Looked better on John McCain.Who wants to hear about boring old “debt ceiling” issues such as old people being pushed into landfills because of no more money? What America needs is a Way To Laugh Again, and it got that bouquet of clown farts Sunday night as Madame Ex-Speaker Nancy Pelosi called for an official inquisition against Oregon’s best-loved weirdo in Congress, Representative David Wu. What did Wu do, you ask? Well, his whole staff quit as soon as he was elected last year, and the bizarre “dressed in a tiger furry costume” self-pix he sent to everyone was just part of the problem. The latest outrage is that Wu allegedly “had an unwanted sexual encounter with the teen-aged daughter of a campaign donor.” Well if he didn’t want it, why did he (allegedly) do it? Oh wait, right, it was the teen who said DO NOT WANT to sexytime with a freak politician, maybe?

Reuters reports:

House of Representatives Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi said she will seek an ethics investigation Monday into sexual misconduct allegations against Representative David Wu.

Pelosi called for the investigation after reported accusations that the Oregon Democrat had an unwanted sexual encounter with the teen-aged daughter of a campaign donor.

But it will be fine, everybody, because David Wu says he’s been getting psychiatric treatment since February. And now that he’s in the House, experts say he will soon realize all his aberrant, awful behavior is the norm in Congress.

This should allow the Tea Party/Koch Brothers wing of American Politics the chance to sell off the national parks and make “thinking ’bout Muslims” punishable by death. [Reuters/USA Today]

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  • memzilla

    Dealing with House Republicans on a daily basis might make any one of us do even worse.

    • I personally would be coming unto the house floor in underoos with a stack of bestiality porn by now.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Huh. I still would have hit it, until you got to the "sexual assault" part.

    • Fukui_sanYesOta

      So you go for that "furry democratic representative" thang until it gets forceful?

      • anniegetyerfun

        A little hair-pulling never hurt anyone, but going after a teenager? Not my cup of tea.

  • Wu's on second? Wu's on third? Wu's out at home? Details, dammit.

    • horsedreamer_1

      "Oh, my God, I think he's going to make it!"

    • DahBoner

      Wu who?

      • PristineODummy

        Woo WHO?

    • Negropolis

      Sounds to me that's Wu's way-the-hell-out on Pluto, to me.

  • noodlesalad

    Apparently, people expect congress to only sexually abuse America as a whole. Specific congresscritters abusing specific Americans is totally unexpected, for some reason.

  • flamingpdog

    Hopefully he didn't use this line on the alleged victim.

  • SmutBoffin

    Wu represents me and everyone else in Portland and towards the coast. He has no legislative accomplishments in the 7 terms or whatever he's been in, is an all-around embarrassment, and now stands accused of sex-grossness (which, in this case, is an accurate accusation).

    No one is really sorry to see him go, but it's unfortunate that this lady will have to begin her adult life as the cudgel by which Nancy Pelosi ejects Wu from his seat.

    • flamingpdog

      No snark, how does this guy keep getting renominated and re-elected?

      • SmutBoffin

        1) He's a really engaging person and good campaigner/fundraiser. (Probably not as smooth as his thinks he is, though.)

        2) He doesn't really "lead", craft legislation, or go in front of TV cameras, but he's a consistent (D) vote on the floor and brings home the tech-pork.

        3) His personal story as the first Chinese-American rep. is compelling.

        • Guppy06

          "His personal story as the first Chinese-American rep. is compelling."

          And now, with the first Chinese-American congressional sex scandal, his people have truly arrived!

          It's enough to bring a tear to the eye.

          • PristineODummy

            Shonda fur die goyim. Or the Chinese equivalent thereof.

          • guangho

            Wanna build a railroad baby?

        • Terry

          It probably took a while to find out that his quirks and eccentricities were more than that, too.

        • Swampgas_Man

          2a) Up to now he hasn't been accused of anything illegal, immoral or fattening, it just caught up to him lately — I assume.

      • Flitzy

        He's got tiger power, clearly.

        He must go to Bayside, or something.

        • emmelemm

          Tiger blood? #WINNING?

    • riverside68

      Toward the coast?

      He covers Astoria to Cannon Beach, which, of concern to me, includes Gearhart.

      I am sorry I have not been paying any attention to him, but this melt down has been going on for over a year.

      Everyone is a little too relaxed in NW Oregon. Too much great Pinot, beach, mountains.

      • Don't forget our great marijuana.

      • guangho

        I live in Queens. Rub it in whydontcha.

        • riverside68

          Hey you can go to the Astor Place subway stop and see the beavers from Astoria Oregon. And you can probably get some ripple or mad-dog 20/20 from Astor Place wines.

          (It is the Walmart version of the Oregon Coast. But its got no Wu-Wu.)

    • BlueMonkeh

      This is the kind of situation that makes term limits look good.

      • PristineODummy

        Until you realize that term limits would mean the end of such liberal/progressive stalwarts as Bernie Sanders, Barney Frank, Dennis Kucinich, Barbara Lee, Raul Grijalva, Henry Waxman, Nancy Pelosi, etc. Term limits are really only attractive to those constituents who are not pleased with the quality of their Congresscritters.

        • BlueMonkeh


          That's why I qualified it to "this situation" – not an all caps termlimitzrgood.

          Unfortunately, for every Bernie Sanders, there's at least 3 of the Ben Nelson genus (and he's my own critter), preventing someone better from stepping up and sucking up donations that could go to a better candidate/cause.

    • GOPCrusher

      So, he's like Michele Bachmann, except she doesn't have the accusation of sexual impropriety, yet.

      • comrad_darkness

        Ugh, you put me in mind of a strap-on and One-L shouting out "say green balloons! Say it!!!"

      • PristineODummy

        She ought to. Between the "girls-only" fosterlings, the hiding in the bushes to spy on the Gay Day Parade (looking for Marcus?), and the embarrassing liplock with Gee, Dumb? Yeah, Bush!, she probably belongs in an institution for the sexually insane.

  • flamingpdog

    Is he a member of Wu-PoonTang Clan?

  • LetUsBray

    So this is how it's going to be, the remaining non-Teabagger members of congress perving themselves out one by one?

    I guess when a Teabagger politician turns out to be a perv and/or criminal it's no big deal because that is an essential part of the platform they ran on.

  • plinkleton

    of course some broad is going to come out of the woodwork and say unwanted sexual advances when a congressman on the left is vulnerable like Wu is right now. Of course the right is going to take advantage to finish him off.

    • SmutBoffin

      The woman in question is the daughter of a (D) donor and is being represented by a lawyer (David Swanson) who is a close ally of Pelosi.

      Wu's seat is not really vulnerable as long as Wu is out of the picture…

      • riverside68

        David Swanson one of the premier progressive attorneys in Portland for the last 30 years, He should not be part of a right wing agenda. (I have been out of that loop for 15 years, but I can't imagine Swanson has changed significantly.)

      • riverside68

        opps, Wrong David Swanson. The David Swanson from Portland died a few years ago. According to the Oregonian this David Swanson is from Orange Co.

        I know nothing of this David Swanson.

    • Cicada

      Wu doesn't exactly have a sterling track record here. His entire staff quit for some reason, well before any of this came to light. That rings plenty of alarm bells right there. Also, he appeared to be having issues during the 2010 election when his campaign manager was keeping him away from public appearances. Given that the race was tighter than it should have been, Wu should have been out campaigning like crazy.

      The Dems are probably better off with Wu out of the seat if he's as big of a mess as 2010 made him out to be. And, as SmutBoffin pointed out, Wu's seat will in all likelihood remain Dem even with his ouster.

      • Wu should have been out campaigning like crazy.

        Well, he does seem to have the crazy part down pretty well.

      • horsedreamer_1

        You know who else's entire staff quit?

        • Cicada

          Newt Gingrich?

        • PristineODummy

          Li'l Ricky Santorum? Newt Gingrich? Michelle Bachmann?

          Oh, whatthehell, I'm going with "All of them (Republican Presidential candidates), Katie."

          • riverside68

            What's a Huntsman gotta do to get some attention around here?

            His chief of staff quit! No one seems to care, it was like a tree falling in forest.

          • PristineODummy

            Huh … Huh … huh … hu …Huntsman? Who … hu …. hu … hoo … Who dat?

    • PristineODummy

      I would sort of tend to doubt that the underage daughter of a personal friend and campaign contributor would make up stuff like this. If he's been hitting on his friends-and-supporters' teenage kids, he deserves whatever he gets.

      • riverside68

        what if he gets laid?

        (Just to be clear: I don't think he deserves that.)

  • Kidneys4Sale

    When he checks into the state pen, will they hand him that fur suit instead of the standard orange? Because that would be a riot.

    In his pooper, also.

    • PristineODummy

      He's not gonna get the state pen. That's for the common folk, like you and me.

      Sorry. I seem to be having a bad case of the news-induced blues. I'll be all nice and normal again soon, insofar as it's possible, anyway.

  • tribbzthesquidz

    "Ever had Tiger Shrimp?"

    • guangho

      Wanna taste my black bean sauce?

  • MistaEko

    A kooky Oregonian was Wu
    Some young teen he did try to screw
    Now the news is diverted towards his dealings perverted
    As we bid a once proud nation adieu

    • SmutBoffin

      There once was a rep. from Taiwan
      A lady, he tried to get "up on"
      The girl said NO WAI,
      and Pelosi said "Hey!
      This jerk, he should really get gone."

      • Fukui_sanYesOta

        tiger gropes and laughs
        a woman screams and fights off
        career is done

        • Lascauxcaveman

          One more syllable, please.

          • Fukui_sanYesOta

            That'll teach me to drink and post. Can't even do haiku. What a pissed-up cunt.

            Should have been "career is over"

    • guangho

      A man in a tiger suit
      Gave himself the boot
      Diverting our gaze from an oligarchy's loot
      For his wad he did shoot

  • iburl

    Furry Inquiry

  • Crank_Tango

    Jeeze, who here hasn't had an unwanted sexual encounter with the daughter of a wealthy donor?

    • UNwanted, you say?

      • Oblios_Cap

        It would have been alright if the victim's parents weren't wealthy donors, though. Nothing to see there!

        • PristineODummy

          Well, it's not like anybody has to care about Teh Poorz, or anything.

    • Terry

      Who here has a wealthy donor?

    • riverside68

      Are we all Wu today?

    • PsycWench

      Does it have to be a daughter?

    • OurHoboSenator


      • riverside68

        Adolf? Is that you?

  • Buzz Feedback

    When the Asians snap they go big.

  • facehead

    He's only wearing the tiger costume to hide the full-body diaper.

    • Does he shit though his nipples?

      • PristineODummy

        Given the sterling qualities of our Congresscritters, more likely through his mouth.

  • Guppy06

    You're supposed to fuck the lobbyist's family members. Donor's are supposed to be the ones paying to cover it up!

    No wonder this asshat ran afoul of Congressional ethics, he was doing it backwards!

  • bumfug

    David Wu is not Anthony Weiner. David Wu is to Anthony Weiner as Ed Gein is to whoever the fuck that tickle-boy that nobody remembers is. Davis Wu is flat-out fucking nuts.

    • __kth__

      But that's the question, isn't it: is he crazy? is he high? or is he just an ordinary guy?

    • Living in PDX, we say he represents the crazy homeless people living here.

      • bumfug

        Yeah, I lived in Milwaukie for a few years then in Sellwood for a while. He reminds me mostly of the street guys I'd run into when I'd play Harvey's Comedy Club.

  • MiniMencken

    The more we coddle the heathen, rat-eating Chinee, with their opium dens and white slave women, the more the country goes down. I mean, look at this Wendi Deng woman, who is willing to fuck a liver-spotted, nodding out old Australian racist in order to get her hands on some of that sweet, sweet cash. These people will stop at nothing! The Asian Exclusion Act, or Johnson-Reed Act, made the threat quite explicit. Surely, we Wonketteers are willing to stand up to this vile invasion of our snarktastique virtual community!

    • horsedreamer_1

      This comment is perfectly inscrutable cromulent.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Internment camps seem a reasonable solution, they worked just fine when we had to deal with these people before.

      What? Pffft! Japanese, Chinese, same difference.

    • PristineODummy

      Too late. We're in here, already.

  • Creepy Congresscritter is creepy.

    And a critter, also.

  • Wu wasn't making an unwanted sexual advance–he was just scent-marking his territory, like any self-respecting tiger does.

    • PristineODummy

      He pissed all over the poor kid? No wonder she's upset!

  • Are they so sure the donor's daugther wasn't somehow part of the campaign donation? I mean there's so much cash in politics, you can't really blame a contributor for wanting to do "something special" to get a little extra influence with their congressman.

  • DashboardBuddha

    Why should the Republicans have all the weird, illicit sex?

  • Radiotherapy┬«

    Another Asian Tiger who likes a little white tail. Maybe he ought to fire his caddy. Show up. Keep up. Shut up.

    • Weenus299

      Tiger Children, Tiger woods, tiger-suited congressman, Clemson Tigers. Tigers everywhere should be embarrassed.

    • PristineODummy

      Why do you assume the girl in question is white?

  • rocktonsam

    cripes, these guys

    • philpjfry

      I couldn't agree more

  • Teenager covers a whole lot of territory. 13 is seriously creepy, 14 is still pretty creepy, 15 is creepy but I've got to admit I'd be tempted, too, 16 is still illegal, of course, but you can always say you thought she was 24, as long as she's got tits the jury will believe you, 17 and up, go, Tiger, go!

    (personal ethical sliding scales may differ)

    • riverside68

      At this point in my life I must admit that anyone under about 30 looks like a teenager to me, and as firm as they may be, they appear to be children and all rate about 14 on your scale.

    • James Michael Curley

      After reading you post, my sliding scale is unusable.

    • tcaalaw

      Can I just upfinger that post rather than giving it the full fist? I'm not sure I agree 100% with the sliding scale analysis.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Winnie the Pooh and Tigger, too / 2012.

  • What's really funny, among other things, is that the costume looks like it was purchased at a costume store (which congressional aide had to perform THAT hilarious task?), but the "paws" look like nothing more than orange and black striped socks from the clearance bin at Filene's basement. I'm guessing the costume had no paws, and the congressman deemed them necessary for some reason understood only by himself, so the aide got creative.

    • DashboardBuddha

      As in creative you mean, "Aw fuck as if buying a costume for this creep isn't bad enough, now he wants paws? Here congressman, striped socks…they look just like paws. No, the strips go that way for extra camouflage. Gotta go", then yeah.

  • Weenus299

    Who wouldn't want to romp with the Tiger!? What better way to raise tiger children! Also, too.

  • baconzgood

    Is "an unwanted sexual encounter" the nice way of saying "rape"?

    • philpjfry

      Normaly, but in congress it is called business as usual. Arrogant fuckers

    • horsedreamer_1

      Ask Dale.

    • PristineODummy

      It would appear to have been something short of intercourse. If it was rape, then the State could prosecute. They don't need the victim's consent.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Disappointed Asian dad is disappoint.

    • mumbly_joe

      Tiger dad?

  • Gary Locke weeps. Wu who, Wu who?

  • Hobbs? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • In these hard economic times…I'm not sure I'd quit my job if my boss sent out furry pics.

  • BlueMonkeh

    Too bad for him he's not a Republican. He might have been able to hang onto his seat, Vitter style. (Dems seem to get rid of their pervs toute suite.)

    But seriously, ICK! Shoo, creeper, shoo!

  • mumbly_joe

    Guys! I just want to point out something from that first Wonkete article about Wu:

    He allegedly wandered around Oregon like an insane person, for one. Also, it appears he sent his staff e-mails like an insane person, along with photos of him dressing up like some kind of tiger furry. Wow! That’s one sex crime from the Wonkette Trifecta!

    Guys, we need to get Jack back post-haste, because it's now clear that he's some sort of future-psychic. At very least, he needs to pick some lottery numbers for me.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    To David Woo, thanks for everything, SudsMckenzie.

  • DashboardBuddha

    The wonderful thing about Tiggers
    Is Tiggers are wonderful things.
    Their dicks are made of rubber
    The backs are made of springs.
    Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

    The wonderful thing about Tiggers
    Is our careers have run out of luck

    Our careers have run out of luck!!

  • Allmighty_Manos

    "Pelosi called for the investigation after reported accusations that the Oregon Democrat had an unwanted sexual encounter with the teen-aged daughter of a campaign donor."

    Ummm…isn't that considered rape?

  • MrFizzy

    Maybe we can get a Furries and Plushies Party going to counteract the teabaggers. The motto could be "I don't care about taxes, I just want to bone a six-foot raccoon".

  • I'm going to guess he was trying to dry hump her leg. You see it in dogs more than cats, but whatever. Donors should hand their daughters a squirt gun to discourage any unwanted behavior before entering a campaign event.

  • Flirting turned ugly when Wu misconstrued her pointing and giggling "Is that fur real?" as referring to something else.

  • horsedreamer_1

    WuT! There it is!

  • superdave

    As the only Taiwanese-American in Congress way to represent the land of my ancestors. Fucker.

    • Taiwan is a state now?

    • PristineODummy

      See what I mean? A shonda fur die goyim.

      If you're Bhutanese and some Bhutanese gets busted in London for screaming incomprehensible nonsense at all and sundry, you feel like your entire ethnic group has been personally insulted, disgraced, horrified, and lost face as a result.

      It's a good thing seppuku as a practice never quite made it out of insular Japan.

  • tcaalaw

    Today we are all teenage girls being molested by congressmen in tiger costumes!

  • Needz moar wine coolers.

    • mannacler

      I'm Chris Hansen. Have a seat.

  • "David, I knew Anthony Wiener. You are no Wiener!"

    – Andy Breitbart

    • horsedreamer_1

      Breitbart should feel lucky Pelosi isn't the witch that Rightwingers paint her, otherwise, she'd be calling for investigation into Andy's conduct with Riley.

    • PristineODummy

      "David, I knew Anthony's wWiener."

      FIFY, no need to thank.

  • CapeClod

    Are you with me, David Wu?
    Are really just a shadow of the man that I once knew?
    Are you crazy, are you high?
    Or just an ordinary guy?
    Have you done all you can do?
    Are you with me David? Are you with me David?

  • Frosted flakes, they're grrreat!

  • AJWjr.

    This should've come out on Fur-eye-day.

    Also, tiger blood. Warlock brain. #winning!

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Did we need a "new" Anthony Weiner. I thought that would hold us for a while.

  • notreelyhelping

    At this point, Wu describes the sound his colleagues make when his tiger scent permeates the room.

  • jus_wonderin

    Knock. Knock. Wu's there.

  • comrad_darkness

    Raaaaarrrrrrr . . . . hiss hiss . . . Do. Not. Want.

  • GOPCrusher

    Actually, it sounds like he was the one that brought it to light. And said it was consensual.

  • comrad_darkness

    At least he's not wearing a bear costume.

  • El Pinche

    I think I found my new avatar.

  • Billmatic

    So I think this guy should probably be introduced to Second Life where he can pretend to be a Tigerman and yiff to his heart's content.

  • What the hell is this Congressman thinking? Only Catholic priests are allowed to engage in unwanted sexual encounters with teenagers…..

  • Memo to Wu: We're buying "Tiger Domineering Moms" and "Tiger-Gold-Digger Ninja Wives," but "Tiger Nutjob Reps", not so much.

  • MinAgain

    Sing with me!

    The wonderful thing about Tiggers
    Is Tiggers are wonderful things.
    Their tops are made out of rubber.
    Their bottoms are made out of springs.
    They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
    Fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!

  • benjo765

    Sexually harass me once, shame on visibly wearing thongs etc!
    Sexually harass me twice, shame on Wu!

  • ttommyunger

    Must be dyslexic. Wu! Pay attention! You're supposed to fuck over the public FOR the Donors.

  • Negropolis

    "unwanted sexual encounter"

    I'm confused with how this is being worded in the media. Isn't this just plain ole rape, or was she above the age of consent?

    Honestly, this dude should have resigned or been forced out even before the midterms. He's obviously not enough there to be a sitting Congresscritter, that's for damned sure.

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