which one of these two is lord voldemort?Oh, don’t we just love to pick on hairless dingus Rick Scott, because he is officially America’s most disliked governor, his constituents are constantly suing him for passing laws no one likes, he’s kind of “eh” about keeping track of his filings to the Ethics Commission, and he’s using state money to sexually harass Florida ears with creepy unsolicited robocalls talking about his accomplishments. That is sort of an “accomplishment” we guess, inventing the most annoying way on Earth of trying to reach constituents: calling them at home during dinner to deliver a taped lecture about all the laws he is passing to make their lives worse.

This also seems to be taking up so much of his time that neither he nor any of his staff have yet stopped to read the ethics rulebook. Journalists asked him why he hadn’t bothered to follow laws requiring him to report corporate gifts of air travel, to which he heroically responded, “I don’t know.”

From Capitol News Service:

Under Florida law, Governor Rick Scott should have filed this form for the airplane trips he took in January, February, and March by June 30th with the Florida Commission on Ethics.

The Ethics Commission says they have nothing on file.

We asked the Governor Thursday about the failure to file the necessary gift report.

“I’d have to look into it.” Scott said. “I don’t know, I’ve got an accountant that does all that.”

Experts chalk up the failure to report the trips as a rookie mistake by a staff and legal team not familiar with the requirements of Florida law.

Perhaps Rick Scott mistook the ethics rulebook for a newspaper? Whatever, his accountant is in charge of reading the newspapers for him every day, and for most of Rick’s tasks. Check with his accountant whenever you need something from now on, particularly if you don’t like whatever it is that Rick is doing.

Aaaaand here are Florida’s terrified residents wondering why governor Voldemort is calling them at home:

“I’m on a ‘Do Not Call’ list, I work out of my house, and I really don’t need extra calls,” said Odessa resident Kathy Winarski, a registered independent who was “a little frightened” the first time she picked up the phone and heard Scott’s voice. “Why’s he bothering me with this?”

Probably if you just mail in a few editorials explaining to everyone why Rick Scott is not such a bad guy, he can arrange for the phone calls to stop. [Capitol News Service/ St. Petersburg Times]

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  • nounverb911

    Ethics? We don't need no stupid ethics!

  • timbo71351

    You elect a rich crook, you gotta figure he'll act like a rich crook.

    • RedneckMuslin

      Uh, you mean "job creator" crook. You can't use the word "rich" anymore. Bachmann' Law.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        True! He created a job for that accountant, which was something because said accountant is apparently as dumb as a sock full of nickels.

    • KommunistKitty

      Perhaps "rookie" is a contraction of "rich crook."

  • Oblios_Cap

    Rick Scott is the gift that just keeps on giving. Unfortunately for us Dinghusians™.

    I didn't vote for him!

    • freakishlywrong

      None of us did. This is a precursor to how the Retardlicans are going to cheat in 2012. They practiced real good in 2010, it worked, and now every right wing, ignorant maniac is running for Preznit. They've been told: One of them will win, the fix is in. I've said this before, righties aren't technically on the DL. They'll probably forget to reboot the Diebolds or some shit, and we'll get Dubya back for another term.

  • Boredw/Gravitas

    And here I thought Scott Walker was US America's most hated governor. Maybe it's something about the name "Scott."

    • YasserArraFeck

      Remember there's that other prick in TX – I think "Rick" might be code for "Southern Fuckwit Governer".

      • chicken_thief

        Perry will leave filing Ethics reports in God's hands.

    • Sparky_McGruff

      Maybe we need to find some bastard named Scott Scotterson; he'd be the stupidest, corruptest, meanest dickhead of them all.

    • Negropolis

      Actually, it's something with Rick. Rick Perry, Rick Scott, Rick Snyder, Rick Santorum, etc..

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        You mean Dick Perry, Dick Scott, Dick Snyder, Dick Santorum, Dick Cheney, etc.

        Goes all the way back to Dick Nixon.
        They're all dicks, aren't they?

  • Barb

    Florida: Home of electile dysfunction, brought to you by Rick Scott.

  • snarkycomments

    Actually, he may be on to something. How about a new law where all politicians are required to call us up and let us know what a terrible, terrible job they are doing?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That is such a bad idea. Our phones would never stop ringing.

  • Mahousu

    I was thinking the Voldemort comparison was a little over the top, but then I remembered that in the last Harry Potter movie, Voldemort robocalls everyone asking them to turn in Harry. So great minds, etc. Well, not "great," exactly.

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      We can expect posters to pop up everywhere shortly, featuring a bullet train under the headline, "UNDESIRABLE #1".

    • AJWjr.

      Wait–I live in NV and I voted for Harry.

  • SorosBot

    He never followed the law as a businessman, why should he do so as Governor? Laws are for the little people, not our Galtian superiors like Gov. Luthor.

  • “I don’t know, I’ve got an accountant that does all that.”

    truly, the GOP is the party of personal responsibility!

  • Sue4466

    "Experts chalk up the failure to report the trips as a rookie mistake by a staff and legal team not familiar with the requirements of Florida law."

    Isn't that the same excuse he used for all the Medicare fraud?

    • HistoriCat

      Why not? It worked before.

    • emmelemm

      And if you're the governor of a state, shouldn't it be your business to know the laws of the state you supposedly govern?

      • Sue4466

        I was taught ignorance of the law is no excuse. But then I went to fifth grade.

  • WinterOuthouse

    Some people's kids.

  • Greetings, friend. Do you wish to be as corrupt as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now. So use it. And send one dollar to Corruption Gub, Care of the Gubbinor of Florida, Tallahassee Florida. Don't delay! Eternal corruption is just a dollar away.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Sincerely, Sorry Guy.

  • DashboardBuddha

    Perhaps Rick Scott mistook the ethics rulebook for a newspaper toilet paper?


  • Come here a minute

    Now I finally have an explanation for the frequent calls at the dinner hour where I pick up and hear the song "Never Gonna Give You Up".

  • Goonemeritus

    I’m pretty sure Josef Mengele tried the rookie mistake defense at
    Nuremburg and it didn’t work out well for him.

    • Doktor Zoom

      If Rick Scott wants to hide out in Brazil or Argentina he's welcome to go!

      • PristineODummy

        Perhaps he needs some friendly "persuasion." Anybody got a few buckets of tar, some old pillows, a rail or two?

  • WhatTheHolyHeck

    Can an entire state take out a restraining order?

    • Terry

      I think the technical term for that is "recall".

  • horsedreamer_1

    "Hello? Is this Mrs Eileen Drolinsen?"

    "Yes, this is Mrs Drolinsen".

    "I'm calling on behalf of Triple X Erotic Hot Phone Flesh, with a special offer for one of our loyal customers, your son, Edward".

    "My son Edward lives in Wauwatosa!"

    "I know that, Mrs Drolinsen. We called him before, to offer him a chance to redeem the offer, & he refused…"


    "& since we know you are in his telephone directory, we are calling to transfer the offer to you. So — …"


    "Do you know any friends Edward has who might be interested?"

  • Terry

    He has all the classy, savvy, and charisma of Donald Trump, but with better hair.

    • PristineODummy

      Ah, yes, TrumpRoast: the stubby-fingered vulgarian.

  • horsedreamer_1

    "There's a pastor, & an high-school sweetheart".

    "Or, we could just give the offer to you. We have many options: busty babes, hunky chunkers, water-sports…"

    "Ooh. I love to go in the water! But I can't, anymore, 'cause of my hip".

    "Alright, then. I just had four pitchers of iced tea, & I'm carrying a full bladder…"

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Lemme show you how the trickle-down theory works in practice."

  • typical bureaucratic nanny state red tape. if the free market wants our politics to be corrupted, so be it!

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Scott is that wonderful example of what a businessman/CEO who thinks he is lord and master over his company can do when he becomes a politician–rules? We don't need to stinkin' rules! Vamanos! W was the first of the recent bunch. Herman Raising Cain promises the same. Oh, we are blessed, blessed! (I had to retire from teaching after I had listened much too often to some asshole say at a school board meeting "We oughta run our schools like a business!" and I'd reply "Like Montgomery Ward?"

    • Mahousu

      W did run the country like he ran his businesses – straight into the ground. So he at least was a consistent performer.

    • SorosBot

      We must run our government just like a business, like Enron!

    • BlueMonkeh

      This is probably the thing that makes me most crazy. Claiming that running anything with a primary purpose of serving the public like a business will have a good result.

      Anyone that's worked in corporate duhMerkuh over the last couple of decades knows that our biznesses is not learning and do some of the stupidest fucking things on the planet (and most of their employees – you know, us grunts that do the work – know it).

      • PristineODummy

        Anyone who says the country should be run like a business has obviously never worked in CorporateAmeriKKKA. Bureaucracy, redundancy, half-assed business plans, filing everything in quintuplicate (despite the presence of Teh InnerNets wut were supposed to put a stop to that bullshit), waste, duplication, replication, power grabs, power plays, backstabbing, and New! Stupid mistakes EVERY FUCKING DAY. The oly reason these dumbass motherfuckers *stay* in business is, every other business is equally badly run.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      "We oughta run our schools like a business!"

      Of course! Like an assembly line factory turning out little widgets all of exactly the same type! It can't fail!

  • x111e7thst

    I heard that the average I.Q in Florida is shrinking even faster than the states vanishing wetlands.

  • tribbzthesquidz

    Think globally. Act yokelly.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Rick Scott is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life. He is much better than Cats. I would vote for him again and again.

    • PristineODummy

      I thought that was ManchuCandidate's line.

      Also, Cats? So not.

  • mavenmaven

    Laws are for libunatics. Where does it say in the constitution that I can't robocall all my constitutents on government money?

  • edgydrifter

    He would save the state a lot of money if he just signed an executive order making it illegal to vote for anyone but Rick Scott. That's fiscal responsibility.

    • BlueMonkeh


      No need for elections if you just declare yourself Governor for Life.

  • arihaya

    somebody please feed this clown to alligator in Everglades

    will someone please think of the hungry alligators ???

    • orygoon

      Someone is, and doesn't want the poor dear things to get indigestion.

    • KommunistKitty

      Don't worry, Rick has been feeding them all of his travel receipts.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    All I know is if I answered my phone and Rick Perry was on the other end, I'd be pretty freaked out, too. At least Rick Scott doesn't prattle on about being "called" to political office or wanting to secede. Scott is just a crook who doesn't try to sugar coat it with all the God talk; Perry is full blown crook who knows how to pander to the evangelicals, ergo much more dangerous.

  • Schmannnity

    Instead of the Order of the Phoenix, I guess we need the Order of the Tallahassee. Arizona has its own problems.

    • GOPCrusher

      Between the sandstorms and wildfires, Arizona truly is God's Country.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        It was, until the devil foreclosed.

        • PristineODummy

          There you go again, Biely. Always picking on the morons who can't defend themselves.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            God sent 'em plague after plague, and they didn't get the message, so now it's my turf … my job is to screw those who screw themselves.

          • PristineODummy

            I have only ONE question to ask of you: How can I help?

            Because the morons have just stepped on my last fucking nerve.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Just stay out of the way. (Think Oregon.)

  • This is good news for the cell-phone industry.

  • metamarcisf

    I've got a hooker that does all that.

    • PristineODummy

      You're risking climbing into positive p-ness, metamarci.

  • Doktor Zoom

    This is good news for Carl Hiaasen!

    (don't know about the rest of you, but I have to look up his last name every time…two a's, one s, two a's, one s….)

    • Geminisunmars

      However you spell it, it ain't Murican.

    • riverside68

      And dave berry!

      (or is it barry?)

    • PristineODummy

      I don't think even Carl Hiaasen ever expected something like Rick Scott. At least Hiaasen's characters, despite their greed and lack of ethics, usually get what's coming to them in the worst way, which is why I LERVE his books. If ONLY Rick Scott would meet a suitably Hiaasenish end.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        You mean like the Feds seize his ill-gotten gains (i.e., everything he owns), then he gets a Florida jury trial so he walks, then he becomes a vagrant wild man living in the swamps? Hiaasen might dream up something like that, maybe.

        • PristineODummy

          I loved that character, the crazy ex-gov. Rick Scott, unfortunately — or perhaps fortunately — wouldn't survive an hour in the swamps. Sure, his face might scare away alligators, and such, but sooner or later some reptile will get him. Maybe even one with legs, like himself.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Rick Scott goes to motel rooms and tears out the walls,
    He makes his accountants pay for it all.
    Life's been good to him so far!

    • That's from the good Joe Walsh, right? Not the evil turd from Illinois?

      • Oblios_Cap

        oh yeah!

  • El Pinche

    Well well well…serves you right Florida voters. And those who stayed home and didn't vote can choke on Voldemort evil penis.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Rick Scott's accountant, who is responsible for keeping the governor up-to-date on Garfield's latest zany antics, didn't read the ethics rules because there were no pictures. Also, having an accountant as your ethicist is like having John Yoo as your civil liberties watchdog.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Assets (Income + graft + payoffs + bribes) = Liabilties (debts + favors + handouts + jobs)

      The math works out, so it's ethical.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    "Hi!, this is Rick Scott, … what are you wearing"?

    • PristineODummy

      Given the denizens of his fair state, he might regret asking that question. They're all, like, trying to get into People of Walmart, and stuff.

  • Callyson

    The accountant did it? Thatls the best Scott can come up with?
    Can't wait to hear his excuse at the IRS audit…

    • BlueMonkeh

      Audits are for the little people. (At least that's where the IRS was told to focus its audits….leave those poor job creator people alone!)

  • James Michael Curley

    Yea, and it was his 'accountants' who were responsible for $600,000,000 in medicare fraud or enough to provide Medicare benefits for 120,000 people for a year at the most recent estimate from Congressional Budget Office.

  • Rick Perry, Rick Scott, Scott Walker…what's the pattern here?

    • Fare la Volpe

      George Walker Bush

      • George Will

        (Or are we sticking to Governors only?)

        • Will.I.Am


          See? It's the interconnectedness of all things!

      • An_Outhouse

        Rick James

    • mumbly_joe

      Also too Rick Snyder

      • Doktor Zoom

        And Rick Schroder, that little prick!

        • Little Prick

          Eric Cantor

          And you're welcome!

          • GOPCrusher

            Kevin Bacon!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      A lot of people don't realize that there's this like lattice of coincidence that lays on top of everything. I'll give you an example, show you what I mean. Suppose you're thinking about a bald evil fucker. Suddenly somebody will say like "Scott" or "Rick" or "Rick Scott," out of the blue, no explanation. No point in looking for one either. It's all part of a cosmic unconsciousness.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Walker, Texas Ranger.

  • Odessa resident Kathy Winarski, a registered independent … was “a little frightened” the first time she picked up the phone and heard Scott’s voice.

    How's that call go then? "Hi, this is Rick Scott. So if you're picking up the phone you're still alive. You should probably thank me for that. How's the home? Be a shame if something happened to it. Give my regards to your family."

  • JoshuaNorton

    “Why’s he bothering me with this?”

    Ha! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

  • hagajim

    Is there any way we can call "To Catch a Predator" to investigate this dingus….I love that word!

  • DangerHelvetica


    • HistoriCat

      You might need to be more specific.

    • GOPCrusher

      Again. If you think elections have no consequences, get off your ass and vote.

  • DaSandman

    Florida elected a sociopatic criminal as their governor and now is upset that he is acting according to his nature? They're upset about a few phone calls?

    They're fucking lucky he isn't holding their daughters hostage in the basement, beating off in the living room and wiping his dick on the drapes.

    • Yet.

    • SayItWithWookies

      It's a gradual process. First he'll reintroduce the droit de seigneur.

  • Fare la Volpe

    After the hounding from reporters, the Governor retreated to his secret Kryptonite-lined laboratory in the mountains.

    • Papa_Uniform

      The one built for him by the Cock brothers.

    • Negropolis

      Silly, there's no mountains in Florida; just trash-heap hills.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        True, that. The highest point in the state is actually a phosphate mining waste heap.

        • Negropolis

          Crazy. I was actually kind of joking, but had in the back of my head that it might actually be true. lol

  • freakishlywrong

    I've been wondering why those calls from "unknown" are in parseltongue.

  • arihaya

    did Fox "News" put it as 'Rick Scott (D-Florida)' already ?

  • Arken

    It mus really suck for Floridians that they are now longing for the days of Jeb Bush.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Not this Dinghusian™! Actually, Jeb is still running the show here in Florida. He's just a puppetmaster now, which is easier than being the figurehead.

  • elviouslyqueer

    In addition to encouraging people to write letters to newspapers praising his record, Scott, who is struggling with the lowest approval numbers of any current governor, has been scheduling more time talking to local radio stations. "This isn't a popularity contest,'' he said Tuesday. "This is a contest to make our state the No. 1 place to do business, and that's what I'm going to do."

    Uh, Rick? Correct me if I'm wrong, but encouraging people to write letters to the newspaper praising your record and sending out a metric fuckton of masturbatory robocalls sounds exactly like you're running a popularity contest. Oh, and guess what? IT AIN'T WORKING.

  • cheetojeebus

    Is this one of those Meghan's Law sort of things?
    "Hi, I'm Rick Scott, what's your name? i'm fond of my 'pet turtle', I keep him in my 'pocket', do you want to pet him? btw I live next door and am your governor."

  • freakishlywrong

    Holy shit. Read the comments on the St.Pete article. They luuurrrrvvee them some Ricky!

    • metamarcisf

      For example: "The only call regarding him I wish to receive is the great news that he's been executed."

    • GOPCrusher

      I get a chuckle out these people like this
      "Not cool. I don't support Gov. Scott, but calling for violence is highly inappropriate, no matter what your political views."

      Sorry. But it's gotten to the point where some of this asshattery could be prevented if the threat of someone opening a can of whoop ass up was present.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        "Not cool. I don't support Gov. Scott, but calling for violence is highly inappropriate, no matter what your political views."

        Unfortunately, violence is inherent in the system, and has been since the days of King Arthur.

  • Jughead2130

    Asshole is as asshole does.

  • Pragmatist2

    Could we buy some land in Africa and ship all these guys to it and let them rotate being Grand Wizard? Better for them and way better for the sane people.

  • genxr

    "Have you been injured in a robocall? Get the just settlement you deserve. Call Attorney Charlie Crist. We don't get paid until YOU get paid!"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Experts chalk up the failure to report the trips as a rookie mistake by a staff and legal team not familiar with the requirements of Florida law."

    Alhough the law & order freaks would probably be the first to say "Ignorance of the law is no excuse," I'm sure this will be just fine with them.

    • horsedreamer_1

      There are laws for caucasians?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        1. Thou shalt not get caught.
        2. It shalt not matter if thou dost.

  • MinAgain

    He Who Must Not Be Elected.

  • ThundercatHo

    Our Repub Rep Lotta does the same thing with the stinking robocalls and updates. Fuck off, like you would ever vote the correct way anyhow, asshat.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    [Homer Simpson]It's my first day.[/Homer Simpson]

  • fuflans

    if the harry potter stories didn't exist we would have to invent them for the class of 2010.

  • fuflans

    also: my ipod just chose 'i wanna be sedated'.

  • Beowoof

    At least with Voldemort you knew Harry was going to take him out. Florida is filled with the Tea baggers and the product of underfunded Florida schools; I don't know if anyone will take him out.

  • ttommyunger

    The "Elections" of some of these people make me wonder about the ultimate benefit of electronic voting….for America, I mean.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Electronic voting has fantastic potential — imagine if it takes at least an 80 IQ to figure out how to cast a vote!

      • ttommyunger

        The “Casting” doesn't bother near as much as the “Counting”.

  • Plowmon

    Don't worry, the free-market will sort out these difficulties directly…

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "Ethics? I have an accountant who takes care of that."

    No, Rick, that's not how it works.

  • comrad_darkness

    I run a small business in podunk Yankee territory. And I got a call from some business development agency in Florida last week asking if they could consult with me on how they could help me expand my business.

    They be poaching.

    I should have said, "I love snow, how much do you get down there?"

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "I love having intelligent neighbors; how much you got down there?"

      [4 seconds of silence, then *click*.]

  • mariser

    I'm old enough to remember Rick Scott as a criminal who bilked Medicare/Medicaid of billions of dollars. that Floridians would elect this sleazeball as governor is… pretty much what I'd expect of them, sadly.

  • Quayle2012_KNOT

    Rick looks remarkably like that loony who led the doomsday cult which drank the bad koolaid while they waited in their bunk beds with fresh sneakers and track suits on in an effort to "catch" the Hale-Bopp Comet. Go, Rick, go! You can catch it too!

    • PristineODummy

      I wish he would. The world would be a much better place without the likes of this CHUDmonster CHOAD around.

  • valgal2342

    Even us dumb hicks in the sticks here in KY tossed Rick out for his Medicare fraud. Congratulations Florida, you are now a lot dumber than KY!
    PS: We tried to warn you!

  • thefrontpage

    The current batch of psycho, bizarro and crazy unqualified, uneducated and idiotic governors in Florida, Wisconsin, Michigan, New Mexico, Arizona, Mississippi, Louisiana, South Carolina, Virginia, Maine, New Jersey and Alabama, amongst others, simply represents one of the absolutely and literally worst group of governors to hold the office in the history of the United States. And that's not a joke–it's the truth. They're all simply psycho, crazy, unqualified to hold the office, idiotic, moronic and far-right partisan to the point of just being worthless.

    • Negropolis

      Just a slight correction. Of all of those, while Rick Snyder of Michigan may be just as evil as the rest of them, he's definitely not uneducated or unqualified. He has a BA from the University of Michigan in '77, and a MBA from their business school in '79, and a JD from their law school in '82. The guy is a CPA. Frankly, he's smart as fuck, which probably makes it worse that he chose to run as a Republican (he'd actually mulled running as an independent, originally).

  • PristineODummy

    All I can say is, whoever voted for this schmuck must never have seen pictures of him. That crazy, creepy, wide-eyed gaze, the fake smile, and the eerily empty expression make him seem like that one creepy uncle or granduncle everyone has. You know, the one that you keep the kids away from when he shows up for Xmas dinner, and stuff, and you never ever launder his socks with the family clothing because you just know everything will end up with spoo stains on it.

  • glamourdammerung

    Their excuse is that the governor of Florida's staff is not familiar with Florida state laws.

    Once again validating my theory that conservatives have no self respect as no one with any would say something that stupid.

  • Negropolis

    Whenever I dispair about having Rick "One Tough Nerd" Snyder as my overlord-governor for the next four years (and if the recall works – inshallah – less), I just look to Florida and realize that we could have a Rick who's a much bigger dick. Rick Scott strikes me as an evil child, a child of the corn, if you will.

  • benjo765

    Wow even by Republican standards this guy is terrible, and terrible at his job.

    Can't we just giftaid him to some deserving corporation, and put it down as a tax write-off?

  • BZ1

    Scott is creepy enuf, but who votes for these cretins?

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