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seriously, even Andrew Breitbart didn't bother to give it a positive review? Comic book supervillain film The Undefeated was released in theaters on Friday to exactly the amount of excitement visible on the faces of trapped subway car passengers standing next to someone who has just farted. Movie ratings site Rotten Tomatoes confirms this.  [Rotten Tomatoes]

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  • nounverb911

    Did anyone actually pay to see it?

  • WinterOuthouse

    A reference to her IQ

  • nounverb911

    Was it subtitled in English?

    • No. To have that sense of "cinema veritas" they kept it in it's original Cunt.

      • user-of-owls

        How very Mel Gibson of them!

      • Which version? Dozy or Stupid?

      • PristineODummy

        I b'leev that's "Cuntish."

    • Negropolis

      I'd hope so, because the Palinese dialect of Alaskan Gibberish and American English aren't mutual intelligible.

  • Barb

    That would be funny if Pee Wee Herman showed up to the theater with a big bottle of Jergan's lotion and a roll of Koch sucker Brawny towels.

    • It would be even funnier if Sarah Palin™ were somehow defeated at something. Then the movie's title would be a complete falsehood.

      It would be even funnier if someone rearranged the letters on the marquee to "The Undead Feet".

      It would be even funnier if they theaters also showed "Who's Nailin' Paylin" to keep things fair and balanced.

      • GOPCrusher

        See 2008.

      • Barb

        It would be funnier if they encouraged you to keep your cell phone on during the movie. Once you see the part where the house falls on her sister it is pretty much over.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        "You can't defeat me … I quit!"

    • bumfug

      Especially funny because Reubens would be looking at Todd the whole time he was fapping.

  • ablington

    This means that there will be a flurry of rottentomatoes.com activity as her devotees rush to point out that this is the Greatest American Movie since always.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Well, maybe not… here's a review from a disappointed 'bagger:

      "A film made to insult Palin shows how the liberals who tried to insult her are the idiots," says Shawn O, handing it one whole star.

      A film so bad, even Palin fans think it must have been made in order to insult her. How epic is that?

  • nounverb911

    "Atlas Snoozed"?

  • OurHoboSenator

    This is the bestest movie EVAR! I give it nine thumbs up!!!!!

    — Lou Sarah

  • nounverb911

    I'm surprised this movie didn't go straight to 8-track.

    • widestanceroman

      Do they still make ViewFinders?

      • Crank_Tango

        ViewMaster!!!

        and apparently they do, judging from a quick google…

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Beta.

      • user-of-owls

        I know a guy who repairs those!

    • flamingpdog

      Coming to Nickelodeon any day now.

  • SexySmurf

    Which movie critics liked it?

    None of them, Katie.

    • Sue4466

      FTW

  • ThundercatHo

    Was it in 3D? They should have showed it in 3D and everyone seeing it could wear a Bumpit and "smart glasses". That would be awesome. Oh, and snack on moose jerky since Slim Jims are so expensive nowadays.

    • johnnymeatworth

      You can see Russia in the 3D version.

  • Sue4466

    Zero kinda seems like an overly-generous rating.

    • nounverb911

      Needs more downfisting. (The movie, not my comment).

      • revmatty

        Needs more fisting, that's for sure.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I tried, but it looks like you can't register on RT anymore without a fucking FaceBook account. I'm running into this shit more and more often … did they hire Steve Ballmer as a consultant or something?

    • flamingpdog

      Even more amazing considering the Obama Administration gave it multiples upfists before it was even released because, well, that's just how they deal with Republicans.

      • Sue4466

        Got a fundraising call from Obama for America tonight. Told them I would only donate after this debt ceiling fight to see if Obama is going to cave to the GOP and fuck up Social Security, Medicare, and other social programs. If he does, I'll never donate to him again. The guy on the phone said "I've heard that a lot. I"m a progressive Democrat, so I know what you mean" and they'd call back in a few weeks/months.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Great news! If Dubya was exhibiting leadership because he left office with a 23% approval rating, this means that Sarah Palin is fit to be Queen of the World!

  • Callyson

    It's all the fault of the liberal media. It's all because they…
    …wait, wait, it'll come to me…

    • …because they are liberal, obvs.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      because they report things.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Since that "film" was just a bunch of recycled crap, I'll recycle a comment.

    Needz moar Pauly Shore.

    • GOPCrusher

      I don't even think that changing the title to BioDome II could save this train wreck.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Needs moar alcoholic clowns.

  • Barb

    ♫ Let's go out to the lobby, let's go out to the lobby, let's go out to the lobby, cuz Sarah is a hack! ♫

    • flamingpdog

      Needz more GOPcorn.

  • RedNM

    Sarah Palin deserves our congratulations for the strong opening of her film, which came in a close second to the new Harry Potter movie, judging by weekend box office receipts. This coupled with the strong showing of "Sarah Palin's Alaska" in the Emmy nominations (the episode "Clubbing the Halibut" was nominated for best single episode) shows Palin a figure to be reckoned with in the comedy / entertainment universe.

    • GOPCrusher

      Sarah Palin. America's newest prop comic!

    • Negropolis

      Rebecca Mansour, that you? Either that, or it's Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf AKA Baghdad Bob. Some his gems:

      "They [US soldiers] started to commit suicide on the Baghdad walls. We will encourage them to double their suicide attempts."

      "The American press is all about lies! All they tell is lies, lies and more lies!"

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      So if you wanted to watch a piece of imaginative fiction, featuring an adolescent hero with magical powers, battling imaginary evil powers in a fantasy world, with a deafening, overwrought soundtrack, you had two movies to choose from? Excellent!

  • SorosBot

    For comparison:
    http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/battlefield_earth

    This is good news for John Travolta.

    • Mahousu

      The Palin movie would have been a lot better if they had managed to work some of those Battlefield Earth quotes into it:

      SP: While you in the lamestream media were still learning how spell your names. I was being trained to conquer galaxies, dontcha know!

      SP: Hungry, little fella? Want some rat? It's good, you betcha!

  • Cicada

    I'm waiting for Sarah's condemnation of red tomatoes for being communist fruit.

    • emmelemm

      Everyone knows the only Ammurrican form of tomato is ketchup, TYVM. All the vegetable you'll ever need.

    • GOPCrusher

      VEGETABLE LIBEL!!!

    • flamingpdog

      You know who else was a Communist fruit?

      • PristineODummy

        Wait, it'll come to me.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Snowpocalypse Now.

    • nounverb911

      The horror….the horror…..

    • I love the smell of Grift in the morning… it smells like… T.

    • Sarah don't… um… read!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Wasilla… shit; I'm still only in Wasilla… Every time I think I'm gonna wake up back in the lower 48.
      When I was home after I quit the governorship, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing. I hardly said a word to my husband, until I said "yes" to a reality show. [grabs at moose]
      When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting back into Wasilla.
      .

    • __kth__

      Kenyan didn't get much Neiman-Marcus. He was either dug in too deep or moving too fast. His idea of great campaign swag was a cold piece of pizza or an ill-fitting pear of Dad jeans from Macy's.

    • phlox✔

      SnowMachines Falling on Breeders.
      *Crosses Fingers*

    • carlgt1

      Charlie don't snowmobile…

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm pretty sure that the 20 or so Sarah Palin followers not employed by Fox News that are still around will change that into a 100% fresh rating on the wikipedia page about the movie, to over come life's well known liberal bias.

  • Looks like Mike Gravel designed the poster.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    They lifted the title from the film they made about the New England Patriots 2007 season.

    • nounverb911

      Except for the losing the Superbowl part.

    • SorosBot

      Let me guess, one made before the Superbowl along with all those "16-0". Despite painfully forcing be to root for the fucking New York Giant Cocksuckers, it was glorious to see them lose.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        As a lover of watching teams I hate lose in a humiliating fashion, I appreciate your sentiment. As a fan of the Pats since Babe Parilli took their snaps, and who suffered through 35 years of our own various and sundry humiliations until January 2002, I must, however, say "Fuck off." I've been off suicide watch for a while now, though…

    • __kth__

      No, it's from baseball. Palin was never the pitcher of record, so technically she's undefeated, even though the team she was on was mathematically eliminated by about the middle of September.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, officially, the authorized bio-flick of Sarah Palin has done worse than Nailin' Palin did.

    Apparently there is some justice in this world.

    • Barb

      "bio hazard" flick.
      fixed

  • BlueMonkeh

    From CNN:

    "I did not make this film for Palinistas," Bannon insisted to CNN. He said that he believes it can appeal to moderates and liberals, and recast Palin's image for them.

    LOL

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Apparently, he did not make this film for anyone.

      • user-of-owls

        Deep down, Don Lionel, you know that's wrong. You know that he most certainly did write this movie for some One.

    • elviouslyqueer

      [insert the sound of one hand clapping]

      • HistoriCat

        Go ahead – there's no one else in the theater to object.

    • Sue4466

      The whole idea that the point is to "recast" her image from what she actually is, is what is so fucked up about American politics.

    • Denial ain't just a river in Denali.

    • Negropolis

      You know it's bad when he's using the term "Palinistas" without even a hint of irony behind it. Poor fool, using liberal vocabulary and not even knowing it.

  • the 'Rosebud moment' was when the projector quit half-way through the film.

  • I love the irony of naming an awful movie about an awful person, The Undefeated.

  • So who plays Sarah in this movie? And should I wait for the IMAX version?

    • I'm hoping for Lisa Kudrow. Or Judy Tenuta.

      • emmelemm

        Random Judy Tenuta reference FTW. My Monday is made.

      • PristineODummy

        Totally upfisted for Judy Tenuta. WTF is she UP TO these days, goddammit? That woman makes me piss myself laughing.

    • flamingpdog

      They already came out with the Imax version. But they called it "Attack of the Fifty-Foot Woman".

  • schwnj

    Was it as good as Mr. Burns's film?

    • OurHoboSenator

      I was saying Boo-urns.

    • SorosBot

      Football in the groin! FOOTBALL IN THE GROIN!!

    • "Bright Lights, Beef Jerky"

    • The unfortunately named "Pukahontas."

  • @SarahPalinUSA Here's a film crew from Down Under covering the opening night of "The Undefeated." Congratulations to the…

    And here's a glowing review titled "A Rogue Warrior's Strategy for Conservatives".

    • ShaveTheWhales

      There really are parallel universes, aren't there?

    • zhubajie

      The comments are the best!

      • Oy.

        • flamingpdog

          He has chits-paw.

    • user-of-owls

      That review is a thing of horrific beauty, or in the nimble words of the author, it is, "remarkably extraordinary." The only thing more jaw-dropping awesome than the near pitch perfect word salad symbiosis between the author and his Rogue Warrior heroine is this line, this crystalline Freudian line that initially reads out of context and simply must be taken that way:

      When presented with basic facts, Americans will recoil in disgust.

      Brilliant.

      • SenileAgitation

        A remarkable achievement. I like this part: "…then I submit we are surrendered our courage. What message are we communicating to our neighbors and children if we stand by in silence as one of our most courageous, honorable and accomplished leader receives regular virtual stonings from our friends, family and media?".

        • PristineODummy

          I'd love to say "tl;dr," but I'll never get back those X minutes of my life anyway. Nor the stunned-ox feeling currently inhibiting/inhabiting my brain. Where do these people come from? They must have been bred in a vat. It's the only explanation.

    • flamingpdog

      Come on, I bet if you click on the "Home" link button, you end up back at "The Onion".

    • In one July week, our entire conservative movement can become enormously stronger if we work together and "get out the viewers." Invite a few friends, visit with your neighbors or organize a youth group.

      What "youth group" would allow itself to be dragged to watch "The Undefeated"?

      • PristineODummy

        Oh, let me guess: Hitler Jugend?

    • PristineODummy

      Sweet Christ, Sharkey. I have no fucking idea what these people are blathering about, and, apparently, neither do they. What a bunch of putrid shit that was. I'd thank you, but you wouldn't believe me anyway.

  • Sue4466

    Guess the movie was defeated.

  • metamarcisf

    Headline of the day (Breitbart):

    "Marine Asks Betty White to Ball"

    • This is also a film title. A different kind of film.

    • comrad_darkness

      I love that lady! Did she say yes?

  • Come here a minute

    I don't think that word means what you think it means.

  • HelmutNewton

    Well, I guess the free market has spoken, as Colbert would say.

  • SexySmurf

    Undefeated actually has a twist ending:

    (Spoiler alert)

    Her political career has been dead the entire time.

    • Grief_Lessons

      It ends: "You must go on. I can't go on. I'll go on."

      Oh no, wait, that's The Unnamable.

    • PristineODummy

      So, you're saying, Zombie Undefeated, or what?

  • Did Piper's fourth grade class do the poster?

    • flamingpdog

      For $14,000, yes.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Can you claim to be undefeated when you quit?

  • Rotundo_

    Let's see, the kid is signing books at Wal Mart in Tejas, down from The Mall of America, where they packed it in half an hour early due to the thunderous response (Or was it that they just made "X" marks in crayon for the signatures and this was super efficient?) . And now we have this; it seems that even the conservatives have a finite appetite for this woman and her offspring. They *are* making some strides after all. They aren't big strides, but they are strides towards humanity. Color me shocked folks…

    • loki_monster

      Strides toward seeing Bachmann as a serious contender for the White House. Some strides, those.

    • SilverTsunami

      Thunderous response. . . the sound of their footsteps echoing in the empty mall.

  • Redhead

    Oh, come on now. Bristol is wide enough to count for at least three people, and I'm sure she brought her screaming spawn with her (paying for a babysitter just ain't the grifter way, dontcha know.)

    So, that makes four people who watched it.

  • SorosBot

    I did see a positive review of this somewhere though; it was from a critic I hadn't heard of before, someone named Pistol Brailin.

    • Barb

      Yes, she is the former critic for Rotten Cherry Tomatoes. I hear she got her credentials stolen after a four pack of Bartles & Shames.

      • SorosBot

        Damn, you really are the master of handing out punnishment here; I bow before you.

        • Barb

          Yeah, while you are down there……………..

  • hagajim

    Sarah Palin is Rotton Tomatoes

  • J Rbt. Oppenheiner

    Per screen average of $6500 each was mildly impressive, actually. It was in only 10 theatres, though. http://boxofficemojo.com/weekend/chart/?view=&amp

    • tihond

      How many of those tickets were bought by her PAC though?

      • Rotundo_

        All of them, Katie!

    • user-of-owls

      Indeed it was! It's a shame that Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara earned 14 times as much or that Delhi Belly beat Unbeaten by close to 2-1.

      Oh, and just to do the whole, 'wound? meet salt!' thing:

      irector-writer Stephen Bannon said on Sunday. "This is a documentary opening against Harry Potter on the toughest weekend of the year. We had small numbers but only in small theaters. In bigger markets, like Orange County, we'll do $12,000 per screen."

      Ratio of Harry vs. Sarah (Total Weekend Gross): 2598.9 to 1

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I believe Orange County is where the total number of viewers was 3 — a reporter, and two women who had no idea what they were about to see.

        The two women walked out, leaving the intrepid reporter to suffer alone. Total number of willing viewers in this "bigger market": zero.

    • As someone who spent several years in the theatrical-distribution industry, I can tell you that per screen average is a bullshit number made up by studios when they needed yet one more metric for bragging rights. It's truly meaningless.

  • phlox✔

    Can I use my invisible hand to smack her?

  • GOPCrusher

    Netflix customers that rented this, also rented Birth Of A Nation.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Based upon your rating, we think you'll enjoy these titles:
      Triumph of the Will
      Red Dawn
      Atlas Shrugged Part I"

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        "Based upon your rating, we are cancelling your subscription."

  • SilverTsunami

    Kirsten, two sentences?
    Poetry.

  • SilverTsunami

    Please give the Palin group some credit for having the sense to open opposite the final Harry Potter movie. That was genius. Really.

  • Radiotherapy®

    Rotten Tomato Libel.

  • Goonemeritus

    We need to take this life lesson to heart sometimes the free market really does work!

  • It's probably a good thing it wasn't released in Odorama.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Citizen Can't.

    • Sue4466

      Plan Asinine from Outdoor Spaces

    • PristineODummy

      I think she pronounces it "Cain't." Or maybe she spells it with a "u," I forget which.

  • Sue4466

    By way of comparison:

    Gigli 7% on the Tomatometer
    Glitter 7%
    Heaven's Gate: 45%
    Zookeeper: 13%
    Eat Pray Love 36%
    Twilight New Moon: 27%

    So, I guess the movie is undefeated in suckitude.

    • Radiotherapy®

      Triumph of the Will: 94%
      Ishtar: 19%
      Encino Man: 17%

    • SorosBot

      The only one I could find even close, as linked above:
      Battlefield Earth 2%

      But even that one managed a few positive reviews.

      This one shocked me:
      The Room 36%
      Based on the blurbs it looks like most of the positive are of the it's-so-bad-it's-good variety.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Without looking I'm putting "The American" at 0%. What a dog!

  • CalamityJames

    I'm sensing some rottengenerosity.com because the new Potter got a 97% and it was clearly an 82.

    So…yeah…who do I give my man-card to?

  • mavenmaven

    Some of the reviews read like Wonkette pieces. I'm particularly fond of this one, from Houston. Sounds like some really bad moviemaking:
    "That is, if they can wade through the nonstop imagery of martydom: lions feasting on innocent zebras, a knight felled by one of countless arrows (fired by the leftist media, no doubt), a woman's corpse getting dirt thrown in its face. No shit."

  • Doktor Zoom

    I found the Sarah Palin story so inspiring that I left the theater halfway through.

  • I can't wait for Michelle Bachmann's film. Apparently the surprise, unbelievable, shocking ending is something about her husband being straight.

    • Negropolis

      Actually, I'm betting the surprise is that unlike Christine O'Donnell, Mrs. Bachmann is, in fact, a witch.

  • JackObin

    She is the Fellini of the sewers.

    • Negropolis

      Our Lady of the Trailer Park.

  • user-of-owls

    I'm so excited! I already didn't buy my ticket to the sequel!

  • ttommyunger

    If a Movie plays in a Theater and no one is there to watch it, is it still a piece of shit?

  • Half of zero is still zero.

  • Soylent Green

    you can't defeat something that quits!

  • littlebigdaddy

    I'm waiting for the unrated director's cut.

    • Negropolis

      I can't wait. In my minds eye, I imagine some of the stuff left on the floor include her chain smoking, using Trig as a footstool while she goes over the day's new (only the news about her, of course), and violently beating Piper, Willow, and Todd for no apparent reasons than for them being in the same room as her. Oh yeah, and ripping monsterous farts. Also.

  • Rated "T"

  • Let's be fair now. Sarah has graciously presented a positive review of the movie.
    For your proof: a trailer for the movie…from Brisbane Australia.
    http://twitter.com/#!/sarahpalinusa
    "Here's a film crew from Down Under covering the opening night of "The Undefeated." Congratulations to the… http://fb.me/13SwROfKI

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I'm waiting for the John Waters all-drag remake. (Sadly, Divine is not here to take the title role.)

  • fuflans

    so here's a thing i'm really confused about (i was just over at imdb fighting with a palin troll pet) has brietbart done ANYTHING to justify his fame? i mean i know we live in the age of celebrity and stuff but seriously has brietbart done anything?

    cause i get the sense that's he just a pissed off actor who never made a living – and honestly there are so many movies about pissed off actors who can't make a living. also there are so many actual actors who can't make a living…

    why does this man have a platform?

    • user-of-owls

      Amigo, have you been in a coma for the last, oh, decade or so? I am not trying to be a smart ass, but ask that same question of:

      -PT Barnum caricature and serial money flusher Trump?
      -Slutty heiress & cartoon Weimar-tramp Paris Hilton?
      -Whatever the fucking fuck that Kardhasharianiakhan cunt harem is?!!1!!

      Please, for the sake of your mental health, do NOT ask the question "Why does X have a platform?" No good can come of that friend, no good at all.

    • PristineODummy

      Short answer: his daddy left him money.

  • fuflans

    whoa whoa whoa don't be hating on my bff paris!!!

    but yeah my point is: with everyone you mentioned there was at least SOME there there (thank you gertrude). looks, family, money, something? brietbart is a weird plump 30 (40?) something with no apparent talent in any area and no apparent connections.

    weird.

    • bagofmice

      If I'm not mistaken, his connections involve nether-regions and drudge.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    … 14:48, 14:49, 14:50, 14:51 …

  • Negropolis

    Well, fuck all y'all. New hire and up-and-coming movie critic Lou Sarah at the award-winning Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman thought this movie was the shit giving it three thumbs up.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Maybe it's just me, but when I see the poster for "The Undefeated", it looks like Sarah is struggling to poop patriotic stars out of her butt.

  • Troglodeity

    I just hate it when the theater floor's all sticky with Breitbart jizz.

  • Troglodeity

    Step 1: We find the worst script ever written.
    Step 2: We hire the worst director in town.
    Step 3: We raise two million dollars. … One for me, one for you. There's a lot of little old Tea Party folks out there!
    Step 4: We film it, open in limited release, and before you can say
    Step 5: We close, take our two million, and go to Rio!

  • Dürers Rhino

    To be fair, there is one 5 star audience review at Rotten Tomatoes…by a woman who hasn't seen the movie.

  • donaldong

    this is a good movies.
    jennifer lopez movies

  • athirson

    I think watching this would have made me feel as if I were sitting in a subway car next to someone who just blew wet shit

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