SHARIA WEATHER NEWS  9:37 am July 22, 2011

Arizona Wingnuts Outraged To Hear Muslin Word Being Used On Teevee

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

and here is an old-timey dust storm doing jihad on american homes.Arizona’s fearful wingnut hordes are used to hearing many words they do not understand coming out of the teevee, but their finely tuned hate sensors picked up on one of those incomprehensible sounds recently because it had sort of a murderous jihad-y ring to it. “Haboob” is the word, an Arabic term for “dust storm” currently popular with local Arizona weather newscasters for the very obvious reason that is is fun to say “boob” on television. Weather nerd humor! But that is not at all funny to Arizona’s xenophobe community, who figger this means either the Muslin God is sending all these maniacal apocalyptic doom swirls to Arizona, or the Sharia law is infiltrating our nation’s cabal of weather forecasters. Which is worse? Eh, the latter. Time to write in to the editors!

The NYT reports:

“I am insulted that local TV news crews are now calling this kind of storm a haboob,” Don Yonts, a resident of Gilbert, Ariz., wrote the Arizona Republic after a particularly fierce, mile-high dust storm swept through the state on July 5. “How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”

Diane Robinson of Wickenburg, Ariz., agreed, saying the state’s dust storms are unique and ought to be labeled as such.

“Excuse me, Mr. Weatherman!” she said in a letter to the editor. “Who gave you the right to use the word ‘haboob’ in describing our recent dust storm? While you may think there are similarities, don’t forget that in these parts our dust is mixed with the whoop of the Indian’s dance, the progression of the cattle herd and warning of the rattlesnake as it lifts its head to strike.”

REMEMBER THE TROOPS, which means they could at least use words more common to the other kind of brown people that Americans have historically been very excited to kill. [NYT]

 
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{ 395 comments }

poncho_pilot July 22, 2011 at 9:42 am

“How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”

i think the troops would be fine with it. especially after some alcohol. or hashish.

anniegetyerfun July 22, 2011 at 9:51 am

Don't tell them about algebra!

Really, don't. They probably have enough trouble just putting on their pants in the morning.

ManchuCandidate July 22, 2011 at 9:54 am

Algebra? No way. They'll just think it's a new terrorist group. Al-Gebra!

I strongly suspect larning (sic) was not one of racist McGoo's abilities (if any.)

poncho_pilot July 22, 2011 at 10:15 am

see, the Brits know what the answer is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drE5cHe6c3s

Geminisunmars July 22, 2011 at 11:26 am

I'm proud to say I was a Maths major.

OneDollarJuana July 22, 2011 at 9:52 am

And the more mathematically inclined will like doing some algebra.

lefty74 July 22, 2011 at 10:20 am

How would the troops feel upon return? Booze and hashish are like over the counter remedies. The universal cure all,,,, TITTY BAR! Let em get a wobble job in the midst of a haboob and it will cure the PTS.

Dr_pangloss July 22, 2011 at 11:12 am

A nice kabab and some coffee (derived from arabic) would go great with that too. Also they can use arabic numbers to count up the tab.

When a huge wave killing thousands "Tidal Wave" just doesn't cover it. It's a tsunami for a reason.

poncho_pilot July 22, 2011 at 1:00 pm

definitely. schadenfreude. ennui. arse over tit. the list goes on.

mumbly_joe July 22, 2011 at 1:44 pm

If they're like me, they'd probably like to take their coffee with sugar also too, or decide to steer clear of that linguistic minefield altogether and just get an orange soda. Oops.

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Also, because tsunamis have nothing to do with tides.

And the only words pertaining to the Middle East the returning troops don't wanna hear are "extension" and "stop-loss".

Lascauxcaveman July 22, 2011 at 11:16 am

Ha! I used to use a hookah to smoke hashish in my my dad's Volkswagen Scirocco. The resulting munchies often led to consuming falfel or hummus at that little Lebanese take-out at the strip mall.

I guess I was sekrit muslin, too.

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:14 pm

It's one of those things that you don't even realize until … one day … someone triggers you with the word "haboob." Or Manteca. Or something.

But yeah, same thing with Barry. That's how he got to be a sekrit Muslin. Although *some* teabaggers claim he's Satin.

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 6:38 pm

One of the epiphany moments of my life came, oh, thirty or thirty-five years ago, when I happened to read the markings on a five-pound bucket of lard in the supermarket and realized what "Manteca" meant.

Callyson July 22, 2011 at 11:25 am

They'll be alright once they hear the "boob" part…

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Big fucking haboobs.

Tommmcatt July 22, 2011 at 11:53 am

Probably best to switch to a Roman Numeral system as well. Wouldn't want to use those filthy Arabic numbers! For teh troops! For they are delicate and their sensibilities are refined!

Anyone who has spent even V minutes with a Marine will tell you how gentle and easily discomfited they are.

poncho_pilot July 22, 2011 at 1:03 pm

"there are no ex-Marines," a retired Marine told me once to correct my word usage.

ChessieNefercat July 22, 2011 at 1:14 pm

X-Marines?

poncho_pilot July 22, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Sgt. Maj. Wolverine?

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:15 pm

We have our very own Ttommyunger here to prove that point. Gentle. Easily discomfited. Yup, I do believe you done described him.

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 6:40 pm

A detail that ttommy might fail to point out — he was Ranger, not Marine.

Equally delicate, I believe.

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Oy, gevalt, I'm sure he'll be only too happy to point it out to my slack arse.

36fsjuvat July 22, 2011 at 11:55 am

Courtesy of the Crusaders: The word "admiral" in Middle English comes from Anglo-French amiral, "commander", from Medieval Latin admiralis, "emir", admirallus, "admiral", from Arabic amir-al- أمير الـ, "commander of the". Crusaders learned the term during their encounters with the Arabs.

What will our seaman do!?

36fsjuvat July 22, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Courtesy of the Crusaders: The word "admiral" in Middle English comes from Anglo-French amiral, "commander", from Medieval Latin admiralis, "emir", admirallus, "admiral", from Arabic amir-al- "commander of the". Crusaders learned the term during their encounters with the Arabs.

What will our seaman do!?

chicken_thief July 22, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Couldn't they just Amerikunize it to 'ha-mammary"?

ChessieNefercat July 22, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Hatits? Hajugs?

Goonemeritus July 22, 2011 at 9:42 am

If you don’t want your language contaminated with foreign words maybe you should stop sending your impressionable youth over to these countries. We never would have heard of a Hibachi were it not for World War II.

anniegetyerfun July 22, 2011 at 10:33 am

The Chinese are very careful about letting furrin' words into their language – they come up with careful ways to translate them over (like, there's an official bureau for this) in such a way that retains a distinctly Chinese flavor.

I suggest wingnuts learn Chinese. Partly for the keepin'-furrin'-words-out thing and partly because, hey, they're going to need to know it in about 15 years anyway.

Goonemeritus July 22, 2011 at 10:39 am

Yes the French do this as well, the Italians protect their food and the Germans have laws governing beer purity. We can easily see that cultures protect what they value most. Were we ever to have a Tea Party government I would speculate they would introduce laws protecting willful ignorance.

horsedreamer_1 July 22, 2011 at 10:41 am

EVOLUTION IS AN UNPROVEN THEORY.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 22, 2011 at 11:11 am

And that so-called "law" of gravity — don't get me started!

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:18 pm

That's "A UNPROVED THEEORE" to you, bud.

SorosBot July 22, 2011 at 10:49 am

The French government tries, but they're not exactly very successful; the regular Frenchmen on the street use a lot of words taken from English and other languages.

Lascauxcaveman July 22, 2011 at 11:21 am

"The French don't care what they do actually, as long as the pronounce it properly."

Geminisunmars July 22, 2011 at 11:32 am

Comme Le Weekend.

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:19 pm

I thought they were cracking down on Franglais?

genxr July 22, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Sometimes I wish we had laws protecting beer purity. Sigh… can I offer you another Bud? We're all out of Anchor Steam.

snoopyfan2010 July 22, 2011 at 12:56 pm

But didn't this country already have miscegenation laws that were found un constitutional?

ChessieNefercat July 22, 2011 at 1:16 pm

No need. Willful ignorance is spreading faster than kudzu.

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 10:39 am

"The Chinese are very careful about letting furrin' words into their language – "

The French, too. http://news.cnet.com/2100-1028_3-1027357.html

anniegetyerfun July 22, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Except that they do say, "le weekend", I am told.

ETA, and someone beat me to that.

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 6:42 pm

le cheeseburger, too, because what French person is going to use the French language to describe one?

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:17 pm

India has a "shudh Hindi" policy also. Imagine my surprise when I heard "Ye aakaashvani he" (This is All-India Radio, loosely translated). I don't remember if they call trains "iron horses" or anything, but I wouldn't put it past them. And it wasn't too long ago that Malaysia rejected the "furrn" word "orkes" (for orchestra).

anniegetyerfun July 22, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Really? A country with dozens of official languages is that picky? I am amused.

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Once Hindi became the official language, they had to rid it of any trace of Urdu, you know. Those Muslim conquerors, and all. Oddly enough, it hasn't affected the Indian habit of Indocizing English words. Like "prepone." That's when you move a meeting up (opposite of postpone). I was assured by more than one earnest-eyed child that it was perfectly logical.

MrFizzy July 22, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Hey I have an '82 Hibachi with 342,000 miles on it and have never even changed the goddamn oil. The little nippers really know how to make them things.

flamingpdog July 22, 2011 at 9:43 am

Not haboobs, it's "tee, hee … boobs!"

bflrtsplk July 22, 2011 at 10:50 am

Ha! Boobs!

genxr July 22, 2011 at 12:02 pm

have boobs?

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Being that it's AZ, there's probly lots of HE-BOOBS to be found.

ManchuCandidate July 22, 2011 at 9:44 am

Just when you thought Arizona's intelligence/sanity/tolerance reached its nadir, it sinks lower.

CZL July 22, 2011 at 10:07 am

I never think that Arizona's idiocy reaches nadir. It approaches absolute derp, but never quite reaches it, only getting closer and closer with each passing day.

BlueMonkeh July 22, 2011 at 10:20 am

stupid just keeps moving the goal posts

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 10:26 am

I'd say "asymptotically approaches", but I think 'asymptote' might be an Arabic word, and I don't want to piss any of y'all off.

No, it's Greek, so I'm safe.

genxr July 22, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Obummer is turning us into Greece!

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Grease is turning us into fat people!!

riverside68 July 22, 2011 at 10:28 am

In the music industry they say there is no bottom, only new lows.

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 6:43 pm

They're into microderps absolute now.

not that Dewey July 22, 2011 at 10:18 am

i dunno — "nadir" sounds pretty muslin to me.

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 10:34 am

You are correct sir. As well as it's opposite, "zenith," where the quality goes in before the name goes on.

not that Dewey July 22, 2011 at 10:38 am

NADIR/ZENITH 2012!

Goonemeritus July 22, 2011 at 10:57 am
PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife …

Damn, I love that guy.

succalina July 22, 2011 at 10:57 am

"Nadir" sure sounds like a muslin sharia jihad word to me. You say your name is "Manchu", which is chink-ese, but now your admit you are nothing but a terrorist waiting to kill our freedomz. I knew it.

horsedreamer_1 July 22, 2011 at 10:59 am

DUH. UIGHUR.

GunToting[Redacted] July 22, 2011 at 9:44 am

Y'know, this is one of the first things I thought when I heard the term… "some wingnut is going to pitch a fit about this." I'm surprised it took this long.

ManchuCandidate July 22, 2011 at 9:57 am

I was thinking the same thing.

ChessieNefercat July 22, 2011 at 1:18 pm

They were distracted by the second syllable.

HarryButtle July 23, 2011 at 4:23 pm

As an AZ resident (my deep sense of shame is indescribable at this point), I'm also surprised it took this long. I'm shocked that Jan Brewer and Russell Pearce didn't call an emergency session of the state legislature to address the creeping "haboobs." Fucking morans, also.

Clancy_Pants July 22, 2011 at 9:44 am

Take note wingnuts. If someone yells HABOOB!! Get on your horse and get the hell out of there. Don't just stand there looking for titties or bitchin' about Sharia law.

DaSandman July 22, 2011 at 10:40 am

Or or….bitchin about Sharia titties!

AJWjr. July 22, 2011 at 11:34 am

I lived 20 miles away from where they filmed that (Dumont Dunes CA), and I sure don't remember any dang ol' haboobs out there.

Chillwaver July 22, 2011 at 9:44 am

"“Excuse me, Mr. Weatherman!” she said in a letter to the editor. “Who gave you the right to use the word ‘haboob’ in describing our recent dust storm?"

Alright, Wonketteers…which one of you did it?

MissusBarry July 22, 2011 at 9:57 am

It might have been that gosh-darn 1st Amendment. Teatards heads just explode with the concept that it doesn't just apply to speech they like.

Or, maybe it was me. Or, we have to go there, right…all of them, Katie.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 22, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Oh come off it. The Founders so did NOT put the right to say HABOOB in the Constitution. Show me where it says that!

On the other hand, if Arizona starts getting serious about scrubbing Arabic from the language, scientists – especially astronomers – are going to have a hard time talking to one another. And of course, no more Al Gebra in the schools.

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Shhh! You're just going to make those feckin' eejits *really* happy when they find out they don't have to do no studyin' no moah.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 24, 2011 at 12:52 pm

Meh – more time for learnin' "Intelligent Design".
(Not exactly an oxymoron, but more along the lines of "Fair and Balanced")

Maman July 22, 2011 at 9:58 am

It was me. I believe words are our new enemy.

Mumbletypeg July 22, 2011 at 10:00 am

uh-oh. You're busted, Wookies.

SilverTsunami July 22, 2011 at 11:54 am

Survey says, "America did."

zhubajie July 22, 2011 at 12:08 pm

The first amendment, I believe.

arihaya July 22, 2011 at 2:39 pm

It wasn't me .. (saying it with Shaggy's accent)

Bonzos_Bed_Time July 22, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Wi wawnt we, mewer (repeated in Scooby's).

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 6:48 pm

"You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to say "haboob", but only if you cover your mouth. You have the right to get stupid letters to the editor from stupider Zonies. If you don't have a stupid Zonie, one will be provided to you."

DaSandman July 22, 2011 at 9:44 am

In the begining the Lord God decided, in her wisdom, to piss into the gene pool of white Arizona from a very great height…

GunToting[Redacted] July 22, 2011 at 10:04 am

No, most of the residents of my (otherwise) fine state were hatched elsewhere.

MrFizzy July 22, 2011 at 12:18 pm

More likely some santorum got thrown in there, or leaked out of a teabagger's bunghole.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 22, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Is that the trickle-down theory of genetics?

freakishlywrong July 22, 2011 at 9:44 am

Haboob is the new "schadenfreude".

Mumbletypeg July 22, 2011 at 10:21 am

You know what it says in the bible: Sow the boob, reap the haboob!

Nice avatard — though at first I thought she was being pursued by a different sort of "furry"…

freakishlywrong July 22, 2011 at 10:35 am

Haboobs couldn't happen to a nicer bunch then our racist friends in AZ.

CrunchyKnee July 22, 2011 at 9:45 am

Haboobies and hagina! Tee hee, Immamerican!!11!!111!

mourningnmerica July 22, 2011 at 4:29 pm

As a proud resident of Harizona, I don't see what the problem is…

flamingpdog July 22, 2011 at 9:45 am

"The blinding waves of brown particles…"
They're brown – why not a Muslin name after all?

Monsieur_Grumpe July 22, 2011 at 9:46 am

There are some people in this world that just can’t wait to find something to offend them. I find that very distasteful.

ManchuCandidate July 22, 2011 at 9:52 am

Haboob is twice the offense for the price of one. Boobs and Musliny.

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Offense kleptomaniacs. If they see it lying around, they'll take it.

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 6:49 pm

There are only two things that I cannot tolerate.

DashboardBuddha July 22, 2011 at 9:46 am

The Diane Robinson letter has to be a spoof. Seriously? "

Who gave you the right?" The fucking founding fathers, you teaparty twit..that's who.

"in these parts" In these parts? Is that like, "we don't like yer kind around here"?

"whoops of the Indians dance…" Yes, and the crack of the soldier's rifle and the wailing of Indian mothers over their dead and the shuffling of Indian feet as they're moved to the reservation. And let's not forget that the dust is also mixed with the carbon residue from poorly maintained Rascal motors.

anniegetyerfun July 22, 2011 at 10:31 am

Sssh. White trash from Arizona (and everywhere) like to pretend that they are part Native. Don't remind me them about how we killed their great great great grandpappy in a fit of manifest destiny.

MrFizzy July 22, 2011 at 12:19 pm

Sometimes you get a little reminder of how goddamn stupid a lot of people in this country really are. It would be nice to think otherwise, but…..

FraAnima July 22, 2011 at 9:47 am

I think our troops would be happy to hear any words that aren't punctuated by IEDs and gunfire.

Mahousu July 22, 2011 at 9:53 am

They should probably avoid Arizona then. At least for the "gunfire" part.

OneYieldRegular July 22, 2011 at 10:01 am

Yes, how awful it would be for our troops to hear a "Middle Eastern term" upon their return, since they've spent their entire tours of duty fighting for the White Christian English-Speaking Teabaggers of Afghanistan in their quest to defeat "Middle Easterns." Anyway, word up, soldiers – if you're hoping to hear any words not punctuated by gunfire, you're coming home to the *wrong* country…

MrFizzy July 22, 2011 at 9:47 am

The term is actually a corruption of the biblical admonition "Hey Boobs, here comes some more dust for your ignorant asses!".

Dr_pangloss July 22, 2011 at 11:16 am

Which is different from Hunter S Tompson calling it a Hey Rube.

mourningnmerica July 22, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Bumper Sticker: Haboobs?

Troubledog July 22, 2011 at 9:48 am

Let me be the first to go tri-cultural and say I'm bouts ta go up in that bitch like a haboob full of prairie dust and rattlesnakes, yo.

AJWjr. July 22, 2011 at 11:40 am

Now you done did it–I'ma 'shop a haboob on my Gadsden Flag.

exmartinette July 22, 2011 at 9:48 am

Wait until the 'baggers figure out that the local weatherman are on channels that use Arabic numbers.

unclejeems July 22, 2011 at 11:19 am

Figure out?

mourningnmerica July 22, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Best.

freakishlywrong July 22, 2011 at 9:48 am

Oh, and easily outraged wingnuts? I think raging, ginormous dust storms that swallow your insane state whole should perhaps be a little more worrisome than creeping Sharia.

Reagan Still Dead July 22, 2011 at 9:56 am

Better to die a Jesus freak buried under dust in one's double-wide than have the freedom to be exposed to other cultures.

Texan_Bulldog July 22, 2011 at 9:57 am

Blow, Haboob, blow!

CapeClod July 22, 2011 at 10:42 am

Why don't we call it something that's less likely to freak the wing-nuts out, like "The Diablo Winds."

ChurchofRealism July 22, 2011 at 10:58 am

Haha, you are implying that these people actually have two brain cells that they can rub together.

Steverino247 July 22, 2011 at 11:45 am

Especially since Creeping Sharia provides such a wonderful floral display this time of year.

(The meme beating will continue…)

emmelemm July 22, 2011 at 2:48 pm

I love the meme.

The Creeping Sharia should help cut *down* on sandstorms, you know, with the roots and all (wasn't it lack of good roots on plants that caused the Dust Bowl?).

GOPCrusher July 22, 2011 at 1:02 pm

My thoughts exactly. First wildfires and now sandstorms. If I believed in a Higher Power, perhaps it would be time to do some reflection on how you've lived your life.

DerrickWildcat July 22, 2011 at 9:50 am

Algebra shall from now on be called Letter Number Math.

Mahousu July 22, 2011 at 9:55 am

Or just banned altogether. I think the wingnuts would be happier with that.

Sue4466 July 22, 2011 at 10:02 am

Freedom math.

AJWjr. July 22, 2011 at 11:43 am

I was told there would be no maths.

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 6:52 pm

Wait. Is "math" one of them Hebrew numbers?

OneYieldRegular July 22, 2011 at 9:51 am

Next they'll want to eliminate algebra from the curriculum at Arizona high schools.

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 9:59 am

They probably already have. "You only need to learn the times tables; any more math than that is just plain socialistic."

V572 Hair of Destiny July 22, 2011 at 11:15 am

Ya gotta learn yer gazintas, though: you know: three gazinta six two times. Although "gazinta" itself sounds vaguely Arabic, so, yes: End the tyranny of long division!

AJWjr. July 22, 2011 at 11:44 am

I thought the gazinta was where ya put the air in the tire.

Geminisunmars July 22, 2011 at 11:47 am

I thought it was a kookie way of saying "God Bless You" after a sneeze.

prommie July 22, 2011 at 9:51 am

Its enough to make you turn to alcohol.

Boredw/Gravitas July 22, 2011 at 9:59 am

When it comes to wingnuts, pretty much anything can make you turn to alcohol.

riverside68 July 22, 2011 at 10:33 am

I thought that when it came to Wonketteers, pretty much anything makes them turn to alcohol.

SorosBot July 22, 2011 at 10:07 am

Who needs an excuse?

Oblios_Cap July 22, 2011 at 11:02 am

I'm sure that he was trying to make some point, but I don't get it, either.

anniegetyerfun July 22, 2011 at 10:29 am

Al Kahal is a well known terrorist organization. SHAME ON YOUS.

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Too late. I turned a long while ago.

HarryButtle July 23, 2011 at 4:30 pm

As an Arizonan, sweet, sweet alcohol is the only thing that has kept me from blowing my brains out over the past couple of years.

Texan_Bulldog July 22, 2011 at 9:52 am

Haboob in AZ? I just figured Snowbilly had finally moved all her shit into her new house.

MildMidwesterner July 22, 2011 at 9:53 am

"This means … the Muslin God is sending all these maniacal apocalyptic doom swirls to Arizona."

As a Christian, I'm perfectly happy with this Muslim God.

freakishlywrong July 22, 2011 at 9:53 am

I've had it with these mothafuckin' snakes in this mothafuckin' haboob!

Barb July 22, 2011 at 10:12 am

You are rocking that new avatar!

freakishlywrong July 22, 2011 at 10:38 am

Thank you! I wanted something niew, but it's risky on the pees. People tend to look for certain avatars I think, (y'know, like sleeping kittens, say), so the snark has to go to 12.

Barb July 22, 2011 at 10:47 am

I don't think anyone is looking for my kitty.

AJWjr. July 22, 2011 at 11:47 am

Potato, potahto…

MissusBarry July 22, 2011 at 11:22 am

It's merely a quick glance identifier. I systematically upfist for snark (and sometimes less discerningly as an anti-troll measure). No worries. And your new look is pretty rad.

freakishlywrong July 22, 2011 at 11:43 am

Thank you MissusBarry!

OneDollarJuana July 22, 2011 at 9:54 am

These are the same kinds of wingnuts who rail against any other language than English in the U.S., not realizing that English incorporates more foreign words than any other language. Maybe they should just quit speaking entirely.

anniegetyerfun July 22, 2011 at 10:28 am

These are also the people who have a tendency to randomly capitalize nouns, which is a suspiciously German habit. I'm not saying that all wingnuts are fascists… oh, wait, yeah. I am, actually.

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 11:10 am

"Maybe they should just quit speaking entirely."

You got a petition I can sign? Of course, if they quit speaking we'd have a lot less to mock here at Wonkette.

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Even when they're quiet, they're mockable. Because they're always like that guy with a foot of TP stuck to the bottom of his shoe, flapping around, wondering, "Why is everybody lookin' at ME?"

emmelemm July 22, 2011 at 2:50 pm

They'd just Twitter everything. That's worse.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 22, 2011 at 11:18 am

Which is the source of the beauty and power of English, the King of Languages, with its three or four grammatical rules and an unknowable number of exceptions. Infuriating to learn, and so much fun to use. Haboob!

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 6:59 pm

The King of Languages has never met a word it wouldn't steal. Nookie! Poontang! Canoodle!

V572 Hair of Destiny July 22, 2011 at 7:19 pm

It’s the Emir of Languages now!

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 9:55 am

Good thing that envoy dude that helped Reagan out in Lebanon and the Philippines died and is no longer around, the TBers would be outraged. You know, Philip Haboob. I think Warren Zevon even wrote a song about him.

Swampgas_Man July 22, 2011 at 10:17 am

Prety sure the Reagan admin was full of regular boobs.

prommie July 22, 2011 at 10:45 am

Hit Somebody? (Soon to be a movie, BTW)

Steverino247 July 22, 2011 at 11:46 am

Send the Envoy…

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 7:00 pm

I miss Warren.

DerrickWildcat July 22, 2011 at 9:56 am

Hummus: we're lookin' at you.

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 10:04 am

Zero: You're on the list, too.

Terry July 22, 2011 at 10:30 am

It has always struck me odd that one culture had to invent the concept of zero and tell the others about it. What did the others do when they were selling things and ran out. "Oh, well, guess that counting stuff stops. We're out."

V572 Hair of Destiny July 22, 2011 at 11:20 am

Same thing with alphabets: really only invented twice in widely different places. Some languages still don't have vowels.

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Zero only matters if you want to use positional notation (or, I suppose, abstract al-Gebra).

What I've always wondered is: We know the Pharaonic Egyptians could calculate area. How did they multiply without zero?

Cicada July 22, 2011 at 10:09 am

Damn straight! We need to stop Hummus from attacking Israel 'cuz we need to keep Jews around for the rapture.

Lascauxcaveman July 22, 2011 at 11:39 am

But doesn't hummus also sponsor day care centers and suchlike?

mourningnmerica July 22, 2011 at 4:38 pm

That should be easier now that Mossad has assassinated their leader, Baba Ganoush.

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Replaced by Baba Rum Raisin.

finallyhappy July 22, 2011 at 10:20 am

Kabob-better not let me catch any of you putting foods onto a skewer and grilling them!

MissusBarry July 22, 2011 at 11:26 am

Aw, damn my slow refreshing…you beat me to it. Apologies for my redundancy further down.

not that Dewey July 22, 2011 at 10:21 am

I felafel about this.

freakishlywrong July 22, 2011 at 10:40 am

In the immortal words of Homer Simpson; "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…hummus, gaaahhhhh"

not that Dewey July 22, 2011 at 10:44 am

We prefer "crunch patties with flavor sauce"

horsedreamer_1 July 22, 2011 at 10:46 am

Linguists & foodies: "Schwarma! Schwarma!"

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Shouldn't you be looking at The Falafel instead?

Monsieur_Grumpe July 22, 2011 at 9:59 am

I prefer to call a dust storm Mother Nature’s queef.

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 7:07 pm

That's appropriate, because it's a Mother-Nature-fucking big dust storm.

(Haboob)

Come here a minute July 22, 2011 at 10:00 am

White man in big heap trouble, kemosabe.

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Why you say "we", kemosabe?

MissusBarry July 22, 2011 at 10:00 am

Grill check! Better not find any kabobs or you're heading to Gitmo.

ifthethunderdontgetya July 22, 2011 at 10:01 am

“How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”

I'd guess they feel great to be back home instead of fighting wars for corporate profits thousands of miles away.
~

Lascauxcaveman July 22, 2011 at 11:42 am

A lot of then wouldn't be hearing those hateful words anyway, being mostly deaf from the asplosions and such.

When that IED flips your SUV, it doesn't always take you out; sometimes it just takes a arm or leg, or your sight or hearing.

ChessieNefercat July 22, 2011 at 1:24 pm

"“How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?” "

“How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some teabagging dolt?”

Gleem_McShineys July 22, 2011 at 2:38 pm

"“How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?” "

I doubt that they'd be comforted knowing that they were "fighting them over there" — that is, spending entire years of their lives patrolling dangerous places, getting shot at, blown up, boiling in the heat, etc (also known as 'sacrifice') — so people over here could be petty whiny fucksticks who get upset about one single momentary word used on teevee during a weather report on their local station (also known as 'being spoiled fatass bastard shits who have never made any sacrifices whatsoever').

They probably would NOT think that preventing a gibbering over-reacting dildo from having a non-offensive word happen to gently caress their sacred earholes for a tenth of a second during one day was the kind of freedumbs they were sweating their balls off for.

Probably.

BarryOPotter July 22, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Fucking-A. Well put, Gleem McShineys Haboob

BklynIlluminati July 22, 2011 at 10:01 am

You know what I can't even wrap my head around the depth of this stupidity. There is no snark here just me getting the sense that AZ is lost forever

Terry July 22, 2011 at 10:31 am

The people in Az with functioning brains need to get out and start voting and change their state government.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 22, 2011 at 11:21 am

Mexico is thinking, "Maybe the outcome of that war in 1840 wasn't so bad after all."

Christine_Dantz July 22, 2011 at 12:55 pm

I agree, I can't wrap my head around such blatant ignorance.

James Michael Curley July 22, 2011 at 10:02 am

AZ "Minutemen" (Cialis hasn't reached Arizona yet.) have decided to build their own fence since the "Demrats and Obummer" cut funding for the "Bush Freedom Fence". Last I heard their year long drive raised about $40K.

Where else but in Teabaggermerica would somebody willingly surround themselves with a 50 foot high fence and call it Freedom?

In the words of the immortal Molly Ivins; "Show me a 50 foot fence and I'll show you a 51 foot ladder."

JoshuaNorton July 22, 2011 at 10:02 am

Other words we demand you stop using:

"antidisestablishmentarianism” “hobbits” “cribbage” “watercress” “skittles”

Just because – that's why.

Terry July 22, 2011 at 10:32 am

I'm going to fight you over cribbage. Awesome game.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 22, 2011 at 11:22 am

Ever play euchre?

I didn't think so.

Terry July 22, 2011 at 11:30 am

I sure have. Actually, I have it as a game on my phone, too.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 22, 2011 at 11:33 am

I learned it going to school in Indiana in the 60’s. I think it’s confined to Ohio-Michigan-Indiana. Am I wrong?

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Yes. How about sheepshead?

V572 Hair of Destiny July 22, 2011 at 8:46 pm

Never he(a)rd of it

Nostrildamus July 22, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Bristol, also.

Boredw/Gravitas July 22, 2011 at 10:02 am

Let's just use a more US American-sounding word for these storms, like mistral or scirocco. That'll make those wingnuts happy.

Oblios_Cap July 22, 2011 at 11:03 am

I thought that they called the wind "Maraih".

AJWjr. July 22, 2011 at 12:25 pm

Maserati ftw!

ChessieNefercat July 22, 2011 at 1:26 pm

"Let's just use a more US American-sounding word for these storms, like mistral or scirocco. That'll make those wingnuts happy."

Happy or puzzled?
Mistral sounds like it has to do with "ladies days."
Scirocco is a car!

poncho_pilot July 22, 2011 at 10:02 am

this is bad news for Sheik Yerbouti.

Steverino247 July 22, 2011 at 11:48 am

Flakes! Flakes!

GOPCrusher July 22, 2011 at 1:12 pm

He's a dancing fool.

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:47 pm

I swear as gawd is my witness, when I first got that album I thought it was going to have some kinda Mideastern theme. Frank looks so furrn with his burnoose on.

Sue4466 July 22, 2011 at 10:04 am

Wait 'til they hear about Bill O'Reilly's falafel.

freakishlywrong July 22, 2011 at 10:17 am

They call it a "sammich".

Boredw/Gravitas July 22, 2011 at 10:04 am

Hey teatards – guess what else is Muslin? The number zero — like your collective IQ.

philpjfry July 22, 2011 at 10:31 am

Damn it Gravitas, you beat me to it

Boredw/Gravitas July 22, 2011 at 11:47 am

Great Wonkett minds and all that…

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 10:05 am

I wonder if any of them drive a Volkswagen Scirocco or a Tuareg. Nah, furrin cars. Never mind.

prommie July 22, 2011 at 10:52 am

Furrin, but Nazi; a conundrum.

WhatTheHeck July 22, 2011 at 12:01 pm

VW had a thing for naming their autos in Arabic names, like you said.

GOPCrusher July 22, 2011 at 1:14 pm

The owner of the company drives a Porsche Cayenne. I call it a Touareg on purpose, because I know it pisses him off.

hollywooddood July 22, 2011 at 10:05 am

And while you're at it, stop disrespecting our troops by saying the weather is SUNNY. Could easily be miscontrustrued as SUNNI. Which is Muslin, also.

Maman July 22, 2011 at 10:05 am

Would these freaks be less upset if the word was Navajo?

Chillwaver July 22, 2011 at 10:06 am

Every time somebody yells" HABOOB!" in Arizona, Bristol flashes her tatas….

ChessieNefercat July 22, 2011 at 1:27 pm

{shudder}

Serolf_Divad July 22, 2011 at 10:07 am

This just in: Arizona Legislature Bans Arabic Numerals. Beginning Next Month, All State Documents/Forms/Road Signs Will Be Written Using Only Roman Numerals.

SPEED LIMIT LXXV MPH.

MissusBarry July 22, 2011 at 11:33 am

This will lead to a significant increase in traffic accidents, as teatards try to figure out what licksicksiv means.

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:49 pm

This might solve the AZ problem altogether, and in short order. Millions of buzzards circling millions of roadkill-Arizonans.

James Michael Curley July 22, 2011 at 11:49 am

Next, all Roman Numerals (sleazy, mobbed up number system anyway). The introduction of Americals, numbers and letters made from little 'Merican flags.

Tommmcatt July 22, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Or we could use names from the bible. "One" could be "Jesus", two could be "Paul", "Zero" could be "Matthiew", etc.

James Michael Curley July 22, 2011 at 1:36 pm

So the balance in my checking account would be overdrawn Jesus Matthew Peter

ChessieNefercat July 22, 2011 at 1:30 pm

Combinations of little bitty stars and little bitty stripes? A binary system? Wait until they find out that there are binary star systems beyond the Jesus-known universe.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 22, 2011 at 2:00 pm

With Arabic names, no less. Alcor, Mizar, Albireo … dozens of 'em. Algol (Arabic al-ghūl, the "demon star") should really get them foaming at the mouth!

weejee July 22, 2011 at 10:07 am

This just blows.

edit: Just like McDownfistie.

neiltheblaze July 22, 2011 at 10:08 am

Are these people all suffering from mass sun-stroke? Wait till they find out our numeric system is Arabic!

Mumbletypeg July 22, 2011 at 10:09 am

Surely someone else besides me remembers when some Texas wingnuts got media attention for their determined campaign to replace "Hello" with "Heaven-O" because of that godforsaken devil's playground word infiltrating our standard 'merican greeting.

The tv piece I saw showed some office lady answering the ringing phone and saying into it "Heaveno, how can I help you?" or such.

I am not kidding. I couldn't make this stuff up from my worst nightmares.

Cicada July 22, 2011 at 10:15 am

I know a conservative guy who trained himself to say "God bless America" instead of "God damn it." Imagine saying "God bless America" every time you stubbed your toe or broke a dish. I've heard him do it, and it's hard not to laugh.

It's a weird sort of magical thinking, sort of like how little kids think their wishes make things happen.

poncho_pilot July 22, 2011 at 10:33 am

i know someone who trained a parrot to sing Tequila. i had a similar reaction to the parrot's performance.

Cicada July 22, 2011 at 10:38 am

Training your parrot to sing Tequila is a surefire way to burn in hell for eternity. Parrots should only be trained to sing Nearer, My God, To Thee. So sayeth the scriptures.

Terry July 22, 2011 at 10:37 am

We used that phrase in my family, but it was sort of like "Oh, bless his heart" but applied to more people.

Cicada July 22, 2011 at 10:50 am

Love it! It has this quality of genteel Southern cattiness that I really enjoy.

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 10:41 am

You're kidding, right? Shut the front door!

emmelemm July 22, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Oh, my grandfather does that, youbetcha.

"GOD… {pause} bless America!"

Dudleydidwrong July 22, 2011 at 10:21 pm

And I do it, too. Saves some nasty looks when I'm in polite company–which isn't very often these days.

freakishlywrong July 22, 2011 at 10:20 am

There are not enough faces to palm.

Steverino247 July 22, 2011 at 11:52 am

Some idiot wrote to complain about the name of the Texas League baseball team in El Paso being named the Diablos when I lived there. Newspapers love to run those letters. Believe me, they share most of our opinions about those dolts and run the letters to mock them.

SorosBot July 22, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Hell, Tampa Bay actually changed the name of their baseball team to try and appease the fundy idiots. Didn't help; the not-devil Rays' stands were still only about half full in 2008 during the fucking World Series. With fans like that, that town doesn't deserve a baseball team.

Chet Kincaid July 22, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Is that really why they changed it? Fucking idiots. Devil Rays was a great name.

GOPCrusher July 22, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Never did understand that. And yet they support a football team named after a group of people were criminals.

Dudleydidwrong July 22, 2011 at 10:22 pm

And don't forget the Tampa Bay baseball team who, out of Christian charity and pressure changed their name from the "Devil Rays" to "Rays." Nearer, my God to thee indeed.

HarryButtle July 23, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Arizona State University just changed the logo so it no longer incorporates Sparky the Sun Devil because, you know, he's a jovial depiction of Satan hisself. The new logo is just a pitchfork. So the tards can pretend it has agricultural meaning, I suppose.

They're trying to get the team name and mascot changed as well. I'm not gonna point fingers at a particular religion here, but it rhymes with "Normans".

Geminisunmars July 22, 2011 at 12:01 pm

"Heaveno, how can I help you?"

Shouldn't that be "how can I heaven-p you"?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 22, 2011 at 2:04 pm

You should see these cretins go ballistic when they visit the sin capital of the East, New York, and see the number of the beast being broadcast all over the joint. http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_lo

ShaveTheWhales July 22, 2011 at 8:52 pm

In parts of Deutschland, the standard phone answer is "Gott gruess", which translates as "May God come down your throat", or something like that. In hangul, it's "Yobosayo", or "Hey, muthafucka, what up?" In Japanese, it's "moshi moshi", which means "<nothing, except 'I am answering the telephone'>".

I think we should all answer "Got Mittens?"

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 10:11 am

the state’s dust storms are unique and ought to be labeled as such.

These storms should be renamed hadumbfucks.

Chet Kincaid July 22, 2011 at 10:34 am

Beat me to the general area!

ifthethunderdontgetya July 22, 2011 at 10:11 am

Spanky2 the downfister is up early today. Maybe mom was running the vacuum cleaner and woke the poor little porker up?

Anyways, entire thread upfisted.

You see, Spanky? It just doesn't work.
~

SorosBot July 22, 2011 at 10:11 am

Well, maybe we would have a word in English that was stolen from some Native American language for Haboobs if these kind of storms had occurred in the North American deserts before. But they hadn't, so we had to borrow a word from a region that did have a word for this phenomenon.

Meanwhile, there is snow in Antarctica and Al Gore is fat, therefore we know there's no such thing as climate change and it's all just a conspiracy by every single scientist in the world to something something communism.

Barb July 22, 2011 at 10:20 am

I like that Murdoch had his hand in swiping those e-mails from the scientists and releasing him. Isn't he charming?

SorosBot July 22, 2011 at 10:29 am

I smile when I think of Murdoch these days – and the possibility that he might be in jail soon, or at least lose a good portion of his media empire.

Barb July 22, 2011 at 10:51 am

Chapstick sales are going to plummet now that he doesn't have swarms of people who have to kiss his old wrinkly ass. And that Rebekah Brooks makes me want to hurl. She looks like she fell into a vat of wiry red pubic hair.

SorosBot July 22, 2011 at 11:10 am

To me, she looks like the lost spawn of Weird Al and Carrot Top. And thanks for that imagery; if I wanted to see a bunch of wiry red pubic hair I'd stop shaving.

L188188 July 22, 2011 at 12:57 pm

I would completely believe Al Gore if only he would not have lied about something as important as being the inspiration for "Love Story".

Allmighty_Manos July 22, 2011 at 10:12 am

From now on pajamas are to be known as Jesus jumpers.

Steverino247 July 22, 2011 at 11:53 am

But will the local police captain get them cleaned and pressed?

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Pa-jama actually comes from one of the Indian (dot, not feather) languages. "Pa" means "leg," and "jama" means "clothing, or dress," therefore clothing that covers the legs, or trousers.

Allmighty_Manos July 22, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Actaully it is derived from Persian, which is an equally upsetting language in Arizona — along with Arabic and Spanish.

ttommyunger July 22, 2011 at 10:12 am

No doubt Sheriff Joe R. Piehole will organize a posse to round up any stray "Haboobs" in his Jurisdiction. Prolly make it wear pink panties and feed it green Bologna…Build the Dang Haboob Fence!

Pragmatist2 July 22, 2011 at 10:12 am

What if they Americanize it? I propose "GOPboob."

DerrickWildcat July 22, 2011 at 10:15 am

Maybe if those lazy slobs would build the dang fence they wouldn't have all that dust comin' over.

James Michael Curley July 22, 2011 at 10:15 am

Hey AZ, short memory?

On the 14th day of April of 1935,
There struck the worst of dust storms that ever filled the sky.
You could see that dust storm comin', the cloud looked deathlike black,
And through our mighty nation, it left a dreadful track.

From Oklahoma City to the Arizona line,
Dakota and Nebraska to the lazy Rio Grande,
It fell across our city like a curtain of black rolled down,
We thought it was our judgement, we thought it was our doom.

Woody

Doktor Zoom July 22, 2011 at 11:50 am

Woody Guthrie was a god-damned Red who thought that my land was his land. That's socialist redistribution, it is.

(nb: we could use a lot more Woody Guthries)

James Michael Curley July 22, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Don’t forget Sis Cunninham;When they opened up the strip I was young and full of zip,I wanted a place to call my own.And so I made the race, and staked me out a place,And settled down along the Cimarron.It blowed away, it blowed away, My Oklahoma home, it blowed away. It looked so green and fair when I built my shanty there, But my Oklahoma home, it blowed away.She later printed the lyrics in a mimeographed magazine to a couple songs by a scruffy little mid-western Jew named Zimmerman when the NY music publishers were slamming the door in his face.

mercianomad July 22, 2011 at 10:17 am

[edit] Grrr….hummus joke already taken.

metamarcisf July 22, 2011 at 10:18 am

April Fools Day was LAST month!

flamingpdog July 22, 2011 at 11:30 am

Not on the Arizona calendar. They're on Nutjob Savings Time, too.

anniegetyerfun July 22, 2011 at 10:22 am

While you may think there are similarities, don’t forget that in these parts our dust is mixed with the whoop of the Indian’s dance, the progression of the cattle herd and warning of the rattlesnake as it lifts its head to strike.”

Well, I'm glad to know that this progressive lady is supportive of the rights of Native Americans! OK, their whooping, at least. And dancing. Boy, do those red men love to dance!

not that Dewey July 22, 2011 at 10:25 am

Dear Advertisers,

The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again. Number one: bra. Number two: horny. Number three: family jewels.

Signed,

Abe Simpson

donner_froh July 22, 2011 at 10:28 am

Haboob seems like such a woody word not one of those tinny words like Arizona.

Schmannnity July 22, 2011 at 10:29 am

The Beatles started it: Haboob, Don't bring me down, take a sandstorm, and make it better.

Redhead July 22, 2011 at 10:30 am

“How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”

I bet they wish you would shut your trap and focus on things that actually matter.

Tundra Grifter July 22, 2011 at 11:58 am

Redhead: Such a comment would mean a bit more to me if it came from someone who had actually come back to Arizona from fighting in the Middle East.

Anyone who has fought in war is capable, and qualified, to speak for her- or himself.

Chet Kincaid July 22, 2011 at 10:32 am

They are using the word "Haboob" because Arizona is "Dumbfuckistan".

AutomaticPilot July 22, 2011 at 10:34 am

Wait until they find out Jesus didn't speak American.

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 10:38 am

Sorry, but you're just plain wrong about that.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 23, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Even Moses spoke American… it's in "The Bible".

Book of Heston 4:23

SorosBot July 22, 2011 at 10:45 am

And Aramaic sounds kind of like Arabic, and the Muslims believe Jesus was one of the great prophets – OMG WE MUST GET RIDD OF AWL MEN TIONS OF JESUS OR TEH MUSLINS WELL BEE A PEASED.

4TheTurnstiles July 22, 2011 at 10:34 am

Oh my fucking GOD it's a fucking TELEVISION CRISIS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxJQhfiZVm4

Terry July 22, 2011 at 10:35 am

What, you think "łeezh bił hááyol" might be a bit intimidating for them?

horsedreamer_1 July 22, 2011 at 10:47 am

Didn't intimidate Nic Cage.

Naked_Bunny July 22, 2011 at 10:36 am

How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona

Just stop there, really.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 23, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Some of them might start missing Baghdad after a while.

Poindexter718 July 22, 2011 at 10:39 am

What are the chances these hickoids ever use any of the following words that come from Arabic:
ADOBE (fer making Taco Bells)
ARSENAL (fer yer gunz)
CALIBER (.38 etc)
julep
lemon
lime
MAGAZINE (fer yer .38 cartridges, not yer fapping)
orange
SODA (breakfast of champions!)
SUGAR (major hayseed foodgroup)
SYRUP (Can haz high fructose, please?)

mumbly_joe July 22, 2011 at 1:38 pm

also, too, alcohol, algebra (who are we kidding, they don't know that word), candy, coffee, guitar, orange, sofa, tuna…

Gleem_McShineys July 22, 2011 at 3:23 pm

What are the chances these hickoids ever use any of the following words that come from Arabic

If only they could be destroyed by telling them these facts, like super-computers in old-timey sci-fi shows that are given impossible tasks and end up burning themselves out.

Good thing the hickoid mind is safely sealed from the dangers of any and all fact-like materials from ever getting in.

Chet Kincaid July 22, 2011 at 10:39 am

A Haboob is actually weaponized Santorum, escaped from a lab in New Mexico. It will take 20 metric tons of Immodium to stop it!

freakishlywrong July 22, 2011 at 10:47 am

Eleventy-billion fists for you Chet. For using "weaponzed Santorum" in a sentence.

ChessieNefercat July 22, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Weaponized, lab in New Mexico… contextually, for a second there, Immodium sounded like an actual radioactive element.

PubOption July 22, 2011 at 10:43 am

'The dust is mixed with the progression of the cattle herd', sounds like shit to me.

horsedreamer_1 July 22, 2011 at 10:44 am

A term with an Arizonan, American character to describe a blinding dust-storm preventing progress?

Let's call it a Loughner. Or a Soot Libel.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 23, 2011 at 9:09 pm

"House Republican" sort of covers it.

mrblifil July 22, 2011 at 10:45 am

"So anyway I'd be rubbing your big Haboobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda kissing your neck from behind and then the other hand with the felafel thing. I would take the other hand with the falafel thing (sic)and I'd put it on your pussy, but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business."

Gleem_McShineys July 22, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Al-Reilly declares jizzhad!

orygoon July 22, 2011 at 10:45 am

Allah wept.

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 10:46 am

Bitter tears.

Chet Kincaid July 22, 2011 at 10:47 am

Yes!! To thwart any and all attempts at sneaking in Sharia through language, Hollywood must issue re-titled and re-dubbed versions of such films as "Prince of Pennsylvania", "The 7th Voyage of Sinclair" and "A Lad In the Desert".

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 10:57 am

"Lawrence of An Arid Place."

Doktor Zoom July 22, 2011 at 11:57 am

No need to re-title Ishtar, however, since nobody watched it.

(OK, I did, but I was young and bored)

GOPCrusher July 22, 2011 at 1:24 pm

It was kind of like Plan B From Outer Space. You kind of had to watch it to see if it was as craptastic as everyone said it was.

Doktor Zoom July 22, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Indeed. Or worse, the Star Wars Holiday Special, which was so bad that it's nigh-unMiSTable.

(Best trivia involving the Holiday Special: Carrie Fischer demanded a personal copy of it from Lucas, for mockery purposes, before she'd agree to do the DVD commentary tracks for the original trilogy. She's one classy nerd)

poncho_pilot July 22, 2011 at 1:26 pm

what about Kazaam?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 23, 2011 at 9:08 pm

San Francisco is gonna need a new nickname.
Then again, the wingnutters probably have some of their own already.

prommie July 22, 2011 at 10:50 am

True story; I have a pair of in-laws who are huge Limbaugh listeners, they have the Bose rip-off radio on their kitchen table and everything, they gather around the radio, its just like the old days, and listening to Amos and Andy. Anyway, we have them over for dinner, parties, holidays, constantly. And after 9-11, for years, I made a deliberate effort, every single time, to serve them middle-eastern food. There was hummus and baba ganoush, of course, and tabouleh, and I made a lot of braised lamb dishes, and this would be like thanksgiving. Good times!

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 10:56 am

You should consider branching out: enchiladas, chitlins, pancit—there's all kinds of brown food out there!

prommie July 22, 2011 at 11:27 am

Yeah, but the rest of the browns, we can't ban their churches, but the Mooslems, you know, their religion is a church and its law, with the Sharia and all, so Mooslems are clearly the most evil of the browns, and I wanted to feed them Sharia food.

unclejeems July 22, 2011 at 11:35 am

How many pairs of in-laws do you have?

Food sound scrumptious, by the way.

MissusBarry July 22, 2011 at 11:45 am

I assume they didn't get the joke?

ChessieNefercat July 22, 2011 at 3:57 pm

"…huge Limbaugh listeners…"

They listen to him a lot, or are they, you know, huge? Or both?

franco_pinyon July 22, 2011 at 10:56 am

Here's another Arabic word they might want to quit using: ZERO.

unclejeems July 22, 2011 at 11:37 am

Right. Too close to home for most of them Arizona Yahoos–or is that Arizona Yaboobs?

Slim_Pickins July 22, 2011 at 11:41 am

Christians don't believe in zero because that great christian, Aristotle, told them nothing could not exist. Hence, the lack of a year zero in the christian calendar, and the overall lack of math skills among the home-schooled nabobs. The imposition of the Sharia zero caused problems with the start of the third millennium. The nabobs celebrated on NYE 1999,, but without a year zero, the millennium didn't start until 1/1/2001.

superdave July 22, 2011 at 11:02 am

Marcus Bachmann is not a fan of haboobs.

unclejeems July 22, 2011 at 11:38 am

Wouldn't think so. Doesn't appear to have much in the haboob area herself, anyway.

not that Dewey July 22, 2011 at 11:59 am

I thought that our eyes were genetically predisposed to prefer looking at haboobs.

OneDollarJuana July 22, 2011 at 11:04 am

“I (Old English) am (Old English) insulted (Latin) that (Old English) local (Old French) TV (Greek and Anglo-French) news (Anglo-French) crews (Middle French) are (Old English) now (Old Norse) calling (Old Norse) this (North Sea Germanic) kind (Proto Germanic) of (Proto Germanic) storm (Dutch) a (Old English) haboob.”

horsedreamer_1 July 22, 2011 at 11:22 am

If we must, we can blame William the Conqueror for getting the ball rolling on on the destruction of the perfect, willed by God, Anglo-Saxon language. & he was French!

unclejeems July 22, 2011 at 11:40 am

Nah, he was just a displaced Norwegian looking for a place to hang his fearsome Norse horny hat thingy.

horsedreamer_1 July 22, 2011 at 1:06 pm

ANKERBABEE!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 23, 2011 at 9:00 pm

Danged right! If English was good enoug for Jeebus and the Bible, it sure ought to be good enough for 'Merka.

Jughead2130 July 22, 2011 at 11:09 am

It's about time we took our weather reports back. Now when is someone going to get on the “El Nino” and "La Nina” abomination?

Rayn_And July 22, 2011 at 11:16 am

Dang near choked on my hummus…oh…sorry

orygoon July 22, 2011 at 11:23 am

Try more yogurt. The better brands have all of the bones strained out.

dancesw_cougars July 22, 2011 at 11:21 am

As long as it buries Arizona in dust I'm fine with whatever they call it.

Gleem_McShineys July 22, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Dear God:

Some of them got away, and now, they are writing letters. Please try harder next time?

Signed,
Everyone

Doktor Zoom July 22, 2011 at 11:27 am

So far, meteorologists have been slow to adopt the teahadis' suggested replacement, niggerwind.

Callyson July 22, 2011 at 11:27 am

Apparently, Bob Dylan was wrong…some people *do* need a weatherman to tell them which way the haboob blows…

AJWjr. July 22, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Idiot Wind, also.

Come here a minute July 22, 2011 at 11:28 am

It is so easy to make the wingnuts furious. Their mistake is to watch the weather reports at all — it might upset their secure knowledge that there is no such thing as anthropogenic climate change.

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 11:37 am

"anthropogenic climate change"

And, according to Rush, this hoax is aided and abetted by the nefarious government by means of the insidious "heat index."

Biel_ze_Bubba July 23, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Obviously a left-wing hoax, given that it's attacking Arizona, Texas, and Okiehoma. STOP THE HOAXES!

unclejeems July 22, 2011 at 11:43 am

Come to think of it, weather reports may be the only news shows left on TV that contain much actual usable information. Stay tuned.

iburl July 22, 2011 at 11:29 am

"our dust is mixed with the whoop of the Indian’s dance"

"Dance" is a very pleasant substitute word for "Death Throws".

Doktor Zoom July 22, 2011 at 12:17 pm

Are you suggesting that we throe the Indians under the bus?

elviouslyqueer July 22, 2011 at 11:31 am

Um, guess what, wingnuts? "Arizona" ain't American either. Se habla?

not that Dewey July 22, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Neither is America, apparently.

GregComlish July 22, 2011 at 11:34 am

"don’t forget that in these parts our dust is mixed with the whoop of the Indian’s dance, the progression of the cattle herd and warning of the rattlesnake as it lifts its head to strike."

Of all the stupid arguments Wingnuts could use against this word, they went with deference to Native American's religious traditions? These are the same natives that we virtually exterminated and then sequestered in in reservations on the shittiest land available. If Indians ever posed a threat to the GOP, they would be demonized as satanic/atheist/muslim/bisexual/communists in less than 24 hours. But teabagging dipshits always have try to reach for some liberal-sounding argument to mask their naked bigotry. We invade Iraq to protect Muslims. We need to stay in Afghanistan to protect women. Criticism of prominent black conservatives is pure racism.

Modern conservatives are such pussies. They will do anything, even adopt the imagined sentiments of their hated ideological opponents, rather than fess up to their own fear and ignorance and bigotry.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 23, 2011 at 8:55 pm

Much more likely that the dust in those parts contains the dung of the cattle herd. And hantavirus.

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 11:35 am

Boycott of Weather Channel advertisers in 3…2…1

HelmutNewton July 22, 2011 at 11:51 am

One has to wonder at what point does the inbreeding of Jebus-addled, meth-addicted, diabetes-afflicted white folk render them too stupid to actually reproduce?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 23, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Dream on. Stupidity and reproduction go together like tents and wine coolers.

Tundra Grifter July 22, 2011 at 11:55 am

Is the haboob halal?

BeWoot July 22, 2011 at 11:57 am

I wonder how the TeeBees feel about a pogonip?

AJWjr. July 22, 2011 at 12:48 pm

We had that growing up, but we called it pokonip. No TeeVees were harmed in the translation, since the nearest station was 180 miles north, in Reno.

Steverino247 July 22, 2011 at 11:58 am

Zero intolerance.

Steverino247 July 22, 2011 at 12:01 pm

I happen to have big hands and long arms. I propose that I be appointed a Federal Marshal for Arizona with the special unit assigned to slapping the shit out of stupid people.

Should keep me busy until retirement.

BaldarTFlagass July 22, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Your fucking arms will just flat fall off.

AlaskaGrrl July 22, 2011 at 12:16 pm

"our dust is mixed with the whoop of the Indian’s dance, the progression of the cattle herd and warning of the rattlesnake as it lifts its head to strike.”

And Dorothy and Toto?

Barrelhse July 22, 2011 at 12:37 pm

That's not all their dust is mixed with. She neglected to mention this: http://tucsoncitizen.com/arizona-news/2011/07/18/

elviouslyqueer July 22, 2011 at 4:24 pm

OMG, SPORES!

Geminisunmars July 22, 2011 at 12:18 pm

I suppose the Arizonans would prefer to have it called "God's Wrath".

fitley July 22, 2011 at 12:25 pm

And what about the dust kicked up by the imaginary headless bodies littering your desert , inbred imbecile? Just because they're imaginary doesn't mean they can't make imaginary dust. What are you thinking Sand-Dunce.

Barrelhse July 22, 2011 at 12:32 pm

If they ever get a look at a sky chart they'll become catatonic from all the muslin star names.
On another note, Arizona reeks of ignorance and breathtaking stupidity.

Steverino247 July 22, 2011 at 12:42 pm

Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse! Betelgeuse!

AJWjr. July 22, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Oh, NOW you've done it.

AJWjr. July 22, 2011 at 12:51 pm

“How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”
How do Middle Easterners feel about the derogatory terms our troops called them before returning to haboob-infested Arizona?

Christine_Dantz July 22, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Thank you for writing about this. I find it so sad that with everything going on in this country now, this is what is bothering the people of Arizona. They need to get out of their shells, read, live, see the whole world.

L188188 July 22, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Here's another Arabic word that makes those shitheels in Arizona tremble when they hear it: Algebra.

Geminisunmars July 22, 2011 at 12:56 pm

Oh – the chootzpah of those weathermen!

L188188 July 22, 2011 at 12:58 pm

You know, it is way past time for Kentucky to do something pretty stupid again too. Arizona is eating Kentucky's stupid lunch.

fuflans July 22, 2011 at 1:06 pm

i have this picture of america in my head: the coasts and random mid points (minneapolis, etc.) are like raised oases of intelligence and moderation. the rest of the country just sags into increasingly deep fissures of stupidity.

kinda like a lumpy mattress with AZ and TX the ass dents.

LakeLucilleLoon July 22, 2011 at 1:16 pm

I think it would be much more traumatic for Middle Easterners to hear the English word "dust storm" uttered by their weather reporter, might make them think of some of the unpleasant things our troops are doing to them.

poncho_pilot July 22, 2011 at 1:30 pm

anyway, needs more Shai Hulud. that'd take care of lot of the problems in Arizona right quick.

DahBoner July 22, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Or they could switch to Spanish : "Hay Boobs".

Which means there is boobs…
I

mumbly_joe July 22, 2011 at 2:01 pm

If only there were some algorithm we could use to decipher these muslin words and put a check on their presence in our language, without garbling the meaning. Assuming dissecting sentences like this isn't too ghoulish. Unfortunately, it's basically a linguistic safari and it would take pure serendipity to pull this off, so it has zero chance of actually happening.

If you need me, I'll be drinking a mint julep on my sofa, because the sheer stupidity of the human race has driven me to alcohol, and I happen to have all the right spirits for that particular drink.

PristineODummy July 22, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Would you make me one too? I'm ready to quit the human species.

zappadoo76 July 22, 2011 at 2:07 pm

The average American doesn't get anything else out of US imperialism, so why not at least let it enrich our vocabulary a little? Since we rule a cosmopolis, why not be a little more cosmopolitan? We adopted "Mother Of All ____" from the late Saddam Hussein. Why not "haboob"?

BTW, what is the plural of "haboob"? Haboobim? Haboobies?

a_pink_poodle July 22, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Haboob is Arabic? Pffffft next they'll be saying the current number system now is Arabic in origin too!

Pres.Beeblebrox July 22, 2011 at 2:28 pm

"in these parts our dust is mixed with the whoop of the Indian’s dance, the progression of the cattle herd and warning of the rattlesnake as it lifts its head to strike.”

More like the tears of Native Americans deported from their homelands, the thundering of Fructose-Americans through Wal-Mart aisles, and the hum of the Hoveround as it prepares to move.

Soylent Green July 22, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Do they prefer 'God Farts', maybe? – Don't get dust on yer freedum fries, AZ!

__kth__ July 22, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Those deserts are distinct indeed. One of them is populated by illiterate herdsmen, childlike in their superstitions and their backward customs, including polygamy. In the other, Arabic is chiefly spoken.

Neoyorquino July 22, 2011 at 7:50 pm

I can't hear the word "haboob" without hearing it in Beavis or Butthead's voice.

Negropolis July 22, 2011 at 8:16 pm

…with the whoop of the Indian’s dance,

I'm sensing a Bollywood number coming on….Rattlesnakes, Indians, and cattle? Bitch be seriously trippin'. I'll have what she's having.

Negropolis July 22, 2011 at 8:19 pm

“How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”

We must ban Arabic-Hindu numerals, for they are of the eastern devil!

These Anglos do realize they live in a state named "Arizona" right?

Nipsey July 23, 2011 at 2:14 am

"figger"?

vodkamuppet July 23, 2011 at 11:23 pm

Everytime I read about these fucking nutters, COMPLETELY BATSHIT CRAZY FUCKING NUTTERS, I think no, people can't seriously be this fucking crazy. The universe I live in doesn't have room for people this fucking stupid and crazy and yet, there they are, every damn day. Getting even more crazy every damn day. I don't understand it and I can't even process it. If I do start to understand, please use zombie movie rules and put me the fuck down, because it could be a contagion and I need to just be fucking murdered if I ever get inside these peoples heads.

horsedreamer_1 July 22, 2011 at 10:42 am

It's not the agenda, they want, anyway.

elviouslyqueer July 22, 2011 at 11:13 am

Marcus? That you?

Barb July 22, 2011 at 11:19 am

Yeah, I bet the first time her husband got to boink her he peeled off her pants and saw something that looked like she had Carrot Top in a scissor lock. *shiver*

Terry July 22, 2011 at 11:41 am

My peeps are decidedly more East Coast, old immigrant areas in Massachusetts and Pennsylvania. I honestly don't know who brought it into the family. We used to play hearts and spades, too.

Lascauxcaveman July 22, 2011 at 11:48 am

I whist I knew what you guys were talking about.

mourningnmerica July 22, 2011 at 4:41 pm

New dish: Haboob Kabob. It's similar to "Dirty Rice".

Tommmcatt July 22, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Old-lady stuff.

ArmoredLibunatic July 22, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Word. I'd like to hear some mouthbreather's definition of what a theory is- wait, I don't actually wanna sit through that. Horrible idea.

poncho_pilot July 22, 2011 at 1:06 pm

and atomic theory! teach the debate! it's GOD!!! flowing through those wires! not Al-Ectron!

GOPCrusher July 22, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Somebody is going to get a pinochle sandwich.

Bonzos_Bed_Time July 22, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Absolutely barbaric!

anniegetyerfun July 22, 2011 at 7:03 pm

"le cheeseburger" is actually what they call a single American male in Paris.

Negropolis July 22, 2011 at 8:21 pm

They also seem to use all of our internet terms. What is French for epic fail, BTW?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 23, 2011 at 9:35 pm

When the French Academy of Sciences started publishing their proceedings in English, it was pretty much game over for the purists.

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