Ah, the smell of chaos in the morning. World markets are already down today as Washington’s leaders continue to breed new debt ceiling plans like rabbits attached to jumbo IV bags of Viagra, mostly so they can fling the little newborn wabbits at the wall and watch them die a bloody death. John Boehner declared briefly over the weekend that a deal would be reached on Sunday to avoid freaking out Asian markets by the time of their Monday opening, but this turns out to have been just another one of his little “jokes.” Haha, it was funnier the first time! Meanwhile, 42% of Americans are still kind of “meh” about the entire concept of raising the debt ceiling, 35% “have no opinion” about financial apocalypse, and a mere 22% favor the concept of sane logic. Why is a plurality of Americans still upset about raising the debt ceiling? Possibly “teh immuhgrents?”
Gallup bravely asked some Americans to write in their answers for why they do not want to raise the debt ceiling, which predictably included such sound economic principles as “raising the debt ceiling would hurt the economy” and “immigrants” among their reasoning.
Enjoy some of the verbatim responses written by respondents to the Gallup survey (with spelling fixed by Gallup, boo for humor):
IT INCREASES INFLATION, AND DECREASES THE VALUE OF OUR DOLLAR
DON’T NEED ANY MORE TAXES
IT’S NOT RESOLVING THE ONGOING PROBLEM
WE HAVE ENOUGH DEBT ALREADY
OUR PRESIDENT SHOULD REEL IN HIS SPENDING. PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING
RAISING THE DEBT CEILING WOULD HURT THE ECONOMY
BAD MANAGEMENT OF THE GOVERNMENT
WE CAN’T AFFORD ADDITIONAL DEBT
WE NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO OUR PAY OUR DEBTS BEFORE SPENDING MORE
IMMIGRANTS
Always the Messicans, man, it’s always the Messicans. [Gallup/ WaPo]
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James Howard Kunstler is masturbating himself into a frenzy right now.
World Made by Hand, indeed.
On a related topic, 2000 RIM jobs will be cut this month. What?
Man, that is a serious Rim Job deficit.
Oh, you mean Blackberry. Meh, who cares? Blackberry has been on life support for a while.
OMG, I was in a bar in this hip section of Vancouver, and this couple asked me if I was into BBM. At first I thought this was some sort of Craigslist term I wasn't familiar with, but they actually just meant Blackberry Messenger.
Gives a whole new meaning to "Blackberry Connect Account."
Hopefully said tongue-in-cheek.
Mr. President. We cannot afford to have a RIM Job Gap!
Kennedy would never have stood for it!
If people are getting cuts, they are doing something wrong…
There's a Wal-Mart down the road from me. That's my world market, and it's doing just fine. The price of dip is stable, so the economic outlook is just fine.
What about the price of jerky?
I remember when I was a kid slim jims were a nickel.
Slim Jims are a luxury. [ spit] As long as the price of necessities stays level, I say it's all good.
"necessities" meaning "beer."
Would be funny if SkoalRebel were all about microbrews, like, he only drinks Dogfishhead.
It's the dips in the aisles who don't know WTF is going on.
I'm beginning to suspect that the whole Teabagger thing is just some hugely complicated postmodern performance art hoax. I mean, that's just poetry, man. Crazy, delusion, wrongheaded, awesome poetry.
There once was a man from Nantucket…
Are you suggesting that the man from Nantucket was actually an illegal immigrant and not a true American Hero? The social ramifications of this revelation are incalculable.
Deportuguese Now!
I had no idea that the immigrants were that well endowed.
Why are they picking crops if they have big endowments?
I am never going to understand politics.
That would be a preferable explanation to them just being a bunch of ignorant meanspirted assholes.
The guy who murdered all of those people in Norway probably read something much like it at a poetry släm once.
Readymade art, sort of like Marcel Duchamp's 'Fountain'?
(a urinal turned on its side)
I assumed all along it was just a big game of political chicken. Two crazy drivers driving head-on into each other, except one driver is backing up and the other idiot is gaining speed.
I read "postmodern" as "postmortem". If only we were so lucky, right?
We really do have a government of the people, for the people and by the people; and both are shockingly stupid.
Meanwhile, P.T. Barnum, LLP and like-minded tycoon clubs are busily shorting U.S. bonds, so they can pocket several billion dollars more at our expense. A fraction of the winnings will be recycled into GOP political action committees.
Stupidity is a wonderful thing, once you spread enough of it around. Sort of like manure.
It's a damn shame, ain't it?
OUR PRESIDENT SHOULD REEL IN HIS SPENDING. PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING
This is why we cannot have reparations.
It's just so tragic, knowing that all to 'baggers out there believe that the President is the one who set up current spending and is personally handing fistfulls of cash out to, say, messicans at the borders.
Doesn't he also send our monies to Pakistan? He started that right?
He invaded all those Mooselim countries, so that he could give them money to be terrists. That is how Islamic Kenyan Socialism works.
Atheistic Islamic Kenyan Socialism,
Don't leave out the Atheist parts!
http://wonkette.com/441671/newt-gingrich-america-...
"WE NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO OUR PAY OUR DEBTS BEFORE SPENDING MORE IMMIGRANTS"
So, immigrants are a form of legal tender? In this light, the concern about Messicans flooding our borders actually makes a little sense, what with the inflation.
Georgia has recently proven that, just like money, it's hard to get much done without immigrants.
Can you break a Honduran?
John Negroponte can.
Brother, can you spare a Salvadoran?
Sure–I've got Brazillions!
LOL
Just this morning I was really pissed when I only got 2 Mayans back in change for an Aztec… and only ONE pack of gum… sheesh… inflatables…
Check the year, though, The 1963 Mayan is really rare and might be collectible.
Hey WTF? How do I have a 2013 Mayan?!?! Super trippy…
I bet it's a fake like the Roman coins that have 100 BC written on them.
Well, the quarter had a Mexican on it back in the day — "Gimme five Mexicans for a quarter," you'd say. Meanwhile I had a Puerto Rican on my belt, as was the style at the time.
I here that Nuyoricans are like three dollar bills.
…and the horse you Galluped in on!
Here's every third word of that:
INFLATION THE OUR NEED TAXES
RESOLVING PROBLEM
ENOUGH
OUR REEL SPENDING SUFFERING
DEBT HURT
BAD THE CAN’T DEBT
TO HOW PAY BEFORE
IMMIGRANTS
I don't see that it makes the message much different.
It sounds more Yoda-like, and therefore wiser.
I was wondering how the teatards compressed their comments to 140-character twits.
Makes sense to me. Does it to you?
Stupid….burning….
This is why we can't have … things.
We have LOTS of things, we just can't pay for 'em.
Ah, my fellow Americans, there, with the minds like steel bear traps n' shit.
That's the trouble with steel bear traps: leave them out in the rain, pretty soon they are rusted shut!
Easy there, Kirsten.
It's not easy manufacturing consent.
Without a big phony baloney debt ceiling 'crisis', how would our ruling class get everyone to agree to Medicaid cuts, Medicare cuts, and Social Security cuts in order to pay for wars, tax cuts, and bailouts?
Relax and enjoy the kabuki.
~
ding ding ding, we have a winner! disaster politics anyone?
Bukakke theater.
Whoa – that's a REALLY perverse take on "trickle down" economics.
Not to mention messy.
Dear John Boehner:
I look at your tangerine-peel skin and think about how you make Amy Winehouse look kinda robust and healthy. Stop slipping into the tanning bed thrice-daily to beat your dick like it owes you money. Do what is right for this country, get past this hurdle and for the love of Christ, get working on job creation. No one is impressed by your shittified attitude and how you cry like a girl with a hare lip, a superfluous third nipple, and backnea during prom time. Take your ginormous gavel and stop being the Bleaker of the House. We are not impressed
And, I might add:
You, Speaker Boehner, are a GROWN ASS MAN. Please start acting like one. And that goes triple for your mewling sycophant, Eric Cantor.
Where are the jobs, by the way, Mr Boehner?
We are still fluffing the "job creators" aka brazillionaires to give us the jobs.
Is a "brazillionaire" somebody who made a fortune in corsets? Like Howard Hughes and Jane Russell?
Amy Winehouse. Maybe too soon?
Or maybe not soon enough?
Just in time.
My only addition to your comment is that John and his gang of merry minions needs to drop the man-love relationship with Grover Norquist. This jackwad doesn't want to pay any taxes but I bet he just loves him roadways in D.C. and Virginia, clean restaurants because of health inspectors, etc.
I consider Norquist a treasoner. It's a harsh word but he clearly fails to understand the constitutionality of taxes with representation. John Adams is currently doing cat flips in his grave everytime he hears that G.E. didn't pay taxes last year.
This all assumes that somehow Sir-Cries-a-Lot could actually get the teatard caucus under control.
Good luck with that one, Boehner.
Haven't had your Mountain Dew yet, I see.
If Repubicans believe lower taxes is the only way to get a brazillionaire to create jobs, they should truly own it and advocate brazillionaires pay NO taxes as a way to thank them for letting us polish their knobs and whatnot.
Well said! I wonder how Nancy Pelosi was able to hold back on making a dick joke when she saw Boner wielding that ridiculously large wooden dildo.
I would have gone with "Jesus, you must have one huge, gaping asshole!'
Winehouse Libel!
I'm gonna "Irish" up my tea this morning.
Ah the Irish! America's 19th century muslins with their Catholic drunken ways, taking orders from the Pope to destroy American values. At least that's what the Know Nothing Party said.
Ah the Know Nothing Party! America's 19th century Tea Party.
I don't know, man. Potato tea sounds pretty gross to me.
That is actually kind of a neat "found poem" there.
It's not all bad. Donald Chump has fallen off the radar. And people have stopped asking about Mr. Obama's birth certificate.
The Snowbilly is still mulling over running and then there's Michelle Bachmann and Rick Santorum already in the race. Not to mention Herman Cain and the others.
There was a Trump blip on the radar…he's now saying if neither party's candidate meets his specifications, he will mount a third party run. Anything to stay in the spotlight.
"DON’T NEED ANY MORE TAXES"
Fucking Grover Norquist anyway.
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE USES CAPS ALL TEH TIME?
The rest of the NHL in the playoffs?
~
NEWS OF THE WORLD?
Not anymore.
BATBOY lives, as long as we remember him.
Charles Schulz's PEANUTS© characters?
OWEN MEANY
The Kyoto Protocol?
ME, UNTIL I CAN GET IT TO COME UP HERE AND FIX MAH COMPUTER!!11111!
TELEGRAMS
TELEXES
WINKYLINKS!
The Huffington Post, of course. It only takes one "Libtard" media outlet to ruin it for the rest of us…
ALL OF THEM, KATIE. (Well, all of them on Breitbart.tv, anyway.)
The love child of Matt Drudge and an LOLCAT?
baseball players? mushrooms?
Online gamers?
COBOL PROGRAMMERS
JFC on a cracker, that is an assload of economic and civic ignorance right there.
It's called a tea party. A tea party of ignorance.
Warning! Warning! Economy must fail! Economy must fail!
Will Robinson. Take shelter! Obama's fault! Economy must fail.
+440
There is a light at the end of the tunnel:
We are <–> this close to having us some football.
Does anybody else find it disturbing that the most effective union in the country represents millionaires?
The only thing I find disturbing about football is that the announcers keep talking about how great Romo is.
…. gawd, and she knows football. gay-hetro marry me Barb
I was just sitting here and wondering where I could find some chicken wings to split up and put in the freezer. Nothing makes me happier than to get up early, start my indoor tailgate food and watch Jeffery make his football bets.
As a Packer fan, all I can say is "bring it on".
I hope Brett Favre unretires and starts for the Raiders. And gets Theisman'd.
That would be fitting. Some of the sports TV talkers last night were talking about him being a backup for Vick and the Iggles.
time to buy some Wranglers
Gawd no. As a Raiders fan, I can say we already have one old fart that needs to be retired.
We don't have any bread, so give us circuses, Emperor Obama, preferably on Rupert's network! A big "thumbs up" from you!
But what will be the fate of my beloved Gators without their genius coach and water-walking demigod Tim Tebow?
I thought we were >–< close. But then I'm near sighted.
I have a new three-pot slow cooker that is so very ready for some tailgate food. The sports lull is so bad I've started watching golf. My husband is getting worried.
Aww, I got excited then I realized you're talkin' 'bout American football. I did a dance this morning because the Premier League starts mid-August. Here I thought I had some companions, alas you're all just pigskin and spandex whores!
That's literally the script of every Fox "News" show on the air.
This one is a fucking doozy:
OUR PRESIDENT SHOULD REEL IN HIS SPENDING. PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING. People are stupid. The end.
and the silent prayer "Thank Jebus people are stupid, papa needs a new jet! Thank you for the poor and the immigrants. Amen."
Where's Westboro Baptist on this?
Thank God for Debt Soldiers
On the fucking ceiling…where they always are, of course.
No blame on teh gayz for this? interesting.
Teabaggers haven't noticed recent events in Noo Yawk, which as Alaskunt tells is not in the American part of America.
This sucks. I'm gonna go masturbate. No, really.
I already knocked one out of the ballpark earlier. Wash your hands and hurry back!
Why should I wash my hands?
Because the keyboard needs to be kept somewhat clean or you will have sticky keyyyyyyyyyyyys.
What?! Girl juice not covered under AppleCare? Feckin eleeetists!
Is that what you call it? Not "flicking the bean?"
Oh what a good idea. BRB…
Would it be so difficult, just once, for one of these pundits or "news" anchors to point out to just one of these gasbags that the debt ceiling is paying for previously incurred debt? And that no, there was a Republican administration in between Clinton and the current one? And all of these "responsible adults" voted, without conditions, to raise the debt ceiling 9 times under that previous administration?
Edit: Fuck them. Fuck them all.
Ali Velshi actually made that very point this morning on CNN.
Oh god. I just typed that. I feel so…dirty.
Oh they do. But none of the previous Presidents were black.
OUR PRESIDENT SHOULD REEL IN HIS SPENDING.
Does it matter which model he uses to do it? Because if he uses an Abu Garcia you'll probably call him a Muslin. Probably better just to stick with a Zebco.
Okume. Everything is Chinese now.
Last time I looked, Congress had to authorize spending. And taxes. if the Repubicans or Congress want a balanced budget, all they need to do is pass one.
I'm reading Atlas Shrugged as fast as I can. The answer must be in there somewhere.
It's "trains" or maybe "plastic". I get my movies…err… books mixed up.
Just PM Pammie. She knows everything. Or Grover, because who can you trust if not a goddamned Muppet?
And so, in the year of our Lord 2011, America ceased to exist as a world power and sank, under the weight of the Banana Republican Party, into the ooze of third world status. Ya'all wont fishhaids wif that rice? That'll be 25 cents extry.
would you like a spot o tea govenor?
Rice? The country is either flooded or on fire. There will be no rice. Only freeze-dried potato helper.
I calculate the exact date as Nov 2nd, 2010.
Fish are going extinct in 5, 4, 3, 2, ….
Best flavour that rice with leftover garum and waterbugs.
It's all okay by me – my investment last week in hobo bean futures is looking like the right bet. I got mine, Jack.
Jack doesn't live here any more.
Tossed out and homeless, eh?
A beautiful piece of iambic pentameter if ever there was
One
Damned illegal immigrants! First they won't pick the crops in GA and now they're destroying our economy.
They're awfully powerful for a cash-starved non- voting bloc of slave laborers! Kinda like modern day Spartacuses (Spartaci?), the lot of them.
In America, even our illegal aliens are Exceptional!
Clearly, they must be taxed all the way into starvation. We're not doing enough.
It's pretty much safe to say that wingnuts don't know shit about anything except Cheetos.
"OUR PRESIDENT SHOULD REEL IN HIS SPENDING. PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING"
Yes, Congress has nothing to do with spending. At all.
Terry, that is not the narrative. Obuumer has spent more than all previous Presidents combined.
Sigh*, If Obama had spent $14 trillion in 2 1/2 years, would we all not now have ponies?
And jobs.
BUT CONGRESS ISN'T A KENYAN MUSLIM SOCIALIST
You left out THE most important qualifier. I mean, they'd be fine with him being a *WHITE* Kenyan Muslim Atheist Socialist.
If Congress was supposed to do anything about spending, it would be in the Constitution.
yeah but congress isn't near.
Starving the beast will lead to American greatness. Next winter when everyone is huddled in cardboard boxes under empty freeway overpasses sharing two cans of hobo beans between 300+ mil, we will finally understand the meaning of community.
Since we are worried about spending in the future the only thing to do is to default now.
Nothing wrong with that thinking.
BAD MANAGEMENT OF THE GOVERNMENT can only be fixed by WORSE management of the GUBMINT (original spelling restored).
It's the fault of those mulsin terrists in Norway, and all their librul sympthesrs.
The winner is – 'I'M AFRAID OUR COUNTRY IS GOING BANKRUPT' So… to avoid bankruptcy, we need to go bankrupt. Yay to the American public education system.
OT
Speaking of rim jobs, Harry Reid has pissed down both legs and given Mr. Speaker Agent Orange everything he wanted except a blow job. Never fear Wonketteers, dear Harry will get to that after he gets done flossing his teeth with Cantor's pubes.
Hard to understand why Barry dump-igated the negotiations to oratorically challenged noted pussy Harry Reid. Well it's easy to understand because who'd want to talk to Boehner day after day. But still…
Thank goodness! Dems were in danger of losing their street cred*.
*Only redeemable on Pussy Avenue West.
I'm still reeling from that. How the FUCK are they going to explain pre-emptively rolling over and slitting their own bellies? We're REWARDING these teabagging assholes for their obstructionist behaviour, yes?
Don't worry me none. I liquidated my 401k and put everything I have into whiskey futures.
Once again, a single-malt portfolio pays off for the thirsty investor!
The right gets most of their money from large corporations not Teabagers. They are scared of Teabagers but they will cross them, they will not cross the street. I know you all don’t believe me but I’m still saying this is theater. Some piece of shit face saving trick will be wheeled out before Aug. 2nd. It’s not that the Wall Street has our best interest at heart they don’t. I can personally assure you however they do have their best interest at heart and default is not in their best interests.
Of course it's theater; it has simply had too long of a run.
Kinda like Uncle Milty Berle's habit of lapping a joke.
Unfortunately, the Baggers are too rabid to listen to Wall St. It all goes to whether Boner can beat off the crazies w/ his Big Gavel.
Boner is proving himself to be, bar none, the most ineffectual speaker of the house ever. The fucker can't even deliver his miserable numbers, won't accept Democratic votes if it means negotiation, and keeps laughing through all this shit like he's been hitting the bottle again. Could someone check for an IV/catheter combo going into/coming out of our NOT-esteemed Duke of Orange? I sure as fuck hope he doesn't wander into my little backwoods because right now, the urge to strangle him with his own tongue is getting a bit difficult for me to resist.
The South, reborn as the Theocracy of Jesusland, can now finally destroy the Union so hurray for frickin' Dixie.
where is General Sherman when you need him …
OT, but please pay attention, all you crazed gunmen out there. Do not schedule your small massacre too soon after a big one. You won't get any coverage at all!
Oh please, these were furriners, so win/win.
Immigrants are stealing our crazed shooter mojo. This shall not pass. Your move, recently fired Colorado Springs mega-church accountant/embezzler.
Despite decades of Libunatic bilingual education & cultural sensitivity, the assimilation of newcomers into the American Melting Pot continues apace, so I say this is a good. In fact, it's a product of making new citizens learn the Constitution. Second Amendment, yes!
Five kia hardly makes it a serious firefight.
Charley don't skate!!
Just like Love, Debt hurts.
Ah, Nazareth.
One can only imagine what the central bankers and political leadership of the PRC and Japan (the two largest foreign holders of U.S. Treasury debt) are thinking as the days are counted down to August 2.
China has ramped up melamine production.
Japan is readying Mechagodzilla.
Probably something along the lines of "Hory clap!"
Actually the Social Security Trust Fund is the largest holder of US debt – although it's hard to think of a more commie socialist cabal than the Social Security Administration.
They're thinking, "Fuck me if we ever lend these miserable bastids a penny again. Let's fine them 30% in upgraded interest, penalties, and fees. By the time we're done, we'll own every single one of those miserable assholes."
That's what they're thinking. But mostly in kanji characters, with plenty of $%)!#*%%#!@ thrown in.
Black President.
Who did Gallup contact for this poll? The Incredible Hulk?
With Europe overrun by Mooslims now, does this mean that if the USA defaults it ends up in Sharia Bankruptcy Court???
The thought of the American people being transformed into a three hundred million member pack of filthy, starving wild dogs snarling and fighting over scraps makes my dick hard.
I guess I'm just a big pervert, huh?
Peace… God bless…
THE THE THE THE THE
WE CAN’T AFFORD
WE HAVE ENOUGH ADDITIONAL DEBT DEBT DEBTS DEBT
WE DON’T NOT NEED ANY TAXES
NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW
OUR PRESIDENT ALREADY SHOULD WOULD
INCREASES DECREASES REEL IN HURT HIS SPENDING.
PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING RAISING RESOLVING ONGOING SPENDING CEILING
BAD MANAGEMENT INFLATION PROBLEM
TO OUR PAY OUR BEFORE MORE MORE DOLLAR, VALUE OF OUR
AND ECONOMYOF IMMIGRANTS IT IT’S GOVERNMENT
Sounds like a Nine Inch Nails song
Welcome to Jacksonian democracy at its finest — a clear contradiction to the notion that there's no way a civilized nation would intentionally stick its head into a jet engine's air intake.
See what happens when you ban guns? Stoopid libruls.
Who says we live in a civilized nation? Recent events suggest otherwise.
i'm so goddamned sick of all of this: the posturing, the ignorance, the flirting with economic chaos.
i think we need a good sex scandal.
David Wu.
I am deeply moved by this news. In fact, I am moved to visit peopleofwalmart.com. That always helps me feel patriotic.
No one mentioned the international Muslin-Zionist cabal?
The American public is an idiot.
If there is a silver lining, on Friday when President Obama announced that Speaker Drunky McNicotinestain had walked out of the negotiations, he did sound seriously pissed.
Maybe he finally gets it. Too bad it might be too late.
America, land of the free-ish.
Oh shit. The immigrants. I thought it was the bicyclists.
Magnetic poetry at its finest.
Well, all of this is well and good, but I just took delivery of a new rubber pussy and I'm having a hell of a time getting it broke in good. Just so you know.
Yes, because not doing so would hurt the economy to a much greater degree, right?
Hillbilly Math is the best kind of math.
These fuckers are more reckless than Amy Winehouse (may she forever rest in peace).
No exotic imports for him. More Stella Artois for me.
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