CONSPIRACY LOVES COMPANY  12:45 pm July 26, 2011

Allen West Hosts Poorly Catered Muslim Conspiracy Party

by Blair Burke

as you can see, step five is clearly ELECT OBAMAWhere would this country be without Allen West? Exploded to pieces by Muslim terrorists and feminist rage, that’s where! Every single day, Nazis and African-American prison inmates are playing ski-ball in their basements and casually discussing their plans for the Ground Zero Mosque while the rest of America sobs ignorantly over the nation’s economic demise, according to the “defense experts” of Citizens for National Security. Luckily for America, Allen West invited these nuts of the Boca Raton, Florida variety into the Capitol to present a lengthy PowerPoint on the grand conspiracy of the Muslim Brotherhood, among other things. And everyone in the group appears to have earned a Ph.D. in Insanity and Glenn Beck Flow Chart Creation, which are the only prerequisites for becoming official terrorism experts.

Allen West cares deeply about “homegrown jihad,” so he invited everyone to come hear what these Citizens for National Security had to say. They came very organized, with lists!

With assistance from line graphs and pie charts accentuated with bullets instead of arrows, the group painted the Muslim Brotherhood as behind a massive conspiracy with the long-term goal of absorbing America into an Islamic Caliphate. Not convinced? Well, the group helpfully compiled a list of nearly 6,000 people and 200 organizations it claims are in some way connected to the Muslim Brotherhood.

Oh, we get it! Bullets, because of Muslim terrorism. Colorful use of imagery is an essential part of Flow Chart-Makin’ 101. As if lists and flow charts were not enough proof of America’s impending doom, the Citizens for National Security’s meeting was briefly infiltrated by one of the conspirators.

As the audience feasted on beef, turkey and tuna sandwiches, group co-founder Peter Leitner walked through a long PowerPoint presentation that laid out a 49-year stealth Muslim Brotherhood plot to infiltrate the United States through a vast web of organizations, many of which have tenuous links at best to the actual Muslim Brotherhood.

One of Leitner’s slides was a Venn diagram that purported to show the various techniques that the Palestinian Muslim Brotherhood, the Pakistani Muslim Brotherhood and the Saudi & Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood allegedly use to carry out domestic attacks. The Palestinians, according to Leitner’s chart, preferred money laundering, fraud and political pressure, whereas the Saudis and Egyptians went the subversion, sedition and intimidation on college campuses route instead.

But it wasn’t just supporters of Leitner’s worldview that showed up to Citizens for National Security’s Capitol Hill briefing. Some of those in attendance were members of one of the very groups that Leitner said was part of a subversive plot to overthrow secular government.

Udit Thakur, 20, outreach representative for American University’s chapter of the Muslim Students Association, challenged Leitner’s premise. He joked that the MSA could actually use some fundraising help because the Saudi donations weren’t coming in. Thakur also pointed out that Daniel Pipes, a member of advisory board of Citizens for National Security, was cited 11 times in the manifesto written by the man with right-wing views who has confessed to the shootings in Norway.

This young terrorist would say something like that, because it is all part of the master plan! Just by hearing his words we are steps closer to the Muslim Brotherhood government takeover. Perhaps if Allen West had coughed up the cash for a better “feast” than turkey and tuna sandwiches, this threat would have been taken more seriously. [TPM]

 
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{ 190 comments }

Barb July 26, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Club sandwiches, not Muslims.

AJWjr. July 26, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Is tuna Halal?

Barb July 26, 2011 at 1:22 pm

I dunno, if I happen to see a Muslim mermaid, I will ask her.

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Not if it comes from mermaids. Do mermaids menstruate?

Barb July 26, 2011 at 2:36 pm

I am not saying tuna comes from mermaids. The reference is because there was an old TV commercial about tuna and mermaids. "ask any mermaid you happen to see…."
I've jumped the shark.

MinAgain July 26, 2011 at 12:47 pm

That's a very brave young man.

anniegetyerfun July 27, 2011 at 1:17 am

Yes. Also, I had totally hoped Daniel Pipes had passed away by now, but apparently not?

Oblios_Cap July 26, 2011 at 12:50 pm

One of Leitner’s slides was a Venn diagram that purported to show the various techniques that the Palestinian Muslim Brotherhood, the Pakistani Muslim Brotherhood and the Saudi & Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood allegedly use to carry out domestic attacks.

Really? They used a Venn diagram to show that? That sounds like one fucked up presentation.

OneDollarJuana July 26, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I bet it all became clear to Leitner during a game of tiddlywinks.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 26, 2011 at 12:58 pm

If it doesn't have text flying in letter by letter, it barely even qualifies as a Powerpoint. And drop shadows, there have to be drop shadows.

DashboardBuddha July 26, 2011 at 1:06 pm

don't forget typing sound effects

widestanceroman July 26, 2011 at 1:26 pm

All that PPGI is nice, but the important thing is that it has the words some idiot is reading aloud to you from the screen, usually with typos.

finallyhappy July 26, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Having retired from the gov't,I sure miss those meetings with powerpoint presentations- boring topics are so much better with "Advanced Powerpoint Techniques"( a class some co-worker attended that cost $400 or so)

weejee July 26, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Venn dey start talking like that vay I gets all Ole Bardahl and start thinkin; 'bout Stan the Man Boreson.

riverside68 July 26, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Stan was only in the Seattle market, right?

Did anyone outside of Washington state hear of Bardahl Boreson?

weejee July 26, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Stan "I Yust Go Nutz at Christmas" Boreson is a C'Addle thing, but since Ballard has changed from Skandahoovians to Hipsters he is fading fast. Ole Barhdahl is the past sponsor of C'Addle's beloved Miss Bardahl, and also is the founder of the company that makes Barhdahl oil additives sold at car part stores, with a marketing mantra Congress would love – "a world without friction." GFL on that, obvs.

anniegetyerfun July 27, 2011 at 1:18 am

I honestly have no idea what any of you are talking about, but then, I moved here from California, like 90% of Seattle residents.

genxr July 26, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Sounds more like a game of Twister.

"Right foot, Palestinian Caliphate. Left hand, Muslim Students Association."

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Looks like they drew it with Drunken Spirograph.

LouBristol July 26, 2011 at 12:52 pm

I hear the Saudis have already taken over a top cable news network and are using it to air vile propaganda in an effort to subvert American liberty, demean women, and cheat the good, hard-working people of everything they own.

northernbassist July 26, 2011 at 12:59 pm

They bought out Murdoch?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 26, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Nope, just his major partner.

Ruhe July 26, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Ah, I see. The crypto-muslims doth protest too much about the dangerous muslims.

weejee July 26, 2011 at 1:56 pm

This seems similar to the Repub leadership, McConnell, Boehner, Cantor and Ryan, who voted for Shrub's tax cuts, Shrub's Medicare drugs, Shrub's wars, and TARP. Those items comprise over 50% of the total debt. Those same "leaders" also voted to raise the debt ceiling 9 times under Shrub. Now those same assholes are having a full-blown hissy fit about the fucking crypto-debt they laid down. – please excuse the rant.

Ruhe July 26, 2011 at 2:05 pm

This interesting graphic from The Atlantic makes your point for you.

Ruhe July 26, 2011 at 2:06 pm

p.s. love the phrase cryto-debt.

anniegetyerfun July 27, 2011 at 1:18 am

The Crypto Muslims would be a great name for a band.

Andrew Drinker July 26, 2011 at 2:37 pm

I really don't see how the Lifetime television network has anything to do with this.

Tommmcatt July 26, 2011 at 5:11 pm

This has got to be KILLING downfisty right about now…

Oblios_Cap July 26, 2011 at 12:52 pm

As the audience feasted on beef, turkey and tuna sandwiches

What?! No ham sandwiches to flush out the muslins who would ululate when they got near them?

Lascauxcaveman July 26, 2011 at 1:09 pm

That was the original clever plan, but he Elders of Zion put the kibosh on the ham sammitches.

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Gawdammit, the ONLY reason most Muslims even while their time away among Teh Infidelz is, you just can't GET a decent ham sandwich in Teh Fatherland.

outragedcitizen July 26, 2011 at 1:49 pm

I actually think bologna sandwiches would have been more appropriate. Just sayin'…

Swampgas_Man July 26, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Certainly tongue sammiches should be included?

And is it just me, or did Wonkette get rid of the "downfist" button?

mayor_quimby July 26, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Rookie counterintel error!

north_of_moscow July 26, 2011 at 12:52 pm

What happens when the "49-year stealth Muslim Brotherhood plot" crashes into the gay agenda? Do we get sparkle bombers?

genxr July 26, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Fox News calls them "heterocide bombers"

Andrew Drinker July 26, 2011 at 2:39 pm

"Paging Mr. Bachmann, Mr. Marcus Bachmann, please pick up a pink courtesy phone."

comrad_darkness July 26, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Hey, even paranoids have enemies. Or in this case, lots of mocking strangers.

fuflans July 26, 2011 at 3:21 pm

why don't i ever get off my ass and snark out these fools? it sounds like a lot more fun than looking for a job.

weejee July 26, 2011 at 12:53 pm

West invited these nuts of the Boca Raton, Florida variety into the Capitol

Boca Raton; West is from the mouth of the rat for sure.

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 2:58 pm

His real name is Miguel Raton.

KenLayIsAlive July 26, 2011 at 12:53 pm

To Allen West, the nexus between the Muslim Brotherhood and the Sisterhood of Traveling Pants is all too clear.

genxr July 26, 2011 at 1:08 pm

I need a Venn Diagram to show exactly how far in the Sisters' pants I can get. I don't want to wait 49 years, either.

horsedreamer_1 July 26, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Alexis Bledel, America Ferrera, Amber Tamblyn, & Blake Lively are legal, so as long as you could stalk find them, you could get with them.

(Yes, I know the leads of the film adaptation from memory. Though I only watched about half of the first movie.)

El Pinche July 26, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Brotherhood of the Jizz-spattered Dockers cumming to a theater near you.

finallyhappy July 26, 2011 at 7:58 pm

Please tell me you really IMDB'd this!!

riverside68 July 26, 2011 at 12:54 pm

The Muslim Brotherhood would not be so "strong" had the CIA not picked up where the Nazis left off in 1945 with creating/building the Brotherhood to spread chaos in the 'stans of USSR.

See "Mosque in Munich"

I know, I know, reality gets you nowhere, but shit this stuff does drive me to drink (very short trip)

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 2:59 pm

I'm thinking of just having an IV drip for the needed fluid.

anniegetyerfun July 27, 2011 at 1:21 am

I just checked that book out of the public socialist library. Looking forward to tucking into it.

Pragmatist2 July 26, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Look at it this way: if you are a total loser and you need to feel good about yourself, imagining that you are the target of a conspiracy would help.
Or you could get Spiderman pajamas. That would help, too.

Steverino247 July 26, 2011 at 1:20 pm

WIN!

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 1:23 pm

How about a bath towel secured to the neck with a safety pin, for a cape? Just don't jump off the roof of the garage thinking you can fly!

genxr July 26, 2011 at 1:35 pm

If you think you can fly, try it from the ground first.

cheetojeebus July 26, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Club sandwiches at a circle jerk? Who are these aficionados of onanism?

Ruhe July 26, 2011 at 1:16 pm

I thought it was only onanism if you spilled your seed on the ground, but surely those sandwiches came with little cocktail napkins.

Chillwaver July 26, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Sound like Allen has no "Brotherhood" left in him.

Barrelhse July 26, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Shameless piece of fuck, isn't he?

ManchuCandidate July 26, 2011 at 12:57 pm

All those powerpoint charts needed was more Purity of Essene and rants about Saucer People splashed on the margins or as background.

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 8:12 pm

You mean they could have reproduced a Dr. Bronner soap label?

SexySmurf July 26, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Muslim is the new Jew.

Ruhe July 26, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Yeah. At least Henry Ford gave us an industrial revolution and a consumer society. What has West given us but these crappy tuna sandwiches.

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 3:01 pm

that might even come from menstruating mermaids.

arihaya July 26, 2011 at 12:58 pm

'homegrown Jihad'

is Allen West now bashing Pamela Geller ?

Crank_Tango July 26, 2011 at 1:00 pm

no i believe that is a strain of weed.

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 3:01 pm

I'd pay to see that. I'm betting Pammycakes takes him out first with a vicious stiletto to the groin.

CapeClod July 26, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Picked a hell of a week to spread Muslim paranoid conspiracy theories.

anniegetyerfun July 27, 2011 at 1:21 am

There's no such thing as bad publicity, especially when you approve of killing liberal-minded teenagers!

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 12:58 pm

"various techniques that the Palestinian Muslim Brotherhood, the Pakistani Muslim Brotherhood and the Saudi & Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood allegedly use to carry out domestic attacks."

I guess to see the various techniques that the Rich Capitalist Brotherhood uses to carry out domestic attacks, you just need to pick up a copy of Forbes, Fortune, or the Wall Street Journal.

Ruhe July 26, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Rich "Christian" Capitalist Brotherhood you mean. The messiah isn't gonna just up and arrive without some prodding. Like the Sanhedrin says, you gotta fuck some shit up if you want the messiah to come.

MissTaken July 26, 2011 at 12:59 pm

PowerPoint presentations filled with Venn diagrams and flowcharts. I read about this in Dante's Inferno, no?

DashboardBuddha July 26, 2011 at 1:06 pm

don't forget "feasting on beef, turkey and tuna sandwiches,"

Crank_Tango July 26, 2011 at 1:40 pm

hell is a dry sandwich with soggy bread. I believe that is from Sartre.

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Sartre was infamous for his poorly catered sammichfest salons.

Crank_Tango July 26, 2011 at 4:59 pm

i mistakenly read sammichfest as sanmichfest and I was going to pedantically state les deux magots was on the boulevard st germain, not st michel, like a total tool.

genxr July 26, 2011 at 1:36 pm

I'm pretty sure one of the inner circles of hell was comprised entirely of power point presentations.

finallyhappy July 26, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Aren't Venn Diagrams THE circles of hell?

Crank_Tango July 26, 2011 at 12:59 pm

It's a well-known fact that muslims are huge feminists.

riverside68 July 26, 2011 at 1:11 pm

And be-hind gay marriage also

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 3:03 pm

That's "HUGE," to you. As in Rick Perry's HUGE opening.

Crank_Tango July 26, 2011 at 3:10 pm

At least it's not YOOGE, trump style.Sent from my iPhone

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Trump has style? Who knew?

arihaya July 26, 2011 at 7:02 pm

well if you look away from Middle East, yes there are Muslim feminists

x111e7thst July 26, 2011 at 12:59 pm

So is Code Pink also part of the Muslin Threat?

horsedreamer_1 July 26, 2011 at 1:17 pm

If so, their less than demuring approach marks them as out of step with Islamic thelogy.

donner_froh July 26, 2011 at 1:00 pm

The Muslim Brotherhood is getting very little return on its 49 year campaign. Maybe they should try something else, like bankrupting the economy. Amerikkkans go for that stuff.

riverside68 July 26, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Al-Qaeda got that franchise sown up.

TanzbodenKoenig July 26, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Taxes, taxes, taxes! Obama, jihad

This is literally all I hear when I picture Republicans talking about any topic, right down to the little strings being used to control them

mayor_quimby July 26, 2011 at 3:23 pm

You forgot "derka derka derka!"

berkeleyfarm July 26, 2011 at 9:10 pm

"Dilute! Dilute!"

Allmighty_Manos July 26, 2011 at 1:00 pm

"With assistance from line graphs and pie charts accentuated with bullets instead of arrows, the group painted the Muslim Brotherhood as behind a massive conspiracy with the long-term goal of absorbing America into an Islamic Caliphate."

Hey don't burn any bridges yet dude. When we default and collapse into total anarchy, becoming the official North American franchise of the Islamic Caliphate might be our best financial move.

elviouslyqueer July 26, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Am I the only one who is shocked, SHOCKED, that Thakur wasn't immediately jumped, wrestled to the ground, given a body cavity search that makes Anal Night at the Ramrod look like amateur hour, and then whisked off to the nearest maximum security holding facility?

comrad_darkness July 26, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Are you kidding? With this crowd it's a wonder they didn't start blubbering about how mean he was for questioning them and then because they were too red faced and sobbing, cancel the rest of the presentation.

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 3:05 pm

OT, but: thanks so much for the tomato-growing advice. I actually did do all those things. Turned out, the little buggers wanted warmer weather. A few sunny days, and POW! The tomato trees are covered with thumbnail-size fruitlings. Gardening advice always welcomed.

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 1:07 pm

How do you know that he wasn't?

prommie July 26, 2011 at 1:53 pm

There is such a thing as "anal night?" Damn, you gays have all the fun.

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Some nights are buccal nights.

Swampgas_Man July 26, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Stunned that he wasn't stopped and butt-searched when he came in the room, w/ that jihad-beard and all.

edgydrifter July 26, 2011 at 1:00 pm

I'd say lines, pies and bullets were the inspiration for as well as the formatting of this presentation.

Callyson July 26, 2011 at 1:02 pm

From TPM:
The Palestinians, according to Leitner's chart, preferred money laundering, fraud and political pressure, whereas the Saudis and Egyptians went the subversion, sedition and intimidation on college campuses route instead.
What, they can't do both at the same time? If this is how well organized the big Islamic conspiracy that threatens the USA is, time to start worrying about the *real* threat to America, Part II of the Great Economic Meltdown…

genxr July 26, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Conservatives: don't send your kids to college, it's too dangerous. Home school 'em 'til they're 26!

prommie July 26, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Its like the Mafia, the council splits up the rackets between the different families, drugs, extortion over here, loansharking, prostitution over there, and so on.

SayItWithWookies July 26, 2011 at 1:02 pm

I have in my hand a list — of 57 known Muslim subversives…

Oblios_Cap July 26, 2011 at 1:08 pm

One for each state! Aieeeeee!

KenLayIsAlive July 26, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Lawrence of Arabia, Muhammad Ali, and 55 members of the cast of Orlando's #1 Dinner Attraction, "Arabian Nights"

ManchuCandidate July 26, 2011 at 1:16 pm

And Jeanie from I Dream of Jeanie

horsedreamer_1 July 26, 2011 at 1:18 pm

& that weed-head Shaggy from Scooby-Doo.

Mumbletypeg July 26, 2011 at 1:27 pm

…Robin Hood's "Moorish companion", as becomes a Prince of Thieves…

AJWjr. July 26, 2011 at 1:21 pm

So, one per state then?

ifthethunderdontgetya July 26, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Allen West cares deeply about “homegrown jihad,” so he invited everyone to come hear what these Citizens for National Security had to say.

1) I'm going to have a sad when the state of my birth slips beneath the sea, thanks to global warming.

2) Here is Anders Brievik's armpatch, with some apt domestic samples for comparison.
~.

Preferred Customer July 26, 2011 at 1:39 pm

The irony of conservatives purporting to need a government license to hunt liberals is making my brain hurt.

owhatever July 26, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Yawn. Good morning, downfister. I promise to use only small words today so your brain cell will not be strained.

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Wakey wakey! No more downfisting allowed.

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Where did you hear this? I never got the email.

Swampgas_Man July 26, 2011 at 3:27 pm

So what'll we do when Spanky2B or whatever Trolly's name is comes around?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 26, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Silly Allen West. You should know by now that conspiracy theories only work on chalk boards.

BarackMyWorld July 26, 2011 at 1:06 pm

I'd be more impressed if they linked the Muslim Brotherhood to Kevin Bacon in less than 6 steps.

riverside68 July 26, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Obama-Bacon

done

Swampgas_Man July 26, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Bacon's not halal, wouldn't work.

inapewetrust July 26, 2011 at 1:06 pm

it's almost like they're playing dungeons and dragons, except the baddies are brown folk instead of orcs, and also they're ruining everyones lives all over the world

ManchuCandidate July 26, 2011 at 1:20 pm

2d20 Insanity Savings Roll failed.

Preferred Customer July 26, 2011 at 1:40 pm

This is American foreign policy in a nutshell. Has been since…well, ever, really.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 26, 2011 at 1:06 pm

So, it turns out that Reallity has a terrorist leaning?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 26, 2011 at 8:26 pm

Reality? I don't see the connection. Are you posting to the right thread?

Goonemeritus July 26, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Since American Muslims makeup only 2% of our population I think it maybe a heavy lift. This number puts them smaller than our gay population who despite their best efforts has not been able to mandate terracotta floor tiles in all new patio installations. I know some people are worried about the rate the Muslim population is growing. They extrapolate into future a population size that would be a significant voting block. To these people I point out our countries unparallel ability to anesthetize the hardest core population into a fat lazy TV addicted sack of Jell-O in less than a generation.

genxr July 26, 2011 at 1:25 pm

They are few, but powerful, and their children seem to be immune to the hateful screams of Orange County racists. I can't figure it out. We tried everything. Only PowerPoint can save us now.

mayor_quimby July 26, 2011 at 3:28 pm

I like my terra cotta tiles, you wanna make something of it?
Cause if you do, I have a couple spare boxes…

Doktor Zoom July 26, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Err…isn't a paranoid obsession with Muslims now among the key danger signs for spotting potential home-grown terrorists?

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2011 at 1:51 pm

The Brotherhood got to you too?!

WhatTheHeck July 26, 2011 at 1:07 pm

You put the conspiracy theory here.
The craziness goes round and round.
Oh oh oh oh.
And the bullshit comes out here.

(End of powerpoint presentation).

orygoon July 26, 2011 at 1:07 pm

I for one am glad that this West lives in the East.

DashboardBuddha July 26, 2011 at 1:08 pm

A 59 year plan? Why 59 and not 55 or 60. Do they have an actual date? Hmmm, moot point cuz in 59 years I'l be :::let's see, add 10, carry the one::: dead.

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Carrying the one will do it to ya every time.

Indiepalin July 26, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Where does Col. West stand on the Norweigian Brotherhood?

genxr July 26, 2011 at 2:59 pm

He stands just to the right of them.

donner_froh July 26, 2011 at 1:09 pm

What he said: "But we're talking about perception here, and terrorism is a tough thing to define."

What they heard: "I am a Muslim terrorist jihad monster and I am here to force you into the Caliphate of North America.

Chillwaver July 26, 2011 at 1:14 pm

"As the audience feasted on beef, turkey and tuna sandwiches, group co-founder Peter Leitner walked through a long PowerPoint presentation…"

No Wingnut feast would be complete without the shitty sandwiches and a crazy presentation made with Powerpoint 97.

finallyhappy July 26, 2011 at 8:03 pm

Also "feasted" is an inappropriate word for a lunch from quiznos or potbelly

Come here a minute July 26, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Oh, so fancy. What's wrong with good old fashioned chalk on chalkboard?

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 1:27 pm

West was afraid that the Citizens for National Security members would expect him to beat the erasers after class.

mumbly_joe July 26, 2011 at 1:16 pm

beef, turkey and tuna sandwiches

How considerate of them, to include halal options!

Nostrildamus July 26, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Excuse me, but aren't those sandwiches Halal ?!?!?!!!!

horsedreamer_1 July 26, 2011 at 1:18 pm

You know who else had an Holy Brotherhood?

SayItWithWookies July 26, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Ignatius Loyola?

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Emperor Constantine?

genxr July 26, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Shaft?

elviouslyqueer July 26, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Damn right.

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Jesus Hussein Christ?

mayor_quimby July 26, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Shit, I never knew what the H in Jesus H Christ stood for! Knowledge is power.

GunToting[Redacted] July 26, 2011 at 6:53 pm

I thought it stood for "haploid…"

Sorry, biologist's joke…

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 3:23 pm

The Order of Hashishim?

zhubajie July 26, 2011 at 7:33 pm

The Templars

SaintRond July 26, 2011 at 1:19 pm

We have the yummiest sandwiches and the fastest rocket ships and they want to take this all away from us. So kill them! Kill them all!!!

BaldarTFlagass July 26, 2011 at 1:19 pm

I think putting the pink lines and arrows on the alt-text pic of the powerpoint presentation at top really didn't have any effect.

genxr July 26, 2011 at 1:22 pm

I didn't even notice them until you pointed it out. I think it clarifies things a little.

SayItWithWookies July 26, 2011 at 1:19 pm

You know, it used to be that we'd be paranoid about other countries — we started with the British (for good reason at the time), then the Spanish, then the Soviets. But you know our paranoid schizophrenic elected officials are scraping the bottom of the sanity barrel when they're terrified of the Caliphate — a country that doesn't even exist and is longed for by the Muslim version of the Tea Party, adherents of which would be dwindling into irrelevance in an increasingly secular world were it not for our own religious fanatics who keep bringing them up as some kind of threat.

Anyway, in the war between their imaginary America (where the Bill of Rights is actually the Ten Commandments) and the imaginary Caliphate, I'm immigrating to Getcherdamnheadonstraightistan for the duration.

genxr July 26, 2011 at 1:21 pm

I recommend the small country of Getcherdamnheadonstraigtherdam for its excellent coffee shops.

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 3:24 pm

With many fine, fine things other than coffee available for purchase.

widestanceroman July 26, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Once upon a time, someone made a puppet from the wood of a Beck blackboard and then made it into the boy we call Allen West.

Hope everyone catches the racist liberal dog whistles in that comment.

mumbly_joe July 26, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Puppet, wood, blackboard, boy, Allen West.

Where's my prize?

widestanceroman July 26, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Who wants an upfist right now? Go get it, mumbly puppy, go get it.

Barrelhse July 26, 2011 at 6:20 pm

My dogs won't stop raising their ears.

GunToting[Redacted] July 26, 2011 at 1:25 pm

The American Muslin Brotherhood uses the most dangerous weapon of all – sarcasm!

genxr July 26, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Sarcasm and fear. Two! Our two weapons are sarcasm, fear, and a fanatical devotion to the caliphate. Three! Wait, among our chief weapons are…

horsedreamer_1 July 26, 2011 at 1:56 pm

30 Minutes or Less

Finally, the Semitic snarkers are joining forces, Jew & Musselman, robbing our nation's banks to enrich the meth-heads.

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2011 at 1:31 pm

But has Allen West tried the new Palestinean Chicken place? It may be a jihad, but it's a DELICIOUS jihad!

Chet Kincaid July 26, 2011 at 1:36 pm

I don't know, Allen West just seems like the kind of shadowy paramilitary conspirator who'd get tossed out of an out-of-control helicopter by Jack Bauer in hour 17 of "24."

genxr July 26, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Holy Carnivorous Caliphate, Batman! Look at all those turkey sandwiches!

prommie July 26, 2011 at 1:55 pm

The Reverse Vampires, acting in concert with the saucer people. . . .

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi July 26, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Glenn Beck + Allen West
Neocons + Allen West
AIPAC + Allen West

Redhead July 26, 2011 at 2:13 pm

I, too, care deeply about “homegrown jihad." That's why I'm so scared of white men who are scared of Muslims and liberals and advocate guns and reloading and violence against the government. Hell, the connection between Norway's looney tune and the US teabaggers is a lot stronger than the connection this guy thinks exists between the Muslim Brotherhood and the groups he listed.

elburritodeluxe July 26, 2011 at 2:19 pm

I think the American People deserve to have this Congressman change his name to Adam West.

MiniMencken July 26, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Ah, PowerPoint! It's what Joseph Goebbels what have used to explain the Protocols of the Elders of Zion if it had been around back in the day.

BTWBFDIMHO July 26, 2011 at 3:11 pm

I'm not surprised the Christian right-wing loves PowerPointifications.

GOPCrusher July 26, 2011 at 3:12 pm

How did they get a skee ball machine in their basement?

fuflans July 26, 2011 at 3:17 pm

you know who ELSE feasts on tuna???

my cats.

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Jihadist terrorists. Those little fur suits are the perfect disguise.

GortRay July 26, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Just another dose of brilliance from the Dickland of America.

voodooeconomics July 26, 2011 at 7:23 pm

I stared at this Mooslin chart for a while and after 17 minutes i saw the image of Jebus and he spake to me: Thou shall not inherit the earth, it is all bullshit.

Fuck you Lt Col West for pissing off the Man.

zhubajie July 26, 2011 at 7:40 pm

"As the audience feasted on beef, turkey and tuna sandwiches"

Schwarma?

user-of-owls July 26, 2011 at 7:59 pm

Saudis and Egyptians went the subversion, sedition and intimidation on college campuses route instead.

Well, this certainly has serious implications. Apparently the Saudi-Egyptian Muslim Brotherhoods, LLP are even tied to US anti-evolution forces!!

ttommyunger July 27, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Attendees who had the temerity to doze off during the Power Point Presentation were rudely awakened by the stealthy Congressman sneaking up on them and firing his Beretta 9mm within inches of their heads.

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 2:55 pm

Darn. And there I was all eager to learn new and exciting things about mermaids. I am teh disappoint, Barb.

Do sharks menstruate?

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 3:06 pm

If you had stopped at "soft," you'd know why.

Redhead July 26, 2011 at 5:05 pm

I'm trying – I just haven't quite figured out how to transfer it from my special chalkboard. Help me, Beck!

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 8:11 pm

But how delightfully erudite and meta!

Barb July 26, 2011 at 9:42 pm

Sorry Pristine, I had a miserable dental emergency and couldn't get back to you. Do sharks menstruate? According to the book, "Are You There God, It's Me, Mako?" Yes, they do have their period. They still have fun, wear white jeans when they ride seahorses, etc. It's all good.

PristineODummy July 26, 2011 at 11:17 pm

ZOMG ELEBENTY I'm so sorry. I caused it with my cooties, didn't I? Hope you're feeling better, Barb, or at least well-supplied with the wherewithal therefor, as us starchy-underpanted book-edjamacated types like to say. The vision of a hammerhead in low-cut white jeans and whale tail riding a seahorse while menstruating will occupy the rest of my evening, for which I remain forever in your debt.

Barb July 27, 2011 at 12:04 am

Your post is very funny and made me smile, thanks!

PristineODummy July 27, 2011 at 12:15 am

You are a very sweet lady, as I'm sure you're constantly reminded. Thank you for your contribution to my overactive imagination.

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