Yet Another Pro-Life Ohio Lawmaker Charged With Drunk Driving

  republican family values

ooooh a ginger this time!Hey, Ohio! From now on it seems, odds are pretty good that the maniac driving like a sloshed fool down the state highway is one of your elected representatives. And don’t ask him why he isn’t wearing a shirt. He’s not wearing a shirt because he’s sweaty, obviously there is a heat wave everyone, which also means as a big fat corollary that it’s not cool for him to get out of his car because he, your elected lawmaker, is too modest to appear on the police cruiser dash cam. What kind of state trooper doesn’t understand that? Ohio Rep. Jarrod Martin would like to know, because a state trooper just cited him for drunk driving after Martin refused to get out of his vehicle to take the sobriety test on these very grounds. That’s excellent logic! What other weird arguments has Rep. Jarrod Martin used lately? Perhaps he believes forced birth is a good idea for American women to help the U.S. compete with China’s population?

Yeah, sure, why not. Abortion is bad because the U.S. can never possibly catch up to the 1.3 billion people in China as long as American women are allowed to have abortions. That is why Martin supported Ohio’s utterly batshit unconstitutional/pointless fetal heartbeat bill.

Let’s watch:

And here is the story of Martin’s drunk driving charge, for the fetuses:

On the side of the roadway, Martin refused to submit to field sobriety tests and a “chemical” test of his blood, breath or urine, Ralston said. As a result, he will automatically lose his driver’s license for one year. He was released at the scene with one of the adult passengers behind the wheel.

“The cop says he wants to give him a sobriety test. (Martin) said, ‘I’m not taking any test. I’ve not done anything,’” said Longtime Greene County Republican John Broughton.

Martin did not want to be seen on video recorded by cruiser’s dashboard camera system shirtless and dirty from working on the family’s cabin, Broughton said.

Enjoy taking crappy Columbus public transportation to work for the rest of the summer, bozo. [Dayton Daily News/ Youtube; thanks to Wonkette operative "Brett T."]

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208 comments

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      It is a fetus face, I'd recognize it anywhere!

      Tenth-grade biology class, pig-fetus-in-a-jar. Every high school had one, back in the day.

  1. Nostrildamus

    Martin did not want to be seen on video recorded by cruiser’s dashboard camera system shirtless and dirty from working on the family’s cabin pig brothel, Broughton said.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Close, but that was another fine Ohio legislator:

      And on July 11, the wife of state Sen. Kris Jordan, R-Powell, called 9-1-1 in Delaware County, alleging that he was pushing her around and threatening her. No one was arrested in that incident.

      1. KenLayIsAlive

        hmm. I think you are referring to – "get off a pig" or perhaps "get off on a pig". But I would guess its about 50/50 for the tea baggers.

        Speaking of offing pigs, check out your newest money saving invention brought to you by the job creators – a machine that can decapitate 1200 pigs per hour! (WARNING: Kortney would not approve: Not for the faint of heart or anyone who want to eat pork for a while):
        http://dvice.com/archives/2011/06/say-hello-to-th

    1. tcaalaw

      If I upfist this comment, will I be featured in a future Wonkette post about approving of cop killing?

  2. Sue4466

    At least he's honest that opposing abortion has everything to do with forcing women to birth lots of soon-to-be-exploited-workers and fuckall to do with when "life begins" or protecting fetuses.

    1. LettucePrey

      Let this be a message to all us "little ladies" out there of child-bearing age: if we stay barefoot and pregnant, we can get more kids into AP classes!

      (Because kids who are popped out in the name of competition–whose families can't afford to raise a family and who are now in need of public assistance, which they also shouldn't have–are totally destined to take AP classes.)

      Man, I miss the old days when all you had to do was finish your broccoli because kids in China were starving.

      1. GunToting[Redacted]

        I can just hear it now… "Eat your dumplings, Min… There are starving children in Lansing, MI!"

    2. riverside68

      A woman with kids is a lot less likely to get all up in your face and walk right out when ever she feels like it.

      That is just not right, and he is doing what he can to change that.

    1. OurHoboSenator

      In 2008, I worked the last few weeks before the election on GOTV a few blocks from the ORP offices, and went by it every night on my way home. Childish, I know, but it felt so good to flip that place off every single night…

    2. karen

      Fellow Ohioian! How do you not TP the lawn?? I would be unable to bear its disgustingly close proximity.

  3. Goonemeritus

    Give them all Pinto’s and an open bar and make them all drive on a closed circuit track at the same time. “Many enter one man leaves”

    1. miss_grundy

      Oooohhh, yes, Death Race 2011! Put all the current Republican members of Congress and the Senateon the track and sees who makes it out. Then use the winner as quarry in a shooting match. That would be a great way to get rid of Repubs!

  4. metamarcisf

    The arresting officer should consider himself lucky. In South Carolina, he would have been shot for subverting the constitution.

  5. Sue4466

    Has everyone else noticed that Downfisty McTroll's ability to downfist has been removed? Now how will s/he spend her/his time?

    1. MLHencken

      Yes, and we're enjoying it.

      As to the latter, I hope he takes up another hobby. Like self-immolation. Think of it like masturbation (something we know you're familiar with, McFisty) but with fire.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Maybe he'll finally get the grass cut and the leaves cleaned out of the gutters now.

    2. comrad_darkness

      I got a really fun game for mcfisty, put on a pair of handcuffs around a heavy piece of furniture. Then swallow the keys.

      It's a kind of a race to see what happens first game.

    1. tcaalaw

      Al-gebra

      Creeping sharia! How do you think our soldiers feel coming back to America and hearing some Middle Eastern term?

  6. arcane_allusion

    Look at the guy. He did us a favor. If he got out of the car, we'd have to watch that thing shirtless before snarking.

    Because of his selfless actions, we can now snark with our lunches staying down where they belong.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Video of the stop is expected to be released by Friday, Ralston said.

      Better not eat anything too heavy.

    2. elviouslyqueer

      Video of the stop is expected to be released by Friday, Ralston said.

      Better eat a light lunch, is all I'm saying.

  7. BaldarTFlagass

    the U.S. can never possibly catch up to the 1.3 billion people in China as long as American women are allowed to have abortions.

    Maybe they should come up with some legislation to force the bitchez to put out more frequently. Fuckin' cock teasers.

    1. riverside68

      We needz some a that there Handsmaid legislation dang nabit!

      What GD double H we payin these guys for anyway?

    2. DahBoner

      "the U.S. can never possibly catch up to the 1.3 billion people in China as long as American women are allowed to have abortions."

      Not only that, but drunk, shirtless Chinese men probably get pulled over by cops everyday….

  8. DaRooster

    "Hey I'm Pro-Life… unless you are on the road and I'm driving drunk you fuckin' ash-hole!"

  9. Buzz Feedback

    "working on the family's cabin" is illegal in Texas, South Carolina and 7 other states below the Mason-Dixon line.

  10. DaRooster

    "As a result, he will automatically lose his driver’s license for one year."

    Fuggit… get me a helicopter and a limo… I'm "big boned".

  11. Dumbedup

    That's a face that just screams DOUCHEBAG! You just know this guy played HS football and beat on little goth kids he perceived as queer, before graduating to legislative oppression of women.

    1. widestanceroman

      That's a face that says, 'yes, I have tried putting Louis Gohmert up my ass [but got stuck on those ears].'

    2. Negropolis

      I was thinking more along the lines that he may have just been the "fat kid" as opposed to being "football fat".

  12. Crank_Tango

    To be fair, a fetus born before the civil war had a better chance of something something, obama, nazi, freedum, etc.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      It might seem as if you're not really trying with this comment, but you show a high degree of Wonkette reading comprehension.

  13. Come here a minute

    State Representative Martin should be praised for his selfless work with unwed mothers (just helping them get their start).

  14. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, if he's a rich Republican, he probably meant "working on the family's cabin cruiser."

  15. LettucePrey

    In other words… this fat fuck's solution to overseas competition is to increase class size, and to pay teachers even less than we already do? What a genius.

    1. Limeylizzie

      Thanks, baby, he is a repulsive, bloated, cunt-faced, mouth-breathing, vomit-spackled, pig-eyed, hypocritical, Tea-Bagging, impotent, self-important little fuck, isn't he?

      1. Tundra Grifter

        I've not been able to keep up here. How was the audition? Did they recognize talent when they saw it?

    1. baconzgood

      Answer: Ohio is for pointing at a map and saying "THANK FUCKING-GOD I DON'T LIVE THERE".

  16. DerrickWildcat

    Whoa whoa whoa! Let's be a little pragmatic here and set our sights on competing with India first and see how that goes. If we can deal with the stench and squalor of 500 million people using the Missouri and Mississippi rivers as a cemetery/public bath/and drinking water source…then we tackle China.

  17. BaldarTFlagass

    If he'd had on his shirt, the officer would have seen his flag pin, and let him drive on.

  18. WinterOuthouse

    A rat faced slimy little fucker. It is no wonder he is all in for forced pregnancy. Who would have this smarly little bastards child?

  19. baconzgood

    Man. I'm a drunkard. Maybe I should move 50 miles west and be a politician in Ohio…..Wait a sec, that would mean I'd have to live in Ohio. Ohio smells wierd.

    1. AJWjr.

      You could do like my friend who lives in WV and works in OH, but I don't really see an upside to this.

  20. DaRooster

    "Martin did not want to be seen on video recorded by cruiser’s dashboard camera system shirtless completely naked and dirty from working on crawling on the ground masturbating to young boys at the family’s cabin…"

  21. littlebigdaddy

    As Kristen pointed out, he's a ginger, and I am guessing in *both* senses. He has that look of evil in his eyes that comes from repression and self-hatred.

  22. GortRay

    America's embryos sob as they realize that their champion is a greasy fat piece of drunk white trash dogshit.

  23. glamourdammerung

    If I did not want to be seen shirtless in public, I would make a point of wearing a shirt in public. But clearly I understand the concept of personal responsibility far too well to be a conservative.

    1. Ruhe

      Maybe he wasn't shirtless. Maybe his furry avatar is a pig and he puts on his costume by simply taking off his clothes. Maybe he didn't want to get out of the car because driving while wearing his costume was giving him a chubby and he was embarrassed. Who hasn't this sort of thing happened to?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      He was released at the scene with one of the adult passengers behind the wheel.

      Apparently, the stripper still had her shirt on.

    2. PalinPussyPower

      No prostitute? There should be a (D) after his name, not an (R). Shame on you, Wonkette.

  24. pinkocommi

    Drinking and driving is one thing, but sometimes I suspect that the Tea Partiers are drinking and voting.

    1. Nothingisamiss

      Victims need to learn to pull themselves up (or out of the wreckage of their car) by their own bootstraps.

  25. widestanceroman

    Did not quite have the foresight to not drive drunk, but was concerned about how his shirtless pic would look. Immediately, I suspect there may be tattoos. . .

    Frankly, I'd rather snark on his heaving sweaty massivi-tie than look at that porcine eye-swallowing face.

  26. Callyson

    Headline from the Dayton Daily News:
    Beavercreek state representative faces OVI allegation
    Beavercreek?!? This shit writes itself…
    Also:
    This is the third personal issue involving Republican lawmakers this year.
    State Rep. Robert Mecklenborg, R-Cincinnati, resigned under pressure after failing to disclose his arrest in Indiana on a drunken driving charge. And on July 11, the wife of state Sen. Kris Jordan, R-Powell, called 9-1-1 in Delaware County, alleging that he was pushing her around and threatening her. No one was arrested in that incident
    And that's just the Reeps in Ohio…
    …your move, Arizona, or Alabama, or…

    1. Dumbedup

      Apparently they are all drunk with success as the voters of Ohio saw fit to put them in total control of everything, reminding me to avoid Ohio, along with Alabama, Texas, Missouri etc…

    2. Tundra Grifter

      Kirsten whiff'd on this one. How could one pass up " Martin (R-Bevercreek)?"

      Greene County, BTW, is where I grew up. In the hills of Southern Ohio. The county seat is Xenia – a tornado went through that poor town twice, and it just was never the same again.

  27. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm just waiting for all these drunk driving Republicans to blame the screams of the aborted fetuses for why they drink party liquor.

  28. inapewetrust

    drunk, shirtless and dirty, and playing the situation so that he'll never, ever, ever have to admit to drunk driving.

    truly, the GOP is the party of personal responsibility!

    and not "family cabin" fap parties!

  29. Oblios_Cap

    I’m not taking any test. I’ve not done anything

    I was not aware that was considered a valid defense in any court in this country. Thank you, Pigface McRatfucker, for showing me how to stay outta trouble.

    1. Come here a minute

      When he gets older? He might not make it…

      They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'

  30. OneYieldRegular

    I suppose if Rep. Martin (Drunk Driver – Ohio) had run over and killed a pregnant woman, his defense would be that he'd prevented her from having an abortion?

  31. Chet Kincaid

    What-the-weird-shit? The Wonkette home page has disappeared from the Internets! And the Wonkette logo and recent-story stats have disappeared from these post-pages.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      "recent-story stats have disappeared from these post-pages."

      And still gone for me. Also, the Blogroll is MIA.

  32. mumbly_joe

    Not in Ohio!

    Of course, the way republicans get around that is by registering someplace where they don't live.

    You know, the only actual known cases of voter fraud from the past decade?

  33. mumbly_joe

    Not in Ohio!

    Of course, the way republicans get around that is by registering someplace where they don't live.

    You know, the only actual known cases of voter fraud from the past decade?

  34. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    The Koch brothers have bought Wonkette, and will be revealing the new management and design this afternoon.

  35. BaldarTFlagass

    Got a 503 service unavailable for about the last half hour. Guess this answers the question "What will the downfister do?"

    1. Nothingisamiss

      God, it sounds like I did some work just in time to miss the big power outage. Whew!

  36. Pres.Beeblebrox

    Taking It Seriously and Looking Forward to Vindication. The classic last gasps of a politician caught in the act of being a politician (i.e., sleazy as shit).

  37. orygoon

    I want to be on every DUI jury, so that I can convict the veiny-nosed asshats, every single one. No, I'm not biased; don't kick me out of that jury pool.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Well, there was a reason that Tea Baggers were fighting against passage of tougher Hate Crimes legislation.

      1. AJWjr.

        But what about tougher self-hate crimes legislation? I'm of the mind that anyone who commits suicide is killing the wrong person. In this case, it's pretty obvious who is the right person(s). But that could just be me.

  38. owhatever

    But officer, he told me he was over twelve. Oh? Put on my shirt? That's all? No, I have not been drinking. I drive this way normally.

  39. Slim_Pickins

    In his defense, Speaker Boehner is his role model. On that basis, he wasn't doing anything wrong.

  40. DahBoner

    Ah, a Republican Job Creator in action!

    A fat, sweaty, drunk Republican creating fabulous jobs for future feti, who want to be DUI defense attorneys or Rehab therapists or even cheap prostitutes for "hunting trips" with the fellows!

  41. kingcocrazy

    Amazing these assholes are racking up deweys after their legislative session, when they have to buy their own booze instead of an endless assortment of lobbyists picking up their substantial bar tabs.

  42. comrad_darkness

    Jesus, for a second I thought that was my rep. Looks just like him. They must squeeze these things out of a giant machine hidden in a cave somewhere.

  43. deaddddd

    Why the fuck won't anything I comment show up. I never said anything remotely offensive. Did I get arbitrarily banned before posting anything?

  44. deaddddd

    Alright fuck Wonkette – hasn't been funny since Jim Newell left. Take your fascist comment policy and shove it up your ass. I'm never coming to this shit site again.

  45. fletc3her

    Driving around shirtless with after "working on a cabin" all weekend. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

  46. Rotundo_

    What I don't understand is why the GOP doesn't just rent out a bang bus full of hookers, booze and blow and hire a professional to chauffeur these fine family values fellas around while they get their pathetic little dicks milked out and pass out in their own puke (or someone else's of course) and save the DUI busts and embarrassment. They have to have a budget for this, and dog knows, the moneyboys will pay for it if they don't, good legislation doesn't come cheaply (like it does in Wisconsin).

  47. greypanter

    So, there was no shirt anywhere in the vehicle (the "adult" passenger could have got a shirt out of the trunk, for example) that he could put on before exiting the vehicle? Is that too creative a solution for a cretinous legislator to come up with?

  48. kissawookiee

    He wasn't camera-shy because of being shirtless. It was because he had forgotten to pencil on his eyebrows that morning, duh.

  49. JackObin

    The next person I see wearing an American flag pin is going to get kicked in the shin, drunk or sober.

  50. HelmutNewton

    Keep the wimmins barefoot and preggers! As long as they're white wimmens who are a'scaird of Jeebus of course!

  51. LetUsBray

    Hey, you take back saying this sot was shirtless because of a heat wave: Rush Blimpbutt says there's no heat wave, we're just spoiled by having air conditioners. Not that the loudmouthed human-porcine hybrid would ever go 15 seconds exposing his horrific flab to the elements.

  52. PubOption

    Is this creative republicanism? He wants to start a breeding contest with China, to end their one child policy and forced abortions.

  53. ghblowhard

    I suppose he supports forcing nuns to get pregnant too–SO WE CAN COMPETE WITH CHINA! Obviously that is God's will.

    1. user-of-owls

      I still maintain that this is simply a colorized college yearbook photo from 1961.

  54. intenseRebate

    New article up on DD — 3 kids in back seat. The family values got even more family-ier.

  55. Negropolis

    Damn, even his eyelids are fat, and he's got no eyebrows.

    Did I read this correctly? Did they actually let him go without arresting him?

  56. Negropolis

    ‘I’m not taking any test. I’ve not done anything.'

    This brings to mind "no one has lost any" for some odd reason. What odd word pairings.

    BTW, Ohio, you can keep Toledo, mmkay?

    Your Frenemy

    - Michigan

  57. oldmaddog

    If this fools reason to prevent a woman’s choice is the lack of population in the US, then maybe he should support making the illegal’s legal?

  58. elviouslyqueer

    Oh please. You know the only girls downfisty would talk to are the inflatable kinds.

  59. DaRooster

    "I was thinking dumbass frat-boy. Bet someone has pictures of him getting paddled teabagged."

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