the death of fun

South Carolina Launches All-Out Assault on Truck Nutz

OH COME ON, as though somehow there are people out there who don’t love Truck Nutz? Judging by the number of people who sent us this tip, absolutely NO ONE in all of space/time except a humorless douchebag police officer who issued a $445 ticket to a 65-year-old woman for putting giant red balls on her truck, along with some prosecutor who ran out of black people to throw in prison and will now make this lady stand trial for being a public fan of novelty testicles. We might as well be living under Stalin.

Virginia Tice, 65, was issued the ticket earlier this month after her truck was pulled over by Bonneau Police Department Chief Franco Fuda who saw the popular adornment known as “Truck Nutz” or “Bulls Balls” hanging from her 2004 Dodge.

Her violation was recorded by the chief as “Obscene Bumber Sticker” which falls under a state law involving displays that community standards deem “patently offensive” and include “sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body.”

According to a court clerk a trial will be scheduled for late August. It will allow Tice’s peers to determine what the community standard is when it comes to dangling novelty balls off the back of one’s truck.

[Smoking Gun]

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  • DrunkIrishman

    They took our nuts!

    • McGreek

      Next up: Congress.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      Wonkette Road Trip. Mob the courthouse.

    • FrenchTwist40

      But they'll not take OUR FREEDOM!!!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Good thing the cop didn't look under the hood.

    • PristineODummy

      Whose?

  • OkieDokieDog

    And yet I have no recourse for having to look at Choose Life license plates or those braggy assed people with their My spawn in an honor student bumper stickers, other than having my own bumper adorned with MY DOG is smarter than your honor student.

    • DaRooster

      Don't forget the fucking idiots driving around with the "McCain/Palin" stickers still…

      It's over people… your folks were deemed crazy!

      • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Atlas Frooged

        I still see W '04 stickers proudly displayed on the rusting hunks of junk they were stuck to in better days.

    • elviouslyqueer

      And yet I have no recourse for having to look at Choose Life license plates

      No. shit. These things are epidemic in Baja Memphis, as are the lovely "Abortion stops a beating heart" bumper stickers. And yet I'm afraid to put one of the HRC equal sign stickers on my car for fear of being run off the road and getting the shit kicked out of me.

      • PristineODummy

        You have a valid reason for worry. Hell, I live in Teh Peeplez Republic of SocialistUtopia, and I learned to keep the rainbow bumper sticker off my car after a few "exciting incidents of vehicular proximity" involving large sweaty men driving trucks while flipping the bird.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The = sign is, like, math, so you probably don't need to worry.

    • Fox n Fiends

      I guess my "Shoot the owner not the dog" sticker would get mixed reviews.

    • DashboardBuddha

      "My kid sold drugs to your honor student"

      • user-of-owls

        Well my kid sold a kidney so he could buy drugs from your kid and bribe the stoned honor student to take a test for him.

    • snicker snack

      Am I going to hell because every time I see one of those stickers I think god, I hope so because if that fucking heart doesn't stop beating then they're doing it wrong? Yes, I am going to hell.

    • DoktorThompson

      Of course you do–nothing a little spray paint wouldn't improve.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "displays that community standards deem “patently offensive” and include “sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body."

    So I guess the novelty shops aren't allowed to sell fake dog poop?

    • Steverino247

      "What phony dog poo?" –Omar Sherif (Top Secret)

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      You can only get whoopy cushions in alleys behind the school, along with crack.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    I'm guessing the prosecution shrinks from this particular case.

    • gullywompr

      It shrinks?

    • jjdaddyo

      Serious shrinkage!

      • Oblios_Cap

        The water was COLD!

  • LettucePrey

    It coulda been worse: she could have been caught with a vibrator in Texas. Then she'd be on death row.

    • snicker snack

      ok, a little ot, but did you know that amazon.com sells vibrators? I discovered that today when I was super bored at work. Then I bought one.

  • edgydrifter

    If you're bolting novelty testicles to the bumper of your pointless, planet-raping dualie at age 65, you have officially wasted your life. You have learned nothing. You still have the brain of a five-year-old. Stop sucking up precious oxygen right now. Better yet, please make a video of your "planking" attempt on the interstate–I could use a good laugh.

  • exmartinette

    Bet it's the last time that lady buys the black Truck Nutz.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    I sincerely hope this goes all the way to the Supreme Court there is no way in hell Clarence will be silent on this.

    • Callyson

      Let's make sure he has a can of coke while the case is being heard.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Only if they had fake pubes on them.

      • PristineODummy

        I'll donate some real ones, if needed.

  • Barb

    if she had the confederate flag draped over her car, blocking the windshield and was reaching back to adjust one of the many rifles on her gun rack, the cop probably would have waved and smiled to her.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    But I thought they were going to love my nuts!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0cgQkT4ScQ

  • MinAgain

    Hey, now. Uncle Joe loved him a pair of low-hanging balls.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    I need a "Free Virginia Tice" bumper sticker now.

    • BarryOPotter

      "Free Vaginia Lice" you say. Well, what's the regular price?

  • Boredw/Gravitas

    I'm guessing that the decals of Calvin peeing on some automobile emblem are right out.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      But not of him praying. Or lynching a black person. It is the South, after all.

    • PristineODummy

      Ever since we got us one of them damn N*****z in the WHITE House, yer goddamn right!

  • horsedreamer_1

    I didn't like the rise in ticket prices for Bumbershoot, either. But I still bought 'em.

    Suck it up, state trooper. I mean, at least you still have a union.

  • Steverino247

    You what other police officer has no balls?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Angie Dickinson?

      • Steverino247

        And I'm very happy she doesn't…

    • Callyson

      Stacey Koon, Laurence Powell, Timothy Wind, and Theodore Briseno? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rodney_King

      • horsedreamer_1

        I met a gal once who felt honoured to have sat at the same dinner-table as Stacey Koon.

        (Her father worked in the same precinct as SK.)

        • emmelemm

          Last name Koon…. I can't even…

    • DaRooster

      Barbrady?

      • AJWjr.

        Gives new meaning to "nothing to see here, people."

  • Callyson

    a state law involving displays that community standards deem “patently offensive” and include “sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body.”
    So I take it the cops will go after the truckers with the pin up girl wheel flaps next? Or would that be too scary for a cop who goes after an old lady? http://www.tntarchery.com/catalog/i27.html

  • Goonemeritus

    I’m pretty sure Truck Nutz are an explicitly protected form of speech.

    • GOPCrusher

      WHY DOES SOUTH CAROLINA HATE THE 1ST AMENDMENT?

    • Guppy06

      … to preserve Truck Nutz for ourselves and our trucks' posteriors…

  • LesBontemps

    It's that creeping Sharia Law! South Carolina has the mutawas/basiji!

    • Steverino247

      Creeping Sharia may not grow everywhere, but I assure you it will do well in South Carolina…

  • SayItWithWookies

    And yet Taco Bell is still allowed to air commercials featuring their ground beef. Which is more obscene, I ask you?

    • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

      What is obscene is that if I squatted over a tortilla at home after eating Taco Bell it would be much the same.

    • GOPCrusher

      Beef?

      • elviouslyqueer

        KANGAROO LIBEL!

    • PristineODummy

      That's not a fair question, is it?

      • V572 Hair of Destiny

        Gotcha!

        • PristineODummy

          I'm easy that way.

  • AP3

    I hope my dog doesn't get a ticket for sporting his doggie nutz.

    • Jukesgrrl

      0p? Are you new here? If so, welcome to the nutz house.

  • PubOption

    The cop that wrote the ticket was the police chief. Did he set his own ticket quota too high?

    • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

      Police Chiefs get that position by being the biggest asshole in the room.

    • AJWjr.

      I'm thinking they attend opposing churches.

    • comrad_darkness

      I can just see the radio call. "I ain't givin' her a ticket for that, Chief. You come and do it yerself."

  • http://thefastertimes.com/absurdnews/ inapewetrust

    i suspect this will lead to a new south carolina law requiring all motor vehicles to sport truck nutz. way to go, improbably named "franco fuda".

    • AJWjr.

      Misspelled fupa, obvs.

  • emmelemm

    If you outlaw TruckNutz, only outlaws will have Trucknutz…. (or something like that)

  • MissTaken

    Ow my balls!

  • gullywompr

    Keep your gubbermint hands off my TruckNutz!

    PS. ain't it ironic that us Wonketteers now have to be in support of this?

    • PristineODummy

      I am NOT in support of gubbermint hands on TruckNutz. Wait … wut?

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ SpurningBeer

    All vehicles traveling in or through South Carolina shall henceforth be required to wear car-bras. And car-underpants.

    • DahBoner

      Granny panty only–no g strings..

  • PubOption

    I checked on Bonneau http://www.city-data.com/city/Bonneau-South-Carol

    I suspect this woman was an out-of-towner driving too slowly through the main source of income, the speed trap.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I have to commend that officer for his quick thinking. Can you imagine if a *child* had seen this? He or she might be emotionally scarred for life, to the point where even a plastic set of balls dangling from a truck could provoke a reaction.

  • bumfug

    I'm just amazed at the concept of anywhere in South Carolina having "standards".

  • mavenmaven

    If only she had rubbed some Zestra on herself before meeting Officer Fuda…

  • mumbly_joe

    “sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body.”

    So that means South Carolina bans those "Calvin peeing on [thing]" bumperstickers??? They be restrictin' mah free speechification!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Fine. Truck Nutz are passe anyway. But when they come for my Car Boobs, I'll be pissed.

    • comrad_darkness

      That's why they sell car bras, buddy. Keep those hood puppies in line.

  • gullywompr

    The new plan to castrate Grandma…

  • Cicada

    Dammit! This puts the kibosh on my new "Bumper Taints" product line.

  • littlebigdaddy

    But is my magenta erect-penis stickshift ok, since it is not visible, except to schoolkids who's bus I am passing?

    • MissTaken

      Or the schoolkids who's bus you are driving?

  • Fox n Fiends

    SHARIA LAW ALERT

  • WinterOuthouse

    Next thing ya know they'll be arresting all the tavern owners for having 'bull fires' or Rocky Mountain Oysters or, my favorite, a testicle festival. We must organize NOW

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Bonneau Police Department Chief Franco Fuda

    That combination of title, first name and last name is impossible in South Carolina.

  • GOPCrusher

    You can have my Nutz when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.

  • Schmannnity

    You won't get my nutz until you pry them out of my cold dead hands.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    “sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body.”
    If my "human" balls started to look like the things hanging off the back of a truck, I would head straight to the nearest doctor, gingerly.

    • PristineODummy

      With a VERY wide stance, no doubt.

  • DahBoner

    Yeah, they're called "Novelty Balls" because the wussies who drive around in big pickup trucks usually don't have any…

  • Steverino247

    This just in…

    Generalissimo and Bonneau Police Department Chief Franco Fuda is still a dick.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Wow, this must be some classy 65-year-old lady!

  • MissTaken

    In the many years that Truck Nutz have played a role here at Wonkette I've never noticed all the wrinkles on them. Just a bit too anatomically correct for my taste.

  • http://theblueelite.blogspot.com simplyblue7

    oh crap! they really did come for our truck nutz…maybe we should say something?

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      "A scuze me, sir? We here frist."

  • DashboardBuddha

    "include “sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body.”

    Does this mean that my line of Kar Kidneez, Limo Liverz, Pickup Pancreazz, and Motorcycle Molarz is doomed to fail?

  • Naked_Bunny

    If any form of government intrusion should infuriate a teabagger, it is this.

    • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      That statement has many meanings….

  • Naked_Bunny

    This is an obvious sop to the automotive industry, which does not want us to breed our own cars.

  • Redhead

    Why does SC hate freedumbs and America and rednecks?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Hanging Confederate flag over your house: check
    Hanging black men from trees: check
    Hanging plastic testicles from your pickup truck: NOOOOOOO!

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    I saw this horse once whose balls looked just like trucknutz. It clearly needed to be outlawed.

  • Pragmatist2

    First they came for the Truck Nutz, and I didn't speak out because I had no Truck Nutz…..

  • ttommyunger

    I'll certainly sleep more soundly tonight knowing the Police are protecting me and mine from this 65 year-old woman's nuts. I swear to God I'm giving the fuck up.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    I look forward to the ACLU taking up the cause of free speech through TruckNutz.

  • comrad_darkness

    A trial by jury? In South Carolina? On the top of Trucknutz? Oh, man, no worries.

  • Jerri

    "Bumber" sticker. That's adorable.

  • trucknutsaregay

    These things are an obscene distraction to other drivers and have absolutely no place on the public road. I sincerely hope she is prosecuted to the full allowable extent, and that this case paves the way to getting these off the road across the US. I am tired of A**holes who think they're funny by flaunting this in front of our kids and loved ones. This sort of thing earns an R rating for a movie, but it's fine on the public road?