Hey, Ohio! From now on it seems, odds are pretty good that the maniac driving like a sloshed fool down the state highway is one of your elected representatives. And don’t ask him why he isn’t wearing a shirt. He’s not wearing a shirt because he’s sweaty, obviously there is a heat wave everyone, which also means as a big fat corollary that it’s not cool for him to get out of his car because he, your elected lawmaker, is too modest to appear on the police cruiser dash cam. What kind of state trooper doesn’t understand that? Ohio Rep. Jarrod Martin would like to know, because a state trooper just cited him for drunk driving after Martin refused to get out of his vehicle to take the sobriety test on these very grounds. That’s excellent logic! What other weird arguments has Rep. Jarrod Martin used lately? Perhaps he believes forced birth is a good idea for American women to help the U.S. compete with China’s population?
Yeah, sure, why not. Abortion is bad because the U.S. can never possibly catch up to the 1.3 billion people in China as long as American women are allowed to have abortions. That is why Martin supported Ohio’s utterly batshit unconstitutional/pointless fetal heartbeat bill.
Let’s watch:
And here is the story of Martin’s drunk driving charge, for the fetuses:
On the side of the roadway, Martin refused to submit to field sobriety tests and a “chemical” test of his blood, breath or urine, Ralston said. As a result, he will automatically lose his driver’s license for one year. He was released at the scene with one of the adult passengers behind the wheel.
“The cop says he wants to give him a sobriety test. (Martin) said, ‘I’m not taking any test. I’ve not done anything,’” said Longtime Greene County Republican John Broughton.
Martin did not want to be seen on video recorded by cruiser’s dashboard camera system shirtless and dirty from working on the family’s cabin, Broughton said.
Enjoy taking crappy Columbus public transportation to work for the rest of the summer, bozo. [Dayton Daily News/ Youtube; thanks to Wonkette operative "Brett T."]
{ 208 comments }
Well, he DOES have a fetus face…
This is why I am a staunch supporter of mid-term congressional abortions.
Has to be before the third trimester
Hey, as long as it is before they slash social security and medicare, I don't care when it happens.
I was thinking Neaderthal.
It is a fetus face, I'd recognize it anywhere!
Tenth-grade biology class, pig-fetus-in-a-jar. Every high school had one, back in the day.
You and your fancy high schoolin'. We didn't have no jars for our pig fetuses.
Martin did not want to be seen on video recorded by cruiser’s dashboard camera system shirtless and dirty from working on the family’s
cabinpig brothel, Broughton said.Worst. Burlesque. Ever.
That face just screams: "I'm a hypocritical asshole, and I beat my wife on the weekends. FOR FREEDOM."
Close, but that was another fine Ohio legislator:
And on July 11, the wife of state Sen. Kris Jordan, R-Powell, called 9-1-1 in Delaware County, alleging that he was pushing her around and threatening her. No one was arrested in that incident.
So, he's an Old Testament Xtian.
"Off the pigs!"
- The White Teabagger Party
Do you and I see "off the pigs" in the same way? (see above post)
Step away from the llama, sir.
hmm. I think you are referring to – "get off a pig" or perhaps "get off on a pig". But I would guess its about 50/50 for the tea baggers.
Speaking of offing pigs, check out your newest money saving invention brought to you by the job creators – a machine that can decapitate 1200 pigs per hour! (WARNING: Kortney would not approve: Not for the faint of heart or anyone who want to eat pork for a while):
http://dvice.com/archives/2011/06/say-hello-to-th…
today's pigs are tomorrow's bacon!
they better pork out today!
If I upfist this comment, will I be featured in a future Wonkette post about approving of cop killing?
Riding backwards on a pig, fat, ugly, racist Republican monkey?
At least he's honest that opposing abortion has everything to do with forcing women to birth lots of soon-to-be-exploited-workers and fuckall to do with when "life begins" or protecting fetuses.
Let this be a message to all us "little ladies" out there of child-bearing age: if we stay barefoot and pregnant, we can get more kids into AP classes!
(Because kids who are popped out in the name of competition–whose families can't afford to raise a family and who are now in need of public assistance, which they also shouldn't have–are totally destined to take AP classes.)
Man, I miss the old days when all you had to do was finish your broccoli because kids in China were starving.
I can just hear it now… "Eat your dumplings, Min… There are starving children in Lansing, MI!"
"Hail to thee, fat person–you've kept us out of war!"
A woman with kids is a lot less likely to get all up in your face and walk right out when ever she feels like it.
That is just not right, and he is doing what he can to change that.
working on the family’s cabin
So that's what the fat, drunk, and stupid Republican former-kids are calling it these days.
Ohio in the house!
P.S. That pic is from my personal collection, my apt. is just a few blocks away.
~
Just a
Molotov Cocktailstone's throw away?In 2008, I worked the last few weeks before the election on GOTV a few blocks from the ORP offices, and went by it every night on my way home. Childish, I know, but it felt so good to flip that place off every single night…
Fellow Ohioian! How do you not TP the lawn?? I would be unable to bear its disgustingly close proximity.
Give them all Pinto’s and an open bar and make them all drive on a closed circuit track at the same time. “Many enter one man leaves”
Cause they like the rear end action?
Boom boom goes the Pinto!
Oooohhh, yes, Death Race 2011! Put all the current Republican members of Congress and the Senateon the track and sees who makes it out. Then use the winner as quarry in a shooting match. That would be a great way to get rid of Repubs!
The arresting officer should consider himself lucky. In South Carolina, he would have been shot for subverting the constitution.
The fourth amendment was written with the liver in mind.
Has everyone else noticed that Downfisty McTroll's ability to downfist has been removed? Now how will s/he spend her/his time?
So many bags of Cheetos, so little time.
Yes, and we're enjoying it.
As to the latter, I hope he takes up another hobby. Like self-immolation. Think of it like masturbation (something we know you're familiar with, McFisty) but with fire.
I pity his mother. Not only won't he move out of the basement. Now he really has nothing to do.
Maybe he'll finally get the grass cut and the leaves cleaned out of the gutters now.
A stroke of brilliance that, but imagine the frustrated rage!
My self esteem has gone Way Up since that happened!
I got a really fun game for mcfisty, put on a pair of handcuffs around a heavy piece of furniture. Then swallow the keys.
It's a kind of a race to see what happens first game.
Tubesocks, Jerkins lotion and a giant box of Kleenex?
"Friday night" in this neck of the woods.
Realistically? Some Volvo 240 owner is gonna get their tires screwed.
Clearly a victim of fetal alcohol syndrome.
Just like Boner!
(Martin) said, ‘I’m not taking any test. I’ve not done anything."
In fairness, he thought it was a science test.
I’m not taking any test. I’ve not done anything
That's how he whined his way to a pass in Grade 9 Al-gebra.
Al-gebra
Creeping sharia! How do you think our soldiers feel coming back to America and hearing some Middle Eastern term?
Look at the guy. He did us a favor. If he got out of the car, we'd have to watch that thing shirtless before snarking.
Because of his selfless actions, we can now snark with our lunches staying down where they belong.
Video of the stop is expected to be released by Friday, Ralston said.
Better not eat anything too heavy.
Video of the stop is expected to be released by Friday, Ralston said.
Better eat a light lunch, is all I'm saying.
the U.S. can never possibly catch up to the 1.3 billion people in China as long as American women are allowed to have abortions.
Maybe they should come up with some legislation to force the bitchez to put out more frequently. Fuckin' cock teasers.
We needz some a that there Handsmaid legislation dang nabit!
What GD double H we payin these guys for anyway?
"the U.S. can never possibly catch up to the 1.3 billion people in China as long as American women are allowed to have abortions."
Not only that, but drunk, shirtless Chinese men probably get pulled over by cops everyday….
"Hey I'm Pro-Life… unless you are on the road and I'm driving drunk you fuckin' ash-hole!"
Was a Preborn-American harmed in this incident? No! So STFU, all you haters!
"working on the family's cabin" is illegal in Texas, South Carolina and 7 other states below the Mason-Dixon line.
"As a result, he will automatically lose his driver’s license for one year."
Fuggit… get me a helicopter and a limo… I'm "big boned".
"Big boned"?
I kinda doubt that.
Like Christie… and Eric Cartman.
The dude does look Corn Fed.
Corn, taters and pork chops.
Bones don't jiggle.
"Yeah, keep 'em alive so I can run them down in a drunken stupor!"
That's a face that just screams DOUCHEBAG! You just know this guy played HS football and beat on little goth kids he perceived as queer, before graduating to legislative oppression of women.
That's a face that says, 'yes, I have tried putting Louis Gohmert up my ass [but got stuck on those ears].'
I was thinking more along the lines that he may have just been the "fat kid" as opposed to being "football fat".
You know who ELSE wanted white women to breed faster so his country could take on the world?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/gcsebitesize/history…
Colonel Klink??
Jim Bob Duggar?
Seriously. And he doesn't understand why people call him a redneck asshole.
Nicolae Ceauşescu?
Margaret Sanger?
Henry VIII?
John Gibson?
Justice Scalia?
Joseph Smith?
Ol' Mother Hubbard?
Hugh Hefner?
The Octomom's unethical doctor?
To be fair, a fetus born before the civil war had a better chance of something something, obama, nazi, freedum, etc.
A better chance of NOT getting hit and killed by a drunk guy driving a car?
It might seem as if you're not really trying with this comment, but you show a high degree of Wonkette reading comprehension.
Too Soon!
Actually, I'm never really trying.
State Representative Martin should be praised for his selfless work with unwed mothers (just helping them get their start).
Well, if he's a rich Republican, he probably meant "working on the family's cabin cruiser."
In other words… this fat fuck's solution to overseas competition is to increase class size, and to pay teachers even less than we already do? What a genius.
So Lizzie, here is a fat-faced white fuck you can feel free to go off on!
Thanks, baby, he is a repulsive, bloated, cunt-faced, mouth-breathing, vomit-spackled, pig-eyed, hypocritical, Tea-Bagging, impotent, self-important little fuck, isn't he?
I've not been able to keep up here. How was the audition? Did they recognize talent when they saw it?
I want to party with this sack of shit.
What is Ohio for?
Answer: Ohio is for pointing at a map and saying "THANK FUCKING-GOD I DON'T LIVE THERE".
It simply marks the other side of the Appalachians.
Whoa whoa whoa! Let's be a little pragmatic here and set our sights on competing with India first and see how that goes. If we can deal with the stench and squalor of 500 million people using the Missouri and Mississippi rivers as a cemetery/public bath/and drinking water source…then we tackle China.
FTW +++++
He also made adult adoption legal in Ohio.
Paging Senator Vitter….
If he'd had on his shirt, the officer would have seen his flag pin, and let him drive on.
A rat faced slimy little fucker. It is no wonder he is all in for forced pregnancy. Who would have this smarly little bastards child?
You know who else was for forced pregnancy?
Josef Fritzl.
Josef Stalin?
my mother in law?
Ha cha cha cha cha cha.
The antagonists in A Handmaid's Tale?
Doc Arnold, the local veterinarian specializing in cattle.
Man. I'm a drunkard. Maybe I should move 50 miles west and be a politician in Ohio…..Wait a sec, that would mean I'd have to live in Ohio. Ohio smells wierd.
You could do like my friend who lives in WV and works in OH, but I don't really see an upside to this.
"Martin did not want to be seen on video recorded by cruiser’s dashboard camera system
shirtlesscompletely naked and dirty fromworking oncrawling on the ground masturbating to young boys at the family’s cabin…"As Kristen pointed out, he's a ginger, and I am guessing in *both* senses. He has that look of evil in his eyes that comes from repression and self-hatred.
America's embryos sob as they realize that their champion is a greasy fat piece of drunk white trash dogshit.
If I did not want to be seen shirtless in public, I would make a point of wearing a shirt in public. But clearly I understand the concept of personal responsibility far too well to be a conservative.
Maybe he wasn't shirtless. Maybe his furry avatar is a pig and he puts on his costume by simply taking off his clothes. Maybe he didn't want to get out of the car because driving while wearing his costume was giving him a chubby and he was embarrassed. Who hasn't this sort of thing happened to?
What an amateur — where's the prostitute, Representative Martin?
He was released at the scene with one of the adult passengers behind the wheel.
Apparently, the stripper still had her shirt on.
No prostitute? There should be a (D) after his name, not an (R). Shame on you, Wonkette.
"… I've not done anything… decent and un-evil in… hmm… seems like forever."
Drinking and driving is one thing, but sometimes I suspect that the Tea Partiers are drinking and voting.
Don't you wish there were an excuse?
Pro-life, except for the victims.
Victims need to learn to pull themselves up (or out of the wreckage of their car) by their own bootstraps.
Did not quite have the foresight to not drive drunk, but was concerned about how his shirtless pic would look. Immediately, I suspect there may be tattoos. . .
Frankly, I'd rather snark on his heaving sweaty massivi-tie than look at that porcine eye-swallowing face.
Eye-swallowing FTW.
I suspect there may be tattoos.
Good point, and maybe of the white pride variety?
Too bad he wasn't in Indiana like the last douche as it wouldabin straight to the hoosegow and a blood test.
Headline from the Dayton Daily News:
Beavercreek state representative faces OVI allegation
Beavercreek?!? This shit writes itself…
Also:
This is the third personal issue involving Republican lawmakers this year.
State Rep. Robert Mecklenborg, R-Cincinnati, resigned under pressure after failing to disclose his arrest in Indiana on a drunken driving charge. And on July 11, the wife of state Sen. Kris Jordan, R-Powell, called 9-1-1 in Delaware County, alleging that he was pushing her around and threatening her. No one was arrested in that incident
And that's just the Reeps in Ohio…
…your move, Arizona, or Alabama, or…
Apparently they are all drunk with success as the voters of Ohio saw fit to put them in total control of everything, reminding me to avoid Ohio, along with Alabama, Texas, Missouri etc…
Kirsten whiff'd on this one. How could one pass up " Martin (R-Bevercreek)?"
Greene County, BTW, is where I grew up. In the hills of Southern Ohio. The county seat is Xenia – a tornado went through that poor town twice, and it just was never the same again.
I'm just waiting for all these drunk driving Republicans to blame the screams of the aborted fetuses for why they drink party liquor.
Hey Jarrod….SHOW US YOUR TITS!!!!
You're equal opportunity……JUST LIKE A LIBERAL!!!!!
It's true, public transportation here does indeed blow chunks.
this is actually the dude who should have played dudley dursley.
drunk, shirtless and dirty, and playing the situation so that he'll never, ever, ever have to admit to drunk driving.
truly, the GOP is the party of personal responsibility!
and not "family cabin" fap parties!
I’m not taking any test. I’ve not done anything
I was not aware that was considered a valid defense in any court in this country. Thank you, Pigface McRatfucker, for showing me how to stay outta trouble.
OJ said HE didn't do it, also. Good enough for me, move along…
Meh.
Dead hooker, live boy or GTFO.
When he gets older, he has a bright future as a Republican "Young Gun"
Don't you need a nazi uniform for that?
He's probably already got one…GOP + Ohio = there's one in a closet somewhere
Cocksucker doesn't need a uniform – he already looks like a Nazi.
When he gets older? He might not make it…
They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'
BLOOD (Alcohol Level) LIBEL!
At the intersection of DWI and Voter ID Laws lies the <a href' Ignition Interlock License. Let's see how proudly he displays his in November…
EDIT: html. fuck.
Shirtless? He should be wearing a burqa instead.
Drunk, fat and ginger is no way to go through life, son.
I suppose if Rep. Martin (Drunk Driver – Ohio) had run over and killed a pregnant woman, his defense would be that he'd prevented her from having an abortion?
Are we sure that pic isn't photoshopped? He looks like a Pekingese….
State Rep. Jack O'Lantern.
He must have enormous nipples.
What-the-weird-shit? The Wonkette home page has disappeared from the Internets! And the Wonkette logo and recent-story stats have disappeared from these post-pages.
"recent-story stats have disappeared from these post-pages."
And still gone for me. Also, the Blogroll is MIA.
Karmic retribution for removing the downfist option?
Not in Ohio!
Of course, the way republicans get around that is by registering someplace where they don't live.
You know, the only actual known cases of voter fraud from the past decade?
Not in Ohio!
Of course, the way republicans get around that is by registering someplace where they don't live.
You know, the only actual known cases of voter fraud from the past decade?
oh good. I thought wonkette fired me or something.
I thought I was busted for wonk'ing on kump-uh-nee time ~~ <<<ZOMGthey'reonto me!…>>>
The Koch brothers have bought Wonkette, and will be revealing the new management and design this afternoon.
Got a 503 service unavailable for about the last half hour. Guess this answers the question "What will the downfister do?"
Whew. It wasn't just me. I thought I heard the screams of the Wonkettes, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror.
"The snark is strong with this one."
…and we're back!
God, it sounds like I did some work just in time to miss the big power outage. Whew!
Dude, get out of the car! Nobody cares about your man boobs.
Hey, this ain't Wisconsin or somethin'
I thought maybe the company was on to me.
Taking It Seriously and Looking Forward to Vindication. The classic last gasps of a politician caught in the act of being a politician (i.e., sleazy as shit).
I want to be on every DUI jury, so that I can convict the veiny-nosed asshats, every single one. No, I'm not biased; don't kick me out of that jury pool.
OT, but oh lookie. Marcus and Michele's campaign to get rid of homos appears to be paying off.
Well, there was a reason that Tea Baggers were fighting against passage of tougher Hate Crimes legislation.
But what about tougher self-hate crimes legislation? I'm of the mind that anyone who commits suicide is killing the wrong person. In this case, it's pretty obvious who is the right person(s). But that could just be me.
But officer, he told me he was over twelve. Oh? Put on my shirt? That's all? No, I have not been drinking. I drive this way normally.
He's got a few flag pins in them.
In his defense, Speaker Boehner is his role model. On that basis, he wasn't doing anything wrong.
Ah, a Republican Job Creator in action!
A fat, sweaty, drunk Republican creating fabulous jobs for future feti, who want to be DUI defense attorneys or Rehab therapists or even cheap prostitutes for "hunting trips" with the fellows!
Amazing these assholes are racking up deweys after their legislative session, when they have to buy their own booze instead of an endless assortment of lobbyists picking up their substantial bar tabs.
Looks like a plantation house to me. All it needs is a lawn jockey.
Jesus, for a second I thought that was my rep. Looks just like him. They must squeeze these things out of a giant machine hidden in a cave somewhere.
Why the fuck won't anything I comment show up. I never said anything remotely offensive. Did I get arbitrarily banned before posting anything?
Alright fuck Wonkette – hasn't been funny since Jim Newell left. Take your fascist comment policy and shove it up your ass. I'm never coming to this shit site again.
Driving around shirtless with after "working on a cabin" all weekend. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
What I don't understand is why the GOP doesn't just rent out a bang bus full of hookers, booze and blow and hire a professional to chauffeur these fine family values fellas around while they get their pathetic little dicks milked out and pass out in their own puke (or someone else's of course) and save the DUI busts and embarrassment. They have to have a budget for this, and dog knows, the moneyboys will pay for it if they don't, good legislation doesn't come cheaply (like it does in Wisconsin).
How about a Wonkette bang bus…sounds cool to me!
It was…
So, there was no shirt anywhere in the vehicle (the "adult" passenger could have got a shirt out of the trunk, for example) that he could put on before exiting the vehicle? Is that too creative a solution for a cretinous legislator to come up with?
Gingers be fuckin' crazy!
He wasn't camera-shy because of being shirtless. It was because he had forgotten to pencil on his eyebrows that morning, duh.
The next person I see wearing an American flag pin is going to get kicked in the shin, drunk or sober.
Keep the wimmins barefoot and preggers! As long as they're white wimmens who are a'scaird of Jeebus of course!
Maurice Clarett for Ohio Assembly.
Because of small pox.
Hey, you take back saying this sot was shirtless because of a heat wave: Rush Blimpbutt says there's no heat wave, we're just spoiled by having air conditioners. Not that the loudmouthed human-porcine hybrid would ever go 15 seconds exposing his horrific flab to the elements.
Is this creative republicanism? He wants to start a breeding contest with China, to end their one child policy and forced abortions.
I suppose he supports forcing nuns to get pregnant too–SO WE CAN COMPETE WITH CHINA! Obviously that is God's will.
Why the realistic cromagnon pic?
I still maintain that this is simply a colorized college yearbook photo from 1961.
New article up on DD — 3 kids in back seat. The family values got even more family-ier.
Damn, even his eyelids are fat, and he's got no eyebrows.
Did I read this correctly? Did they actually let him go without arresting him?
This brings to mind "no one has lost any" for some odd reason. What odd word pairings.
BTW, Ohio, you can keep Toledo, mmkay?
Your Frenemy
- Michigan
Haven't those people always done well?
Working on the cabin. The log cabin. Log cabin Republican.
If this fools reason to prevent a woman’s choice is the lack of population in the US, then maybe he should support making the illegal’s legal?
Fat, drunk, shirtless and stupid is no way to go through life, Son.
And yet another face made for punching. What is it with these Republican Asshats?
Doctor: I'm sorry Mrs. Martin. It lived.
Oh please. You know the only girls downfisty would talk to are the inflatable kinds.
"I was thinking dumbass frat-boy. Bet someone has pictures of him getting
paddledteabagged."Comments on this entry are closed.