HAHAHAHAHA  12:34 pm July 25, 2011

Sarah Palin Movie Suffers Like Its Protagonist From a Case of the Quits

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

available soon in the bargain bin at your neighborhood Wal-Mart.In spite of record heat waves and the rising cost of air conditioning bills that make repeated trips to the movie theater perhaps a sensible alternative to heat death, moviegoers across America still found the courage to give Sarah Palin horror flick The Undefeated a resounding middle finger for the second weekend in a row. The film took in a hilarious $24,000 from the 14 theaters where it is showing, a 63% dropoff from even its first pathetically miserable weekend. Why has Sarah Palin’s cult of sweaty white angerbear fans not scootered over en masse to theaters? The fines for being caught fapping in a public theater have gone up, we suppose. Well, so that experiment is wrapping up, and now the movie is going immediately to home video.

That was so easy! Is there some way to do this with actual Sarah Palin, to make her one of those entertainment products that people only need enjoy in the privacy of their own homes?

Cinema gossip website Movieline wonders why the distributor even bothered with a theatrical release:

If ARC and Cinedigm is correct in their respective assumptions — that The Undefeated will play well in the home entertainment market, since a majority of its potential audience probably isn’t able to get to one of the 14 theaters playing the film currently — the question must be raised: why release The Undefeated as a standalone theatrical property in the first place? So stories about how it played at an empty theater could disseminate across the blogosphere and make it look like a joke?

Haha, okay yes, that was a pretty good reason for a whole week. Good point. [Movieline]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 288 comments }

memzilla July 25, 2011 at 12:37 pm

"The Undefeated" was a great reason to quit going to theaters for a while.

SpurningBeer July 25, 2011 at 1:08 pm

"The Unattended"

MozakiBlocks July 25, 2011 at 2:16 pm

"The Just Go the Hell Away and Leave Us Alone".

flamingpdog July 25, 2011 at 3:50 pm

"The Undefecated".

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Oh, I'm kinda betting there was plenty of defecation going on.

TanzbodenKoenig July 25, 2011 at 12:37 pm

If you film it, they won't come…

horsedreamer_1 July 25, 2011 at 12:59 pm

"Hey, Levi, wanna have a catch herpes with me?"

– Bristol, three wine-coolers deep

genxr July 25, 2011 at 1:06 pm

"May as well. I caught crabs with your mom last weekend."

–Levi

Nostrildamus July 25, 2011 at 1:30 pm

The worms crawl in.
The worms crawl out.
Never a miscommunication.

LetUsBray July 25, 2011 at 4:11 pm

"Is this Hell?"

"No, it's Wasilla."

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Same thing.

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 12:27 am

If you film it, most won't cum…

Rosie_Scenario July 25, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Looks like Mama Grizzley has a pair of Truck Nuts under her chin.

comrad_darkness July 25, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I didn't know nerf made microphones.

genxr July 25, 2011 at 12:57 pm

When I first glance at it, she looks like a DJ with big headphones around her neck. Doing a dance move, too. Also.

elviouslyqueer July 25, 2011 at 1:04 pm

She and Bristol should team up for a little Party Shuffle.

__kth__ July 25, 2011 at 1:41 pm

"Would you call those chin-nuts?"

flamingpdog July 25, 2011 at 3:53 pm

A little lower and they could be chest-nuts.

LakeLucilleLoon July 25, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Tea Baggers enjoy a pair of nuts hanging anywhere near or around their faces.

BlueMonkeh July 25, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Is this some kind of "The Producers" scam? Tax loss scheme?

Lascauxcaveman July 25, 2011 at 12:51 pm

♬ ♪ "Oh its springtime – for Palin – in Alaaaaskaaaa…"♬ ♪

genxr July 25, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Winter for America, and everyone else.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 25, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Don't be dumb, be a schmarty, come and join the Nazi Party!

Steverino247 July 25, 2011 at 1:39 pm

You got that right. They are fascists. Time to make that word "fashionable" again.

starfanglednut July 25, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Argh! You beat me to it.

finallyhappy July 25, 2011 at 1:00 pm

people spent some money to see it-even the pitiful $24,000? I am betting on some political money behind this(like the book buying to boost book sales).

tessiee July 25, 2011 at 11:33 pm

*thinks in disgruntled fashion about all the things I could have done with $24K*

GOPCrusher July 25, 2011 at 2:17 pm

It's the only logical explanation.

DaRooster July 25, 2011 at 12:41 pm

"The Undefeated"?

Hard to get beat… if you quit…

Weenus299 July 25, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Not clear. Is she John Wayne or Rock Hudson?

chicken_thief July 25, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I'm going with the Duke. If she were more Rock-like, Todd wouldn't be spending so much time in the Juneau massage parlors.

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2011 at 2:20 pm

You know, we could probably re-do all five or six Rocky movies to reflect this exact sentiment.

Ducksworthy July 25, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Oh goody. Now I can go listen to a raving batshit quitter and gulp corn sweetner and eat popcorn the consistency of styrofoam peanuts saturated in coconut oil in the dark. I'll do that for sure.

KeepFnThatChicken July 25, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Everyone knows you don't jump straight to a movie deal; you've got to establish your broader market base in consumables like liquid hand soaps, beach towels and bottled water.

While I'm playing with my official Sarah Palin™ Yo-Yo™, she's establishing measurable brand desire. But the movie deal is still years away.

Lascauxcaveman July 25, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Milhous: "Remember Sara Palin? She's back! In pog form!"

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Pog form? She can pog ma thoin.

tessiee July 25, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Haw!

[one advantage of multiculturalism is that there are so many languages to learn swears and doity woids]

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 11:45 pm

I'm proud to admit that I know the doity in many, many languages.

elviouslyqueer July 25, 2011 at 1:35 pm

I think I've seen this Yo-Yo. It's the one where you keep trying to get rid of by any means necessary, but it just. keeps. fucking. coming. back, amirite?

ChessieNefercat July 25, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Oh yes, you amrite. You betcha, also, too.

flamingpdog July 25, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Is there really a Sarah Palin Yo-Yo? I bought a Dick Cheney yo-yo on Ebay during the W years.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 25, 2011 at 12:42 pm

"If ARC and Cinedigm is correct" then the rules of grammar have no meaning anymore.

not that Dewey July 25, 2011 at 12:55 pm

It's a cinedigm shift. Get used to it.

weejee July 25, 2011 at 1:11 pm

That are korrect.

Guppy06 July 25, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Mayhap it's "ARC & Cinedigm."

hollywooddood July 25, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Junior hit the nail on the head: is our children learning?

MLHencken July 25, 2011 at 3:34 pm

I had this very thought and therefore upfist you all.

SayItWithWookies July 25, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Sarah Palin doesn't care about the film making money — she's in this to serve the American people and to do so with integrity and class.

Wow, my hiccups are gone.

freakishlywrong July 25, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Did you write that while you were gulping gin and holding your nose? Cuz' that's how I get rid of 'em.

SpurningBeer July 25, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Hiccups may be gone, but you've got a wart on your tongue now.

flamingpdog July 25, 2011 at 3:56 pm

I'm screwing my eyes back into their sockets.

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 12:32 am

In all honesty, she really doesn't, since she didn't produce or anything. It's not like she's losing money, and she couldn't possibly care less about her image, so this piece of shit is a win-win for her as far as her bank account is concerned, and that's the only think she's concerned about.

SexySmurf July 25, 2011 at 12:43 pm

$24,000 may not sound like much, but when you consider that most of Sarah Palin's fans would have had to buy two seats it's even less.

RedneckMuslin July 25, 2011 at 12:52 pm

And to find theatres hovaround accessible and meth-friendly

PalinPussyPower July 25, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Initially I was going to comment about how concession sales are probably up in those theaters, but then I realized that the Fat Fapping Hoveround Riders are probably just smuggling in a liter of Pepsi and two jumbo extra value meals.

Weenus299 July 25, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Rated F: Extreme fornication of truth. No one admitted.

ifthethunderdontgetya July 25, 2011 at 12:44 pm

The fines for being caught fapping in a public theater have gone up, we suppose.

Today we are all Peewee Herman.
~

freakishlywrong July 25, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Next up: The Deflated, (Starburst Supernova)

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2011 at 2:21 pm

I had forgotten all about the starbursts! Thank you for the meme reminder. Memeinder?

Chillwaver July 25, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Sarah is quickly reaching T-Paw levels of irrelevancy.

bureaucrap July 25, 2011 at 12:51 pm

We can only hope.

chicken_thief July 25, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Who?!

Jukesgrrl July 25, 2011 at 11:58 pm

But she IS learning from her mistakes. She refrained from commenting on the tragedy in Norway.

Texan_Bulldog July 25, 2011 at 12:45 pm

"…since a majority of its potential audience probably isn’t able to get to one of the 14 theaters…"

I love how Movieline knows that there isn't a theater in the country that can accommodate 200 Hoverrounds.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 25, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Wasn't the American's with Disability's Act supposed to take care of this?

AutomaticPilot July 25, 2011 at 2:11 pm

No, that wouldn't help the Fat American Palinites (FAP) who use hoverounds out of sheer laziness.

An_Outhouse July 25, 2011 at 12:46 pm

"now the movie is going immediately to home video"

VHS or Beta?

genxr July 25, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Sock puppets, I'm guessing.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 25, 2011 at 1:03 pm

Super-8?

Fare la Volpe July 25, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Phonograph.

elviouslyqueer July 25, 2011 at 1:35 pm

Smell-o-Vision.

Steverino247 July 25, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Good God! Don't say that or her male followers will flock to theaters hoping to catch a whiff of her pussy.

riverside68 July 25, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Too late, it has already been pulled!

But wait, you can order it for your home viewing pleasure, act now before they run out of odor!

Steverino247 July 25, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Hey, the only reason I have a copy of Showgirls is because the video store was going out of business and they threw it in the basket for free.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Er … barf.

GOPCrusher July 25, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Super 8

Veritas78 July 25, 2011 at 6:49 pm

"All of them, Katie!"

tessiee July 25, 2011 at 11:37 pm

That thing where, if you turn the handle, the old-timey pictures flicker so it looks like a movie.

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 12:36 am

Victrola.

KotBR July 25, 2011 at 12:47 pm

So, does it go straight into the $5 bin at Wally World, or does it get Valu-Packed with a box of Twinkies and a bag of Cheetos?

Fare la Volpe July 25, 2011 at 1:12 pm

The Platinum Edition comes with a box of Kleenex and some Astroglide.

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2011 at 2:22 pm

And Slim Jims. Do with that what you will.

tessiee July 25, 2011 at 11:38 pm

And a wine cooler.

GOPCrusher July 25, 2011 at 2:22 pm

Free gift with a NewsMax subscription.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 6:50 pm

That's what happened with the last release of her "book."

jus_wonderin July 25, 2011 at 2:24 pm

There is the 3 dollar bin at Big Lots.

Jukesgrrl July 26, 2011 at 12:02 am

The freepers and the fappers should save their money, it will be in the Dollar Store by Christmas.

starfanglednut July 25, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Comes with cakes we like.

smitallica July 25, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Since she quit, shouldn't this movie be called "The Uncompleted"?

edgydrifter July 25, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Quitting is the only thing she can't quit.
At least she "let" someone else make the movie for her. If Palin had been behind the camera, she would have set it down on a stump after fifteen minutes and released the resulting footage of ants scrambling over the lens as The Undefe.

ManchuCandidate July 25, 2011 at 12:57 pm

U!

ChessieNefercat July 25, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Oh, that is good! Many upfists for you!

starfanglednut July 25, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Quitting, Ah caint quit yew.

whiterabid July 25, 2011 at 12:47 pm

"why release The Undefeated as a standalone theatrical property in the first place?"

It has to play in a theater to be considered for an Oscar. And being ignored by the liberals in Hollywood gives wingnuts something to blog about.

rambone July 25, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Porn title: The Penis Beated ?

LettucePrey July 25, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Please keep Sarah away from Teh P0rn. She'll destroy that industry, too.

SarahsBush July 25, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Palin porn might be the only way to really get their "abstinence only" message out.

johnnymeatworth July 25, 2011 at 2:30 pm

No one will work with her because she won't "finish."

bureaucrap July 25, 2011 at 12:52 pm

nah, it would be a foot fetishist item — "the un-defeeted".

RedneckMuslin July 25, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Undie fetid?

rambone July 25, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Ah, nonfiction then?

starfanglednut July 25, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Gag.

smitallica July 25, 2011 at 1:25 pm

"The Cum Secreted"?

philpjfry July 25, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Sarah is not one to pass up a chance to make money. I am sure sshe thought the movie would be a big hit. There is no end to her arrogance, greed and just general twatishness. Maybe the sequel will be a movie verrsion of Bristols book. I made myself sick a little.

GOPCrusher July 25, 2011 at 2:25 pm

This may be the final thing that pushes her to sign that offer from Playboy to do a pictorial. Maybe even a mother-daughter thing with Brisket?
Probably pay better than cashier at the Wasilla Dollar General.

ChessieNefercat July 25, 2011 at 3:55 pm

"Probably pay better than cashier at the Wasilla Dollar General."

I don't know about that. The Playboy folks probably have their numbers by now and can smell the growing desperation. Grifter and L'il Grifter could probably be had for a chocolate bar and a couple of six-packs of wine coolers/Red Bull.

LettucePrey July 25, 2011 at 12:48 pm

I wonder how many people went to see it expecting a remake with John Wayne and Rock Hudson.

RedneckMuslin July 25, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Spoiler Alert! : She dies in the end?

At least it is what I hope.

PuckStopsHere July 25, 2011 at 1:50 pm

I hope something else happens to her in the end. (I need to be more clear, don't I?) Okay, I hope she gets fucked in the ass, hard. There…

benjo765 July 25, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Yah she dies in the end, belatedly – like we all do! Question is how… baby moose impales her, revenging its mother she shot OR she falls asleep drunk in her hot tub, which collapses through the floor at the same time due to shoddy workmanship (tods friend knew a guy).

My guess is with the second one. The first is a bit too bambi-meets-steven-king.

LetUsBray July 25, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Does her ass have teeth like her other orifices do?

tessiee July 25, 2011 at 11:41 pm

That would be painful, considering how far her head is shoved up there.

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 12:39 am

Personally, I'd like her to end up in prison making license plates so that she'll be able to study her ABCs and make something of herself.

Oblios_Cap July 25, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Maybe if $arah had just loved her vegetables like Kortney a few times in that movie another 2 dozen or so people would have seen it. That would have doubled the box office, fer shore.

baconzgood July 25, 2011 at 12:49 pm

INGMAR BERGMAN LIBEL!!!!!!!!

Crank_Tango July 25, 2011 at 12:49 pm

Ah so this is how liberal hollyweird killed the movie–by releasing it to theaters instead of sending it straight to video?

Box-office libel!!!

Thurman Munster IV July 25, 2011 at 12:50 pm

To be fair, she was going up against that Rick Scott movie: http://wonkette.com/449813/rick-scott-busy-sexing

mavenmaven July 25, 2011 at 12:50 pm

She ran it in the movie theaters so that she can add "star" to her credits, much the way women who do a porn shoot are immediately "stars".

Crank_Tango July 25, 2011 at 1:03 pm

she's looking to EGOT.

riverside68 July 25, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Ain't no reason to drag hard-working porn stars into this.

Porn stars are not quitters!
The camera goes until everyone comes!
They are in it to the bitter end!
They got their nose to the trucknutz!
Workin their fingers to the boners!

Anyway I think you got the idea.

AJWjr. July 25, 2011 at 3:29 pm

I never did see the logic of putting Brisket on DWTS. The "S" is supposed to be for "Stars", right? I assume her dance partner was even more of a nobody than she was, so who's the star here? Nobody gets to put their hand (or boob) prints at Mann's, the way I see it.

Jukesgrrl July 26, 2011 at 12:07 am

Paid for her plastic surgery. I'm sure she's pitching a reality show to E!.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 25, 2011 at 12:51 pm

We should all be happy that it appears that the vast majority of Sarah Palin ('baggers?) supporters are shut ins.

Papa_Uniform July 25, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Arc and Cinedigm believe The Undefeated will play well in the home entertainment market as a cure for insomnia.

Jukesgrrl July 26, 2011 at 12:07 am

Who could sleep with that voice screeching in the background?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 25, 2011 at 12:52 pm

"I just don't know how to quit you."

Turns out with Sarah Palin, quitting is just not that hard.

Radiotherapy® July 25, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Wait, it's a ghey movie?

riverside68 July 25, 2011 at 2:00 pm

No, it's soft core.

Lazy Media July 25, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Y'know, of Amy Winehouse dying of an overdose, Lindsey Lohan getting real hard time for theft, or Sarah Palin being convicted of tax fraud, I really hadn't picked Winehouse.

MistaEko July 25, 2011 at 12:53 pm

In the most delicious of ironies, patriot-pimp's nail in the irrelevancy coffin was driven in by none other than "Captain America."

Oblios_Cap July 25, 2011 at 12:57 pm

A known drug-user!

not that Dewey July 25, 2011 at 12:58 pm

Why does Captain America hate America?

GhostBuggy July 25, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Because Nixon joined a group of super-villains? Because Reagan turned out to be a pawn in the employ of a cult of snake-people? (I am not making either of these things up; they happened in Captain America comics. And, let's face it, IN REAL LIFE.)

benjo765 July 25, 2011 at 3:59 pm

I thought it was the boy wizard wot done it?
See, when people want to see fantastical made up nonsense, most of the time they don't want people lying and pretending its real ("undefeatead"- bwa haha).

ChessieNefercat July 25, 2011 at 7:08 pm

"I thought it was the boy wizard wot done it?"

Silly, that was last week!

baconzgood July 25, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Now that she doesn't have all these right wing groups buying her book just to put her on a best selling list we can see what the "Real America" thinks about Sarah.

SenileAgitation July 25, 2011 at 5:22 pm

You betcha. Her PAC can buy up books to redistribute for $$, but hard to resell seats to the 5:50 showing, it's dinner time for Pete's sake.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 6:55 pm

When it goes straight to DVD, they'll simply sucker their Idiot Faithful into buying multiple copies as "gifts" for "friends," of whom they will have none left after said gifting. So if you have RWNJ relatives/friends? Get ready for your Xmas Present.

scionkirk July 25, 2011 at 12:53 pm

They should have offered free wall removal and fork lift rides for her 'biggest' supporters to make it to a showing.

ManchuCandidate July 25, 2011 at 12:54 pm

About the only people who will see it now are people who are too drunk to realize that it is not Naiiln Palin.

ChessieNefercat July 25, 2011 at 3:51 pm

See? You are the movie marketing genius. If only someone had thought about the double feature possibilities, they could have put some asses in the seats.

tessiee July 25, 2011 at 11:42 pm

I thought those were the only people who had ever seen it.

metamarcisf July 25, 2011 at 12:55 pm

As pure art, "The Undefeated" ranks right up there with the Emmy-nominated episode of Sarah Palin's Alaska, entitled "Clubbing the Halibut".

Barrelhse July 25, 2011 at 2:15 pm

I went clubbing with a halibut. Cost me a fortune, drank like a fish.

genxr July 25, 2011 at 2:24 pm

I see you also attended Michael Palin's school of fish slapping.

AJWjr. July 25, 2011 at 3:33 pm
Veritas78 July 25, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

DerrickWildcat July 25, 2011 at 12:56 pm

The last time Palin fans saw a movie there was an orchestra pit and subtitles.

riverside68 July 25, 2011 at 2:02 pm

Who the hell went to Passion of Christ?

benjo765 July 25, 2011 at 4:02 pm

a huge number of orthodox jews apparently!

fuflans July 25, 2011 at 12:56 pm

This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man’s hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper

and now downfister, you can look up something poetic.

bureaucrap July 25, 2011 at 12:56 pm

It's just that SP's target audience would much rather go to WWE or monster truck rallies than sit through a "documentary", even about a woman with gigantic uhhh… talents…. Or perhaps they know that three weeks from now, fundamentalist and evangelical churches (always concerned about the non-political requirements of their respective 501(c)(3) statutes) will show the film in place of the sunday sermon.

Oblios_Cap July 25, 2011 at 12:56 pm

This is surely irrefutable evidence that conservative moviemakers are unsuccessful due to the machinations of the liberals in Hollywood, not because they just make pieces of shit like An American Carol, Atlas Shrugged, and this work of fart.

Why does anybody (other than Riley) take that asshat Briebart seriously when he says shit like that?

horsedreamer_1 July 25, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Expelled Libel!

ChessieNefercat July 25, 2011 at 3:49 pm

"…An American Carol, Atlas Shrugged, and this work of fart."

Horrifying vision of a 3-fer DVD.

I'm glad I'm not a conservatard.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 7:16 pm

No wonder they're bitter. We'd be too, if this was what passed for entertainment on our end of the swamp.

AJWjr. July 25, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Don't forget the Christmas Sweater!

mourningnmerica July 25, 2011 at 6:57 pm

You forgot "The Christmas Sweater".

gullywompr July 25, 2011 at 12:59 pm

There's a knock-knock joke in there somewhere…

RedneckMuslin July 25, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Knock-knock
Who's there?
I said who's there?

Where'd she go?

Steverino247 July 25, 2011 at 1:51 pm

No, but I can tell my grandson's favorite knock-knock joke…

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Impatient cow.
Impa (MOOO!) tient cow who?

Then hear delighted eight year old giggles.

jus_wonderin July 25, 2011 at 2:31 pm

If Palin is doing the knocking it is merely "Knock……."

Veritas78 July 25, 2011 at 6:56 pm

"If the Palins' trailer's rockin',
Ya better bring yer Glock in!"

Shootin' blanks tonite…

x111e7thst July 25, 2011 at 12:59 pm

I am not surprised by the decision to show this dog in some theaters. It is unfair and unreasonable to expect people who make laudatory movies about Snowbilly Palin to make any sort of good decisions at all.

conehead dog July 25, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Dog libel.

Jukesgrrl July 26, 2011 at 12:14 am

She probably paid the so she could have a premiere to attend.

Sue4466 July 25, 2011 at 12:59 pm

Just to clarify Movieline, this "movie" didn't need to play to empty theaters to look like a joke.

ChessieNefercat July 25, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Shoot, the poster was all that was needed to see the joke.

GOPCrusher July 25, 2011 at 5:17 pm

The real joke is on the people who invested in this. They got bent over and done dry.

WhatTheHeck July 25, 2011 at 1:00 pm

The movie failed because it did not appeal to 15-25 year demographic who want noise, car chases and explosions.
That, and it was not a great make-out movie. In fact, most males' sex apparatus shriveled up during this fick.

BlueMonkeh July 25, 2011 at 1:24 pm

What, no starbursts?

Jukesgrrl July 26, 2011 at 12:17 am

They're starbursting on Bachmann now — according to Bristol, she "stole" Palin's
"look."

Chillwaver July 25, 2011 at 1:00 pm

You know whose 15 minutes were also up over the weekend?

SexySmurf July 25, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Amy Winehouse?

RedneckMuslin July 25, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Amy Winehouse?

SexySmurf July 25, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Jinx! Now you can't post again until someone says your name.

Guppy06 July 25, 2011 at 1:29 pm

15 minutes of fame, or 15 minutes of sobriety?

prommie July 25, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Michelle

GOPCrusher July 25, 2011 at 2:33 pm

U.S. Women's Soccer Team?

horsedreamer_1 July 25, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Megan Rapinoe will live on… in my pants.

mourningnmerica July 25, 2011 at 6:58 pm

A shitload of Norwegians?

Veritas78 July 25, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Anders Breivik? (Too soon?)

genxr July 25, 2011 at 1:01 pm

No one will be seated during the incredible "Breitbart talks about eunuchs" scene!

ChessieNefercat July 25, 2011 at 3:46 pm

At last, a subject he is probably an expert on.

not that Dewey July 25, 2011 at 1:02 pm

I think we need to buy a couple copies and do some Wonkette Local Film Club movie nites. We can stage the events at the Suds-n-Duds or a Sonic Drive-Thru or some such. Or just flash-mob it right there at the display teevees in the Walmart.

finallyhappy July 25, 2011 at 1:06 pm

At the Laurel Walmart where Respect Dc had its flash mob last week?

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Eh, can't be any worse than Alexander was. Or the Twilight movies. I say we do it.

Jukesgrrl July 26, 2011 at 12:19 am

Better be near a liquor store.

genxr July 25, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Okay, but first we have to agree who dresses up like Tom Servo and who gets to be Crow T Robot, to make sure we have equal numbers of each.

Kristen, let's hear your Gypsy voice. Cambot?

OkieDokieDog July 25, 2011 at 1:03 pm

I've been waiting for the "bumpit" that I ordered between televangelists shows on late late night teevee to arrive in the socialist mailbox so I could wear it to the theater. Guess now I'll only be able to wear it when I dress up to go shopping at WalMart.

Fare la Volpe July 25, 2011 at 1:03 pm

[A] majority of its potential audience probably isn’t able to get to one of the 14 theaters playing the film currently

Greatest. Fat joke. Ever.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 25, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Or
Another retard joke.

AJWjr. July 25, 2011 at 4:05 pm

In fairness, I live in a huge valley surrounded by thousands of her prospective fan base, but the nearest theater is 70 miles away. If we had a theater, it would have been sold out.

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 12:25 am

Not an excuse. This played in Orange County, where she has plenty of fans, and it didn't do well there, either.

baconzgood July 25, 2011 at 1:04 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 lasted longer.

chicken_thief July 25, 2011 at 1:04 pm

I refuse to watch a movie with no nekkid titties. No tits, no me, I don't care if it's free on cable. The ball is now in your court, Mama G.

neiltheblaze July 25, 2011 at 1:04 pm

I guess nobody is really that into you, Sarah.

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

horsedreamer_1 July 25, 2011 at 1:05 pm

The Undefeated played at my theatre, in one of the smallest houses (capacity 115 or so). &, yes, it sold out, but the crowd was almost entirely white, middle-age or older, overweight, often sporting "I stand with Walker" golf-shirts, & drooling. & we have plenty of that the next county over from the theatre: Waukesha. So, it was an easy draw.

As to the "almost entirely white" thing, there was a solitary black woman there, also overweight, prolly 45 or so, & the fanboys shooting post-showing reaction made sure to "interview" her for their Flip camera so that it would be possible to say "we're not racist, we have a black friend".

gvvt July 25, 2011 at 2:07 pm

I Stand With a Walker

genxr July 25, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Dances With Fools loves Stands With Walker.

PhilippePetain July 25, 2011 at 1:05 pm

HMMMM you know what OTHER straight to video movie about our angerbear was a big success with the sweaty white masses?

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 7:21 pm

The Wonderful, Horrible Life of … oh, never mind.

finallyhappy July 25, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Off topic- I am tired, tired , tired of every rightwinger using the Norway terrorist attack to protect themselves and pump up their own hateful platform(of which there seem to be a number). I am off to eat Middle Eastern food – fuck you rightwingers falafel!

James Michael Curley July 25, 2011 at 1:29 pm

I had a far more productive week end washing out my air conditioning filter and arguing with the cats that it was too hot to go outside.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Isn't it amazing how immune to reason and logic teh felines can be? Mine insist that knee-high dust-gorillas are no reason to start up the Snorty Monster Machine, which only interrupts their peaceful 20-hour sleep sessions.

RickPerryIsAGoon July 25, 2011 at 1:38 pm

Gettin' bizay with the 'falafel,' nice!

James Michael Curley July 25, 2011 at 1:06 pm

The Oscars folks, got to get in enough showings and enough theaters to land in the "Best Picture" category next spring.

GOPCrusher July 25, 2011 at 5:22 pm

So, The Hangover II has a shot to win this year?

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Ah, looks like that ain't happening any time soon.

LettucePrey July 25, 2011 at 1:08 pm

LENI RIEFENSTAHL LIBEL!!!

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2011 at 1:08 pm

Seventeen hundred bucks per theater is still much higher than I would have guessed this snuff film would have grossed.

Goonemeritus July 25, 2011 at 1:10 pm

I see the potential for a conservative film festival were all of this genre of entertainment can be showcased and unattended at the same time

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Only if we get to pipe gas into the theaters while the unaware brain-dead are sweating quietly in a fapfest.

tessiee July 26, 2011 at 12:13 am

They could hold it in Branson.

Jukesgrrl July 26, 2011 at 12:24 am

Let's do it! It would give me great pleasure to take some of those fools' Social Security money.

Mumbletypeg July 25, 2011 at 1:10 pm

I might see it if I were paid to. As long as I could keep the ear plugs in on past the over-amp'd previews, to blot out the sound of her clattertrapper voice. And keep reading by penlight my paperback past the point the lights dim. And prop my feet on the empty seat in front of me, assured that this is a cushy-seated auditorium style setup*…

…* This last upholstery-related bit might be the only difference between a Palin flick and my other erstwhile air-conditioned weekend escape from outdoor heat and poorly-cooled household: the dozey Episcopalian church sanctuary. Lou Sarah's become so ubiquitous I'm learning to ignore ("oh, her again") her noise much as the nodding infants borne on parish-goers' shoulders who, upon hearing the preacher's tone fluctuate loud<<>>louder, gradually give in to their urge to sleep through it.

weejee July 25, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Even if she showed her tits and they tried to bill the film as pornlite this turkey would be dead.

Camaro Nova July 25, 2011 at 1:16 pm

I went to see "Ass" instead

MissTaken July 25, 2011 at 1:35 pm

It did win the Oscar for writing this year.

Radiotherapy® July 25, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Free Markets are a bitch.

genxr July 25, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Or in this case, perfectly rational.

genxr July 25, 2011 at 4:43 pm

In this case I'd say the free markets are completely rational.

gullywompr July 25, 2011 at 1:20 pm

LSM's fault – Soros-paid critics panned it, and turned this from a Battle At The Boxoffice into just a squirmish.

LiveToServeYa July 25, 2011 at 1:22 pm

It's obvious that social media failed this movie: it was Undertweeted.

Billmatic July 25, 2011 at 1:22 pm

So which is shittier, The Undefeated or Atlas Shrugged?

Geminisunmars July 25, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Yes.

freakishlywrong July 25, 2011 at 1:41 pm

Battlefield Earth. I mean, it's better. Than both of them.

Geminisunmars July 25, 2011 at 1:26 pm

You know who else's "Undefeated" was defeated?

horsedreamer_1 July 25, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Bill Belichick?

Sharkey July 25, 2011 at 1:26 pm

So who wants to add it to this list?

DemonicRage July 25, 2011 at 1:29 pm

When the Wingnuts elect her and Michele Bachmann co-Presidents, in place of what is now Public tv, there will be a federal broadcast agency that will show this every Sunday night, in place of Masterpiece Theatre.

ChessieNefercat July 25, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Oh, they'll still call it Masterpiece Theater. You betcha.

DemonicRage July 25, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Typed this too damn fast. Afterwards, realized I could have called it Ministry of Propaganda. Sarah and Michele would never create a new Federal agency. They are going to trim government back very dramatically. Those buildings in every town that we call post offices? They will be transformed into giant planters.

ChessieNefercat July 25, 2011 at 7:05 pm

“Those buildings in every town that we call post offices? They will be transformed into giant planters.”Much like Sarah and Michele's heads?

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 7:28 pm

You know they can't spell. It'll be MasterBate Theater.

Redhead July 25, 2011 at 1:31 pm

She'll probably just say that it did so well, the liberals were threatened by it and pulled it before it could make any more money. It would make sense, in the same world where a fame whore's defeated run for VP results in a movie called the undefeated.

Nostrildamus July 25, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Undefeat do yo' stuff.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 25, 2011 at 1:37 pm

The royalty check is in the mail Sarah. Postage due.

donner_froh July 25, 2011 at 1:38 pm

the question must be raised: why release The Undefeated as a standalone theatrical property in the first place?

In order to qualify for the Academy Awards a movie has to have had a theatrical release.
She is shooting for an Oscar.

An Oscar for best "fuck you, asshole".

johnnyzhivago July 25, 2011 at 1:41 pm

I'd DEFINITELY go see this movie if it didn't mention Sarah Palin and was about an alien invasion force.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Or if it had more cute nekky pikkies. Moar TITS and BUTT!

widestanceroman July 25, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Love her determined clenched fists in the poster. This is how she looks when she's parked on the side of the highway repeating to herself, 'I WILL be a victim, I WILL be a victim. . .'

SenileAgitation July 25, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Poster needs more Confederate flags to really bring home the title theme.

L188188 July 25, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Without the distraction of this disastrous movie, Sarah can finally get back to that bus tour she quit from.

Nopantsmcgee July 25, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Shouldn't this news make Netflix lower their rates?

prommie July 25, 2011 at 1:57 pm

She's not retreatin', she's reloadin'.

gvvt July 25, 2011 at 2:06 pm

So – around $86,000 for two weekends? Would that even pay for SlimJims consumed during production?

anniegetyerfun July 25, 2011 at 2:27 pm

It would not, not with the price of Slim Jims these days.

genxr July 25, 2011 at 4:47 pm

By way of comparison, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie grossed $1.2 million.

Tundra Grifter July 25, 2011 at 2:06 pm

At six bucks a ticket, an average of less than 300 people saw this movie in each theatre. Say, 3 showings a day? Two days? (I don't know if Friday night is considered part of "the weekend"). That's 50 people per showing.

Pathetic.

Meanwhile, Ole Crazy Eyes and T-Paw are trying to tear a new one in each other. Best scene since Mad Magazine's "She Let's Me Watch Her Mom and Pop Fight" hit/flop (choose one) song.

raygotaway July 25, 2011 at 2:08 pm

So . . . . Palin's Unwatchable or burning hellfire . . . . No surprise here.

El Pinche July 25, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Seriously, couldn't she just buy viewers using her SarahPAC ATM card?
I'm sure she can get a few of those morans wandering Iowa still looking for her tour bus.

Eve8Apples July 25, 2011 at 2:15 pm

American moviegoers put the DEFEAT in UNDEFEATED.

Eve8Apples July 25, 2011 at 2:19 pm

I could shoot a video of my dog lickin' its ass, and it would earn $24,000.00.

ChessieNefercat July 25, 2011 at 4:02 pm

That's because it wouldn't have so many stupid people in it.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Actually, if you'd shoot a video of Sara Silverman licking your dog's ass, you'd probably earn more.

littlebigdaddy July 25, 2011 at 2:33 pm

20 bucks to the first Wonketteer who buys the thing and posts it to You Tube, for the lulz!

FannyBurney July 25, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Palin's next career move is to make infomercials for a laxative called "The Undefecated."

Tommmcatt July 25, 2011 at 3:33 pm

I hate to bring this up, but since I am in the industry as a point of order I should say that a 60% drop in receipts is perfectly respectable- it is about average for most films. They fact that they widened the release and they still had that deep a drop says something, but for the most part it is not too bad. Harry Potter dropped about 72%, for example, which says more about the popularity of attending opening weekend on a film like that more than anything else.

What is lame here is the way they are managing their theatrical window vis-a-vis PPV. They are going to end up cannibalizing both their Box Office and the eventual DVD release. Had it been me making the decision, I would have gone day-and -date with video, possibly even have sold it in the theater on the way out. But these are conservatives we are talking about, so you have to expect a fair amount of stupid.

Dances_For_Ham July 25, 2011 at 4:16 pm

By saying "The Industry" should we assume you manage an AMC theater?

Tommmcatt July 25, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Nah, I work for a Fortune 500 Movie Studio in their creative division for print and print advertising. Part of what I do is collateral for DVD releases. I would say more but I like my anonymity.

GOPCrusher July 25, 2011 at 5:25 pm

Vivid Videos?

Tommmcatt July 25, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Hothouse Dungeon, but good guess.

starfanglednut July 25, 2011 at 8:35 pm

That sounds like a really cool job.

Tommmcatt July 25, 2011 at 8:51 pm

Free DVDs, anyway.

ChessieNefercat July 25, 2011 at 3:44 pm

And at about $10/ticket, we are talking 2,400 people at most. In the entire country.

One out of 125,000 people in the country thought it would be worth their while to see her movie/find an empty, air-conditioned theater to make out in.

That would be statistically about 2 people in the entire UP.

And her flock of demented oxygen-deprived cultists is calling the DVD/PPV distribution a sign that demand for Sarah the Grifter Queen is so immense that the producers have had to pull out all the stops to find as many ways as possible to satisfy the insatiable demand…

Ooooookay.

HelmutNewton July 25, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Not to mention that the genius distributor decided to release "The Defeated" in theaters right before Harry Potter and Captain America. Now THAT'S the kind of smart decision-making we need in the White House.

PristineODummy July 25, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Plausible deniability. Ever since the wretched thing came out, they've been countering with "Yes, but it opened opposite HARRY POTTER!!"

JackObin July 25, 2011 at 5:18 pm

The only thing left for the Palin Pinhead is country "music". As she already has LOretta Lynn hair, I'm sure she'll thrive.

owhatever July 25, 2011 at 6:05 pm

I like her earlier movie, Nailin' Palin.

rocktonsam July 25, 2011 at 6:19 pm

is this a pre quill or a sea -quill?

may be folks are confoosed

OldRedneck July 25, 2011 at 7:03 pm

Look at the poster advertising the movie. Notice her clenched fists?

I knew that posture looked familiar and now I know where I've seen that posture and those clenched fist: On my 2-year-old grandson!!! When the little shit doesn't get his way, he clenches his fists, sticks out his lower lip, then shrieks, screams, throws himself on the floor and pounds the floor with his fists. We ignore him and he quits.

Tells me a lot about Sarah Failin' — a professional 2-year-old.

tessiee July 26, 2011 at 12:49 am

"When the little shit doesn't get his way, he clenches his fists, sticks out his lower lip, then shrieks, screams, throws himself on the floor and pounds the floor with his fists."

Yeah, we've all seen how the little shit behaves — but what does your grandson do?

Manhattan123 July 25, 2011 at 7:22 pm

There have been almost as many unwed pregnant teen Palins than there have been people who have seen this movie.

starfanglednut July 25, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Seriously though, narcissism is fascinating in its imperviousness. The fact that no one, except teenagers using the empty theater to not practice abstinence, wants to see a movie about her will be the fault of the media, liberals, obama, pick one. It will have nothing to do with the fact that she is an irrelevant harpy. Her arrogance will continue unabated. Sometimes I wish I had that kind of confidence, and lack of existential angst.

tessiee July 26, 2011 at 12:52 am

"Her arrogance will continue unabated. Sometimes I wish I had that kind of confidence, and lack of existential angst. "

This reminds me of a therapy session I had years ago:
Me: Why am I always worrying? Why am I always guilty? Why can't I be like the people I know who aren't always doubting themselves and just assume they're right?
Therapist [calmly considering]: Most people like that are pretty dumb.

ttommyunger July 25, 2011 at 8:48 pm

I would not pay to see her jump rope topless or do the Prong Dance in an Asparagus Patch. I would pay Five Bucks to see her toss Glenn Beck's salad. That would be funny. Bet he would wind up crying.

tessiee July 26, 2011 at 12:56 am

Since he apparently winds up crying in 99% of all possible situations, that's a pretty safe bet.

ttommyunger July 26, 2011 at 10:56 am

Face it, we'd cry a lot too, if we were him.

tessiee July 25, 2011 at 11:31 pm

"So stories about how it played at an empty theater could disseminate across the blogosphere and make it look like a joke?"

Yeah, "look like".

tessiee July 25, 2011 at 11:39 pm

I was saying "Boo-urns".

tessiee July 26, 2011 at 12:14 am

ATTN Wikipedia.

tessiee July 26, 2011 at 12:16 am

If only she'd called it The Undefetus.

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 12:24 am

…and make it look like a joke?

Because the entire premise of the movie didn't do that, already, right? Newsflash: A shameless vanity piece about a half-term governor-turned-entertainer pretend-running for the president is a joke whether it plays in first-run theaters or goes straigth to DVD. Get used to it.

ms_mcgee July 26, 2011 at 1:56 am

Via Rotten Tomatoes: "The movie may tempt even the most ardent conservatives to emulate their idol's tenure as governor and walk out halfway through." – Time Magazine

PointlessPlanet July 29, 2011 at 1:45 pm

We thought the trailer alone was worth the admission price:
http://www.pointlessplanet.com/2011/07/victory-fi

NorthStarSpanx July 25, 2011 at 7:18 pm

I doubt Sarah can produce a BM, much less her own movie, anymore.

Negropolis July 26, 2011 at 12:26 am

Yeah, when all of the shit is coming out of your mouth, it leaves the ass wanting.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: