important trending topics

Gay Penis Size Today’s Hot Topic In Right-Wing Blogosphere For No Reason But The Obvious One

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

where can we get moar of the gay cock news?Good news for all the people at the Traditional Values Coalition who spend most of their days Google-searching “huge gay dongs” through their tears: they accidentally also uncovered a 2009 study about gay men’s penis sizes published by the government-funded National Institute of Health. BUT THAT IS TAXPAYER MONIES?? Type type type go all the conservative news sites, who will now prove to everyone using the words “penis” and “anal insertion” 300 times a page that the government just wants to raise taxes so they can spend money on all sorts of gross things that scare and delight the Jesus people. And yes, that’s just a link to a Google search about the study, which yields pages and pages of right-wing blog entries. So there you have it everyone, gay schlong is now a conservative budget issue, as if you were ever expecting otherwise.

Did the government really spend millions of dollars measuring homo junk? No, of course not, but that is absolutely not going to get those millions of closeted fappers over the edge.

And here we are block-quoting the FoxNews.com story, because the libtard outlets have not bothered/ do not care (yet?) about this study from 2009 full of major scientific insights like “men with large penises are happy”:

“This country is broke and we cannot spend money on this kind of stuff,” said Andrea Lafferty, president of the Traditional Values Coalition which drew attention to the report as part of a six-month investigation into NIH grants for examples of “institutional waste.”

“We’re spending money on wacky stuff,” Lafferty said.

But one of the researchers involved with the report told FoxNews.com that NIH funding was only used to help “analyze and write up” data which had already been collected without the use of taxpayer funds.

“The data were not collected using taxpayer funds,” Jeffrey Parsons, a professor with Hunter College, said in an email. “NIH funds were not used to measure anyone’s penis size.”

He said part of the 2006 grant went toward the primary author’s post-survey analysis as part of his postdoctoral fellowship to “better inform sexual health promotion efforts.”

At least these guys could have produced some pictures to go with the research. Pictures next time and the TVC will leave you alone, deal? [Fox News]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Dick size: Important, or not important?

    • nounverb911

      Nixon or Cheney: who's the bigger Dick?

      • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

        Tough one. I am going to go with (sigh):

        All of them, Katie.

        • PristineODummy

          See, I know there were some diehards right here on Teh Wonkettez who thought that phrase was, to put it politely, hackneyed. To them I say, "Pffft, diehard Wonketeerz! Was this, or was this not, the perfect response?"

          (Answer: "It was.")

          • LesBontemps

            What good is a meme/cliche if you can't work it to death, for teh lulzlz?

          • PristineODummy

            Plus, yeah, there's that. Also. Too.

    • genxr

      Every girlfriend I ever had has assured me that it's not important.

      Oh, wait. Darn.

    • Limeylizzie

      Width is , length isn't.

      • Cicada

        This, precisely.

        Pencil-dick isn't pretty, just ask Eric Cantor.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Seriously, once it's gone in six inches or so, where's it gonna go? What's it gonna do up there? My lady friends with whom I've broached the subject assure me the important gets done right around the edges of the entrance.

        • Limeylizzie

          That is correct, I don't need anything banging on my uterus.

          • Terry

            Or bladder for that matter.

          • mayor_quimby

            Funny story…… yadda yadda yadda,……then my girlfriend had to go to the urologist.
            I was pretty proud of myself!

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          That's what O'Reilly said, right before he brought out the loofah sponge.

    • Swampgas_Man

      If you're small, size doesn't matter; if you're like me, it matters A LOT.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Doesn't it depend on the dick?

    • zhubajie

      Depends on who you ask!

    • gvvt

      "Chart: Penile Length Leads to Little Economic Growth"
      http://www.theatlanticwire.com/global/2011/07/cha

  • nounverb911

    Marcus Bachmannn is all a twitter.

    • Redhead

      Damn, beat me to it!

  • memzilla

    "…his postdoctoral fellowship to 'better inform sexual health promotion efforts.'"

    "Sexual Health Promotion Officer" would make a great t-shirt.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Sounds better than Heterosexual Accountability Partner.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      Today we are all Sexual Health Promotion Officers.

      Seriously. I am telling that to the Mrs. when I get home.

      • PristineODummy

        Let me know if it works so I can add it to my List of Ploys in Search of Teh Sexay.

    • Callyson

      I think that's what Kortney's resume says for her current position…

    • zhubajie

      "Sexual Health Promotion Officer" sounds like an official assignment for some junior naval officer, like "Hanger-bay Door Officer". It calls for a colorful nickname, too!

  • baconzgood

    "“We’re spending money on wacky stuff,”

    Tee-Hee
    "Wack Stuff"

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      You beat me bacon. Mmmm, let me rephrase that…

  • metamarcisf

    “This country is broke and we cannot spend money on this kind of stuff,” said Andrea Lafferty, president of the Traditional Values Coalition…she went on to say that "if this country was not broke, I'd be the first to support measuring male penis sizes – but I would still stop short at including gay men in the study."

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      I predict a disappointing outcome.

      • Swampgas_Man

        It's the In-Go that matters.

    • bflrtsplk

      "Stop short" sounds like code for something.

  • ThankYouJeebus

    These are not the penii you're looking for.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      These penii can go about their business. Move along!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I've been told my penis is ok.

    • WhatTheHolyHeck

      Comparative data or GTFO

      • MildMidwesterner

        I begin all of my lovemaking with a power point presentation. By the end, those pie charts are beggin' for my bar graph.

        • WhatTheHolyHeck

          Power corrupts; PowerPoint corrupts absolutely.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Snorg Girl, is that you?

    • DashboardBuddha

      Mine is ok too, but it was touch and go there for a while.

    • ttommyunger

      Sorry, only men with small dicks hear that.

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

        Small like a Fox!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Buying all those tape measures for the researchers cost more money than thirty abortions or one 2,000-lb daisy-cutter anti-personnel bomb.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I wonder if we can get the Botards to shriek about the actual billions wasted in pointless corn subsidies by renaming them corn holing subsidies.

    • PristineODummy

      Then they'll all be wanting one too.

    • poncho_pilot
    • Redhead

      Or just on the commercials saying high fructose corn syrup isn't bad for you…

    • Jukesgrrl

      Can I haz a T-shirt that says Official Government Corn-Holing Promotions Officer?

  • Come here a minute

    Rupert Murdoch runs a corrupt empire? Hey look, everybody, BIG GAY PENIS GOVERNMENT WASTE did we say GAY PENIS?

    • PristineODummy

      Don't forget BIG. Plus, Rick Perry has a HUGE opening. Just to accommodate BIG GAY PENIS.

    • http://t.co/83Yq8x9 smokefilleddoommate

      That's Breitbart's new site– Big Gay Penis Government.

    • baconzgood

      Can I borrow Big Gay Penis government waste for my avatar quote?

      • WunkRocker

        My Govt is a Super Size Queen.

      • Come here a minute

        As long as you never buy the Sun.

    • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

      But weiner jokes worked wonders last time, didn't they?

    • sati_demise

      i saw what you did there….

  • baconzgood

    Wait a sec. This posting doesn't tell me if my cock is bigger or small or what? Now I gotta go to the local glory hole to figure it out for myself.

    • widestanceroman

      There should be one of those nifty hole-y things for measuring pasta adapted for penis gauging.

      • BlueMonkeh

        Or maybe like you use to figure out what size your knitting needles are? I've got a couple of those and they even have a ruler along the edge for measuring length as well as width.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Actually, I've seen those in Mexico, along with ones for boob size. But I bought a plaster lawn burro instead.

        • baconzgood

          Man….Buyers remorse much?

      • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

        There must be some way to leverage cock-measuring technology.

      • Terry

        Maybe calipers would be better. If they started selling on late night TV those nifty hole-y things for men to use, emergency rooms around the country would be filled with guys who tried to use a jigsaw to remove the nifty hole-y things.

    • http://t.co/83Yq8x9 smokefilleddoommate

      I scanned your comment quickly and read it as, "Now I gotta go to the local grocery store to figure it out for myself." [wha?? comparisons in the produce section?] Read-over!!

      • PristineODummy

        It's summer. There's plenty of zucchini and cucumbers out there for the measuring. Just ask Kortney.

    • mayor_quimby

      I don't know what to think, but i will continue to think that mine is always:
      'so big'
      'makes me feel so full'
      'ow, that hurts a little'
      'i can only take the tip'
      'the best ever'

      That's all super affirming, my therapist says it's totally true.
      In conclusion – COCK!

  • Exhausted66

    Length or width?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Both of them, Katie.

    • nounverb911

      Angle of the dangle?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      A very gay friend of mine tells me that "girth" is the critical measurement in his world.

      • Limeylizzie

        See my earlier reply.

        • mayor_quimby

          yardie accent > Seen!!

      • widestanceroman

        Which is why you never hear the term, 'beer-can long,'

    • Terry

      Bank balance, perhaps.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    "Defund" Planned Parenthood and also prohibit govt funding of STD prevention?

    get fucked TVC. and then get a raging case of untreatable ass herpes.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Erick bin Erich, aka Princess Tiny Meat, must be behind this, so to speak.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Now we know who makes up the Tiny Team Behind Team Sarah.

    • BornInATrailer

      Go Team Venture!

  • http://www.burndownblog.com evan7257

    This study was redundant and merely proves what was already established in the D.C. Circuit case Grower v. Shower.

  • hagajim

    So how much money did we spend on penii analysis? Probably not as much as we did on Marcus Bachmann trying to convert the homos to his way of thinking.

    Also, is analysis of penis size penalysis, and can you suffer from paralysis from penalysis?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    But, is the dong self-aware enough to know whether it is gay or not? Or whether it is large or not?

    • ThundercatHo

      Now, if I had a dick, I would have to name it Hal.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Wait, didn't the Dionysian Future in "The Tittilator" movie series begin when the dongs became self-aware?!

  • widestanceroman

    I sure wish I had all the money I spent researching gay penis size over the years. . .

    • HogeyeGrex

      If you had a nickle for every time…?

    • Nixon_So_Fine

      I was gonna say "a million up-fists," then I realized just how many entendres could be beyond-doubling in this thread…so I'll just sit quietly as we approach singularity, and I'll wait for Morgan Freeman to open the wormhole…D'oh! Oh boy…shouldn't have added THAT one.

  • facehead

    This confirms what we knew all along: big government is in the pocket of big gay penis.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Isn't that the other way 'round?

      So to speak…

    • genxr

      Is that the new Breitbart blog?

      • HistoriCat

        All the Bretibart blogs are BGP.

  • mavenmaven

    I'd prefer a focus on all the important studies that could not be done thanks to 8 years of Bush killing the NIH.

  • smitallica

    They would've confined this study just to the Republican Congressional Caucus, but the dicks there are beyond measure.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I may not be the best in bed, but I'm highly efficient.

    • Limeylizzie

      God love you, Derrickwildcat.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      Everyone's good at something, my friend.

    • DashboardBuddha

      I find it a lot like playing the violin.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Isn't this why RW men are gay? They want to keep all the BIG dong's for themselves. Sounds reasonable to me, since the RW doesn't think that the wimmens should be getting any enjoyment from penis insertion as it is strictly for procreation purposes only.

    edit: meant Right Wing not RailRoad or whatever.

  • BlueMonkeh

    These data highlight the need to better understand the real individual-level consequences of living in a penis-centered society.

    Indeed.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I for one would love to be the PI on an NIH study to find out how Andrea Lafferty and the rest of the Traditional Values Coalition are still able to speak while their heads are inserted up their asses. I can haz FOA?

  • NorthStarSpanx

    What are they going to do next? Study the mating habit of fruit flies or something disgusting and wasteful like that?

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    in other sex news, our economy is getting sodomized by 3(+) wars.

    • GOPCrusher

      If the study would have been for determining how penis size relates to the lethality of weapons to kill brown Muslim people, no one would have given two shits about it.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        it has been determined that penis size is inversely proportional to the desire to kill foreigners/women/poor people.

    • Negropolis

      But, that's okay. It's not gay when you're in a three-way.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    In a related report, the Capitol Police are reporting they found a collection of pant legs like the bottoms of cut-offs that were fitted with rubber bands, trench coats, and directions to the Greyhound Bus Depot in the House Majority cloakroom.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I suspect there's a lot more in that closet than just coats.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Huh? Much as I've haunted men's rooms in the past, I don't get that.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

        A good friend, who is now passed, was a probation officer for sexual offenders. The tales he told, sans names, would curl the hair of most. Seems a common practice among flashers was to skip their pants and Fruit of the Looms, and put on shoes, socks and a set of lower pants' legs held up with rubber bands. They'd then don their trench coat and head out to play cock-of-the-walk. Coming at you everything looked okay; shoes check, socks check, pants check (oops), until they opened the coat.

        • Jukesgrrl

          Is there an app for that?

        • zhubajie

          A couple of archaeological acquaintances went strolling around Jerusalem one weekend and ran into a Hasidic flasher! Those long coats are real handy!

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Flashing, streaking…our perversions were so innocent, once…

  • http://t.co/83Yq8x9 smokefilleddoommate

    The info was found on NIH's pubic access part of their site, of course.

  • MiniMencken

    You know what would shrink the deficit hugely? Getting rid of the income tax and property tax exemptions for religious organizations.

    • ThundercatHo

      I'd give you a million upfists for that if I could. Too bad the wingnuts would only be in favor of this idea if it only applied to non-xtian groups.

  • SorosBot

    Well good on Fox News to search long and hard to find the big, impotent important stories and go in deep to investigate the darkest crevices of government waste.

    It's not like there's a big major scandal involving their parent company which they be involved with that like to keep people distracted from or anything…

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      search long and hard

      Really? Faux News the mainstay of Viagra Nation?

      • SorosBot

        Considering the age of their viewers, and their ads, yes.

      • GOPCrusher

        This is the Age of Taking Action.
        So find out if Viagra is right for you.

    • elviouslyqueer

      LEAVE RUPERT ALONE!!!!!!!111!!!!!1!!!!!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I'm pretty sure this means that FOX News has spent more inches on penisises than on anything that might be going on with their corporate overloads in some unheard of country in Europe.

      • SorosBot

        Apparently the response from Fox and other US NewsCorp outlets has been a mixture of "Move along, there's nothing to see here, it's old news and not in America anyway" and "This is a partisan witch hunt! LEAVE RUPERT ALONE!"

        • GOPCrusher

          Well, Rep. Peter King (R) has called for an investigation as to whether of not News Corp hacked in to phones of 9/11 victims families, so the partisan witch hunt argument is DOA.
          And it seems that Rupert Murdoch is in fact, a U.S. citizen. And according to the law, if he his convicted of wrong doing in England, he can no longer own television stations in the U.S.

          • sati_demise

            that would be so great. Ailes getting canned too

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            I'd prefer caned to canned.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Missing White Girls don't work for Fox these days.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This is more like it!! Dick jokes for everyone!! YOU get a dick joke, and YOU get a dick joke…

    • baconzgood

      I love when the writers throw up these…..er….soft balls to us.

    • widestanceroman

      It's reigning dick jokes–hallelujah. . .

  • ThundercatHo

    This just confirms it. Gay men have all the things straight women want: nicely decorated homes, great fashion sense, witty reparte and now they even have big dicks. Life is not fair.

    • genxr

      I can't tell you what a relief that is for me, with my messy home, collection of ironic nerd t-shirts, and …ummmm… medium size? Sorry, ladies, it's the only game in town.

      • ThundercatHo

        Honey, is that you? You never told me that you posted on Wonkette also, too.

        • genxr

          Yeah, sorry about leaving all the pizza boxes in the bathtub. It was a late night.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      At least it's not the richest 10% with 50% of the … oh wait … maybe it's 50% of the rich that are dicks. Fuckin' statistics … how do they work?

  • samsuncle

    I suspect that Lindsey Graham is behind this.

    • BlueMonkeh

      I see the fabulous Ms. Graham as more of a catcher than a pitcher.

      • genxr

        He made sure that the data was collected without using taxpayer dollars.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          He did it for free?

      • widestanceroman

        I think of HamBiscuits as more of a creepy drooling thing who just watches and cries softly to himself, pays, and leaves.

        • HistoriCat

          I will never be able to get that image out of my head.

          • widestanceroman

            Sorry. That's exactly what the guys who got paid said, too.

        • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

          Poor Lindsay. Such is the price of shame.

          Girl just can't get a break!

      • MrFizzy

        yep, always in front of the dick, looking over his shoulder.

    • PristineODummy

      I'm sure Lindsay's way out in front of this story.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      He was on top of it, but now says he will get to the bottom of this whole story.

  • baconzgood

    I'm not in the Traditional Values Coalition….Not that there is anything wrong with that.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I'm afraid I'm going to have to see Andrea Lafferty's CV, full publication record, and citation index before I'll even consider her peer review of this study. And I'll also need to see her birth certificate. And her appendage.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      But not her tits?

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    Quick, everyone, get distracted by this giant dick story.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    The study concluded that Muslim Men have bigger dicks, last longer and ranked #1 in which White Christian Females fantasized most about.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, the Traditional Values Coalition, in an attempt to find government waste, is attacking the NIH, because, really, when you think waste, you think medical studies.

    But, hey, in the end it was all right, because they found a gay medical study, and we don't want healthy gay men, do we?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      And when straight republican woman think waste, they think gay penises.

  • widestanceroman

    Yet, when the Pentagon has no idea where (I mean, really, not even 'my dog ate it') billions of dollars went in Iraq, it's just a big 'meh.'

    Wasn't there a story some years ago about how many actual TONS of money was MIA? When you are measuring squandered money by weight, I really don't care how many dollars are spent measuring dicks, although I would have liked to help.

    • PristineODummy

      $82 billion airdropped into the war zone of Baghdad during Paul "Jerry" Bremer's tenure. It was measured in tonnage. Covered in plastic shrinkwrap on pallets. I believe it was the inimitable Henry Waxman who insisted on the Congressional hearing that unearthed that little factalah. Funny that no one mentions that when talking about "wasteful government spending." Or the $2.3 TRILLION that Donald Rumsfeld announced at a press conference (09/10/2001) was "missing" from the Pentagon.

      • widestanceroman

        Thank you. Upfisted and followed.

    • zhubajie

      Well, these grads of Harvard Bus. School were handing out garbage bags of $100 bills, but somehow they forgot to weigh the bags and record who got how much. So no notebooks filled with "50 lb of $100 bills to Mr Cock to paint schoolhouses" or anything!

      The ironic thing is, Iraqis *invented* book-keeping and accounting! Clay tablets are FULL of things like "6 sheep, 10 bushels of wheat to Enlil-ti for painting the schoolhouse"! They were making those kinds of records in the Stone Age!

      Makes you wonder who the barbarians are, doesn't it?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Just wait until the members of the TVC find out that federal funds are going toward housing a black man in the White House.

    • HistoriCat

      I thought they got rid of the slave quarters a long time ago …

  • Tundra Grifter

    Who else funded a study of gay penis size?

    • nounverb911

      Captain Hook?

    • BlueMonkeh

      Larry Craig?

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilleddoommate

      Ann Coulter?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Marcus Bachmann?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      A lot of Republican office holders have done private, small scale studies, but just while they are traveling, away from their beards wives, and have some free time on their hands.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      Size Queens everywhere?

    • genxr

      Oscar Wilde, who said "The only thing worse than funding a study of gay penis size, is not funding a study of gay penis size?"

    • elviouslyqueer

      Alexander the Great?

    • widestanceroman

      No, please tell me (email address appreciated).

    • PristineODummy

      Ernst Rohm?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      My friend Emil? Oh wait, you asked funded, not conducted.

    • GOPCrusher

      George Michael?

    • zhubajie

      Log Cabin Republicans?

    • Tundra Grifter

      Thank you, one and all!

      The true measure of a comment is not the p-ness, it's the number of replies.

      I didn't know the answer to this question. For a while I've just wanted to post a "who else?" comment.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    They could have saved some money and just surveyed the Male Escort ads on Backpage, although the researchers might have gotten tired writing "8 inch uncut" over and over.

  • Sue4466

    But yet the rightiees aren't all pissed about the waste of government funds going to Marcus Bachman's pray away the gay scheme.

    I'm starting to think it's not really about being fiscally responsible at all.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    For all the obvious reasons, this is good news for Andy Breitbart .

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      It would be a dereliction of duty for him not to immediately get on top of this story.

      • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

        He probably has pics of every measurement on his iPhone.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Yes, but ultimately he'll want to get down to the bottom of it.

      • SorosBot

        He'll probe this story as deeply as possible, now matter how messy it gets.

      • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

        Fists for everyone!

      • Jukesgrrl

        With assistance from his close, personal friend James O'Keefe (who I'd bet is as pencil-y as Eric Cantor).

  • fuflans

    well that's the problem with a 'representative democracy': one man's penis study is another man's invasion of iraq.

  • Radiotherapy┬«

    Cut, cap and balance.
    We need a "Gay Penis" Amendment.

    • http://t.co/83Yq8x9 smokefilleddoommate

      Cap and dance?

  • MissTaken

    I wonder how much of the TVC money Andrew Lafferty spent on her six months of researching the research on penis size? I'm sure the batteries on her vibrator alone must've been a pretty penny.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      Oh, no my dear. The one she uses is gas-powered. She's always running down to Pep Boys for 2 cycle oil.

      • MissTaken

        Gas-powered, yowser! And I thought I stepped up to the big leagues with my cordless rechargeable

  • orygoon

    Shrivel me timbers!

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    Is Lyndsey Graham running the NIH now?

  • DashboardBuddha

    OT: In William Manchester's excellent Goodbye Darkness he relates a conversation he had with a Navy corpsman who had to do a "short arm" inspection. "I still have nightmares", he said hollowly. "All I can see is cocks cocks, millions of cocks swarming around me."

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      Oh, those Naval traditions! What did Nicolson say: Rum, Sodomy and the Lash.

      • DashboardBuddha

        Hey, it's not gay if you're underway.

        • widestanceroman

          Just don't let the balls touch.

          • DashboardBuddha

            Why, is that like "never cross the streams"?

          • widestanceroman

            Just don't. OK? Things happen.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I know a couple of fellas who would not consider this a "nightmare."

      • widestanceroman

        I call that daydreaming.

    • zhubajie

      Many of them diseased, I'm sure. My step-mother typed up medical records for men being demobilized at the end of WW II. They'd all had a dose….

  • bumfug

    Typical headline:
    "Gay Erections – Threat Or Menace?"

  • hollywooddood

    i like living in a country where life, liberty and the pursuit of gay penises still matters.

  • MrFizzy

    Hey spending money on measuring gay dicks is better than paving Afghanistan.

  • smitallica

    I have a simple rule of thumb: If the organization has "Family" or "Values" in the name, you can guarantee that organization is made up entirely of batshit religious wackadoodles.

  • bflrtsplk

    Nothin'says "gay penis" like a cruise missile.

  • Pragmatist2

    This will cause a huge run on measuring tapes at Christian hardware stores.

    • PristineODummy

      Absolutely HUGE.

  • baconzgood

    ARE YOU SHITTING ME? One of those sites is called "Libertyjuice.com".

    SOOOOOOOOOO GAY!!!

    • Radiotherapy┬«

      You sure that isn't a santorum site?

      • MissusBarry

        I can't believe the first mention of Santorum was this far down!

    • GOPCrusher

      They spelled Ladyboy wrong.

  • BlueStateLibel

    This is as bad as that turtle Web site, maybe worse!!! How are we going to keep invading the world when we're throwing away money on stuff like this? Bah, you libruls.

  • DaSandman

    Ah, we all know that eventually "Doctor" Bachmann would be writing a scholarly paper for Gay Thrill Hammer Quarterly

  • Wilcoxyz

    My research also suggests the biggest dicks get the most ass. Seems kind of obvious.

    • PristineODummy

      I guess Dick Cheney musta got more ass than a public toilet seat, then.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Shirley Sherrod was fired because she didn't have a dick, right?

  • succalina

    Andrea Lafferty, aka Andrea Sheldon, is the daughter of Lou Sheldon, the president of TVC. And if you've ever met Andrea, she wears more pancake makeup than Ronald McDonald, low-cut cheetah print out fits, and the highest fucking high heels I have ever seen. Yes, Andrea is a tranny, and she doesn't want whatever's left of her naughty bits to be measured.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Yo! Andrea Lafferty! I'm Dirk Diggler! I'm the star! It's my big dick and I say when we roll!

  • Wadisay

    There would be a lot more right wing commentary on this were it not for the fact that they get half way through typing "analysis" and their eyes mist over.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Andrea Lafferty and the Angry Inch.

  • Callyson

    A Traditional Values Coalition release stated that at least $9.4 million went to a 10-year study that included the penis-size research — but Parsons said it appears that references a much broader "post-doctoral training program" of which the penis-study funding was a "small" part.
    Now I know why all the post – docs I know are not happy people…

  • SorosBot

    I once had a penis sing to me
    His Penis Penis song
    And when that Penis Penis sang
    Here was the Penis's song
    He'd sing me…

    Penis, penis, penis, penis
    Penis, penis song.
    Penis, penis, penis, penis
    Penis all day long.

    Sadly, I can't find the video; just the transcript:
    http://snltranscripts.jt.org/88/88bnudebeach.phtm

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, if we're going with dong songs, may as well whip out this gem:
      Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
      Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
      It's swell to have a stiffy.
      It's divine to own a dick,
      From the tiniest little tadger
      To the world's biggest prick.
      So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
      Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
      Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
      Your Percy, or your cock.
      You can wrap it up in ribbons.
      You can slip it in your sock,
      But don't take it out in public,
      Or they will stick you in the dock,
      And you won't come back.

      • MissusBarry

        On the iPod right next to "Medical Love Song".

  • Callyson

    And another gem from FOX:
    The original survey had a relatively high response rate — with 83 percent of those approached agreeing to participate. "As an incentive, those who completed the survey were given a voucher for free admission to a movie," the study said.
    Here's hoping the participants saw one of the following cinematic triumphs:
    A Clockwork Orgy
    The San Francisco 69ers vs. The Green Bay Butt Packers
    Bi-Curious George
    Sex Trek: Penetrations
    The Iron Giant Vibrator
    XXX-Men
    Assablanca
    Beverly Hills 9021-Ho!
    (thanks to some guy who posts to Boston's Yelp for the list…)

  • fartknocker

    Just so ya know, Mrs. Fartknocker is happy with my package and performance. I am even happier when she get's naked and rides me like carnival pony.

    Oh, did I tell you that these Traditional Family Coalition folks need to focus on more important things besides the NIH trying to have a better understanding of how STDs are transmitted among same-male couples? Like, for example, they have been labeled by the Southern Poverty Law Center as a hate group? As an organization, they have way too many issues to be considered to be nothing more than tin-foil hat wearing group who is on a Rupert Murdock tee-vee show.

    • DashboardBuddha

      "I am even happier when she get's naked and rides me like carnival pony. "

      LMAO

    • El Pinche

      Awwwwww ponies!!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      "Same-male couples"? This is what happens when telling people to go fuck themselves becomes an epidemic!!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      We will require an affidavit, or better, a videotaped deposition, from Mrs. Fartknocker.

    • Negropolis

      I am even happier when she get's naked and rides me like carnival pony.

      That's hot.

  • SayItWithWookies

    No wonder the Teabaggers are so angry.

  • DahBoner

    Who knew that Wingnuts were capable of learning how to type?

    No one can explain it…

    • DashboardBuddha

      Fingers go up, fingers go down. It can't be explained.

  • DashboardBuddha

    It's like my gay friends always say…fuckin' right wingers think more about gay sex than the gays themselves.

    • PristineODummy

      I'm tellin' ya! I have been in many a roomful of complete and total gay WHORES who don't talk about gaysex as much as RWNJs do.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Great, now not only is my larger than average penis not large enough, it's not gay enough either. What am I supposed to do about that last part?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Same Sex Accountability Partner.

  • Callyson

    Actually, the FOX crowd is more interested in funding research on the following topic:
    There are options for penis repair after mutilation http://www.latimes.com/health/boostershots/la-heb

  • samsuncle

    Nothing like a good penis post to get the a rise out of my fellow Wonketteers.

  • http://www.frso.org/index.htm 4TheTurnstiles

    Did Rupert Murdoch's shizz just kill a guy?
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2016132/S

  • johnnymeatworth

    Everybody Wang Chung tonight!

  • HedonismBot

    I wish I had more money to spend on "wacky stuff." A dime bag doesn't go too far these days.

  • StarsUponThars

    Yes, Rick Perry IS a big dick. Wait, what were we talking about?

  • Rotundo_

    Hasn't there been some dumbass study on the effectiveness of prayer on illness that someone can dig up as a reply to this? Okay, gay schlong dimensioning and its relation to HIV transmission may seem like a waste of money to these people, but I am sure that the government has pissed away millions on "faith based" charity or education money that would make this look like a penny cup in a 7-11. Of course it is a welcome diversion for FOX if there are a bunch of christians with their titties in a flap over gay penises. It takes the rather bright sunlight off Ruperts' great hacking adventures for the moment. OH! LOOK! SHINY GAY PENISES!!!1!!!!

  • x111e7thst

    But did the gay dongs in the study belong to beautiful young men wearing nazi uniforms? This is something the average tea-tard desperately needs to know.

  • El Pinche

    Ending a Monday with the cocks….it's going to be a good week.

  • Redhead

    Life imitating The Onion imitating life…

  • SaintRond

    I've got a big one and I'm miserable. So there!!!

    • Tundra Grifter

      "People say, 'Have a good one!' I already have a good one. I need a long one."

      – George Carlin

      • SaintRond

        I just don't see how having a big dick keeps someone from waking up with a hacking cough and cursing the light. Unless you care about giving someone orgasms, and who cares about that? I'd rather be getting off with a two inch dick than getting someone else off with my ten inches.

  • riverside68

    I am not touching this topic with a 10 inch pole

    • sati_demise

      oh snap!

    • Negropolis

      How about a 7-inch one?

  • WinterOuthouse

    Every penis owner is happy when his junk is touched.

    • ttommyunger

      By the right woman. Or the nearest woman. Or a woman. Or a fencepost….

      • WinterOuthouse

        I can't think of one sane woman that wouldn't want to stroke their way through your enchanted forest.

      • PristineODummy

        Any port in a storm.

  • SilverTsunami

    "Part of the 2006 grant. . ."

    2006?

    Wait. . . who was president then? 'cause I don't think it was the current guy.

    • PristineODummy

      Someone with a slightly more bent sort of bent. See, e.g., Jeff Gannon/James Guckert/that GAY BALD guy.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    This country has many institutions and agencies: Potus, Flotus, Scotus, but still we need a new one: Priapus! http://www.thetraveltart.com/wp-content/uploads/2

  • Warpde

    Ohhh! I actually read the 2009 study.
    51, 3 kid's and now I find out I'm Gay?
    Oh my God!!!!!
    My wife is gonna be pissed.
    Although it may explain my fixation with anal sex.

    • PristineODummy

      Wait — does your wife know about your fixation with teh butt-sechs?

      Because, if not, you may have more problems than you think.

  • ttommyunger

    Penis libel.

  • sati_demise

    I wish we were measuring dicks around the world instead of bombing them

  • Negropolis

    David Cameron is one doughy motherfucker, isn't he? And, the dude before him looked like an Scottish caveman. You see, you subjects, this is why you need to popular elect your prime ministers.

  • mumbly_joe

    The abstract for that study is pretty epic, in all honest. An exerpt:

    Penis size was positively related to satisfaction with size and inversely related to lying about penis size (all p < .01).

    In other news, water is wet, sun rises in east (all p < .01)

  • superdave

    I have never been more proud to be an NIH scientist.

    And if the only thing to come out of this research is that the wingers go apeshit, it is still money well spent.

  • Tundra Grifter

    That study is wack!

    Or is it whack?

  • rheaseo

    My guess is this research was examining risk factors and pressures that may lead gay men to engage in riskier sexual behaviors (i.e. sex without a condom or being bottom) which increases the likelihood of contracting AIDS, which is one of the categories for the funding. gynecomastia treatment