the headaches are coming back again

Michele Bachmann Also Obviously Huge Pill Popper, Constantly Suffers ‘Episodes’

THE HEADACHES TOLD ME TOSo everybody remembers how Michele Bachmann is known to run away from other people screaming? This is apparently totally normal “Michele” behavior, who’d have guessed! Conservative gossip tabloid The Daily Caller got the dirt from three anonymous people “close to Bachmann” saying she gobbles pills all day long, has, uh, “episodes” and mysterious insane “headaches” that require hospitalization when she gets stressed out, all of which she blames on those constant communications from outerspace wearing high heels. All of this sounds so predictably close to the cartoonish vision of Michele Bachmann that most sane people already entertain when they think of this harpie dingbat that we are asking, is this really news? Oh right, she wants to be president.

From TheDC:

Bachmann’s medical condition wouldn’t merit public attention, but for the fact she is running for president. Some close to Bachmann fear she won’t be equal to the stress of the campaign, much less the presidency itself.

“When she gets ‘em, frankly, she can’t function at all. It’s not like a little thing with a couple Advils. It’s bad,” the adviser says. “The migraines are so bad and so intense, she carries and takes all sorts of pills. Prevention pills. Pills during the migraine. Pills after the migraine, to keep them under control. She has to take these pills wherever she goes.”

To staff, Bachmann has implausibly blamed the headaches on uncomfortable high-heel shoes, but those who have worked closely with her cite stress, a busy schedule and anything going badly for Bachmann as causes.

So there you have it, your second Michele Bachmann post of the day, because Michele Bachmann is so certifiably insane that your humorously nihilistic news media cannot resist reminding everyone as often as possible how terrifying this woman’s presidency would look. [TheDC]

Related

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

301 comments

    1. Mapmonger

      That's just for what they consider *moral* ailments, like The Ghey and stuff. For everything else, one has to apply Personal Responsibility, in the form of buying yourself pills. Lots and lots and lots of pills.

    2. PsycWench

      Makes sense. Migraines involve blood vessels. Erections involve blood vessels. If you can control the second, you ought to be able to control the first.

      1. Swampgas_Man

        Whatever else you can say about her, I'm pretty sure Bachmann doesn't cause or get erections.

        1. GOPCrusher

          Oh, I think we can all agree that in some trailer park, there is a lonely Tea Bagger rubbing one out to a picture of Michele. Probably as we speak.

    3. riverside68

      Maybe she did pray away the gay.

      Now she just has flaming debilitating 'headaches'

      Nothing to see here, no conections, keep moving

      1. SorosBot

        Keep telling Michele that, Marcus, and she might not realize it's really because she's not a strapping young hunk of a man.

  1. Come here a minute

    Ladyparts, also, too.

    Really, nobody comments about this stuff with male candidates, like Tim Pawlenty. Okay, bad example, nobody notices anything about Tim Pawlenty.

        1. ArmoredLibunatic

          Watch it, bub! That's an insult to legitimate, hard-working lady parts everywhere!

          1. ChessieNefercat

            "That's an insult to legitimate, hard-working exciting and memorable lady parts everywhere!"

        1. Gleem_McShineys

          Holy cow, so evolution is taking us less towards X-men, and more towards foot-fetishists?

        2. zhubajie

          Sounds like something from a Mesopotamian omen collection! "If a woman has a nipple on her left foot…."

      1. SorosBot

        There was also the talk of the possibility of supposedly-recovered alcoholic Bush getting back on the bottle, but that was sadly confined to the tabloids & blogs.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      If President Obama had said anything as crazy as Michele puts out on a regular basis, and then it came out he was complaining of "headaches" the Clintons would have made so much of it he'd have to do televised fMRI and CT scans to prove he wasn't nuts.

      1. ChessieNefercat

        None of which would matter, because even without CTs and MRIs you could tell he was headaching while blaaaaaaack!

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          Besides, every wingnut within 6 feet of a keyboard would immediately recognize that the CT and MRI scans were Photoshopped.

        1. ChessieNefercat

          Need to start watching the Nanny again, with the captions, just to see how the hapless captioneer spells it. (I once saw "supremacist" spelled "supreme cyst."

          1. V572 Hair of Destiny

            My SO is not a native speaker of Inglese so we use subtitles quite a bit. (They’re great when you’re watching concerts on HDT, or a Robert Altman movie with overlapping dialogue.) A lot of the titling seems to have been done by either a pathetically inept algorithm or a person with a very bad attitude.And if you can make it through more than 10 minutes of “The Nanny” you’re a braver person than I.

          2. ChessieNefercat

            It's especially funny to watch them backspace and try again. It does seem sometimes that the voice recognition software needs to be adjusted just a bit. And then of course, they occasionally just go into Klingon for no apparent reason (sunspots?).

        1. Not_So_Much

          Begs the question, does she use a peg-leg or a hook to get into character/use as a marital aid to treat him like the naughty, dirty, naughty, bad boy that he (probably) is?

          1. ChessieNefercat

            Eww. Reminds me of the footage of Larry Craig saying what a naughty, naughty, bad boy, Clinton had been (surfaced again after the restroom incident). Little did we know at the time how much he envied Monica.

        2. ChessieNefercat

          Imagine waking up and seeing those false eye-lashed smeary-mascara raccoon crazy eyes contemplating you, hissing gently, "Maaaarcus, I need you now, Marcus…"

          1. ChessieNefercat

            No, I just imagine poor Marcus re-thinking the deal he made with the devil, I mean Michele. I think she could scare someone out of any orientation whatsoever.

        1. MissusBarry

          While I was sad Kurt couldn't handle life on this earth, I can't say I'd feel the same about One-L.

  2. Barb

    I bet her husband has a few incurable pounding pains frequently. Take 2 ass burns and call me in the morning.

    1. MissusBarry

      I have some heels, however, that when applied to One-L's head at great velocity would certainly produce a headache.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      That's because her head is up her ass, so when she sticks her foot in her mouth as is her wont, oh never mind.

  3. FidoMcCokefiend

    Why are you afraid of a strong conservative woman that has debilitating migraines and the intelligence of a bag of phlegm?

    The choot spa of you people.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      If I go to a choot spa, what happens? Do I lose choot, do I get in touch with my inner choot, is it just a nice way to de-choot? Are there special choot-loss wraps? Powerful choot cleansers for de-chootification? Small group sessions for de-chooting? I'm confused.

      But then I'm not rich enough for spas, so I am unsure of all the types available.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        When and where is a Super Patriotic American Spa going to open and offer the "choot" special? And tea-bagging also too.

  4. V572 Hair of Destiny

    So as soon as Miche1e creeps ahead of Mittens in polls, the long knives come out. These Republicans play rough!

    Oh and they're also perfectly willing to crash the world economy, if it makes and important point.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "Oh and they're also perfectly willing to crash the world economy, if it makes and important point."

      Point being, 2012 is when the world will end. Brought about by middle-aged dumpy, ignorant, racist morons wearing tricorne hats and and stupid-ass breeches with zippers instead of buttons and shower cap bonnets and iridescent sequinned Uncle Sam costumes in public!

    2. BerkeleyBear

      Especially if the point is, "we're batshit crazy – vote for us, or we'll come back home and do this shit closer to you."

    3. SenileAgitation

      They are doctrinaire fuckers. But it's no secret they got their political action model from the Soviets, though of course not the to-each-according-to-his-wallet bullshit.

  5. Callyson

    The Minnesota Republican frequently suffers from stress-induced medical episodes that she has characterized as severe headaches. These episodes, say witnesses, occur once a week on average and can “incapacitate” her for days at time.
    How can they tell the difference?

    1. PristineODummy

      I thought it was choot-SPA. Where Marcus goes to get his toes painted in Pinkberry.

  6. Nopantsmcgee

    Try uncrossing your eyes a few minutes each day, Michele. that's gotta help the headaches if not the goofy photographs.

  7. hagajim

    Migraines are from the implant the aliens stuck in her head. Whenever they tell her to do something sane she has massive headaches because we all know she can't tolerate sane.

  8. freakishlywrong

    The Daily Caller??? Either they've gotten their orders to take her out, or it's just delicious wingnut on wingnut violence. I hope it's the latter.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      I hope it's both! Yeah, sounds like Tucker got the memo from the cool guys that Shelly is catching up with Mittens. Boy, I can't wait for the debates!

      1. SorosBot

        Yeah, the GOP establishment does not want a psycho guaranteed to go down in flames in the general election to get the nomination; they want Mittens or T-Paw.

    2. CapeClod

      I've got a feeling that the serious people aren't going to wait until the primaries to put a few holes in her hull.

  9. OC_Surf_Serf

    Does she steal these numerous pills like Cindy McCain? Or does Marcus get them free from drug reps??

    1. DahBoner

      Don't forget about sending out one of the foster children to score a few on the street..

  10. Goonemeritus

    Cognitive dissonance is a bitch, imagine your brain trying to resolve some of her positions. I would need a full time Dilaudid drip and I would still need to blow bubbles into a bottle of Rebel Yell.

  11. DashboardBuddha

    Little Bachman had a pill
    Its shell was white as snow
    And everywhere that Bachman went
    The pill was sure to go.

  12. Nopantsmcgee

    I get horrible painful debilitating migraines, so I kinda feel for her. But, then I'm not running for President. Trust me, if I was President and I had one, not even Nuclear Fucking Armageddon could get me out from under the covers in my pitch black bedroom. "Fuck the human species…my head is killing me, " is what you'd hear from me painfully whispering.

    1. BlueMonkeh

      I get some vicious, head-splitting, vomit spewing migraines occasionally, but they're due to bright lights and/or certain chemical smells.

      Not getting my way doesn't usually trigger my migraines.

    2. MissusBarry

      But, do your shoes cause them? Or perhaps your pants (since apparently you prefer to go sans bottoms)?

      Obviously, she just needs to run the situation room barefoot and everything would be fine.

    3. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Well, it's comforting to know what's gonna happen if the red telephone rings in the middle of the night. "Marcus, will you pull that fucking cord out of the wall before I KILL somebody??!!!?!"

      1. ChessieNefercat

        ". "Marcus, will you pull that fucking cord out of the wall before I KILL somebody??!!!?!""

        "Oh wait, on second thought, I'll take the call. KILL! Thank you. Goodbye."

  13. mavenmaven

    We have had a black president, now it is time for a much larger American constitutency to be represented. Yes, it is time for America to have a mentally ill presidency.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Lincoln? Clinical depression?

      James Madison? Napoleon Complex?

      Jefferson? Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

    2. SorosBot

      Nixon, an alcoholic depressive with paranoia and a persecution complex that rivals Palin's, warrants consideration.

    3. flamingpdog

      "There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president." — Kurt Vonnegut

    1. Steverino247

      I'm not sure how the base would handle her masturbating with a crucifix and screaming, "Let Jesus fuck you" though. Might be a bit over the top.

      Ha! How would FOX News cover THAT event? Discuss.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        How would FOX News cover THAT event?
        "Hey, look over there, a liberal/gay penis issue!!!"

    1. flamingpdog

      Um, not a medical doctor. PhD from an on-line university. It would have to be the Messican maid doing the dirty work for her.

    1. tcaalaw

      Failed treatments to date: Beta blockers, calcium channel blockers, adrenalin injections, high dose ibuprofen, steroids, Trager Mentastics, violent exercise, cafergot suppositories, caffeine, acupuncture, marijuana, Percodan, Midrine, Tenormin, Sansert, homeopathics. No results. No results…

    2. finallyhappy

      Yup, I am just about to see a neurologist/migraine specialist .I once thought(not seriously) about taking an ice pick to my head- and the movie Pi certainly made me rethink that moment.

  14. ManchuCandidate

    And this is… um… shocking.

    Again shows what a bunch of clueless botards Teabaggers really are. All they hear are words and see white skin and they go "She's a A REAL LEADUH!!" Clueless… abso-fucking-lutely clueless.

    When I was in charge of a manufacturing team of 30 people, I learned you have to keep cool and calm even when you don't feel like it or even want to. Losing your shit is a big no no in leadership positions and becomes increasingly important the higher up you go.

    Losing her shit seems to be the only thing that Mish is good for.

  15. Tundra Grifter

    So that's why she ran screaming from those two women in the restroom?

    Her shoes were too tight?

    Lord knows what is too tight to make her so hate on Black farmers.

    1. AJWjr.

      Yeah, I always thought the meme was more like "Tight women, loose shoes and a warm place to shit. Painfully obvious.

    2. Doktor Zoom

      "Lord knows what is too tight to make her so hate on Black farmers."

      Her white sheet?

  16. widestanceroman

    Whichever of her thousands of children who switches her meds with Pez candy is my favorite child forever.

    I have family members who suffer from migraines, and I was hesitant to snark about it until I remembered that I am a barbarian to her. This alleviates my guilt, so when I say I'd like to enter her (don't even go there, you guys) dark sick room to give her Pez pills, I'd also enjoy smacking her upside the head with a bible while asking her why Jeebis hates her so much that he's doing this to her.

  17. Suzan

    I wonder… When Michelle Bachmann has a crazy spell does she become like normal people?

      1. thefrontpage

        My CIA chips are still running fine, and I had them installed in 1984. Every now and then, I pick up CB radio talk, but that can be entertaining. Did you know that most CBers are liberal Democrats? They are.

      2. flamingpdog

        I saw that movie – her silicon clit was inside her head. I think it was called "Deep Thinking".

  18. CapeClod

    I had my suspicions that Baron Vladimir Harkonnen was running the show in her noggin.

      1. CapeClod

        OK but if she suddenly blurts out "The spice must flow!" at one of the debates, don't say I didn't warn you.

    1. finallyhappy

      Children of Dune- now rereading after many years- perhaps because of a comment you made some time ago(after I said I hated all the books after Dune)

      1. FlownOver

        I'm still waiting for Lynch… er, "Alan Smithey"… to do the sequel. If he sneaks in a Bachmann subplot he can call it "Dunes & Maroons."

  19. KotBR

    This is why we can't have National Health Care, folks! Because the Soshalizt gub'ment might keep Michelle from her brain pills. Bad news, friends.

  20. BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe she should get an electro-encephalogram. I mean, Charles Whitman had a pretty big tumor in his head that day he sent everyone home early from class at UT back in '66.

    1. HistoriCat

      Ooh – a big tumor! Maybe they could operate and remove it. And when she comes out she's a completely different person – in favor of universal health care and racial justice. Although her political career might have to go on hold while she sorts out her marriage.

    2. Gleem_McShineys

      Just because her brain is trying to jump out the windows is no cause for alarm, everybody.
      When she gets that bug-eyed look, just give a couple simple raps on the forehead, that usually scares the little guy right back down where it belongs.

  21. orygoon

    We should be compassionate about people who suffer, not make fun of them.
    We should be compassionate about people who suffer, not make fun of them.
    We should be compassionate about people who suffer, not make fun of them.
    We should be compassionate about people who suffer, not make fun of them.
    We should be compassionate about –ah, fuck that. Bitch deserves it, and more.

    (I get headaches all the time, and take meds for them that work quite well and do not make me unpleasantly maniacal. They make me better, for fuck's sake.)

    1. emmelemm

      I get headaches all the time. It hasn't turned me into a batshit loony-tunes racist bible thumping teabagger. (Yet.)

  22. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Perhaps this is all just part of Marcus' great experiment to see if he can convert his wife to the gay way. First of all, if he can do it one way, he can certainly reverse it. Second, he might get to watch some good girl on girl action.

    1. MissusBarry

      It was a couple weeks ago, I think…when she signed that pledge that included language to the effect that black babies born into slavery were better off than those born under the first black president. We have trifecta.

  23. JoshuaNorton

    I believe that in Victorian times it was referred to as hysteria and was caused by sexual frustration.

    Doctors had a "massage" therapy for such problems. Maybe Michele needs a good vibrator more than a fistful of Advil.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Maybe Michele needs a good vibrator more than a fistful of Advil.

      That sucker better be the size of a Louisville Slugger to cure what ails her. Mind you, she'd have to pry it out of Marcus's ass first.

    2. widestanceroman

      Nothing less than massive bloodletting and electric shocks to the genitals will do. Come to think of it, she could vacation at Club Gitmo for those treatments.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        Wasn't it called the 'vapors' and women were allowed to go to a Doctor's office and get masturbated? It's "medical" therefore guilt and adultery free.

        Oh I see, this will be the first of Health Secretary Palin's medicaid approved therapy programs under a Bachmann administration. Dr. Bachmann will only take male patients.

  24. ifthethunderdontgetya

    Wow, 2nd page in just 20 minutes?!?! Anywho:

    …because Michele Bachmann is so certifiably insane that your humorously nihilistic news media cannot resist reminding everyone as often as possible how terrifying this woman’s presidency would look.

    My theory: Our corporate media wants to help the GOP get the desired corporate candidate in place. And One L ain't it.
    ~

  25. Preferred Customer

    I get these things, too, and they're truly awful, but I don't think they disqualify you from the Presidency. I would contrast this with EVERY OTHER ASPECT of Bachmann's personality, temperament, intelligence, personality, personal morals, and ethics, all of which render her completely and totally unsuited to be President. Honestly, the fact that she gets terrible migraines might be the least disqualifying thing about her.

    1. BlueMonkeh

      To staff, Bachmann has implausibly blamed the headaches on uncomfortable high-heel shoes, but those who have worked closely with her cite stress, a busy schedule and anything going badly for Bachmann as causes.

      No, no, the migraines alone don't disqualify. But the whole toddleresque my way or the migraine routine certainly does.

  26. BlueStateLibel

    I bet she is also subject to periodic "meltdowns," those episodes that affect both sexes and involve tears, screaming, wild accusations, various thrown things, etc. It must have been fun being one of her foster kids.

    1. V572 Hair of Destiny

      "Mommy's going to go in her room now, and would everyone stop fighting and PLEASE BE QUIET FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES!?!"

  27. SayItWithWookies

    So do these debilitating headaches cause insanity too, or is that something she came up with on her own?

  28. MrFizzy

    The headaches are just her brain's way of purging any original or humane thoughts. Recommended cure: trepanation with a corkscrew.

  29. DangerHelvetica

    Man, I've suffered episodes. Like the last season of Seinfeld, am I right folks?

    Also, severe anxiety and depression.

    1. orygoon

      Yes, and you get a similar little minute-long headache if you are swimming and get a little bit of water up your schnozz. I wonder if it's somehow the same mechanism, somehow?

  30. mumbly_joe

    Ugh, thanks for linking ot the Daily Tucker. I just found myself reading about how Victoria Jackson is pretty sure Obama is Hitler, because they both had white mothers, and also some other, fictional, things.

    Now I have a migraine. Where're mah pills???

  31. Sue4466

    Let's be clear, it's not the migraine part of her brain that makes her unequal to the task of being president. It's the batshit rest of her brain that does that. And unlike the migraines, that part is fully operational 24/7.

    1. Steverino247

      Friends? Seinfeld? Two and a Half Men?

      Oh, since we're talking about Bachmann (sorry). The Twilight Zone?

    1. DahBoner

      Actually, that's God putting her head into a vice grip, trying to squeeze the bullshit out of her like toothpaste out of a tube…

  32. genxr

    She has more experience than Obama when it comes to debilitating stress, libtardunatics!

  33. Doktor Zoom

    "They say women shouldn't be the president
    'cause they go CRAZY from time to time
    Well push my buttons, baby
    I'm at high tide"

    Laurie Anderson, "Beautiful Red Dress"

  34. SorosBot

    So when she says god told her to run for President, she probably thinks that happened literally; that is, that she hallucinated that god appeared before her to tell to run.

    Sadly/scarily, since she runs with the evangelical branch of Christianity that still believes hallucinations are actual visions of angels or demons, it's not a negative with them and won't hurt her.

    1. ChessieNefercat

      I want to see the debate where the moderator asks "Why do you believe God picked you to be president, and that everyone else on this stage who believes the same thing (that God picked him/her) is a delusional whackjob?"

  35. widestanceroman

    After all these years, she still believes in Jeebis,
    After all these drugs, she thinks she is him

    1. Chet Kincaid

      They say the coloreds steal the crop-cash
      of respected farming gentlemen.
      They say it would be wine and roses
      if Iowa were for Iowhites again.

  36. Weenus299

    If I were Michele Bachmann, I would also need a wide assortment of pills, just to deal with me.

    1. genxr

      She just keeps taking pills until she says, "What a lovely voice I have, and well-considered ideas, too!"

  37. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Looks like someone needs to get their green card and some medical marijuana.

  38. ChessieNefercat

    So, this is what happens when someone spends 35 years prattling to everyone that she is better than they are because she is in a good and holy Christian marriage, while knowing for every minute of those thirty. five. years. that her spouse only reluctantly will bed her because neither one of them can admit even to themselves that hubby would so much rather be in bed (enthusiastically!) with another man than with her. And that each. and. every. time. they are together, he's imagining someone and something else.

    Well, Michelle! You lying and self-deceiving wench! You earned those headaches! Enjoy!

  39. nanooknw

    Well that explains the glassy stare when she is on Chris Mathews.
    She's stoned out of the mind!

    1. GOPCrusher

      That's probably why she never looks directly into a camera when she's interviewed. And all this time, I thought it was because she believed that it would steal her soul.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      Or, not getting any satisfaction from Marcus, she's imagining Chris naked… never mind, I think I'm going to throw up.

  40. NorthStarSpanx

    Good strong conservative women libel! You did this by saying Sarah was losing her hair and now you are saying Michele can't function in heels but insists on wearin' em. These ladies can handle stress, they digest it like butter and let it manifest in good, clean crazy behavior and policy.

  41. ChrisM2011

    No, no, NO! This will only encourage more people to vote for her. Think of the constant entertainment she'll bring as president. It will be as if Charlie Sheen never went away.

  42. benjo765

    she could do with squeezing more anti-psychotics into that pill-poppin regiment of hers

  43. comrad_darkness

    Still better than Palin. I realize that's not saying much, but I don't have much to say today.

  44. comrad_darkness

    With all those kids she's got, runnin' for the shelter of her mother's little 'elper would not be any great shocker.

  45. GortRay

    Doesn't the Buddha or somebody say "The headache you take is equal to the headache you make?"

    1. genxr

      So she's feeling the combined power of every headache she ever caused anyone? That's almost too cruel. Almost.

  46. donner_froh

    People who really suffer from headache–I happen to be one them, get cluster headaches like a motherfucker–will do almost anything to stop the pain or to keep it from starting. Anyone who actually suffers from migraine and whose self-diagnosis is "tight high heels" would trade those red soled Louboutins for a pair of Birkenstocks.

  47. SaintRond

    Hey, let's all pray!

    Oh, please, Lord, please… Let her be infected with cankers on her tongue and around her mouth and burst forth on her rectum so she shitteth her guts out with wailing and much gnashing of teeth. Let her groweth a lemon sized tumor within her skull to cause agonies like unto Hell. Amen.

    Peace… God bless…

  48. EBGrey

    Hmm. An anonymous hit piece on Bachman in a right-wing publication. Methinks the natives are getting restless. And by natives I mean the rich douches that run the GOP are trying to derail that crazy train.

  49. thefrontpage

    Bachmann has the headaches because she doesn't want to have the sexual relations with her flaming homosexual husband.

  50. DahBoner

    I heard these Republican Pillheads have something called "Pill Parties", where the guests all bring pills and empty them into a big bowl.

    Then everyone at the party eats a handful of pills, without knowing what they are.

    And then they sit back and watch old Dennis Miller reruns, back when he was funny.

    Frightening!!!!

  51. prommie

    Ooohhh, now the story is that her goons roughed up an ABC TV reporter who tried to ask her about her migraines! Who ever thought she had goons? Hired goons, apparently.

    1. emmelemm

      Yes, apparently he asked her if having a migraine ever caused her to miss a vote in the House. Speaking of which, when these fuckheads are out campaigning, how do they do their representational duties?

  52. lochnessmonster

    Ummm These may be dumb questions but if it IS caused by high heels, why doesn't she stop wearing the heels? Are lady congress people required to wear heels? If so what do you do if you have bunions and you are a lady person in the congress?

  53. DemonicRage

    All who are spreading those rumors come out of the same unholy Medieval place as people who would say that women can never be President, because if the Russians provoked her on a day when "it was her time of the month," she would press the missile launch buttons just because she was feeling tense. Think of how great it will be to have someone in The White House who really does feel the pain that most of us feel from time to time, instead of an exotic Unicorn.

  54. ttommyunger

    Nothing that regular good 'ol Missouri Horse-Fuckings wouldn't keep at bay; 'course with Dr. Marcus in the mix, not much chance of that happening…Thus the Migraines.

  55. Negropolis

    Yoou guys, I heard that if she gets wet, she melts.

    Surely, she is possessed by a demon. I smell an exorcism!

  56. Negropolis

    I blame it on the gheys, and their secret headache weapons of mass distraction.

    Seriously, though, if my eyes never properly focused on anything, I'd be having headaches all day, too.

  57. outragedcitizen

    High heel shoes causing her headaches is ridiculous! ButI could believe her headaches were caused by her panties being too tight because after all, her head is usually so far up her ass.

  58. peaceshelly

    She needs a good Chiropractor.
    Her head obviously isn't on straight.
    And speaking of straight, her husband isn't….
    Isn't it totally obvious?
    I think he was the massage therapist that Ted Haggard was seeing in Denver to cure his "gayness".

  59. lulzmonger

    Headaches: can be a side-effect of Sandy Vagina Syndrome.

    Should be a laugh-riot when she's debating her primary opponents & the meds run out.

    "Mrs. Bachmann, what is your position on – "
    "Hhhnnggghh? EEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH!" (runs away)

Comments are closed.