she hath not a penis

Allen West Shall Not Endeavor To Respect A Female That Speak Ill of Him

this be where the ladies do belongOH THE WIMMINS, they are oft distasteful to the manhood of olde Allen West, when they doth speak in their loud voices. Offered prayer he has, mightily, that Females should find fit to lower their shrieks and guard silence! Yet the Females have not heeded his most Gentlemanly beseechments. Behold thy Congressfemale Debbie Wasserman Schulz, most vile wench, who hast defamed his great politicks by remembering to the Public that Gentleman West sees proper to visit Hardeships upon the oldes and peasants that he might offer respite from taxation to the Rich. Fie! This is vile, he sayeth vile once more!

Thusly West shall serve his drubbing: “Understand that I shall defend myself forthright against your heinous characterless behavior…you are not a Lady” he spaketh to the wench Debbie Wasserman Schultz, “therefore, you shall not be accorded due respect from me!” He showeth her!

Reporteth McClatchy:

In his verbal explosion, the Plantation Republican suggested his beef with Wasserman Schultz began in October 2010 and “the disgusting protest you ordered at my campaign” headquarters in Deerfield Beach, West said in his email. But what finally set West off was the fact that Wasserman Schultz, the Democratic National Committee chair, said on the House floor that it was “unbelievable from a Member from South Florida” to support a plan that slashes Medicaid and Medicare “in favor of protecting tax breaks for Big Oil, millionaires, and companies who ship American jobs overseas.” She never identified West by name.

West, who had left the House floor by that point, then dashed off his retort.

“Let me make myself perfectly clear, you want a personal fight, I am happy to oblige. You are the most vile, unprofessional ,and despicable member of the US House of Representatives. If you have something to say to me, stop being a coward and say it to my face, otherwise, shut the heck up. Focus on your own congressional district!,” West wrote.

“Understand that I shall defend myself forthright against your heinous characterless behavior,” West continued. “You have proven repeatedly that you are not a Lady, therefore, shall not be afforded due respect from me!”

“Oh groweth the hell up,” sayeth the entire Worlde, in response. [McClatchy]

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  1. Texan_Bulldog

    Does anyone else find the term "Plantation Republican" ironic? Someone at McClatchy has a sense of humor.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      I noticed that, too. I figured it must have been a company-town at some point, mid-seventies, maybe, established around a fertility clinic. They just removed the prefix "im-" to make the name more mellifluous.

    2. SorosBot

      The fact that there's actually a town called "Plantation", in 2011, is yet another bit of proof that the Southerners claiming they just support "their heritage" and not slavery is total BS. And no Mr. West, you can be the best house negro ever and they will still think you're inferior.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        It was named in 19fucking53 for an actual plantation. So, yeah, history schmistory. But I can also report that most of the people I know who talk about "their heritage" know very, very little beyond "My ancestors and I have always hated black people."

        1. SorosBot

          Ah, right around the same time that many Southern states started flying the Confederate flag on their state houses in response to the burgeoning civil rights movement to celebrate their heritage. But I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            Yeah, you know, the 50s, to whence we want to "Take OUR country back"? That time when this asshole West would have been lynched for talking to a white woman like this? (or maybe not, since she's Jewish, but…) It was a peaceful, lovely time in the old south.

          2. riverside68

            Ah the glorious fifities

            When "under God" was added to the Pledge of Allegiance by the founders and the commies were driven from public life

            But it wasn't all good: we still had FDR's millionaires tax, which paid for the highways and hospitals built everywhere

      2. Billmatic

        Horror of horrors you need Plantations to harvest bananas, dyes, and I think spices on Civ4. That can only mean that Sid Meier is pro-slavery.

        The word plantation does not necessarily equal yay slavery. Rhode Island had all that shit about their name, how it contains the word Plantation from silly libs like apparently you and Mayor Quimby here, even though slavery was never legal there.

        In this case? Yeah, it's Florida, but stop degrading the definition of the word to fit your personal political biases.

          1. Billmatic

            Just because the right destroyed words like "liberal" doesn't make it ok to turn around and just load negative connotations on common nouns for misguided reasons. The left should be protectors of knowledge, facts and reason.

        1. Tommmcatt

          That's a little disingenuous, don't you think? Words have connotative meaning as well as denotative meaning, and particularly in the context of the politics of the southern United States it isn't much of a stretch to say that "plantation" brings up a number of associations. Primary among these associations is that of slavery…and I would have to say that this association is imputed by history and not by the bias of the reader, wouldn't you?

          1. Billmatic

            and I would have to say that this association is imputed by history and not by the bias of the reader, wouldn't you?


            History is entirely beholden to who interprets it. I could say that a great many things have negative connotations because of their history, but how strongly I react to those words is entirely based in my own perceptions and preconceptions.

          2. Tommmcatt

            History is entirely beholden to who interprets it.

            That is some bullshit, right there. The entire process of academic study of History is in part an attempt to remove the bias of individual viewpoint. I'm not saying this is always successful, but the attempt is there, and, let's face it, succeeds a lot of the time.

            As for words being beholden to individual preconceptions, try using the word "faggot" in both a leather bar in San Francisco and the board room of a Fortune 500 company. The response will be different- the CFO of a company isn't going to beat your ass- but in each case it will likely be negative, and there would be repercussions from either group of individuals. The type and severity of the response may differ, but all groups involved would agree that a) the word has negative and inflammatory connotations and b) the word does not belong in polite company because of these connotations.

            All of that has to do with the cultural baggage the word carries. In England there would be little or no negative reaction to that word by either group because it is a different culture and the word has different cultural connotations.

          3. Billmatic

            The entire process of academic study of History is in part an attempt to remove the bias of individual viewpoint

            I thought post modernists abandoned this, since it's fucking impossible. I personally think the pursuit of objectivity is genuinely pointless and misleads people into believing one or another person's interpretation of past events is objective fact. It's one of the reasons mainstream journalism is so motherfucking terrible, since they pretend they don't have biases and are objectively perusing fact. Our perceptions inform our observations and unless we create emotionless androids to research history and cover news, there's never going to be any such thing as objectivity.

            Besides, people who endorse this concept usually tell me I'm not supposed to judge slave owners because it was a "different time" and I think that's a bucket of horsepiss, too.

            Look everyone gives good points but the fact is I don't see "plantation" carrying the same baggage as hate speech and you guys keep comparing it to such. To say that it has negative connotations, that's fine, but to label it inappropriate and racist is goddamned silly!

            The type and severity of the response may differ, but all groups involved would agree that a) the word has negative and inflammatory connotations and b) the word does not belong in polite company because of these connotations.

            Ok how would I ever use the word "plantation" around people that would commit violent act against me? "We should put slaves back on the plantation." What's the really ugly part of that sentance? The word plantation? Pft, no.

          4. grizzlyalbert

            Plantation just describes a farm with one crop, I own a pine plantation and the only overworked slave is me.

        2. mumbly_joe

          And a swastika is just an old-timey letter that different cultures used, and people should stop suggesting it means something bad, just because of that kerfuffle in the mid-20th century.

          Yeah, no, sorry, history changes connotations, and connotation impacts meaning. It's sort of how language works, deal with it.

          Oh, and OH YEAH: The city of Plantation, Florida? Incorporated in 1953. There is literally no way they weren't aware of the 20th-century-America connotation, and named it in ignorance of this.

          1. Billmatic

            But it's like, so not cool when "liberal" is used as a pejorative. Just admit you have a profound double standard.

            For the record I'd compare the stars and bars with the swastika but not the word "plantation." Give me a break.

            And I like how you guys grab that incorporation year constantly but not this simple fact: The city's name comes from the prior owner of the land the Everglades Plantation Company. A PLANTATION WITHOUT SLAVES??? HOW CAN THIS BE???

          2. Billmatic

            Speaking of which there sure are a lot of famous black people that live there, I guess it must not be a super big deal to Snoop Dogg, Ty Law and Chad Ochocinco.

            White guilt really is a funny thing.

          3. mumbly_joe

            I'm actually not comparing the swastika and the word plantation per se, I'm comparing your claim that plantation doesn't connote slavery in any manner no way, no how, to similar claims about the swastika. It's just a symbol!

            Plantations do connote slavery among US audiences, for a very good reason. Hell, the type of labor-intensive industrial-scale crops connoted by the world "plantation" in most other contexts also connote slavery, when in the context of the peribellum South. There's plenty of reason to note the significance of that word, in this context, for humor, especially since as I mentioned, they were almost certainly aware of how it would be taken when the city first incorporated.

          4. Billmatic

            No, that's not my argument. My argument is that it does connotate slavery but that is not correct and I don't really believe everyone is implicating the word as nearly synonymous with slavery and a forced labor system for the intent of humor. I think it's a genuine error and people seem to be defending misinformation.

            A swastika is a Buddhist symbol facing a certain direction and is different than when it's put on its corner, or on a red field with a white disc, or generally used by white supremacists. A city named Plantation is none of these things.

            I'm pretty sure nobody gave a shit what the context of the word was in 1956, anyway. But I don't believe they were really thinking "hooray for slavery!"

          5. FakaktaSouth

            I can promise you they did know, back then when black people did not have the right to vote on their town names, and folks wanted to preserve that plantation/black servant/white superiority ideology. YES A RACIST TERM. YES – THAT DOG WHISTLE APPEALS TO PEOPLE DOWN HERE STILL and they LOVED it then, and they did not give a shit what black people thought about it. (it's still 74% white now too) It'd be the same as naming something Abu Ghraib (something about Father of Ravens) and then telling Muslims to get the fuck over it there's not actual water boarding going on in this one.

          6. Billmatic

            It's not a racist term, I can respect all these linguistic arguments from mumbly joe or whatever but saying Plantation is a "racist" term because it makes your white guilt tingle is absolutely silly. Yeah, the connotations are there and plantations before the civil war exclusively used slave labor but there are plantations in America (and elsewhere) to this day that don't use slave labor so you're just getting your britches in a bundle over nothing.

            Besides the fact that your Abu Ghraib comparison is like comparing Detroit to apples.

          7. Billmatic

            I mean if that's what your definition of a racist term is then here are some more:


            Lets play free association to suit our own needs!

          8. Tommmcatt

            With the exception (arguably) of the word "white" any of those words used in the context of the politics of the southern United States are culturally loaded terms, and do carry the taint of racism. To argue otherwise is, frankly, sophistic.

            And as a point of order, I should mention that nobody but you and FakaktaSouth has called these terms explicitly racist- we are arguing that they come pre-loaded with racist associations in certain contexts, which is a very different thing indeed.

            ADD: And my white guilt doesn't tingle, it throbs. Visibly. Usually in the company of its object.

          9. FakaktaSouth

            The racism is in the eye of the beholder and I will say again, the people who named the town Plantation did so knowing it was a racially insensitive thing to do, and that is why they did it. Your ignorance about what racists do is great for you, but it doesn't make you less wrong.

          10. tymberwolf817

            Also, just so you know, you're wrong about a significant historical fact. The "Plantations" in the name "State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations?" They had slaves working on them. Those fabulous mansions in Newport were plantations . . . with slaves! Granted, many of them were "house slaves" but some of them did work in the fields because Rhode Island was the only New England state to have something resembling a plantation economy such as one might find down south. That was one reason Rhode Island was the last New England state to outlaw slavery (which was legal over much of New England but died out very quickly due to the preponderance of Quaker abolitionists and inability to have large plantation/slave economies). So yeah — plantations largely have a lot to do with slavery.

          11. mumbly_joe

            And you'd be wrong, because words, being cultural phenomena, have meanings determined by the speaker, the audience, the way the two percieve each other, and the overlying cultural mileu. My linguist friends would basically be piling on at this point, but I'll just leave it by arguing that prescriptivism has an ossifying effect on language, and consequentially, culture.

            As far as why plantation connotes slavery, there's no real arguing with the fact that the dominant source of labor for the plantation system in the Americas was enslaved or indentured persons, predominantly of indigenousor african descent, for roughly 300 years of history in the Americas. If ever there was a valid reason for a word to acquire a particular connotation, I'd say 300 years of association between the two is probably a pretty top-tier contender.

          12. mumbly_joe

            Here's a fun Word Fact: "pagan" and "heathen", under their original meanings, both basically meant "yokel". They only came to mean "non-Christian" when Christianity became a predominantly urban religion, and the pagans and the heathens were the ones still worshipping the old gods. Cleary that was WRONG, and we should stop using those words that way, amirite?

          13. riverside68

            The 300 year rule above would say no, these words have aquired a different conotation now.

            (When everyone was "pagan" then the word meant country and had no connection to religion, 'cause no one was Christian. Then the city, Rome, became "Christian" and the country people, pagans, did not, at first. So pagan became religion associated, brand new connotation, that has lasted 1,500 years or so. The plantation economy of the new world went hand in hand with slavery from about 1495 to 1865, and in the US continued very close to serfdom (people attached to the land, born raised died, without leaving even if the land is sold) up to the 1960's)

          1. Billmatic

            Jeez, give me some credit for playing Devil's Advocate and spicing up what's usually the "200 people say the same thing over and over again" Wonkette comments page.

          2. MMathS

            Speaking from personal experience, there is no partial credit for playing devil's advocate.

          3. riverside68

            Jeeze, can I come over for Turkey Day? Nothing nearly so engaging at my family's home.

      3. PristineODummy

        They'd never allow him in the house (the House is a different matter). He ain't purdy enough.

    3. MMathS

      At first, I honestly thought it was a euphemism for a conservative African American.

      Can it be? From now on?

    4. FakaktaSouth

      ALmost as bad as being from the AgainstYourOwnInterests, FL district.
      The Floridian press seems to dig it though, there are a lot of "Pride of the Plantation" headlines. How can this not merit a STERNLY capitalized email threat?

    5. mayor_quimby

      It took me about 3 reads to remember that there's a fucking city named Plantation. And yet black folk still exist there, sounds un-possible, but it is true.
      I always see subdivisions and apartment complexes named Plantation something or other and say that I could never live there. Much like visiting colonial Williamsburg is not on my list of shit to do, ever. EVER.
      I am always concerned that I wouldn't be able to leave due to somebody re-enacting the Dred Scott case.
      And yes, Plantation Republican is just the perfect term for crazy black repubs like West.

    6. Tundra Grifter

      "This is a 'plant' alright. Short for 'plantation.'"

      ~ Zeke Brown [Richard Pryor], "Blue Collar"

    7. Dashboard_Jesus

      this just in from Rep. West…"lahf sho is gud 'nuff on dis heah plantation, yesiree…da boss man sez I gets a 'promotion' to house Negro reel soon lahk, and I gets me some fahn new garments, an don haffta do no moah dat field werk, and I even gets to lick the plates of da white wimen folk afta deys done wid dinnah, oh yeah it jus' don' get any bitter!"

    1. MildMidwesterner

      A menstrual hut sounds like a home for medieval bards who sing songs at the King's Court.

        1. SpurningBeer

          True story: Debbie's family are actually Mormon, not Jewish, and wanted to get into the theme park game in Florida. They changed their family name to be taken more seriously in the Sunshine State business community.

          Their name used to be "Wasserpark-Shpritz."

          1. PristineODummy

            Or, to make the small joke: Why is this knight not like all other knights? (said the Queen when he gave his knighthood speech in Hebrew.)

    1. mayor_quimby

      Fuck, and Yes. I was behind a white girl yesterday that had a "Cain Is Able" bumper sticker on her SUV.
      Is it just me, or is that a not very subtle allusion to Cain slaying Able in that old-ass story book?

      1. Doktor Zoom

        I dunno, maybe if he IS Abel, then he's being unjustly "murdered" by the libunatics and the LSM because his "sacrifice" was more pleasing to Yahweh?

        Or somebody just didn't think through their pun before putting it on a bumper sticker?

    2. Wadisay

      I bet if Cain, West and Clarence Thomas got together, they could do some great sweet singin' in de ebnin'.

    3. PristineODummy

      He claims he left *the Democratic* plantation for the Republican plantation, so I'm guessing that means "Yes."

  2. Allmighty_Manos

    Madam you wantonly caused me injury and dishonour. In such a manner, and to such an extent no gentleman can willingly suffer without demanding satisfaction. Beyotch!!!

    -Rep. Allen West (R-Fl.)

  3. MildMidwesterner

    "You have proven repeatedly that you are not a Lady."

    That's right…. you are a "Whoooooa, Man!"

  4. memzilla

    Funny that West is acting like the one with PMS.*

    (Plantation Morality System. Also. And a tip of teh Wonkette helmet to the person who coined the term "Plantation Republican.")

  5. noodlesalad

    I would have thought that staging mock executions of prisoners in Iraq would have mellowed him out, but who knows how these things work.

    1. weejee

      And the bounds-overstepping douche wuz a cannon cocker, artillery, not a spook and had never ever witnessed an interrogation. 22 years in the service with a masters and only got to light colonel is not the fast track, just sayin'.

      1. GunToting[Redacted]

        Any Lt. Colonel I've ever met had major issues. It's tough to get that close to the Silver Chicken and not close the deal. They never get over it.

        1. weejee

          Do like yer headphoned guitar-picking kittytar. Mrs. weejee finally allowed me to bring an electrified guitar into the house. However, 'ceptin' when she's out, in the interest of domestic tranquility I play those humbuckers using headphonez and not the amp.

          1. ProudLibunatic

            Oh God, don't even get me started on those damn reeds!

            Years ago, a burglar broke into our house, took the camcorder, jewelry and reed-making knives, but left the oboe. (I laughed a little inside.)

          2. weejee

            Got 3. I know, kinda piggy that.

            A 000/28 acoustic – usually in standard tuning; a round-necked Dobro – usually in open G; and the latest a PRS C24 with dual Dragon II PUs – usually in standard tune but sometimes drop D.

            Thought for sure I'd go for a Strat, but for my hands/arms, after a couple of hours of plunkin' at the store I found the PRS was much easier for me to play the high notes. Also, can switch to single coil for a Strat sound, but I kinda prefer the humbuck sound for the bluez.

          3. DashboardBuddha

            Warning: Guitar Porn Ahead

            I guess I'm piggier than thou. I have 7.

            Godin SD electric
            Taylor 6 acoustic/electric
            Taylor 12
            A Regal with a Shatten active pickup. Yes, the pickup is worth more than the guitar, but when I plug it in with a little distortion, it sounds feckin' awesome
            A 30 year old Takemine "Lawsuit Model" Acoustic/Electric 6
            A Epiphone SG that I found in a dumpster!
            A Takamine bass.

            I had the same trouble with Strats…they just weren't comfortable for long periods of playing.

          4. weejee

            Sweet collection DB², and I presume you go sliidin' around on yer Regal like I do with my Dobro. How do you like your Taylor 12? I'm looking to grab either a 12-string or a mahogany 6 for the next addition to the stable.

          5. BarryOPotter

            I plug into my Vox and crank that mother to 11 when I'm home alone trying to connect to my inner Jimmy Page. Headphones at other times, which are also nice, especially when the choice is righteousness or domestic tranquility…

      2. PristineODummy

        Well, judging from his speeches, it was his thundering case of teh Stoopid that got in his way. Sweet Jesus on a pogo stick with bells on and a hat! The man is troubled.

    2. riverside68

      That's the trouble with rage, everytime you let it out it gets stronger, and lesser acts seem more reasonable by comparison

      "Why everyone up in my face? I didn't pull a gun on the bitch."

        1. riverside68

          Then he will say, in decending order:

          Well I didn't point it at her

          not at her face

          it wasn't loaded

          I didn't pull the trigger
          (He has already gone this far with a live person)

          See when you get into it, it isn't so black and white anymore (gun/no gun bi-polar world) A snotty email is gracious behavior in his world.

  6. ManchuCandidate

    What's he going to do? Get four of staffers to beat her up and then he'll shoot his service pistol in her general direction to get her to crack?

    Allen West would never do that…

    Oh right.

    1. ProudLibunatic

      My cousin-in-law was actually bragging about fund-raising for this POS.
      I am so proud that I remained calm, and didn't go all Super-Dem on his ass.
      (Someone did ask me if I was OK, though. My rage must have been showing.)

    2. ArmoredLibunatic

      I had no idea what everyone was talking about, but then I Wiki'd West and got an acute case of Teh Sad. Thanks, everyone.

      So… uh, yeah, vote for anyone but him. I dunno, Freeman/Vance 2012? Yeah, sure.

    1. V572 Hair of Destiny

      There's no Republican crazee like the converted-from-Democrat crazee. Shouldn't that be "Zeal" Miller?

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Outwardly, more unhinged than Liebermann, but I think Ol' Jowly still has it for insanity.

        Jowls just hides it better: speak monotonally & carry a big chip on your shoulder.

    2. Negropolis

      I know, right? You used to settle your differences by challenging and MSNBC host to a duel. I miss the good ole days. Can you imagine if Rachel would have been around, then?

  7. metamarcisf

    "You are the most vile, unprofessional ,and despicable member of the US House of Representatives" – how dare he talk that way about my buddy, Louie Gohmert!

    1. CrankyLttlCamperette

      How do you pick just one. I mean there is some serious competition for that…

      1. GOPCrusher

        I was going to nominate Michele Bachmann, but she's just brain damaged, not willfully mean.

        1. PristineODummy

          She's both. Her comments about Pigford were nothing short of spitefully and deliberately inflammatory.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      Heh. I just noticed that he called the Hon. Ms. Wasserman-Schultz a lot of things, but stupid wasn't one of them. So, I think you could give him a pass; maybe he wasn't talking about the Texan Talking Lampshade.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Channelling the similarly shiny-topped Mills Lane, Gov. Scott says, "I'll allow it".

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    At least he didn't go so far as to say something like "Yo bitch, git on over here and haunch on down and play the bozak."

    1. Bezoar

      Hey, she's pretty damned cute, especially when she's speaking out in defense of honorable liberal principles.

    1. PsycWench

      That's probably what DWS meant when she politely referred to " a Member from South Florida”.

    2. Oblios_Cap

      We have some of the most unsavory politicians in his state, but West is one of the biggest jackasses that we've ever sent across our borders to represent us on the national stage.

        1. Oblios_Cap

          The cartoon riduculing the Hairbear's unruly do in today's Tallahassee Democrat was quite funny.

          Yes,I'm an Old and still like to read the paper with my coffee prior to going to work.

        2. PristineODummy

          He reminds me WAAAY too much of Marcus Bachmann, and I mean that in the worst way.

  9. horsedreamer_1

    Honestly, how does any female, even a soulless creature like Ann Coulter or proto-bagger Phyllis Schlafley, find it to back Republicans? The party is congenitally disposed to subjugation.

    1. V572 Hair of Destiny

      Some women, although perhaps not Ms Wasserman-Schultz, like a man who "takes charge." And by the way, you misspelled her name: it's Phyllillis Schllafflly.

    2. riverside68

      It's a chicken and egg problem

      Those congenitally disposed to subjugation go Repug

      There are usually two playing S&M games (So I am told)

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    Don't see the word "heinous" used much these days. Do see a lot of heinous shit, though.

  11. DashboardBuddha

    Someone has sand in his vagina, me thinks. Also, "Plantation Republican"? LMAO

  12. franco_pinyon

    West does not do the "Crazy Bachmann Rant" even remotely close to the original.

    And he didn't say "tax obsessed" or "job creators" anywhere in the entire email, so he's going to be in trouble with the rest of the Repubs.

  13. Captain_Quark

    A guy who writes "shut the heck up" really needs to work on his trash talk. Try something like this: "Shut the fuck up, Allen West, and go back to your vivid fantasies of being a functioning human. And while you're at it, take your santorum slurpee with you — it smells the whole place up and makes me think of the crack whore you call momma."

  14. BaldarTFlagass

    “Understand that I shall defend myself forthright against your heinous characterless behavior,” West continued. “You have proven repeatedly that you are not a Lady, therefore, shall not be afforded due respect from me!”

    Did this guy learn to speak by reading 19th-century novels?

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Hey, now that you mention it, shouldn't it have been "forthwith", not "forthright"? Unless he he meant forthrightly?

      And if her behavior was heinous, then surely it was not lacking character? Heinous character, but character nonetheless.

      Mr. West, do expand upon your statement that she has repeatedly proven herself to not be a Lady?

      Still with the random Capitalization?

      1. PristineODummy

        The man's an idiot with some very serious issues. The stilted speech, the curious, bookish-yet-ignorant turn of phrase, polysyllabi where none are called for, and all that rage. Girlfriend is just jonesing for something, and if he doesn't get it soon, expect a meltdown.

  15. Barb

    Watch out! She might go all Wendy Murdoch on your ass. Never bring an Asian to a pie fight. (a pie to an Asian fight?)
    Hell hath no fury like a trophy wife scorned. She would have to clean that suit. Everyone knows that you can't get soap (shaving cream) out of clothes. Shhhh, you can. It's just what I tell Jeff to get out of doing the laundry. Our dry cleaning bill is HUGE, but I get more "me time"

  16. Come here a minute

    "You have proven repeatedly that you are not a Lady, therefore, shall not be afforded due respect from me!”

    But yeah, more tax cuts for the rich, and health benefit cuts for the old and poor. I haven't changed my mind on any of that stuff.

  17. hollywooddood

    What a pussy. Just smack her down and drag her by the hair to your cave. Solved.

  18. DashboardBuddha

    Morning at the West's home:

    Mrs. West: Honey…you're not wearing that tie, are you?


    1. Terry

      Is he married? If not, West and a certain member of the South Carolina delegation would make a great match. They could both retire to the veranda and reminisce about the good old days.

      1. jakegittes

        Except West would be sitting on the porch stairs waiting for the order to go step and fetch the massah a mint julep.

  19. DashboardBuddha

    I look forward to the day when Allen West appears on television to say, "President Obama doens't care about white people".

  20. Chet Kincaid

    Upon hearing this forthright and bold proclamation, Dame Peggington Noonington grew flush and clammy with estrus, and beseeched the Moorish Prince to ride her to victory.

  21. Terry

    Rep. West's speech is harkening back to a era in the Deep South in which he wouldn't have been the one giving that sort of speech. Just sayin'.

  22. MrFizzy

    There is no question whatsoever that this guy is taking it up the ass a hundred times a fortnight from members of his church parish. Santorum gusheth – potentially a good republican motto.

  23. Sue4466

    Wasserman Schultz is the "the most vile, unprofessional, and despicable" House member?

    Has he not met any other member of the House? She's the worst he could come up with? Seriously?

    Hyperbole is the best thing EVER!

  24. SarahsBush

    Hey, take it easy, guys. West actually lives in the district that Schultz represents. He was just writing his congressperson, like a model 'Mericahn.

  25. BlueMonkeh

    Oh, Jesus Christ. This tool owes his election to the GOPs desperate attempt to find as many "black friends" as they can. He makes Michael Steele look like a friggin' Nobel laureate.

    We are all dumber for having heard of this man, let alone heard of anything he has spoken.

    Oh, and he digs torture. Creep.

    1. DemonicRage

      Please let him fade away and not enter The National Stage. Such a distraction from more important issues. Isn't it enuf that South Florida has gifted us with Joe Scarborough?

      1. PristineODummy

        And his dead intern, of whom so little has been heard since she conveniently kacked.

  26. CapnFatback

    “You have proven repeatedly that you are not a Lady, therefore, shall not be afforded due respect from me!”

    Yeah, that '60s Batman series sure had fun with campy morality play.

    Wait. We're talking about Adam West, right?

  27. bureaucrap

    Not only did DWS's observation not mention West by name, it wasn't even a personal attack — it was an accurate description of his policy positions. Obviously, rather than attempt to defend the indefensible ("old riches need munnies; old poors don't") he decided that name calling was the best response. Oldest trick in the book. Next thing you know, West will accuse DWS of being a "philatelist and known thespian" as the old joke goes.

    1. freakishlywrong

      Per the lamestream media; she was "demagoging" the issue and employing "Mediscare" tactics. That's what the libruls do when they're truthfully pointing something out.

      1. SorosBot

        No no it is a lie because while the Republican budget may get rid of Medicare they're still going to keep the name Medicare to use for the ineffective voucher system they plan to replace it with, therefore accurately pointing out that the plan would eliminate Medicare as we know it is a giant four Pinocchio whopper lie.

        1. horsedreamer_1

          Unsurprisingly, PolitiFact is headquartered in Florida (St. Petersburg Times; wonder if that's one of the Quayle family's newspapers).

          edit: it's not, but it is still run by the pointy-heads at the Poynter Institute, who bend over backward to please the status quo.

          1. PristineODummy

            Pleasing the status quo is one thing.

            Ass-raping the truth in public with multiple unlubed dildos is quite another.

    2. lulzmonger

      In this case, an accurate description of his policy positions IS a personal attack.

      "Gadzooks! You dare to mention the exact contents of my FUBAR positions in broad daylight, you scurvy wench? Bazookas at twenty paces at dawn! THIS WILL NOT STAND!"

  28. seppdecker

    I would say West is Adam Warren's Caged Demonwolf, except that the Caged Demonwolf is a more believable character.

    Also, "Plantation Republican?" That's the kind of cognitive dissonance that lets you torture prisoners to "save freedom."

  29. SorosBot

    Well of course Wasserman Schultz is no lady, and thank fuck for that. We need women in politics who are willing to fight and be tough, not shrinking violet types wedded to bullshit traditional gender roles; and in fact I can't imagine a "lady" running for office in the first place (though sadly we do have some women who want to force all other women into traditional gender roles as they themselves break them).

    1. GOPCrusher

      Amazing how they can bitch, moan, and whine about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz or Nancy Pelosi, but yet consider Sarah Palin a strong woman.

  30. not that Dewey


    Civility in our National Discourse, also.

  31. samsuncle

    It's a sad commentary on today's politics when a black republican has to act like an asshole to be accepted by his party.

  32. GuyClinch

    West also sent the email "to House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio), House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.)."

    Way to elevate political discourse there, Westy! Boehner probably groaned and sallowed a bit, Cantor likely giggled and said "Great stuff!" and Pelosi rolled her eyes and then smiled, knowing that Wasserman-Shultz is the DNC head and will raise a shit-ton of money off of this outburst.

    1. HistoriCat

      There's nothing I love more than someone who has to cc: the shit out of everyone to air his stupid, petty grievance.

  33. BaldarTFlagass

    Wasserman-Schulz responded, "I am rubber and you are glue, your words bounce off me and stick to you"

    1. weejee

      That's true Dewey. Those are folks who, if they bred like minks – there's the problem, might get the average IQ pushed back up over the Hoverround 85 of these Walmart daze.

      Avast Wonketters – do as doG sayeth and go forth and multiply.

      1. not that Dewey

        So, what he really meant was, "I see them as a threat to [the Republican plan to enable and supervise the re-engineering of] the gene pool [so that it consists of nothing more that fuck-wits who go along with whatever we say]?

        Ahh. I feel much better, now.

        And I've done my part. But my daughter will have to be at least 15 before I let her start commenting on Wonket.

        1. freakishlywrong

          He's gonna be mighty chagrined when he finds out his "ilk"(?) is not really welcome in the gene pool these fascists are filling.

          1. PristineODummy

            Yeah, he certainly seems to have forgotten that he's the wrong colour. I mean, these people don't mind him standing up on his hind legs and occasionally saying something interesting, but they're *never* going to let him into their gated community, their schools, their country clubs, or their daughters' beds.

      2. MissusBarry

        I'm sorry, weejee, I'm Wonk-fail on this. Verily, however, my quadrapedal child doth have greater faculties and exponentially more kindness than fucking-shit-for-brains West.

    2. mumbly_joe

      So many fascism flags raised right there, but then again, that's pretty much true for everything Allen West says or does.

    3. DashboardBuddha

      Holy jumping on hot pavement Christ! I knew this guy was a douche but I didn't realize how much of a douche he is. People actually elected this neo-fascist bully?

    4. Negropolis

      You know, I must confess, when I see a black dude with a dated flat top haircut, and he identifies as such, I get nervous….

  34. JoshuaNorton

    Whoa! Big, brave Allen! He's on her like a schnauzer on a pant leg.

    Actually, he's more like the bad guy in professional wrestling. Comically bad.

  35. Serolf_Divad

    Would have sounded much better if he'd prefaced all that with the phrase: "By the power of Grayskull!"

  36. DaSandman

    I'm taking DWS for the win. Allen came all this way to get the shit kicked out of him by a lady.


  37. HobbesEvilTwin

    Dear Rep. West,
    I entreat thee to dineth on the most succulent baggeth of lightly salted, ratteth posoinedeth dicks.

  38. BaldarTFlagass

    Allen West must have watched Magnolia recently.

    "Respect the cock! And tame the cunt! Tame it!"

    What a maroon.

    1. PristineODummy

      Debbie don't mess. She'll probably grab his bollocks and give them the twistiest twisting they'll ever experience.

  39. neiltheblaze

    Aw, did that mean ol' Debbie hurt your fee-fees big guy? God, what a big, slobbering wuss he is.

    1. PristineODummy

      You know, considering what this pathetic collection of pusbags routinely lobs at the President — the vile, racist, insults, the sexual innuendo, the mockery, the threats, to him, his family, his wife — it's amazing how they tear up at the slightest response in kind. It's time to go all PeteHoekstra on these motherfuckers, you know, just Tweet those wonderful Hoekstraisms that had the whole world laughing most mightily at him for a while. "Today DWS criticized me in public. Now I know how the Jews felt during the Holocaust." Something like that.

      Or maybe we could start a campaign to mail him a million white handkerchiefs to dry his weeping eyes.

  40. fuflans

    WHY? are so many republican women like that woman in the picture: large, pink, pursed lipped and badly dressed?

    1. ChessieNefercat

      Nuh-uh, you must be wrong. The Republicans are always blathering on about how their women are hot, not like hairy-legged ugly lesbian Democrat women that can't get a man.

      1. fuflans

        yes i know they do. but every republican crowd scene is positively stocked with horrors like the Lady above.

  41. Billmatic

    I already said this earlier as a response to someone else but A PLANTATION IS NOT DEFINED AS A FARM WITH SLAVES.

    Holy crap, you guys.

    1. SorosBot

      That may not be the technical definition, but that's the primary way it's used, at least in the US.

      1. Billmatic

        And "liberal" is primarily used to describe someone that is for big government spending, against personal liberty, and enjoys eating aborted babies; what's your point?

        1. SorosBot

          My point is that that's the normal meaning of the word, even if the technical definition is different; fuck, I've certainly never heard the word used in a manner that didn't involve slavery.

          1. Billmatic

            Exploitation happens on farms, groves, factories and mills too, are those racist terms we have to stop using?

    2. Billmatic

      As much as I like getting lots of plus ones there's a certain warm feeling in my heart when I get neg rep from the community.


  42. calibrit

    Goddamnit people, and this goes for Kirsten too!

    I'm all for snarking on lunatics like Allen West, God knows. But if you're going to use obsolete English verb forms, use 'em correctly.

    I say, have, am = SAME AS IT IS NOW
    You say, have, are = (sing.) Thou sayest , hast, art; (plural) You say, have, are.
    He says, has, is = He saith, hath, is
    We say, have, are = SAME AS IT IS NOW
    They say = SAME AS IT IS NOW

    "To dineth" = FAIL. "They hast" = FAIL. "He hast" = FAIL.

    Now go correct your early modern grammar and HANG THY (not "thee") HEADS IN SHAME, VILE CRUCIFIERS OF GOD'S OWN TONGUE.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      You make excellent points. However, since West's oddly archaic and stilted phrasing was nowhere close to the majesty of Shakespeare, the KJV, or any other representative of excellence in literature, we could just say he go tthe equivalent in return?

          1. ChessieNefercat

            I consider myself literate and educated. As a lifelong citizen of this great land, my understanding is that farms have lots of plants in rows, ranches have horsies or cows, or sheep or other hoofy, herdy things, and plantations had slaves, with some overlap.

            If someone told me Tara was a farm or a ranch, I would have a very different picture of it than the one I got reading Gone With the Wind.

          2. ChessieNefercat

            Oh, that would be the overlap. 1) Slaves! 2) Tending plants in rows (and bolls)!

        1. comrad_darkness

          If you didn't shoot everyone who wore glasses because that meant they had an education, then it's probably not fascism.

    2. DustBowlBlues

      More proof of my theory that the wonket is the home of English Majors and History Majors who have nowhere else to show off the education they paid good money to get. Or for which their parents paid good money. If the Plantation Republican had only fucked up on a reference to the Crimean War, we'd all be in tall cotton, as it were.

      I assume this guy is from some town named Plantation. Or not. Who cares? I'll never refer to him as anything but Plantation Republican. Upscale version of Uncle Tom.

      1. calibrit

        Sure is, and once upon a time, I was an English major.

        If people want to make theyselfs look like dumb illiterates for messin up they verbs, she can does it, but I be free too to calls they on it, capisky?

        1. ChessieNefercat

          My father was a Latin and Greek major, with a philosophy minor. He wanted us to use language correctly. I'm afraid to say anything else.

    3. DashboardBuddha

      Holy shit…are you my ex-wife? She would go on about stuff like this. She even translated Beowulf for a class when we were in college. (I think she rooted for Grendal)

      1. calibrit

        Your ex-wife was not the only one who cares about such things!

        It may be minor in the grand scheme of things, but I didn't force Kirsten to archaize, and if she's going to archaize, she might as well do it properly, dig?

        Getting old verbs and pronouns wrong is so prevalent in this country that it's more common to find them used wrongly than rightly. It mystifies me. It's as if people are being systematically mistaught.

        1. DashboardBuddha

          "It's as if people are being systematically mistaught."

          Well yeah. The people are being systematically mistaught because stupid people are easier to control.

          (btw…you must have hated the Shakespeare mashup thing I did.)

          1. calibrit

            Not sure where the payoff is, other than giggles (them) and facepalms (me), in systematically teaching people to say "thee" instead of "thy" and "hast" instead of "hath"…????

          2. DashboardBuddha

            Well, I'm not too worried about thee and thou stuff. I'm just thinking of stupidity in general. Did you know that only 25% of US students can pass a geography test? This is a big win for the military/industrial complex. It's easier to send people off to die in foreign lands if they don't know where those lands are are found

          3. PristineODummy

            Perhaps so, but ignorance in a nation with such easy access to information MUST be willful.

          4. calibrit

            This is only because I care.



          5. DashboardBuddha

            LOL…thank you.

            Small nit: "Thy" in the second sentence should be capitalized.

          6. calibrit

            I systematically put in lower case any word that I changed. In any case, in early modern English, one should not capitalize after exclamation marks; so in that sense you would have been more correct to draw attention to my failure to correct your other upper case letters…

          7. DashboardBuddha

            Holy shit! You ARE my ex-wife. Only she would know about the rule about caps after an exclamation point.

          8. calibrit

            I can assure you that your ex-wife and I share nothing but the deep, but annoying, spiritual bond of the unembarrassed pedant.

          9. calibrit

            Yar, well, there's exactly jack squat that either I or my monstrous and fully justified ego can do about that. Perhaps your ex-wife shared that unfortunate debility.


        2. ChessieNefercat

          On the bright side, no one on this thread has said that they spend large amounts of time pouring* over old grammar texts.

          *Grr. Pet peeve.

          1. calibrit

            Oooh, I like this game!

            On the bright side, no-one on this thread has indicated that Rep. West should be put in a straight* jacket on a tramp steamer headed for the Malacca Straights*. If they had done so, our country would indeed be in … dire straights.*

          2. PristineODummy

            As a former denizen of certain Straits, the misspelling of "straits" is one of my pet peeves, so a very cheery "grrr" to you. Also.

        3. Chet Kincaid

          It seems to me that you are Twister-ing around the quite-obvious cause of this archaic ignorance: Americans are no longer reading their King James Bibles!! Come to Jesus, would-be-old-timey-talkers!

          1. calibrit

            That would work. It's easily available, and it would only take a chapter or two before people would pick up the trick of it. See, maybe the Bible should be taught in public schools!

        4. SorosBot

          Well I learned middle English from Stan Lee, and I'm sure he took great care to get things right.

          1. Chet Kincaid

            Yes! Lee and Kirby taught me most of what I know about Greek and Norse Mythology, as well (along with Ray Harryhausen). I'm surprised Marvel hasn't come out with a line of home-schooling products.

  43. Nixon_So_Fine

    "Lower their shrieks"…magnificent funny. Ken, please give this fine Lady 54 cents for every one of my dollars. BTW: needs moar Riley.

  44. jakegittes

    Years ago in the ghetto, Mr. West would have been referred to as a "bougie (as in bourgeoise) N-word."

    1. MissusBarry

      I believe bougie is still in use, at least in certain portions of/circles in the south.

  45. J Rbt. Oppenheiner

    Verily, my gaydar doth beep whenever I encounter this rapscallion. Especially in his biker gear. Is he married?

  46. Tundra Grifter

    Maybe if the dude rockin the Kid hair don't had stuck around work, instead of heading off after his speech like his flippin burgers shift was over, he would have heard the lady from Florida make the speech instead of just hearing about it.

  47. Not_So_Much

    "I'm not a baby, I am a man! I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science."

  48. dsmkrt

    For the record, I'm from Plantation, and it's not some teabagger hell-hole. It's actually a pretty liberal town that's in Wasserman-Schultz's district. (Yeah, Allen West doesn't even live in the district he represents.)

    The actual REAL MERIKA town in Florida is The Villages.

  49. ChessieNefercat

    Well, notwithstanding all the linguistic discussions, we cannot forget the main point.

    Allen West is a dooty head.

    The Hon. Ms. Wasserman-Shultz's response to Rep. Dooty Head was outstanding.

    1. calibrit

      Kudos for your cogent explanation of the key point at issue, comrade ChessieNefercat.

  50. comrad_darkness

    Being a black republican is one long stint of disrespectin' yourself. No wonder they are always in such a snit.

  51. Troglodeity

    "Understand that I shall defend myself forthright against your heinous characterless behavior.” – Say it in a Foghorn Leghorn voice and it's even funnier.

  52. user-of-owls

    See, this is what I'm talking about. I challenge you to find any other blog, newsletter or mimeographed pamphlet that uses the word: Fie!

    That's my Wonket

  53. SilverTsunami

    Who is Allen West? Seriously. Didn't he play Batman on a sitcom a long time ago?

  54. MiniMencken

    "Forthright?" "Heinous?" "Vile?" "Despicable?" "Characterless?" My, my. Mighty fancy words for a Plantation Republican.

  55. anteater

    Listening to this clown just made me stupider, stupid, stupidest? More stupid?

  56. EBGrey

    "You are not a Lady!"…Hey, nobody talks to Marcus Bachman that way!

    BTW, if you want to rake in the cash in America 2011, just follow these easy instructions:

    1. Say something that is disgraceful, stupid, and rude.

    2. Gin up outrage, refuse to apologize, and say you are the victim when someone calls you on your ridiculous bullshit behavior.

    3. Immediately send out fundraising letter referencing how you are being unfaily attacked as a result of you being a douche.

    4. Watch as you suddently become the Congressman with the largest election war chest.

    It is fool-proof. Works every time.

  57. ttommyunger

    Embarrassing. West was appointed an "Officer and a Gentelman" by an act of Congress, fer Chrissakes. A combat veteran who rose to the rank of Lt. Colonel and he doesn't even know better than to bicker with a female; especially in a public forum? Makes me wish I had enlisted in the French Foreign Legion.

  58. Negropolis

    Spoken like a true Southen' gentleman, Mr. West. But, no, really, you're an embarrassment to the United States Congress, your gender, your race…hell, to the human race in general.

    Stay kkklassy, you vile pig-dog. Plantation Republican, indeed, and in more ways that one. Yeah, I went there. I totally went there. I went there, returned home, and went back for seconds, even.

    My god, he actually wrote out the word "heck". Yeah, because a mild swear would have just been over-the-top for such an overtly dramatic letter, right? Fuck off.

  59. Negropolis

    BTW, has he lost his damned mind? You don't fuck with Jewish women. Well, at least and expect to get away with it.

  60. lulzmonger

    OH NOEZ!

    Did the mean awful lady go & tell everyone what a loathsome soulless bag of fuck you are? Oh you poor upset little boy!

    Get thee to a hugbox, thou tepid brackish puddle of baby-piss – & lock it from the inside: returneth not unto the body politic until thine manly orchids hath dropped.

  61. ddchemgirl

    This post makes me long for the days of Wonkette's Peggington Noonington blogs. Anyone else?

  62. not that Dewey

    Mr. West doesn't know much. Here's a guy who thinks that torturing prisoners and being a Republican are ideas worth pursuing.

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