NUCLEAR DEFENSE SYSTEMS  9:24 am July 21, 2011

Superhero Al Franken Uses Literacy To Prove Homophobes Are Idiots

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Here is Senator Al Franken questioning Thomas Minnery of gay-bashing church club Focus on the Family about the group’s assertion that children fare better in households with heterosexual parents. Team Homophobia knows this is an obvious conclusion, so obvious actually that they did not need to “read” the words in the report. It’s a report about nuclear families, families are nuclear, they do better when they are nuclear, NUKULAR POWERS WIN WARS, THEY ARE THE BEST DEFENSE (against same-sex marriage)!!!! But Franken throws them what is for a wingnut a fairly esoteric curveball, and he asks Minnery if he understands the meaning of “nukular.” HUNHH?!

It turns out the report includes same-sex couples in the definition of “nukular family” rather than classifying them as vampire perverts as Minnery does, a wonderful fact that Franken ascertained by actually perusing the contents of the document. Behold the superpowers of literacy!

Is this a huge waste of time, to talk to people who do not bother to read the evidence they submit to Congress? Yes, probably. But Franken got the laugh! So no, it was not a total waste of time. Hooray! [TPM]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 257 comments }

ifthethunderdontgetya July 21, 2011 at 9:28 am

What an awesome take down of a horrible bigot.

Well done, Senator!
~

ProudLibunatic July 21, 2011 at 10:50 am

And a nice way, (for a change), to start the day!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 21, 2011 at 4:12 pm

His training as a comedian gives him perfect timing:
"[pause for 1.75 seconds] It doesn't."

Audience cracks up, witness wonders why his instestines are suddenly lying on the floor.

Dashboard_Jesus July 22, 2011 at 1:31 am

gotta admit the Franken is the most awesome US Senator, he takes these douchebags apart like a surgeon

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Looks like I'll just have to gay-marry Senator Al, too.

Dashboard_Jesus July 22, 2011 at 1:24 am

I love Al Franken, and one of the few times I've seen an awesome video like this BEFORE I saw it on Wonkette (watched it last night and made some awesome comments on the YouTubes if I do say so myself!)

SudsMcKenzie July 21, 2011 at 9:29 am

Remember, Al is NOT a trained therapist.

DaSandman July 21, 2011 at 9:30 am

But he plays one on TV!

Geminisunmars July 21, 2011 at 10:33 am

But he plays one in the Senate.

VaWyo July 21, 2011 at 9:34 am

He is good enough and smart enough…

CZL July 21, 2011 at 9:39 am

And doggone it, I like him.

finallyhappy July 21, 2011 at 2:48 pm

I got to meet him once here in DC – he was quite nice even though I was obviously not one of the big givers at the event(the designer clothing and big jewels give them away)

Dashboard_Jesus July 22, 2011 at 1:46 am

I fucking LOVE him, and I'd gay marry him too, if he was gay (and if I was, also…too)

weejee July 21, 2011 at 9:50 am

But in his home state he could get a license just like Marcus Pray the Gay so that's just as good.

ifthethunderdontgetya July 21, 2011 at 9:29 am

Remember how close that election was?

By just a couple hundred votes, we got Senator Franken instead of more of that horrible asswipe, Norm Coleman.
~

DaSandman July 21, 2011 at 9:34 am

A perfect example of what can happen when progressives are willing to fight.

Terry July 21, 2011 at 9:37 am

Or even just go to the damn polls.

DaSandman July 21, 2011 at 9:42 am

What T said.

James Michael Curley July 21, 2011 at 9:50 am

When they don't a bilious sphere of arrogant, misogynistic lard becomes Governor of New Jersey.

freakishlywrong July 21, 2011 at 9:55 am

Best Fat Jesus description, ever, James.

DaSandman July 21, 2011 at 10:05 am

Yo JMC, that's not a comment that's poetry, chief.

gurukalehuru July 21, 2011 at 9:50 am

I seem to recall it was the Lizard People that saved our bacon. May his noodly appendages frot their scaly little heads. Ramen.

Dashboard_Jesus July 22, 2011 at 1:49 am

LOL, made me spew wine out my nose, AGAIN! (and the bottles almost empty dammit!)

FNMA July 21, 2011 at 10:07 am

Well, it is Minnesota and it's not like the voters in that state would elect a lunatic or …
Wait a minute…

ChuckieJesus July 21, 2011 at 10:33 am

For every Jesse Ventura, there's a Paul Wellstone. For every Michelle Bachmann, there's a Keith Ellison. For every Norm Coleman, there's an Al Franken.

Geminisunmars July 21, 2011 at 10:35 am

Are you saying we can return to — dare I say it — hope?

Nah.

Graham Cracker July 21, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Minnesota is truly "Fair and Balanced"

Dashboard_Jesus July 22, 2011 at 1:50 am

nice one Chuckie, and AMEN!

petehammer July 21, 2011 at 10:23 am

In the alternate Earth, Norm Coleman said to the bigot: "Why is there not more about buttsex in this report? It is hard to fully understand gays depraved, depraved behavior without more description."

Andrew Drinker July 21, 2011 at 9:30 am

He did an excellent job. I just really wished he had added "HOW'S THAT HEADLOCK, BEEYATCH!" at the end.

jdoleman July 21, 2011 at 9:31 am

Facts? come on you can prove almost anything that is true with facts.

Serolf_Divad July 21, 2011 at 9:41 am

Exactly… an appeal to facts is the lazy pol's preferred method of advancing an argument.

weejee July 21, 2011 at 9:51 am

Problem with facts is they can lead to science.

hollywooddood July 21, 2011 at 9:54 am

Sometimes they lead to dancing.

weejee July 21, 2011 at 10:13 am

Not in Lynden, WA, Mrs. weejee's hometown. They even banned having sex while standing up 'cause it could lead to the dreaded dancing.

hollywooddood July 21, 2011 at 3:41 pm

They have a point. Sometimes after having standing up sex, I break into a dance.

BaldarTFlagass July 21, 2011 at 10:19 am

"Facts are simple and facts are straight
Facts are lazy and facts are late
Facts all come with points of view
Facts don't do what I want them to
Facts just twist the truth around
Facts are living turned inside out
Facts are getting the best of them
Facts are nothing on the face of things
Facts don't stain the furniture
Facts go out and slam the door
Facts are written all over your face
Facts continue to change their shape"

–D. Byrne

Geminisunmars July 21, 2011 at 10:37 am

Was not intended to be a factual statement.

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:18 pm

I really like it when you talk dirty to me, BaldarT.

Jukesgrrl July 21, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Every time I see Boehner and Cantor, I sing Burnin Down the House.

There. Has. Got. To. Be. A. Way.

BaldarTFlagass July 21, 2011 at 10:17 am

"Facts are stupid things."

—Ronald Reagan

deanbooth July 21, 2011 at 9:31 am

I luvs Al Franken. Remember when he played that Marcus Bachmann character on the TV?

BornInATrailer July 21, 2011 at 9:33 am

Given that most of Mr. Minnery's "reading" is fapping over dog-eared copies of Blue Boy in his tool shed, this shouldn't be a surprise.

Schmannnity July 21, 2011 at 9:33 am

Since when did facts trump belief in a post-Reagan age?

DaSandman July 21, 2011 at 9:34 am

Why isn't Jeebus shooting thunderbolts at these pigs? The Man hung out with whores and thieves and by all accounts enjoyed their company.

Dashboard_Jesus July 22, 2011 at 1:57 am

awww fuck, it just ain't worth it anymore…smite one o' these asshole with lightning and five more pop up in their place…it's like those goddam orcs, sometimes ya just get tired of killin' the little bastards and ya just stand back and watch 'em self-immolate (and hey, I LUVS them whore, after all I gay married one!)

freakishlywrong July 21, 2011 at 9:34 am

Yay! NOT starting the day with some horrendous, rabid, fascist blathering. It's you. You, Al Franken.

Allmighty_Manos July 21, 2011 at 9:36 am

Typical of snotty inside-the-beltway liberals to use 'facts' and 'dictionaries' to mock traditional values.

Reagan Still Dead July 21, 2011 at 9:42 am

And he seems to be staring at that thin white sheet in his hand and deciphering words from the black marks…like some sort of code. What are those Dumbocrats up to with this witchcraftery? It's evil, pure EVIL, I tells you!

CalamityJames July 21, 2011 at 5:20 pm

If I could fuck this comment, I would. Wouldn't even need a wine cooler.

Reagan Still Dead July 21, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Why, Mr/Mrs James, I believe you're trying to seduce me ;)

Preferred Customer July 21, 2011 at 10:57 am

I bet if you look that study up on Conservapedia you'll find that Mr. Minnery's definition is correct. Or you will pretty soon.

Jukesgrrl July 21, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Elitists!

FakaktaSouth July 21, 2011 at 9:37 am

Focus on the Family has gone to hell. When Dr James Dobson ran the joint, they would've had THEIR OWN study that said what all horrors they imagine it is like to be loved by two (gay) adults in a family instead of (n)one.

Mahousu July 21, 2011 at 11:10 am

The problem with them running their own study is that they'd probably have to actually talk to some gay people at some point and, as you know, the gays are really good at recruiting, so who knows what might happen if they start down that path.

LesPaultard July 21, 2011 at 12:37 pm

It could be a mistake to assume they talk to anyone at all before releasing a "study."

Bonzos_Bed_Time July 21, 2011 at 1:51 pm

They're going to go to their own special hell, preferably shared with the Phelps clan.

Jukesgrrl July 21, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Even Dante doesn't have a level deep enough for them.

lulzmonger July 21, 2011 at 11:16 pm

Don't worry – they're digging their own right now.

jodyleek July 21, 2011 at 9:38 am

Thank goodness at least one politician from my home state isn't a total whack job!

Mumbletypeg July 21, 2011 at 9:38 am

Our BEST DEFENSE against offensive stupidity is a professional comedian / elected office-holder who turns lemons into lemonade every time. I couldn't view the video but I hope some juice got in the Minnery's eye and it stung, because Franken's point is probably lost on him and he needs a more salient clue he's been pwned.

Sue4466 July 21, 2011 at 10:32 am

Rough transcript:

Al: "You cite this report that says nuclear families are best and say that means same-sex parents are evil. Did you even bother to read the study's definition of nuclear family or did you just go with your own narrowminded assumptions?"

Minery: "(B)"

Al: "Ok, well, I checked the study out."

Minery (in head): "Of fuck, does that mean he actually read this? who does that?"

Minery (outloud): "I assume it confirms my narrowminded world view."

Al: "It doesn't" (derisive laughter from audience) "It says a nuclear family is two parents and some kids. Not shit about the gender of the parents."

Minery: "uh."

Al: "So, given your apparent inability to read or your ability to lie and distort what you read (your pick) how can we trust anyfuckingthing you say?"

Of course, Al said all this in Minnesota nice.

LesPaultard July 21, 2011 at 12:38 pm

Waaay, to nice.

Grayson would have had that dolt screaming for the exit.

Dashboard_Jesus July 22, 2011 at 2:29 am

PERFECT translation!

Geminisunmars July 21, 2011 at 10:43 am

Actually he (Minnery) looked like he understood that he was very pwned, in a deer-in-the-headlights kind of way. That was very satisfying for me. I'm sure, though, when he has a chance to "think" about it, he will be outraged.

GOPCrusher July 21, 2011 at 12:18 pm

Sadly though, the Focus On The Family freaks will now put a surveyor's mark on Al Franken for being part of the vast Athiest Muslim Sharia Movement to destroy America from within.

Serolf_Divad July 21, 2011 at 9:38 am

Quick, someone run to Conservapedia and put up a page defining "nuclear" as "not gay."

MildMidwesterner July 21, 2011 at 9:45 am

But the nuclear missles are so long… and powerful… and heat seeking… and long… and powerful…

BaldarTFlagass July 21, 2011 at 10:00 am

I did some work up at Malmstrom AFB in Montana a few years ago, where they maintain the missiles and the missile silos. Just had to get the souvenir T-shirt, with the big phallic Minuteman III on the front. I don't think the T-shirt designers intended it to be tucked in, but when it is, the effect is quite striking.

Another cool thing they had there at the time was Ted Kaczynski's shack stored out on the flightline.

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Got any exxxtras?

Dashboard_Jesus July 22, 2011 at 2:32 am

damn, beat me to it (by about 16 fucking hours…hey I'm slow after a bottle of Chardonnay)

powersuit July 21, 2011 at 11:32 am

You'll have to look for that change under "nucular" not "nuclear".

Goonemeritus July 21, 2011 at 9:39 am

I like his style, calm reasoned and confident, I’m sure it helps that he’s smart and he is well informed but still style does count

tcaalaw July 21, 2011 at 9:39 am

That was a nice way to start the day!

Serolf_Divad July 21, 2011 at 9:39 am

By holding guns do you mean "holding each other's schlong?"

MildMidwesterner July 21, 2011 at 9:44 am

Both could be construed as "fully loaded."

HistoriCat July 21, 2011 at 9:48 am

Only before the happy ending.

widestanceroman July 21, 2011 at 9:45 am

And by holding do you mean with their throats?

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Oh, is that what the teagaggers mean when they keep accusing President Obama of "shoving (X) down their throats"?

widestanceroman July 21, 2011 at 4:27 pm

They wish.

James Michael Curley July 21, 2011 at 9:52 am

"This is my weapon, this is my gun. The first is for fighting. The other's for fun."

Whoa – flashback time!

Dashboard_Jesus July 22, 2011 at 2:11 am

nice one JMC, and it seems your p-ness is growing nicely with each comment

horsedreamer_1 July 21, 2011 at 10:33 am

Does a Double Dutch Rudder count?

DashboardBuddha July 21, 2011 at 9:39 am

Al is one of the few people I hold in hero status. I wish he were my senator.

freakishlywrong July 21, 2011 at 9:45 am

We need to clone him, Bernie and Sherrod. And have zombie Kennedy bite the 'tards heads off.

Boredw/Gravitas July 21, 2011 at 10:12 am

He can be — just move to Minnesota. Of course, Michele Bachmann will have to be your representative.

DashboardBuddha July 21, 2011 at 10:19 am

Ugh…no thanks. Although, I wonder how much longer she'll be a rep. Be that as it may, I think I'll stick with what I got. While I might disagree with them, at least all of our reps and senators are sane.

Geminisunmars July 21, 2011 at 10:45 am

Well that leaves. . . hmm – where are you exactly?

DashboardBuddha July 21, 2011 at 10:50 am

Maine

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:29 pm

She's out as a rep. She quit to run for Prez. That's the *good* news.

emmelemm July 21, 2011 at 1:17 pm

While I actually like my senators, I agree. Al Franken 4EVA!

JoshuaNorton July 21, 2011 at 9:40 am

Wingnuts desperately count on the fact that being a pathologic liar isn’t a felony and the only way to honestly deal with one is.

Errors do not detract from wingnut arguments, they are proof of their correctness.

Reagan Still Dead July 21, 2011 at 9:46 am

They're black holes of intelligence who need to bend the facts to suit their twisted inner thoughts. The more bent an idea the more likely it is to get lodged in the head cave.

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:31 pm

"Head cave" is an excellent description for their neck terminals.

Texan_Bulldog July 21, 2011 at 9:41 am

No, it's HENGHHH!

Good on you, Al Franken.

Beowoof July 21, 2011 at 9:42 am

Literacy, that is Un-American. No wonder he is Democrat, elitist with all his fancy book learning and stuff.

Jukesgrrl July 21, 2011 at 5:46 pm

And humor. That's something that REALLY needs to be repressed. It could influence the youth.

SorosBot July 21, 2011 at 9:44 am

Shouldn't the majority of spineless wimp Democratic Senators who've been there for years be embarrassed that a newcomer former comedian keeps doing their job so much better than them? And the other spine-possessing liberal in the Senate is a registered Socialist, not a Democrat.

freakishlywrong July 21, 2011 at 9:52 am

Shouldn't "journalists" be embarrassed that two snarky comedians are considered the most trusted names in news?

poorgradstudent July 21, 2011 at 3:15 pm

To be fair I don't recall either Stewart or Franken keeping me posted about the critical details surrounding Casey Anthony's diet in prison and how her enjoying sex proves she not only killed her daughter but is possibly the real 9/11 mastermind.

HistoriCat July 21, 2011 at 9:53 am

If only those spineless wimp Democratic Senators were capable of being embarrassed by anything besides their own party platform.

LesBontemps July 21, 2011 at 10:27 am

"Former comedian" is probably the best qualification for the job.

i_AM_ready July 21, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Zackly. I live in Maryland, where CrabCake Mikulski has been my Senator for about 40 or 50 years. The state is very Democratic, so every six years she gets reelected about 65-35%. Totally safe seat.

Quick, someone name a tough issue she took the lead on…..

[crickets]

Dashboard_Jesus July 22, 2011 at 2:26 am

took the words right outta my mouth…and thankfully that now leaves more room for wine, DRINK!

James Michael Curley July 21, 2011 at 9:45 am

Franken was the only news reporter I believed in the post Watergate years; and Jane Curtin, especially when she would rip open her blouse on live TV.

Swampgas_Man July 21, 2011 at 10:15 am

Didn't she do that during the SuperBowl one time?

James Michael Curley July 21, 2011 at 10:21 am

That was Springsteen. Scandalous! Had his shirt open all the way down to the waist.

widestanceroman July 21, 2011 at 10:38 am

James, you ignorant slut.

elviouslyqueer July 21, 2011 at 9:48 am

Words! They are HARD.

Also, eat a large passel of santorum-slathered rat dicks, Ms. Minnery.

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:37 pm

I'd pay good money to see that. Sigh.

BaldarTFlagass July 21, 2011 at 9:49 am

I think the appropriate, outdated internet meme (the only kind I know) for this is "pwned." Love the low key delivery.

freakishlywrong July 21, 2011 at 9:49 am

Many moons ago, in NYC, I worked in a recording studio and Al Franken was doing some work with some band, hell, I can't remember. I DO remember him being delightful. Every time he'd call for something he'd say; "Hey, it's me. I'm Al Franken. Can you get me a ____________". Sometimes he'd just call to say the "Hey it's me" part. Very playful and cool.

not that Dewey July 21, 2011 at 10:13 am

Great Franken story.

Which studio? I am veteran of the small-to-medium NYC studio industry (12-15) years ago. Worked for some dudes from Juilliard who thought the in-house studio sucked and opened their own.

freakishlywrong July 21, 2011 at 10:47 am

Quad. Right on Times Square. Drama CENTRAL. If it happened in a studio, it happened there.

not that Dewey July 21, 2011 at 11:23 am

I had a coworker who had trained at Quad. He left for the chill atmosphere of the small, no-future jazz/classical studio. Good times.

libtardbot July 21, 2011 at 9:53 am

Don't try to confuse me with with the facts!

weejee July 21, 2011 at 9:54 am

Saw lotsa menz couples holding hands last night. Lotsa womenz couplez too. But hey, Mrs. weejee and I were at an Indigo Girls concert, so…

Fare la Volpe July 21, 2011 at 1:30 pm

I refuse to believe that.

Gay men wouldn't be caught dead at Indigo Girls.

weejee July 21, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Well most were oldes, or a least not youngz, like a lot of those from the Isle of Lesbos.

Arken July 21, 2011 at 9:55 am

Franken didn't just spend some time talking to an idiot to get a laugh, he made sure it said in the congressional record that a nuclear family is NOT restricted to heterosexual couples and the study being cited is used by a lot of anti-gay groups.

ChuckieJesus July 21, 2011 at 10:43 am

He did the important thing in getting it down in congressional record; you are absolutely right. This will forever be linked to their erroneous citation, and is a general win for the good guys.

horsedreamer_1 July 21, 2011 at 11:16 am

Don't worry. Jon Kyl will get it scrubbed.

Nothingisamiss July 21, 2011 at 3:04 pm

And that's how it should be done. Are there any dems who notice of this?

Monsieur_Grumpe July 21, 2011 at 9:59 am

Facts to winnuts are like garlic and crosses to vampires.

That's my senator!!!!!

Callyson July 21, 2011 at 9:59 am

*Love* seeing the bigot gulp a sip of water when Franken says "I've read the study." Scumball knew what was coming…

Tundra Grifter July 21, 2011 at 3:17 pm

WIN !

Biel_ze_Bubba July 21, 2011 at 4:17 pm

I think the scumball had no clue what was coming … but he knew for certain that it wasn't going to be good. (Damn those libruls and their abuse of gotcha! facts.)

Maman July 21, 2011 at 10:01 am

Amazing what a little intellectual curiousity can uncover.

NorthStarSpanx July 21, 2011 at 10:41 am

That's why providing low-protein gruel and education to followers and their children is so important, it keeps the interest in learning down.

GOPCrusher July 21, 2011 at 12:27 pm

That's why the Republiklans have had a all out war on education for the last 30 years.
Educated people ask questions.

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Amazing that one of our overpaid Congresscritters actually does his job. Remember when the Republicans were crying all over Washington about how they hadn't read the fucking ACA? I swear, I still want to go to Washington just to grab each of those mingy bastards by the hair and rub their faces into the bill. Or maybe into some dog poo.

Barb July 21, 2011 at 10:02 am

Now that I've had time to think about it…………….
If the gays wind up getting their basic human rights as people then everyone is going to want them. Maybe we should form a few more committees and write some more reports first.

Come here a minute July 21, 2011 at 10:05 am

All the Focus on the Family supporters will sure feel foolish when they read about this in their newspapers, and when it is reported on their cable channel.

ChuckieJesus July 21, 2011 at 10:54 am
Sheesko July 22, 2011 at 12:14 am

You're assuming it will appear in those heavenly resources. If it does, I'm sure it will be scrubbed clean of .any offending truths

simplyblue7 July 21, 2011 at 10:06 am

Mr. Minnery's response: "FACTS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOODNIGHT!"

ManchuCandidate July 21, 2011 at 10:07 am

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, I'll intellectually cut any lying piece of shit who dares fuck with me."

BaldarTFlagass July 21, 2011 at 10:08 am

Well, in the Arab lands, they hold hands AND AK-47s. What the hell does that mean?

zhubajie July 21, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Afghans are very gay friendly!

franco_pinyon July 21, 2011 at 10:09 am

Al Franken is one smart sumbitch. It is a good thing to have one or two of those in the Senate.

BaldarTFlagass July 21, 2011 at 10:16 am

I think I will watch this again.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 21, 2011 at 10:22 am

I'm having a cigarette and I don't smoke.

anniegetyerfun July 21, 2011 at 11:44 am

Seriously. I think the Earth moved a little.

MissTaken July 21, 2011 at 3:01 pm

This should be loaded to both YouPorn and RedTube.

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:42 pm

I'll be fapping to it for weeks.

Dashboard_Jesus July 22, 2011 at 2:19 am

fuck I've only watched it about a dozen times already…Release the Franken! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb2zIR2rvRQ

Swampgas_Man July 21, 2011 at 10:17 am

The people only skim their bibles, why do you want them to bother w/ a study? Both serve the same purpose: a thick heavy manuscript w/ which to thump their enemies. Not necessarily something to understand and follow.

weejee July 21, 2011 at 10:22 am

Problem with those who suffer from FocusontheFamilyitus is that what they know in their knower trumps facts. Kinda like fifteen-two, fifteen-four, and a pair for eight. So what if cribbage don't have trump and they can't count, in their knower they know it's right.

OC_Surf_Serf July 21, 2011 at 10:23 am

That's what you get for bringing a book to a dumbfight…

prommie July 21, 2011 at 10:29 am

Feeling always trumps thinking.

Nothingisamiss July 21, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Excellent.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 21, 2011 at 4:19 pm

That's what you get for going unarmed into a battle of wits.

Sue4466 July 21, 2011 at 10:24 am

"It doesn't"

Booyah motherfucker!

Thurman Munster IV July 21, 2011 at 10:24 am

My nipples explode with desire for Al Franken after that

Dashboard_Jesus July 22, 2011 at 2:23 am

I feel a *tingle* up my leg

ghblowhard July 21, 2011 at 10:25 am

Darn those pesky FACTS!!

Sue4466 July 21, 2011 at 10:28 am

You keep using that word "nuclear family," I don't believe it means what you think it means.

NorthStarSpanx July 21, 2011 at 10:39 am

It sounds militarized or weaponized, much like Palin's children. So, obviously the Right feels entitled to this classification as well as defining marriage.

sarjo July 21, 2011 at 10:40 am

Inconceivable!

prommie July 21, 2011 at 10:30 am

You know who else used words, and the power of speech, to argue with his enemies? You know who else walked upright on his two legs? The similarities just keep adding up.

Geminisunmars July 21, 2011 at 10:53 am

Satan?

BaldarTFlagass July 21, 2011 at 10:56 am

No! Jesus!

Preferred Customer July 21, 2011 at 11:01 am

Stephen Hawking?

horsedreamer_1 July 21, 2011 at 11:17 am

Cicero?

prommie July 21, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Bingo! And they both lived in the declining days of a republic that was about to become a dictatorship.

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Dammit, I was correct too. Technically, anywho.

Jukesgrrl July 21, 2011 at 5:53 pm

Yeah, but our dictator is going to have really, really nice hair.

anniegetyerfun July 21, 2011 at 11:45 am

There's a prequel to Planet of the Apes coming out soon, right? Was it that one ape, who leads all the other apes to victory of some kind?

finallyhappy July 21, 2011 at 2:54 pm

James Franco gives an ape some drug and it becomes increasingly intelligent and aware- and gives the drug to other apes. Now if only that drug worked for humans.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 21, 2011 at 4:21 pm

If there's one drug the teabaggers would outlaw in an instant, that would be it.

GOPCrusher July 21, 2011 at 12:29 pm

Dr. Zaius?

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Homo sapiens?

Monsieur_Grumpe July 21, 2011 at 10:31 am

I know from reading a few of Franken’s books that he puts together a team of serious researchers, usually college students, and has them verify what he writes. Check out Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot for a whole book of wingnut fact checking.

Doktor Zoom July 21, 2011 at 11:29 am

A couple years ago, I was listening in the car to the audiobook of Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, and was pleasantly surprised when my kiddo, then 12, preferred listening to that on a long trip instead of the Lemony Snickett audiobook I'd also checked out. We got to the end and he insisted we listen to it again.

Nothingisamiss July 21, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Some good parenting, there.

Doktor Zoom July 21, 2011 at 5:13 pm

He's a bright boy. Sure do like him.

Sheesko July 22, 2011 at 12:19 am

Would LexisNexis® still be a good graduation gift? I'm sure he would remember, and there would be mutual throat lumping 'n' stuff.

thefrontpage July 21, 2011 at 10:36 am

Franken For President 2016

Really.

BaldarTFlagass July 21, 2011 at 10:49 am

To steal and paraphrase the slogan from the Kinky Friedman for Governor campaign, "Why The Fuck Not?"

anniegetyerfun July 21, 2011 at 11:47 am

The opposition arguments will be fun-filled and hypocritical. A FORMER COMEDIAN? HAHAHA. That's a terrible idea! How can you vote for a FORMER COMEDIAN FOR PREZNIT?

Ronald Reagan was a former actor.

YES BUT THEN HE WAS GUVNOR SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALALALA.

GOPCrusher July 21, 2011 at 12:31 pm

Wait a minute. You mean that Michele Bachmann isn't a comedian?

dduke45 July 21, 2011 at 1:39 pm

Bullshit. Franken for President 2012

BerkeleyBear July 21, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Aft er listening to him on NPR today, I'm thinking Mayor Corey Booker of Newark is in the mix somewhere. Al would be an excellent addition to the field, but given how long it took him to decide to run for Senate, I'm guessing he only does it if no one he respects is running in 2016 2020 would work better for him, timing wise, too – since by then hed' have 2 full Senate terms under his belt.

jakegittes July 21, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Why not 2012? The O Man looks like he's tracking even to the right of Dubbya. Hope and Change? What he really meant by that slogan was he was going to rule like the original man from Hope, Arkansas who sold us down the Triangulation River and the change part was the spare change he was going to leave the American middle class with jingling in their pockets once Wall Street got in one last round of thievery.

NorthStarSpanx July 21, 2011 at 10:38 am

Their "Focus" is really, really creepy.

mrblifil July 21, 2011 at 10:38 am

There's a famous story from SNL lore about Janeane Garofalo, during her brief stint as a cast member, rehearsing a scene with Franken. She was trying her dedicated best to be scrupulous and work from memory, instead of cue cards. Apparently in the middle of rehearsal he leaned over and stated quite plainly "READ THE FUCKING CARDS!"

That Al Franken sounds a lot like the Al Franken we're talking about today.

CapeClod July 21, 2011 at 10:43 am

I bet he can't wait to get back to his Colorado Springs echo chamber.

BaldarTFlagass July 21, 2011 at 11:05 am

Maybe they'll have a parade for him, meet him to show their support at the airport at 3AM, like we do here in San Antonio whenever the Spurs suffer a humiliating defeat out of town and get run out of the playoffs.

CrunchyKnee July 21, 2011 at 12:17 pm

No, that would cost tax monies, and they can't even keep street lights on in COS due to the wingnut ant-tax zealotry.

Jukesgrrl July 21, 2011 at 5:57 pm

That place really is a thoughtless vacuum, isn't it? (Said the grrl who lives in Arizona.)

Dürers Rhino July 21, 2011 at 10:47 am

Oooh, I loved the look on Minnery's face and his body language when Franken got rolling. He was literally squirming.

Geminisunmars July 21, 2011 at 10:55 am

You might say he was squirmishing.

Preferred Customer July 21, 2011 at 11:03 am

Yes, the little nod at the end there, when Franken says "frankly I don't know how we can credit the rest of your testimony…" That was just gold. Gold. I'm sure it was involuntary, but, seriously, public speaking 101: When someone calls you a liar and wonders aloud whether you are lying all the time about everything, DON'T NOD IN AGREEMENT.

anniegetyerfun July 21, 2011 at 11:48 am

That is because his rectum is full of santorum.

Dürers Rhino July 21, 2011 at 12:02 pm

That would explain the frothing.

Beetagger July 21, 2011 at 10:48 am

We're 40 years into the Al Franken Decade.

V572 Hair of Destiny July 21, 2011 at 10:58 am

I was all right with men holding hands until this.

Dudleydidwrong July 21, 2011 at 11:06 am

Nothing wrong with that. W thought he was walking with some sexy chick in a long dress and head scarf. His Secret Service detail had to warn him not to ask his partner for any sexy time.

widestanceroman July 21, 2011 at 4:29 pm

It's OK, since the balls didn't touch.

metamarcisf July 21, 2011 at 11:04 am

Hey Kortney. Mine's bigger than that.

BaldarTFlagass July 21, 2011 at 11:07 am

Do you pass out from blood loss to the brain when you get a woody?

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Yeah, but it's shrinking, metamarci. You used to have a p-ness of over -100+.

MozakiBlocks July 21, 2011 at 11:05 am

"It doesn't"

And with two simple words, Al Franken doth smite the homophobes and it was good.

notreelyhelping July 21, 2011 at 12:04 pm

That was sweet. And delivered with just the right combination of down home honesty and fast-moving razor.

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:47 pm

He smote them with the smiting of justice and righteousness, dood.

Jukesgrrl July 21, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Can we smoke a cigarette now?

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 8:45 pm

Yes, but only if you HOLD ME!

Jukesgrrl July 22, 2011 at 5:50 pm

Consider it done. I become romantic and tender in the face of justice and righteousness.

mavenmaven July 21, 2011 at 11:12 am

What the Republicans should realize is that they need a smart comedian of their own. Except that they don't have any.

smitallica July 21, 2011 at 11:19 am

You forgot about Dennis Miller!

Oh wait. No you didn't.

SorosBot July 21, 2011 at 11:37 am

Recruit Victoria Jackson!

Negropolis July 21, 2011 at 11:10 pm

Silly, mavenmaven said a comedian.

anniegetyerfun July 21, 2011 at 11:50 am

OK, so there's Craig T. Nelson.. oh. Right, that thing with the welfare comment. Um. Hey, that one guy who played the smarmy manager in Pretty Woman and the dad and 10 Things I Hate About You really hates Arabs, he might also hate homosexuals. Um… who else? I know I'm forgetting someone.

SorosBot July 21, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Drew Carey? But I think he's more of a Randroid than a traditional conservative.

I think they have the likes of Larry the Cable Guy, and Jeff Dunham the racist puppet guy; but then neither of them have ever been funny.

finallyhappy July 21, 2011 at 2:56 pm

They guy who played the manager in Pretty woman- isn't he latino?

anniegetyerfun July 21, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Sorry – the smarmy store manager, not the hotel manager. That was Héctor Elizondo. The guy I was thinking of is Larry Miller, and if I'm not mistaken, he has written a few "Palestine? It doesn't even exist, am I right?!" articles over the years.

Dürers Rhino July 21, 2011 at 12:03 pm

Shhh, they think they have Colbert. He's our dog-in-the-manger.

GOPCrusher July 21, 2011 at 12:33 pm

Ben Stein?

finallyhappy July 21, 2011 at 2:56 pm

He isn't funny

Jukesgrrl July 21, 2011 at 6:02 pm

I don't even think he's human.

smitallica July 21, 2011 at 11:16 am

Said it before, sayin' it again:

If your organization has "Family" in the name, your membership is made up entirely of batshit lunatics.

SorosBot July 21, 2011 at 11:40 am

What about Sly and the Family Stone? Or the Partridge Family?

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Well, y'all know Sly had some real serious problems, right? Sad.

And the Partridge Family are totally cuckoo.

So, no.

GOPCrusher July 21, 2011 at 12:34 pm

The Manson Family?

assistantatlas July 21, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Hey, I liked "Family Ties" and Michael J. Fox seems fairly sane…

GregComlish July 21, 2011 at 11:16 am

Wow, that aging homophobe sure turns into a simpering bitch when confronted with facts.

Doktor Zoom July 21, 2011 at 11:23 am

Speaking of really cool brainy people who belong in the Senate, I'm just 95 kinds of delighted that Elizabeth Warren is seriously considering running against Scott Brown. Charismatic Nerd vs. Prettyboy Model!

GortRay July 21, 2011 at 11:34 am

I think that there Franken fella spent some time in Massachusetts where they do a lot of that readin' and thinkin'. It's blasphemy, I tell you what!

notreelyhelping July 21, 2011 at 12:07 pm

There was a delicious instant there, just before the victim expired, where the head, severed from the body but still sitting atop the neck, realized what had just happend. That's style, baby.

carlgt1 July 21, 2011 at 1:19 pm

I always called 'em Focus on the Manson Family….

a_pink_poodle July 21, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Hunhh indeed, Ms Wonkette!

ThundercatHo July 21, 2011 at 1:20 pm

I love that man, SO MUCH. He is one of the few men in the universe that I might have to ask for a 24 hr. pass from my awesome husband should the opportunity ever present itself.

assistantatlas July 21, 2011 at 1:43 pm

That was quite possibly the best and most effective use of the words "It doesn't" that I have ever heard.

MiniMencken July 21, 2011 at 1:44 pm

I want to gay marry Al Franken!

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Get in line, I proposed first.

ttommyunger July 21, 2011 at 1:50 pm

I'm beginning to think maybe more professional comedians would be a good thing in our public service sector. Andy Borowitz for instance, or Robin Williams. The late great George Carlin would make an excellent representative; but then, one would have to put up with the bullshit, the meetings, the loyal opposition. I don't know how you do it, Al, but I love you for it.

fuflans July 21, 2011 at 1:59 pm

well it's obvious that – in spite of what the teatards say – congress needs more COMEDIANS and fewer job creatin business owners.

Nothingisamiss July 21, 2011 at 3:10 pm

"Behold the superpowers of literacy!"

KBJ, YES!

Tundra Grifter July 21, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Isn't it interesting that Boss BlunderRush, Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot?" uh InSannity, Off-the-Mark and the rest of that ilk flirt with pretending to run for public office but none of them have the guts to actually haul off and do it?

Here's Al Franken who did have the guts to run. And win.

And our nation is all the better for it!

And, while I think he is a better writer than performer, his delivery here was first-rate!

Well played, sir, well played!

ragnarok4msm July 21, 2011 at 5:54 pm

FK FRANKIN(but not in a gay way) is my bumper sticker i made. ITS SELLING LIKE HOT CAKES.

Birdwatcher1 July 21, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Franken for Prez in 2016!
He has my vote!

Negropolis July 21, 2011 at 10:56 pm

To hear genuine laughter in the halls of Congress warms my heart. Remember when Al was running the "very serious people" in the media and in politics complaining that even his very campaign was making a mockery of Congress? And, now look at the guy, one of the sanest, smartest Senator in that whole swamp.

lulzmonger July 21, 2011 at 11:21 pm

Literacy? What uncanny devil magic is this?!

Coming Soon (In My Dreams) – Democrats use Grade Two math to show that the GOP is a pack of nihilist rat-bastards for playing Chicken with the debt ceiling.

Thelonius Munch July 22, 2011 at 10:33 am

Congress Al Franken is so much cooler than Television Al Franken!

sussemilch July 22, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Sen. Franken, you are the dead sexiest muttfaced Senator on Earth. I love you.

fivespot July 22, 2011 at 7:04 pm

The women who wrote this ad over a long, get drunk/pass out/wake up/cry, laugh, trade underwear, drink more, Xanax-fueled pillow-fight-and-stretch-marks weekend at the nearest Christian retreat are obviously fiscal hawks who know a thing or two about trade imbalance and capitol management. The weird thing is that, being such incredible economy wonks, when they let their hair down, damn, they're also foot stompin' hilarious!! Spenditol!! OMG!!

BZ1 July 23, 2011 at 12:02 pm

Minnery is a ……. (fill in your own expletive deleted)

Geminisunmars July 21, 2011 at 10:58 am

Hurray for Maine! The only state in the union with sane politicians.

Dudleydidwrong July 21, 2011 at 11:12 am

Not quite. You need to check out the wingnut governor. Most people in Maine would trade Paul LePage, aka Pepe LePew, for a player to be named later or most any governor they've had in the last 15 or so years. Bring back Angus King!

The two Republican senators are thinking people, however.

GunToting[Redacted] July 21, 2011 at 11:13 am

Except for, maybe, painting over murals in the Department of Labor because they are too, uh, pro-LABORER.

finallyhappy July 21, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Whoa- what about here in Maryland?

Geminisunmars July 21, 2011 at 11:19 am

Well, Dashboard Buddha did say the senators and reps. I blithely ignored that and tarred all the politicians in Maine with the sanity brush. My apologies.

GunToting[Redacted] July 21, 2011 at 11:24 am

Good point. Mea culpa…

DashboardBuddha July 21, 2011 at 11:34 am

Agreed – LePage is a headcase, but he's local. Snowe, Collins (somewhat), Pingree, and Michaud are all ok.

PristineODummy July 21, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Sometimes, just thinking about having sex, I stand up and break into a dance.

Jukesgrrl July 21, 2011 at 5:44 pm

And yet in the latest poll, Snowe is trailing "any other Republican."

DashboardBuddha July 21, 2011 at 6:12 pm

Well, I didn't say that the MEGOP were ok. In fact, they're morons in the sharpest sense of the word.

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