Sarah Palin Movie Suffers Like Its Protagonist From a Case of the Quits

  hahahahaha

available soon in the bargain bin at your neighborhood Wal-Mart.In spite of record heat waves and the rising cost of air conditioning bills that make repeated trips to the movie theater perhaps a sensible alternative to heat death, moviegoers across America still found the courage to give Sarah Palin horror flick The Undefeated a resounding middle finger for the second weekend in a row. The film took in a hilarious $24,000 from the 14 theaters where it is showing, a 63% dropoff from even its first pathetically miserable weekend. Why has Sarah Palin’s cult of sweaty white angerbear fans not scootered over en masse to theaters? The fines for being caught fapping in a public theater have gone up, we suppose. Well, so that experiment is wrapping up, and now the movie is going immediately to home video.

That was so easy! Is there some way to do this with actual Sarah Palin, to make her one of those entertainment products that people only need enjoy in the privacy of their own homes?

Cinema gossip website Movieline wonders why the distributor even bothered with a theatrical release:

If ARC and Cinedigm is correct in their respective assumptions — that The Undefeated will play well in the home entertainment market, since a majority of its potential audience probably isn’t able to get to one of the 14 theaters playing the film currently — the question must be raised: why release The Undefeated as a standalone theatrical property in the first place? So stories about how it played at an empty theater could disseminate across the blogosphere and make it look like a joke?

Haha, okay yes, that was a pretty good reason for a whole week. Good point. [Movieline]

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288 comments

    1. horsedreamer_1

      "Hey, Levi, wanna have a catch herpes with me?"

      – Bristol, three wine-coolers deep

    1. genxr

      When I first glance at it, she looks like a DJ with big headphones around her neck. Doing a dance move, too. Also.

        1. Steverino247

          You got that right. They are fascists. Time to make that word "fashionable" again.

    1. finallyhappy

      people spent some money to see it-even the pitiful $24,000? I am betting on some political money behind this(like the book buying to boost book sales).

      1. chicken_thief

        I'm going with the Duke. If she were more Rock-like, Todd wouldn't be spending so much time in the Juneau massage parlors.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      You know, we could probably re-do all five or six Rocky movies to reflect this exact sentiment.

  1. Ducksworthy

    Oh goody. Now I can go listen to a raving batshit quitter and gulp corn sweetner and eat popcorn the consistency of styrofoam peanuts saturated in coconut oil in the dark. I'll do that for sure.

  2. KeepFnThatChicken

    Everyone knows you don't jump straight to a movie deal; you've got to establish your broader market base in consumables like liquid hand soaps, beach towels and bottled water.

    While I'm playing with my official Sarah Palin™ Yo-Yo™, she's establishing measurable brand desire. But the movie deal is still years away.

        1. tessiee

          Haw!

          [one advantage of multiculturalism is that there are so many languages to learn swears and doity woids]

    1. elviouslyqueer

      I think I've seen this Yo-Yo. It's the one where you keep trying to get rid of by any means necessary, but it just. keeps. fucking. coming. back, amirite?

    2. flamingpdog

      Is there really a Sarah Palin Yo-Yo? I bought a Dick Cheney yo-yo on Ebay during the W years.

  3. V572 Hair of Destiny

    "If ARC and Cinedigm is correct" then the rules of grammar have no meaning anymore.

  4. SayItWithWookies

    Sarah Palin doesn't care about the film making money — she's in this to serve the American people and to do so with integrity and class.

    Wow, my hiccups are gone.

    1. freakishlywrong

      Did you write that while you were gulping gin and holding your nose? Cuz' that's how I get rid of 'em.

    2. Negropolis

      In all honesty, she really doesn't, since she didn't produce or anything. It's not like she's losing money, and she couldn't possibly care less about her image, so this piece of shit is a win-win for her as far as her bank account is concerned, and that's the only think she's concerned about.

  5. SexySmurf

    $24,000 may not sound like much, but when you consider that most of Sarah Palin's fans would have had to buy two seats it's even less.

    1. PalinPussyPower

      Initially I was going to comment about how concession sales are probably up in those theaters, but then I realized that the Fat Fapping Hoveround Riders are probably just smuggling in a liter of Pepsi and two jumbo extra value meals.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I had forgotten all about the starbursts! Thank you for the meme reminder. Memeinder?

    1. Jukesgrrl

      But she IS learning from her mistakes. She refrained from commenting on the tragedy in Norway.

  6. Texan_Bulldog

    "…since a majority of its potential audience probably isn’t able to get to one of the 14 theaters…"

    I love how Movieline knows that there isn't a theater in the country that can accommodate 200 Hoverrounds.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Wasn't the American's with Disability's Act supposed to take care of this?

      1. AutomaticPilot

        No, that wouldn't help the Fat American Palinites (FAP) who use hoverounds out of sheer laziness.

      1. Steverino247

        Good God! Don't say that or her male followers will flock to theaters hoping to catch a whiff of her pussy.

        1. riverside68

          Too late, it has already been pulled!

          But wait, you can order it for your home viewing pleasure, act now before they run out of odor!

          1. Steverino247

            Hey, the only reason I have a copy of Showgirls is because the video store was going out of business and they threw it in the basket for free.

    1. tessiee

      That thing where, if you turn the handle, the old-timey pictures flicker so it looks like a movie.

  7. KotBR

    So, does it go straight into the $5 bin at Wally World, or does it get Valu-Packed with a box of Twinkies and a bag of Cheetos?

      1. Jukesgrrl

        The freepers and the fappers should save their money, it will be in the Dollar Store by Christmas.

  8. edgydrifter

    Quitting is the only thing she can't quit.
    At least she "let" someone else make the movie for her. If Palin had been behind the camera, she would have set it down on a stump after fifteen minutes and released the resulting footage of ants scrambling over the lens as The Undefe.

  9. whiterabid

    "why release The Undefeated as a standalone theatrical property in the first place?"

    It has to play in a theater to be considered for an Oscar. And being ignored by the liberals in Hollywood gives wingnuts something to blog about.

      1. SarahsBush

        Palin porn might be the only way to really get their "abstinence only" message out.

  10. philpjfry

    Sarah is not one to pass up a chance to make money. I am sure sshe thought the movie would be a big hit. There is no end to her arrogance, greed and just general twatishness. Maybe the sequel will be a movie verrsion of Bristols book. I made myself sick a little.

    1. GOPCrusher

      This may be the final thing that pushes her to sign that offer from Playboy to do a pictorial. Maybe even a mother-daughter thing with Brisket?
      Probably pay better than cashier at the Wasilla Dollar General.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        "Probably pay better than cashier at the Wasilla Dollar General."

        I don't know about that. The Playboy folks probably have their numbers by now and can smell the growing desperation. Grifter and L'il Grifter could probably be had for a chocolate bar and a couple of six-packs of wine coolers/Red Bull.

  11. LettucePrey

    I wonder how many people went to see it expecting a remake with John Wayne and Rock Hudson.

    1. PuckStopsHere

      I hope something else happens to her in the end. (I need to be more clear, don't I?) Okay, I hope she gets fucked in the ass, hard. There…

      1. benjo765

        Yah she dies in the end, belatedly – like we all do! Question is how… baby moose impales her, revenging its mother she shot OR she falls asleep drunk in her hot tub, which collapses through the floor at the same time due to shoddy workmanship (tods friend knew a guy).

        My guess is with the second one. The first is a bit too bambi-meets-steven-king.

    2. Negropolis

      Personally, I'd like her to end up in prison making license plates so that she'll be able to study her ABCs and make something of herself.

  12. Oblios_Cap

    Maybe if $arah had just loved her vegetables like Kortney a few times in that movie another 2 dozen or so people would have seen it. That would have doubled the box office, fer shore.

  13. Crank_Tango

    Ah so this is how liberal hollyweird killed the movie–by releasing it to theaters instead of sending it straight to video?

    Box-office libel!!!

  14. mavenmaven

    She ran it in the movie theaters so that she can add "star" to her credits, much the way women who do a porn shoot are immediately "stars".

    1. riverside68

      Ain't no reason to drag hard-working porn stars into this.

      Porn stars are not quitters!
      The camera goes until everyone comes!
      They are in it to the bitter end!
      They got their nose to the trucknutz!
      Workin their fingers to the boners!

      Anyway I think you got the idea.

    2. AJWjr.

      I never did see the logic of putting Brisket on DWTS. The "S" is supposed to be for "Stars", right? I assume her dance partner was even more of a nobody than she was, so who's the star here? Nobody gets to put their hand (or boob) prints at Mann's, the way I see it.

  15. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    We should all be happy that it appears that the vast majority of Sarah Palin ('baggers?) supporters are shut ins.

  16. Papa_Uniform

    Arc and Cinedigm believe The Undefeated will play well in the home entertainment market as a cure for insomnia.

  17. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    "I just don't know how to quit you."

    Turns out with Sarah Palin, quitting is just not that hard.

  18. Lazy Media

    Y'know, of Amy Winehouse dying of an overdose, Lindsey Lohan getting real hard time for theft, or Sarah Palin being convicted of tax fraud, I really hadn't picked Winehouse.

  19. MistaEko

    In the most delicious of ironies, patriot-pimp's nail in the irrelevancy coffin was driven in by none other than "Captain America."

      1. GhostBuggy

        Because Nixon joined a group of super-villains? Because Reagan turned out to be a pawn in the employ of a cult of snake-people? (I am not making either of these things up; they happened in Captain America comics. And, let's face it, IN REAL LIFE.)

        1. benjo765

          I thought it was the boy wizard wot done it?
          See, when people want to see fantastical made up nonsense, most of the time they don't want people lying and pretending its real ("undefeatead"- bwa haha).

  20. baconzgood

    Now that she doesn't have all these right wing groups buying her book just to put her on a best selling list we can see what the "Real America" thinks about Sarah.

    1. SenileAgitation

      You betcha. Her PAC can buy up books to redistribute for $$, but hard to resell seats to the 5:50 showing, it's dinner time for Pete's sake.

      1. PristineODummy

        When it goes straight to DVD, they'll simply sucker their Idiot Faithful into buying multiple copies as "gifts" for "friends," of whom they will have none left after said gifting. So if you have RWNJ relatives/friends? Get ready for your Xmas Present.

  21. scionkirk

    They should have offered free wall removal and fork lift rides for her 'biggest' supporters to make it to a showing.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      See? You are the movie marketing genius. If only someone had thought about the double feature possibilities, they could have put some asses in the seats.

  22. metamarcisf

    As pure art, "The Undefeated" ranks right up there with the Emmy-nominated episode of Sarah Palin's Alaska, entitled "Clubbing the Halibut".

  23. fuflans

    This is the dead land
    This is cactus land
    Here the stone images
    Are raised, here they receive
    The supplication of a dead man’s hand
    Under the twinkle of a fading star.

    This is the way the world ends
    Not with a bang but a whimper

    and now downfister, you can look up something poetic.

  24. bureaucrap

    It's just that SP's target audience would much rather go to WWE or monster truck rallies than sit through a "documentary", even about a woman with gigantic uhhh… talents…. Or perhaps they know that three weeks from now, fundamentalist and evangelical churches (always concerned about the non-political requirements of their respective 501(c)(3) statutes) will show the film in place of the sunday sermon.

  25. Oblios_Cap

    This is surely irrefutable evidence that conservative moviemakers are unsuccessful due to the machinations of the liberals in Hollywood, not because they just make pieces of shit like An American Carol, Atlas Shrugged, and this work of fart.

    Why does anybody (other than Riley) take that asshat Briebart seriously when he says shit like that?

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "…An American Carol, Atlas Shrugged, and this work of fart."

      Horrifying vision of a 3-fer DVD.

      I'm glad I'm not a conservatard.

      1. PristineODummy

        No wonder they're bitter. We'd be too, if this was what passed for entertainment on our end of the swamp.

    1. Steverino247

      No, but I can tell my grandson's favorite knock-knock joke…

      Knock knock!
      Who's there?
      Impatient cow.
      Impa (MOOO!) tient cow who?

      Then hear delighted eight year old giggles.

      1. Veritas78

        "If the Palins' trailer's rockin',
        Ya better bring yer Glock in!"

        Shootin' blanks tonite…

  26. x111e7thst

    I am not surprised by the decision to show this dog in some theaters. It is unfair and unreasonable to expect people who make laudatory movies about Snowbilly Palin to make any sort of good decisions at all.

  27. Sue4466

    Just to clarify Movieline, this "movie" didn't need to play to empty theaters to look like a joke.

    1. GOPCrusher

      The real joke is on the people who invested in this. They got bent over and done dry.

  28. WhatTheHeck

    The movie failed because it did not appeal to 15-25 year demographic who want noise, car chases and explosions.
    That, and it was not a great make-out movie. In fact, most males' sex apparatus shriveled up during this fick.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        They're starbursting on Bachmann now — according to Bristol, she "stole" Palin's
        "look."

  29. not that Dewey

    I think we need to buy a couple copies and do some Wonkette Local Film Club movie nites. We can stage the events at the Suds-n-Duds or a Sonic Drive-Thru or some such. Or just flash-mob it right there at the display teevees in the Walmart.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Eh, can't be any worse than Alexander was. Or the Twilight movies. I say we do it.

    2. genxr

      Okay, but first we have to agree who dresses up like Tom Servo and who gets to be Crow T Robot, to make sure we have equal numbers of each.

      Kristen, let's hear your Gypsy voice. Cambot?

  30. OkieDokieDog

    I've been waiting for the "bumpit" that I ordered between televangelists shows on late late night teevee to arrive in the socialist mailbox so I could wear it to the theater. Guess now I'll only be able to wear it when I dress up to go shopping at WalMart.

  31. Fare la Volpe

    [A] majority of its potential audience probably isn’t able to get to one of the 14 theaters playing the film currently

    Greatest. Fat joke. Ever.

    1. AJWjr.

      In fairness, I live in a huge valley surrounded by thousands of her prospective fan base, but the nearest theater is 70 miles away. If we had a theater, it would have been sold out.

      1. Negropolis

        Not an excuse. This played in Orange County, where she has plenty of fans, and it didn't do well there, either.

  32. chicken_thief

    I refuse to watch a movie with no nekkid titties. No tits, no me, I don't care if it's free on cable. The ball is now in your court, Mama G.

  33. horsedreamer_1

    The Undefeated played at my theatre, in one of the smallest houses (capacity 115 or so). &, yes, it sold out, but the crowd was almost entirely white, middle-age or older, overweight, often sporting "I stand with Walker" golf-shirts, & drooling. & we have plenty of that the next county over from the theatre: Waukesha. So, it was an easy draw.

    As to the "almost entirely white" thing, there was a solitary black woman there, also overweight, prolly 45 or so, & the fanboys shooting post-showing reaction made sure to "interview" her for their Flip camera so that it would be possible to say "we're not racist, we have a black friend".

  34. PhilippePetain

    HMMMM you know what OTHER straight to video movie about our angerbear was a big success with the sweaty white masses?

  35. finallyhappy

    Off topic- I am tired, tired , tired of every rightwinger using the Norway terrorist attack to protect themselves and pump up their own hateful platform(of which there seem to be a number). I am off to eat Middle Eastern food – fuck you rightwingers falafel!

    1. James Michael Curley

      I had a far more productive week end washing out my air conditioning filter and arguing with the cats that it was too hot to go outside.

      1. PristineODummy

        Isn't it amazing how immune to reason and logic teh felines can be? Mine insist that knee-high dust-gorillas are no reason to start up the Snorty Monster Machine, which only interrupts their peaceful 20-hour sleep sessions.

  36. James Michael Curley

    The Oscars folks, got to get in enough showings and enough theaters to land in the "Best Picture" category next spring.

  37. anniegetyerfun

    Seventeen hundred bucks per theater is still much higher than I would have guessed this snuff film would have grossed.

  38. Goonemeritus

    I see the potential for a conservative film festival were all of this genre of entertainment can be showcased and unattended at the same time

    1. PristineODummy

      Only if we get to pipe gas into the theaters while the unaware brain-dead are sweating quietly in a fapfest.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        Let's do it! It would give me great pleasure to take some of those fools' Social Security money.

  39. Mumbletypeg

    I might see it if I were paid to. As long as I could keep the ear plugs in on past the over-amp'd previews, to blot out the sound of her clattertrapper voice. And keep reading by penlight my paperback past the point the lights dim. And prop my feet on the empty seat in front of me, assured that this is a cushy-seated auditorium style setup*…

    …* This last upholstery-related bit might be the only difference between a Palin flick and my other erstwhile air-conditioned weekend escape from outdoor heat and poorly-cooled household: the dozey Episcopalian church sanctuary. Lou Sarah's become so ubiquitous I'm learning to ignore ("oh, her again") her noise much as the nodding infants borne on parish-goers' shoulders who, upon hearing the preacher's tone fluctuate loud<<>>louder, gradually give in to their urge to sleep through it.

  40. gullywompr

    LSM's fault – Soros-paid critics panned it, and turned this from a Battle At The Boxoffice into just a squirmish.

  41. DemonicRage

    When the Wingnuts elect her and Michele Bachmann co-Presidents, in place of what is now Public tv, there will be a federal broadcast agency that will show this every Sunday night, in place of Masterpiece Theatre.

      1. DemonicRage

        Typed this too damn fast. Afterwards, realized I could have called it Ministry of Propaganda. Sarah and Michele would never create a new Federal agency. They are going to trim government back very dramatically. Those buildings in every town that we call post offices? They will be transformed into giant planters.

        1. ChessieNefercat

          “Those buildings in every town that we call post offices? They will be transformed into giant planters.”Much like Sarah and Michele's heads?

  42. Redhead

    She'll probably just say that it did so well, the liberals were threatened by it and pulled it before it could make any more money. It would make sense, in the same world where a fame whore's defeated run for VP results in a movie called the undefeated.

  43. donner_froh

    the question must be raised: why release The Undefeated as a standalone theatrical property in the first place?

    In order to qualify for the Academy Awards a movie has to have had a theatrical release.
    She is shooting for an Oscar.

    An Oscar for best "fuck you, asshole".

  44. widestanceroman

    Love her determined clenched fists in the poster. This is how she looks when she's parked on the side of the highway repeating to herself, 'I WILL be a victim, I WILL be a victim. . .'

  45. L188188

    Without the distraction of this disastrous movie, Sarah can finally get back to that bus tour she quit from.

  46. gvvt

    So – around $86,000 for two weekends? Would that even pay for SlimJims consumed during production?

  47. Tundra Grifter

    At six bucks a ticket, an average of less than 300 people saw this movie in each theatre. Say, 3 showings a day? Two days? (I don't know if Friday night is considered part of "the weekend"). That's 50 people per showing.

    Pathetic.

    Meanwhile, Ole Crazy Eyes and T-Paw are trying to tear a new one in each other. Best scene since Mad Magazine's "She Let's Me Watch Her Mom and Pop Fight" hit/flop (choose one) song.

  48. El Pinche

    Seriously, couldn't she just buy viewers using her SarahPAC ATM card?
    I'm sure she can get a few of those morans wandering Iowa still looking for her tour bus.

    1. PristineODummy

      Actually, if you'd shoot a video of Sara Silverman licking your dog's ass, you'd probably earn more.

  49. littlebigdaddy

    20 bucks to the first Wonketteer who buys the thing and posts it to You Tube, for the lulz!

  50. FannyBurney

    Palin's next career move is to make infomercials for a laxative called "The Undefecated."

  51. Tommmcatt

    I hate to bring this up, but since I am in the industry as a point of order I should say that a 60% drop in receipts is perfectly respectable- it is about average for most films. They fact that they widened the release and they still had that deep a drop says something, but for the most part it is not too bad. Harry Potter dropped about 72%, for example, which says more about the popularity of attending opening weekend on a film like that more than anything else.

    What is lame here is the way they are managing their theatrical window vis-a-vis PPV. They are going to end up cannibalizing both their Box Office and the eventual DVD release. Had it been me making the decision, I would have gone day-and -date with video, possibly even have sold it in the theater on the way out. But these are conservatives we are talking about, so you have to expect a fair amount of stupid.

      1. Tommmcatt

        Nah, I work for a Fortune 500 Movie Studio in their creative division for print and print advertising. Part of what I do is collateral for DVD releases. I would say more but I like my anonymity.

  52. ChessieNefercat

    And at about $10/ticket, we are talking 2,400 people at most. In the entire country.

    One out of 125,000 people in the country thought it would be worth their while to see her movie/find an empty, air-conditioned theater to make out in.

    That would be statistically about 2 people in the entire UP.

    And her flock of demented oxygen-deprived cultists is calling the DVD/PPV distribution a sign that demand for Sarah the Grifter Queen is so immense that the producers have had to pull out all the stops to find as many ways as possible to satisfy the insatiable demand…

    Ooooookay.

  53. HelmutNewton

    Not to mention that the genius distributor decided to release "The Defeated" in theaters right before Harry Potter and Captain America. Now THAT'S the kind of smart decision-making we need in the White House.

    1. PristineODummy

      Plausible deniability. Ever since the wretched thing came out, they've been countering with "Yes, but it opened opposite HARRY POTTER!!"

  54. JackObin

    The only thing left for the Palin Pinhead is country "music". As she already has LOretta Lynn hair, I'm sure she'll thrive.

  55. OldRedneck

    Look at the poster advertising the movie. Notice her clenched fists?

    I knew that posture looked familiar and now I know where I've seen that posture and those clenched fist: On my 2-year-old grandson!!! When the little shit doesn't get his way, he clenches his fists, sticks out his lower lip, then shrieks, screams, throws himself on the floor and pounds the floor with his fists. We ignore him and he quits.

    Tells me a lot about Sarah Failin' — a professional 2-year-old.

    1. tessiee

      "When the little shit doesn't get his way, he clenches his fists, sticks out his lower lip, then shrieks, screams, throws himself on the floor and pounds the floor with his fists."

      Yeah, we've all seen how the little shit behaves — but what does your grandson do?

  56. Manhattan123

    There have been almost as many unwed pregnant teen Palins than there have been people who have seen this movie.

  57. starfanglednut

    Seriously though, narcissism is fascinating in its imperviousness. The fact that no one, except teenagers using the empty theater to not practice abstinence, wants to see a movie about her will be the fault of the media, liberals, obama, pick one. It will have nothing to do with the fact that she is an irrelevant harpy. Her arrogance will continue unabated. Sometimes I wish I had that kind of confidence, and lack of existential angst.

    1. tessiee

      "Her arrogance will continue unabated. Sometimes I wish I had that kind of confidence, and lack of existential angst. "

      This reminds me of a therapy session I had years ago:
      Me: Why am I always worrying? Why am I always guilty? Why can't I be like the people I know who aren't always doubting themselves and just assume they're right?
      Therapist [calmly considering]: Most people like that are pretty dumb.

  58. ttommyunger

    I would not pay to see her jump rope topless or do the Prong Dance in an Asparagus Patch. I would pay Five Bucks to see her toss Glenn Beck's salad. That would be funny. Bet he would wind up crying.

    1. tessiee

      Since he apparently winds up crying in 99% of all possible situations, that's a pretty safe bet.

  59. tessiee

    "So stories about how it played at an empty theater could disseminate across the blogosphere and make it look like a joke?"

    Yeah, "look like".

  60. Negropolis

    …and make it look like a joke?

    Because the entire premise of the movie didn't do that, already, right? Newsflash: A shameless vanity piece about a half-term governor-turned-entertainer pretend-running for the president is a joke whether it plays in first-run theaters or goes straigth to DVD. Get used to it.

  61. ms_mcgee

    Via Rotten Tomatoes: "The movie may tempt even the most ardent conservatives to emulate their idol's tenure as governor and walk out halfway through." – Time Magazine

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