Can you solve a Rubix cube? Do you know how to count backwards from 100 by intervals of 8? Can you name the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? No? (Conquest, War, Death and Famine). Okay! Time to start practicing, Wisconsin voters. If you are headed to the DMV to apply for your free state voter ID, you should expect to answer a few riddles before the state just starts “handing out” these cards to any old person for free. Scott Walker wants all of you to WORK FOR SOMETHING FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, YOU FREELOADERS. Or, you could always pay the state the $28 fee for your ID like an actual landowning capitalist patriot, but who can afford it. Riddles it is! So let’s see, how does a Wisconsin voter navigate the DMV office to obtain a voter ID? Oh look, this nice lady made an undercover video instruction manual! Let’s watch:Â
The salient point of this video is that the Wisconsin DMV is not obligated, and in fact it is not their policy, to first inform a voter ID applicant that he or she is not obligated to pay the $28 fee for issuing the card. The applicant must know to first request a free card, and then find a small box on the form asking for the free card. Otherwise, the applicant is automatically charged $28 for the state ID. To the small minded, that sort of sounds like a poll tax!
Oh and also they get to look through your bank account statement and determine whether you are too poor to vote, no voting if you are homeless and don’t have an address, etc etc.
AFL-CIO estimates there are roughly 300,000 eligible voters in Wisconsin without driver’s licenses or state-issued photo IDs who are mostly minority, elderly and students, so all of these people get to wade into a DMV office full of annoyed bureaucrats who get to test them on their ability to figure out their “free cards” are not free unless they ask for them to be free, even though “there were more UFO sightings (40) in Wisconsin in 2008 than reports of improper voting (14) out of the 3 million votes cast in the 2008 election.” Good use of state resources. [BRAD BLOG/ Youtube]
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He who wants this free ID
Must answer first these questions three…
The answer to them is we browns, Hispanic, and/or homeless ain't voting no mo in Wisconsin.
I could never figure out if an Africa Swallow could carry a coconut.
What is your name?
What is your place of residence
What is your favorite color?
If the answer to number three is anything other than "Pure, unblemished white and proud of it" then no ID for you
"Pure, unblemished white", you say?
The heavily-hairsprayed kid from my tenth grade English class just got a stiffy. (He shares his name with a stand-up comedian, too. To narrow it down for ye.)
Carrot Top?
1) Scott Walker: Great Governor, or Greatest Governor?
2) Are brown people trying to impose Socialism/Sharia Law in our state?
3) Is it possible to raise taxes without worshiping the devil?
1) What is your name?
2) Where do you live?
3) What is the air speed of an African swallow?
In my ideal world, this snags more of the idiots in the Tea Party than the idiots in the Democratic Party.
Gotcha' questions??!!!111!
make it simple: if your credit score is below 600 – U NO VOTO!
Short form: no credit card=no vote
Revenue raising idea: sell the franchise to American Express: no Amex-no vote
Want to vote for a Senator? Get a Gold Card
It's no pain at all — just don't vote. (Oh, I guess that's the point.)
I think Walker just knows he can get away with it. I mean, I'd gladly cough up $28 to vote that Kochsucker out.
Freedom isn't Free™
They should check for Voter IQ's instead.
Unfortunately, this scheme does approximate testing for IQ.
I think my illiterate roofer would make better voting choices than the suburban dipshits that actually live around me and own property and have bank accounts.
They must have… Walker is Gubner… low enough you can vote! Hooray!
Why is that any different than now-illegal literacy tests?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Literacy_test
If a swallow were carrying a coconut…
~
It could grasp it by the husk. . .
European, or Welfare, Swallow?
Or at least a very very urban swallow.
I thought that was a "pigeon"
Amongst the hobos in C'Addle's alleys, a pigeon is one who falls for your story. The cooing birds, on the other hand, are known as squab.
The DMV has been advised to say "We are the Knights who say NI! NI! NI!"
More like "None shall pass."
And when Walker's recalled, he'll insist it's only a flesh wound.
Riddle me this, Scott Walker: What kind of sneaky bastard are you?
He's not sneaky at all. He's just a straight up bastard.
All of them, Katie. Every. Fuckin'. One.
Where exactly in Mississippi is this "Wisconsin"?
Seriously. Also, congratulations and THANKS Scott Walker for making my state look downright progressive!
You mean they haven't thought of this yet in Mississippi?
Meh. Who needs voter suppression when every. single. candidate. is Republican?
Yup. Idaho (Mississippi on the Snake River) also has this stupid ID requirement.
But we do have two parties–Right-wing Republicans and Extreme Right-wing Republicans.
Mississippi thought of this 50 years ago.
"Between 1890 and 1910, ten of the former eleven Confederate states – starting with Mississippi – passed new constitutions or amendments that effectively disfranchised most blacks and tens of thousands of poor whites through a combination of poll taxes, literacy and comprehension tests, and residency and record-keeping requirements."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Crow_laws
They are talking about it here also. What Obama needs to do is send everyone in the blue districts a voucher that can be redeemed for $28.00 at Taco Bell, Churches or Piccadilly, but only with a State ID. Is it racist to assume old people eat at Piccadilly?
You know, us residents on the "good" side of the MO river refer to Council Bluffs, IA as "Counciltucky" – could it be Madissippi now in WI?
Charlatan! Everyone knows there is no "good" side of the MO river!
You know who else was from both Mississippi & Wisconsin?
Blind Lemon Pledge?
The Four Horsemen, that was Leahy, Strudler, Crowley, and shit, I can't remember the fourth. No googling, I promise, thats my best.
But seriously, war is different from conquest? And death, isn't that part of all of the other three, as well? What a fucked up list, its all the same thing, really.
to me, conquest = sexytime, but that's just me and i would never presuppose that war and conquest should be mutually exclusive.
Man O' War? Gotta be a War in there somewhere…
I'll admit to wiki-ing to find the Terry Pratchett / Neil Gaiman version of the Four Horsepersons in Good Omens. In their take, it's War (a hottie with an arsenal), Famine (a food industry magnate who sells stuff that simultaneously causes obesity and starvation), Pollution (a replacement for Pestilence, who retired in 1936, "muttering about penicillin"), and Death, who has glowing blue eye-sockets and SPEAKS IN ALL CAPS, as you'd expect.
You know the shit has hit the fan when the Fifth Horseman – Kaos/Chaos- sits in .
Ronnie Soak where are you when we need you?
So is that last one at the front of Denver International?
I'm due for a re-read of that gem. When I randomly picked it up at 14, I certainly had no idea how prescient it was.
I don't even remember where I got this version of the list, but it goes War, Famine, Pestilence, and Disaster, which I like because it really does cover most of the things that kill tons of people.
The real four horseman are:
Paris Hilton (Pestilence)
Maria Shriver Swarzenegger (Famine)
Donald Fucking Rumsfeld (War)
and
Orly Taitz (Stupidity)
Apocalypse coming as soon as this gyre gets wide enough…
Miller. And it's Stuhldreher you Americanizing bastard.
Why do I know this? I hate ND. Actually, check that, I loath the fans I grew up with, the team is meh, really, especially recently. More of a charity affair, really.
So if you overcome all these obstacles you only need stare down the crushing indifference brought on by the left telling you that they’re all Republican anyhow. “Fuck you guys I’m going home”
Fucking Leftists! What with their trivial concerns about "Social Security" and "Medicare".
Who needs 'em, right?
~
Dammit…I just had that conversation with one of my friends in an email this morning.
To say that they're all the same is just fucking crazy.
No, we're not saying they're all Republicans. We're just saying they all vote like Republicans.
But yes, there's a difference. Some of these legislators have a little (R) after their name. Some have a little (D). So, hooray Team (D)!
This fits perfectly with the Republican notion of the state. It's basically a means for fucking over poor people. I'm surprised there isn't a special "nigger fee" that the state charges for the inconvenience of processing an application filled out by one of those unsavory dark people.
It's high time Canada invaded to liberate the suffering people of Wisconsin.
WTF? Your bank account has to show activity? I don't even recieve a paper statement.
What a crock o' shit.
I didn't get that part either. WTF business is it of the state to know what is my goddamn bank balance? And what about the people who don't have bank accounts?
They already know… and as for no paper statement… you WILL buy paper from GP… and like it.
Wisconsin Voter ID Law Basically a Huge Pain For Everyone Without ID
translation in Plain English: Wisconsin voter ID law basically a huge pain for everyone who isn't either an obscenely rich bastard or a shameless Koch-sucker
The rich, turns out, don't vote. This one vote one person shit is for the prolls. Money is how you get things done.
This whole idea blows chunks.
there were more UFO sightings (40) in Wisconsin in 2008 than reports of improper voting (14)
They're just trying to suppress the alien vote.
Police who pull over a flying saucer are required to investigate their legal residency.
Build the danged space-fence!
Alien voting is a deportable offense.
Voting While Green is a crime, you know.
How many times did those 40 UFOs vote for Scott Walker?
All of them…. you know…
And how many times was he anally probed by Kochs?
And were they piloted by Lizard Men?
that man likes his cheese curds.
Can't these people just send their butlers or maids to do all of this for them? Waiting in lines is so plebeian…
I read that list of documents required to get the voter/state ID card.
Looks to me like all you need to obtain ID is ID. And the twenty-eight bucks, of course, if you don't check the right box.
Cue "Poll Tax' by Tom Lehrer.
Somewhere, Robert LaFollette is now being referred to as "Pinwheel Bob."
Also the olds may have some difficulty passing under the 18" limbo pole.
WHAT… is your name?
WHAT… is your skin color?
WHAT… is your party affiliation?
So CSICOP is in charge of voter registration now?
i bought francis my darling mini cooper* in WI and now i am very sorry i didn't give those revenues to the obscenely corrupt state of IL.
* yes i know it is very uncool to name a car but that is just the way i roll.
hellz no – my Mini is named Beep Boop and I love her to death
how could you not name a Mini?
this is what my boy tells me. but then, he is from GA and drives a truck.
Whom he secretly calls "Gayle," and has slow-mo, soft-focus dreams about washing the hood and fenders…
Naming my car was how I was introduced to this whole "being ironic and lame is cool" concept. I once had a Ford Escort wagon — not cool. I proudly named it Gertrude, and suddenly everyone wanted to get in her back seat, if you know I mean.
My ancient, fading grey Camry is named "Auntie Camry," but we usually just call her Auntie.
It's OK to name a car. Just ask my 1973 Impala, Vlad. (Or its predecessor, the 1980 Datsun that leaked oil–The Nissan Valdez)
We've always named our cars. The best was our 18-year-old shit brown Ford F-150 that had about 2 million miles on it, required a burnt offering in order to start up, and broke down every five minutes. We called it "Big Bertha," which seemed entirely appropriate, especially when we finally sold it to the lesbians across the street.
I named my mini Anderson.
HA! I see what you did there…
And I bet you ride him hard.
VROOOM VRROOOMMM! AAA OOOO GAH!
(sorry for the caps)
Wait…you fuckers have cars? Ummm, isn't there some "job creators" only website that you guys should be visiting?
well to be fair, i have a car, but i don't actually have a job.
Current black Civic: Errol (a la Flynn…pirate wanderlust, but without the raping and pillaging)
Previous black Civic: Elani, Queen of Afghanistan (named for a song by The Big Wu, a jam band oddly enough from Wisconsin). Sadly, she was stolen a year ago this weekend at 10 years of age and 200k miles and stripped. Rest in peace, my dear Elani.
i had a 1990 civic (red) who went by the names of 'wheels of satan' and then – when she was on her last legs – the butthead.
i would have replaced her with another civic but i feel in love with the mini and i had an actual job at that time.
I was sorely tempted by the Mini. Alas, my Great Dane objected.—
Should have offered to let him drive.
My Mazda, Maizie, was the first car I ever bought new. I had her almost 20 years to the day when she was stolen out of a parking lot.
That car was TWO DAYS FROM RETIREMENT!!
I had a record of Marilyn Monroe recordings (songs from various movies, etc.) and it had audio of a couple of commercials she had starred in way back when.
One of them was for motor oil and her line was, "Put Royal Triton in Cynthia's little tummy!" I always remember that because it's so random.
I am not getting a Mini this year because of BMW's practices towards their employees, but my cars tend to have names as well.
"i know it is very uncool to name a car"
Naming a car is just fine, but wouldn't you name a mini-Cooper Gary?
"RUMPELSTILTSKIN MOTHER FUCKER! Gimme my card BITCH!"
Isn't there a federal agency or something that can weigh in on this nonsense? Like the Wisco National Guard?
Shoot first, let Election Systems sort 'em out?
I know. If we only had a Department Of Justice in this country. I believe they used to be responsible for investigating election issues.
I see a business opportunity here. Letterheads for homeless shelters!
I’ll be rich! Rich I tellsya!
This is so fucking stupid–"Show me your "proof of Wisconsin residency" so I can give you a card that proves you are a Wisconsin resident.
Like the videographer I don't blame the clerk–its his job to ask dumb questions and enforce even dumber rules.
If he didn't ask the dumb questions, he might well end up in the homeless shelter himself.
Lac du Flambeau is now Croix du Flambeau in Scott Walker's Dixie on the Chippewa.
The $28 fee is to pay for the the "Whites Only" 3D Hologram on the ID's…
If you don't have that, you're vote is deleted the moment you leave the booth.
Apostrophe police, arrest this cat
his flagrant misuse, is makin me feel ill.
Arrgh! Got me.
And yet you missed the more despicable misspelling of "your".
Neither one of you illiterate assholes gets to vote!!
Aren't you confusing, apostrophe's, with comma's?
Hey, they're just trying to save the Supreme Court the trouble of invalidating another presidential election.
I find it more interesting that they are trying to implement this before the Senate and Scott Walker's recall elections.
"1. The right of citizens of the United States to vote in any primary or other election for President or Vice President, for electors for President or Vice President, or for Senator or Representative in Congress, shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or any State by reason of failure to pay any poll tax or other tax.
"2. The Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation."
In other words, based on 2, good luck with that.
The congress won't do shit…tragically.
3. Any person acting to violate this provision shall have the living shit slapped out of them.
Teabaggers: tl;dr
Legal mumbo jumbo.
Can this really be legal?
this is what i was wondering.
and i was hoping one of this erudite community would weigh in.
See Lucidamente1 above.
Anything's legal if you have enough money and not too much shame.
Legality is in the eye of the Kockholder.
Real question is, Will anyone do something to stop it?
Legal is less important than anyone in power giving a flying fuck.
Legal, like in the Bible?
my favorite riddle is 'what has it gots in its pocketses?'
its preciousssss…
Lint.
Can you name the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? No? (Conquest, War, Death and Famine).
Who does Pestilence have to blow to get some respect around here?
And what's the difference between War and Conquest? Maybe it's this: when it's a Bush 43 war, there is no conquest. The war just goes on and on and on.
The war goes on forever, and the party never ends.
I was wondering what happened to Pestilence, too, but then I realized they've got Walker, after all.
Clinton
Clinton is a veritable genie, that guy. You rub him right, and you get anything you ask for.
Ah, the riddle of the DMV Sphynx. But if Oedipus answers it, the plague on
ThebesFond du Lac will be lifted. However, there will other consequences.So whoever can by the DMV Sphinx is a baaad motherfucker.
It's easier to drop out of college.
Zing!
/tugs collar
yes.
92,84,76,68, etc.
and it's PESTILENCE, war, death, and famine.
can i vote this asshole out of office now?
Sorry one more question to go. How do you spell Chrysanthemum?
Sprong! Into the valley of death!
I noticed that towards the end the mother left in the phone number the guy stated for his suspervisor. I guessing that the super' s phone is really busy now.
Lets just declare Wisconsin a corpocracy and call it a day. Only corporations should be allowed to vote.
So, even if I bring the severed head of Medusa, I still have to pay the $28? And even then, I'll have to battle sword-wielding skeletons?
I mean, these are perfectly reasonable demands, but the stop action is a real time-killer.
The head of Medusa? Are you trying to turn this country into Greece you libunatic?
While the GOP is busy trying to turn us into Rome.
Other way around–it's medUSA!1!
"What… is your name?
"It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons.
"What… is your quest?
"To seek the Holy Grail.
"What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
"What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
"Huh? I… I don't know that."
If only recall elections were that simple.
Damn you damn you damn you DAMN YOU!! I wanted to use that one!
Is this part of the 240,000 jobs this cross-eyed kook promised?
How is this not "voter fraud" again? Oh yeah. IOKIYAFARWN.
Wisconsin, new home of the poll tax–Mississippi on the Great Lakes updated to 2011.
Well, both DO have a history of paddle wheel boats.
Soon we will all have to show our papers whenever we go out of the house. For security, of course.
Butbutbut…I'm white.
Papers, or pass an American culture test like:
Who had the most home runs in the 1948 World Series??? BOOOOOM!!!
That's the easy part–if you get mugged outside, you can't produce your papers to get back home!
Young Karl Rove was very upfront about Repug strategy — way back when he was interviewed by Dan Rather. Video exists. Karl advised college GOP groups to put student gov't election spots in out of the way places on campus and not to publicize. This way only those "in the know" would come out and vote. Ergo, the "right" people would be elected.
"right"
Rhymes with white, right?
They're pulling this nonsense in South Carolina too. A lot of real American citizens here do not have birth certificates because they were born by midwife or just flat born without any hospital registration involved. These are legitimate American citizens who have to do a whole lot of horseshit just to get an ex post facto birth certificate from vital stats. It has that silly thing with discouraging the vote. And only discouraging the vote. Which is fucking evil to me.
I can't snark on this. This is just tragic and should be against the law.
Its just part of the overall plan to take America back.
It IS against the law. But a lot of things are against the law, and the law only gets selectively enforced.
/this week is REALLY sucking
No one gets their Kochs sucked for free!
Voter ID fraud has never been a problem. Scott is prolly going to change all that.
In related news: Eric Holder, Attorney General of the United States, when asked about the requirement for a voter ID card in Wisconsin said, "Huh?".
He took all the wrong lessons from the Right-wing Noise Machine's slander of Janet Reno.
If Janet Reno was in charge, right now the ATF and FBI would using an armored car with a battering ram to knock down the doors at the Wisconsin Capital building and pumping tear gas in.
He's too busy prosecuting medical marijuana operations against Obama's word.
And deporting Messicans.
Honestly, isn't he just the worst? When he's not being totally ineffective, he's being evil.
Would the wildlifers get upset if somehow Walker was fed to the muskies?
I enjoyed reading the AFL-CIO cited material on the linked BradBlog, that lists statistics for white "men," Hispanic "men," and African-American "males." Twice. With friends like that…
At least they didn't say "boys".
So anyone without a weenus is off the radar?
I've thought that maybe the Republican party should change it's symbol/mascot from an elephant to a red herring. They are so good at selling this utterly unimportant shit. Either that or their target audience is so eager to be distracted by such utterly unimportant shit. Do the tea-tards et al who salivate over this issue ever stop to think about the logistics of using actual people to cast actual votes in order to illegally sway an election. It's ridiculously inefficient. I suppose this red herring could just be cover for Diebold's perfected method of electioneering.
MAC GUFFIN 2012!
Which is weird, given how good they are at the actual methods of committing voter fraud- i.e, registering to vote in a presinct you don't live in, or collusion with local election officials to adjust vote tallies en masse. You'd think they'd understand exactly why voter ID laws will faill to stop 99% of fraudulant voting.
You don't think there could be some ulterior motive at work here amongst pretty much everyone pretending this is a real issue, do you?
god-fucking-damnit I used to be so proud of where I was from…
All of this effort is just to support the theory that the coloreds had to cheat to get one of their own in the White House.
DINGDINGDINGDINGDING!!
We have a winnah!
Well someone had to say it plain and simple. All this snarky humor sometimes goes over my head.
Voter suppression, FTW!
Ken Blackwell must be so proud of his little Kochsucker.
Why, did he make the best-dressed list?
Apartheid is alive and well in Kochistan.
Just think of the $28 as just another tax. But instead of a sales tax, it is a poll tax. Nothing wrong with that, right?
Look on the bright side – these people won't be able to vote, but they'll probably all get out of Jury Duty!
When Barry loses Wisconsin next year to some idiot Tea Bagger, he can sit and ponder why he didn't do anything to help out the states (IN, OH, WI, MI) when they needed him most. Voter ID, redistricting to the point of ridiculousness, etc. etc. etc. I can't believe my Wisconsin has been turned into Mississippi in a matter of 6 months (sorry Mississippi).
Can you name the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? No? (Conquest, War, Death and Famine).
Conquest and War seem duplicative. What happened to Pestilence?
Couldn't afford health insurance and died after being thrown from his horse.
I remember when Wisconsin was all "Hey, it's cool, let's help all the eligible people vote. You can even register the day of the election. Come on homeless fella, step right up. Being homeless isn't a crime," like it was just a few short months ago…Because it fucking was!
" And when it comes to establishing your world view, I was curious, what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read before you were tapped for this — to stay informed and to understand the world? "
POTUS will not like this. Or, four of them won't like this. That elitist fucker Anthony Kennedy will no doubt go along with it.
Let the words of Ralph Nader never be forgotten: Gore's and Bushes' Supreme Court appointments wouldn't be that different. Waste your vote on me and fuck the Democrats.
Country AND Western!
Are you guys still saying "lamestain" and "harsh realm"?
Designated Driver Dane would possibly be the greatest thing ever. You know, since I'm not an Ohioan pro-lifer.
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