IMPORTANT TRENDING TOPICS  3:17 pm July 18, 2011

Gay Penis Size Today’s Hot Topic In Right-Wing Blogosphere For No Reason But The Obvious One

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

where can we get moar of the gay cock news?Good news for all the people at the Traditional Values Coalition who spend most of their days Google-searching “huge gay dongs” through their tears: they accidentally also uncovered a 2009 study about gay men’s penis sizes published by the government-funded National Institute of Health. BUT THAT IS TAXPAYER MONIES?? Type type type go all the conservative news sites, who will now prove to everyone using the words “penis” and “anal insertion” 300 times a page that the government just wants to raise taxes so they can spend money on all sorts of gross things that scare and delight the Jesus people. And yes, that’s just a link to a Google search about the study, which yields pages and pages of right-wing blog entries. So there you have it everyone, gay schlong is now a conservative budget issue, as if you were ever expecting otherwise.

Did the government really spend millions of dollars measuring homo junk? No, of course not, but that is absolutely not going to get those millions of closeted fappers over the edge.

And here we are block-quoting the FoxNews.com story, because the libtard outlets have not bothered/ do not care (yet?) about this study from 2009 full of major scientific insights like “men with large penises are happy”:

“This country is broke and we cannot spend money on this kind of stuff,” said Andrea Lafferty, president of the Traditional Values Coalition which drew attention to the report as part of a six-month investigation into NIH grants for examples of “institutional waste.”

“We’re spending money on wacky stuff,” Lafferty said.

But one of the researchers involved with the report told FoxNews.com that NIH funding was only used to help “analyze and write up” data which had already been collected without the use of taxpayer funds.

“The data were not collected using taxpayer funds,” Jeffrey Parsons, a professor with Hunter College, said in an email. “NIH funds were not used to measure anyone’s penis size.”

He said part of the 2006 grant went toward the primary author’s post-survey analysis as part of his postdoctoral fellowship to “better inform sexual health promotion efforts.”

At least these guys could have produced some pictures to go with the research. Pictures next time and the TVC will leave you alone, deal? [Fox News]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 271 comments }

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Dick size: Important, or not important?

nounverb911 July 18, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Nixon or Cheney: who's the bigger Dick?

MLHencken July 18, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Tough one. I am going to go with (sigh):

All of them, Katie.

PristineODummy July 18, 2011 at 3:47 pm

See, I know there were some diehards right here on Teh Wonkettez who thought that phrase was, to put it politely, hackneyed. To them I say, "Pffft, diehard Wonketeerz! Was this, or was this not, the perfect response?"

(Answer: "It was.")

LesBontemps July 18, 2011 at 4:43 pm

What good is a meme/cliche if you can't work it to death, for teh lulzlz?

genxr July 18, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Every girlfriend I ever had has assured me that it's not important.

Oh, wait. Darn.

Limeylizzie July 18, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Width is , length isn't.

Cicada July 18, 2011 at 3:59 pm

This, precisely.

Pencil-dick isn't pretty, just ask Eric Cantor.

Lascauxcaveman July 18, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Seriously, once it's gone in six inches or so, where's it gonna go? What's it gonna do up there? My lady friends with whom I've broached the subject assure me the important gets done right around the edges of the entrance.

Limeylizzie July 18, 2011 at 4:16 pm

That is correct, I don't need anything banging on my uterus.

Terry July 18, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Or bladder for that matter.

Chet Kincaid July 19, 2011 at 1:06 am

That's what O'Reilly said, right before he brought out the loofah sponge.

Swampgas_Man July 18, 2011 at 4:14 pm

If you're small, size doesn't matter; if you're like me, it matters A LOT.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 18, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Doesn't it depend on the dick?

zhubajie July 18, 2011 at 8:36 pm

Depends on who you ask!

gvvt July 18, 2011 at 10:29 pm

"Chart: Penile Length Leads to Little Economic Growth"
http://www.theatlanticwire.com/global/2011/07/cha

nounverb911 July 18, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Marcus Bachmannn is all a twitter.

Redhead July 18, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Damn, beat me to it!

memzilla July 18, 2011 at 3:20 pm

"…his postdoctoral fellowship to 'better inform sexual health promotion efforts.'"

"Sexual Health Promotion Officer" would make a great t-shirt.

NorthStarSpanx July 18, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Sounds better than Heterosexual Accountability Partner.

MLHencken July 18, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Today we are all Sexual Health Promotion Officers.

Seriously. I am telling that to the Mrs. when I get home.

PristineODummy July 18, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Let me know if it works so I can add it to my List of Ploys in Search of Teh Sexay.

Callyson July 18, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I think that's what Kortney's resume says for her current position…

zhubajie July 18, 2011 at 8:38 pm

"Sexual Health Promotion Officer" sounds like an official assignment for some junior naval officer, like "Hanger-bay Door Officer". It calls for a colorful nickname, too!

baconzgood July 18, 2011 at 3:20 pm

"“We’re spending money on wacky stuff,”

Tee-Hee
"Wack Stuff"

weejee July 18, 2011 at 3:24 pm

You beat me bacon. Mmmm, let me rephrase that…

metamarcisf July 18, 2011 at 3:20 pm

“This country is broke and we cannot spend money on this kind of stuff,” said Andrea Lafferty, president of the Traditional Values Coalition…she went on to say that "if this country was not broke, I'd be the first to support measuring male penis sizes – but I would still stop short at including gay men in the study."

MLHencken July 18, 2011 at 3:40 pm

I predict a disappointing outcome.

Swampgas_Man July 18, 2011 at 4:14 pm

It's the In-Go that matters.

bflrtsplk July 18, 2011 at 3:49 pm

"Stop short" sounds like code for something.

ThankYouJeebus July 18, 2011 at 3:21 pm

These are not the penii you're looking for.

MLHencken July 18, 2011 at 3:39 pm

These penii can go about their business. Move along!

DerrickWildcat July 18, 2011 at 3:21 pm

I've been told my penis is ok.

WhatTheHolyHeck July 18, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Comparative data or GTFO

MildMidwesterner July 18, 2011 at 3:58 pm

I begin all of my lovemaking with a power point presentation. By the end, those pie charts are beggin' for my bar graph.

WhatTheHolyHeck July 18, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Power corrupts; PowerPoint corrupts absolutely.

Chet Kincaid July 19, 2011 at 12:58 am

Snorg Girl, is that you?

DashboardBuddha July 18, 2011 at 6:27 pm

Mine is ok too, but it was touch and go there for a while.

ttommyunger July 18, 2011 at 9:54 pm

Sorry, only men with small dicks hear that.

DerrickWildcat July 18, 2011 at 11:14 pm

Small like a Fox!

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2011 at 3:21 pm

Buying all those tape measures for the researchers cost more money than thirty abortions or one 2,000-lb daisy-cutter anti-personnel bomb.

ManchuCandidate July 18, 2011 at 3:22 pm

I wonder if we can get the Botards to shriek about the actual billions wasted in pointless corn subsidies by renaming them corn holing subsidies.

PristineODummy July 18, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Then they'll all be wanting one too.

HogeyeGrex July 18, 2011 at 4:08 pm
PristineODummy July 19, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Dood, I was *SO* disappointed in that.

poncho_pilot July 18, 2011 at 4:15 pm
Redhead July 18, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Or just on the commercials saying high fructose corn syrup isn't bad for you…

Jukesgrrl July 18, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Can I haz a T-shirt that says Official Government Corn-Holing Promotions Officer?

Come here a minute July 18, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Rupert Murdoch runs a corrupt empire? Hey look, everybody, BIG GAY PENIS GOVERNMENT WASTE did we say GAY PENIS?

PristineODummy July 18, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Don't forget BIG. Plus, Rick Perry has a HUGE opening. Just to accommodate BIG GAY PENIS.

smokefilleddoommate July 18, 2011 at 3:51 pm

That's Breitbart's new site– Big Gay Penis Government.

baconzgood July 18, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Can I borrow Big Gay Penis government waste for my avatar quote?

WunkRocker July 18, 2011 at 4:26 pm

My Govt is a Super Size Queen.

Come here a minute July 18, 2011 at 7:20 pm

As long as you never buy the Sun.

Chillwaver July 18, 2011 at 4:02 pm

But weiner jokes worked wonders last time, didn't they?

sati_demise July 19, 2011 at 12:34 am

i saw what you did there….

baconzgood July 18, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Wait a sec. This posting doesn't tell me if my cock is bigger or small or what? Now I gotta go to the local glory hole to figure it out for myself.

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 3:29 pm

There should be one of those nifty hole-y things for measuring pasta adapted for penis gauging.

BlueMonkeh July 18, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Or maybe like you use to figure out what size your knitting needles are? I've got a couple of those and they even have a ruler along the edge for measuring length as well as width.

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Actually, I've seen those in Mexico, along with ones for boob size. But I bought a plaster lawn burro instead.

baconzgood July 18, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Man….Buyers remorse much?

MLHencken July 18, 2011 at 3:38 pm

There must be some way to leverage cock-measuring technology.

Terry July 18, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Maybe calipers would be better. If they started selling on late night TV those nifty hole-y things for men to use, emergency rooms around the country would be filled with guys who tried to use a jigsaw to remove the nifty hole-y things.

smokefilleddoommate July 18, 2011 at 3:38 pm

I scanned your comment quickly and read it as, "Now I gotta go to the local grocery store to figure it out for myself." [wha?? comparisons in the produce section?] Read-over!!

PristineODummy July 18, 2011 at 3:52 pm

It's summer. There's plenty of zucchini and cucumbers out there for the measuring. Just ask Kortney.

mayor_quimby July 18, 2011 at 11:52 pm

I don't know what to think, but i will continue to think that mine is always:
'so big'
'makes me feel so full'
'ow, that hurts a little'
'i can only take the tip'
'the best ever'

That's all super affirming, my therapist says it's totally true.
In conclusion – COCK!

Exhausted66 July 18, 2011 at 3:24 pm

Length or width?

elviouslyqueer July 18, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Both of them, Katie.

nounverb911 July 18, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Angle of the dangle?

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2011 at 3:48 pm

A very gay friend of mine tells me that "girth" is the critical measurement in his world.

Limeylizzie July 18, 2011 at 3:54 pm

See my earlier reply.

mayor_quimby July 18, 2011 at 11:53 pm

yardie accent > Seen!!

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Which is why you never hear the term, 'beer-can long,'

Terry July 18, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Bank balance, perhaps.

Gratuitous World July 18, 2011 at 3:24 pm

"Defund" Planned Parenthood and also prohibit govt funding of STD prevention?

get fucked TVC. and then get a raging case of untreatable ass herpes.

weejee July 18, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Erick bin Erich, aka Princess Tiny Meat, must be behind this, so to speak.

NorthStarSpanx July 18, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Now we know who makes up the Tiny Team Behind Team Sarah.

BornInATrailer July 18, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Go Team Venture!

evan7257 July 18, 2011 at 3:25 pm

This study was redundant and merely proves what was already established in the D.C. Circuit case Grower v. Shower.

hagajim July 18, 2011 at 3:25 pm

So how much money did we spend on penii analysis? Probably not as much as we did on Marcus Bachmann trying to convert the homos to his way of thinking.

Also, is analysis of penis size penalysis, and can you suffer from paralysis from penalysis?

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2011 at 3:26 pm

But, is the dong self-aware enough to know whether it is gay or not? Or whether it is large or not?

ThundercatHo July 18, 2011 at 4:36 pm

Now, if I had a dick, I would have to name it Hal.

Chet Kincaid July 19, 2011 at 1:17 am

Wait, didn't the Dionysian Future in "The Tittilator" movie series begin when the dongs became self-aware?!

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 3:27 pm

I sure wish I had all the money I spent researching gay penis size over the years. . .

HogeyeGrex July 18, 2011 at 4:10 pm

If you had a nickle for every time…?

Nixon_So_Fine July 18, 2011 at 10:43 pm

I was gonna say "a million up-fists," then I realized just how many entendres could be beyond-doubling in this thread…so I'll just sit quietly as we approach singularity, and I'll wait for Morgan Freeman to open the wormhole…D'oh! Oh boy…shouldn't have added THAT one.

facehead July 18, 2011 at 3:27 pm

This confirms what we knew all along: big government is in the pocket of big gay penis.

Tundra Grifter July 18, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Isn't that the other way 'round?

So to speak…

genxr July 18, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Is that the new Breitbart blog?

HistoriCat July 18, 2011 at 3:51 pm

All the Bretibart blogs are BGP.

mavenmaven July 18, 2011 at 3:27 pm

I'd prefer a focus on all the important studies that could not be done thanks to 8 years of Bush killing the NIH.

smitallica July 18, 2011 at 3:28 pm

They would've confined this study just to the Republican Congressional Caucus, but the dicks there are beyond measure.

DerrickWildcat July 18, 2011 at 3:28 pm

I may not be the best in bed, but I'm highly efficient.

Limeylizzie July 18, 2011 at 3:55 pm

God love you, Derrickwildcat.

MLHencken July 18, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Everyone's good at something, my friend.

DashboardBuddha July 18, 2011 at 4:20 pm

I find it a lot like playing the violin.

elviouslyqueer July 18, 2011 at 4:41 pm
OkieDokieDog July 18, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Isn't this why RW men are gay? They want to keep all the BIG dong's for themselves. Sounds reasonable to me, since the RW doesn't think that the wimmens should be getting any enjoyment from penis insertion as it is strictly for procreation purposes only.

edit: meant Right Wing not RailRoad or whatever.

BlueMonkeh July 18, 2011 at 3:28 pm

These data highlight the need to better understand the real individual-level consequences of living in a penis-centered society.

Indeed.

elviouslyqueer July 18, 2011 at 3:29 pm

I for one would love to be the PI on an NIH study to find out how Andrea Lafferty and the rest of the Traditional Values Coalition are still able to speak while their heads are inserted up their asses. I can haz FOA?

NorthStarSpanx July 18, 2011 at 3:29 pm

What are they going to do next? Study the mating habit of fruit flies or something disgusting and wasteful like that?

Gratuitous World July 18, 2011 at 3:29 pm

in other sex news, our economy is getting sodomized by 3(+) wars.

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 4:15 pm

If the study would have been for determining how penis size relates to the lethality of weapons to kill brown Muslim people, no one would have given two shits about it.

starfanglednut July 18, 2011 at 6:46 pm

it has been determined that penis size is inversely proportional to the desire to kill foreigners/women/poor people.

Negropolis July 19, 2011 at 4:25 am

But, that's okay. It's not gay when you're in a three-way.

weejee July 18, 2011 at 3:30 pm

In a related report, the Capitol Police are reporting they found a collection of pant legs like the bottoms of cut-offs that were fitted with rubber bands, trench coats, and directions to the Greyhound Bus Depot in the House Majority cloakroom.

HogeyeGrex July 18, 2011 at 4:12 pm

I suspect there's a lot more in that closet than just coats.

Swampgas_Man July 18, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Huh? Much as I've haunted men's rooms in the past, I don't get that.

weejee July 18, 2011 at 5:17 pm

A good friend, who is now passed, was a probation officer for sexual offenders. The tales he told, sans names, would curl the hair of most. Seems a common practice among flashers was to skip their pants and Fruit of the Looms, and put on shoes, socks and a set of lower pants' legs held up with rubber bands. They'd then don their trench coat and head out to play cock-of-the-walk. Coming at you everything looked okay; shoes check, socks check, pants check (oops), until they opened the coat.

Jukesgrrl July 18, 2011 at 8:26 pm

Is there an app for that?

zhubajie July 18, 2011 at 8:46 pm

A couple of archaeological acquaintances went strolling around Jerusalem one weekend and ran into a Hasidic flasher! Those long coats are real handy!

Chet Kincaid July 19, 2011 at 1:02 am

Flashing, streaking…our perversions were so innocent, once…

smokefilleddoommate July 18, 2011 at 3:31 pm

The info was found on NIH's pubic access part of their site, of course.

MiniMencken July 18, 2011 at 3:32 pm

You know what would shrink the deficit hugely? Getting rid of the income tax and property tax exemptions for religious organizations.

ThundercatHo July 18, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I'd give you a million upfists for that if I could. Too bad the wingnuts would only be in favor of this idea if it only applied to non-xtian groups.

SorosBot July 18, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Well good on Fox News to search long and hard to find the big, impotent important stories and go in deep to investigate the darkest crevices of government waste.

It's not like there's a big major scandal involving their parent company which they be involved with that like to keep people distracted from or anything…

weejee July 18, 2011 at 3:34 pm

search long and hard

Really? Faux News the mainstay of Viagra Nation?

SorosBot July 18, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Considering the age of their viewers, and their ads, yes.

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 4:18 pm

This is the Age of Taking Action.
So find out if Viagra is right for you.

elviouslyqueer July 18, 2011 at 3:38 pm

LEAVE RUPERT ALONE!!!!!!!111!!!!!1!!!!!

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 18, 2011 at 3:44 pm

I'm pretty sure this means that FOX News has spent more inches on penisises than on anything that might be going on with their corporate overloads in some unheard of country in Europe.

SorosBot July 18, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Apparently the response from Fox and other US NewsCorp outlets has been a mixture of "Move along, there's nothing to see here, it's old news and not in America anyway" and "This is a partisan witch hunt! LEAVE RUPERT ALONE!"

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Well, Rep. Peter King (R) has called for an investigation as to whether of not News Corp hacked in to phones of 9/11 victims families, so the partisan witch hunt argument is DOA.
And it seems that Rupert Murdoch is in fact, a U.S. citizen. And according to the law, if he his convicted of wrong doing in England, he can no longer own television stations in the U.S.

sati_demise July 19, 2011 at 12:39 am

that would be so great. Ailes getting canned too

HogeyeGrex July 18, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Missing White Girls don't work for Fox these days.

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2011 at 3:32 pm

This is more like it!! Dick jokes for everyone!! YOU get a dick joke, and YOU get a dick joke…

baconzgood July 18, 2011 at 4:11 pm

I love when the writers throw up these…..er….soft balls to us.

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 4:43 pm

It's reigning dick jokes–hallelujah. . .

ThundercatHo July 18, 2011 at 3:34 pm

This just confirms it. Gay men have all the things straight women want: nicely decorated homes, great fashion sense, witty reparte and now they even have big dicks. Life is not fair.

genxr July 18, 2011 at 3:40 pm

I can't tell you what a relief that is for me, with my messy home, collection of ironic nerd t-shirts, and …ummmm… medium size? Sorry, ladies, it's the only game in town.

ThundercatHo July 18, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Honey, is that you? You never told me that you posted on Wonkette also, too.

genxr July 18, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Yeah, sorry about leaving all the pizza boxes in the bathtub. It was a late night.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 4:48 am

At least it's not the richest 10% with 50% of the … oh wait … maybe it's 50% of the rich that are dicks. Fuckin' statistics … how do they work?

samsuncle July 18, 2011 at 3:34 pm

I suspect that Lindsey Graham is behind this.

BlueMonkeh July 18, 2011 at 3:35 pm

I see the fabulous Ms. Graham as more of a catcher than a pitcher.

genxr July 18, 2011 at 3:39 pm

He made sure that the data was collected without using taxpayer dollars.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 4:50 am

He did it for free?

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 3:45 pm

I think of HamBiscuits as more of a creepy drooling thing who just watches and cries softly to himself, pays, and leaves.

HistoriCat July 18, 2011 at 3:54 pm

I will never be able to get that image out of my head.

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Sorry. That's exactly what the guys who got paid said, too.

MLHencken July 18, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Poor Lindsay. Such is the price of shame.

Girl just can't get a break!

MrFizzy July 18, 2011 at 3:48 pm

yep, always in front of the dick, looking over his shoulder.

PristineODummy July 18, 2011 at 3:56 pm

I'm sure Lindsay's way out in front of this story.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 18, 2011 at 3:58 pm

He was on top of it, but now says he will get to the bottom of this whole story.

baconzgood July 18, 2011 at 3:35 pm

I'm not in the Traditional Values Coalition….Not that there is anything wrong with that.

OneYieldRegular July 18, 2011 at 3:35 pm

I'm afraid I'm going to have to see Andrea Lafferty's CV, full publication record, and citation index before I'll even consider her peer review of this study. And I'll also need to see her birth certificate. And her appendage.

MLHencken July 18, 2011 at 3:45 pm

But not her tits?

MLHencken July 18, 2011 at 3:36 pm

Quick, everyone, get distracted by this giant dick story.

DerrickWildcat July 18, 2011 at 3:36 pm

The study concluded that Muslim Men have bigger dicks, last longer and ranked #1 in which White Christian Females fantasized most about.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 18, 2011 at 3:38 pm

So, the Traditional Values Coalition, in an attempt to find government waste, is attacking the NIH, because, really, when you think waste, you think medical studies.

But, hey, in the end it was all right, because they found a gay medical study, and we don't want healthy gay men, do we?

starfanglednut July 18, 2011 at 6:58 pm

And when straight republican woman think waste, they think gay penises.

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Yet, when the Pentagon has no idea where (I mean, really, not even 'my dog ate it') billions of dollars went in Iraq, it's just a big 'meh.'

Wasn't there a story some years ago about how many actual TONS of money was MIA? When you are measuring squandered money by weight, I really don't care how many dollars are spent measuring dicks, although I would have liked to help.

PristineODummy July 18, 2011 at 3:59 pm

$82 billion airdropped into the war zone of Baghdad during Paul "Jerry" Bremer's tenure. It was measured in tonnage. Covered in plastic shrinkwrap on pallets. I believe it was the inimitable Henry Waxman who insisted on the Congressional hearing that unearthed that little factalah. Funny that no one mentions that when talking about "wasteful government spending." Or the $2.3 TRILLION that Donald Rumsfeld announced at a press conference (09/10/2001) was "missing" from the Pentagon.

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Thank you. Upfisted and followed.

zhubajie July 18, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Well, these grads of Harvard Bus. School were handing out garbage bags of $100 bills, but somehow they forgot to weigh the bags and record who got how much. So no notebooks filled with "50 lb of $100 bills to Mr Cock to paint schoolhouses" or anything!

The ironic thing is, Iraqis *invented* book-keeping and accounting! Clay tablets are FULL of things like "6 sheep, 10 bushels of wheat to Enlil-ti for painting the schoolhouse"! They were making those kinds of records in the Stone Age!

Makes you wonder who the barbarians are, doesn't it?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 18, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Just wait until the members of the TVC find out that federal funds are going toward housing a black man in the White House.

HistoriCat July 18, 2011 at 4:03 pm

I thought they got rid of the slave quarters a long time ago …

Tundra Grifter July 18, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Who else funded a study of gay penis size?

nounverb911 July 18, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Captain Hook?

BlueMonkeh July 18, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Larry Craig?

smokefilleddoommate July 18, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Ann Coulter?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 18, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Marcus Bachmann?

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 18, 2011 at 3:46 pm

A lot of Republican office holders have done private, small scale studies, but just while they are traveling, away from their beards wives, and have some free time on their hands.

MLHencken July 18, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Size Queens everywhere?

genxr July 18, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Oscar Wilde, who said "The only thing worse than funding a study of gay penis size, is not funding a study of gay penis size?"

elviouslyqueer July 18, 2011 at 3:53 pm

Alexander the Great?

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 3:57 pm

No, please tell me (email address appreciated).

PristineODummy July 18, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Ernst Rohm?

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2011 at 4:02 pm

My friend Emil? Oh wait, you asked funded, not conducted.

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 4:31 pm

George Michael?

zhubajie July 18, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Log Cabin Republicans?

Tundra Grifter July 19, 2011 at 11:51 am

Thank you, one and all!

The true measure of a comment is not the p-ness, it's the number of replies.

I didn't know the answer to this question. For a while I've just wanted to post a "who else?" comment.

donner_froh July 18, 2011 at 3:39 pm

They could have saved some money and just surveyed the Male Escort ads on Backpage, although the researchers might have gotten tired writing "8 inch uncut" over and over.

Sue4466 July 18, 2011 at 3:39 pm

But yet the rightiees aren't all pissed about the waste of government funds going to Marcus Bachman's pray away the gay scheme.

I'm starting to think it's not really about being fiscally responsible at all.

Chillwaver July 18, 2011 at 3:39 pm

For all the obvious reasons, this is good news for Andy Breitbart .

MLHencken July 18, 2011 at 3:47 pm

It would be a dereliction of duty for him not to immediately get on top of this story.

Chillwaver July 18, 2011 at 3:54 pm

He probably has pics of every measurement on his iPhone.

elviouslyqueer July 18, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Yes, but ultimately he'll want to get down to the bottom of it.

SorosBot July 18, 2011 at 4:00 pm

He'll probe this story as deeply as possible, now matter how messy it gets.

MLHencken July 18, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Fists for everyone!

Jukesgrrl July 18, 2011 at 8:33 pm

With assistance from his close, personal friend James O'Keefe (who I'd bet is as pencil-y as Eric Cantor).

fuflans July 18, 2011 at 3:40 pm

well that's the problem with a 'representative democracy': one man's penis study is another man's invasion of iraq.

Radiotherapy® July 18, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Cut, cap and balance.
We need a "Gay Penis" Amendment.

smokefilleddoommate July 18, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Cap and dance?

MissTaken July 18, 2011 at 3:41 pm

I wonder how much of the TVC money Andrew Lafferty spent on her six months of researching the research on penis size? I'm sure the batteries on her vibrator alone must've been a pretty penny.

MLHencken July 18, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Oh, no my dear. The one she uses is gas-powered. She's always running down to Pep Boys for 2 cycle oil.

MissTaken July 18, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Gas-powered, yowser! And I thought I stepped up to the big leagues with my cordless rechargeable

orygoon July 18, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Shrivel me timbers!

Chillwaver July 18, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Is Lyndsey Graham running the NIH now?

DashboardBuddha July 18, 2011 at 3:42 pm

OT: In William Manchester's excellent Goodbye Darkness he relates a conversation he had with a Navy corpsman who had to do a "short arm" inspection. "I still have nightmares", he said hollowly. "All I can see is cocks cocks, millions of cocks swarming around me."

MLHencken July 18, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Oh, those Naval traditions! What did Nicolson say: Rum, Sodomy and the Lash.

DashboardBuddha July 18, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Hey, it's not gay if you're underway.

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Just don't let the balls touch.

DashboardBuddha July 18, 2011 at 4:18 pm

Why, is that like "never cross the streams"?

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2011 at 4:09 pm

I know a couple of fellas who would not consider this a "nightmare."

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 4:16 pm

I call that daydreaming.

zhubajie July 18, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Many of them diseased, I'm sure. My step-mother typed up medical records for men being demobilized at the end of WW II. They'd all had a dose….

bumfug July 18, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Typical headline:
"Gay Erections – Threat Or Menace?"

hollywooddood July 18, 2011 at 3:46 pm

i like living in a country where life, liberty and the pursuit of gay penises still matters.

MrFizzy July 18, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Hey spending money on measuring gay dicks is better than paving Afghanistan.

smitallica July 18, 2011 at 3:48 pm

I have a simple rule of thumb: If the organization has "Family" or "Values" in the name, you can guarantee that organization is made up entirely of batshit religious wackadoodles.

bflrtsplk July 18, 2011 at 3:49 pm

Nothin'says "gay penis" like a cruise missile.

Pragmatist2 July 18, 2011 at 3:50 pm

This will cause a huge run on measuring tapes at Christian hardware stores.

PristineODummy July 18, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Absolutely HUGE.

baconzgood July 18, 2011 at 3:50 pm

ARE YOU SHITTING ME? One of those sites is called "Libertyjuice.com".

SOOOOOOOOOO GAY!!!

Radiotherapy® July 18, 2011 at 3:52 pm

You sure that isn't a santorum site?

MissusBarry July 18, 2011 at 7:32 pm

I can't believe the first mention of Santorum was this far down!

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 4:33 pm

They spelled Ladyboy wrong.

BlueStateLibel July 18, 2011 at 3:51 pm

This is as bad as that turtle Web site, maybe worse!!! How are we going to keep invading the world when we're throwing away money on stuff like this? Bah, you libruls.

DaSandman July 18, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Ah, we all know that eventually "Doctor" Bachmann would be writing a scholarly paper for Gay Thrill Hammer Quarterly

Wilcoxyz July 18, 2011 at 3:54 pm

My research also suggests the biggest dicks get the most ass. Seems kind of obvious.

PristineODummy July 18, 2011 at 4:03 pm

I guess Dick Cheney musta got more ass than a public toilet seat, then.

KeepFnThatChicken July 18, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Shirley Sherrod was fired because she didn't have a dick, right?

succalina July 18, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Andrea Lafferty, aka Andrea Sheldon, is the daughter of Lou Sheldon, the president of TVC. And if you've ever met Andrea, she wears more pancake makeup than Ronald McDonald, low-cut cheetah print out fits, and the highest fucking high heels I have ever seen. Yes, Andrea is a tranny, and she doesn't want whatever's left of her naughty bits to be measured.

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Yo! Andrea Lafferty! I'm Dirk Diggler! I'm the star! It's my big dick and I say when we roll!

Wadisay July 18, 2011 at 4:03 pm

There would be a lot more right wing commentary on this were it not for the fact that they get half way through typing "analysis" and their eyes mist over.

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Andrea Lafferty and the Angry Inch.

Callyson July 18, 2011 at 4:05 pm

A Traditional Values Coalition release stated that at least $9.4 million went to a 10-year study that included the penis-size research — but Parsons said it appears that references a much broader "post-doctoral training program" of which the penis-study funding was a "small" part.
Now I know why all the post – docs I know are not happy people…

SorosBot July 18, 2011 at 4:08 pm

I once had a penis sing to me
His Penis Penis song
And when that Penis Penis sang
Here was the Penis's song
He'd sing me…

Penis, penis, penis, penis
Penis, penis song.
Penis, penis, penis, penis
Penis all day long.

Sadly, I can't find the video; just the transcript:
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/88/88bnudebeach.phtm

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Well, if we're going with dong songs, may as well whip out this gem:
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.

MissusBarry July 18, 2011 at 7:37 pm

On the iPod right next to "Medical Love Song".

Callyson July 18, 2011 at 4:09 pm

And another gem from FOX:
The original survey had a relatively high response rate — with 83 percent of those approached agreeing to participate. "As an incentive, those who completed the survey were given a voucher for free admission to a movie," the study said.
Here's hoping the participants saw one of the following cinematic triumphs:
A Clockwork Orgy
The San Francisco 69ers vs. The Green Bay Butt Packers
Bi-Curious George
Sex Trek: Penetrations
The Iron Giant Vibrator
XXX-Men
Assablanca
Beverly Hills 9021-Ho!
(thanks to some guy who posts to Boston's Yelp for the list…)

fartknocker July 18, 2011 at 4:12 pm

Just so ya know, Mrs. Fartknocker is happy with my package and performance. I am even happier when she get's naked and rides me like carnival pony.

Oh, did I tell you that these Traditional Family Coalition folks need to focus on more important things besides the NIH trying to have a better understanding of how STDs are transmitted among same-male couples? Like, for example, they have been labeled by the Southern Poverty Law Center as a hate group? As an organization, they have way too many issues to be considered to be nothing more than tin-foil hat wearing group who is on a Rupert Murdock tee-vee show.

DashboardBuddha July 18, 2011 at 4:17 pm

"I am even happier when she get's naked and rides me like carnival pony. "

LMAO

El Pinche July 18, 2011 at 5:03 pm

Awwwwww ponies!!

Chet Kincaid July 19, 2011 at 1:09 am

"Same-male couples"? This is what happens when telling people to go fuck themselves becomes an epidemic!!

Chet Kincaid July 19, 2011 at 1:10 am

We will require an affidavit, or better, a videotaped deposition, from Mrs. Fartknocker.

Negropolis July 19, 2011 at 4:43 am

I am even happier when she get's naked and rides me like carnival pony.

That's hot.

SayItWithWookies July 18, 2011 at 4:13 pm

No wonder the Teabaggers are so angry.

DahBoner July 18, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Who knew that Wingnuts were capable of learning how to type?

No one can explain it…

DashboardBuddha July 18, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Fingers go up, fingers go down. It can't be explained.

DashboardBuddha July 18, 2011 at 4:21 pm

It's like my gay friends always say…fuckin' right wingers think more about gay sex than the gays themselves.

PristineODummy July 19, 2011 at 3:52 pm

I'm tellin' ya! I have been in many a roomful of complete and total gay WHORES who don't talk about gaysex as much as RWNJs do.

mrblifil July 18, 2011 at 4:32 pm

Great, now not only is my larger than average penis not large enough, it's not gay enough either. What am I supposed to do about that last part?

Chet Kincaid July 19, 2011 at 1:18 am

Same Sex Accountability Partner.

Callyson July 18, 2011 at 4:38 pm

Actually, the FOX crowd is more interested in funding research on the following topic:
There are options for penis repair after mutilation http://www.latimes.com/health/boostershots/la-heb

samsuncle July 18, 2011 at 4:44 pm

Nothing like a good penis post to get the a rise out of my fellow Wonketteers.

4TheTurnstiles July 18, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Did Rupert Murdoch's shizz just kill a guy?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2016132/S

johnnymeatworth July 18, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Everybody Wang Chung tonight!

HedonismBot July 18, 2011 at 4:48 pm

I wish I had more money to spend on "wacky stuff." A dime bag doesn't go too far these days.

StarsUponThars July 18, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Yes, Rick Perry IS a big dick. Wait, what were we talking about?

Rotundo_ July 18, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Hasn't there been some dumbass study on the effectiveness of prayer on illness that someone can dig up as a reply to this? Okay, gay schlong dimensioning and its relation to HIV transmission may seem like a waste of money to these people, but I am sure that the government has pissed away millions on "faith based" charity or education money that would make this look like a penny cup in a 7-11. Of course it is a welcome diversion for FOX if there are a bunch of christians with their titties in a flap over gay penises. It takes the rather bright sunlight off Ruperts' great hacking adventures for the moment. OH! LOOK! SHINY GAY PENISES!!!1!!!!

x111e7thst July 18, 2011 at 4:59 pm

But did the gay dongs in the study belong to beautiful young men wearing nazi uniforms? This is something the average tea-tard desperately needs to know.

El Pinche July 18, 2011 at 5:01 pm

Ending a Monday with the cocks….it's going to be a good week.

Redhead July 18, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Life imitating The Onion imitating life…

SaintRond July 18, 2011 at 5:16 pm

I've got a big one and I'm miserable. So there!!!

Tundra Grifter July 18, 2011 at 10:10 pm

"People say, 'Have a good one!' I already have a good one. I need a long one."

- George Carlin

SaintRond July 18, 2011 at 11:42 pm

I just don't see how having a big dick keeps someone from waking up with a hacking cough and cursing the light. Unless you care about giving someone orgasms, and who cares about that? I'd rather be getting off with a two inch dick than getting someone else off with my ten inches.

riverside68 July 18, 2011 at 5:26 pm

I am not touching this topic with a 10 inch pole

sati_demise July 19, 2011 at 12:44 am

oh snap!

Negropolis July 19, 2011 at 4:45 am

How about a 7-inch one?

WinterOuthouse July 18, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Every penis owner is happy when his junk is touched.

ttommyunger July 18, 2011 at 10:01 pm

By the right woman. Or the nearest woman. Or a woman. Or a fencepost….

WinterOuthouse July 19, 2011 at 7:03 am

I can't think of one sane woman that wouldn't want to stroke their way through your enchanted forest.

PristineODummy July 19, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Any port in a storm.

SilverTsunami July 18, 2011 at 6:17 pm

"Part of the 2006 grant. . ."

2006?

Wait. . . who was president then? 'cause I don't think it was the current guy.

PristineODummy July 19, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Someone with a slightly more bent sort of bent. See, e.g., Jeff Gannon/James Guckert/that GAY BALD guy.

BTWBFDIMHO July 18, 2011 at 7:38 pm

This country has many institutions and agencies: Potus, Flotus, Scotus, but still we need a new one: Priapus! http://www.thetraveltart.com/wp-content/uploads/2

Warpde July 18, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Ohhh! I actually read the 2009 study.
51, 3 kid's and now I find out I'm Gay?
Oh my God!!!!!
My wife is gonna be pissed.
Although it may explain my fixation with anal sex.

PristineODummy July 19, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Wait — does your wife know about your fixation with teh butt-sechs?

Because, if not, you may have more problems than you think.

ttommyunger July 18, 2011 at 10:02 pm

Penis libel.

sati_demise July 19, 2011 at 12:41 am

I wish we were measuring dicks around the world instead of bombing them

Negropolis July 19, 2011 at 4:14 am

David Cameron is one doughy motherfucker, isn't he? And, the dude before him looked like an Scottish caveman. You see, you subjects, this is why you need to popular elect your prime ministers.

mumbly_joe July 19, 2011 at 8:49 am

The abstract for that study is pretty epic, in all honest. An exerpt:

Penis size was positively related to satisfaction with size and inversely related to lying about penis size (all p < .01).

In other news, water is wet, sun rises in east (all p < .01)

superdave July 19, 2011 at 10:15 am

I have never been more proud to be an NIH scientist.

And if the only thing to come out of this research is that the wingers go apeshit, it is still money well spent.

Tundra Grifter July 19, 2011 at 11:49 am

That study is wack!

Or is it whack?

rheaseo July 25, 2011 at 4:10 am

My guess is this research was examining risk factors and pressures that may lead gay men to engage in riskier sexual behaviors (i.e. sex without a condom or being bottom) which increases the likelihood of contracting AIDS, which is one of the categories for the funding. gynecomastia treatment

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 4:28 pm

Just don't. OK? Things happen.

PristineODummy July 18, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Plus, yeah, there's that. Also. Too.

mayor_quimby July 18, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Funny story…… yadda yadda yadda,……then my girlfriend had to go to the urologist.
I was pretty proud of myself!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 19, 2011 at 4:45 am

I'd prefer caned to canned.

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