REPUBLICAN FAMILY VALUES  3:02 pm July 26, 2011

Yet Another Pro-Life Ohio Lawmaker Charged With Drunk Driving

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

ooooh a ginger this time!Hey, Ohio! From now on it seems, odds are pretty good that the maniac driving like a sloshed fool down the state highway is one of your elected representatives. And don’t ask him why he isn’t wearing a shirt. He’s not wearing a shirt because he’s sweaty, obviously there is a heat wave everyone, which also means as a big fat corollary that it’s not cool for him to get out of his car because he, your elected lawmaker, is too modest to appear on the police cruiser dash cam. What kind of state trooper doesn’t understand that? Ohio Rep. Jarrod Martin would like to know, because a state trooper just cited him for drunk driving after Martin refused to get out of his vehicle to take the sobriety test on these very grounds. That’s excellent logic! What other weird arguments has Rep. Jarrod Martin used lately? Perhaps he believes forced birth is a good idea for American women to help the U.S. compete with China’s population?

Yeah, sure, why not. Abortion is bad because the U.S. can never possibly catch up to the 1.3 billion people in China as long as American women are allowed to have abortions. That is why Martin supported Ohio’s utterly batshit unconstitutional/pointless fetal heartbeat bill.

Let’s watch:

And here is the story of Martin’s drunk driving charge, for the fetuses:

On the side of the roadway, Martin refused to submit to field sobriety tests and a “chemical” test of his blood, breath or urine, Ralston said. As a result, he will automatically lose his driver’s license for one year. He was released at the scene with one of the adult passengers behind the wheel.

“The cop says he wants to give him a sobriety test. (Martin) said, ‘I’m not taking any test. I’ve not done anything,’” said Longtime Greene County Republican John Broughton.

Martin did not want to be seen on video recorded by cruiser’s dashboard camera system shirtless and dirty from working on the family’s cabin, Broughton said.

Enjoy taking crappy Columbus public transportation to work for the rest of the summer, bozo. [Dayton Daily News/ Youtube; thanks to Wonkette operative "Brett T."]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 208 comments }

LettucePrey July 26, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Well, he DOES have a fetus face…

KenLayIsAlive July 26, 2011 at 3:08 pm

This is why I am a staunch supporter of mid-term congressional abortions.

riverside68 July 26, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Has to be before the third trimester

KenLayIsAlive July 26, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Hey, as long as it is before they slash social security and medicare, I don't care when it happens.

Swampgas_Man July 26, 2011 at 3:31 pm

I was thinking Neaderthal.

Lascauxcaveman July 26, 2011 at 6:15 pm

It is a fetus face, I'd recognize it anywhere!

Tenth-grade biology class, pig-fetus-in-a-jar. Every high school had one, back in the day.

Negropolis July 27, 2011 at 1:10 am

You and your fancy high schoolin'. We didn't have no jars for our pig fetuses.

Nostrildamus July 26, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Martin did not want to be seen on video recorded by cruiser’s dashboard camera system shirtless and dirty from working on the family’s cabin pig brothel, Broughton said.

salt_bagel July 26, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Worst. Burlesque. Ever.

MLHencken July 26, 2011 at 3:06 pm

That face just screams: "I'm a hypocritical asshole, and I beat my wife on the weekends. FOR FREEDOM."

elviouslyqueer July 26, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Close, but that was another fine Ohio legislator:

And on July 11, the wife of state Sen. Kris Jordan, R-Powell, called 9-1-1 in Delaware County, alleging that he was pushing her around and threatening her. No one was arrested in that incident.

GOPCrusher July 26, 2011 at 4:50 pm

So, he's an Old Testament Xtian.

KenLayIsAlive July 26, 2011 at 3:06 pm

"Off the pigs!"

- The White Teabagger Party

Nostrildamus July 26, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Do you and I see "off the pigs" in the same way? (see above post)

genxr July 26, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Step away from the llama, sir.

KenLayIsAlive July 26, 2011 at 3:43 pm

hmm. I think you are referring to – "get off a pig" or perhaps "get off on a pig". But I would guess its about 50/50 for the tea baggers.

Speaking of offing pigs, check out your newest money saving invention brought to you by the job creators – a machine that can decapitate 1200 pigs per hour! (WARNING: Kortney would not approve: Not for the faint of heart or anyone who want to eat pork for a while):
http://dvice.com/archives/2011/06/say-hello-to-th

riverside68 July 26, 2011 at 3:44 pm

today's pigs are tomorrow's bacon!

they better pork out today!

tcaalaw July 26, 2011 at 3:43 pm

If I upfist this comment, will I be featured in a future Wonkette post about approving of cop killing?

DahBoner July 26, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Riding backwards on a pig, fat, ugly, racist Republican monkey?

Sue4466 July 26, 2011 at 3:07 pm

At least he's honest that opposing abortion has everything to do with forcing women to birth lots of soon-to-be-exploited-workers and fuckall to do with when "life begins" or protecting fetuses.

LettucePrey July 26, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Let this be a message to all us "little ladies" out there of child-bearing age: if we stay barefoot and pregnant, we can get more kids into AP classes!

(Because kids who are popped out in the name of competition–whose families can't afford to raise a family and who are now in need of public assistance, which they also shouldn't have–are totally destined to take AP classes.)

Man, I miss the old days when all you had to do was finish your broccoli because kids in China were starving.

GunToting[Redacted] July 26, 2011 at 3:47 pm

I can just hear it now… "Eat your dumplings, Min… There are starving children in Lansing, MI!"

AJWjr. July 26, 2011 at 5:24 pm
riverside68 July 26, 2011 at 3:46 pm

A woman with kids is a lot less likely to get all up in your face and walk right out when ever she feels like it.

That is just not right, and he is doing what he can to change that.

ifthethunderdontgetya July 26, 2011 at 3:07 pm

working on the family’s cabin

So that's what the fat, drunk, and stupid Republican former-kids are calling it these days.

Ohio in the house!

P.S. That pic is from my personal collection, my apt. is just a few blocks away.
~

DaRooster July 26, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Just a Molotov Cocktail stone's throw away?

OurHoboSenator July 26, 2011 at 3:21 pm

In 2008, I worked the last few weeks before the election on GOTV a few blocks from the ORP offices, and went by it every night on my way home. Childish, I know, but it felt so good to flip that place off every single night…

karen July 26, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Fellow Ohioian! How do you not TP the lawn?? I would be unable to bear its disgustingly close proximity.

Goonemeritus July 26, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Give them all Pinto’s and an open bar and make them all drive on a closed circuit track at the same time. “Many enter one man leaves”

riverside68 July 26, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Cause they like the rear end action?

Boom boom goes the Pinto!

miss_grundy July 26, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Oooohhh, yes, Death Race 2011! Put all the current Republican members of Congress and the Senateon the track and sees who makes it out. Then use the winner as quarry in a shooting match. That would be a great way to get rid of Repubs!

metamarcisf July 26, 2011 at 3:08 pm

The arresting officer should consider himself lucky. In South Carolina, he would have been shot for subverting the constitution.

horsedreamer_1 July 26, 2011 at 6:52 pm

The fourth amendment was written with the liver in mind.

Sue4466 July 26, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Has everyone else noticed that Downfisty McTroll's ability to downfist has been removed? Now how will s/he spend her/his time?

CrunchyKnee July 26, 2011 at 3:09 pm

So many bags of Cheetos, so little time.

MLHencken July 26, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Yes, and we're enjoying it.

As to the latter, I hope he takes up another hobby. Like self-immolation. Think of it like masturbation (something we know you're familiar with, McFisty) but with fire.

Clancy_Pants July 26, 2011 at 3:24 pm

I pity his mother. Not only won't he move out of the basement. Now he really has nothing to do.

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Maybe he'll finally get the grass cut and the leaves cleaned out of the gutters now.

smashedinhat July 26, 2011 at 3:32 pm

A stroke of brilliance that, but imagine the frustrated rage!

riverside68 July 26, 2011 at 3:49 pm

My self esteem has gone Way Up since that happened!

comrad_darkness July 26, 2011 at 5:14 pm

I got a really fun game for mcfisty, put on a pair of handcuffs around a heavy piece of furniture. Then swallow the keys.

It's a kind of a race to see what happens first game.

DahBoner July 26, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Tubesocks, Jerkins lotion and a giant box of Kleenex?

drrty_martini July 26, 2011 at 9:29 pm

"Friday night" in this neck of the woods.

lumpenprole July 27, 2011 at 2:02 am

Realistically? Some Volvo 240 owner is gonna get their tires screwed.

CarnyTrash July 26, 2011 at 3:08 pm

Clearly a victim of fetal alcohol syndrome.

AJWjr. July 26, 2011 at 5:28 pm

Just like Boner!

MLHencken July 26, 2011 at 3:09 pm

(Martin) said, ‘I’m not taking any test. I’ve not done anything."

In fairness, he thought it was a science test.

ManchuCandidate July 26, 2011 at 3:09 pm

I’m not taking any test. I’ve not done anything

That's how he whined his way to a pass in Grade 9 Al-gebra.

tcaalaw July 26, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Al-gebra

Creeping sharia! How do you think our soldiers feel coming back to America and hearing some Middle Eastern term?

arcane_allusion July 26, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Look at the guy. He did us a favor. If he got out of the car, we'd have to watch that thing shirtless before snarking.

Because of his selfless actions, we can now snark with our lunches staying down where they belong.

elviouslyqueer July 26, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Video of the stop is expected to be released by Friday, Ralston said.

Better not eat anything too heavy.

elviouslyqueer July 26, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Video of the stop is expected to be released by Friday, Ralston said.

Better eat a light lunch, is all I'm saying.

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 3:10 pm

the U.S. can never possibly catch up to the 1.3 billion people in China as long as American women are allowed to have abortions.

Maybe they should come up with some legislation to force the bitchez to put out more frequently. Fuckin' cock teasers.

riverside68 July 26, 2011 at 3:51 pm

We needz some a that there Handsmaid legislation dang nabit!

What GD double H we payin these guys for anyway?

DahBoner July 26, 2011 at 6:52 pm

"the U.S. can never possibly catch up to the 1.3 billion people in China as long as American women are allowed to have abortions."

Not only that, but drunk, shirtless Chinese men probably get pulled over by cops everyday….

DaRooster July 26, 2011 at 3:11 pm

"Hey I'm Pro-Life… unless you are on the road and I'm driving drunk you fuckin' ash-hole!"

Doktor Zoom July 26, 2011 at 3:11 pm

Was a Preborn-American harmed in this incident? No! So STFU, all you haters!

Buzz Feedback July 26, 2011 at 3:11 pm

"working on the family's cabin" is illegal in Texas, South Carolina and 7 other states below the Mason-Dixon line.

DaRooster July 26, 2011 at 3:14 pm

"As a result, he will automatically lose his driver’s license for one year."

Fuggit… get me a helicopter and a limo… I'm "big boned".

FNMA July 26, 2011 at 3:21 pm

"Big boned"?
I kinda doubt that.

DaRooster July 26, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Like Christie… and Eric Cartman.

DashboardBuddha July 26, 2011 at 3:43 pm

The dude does look Corn Fed.

DahBoner July 26, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Corn, taters and pork chops.

Negropolis July 27, 2011 at 1:41 am

Bones don't jiggle.

jus_wonderin July 26, 2011 at 3:14 pm

"Yeah, keep 'em alive so I can run them down in a drunken stupor!"

Dumbedup July 26, 2011 at 3:14 pm

That's a face that just screams DOUCHEBAG! You just know this guy played HS football and beat on little goth kids he perceived as queer, before graduating to legislative oppression of women.

widestanceroman July 26, 2011 at 3:49 pm

That's a face that says, 'yes, I have tried putting Louis Gohmert up my ass [but got stuck on those ears].'

Negropolis July 27, 2011 at 1:44 am

I was thinking more along the lines that he may have just been the "fat kid" as opposed to being "football fat".

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2011 at 3:14 pm

You know who ELSE wanted white women to breed faster so his country could take on the world?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/schools/gcsebitesize/history

Major Thom July 26, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Colonel Klink??

phlox✔ July 26, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Jim Bob Duggar?

GOPCrusher July 26, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Seriously. And he doesn't understand why people call him a redneck asshole.

Boredw/Gravitas July 26, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Nicolae Ceauşescu?

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Margaret Sanger?

baconzgood July 26, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Henry VIII?

mumbly_joe July 26, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Callyson July 26, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Justice Scalia?

AJWjr. July 26, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Joseph Smith?

horsedreamer_1 July 26, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Ol' Mother Hubbard?

DahBoner July 26, 2011 at 6:55 pm

Hugh Hefner?

Negropolis July 27, 2011 at 1:47 am

The Octomom's unethical doctor?

Crank_Tango July 26, 2011 at 3:15 pm

To be fair, a fetus born before the civil war had a better chance of something something, obama, nazi, freedum, etc.

Redhead July 26, 2011 at 5:04 pm

A better chance of NOT getting hit and killed by a drunk guy driving a car?

Nothingisamiss July 27, 2011 at 1:52 pm

It might seem as if you're not really trying with this comment, but you show a high degree of Wonkette reading comprehension.

Crank_Tango July 27, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Too Soon!

Actually, I'm never really trying.

Come here a minute July 26, 2011 at 3:15 pm

State Representative Martin should be praised for his selfless work with unwed mothers (just helping them get their start).

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 3:16 pm

Well, if he's a rich Republican, he probably meant "working on the family's cabin cruiser."

LettucePrey July 26, 2011 at 3:17 pm

In other words… this fat fuck's solution to overseas competition is to increase class size, and to pay teachers even less than we already do? What a genius.

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2011 at 3:17 pm

So Lizzie, here is a fat-faced white fuck you can feel free to go off on!

Limeylizzie July 26, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Thanks, baby, he is a repulsive, bloated, cunt-faced, mouth-breathing, vomit-spackled, pig-eyed, hypocritical, Tea-Bagging, impotent, self-important little fuck, isn't he?

Tundra Grifter July 26, 2011 at 5:02 pm

I've not been able to keep up here. How was the audition? Did they recognize talent when they saw it?

Beetagger July 26, 2011 at 3:18 pm

I want to party with this sack of shit.

4TheTurnstiles July 26, 2011 at 3:18 pm

What is Ohio for?

baconzgood July 26, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Answer: Ohio is for pointing at a map and saying "THANK FUCKING-GOD I DON'T LIVE THERE".

Negropolis July 27, 2011 at 1:51 am

It simply marks the other side of the Appalachians.

DerrickWildcat July 26, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Whoa whoa whoa! Let's be a little pragmatic here and set our sights on competing with India first and see how that goes. If we can deal with the stench and squalor of 500 million people using the Missouri and Mississippi rivers as a cemetery/public bath/and drinking water source…then we tackle China.

BlueMonkeh July 26, 2011 at 3:32 pm

FTW +++++

OurHoboSenator July 26, 2011 at 3:18 pm

He also made adult adoption legal in Ohio.

Paging Senator Vitter….

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 3:18 pm

If he'd had on his shirt, the officer would have seen his flag pin, and let him drive on.

WinterOuthouse July 26, 2011 at 3:20 pm

A rat faced slimy little fucker. It is no wonder he is all in for forced pregnancy. Who would have this smarly little bastards child?

WinterOuthouse July 26, 2011 at 3:20 pm

You know who else was for forced pregnancy?

Fare la Volpe July 26, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Josef Fritzl.

Callyson July 26, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Josef Stalin?

BlueMonkeh July 26, 2011 at 3:38 pm

my mother in law?

Fare la Volpe July 26, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Ha cha cha cha cha cha.

not that Dewey July 26, 2011 at 4:50 pm

The antagonists in A Handmaid's Tale?

GOPCrusher July 26, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Doc Arnold, the local veterinarian specializing in cattle.

baconzgood July 26, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Man. I'm a drunkard. Maybe I should move 50 miles west and be a politician in Ohio…..Wait a sec, that would mean I'd have to live in Ohio. Ohio smells wierd.

AJWjr. July 26, 2011 at 5:34 pm

You could do like my friend who lives in WV and works in OH, but I don't really see an upside to this.

DaRooster July 26, 2011 at 3:22 pm

"Martin did not want to be seen on video recorded by cruiser’s dashboard camera system shirtless completely naked and dirty from working on crawling on the ground masturbating to young boys at the family’s cabin…"

littlebigdaddy July 26, 2011 at 3:22 pm

As Kristen pointed out, he's a ginger, and I am guessing in *both* senses. He has that look of evil in his eyes that comes from repression and self-hatred.

GortRay July 26, 2011 at 3:23 pm

America's embryos sob as they realize that their champion is a greasy fat piece of drunk white trash dogshit.

glamourdammerung July 26, 2011 at 3:24 pm

If I did not want to be seen shirtless in public, I would make a point of wearing a shirt in public. But clearly I understand the concept of personal responsibility far too well to be a conservative.

Ruhe July 26, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Maybe he wasn't shirtless. Maybe his furry avatar is a pig and he puts on his costume by simply taking off his clothes. Maybe he didn't want to get out of the car because driving while wearing his costume was giving him a chubby and he was embarrassed. Who hasn't this sort of thing happened to?

SayItWithWookies July 26, 2011 at 3:25 pm

What an amateur — where's the prostitute, Representative Martin?

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 3:34 pm

He was released at the scene with one of the adult passengers behind the wheel.

Apparently, the stripper still had her shirt on.

PalinPussyPower July 26, 2011 at 7:59 pm

No prostitute? There should be a (D) after his name, not an (R). Shame on you, Wonkette.

DaRooster July 26, 2011 at 3:25 pm

"… I've not done anything… decent and un-evil in… hmm… seems like forever."

pinkocommi July 26, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Drinking and driving is one thing, but sometimes I suspect that the Tea Partiers are drinking and voting.

Nothingisamiss July 27, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Don't you wish there were an excuse?

mumbly_joe July 26, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Pro-life, except for the victims.

Nothingisamiss July 27, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Victims need to learn to pull themselves up (or out of the wreckage of their car) by their own bootstraps.

widestanceroman July 26, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Did not quite have the foresight to not drive drunk, but was concerned about how his shirtless pic would look. Immediately, I suspect there may be tattoos. . .

Frankly, I'd rather snark on his heaving sweaty massivi-tie than look at that porcine eye-swallowing face.

Limeylizzie July 26, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Eye-swallowing FTW.

AJWjr. July 26, 2011 at 5:37 pm

I suspect there may be tattoos.
Good point, and maybe of the white pride variety?

weejee July 26, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Too bad he wasn't in Indiana like the last douche as it wouldabin straight to the hoosegow and a blood test.

Callyson July 26, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Headline from the Dayton Daily News:
Beavercreek state representative faces OVI allegation
Beavercreek?!? This shit writes itself…
Also:
This is the third personal issue involving Republican lawmakers this year.
State Rep. Robert Mecklenborg, R-Cincinnati, resigned under pressure after failing to disclose his arrest in Indiana on a drunken driving charge. And on July 11, the wife of state Sen. Kris Jordan, R-Powell, called 9-1-1 in Delaware County, alleging that he was pushing her around and threatening her. No one was arrested in that incident
And that's just the Reeps in Ohio…
…your move, Arizona, or Alabama, or…

Dumbedup July 26, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Apparently they are all drunk with success as the voters of Ohio saw fit to put them in total control of everything, reminding me to avoid Ohio, along with Alabama, Texas, Missouri etc…

Tundra Grifter July 26, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Kirsten whiff'd on this one. How could one pass up " Martin (R-Bevercreek)?"

Greene County, BTW, is where I grew up. In the hills of Southern Ohio. The county seat is Xenia – a tornado went through that poor town twice, and it just was never the same again.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 26, 2011 at 3:30 pm

I'm just waiting for all these drunk driving Republicans to blame the screams of the aborted fetuses for why they drink party liquor.

baconzgood July 26, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Hey Jarrod….SHOW US YOUR TITS!!!!

Nothingisamiss July 27, 2011 at 1:56 pm

You're equal opportunity……JUST LIKE A LIBERAL!!!!!

Andrew Drinker July 26, 2011 at 3:31 pm

It's true, public transportation here does indeed blow chunks.

fuflans July 26, 2011 at 3:32 pm

this is actually the dude who should have played dudley dursley.

inapewetrust July 26, 2011 at 3:32 pm

drunk, shirtless and dirty, and playing the situation so that he'll never, ever, ever have to admit to drunk driving.

truly, the GOP is the party of personal responsibility!

and not "family cabin" fap parties!

Oblios_Cap July 26, 2011 at 3:32 pm

I’m not taking any test. I’ve not done anything

I was not aware that was considered a valid defense in any court in this country. Thank you, Pigface McRatfucker, for showing me how to stay outta trouble.

AJWjr. July 26, 2011 at 5:40 pm

OJ said HE didn't do it, also. Good enough for me, move along…

BlueMonkeh July 26, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Meh.

Dead hooker, live boy or GTFO.

genxr July 26, 2011 at 3:34 pm

When he gets older, he has a bright future as a Republican "Young Gun"

KenLayIsAlive July 26, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Don't you need a nazi uniform for that?

BlueMonkeh July 26, 2011 at 3:52 pm

He's probably already got one…GOP + Ohio = there's one in a closet somewhere

YasserArraFeck July 26, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Cocksucker doesn't need a uniform – he already looks like a Nazi.

Come here a minute July 26, 2011 at 3:52 pm

When he gets older? He might not make it…

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'

tihond July 26, 2011 at 3:36 pm

BLOOD (Alcohol Level) LIBEL!

not that Dewey July 26, 2011 at 3:36 pm

At the intersection of DWI and Voter ID Laws lies the <a href' Ignition Interlock License. Let's see how proudly he displays his in November…

EDIT: html. fuck.

BTWBFDIMHO July 26, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Shirtless? He should be wearing a burqa instead.

ProgressiveInga July 26, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Drunk, fat and ginger is no way to go through life, son.

OneYieldRegular July 26, 2011 at 3:45 pm

I suppose if Rep. Martin (Drunk Driver – Ohio) had run over and killed a pregnant woman, his defense would be that he'd prevented her from having an abortion?

johnnymeatworth July 26, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Are we sure that pic isn't photoshopped? He looks like a Pekingese….

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2011 at 3:52 pm

State Rep. Jack O'Lantern.

Mojopo July 26, 2011 at 3:55 pm

He must have enormous nipples.

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2011 at 4:29 pm

What-the-weird-shit? The Wonkette home page has disappeared from the Internets! And the Wonkette logo and recent-story stats have disappeared from these post-pages.

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 4:49 pm

"recent-story stats have disappeared from these post-pages."

And still gone for me. Also, the Blogroll is MIA.

GOPCrusher July 26, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Karmic retribution for removing the downfist option?

mumbly_joe July 26, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Not in Ohio!

Of course, the way republicans get around that is by registering someplace where they don't live.

You know, the only actual known cases of voter fraud from the past decade?

mumbly_joe July 26, 2011 at 4:30 pm

Not in Ohio!

Of course, the way republicans get around that is by registering someplace where they don't live.

You know, the only actual known cases of voter fraud from the past decade?

DerrickWildcat July 26, 2011 at 4:34 pm

oh good. I thought wonkette fired me or something.

Mumbletypeg July 26, 2011 at 4:53 pm

I thought I was busted for wonk'ing on kump-uh-nee time ~~ <<<ZOMGthey'reonto me!…>>>

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 26, 2011 at 4:39 pm

The Koch brothers have bought Wonkette, and will be revealing the new management and design this afternoon.

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Got a 503 service unavailable for about the last half hour. Guess this answers the question "What will the downfister do?"

elviouslyqueer July 26, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Whew. It wasn't just me. I thought I heard the screams of the Wonkettes, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror.

jus_wonderin July 26, 2011 at 4:46 pm

"The snark is strong with this one."

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2011 at 4:41 pm

…and we're back!

Nothingisamiss July 27, 2011 at 1:59 pm

God, it sounds like I did some work just in time to miss the big power outage. Whew!

Ruhe July 26, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Dude, get out of the car! Nobody cares about your man boobs.

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Hey, this ain't Wisconsin or somethin'

jus_wonderin July 26, 2011 at 4:46 pm

I thought maybe the company was on to me.

Pres.Beeblebrox July 26, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Taking It Seriously and Looking Forward to Vindication. The classic last gasps of a politician caught in the act of being a politician (i.e., sleazy as shit).

orygoon July 26, 2011 at 4:53 pm

I want to be on every DUI jury, so that I can convict the veiny-nosed asshats, every single one. No, I'm not biased; don't kick me out of that jury pool.

elviouslyqueer July 26, 2011 at 4:54 pm

OT, but oh lookie. Marcus and Michele's campaign to get rid of homos appears to be paying off.

GOPCrusher July 26, 2011 at 5:09 pm

Well, there was a reason that Tea Baggers were fighting against passage of tougher Hate Crimes legislation.

AJWjr. July 26, 2011 at 5:47 pm

But what about tougher self-hate crimes legislation? I'm of the mind that anyone who commits suicide is killing the wrong person. In this case, it's pretty obvious who is the right person(s). But that could just be me.

owhatever July 26, 2011 at 4:54 pm

But officer, he told me he was over twelve. Oh? Put on my shirt? That's all? No, I have not been drinking. I drive this way normally.

elpinchelikecontempt July 26, 2011 at 4:57 pm

He's got a few flag pins in them.

Slim_Pickins July 26, 2011 at 4:57 pm

In his defense, Speaker Boehner is his role model. On that basis, he wasn't doing anything wrong.

DahBoner July 26, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Ah, a Republican Job Creator in action!

A fat, sweaty, drunk Republican creating fabulous jobs for future feti, who want to be DUI defense attorneys or Rehab therapists or even cheap prostitutes for "hunting trips" with the fellows!

kingcocrazy July 26, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Amazing these assholes are racking up deweys after their legislative session, when they have to buy their own booze instead of an endless assortment of lobbyists picking up their substantial bar tabs.

Tundra Grifter July 26, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Looks like a plantation house to me. All it needs is a lawn jockey.

comrad_darkness July 26, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Jesus, for a second I thought that was my rep. Looks just like him. They must squeeze these things out of a giant machine hidden in a cave somewhere.

deaddddd July 26, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Why the fuck won't anything I comment show up. I never said anything remotely offensive. Did I get arbitrarily banned before posting anything?

deaddddd July 26, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Alright fuck Wonkette – hasn't been funny since Jim Newell left. Take your fascist comment policy and shove it up your ass. I'm never coming to this shit site again.

fletc3her July 26, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Driving around shirtless with after "working on a cabin" all weekend. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Rotundo_ July 26, 2011 at 5:29 pm

What I don't understand is why the GOP doesn't just rent out a bang bus full of hookers, booze and blow and hire a professional to chauffeur these fine family values fellas around while they get their pathetic little dicks milked out and pass out in their own puke (or someone else's of course) and save the DUI busts and embarrassment. They have to have a budget for this, and dog knows, the moneyboys will pay for it if they don't, good legislation doesn't come cheaply (like it does in Wisconsin).

littlebigdaddy July 26, 2011 at 5:42 pm

How about a Wonkette bang bus…sounds cool to me!

AJWjr. July 26, 2011 at 5:42 pm

It was…

greypanter July 26, 2011 at 5:44 pm

So, there was no shirt anywhere in the vehicle (the "adult" passenger could have got a shirt out of the trunk, for example) that he could put on before exiting the vehicle? Is that too creative a solution for a cretinous legislator to come up with?

AJWjr. July 26, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Gingers be fuckin' crazy!

kissawookiee July 26, 2011 at 5:56 pm

He wasn't camera-shy because of being shirtless. It was because he had forgotten to pencil on his eyebrows that morning, duh.

JackObin July 26, 2011 at 6:03 pm

The next person I see wearing an American flag pin is going to get kicked in the shin, drunk or sober.

HelmutNewton July 26, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Keep the wimmins barefoot and preggers! As long as they're white wimmens who are a'scaird of Jeebus of course!

horsedreamer_1 July 26, 2011 at 6:55 pm

Maurice Clarett for Ohio Assembly.

snoopyfan2010 July 26, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Because of small pox.

LetUsBray July 26, 2011 at 7:57 pm

Hey, you take back saying this sot was shirtless because of a heat wave: Rush Blimpbutt says there's no heat wave, we're just spoiled by having air conditioners. Not that the loudmouthed human-porcine hybrid would ever go 15 seconds exposing his horrific flab to the elements.

PubOption July 26, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Is this creative republicanism? He wants to start a breeding contest with China, to end their one child policy and forced abortions.

ghblowhard July 26, 2011 at 8:43 pm

I suppose he supports forcing nuns to get pregnant too–SO WE CAN COMPETE WITH CHINA! Obviously that is God's will.

El Pinche July 26, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Why the realistic cromagnon pic?

user-of-owls July 26, 2011 at 9:24 pm

I still maintain that this is simply a colorized college yearbook photo from 1961.

intenseRebate July 26, 2011 at 10:24 pm

New article up on DD — 3 kids in back seat. The family values got even more family-ier.

Negropolis July 27, 2011 at 12:05 am

Damn, even his eyelids are fat, and he's got no eyebrows.

Did I read this correctly? Did they actually let him go without arresting him?

Negropolis July 27, 2011 at 1:37 am

‘I’m not taking any test. I’ve not done anything.'

This brings to mind "no one has lost any" for some odd reason. What odd word pairings.

BTW, Ohio, you can keep Toledo, mmkay?

Your Frenemy

- Michigan

lumpenprole July 27, 2011 at 1:38 am

Haven't those people always done well?

gurukalehuru July 27, 2011 at 9:14 am

Working on the cabin. The log cabin. Log cabin Republican.

oldmaddog July 27, 2011 at 9:19 am

If this fools reason to prevent a woman’s choice is the lack of population in the US, then maybe he should support making the illegal’s legal?

Buckminster July 27, 2011 at 12:08 pm

Fat, drunk, shirtless and stupid is no way to go through life, Son.

ttommyunger July 27, 2011 at 12:10 pm

And yet another face made for punching. What is it with these Republican Asshats?

An_Outhouse July 27, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Doctor: I'm sorry Mrs. Martin. It lived.

elviouslyqueer July 26, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Oh please. You know the only girls downfisty would talk to are the inflatable kinds.

DaRooster July 27, 2011 at 3:23 pm

"I was thinking dumbass frat-boy. Bet someone has pictures of him getting paddled teabagged."

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