SOVIET LITE  6:27 pm July 19, 2011

Arkansas City Council Outlaws Public Meetings, Other Councils

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

angry citizens may step forward and be eaten in turnThe City Council in Gould, Arkansas is going the “miniature Kremlin” route so favored these days for coping with public criticism and decided to make it “illegal to form any kind of group without its permission,” because it’s not like the First Amendment is in the Bible, calm down. 4-H, church, baking club, Little League, poker night and swingers’ meetup are all cancelled so that no one may plot against the Council. This is all apparently in response to a citizens advocacy group that the Council did not like for harshing on the Council all the time, much like the martial law imposed in Quartzite, Arizona last week as a result of the Council’s displeasure with its citizens’ complaints. Did anyone at least bother to do this right and set up a miniature Gulag for dissenting citizens as well?

From the NYT:

Last week, the Council overrode the mayor’s veto of two other controversial measures. One required that the citizens advisory council cease to exist. The other made it illegal for the mayor to meet with “any organization in any location” either “inside or outside Gould city limits” without the Council’s permission.

The advisory council, which calls itself a nonpartisan group that educates voters and raises money for public causes, says it will continue its work. But the City Council, in one ordinance, accused the group of “causing confusion and discourse among the citizens” by harshly criticizing local officials at public meetings.

As a result, the City Council said, “No new organizations shall be allowed to exist in the City of Gould without approval from a majority of the City Council.”

Whatever this weird Orwellian contagion going around states starting with the letter “A” is, we hope it gets to Alaska next. [NYT]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 241 comments }

Barb July 19, 2011 at 6:31 pm

“illegal to form any kind of group without its permission”
The menage a trois is canceled. Stay home and menage a moi (masturbate)

DashboardBuddha July 19, 2011 at 6:43 pm

wouldn't menage a moi mean mixing it up with you? Which is totally cool, but I though if one were staying home to polish the pontiff/air the orchard it would be a menage a un.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Way ahead of you Barb. Way ahead of you.

MLHencken July 19, 2011 at 7:41 pm

And we have a triumvarate of bean flickery.

YasserArraFeck July 20, 2011 at 9:14 am

This is Arkansas – kinda hard to have a menage a trois when you can only count to………"uh…..what comes after one?"

Texan_Bulldog July 19, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Wonder how the Klan will skirt this law.

WhatTheHeck July 19, 2011 at 6:38 pm

The ‘Klan’ is a plural word with a singular objective. Problem solved.

comrad_darkness July 19, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Given the town is 78% black (according to wikip) I'd guess the Klan are long gone.

edit: clan with K, fool!

Texan_Bulldog July 19, 2011 at 6:52 pm

Nah, it's AR…there's a Klan somewhere nearby!

user-of-owls July 20, 2011 at 1:14 am

True that! In fact, we here in AR are known to drag black men chained to our pickups until they're scraped to death! How heinous we are! Oh, wait what?

Texan_Bulldog July 20, 2011 at 9:14 am

Sure, there are racist thugs everywhere. Just saying AR has a history of organizing these racists thugs into groups that have the power to intimidate & de-humanize folks. Knights of the KKK is based in AR and, apparently, there's a Women of the KKK (hate to see that calendar) also based in AR. I have family in Russellville & my husband's family lives in Hot Springs, so I know AR is hardly progressive when it comes to race relations (unless you play football).

weejee July 19, 2011 at 6:54 pm

They keep their three piece sheet ensembles tucked under the seat of their Hoverroundz.

zhubajie July 19, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Meet outside the city limits

DaRooster July 19, 2011 at 7:20 pm

They have approval…

SorosBot July 19, 2011 at 7:34 pm

The ban on new organizations, and this is Arkansas; don't it a comeback, they've been there for years.

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:13 pm

This is why you shouldn't drink and post.

Barrelhse July 19, 2011 at 8:02 pm

They're grandfathered.
And uncled, cousined, fathered, and brother-in-lawed.

Poindexter718 July 19, 2011 at 8:49 pm

They're Granddragoned.

KenLayIsAlive July 19, 2011 at 10:05 pm

Probably in their white skirts.

SarahsBush July 20, 2011 at 12:28 am

They just changed their name to City Council.

horsedreamer_1 July 20, 2011 at 9:20 am

They got exempted from the law, like how Scooter exempted the police, state troopers, & firefighters from the removal of collective bargaining rights.

Gots to protect ye own!

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:48 pm

"Wonder how the Klan will skirt this law."

Whattya think "City Council" is a euphemism for?

smokefilleddoommate July 19, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Guess there will be no "Overthrow the City Council Council".. What a shame. Citizens will just have to resort to a bloody coup, I guess.

qwerty42 July 19, 2011 at 7:27 pm

storm the Winter Palace?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 9:27 pm

NATO has authorized air drops of supplies to the rebel citizens, and carrier-based F-18s are patrolling the Arkansas skies on Obama's orders. (Republicans, reflexively, object.)

hagajim July 19, 2011 at 6:33 pm

I guess they took care of Groupon didn't they! WTF makes all these assbackward dipshits think they can just shut down 1st Amendment activity? I'd be suing (or beating) their asses so fast they wouldn't know what hit them, they'd just be seeing cartoon stars.

Sue4466 July 19, 2011 at 6:36 pm

Because the good citizens of Arkansas know the only threat to the Constitution is Barack Obama's socialism, Musliny ways.

GeorgiaBurning July 19, 2011 at 6:52 pm

The Constitution and the First Amendment are under glass about a thousand miles away. That's obviously too close for these folks.

horsedreamer_1 July 20, 2011 at 9:21 am

'Bama 'Bama 'Bama, can't you see? Sometimes your hadith just hypnotize me.

smokefilleddoommate July 19, 2011 at 6:41 pm

I wish someone would take care of Groupon.

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:18 pm

"they wouldn't know what hit them, they'd just be seeing cartoon stars."

Too much like the Stars'n'Bars.
Go for the birdies orbiting their heads instead, and don't forget the "budda-budda-budda" sound effect.

privatejoker77 July 19, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Due process? I've got your due process right here. <gestures>

lrattorney July 20, 2011 at 5:56 pm

Ok, no snark this time…. The city attorney did not sign off on this. Local rumor is that the council voted for this law for the purpose of getting their charter revoked by the State. That doesn't make sense though, as the Municipal League of AR wasn't informed at least when the story broke on Fox. Here's the SAD part. The organization banned is almost entirely African-American.

Sue4466 July 19, 2011 at 6:35 pm

"But the City Council, in one ordinance, accused the group of 'causing confusion and discourse among the citizens' by harshly criticizing local officials at public meetings."

Because causing confusion among citizens is the job of politicians and discourse sounds kinda dirty.

Doktor Zoom July 19, 2011 at 7:21 pm

Discourse, discord, whatevs.

Correcting the grammar or usage of the Council is henceforth punishable as misdemeanor smart-mouthin'. A second offense will be felonious sassin' back.

Sue4466 July 19, 2011 at 7:28 pm

I'd like to think it's a typo or misstatement. Because, even though we're talking Arkansas, I was completely flabbergasted that they're complaining–in public & in print–that citizens are talking to each other. That's some seriously fucked up shit. I know politicians have a vested interest in keeping everyone separated and angry at their neighbors, but to be so honest about that is pretty astounding.

Doktor Zoom July 19, 2011 at 7:56 pm

What we've got here is failure to comunicate

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 9:30 pm

It's probably that interracial discourse that's got 'em upset. Or maybe same-sex discourse. Hard to know since they made the City Council meetings secret, and the secretary mysteriously disappeared last week.

Buckminster July 20, 2011 at 11:37 am

Now, if they could just outlaw all news media and the internets, we'd have paradise. Right.

5thstate July 20, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Because CAUSING DISCOURSE is the province of the Chyron, with its artful insane verbiage followed by psuedo-legitimizing question marks, and as the city council doesn't have a mega-media empire with a chyron, a nix and a pox on discourse, therefore, and so be it!

PuckStopsHere July 19, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Michigan Governor Rick Snider approves this message.

weejee July 19, 2011 at 6:52 pm

With a second by the Badger State's Scott Walker.

trampndirtdown July 19, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Deloros Umbridge concurs.

Pres[EXTERMINATE!!] July 19, 2011 at 10:57 pm

As do Tom "Gasland" Corbett and Skeletor Scott.

horsedreamer_1 July 20, 2011 at 9:23 am

Governor Fallin wants to know if there's an exemption for group prayer.

In fact, wouldn't this ordinance make churchs, synagogues*, ashrams**, etc., illegal?

*Hah.

**Hahah.

PristineODummy July 20, 2011 at 2:52 pm

That's "Mahahaha" to you, invoker of ashrams.

evan7257 July 19, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Councilman Stampingston has spoken

hollywooddood July 19, 2011 at 6:41 pm

Clown Council.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 19, 2011 at 6:42 pm

Dick Chaney must be getting an erection reading about this.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Yes, the Fourth Branch of Government's evil shadow is slowly enveloping us all.

MissTaken July 19, 2011 at 7:04 pm

I'm not a doctor, but I think blood must pump throughout the body to achieve erection.

Instead he will drink the blood of a baby in celebration!

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2011 at 7:25 pm

And then smear his withered cock with that blood.

PristineODummy July 20, 2011 at 12:59 am

Is it wrong of me to get a boner thinking about these things?

ChablisforThee July 19, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Only thing on his body that can stand up.

guangho July 20, 2011 at 11:36 am

That is a visual I do not need.
Dick Cheney reading.

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:25 pm

"Dick Chaney must be getting an erection"

EW HEW HEW!!!
That clanking sound you heard was my ladyparts slamming shut.
Bad Monsieur! Go standez-vous in le corner!

Doktor Zoom July 19, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Lottery in June, corn be heavy soon.

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:26 pm

That isn't fair.
It isn't right.

comrad_darkness July 19, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Hey, anyone want a banana? I seem to have lots.

memzilla July 19, 2011 at 6:43 pm

Say, you know who else decided that banning public assembly of his opponents was a good idea… ?

weejee July 19, 2011 at 6:50 pm

Oliver J. Dragon (aka Ollie)?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2011 at 7:26 pm

So, that is what happened to Kukla?

BaldarTFlagass July 19, 2011 at 7:00 pm

The Pope?

nounverb911 July 19, 2011 at 7:00 pm

Charles DeGaulle?

comrad_darkness July 19, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Ming the Merciless?

genxr July 19, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Dean Wormer? Dean Wormer's wife?

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:27 pm

The former would put his opponents on double-secret probation and the latter would seduce them into compliance.

riverside68 July 19, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Well it wasn't Vlad, he used to publically assemble his opponents.

weejee July 19, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Wuz that the original stick-up?

Doktor Zoom July 19, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Anoia, goddess of things that stick in drawers?

PristineODummy July 20, 2011 at 1:01 am

I like that. Not that I'm buying it, but I like that.

ThundercatHo July 20, 2011 at 8:59 am

Excellent Terry Pratchett ref DZ

JustPixelz July 19, 2011 at 7:25 pm

King George III?
George Wallace?
George Bush?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Richard Nixon?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Pontius Pilate?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 9:32 pm

The Republican Party, with the help of Rudy 9iu11inai's NYPD.

trampndirtdown July 19, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Undersecretary of Education Umbridge?

Pres[EXTERMINATE!!] July 19, 2011 at 10:58 pm

Charles I?

PristineODummy July 20, 2011 at 1:02 am

All those replies, and *nobody* — NObody guessed "Hitler."

I are teh disappointz, Wonketteers.

horsedreamer_1 July 20, 2011 at 9:24 am

John Galt?

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Duhbya Bush?

WhatTheHeck July 19, 2011 at 6:44 pm

HaHa. City council. You will be arresting so many people and locking them up in a prison which will then have masses of prisoners consorting with one another. Then they will be re-arrested for illegal gathering and locked up in single cells, which they don't have, for all those hapless people.

weejee July 19, 2011 at 6:45 pm

It's those damn rural Arkansas librulz who done this. They just breed like rabbits, they do, and they are turning 'Murica's country folk into a sea of blue. Yes-siree, by gum.

BTW is this the same town where Keef got busted?

smashedinhat July 20, 2011 at 9:35 am

Page 1 of his book, "Why did we stop at the 4-Dice Restaurant in Fordyce , Arkansas, for lunch on Independence Day weekend.?"

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:29 pm

To be read out loud in Keef's voice and accent.

PrimlyStable July 19, 2011 at 6:46 pm

Has anyone told the Arkansas branch of the Illuminati?

Brass Quintet July 19, 2011 at 6:49 pm

They have, and the Arkansas folks are quite upset about the fluorescent light bulbs being pushed by the Illuminat.

Mahousu July 19, 2011 at 7:49 pm

Arkansas branch? Please. The Illuminati do have standards, after all.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Told them to knock it off, you mean?

iburl July 19, 2011 at 6:47 pm

Land of the free and the home of the brave.

yyyaz July 19, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Land of the Freeps and home of the 'fraids.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2011 at 6:48 pm

And, yet, compared to anything that the Cheney Bush Administration did, this seems almost a cute way to destroy civil liberties.

comrad_darkness July 19, 2011 at 7:08 pm

It's so straightforward, isn't it? And it doesn't require a ministry of propaganda blitz from fox news.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 9:36 pm

Has Fox figured out which side is full of batshit crazy teabaggers? They can't be fair and balanced when reporting on this, until they know which side they support.

Lascauxcaveman July 19, 2011 at 7:47 pm

I've never actively participated in my small town's local government, but from reading about the town council teapot-tempests in the local fishwrap, and being a small business operator in the downtown core, I can assure you that the best Little Hitlers are the Littlest Hitlers of All.

ShaveTheWhales July 19, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Luckily, the vast majority of them are rich in charism't.

user-of-owls July 20, 2011 at 2:35 am

Oh yes, exactly! There is an absolute inverse relationship between how much actual decision-making power an individual has and how viciously petty and anxious to wield their pathetic little cudgels against the curious and 'weak.'

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:30 pm

"the best Little Hitlers are the Littlest Hitlers of All"

Penises?

DashboardBuddha July 19, 2011 at 6:49 pm

The night of the long (bowie) knives.

DashboardBuddha July 19, 2011 at 6:51 pm

From the article: "This ordinance was worded wrong,”

Bullshit bullshit bullshit, you disingenuous ass. How could any person, douchebag or not, make this mistake?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 9:39 pm

What part of "illegal to form any kind of group" would they like to clarify?

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:35 pm

Not intended to be an actual ordinance?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 19, 2011 at 6:51 pm

It looks like we did find a place that Herman Cain will feel at home in a leadership position. Screw the Constitution, what good has it ever done for us?

BaldarTFlagass July 19, 2011 at 6:52 pm

OT, but those prayers those Okies were throwing skyward for some rain seem to have worked—here in San Antonio. Guess old God must be gettin' a little nearsighted, his aim is off. Over an inch and a half in the last hour and it looks to go for another hour or so. No dry well, woo-hoo. It's like I stole their prayers. Ha!

weejee July 19, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Will that put the Riverwalk back in bidness?

BaldarTFlagass July 19, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Who knows? Only tourists go there.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 9:40 pm

Texas has tourists? People stuck at DFW don't count.
(Except maybe in Rick Perry's calculations, where they're "job seekers from other states.")

PristineODummy July 20, 2011 at 1:04 am

Haha, selective rain for Wonketteers only. I like.

HistoriCat July 20, 2011 at 9:05 am

And not a word of thanks for Rick Perry's efforts? For shame!

jus_wonderin July 19, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Pssst! The Eagle flies at midnight. By the drive through liquor store. Next to our only payphone. Be there or be square.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 9:43 pm

I'm betting the only liquor store is in the next county.

ShaveTheWhales July 19, 2011 at 9:45 pm

swordfish.

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:37 pm

You got a haddock, take an aspirin.

ProudLibunatic July 19, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Who needs a Gulag, when you have Arkansas in July?

Also, enforcement much?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 9:43 pm

Gould, Gouldlag, Gulag. It's a natural progression.

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 6:58 pm

You stupid, stupid, stupid, little fucks. How many Democrats are on the city councils that are voting for these measures? Not many, I'll bet. Because if they were Democrats, the 'baggers would be a-shrieking and a-ringin' their bells, and a-shootin' their guns, and a-ridin' their horsies and wailing about the muslin soshalists destroying their precious constitution.

We would be hearing about it non-stop 24/7 on our "liberal" cable "news" shows. Erick Erickson would get his own show with hour long closeups of his fat red smug stupid face whining about Obama and how he's taking our freedoms away (with that I'm-just-a-stupid-fuck-but-even-dumber-fucks-asked-me-to-be-on-the-cnn! look that always has his jowels a-quiverin' in disbelief).

How much play are these shithead escapades and possibly criminally unconstitutional actions getting? Zip. And I bet those city councils are chock full of 'baggers that rode in during the last couple of years and found to their amazement that surprise! they are not the juggernaut of unified public opinion the stupid rat-fuckers thought they were, and that surprise! they do in fact work for the people not the other way around, no matter what the stupid fucked-up, we-need-a-CEO-to-run-government-like-a-business mentality (hello 'bagger governors, yes you) would have them believe.

You want unconstitutional? How about a crack team (the Obama Brigade!) deputized to ride into these towns and just bitchslap these stupid clowns from one end of town to the other, before tarring and feathering them and riding them out of town on a rail?

Well, sorry about that. Rant over. I think I'll break out the box of wine. And a straw.

jus_wonderin July 19, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Bendy straw? BTW: that is my Aunt's name. She had an affinity for the Troops and never failed to miss the return of the Fleet.

Will that wine take two straws??

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 7:04 pm

Oh sure, we can stick the straws down through the handhold cut out in the box. The more the merrier.

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:40 pm

???

I thought you were only supposed to do that if you're 1950s teenagers on a date, drinking a milkshake.

BaldarTFlagass July 19, 2011 at 7:06 pm

I think that it's real cool that you have an aunt named Bendy Straw. Maybe I can convince one of my aunts to go by that sobriquet, much cooler than "Beverly". Maybe I can talk them into it once they reach their dotage.

comrad_darkness July 19, 2011 at 7:10 pm

I tried to research on the intertubes what party they are, and they are so tiny the intertubes don't even give a fuck who they are.

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 7:25 pm

And I will gladly apologize if it turns out they are all constitution-hatin' demoncraps.

comrad_darkness July 19, 2011 at 7:32 pm

I don't think they have party affiliations.

Best link I could find, just for Nash. http://www.arkansasonline.com/news/2010localresul

No one has an affiliation listed. Either lazy press or they are too small to bother with it.

Doktor Zoom July 19, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Lots of town/city councils are nominally nonpartisan, though everybody in town knows what party the members "really" belong to. Also, the smaller the jurisdiction, the more likely that pettiness and personal grudges will be at the root of fuckheadedness, regardless of party affiliation.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 9:47 pm

Do I detect the voice of personal small-town experience?

DashboardBuddha July 19, 2011 at 7:18 pm

"found to their amazement that surprise! they are not the juggernaut of unified public opinion"

They're like the dudes that think they can roll back into the mother country with just a knife and a pure heart and the "people" will rally to them. That worked great at Bay of Pigs.

"box of wine. And a straw"

Screw the straw. I used to have one of those pet drinking dish waterfall thingies. I putt it away because it's too hard to clean. But now I'm thinking, hey! Submersible pump. Hook some tubing to the pump, drop it into the box and drink away!

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Yes, yes, this has possibilities. So much more efficient.

I thought about getting a waterfall drinking fountain for the cat, because she insists on FRESH water (doesn't matter if she watched me fill the bowl 5 minutes previous, it's old), and she has me trained to pour it slowly from as high as I can reach so she can lap up the fresh water as it flows direct from wherever she thinks it comes from.

DashboardBuddha July 19, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Get a good look at the thing before you buy it. Mine was a bugger to clean…too many nooks and crannies. Plus, if you don't get every single bit of junk out, you're off to pond scum city. And god forbid if you go past the recommended cleaning time. It would take me about 1/2 hour to clean the thing each week. Easier for me to put clean water down in a bowl.

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Thank you for the helpful info. I'll keep on pouring for the demanding little dear.

fuflans July 20, 2011 at 11:50 am

my (human) boy spends like two hours every couple weeks cleaning our cat fountains and says exactly that.

and my old (cat) guy will STILL only drink running water out of the bathroom sink – not kitchen mind – only bathroom.

they are the fussiest of dears.

ProudLibunatic July 19, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Oh, you crazy cat people!
My dogs just LOVE toilet water!
And it's fresh, too!

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Oh, I have one of them too! He would drink out of the toilet if he weren't afraid of steps. He settles for clean water and whatever he can snarf out of the cat box.

ProudLibunatic July 20, 2011 at 1:24 am

We have some friends who just gave up, tossed the water dish, and leave the bathroom door open.
I'm sure there are a few house guests that think: "OMG!"

horsedreamer_1 July 20, 2011 at 9:28 am

You mean to tell me Ahmad Chalabi is not President of Iraq?

Well, at least we know Marco Rubio will be el Jefe Maximo Presidente after the Castros finally split town from La Habana.

Viva la republica banana floridana en Cuba!

Come here a minute July 19, 2011 at 7:44 pm

But there's a spigot built right in.

PRO TIP: Cut a hole in the top and the spigot goes faster.

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 7:51 pm

I think that could work; attach some tubing to the spigot (for convenience so that you don't have to lie on your back under the table edge) and good to go.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 9:50 pm

I'd plumb it to the water dispenser in the fridge door. THAT is convenient.

Pres[EXTERMINATE!!] July 19, 2011 at 11:10 pm

I think if the Obama Brigade rode into these towns, they would be given a laurel and a hearty handshake before the lynchin' began.

PristineODummy July 20, 2011 at 1:06 am

For some inexplicable reason, I had a Diamanda Galas moment just reading that.

BaldarTFlagass July 19, 2011 at 6:58 pm

♫ No, it isn't very pretty
What a town without pity
Can do ♪

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 7:04 pm

♫ No, it isn't very pretty
What a town without brains
Can do ♪

(Messes up the rhyme, I know.)

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2011 at 3:27 pm

♪ ♪ It's so very antebellum
What a town without cerebellum
Can do…♪ ♪

BaldarTFlagass July 19, 2011 at 7:03 pm

“causing confusion and discourse among the citizens”

Oh my GOD! Not discourse!!! They'll get the chair for sure!!

Tundra Grifter July 19, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Take your pick. In my experience there's dis course and, on the other hand, there's dat course.

Tommmcatt July 19, 2011 at 7:09 pm

Idiots. They are greasing up and bending over for a lawsuit here. In fact, I'm tempted to move there, try to start Gay Rights group, and then sue the city and each individual member of the council for violating my first amendment right to association. NAACP v. Alabama, Motherfuckers!!!!!

ShaveTheWhales July 19, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Wonder if they have D&O insurance for the councilcretins.

user-of-owls July 20, 2011 at 1:30 am

Um, amigo? The unfortunate fact of this situation is that this is an entirely African-American v. same affair. It essentially boils down to some ugly, nasty and very local (pop. 1350; black %80) internecine warfare. Now, as I re-read your post, if you and a fabulous band of your fellow-travelers were to descend on Gould and demand an immediate recognition of same-sex marriage, you would not be run out of town on a rail by the folks that our stereotypes condition us to think you/we would be.

Tommmcatt July 20, 2011 at 3:42 pm

In the deep south? Really? Wanna bet?

MissTaken July 19, 2011 at 7:12 pm

“No new organizations shall be allowed to exist in the City of Gould without approval from a majority of the City Council.”

Well fuck me. There goes my local Gould chapter of the What Stupid Thing Can We Do Today To Get Arkansas Back In The News Organization.

Duly_Noted July 19, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Or the Arkansas chapter of "Citizens Who Comprehend a Constitutional Democracy."

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Dolts can't even spell "Gold" correctly.

BlueStateLibel July 19, 2011 at 7:15 pm

Well if they're going to trash the rights to assembly and free speech, they might as well as trash the no harboring-of-troops in your house, I always hated that one.

HistoriCat July 20, 2011 at 9:10 am

May as well trash that trial by jury one while you're at it.

Heck, trash the trial completely.

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:53 pm

"they might as well as trash the no harboring-of-troops in your house"

These troops that you speak of, would they be hot, muscular troops who have somehow forgotten to wear shirts? Cause I could probably harbor a few of those guys in my house.

BlueStateLibel July 21, 2011 at 7:54 am

Yes, those were exactly the ones I was thinking of.

simplyblue7 July 19, 2011 at 7:16 pm

What a bunch of idiots…at least do the whole secret police thing too.

genxr July 19, 2011 at 7:20 pm

Right wing death squads or GTFO.

Barrelhse July 19, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Like Hardin, Montana. LOL

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 9:52 pm

They did. It's a secret, silly.

Troglodeity July 19, 2011 at 7:16 pm

I'm sure the Gould, Arkansas chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union won't let this stand.

Duly_Noted July 19, 2011 at 7:22 pm

They've probably all been proactively arrested and thrown in jail, just to be on the safe side.

riverside68 July 19, 2011 at 7:25 pm

If they are ever able to stop laughing

Barrelhse July 19, 2011 at 8:18 pm

They've been unable to form, actually.

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:56 pm

You funny.

genxr July 19, 2011 at 7:20 pm

“causing confusion and discourse among the citizens”

And you laughed when I said China would take over America. Social harmony will be enforced by law, suckers.

Fox n Fiends July 20, 2011 at 12:51 pm

So true. I've been saying for years that "Communist" China is a Conservative Paradise. And it what America will become very soon.

DaRooster July 19, 2011 at 7:22 pm

"…accused the group of “causing confusion and discourse among the citizens” by harshly criticizing local officials at public meetings."

"We ain't gonna be havin' no discourse…. hey Charlie… what's a discourse…. WAIT TILL YER MARRIED!"

JustPixelz July 19, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Arkansas! It's Kansas with an ARRRGGGHHH.

riverside68 July 19, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Someone might want to check and see if the city council gave itself permission to meet.

Cause otherwise they gonna have to lock themselves up, and they might just be stoopid enough to do it!

ArmoredLibunatic July 19, 2011 at 7:29 pm

Pfff, then one of the people who wrote it went "Uh… yeah, that is kinda illegal. We'll probably rework this" afterwards.

Maybe if they actually read what they put forth, they'd see what giant idiots they are.

MissTaken July 19, 2011 at 7:45 pm

You think they know how to read?

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 7:33 pm

"…But the City Council, in one ordinance, accused the group of “causing confusion and discourse among the citizens”…"

Do you stupid fucks have any fucking clue what the word discourse even means:
n. communication of thought by words; talk; conversation: ex. earnest and intelligent discourse.

You stupid, stupid, stupid fucks. Can't have the citizens gasp! talking to each other! They might figure out that you are stupid, stupid, stupid fucks. And that you can't tell the constitution from your own asshole and that you wipe shit all over both of them.

Tundra Grifter July 19, 2011 at 8:03 pm

Great call! Perhaps they thought they were using "discord?" Or an extension cord?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 9:54 pm

Ummm…. what makes you think they didn't know exactly what they were doing?

ChessieNefercat July 20, 2011 at 8:57 am

Good point.

PristineODummy July 20, 2011 at 1:18 am

You're not … upset, or anything, about this, are you?

ProudLibunatic July 20, 2011 at 1:33 am

Chessie:
Hold one of your cats or your dog and lower your blood pressure.
Check out the Rupert Murdoch stuff. (Schadenfreude does wonders.)
These idiots will get theirs, cause karma is a bitch.

littlebigdaddy July 19, 2011 at 7:34 pm

The good people of Gould won't notice anything until they realize this applies to pig-wrestling, cock-fighting, and other such cute rural animal-themed pastimes. Then they will get their overalls in a twist!

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:59 pm

They can still fuck sheep, though, right?

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 7:35 pm

I'm sorry. Must be the heat wave making the stupid swell up and smell more than usual. I have to admit, it's getting to me.

Goonemeritus July 19, 2011 at 7:35 pm

I am shocked how this could be possible. How could they get enough people to stay in Arkansas long enough to form a group?

voodooeconomics July 19, 2011 at 7:36 pm

No meetings of any kind for the citizens of Gould. As o a matter of fact no citizen of this city shall meet another in or out of this Galaxy and Beyond. Go to the Borg Collective and have your meetings there, you ugly little trouble makers.
I just love the Rulers of the Trailers.

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Well if anything could provoke the Borg Collective into shrieking and running off in individual directions, it would be this giant oncoming rocket ship of industrial grade stupid.

comrad_darkness July 19, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Are the Rulers of the Trailers anything like the Children of the Corn?

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 9:18 pm

The adults that inadvertently escaped the children.

dyedwool July 19, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Remember back when Bill Clinton was a Man From Hope (AK)? And then he had that Cigar, and there was a Stained Blue Dress? Good times.

user-of-owls July 20, 2011 at 2:09 am

Hello Poopyhead!
As part of our welcome package here at Our Wonket', we offer free "State Zip Code Abbreviations For Fucking Morons Who Are Too Fucking Stupid To Simply Look The Fucking Codes Up Service."

If you had availed yourself of the um, rather easy zip code locater service, you would have quickly discovered that the "Man from Hope" was in fact not from Alaska (AK), but rather from Arkansas (AR). That notwithstanding, though, your post is quite hysterically funny! I mean really, who, excepting the most pathetically dozy cunt, could have produced such witty repartee as, "And then he had that Cigar, and there was a Stained Blue Dress"? Fucking brilliant, that.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Uhhhh… not. The poopster has a billion points, from the endless reposts of his one lame racist joke on the BrightFart site.

dyedwool July 21, 2011 at 11:52 pm

Wow. I'd hate to see the paroxysms if I'd posted something that actually mattered.

For what it's worth (not much, probably), I wasn't disparaging Bill Clinton or his/your home state. The point I was trying to make — not successfully, clearly — is that as batshit insane as things have gotten in this country…with the recent events in AR (HEY!, got it right this time!!!) being just the most recent example…is that they now make the Witch Hunt of Clinton Circa 1998ish seem downright quaint in comparison. And I'm almost wistful for that comparatively innocent time. ALMOST. Not really, of course. Cripes, I feel like an Old Timer, looking through the rearview mirror.

But anyway, all apologies, HotHead. My bad. I made a critical, objective error — mistyping "AK" for "AR" – INEXCUSABLE! And I made another subjective one. Since I don't want to be the cause of the aneurysm you seem destined for — maybe I should run all future posts by you first to vet for 1.) accuracy and 2.) humor.

Wadisay July 19, 2011 at 7:40 pm

It's good to see that John Yoo has found new employment.

weejee July 19, 2011 at 7:53 pm

sweet

Come here a minute July 19, 2011 at 7:42 pm

Peaceable assembly is overrated.

emmelemm July 19, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Discourse is for suckers. It's all about discharge, as in discharging of firearms.

2ND AMENDMENT RULZ, 1ST AMENDMENT DROOLZ!

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 9:19 pm

"Peaceable assembly is overrated."

And socialisms! And muslin! And unconstitutional like it says in the Bibble!

user-of-owls July 19, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Aw, hell. Whenever my little eye spies Arkansas in the headlines, I know I have to put on the armor and put myself in the role of Arkie Defender, a role that 21 years ago would have made me laugh as hard as you are right now. So, an observation, then on a Reply/Rebut mission. jezzus.

So…
First, as anyone with a brain stem knows, this will be squished like a bug and thus will shortly just constitute another "ha, ha, ha" example of the insanity of small town politics, where everybody knows everyone…and hates the shit outta them;

Second, a couple of socio-demographic observations. Gould's population is a whopping 1,305 (see mutual loathing above). That population is just shy of 80% African-American. More than one-third of that population lives below the poverty line, a number which rises to 43% in the 18 and under bracket;

Third, this is the Delta…you cannot get any deeper into the Delta in this state. This is what you conjure up when you think of Robert Johnson at a crossroad making a deal at midnight. Go ahead and Google Map it in satellite view, then put yourself there. The Delta is one of our proud nation's Third World-Land tourist attraction sites, a fact that is met with incomprehension and disbelief when I reveal this to my Latin American friends. It should, but isn't, be met in the same way by us. The Delta, like Appalachia or the Rez or the projects or anywhere else in this shameful bit of human geography we own, the Delta is a different world, a world where this council's actions are not seen as bizarre or inconsistent with basic constitutional principles. A world that is utterly incomprehensible to pasty fat middle-classers like me, and alike to young white women editors of a blog…in other words, incomprehensible to pretty much all of us here.

Finally, we here in Arkansas simply are not anywhere near in the running for the most insanely vicious and dysfunctional state in the Union these days. We are at absolute worst at the lower end of the middle of that vile scrum, we problem have a team batting average of like .117 and a collective 14.2 ERA. Do we have Klan, vulgar xenophobes, fanatical Christians and the like? Yes we do. Are some (not all) of these perversities prevalent among the editorial staff of our single state-wide newspaper? You betcha. Are such lunatics sometimes elected to local, county or state offices? Most certainly. BUT, BUT: Do said lunatics actually pass hateful, regressive legislation? No. NO! The filthyweasel bills they introduced are systematically slaughtered in committee. Does the reactionary state newspapers gleefully jump on board when the xeroxed Hispanic-hater cunts demand immediate deportation to Haiti or Bangladesh of any one with the gall to look brown? No. NO! To my continual awe, the paper savages said cunts with gust and regularity.

Oh christ, what a diatribe. Let me just close with this. Just take a short peek at what our Governor is like (moderate Dem), how 'adults' actually controlled the last session of the legislature, how our unemployment is generally 2% lower than the US average, and how we currently have a fucking budget surplus!

Sorry for the knee-jerk rant.

prommie July 19, 2011 at 8:53 pm

I for one love your rant, a lot. Truly. I mean it.

Come here a minute July 19, 2011 at 8:55 pm

tl;dr :-)

prommie July 19, 2011 at 8:56 pm

You need to understand, after I get home after work, and get some Gin in me, I am a loving, gentle soul, and not the savagely sarcastic and nihilistic angst-monster that I am during the working hours.

user-of-owls July 19, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Oh, I've always known that…and am hooked on the wonderfully raw rage you crystallize in your more ragged posts….good, good stuff.

prommie July 19, 2011 at 11:48 pm

You are really very kind to say that. My anonymous witty rageful persona is to me kinda sad, an escape.

user-of-owls July 20, 2011 at 12:38 am

No, amigo, not sad…not sad at all. Rather a channel for our, you and me for example, need for that outlet, that escape valve. We don't call talk radio of whatever persuasion and screech semi-literate inanities designed to induce a response of "ditto."

Here is a place that we can express our raw hurt, or raw rage or even, once in a great while, our raw happiness or optimism. Puerile downfister(s) notwithstanding, you are a wonderful part of an amazing community we've stumbled on here, and you just keeping on fucking rocking that dumpster baby the same way the rest of us rock owls, or deweys, or lionels, limeylizzies, weejees, barbs, X[redacted]s, or any of a million more.

You're a good shit, Prommie.

PristineODummy July 20, 2011 at 1:26 am

But that witty rageful persona brings HOPE, even JOY to those even sadder than you. So, that's, like, a cosmic lessening of Teh Sad, right?

BlueStateLibel July 19, 2011 at 8:59 pm

What you just wrote, and that you wrote it, is probably ILLEGAL under current local Gould ordinances, but very nicely said nevertheless.

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Well, your rant seems to be based on more information than mine, so I for one will apologize since it appears I may have been unjust to the city council of Gould. Thank you for the information.

ShaveTheWhales July 19, 2011 at 9:52 pm

So, what was your point?

;>) ?

BTW, I don't think the fundamental point of the article was that Arkansas is uniquely weak on constitutional principles. I have very little trouble visualizing the governing council in one of the smaller, rural towns here in Cali passing similar (DOA) ordinances.

I do think it's still worth mocking such stupidity, even if I am old, fat, pasty, and formerly middle-class.

snarkycomments July 19, 2011 at 10:19 pm

"…pasty fat middle-classers…"

Who are you calling 'middle-class'?!?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 10:21 pm

"Do said lunatics actually pass hateful, regressive legislation? No. NO! The filthyweasel bills they introduced are systematically slaughtered in committee."

So it's not Texas… that's a pretty good start. And Little Rock is actually a quietly cool oasis of sanity in the middle of Bubbaland. My opinion of Akansas keeps sneaking upward … I'm gonna have to redirect my hillbilly/yokel/bumpkin jokes a bit further east.

Negropolis July 20, 2011 at 3:20 am

Kind of a disproportional response to a thread that wasn't really bashing on Arkansas in isolation, and whose comments before this one didn't really reference where this happened, at all, besides happening in the small-town South. The thread was mostly about totalitarianism and small-town politics.

That all could have been summed up with: "Arkansas: At least we're not Mississippi!"

user-of-owls July 20, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Um, just an honest question: Did I offend you so greatly in my inappropriate women's soccer post that we are no longer on 'speaking' terms? It would greatly disappoint if that is the case, but if so, I will endeavor to give wide sway to you in future posts, because I genuinely do not want to offend someone who I respect.

Oblios_Cap July 20, 2011 at 9:12 am

So you're saying that it's just a coincidence that Gould is just north of Dumbass, AR?

Oh – my bad. It's Dumas.

HistoriCat July 20, 2011 at 9:22 am

Really, is there any state in the nation where some small town couldn't go off the rails and do something so completely over the top?

You get your martial law in Arizona and your Extreme Corruption in California. OK, I'm too lazy to do more searches right now but you could probably find instances in lots of out of the way places.

Leaving aside the supernatural element, Stephen King and H.P. Lovecraft knew that small isolated towns were weird places.

Naked_Bunny July 19, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Oh noes! Not discourse among the citizens! That can lead to intercourse between the citizens, and even sudden ejaculations during particularly heated meetings!

ChessieNefercat July 19, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Oh, that was good!

DaSandman July 19, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Stay home and screw your children like a good Southerner should.

"Get off me Paw, your crushing my cigarettes."

archikvetch July 19, 2011 at 9:43 pm

The Committee for Public Safety is pleased.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 20, 2011 at 3:41 pm

The beheadings will continue, until morale improves.

ttommyunger July 19, 2011 at 11:01 pm

I've always said, if there's anything more pathetic than a politician, it's a small-town politician.

franco_pinyon July 20, 2011 at 12:46 am

Our Founding Fathers fought tirelessly, and did not rest until the Right of Free Assembly was eliminated.

Also, John Quincy Adams.

PristineODummy July 20, 2011 at 1:28 am

Miche1le? Is that you?

franco_pinyon July 20, 2011 at 1:40 am

No. . Michele couldnt be here. She has a headache.

zappadoo76 July 20, 2011 at 1:49 am

Reminds me of the good old days, after Weimar. The gauleiter and the kreisleitern implementing the fuhrerprinzip!

zhubajie July 20, 2011 at 2:56 am

Isn't this place in the Delta? I guess they got another reason to sing the Blues…. :-(

Schmegeg July 20, 2011 at 8:28 am

Memo to City Council of Gould Arkansas:

You Really Suck.

Signed: Gould Arkansas Central Workers Soviet

Buckminster July 20, 2011 at 11:41 am

Get a rope.

ChrisM2011 July 20, 2011 at 12:27 pm

No dancing!!!!!

voodooeconomics July 20, 2011 at 4:14 pm

what is a budget surplus?

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 10:07 pm

*anxiously*
But the Klan meeting is still on, right?

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Try as I might, I cannot figure out how the teabaggers can fap to this.

ShaveTheWhales July 19, 2011 at 9:47 pm

Have you considered a garden hose with a needle sprayer?

Hey, I have a cat too.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Train her to drink from the toilet, like any normal cat.

PristineODummy July 20, 2011 at 1:13 am

You could train her to water herself. One of ours (the longest-haired of the Maine Coon mixes) figured out how to open the faucet in the downstairs baffroom. I came home to an inch of water on the bathroom floor and an excellent work of toilet-paper art – small flecks of white,wet stuff mashed carefully and artistically all over the black tile floor.

PristineODummy July 20, 2011 at 1:14 am

Ours don't drink from the toilet, thank deity. Although I do worry where their lizardy little lips have been every time I'm overcome by the urge to kiss them. (I know — fastened to another cat's anus, or their own, like as not.)

ChessieNefercat July 20, 2011 at 8:59 am

She tried that once, and fell in, and has never tried since. She has never fallen into her water bowl, so I think she feels safe.

user-of-owls July 20, 2011 at 1:37 am

Yes, yes, yes. Precisely said, incisively said and said with heart.

Un abrazo, Pristina Estimada.

PristineODummy July 20, 2011 at 1:51 am

Gracias, Dona Buho.

guangho July 20, 2011 at 11:33 am

God thing smug New Yorkers can still look down on you. Unless they live in Ridgewood.

comrad_darkness July 20, 2011 at 2:25 pm

You make me feel better about not fixing the drip in the shower because the cats drink there.

user-of-owls July 20, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Um, just for the record, it's Don. You see I have both a penis and a TV.

PristineODummy July 20, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Shocking. I thought that wasn't allowed. Now I'll have to gay-marry you.

A thousand pardons, Don Buho.

tessiee July 20, 2011 at 11:04 pm

"I have both a penis and a TV."

So, therefore, you're not actually poor?

user-of-owls July 20, 2011 at 10:59 pm

je je je!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: