somehow levi's fault

Grandma Palin Strikes Again, Knocks Up Newest Family Member

alaskans just love the sexingThere must be something in that Alaska soil that makes the young women there so fertile, at least the young women who spend a lot of time getting hammered and doing it, in said soil. America weeps this evening, because someone in the Palin family is apparently pregnant again. No, it is not Piper (yet), it is that girl Britta, who had a denim-themed wedding to Track Palin on top of a mountain back in May. But hey, May was not that long ago, and she looks pretty pregnant in these Facebook photos retrieved by Gawker. Oh no, Palins. Not again.

There are some photos of a girl named “Britta Pie” drowning in a swamp of pastel colors, on Facebook, which seems like an odd way for a Palin relative to announce a pregnancy, when isn’t that supposed to be some sort of “miracle” or “gift” or whatever?

Eldest child Track Palin married high school sweetheart Britta Hanson two months ago, and now we hear that Britta is pregnant. Britta looks to be several months along—perhaps more than two months?

Britta’s friends responded to the Facebook pictures with elation. But given the timing of Britta’s pregnancy, the happy couple may want to tell Sarah Palin to shut up the next time she champions abstinence-only education or Bristol sermonizes against extramarital sex, lest the conception of another Palin grandchild and the rationale behind another well-publicized Palin marriage fall into question.

There is only one possible explanation for this! The baby is Sarah’s, she just hates looking all pregnant when she’s on the teevee, squawking about things. What shall we name this new Palin child? So far we have come up with “Foot,” “Quit,” “Freight,” and “Plow.” [Gawker]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

View all articles by Blair Burke

Comments

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  • Barb

    "How many of your children are pregnant?"
    "Um, all of them, any of them that have been in front of me over all these years, Katie"

    • PristineODummy

      ^^^ that.

    • Negropolis

      Ha!

      Willow, you're next.

    • PalinPussyPower

      It's that dang tricky "Gotcha Abstinence".

  • Arken

    Well the kid may not be a bastard, but with Sarah as a grandmother, it might turn out to be one anyway.

    • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

      Sarah's son, however, is a Son of a Bitch.

  • noodlesalad

    Ah, Britta, you have to change that filter every three months or this sort of thing happens.

    • emmelemm

      Win.

    • Nothingisamiss

      win + 1.

      • dogscantlookup

        Beat me to it ;)

    • Radiotherapy®

      Wait, I thought Palin didn't want the filter of the media.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I wil be stunned if any of Palin's kids first kids are conceived after the marriage and not the CAUSE of said marriage.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Or if not actual marriage, a forced engagement, an US weekly re-engagement, then product of an accused rape. I suppose this is what strong 2 parent, one woman one man foundations look like. That's what kids need.

    • flamingpdog

      Would you marry a Palin for any other reason?

      • SorosBot

        Money?

        • Dudleydidwrong

          How much would you have to be paid to get involved with that clan of broken crankshafts? I mean, I'm broke, but prostitution is a higher calling than becoming part of that bunch.

    • Terry

      It's a family tradition. Palin and her mother were both pregnant when they got married. Why let preaching absinence get in the way of you and yours having a good time?

  • Frost/Nixon/Robocop

    Andrew Sullivan says the baby is his, somehow.

    • tribbzthesquidz

      Where's the beard certificate?

  • hagajim

    Plow Palin is no good…too much sexual innuendo. How about Hoe Palin, or maybe Hatchet Palin?

    • Boehneriffic

      Twit Palin

    • dogscantlookup
    • tessiee

      "How about Hoe Palin"

      Considering how many hos are already in that family, I think it might cause confusion.

    • Negropolis

      Snatch Palin? Sarah Palin, Jr.?

    • flamingpdog

      Naelin Palin.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Gotta begin with "T"
      Twerp Palin
      Twat Palin
      'Toon Palin (note the apostrophe)
      Tubby Palin–challenges the FLOTUS' anti-obesity campaign

      • PristineODummy

        For greater savoir faire, shouldn't that be "To'on" Palin?

    • CapeClod

      Date Rape Palin?

    • MrFizzy

      Humpit Palin

  • Barb

    Sarah's mom was pregnant with her brother when she got married, Sarah was pregnant with Track when she got married, her sister was pregnant when she married the trooper, Bristol was unwed and pregnant and now this. Sarah, could you shut the fuck up now about your bullshit "family values?"

    • Nothingisamiss

      Wouldn't it be grand if there were logic in this woman's head?

      Maybe if even a Sarah fan or two could shut the fuck up?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Like pretty much everything else Republiklans want to force on you, it doesn't apply to them.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Wait, being a slut is not a family value?

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I should say, in the case of the Palins, "being a whore….". I apologize to all sluts out there. Let's face it, the Palin women all seem to be in it for the money.

  • Callyson

    There must be something in that Alaska soil that makes the young women there so fertile
    Or, there is absolutely nothing else to do in Alaska…

    • SorosBot

      That, and something about the education system that makes all the kids not know about the many simple ways to fuck and prevent pregnancy.

      • Fare la Volpe

        What do you mean, Soros? All the Alaskids know that so long as you have sex standing up the girl can't get preggers. They're not stupid.

        • riverside68

          My friend from Fairbanks said as long as you don't touch the tits you're okay.

          (That is why they prefer doggie style.)

    • Terry

      Long, cold, dark, winter nights.

  • Beowoof

    Oh man she will be out more trying to grift more cash to help pay for another Palin. Sigh, is Fox Fantasy News still paying her?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Someone will put the whole revolting clan into a big house somewhere, and make a horrid reality TV show out of 'em that rivals Jersey Shore for brainlessness.

      They make Ozzie and his crew look like pretty decent role models.

  • Mahousu

    Britta? Is this some sort of Alaska cargo cult, where the kids are all named after consumer goods? Perhaps they'll call the baby X-Box.

    • Barb

      No, Bristol is Levi's X-box, I'm just sayin'

      • Doktor Zoom

        But first she was his PlayStation

      • dogscantlookup

        Playstation

        • Doktor Zoom

          Great minds, etc.

          • dogscantlookup

            Fast thinker!

        • Negropolis

          Nintendo 69

      • Fare la Volpe

        He had to stick his Wii in there first.

      • flamingpdog

        If only Bristol had just been Levi's Innuendo 69, she'd still be footloose and fancy-free.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          But much, much poorer.

      • DangerHelvetica

        Neo Geo Pocket Color

        I might have to rethink that one.

  • Barb

    I just went to Sarah's twitter page to see if people were busting on her for this and I saw this:
    Did you hear they are doing a sequel to @SarahPalinUSA's "Undefeated"? It's called "Unattended".

    • ttommyunger

      "Unprotected"

      • Barb

        Thanks for making me laugh until I snorted, Ttommy.

        • ttommyunger

          Glad I can finally return the favor, Barb.

      • mourningnmerica

        "Un Easy."

        • ttommyunger

          Oh, they're easy, all right. That's part of the problem.

      • FannyBurney

        I don't think it was "The Unexpected," though.

        • ttommyunger

          “Unreflected”

          • FannyBurney

            Given that no birth control method was used, it was certainly "The Undeflected."

          • ttommyunger

            …and uncollected.

          • FannyBurney

            But certainly not undetected.

          • ttommyunger

            I got nuthin.

          • FannyBurney

            That's okay; the Downfister's after me.

          • comrad_darkness

            Don't take it personally; he hates everybody, especially himself.

          • ttommyunger

            Badge of Honor, my friend.

          • FannyBurney

            Aw, thanks, Conrad and Tommy; I appreciate it.

            So since Track's a fisherperson, why don't they just name the kid "Spawn"?

          • ttommyunger

            Too accurate.

          • FannyBurney

            Spawn Palin. Or Spawn Salmon Roe Palin. I like it.

          • ttommyunger

            The “Mama Grizzley” thing is starting to make sense.

          • PristineODummy

            That's OK, I'm upfisting as fast as I can.

          • FannyBurney

            Me too.

          • PristineODummy

            I'll do you if you'll do me.

            Wut? Wut'd I say?

          • FannyBurney

            I done did do you.

            Man, I'm losing pees faster than the P-girls lose their cherries.

          • PristineODummy

            Oh, thanks. Trollster McTardibus is soitinly on a roll heah. Everywhere I go, I see trolldroppings.

    • mourningnmerica

      No, it's called "Not Easy".

    • flamingpdog

      "The Big Easy" was already taken.

      • ChessieNefercat

        By Levi.

    • SayItWithWookies

      The Unplanned?

    • riverside68

      Unwanted

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    So why, again, are they complaining about insurance companies being forced to pass out contraception??

    • tessiee

      And about whorey poor women who poop out baby after baby?

      • NorthStarSpanx

        At least with such high breeding GOPers in the field, they can't get mad at the poors having them so much anymore.

      • flamingpdog

        Whorey poor brown women who poop out baby after baby.

        Whorey poor white women who poop out baby after baby vote Rethuglican.

        /corrected

  • poncho_pilot

    "What shall we name this new Palin child? So far we have come up with 'Foot,' 'Quit,' 'Freight,' and “Plow.''

    i 'd like to nominate Shipping Container Palin.

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      I nominate "Tea Party Twitter Debate Palin".

      What's the good word, Tripp Truck Track? (whatever)

      • poncho_pilot

        i was always partial to Trug. maybe if i have a kid one day…

        • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

          The fact that we aren't breeding and they are is bad news for… the future!

          • BlueMonkeh

            ha ha – I've produced replacements for me and for my husband, but no more than that. Do not want to be outnumbered by ankle-biters.

      • Crank_Tango

        too soon!

      • techmom

        I was always partial to the Seussian "Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate"

    • tessiee

      Paul Revere Palin for a boy and Painted Bus Palin for a girl.
      Or vice versa; it's all good.

    • dogscantlookup

      Sleestak
      or Morlock

      • flamingpdog

        Or as a compromise, Sheetrock. (How much whiter can you get than that?)

        • poncho_pilot

          i was gonna say Skeksis but Sheetrock is a fucking WIN!

        • justkillmenow

          OMfuckingG that is hilarious!

    • tcaalaw

      i 'd like to nominate Shipping Container Palin.

      Way too many syllables! How about Maersk Palin instead?

      • poncho_pilot

        i like what you did there. Auger? Gimlet?

    • PristineODummy

      Trap (or Trapp, or even Trappe, if you prefer)
      Tricksy
      Turgid (sounds awfully high-class, if you're a Paylin)
      Truck
      Twig
      Twerp
      Berp

      • poncho_pilot

        Tripe
        Trafalgar
        Trode
        Tram
        Tarp
        Tallboy

        • PristineODummy

          If she actually names him Herp Derp, we're going to have a no-holds-barred DRINKING game!

        • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

          Tramadol

          • poncho_pilot

            i could tell a story about Tramadol but it would make me sound like a bad person, sooo…Tramadol is a hell of a drug*.

            *in sufficient quantities. washed down with absinthe.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Filter?

      • poncho_pilot

        Pfister Faucet?

      • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

        How about Santorum, I heard it's on all young rebuplican's lips.

  • finallyhappy

    maybe they can have the baby live on Bristol's show?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Dropping an anchor baby in the lower 48? Can't we do anything to stop it?

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    “Britta Pie” Is that what the kids are calling mountain fresh poontang these days?

  • iburl

    This is a great idea: A Book of Palin Baby Names (with horrific illustrations):

    Baybé
    Calc
    Wooster
    Chug
    Scroat
    Sticker
    Robble
    Chaff
    Drone

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Bartles
      James
      Wine Cooler

      • Jukesgrrl

        ZIma

      • FlyOverGirl

        Boone Hill

    • Nothingisamiss

      Rabble
      gobble
      shepherd pie
      boeing
      hot dog
      poontang
      liebunatic

    • Doktor Zoom

      Whoops!
      Oh, shit!
      God DAMN it!
      Please, God, don't be two lines, don't be two lines, don'tbetwolines!!
      Krull

      • __kth__

        pullout
        icant

    • Rotundo_

      Grift
      DeFrod
      Chek
      Prop
      PAC
      Bus
      Jerky
      Chunder
      Hurl

    • the_problem_child

      Why put in the effort? There's already a Palin Baby Name Generator.

      Oh, shit. It died. http://politsk.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah_13.html

    • Fare la Volpe

      Kraft
      Ankle
      Burr
      Astro
      Tank
      Tuck
      Tick
      Van
      Crack
      Flipper
      Whoopwhoop
      and Consensual – if it's a girl

      • Radiotherapy®

        Talon
        Tammany
        Trick
        Tamp
        Twang
        Twill
        Twig
        Toggle
        Tuck
        Tickle

        • mourningnmerica

          Tick

          • SorosBot

            Spooooooon!

          • WIDTAP

            I see what you did there, Arthur.

          • Radiotherapy®

            Tock

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            If it's twins, Tick and Tock for the win!

          • Isyaignert

            You are ALL winners. This is tooooooo easy!

          • Radiotherapy®

            Triplets, of course, would be Tow.

      • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews cheaphits

        I like "Crack" best –

        It's a great Palin name for either sex…crackers in bed…"I'm sooo horny I could fuck the crack of dawn"…crack-up and as these meth-heads have prospered, it speaks of their acsending the drug ladder to crack.

        So thanx Fare la Volpe.

    • HistoriCat

      Just the tip

    • mourningnmerica

      Another Stupid
      Field
      Race
      Alge
      Fromp
      Lee
      Wrangler
      Jordache
      DKNY
      Acid Wash
      Coke Zero (after Levi's Mom)
      Griftin
      Oops
      Illpullout
      I Promise
      Justthetip

    • mourningnmerica

      Splooge
      Boff
      Pork
      Slam
      Diddle
      Interruptus (Please)
      Plow
      Boots
      A.D.C.
      Grandbaby
      Cream
      Culligan (If it's a girl)

      • Radiotherapy®

        Regean
        Regan
        Raygun
        Reagun

        • Isyaignert

          I'd give you a 1000 points if'in I could.

    • tribbzthesquidz

      Tribbz

      • Radiotherapy®

        T

      • SorosBot

        Tribble

        • PristineODummy

          Dribble.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      These all would read like some bad magnetic poetry kit for Twitterers. Maybe a little more trailer trash thrown in:

      Duck Tape
      Dutch Klans'er
      Mountain Dew
      Hatch Back
      Bagga Donuts
      Winna Bago
      Winna Lottery
      Fayde Denym

    • PristineODummy

      Drat
      Drink (bound to be a winner)
      Tundra (in case they actually want something polysyllabic, or at least duosyllabic)
      Ting
      Tang
      Ding
      Dang (why not?)
      Dung (totally!)
      Nig (rhymes with that other youngster)
      Digge
      Delve
      Dwarrow
      Beeves
      Hoof
      Howl

  • nonbeliever7

    Mr. Seagrams Cooler is one busy guy around the Palin household.

  • mavenmaven

    Well, we know what Britta will now make 35 thousand an hour speaking about, alongside Bristol!
    Thus, the baby should be named 'Abstinence' Palin. (perhaps the full name will be Faith Abstinence Palin, for the acronym).

    • poncho_pilot

      ignorance is strength.
      freedom is slavery.
      drunken whorin' around is abstinence.

      fits the lunatic end of conservatism pretty well.

      • Jukesgrrl

        Good list, but you forgot:
        education is elitism
        and Obama is Muslin.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Faith Hope Uh-oh Abstinence Palin

      • mavenmaven

        Hey, that's really good!

  • LettucePrey

    Baby names I propose:

    – Rock
    – Blog
    – Sleet
    – Trax
    – Trix
    – Trux
    – Forklift
    – Buttafuoco

    • tessiee

      Punch Rockgroin?
      Buff Drinklots?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Going with the Levi and Mercede Johnston family theme, I propse:

      Porsch
      Abercromb
      Toshib
      Ferrar
      BM

      • emmelemm

        Huh huh, you said BM.

      • PristineODummy

        I really, REALLY like BM.

    • MrFizzy

      Trunk

  • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

    Yay. More Palins.

    Kill me now.

    • flamingpdog

      Short and not sweet for the win!

    • PristineODummy

      Let's not adust the balance in their favour quite so swiftly, eh?

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Putting "Britta Pie Track" into an anagram generator gives up some good baby names

    Bait Tart Picker Palin
    Rake Crap Titbit Palin

    and my favourite

    Rape Rack Titbit Palin

    • Isyaignert

      You get exxxtra points for dewing yer homewerk.

      • WIDTAP

        Why do these names all sound like Yosemite Sam cussing when you say it?

  • nounverb911

    Do legitimate grandchildren have seniority over illegitimate ones?

    • CalamityJames

      Trick question. One of those does not exist in the Palin klan.

    • Negropolis

      I laughed so hard at that, I sprained a kidney.

  • nounverb911

    Did Bristol give Britta a “Bristol Meth” franchise as a baby shower gift?

  • rocktonsam

    this is good timing with the election coming up.
    more proof that the Palin's are just like regular Mericans

    • Fare la Volpe

      Regular white Mericans. When blacks and Messicans do this they're irresponsible welfare queens.

  • Barb

    From Bristol's book:

    Bristol recounts her older brother, Track, growing furious when overhearing on the phone what his sister had done with Johnston. Track allegedly stormed off to Johnston's house, seemingly determined to settle the matter violently.

    "Let's just say Track was an 'abstinence only' advocate……
    ———————————-
    My guess is that he's not.

    • SorosBot

      In a patriarchal family, a brother is expected to keep his sister a virgin while treating every non-family girl as a slut. Oh and cousins in the South.

      • Negropolis

        That's right. Only he should be able to have sex with his sister. Rules is rules, after all.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          More like guidelines.

    • HistoriCat

      Oh come on – they're Republicans. It's always "do as I say, not as I do."

      Or maybe he was overcome by patriotism – he just loves this country so much.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        "I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth every now and then."

        • PristineODummy

          Groucho (supposedly) never said that.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            True, but that didn't stop Kermit Schafer from "recreating" it.

            Yeah, I'm that old…

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Dear God, you (someone?) read the book?

  • nonbeliever7

    Palin's press secretary is probably playing russian roulette while drinking a bottle of Jack.

    • Nothingisamiss

      I would think that no one in that camp is self-aware enough to need the bottle that bad. On the other hand, maybe Jack and roulette is how the press secretaries are chosen?

    • prommie

      Thats sounding like a good idea, from here.

  • dogscantlookup

    Breed Ghost daddy, breed!!1

  • the_problem_child

    How is babby made?

    • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

      1. Get a Palin
      2. Get a not Palin (we can hope)
      3. ???
      4. Babby

      • emmelemm

        We don't know what the ??? is because it happens inside the tent.

        • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

          A tent, a snowmobile, two wine coolers and Bristol's tits: That's known as the Alaskan six pack.

    • Negropolis

      How'd it get der? Penis goes in; baby comes out. Never a missed communication

      • SorosBot

        Fuckin' fucking: how does it work?

        • http://www.wonkette.com Pres[EXTERMINATE!!]

          I'm sure Trollscience has it figured out. And it probably involves magnets. U jelly, Abstinencefags?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Pres[EXTERMINATE!!]

      how girl get pragnet?

      • CalamityJames

        That's it, it's all over. I love every single one of you.

        • http://www.wonkette.com Pres[EXTERMINATE!!]

          They need to do way instain mother> who kill thier babbys. becuse these babby cant frigth back? it was on the news this mroing a mother in ar who had kill her three kids. they are taking the three babby back to new york too lady to rest my pary are with the father who lost his children ; i am truley sorry for your lots

          This, my friends, is our Future.

          • Jukesgrrl

            The raft of God is gonna come down on yew.

        • PristineODummy

          I've been tempted to marry all the fucking Wonketteers, myself. Even the nonfucking ones.

          • CalamityJames

            So you're saying I have a chance?

          • PristineODummy

            Dude, get back in the line!

    • HamsterSandwich

      This might help answer your question (NSFW): http://i.imgur.com/APffl.gif

      • PristineODummy

        That was SO good. Mmm-mmm disgusting.

    • PristineODummy

      Well, if you're a Palin, that's pretty obvs, no? Drink a lot of wine cooler on a camping trip.

  • hollywooddood

    Being such an overabundant species, you'd think someone would tell the Palins about birth control.

    • poncho_pilot

      genus specious.

    • poncho_pilot

      or:

      homo sapiens saccularius

    • Crank_Tango

      teh world needz moar trigz!!!

      • Isyaignert

        ' kna. Luv me some Don Knotts. Last of the Red Hottt Luvvhas.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Jeez, they're like deer in New Jersey.
      Someone ought to put steroids in the family salt lick.

  • http://www.kenlayisalive.org KenLayIsAlive

    It's really not wise to announce these things too early, unless you have a mason jar handy.

    • Nothingisamiss

      When you see the gawker picture, you realize it's not all that early.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Word is she is due in August. Three month pregnancy? On par with Sarah's Trig "pregnancy."

        • ShaveTheWhales

          From the photo, I'd have taken October in the pool, if there were a pool.

          "October Surprise Palin"?

  • FakaktaSouth

    Man, I usually like people who (want to/get to) have sex all the time. They even ruin that.

  • Ken Cuccinelli

    I'll bet Newell's thanking his lucky stars he didn't have to do that story. I'm imagining his take on it, and it sounds a lot like Ken Layne.

  • dogscantlookup

    No, it is not Piper (yet), it is that girl Britta
    nononononono that can't be her fucking name.
    Britta ant that a water fil… no no no
    time to quit life and become a hermit

    • Doktor Zoom

      "Hermit" was their maid of honor.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        Won me.

  • x111e7thst

    Plow. Because of the handy methamphetamine reference.
    (Speed-the-Plow )

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    I child conceived in slavery had a better chance of married parents* than one to Sarah Palin's™ living issue.
    _____________
    * Actually slave marriages were illegal. The 19th century version of DOMA. The TP'ers loooove the 19th century and original intent and states rights and all that crap. The political and cultural economy of slavery is part of the legacy they honor. Assholes.

    • poncho_pilot

      now i just assume when i hear the term States' Rights that it is code for "slavery was alright".

    • Crank_Tango

      Well, there's always the chance that there are no married black people right now, anywhere. Has anyone looked into that?

  • Come here a minute

    Pur.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Ha!

  • ThundercatHo

    I suggest:

    Sploogie Pie (Girl)
    Algebra
    Lugnuts/Trucknutz (Twins)
    Illegitimate Bastard (Boy)
    Trapper and Skeeter (Twins)
    Pullout
    Rhythm Method(Girl)

    • Crank_Tango

      I am thinking more like creampie.

      • flamingpdog

        Rupert Creampie if it'z a boy.

      • PristineODummy

        Britta Pie and her daughter, Creeme.

  • SorosBot

    If Track's relationship goes as well as his sister's, it won't be too long before he's singing this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bv5XlcdAyoM&fe

    • Barb

      Okay, Soros, it's time for a game of "who would you rather"
      Britta from "Community" or April from "Parks and Recreation"

      • SorosBot

        As the characters? Britta. But both Annie/Anns would come first.

  • Nothingisamiss

    Do you think the gheys are the cause of this? What happens if we let those people marry?!

  • OneYieldRegular

    I find all this heterosexual marriage stuff totally offensive.

  • Goonemeritus

    Mazel Tov!

  • prommie

    How about "Puck?"

    • nounverb911

      Too Shakespearean.

      • SorosBot

        They'd name him after the Real World dude.

    • flamingpdog

      "Puck Ewe" if it's a girl.

    • comrad_darkness

      IceRink Palin

    • HistoriCat

      Zamboni.

    • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

      How about 'Fuck'? I mean, Fuck Palin has a nice ring to it. What too subtle?

  • wehojoel

    I'm betting the next Palin grandchild will be called Jatla. It's Inuit or Eskimos for "snow between your fingers or toes, or in groin-folds"

    • LakeLucilleLoon

      Snow is like sand up here, it gets everywhere.

    • flamingpdog

      Do you know Inuit for "Santorum" is?

      • PristineODummy

        Not me, but I heard today that "santorectum" is now in the Urban Dictionary. No, I didn't go check. You know what they say. Once you've had urban, there's no going back.

  • tessiee

    Another Palin pregnant out of wedlock and/or at the altar?
    Good thing I was sitting down or I probably would have fainted from shock.

  • prommie

    Rink?

  • prommie

    If its a son, how could Track not name his boy "Field?"

    • anniegetyerfun

      I do believe that Radiotherapy suggested this name when we were placing bets on her due date a couple of months back.

    • PristineODummy

      Oooh. Now that's gonna be quite something to brag about, eh? Track and Field Palin. 'Course, Trick sounds pretty good from where I sit, too. Trick and Track.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Plausible Deniability Palin

  • CalamityJames

    Lettuce just get to the point: the baby's name shall always be The Tard's Niece/Nephew.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Cut to alternating footage of Sarah Palin saying her children are off limits/using them as political props.

  • Negropolis

    These fuckers are like Gremlins, and I ain't talking about the shoddy automobiles. I told Alaska not to feed these snobillies after midnight! Grrr!

    So, let's play a game. Let's guess the name. I predict it'll be Trapp Palin, Trikk if it's a girl. Maybe, Wholotta Palin?

    • Negropolis

      More names:

      TARP Palin
      Truly Palin
      Tundra Palin
      Tyson Chicken Palin
      Trichinosis Palin
      Thadd Palin
      Tedd Palin
      Fieldd & Streamm Palin
      Tawdry Palin
      Tottmom Palin

    • DashboardBuddha

      And if he's a Led Zepplin fan, Wholotta Love Palin

    • PristineODummy

      I thought that last would be spelled without the "W."

  • LetUsBray

    A name like Frito or Brawndo or Ow, My Balls seems pretty inevitable at some point with that brood.

  • ttommyunger

    Them Palins loves their nailin,
    They loves it long and hard,
    They keeps' a porkin through full term,
    That's why they gets a 'Tard.
    Wonder if the dreaded "Administrator" will catch this?
    We shall see.

    • PristineODummy

      Oh, that's JUICY, Ttommy. I'm copying it so we can reissue it periodically.

      • ttommyunger

        You risk the wrath of the Dreaded Administrator, Pris.

        • PristineODummy

          I've been wrathed a time or two, IIRC. Most recently, several genuinely smart-assed comments were removed tout-suite despite achieving near-genius levels of LOLlery.

          • ttommyunger

            You know you have achieved a new low when you are censored by the Wonkette. Congratulations!

  • rocktonsam

    so Trig will be an uncle

    • SayItWithWookies

      …which is still not as fucked up as Sarah being a governor.

    • zhubajie

      Soon he'll be singing "I'm my own grampa"!

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Bristol was just off-camera pointing the shotgun at her brother.

  • user-of-owls

    What shall we name this new Palin child?

    Um, "Premature" would seem to work on a lot of levels of commitment, i.e., to abstinence, to fulfilling an elected term, to something approaching literacy, to acceptance of one's position as America's #1 Payaso, etc.

    So, please welcome to the USofA's First Family of Grifting…Preeee-em Palin!

    *clap, whoop, clap, howl, clap, 'oh shit, do I really have it?!?*

    • CapeClod

      Given the longevity of the relationships of the Palin's offspring, I have a feeling the kid is going to be called "the bastard child of that blonde whore." Especially after she writes that tell-all article in US Magazine.

  • FannyBurney

    Damn, Bristol certainly is an effective spokesperson for abstinence, isn't she?

    • PristineODummy

      Yup. All she has to do is open her mouth, and everyone around her seems to come up preggers.

  • Radiotherapy®

    News Flash:
    The Palin's Fuck Like Pigs

    • flamingpdog

      Piggyback?

  • NorthStarSpanx

    This one's coming out of the choots-pa.

    • PristineODummy

      Choots had nothing to do with it. The REAL Pa is Trick or Track or Truck Palin.

  • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

    Shotgun abortion still a tricky shot.

    • PristineODummy

      Only if you want the recipient to, you know, LIVE afterwards. Otherwise, it's pretty easy. BASS.

  • mourningnmerica

    Mommy, why am I older than Uncle Tork?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I'm happy for them!

    • Negropolis

      Aren't you just special?

  • SayItWithWookies

    Y'all just see the worst in all this don't you? If you were really and truly aware of what's going on, you'd know that The LORD so smiles down on the Palin family that He has blessed them with immaculate conception after immaculate conception. Not only have they not been fucking like bunnies, why most of them are still virgins. Now I'm sure those good people are awaiting your humble apology.

    • CalamityJames

      Ummm, sorry, dear Palins, that you believe in a rapist God?

      Man, that was horrible.

      Dismiss the dear portion.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Tie this in with the 9/11, and we've got an existential story for the ages.

  • peaceshelly

    Where the fuck is Trig?

    You know Sarah said she found out everything she could about Down's Syndrome when she found out little Trigger had it.

    Apparently she didn't delve to deeply into into the 'thinky brainy' stuff or she would have known the medical term for Down's is Trisomy G, or as doctor's abreviate it, Tri-G.
    Lazy ass Sarah probably quit half way thru the baby naming process, took one look at the doctor's note (or eskimo doula or whoever be so brave to see Sarah's nether-region) saw "Tri-G" and just said, 'ok…we'll name him Trig"

    Im guessing this one will Artic Cat or Slim Jim.

    • PristineODummy

      "We name the child after the first thing the mother sees when she is delivering the babby. Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

  • peaceshelly

    When I saw the pics of the "wedding" back in May, I expected this.

    • flamingpdog

      Even before I saw the pics, I expected this.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Is there anybody anywhere who didn't expect this?

        • PristineODummy

          Don't think so. I seem to recall everybody hooting and hollering at the Denim wedding, claiming that it had only occurred under duress.

  • fuflans

    hot as hell in america who gives a shit.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Yeah, but it snowed a few years ago in NYC which, along with an e-mail, disproved global climate change.

      • SorosBot

        Meanwhile, the triple-digit temperatures throughout the East Coast and Midwest, to say nothing of the burning of the Southwest, is just a coincidence; move along, nothing to see here.

  • Nostrildamus

    I blame Obama.

    • fuflans

      yup me too.

    • finallyhappy

      If he was to blame, the baby might have a chance of being intelligent

      • PristineODummy

        Not to mention "attractive." The entire Palin clan looks like the zombies had already descended upon them and feasted to their hearts' content.

  • fuflans

    these fucking people.

  • Nostrildamus

    There must be something in the Alaska water. I'm guessing sperm.

    • nonbeliever7

      Beautiful, I'm wiping mtn dew off my desk.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Brit + Levi = Jordash

  • SorosBot

    Oh god, I made the mistake of reading the comments; the actual Gawker-ers are all fine, but the whole thing has been taken over by an insane misogynist troll who claims that all single and/or childless women must hate themselves, talks to women like he is talking to a five-year-old, and thinks being an investment banker is something to brag about instead of something to be ashamed of.

    • flamingpdog

      I think I know this guy – had to block him on Facebook.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Isn't that guy a twit? Among other things, he seems to have completely lost track of the fact that Brisket is not, after all, married.

      Oh and, he says he "works at an investment bank". That could mean a lot of things, of which "is an investment banker" is only one.

      • SorosBot

        The flaming asshat actually wrote, "A woman without a man is like a car without a driver." At first, I thought he must be a parody, he's worse than any caricature of a condescending woman-hater I could come up with, but he kept going and going on and on.

        As a man, I want to smack the guy, hard and repeatedly; and think that if I were a woman I'd want to rip his balls off.

        • finallyhappy

          A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. That was what we said in the 70s

        • zhubajie

          I'd guess he's a man without a woman

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        He's probably the creepy janitor that makes everyone who works late just a bit uneasy.

        • finallyhappy

          at one place I worked-the creepy janitor(or possibly the big boss- who knows- ) started taking dumps on the sweaters women would leave on the backs of our chairs. Someone would come in, find their sweater placed across the seat of their chair – and a turd in the middle.

    • Steverino247

      Let's hope he's busted in the Investment Banker prostitution ring. That would be sweet.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Yet another reason why Wonkette is the only place worth commenting in the Whole Wide Web.

  • Isyaignert

    They're almost like Catholics, make more of them … whatever … make more damn it!!

  • MozakiBlocks

    How about "Fornicate Palin"?

    • PristineODummy

      tl;dr

    • comrad_darkness

      The Palins would never agree to truth in advertising.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/FlipOffResearch FlipOffResearch

    May I suggest Abstinence Blanket Palin?

    BTW, "abstinence blanket" is my new official term for come rag.

  • GhostBuggy

    This Britta woman, I'm sure she loves her husband. I'm sure he's probably okay, just a guy living his life, has this crazy-ass family. I don't know. But Britta, what do you suppose goes through her mind at night, in bed, when it's quiet?

    I've been with significant others with absolute batshit-crazy families that were not like their families. But do you suppose, in her most secret moments, her thoughts turn to Sarah, and the monstrous absurdity of the woman?

    • Negropolis

      If you've ever read about Track, you know that the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. He may not be kept as close as Bristol was/is, but he's still a Palin in a very real way. I definitely wouldn't be too hard on him hasn't sought the spotlight, but he's not one of those rebellious black sheep that went off and became a liberal Democrat in spite of his family, either.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    How about Makin?

    So someday, someone can introduce Makin Palin to Failin Bacon.

  • 3_Piece_Suet

    Who knew the Palins were Mexican??

    • Negropolis

      You should be punished for that avatar.

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    That boy Track sure seems to be making an awful lot of questionable life decisions which force his actions, you know what I mean? Anyway, good luck to the young couple. She is a looker.

  • zhubajie

    Twins! Name them Yukon and Jack!

  • zhubajie

    Am I the only one who assumes that Track has NOT been preserving his vessel in purity, while in Iraq, land of hot-blooded women and temporary marriages? I still have suspicions that he has a Shi'a or Yezidi needing to be rescued when that helos-on-the-embassy-roof moment comes.

    • HistoriCat

      Miss Baghdad – coming to Broadway in 20 or 30 years.

    • PristineODummy

      Aren't the Yazidi so secretive about their religion that not even the Yazidi know who's Yazidi? Well, except for "the devil is in the lettuce" part, anyway.

      • zhubajie

        >

  • PuglyDoRight

    I like Quiff Palin, but I suppose it depends on whether it's a boy or girl.

  • zhubajie

    So, which Palins have NOT been knocked up?

  • Poindexter718

    Have ya thought about "Skillet?" Skillet's a nice name…

  • http://thcsupport.com/blog/ tomjothc

    America weeps this evening, because someone in the Palin family is apparently pregnant again. No, it is not Piper (yet), it is that girl Britta, who had a denim-themed wedding to Track Palin on top of a mountain back in May.
    Medical Marijuana Cards in Alaska

  • bflrtsplk

    Let's see. What rhymes with Track? How abooouuut – Crack Palin?

  • Negropolis

    I'm kind of partial to…

    Mack Truck Palin
    Lou Sarah Palin
    Triptophan von Hohenzollern Palin
    Pax Ramona Palin
    McCain Palin
    Munniemayker Palin
    Mealtickette Palin
    Spite Palin
    The White Precious Palin

    • PubOption

      Spite is certainly an apt name for a Palin.

      • Negropolis

        As is Envy, Greed, Sloth, Vainglory, Pride, etc…

  • DashboardBuddha

    Skidder* Palin

    *It's a logging thing.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Also a laundry thing.

      • DashboardBuddha

        Are you referring to Sergent's Stripes?

        • ChessieNefercat

          Also an alien thing. Yes, I watched "Falling Skies." (hangs head)

    • PristineODummy

      I suspect I know the makeup of those "logs" more intimately than I want to.

  • MrFizzy

    would someone please put a cork in these people?

  • libtardbot

    Submitted for your approval, in no particular order:
    Axe Palin
    Ratchet Palin
    Skid Palin
    Truck Palin
    Tank Palin
    Brick Palin
    Rock Palin
    Fist Palin
    Slab Palin
    Buff Palin
    Punt Palin
    Stab Palin
    Chop Palin
    Chuck Norris Palin

    • El Pinche

      Kunt Seagram Palin

    • PristineODummy

      I really like Punt, but you might need a different consonant there.

  • comrad_darkness

    The more religious "conservative" you are, the younger your children are rutting like horny rabbits.

    Also: Can someone please tell the red state kids where babies come from. Thank you.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Kristol Palin. Why not?

    • PristineODummy

      Middle name "Meth"?

  • GortRay

    I like Crud, Turd or Stool as future Palin spawn names.

  • El Pinche

    This story makes me want to drink wine coolers, drunkfuck semi-rxtxrded hillbillies, and have mentally challenged baby miracles to use as political props/human shields in which to base my TLC reality series on. I love real America.

    • ChessieNefercat

      I read that too quickly and saw "human windshields." She would, wouldn't she?

  • LaMareada

    Where is the media investigation on how Track Palin's stint in the military was the shortest of any enlistee for the past 10 years?

    The military isn't letting any able body leave after a year or two. In fact they're forcing seriously injured soldiers stay until their bodies and minds are completely collapsed. Probably some incident that any other soldier would be court martialled and locked in the brig for a long time.

    (BTW Track's best friend from Wasilla is on trial in Washington State this week for killing Afghan civilians, taking obscene photos with them, and collecting body parts.)

  • squirmisher

    We can only hope that this child turns into the Ron Reagan Jr. of the Palin clan.

    • Negropolis

      And, just our luck, he'll probably turn out to be Michael Reagan. Man, I hate that guy.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Credit where due: at least Britta's parents look like they should be grandparents. Meanwhile, Sarah has only just hit 47, & she has (will have) two grandchildren.

  • Redhead

    Can I point out that women don't START showing till usually their third or fourth month? Emphasis on start. In the Gawker pics, that girl looks about seven months preggers – and is that her at a baby shower (which is usually not held until around seven months at least, if not a couple weeks before the due date)?

    As for names, may I suggest Whoops, Dammit, IThoughtYouWerePullingOut and 99PercentEffectiveMyAss.

  • franco_pinyon

    Like minks. These people are like minks. Except not cute.

    • PristineODummy

      Also, their pelts aren't worth as much.

      • ChessieNefercat

        Except for the babbies. Look how much Bristlebutt has made off of little Tripp.

  • MissTaken

    She's not pregnant in the picture. See, she's wearing a white jacket over her jeans, because she's a pure virgin. And that bouquet over her belly was not strategically placed to hide an ever-expanding belly, either. Nope, definitely not.

  • ChessieNefercat

    My apologies if someone suggested this first:

    CHUD

  • PristineODummy

    The current partner would like to offer the following names for discussion:

    Shrug
    Bongo

    I would like to add

    Dingus.

    Dingus Palin has quite the ring to it.

  • Negropolis

    This is just too easy…

    Tractor Pull Palin
    Lot Lizard Palin
    Amendment Palin, II
    Slim Jim Palin
    Marie Antoinette Palin
    Excursion/Expedition/Escalade Palin

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Silly Wonkette. Abstinence is for girls, not boys.

  • FlyOverGirl

    Good god. A baby shower. How far along is she???

  • magginkat

    Watch for the sudden labor and of course he/she will be an 7 lb premature baby!!