vast left-wing conspiracy

Homophobe Pastor Knows Media Only Mocking Him to Get to Rep. Bachmann

it's like ted nugent and billy ray cyrus had an illegitimate turd baby together.Buried in the treasure trove of “Michele Bachmann eats homosexuals” brouhaha is the bizarre human-size skid mark Bradlee Dean, a self-styled “punk rock pastor” who wants everyone to know that the liberal media is only ridiculing him in order to derail Bachmann’s presidential campaign. He is by his own account kind of like “Jesus Christ up on the cross being crucified” by the media, which apparently makes Michele your new God. What has he done to deserve cruel mockery besides OMG THIS PHOTO? The list is rather endless, but for example: he said that the Muslims have enough testicles to at least publicly call for the execution of homosexuals, unlike invertebrate soiled toilet paper wads the evangelical Christians. Cute! Rachel Maddow took time to laugh at him for this illiterate idjit comment on her show, and now he announced he is suing Maddow for a new $50 million drum set.

Bradlee Dean (real name “Bradley Smith) and Bachmann are of course total maniacally delusional frustrated rock star besties.

From the City Pages:

Smith argues that the quote was taken out of context, and he was not actually calling for the execution of homosexuals.

The motive for skewing his words, according to Smith’s ministry, traces all the way back to Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann.

“The left wing media’s effort to defame Dean is an obvious way to try to harm Bachmann’s presidential prospects, who they fear and despise,” reads a statement from the ministry.

Good thing Dean is willing to do Bachmann a solid and point all of this out. Just keep reminding everyone they make out only on Sundays or whatever.  [CityPages]

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  • iburl

    Welcome to the Jungle, indeed. Axl Rose and so did Jesus.

    • Crank_Tango

      talk about plastic surgery disasters–they ended up turning him into a chick!

      • SorosBot

        Here's what he has to do to change his image: fire everybody at his church for stupid, petty reasons, then replace them with lesser-talented deacons etc., but still keep using the same name even though it's ridiculous to do so, then finally give the sermon he had said he was going to give 15 years ago but with the new congregation that doesn't hold a candle to what he did with the original folks.

    • SorosBot

      Hey now, judging by that photo, Pastor Insano definitely knows how to Use his Illusions.

      • Swampgas_Man

        He apparently doesn't like Chinese Democracy, or the American version either.

    • Negropolis

      …We've got guns and games.

    • johnnymeatworth

      I never travel far without a little G 'N' R….

  • Crank_Tango

    Man I friggin hate that Criss Angel. And yes, we hate you because of Michele Bachmann, but we also hate you for you. Now make yourself disappear before you make a bigger ass out of yourself.

    • Fare la Volpe

      He turned the BAG into a BOWL.

      Fuck I hate that ad.

      • Crank_Tango

        I never heard of a douche-bowl before!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      On the other hand, I'd become his biggest fan if he'd make her disappear.

  • comrad_darkness

    This guy gives new meaning to the concept of Black Sabbath.

    • DahBoner

      I am Iron Man.

  • flamingpdog

    One dash of Palin grift, one pinch of Bachmann crazy, one teaspoon of Nugent crackpot, and one tablespoon full of Taitz legal eagleness = Bradlee Dean. You have learned well, little grasshopper.

    • WunkRocker

      Grift+Asshopper= GrAsshopper. Like Dennis Hopper only with no decent past work before become a nut case.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    This guy is pure evil scum and he's from Minnesota. I'd like to just say that Minnesotans like Bachmann, Pawlenty, Coleman are not the norm. 97.35% of Minnesotans are like me. Which I would like to think just might be a little bit better.

    • Fare la Volpe

      97.35% of Minnesotans are like me

      Curmudgeonly, charming, and frostbitten?

      • user-of-owls

        Leave Grizzly Adams out of this!

      • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

        If I have to… I guess.

    • Schmannnity

      I am beginning to have my doubts about MN. Are you sure Al Franken met the residency requirements?

      • dogscantlookup

        Minneapolis, 50% of Duluth, and the Iron Range aren't so bad.

        • emmelemm

          What about St. Paul?

    • ChuckieJesus

      Cosigned. Them guys think of halfrican ganja soshulists like me as the the debbil.

    • mourningnmerica

      Coleman IS the Norm.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Well, you should let the sane people out more often. But seriously, Hibbing gave us Robert Zimmerman, so you're forgiven.

    • Negropolis

      What is Ventura then? Honestly, you guys have some of the strangest politicians, from both sides, even.

      I know, I know; that's what she said.

    • BklynIlluminati

      You guys gave us Prince, your debt is paid in full.

      • WunkRocker

        Even he is a religious nutsack. Albeit a funky talented one.

    • Ducksworthy

      Yeah sure Grumpe. Just take a look at the MN legislature.

  • __kth__

    The left wing media’s effort to defame Dean is an obvious way to try to harm Bachmann’s presidential prospects, who they fear and despise

    Yes she is indeed scary and despicable. Wingnut lawyer's point being???

    Also, Axl Rose, why?

    • Beowoof

      Lawyer needs a copy of Prosser on Torts.

      • frostbitefalls

        Lawyer needed money.

    • Come here a minute

      Also dread, mistrust, loathe, disdain, abhor, detest, and scorn.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        abjure and ridicule, too.

    • CapnFatback

      Also, Axl Rose, why?

      Ummmm . . . he needed to use the bathroom?

      RIMSHOT!

    • SorosBot

      He wanted to turn to Jebus to get closer to that paradise city, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty? (Unlike that hag Bachmann).

      • __kth__

        I meant why on earth would an aspiring evangelist wish to emulate Axl Rose, not goofing on him actually being the GnR frontman. For some reason, I'm reminded of David Koresh's bitchin Camaro, like he's trying to reconcile the earthly wish to have a badass muscle car/be the frontman for a band that sings about heroin abuse, with serving the Lord. Or not merely reconcile, rather the muscle car/strawberry mane is somehow central to his mission. Weird.

  • MissusBarry

    Wow, there are a lot of irrelevant douche bags in the media these days, but surely this guy(?) takes the cake. Sorry for the lack of snark, but I'm just astounded that this guy gets any attention beyond his mom hollering to the basement to keep it down.

    • emmelemm

      Party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Party on, Peter! Party on, Paul!

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          You're not worthy! You're not worthy!

          • WunkRocker

            "gets any attention beyond his mom hollering to the basement to keep it down."

            And by "it" you mean Garth's wang in his throat hole?

  • user-of-owls

    Dollars to doughnuts that when he talks about himself he uses the Third Person.

    • Come here a minute

      No shit — who do you think wrote the "statement from the ministry"?

    • not that Dewey

      BRADLEE'S GETTIN UPSET!

      • Ansnarkist

        George likes spicy chicken!

    • PristineODummy

      I thought they all did. God knows Huntsman and Cain sure do.

    • Negropolis

      Dollars to doughnuts, I bet you he has three peoples' voices in his head and that he boths talks about himself and to himself.

      • user-of-owls

        Well, we can confirm the former:

        "Did Bradlee Dean [aka Bradley Dean Smith] pay his taxes? Yeah," says Smith. "So what's the issue? There isn't one."

        And logically induce the latter based on the Tribe of Bachmann's proclivities toward listening to 'inner voices.'

    • poncho_pilot

      the Holy We.

  • neiltheblaze

    Can't wait for the gay sex tape to show up on xxx.tube.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    He looks like Meatloaf made entirely out of hamburger helper.

  • arihaya

    five bucks he is closeted?

    • Come here a minute

      With the door cracked open. A lot.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      only Marcus Bachmann knows fer sure (and he ain't tellin')

  • emmelemm

    That picture… I can't even… WHAT THE FUCK???

    And, yeah, Axl Rose, too also.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Axolotl Rose

  • Terry

    Shelley does a fine job of defaming herself. There is no need to set her up through her crazy assed homophobic spiritual leader.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Yes…we're only doing this to get to Bachmann. He's on to us. Foiled again. </sarcastic deadpan voice>

  • Crank_Tango

    "On average, they molest one hundred seventeen people before they're found out."

    Dayum. I am a total straight sex pervert and have come nowhere near molesting 117 people, not for lack of trying either.

    • flamingpdog

      But unlike you, the gheys have magical rainbows and multi-hued unicorns to help them out in their mission to molest.

      • Crank_Tango

        I believe the term of art is agenda.

        • neiltheblaze

          You know – if you don't make 100 molestations by age 45, you lose your fag decoder ring and are no longer at all fabulous.

          • Negropolis

            What's the ranking below "fabulous", anyway?

          • neiltheblaze

            "Perez Hilton"

    • user-of-owls

      Somebody's gotta take up the lower end of the curve.

    • Crank_Tango

      Gross!Sent from my iPhone

      • ChuckieJesus

        Guys get to brag. Girls bragging about similar sounds well…

        • Crank_Tango

          Gross? LOL.

          Pics or GTFO I guess.

          • ChuckieJesus

            My twenties were long enough ago that the technology would have been unwieldy. Where to put the tripod?

          • Crank_Tango

            I guess you could have put it somewhere else in the wagon, or maybe where there was some chinking missing between the cabin logs? I think a camera obscura might also have been available…; )

        • SorosBot

          Hot, to some of us guys anyway.

      • tcaalaw

        Now I need to know what ChuckieJesus deleted!

    • Barrelhse

      "..nowhere near 117…"
      So why are you wasting valuable time here?

      • Crank_Tango

        Following the advice of the Old Bull: I say we walk down and fuck'em all.

  • user-of-owls

    Bachmann’s presidential prospects, who they fear and despise

    So, the rumors are true. Her prospects have literally taken on a life of their own.

    "In other news, Michelle Bachmann's presidential prospects dismissed as rumor reports that they have advanced brain cancer during an appearance on the Today Show. "These reports are both false and malicious," the prospects said"

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ SpurningBeer

      Hey Bradlee, your participle's dangling.

      • user-of-owls

        Poor sod can't ever get that thing straight.

    • CapnFatback

      Not to mention the fact that even if the clause were attributed to the proper subject, the correct relative pronoun would be whom.

      /English Comp Professor

      • http://parterre.com La_Cieca

        Bachmann's prospects are so lunatic that even their pronouns can't be objective.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    People this crazy looking should ALWAYS use their middle name so when they end up in the news after a shooting spree or fatal high speed car chase we don't confuse them for similarly named people.

    • Doktor Zoom

      His middle name pretty much has to be "Wayne." Fits the profile.

  • bflrtsplk

    Sorry, man, but that can't be your real hair.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I get up around seven
    Get outta bed around nine
    And I worry lots about homos woah!
    'Cause homos take up all of my… time

    Glory hole's line starts around seven
    We go on stage around nine
    Get on the bus about eleven
    Sippin' a Cosmo and feelin' fine

    We been dancin' with Mrs. Bachmann
    She's been batshit
    She won't leave us alone
    No, no ,no, she won't leave us alone
    I used crazy a little but a little wouldn't do
    So the little got more and more
    I just keep tryin' ta get a little crazier
    Said more crazy shit than before
    I used crazy a little but a little wouldn't do
    So the little got more and more
    I just keep tryin' ta get a little crazier
    Said more crazy shit than before

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      +all

    • emmelemm

      Damn, you took me right back.

    • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Atlas Frooged

      You got there before I did, you bastard! I was gonna say he needs the money for the only existing copy of Rush's nine record concept album about the Fountainhead called 'Super Building.'

    • trondant

      We been wrigglin' in Mr. Browneye….

  • Beowoof

    Another gay republican hiding behind his homophobia.

    And defamation for repeating his words verbatim? Really, facts are so remote to these guys I wonder how they think their TV and Car work. It is magic I am sure.

    • user-of-owls

      The nearest equivalent to their state of mind is how animals and small infants become utterly confused when looking in a mirror.

      • Fare la Volpe

        This makes total sense. Just like a baby forgets his mother still exists even after she's placed the blanket over her head, Conservatives can't remember how bad the Bush years were because they honestly cannot remember that the Bush years even existed.

        • SorosBot

          Bush was really a liberal, because of spending. Yes, this is an actual argument conservatards really make

          • PristineODummy

            I know. It makes my brain hurt every time I hear it.

        • user-of-owls

          Jesus Hates Fags and Object Permanence, Too!

    • Cicada

      Given that picture, can we really say he's "hiding" his gayness?

      • Fare la Volpe

        Please, honey. A gay man would at least know how to moisturize that mop.

        • Cicada

          I don't know, the spandex shorts are weighing heavily on the closet side. As far as the hair goes, I submit Bruce Vilanch into evidence.

        • Beowoof

          Well if he is back in the closet under some coats, he may not be able to get creme rinse.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Being in a Christian band is probably the easiest gig in the world. The songs take 5 seconds to write and you already have an audience.

    People that fail in current Contemporary Country (The second easiest gig in the world.
    (C'mon really, an American idol winner ends up winning Country music Artist and album of the year Grammys in 2 years) can always say they're born again and write brainless songs in 30 seconds and make a modest living doing Christian music.

    Think about it.
    Spend 30 seconds and write a Christian song in your head.
    See how easy that was?
    Now you can tell everyone you are a Christian song writer.

    • MissusBarry

      True, but I'd rather be a hobo and just sing "City of New Orleans" over and over. Forever.

    • __kth__

      Oh boy have you got that wrong. The thing isn't to write an awesome song to show your love of Christ (because Palestrina, Bach, and the Soul Stirrers already have that covered). The thing is to be the Christian Nickelback, the Christian Jay-Z, the Christian Britney Spears, and last but not least the Christian Guns 'N' Roses. Everything on Christian radio sounds vaguely like something on real radio, only a little lamer and the lyrics all about God splooging his love all over the singer.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        The worst is that Mary Magdelene guy who rips off all the Marilyn Manson stuff for Jesus!!

    • Fare la Volpe

      Christ's a Brick….(bada bum bum) HOUSE

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Poppa rolled away the STONE…

        • poncho_pilot

          Ball of Confucius. that's what the world is today.

      • Jukesgrrl

        Ooops, Christ did it again …
        (and the back-up singers whisper, "Saved me.")

    • AJWjr.

      He'll figure out a 4th chord, eventually.

    • Cicada

      Back in the 90's the whole Christian punk scene was just getting off the ground. It was during the same time that there was a boom in the DIY punk movement, and there would occasionally be stealth Christian punk bands who would work their way onto DIY punk shows. You could always tell Christian punkers by the fact that they had honest-to-goodness tour buses, paid for by various church groups. The real punk bands usually traveled in beat-up vans, paid for by the band members.

      The worst part? The Christian bands sucked. They all sounded like bad versions of the punk genre they were ripping off. At the time I figured there was something about being religious that made their music suck, but I think your theory has merit. If your band sucks, you can always slap some Christy lyrics on your songs and sell it to the church crowd. Those gullible fuckers will buy anything.

      • Beowoof

        Considering the story they buy from the pastor I have to agree.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ SpurningBeer

      Dude, you're throwing cold water all over my aspirations to being a praise dancer.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Or at least form a boy band and do cool ez pop and FILL your album jackets with praise to God and Jesus and Abstinence. It works. It's launched a thousand careers despite the lousy ambassadors (Brittney Spears, anyone from N'SYNC or Backstreet Boys.)

  • Fare la Volpe

    Just because I said Muslims had the right idea about putting homosexuals to death doesn't mean I meant it's right to put homosexuals to death! C'mon!

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      On the group’s radio show, broadcast live from the Heritage Foundation on May 22, co-leader Jake McMillian praised the actions of the African nation of Malawi which has recently arrested a gay couple for getting engaged.

      “They are very conservative,” he said. “They sentence people for crimes against nature.”

      Frontman Bradlee Dean added, “They are very moral; they uphold the laws.”

      McMillian continued, “We have got countries all over the world that are standing for what’s right and what’s wrong. In Rwanda, there’s legislation right now that repeat offenders of homosexuality will spend their life in prison.”

      “Yes!” interjected Dean.

      “Because they love and value life and they love and value that which God gave,” said McMillian. “And so they enforce laws against that which destroys life which again is crimes against nature”

      Sir? Mr Dean? Excuse me, but you appeared to have been hoist by your own petard. Petard, you ignorant cunt. Oh, forget it.

      • MissusBarry

        Yep, Rwanda, a beacon of peace and love, in jeebus' name.

      • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

        If these fuckers had any interest in stopping crimes against nature, they'd stop trying to defund the EPA.

      • Negropolis

        I hate what Fundamentalist Christianity has done to Africa. American Christians are testing over there everything they've ever wanted to implement, here, knowing that it's a developing region of the world still trying to sort its identity out, and willing to experiment with damn-near any ideology, at the moment.

        It's sinfully cynical what they've done.

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          Christian Proselytizing has done untold damage all over the world, but the double whammy of proselytization and colonialism in Africa is painfully obvious.

          Yet, still, today – despite the obvious damage these things have done – these odious evangelical fuckballs are over there preaching even more extreme views. Sickening.

          : multiple edits for spelling and for contempt of these people

    • Crank_Tango

      it's just like the holocaust-denying neonazis–hey we think the holocaust was a great idea, but it didn't happen. Hitler ruled, but he failed to do what he wanted to do, although everyone says he did it.

      I wonder if they also think global warming is a good idea despite it's not happening.

      • SorosBot

        Or like how some of them are now saying that Anders Breivik was right about Muslim immigrants and the Labor Party brought the attack on themselves by not being racist but they of course don't support the terrorist.

    • Schmannnity

      Conundrum alert: How can Muslims have a right idea when everything they do is wrong?

    • ArmoredLibunatic

      I forget where I saw it, but someone once said that those who wish to be profound seek clarity and those who wish to seem profound seek obscurity.

      Or to put it another way, what the FUCK are you sayin' then, son?

  • JoshuaNorton

    Just another smear of a conservative like TOTALLY straight republican.

    Its just dithguthting!

    • AJWjr.

      Oh, you went there. He's a graduate of the Bachmann Scared Straight Camp, isn't he?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilleddoommate

    Wow– a homophobe hair farmer started with a band called 'Surprise Attack'?!

  • bumfug

    I can never remember – is he "Jay" or "Silent Bob"?

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      Jay. He obviously can't shut the fuck up long enough to be Silent anything.

  • CrunchyKnee

    What is this liberal media you speak of?

    • Beowoof

      It would be nice to know where to find one.

      • Radiotherapy®

        Rolling Stone magazine?

      • SorosBot

        Well, the Nation's still published, and there's Rachel Maddow, and um…

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    So is he in Dumb Leppard or Megameth?

    • Cicada

      Smegtallica.

      • Fukui_sanYesOta

        Guns 'n' Pansies

        • Cicada

          Twisted Sisters

          • ChuckieJesus

            Blightsnake

          • ChuckieJesus

            Dethschlock.

          • Radiotherapy®

            Hitler's Sister.
            Sister Grifter.

          • PristineODummy

            Fisted Sisters

      • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

        I love their song "Santorium"

      • PanurgeATL

        NO, no, no, no, no—thrash-metal HATES Those Glam Fag Posers. DEATH TO FALSE METALLLLL!!!!

    • flamingpdog

      KornHole.

    • user-of-owls

      Kraftwerk.

      No, really, he is!

    • DahBoner

      AC/DC.

      • arihaya

        "AC/DC" is also a slang on someone whose sexual interests change frequently between male (AC) and female (DC)

        the more you know….

  • Pat_Pending

    So that's what a 'God Warrior' looks like.

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      Nah, that's what a gay Axl Rose impersonator looks like.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Back in the day, Republicans would have told this douche nozzle to "GET A HAIRCUT, SON!"

    • Rotundo_

      and get a real job.

      • Pat_Pending

        ya dirty hippie…

    • PanurgeATL

      True. OTOH, it seems Dems are doing it *now*. Where else is he gonna go?

      Liberals don't seem to understand that conservatives are in a position to feel they need the Rawk Dudes in their coalition–or at least that they *can get* them since liberals have been pushing them away in the wake of punk. Now, why liberals think they're in a position to push ANY cultural group away I have no idea…

  • Fare la Volpe

    Five bucks says this guy has a "TOTALLY RAD" replica sword hanging over his mantle.

    • Kidneys4Sale

      Hey…don't dis the hardware.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Back in my day Punks didn't look like that.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      No, indeed. The kids that looked like that were stoned on 'ludes and didn't give a ripe shit about much.

    • Crank_Tango

      where I come from, we called guys like this "gaunches." and they always picked on us skater kids cuz they drove big old fucked up cars and we only had skateboards. Good people.

      • MissusBarry

        In what warped world would dudes like that begin to dream they were cooler than the skaters? I'm from the sticks, but this guy would have been called a "loadie" and rated quite low in the social hierarchy, while the skaters were cool and got a lot of ass.

        • Crank_Tango

          We did, they just outnumbered us, as did every other group. Hell, we had three different species of jocks at my school.

        • SenileAgitation

          Thanks to you and Crank for the vocabulary, I will forever love "loadies" and "guanches"

        • PanurgeATL

          Well, everybody thinks they're The Truly Cool Ones. It doesn't matter where you are on the social ladder.

    • Goonemeritus

      Punk my ass had he wandered on stage during CBGB’s open mike night he would have been dragged into the audience and had his head shaved and paint blue.

      • fuflans

        i became an adult at the end of the punk era. the very little i saw of it live – man these tools would have been toast.

        that's a cage match i could wish for…

        • Crank_Tango

          Yeah I think this guy is more of the avril lavigne tie-as-headband/belt kind of punk. Perhaps poseur is more accurate…

      • Jukesgrrl

        Mega-p for that one, Goon.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Needz moar safety pins.

    • Ansnarkist

      No one knows what punk rock is/was anymore…

      • ChuckieJesus

        Eh, punk was already "old" by the time I was a kid, and I'm breathing all over 40. Now, if you mean like Fugazi and shit, that was my era, but Sex Pistols existed back in the 1970s.

      • Jukesgrrl

        [snark off] There's an entertaining documentary film out now called You Weren't There about the punk scene in Chicago. It's entrancing even if you know nothing about Chicago or punk. I saw it on the DOC cable channel. Kids trying to transcend their white suburbaness (or would that be better as sub-urbanity?) — a totally American theme, somehow extra poignant coming from the Midwest.

  • BlueStateLibel

    I'm having an especially hard time keeping up with the crazy this week, and it's only Wednesday–not good.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Sometimes crazy is entertaining. This week it's just pathetic, sad, and seemingly a guarantee that most of us will have a harder life into the far future.

    • tcaalaw

      I recommend that you start drinking before 9 AM. It helps. A little.

  • Beetagger

    Looks like he's holding the head of a young, nubile boy right below the camera frame. OK Timmy, pictures over, you can come up and get to work again!

    • Fare la Volpe

      Finish one job, start the next.

  • user-of-owls

    Bradlee fronts for the 7th rate garage band Playo Hater & the Delusions of Grandeur.

  • Pragmatist2

    Speaking for all the Minnesotans that congregate here— Aaaaaaarrrrghhh!

  • Come here a minute

    How close is Pastor Bradlee Dean Smith's relationship with Marcus Bachmann? I'm guessing very, very, very close.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Excuse me. Some of us are thinking about having dinner here soon. Blech.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Real bottom bosom buddies.

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      Well, I have heard that the photo is actually post Bachmann treatment. Before he was known as a "Liberace and Show Tunes" preacher.

    • Jukesgrrl

      But I think we can be pretty sure "Pastor's" not his son.

  • Papa_Uniform

    And I'll bet Maddow is shaking in her boots being sued by this little prick for fifty mil. Like she gives a shit 'bout pricks at all.

    • MrFizzy

      Mos def goes the other way once in a while.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Hank Hill said it best: "Can't you see you're not making Christianity better? You're just making rock n' roll worse!"

  • Goonemeritus

    I fear it might be time to unchain the vicious world renowned Wonkette legal team. If we got hit with a 50 million dollar law suit it might cut into our Christmas party reserve.

  • Redhead

    What part of "not intended to be a factual comment because you people shouldn't actually LISTEN to the shit spewing from my mouth" is so hard to understand???

  • Lascauxcaveman

    He is by his own account kind of like “Jesus Christ up on the cross being crucified”

    Never go full emo, kid.

    • Beowoof

      Yeah having your words repeated verbatim is so vicious, just the same as having nails pounded into your extremities.

      • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

        Having his words repeated is certainly like having a nail pounded into my skull.

    • DahBoner

      "Jesus Christ up on the cross being crucified"

      Nah. JC enjoyed being crucified. He laughed. Jesus was into S&M, according to Mel Gibson.

      This guy would start whining and crying if he got a paper cut.

  • fuflans

    Hi Bradlee:

    here are some tips that will come in handy when you start dating real girls.

    1. women show the cleavage. it is not typically a turn on for us when our date shows more skin than we are showing. especially when that skin isn't the most toned / tanned.
    2. ditto long hair.
    3. short pants can sometimes make us think about things like christopher robin. trust me, this is a place you do not want to go.
    4. 'punk rock' and 'christian' just do not work. it is not your fault. punk rock requires a maximum of three chords, a minimum of charisma and an existential understanding that life sucks and then you die. these are things you do not – cannot – have.
    5. no gay man will look at you in that outfit.

    now go home and think about pat boone. this will win michele's love.

    hope this helps and good luck,

    fuflans

    • Beowoof

      If not Michele's love, at least Marcus' lust.

    • PanurgeATL

      Points 1 and 2: Maybe for you, but I suspect there are some girls out there who'd appreciate us making an effort. Point 4: And with punk leading the way left-wing-culture-wise for more than THREE FUCKING DECADES, people actually wonder aloud why liberalism is in the shape it's in. Point 5 only makes sense if you define "gay man" as "member of the Gay Man community", which has been sucking square dick for so long and shutting everyone else out (*ahem*) that no one can remember a time when it wasn't like that.

  • Schmannnity

    With a picture like that, maybe radical Muslims have another cool idea–beheading.

  • Rotundo_

    Rock and roll and religion don't seem to mix well. Punk Rock Preacher? I don't think Punk means what they think it means kids. Religious themes and distorted guitars are like Polka being played on a harp. It's like setting beat poetry to western swing. It is making a float with chocolate ice cream and beer. You may have religious convictions and you may like rock and roll music, but combining them is most likely tragic for the message and for the medium.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      It's like setting beat poetry to western swing… making a float with chocolate ice cream and beer.

      Those both sound so great, I don't know which one I'm gonna try first!

      • Goonemeritus

        Why choose compose one while drinking in the cool refreshment of the other.

    • http://strangestoriesaboutsadpeople.blogspot.com/ Thedongsofwar

      "You're not making Christianity better. You're just making Rock and Roll worse"
      -Hank Hill

    • PanurgeATL

      Well, there's King's X, who mos def made it work. U2 and Kansas have dabbled, which is kind of the point–knocking people over the head with *any* "message", liberal or conservative, tends to turn people off (unless the lyrics are really good, and by that time you're likely not really writing message lyrics).

  • Tommmcatt

    Weak.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ SpurningBeer

    I'm guessing that Bradlee is not ordained or theologically educated any more than Marcus is licensed as a psychologist.

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      All those "licenses" and "training requirements" and "ordinations" are just regulations which hamper the free market from producing its required allotment of quacks, wackos, and cranks.

      FREEDUMB!

  • dogscantlookup

    “punk rock pastor”?
    Fuk da jebus, cuz datz wut ull pleaz us!

    • DahBoner

      Fuck all that ask Jesus for forgiveness shit, anarchy rules, dudes!!!

      And if this guy don't hold church in a squat with gutter punks for ushers, he just Suburban mall punk poser…

  • AJWjr.

    Take off that snotrag and pull out those damned hair extensions, what do you got? That's right, Anders Breivik.

  • rocktonsam

    remember Joe the Plumber?

    good times

    cripes

  • Doktor Zoom

    Oh my god. I just ate the most delicious peach from a local produce stand. It was fantastic, so sweet and so cold.

    WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW???????

    • MrFizzy

      Okay that's weird enough to get a thumb-up from me anyway.

    • dogscantlookup

      I'm gonna turn this glass into a dick,
      ain't that a peach?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Slip the leash
      Shake it loose
      Bite the peach
      Suck the juice

      What did you call me?
      Angel…
      What was that again?
      Angel…

  • mavenmaven

    So he's a "gay (for Jesus) Axl Rose Impersonating Right Wing Radio host"?

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    This douche nozzle is a Pastor? He probably shots Jagerbombs at the end of each sermon.

  • cmar6

    The ad hominem attacks against Bachmann by the media jackals like Johnson have boomeranged against the Left and hugely helped Bachmann. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-fix/post/

  • Barrelhse

    Today, we are ALL [did anybody say this yet?] Jesus Christ on the cross being crucified.

  • WinterOuthouse

    This no beer thing in Minnesota has caused some serious harm. Even now, with their guvmint up and pouring drafts, the fuckers have gone round the bend. This guy doesn't need Michelle, he needs Marcus to wave the hocus pocus wand and make sure this asshole doesn't breed.

    • Beowoof

      I am pretty sure this guy would just love the magical hocus pocus wand in his face.

  • WinterOuthouse

    I really miss Joe Miller

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Just how many illegitimate love childs did Ted Nugent leave after brief appearances at rock shows and shooting ranges around hick America?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      At least one too many.

      (This is the first time the New Yorker has made me cringe since they gave Tina Brown the old heave-ho.)

      • Jukesgrrl

        My reaction to that is nothing but the very trite, "Oh, my god!" Isn't it peachy that Big Ted, among his many other undeservedly lucky breaks, could foist as many of his offspring as he felt necessary to a social service agency and have nothing good feelings come back to him. If I ever find out Ted Nugent is my father, I hope I can get him a lot of very bad publicity.

  • MrFizzy

    Needs to skip the mall photographers when getting his promo shots done.

  • DashboardBuddha

    Henry Rollins would break this sad little puke in half with just a look. Punk my ass.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Henry screaming, "I'll turn you in to me…" Over and over in my head now (as I iron, but still.) Man, what a neck.

    • user-of-owls

      Oh, fuck, even the maggot-eaten corpse of Sid Vicious could take this faggety-fag-fag in a knife fight.

      Actually, come to think of it, even Nancy Spungen could stick a fatal shiv in him…after pulling all his hair out in bloody clumps.

  • FakaktaSouth

    First off, fuck this guy. I'm old, and that look he's got there hasn't been cool since I was somewhere between the ages of 14 and 17. How old is he? And how can the song "One in a Million" become the entire basis and foundation for one's life and stupid HairBand-gelical Jesus Freak Show?
    "I Used to Love Her" is way better.
    Of course I'm bitter. I stood in the mud at the horsetrack to watch the real Axl storm off the stage mid show in 89 and had to throw away my Tretorns and white cutoff jeans.

    • PanurgeATL

      Well, everything else has been brought back, a process that's been going on ever since Elvis Costello first copped his "neo-Buddy Holly" look–why not this??

  • Callyson

    From City Paper:
    "On a humid Thursday evening, Bradley Dean Smith approaches the podium at Jesus People, a church hidden by miles of back roads and farmland 25 miles northwest of Minneapolis…there's plenty of elbow room. Only four people are actually paying any attention—all men, sitting as far apart from one another as possible. "
    Yup, definitely closet cases…

    • comrad_darkness

      You're saying the church is a tax scam?

      • Jukesgrrl

        And a dating service.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      And the four men were all wearing long raincoats…

    • Come here a minute

      Did the City Paper check out the bathroom stalls?

  • Mahousu

    The complaint is posted on his website. It seems to be written by someone without a firm grasp of the English language. I was mildly surprised, then, to discover his lawyer is none other than Larry Klayman of Judicial Watch "fame."

    I see on the Wikipedia page that Klayman's law license is in "administrative suspension." That might prove a small hindrance to the whole business of collecting $50 million.

    • mumbly_joe

      It strikes me as odd that someone could spend so much time "watching" the peoples of the Judiciary, without learning their customs and ways.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      Haha, I just read the whole thing. Check this passage:

      On information and belief, Defendants' actions were calculated to incite and cause physical and other harm to Plaintiffs and other involved parties and otherwise place Plaintiffs and their families, and those that work with associate with them, at extreme risk of severe bodily injury and death

      Whereas saying on record that

      "Muslims are calling for the executions of homosexuals in America… and this just shows you they themselves are upholding the law that are even in the Bible of the Judeo-Christian god, but they seem to be more moral than the American Christians do because these people are livid about enforcing their laws. They know homosexuality is an abomination…"

      couldn't possibly be misconstrued as incitement. No way.

      • MissusBarry

        Well, he thinks he's being crucified, so I guess it figures that he'd equate being called out for being a gigantic douche nozzle with "extreme risk of severe bodily injury and death." Yet another case worthy of quoting the Princess Bride.

        • Fukui_sanYesOta

          Who, on seeing that picture, wouldn't instantly think "what a gigantic douchenozzle"?

          I'm going with a couple of dozen Moldovans, assorted freshly-woken coma patients and a guy named Jurgen in old East Berlin who happens to be on a massive acid bender. Aside from that…

    • Tundra Grifter

      He can always hire Orly Taitz. She's got time on her hands.

  • terriblyfamous

    Go easy on Bret Michaels. After 'Rock of Love' I might be inspired to find Jesus and get extensions, too.

    • Jukesgrrl

      … after Rock of Love and a stroke … FIXED.

  • glamourdammerung

    Once again, conservatives fail to grasp that crying about how directly quoting their nonsense is "defamation" or a "smear" says quite a bit about how sane their screeching is.

  • Barrelhse
    • poncho_pilot

      Moulty!!!

      • Barrelhse

        Jesus, we used to laugh at that song!

        • poncho_pilot

          it's still a joke among my wife and i. especially the story of a pissed off Moulty chasing the record company guy around breaking 45s on his head.

          "now i all i need is a girl. a real girl. one who really loves me."

  • Guppy06

    Will Minnesota Forward be paying for his legal fees?

  • PristineODummy

    Why? WHY does this New Breed of complete Idjits find so much joy in torturing the English language? What HAS it done to them? How long did this fuckwit have to work to come up with such a thunderous wrongness as this? “The left wing media’s effort to defame Dean is an obvious way to try to harm Bachmann’s presidential prospects, who they fear and despise,” reads a statement from the ministry.

    Fine, be a fucking homophobe monster hate-filled dickwit calling for the death of innocents. But for the love of fucking Christ, can't you do it with proper grammar?

    • Jukesgrrl

      I had a writing teacher who maintained that sloppy sentence construction is merely a symptom of a sloppy sentiment and a lack of logic, in general, that grows exponentially as we make choices and form our attitudes.

      • PristineODummy

        I've always maintained that that is behind the incoherence of some of our Finest, e.g., Palin, Bachmann, Bush, Quayle, and their ilk. If only it were legal to garotte them with their own guts.

  • SorosBot

    Rev. Dean should stop having such a thin skin; he'd definitely be in danger if he was ever welcomed to the jungle. Really, he needs to toughen up; tell himself, "don't you cry tonight, there's a heaven above you". He should remind himself that this persecution will not last; nothing lasts forever, not even cold November rain. Or, if he's as tough as he's trying to look, he should invite his critics to get in the ring. And stop obsessing over one-L Michele; if he gets to stalker-esque it could become a situation where he used to love her, but had to kill her. And he needs to tell her to stop trying to restart the Civil War; it feeds the rich, and it buries the poor. .

    • Doktor Zoom

      Psh. Yeah, he might come to his senses…right about as soon as there's Chinese Democracy.

  • widget2011

    What an asshat. How long before this skitzo-nutbag forms a cult a-la jerry jones. Apparently he's already drinking the cool aide himself. Personally, I think we should be able to crucify people this stupid (Literally), or bare minimum, put his dumb ass into a straight jacket. I would even support re-instating the draft so we could send this dumb fuck to Afghanistan, so I could personally frag his ass.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      I quite liked Jerry Jones on Monty Python.

    • user-of-owls

      Well, if you mean the odious "Dallas Cowboys Cult" formed by owner Jerry Jones, I'd say the chances of our church busker eventually owning an NFL franchise are a tad on the slim side.

      If by contrast, you refer to a Jim Jones-style cult featuring a sequel to the hugely popular 1978 "Extravaganza in Guyanza," well then, the odds become much, much more favorable.

      • widget2011

        oops, I meant Jim Jones, sorry Jerry.

        • user-of-owls

          je je je..but you did give me an in!

  • MissusBarry

    Also, too, isn't this guy lauding calls to exterminate homosexuals tantamount to suicidal tendencies?

    • user-of-owls

      Why no, not at all. S/he is a not so proud member of the transgender community, as you can readily ascertain from the photo above.

      • widget2011

        You are correct, however, I think he's the republican self-loathing type, he hasn't found the closet door yet!

        • user-of-owls

          Oh but he has, darling. And it leads directly towards his fabulous collection of cute shoes and bustiers. Snap!

          • widget2011

            I'd like him to do a punk rock version of the (boot) poop chute boogie, with a lithp, of course.

  • HarryButtle

    As an Arizonan, I'm just glad he ain't from around here.

  • Doktor Zoom

    That defamation complaint really is one fine bit of legal argument. The complaint alleges that Maddow et al outrageously disparaged Bradlee Dean's physical appearance [she called him "this handsome fella" and noted that he wore ankle socks] , his first name [she pointed out that it's spelled with two e's "for those of you Googling from home"] , and his profession…and represented that he and YCR had advocated the execution of gays [she outrageously and flagrantly played tape of his own words]. The complaint also notes that Maddow "begrudgingly" quoted his disclaimer, but complains that she had a mean tone while reading it.

    So, will this merely be tossed out of court, or tossed out of court with a fine for filing a frivolous suit?

    • Jukesgrrl

      And yet these very same sue-happy crackpots will call for tort reform.

    • PristineODummy

      I think the court will have to stop laughing long enough to catch its collective breath and decide.

  • mourningnmerica

    This guy has gobbled more cock than a field trip of the George Michael Fan Club to Fire Island on a Saturday night.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Minnesota's sixth congressional district seems to sit at exactly the point where the gay Midwest and the Gau Midwest converge – and if this guy is to be believed, occasionally in the same person.

  • ttommyunger

    There is only one comment fitting for this little pussyfart: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You're welcome.

  • El Pinche

    OH OH OH OH SWEET CHILD OF MYA-INE!!!

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Shit child of migraine.

      • AJWjr.

        Now I'm confused. Miche1e gets the migraines, but Marcus is the power bottom. How is this possible?

    • Radiotherapy®

      El Pinche: An Appetite for Destruction.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Oh, hey, just in case anyone wasn't sufficiently pissed off by rightwing culture warriors already, some idiot tried to firebomb a Planned Parenthood office in McKinney Texas today. Nobody injured, no serious damage, and of course, rightards in blog comments already convincing themselves it was done by a leftist trying to get sympathy for babykillers.

    • Cicada

      Ah yes, just like those kids in Norway were really shot by liberal government goons trying to make the anti-Muslim PATRIOTS look bad.

      Fucking idjits, all of them.

    • Jukesgrrl

      [Sigh.]

  • zappadoo76

    15 minutes.

  • user-of-owls

    You know what's a kind of giggly thought experiment? Look at the picture and try to picture him reconstructing all of that hair plantation into an Afro. That's right, an Afro.

    Go ahead! It's fun and it won't even cost you a single hobo bean!

    • MissusBarry

      It comes out like a three foot tall version of Don King's look. At least in my warped mind.

      Fuck, I'm the only person who actually did this, huh?

  • user-of-owls

    So, um, yeah. If you think this picture is circular in a Dante-esque sort of way, you might wanna scope out this glorious photo montage which includes, wait for it…a snap of him in a leisure suit vest and pants, circa 197?, doing the mandatory Travolta-point in the top-left and in bottom-right (no pun intended), a seemingly recent foto of a bloated cunt with what appears to be a serious rack that well exceeds community norms for moobs.
    http://vvoice.vo.llnwd.net/e14//6915748.28.jpg

    • MissusBarry

      I can't get it to zoom in with sufficient resolution…is that a tattoo of Hitler with Mickey ears?

  • CalamityJames

    Huh, I was truly unaware that being a little cry-baby bitch was considered punk.

    • Cicada

      Punk in the prison sense, maybe…

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Twunk?

  • fartknocker

    Nothing. I got nothing. Other than the sweet, burning taste of Jack Daniels Whiskey down my gullet, and the smell of that burnt whiskey barrel, I don't have a damn thing.

    Drop kick me Jesus through the goal post of life – end over end, either to the left or right.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Remember when Jim Carrey played a heavy metal singer lip-syncing "Welcome to the Jungle" in The Dead Pool?

    Because that's what this story reminds me of for some reason.

  • El Pinche

    In another dark dimension on the astral plane, Bradlee Dean's human skin is Slayer's bass drum . The coke and rum has spoken.

  • scionkirk

    Unless you are consuming massive amounts of narcotics and having unprotected sex with random strangers of any gender, there really is no excuse to dress like that.

  • Negropolis

    I'm confused; can you still be a Rasputin when your politician boss is even more deluded and insane than you even are?

  • widget2011

    He's just another welfare queen for Jeesus ™.

  • Poindexter718

    If they're punk rockers, then White Snake and Slayer are punk rockers too (which is to say, this hayseed doesn't know from punk).

    PS: If each gay male in America molests 117 times as Mensa boy suggests, that's 600 million molestations.

  • mumbly_joe

    You know what other "punk-rock-style Christian" called for the execution of homosexuals?

  • poncho_pilot
  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Punk Rock Pastor"

    Uh, dude, given your "look" I would have to say that you wouldn't know a Dead Kennedy from a Dead Milkman.

  • Oblios_Cap

    My buddy used to have a Xtian rock band and said it was a great way to get laid and get good drugs.

  • stew1

    Further proof we need to profile blonde, white christians as potential terrorists.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Somebody saw "Thor" too many times.

    Meanwhile, Duh Guv'Nor – move over. We have a new Queen of "It's All About Me."

  • poorgradstudent

    Some higher power answered Voltaire's prayer for me, "Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." It doesn't look like it's slowing them down, though.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    "Sweet Child O' God" sucks just as much as the original, but he didn't need to change one word of "One In A Million" to turn it into Bachmann "Christian" rock.

  • Tundra Grifter

    "Punk rock preacher Bradley Dean Smith will announce plans later this morning to sue MSNBC host Rachel Maddow for more than $50 million. "

    Notice he is announcing that he plans to do something. Typical media whore. Don't actually do it – just try to get some ink by saying you are about to do it.

    And then go off on a crazy rant that proves the people he's complaining about were right in the first place.

  • OneDollarJuana

    Hmmm. Girly man.

    • PanurgeATL

      What's so wrong with girly men? Leave that to Ahnold, OK?

  • MinAgain

    Rachel Maddow took time to laugh at him for this illiterate idjit comment on her show, and now he announced he is suing Maddow for a new $50 million drum set.

    Free speech. It is a difficult concept.

  • smitallica

    Isn't there something in the Bible about "Thou shalt not try so hard to look like Yngwie fucking Malmsteen"? If not, there fucking should be.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    "On average, they molest one hundred seventeen people before they're found out."

    Wankers.

    TSA agents do more than that before 9am each day.

  • Buckminster

    Foppish little nincompoop. Pay him no mind.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Pres.Beeblebrox

    Bret Michaels called. He'd like his hair back.

  • thefrontpage

    Bradlee Dean is a flaming homosexual.

  • thefrontpage

    Here it is, for all the world to see: http://youcanruninternational.com/blogs/bradlee-d

    For the record, Dean does NOT look like the picture posted here–in most pictures, he looks much older, much crazier, much more idiotic and moronic, much more middle-aged, and much flat-out psychotic.

    His ministry, his statements, his values, his views and his organization are all bat-shit insane. Nothing he says or does makes any sense, on any level.

    He is a bat-shit crazy nutcase.

  • http://strangestoriesaboutsadpeople.blogspot.com/ Thedongsofwar

    Only Godless, elitist, literates could possibly misconstrue the following as murderously homophobic:

    "Muslims are calling for the executions of homosexuals in America… and this just shows you they themselves are upholding the law that are even in the Bible of the Judeo-Christian god, but they seem to be more moral than the American Christians do because these people are livid about enforcing their laws"

  • Tundra Grifter

    This is a tidy little business – took in almost $1M in 2009. I'd like to see a breakdown of the income and expenses, but I couldn't find that on the "net.
    http://www.ag.state.mn.us/charities/SearchResults

  • fuflans

    Commie Pinko Liberal SCUM do not do 'sentiment' sir.

    we only follow our given instructions

    and then we weep.

  • ShaveTheWhales

    Nice eye for detail. I couldn't look at the picture long enough

  • CalamityJames

    I really am glad that you're back.

  • Neilist_Returns

    Clearly, sir, you are quite mad.

  • Neilist_Returns

    Given my personality, my eye is naturally drawn to the offensive.

    And this jackass certainly is.

    ::::Sigh:::

    Oh, to be young again. And again to be sneaking up behind, with that folding chair, the equivalent "Young Christian" who was calling my little brother a faggot,

    (He was, but that's not the point. Also, be careful with those folding chairs. You hit someone hard enough over the head with one, and they bend and pitch your fingers, Very poorly designed, you ask me.)

    :::Sigh:::

    "Memories, all alone in the moonlight . . . ."

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilleddoommate

    Jesus loves me but I make Him wear a condom..

    Worst album covers in the world, anybody?

  • flamingpdog

    If I weren't in lust with your avatar, I'd have to kill you for forever destroying my appreciation of music.