fox News for putative adults than he ever did on his teevee show designed to introduce 8-to-13-year-olds to elementary science concepts.

Particularly when he talks about how the moon cooled off- he is honestly completely terrified that the square-cube rule is going to go completely over their heads, and he is right.

Gomez571 July 29, 2011 at 1:22 pm

This is the first video I have been able to watch from work in weeks. Apparently FoxNews is not blocked. My overlords have spoken.

Nostrildamus July 29, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Gravity is socialist. It pulls the big man down more than the little guy. Why do we so burden our mass creators?

mavenmaven July 29, 2011 at 2:01 pm

I was a fan of his from the "almost live" days (still the best skit comedy show ever, check them out on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6-SJLlneLc )

valgal2342 July 29, 2011 at 2:38 pm

I think Jon got a hard on when Bill told him he asked an excellent question. He started to squirm in his seat and cast a silly grin.

a_pink_poodle July 29, 2011 at 9:17 pm

This is Bill Nye we're talking about here! He especially specializes in talking to children!

AnotherKiwi July 30, 2011 at 3:35 am

We manage to stay on the earth, Mr thunder (if that is your real name) because YOU are upsidedown. Hah hah I run rings around you logically.

ttommyunger July 30, 2011 at 2:31 pm

For a "Science Guy", he's not so smart; doesn't even speak moron.

mosaickmind September 24, 2012 at 11:47 am

Uh oh, this Science Nazi is trying to shove moon shit down our throats!

Chet Kincaid July 29, 2011 at 10:49 am

Several high-wire acrobats got electrocuted in previews.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 29, 2011 at 10:52 am

Miche1e did the same thing to Geithner: asked him questions based on such profound ignorance or misinformation that they could not be answered in few words. When the witness pauses, the questioner looks around as if to say: "See? See? I stumped this so-called smart guy!"

And the yahoos tell themselves: "That just proves book larnin' ain't worth nothin', like Pappy always sayed."

FNMA July 29, 2011 at 11:58 am

Some people, not me, have manners and don't blurt out, "What the fuck are you talking about?" when asked an idiotic question.
Remember, there is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people.

tessiee July 29, 2011 at 11:56 am

Was your girlfriend's name Alison?
And are you, by any chance, in The Canterbury Tales?

DashboardBuddha July 29, 2011 at 12:01 pm

No ma'am. Her name was Rachel.

Barb July 29, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Yes Gemini, one day closer to revealing my true identity and having Spanky2B show up at my door with a Whitman Sampler and a severed human head for me.

DashboardBuddha July 29, 2011 at 12:22 pm

That image will carry me through the day. Thank you.

Limeylizzie July 29, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Even in my extremis I knew it was insane and I went from sobbing self-pityingly to laughing like a hyena.

tessiee July 29, 2011 at 12:54 pm

"When the witness pauses, the questioner looks around as if to say: "See? See? I stumped this so-called smart guy!"

And the yahoos tell themselves: "That just proves book larnin' ain't worth nothin', like Pappy always sayed." "

And as if all that weren't bad enough, they always look so damn pleased with themselves about the whole thing.

mumbly_joe July 29, 2011 at 5:11 pm

It's interesting to note that Fed secretaries don't really have this problem when Ron Paul accuses the Fed of kidnapping the Lindburgh baby. At this point, all Fed secretaries have a fairly stock "nothing you're asking about has anything to do with anything" answer for anything Ron Paul sez, they must get taught it during orientation.

Doktor Zoom July 29, 2011 at 1:26 pm

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