ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST  1:24 pm July 26, 2011

Barely Legal Furry Sexytime Topples Weirdo Rep. David Wu After All

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

a strange career comes to a strange end. we will miss using this photograph.Well, that was fast! Furry sex aficionado Rep. David Wu announced he will resign after the debt crisis negotiations are over (hahaha, so actually he means “never”) because of this sexytime incident with the 18-year-old daughter of his high school classmate that we heard about only a few days ago. Hooray, Congress is down another creepy pervert sex predator! Only several hundred more to go, we guess. Mostly we feel awful for the young woman that Wu sexed, for obvious reasons. We are also sorry for Nancy Pelosi, who has been spending a lot of her time this summer forced to listen to Democratic lawmakers talk about their sordid peen problems. Oh well, adios to the only member of Congress who will never be remembered for anything besides wearing a homemade Tigger costume, for America.

From MSNBC:

The congressman had been pressured to step down after the House Democratic leader sought an investigation into the woman’s claims that the interaction was unwanted.

Wu, 56, a seven-term Democrat from Portland whose unusual behavior had been the subject of news stories earlier in the year, has said the encounter was consensual.

In a statement, he said, “I cannot care for my family the way I wish while serving in Congress and fighting these very serious allegations.”

Wu continued, “The wellbeing of my children must come before anything else. With great sadness, I therefore intend to resign effective upon the resolution of the debt-ceiling crisis.”

And that is that. Thank God at least Twitter wasn’t involved. [MSNBC]

 
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{ 124 comments }

tihond July 26, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Meanwhile, a fresh load of diapers shows up at the Senate for David Vitter.

KenLayIsAlive July 26, 2011 at 1:55 pm

"Fresh load" and David Vitter in the same sentence? That's about right.

Come here a minute July 26, 2011 at 1:28 pm

The wonderful thing about Wu is that he's the only one. He's the only one!

fuflans July 26, 2011 at 1:30 pm

bouncy bouncy fun fun fun!

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 26, 2011 at 1:28 pm

And, yet, David Vitter is still a Senator.

Think about it, won't you?

ManchuCandidate July 26, 2011 at 1:32 pm

I need to put on my thinking Huggies.

hollywooddood July 26, 2011 at 1:58 pm

The Party of Family Values is much more accepting of these matters.

DashboardBuddha July 26, 2011 at 2:05 pm

My thoughts exactly. Affairs with Dems? Kick the fucker out. A GOPPER has diaper sex with a prostitute? Standing O from Santorum.

orygoon July 26, 2011 at 2:05 pm

A senator from Louisiana. Have you ever been there? And I don't mean Nawlins, I mean the backwater.

Rarian Rakista July 27, 2011 at 2:37 am

Only cardinal sin for Republican is being queerosexual.

Negropolis July 27, 2011 at 2:53 am

Someone grab me my thinking grenades. Thanks.

Barb July 26, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Crouching tiger, hidden predator.

mourningnmerica July 26, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Crouching tiger, hidden drag queen.

comrad_darkness July 26, 2011 at 3:33 pm

please, that is an insult to drag queens. Fur belongs on a collar, thank you.

johnnyzhivago July 26, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Sorry, but one lunatic Democrat isn't going to balance out the Republican congress on this debt thing-a-ma-wuchit….

fuflans July 26, 2011 at 1:30 pm

what does this have to do with cutting taxes for job creaters????

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Mark Foley would have been trying to ass-fuck Christopher Robin.

nappyduggs July 26, 2011 at 1:36 pm

While using Poo's beloved pot o' honey for the lubez.

LettucePrey July 26, 2011 at 1:31 pm

True fact: Wu was med school roommates with Bill Frist. *Eagerly awaiting grainy 80s photos of frat-boy-esque hijinks.*

johnnyzhivago July 26, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Like Frist dressed up as piglet?

Terry July 26, 2011 at 2:27 pm

One change. Not Piglet, but a piglet. Trussed with an apple in his mouth.

SexySmurf July 26, 2011 at 1:31 pm

He's still a better tiger mother than Amy Chua.

mumbly_joe July 26, 2011 at 3:12 pm

He's really more of a Tigger Dad than Tiger Mom, though.

Geminisunmars July 26, 2011 at 1:31 pm

At last there is motivation to bring this debt-sealing debate to a conclusion.

ManchuCandidate July 26, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Sucks to be Wu.

glamourdammerung July 26, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Remember how vigilant the Republicans were in getting rid of Mark Foley?

By "getting rid of", I meant actively covering up.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 26, 2011 at 8:44 pm

"House Democratic leader sought an investigation into the woman’s claims that the interaction was unwanted."

So, if the 18-year-old was all enthusiastic about this, there's no problem? No wonder so many pervs and nutjobs want to be representatives.

glamourdammerung July 26, 2011 at 9:21 pm

If that is the age of consent in that state, then there is no problem from a legal standpoint. However, Foley admitted to breaking the law as he did have sexual contact with minors.

Besides, the Democratic leadership was pretty clear about wanting to get rid of him before this due to his other interesting behavior.

themcwow July 26, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Seven terms.

SayItWithWookies July 26, 2011 at 1:53 pm

The scandal! It's almost as though the girl didn't make this information public until recently.

Goonemeritus July 26, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Wow he left before Rush could even drag out the old cookie that disgraced Democrats never resign. This seems kind of unfair to poor Rush now he will have to do his show prep all over again.

DaRooster July 26, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Meh, I can flow pretty damn good on a couple of Oxys…

MinAgain July 26, 2011 at 1:34 pm

There's a pussy joke somewhere in this story…

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 1:35 pm

"…investigation into the woman’s claims that the interaction was unwanted."
"Wu… has said the encounter was consensual."

I guess he must have swipped her a Wu-fee.

Oblios_Cap July 26, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Well played, young sir.

inapewetrust July 26, 2011 at 1:35 pm

why doesn't his tiger costume have fingers? why is he sitting there with basically just tiger socks over his hands? are the only requirements for being a congressman truly just being dumb and slutty and despising other people? bah.

KenLayIsAlive July 26, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Yeah, that suit is gross. Seems like something that gives you an instant rash upon contact.

Then again, so does the congressman.

MissTaken July 26, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Not gonna lie, it's the tiger socks for 'paws' that take that outfit from just furry to sexy furry

AJWjr. July 26, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Some homeless guy at the stop sign wearing tiger socks on his hands and a spray bottle of urine or spit was trying to "wash" my windshield the other day, I had to pay him a dollar to stay away from my car.

mumbly_joe July 26, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Wow, you're making me thing I should run for congress. I mean… two out of three ain't bad, is it? Plus, I already have a viable fursona

V572 Hair of Destiny July 26, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Not to judge Wu, but isn't it craven the way these guys (Ensign, the Wide-stancer, Weiner, etc) want to negotiate their inevitable departures? "Okay, I'll quit my committee chairmanship. Are you happy now? No? How 'bout if I don't run again — is that good enough? What? Okay, fuck it, guess I'll have to spend more time with what's left of my family."

Yes I posted this in the last item, but now it's appropriate! So deleted it over there. The oeuvre must be groomed and tended to.

DemonicRage July 26, 2011 at 1:37 pm

The nation is in serious economic peril. I think it is the patriotic duty of this guy and for Anthony Weiner to….this one, dress up in his furry costume, and Weiner, put on the infamous pair of gray jersey briefs and each of them, grind against large stuffed animals…..for donations to the national debt of course. Broadcast the event on CNN, with call in pledges from similarly patriotic minded citizens. (Alternate pose would be each of them use his own hand, while looking at the half of the poster for the new Justin Bateman movie where Ryan Reynolds is squeezing the upper legs of two young women, while squeezing his mouth into a perfect "O." There's something very patriotic about that poster, too.)

littlebigdaddy July 26, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Pics or GTFO.

metamarcisf July 26, 2011 at 1:39 pm

"I therefore intend to resign effective upon the resolution of the debt-ceiling crisis – or when the Bills win the Super Bowl, whichever comes second"

DemonicRage July 26, 2011 at 5:13 pm

I was thinking about that too. Who comes second: the guy in the furry suit, or the (whatever) underneath him?

Oblios_Cap July 26, 2011 at 1:40 pm

So he's an Oregon tree-hugger, eh? Do his Birkenstocks go over or in the Tigger costume?

tessiee July 27, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Give the guy a break.
All the organic costume shops in Portland were completely sold out of spotted owl costumes.

Schmannnity July 26, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Mediocrity and mendacity abhor a vacuum.

comrad_darkness July 26, 2011 at 1:44 pm

David says, "Oh Wu is me . . ."

orygoon July 26, 2011 at 1:44 pm

Snark aside, I hope we get a more popular and less flaky Dem firmly ensconced in this seat.

My own district was represented by the underrated solid liberal Darlene Hooley when I moved here, and now is held by a Blue-Dog-Caucus dem named Schrader. This makes me sad–but, it must be allowed, not as sad as I was back in Texas.

4TheTurnstiles July 26, 2011 at 1:51 pm

From 1994-96 that seat was held by the colossal dumbshit Jim Bunn. A bag of burgerville wrappers was smarter than that illiterate proto-teabagger. He made boring TV Guide reading Darlene Hooley look like fucking Leon Trotsky. Correspondence with that asshat was not unlike exchanging letters with a streetcorner ranter in temporary prison lockdown. Exasperation in Gladstone, let me tell you.

donner_froh July 26, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Since it's Portland he tiger costume must have been locally sourced as well as the consensual/non-consensual 18 year old.

What a putz.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 26, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Must have got the idea from the mayor who banged the babysitter. Got to do something on those long rainy days…

Oblios_Cap July 26, 2011 at 2:18 pm

I'm sure that she was a free-range teen.

LiveToServeYa July 26, 2011 at 1:46 pm

… it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and furry,
Signifying nothing.

edgydrifter July 26, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Speaking as a liberal Oregonian, let me say a lot of us grew weary of PedoTigger's shenanigans a long time ago (to say nothing of his weak record actually representing his constituency effectively in DC). We're sorry it had to happen this way, but we're not sorry to see him go.

DashboardBuddha July 26, 2011 at 2:10 pm

"PedoTigger"

Win!

MissTaken July 26, 2011 at 2:24 pm

"PedoTigger" is all kinds of wonderful!

Mumbletypeg July 26, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Take comfort, Wu. As soon as some network seizes upon "Dancing with the Pervs," you'll be green-lighted to really let your furreak-flag fly.

Just don't sign on with any show starting with "So You Think You Can…?" because, well, the lesson learned just now should've been Oh No You Can't.

horsedreamer_1 July 26, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Cosplay with the Stars! Have Bristol in a gorilla suit pair with Wu in a tiger suit!

ifthethunderdontgetya July 26, 2011 at 1:48 pm

the only member of Congress who will never be remembered for anything besides wearing a homemade Tigger costume

So fatalistic, Kirsten. While there's time, there's hope.

Furries in Congress aren't the same as the Highlander, after all.
~

elviouslyqueer July 26, 2011 at 1:48 pm

*sigh* Between the tweeted junk shots and the affairs with 18-year-old girls, I'm beginning to get all misty-eyed for another good gayboy scandal. Your move, Reince Priebus.

horsedreamer_1 July 26, 2011 at 2:42 pm

I'll put the word out at Le Cage.

horsedreamer_1 July 26, 2011 at 1:49 pm

At least he gets cheap dry-cleaning for his costumes.

Sharkey July 26, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Wu hoo!

horsedreamer_1 July 26, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I feel heavy metal!

PuckStopsHere July 26, 2011 at 1:52 pm

It sounds like it wasn't his family he was most interested in caring for. What a perv. I happen to own and operate a teenager. Some 56-year-old sicko comes after her and he's getting a 2×4 in the nuts. Then he's getting it up the ass. And then he's going to suck on it. Hard. For a good, long while. It's up to him whether or not he wears the tiger outfit while this is going on.

BlueMonkeh July 26, 2011 at 2:14 pm

My 17 year old daughter would take care of the groin kneeing and then would turn it over to her parents and little brother for the follow-up ass-kicking. Then we'd let our Boxers take over. They like to eat fences and siding and dig big holes.

MozakiBlocks July 26, 2011 at 9:18 pm

The phrase "well, he needed killin'" does come to mind.

Sue4466 July 26, 2011 at 1:53 pm

So this mean he changes into his Eeyore costume, right?

weejee July 26, 2011 at 2:21 pm

You sure that is a Tigger suit and not a Hobbes?

arcane_allusion July 26, 2011 at 3:04 pm

God no. Do not soil Hobbes with this fool.

These types of degenerates aspire to be the simplistic Tigger. Now if If he was a genius with a strong moral compass (in congress? yeah right!), then he would aspire to be Hobbes.

Geminisunmars July 26, 2011 at 4:48 pm

He looks about as skanky as the Cheetohs cheetah.

P_Drizzle July 26, 2011 at 1:55 pm

See, I read "Wu, 56, a seven-SPERM Democrat" and thought: of course he only has seven sperm. He's a liberal pansy.

SayItWithWookies July 26, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Wu promises to resign sooner if we all pitch in and buy him an ice cream truck.

Crank_Tango July 26, 2011 at 1:56 pm

If there's grass on the savannah, play ball, amirite?

DashboardBuddha July 26, 2011 at 2:08 pm

I wish I was making this up, but when I was a teacher, I had a "colleague" who said "if there's no grass on the field, turn her over and play in the mud" to our STUDENTS. This fucker is still a teacher and I left the profession because I couldn't take the politics any more (with very few exceptions, administrators are incompetent, tin hat little empire builders).

This is OT, I know but I had a sort of PTSD (Post Teaching Stress Disorder) reaction there.

Crank_Tango July 26, 2011 at 2:16 pm

understandable.
you could have also had a reaction to the tiger bit….a fucking tiger man!!! never get out of the fucking boat!!! never get out of the fucking boat!!!!

Callyson July 26, 2011 at 1:57 pm

If only we could get the members of Congress who are in bed with the banks and the oil companies to resign now…
…oh, wait, then we would have about 20 members left at most…
…then again, if only…

DerrickWildcat July 26, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Pitchin' some wu

SmutBoffin July 26, 2011 at 2:05 pm

He is resigning to spend more time with his Oxycontin, unwilling groping victims, and Klingon language tapes.

elburritodeluxe July 26, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Can we all just be thankful his name isn't Wang?

BlueMonkeh July 26, 2011 at 2:15 pm

HA! Would've have made a nice bookend to the Weiner affair, no?

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 2:16 pm

But think of all the Wang Chung snarks we could make!!

gurukalehuru July 27, 2011 at 9:52 am

very

baconzgood July 26, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Wu-Tang Canned.

weejee July 26, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Not caned?

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Not poon?

baconzgood July 26, 2011 at 2:46 pm

typo

bigdupa July 26, 2011 at 2:10 pm

At least he's not a homo.

LiveToServeYa July 26, 2011 at 3:00 pm

Or a pedo. Not with an 18-year-old. Just a creep.

SmutBoffin July 26, 2011 at 2:12 pm

It took 3 days, from accusation to resignation, to get this dumbass out. The FoxNews graphics dept. didn't even have time to put up a "Are all Democrats rapists?" chyron.

weejee July 26, 2011 at 2:12 pm

talk about their sordid peen problems

Perhaps they should be shot peened with a 12 gauge to help relieve surface tension.

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 2:13 pm

I just can't understand this. A 56-year-old jumping on 18-year-old bones. At 52, I am opportunistically/occasionally banging a 30-year-old (who obviously has some daddy issues), and feel a little odd about it, though her attitude about the whole thing allows me to justify it in my head. And she made the first move. But I can't imagine justifying the carnal act with someone that young, especially the friend of one of my kids, and putting the moves on her to boot. Ick.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 26, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Been there. I kind of freak out when they say "Spank me Daddy!"

elburritodeluxe July 26, 2011 at 2:21 pm

you get a thumbs up just for banging a 30 year old

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 2:28 pm

I figger it's probably the last time in my life I'm gonna have the opportunity with one so young and delectable without just flat out forking over the cash to a professional. And yeah, it feeds the ego just a bit, except when the waitress or bartender says "And what will your daughter be having?"

SayItWithWookies July 26, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Just say "Her daddy." That should make things hideously awkward for a while.

horsedreamer_1 July 26, 2011 at 2:44 pm

In a movie — & you know which type I mean — that would lead to a three-way.

James Michael Curley July 26, 2011 at 2:23 pm

You apparently didn't read Lolita under sheets late at night when you were thirteen years old.

Or, maybe you did.

DaRooster July 26, 2011 at 2:25 pm

That's what you get for having a conscience… but you wouldn't be a politician… so there's that.

Guppy06 July 26, 2011 at 3:38 pm

My personal feelings are that there is a threshold of crazy beyond which I cannot fathom sticking it in, and most teenagers are well beyond that line by default.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 26, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Vitter, are you paying attention?

weejee July 26, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Vitter late than never?

Monsieur_Grumpe July 26, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Ouch! That comment is making me miss the downfist button.

Geminisunmars July 26, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Wow. I didn't even notice until I read your comment. I suppose it was done to make McDownfisty's head explode. I don't suppose he was Norwegian, was he?

simplyblue7 July 26, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Oddly enough…the title of this post is actually the title of an adult film ::womp::womp::

genxr July 26, 2011 at 2:26 pm

This is serious. When our elected representatives dress up like tigers and signal surrender to the caliphate, or freedumz ar in trubble.

widestanceroman July 26, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Et tu, Wu?

MissTaken July 26, 2011 at 2:29 pm

“The wellbeing of my children must come before anything else."

I think staying far, far away from your children at all times is probably the best way to protect their wellbeing, Tigger.

slowhansolo July 26, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Bad news for Cindy Lou Wu, who was only two…

Rosie_Scenario July 26, 2011 at 2:31 pm

We need Al Swearingen to yell "Wu!" I miss "Deadwood." That is all.

horsedreamer_1 July 26, 2011 at 2:46 pm

"Am I the one who sexually harassed the donor's daughter?"

"No, man, Wu did it…"

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 3:08 pm

"Well no, like I said, Wu peed on the rug–"

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Some chicks just dig the bow tie more than the blue oval…

sezme July 26, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Little-known fact: Wu is Chinese for Weiner.

owhatever July 26, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Mrs. Wu now gets to kick him in his sexy parts and throw his sorry ass out the front door. What the hell is with these politicians (both parties) who think this stuff won't catch up to them. Saying sorry after you're caught doesn't work beyond the fifth grade.

Geminisunmars July 26, 2011 at 4:59 pm

It had to be Wu
It had to be Wu
I wundered around
And finally found
The somebody who
Could make me be true
Could make me feel blue

thefrontpage July 26, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Whew, Wu, you wild with women!

In November, 2010, of course, the well-being of his friend's children obviously took precedent.

thefrontpage July 26, 2011 at 5:31 pm

It would be okay to have legal intercourse or relations with an 18-year-old, but when the actions are alleged to have been unwanted, unwarranted, forced and allegedly against the girl's wishes, that's what takes the incident into Bad Behavior Land.

If the alleged relations were completely agreed-upon by both involved parties, and everyone agreed to what they did, then Wu should have gotten some type of award.

tessiee July 27, 2011 at 10:50 pm

"If the alleged relations were completely agreed-upon by both involved parties, … then Wu should have gotten some type of award."

What, boinking somebody one-third your age isn't enough of an award?

SaintRond July 26, 2011 at 7:36 pm

I defy anyone to put on a Tigger suit and not get a boner.

Negropolis July 27, 2011 at 3:11 am

The "wellbeing of my children" line was the kicker given what we've profiled on Wonkette about his parenting skills that nearly cost him his job a few months back. This guy needs serious, professional help. It's sad it had to come about this way, but apparently, others had tried to get him help and he quite literally ran from them.

ttommyunger July 27, 2011 at 12:13 pm

“The wellbeing of my children must come before anything else…." Except the groping of teenage hotties.

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