THE DEATH OF FUN  3:53 pm July 27, 2011

South Carolina Launches All-Out Assault on Truck Nutz

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

OH COME ON, as though somehow there are people out there who don’t love Truck Nutz? Judging by the number of people who sent us this tip, absolutely NO ONE in all of space/time except a humorless douchebag police officer who issued a $445 ticket to a 65-year-old woman for putting giant red balls on her truck, along with some prosecutor who ran out of black people to throw in prison and will now make this lady stand trial for being a public fan of novelty testicles. We might as well be living under Stalin.

Virginia Tice, 65, was issued the ticket earlier this month after her truck was pulled over by Bonneau Police Department Chief Franco Fuda who saw the popular adornment known as “Truck Nutz” or “Bulls Balls” hanging from her 2004 Dodge.

Her violation was recorded by the chief as “Obscene Bumber Sticker” which falls under a state law involving displays that community standards deem “patently offensive” and include “sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body.”

According to a court clerk a trial will be scheduled for late August. It will allow Tice’s peers to determine what the community standard is when it comes to dangling novelty balls off the back of one’s truck.

[Smoking Gun]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 113 comments }

DrunkIrishman July 27, 2011 at 3:55 pm

They took our nuts!

McGreek July 27, 2011 at 4:56 pm

Next up: Congress.

Boojum_Reborn July 28, 2011 at 7:34 am

Wonkette Road Trip. Mob the courthouse.

FrenchTwist40 July 29, 2011 at 9:51 am

But they'll not take OUR FREEDOM!!!

BaldarTFlagass July 27, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Good thing the cop didn't look under the hood.

PristineODummy July 27, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Whose?

OkieDokieDog July 27, 2011 at 4:02 pm

And yet I have no recourse for having to look at Choose Life license plates or those braggy assed people with their My spawn in an honor student bumper stickers, other than having my own bumper adorned with MY DOG is smarter than your honor student.

DaRooster July 27, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Don't forget the fucking idiots driving around with the "McCain/Palin" stickers still…

It's over people… your folks were deemed crazy!

Atlas Frooged July 27, 2011 at 5:43 pm

I still see W '04 stickers proudly displayed on the rusting hunks of junk they were stuck to in better days.

elviouslyqueer July 27, 2011 at 4:28 pm

And yet I have no recourse for having to look at Choose Life license plates

No. shit. These things are epidemic in Baja Memphis, as are the lovely "Abortion stops a beating heart" bumper stickers. And yet I'm afraid to put one of the HRC equal sign stickers on my car for fear of being run off the road and getting the shit kicked out of me.

PristineODummy July 27, 2011 at 5:58 pm

You have a valid reason for worry. Hell, I live in Teh Peeplez Republic of SocialistUtopia, and I learned to keep the rainbow bumper sticker off my car after a few "exciting incidents of vehicular proximity" involving large sweaty men driving trucks while flipping the bird.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 31, 2011 at 9:02 pm

The = sign is, like, math, so you probably don't need to worry.

Fox n Fiends July 27, 2011 at 4:58 pm

I guess my "Shoot the owner not the dog" sticker would get mixed reviews.

DashboardBuddha July 27, 2011 at 7:13 pm

"My kid sold drugs to your honor student"

user-of-owls July 27, 2011 at 7:30 pm

Well my kid sold a kidney so he could buy drugs from your kid and bribe the stoned honor student to take a test for him.

snicker snack July 27, 2011 at 11:16 pm

Am I going to hell because every time I see one of those stickers I think god, I hope so because if that fucking heart doesn't stop beating then they're doing it wrong? Yes, I am going to hell.

DoktorThompson July 28, 2011 at 9:31 am

Of course you do–nothing a little spray paint wouldn't improve.

BaldarTFlagass July 27, 2011 at 4:03 pm

"displays that community standards deem “patently offensive” and include “sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body."

So I guess the novelty shops aren't allowed to sell fake dog poop?

Steverino247 July 27, 2011 at 4:12 pm

"What phony dog poo?" –Omar Sherif (Top Secret)

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 27, 2011 at 4:20 pm

You can only get whoopy cushions in alleys behind the school, along with crack.

slowhansolo July 27, 2011 at 4:04 pm

I'm guessing the prosecution shrinks from this particular case.

gullywompr July 27, 2011 at 4:45 pm

It shrinks?

jjdaddyo July 27, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Serious shrinkage!

Oblios_Cap July 28, 2011 at 8:06 am

The water was COLD!

LettucePrey July 27, 2011 at 4:05 pm

It coulda been worse: she could have been caught with a vibrator in Texas. Then she'd be on death row.

snicker snack July 27, 2011 at 11:18 pm

ok, a little ot, but did you know that amazon.com sells vibrators? I discovered that today when I was super bored at work. Then I bought one.

edgydrifter July 27, 2011 at 4:06 pm

If you're bolting novelty testicles to the bumper of your pointless, planet-raping dualie at age 65, you have officially wasted your life. You have learned nothing. You still have the brain of a five-year-old. Stop sucking up precious oxygen right now. Better yet, please make a video of your "planking" attempt on the interstate–I could use a good laugh.

exmartinette July 27, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Bet it's the last time that lady buys the black Truck Nutz.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 27, 2011 at 4:08 pm

I sincerely hope this goes all the way to the Supreme Court there is no way in hell Clarence will be silent on this.

Callyson July 27, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Let's make sure he has a can of coke while the case is being heard.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 27, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Only if they had fake pubes on them.

PristineODummy July 27, 2011 at 5:59 pm

I'll donate some real ones, if needed.

Barb July 27, 2011 at 4:08 pm

if she had the confederate flag draped over her car, blocking the windshield and was reaching back to adjust one of the many rifles on her gun rack, the cop probably would have waved and smiled to her.

ManchuCandidate July 27, 2011 at 4:09 pm

But I thought they were going to love my nuts!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0cgQkT4ScQ

MinAgain July 27, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Hey, now. Uncle Joe loved him a pair of low-hanging balls.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 27, 2011 at 4:10 pm

I need a "Free Virginia Tice" bumper sticker now.

BarryOPotter July 27, 2011 at 5:43 pm

"Free Vaginia Lice" you say. Well, what's the regular price?

Boredw/Gravitas July 27, 2011 at 4:11 pm

I'm guessing that the decals of Calvin peeing on some automobile emblem are right out.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 27, 2011 at 4:23 pm

But not of him praying. Or lynching a black person. It is the South, after all.

PristineODummy July 27, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Ever since we got us one of them damn N*****z in the WHITE House, yer goddamn right!

horsedreamer_1 July 27, 2011 at 4:11 pm

I didn't like the rise in ticket prices for Bumbershoot, either. But I still bought 'em.

Suck it up, state trooper. I mean, at least you still have a union.

Steverino247 July 27, 2011 at 4:14 pm

You what other police officer has no balls?

BaldarTFlagass July 27, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Angie Dickinson?

Steverino247 July 27, 2011 at 4:18 pm

And I'm very happy she doesn't…

Callyson July 27, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Stacey Koon, Laurence Powell, Timothy Wind, and Theodore Briseno? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rodney_King

horsedreamer_1 July 27, 2011 at 4:21 pm

I met a gal once who felt honoured to have sat at the same dinner-table as Stacey Koon.

(Her father worked in the same precinct as SK.)

emmelemm July 27, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Last name Koon…. I can't even…

DaRooster July 27, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Barbrady?

AJWjr. July 27, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Gives new meaning to "nothing to see here, people."

Callyson July 27, 2011 at 4:17 pm

a state law involving displays that community standards deem “patently offensive” and include “sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body.”
So I take it the cops will go after the truckers with the pin up girl wheel flaps next? Or would that be too scary for a cop who goes after an old lady? http://www.tntarchery.com/catalog/i27.html

Goonemeritus July 27, 2011 at 4:17 pm

I’m pretty sure Truck Nutz are an explicitly protected form of speech.

GOPCrusher July 27, 2011 at 5:21 pm

WHY DOES SOUTH CAROLINA HATE THE 1ST AMENDMENT?

Guppy06 July 27, 2011 at 5:39 pm

… to preserve Truck Nutz for ourselves and our trucks' posteriors…

LesBontemps July 27, 2011 at 4:18 pm

It's that creeping Sharia Law! South Carolina has the mutawas/basiji!

Steverino247 July 27, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Creeping Sharia may not grow everywhere, but I assure you it will do well in South Carolina…

SayItWithWookies July 27, 2011 at 4:18 pm

And yet Taco Bell is still allowed to air commercials featuring their ground beef. Which is more obscene, I ask you?

Rarian Rakista July 27, 2011 at 4:49 pm

What is obscene is that if I squatted over a tortilla at home after eating Taco Bell it would be much the same.

GOPCrusher July 27, 2011 at 5:22 pm

Beef?

elviouslyqueer July 27, 2011 at 5:36 pm

KANGAROO LIBEL!

PristineODummy July 27, 2011 at 6:04 pm

That's not a fair question, is it?

V572 Hair of Destiny July 27, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Gotcha!

PristineODummy July 27, 2011 at 6:36 pm

I'm easy that way.

AP3 July 27, 2011 at 4:18 pm

I hope my dog doesn't get a ticket for sporting his doggie nutz.

Jukesgrrl July 30, 2011 at 10:25 pm

0p? Are you new here? If so, welcome to the nutz house.

PubOption July 27, 2011 at 4:21 pm

The cop that wrote the ticket was the police chief. Did he set his own ticket quota too high?

Rarian Rakista July 27, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Police Chiefs get that position by being the biggest asshole in the room.

AJWjr. July 27, 2011 at 5:02 pm

I'm thinking they attend opposing churches.

comrad_darkness July 28, 2011 at 11:56 am

I can just see the radio call. "I ain't givin' her a ticket for that, Chief. You come and do it yerself."

inapewetrust July 27, 2011 at 4:21 pm

i suspect this will lead to a new south carolina law requiring all motor vehicles to sport truck nutz. way to go, improbably named "franco fuda".

AJWjr. July 27, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Misspelled fupa, obvs.

emmelemm July 27, 2011 at 4:26 pm

If you outlaw TruckNutz, only outlaws will have Trucknutz…. (or something like that)

MissTaken July 27, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Ow my balls!

gullywompr July 27, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Keep your gubbermint hands off my TruckNutz!

PS. ain't it ironic that us Wonketteers now have to be in support of this?

PristineODummy July 27, 2011 at 6:05 pm

I am NOT in support of gubbermint hands on TruckNutz. Wait … wut?

SpurningBeer July 27, 2011 at 4:33 pm

All vehicles traveling in or through South Carolina shall henceforth be required to wear car-bras. And car-underpants.

DahBoner July 27, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Granny panty only–no g strings..

PubOption July 27, 2011 at 4:34 pm

I checked on Bonneau http://www.city-data.com/city/Bonneau-South-Carol

I suspect this woman was an out-of-towner driving too slowly through the main source of income, the speed trap.

OneYieldRegular July 27, 2011 at 4:38 pm

I have to commend that officer for his quick thinking. Can you imagine if a *child* had seen this? He or she might be emotionally scarred for life, to the point where even a plastic set of balls dangling from a truck could provoke a reaction.

bumfug July 27, 2011 at 4:40 pm

I'm just amazed at the concept of anywhere in South Carolina having "standards".

mavenmaven July 27, 2011 at 4:41 pm

If only she had rubbed some Zestra on herself before meeting Officer Fuda…

mumbly_joe July 27, 2011 at 4:42 pm

“sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body.”

So that means South Carolina bans those "Calvin peeing on [thing]" bumperstickers??? They be restrictin' mah free speechification!

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 27, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Fine. Truck Nutz are passe anyway. But when they come for my Car Boobs, I'll be pissed.

comrad_darkness July 28, 2011 at 11:54 am

That's why they sell car bras, buddy. Keep those hood puppies in line.

gullywompr July 27, 2011 at 4:46 pm

The new plan to castrate Grandma…

Cicada July 27, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Dammit! This puts the kibosh on my new "Bumper Taints" product line.

littlebigdaddy July 27, 2011 at 4:52 pm

But is my magenta erect-penis stickshift ok, since it is not visible, except to schoolkids who's bus I am passing?

MissTaken July 27, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Or the schoolkids who's bus you are driving?

Fox n Fiends July 27, 2011 at 5:06 pm

SHARIA LAW ALERT

WinterOuthouse July 27, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Next thing ya know they'll be arresting all the tavern owners for having 'bull fires' or Rocky Mountain Oysters or, my favorite, a testicle festival. We must organize NOW

donner_froh July 27, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Bonneau Police Department Chief Franco Fuda

That combination of title, first name and last name is impossible in South Carolina.

GOPCrusher July 27, 2011 at 5:25 pm

You can have my Nutz when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.

Schmannnity July 27, 2011 at 5:34 pm

You won't get my nutz until you pry them out of my cold dead hands.

Native_of_SL_UT July 27, 2011 at 5:46 pm

“sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body.”
If my "human" balls started to look like the things hanging off the back of a truck, I would head straight to the nearest doctor, gingerly.

PristineODummy July 27, 2011 at 6:08 pm

With a VERY wide stance, no doubt.

DahBoner July 27, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Yeah, they're called "Novelty Balls" because the wussies who drive around in big pickup trucks usually don't have any…

Steverino247 July 27, 2011 at 6:20 pm

This just in…

Generalissimo and Bonneau Police Department Chief Franco Fuda is still a dick.

BlueStateLibel July 27, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Wow, this must be some classy 65-year-old lady!

MissTaken July 27, 2011 at 6:35 pm

In the many years that Truck Nutz have played a role here at Wonkette I've never noticed all the wrinkles on them. Just a bit too anatomically correct for my taste.

simplyblue7 July 27, 2011 at 6:50 pm

oh crap! they really did come for our truck nutz…maybe we should say something?

Sharkey July 27, 2011 at 8:31 pm

"A scuze me, sir? We here frist."

DashboardBuddha July 27, 2011 at 7:20 pm

"include “sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body.”

Does this mean that my line of Kar Kidneez, Limo Liverz, Pickup Pancreazz, and Motorcycle Molarz is doomed to fail?

Naked_Bunny July 27, 2011 at 7:36 pm

If any form of government intrusion should infuriate a teabagger, it is this.

johnnyzhivago July 27, 2011 at 8:27 pm

That statement has many meanings….

Naked_Bunny July 27, 2011 at 7:38 pm

This is an obvious sop to the automotive industry, which does not want us to breed our own cars.

Redhead July 27, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Why does SC hate freedumbs and America and rednecks?

johnnyzhivago July 27, 2011 at 8:26 pm

Hanging Confederate flag over your house: check
Hanging black men from trees: check
Hanging plastic testicles from your pickup truck: NOOOOOOO!

Sharkey July 27, 2011 at 8:29 pm

I saw this horse once whose balls looked just like trucknutz. It clearly needed to be outlawed.

Pragmatist2 July 27, 2011 at 9:37 pm

First they came for the Truck Nutz, and I didn't speak out because I had no Truck Nutz…..

ttommyunger July 28, 2011 at 12:01 am

I'll certainly sleep more soundly tonight knowing the Police are protecting me and mine from this 65 year-old woman's nuts. I swear to God I'm giving the fuck up.

randcoolcatdaddy July 28, 2011 at 11:07 am

I look forward to the ACLU taking up the cause of free speech through TruckNutz.

comrad_darkness July 28, 2011 at 11:51 am

A trial by jury? In South Carolina? On the top of Trucknutz? Oh, man, no worries.

Jerri July 28, 2011 at 7:52 pm

"Bumber" sticker. That's adorable.

trucknutsaregay July 29, 2011 at 1:47 pm

These things are an obscene distraction to other drivers and have absolutely no place on the public road. I sincerely hope she is prosecuted to the full allowable extent, and that this case paves the way to getting these off the road across the US. I am tired of A**holes who think they're funny by flaunting this in front of our kids and loved ones. This sort of thing earns an R rating for a movie, but it's fine on the public road?

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