SURE WHY NOT  1:44 pm July 25, 2011

3 Million Americans Apparently Believe Mitt Romney Is Muslim

by Wonkette Jr.

Worshiping Allah together.An audience of 3 million is enough to keep a terrible show on television for many years or encourage a horror writer to publish literally anything he types, including fever dreams about his own mustache, and it’s also how many people in America apparently believe that Mitt Romney is Muslim. That’s the shocking results of some dumb new USA Today poll/listicle that follows the proud Vanity Fair/CBS News survey tradition of calling up a representative sample of America’s Idiots to ask it some questions such as “Is the sky over you or under you” and “How about you try to go to the bathroom now so you don’t poop yourself again?”

USA Today, everybody:

The faith factor in the 2012 presidential race is pretty fuzzy. Not only do most Americans fail to identify President Barack Obama as Christian, three in four don’t know Mitt Romney is a Mormon, according to a new survey.

Well, sure. But how many think Romney is a Muslim?

40% of Americans don’t know Obama’s religion; 38% correctly call him Christian, 18% continue to wrongly identify him as Muslim; 4% says he’s not religious.

40% correctly identify Romney as Mormon; 46% don’t know, 11% call him some form of Christian (1% Muslim, 1% not religious, 1% never heard of him).

So is “Muslim” now considered “some form of Christian”? Anyway, the only True God is the Baphoment. You are worshiping the Baphomet right now, whether you intend to worship it or not. (The Baphomet is paid in “breath tokens,” so when you breathe His Foul Aire, you are worshiping at the Hideous Altar of the Baphomet. Romney, too! Because “Romney” — like all names and words — means “worshiping at the Hideous Altar of the Baphomet.”) [USA Today]

 
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{ 195 comments }

BlueMonkeh July 25, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Good thing we don't have any type of "religious test" to hold elected office in this country!

Seriously, I wish they would quit polling this shit. It just makes the idea that it should be important that much more entrenched.

gvvt July 25, 2011 at 1:56 pm

or intelligence test to vote in elections

BlueMonkeh July 25, 2011 at 2:05 pm

What I stated was, that the Conservative Party was, by the law of its constitution, necessarily the stupidest party. Now, I do not retract that assertion; but I did not mean to say that the Conservatives are generally stupid. I meant to say that stupid people are generally Conservative. I believe that is so obviously and universally admitted a principle that I hardly think any gentleman will deny it. (Public and Parliamentary Speeches, 31 May 1866, pp. 85-86.)
John Stuart Mill

GeneralLerong July 25, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Wow! Where'd you dig that one up?

I'm so ashamed that it isn't already in my basket of things to embroider, suitable for framing. Guess I need to read classic authors more. [No! No-o-o-o, not that! Can't WikiQuotes do the job?]

chicken_thief July 25, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Reading? Annnnnnd embroidering? Elitist….

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 7:56 pm

I might need to take up embroidery. Or maybe cake-icing. Perhaps I'll just paint it on the fucking wall in monster drippy red letters.

tessiee July 25, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Made of win.

PuckStopsHere July 25, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Factoids like this tasty nugget are the very reason I love this country so. We are so stupid we are nothing short of adorable. But I do, with all my heart, wish I could be in that 1% that have never heard of Mittens or of his dog, lashed to the roof of the Family Truckster.

Ducksworthy July 25, 2011 at 2:08 pm

That's why I'm betting on Trig for Prez in 2012. He's a man of the people.

prommie July 25, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Kortney is why I love this country.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 25, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Your love for this country would evaporate like a puff of Camel smoke if you watched even one episode of "The Car Show*" on Rupert's "Speed Channel."

________________
*Warning: contains Adam Carolla content

prommie July 25, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Correction; Kortney is WHAT I love about this country. Nothing else, just Kortney.

prommie July 25, 2011 at 3:05 pm

When Carolla was surgically detached from Jimmy Kimmel, it was as if Jimmy had a massive, useless, and boring second penis removed.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 8:10 pm

You wouldn't say *that* if you were a lady snake. Them lady snakes like their hemipenes.

tessiee July 25, 2011 at 11:12 pm

"a massive, useless, and boring second penis"

Please to explain how a penis can be simultaneously massive and boring.

tessiee July 25, 2011 at 11:11 pm

Your love for this country would evaporate like a puff of Camel smoke if you watched even one episode of "The Car Show*

What, those guys Click and Clack?

V572 Hair of Destiny July 26, 2011 at 9:33 am

No no. This is much worse. On something called “the Speed Channel.” Bunch of jackasses talking about cars.

MinAgain July 25, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Obviously, this is some definition of "adorable" with which I am unfamiliar.

Doktor Zoom July 25, 2011 at 1:48 pm

You're reading that wrong. It means that 1% of Americans answer polls for the lulz.

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Absolutely. I refuse to believe that 3 out of 4 Americans don't know that Romney is a Mormon. If there is one fucking thing that everyone knows about Romney, it's that he's Mormon.

Preferred Customer July 25, 2011 at 4:19 pm

Didn't he also save the 1980 Olympics from a Soviet invasion of Afghanistan while working for a hedge fund that owned American Motors? I think that's right. Also, I'm pretty sure he was born in Mexico, in the Panama Canal Zone. And that he invented health insurance.

bumfug July 25, 2011 at 6:07 pm

I refuse to believe that 60% is three-out-of-four. Also, 60% of the population is 180,000,000 people. None of this makes sense.

emmelemm July 25, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Considering that it must be a very small sample size, 1% of respondants must be about, oh, 1-2 people at most. So, yeah, probably in it for the lulz. Wonketters, or kindred spirits!

Callyson July 25, 2011 at 1:48 pm

God is great!
Oh, and beer is good and people are crazy… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJ0mgQGi3S4

Sue4466 July 25, 2011 at 1:49 pm

What denomination worships corporation donations and Wall Street?

(obligatory answer, "all of them Katie" is already taken)

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 25, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Republicans?

SexySmurf July 25, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Nobody say Judaism.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Jesus saves! Moses invests! Krishna spends!

I'm going with Krishna. Plus, he has a great bod with mostly nekky pikkies.

Geminisunmars July 25, 2011 at 2:21 pm

$100 bill

Fare la Volpe July 25, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Scientology, duh.

riverside68 July 25, 2011 at 2:41 pm

Episcopalians

(Art Buchwald on JC: product of mixed marriage; mother jewish, father apparently Episcopalian.)

MinAgain July 25, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Too gay. Literally.

BarryOPotter July 25, 2011 at 2:50 pm

What denomination worships corporation donations and Wall Street?

(obligatory answer, "all of them Katie" is already taken)

Why are you asking me? Ask Katie, apparently she's already been given the answer…

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 8:13 pm

I know it's some deity that is worshipped by Gujaratis.

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 1:00 am

Scientology hands-fucking-down. The other religions at least try to cover and paper themselves over with thousands-of-years worth of theology and culture.

baconzgood July 25, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Intrestingly enough the same number think ventriloquism is a form of magic, and they are all the Tea Parties staunchest supporters.

dr_giraud July 25, 2011 at 1:50 pm

When are they gonna do a poll on something that matters–like hair?

chicken_thief July 25, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Chrixtine? That you?

cheetojeebus July 25, 2011 at 2:47 pm

hair is a fluffy question, let's get to the meat of it, boxers or briefs?

Graham Cracker July 25, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Trump would surely trump!

Jukesgrrl July 25, 2011 at 10:19 pm

My sister-in-law claims it's eyebrows. She says it's unconscious on the voters' part, but the majority always chooses the candidate with the more attractive eyebrows.

freakishlywrong July 25, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Jesus Christ on a landline. Quit calling these dumbstoopids and ferfuckssake, quit publishing the results. This shit is embarrassing.

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2011 at 2:18 pm

This "polling" might actually be an ingenious tactic to keep the Chinese from taking us over. Once they determine that we are too stupid to locate our own assholes, they might just forgive some of our debt and leave us to our mouth-breathing ways.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 8:17 pm

They're much more likely to convert us into Soylent Green. They have a billyun people to feed, yaknow! And, unlike Americans, the Chinese proletariat has a, um, rather impressive way of demonstrating its displeasure with its overlords. http://www.businessweek.com/blogs/eyeonasia/archi

Fox n Fiends July 25, 2011 at 1:50 pm

it will be interesting to watch the "right-wing referendum on Mormonism" that awaits us as we get closer to the election. Can that gorgeous hair distract enough 'baggers?

Giveusabob July 25, 2011 at 1:51 pm

You mean Romney doesn't wear magical, black muslin underwear?

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Green. It's green underwear.

scionkirk July 25, 2011 at 1:51 pm

You know if he didn't follow a 'Barack', there's no way America would vote for a 'Mitt', sounds a bit jewy.

Chet Kincaid July 25, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Thinnest excuse for a post ever! Back to school, Jr.

Texan_Bulldog July 25, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Yeah, heck 1% of the country thinks Amelia Earhart's still alive, which proves that you can always find a merry band of stupid folks.

riverside68 July 25, 2011 at 2:43 pm

1% of the country doesn't think they are alive, but they are probably right, at least as far a brain activity is an indicia of life.

SexySmurf July 25, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Mittens will be whatever religion he needs to be to get elected.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 25, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Is Dickhead a religion?

BlueMonkeh July 25, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Yes.

Just look at the Pope's pointy hat.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 25, 2011 at 1:51 pm

But, think about it. Mittens likes the ghaeyz, he likes the health care. Heck, he has even said some good things about Ted Kennedy.

Clearly Muslim.

How you all mocked, and yet it turns out Glenn Beck was right all along.

weejee July 25, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Haven't heard from GB in a while. Did his work-release get revoked?

Captain_Quark July 25, 2011 at 1:53 pm

That's absurd. Romney obviously believes in absolutely nothing. Of course, for the right amount of political gain, he'd be as Muslim as you want.

x111e7thst July 25, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Muslin/Mormon- both have many wives+Sharia law so what's the difference.

Fare la Volpe July 25, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Can't drink booze or smoke either.

chicken_thief July 25, 2011 at 2:21 pm

The Muslins don't beat your fucking door down trying to give you stupid books.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 25, 2011 at 2:42 pm

It all comes down, as it usually does, to pork.

arihaya July 25, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Muslins are allowed to drink coffee however,,,

widestanceroman July 25, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Knowing Mittens, if that figure goes up to 3.5, he'll be sporting a full Tali-beard on the campaign trail.

weejee July 25, 2011 at 2:00 pm

True. Mittens would pander a panda for a half-a-point.

SmutBoffin July 25, 2011 at 1:55 pm

Well, he doesn't drink and considers dogs to be unclean (they have to ride on the roof) so what the hell Mittens bin Romney it is.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 25, 2011 at 1:55 pm

And, really, what is the difference between Mormons and Muslims? Multiple wives? Check. Want to set up their own state? Check. Don't drink Alcohol? Check.

It is looking more and more like Mormonism is Islam's back door to establishing the American Caliphate. Has anyone checked which direction Mitt prays in?

user-of-owls July 25, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Has anyone checked which direction Mitt prays in?

Facing the mirror.

simplyblue7 July 25, 2011 at 1:56 pm

I can't wait until they start asking people about Tim Pawlenty!

SmutBoffin July 25, 2011 at 2:00 pm

TIMOTHY PAWLENTY IS A SECRET EPISCOPALIAN

horsedreamer_1 July 25, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Pawlenty's RV is not a Recreational Vehicle but, instead, a Randy Vicar.

Doktor Zoom July 25, 2011 at 2:01 pm

Who? (87%)

chicken_thief July 25, 2011 at 2:23 pm

With 13% "Who fucking cares?"

Guppy06 July 25, 2011 at 2:38 pm

No one will ask about Tim Pawlenty. No one.

GOPCrusher July 25, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Him and Michele Bachmann keep trading shots at each other, it won't matter, since I think Michele is just about ready to bare hand rip his beating heart out of chest.

Lascauxcaveman July 25, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Now THAT'S a job for which she's probably actually qualified.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Sample responses:

1. Who?
2. Wha?
3. Yeah, well, your mama …
4. He's not here.
5. Gzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz <— statistically most likely

tessiee July 25, 2011 at 11:15 pm

6. [sound effect of shotgun pumping]

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 11:29 pm

I like. Yes.

edgydrifter July 25, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Mormon, Muslim–fuck it, they both start with "K" don't they?
Same thing, probably.

bureaucrap July 25, 2011 at 1:57 pm

FSM is angry for having been left out. Now comes seven years of no garlic.

BlueMonkeh July 25, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Noooooooooo!!!!!

Oblios_Cap July 25, 2011 at 2:23 pm

There is no "petty" in "spaghetti".

flamingpdog July 25, 2011 at 3:33 pm

All those stories in Revelations about blood running in the rivers and raining from the sky? Spicy, spicy spaghetti sauce!

tessiee July 25, 2011 at 11:16 pm

But, but… what of the alfredo, which the gospel of FSM says should be eaten al fresco?

Mumbletypeg July 25, 2011 at 1:57 pm

I have to express awe at stupidity's refusal to be ignored.

And… can we go back to ignoring it, soon? If it requires a fight then it's one I'm willing to fight.

user-of-owls July 25, 2011 at 2:04 pm

You've got my attention now.

Lascauxcaveman July 25, 2011 at 1:57 pm

New CNN Poll:

Q: As a general rule, are Americans

a) Dumb?
b) Dumberer?
c) Stoopid?
d) Not very bright?

(pick any five)

BlueMonkeh July 25, 2011 at 2:08 pm

aotk

OneDollarJuana July 25, 2011 at 3:22 pm

I choos 5, chocolate.

flamingpdog July 25, 2011 at 3:34 pm

T

Jukesgrrl July 25, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Maybe John King can figure it out with his magic map.

Steverino247 July 25, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Ask most religionists about their beliefs and you'll get some weird answers. All they really know is that if you don't believe what they do, you're evil.

Goonemeritus July 25, 2011 at 1:59 pm

It is clear that the American public is woefully under informed and quite possibly stupid. Say what ever you want about immigrants at least they need to pass a test.

BlueMonkeh July 25, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Tru dat.

And even the illegal ones are willing to work their asses off for peanuts and hopes that their children will be better off than them. The true American work ethic.

Oblios_Cap July 25, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I breathlessly await the day when all male candidates are required to slap their dicks out on a table at one of the Presidential "Debates" to prove their religious afflitations.

Then we'll have a lot more women elected to office and possibily some saner laws enacted.

OneDollarJuana July 25, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Actually, I think they'll elect the one that makes the loudest slap.

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 1:08 am

What is the sound of one dong slapping?

user-of-owls July 25, 2011 at 1:59 pm

“How about you try to go to the bathroom now so you don’t poop yourself again?"

Strongly Disagree: 28%

Papa_Uniform July 25, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Vitter supporters.

elviouslyqueer July 25, 2011 at 2:00 pm

1% never heard of him

This compares with the approximately 135% who had never heard of T-Paw (+/- 5% margin of error).

Ducksworthy July 25, 2011 at 2:19 pm

I have to say it, Thank Gawd for Michele Bachmann and her pet Ghey Marcus. She has made T-Paw un-nominatable. And that's good cause he might have been electable in a general election.

Lascauxcaveman July 25, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Yeah, even though he's kind of a dick and helped rush his state into a financial mess, he's seems so normal, and not outright evil, unlike most Republicans. People looking for reasons to mad at Obama in 2012 might like him just enough for him to be trouble.

GOPCrusher July 25, 2011 at 3:30 pm

I'm about sick of seeing his commercials about he was so brave for standing up to the unions in the state of Minnesota, and for balancing the budget every year, when it's obvious it was all smoke and mirrors and Mark Dayton was handed a steaming pile of dog shit when he took over.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 8:36 pm

True. He's so bland, it disguises his Stench O'Evil(tm).

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 1:09 am

her pet Ghey

LOL!

Doktor Zoom July 25, 2011 at 2:07 pm

OT, maybe…Glenn Beck has figured out a new way to blame victims–he thinks that the Norwegian youth camp "sounds a little like the Hitler Youth"

Or maybe it's on topic. A significant percentage of Dumb People will now tell pollsters that killing socialist children is the fault of a rampant European "mulitculturalism" problem.

freakishlywrong July 25, 2011 at 2:17 pm

And the Norway wingnuts call themselves the "Progress" party. Look for 47% of this country to poll that the Norway thing is left wing terrorism.

not that Dewey July 25, 2011 at 2:19 pm

STOP IT

I had compiled a bunch of Freeper comments about the madman that I was going to share with the group, they were so over the top, like "he had the right idea but went about it wrong" and "bad PR for a good cause" kind of thing, but I thought we'd had all we could stomach, so ctrl-x escape

I wuz wrong.

Doktor Zoom July 25, 2011 at 2:30 pm

That's probably good advice. I'll admit, it is a bit like picking at a scab. On the other hand, there are people out there who casually talk about the need to cleanse America of liberal traitors, and they piss me off.

But you're right. Time to unplug the laptop, go work out, and read something more cheerful. (Almost finished with Shelby Foote's novel Shiloh, which by comparison IS cheerful).

user-of-owls July 25, 2011 at 2:58 pm

When I was a kid I was blessed with an abundance of scabs which were harvested quite frequently. And for some unsettling reason, after I picked them I ate them.

I think that's sort of like peeking into the freepie abyss. I don't need that. At. All.

Thank you, thank you Dewey for your wisdom. I'm going to pre-Delete that steaming carnage.

not that Dewey July 25, 2011 at 4:48 pm

I should follow my own advice, also.

I just rubbernecked over to the TP article that points out that he is a Lord-Monckton-following-global-warming denier, too.

GOPCrusher July 25, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Walking into Freeperville is like watching the Holocaust in slow motion.

Fox n Fiends July 25, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Take any Hitler rant, replace the word "jew" with the word "liberal" and you've got Glenn Beck and ther freepers motif.

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 1:11 am

Sometime, you don't even have to replace the word Jew.

Guppy06 July 25, 2011 at 2:45 pm

More like a "liberal hunting preserve," where the likes of Cheney can pay to shoot all the liberals they want without going over limit on those liberal hunting permits they all have on their trunk bumpers.

Liberal, too.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 8:37 pm

They've already started on HuffPoo. That's what has had me so depressed all day. MOAR BOO'Z.

WhatTheHeck July 25, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Ronald Reagan was a Thespian.
If most Americans knew that, they would have been repulsed and not voted for him.

Fare la Volpe July 25, 2011 at 2:11 pm

He was also a committed homo sapien.

Geminisunmars July 25, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Self-avowed

Lascauxcaveman July 25, 2011 at 2:31 pm

The really ugly rumor is he was a chronic masticator. Even did it at the dinner table. In front of his children.

OneDollarJuana July 25, 2011 at 3:26 pm

And what's worse, he masticated with whatever food was on the table.

elviouslyqueer July 25, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Rumor has it that he particularly enjoyed masticating kumquats, which he also shamelessly swallowed.

Doktor Zoom July 25, 2011 at 3:59 pm

I heard that he was a regular consumer of phonographic materials.

Tommmcatt July 25, 2011 at 4:11 pm

You people are sick.

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 1:12 am

confirmed homo sapien

horsedreamer_1 July 25, 2011 at 2:08 pm

With Romney, Pawlenty, & Palin gunning for the hockey vote, we are going to need to be vigilant to keep illegal Canadians from voting in our U.S. 'Murca election.

Weenus299 July 25, 2011 at 2:08 pm

How many percent own guns, fertilizer and sugar beet farms?

Oblios_Cap July 25, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Dwight Shrute?

genxr July 25, 2011 at 2:22 pm

First question: Have you ever fired a gun in the office?

fuflans July 25, 2011 at 2:11 pm

maybe in summer we should just close this country down and go to a beer garden.

Swampgas_Man July 25, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Where would the Muslins go?

Ducksworthy July 25, 2011 at 2:14 pm

I'm reminded of those cozy tete a tete's between W and Bandar Bush were they discussed their religious beliefs and the relative merits fundamentalist Wahabism and fundamentalist Baptism, and which was more effective at motivating the ignorant.

a_pink_poodle July 25, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Well Jesus is considered like a prophet or something in Islam so technically Islam is an extreme alteration of Christianity!

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2011 at 2:15 pm

THE SKY IS ALL AROUND ME, MAN.

4TheTurnstiles July 25, 2011 at 2:16 pm

Willard? Walid? Sheeple, can't you see it!

dancesw_cougars July 25, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Romney clarifies:

No! No! I said my Mormon underwear is muslin!

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 9:04 pm

Oh, that's totally going to fry his ass. MUSLIN!!! He might even be in league with Satin!

ManchuCandidate July 25, 2011 at 2:18 pm

His support will drop when the average US American realizes that he's from a group that ruins sleeping in by knocking on doors on a Sat morning.

frostbitefalls July 25, 2011 at 2:21 pm

The sun rose in the morning, and so another GOP lawmaker is bashing Muslims. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nP579kQfC80

Allmighty_Manos July 25, 2011 at 2:22 pm

75 percent of Yahoo news readers think Anders Behring Breivik is a brown Muslim. 15 percent agrees with ends, but not the means. 10 percent thinks it was justified.

chicken_thief July 25, 2011 at 2:34 pm

I pray to god that you just made that up….

Eve8Apples July 25, 2011 at 2:26 pm

So Mittens… Is it boxers, briefs or magic?

littlebigdaddy July 25, 2011 at 2:30 pm

He may not be Mooselimb, but according to the NYT he is a Messican.

Pragmatist2 July 25, 2011 at 2:31 pm

At least he is Mexican, not Kenyan.

DerrickWildcat July 25, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Mormons get 72 virgins now and Muslims get 72 virgins later. Evangelical Christians kill 72 virgins just to spite the Muslims and Mormons.

user-of-owls July 25, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Christians kill 72 virgins just to spite the Muslims and Mormons.

AND to ensure that they never have an abortion.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 9:06 pm

What about the Normans? Do they get spited too?

assistantatlas July 25, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Wow, how can 3 million Americans confuse it with that other religion that abhors alcohol, is okay with polygamy, wants church and state to be one, shows disdain for science, pours haterade on the gays, demands a strict percentage of each adherent's earnings, bans women from the lowest echelons of the religious hierarchy and even forces them to wear weird clothing that makes them look as unsexy as possible lest they tempt the menfolk with their devil charms (boobs)…. they're totally different!

prommie July 25, 2011 at 2:53 pm

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

user-of-owls July 25, 2011 at 3:04 pm

That's pretty Remembrance of Things Past.

prommie July 25, 2011 at 3:16 pm

I am haunted by that book. I can't go a day without someone referencing it.

Doktor Zoom July 25, 2011 at 3:05 pm

I'm Idaho!

prommie July 25, 2011 at 3:17 pm

Doctor says I wouldn't get so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger out of there.

GOPCrusher July 25, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Principal Skinner, I got carsick in your office.

Doktor Zoom July 25, 2011 at 4:00 pm

And when the doctor said I no longer had worms, that was the best day of my life!

tessiee July 25, 2011 at 11:19 pm

So, do you like… stuff?

jus_wonderin July 25, 2011 at 2:56 pm

But, but, but….how many people responded "Chevy Nova!"

johnnyzhivago July 25, 2011 at 3:10 pm

I hate it when people ask a question and don't provide the correct answer!!! I'm going to be thinking about this the rest of the day now.

For heaven's sake, is the sky above us or below us???

Doktor Zoom July 25, 2011 at 4:01 pm

What does whale poop look like?

mrblifil July 25, 2011 at 3:24 pm

He's a Muslim if you are scoring strictly according to hatred for Jews.

Redhead July 25, 2011 at 3:26 pm

The real mystery is how the 1% who have never heard of Romney, the 1% who think he's a Muslim and the 18% who think Barry's a Muslim (or muslin) will manage to account for 100% of the teatard vote.

Duly_Noted July 25, 2011 at 3:34 pm

You can't believe these polls because they never include Worship of the Great Lord Cthulhu in the options.

genxr July 25, 2011 at 3:42 pm

I believe he worships Cthulu.

genxr July 25, 2011 at 3:41 pm

+-3% margin of error, so it could be as high as 4% or as low as -2%.

El Pinche July 25, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Romney 65% snake oil salesman, 35% who fucking cares

flamingpdog July 25, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Excuse me, but the only Republican Presidential hopeful who is actually leading Obama in the polls is Generic Republican. Does anybody know what religion he or she is?

Doktor Zoom July 25, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Generic Christian.

genxr July 25, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Evangenerical

genxr July 25, 2011 at 4:12 pm

In the polls: Christian.

In reality: Cthulhu.

emmelemm July 25, 2011 at 4:24 pm

How dare you defame the great Cthulhu?

Should be:

In the polls: Christian.

In reality: Satan. (Deal with the devil and all that, a la Cheney.)

genxr July 25, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Cthulhu likes their low tax, pro-business stance. Cthulhu grows weary of dealings with tax lawyers and off-shore accounts.

emmelemm July 25, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Noooooooooo! I refuse to believe that Cthulhu is a Republican. He hates their oil spills and plastic garbage islands polluting his watery depths.

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 1:21 am

Obviously, whichever one you are.

LiveToServeYa July 25, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Now I really believe we live in a post-racial America. Or a persistently-stupid one.

genxr July 25, 2011 at 3:58 pm

OT but I can't believe the ignorant fucking hicks who I grew up with and are now my facebook friends. I just saw two posts, minutes apart, from the same person. The first one was bemoaning the fact that Obama is going to cut off her SSI payments, and then a bumper sticker that said, "I just listed the government as a dependent on my tax return." Followed by a "Government is the problem not the solution."

Okay, I haven't seen this chick since high school and I thought she was kinda cool back then, but now she sounds like a pathetic fucking whatever on SSI and I do feel a lot of sympathy, and that's the only thing stopping me from pointing out the irony in no uncertain terms.

So… Gah! Just. Gah!!

jus_wonderin July 25, 2011 at 4:06 pm

I feel your pain. I reconnected with a small group of my classmates after our 30th reunion. All great people but their views are soo smalltown. And, while I get great emails about "how is your week going" and "you have to be proud of your daughter" I also get those hideous "Obama is ruining this great US of A" and "I want my country back".

Aw fuck. I love 'em and hate 'em.

4TheTurnstiles July 25, 2011 at 4:37 pm

Facebook is like picking at an open wound in that regard.

flamingpdog July 25, 2011 at 4:50 pm

I feel your pain, too, been in the same boat. The thing I keep telling myself is that a lot of mental illness, particularly schizophrenia (delusional thinking) doesn't kick in until the late teens or twenties, so some of those crazy people that are your Facebook "friends" might actually have been "normal" when you knew them in high school.

donner_froh July 25, 2011 at 4:03 pm

The faith factor in the 2012 presidential race is pretty fuzzy. So are yer nutz, USA Today.

MinAgain July 25, 2011 at 4:38 pm

What? There was no "Anti-Christ" option on the poll?

flamingpdog July 25, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Cheney is ineligible to run again. He's already been President for two terms.

__kth__ July 25, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Don't know why it took me this long, but obviously the dipshits think Muslim is a synonym for heathen or infidel. A lot of odd things make perfect sense now.

Also Muslin: Richard Dawkins, Gandhi, and the Dalai Lama.

Thedongsofwar July 25, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Its hard to tell one intolerant, regressive, alcohol banning, polygamy permitting desert fable from the other.

owhatever July 25, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Most of those polled also now believe he might from Norway, so it's time to show the ole birth certificte.

Warpde July 25, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Little girl: Daddy, why is Rumley a Mooron?
Father: No honey, it's Romney not Rumley, we're not discussing Boehner here, Romney is a Mormon.
Little girl: What's a Mormon daddy?
Father: Well baby, a Mormon is a Muslim in disguise.

ttommyunger July 25, 2011 at 8:43 pm

Understand, this information is gleaned from people who actually take a call from a number they don't have on record and are willing to answer questions posed by a fucking stranger. In other words, morons.

AJWjr. July 25, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Has anyone else noticed that there is now no longer a way for teh downfisters to work their mayhem?

Jukesgrrl July 25, 2011 at 10:51 pm

There's a big discussion about it the cop killer thread. Apparently, IntenseDebate gave our Wonkette leaders the option to eliminate downfisting. We suspect the Downfisty Troll is very bored tonight, if not requiring hospitalization.

tessiee July 25, 2011 at 11:09 pm

Coincidentally, I just got off the phone with my sister, who referred to Mitt as "that guy with the gigantic head". The subject of his religious affiliation somehow never came up, though.

PS. Stephen King wrote a story about a scary mustache???

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 12:50 am

“Is the sky over you or under you”

I would actually donate money to have that question tested. I am not joking. Honestly, we need to get to the very basics to see just how much of America we can effectively cleave off when we're making grown-up decisions.

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 12:52 am

Well, his father was a Mexican, after all. And Mexican is just another descriptive term for Muslin, right?

BTW, what's with all of this bullshit "don't know" answering of these types of questions? We honestly can't ever know what's in someone's heart, but that's true of any self-indentification. We usually take people's word and example for stuff.

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi July 26, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Willard is a status quo establishment puppet

Just one more flavor of Neocon.
multinational corporation flavor

genxr July 25, 2011 at 5:46 pm

Cthulhu wishes to apologize to BP.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 9:10 pm

Like that will ever happen. He's just luring them closer so he can bite off their nubby little heads. Er, make that BIG heads. The OTHER heads!

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 1:13 am

I heard he especially enjoyed less beans.

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