sure why not

3 Million Americans Apparently Believe Mitt Romney Is Muslim

Worshiping Allah together.An audience of 3 million is enough to keep a terrible show on television for many years or encourage a horror writer to publish literally anything he types, including fever dreams about his own mustache, and it’s also how many people in America apparently believe that Mitt Romney is Muslim. That’s the shocking results of some dumb new USA Today poll/listicle that follows the proud Vanity Fair/CBS News survey tradition of calling up a representative sample of America’s Idiots to ask it some questions such as “Is the sky over you or under you” and “How about you try to go to the bathroom now so you don’t poop yourself again?”

USA Today, everybody:

The faith factor in the 2012 presidential race is pretty fuzzy. Not only do most Americans fail to identify President Barack Obama as Christian, three in four don’t know Mitt Romney is a Mormon, according to a new survey.

Well, sure. But how many think Romney is a Muslim?

40% of Americans don’t know Obama’s religion; 38% correctly call him Christian, 18% continue to wrongly identify him as Muslim; 4% says he’s not religious.

Sponsored Video

40% correctly identify Romney as Mormon; 46% don’t know, 11% call him some form of Christian (1% Muslim, 1% not religious, 1% never heard of him).

So is “Muslim” now considered “some form of Christian”? Anyway, the only True God is the Baphoment. You are worshiping the Baphomet right now, whether you intend to worship it or not. (The Baphomet is paid in “breath tokens,” so when you breathe His Foul Aire, you are worshiping at the Hideous Altar of the Baphomet. Romney, too! Because “Romney” — like all names and words — means “worshiping at the Hideous Altar of the Baphomet.”) [USA Today]

Related

About the author

Wonkette Jr., everybody! Hooray!

View all articles by Wonkette Jr.

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

195 comments

  1. BlueMonkeh

    Good thing we don't have any type of "religious test" to hold elected office in this country!

    Seriously, I wish they would quit polling this shit. It just makes the idea that it should be important that much more entrenched.

      1. BlueMonkeh

        What I stated was, that the Conservative Party was, by the law of its constitution, necessarily the stupidest party. Now, I do not retract that assertion; but I did not mean to say that the Conservatives are generally stupid. I meant to say that stupid people are generally Conservative. I believe that is so obviously and universally admitted a principle that I hardly think any gentleman will deny it. (Public and Parliamentary Speeches, 31 May 1866, pp. 85-86.)
        John Stuart Mill

        1. GeneralLerong

          Wow! Where'd you dig that one up?

          I'm so ashamed that it isn't already in my basket of things to embroider, suitable for framing. Guess I need to read classic authors more. [No! No-o-o-o, not that! Can't WikiQuotes do the job?]

          1. PristineODummy

            I might need to take up embroidery. Or maybe cake-icing. Perhaps I'll just paint it on the fucking wall in monster drippy red letters.

  2. PuckStopsHere

    Factoids like this tasty nugget are the very reason I love this country so. We are so stupid we are nothing short of adorable. But I do, with all my heart, wish I could be in that 1% that have never heard of Mittens or of his dog, lashed to the roof of the Family Truckster.

      1. V572 Hair of Destiny

        Your love for this country would evaporate like a puff of Camel smoke if you watched even one episode of "The Car Show*" on Rupert's "Speed Channel."

        ________________
        *Warning: contains Adam Carolla content

        1. prommie

          When Carolla was surgically detached from Jimmy Kimmel, it was as if Jimmy had a massive, useless, and boring second penis removed.

          1. PristineODummy

            You wouldn't say *that* if you were a lady snake. Them lady snakes like their hemipenes.

          2. tessiee

            "a massive, useless, and boring second penis"

            Please to explain how a penis can be simultaneously massive and boring.

        2. tessiee

          Your love for this country would evaporate like a puff of Camel smoke if you watched even one episode of "The Car Show*

          What, those guys Click and Clack?

          1. V572 Hair of Destiny

            No no. This is much worse. On something called “the Speed Channel.” Bunch of jackasses talking about cars.

  3. Doktor Zoom

    You're reading that wrong. It means that 1% of Americans answer polls for the lulz.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Absolutely. I refuse to believe that 3 out of 4 Americans don't know that Romney is a Mormon. If there is one fucking thing that everyone knows about Romney, it's that he's Mormon.

      1. Preferred Customer

        Didn't he also save the 1980 Olympics from a Soviet invasion of Afghanistan while working for a hedge fund that owned American Motors? I think that's right. Also, I'm pretty sure he was born in Mexico, in the Panama Canal Zone. And that he invented health insurance.

      2. bumfug

        I refuse to believe that 60% is three-out-of-four. Also, 60% of the population is 180,000,000 people. None of this makes sense.

    2. emmelemm

      Considering that it must be a very small sample size, 1% of respondants must be about, oh, 1-2 people at most. So, yeah, probably in it for the lulz. Wonketters, or kindred spirits!

  4. Sue4466

    What denomination worships corporation donations and Wall Street?

    (obligatory answer, "all of them Katie" is already taken)

      1. PristineODummy

        Jesus saves! Moses invests! Krishna spends!

        I'm going with Krishna. Plus, he has a great bod with mostly nekky pikkies.

    1. riverside68

      Episcopalians

      (Art Buchwald on JC: product of mixed marriage; mother jewish, father apparently Episcopalian.)

    2. BarryOPotter

      What denomination worships corporation donations and Wall Street?

      (obligatory answer, "all of them Katie" is already taken)

      Why are you asking me? Ask Katie, apparently she's already been given the answer…

    3. Negropolis

      Scientology hands-fucking-down. The other religions at least try to cover and paper themselves over with thousands-of-years worth of theology and culture.

  5. baconzgood

    Intrestingly enough the same number think ventriloquism is a form of magic, and they are all the Tea Parties staunchest supporters.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      My sister-in-law claims it's eyebrows. She says it's unconscious on the voters' part, but the majority always chooses the candidate with the more attractive eyebrows.

  6. freakishlywrong

    Jesus Christ on a landline. Quit calling these dumbstoopids and ferfuckssake, quit publishing the results. This shit is embarrassing.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      This "polling" might actually be an ingenious tactic to keep the Chinese from taking us over. Once they determine that we are too stupid to locate our own assholes, they might just forgive some of our debt and leave us to our mouth-breathing ways.

  7. Fox n Fiends

    it will be interesting to watch the "right-wing referendum on Mormonism" that awaits us as we get closer to the election. Can that gorgeous hair distract enough 'baggers?

  8. scionkirk

    You know if he didn't follow a 'Barack', there's no way America would vote for a 'Mitt', sounds a bit jewy.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Yeah, heck 1% of the country thinks Amelia Earhart's still alive, which proves that you can always find a merry band of stupid folks.

      1. riverside68

        1% of the country doesn't think they are alive, but they are probably right, at least as far a brain activity is an indicia of life.

  9. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    But, think about it. Mittens likes the ghaeyz, he likes the health care. Heck, he has even said some good things about Ted Kennedy.

    Clearly Muslim.

    How you all mocked, and yet it turns out Glenn Beck was right all along.

  10. Captain_Quark

    That's absurd. Romney obviously believes in absolutely nothing. Of course, for the right amount of political gain, he'd be as Muslim as you want.

  11. widestanceroman

    Knowing Mittens, if that figure goes up to 3.5, he'll be sporting a full Tali-beard on the campaign trail.

  12. SmutBoffin

    Well, he doesn't drink and considers dogs to be unclean (they have to ride on the roof) so what the hell Mittens bin Romney it is.

  13. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    And, really, what is the difference between Mormons and Muslims? Multiple wives? Check. Want to set up their own state? Check. Don't drink Alcohol? Check.

    It is looking more and more like Mormonism is Islam's back door to establishing the American Caliphate. Has anyone checked which direction Mitt prays in?

    1. GOPCrusher

      Him and Michele Bachmann keep trading shots at each other, it won't matter, since I think Michele is just about ready to bare hand rip his beating heart out of chest.

    2. PristineODummy

      Sample responses:

      1. Who?
      2. Wha?
      3. Yeah, well, your mama …
      4. He's not here.
      5. Gzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz <— statistically most likely

  14. edgydrifter

    Mormon, Muslim–fuck it, they both start with "K" don't they?
    Same thing, probably.

    1. flamingpdog

      All those stories in Revelations about blood running in the rivers and raining from the sky? Spicy, spicy spaghetti sauce!

  15. Mumbletypeg

    I have to express awe at stupidity's refusal to be ignored.

    And… can we go back to ignoring it, soon? If it requires a fight then it's one I'm willing to fight.

  16. Lascauxcaveman

    New CNN Poll:

    Q: As a general rule, are Americans

    a) Dumb?
    b) Dumberer?
    c) Stoopid?
    d) Not very bright?

    (pick any five)

  17. Steverino247

    Ask most religionists about their beliefs and you'll get some weird answers. All they really know is that if you don't believe what they do, you're evil.

  18. Goonemeritus

    It is clear that the American public is woefully under informed and quite possibly stupid. Say what ever you want about immigrants at least they need to pass a test.

    1. BlueMonkeh

      Tru dat.

      And even the illegal ones are willing to work their asses off for peanuts and hopes that their children will be better off than them. The true American work ethic.

  19. Oblios_Cap

    I breathlessly await the day when all male candidates are required to slap their dicks out on a table at one of the Presidential "Debates" to prove their religious afflitations.

    Then we'll have a lot more women elected to office and possibily some saner laws enacted.

  20. user-of-owls

    “How about you try to go to the bathroom now so you don’t poop yourself again?"

    Strongly Disagree: 28%

  21. elviouslyqueer

    1% never heard of him

    This compares with the approximately 135% who had never heard of T-Paw (+/- 5% margin of error).

    1. Ducksworthy

      I have to say it, Thank Gawd for Michele Bachmann and her pet Ghey Marcus. She has made T-Paw un-nominatable. And that's good cause he might have been electable in a general election.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Yeah, even though he's kind of a dick and helped rush his state into a financial mess, he's seems so normal, and not outright evil, unlike most Republicans. People looking for reasons to mad at Obama in 2012 might like him just enough for him to be trouble.

        1. GOPCrusher

          I'm about sick of seeing his commercials about he was so brave for standing up to the unions in the state of Minnesota, and for balancing the budget every year, when it's obvious it was all smoke and mirrors and Mark Dayton was handed a steaming pile of dog shit when he took over.

  22. Doktor Zoom

    OT, maybe…Glenn Beck has figured out a new way to blame victims–he thinks that the Norwegian youth camp "sounds a little like the Hitler Youth"

    Or maybe it's on topic. A significant percentage of Dumb People will now tell pollsters that killing socialist children is the fault of a rampant European "mulitculturalism" problem.

    1. freakishlywrong

      And the Norway wingnuts call themselves the "Progress" party. Look for 47% of this country to poll that the Norway thing is left wing terrorism.

    2. not that Dewey

      STOP IT

      I had compiled a bunch of Freeper comments about the madman that I was going to share with the group, they were so over the top, like "he had the right idea but went about it wrong" and "bad PR for a good cause" kind of thing, but I thought we'd had all we could stomach, so ctrl-x escape

      I wuz wrong.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        That's probably good advice. I'll admit, it is a bit like picking at a scab. On the other hand, there are people out there who casually talk about the need to cleanse America of liberal traitors, and they piss me off.

        But you're right. Time to unplug the laptop, go work out, and read something more cheerful. (Almost finished with Shelby Foote's novel Shiloh, which by comparison IS cheerful).

        1. user-of-owls

          When I was a kid I was blessed with an abundance of scabs which were harvested quite frequently. And for some unsettling reason, after I picked them I ate them.

          I think that's sort of like peeking into the freepie abyss. I don't need that. At. All.

          Thank you, thank you Dewey for your wisdom. I'm going to pre-Delete that steaming carnage.

        2. not that Dewey

          I should follow my own advice, also.

          I just rubbernecked over to the TP article that points out that he is a Lord-Monckton-following-global-warming denier, too.

        1. Fox n Fiends

          Take any Hitler rant, replace the word "jew" with the word "liberal" and you've got Glenn Beck and ther freepers motif.

    3. Guppy06

      More like a "liberal hunting preserve," where the likes of Cheney can pay to shoot all the liberals they want without going over limit on those liberal hunting permits they all have on their trunk bumpers.

      Liberal, too.

    4. PristineODummy

      They've already started on HuffPoo. That's what has had me so depressed all day. MOAR BOO'Z.

  23. WhatTheHeck

    Ronald Reagan was a Thespian.
    If most Americans knew that, they would have been repulsed and not voted for him.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        The really ugly rumor is he was a chronic masticator. Even did it at the dinner table. In front of his children.

          1. elviouslyqueer

            Rumor has it that he particularly enjoyed masticating kumquats, which he also shamelessly swallowed.

  24. horsedreamer_1

    With Romney, Pawlenty, & Palin gunning for the hockey vote, we are going to need to be vigilant to keep illegal Canadians from voting in our U.S. 'Murca election.

  25. Ducksworthy

    I'm reminded of those cozy tete a tete's between W and Bandar Bush were they discussed their religious beliefs and the relative merits fundamentalist Wahabism and fundamentalist Baptism, and which was more effective at motivating the ignorant.

  26. a_pink_poodle

    Well Jesus is considered like a prophet or something in Islam so technically Islam is an extreme alteration of Christianity!

    1. PristineODummy

      Oh, that's totally going to fry his ass. MUSLIN!!! He might even be in league with Satin!

  27. Allmighty_Manos

    75 percent of Yahoo news readers think Anders Behring Breivik is a brown Muslim. 15 percent agrees with ends, but not the means. 10 percent thinks it was justified.

    1. user-of-owls

      Christians kill 72 virgins just to spite the Muslims and Mormons.

      AND to ensure that they never have an abortion.

  28. assistantatlas

    Wow, how can 3 million Americans confuse it with that other religion that abhors alcohol, is okay with polygamy, wants church and state to be one, shows disdain for science, pours haterade on the gays, demands a strict percentage of each adherent's earnings, bans women from the lowest echelons of the religious hierarchy and even forces them to wear weird clothing that makes them look as unsexy as possible lest they tempt the menfolk with their devil charms (boobs)…. they're totally different!

  29. johnnyzhivago

    I hate it when people ask a question and don't provide the correct answer!!! I'm going to be thinking about this the rest of the day now.

    For heaven's sake, is the sky above us or below us???

  30. Redhead

    The real mystery is how the 1% who have never heard of Romney, the 1% who think he's a Muslim and the 18% who think Barry's a Muslim (or muslin) will manage to account for 100% of the teatard vote.

  31. Duly_Noted

    You can't believe these polls because they never include Worship of the Great Lord Cthulhu in the options.

  32. flamingpdog

    Excuse me, but the only Republican Presidential hopeful who is actually leading Obama in the polls is Generic Republican. Does anybody know what religion he or she is?

      1. emmelemm

        How dare you defame the great Cthulhu?

        Should be:

        In the polls: Christian.

        In reality: Satan. (Deal with the devil and all that, a la Cheney.)

        1. genxr

          Cthulhu likes their low tax, pro-business stance. Cthulhu grows weary of dealings with tax lawyers and off-shore accounts.

          1. emmelemm

            Noooooooooo! I refuse to believe that Cthulhu is a Republican. He hates their oil spills and plastic garbage islands polluting his watery depths.

          2. PristineODummy

            Like that will ever happen. He's just luring them closer so he can bite off their nubby little heads. Er, make that BIG heads. The OTHER heads!

  33. LiveToServeYa

    Now I really believe we live in a post-racial America. Or a persistently-stupid one.

  34. genxr

    OT but I can't believe the ignorant fucking hicks who I grew up with and are now my facebook friends. I just saw two posts, minutes apart, from the same person. The first one was bemoaning the fact that Obama is going to cut off her SSI payments, and then a bumper sticker that said, "I just listed the government as a dependent on my tax return." Followed by a "Government is the problem not the solution."

    Okay, I haven't seen this chick since high school and I thought she was kinda cool back then, but now she sounds like a pathetic fucking whatever on SSI and I do feel a lot of sympathy, and that's the only thing stopping me from pointing out the irony in no uncertain terms.

    So… Gah! Just. Gah!!

    1. jus_wonderin

      I feel your pain. I reconnected with a small group of my classmates after our 30th reunion. All great people but their views are soo smalltown. And, while I get great emails about "how is your week going" and "you have to be proud of your daughter" I also get those hideous "Obama is ruining this great US of A" and "I want my country back".

      Aw fuck. I love 'em and hate 'em.

    2. flamingpdog

      I feel your pain, too, been in the same boat. The thing I keep telling myself is that a lot of mental illness, particularly schizophrenia (delusional thinking) doesn't kick in until the late teens or twenties, so some of those crazy people that are your Facebook "friends" might actually have been "normal" when you knew them in high school.

  35. __kth__

    Don't know why it took me this long, but obviously the dipshits think Muslim is a synonym for heathen or infidel. A lot of odd things make perfect sense now.

    Also Muslin: Richard Dawkins, Gandhi, and the Dalai Lama.

  36. owhatever

    Most of those polled also now believe he might from Norway, so it's time to show the ole birth certificte.

  37. Warpde

    Little girl: Daddy, why is Rumley a Mooron?
    Father: No honey, it's Romney not Rumley, we're not discussing Boehner here, Romney is a Mormon.
    Little girl: What's a Mormon daddy?
    Father: Well baby, a Mormon is a Muslim in disguise.

  38. ttommyunger

    Understand, this information is gleaned from people who actually take a call from a number they don't have on record and are willing to answer questions posed by a fucking stranger. In other words, morons.

  39. AJWjr.

    Has anyone else noticed that there is now no longer a way for teh downfisters to work their mayhem?

    1. Jukesgrrl

      There's a big discussion about it the cop killer thread. Apparently, IntenseDebate gave our Wonkette leaders the option to eliminate downfisting. We suspect the Downfisty Troll is very bored tonight, if not requiring hospitalization.

  40. tessiee

    Coincidentally, I just got off the phone with my sister, who referred to Mitt as "that guy with the gigantic head". The subject of his religious affiliation somehow never came up, though.

    PS. Stephen King wrote a story about a scary mustache???

  41. Negropolis

    “Is the sky over you or under you”

    I would actually donate money to have that question tested. I am not joking. Honestly, we need to get to the very basics to see just how much of America we can effectively cleave off when we're making grown-up decisions.

  42. Negropolis

    Well, his father was a Mexican, after all. And Mexican is just another descriptive term for Muslin, right?

    BTW, what's with all of this bullshit "don't know" answering of these types of questions? We honestly can't ever know what's in someone's heart, but that's true of any self-indentification. We usually take people's word and example for stuff.

  43. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Willard is a status quo establishment puppet

    Just one more flavor of Neocon.
    multinational corporation flavor

Comments are closed.