THE CONFEDERATE FLAG LOBBY WINS AGAIN  1:45 pm July 20, 2011

Confederate Memorial Is Lone Alabama State Park To Avoid Funding Cuts

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

also, tax money for truck nutz?It is hard times, hard choices in Alabama, where legislators have been forced like in many other states to slash funding for their state parks and historical monuments because of priorities, etc. “But who will think of the trees and the history?” Eh, no one, next question. “But who will think of the racists?” OH HEY, that is a better question. Good point, Alabama will keep exactly one state park in pristine condition, the one that is dedicated to remembering America’s original 9/11, the loss of the Confederacy. That’s worth a property tax, isn’t it?

An old Confederate veterans’ pension tax on today’s property owners, whether or not those folks are nostalgic about slavery, continues to funnel a solid half million in funds annually to keeping some Confederate flags flying over recently cut grass.

From the AP:

The tax once brought in millions for Confederate pensions, but lawmakers sliced up the levy and sent money elsewhere as the men and their wives died. No one has seriously challenged the continued use of the money for a memorial to the “Lost Cause,” in part because few realize it exists; one long-serving black legislator who thought the tax had been done away with said he wants to eliminate state funding for the park.

These days, 150 years after the Civil War started, officials say the old tax typically brings in more than $400,000 annually for the park, where Confederate flags flapped on a recent steamy afternoon. That’s not much compared to Alabama’s total operating budget of $1.8 billion, but it’s sufficient to give the park plenty of money to operate and even enough for investments, all at a time when other historic sites are struggling just to keep the grass cut for lack of state funding.

The Confederate Memorial Park is just keeping all those Confederate flag manufacturers in business in this tough economy, what was that Helen Keller home over there even doing?  [AP]

 

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{ 244 comments }

Andrew Drinker July 20, 2011 at 1:46 pm

This is good news for Skoal! And Grizzly!

fuflans July 20, 2011 at 2:35 pm

where IS skoal?

nounverb911 July 20, 2011 at 1:47 pm

The South shall rise again?

genxr July 20, 2011 at 2:11 pm

It will, thanks to teh soshulizms!

Doktor Zoom July 20, 2011 at 2:44 pm

If nothing else, my gorge is rising again

Redhead July 20, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Their waistlines shall.

zhubajie July 20, 2011 at 8:10 pm

It'll have to lose a lot of weight first!

Rotundo_ July 20, 2011 at 8:19 pm

I hate it when someone throws this one out, it brings out the bad manners in me, aw hell…
Because shit floats.

nounverb911 July 20, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Talk about sore losers.

Barb July 20, 2011 at 1:49 pm

"…all at a time when other historic sites are struggling just to keep the grass cut for lack of state funding."
I'm surprised no one has suggested to let Forrest Gump cut the grass. How far could this be away from Greenbow?

OneDollarJuana July 20, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Let's follow the North Korean model and let the Alabamanians eat the grass.

Doktor Zoom July 20, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Nahh, they're too busy living it up with their fancy amenities

Callyson July 20, 2011 at 4:07 pm

I'll be surprised if the people who are cutting the grass have their papers, never mind Alabama's slavish copying of Arizona's SB 1070 law…

zhubajie July 20, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Turn cows and sheep out onto the grass.

Chillwaver July 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Are they keeping their plantations as well? The last thing we need is yet another hissy fit from Allen "Plantation Republican" West….

OhHellToTheNo July 20, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Uncle Tom's Cabin is a national park, I believe. So he should be fine.

SorosBot July 20, 2011 at 2:05 pm

But Uncle Tom's Cabin was about how slavery was cruel and evil; a good non-uppity Plantation Republican wouldn't want it to be honored.

flamingpdog July 20, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Allen West thinks that Uncle Tom's Cabin national park is honoring him.

genxr July 20, 2011 at 2:12 pm

That's why it was turned into a Creationist theme park in 1997.

OhHellToTheNo July 20, 2011 at 2:17 pm

And why it's always sold out.

Terry July 20, 2011 at 2:08 pm

It is a county park, actually: http://www.montgomeryparks.org/PPSD/Cultural_Reso

But historians doubt that this building is really the cabin. It appears more to be the kitchen or some other working building on the old farm.

OhHellToTheNo July 20, 2011 at 2:15 pm

I hope this is featured in a vacation episode of Parks & Rec.

Terry July 20, 2011 at 2:19 pm

I'd like to point out that this county park is NOT a monument to imagined "good old days", but presents a frank discussion of slavery. Why? Because this park is in Maryland, not Alabama.

flamingpdog July 20, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Ooops! Not only not in Alabama but in Sochulism Central, Murlun'!

memzilla July 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm

Another win for Plantation Republicans!

BornInATrailer July 20, 2011 at 1:51 pm

Right back at you. Your move again, Arizona.

GunToting[Redacted] July 20, 2011 at 3:14 pm

Please don't tempt us…

Callyson July 20, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Actually…
Alabama's Extreme Immigration Law Even Trumps Arizona's SB 1070: http://americasvoiceonline.org/blog/entry/Alabama

Biel_ze_Bubba July 22, 2011 at 8:39 am

People actually immigrate TO Alabama??

OhHellToTheNo July 20, 2011 at 1:54 pm

This park will win the War of Defunding Aggression and the Tax Will Rise Again!

SpurningBeer July 20, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Tax cuts are an unalloyed good, but losing a park dedicated to the Confederacy would be bad.

This is the Alabama equivalent of the famous Jewish dilemma, pork at half price.

horsedreamer_1 July 20, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Such comestible is traif, but to ignore a bargain is the greater sin.

zhubajie July 20, 2011 at 8:24 pm

There was a debate in some journal of kashrut studies a few years ago: what if you have a pig with solid hooves?

SpurningBeer July 20, 2011 at 8:38 pm

I think that with gene splicing, a cloven-hoofed, ruminant pig should be a practical possibility.

But it may all be unnecessary, since I have heard that anything in a Chinese restaurant is considered glatt kosher by some authorities.

zhubajie July 21, 2011 at 7:40 pm

>

Negropolis July 21, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Why do you keep doing this? This is worse than your usual spamming.

DoktorThompson July 20, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Surely they could detain some of those Mexicans escaping from Georgia to cut the grass.

JoshuaNorton July 20, 2011 at 1:55 pm

It's very important to preserve the Bigots 'n Traitors Memorial Park. If not Alabama, then who? If not now then when?

Besides, the rebs never would have surrendered if they hadn't run out of places to hide.

zhubajie July 20, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Jeff Davis' cell in the Dry Tortugas.

Lascauxcaveman July 20, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Well, you want a nicely manicured lawn for your klan rallies.

horsedreamer_1 July 20, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Exactly. Unkempt grass & other vegetation would be liable to start a conflagration if the flames leaped off the cross.

Crank_Tango July 20, 2011 at 1:56 pm

Friggin democrats and their racism. The Party of Lincoln wouldn't be into this shit.

BlueStateLibel July 20, 2011 at 2:01 pm

The party of Lincoln would have put that Confederate cemetary right outside the steps of the state capital so that Alabama politicans would have been reminded for generations what a stupid idea it was to turn traitor against the U.S. government.

Terry July 20, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Sort of like siezing Robert E. Lee's estate in Arlington to create the national veterans' cemetary? "General, you fought on the other side, so we're going to bury the dead in your yard."

gullywompr July 20, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Worse than that, it was his mom's house. Abe was just straight-up gangsta.

Terry July 20, 2011 at 3:29 pm

Abe was singing in the Heavenly Choir at that point, iirc.

Doktor Zoom July 20, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Hey, did you know that Robert Byrd was in the KKK once, and Martin Luther King was a Republican?

Also, the Nazis were the National SOCIALIST Party and Obama said he visited 57 states.

imissopus July 20, 2011 at 3:18 pm

Either downfisty is hitting only you or someone's snark meter is broken. I got you going back in the direction of positive territory.

Doktor Zoom July 20, 2011 at 3:22 pm

I guess that's just the price I pay for being the Rosa Parks of snark.

gullywompr July 20, 2011 at 3:29 pm

JFK was a conservative, Bush was a liberal, the Civil War had nothing to do with slavery, and Ronald Reagan was the best president this country has ever had.

zhubajie July 20, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Likewise, the sky is green, the grass is blue, and the sun rises on the West side of this best of all possible flat worlds!

zhubajie July 20, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Panta rhei. Right now, the Republicans want to impose serfdom on most Americans, to the benefit of a few fake aristocrats. Why should I go along with that? Right now, the Democrats have lots of problems, but the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

James Michael Curley July 20, 2011 at 1:58 pm

$400K That's nothing. Chris Christie cut $537,000 (75% of its operating budget) from a shelter and counseling center for sexually abused children.

LesBontemps July 20, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Hell Chris Christie could eat $400k for breakfast, and still ask for a Danish!

Terry July 20, 2011 at 2:11 pm

New Jersey needs to learn from this. They should never elect Republicans.

James Michael Curley July 20, 2011 at 2:40 pm

We're working on it.

GOPCrusher July 20, 2011 at 2:48 pm

A lot of states are learning this lesson. The next time you think elections have no consequences, get off your lazy ass and go vote.

genxr July 20, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Were these the sexually abused children of Confederate veterans? No. Next question.

Doktor Zoom July 20, 2011 at 2:52 pm

Also, I bet that the shelter was wasting a lot of tax dollars on nonsense like TV's and air conditioning and ovens and stoves. Probably even bought kids clothes that didn't come from thrift stores, too.

prommie July 20, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Fat Fuck is a Catholic; if sexually abused children get shelter and counseling, they are likely to rat out the priests who abused them.

SorosBot July 20, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Well at least Jersey isn't a heavily Catholic state with several dioceses which had huge numbers of pedophile priests, even worse than elsewhere in the US.

Oh wait…

comrad_darkness July 20, 2011 at 2:28 pm

That's less than his donut catering budget.

James Michael Curley July 20, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Or one stop at Five Guys.

user-of-owls July 20, 2011 at 3:02 pm

And here I thought constructing a viable sentence containing "cut the fat" and "Chris Christie" was a logical impossibility. Huh.

gullywompr July 20, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Fist-worthy. +1 internets to you, sir.

James Michael Curley July 20, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Yes, but he has rendered the center inoperable.

BlueStateLibel July 20, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Then he took a state helicopter to an-all-you-can-eat restaurant, landed in the parking lot, and had a state limo drive him to the door!

Rotundo_ July 20, 2011 at 8:29 pm

He then consumed the buffet, evacuated his bowels, breaking the restroom facilities and flooding the restaurant with feces and demanded the restaurant staff wipe his ass since he could no longer reach it. He then left was chauffered from the door to the parking lot, and helo'ed back to the gubbner's mansion where staff spent several hours attempting to locate his penis without success.

comrad_darkness July 20, 2011 at 1:58 pm

They will continue to waste money to honor getting their ass kicked. Priorities people!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 22, 2011 at 8:41 am

Never Fergit!

mereoblivion July 20, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Hey, Helen Keller's the one on their state quarter, not Jeff Davis. Has anyone bothered to phone that beloved commie lesbian and ask her to speak out on how she sees the whole issue?

SexySmurf July 20, 2011 at 1:59 pm

I tried to call but for some reason she wasn't picking up her phone.

MissTaken July 20, 2011 at 2:03 pm

I don't see what you are getting at.

SexySmurf July 20, 2011 at 2:04 pm

Neither did Helen.

MissTaken July 20, 2011 at 2:06 pm

That's what I heard, too.

weejee July 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Here's lookin' at ya.

Negropolis July 21, 2011 at 1:38 am

That's what she said/signed.

James Michael Curley July 20, 2011 at 2:43 pm

W, W, W, water, water.

widestanceroman July 20, 2011 at 2:09 pm

She has not replied to my text, either.

Terry July 20, 2011 at 2:12 pm

Jeff Davis was from Mississippi, not Alabama. His home, at least the one he retired to, is on the coast near Biloxi. Hurricane Katrina did kick the hell out of it, though.

elviouslyqueer July 20, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Has anyone bothered to phone that beloved commie lesbian and ask her to speak out on how she sees the whole issue?

Now now. Helen was probably a damn sight more butch than poor Jeffy, who wasn't exactly Mr. Masculinity.

HistoriCat July 20, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Look – just because a leader on the run is captured while wearing a dress doesn't mean anything! It was a total mistake and could have happened to anyone.

elviouslyqueer July 20, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Heh. This, of course, is my favorite part:

Davis wrote that he had mistaken his wife's overcoat for his own, and that she had thrown her shawl over his head and shoulders for protection against a rainstorm.

Or shorter Jeff Davis: "Tito, my hair!"

Rotundo_ July 20, 2011 at 8:35 pm

I'm not familiar with that little history McNugget, what a gem! So if I wore a tee shirt with Jeffie's image in drag to a reinactors' get together it might raise a few eyebrows, even if historically correct? May have to get one to go along with the W.T. Sherman barbecue tour of the south tee…

user-of-owls July 20, 2011 at 3:37 pm

My buddy used to always say, "All the drivers in Boston are graduates of the Helen Keller School of Parallel Parking. Back up til you feel a bump, pull forward til the bump, and so forth."

I miss my buddy.

GOPCrusher July 20, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Sounds like Omaha. A car isn't considered broken in until one of the fenders is caved in.
And a Nebraska grad will sit through a green light until it turns red because, well, Go Big Red!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 22, 2011 at 8:46 am

"Parking by Braille" is popular enough in NYC to make the "Bumper Bully" a huge seller.

GhostBuggy July 20, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Since Tea Baggers are so concerned with the Constitution, perhaps they can show me where in it there is a call for funding a memorial for a bunch of fucking traitors?

GhostBuggy July 20, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Ha ha, Downfister is quick on the draw today. Unlike his fellow Southerners during the Civil War.

inapewetrust July 20, 2011 at 1:59 pm

gotta support the troops! the long-dead, slave state troops.

MissTaken July 20, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Property tax for a Confederacy memorial: A-ok. Gotta keep those trees in ship-shape for lynching time!

hagajim July 20, 2011 at 2:01 pm

What this tax says to me is "We really, really wish we were back in the good old days when them negroes knew their place."

ifthethunderdontgetya July 20, 2011 at 2:01 pm

What's all this I hear about plantain Republics?
~

proudgrampa July 20, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Well done, Buffett buff!

SayItWithWookies July 20, 2011 at 2:01 pm

On the bright side, they're not using the money to blow up black churches.

LettucePrey July 20, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Well, in Birmingham they love the governor!

Chet Kincaid July 20, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Is that from the KFC theme song?

CapeClod July 20, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Sounds like their Cadillac has a wheel in the ditch and a wheel on the track.

Redhead July 20, 2011 at 3:09 pm

My first thought when I read the story was whether it was better to just let them have the one (socialist tax-payer funded) park, as it would give them an outlet for teh crazy racist instead of spray-painting churches or some other shit.

flamingpdog July 20, 2011 at 2:02 pm

I don't supposed the cemetery there is named Nathan Forrest Lawn?

P. S. Don't read the linked article immediately after dining.

Steverino247 July 20, 2011 at 2:14 pm

From the website: "A self-made millionaire planter and slave trader from Memphis…" How can you call anyone associated with slavery a "self-made" anything? You have to give some folks at least 3/5's credit!

MissusBarry July 20, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Thanks for the warning, I have a sandwich in hand.

SayItWithWookies July 20, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Fortunately the grammar is so repellant I can't but dip my toes into the subject matter — when an article's opening sentence is "Gen. Forrest was one of the most incredible stories of the war," you know the rest of the piece is going to memorialize the haphazard and sloppy thinking that made slavery and the entire atebellum culture a tragedy perpetrated by half-witted clowns.

GunToting[Redacted] July 20, 2011 at 3:20 pm

So he was a story? Thank FSM he wasn't a real person.

SayItWithWookies July 20, 2011 at 3:37 pm

And of course I misspell antebellum while criticizing some illiterate racist slob. Dammit.

SorosBot July 20, 2011 at 2:35 pm

I didn't know D.W. Griffith was still alive.

proudgrampa July 20, 2011 at 2:37 pm

What's this I hear about a cemetery named after Nathan Lane? He was great in "The Producers…" Huh? Oh. Never mind.

BornInATrailer July 20, 2011 at 4:00 pm

"Forrest made his fortune in part as a slave trader. There were good slave traders, and there were bad. Forrest was a good one."

Oh, well that is different then. Friggin' "northern press"

horsedreamer_1 July 20, 2011 at 2:02 pm

I've said it before, I'll say it again: FDR was wrong.

He never should have funded the TVA.

Duly_Noted July 20, 2011 at 3:11 pm

I think you can go back further. Instead of funding the Civil War Lincoln should have spent the money to build a large, wide fence.

horsedreamer_1 July 20, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Crocodiles in the Ohio River? Crocodiles in the Ohio River.

thefrontpage July 20, 2011 at 2:03 pm

July 20, 2011

Alabama State Department of Parks and Recreation

Press Release:

Upcoming Activities at The Confederate Memorial Park, Summer, 2011

The Alabama Confederate Memorial Park is pleased as punch to announce some upcoming activities and events for the summer of 2011:

1. Chuck Norris Night. All ages.

2. Rush Limbaugh Night. All ages.

3. Ted Nugent Night. All ages.

4. Make Your own Confederate Flag Night. All ages.

5. Lecture: Racist Revisionist Southern History. Recommended for ages 16 and up.

6. David Dukes Night. All ages.

7. Aryan Nation Night. Adults, 18 and up.

8. NASCAR Model Car Building Night. Recommended for kids 7-12.

9. Sarah Palin live appearance and book signing. All ages. Please arrive early–we're expecting more than 500 people at this.

10. Michelle Bachmann live appearance. Sponsored by Advil. (The Advil free samples are only for adults 18 and up.)

# # #

DustBowlBlues July 20, 2011 at 11:08 pm

What a lineup. Excellently done, frontpage.

Crank_Tango July 20, 2011 at 2:03 pm

wow–two downfisters in here today–you guys must be big fans of treason, huh?

ifthethunderdontgetya July 20, 2011 at 2:06 pm

Two downfisters = Spanky's left hand "Spanky2" and Spanky's right hand "Spanky2b".

And no, you wouldn't want to shake hands with him.
~

SorosBot July 20, 2011 at 2:03 pm

"Southern by the grace of god"? Huh, and here I thought the Southerners loved their god; but here they go blaming him for being born in the most ass-backwards part of the US.

MissusBarry July 20, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Their heads are so far up their ass-backwardness that they think they're looking forward.

GOPCrusher July 20, 2011 at 3:51 pm

To be fair, these are the same people that stand in the wreckage of their trailer park after the tornado/hurricane has passed through, and tell the news crew "By God's hand, we were saved."

zhubajie July 20, 2011 at 8:33 pm

Southerners have real achievements in music and literature, but that's not what most of the boasters boast about. :-(

tymberwolf817 July 21, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Faulkner who?

mavenmaven July 20, 2011 at 2:04 pm

…fapping to Confederate flags on a steamy afternoon… fixed.

elviouslyqueer July 20, 2011 at 2:04 pm

State Rep. Alvin Holmes, a black Democrat who's been in the Legislature since 1974, said he thought funding for the park had been slashed. "We should not be spending one nickel for that," said Holmes, of Montgomery. "I'm going to try to get rid of it." Holmes may have a hard time gaining support with Republicans in control of Legislature and the governor's office.

So when is Fox News going to run the chryon "Alabama Republicans (D)"? Time's a-wastin', fellas!

MissTaken July 20, 2011 at 2:08 pm

So odd because the Republicans are usually totally for slashing government funds and lowering tax burdens. Strange really.

Sharkey July 20, 2011 at 2:06 pm

I'm Glad I'm Not in Dixie's Land.

elviouslyqueer July 20, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Look away, look away!

Goonemeritus July 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Your move South Carolina!

Wadisay July 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm

If I was a black man living in Alabama, I would pay this tax in Confederate money.

genxr July 20, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Support our troops! They fought for your freedom!

ThundercatHo July 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm

And just what do the Sweet Tea Baggers have to say about this unnecessary tax, huh? Oh, it's to honor people who used to enslave, torture, rape and kill the nigras? Like the uppity one in the White House? That's ok then.

MrFizzy July 20, 2011 at 2:07 pm

Meanwhile these fat, white dumbfucks are getting back three dollars for every dollar of federal tax they grudgingly pay. Please lord, let them form their own country. They can call it South Cracker.

axmxz July 20, 2011 at 2:08 pm

Alabama: pro-life in utero, pro-troops post mortem.

elviouslyqueer July 20, 2011 at 2:14 pm

All others pay cash.

gullywompr July 20, 2011 at 2:10 pm

I hear that Watergate doesn't bother them either.

comrad_darkness July 20, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Does your conscience bother you?

Oblios_Cap July 20, 2011 at 2:35 pm

And they don't need Mr. Young around, anyhow.

SorosBot July 20, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Does a plane crash bother you?

gullywompr July 20, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Depends. Was Ted Stevens on it?

Goonemeritus July 20, 2011 at 2:10 pm

You know why the Northern states don’t do this kind of thing? It’s because we won we don’t have to dwell on it.

comrad_darkness July 20, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Dwell on what?

zhubajie July 20, 2011 at 8:35 pm

Grand Army of the Republic memorials are pretty aggressive. One in Bloomington, IN, shows our heroes jumping over a split rail fence to bayonet Confederates.

tymberwolf817 July 21, 2011 at 1:29 pm

There's also the massive one to Sherman in Brooklyn. It's Arc-de-Triumphe worthy.

Negropolis July 21, 2011 at 1:45 am

That, and well, we never really saw anyone as having "won" the war. A lot of us didn't want to fight it in the first place, and clinically depressed Lincoln didn't exactly take public joy in running the South into the ground. You know, a lot of Northerners at the time would have been perfectly content with the South not shelling Fort Sumter. We didn't start it, but I'll be damned if we didn't finish it.

Sue4466 July 20, 2011 at 2:10 pm

From the looks of Alabama, no one would ever guess they spent $1.8 billion on it annually.

Who's their accountant? Bernie Madoff?

OneDollarJuana July 20, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Sweet tea and Popeye's chicken.

Troglodeity July 20, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Well, as they say, old times there are not forgotten.

widestanceroman July 20, 2011 at 2:11 pm

Grass stains would not be proper on the white-sheeted masters.

Nostrildamus July 20, 2011 at 2:12 pm

what was that Helen Keller home over there even doing?

Can't see nuthin' from there.

ManchuCandidate July 20, 2011 at 2:13 pm

Well, in the Harry Turtledove Universe that would never have happened.

You know, the universe where many Southerners seem to think/want/believe they live in but actually don't because it's fake and the Union won?

mrblifil July 20, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Thank god the Union was saved so we could all chip in and commemorate the secessionists and their racist legacy!

Slim_Pickins July 20, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Losers (PERIOD) After the war Grant and Sherman estimated that they had eliminated 95+% of the hardcore confederates. Look what 150 years brings.

horsedreamer_1 July 20, 2011 at 2:33 pm

The Civil War was the original Intifadah.

James Michael Curley July 20, 2011 at 2:53 pm

Your avatar and userid is the win for the day. "Shoot, a feller could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.”

Allmighty_Manos July 20, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Are rednecks who got their hands blown off trying to bomb black churches in the 60s eligible for disability checks?

Monsieur_Grumpe July 20, 2011 at 2:18 pm

This South sounds like an interesting place. I must visit some time.

Oblios_Cap July 20, 2011 at 2:37 pm

The beaches are great and the food's not bad. The company, if you're not in a college town, definitely leaves something to be desired.

zhubajie July 20, 2011 at 8:37 pm

Memphis and New Orleans are the most interesting towns.

Steverino247 July 20, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Alabama: Comfortably Dumb.

proudgrampa July 20, 2011 at 2:18 pm

#jokesirememberfromthirdgrade

"First Prize, a blind date with Stevie Wonder, right on right on!"

OneDollarJuana July 20, 2011 at 2:29 pm

She can masturbate and moan at the same time with one hand tied behind her back.

#jokesirememberfromthirdgrade

DashboardBuddha July 20, 2011 at 2:41 pm

The date's off…Stevie is playing tennis with Ray Charles…endless love

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 20, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Finally, we have found a tax that Conservatives support and don't want to cut. And they said it could not be done.

HistoriCat July 20, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Damn it – I knew someone would beat me to it.

OhHellToTheNo July 20, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Let's all step back and take a moment to ask ourselves:

What would Leslie Knope do?

Who cares! Ron Swanson says shut that shit down!

Redhead July 20, 2011 at 3:20 pm

Nah, they both say to turn it into a memorial for Sebastian the pony.

Come here a minute July 20, 2011 at 2:22 pm

We can not snark on this Confederate Memorial Park. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled in Alabama for the only park they'll pay taxes to maintain, have snarked it, far above our poor power to add or detract.

Pragmatist2 July 20, 2011 at 2:23 pm

The center of the park features the stately old Hanging Tree and the gift shop sells the loveliest white hoods.

genxr July 20, 2011 at 2:37 pm

And visit the park cafe. Try the house specialty, strange fruit salad.

Negropolis July 21, 2011 at 1:49 am

…loveliest white hoods

Made of the finest, Negro-picked cotton.

Oh, the entire irony that is the South.

prommie July 20, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Anyone read any good books lately?

comrad_darkness July 20, 2011 at 2:27 pm

I've been enjoying Wells Tower's short stories. Wait, was this a serious question?

SorosBot July 20, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Was wondering the same myself. I managed to finish A Dance With Dragons by Friday – yes, just four days; I'm a nerd; but some people said they finished it on Wednesday, and I wonder how that's possible unless someone is unemployed or actually took off just to read the book (which would make them even nerdier than I).

Doktor Zoom July 20, 2011 at 3:34 pm

I'm going to answer minus snark: I recently finished a brilliant neo-Western, Patrick DeWitt's The Sisters Brothers, which was just wonderful. Anyone who enjoyed the Coen Brothers' True Grit should read this novel. Hell, never mind that it's sort of a Western–it's just feckin' GOOD.

prommie July 20, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Yes, yes, it was serious, I am looking for something to read. Vacation coming up.

OneDollarJuana July 20, 2011 at 2:42 pm

No-one in Alabama.

Angry_Marmot July 20, 2011 at 2:44 pm

From the remainder table in the gift shop, The Kathleen Turner Diaries and something called Mine Camp.

gullywompr July 20, 2011 at 3:51 pm

I went to Mine Camp one summer. Not as much fun as you'd think it would be…

prommie July 20, 2011 at 3:54 pm

This one time, at Mine Camp. . . .

metamarcisf July 20, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Fear and Loathing at the Creation Museum

imissopus July 20, 2011 at 3:10 pm

A Confederacy of Dunces

flamingpdog July 20, 2011 at 3:44 pm

No snark (sort of), if you have some time this weekend and would like to try out the joys of having a stroke after pulling your hair out and screaming at the heavens, read the book I'm finishing up now, Matt Taibbi's "Griftopia".

prommie July 20, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Oy, I already burst several blood vessels reading that.

gullywompr July 20, 2011 at 3:53 pm

The Hayne's repair manual for my F-150.

And you thought us southerners were not well read…

BklynIlluminati July 20, 2011 at 2:26 pm

John Brown's body lies a-mouldering in the grave

weejee July 20, 2011 at 2:28 pm

After Bobby Lee hung 'em on behalf of his then Yanque masters.

Billmatic July 20, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Well at least it's not a plantation, amirite guys?

FakaktaSouth July 20, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Oh my fucking god. This here's going on in my home state while I'm on another wonkette article arguing about how "racists" did/do or didin't/don't do racist stuff just to be dicks anymore. I give up. I have a Michele Bachmann and need excessive pill intake and hospitalization. Obvs.

genxr July 20, 2011 at 2:38 pm

Would it help if I shoved a reporter for you?

FakaktaSouth July 20, 2011 at 2:42 pm

You have no idea. Can I pick the reporter?

elviouslyqueer July 20, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Oh honey, you're from Bamalama? *hands you enough Dilaudid to tranquilize Paraguay*

FakaktaSouth July 20, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Aw, Dilaudid! My Favorite! Thank you!

SorosBot July 20, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Now see, Confederate doesn't necessarily refer to slavery or the Civil War, because the word confederacy has other meanings, and besides someone could be referring to the US under the Articles of Confederation.

GOPCrusher July 20, 2011 at 3:07 pm

The war wasn't about slavery. It was about State's Rights. A state's right to have slavery, but it wasn't about slavery.

FakaktaSouth July 20, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Yeah, cause we are OVER RUN with people who know SO MUCH about the Constitution, so it's TOTES ALWAYS about the Article of Confederation, AND I am SURE that no one here gave a shit about what color all the black people on their confederate plantations were either.
(Thanks. You made my day here.)
I am serious about the meds.

zhubajie July 20, 2011 at 8:40 pm

Well, Minnesota and the Sioux Rebellion of 1862 are much forgotten. Because a mass execution of leaders and total exile for the survivors is too embarrassing.

FakaktaSouth July 20, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Can you imagine if Rick Perry finds out that Michele Bachmann's state holds the record for most executions (38?!) in one day?
Seriously though, I had a "white guilt" label thrown at me earlier today, and I tell you what, I cannot deny the way my stomach hurts when I read anything about how any of the people who were settled upon here were treated. I am often overwhelmed at the human capacity for evil.

weejee July 20, 2011 at 2:37 pm

OT, sorta

Since this thread is on the Heart of Dixie, it seems only fitting to provide the sportsnation that is the Wonkette with a linkie to an ESPN article (first evah?) on the Southeast Conference. The article clearly shows how collegiate sports provide the student athletes with a life-long understanding that hard work, teamwork, and an uncompromising moral ethic lying, cheating, and stealing lead to success.

Hooray! Rah, rah, rah, too & also.

Bet most of our Wonkette profs would wet their vestments for just a few crumbs from the funding hog trough that feeds the NCAA programs.

SorosBot July 20, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Well, lying, cheating and stealing is the road to success in America; just look at Wall Street and our nation's CEOs.

GOPCrusher July 20, 2011 at 3:10 pm
MissTaken July 20, 2011 at 3:03 pm

A criminal mind is a terrible thing to waste

zhubajie July 20, 2011 at 8:41 pm

Well, Chinese universities don't spend a lot of money on sports! But lying and cheating thrive anyway.

CHUDster_Arthur July 20, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Keep your government hands off my Confederate government!

DashboardBuddha July 20, 2011 at 2:40 pm

It doesn't matter…she still recovering from the burns she got from bobbing for french fries.

#jokesirememberfromthirdgrade

calibrit July 20, 2011 at 2:44 pm

I wonder why I'm regularly forced to trot this old Tom Lehrer song out these days?

"I wanna go back to Dixie,
Take me back to dear ol' Dixie,
That's the only li'l ol' place for li'l ol' me.
Ol' times there are not forgotten,
Whuppin' slaves and sellin' cotton,
And waitin' for the robert e. lee.
(it was never there on time.)
I'll go back to the swanee,
Where pellagra makes you scrawny,
And the honeysuckle clutters up the vine
I really am a-fixin'
To go home and start a-mixin'
Down below that Mason-Dixon line.

Oh, poll tax, how I love ya, how I love ya,
My dear old poll tax.

I wanna go back to Dixie
I wanna be a Dixie pixie
And eat cornpone 'til it's comin' outta my ears
I wanna talk with southern gentlemen
And put my white sheet on again,
I ain't seen one good lynchin' in years.
The land of the boll weevil,
Where the laws are medieval,
Is callin' me to come and nevermore roam.
I wanna go back to the Southland,
That "y'all" and "shet-ma-mouth" land,
Be it ever so decadent,
There's no place like home."

gullywompr July 20, 2011 at 3:36 pm

If you've ever lived in the south, you've seen many a conveyance named after a Confederate general. Here in Virginia, we are thick with them. Near me is a ferry named the Jubal Early.

Wilcoxyz July 20, 2011 at 2:45 pm

True story. I once went on a plantation tour in Louisiana. An inventory listing the price of all the slaves and farming equipment was posted near former slave quarters. The guide said it showed that the Southerners "valued" their slaves.

imissopus July 20, 2011 at 3:09 pm

A slave was a valuable fucking thing, you didn't just give it away for free.

Doktor Zoom July 20, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Especially them high yaller gals. They were fuckin' golden.

Negropolis July 21, 2011 at 1:51 am

I laughed, I cried…I cried 'cause I was laughin'.

metamarcisf July 20, 2011 at 2:56 pm

The only thing more sacred to the Alabama state legislators than the Confederate Memorial is the Crimson Tide recruiting budget.

weejee July 20, 2011 at 2:57 pm

zactly so, see above

elviouslyqueer July 20, 2011 at 3:04 pm

LEAVE NICK SABAN ALONE!!!!!11!!!1!!!!

GOPCrusher July 20, 2011 at 3:13 pm

I wonder, how much did Alabama get paid to tank that Alabama/Auburn game so Auburn could play in the National Championship?

Tundra Grifter July 20, 2011 at 2:57 pm

The Confederate pensions were paid out for a surprisingly long time because very elderly former soldiers often married very young women.

The ladies knew they would be set for life.

And the ex-soldiers knew…well, I really don't know what they knew. Or whom.

DustBowlBlues July 20, 2011 at 11:19 pm

Who paid them? Fucking traitors.

Gomez571 July 20, 2011 at 3:07 pm

Can't wait to hear the sputtering dissonance of teabigots defending this tax .
http://www.nonstick.com/sounds/Yosemite_Sam/ltys_

gullywompr July 20, 2011 at 3:10 pm

Alabama getaway, get away.

Seriously. Get the fuck away.

Mumbletypeg July 20, 2011 at 3:10 pm

O/T the twitter debate thingy hosted by Special Edition Cuppholder and whatnot is just starting. No liveblog, I guess?

ETA: ew, it's all just talking points' shorthand, like what co-workers cram into a get-well message in an already-overcrowded greeting card, and Newt whoring his video link. Utterly boring without the snark-enhanced dialogue. I'm going back to painting my friend's living room, which I took some days off my nerd job to do for extra ca$h; she does not read wonkette and will be miffed if she finds painty fingerprints on her laptop here.

GunToting[Redacted] July 20, 2011 at 3:18 pm

When she was bad her parents stomped on her Braille books while wearing golf shoes and left the plunger in the toilet.

#jokesirememberfromthirdgrade

user-of-owls July 20, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Oh, mercy!

Thurman Munster IV July 20, 2011 at 3:25 pm

This is good news for Herman Cain. At least they love Jeebus.

iburl July 20, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Clarence Thomas Approves.

MissTaken July 20, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Well of course you have to keep up the Confederate Memorial Park, where else are the Plantation Republicans going to hold their State party convention?

Callyson July 20, 2011 at 4:20 pm

the old tax typically brings in more than $400,000…sufficient to give the park plenty of money to operate and even enough for investments
Oh, please please please let them invest with the next Bernie Madoff…

Jughead2130 July 20, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Lets just tell the republicans that we want to raise taxes not to balance the budget but to repeal the Thirteenth Ammendment. BOOM! Problem Solved.

Your welcome.

JackObin July 20, 2011 at 5:13 pm

I can't believe I live i the same nation that includes Alabama. What the fuck is wrong with me?

flamingpdog July 21, 2011 at 12:07 am

Every family has a crazy relative that they keep locked up in the basement. Unfortunately, the U.S.'s keeps escaping out the basement window.

Fox n Fiends July 20, 2011 at 5:49 pm

Them Dixiecrats need to put secession back on the agenda, which would solve most of America's problems, btw.

owhatever July 20, 2011 at 6:03 pm

Take down the flag and put it in a museum, close the stupid park and do away with the tax that benefits only dead people. Then tell Alabamanerites what want to worship at that old throne that their income taxes will be raised to fund it. Cling to your bitterness.

PrimlyStable July 20, 2011 at 7:55 pm

Meanwhile, plans for a National Slavery Memorial look doomed because the site is going to be foreclosed due to a lack of funds caused by a massive tax bill.

zhubajie July 20, 2011 at 8:43 pm

Again, the Treaty of Ft. Laramie, which forbade enslaving white people, is much forgotten.

mormos July 20, 2011 at 7:59 pm

*sigh* why don't they just go piss on Teddy's grave? No really, why don't they? If they did Teddy's would rise up and choke them to death for disrespecting him, then we wouldn't have to deal with these clowns anymore.

DangerHelvetica July 20, 2011 at 8:08 pm

Go away, go away, go away, Dixieland.

comrad_darkness July 20, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Bitterly clinging to a treasonous flag. What patriots.

zhubajie July 20, 2011 at 8:31 pm

GAR memorials are pretty aggressive; why not build a few in Alabama, etc.?

zhubajie July 20, 2011 at 8:38 pm

I believe every southern state produced Union army regiments; any memorials for them?

ttommyunger July 20, 2011 at 11:09 pm

They forgot to mention: part of that $400K is paid out in prize money for the annual "So You Think You Can Dance, Southern Style" Contest. Scheduled this year so far: Clarence Thomas, Allen West, Herman Cain and Allen Keyes doing the "Buck and Wing".

flamingpdog July 21, 2011 at 12:11 am

Do they still do that with the audience firing pistols into the floor?

ttommyunger July 21, 2011 at 12:29 pm

One can only hope!

DustBowlBlues July 20, 2011 at 11:22 pm

Has anyone but I noticed that since the Republitards and Teabaglians got a few Uncle Toms to talk crazy and sound like one of them, they Racism among has hit virulent on the meter? Look–we have crazy Adam West and Uncle Cain–we can't be racist. Therefore, break out the traitorous flags and "southern pride."

They ought to be their Toms to a real test and send them applications for membership in the KKK.

glamourdammerung July 21, 2011 at 12:03 am

I can think of a new area to train the military to drop bombs at.

DustBowlBlues July 21, 2011 at 1:38 am

Welcome to "our" wonkette, Kirsten! The moment you used trucknutz in the alt text (or whatever it is. I have a mac and don't do any keyboard shit to see it) you truly became a part of the, ugh, well, let's say family. Also.

Negropolis July 21, 2011 at 1:54 am

Why can't the KKK pay for this park? This is a socialist scheme. Let the private secotr "job creators" run this thing.

L188188 July 21, 2011 at 10:18 am

Fuckin' goofy southerners with their sleeveless shirts and junky cars and small brains.

gullywompr July 20, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Pfft! You libtards and your "historical accuracy".

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