sharia weather news

Arizona Wingnuts Outraged To Hear Muslin Word Being Used On Teevee

and here is an old-timey dust storm doing jihad on american homes.Arizona’s fearful wingnut hordes are used to hearing many words they do not understand coming out of the teevee, but their finely tuned hate sensors picked up on one of those incomprehensible sounds recently because it had sort of a murderous jihad-y ring to it. “Haboob” is the word, an Arabic term for “dust storm” currently popular with local Arizona weather newscasters for the very obvious reason that is is fun to say “boob” on television. Weather nerd humor! But that is not at all funny to Arizona’s xenophobe community, who figger this means either the Muslin God is sending all these maniacal apocalyptic doom swirls to Arizona, or the Sharia law is infiltrating our nation’s cabal of weather forecasters. Which is worse? Eh, the latter. Time to write in to the editors!

The NYT reports:

“I am insulted that local TV news crews are now calling this kind of storm a haboob,” Don Yonts, a resident of Gilbert, Ariz., wrote the Arizona Republic after a particularly fierce, mile-high dust storm swept through the state on July 5. “How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”

Diane Robinson of Wickenburg, Ariz., agreed, saying the state’s dust storms are unique and ought to be labeled as such.

“Excuse me, Mr. Weatherman!” she said in a letter to the editor. “Who gave you the right to use the word ‘haboob’ in describing our recent dust storm? While you may think there are similarities, don’t forget that in these parts our dust is mixed with the whoop of the Indian’s dance, the progression of the cattle herd and warning of the rattlesnake as it lifts its head to strike.”

REMEMBER THE TROOPS, which means they could at least use words more common to the other kind of brown people that Americans have historically been very excited to kill. [NYT]

What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


  1. poncho_pilot

    “How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”

    i think the troops would be fine with it. especially after some alcohol. or hashish.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Don't tell them about algebra!

      Really, don't. They probably have enough trouble just putting on their pants in the morning.

      1. ManchuCandidate

        Algebra? No way. They'll just think it's a new terrorist group. Al-Gebra!

        I strongly suspect larning (sic) was not one of racist McGoo's abilities (if any.)

    2. lefty74

      How would the troops feel upon return? Booze and hashish are like over the counter remedies. The universal cure all,,,, TITTY BAR! Let em get a wobble job in the midst of a haboob and it will cure the PTS.

    3. Dr_pangloss

      A nice kabab and some coffee (derived from arabic) would go great with that too. Also they can use arabic numbers to count up the tab.

      When a huge wave killing thousands "Tidal Wave" just doesn't cover it. It's a tsunami for a reason.

      1. mumbly_joe

        If they're like me, they'd probably like to take their coffee with sugar also too, or decide to steer clear of that linguistic minefield altogether and just get an orange soda. Oops.

      2. ShaveTheWhales

        Also, because tsunamis have nothing to do with tides.

        And the only words pertaining to the Middle East the returning troops don't wanna hear are "extension" and "stop-loss".

    4. Lascauxcaveman

      Ha! I used to use a hookah to smoke hashish in my my dad's Volkswagen Scirocco. The resulting munchies often led to consuming falfel or hummus at that little Lebanese take-out at the strip mall.

      I guess I was sekrit muslin, too.

      1. PristineODummy

        It's one of those things that you don't even realize until … one day … someone triggers you with the word "haboob." Or Manteca. Or something.

        But yeah, same thing with Barry. That's how he got to be a sekrit Muslin. Although *some* teabaggers claim he's Satin.

        1. ShaveTheWhales

          One of the epiphany moments of my life came, oh, thirty or thirty-five years ago, when I happened to read the markings on a five-pound bucket of lard in the supermarket and realized what "Manteca" meant.

    5. Tommmcatt

      Probably best to switch to a Roman Numeral system as well. Wouldn't want to use those filthy Arabic numbers! For teh troops! For they are delicate and their sensibilities are refined!

      Anyone who has spent even V minutes with a Marine will tell you how gentle and easily discomfited they are.

      1. poncho_pilot

        "there are no ex-Marines," a retired Marine told me once to correct my word usage.

      2. PristineODummy

        We have our very own Ttommyunger here to prove that point. Gentle. Easily discomfited. Yup, I do believe you done described him.

        1. ShaveTheWhales

          A detail that ttommy might fail to point out — he was Ranger, not Marine.

          Equally delicate, I believe.

    6. 36fsjuvat

      Courtesy of the Crusaders: The word "admiral" in Middle English comes from Anglo-French amiral, "commander", from Medieval Latin admiralis, "emir", admirallus, "admiral", from Arabic amir-al- أمير الـ, "commander of the". Crusaders learned the term during their encounters with the Arabs.

      What will our seaman do!?

    7. 36fsjuvat

      Courtesy of the Crusaders: The word "admiral" in Middle English comes from Anglo-French amiral, "commander", from Medieval Latin admiralis, "emir", admirallus, "admiral", from Arabic amir-al- "commander of the". Crusaders learned the term during their encounters with the Arabs.

      What will our seaman do!?

  2. Goonemeritus

    If you don’t want your language contaminated with foreign words maybe you should stop sending your impressionable youth over to these countries. We never would have heard of a Hibachi were it not for World War II.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      The Chinese are very careful about letting furrin' words into their language – they come up with careful ways to translate them over (like, there's an official bureau for this) in such a way that retains a distinctly Chinese flavor.

      I suggest wingnuts learn Chinese. Partly for the keepin'-furrin'-words-out thing and partly because, hey, they're going to need to know it in about 15 years anyway.

      1. Goonemeritus

        Yes the French do this as well, the Italians protect their food and the Germans have laws governing beer purity. We can easily see that cultures protect what they value most. Were we ever to have a Tea Party government I would speculate they would introduce laws protecting willful ignorance.

          1. ArmoredLibunatic

            Word. I'd like to hear some mouthbreather's definition of what a theory is- wait, I don't actually wanna sit through that. Horrible idea.

          2. poncho_pilot

            and atomic theory! teach the debate! it's GOD!!! flowing through those wires! not Al-Ectron!

        1. SorosBot

          The French government tries, but they're not exactly very successful; the regular Frenchmen on the street use a lot of words taken from English and other languages.

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            "The French don't care what they do actually, as long as the pronounce it properly."

          2. Biel_ze_Bubba

            When the French Academy of Sciences started publishing their proceedings in English, it was pretty much game over for the purists.

        2. genxr

          Sometimes I wish we had laws protecting beer purity. Sigh… can I offer you another Bud? We're all out of Anchor Steam.

        3. snoopyfan2010

          But didn't this country already have miscegenation laws that were found un constitutional?

        1. anniegetyerfun

          Except that they do say, "le weekend", I am told.

          ETA, and someone beat me to that.

          1. ShaveTheWhales

            le cheeseburger, too, because what French person is going to use the French language to describe one?

          2. Negropolis

            They also seem to use all of our internet terms. What is French for epic fail, BTW?

      2. PristineODummy

        India has a "shudh Hindi" policy also. Imagine my surprise when I heard "Ye aakaashvani he" (This is All-India Radio, loosely translated). I don't remember if they call trains "iron horses" or anything, but I wouldn't put it past them. And it wasn't too long ago that Malaysia rejected the "furrn" word "orkes" (for orchestra).

        1. anniegetyerfun

          Really? A country with dozens of official languages is that picky? I am amused.

          1. PristineODummy

            Once Hindi became the official language, they had to rid it of any trace of Urdu, you know. Those Muslim conquerors, and all. Oddly enough, it hasn't affected the Indian habit of Indocizing English words. Like "prepone." That's when you move a meeting up (opposite of postpone). I was assured by more than one earnest-eyed child that it was perfectly logical.

    2. MrFizzy

      Hey I have an '82 Hibachi with 342,000 miles on it and have never even changed the goddamn oil. The little nippers really know how to make them things.

    1. CZL

      I never think that Arizona's idiocy reaches nadir. It approaches absolute derp, but never quite reaches it, only getting closer and closer with each passing day.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        I'd say "asymptotically approaches", but I think 'asymptote' might be an Arabic word, and I don't want to piss any of y'all off.

        No, it's Greek, so I'm safe.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        You are correct sir. As well as it's opposite, "zenith," where the quality goes in before the name goes on.

          1. PristineODummy

            Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife …

            Damn, I love that guy.

    2. succalina

      "Nadir" sure sounds like a muslin sharia jihad word to me. You say your name is "Manchu", which is chink-ese, but now your admit you are nothing but a terrorist waiting to kill our freedomz. I knew it.

  3. GunToting[Redacted]

    Y'know, this is one of the first things I thought when I heard the term… "some wingnut is going to pitch a fit about this." I'm surprised it took this long.

    1. HarryButtle

      As an AZ resident (my deep sense of shame is indescribable at this point), I'm also surprised it took this long. I'm shocked that Jan Brewer and Russell Pearce didn't call an emergency session of the state legislature to address the creeping "haboobs." Fucking morans, also.

    1. AJWjr.

      I lived 20 miles away from where they filmed that (Dumont Dunes CA), and I sure don't remember any dang ol' haboobs out there.

  4. Chillwaver

    "“Excuse me, Mr. Weatherman!” she said in a letter to the editor. “Who gave you the right to use the word ‘haboob’ in describing our recent dust storm?"

    Alright, Wonketteers…which one of you did it?

    1. MissusBarry

      It might have been that gosh-darn 1st Amendment. Teatards heads just explode with the concept that it doesn't just apply to speech they like.

      Or, maybe it was me. Or, we have to go there, right…all of them, Katie.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Oh come off it. The Founders so did NOT put the right to say HABOOB in the Constitution. Show me where it says that!

        On the other hand, if Arizona starts getting serious about scrubbing Arabic from the language, scientists – especially astronomers – are going to have a hard time talking to one another. And of course, no more Al Gebra in the schools.

        1. PristineODummy

          Shhh! You're just going to make those feckin' eejits *really* happy when they find out they don't have to do no studyin' no moah.

          1. Biel_ze_Bubba

            Meh – more time for learnin' "Intelligent Design".
            (Not exactly an oxymoron, but more along the lines of "Fair and Balanced")

    2. ShaveTheWhales

      "You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to say "haboob", but only if you cover your mouth. You have the right to get stupid letters to the editor from stupider Zonies. If you don't have a stupid Zonie, one will be provided to you."

  5. DaSandman

    In the begining the Lord God decided, in her wisdom, to piss into the gene pool of white Arizona from a very great height…

    1. GunToting[Redacted]

      No, most of the residents of my (otherwise) fine state were hatched elsewhere.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      You know what it says in the bible: Sow the boob, reap the haboob!

      Nice avatard — though at first I thought she was being pursued by a different sort of "furry"…

  6. flamingpdog

    "The blinding waves of brown particles…"
    They're brown – why not a Muslin name after all?

  7. DashboardBuddha

    The Diane Robinson letter has to be a spoof. Seriously? "

    Who gave you the right?" The fucking founding fathers, you teaparty twit..that's who.

    "in these parts" In these parts? Is that like, "we don't like yer kind around here"?

    "whoops of the Indians dance…" Yes, and the crack of the soldier's rifle and the wailing of Indian mothers over their dead and the shuffling of Indian feet as they're moved to the reservation. And let's not forget that the dust is also mixed with the carbon residue from poorly maintained Rascal motors.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Sssh. White trash from Arizona (and everywhere) like to pretend that they are part Native. Don't remind me them about how we killed their great great great grandpappy in a fit of manifest destiny.

    2. MrFizzy

      Sometimes you get a little reminder of how goddamn stupid a lot of people in this country really are. It would be nice to think otherwise, but…..

  8. FraAnima

    I think our troops would be happy to hear any words that aren't punctuated by IEDs and gunfire.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      Yes, how awful it would be for our troops to hear a "Middle Eastern term" upon their return, since they've spent their entire tours of duty fighting for the White Christian English-Speaking Teabaggers of Afghanistan in their quest to defeat "Middle Easterns." Anyway, word up, soldiers – if you're hoping to hear any words not punctuated by gunfire, you're coming home to the *wrong* country…

  9. MrFizzy

    The term is actually a corruption of the biblical admonition "Hey Boobs, here comes some more dust for your ignorant asses!".

  10. Troubledog

    Let me be the first to go tri-cultural and say I'm bouts ta go up in that bitch like a haboob full of prairie dust and rattlesnakes, yo.

  11. exmartinette

    Wait until the 'baggers figure out that the local weatherman are on channels that use Arabic numbers.

  12. freakishlywrong

    Oh, and easily outraged wingnuts? I think raging, ginormous dust storms that swallow your insane state whole should perhaps be a little more worrisome than creeping Sharia.

    1. CapeClod

      Why don't we call it something that's less likely to freak the wing-nuts out, like "The Diablo Winds."

    2. Steverino247

      Especially since Creeping Sharia provides such a wonderful floral display this time of year.

      (The meme beating will continue…)

      1. emmelemm

        I love the meme.

        The Creeping Sharia should help cut *down* on sandstorms, you know, with the roots and all (wasn't it lack of good roots on plants that caused the Dust Bowl?).

    3. GOPCrusher

      My thoughts exactly. First wildfires and now sandstorms. If I believed in a Higher Power, perhaps it would be time to do some reflection on how you've lived your life.

  13. OneYieldRegular

    Next they'll want to eliminate algebra from the curriculum at Arizona high schools.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      They probably already have. "You only need to learn the times tables; any more math than that is just plain socialistic."

      1. V572 Hair of Destiny

        Ya gotta learn yer gazintas, though: you know: three gazinta six two times. Although "gazinta" itself sounds vaguely Arabic, so, yes: End the tyranny of long division!

      1. riverside68

        I thought that when it came to Wonketteers, pretty much anything makes them turn to alcohol.

    1. HarryButtle

      As an Arizonan, sweet, sweet alcohol is the only thing that has kept me from blowing my brains out over the past couple of years.

  14. Texan_Bulldog

    Haboob in AZ? I just figured Snowbilly had finally moved all her shit into her new house.

  15. MildMidwesterner

    "This means … the Muslin God is sending all these maniacal apocalyptic doom swirls to Arizona."

    As a Christian, I'm perfectly happy with this Muslim God.

      1. freakishlywrong

        Thank you! I wanted something niew, but it's risky on the pees. People tend to look for certain avatars I think, (y'know, like sleeping kittens, say), so the snark has to go to 12.

        1. MissusBarry

          It's merely a quick glance identifier. I systematically upfist for snark (and sometimes less discerningly as an anti-troll measure). No worries. And your new look is pretty rad.

  16. OneDollarJuana

    These are the same kinds of wingnuts who rail against any other language than English in the U.S., not realizing that English incorporates more foreign words than any other language. Maybe they should just quit speaking entirely.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      These are also the people who have a tendency to randomly capitalize nouns, which is a suspiciously German habit. I'm not saying that all wingnuts are fascists… oh, wait, yeah. I am, actually.

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      "Maybe they should just quit speaking entirely."

      You got a petition I can sign? Of course, if they quit speaking we'd have a lot less to mock here at Wonkette.

      1. PristineODummy

        Even when they're quiet, they're mockable. Because they're always like that guy with a foot of TP stuck to the bottom of his shoe, flapping around, wondering, "Why is everybody lookin' at ME?"

    3. V572 Hair of Destiny

      Which is the source of the beauty and power of English, the King of Languages, with its three or four grammatical rules and an unknowable number of exceptions. Infuriating to learn, and so much fun to use. Haboob!

      1. ShaveTheWhales

        The King of Languages has never met a word it wouldn't steal. Nookie! Poontang! Canoodle!

  17. BaldarTFlagass

    Good thing that envoy dude that helped Reagan out in Lebanon and the Philippines died and is no longer around, the TBers would be outraged. You know, Philip Haboob. I think Warren Zevon even wrote a song about him.

      1. Terry

        It has always struck me odd that one culture had to invent the concept of zero and tell the others about it. What did the others do when they were selling things and ran out. "Oh, well, guess that counting stuff stops. We're out."

        1. V572 Hair of Destiny

          Same thing with alphabets: really only invented twice in widely different places. Some languages still don't have vowels.

        2. ShaveTheWhales

          Zero only matters if you want to use positional notation (or, I suppose, abstract al-Gebra).

          What I've always wondered is: We know the Pharaonic Egyptians could calculate area. How did they multiply without zero?

    1. Cicada

      Damn straight! We need to stop Hummus from attacking Israel 'cuz we need to keep Jews around for the rapture.

      1. mourningnmerica

        That should be easier now that Mossad has assassinated their leader, Baba Ganoush.

    2. finallyhappy

      Kabob-better not let me catch any of you putting foods onto a skewer and grilling them!

      1. MissusBarry

        Aw, damn my slow refreshing…you beat me to it. Apologies for my redundancy further down.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      That's appropriate, because it's a Mother-Nature-fucking big dust storm.


  18. ifthethunderdontgetya

    “How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”

    I'd guess they feel great to be back home instead of fighting wars for corporate profits thousands of miles away.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      A lot of then wouldn't be hearing those hateful words anyway, being mostly deaf from the asplosions and such.

      When that IED flips your SUV, it doesn't always take you out; sometimes it just takes a arm or leg, or your sight or hearing.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      "“How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?” "

      “How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some teabagging dolt?”

      1. Gleem_McShineys

        "“How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?” "

        I doubt that they'd be comforted knowing that they were "fighting them over there" — that is, spending entire years of their lives patrolling dangerous places, getting shot at, blown up, boiling in the heat, etc (also known as 'sacrifice') — so people over here could be petty whiny fucksticks who get upset about one single momentary word used on teevee during a weather report on their local station (also known as 'being spoiled fatass bastard shits who have never made any sacrifices whatsoever').

        They probably would NOT think that preventing a gibbering over-reacting dildo from having a non-offensive word happen to gently caress their sacred earholes for a tenth of a second during one day was the kind of freedumbs they were sweating their balls off for.


  19. BklynIlluminati

    You know what I can't even wrap my head around the depth of this stupidity. There is no snark here just me getting the sense that AZ is lost forever

    1. Terry

      The people in Az with functioning brains need to get out and start voting and change their state government.

    2. V572 Hair of Destiny

      Mexico is thinking, "Maybe the outcome of that war in 1840 wasn't so bad after all."

  20. James Michael Curley

    AZ "Minutemen" (Cialis hasn't reached Arizona yet.) have decided to build their own fence since the "Demrats and Obummer" cut funding for the "Bush Freedom Fence". Last I heard their year long drive raised about $40K.

    Where else but in Teabaggermerica would somebody willingly surround themselves with a 50 foot high fence and call it Freedom?

    In the words of the immortal Molly Ivins; "Show me a 50 foot fence and I'll show you a 51 foot ladder."

  21. JoshuaNorton

    Other words we demand you stop using:

    "antidisestablishmentarianism” “hobbits” “cribbage” “watercress” “skittles”

    Just because – that's why.

          1. V572 Hair of Destiny

            I learned it going to school in Indiana in the 60’s. I think it’s confined to Ohio-Michigan-Indiana. Am I wrong?

          2. Terry

            My peeps are decidedly more East Coast, old immigrant areas in Massachusetts and Pennsylvania. I honestly don't know who brought it into the family. We used to play hearts and spades, too.

  22. Boredw/Gravitas

    Let's just use a more US American-sounding word for these storms, like mistral or scirocco. That'll make those wingnuts happy.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "Let's just use a more US American-sounding word for these storms, like mistral or scirocco. That'll make those wingnuts happy."

      Happy or puzzled?
      Mistral sounds like it has to do with "ladies days."
      Scirocco is a car!

    1. PristineODummy

      I swear as gawd is my witness, when I first got that album I thought it was going to have some kinda Mideastern theme. Frank looks so furrn with his burnoose on.

  23. Boredw/Gravitas

    Hey teatards – guess what else is Muslin? The number zero — like your collective IQ.

  24. BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if any of them drive a Volkswagen Scirocco or a Tuareg. Nah, furrin cars. Never mind.

    1. GOPCrusher

      The owner of the company drives a Porsche Cayenne. I call it a Touareg on purpose, because I know it pisses him off.

  25. hollywooddood

    And while you're at it, stop disrespecting our troops by saying the weather is SUNNY. Could easily be miscontrustrued as SUNNI. Which is Muslin, also.

  26. Serolf_Divad

    This just in: Arizona Legislature Bans Arabic Numerals. Beginning Next Month, All State Documents/Forms/Road Signs Will Be Written Using Only Roman Numerals.


    1. MissusBarry

      This will lead to a significant increase in traffic accidents, as teatards try to figure out what licksicksiv means.

      1. PristineODummy

        This might solve the AZ problem altogether, and in short order. Millions of buzzards circling millions of roadkill-Arizonans.

    2. James Michael Curley

      Next, all Roman Numerals (sleazy, mobbed up number system anyway). The introduction of Americals, numbers and letters made from little 'Merican flags.

      1. Tommmcatt

        Or we could use names from the bible. "One" could be "Jesus", two could be "Paul", "Zero" could be "Matthiew", etc.

        1. James Michael Curley

          So the balance in my checking account would be overdrawn Jesus Matthew Peter

      2. ChessieNefercat

        Combinations of little bitty stars and little bitty stripes? A binary system? Wait until they find out that there are binary star systems beyond the Jesus-known universe.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          With Arabic names, no less. Alcor, Mizar, Albireo … dozens of 'em. Algol (Arabic al-ghūl, the "demon star") should really get them foaming at the mouth!

  27. neiltheblaze

    Are these people all suffering from mass sun-stroke? Wait till they find out our numeric system is Arabic!

  28. Mumbletypeg

    Surely someone else besides me remembers when some Texas wingnuts got media attention for their determined campaign to replace "Hello" with "Heaven-O" because of that godforsaken devil's playground word infiltrating our standard 'merican greeting.

    The tv piece I saw showed some office lady answering the ringing phone and saying into it "Heaveno, how can I help you?" or such.

    I am not kidding. I couldn't make this stuff up from my worst nightmares.

    1. Cicada

      I know a conservative guy who trained himself to say "God bless America" instead of "God damn it." Imagine saying "God bless America" every time you stubbed your toe or broke a dish. I've heard him do it, and it's hard not to laugh.

      It's a weird sort of magical thinking, sort of like how little kids think their wishes make things happen.

      1. poncho_pilot

        i know someone who trained a parrot to sing Tequila. i had a similar reaction to the parrot's performance.

        1. Cicada

          Training your parrot to sing Tequila is a surefire way to burn in hell for eternity. Parrots should only be trained to sing Nearer, My God, To Thee. So sayeth the scriptures.

      2. Terry

        We used that phrase in my family, but it was sort of like "Oh, bless his heart" but applied to more people.

        1. Dudleydidwrong

          And I do it, too. Saves some nasty looks when I'm in polite company–which isn't very often these days.

    2. Steverino247

      Some idiot wrote to complain about the name of the Texas League baseball team in El Paso being named the Diablos when I lived there. Newspapers love to run those letters. Believe me, they share most of our opinions about those dolts and run the letters to mock them.

      1. SorosBot

        Hell, Tampa Bay actually changed the name of their baseball team to try and appease the fundy idiots. Didn't help; the not-devil Rays' stands were still only about half full in 2008 during the fucking World Series. With fans like that, that town doesn't deserve a baseball team.

        1. GOPCrusher

          Never did understand that. And yet they support a football team named after a group of people were criminals.

      2. Dudleydidwrong

        And don't forget the Tampa Bay baseball team who, out of Christian charity and pressure changed their name from the "Devil Rays" to "Rays." Nearer, my God to thee indeed.

      3. HarryButtle

        Arizona State University just changed the logo so it no longer incorporates Sparky the Sun Devil because, you know, he's a jovial depiction of Satan hisself. The new logo is just a pitchfork. So the tards can pretend it has agricultural meaning, I suppose.

        They're trying to get the team name and mascot changed as well. I'm not gonna point fingers at a particular religion here, but it rhymes with "Normans".

    3. ShaveTheWhales

      In parts of Deutschland, the standard phone answer is "Gott gruess", which translates as "May God come down your throat", or something like that. In hangul, it's "Yobosayo", or "Hey, muthafucka, what up?" In Japanese, it's "moshi moshi", which means "<nothing, except 'I am answering the telephone'>".

      I think we should all answer "Got Mittens?"

  29. BaldarTFlagass

    the state’s dust storms are unique and ought to be labeled as such.

    These storms should be renamed hadumbfucks.

  30. ifthethunderdontgetya

    Spanky2 the downfister is up early today. Maybe mom was running the vacuum cleaner and woke the poor little porker up?

    Anyways, entire thread upfisted.

    You see, Spanky? It just doesn't work.

  31. SorosBot

    Well, maybe we would have a word in English that was stolen from some Native American language for Haboobs if these kind of storms had occurred in the North American deserts before. But they hadn't, so we had to borrow a word from a region that did have a word for this phenomenon.

    Meanwhile, there is snow in Antarctica and Al Gore is fat, therefore we know there's no such thing as climate change and it's all just a conspiracy by every single scientist in the world to something something communism.

    1. Barb

      I like that Murdoch had his hand in swiping those e-mails from the scientists and releasing him. Isn't he charming?

      1. SorosBot

        I smile when I think of Murdoch these days – and the possibility that he might be in jail soon, or at least lose a good portion of his media empire.

        1. Barb

          Chapstick sales are going to plummet now that he doesn't have swarms of people who have to kiss his old wrinkly ass. And that Rebekah Brooks makes me want to hurl. She looks like she fell into a vat of wiry red pubic hair.

          1. SorosBot

            To me, she looks like the lost spawn of Weird Al and Carrot Top. And thanks for that imagery; if I wanted to see a bunch of wiry red pubic hair I'd stop shaving.

          2. Barb

            Yeah, I bet the first time her husband got to boink her he peeled off her pants and saw something that looked like she had Carrot Top in a scissor lock. *shiver*

    2. L188188

      I would completely believe Al Gore if only he would not have lied about something as important as being the inspiration for "Love Story".

    1. PristineODummy

      Pa-jama actually comes from one of the Indian (dot, not feather) languages. "Pa" means "leg," and "jama" means "clothing, or dress," therefore clothing that covers the legs, or trousers.

      1. Allmighty_Manos

        Actaully it is derived from Persian, which is an equally upsetting language in Arizona — along with Arabic and Spanish.

  32. ttommyunger

    No doubt Sheriff Joe R. Piehole will organize a posse to round up any stray "Haboobs" in his Jurisdiction. Prolly make it wear pink panties and feed it green Bologna…Build the Dang Haboob Fence!

  33. James Michael Curley

    Hey AZ, short memory?

    On the 14th day of April of 1935,
    There struck the worst of dust storms that ever filled the sky.
    You could see that dust storm comin', the cloud looked deathlike black,
    And through our mighty nation, it left a dreadful track.

    From Oklahoma City to the Arizona line,
    Dakota and Nebraska to the lazy Rio Grande,
    It fell across our city like a curtain of black rolled down,
    We thought it was our judgement, we thought it was our doom.


    1. Doktor Zoom

      Woody Guthrie was a god-damned Red who thought that my land was his land. That's socialist redistribution, it is.

      (nb: we could use a lot more Woody Guthries)

      1. James Michael Curley

        Don’t forget Sis Cunninham;When they opened up the strip I was young and full of zip,I wanted a place to call my own.And so I made the race, and staked me out a place,And settled down along the Cimarron.It blowed away, it blowed away, My Oklahoma home, it blowed away. It looked so green and fair when I built my shanty there, But my Oklahoma home, it blowed away.She later printed the lyrics in a mimeographed magazine to a couple songs by a scruffy little mid-western Jew named Zimmerman when the NY music publishers were slamming the door in his face.

  34. anniegetyerfun

    While you may think there are similarities, don’t forget that in these parts our dust is mixed with the whoop of the Indian’s dance, the progression of the cattle herd and warning of the rattlesnake as it lifts its head to strike.”

    Well, I'm glad to know that this progressive lady is supportive of the rights of Native Americans! OK, their whooping, at least. And dancing. Boy, do those red men love to dance!

  35. not that Dewey

    Dear Advertisers,

    The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again. Number one: bra. Number two: horny. Number three: family jewels.


    Abe Simpson

  36. Schmannnity

    The Beatles started it: Haboob, Don't bring me down, take a sandstorm, and make it better.

  37. Redhead

    “How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”

    I bet they wish you would shut your trap and focus on things that actually matter.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Redhead: Such a comment would mean a bit more to me if it came from someone who had actually come back to Arizona from fighting in the Middle East.

      Anyone who has fought in war is capable, and qualified, to speak for her- or himself.

    1. SorosBot

      And Aramaic sounds kind of like Arabic, and the Muslims believe Jesus was one of the great prophets – OMG WE MUST GET RIDD OF AWL MEN TIONS OF JESUS OR TEH MUSLINS WELL BEE A PEASED.

  38. Poindexter718

    What are the chances these hickoids ever use any of the following words that come from Arabic:
    ADOBE (fer making Taco Bells)
    ARSENAL (fer yer gunz)
    CALIBER (.38 etc)
    MAGAZINE (fer yer .38 cartridges, not yer fapping)
    SODA (breakfast of champions!)
    SUGAR (major hayseed foodgroup)
    SYRUP (Can haz high fructose, please?)

    1. mumbly_joe

      also, too, alcohol, algebra (who are we kidding, they don't know that word), candy, coffee, guitar, orange, sofa, tuna…

    2. Gleem_McShineys

      What are the chances these hickoids ever use any of the following words that come from Arabic

      If only they could be destroyed by telling them these facts, like super-computers in old-timey sci-fi shows that are given impossible tasks and end up burning themselves out.

      Good thing the hickoid mind is safely sealed from the dangers of any and all fact-like materials from ever getting in.

    1. freakishlywrong

      Eleventy-billion fists for you Chet. For using "weaponzed Santorum" in a sentence.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      Weaponized, lab in New Mexico… contextually, for a second there, Immodium sounded like an actual radioactive element.

  39. horsedreamer_1

    A term with an Arizonan, American character to describe a blinding dust-storm preventing progress?

    Let's call it a Loughner. Or a Soot Libel.

  40. mrblifil

    "So anyway I'd be rubbing your big Haboobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda kissing your neck from behind and then the other hand with the felafel thing. I would take the other hand with the falafel thing (sic)and I'd put it on your pussy, but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business."

  41. Chet Kincaid

    Yes!! To thwart any and all attempts at sneaking in Sharia through language, Hollywood must issue re-titled and re-dubbed versions of such films as "Prince of Pennsylvania", "The 7th Voyage of Sinclair" and "A Lad In the Desert".

      1. Doktor Zoom

        No need to re-title Ishtar, however, since nobody watched it.

        (OK, I did, but I was young and bored)

        1. GOPCrusher

          It was kind of like Plan B From Outer Space. You kind of had to watch it to see if it was as craptastic as everyone said it was.

          1. Doktor Zoom

            Indeed. Or worse, the Star Wars Holiday Special, which was so bad that it's nigh-unMiSTable.

            (Best trivia involving the Holiday Special: Carrie Fischer demanded a personal copy of it from Lucas, for mockery purposes, before she'd agree to do the DVD commentary tracks for the original trilogy. She's one classy nerd)

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      San Francisco is gonna need a new nickname.
      Then again, the wingnutters probably have some of their own already.

  42. prommie

    True story; I have a pair of in-laws who are huge Limbaugh listeners, they have the Bose rip-off radio on their kitchen table and everything, they gather around the radio, its just like the old days, and listening to Amos and Andy. Anyway, we have them over for dinner, parties, holidays, constantly. And after 9-11, for years, I made a deliberate effort, every single time, to serve them middle-eastern food. There was hummus and baba ganoush, of course, and tabouleh, and I made a lot of braised lamb dishes, and this would be like thanksgiving. Good times!

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      You should consider branching out: enchiladas, chitlins, pancit—there's all kinds of brown food out there!

      1. prommie

        Yeah, but the rest of the browns, we can't ban their churches, but the Mooslems, you know, their religion is a church and its law, with the Sharia and all, so Mooslems are clearly the most evil of the browns, and I wanted to feed them Sharia food.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      "…huge Limbaugh listeners…"

      They listen to him a lot, or are they, you know, huge? Or both?

    1. Slim_Pickins

      Christians don't believe in zero because that great christian, Aristotle, told them nothing could not exist. Hence, the lack of a year zero in the christian calendar, and the overall lack of math skills among the home-schooled nabobs. The imposition of the Sharia zero caused problems with the start of the third millennium. The nabobs celebrated on NYE 1999,, but without a year zero, the millennium didn't start until 1/1/2001.

  43. OneDollarJuana

    “I (Old English) am (Old English) insulted (Latin) that (Old English) local (Old French) TV (Greek and Anglo-French) news (Anglo-French) crews (Middle French) are (Old English) now (Old Norse) calling (Old Norse) this (North Sea Germanic) kind (Proto Germanic) of (Proto Germanic) storm (Dutch) a (Old English) haboob.”

    1. horsedreamer_1

      If we must, we can blame William the Conqueror for getting the ball rolling on on the destruction of the perfect, willed by God, Anglo-Saxon language. & he was French!

      1. unclejeems

        Nah, he was just a displaced Norwegian looking for a place to hang his fearsome Norse horny hat thingy.

      2. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Danged right! If English was good enoug for Jeebus and the Bible, it sure ought to be good enough for 'Merka.

  44. Jughead2130

    It's about time we took our weather reports back. Now when is someone going to get on the “El Nino” and "La Nina” abomination?

    1. Gleem_McShineys

      Dear God:

      Some of them got away, and now, they are writing letters. Please try harder next time?


  45. Doktor Zoom

    So far, meteorologists have been slow to adopt the teahadis' suggested replacement, niggerwind.

  46. Callyson

    Apparently, Bob Dylan was wrong…some people *do* need a weatherman to tell them which way the haboob blows…

  47. Come here a minute

    It is so easy to make the wingnuts furious. Their mistake is to watch the weather reports at all — it might upset their secure knowledge that there is no such thing as anthropogenic climate change.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      "anthropogenic climate change"

      And, according to Rush, this hoax is aided and abetted by the nefarious government by means of the insidious "heat index."

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        Obviously a left-wing hoax, given that it's attacking Arizona, Texas, and Okiehoma. STOP THE HOAXES!

    2. unclejeems

      Come to think of it, weather reports may be the only news shows left on TV that contain much actual usable information. Stay tuned.

  48. iburl

    "our dust is mixed with the whoop of the Indian’s dance"

    "Dance" is a very pleasant substitute word for "Death Throws".

  49. GregComlish

    "don’t forget that in these parts our dust is mixed with the whoop of the Indian’s dance, the progression of the cattle herd and warning of the rattlesnake as it lifts its head to strike."

    Of all the stupid arguments Wingnuts could use against this word, they went with deference to Native American's religious traditions? These are the same natives that we virtually exterminated and then sequestered in in reservations on the shittiest land available. If Indians ever posed a threat to the GOP, they would be demonized as satanic/atheist/muslim/bisexual/communists in less than 24 hours. But teabagging dipshits always have try to reach for some liberal-sounding argument to mask their naked bigotry. We invade Iraq to protect Muslims. We need to stay in Afghanistan to protect women. Criticism of prominent black conservatives is pure racism.

    Modern conservatives are such pussies. They will do anything, even adopt the imagined sentiments of their hated ideological opponents, rather than fess up to their own fear and ignorance and bigotry.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Much more likely that the dust in those parts contains the dung of the cattle herd. And hantavirus.

  50. HelmutNewton

    One has to wonder at what point does the inbreeding of Jebus-addled, meth-addicted, diabetes-afflicted white folk render them too stupid to actually reproduce?

    1. AJWjr.

      We had that growing up, but we called it pokonip. No TeeVees were harmed in the translation, since the nearest station was 180 miles north, in Reno.

  51. Steverino247

    I happen to have big hands and long arms. I propose that I be appointed a Federal Marshal for Arizona with the special unit assigned to slapping the shit out of stupid people.

    Should keep me busy until retirement.

  52. AlaskaGrrl

    "our dust is mixed with the whoop of the Indian’s dance, the progression of the cattle herd and warning of the rattlesnake as it lifts its head to strike.”

    And Dorothy and Toto?

  53. fitley

    And what about the dust kicked up by the imaginary headless bodies littering your desert , inbred imbecile? Just because they're imaginary doesn't mean they can't make imaginary dust. What are you thinking Sand-Dunce.

  54. Barrelhse

    If they ever get a look at a sky chart they'll become catatonic from all the muslin star names.
    On another note, Arizona reeks of ignorance and breathtaking stupidity.

  55. AJWjr.

    “How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”
    How do Middle Easterners feel about the derogatory terms our troops called them before returning to haboob-infested Arizona?

  56. Christine_Dantz

    Thank you for writing about this. I find it so sad that with everything going on in this country now, this is what is bothering the people of Arizona. They need to get out of their shells, read, live, see the whole world.

  57. L188188

    Here's another Arabic word that makes those shitheels in Arizona tremble when they hear it: Algebra.

  58. L188188

    You know, it is way past time for Kentucky to do something pretty stupid again too. Arizona is eating Kentucky's stupid lunch.

  59. fuflans

    i have this picture of america in my head: the coasts and random mid points (minneapolis, etc.) are like raised oases of intelligence and moderation. the rest of the country just sags into increasingly deep fissures of stupidity.

    kinda like a lumpy mattress with AZ and TX the ass dents.

  60. LakeLucilleLoon

    I think it would be much more traumatic for Middle Easterners to hear the English word "dust storm" uttered by their weather reporter, might make them think of some of the unpleasant things our troops are doing to them.

  61. poncho_pilot

    anyway, needs more Shai Hulud. that'd take care of lot of the problems in Arizona right quick.

  62. mumbly_joe

    If only there were some algorithm we could use to decipher these muslin words and put a check on their presence in our language, without garbling the meaning. Assuming dissecting sentences like this isn't too ghoulish. Unfortunately, it's basically a linguistic safari and it would take pure serendipity to pull this off, so it has zero chance of actually happening.

    If you need me, I'll be drinking a mint julep on my sofa, because the sheer stupidity of the human race has driven me to alcohol, and I happen to have all the right spirits for that particular drink.

  63. zappadoo76

    The average American doesn't get anything else out of US imperialism, so why not at least let it enrich our vocabulary a little? Since we rule a cosmopolis, why not be a little more cosmopolitan? We adopted "Mother Of All ____" from the late Saddam Hussein. Why not "haboob"?

    BTW, what is the plural of "haboob"? Haboobim? Haboobies?

  64. a_pink_poodle

    Haboob is Arabic? Pffffft next they'll be saying the current number system now is Arabic in origin too!

  65. Pres.Beeblebrox

    "in these parts our dust is mixed with the whoop of the Indian’s dance, the progression of the cattle herd and warning of the rattlesnake as it lifts its head to strike.”

    More like the tears of Native Americans deported from their homelands, the thundering of Fructose-Americans through Wal-Mart aisles, and the hum of the Hoveround as it prepares to move.

  66. __kth__

    Those deserts are distinct indeed. One of them is populated by illiterate herdsmen, childlike in their superstitions and their backward customs, including polygamy. In the other, Arabic is chiefly spoken.

  67. Negropolis

    …with the whoop of the Indian’s dance,

    I'm sensing a Bollywood number coming on….Rattlesnakes, Indians, and cattle? Bitch be seriously trippin'. I'll have what she's having.

  68. Negropolis

    “How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term?”

    We must ban Arabic-Hindu numerals, for they are of the eastern devil!

    These Anglos do realize they live in a state named "Arizona" right?

  69. vodkamuppet

    Everytime I read about these fucking nutters, COMPLETELY BATSHIT CRAZY FUCKING NUTTERS, I think no, people can't seriously be this fucking crazy. The universe I live in doesn't have room for people this fucking stupid and crazy and yet, there they are, every damn day. Getting even more crazy every damn day. I don't understand it and I can't even process it. If I do start to understand, please use zombie movie rules and put me the fuck down, because it could be a contagion and I need to just be fucking murdered if I ever get inside these peoples heads.

Comments are closed.