Herman Cain: First Amendment Says Muslims Not Allowed To Build Mosques

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

only 'traditional' religious fanatics allowedAccording to Herman Cain’s latest terrorismism reports from Tennessee, he can safely tell us that whatever the Mooslims over there are up to these days, it is “not innocent.” Tennessee is practically Afghanistan, is how bad things have gotten, which means that it is full of poor, mostly illiterate people ruled by intolerant religious fanatics and opium meth addiction. So because of this, the jihadists hiding out there want to build another mosque, a request legally known as “rape of the First Amendment,” because free exercise of religion is magically its total opposite whenever a Muslim practices it. 

What exactly is it that the terrorists want? A mosque, they just want to build a mosque, known in English as a “church.” For worshipping, on their own, their own religion, which is unlike running for office and trying to write legislation in a number of ways. Herman Cain can’t tell those ways apart.

Here he is blathering incoherently on Chris Wallace’s Fox News Sunday morning show:

“Our Constitution guarantees separation of church and state,” Cain explained. “Islam combines church and state. They are using the church part of our First Amendment to infuse their mosque in that community and people in the community do not like it, they disagree with it. Sharia law is what they are trying to infuse… What I am saying is American laws in American courts.”

“Couldn’t any community then say we don’t want a mosque in our community?” Wallace asked.

“They could say that,” Cain admitted. “They are objecting to the fact that Islam is both a religion and set of laws, Sharia law. That is the difference between any one of our other traditional religions where it’s just about religious purposes. The people in the community know best. I happen to side with the people in the community.”

Yes, silly Islam with all its “laws,” they should just have something more like the Bible, that book about dinosaurs. [RawStory]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 269 comments }

Barb July 18, 2011 at 10:02 am

Nice to know he's been dipping into the Crazy bread again. Hermie, you are what you eat!

James Michael Curley July 18, 2011 at 10:28 am

Don't you sleep?

Barb July 18, 2011 at 10:34 am

Sleeping is for wussies. Seriously, I detest sleeping. It would be the one thing I would eliminate from life if given the chance.

V572 der Plaatz July 18, 2011 at 10:37 am

I'd pick root canals, particularly in the lower teeth.

James Michael Curley July 18, 2011 at 11:47 am

Then is your avatar dead?

HistoriCat July 18, 2011 at 12:18 pm

That's napping – completely different. Humans sleep at night. Since cats nap, they are able to stay awake all night and make mysterious noises, causing said humans to have to investigate. Bonus points if you can get one to step barefoot in a hairball in the dark.

seppdecker July 18, 2011 at 10:05 am

"What I am saying is American laws in American courts.”

He forgot to add, "With a giant stone set of the Ten Commandments in front of the courthouse."

Swampgas_Man July 18, 2011 at 10:12 am

That Decalogue came from ISRAEL! FOREIGN LAWS!

Serolf_Divad July 18, 2011 at 10:23 am

Yeah, but because of plate tectonics and continental drift (which scientists at the Institute for Creation Research have just proved to have ocurred over a period of a few thousand years) the Ten Commandments were actually handed to Moses on land that is is currently in America (present day Alaska or Minnessotta depending on whether you ask Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachmann's pastor).

Preferred Customer July 18, 2011 at 10:28 am

Yes! I actually read about this on a set of golden tablets I keep in my magic hat. I'll read them to you sometime, but don't be surprised if they change from one telling to another. They do that, magically.

WIDTAP July 18, 2011 at 11:00 am

Just ask any of your eleven wives. They will tell you this is true, mostly because they know you will veto their entrance into paradise if they don't.

SorosBot July 18, 2011 at 11:43 am

Plate tectonics and continental drift? What are you, some kind of heathen godless science-believer? God created the world mostly as it is, then the great flood of genocide this benevolent being sent to murder all of humanity except one family changed the face of the Earth, and that's it!

Doktor Zoom July 18, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Ah, Sorosbot, you fail to appreciate the lengths to which creotards will go in shoehorning elements of mainstream science into their young-earth lunacy. There are indeed quite a few creationists who think the movement of continents into their current positions all happened during the Flood. Here's a sample:

The model also provides a mechanism for retreat of the flood waters. Psalm 104:6-7 describes the abating of the waters which had stood above the mountains. Verse 8 most naturally translates as, “The mountains rose up; the valleys sank down,” implying that vertical earth movements were the dominant tectonic forces operating at the close of the flood, in contrast to the horizontal forces dominant during the spreading phase.

Plate collisions would have pushed up mountains, while cooling of the new ocean floor would have increased its density, causing it to sink and thus deepen the new ocean basins to receive the retreating flood waters. It may be significant, therefore, that the “mountains of Ararat” (Genesis 8:4), the resting place of the ark after the 150th day of the flood, are in a tectonically active region at what is believed to be the junction of three crustal plates.

Of course, for that to work, the continents would have had to gallop across the surface of the earth in 40 days, which I suppose is no MORE absurd than any other creationist wankery…

Terry July 18, 2011 at 10:31 am

Well, probably more precisely, the Decalogue came from some place on Mount Sinai which is in Egypt….which is infested with Mooooooslems.

zhubajie July 18, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Mt. Sinai is controlled by Greek Orthodox monks, who the fundies probably wouldn't like much, either!

Negropolis July 19, 2011 at 3:09 am

Well, I'm sure Israelis still the think they own it.

riverside68 July 18, 2011 at 10:59 am

Not just foreign, but from a place where the church and state are combined.

OneDollarJuana July 18, 2011 at 10:41 am

It's becoming very clear that "Sharia Law" is the new "gay marriage", because they have just about lost that battle.

ArmoredLibunatic July 18, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Damn Creeping Sharia! Even if you dig that stuff up by the roots, it drops little seeds that can grow without you even knowing it. If I found it in my garden, I'd be on my hands and knees all weekend!

UpstateYorkee July 18, 2011 at 11:03 am

Where does Canonical law fall in this debate? Fucking retards.

Gunner Asch July 18, 2011 at 11:20 am

I got yer cannon right here, ya dirty Mooslim.

zhubajie July 18, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Take it for granted that the kinds of fundies who are anti-Muslim have been anti-Catholic all along!

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 12:11 pm

Thank Gawd, that no one has tried to infuse Xtianity into our laws.

ArmoredLibunatic July 18, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Word. Something about pots and kettles?

zhubajie July 18, 2011 at 9:09 pm

I've always wondered, what about the other 603 commandments? And when will the fundies start circumcizing their hearts?

bureaucrap July 18, 2011 at 10:06 am

Try the new "Post-Freedom" Pizza, topped with scraps of the US Bill of Rights!! It's delicious!

HobbesEvilTwin July 18, 2011 at 10:06 am

It's nice to see that the Republic Party found a new standard-bearer crazy black guy to take over for Alan Keyes.

GuyClinch July 18, 2011 at 10:09 am

And he'll have about as much success running against Bammerz as Keyes did in IL.

freakishlywrong July 18, 2011 at 10:25 am

If fear for our Republic, with these Republics in charge.

GuyClinch July 18, 2011 at 10:07 am

Detached hemorrhoid Herman Cain can shove the 10 commandments up his ass. He makes about as much sense as Basil Marceaux, but without the larfs. Why does anybody (other than Fux) put this asshole on the teevee?

Swampgas_Man July 18, 2011 at 10:13 am

So they can "prove" they're not racist while mowing down the brown peoples.

finallyhappy July 18, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Basil Marceaux- the mime's noisy son?

prommie July 18, 2011 at 10:07 am

This here fellow is what you call a jabbering moron. Some say that as a black man, he planned this, as a means to show the world that a black man can be racist too, establish his racist cred, so to speak, so that white racists, I mean republicans, will accept him, but he is plainly to stupid too have actually planned this. Nope, this is just a jabbering fool.

Limeylizzie July 18, 2011 at 10:12 am

Nice analysis there.

prommie July 18, 2011 at 11:18 am

I calls it like I sees it. This Cain, he reminded me of Chappelle's black KKK member character.

BlueMonkeh July 18, 2011 at 11:28 am

white power!

that is one of the funniest things i've ever seen

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Clayton Bigsby still cracks me up.

Chillwaver July 18, 2011 at 10:07 am

Sounds like Herman has finally accepted the fact that he is not going to win and gone back on crazy wingnut mode.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 18, 2011 at 10:12 am

Agreed. What the hell is in that so called sausage?

ChurchofRealism July 18, 2011 at 10:07 am

In closing, keep buying my pizza, cuz the Mooslems don't dig on the swine.

Poindexter718 July 18, 2011 at 10:07 am

Why does Herman Cain blaspheme the Bible and hate its 10 Commandments by implying they aren't as valid as the towel-heads' Sharia law?

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2011 at 10:08 am

I agree. I think our elected officials, right on up to the Prez, invoke God and prayer entirely too much. (ANY is entirely too much).

GuyClinch July 18, 2011 at 10:10 am

Amen.

Oh, wait…

ThankYouJeebus July 18, 2011 at 10:32 am

God will solve all the problems I've created.
– Governor Good Hair (Rick Perry)

V572 der Plaatz July 18, 2011 at 10:38 am

God bless you for saying that.

Remember how Saint Ronnie of Santa Barbara used to end all his addresses with the non-specific "God bless"? God bless what? The Ku Klux Klan? The YMCA?

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2011 at 10:42 am

He probably just figured that someone in the audience sneezed.

nonbeliever7 July 18, 2011 at 11:46 am

I propose we devise a non-denominational replacement for Amen and God Bless. May I suggest….keepfuckinthatchicken…kinda rolls off the tongue.

Sue4466 July 18, 2011 at 10:09 am

Proving he knows nothing about the Constitution, Islam, or anything really.

Our next President of the United States everybody!

DaSandman July 18, 2011 at 10:09 am

Cover that mosk in pepperoni and Hermie would get right on board.

pukebot July 18, 2011 at 10:10 am

infuse? a mosque isn't orange flavoring you jack ass.

Ruhe July 18, 2011 at 10:19 am

Actually, given that Herman's thinking on how a Mosque might affect a community and how Sharia might affect U.S. Courts is basically analogous to the assumptions that underlie homeopathic medicine, "infuse" is probably exactly the word he should be using.

ManchuCandidate July 18, 2011 at 10:10 am

Does this mean that Hawaiian Halal* pizza will be outlawed?

*and yes, I know that Ham isn't even close to Halal.

trampndirtdown July 18, 2011 at 10:23 am

Isn't the combination of meat and dairy some kind of ancient no no anyway?

Fare la Volpe July 18, 2011 at 11:46 am

It's against kosher, yes. There's a reason cheeseburgers don't sell well in Flushing, Queens.

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 12:18 pm

I did not know that. Who says Wonkette isn't educational?

finallyhappy July 18, 2011 at 3:54 pm

From the quotation " thou shalt not seethe a kid in its mother's milk", Based on that no meat and dairy products- also no poultry and dairy since the rabbis consider poultry to be included- probably from the concept "building a fence around the Torah". And this whole topic should be "don't ask, don't tell"

Ruhe July 18, 2011 at 10:24 am

And Herman's "hey, look at how racist I am" Hambone act is definitely not Kosher.

V572 der Plaatz July 18, 2011 at 10:44 am

"Hawaiian" pizza is as much an abomination in My eyes as the so-called "vodka Martini." I have spoken.

—Yahweh

Lascauxcaveman July 18, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Oh great Yahweh,

Please tell me you feel the same way about about that crappy whole wheat crust. Or those gluten-free abominations you hear about sometimes.

V572 der Plaatz July 18, 2011 at 3:51 pm

It is so. I have spoken. And leave something in the Poor Box, you cheapskate.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 18, 2011 at 10:10 am

Let’s be fair Herman. Ban all the churches. Let’s start with whatever place of worship that molded your twisted view of the world. And while we're banning crap, let's burn all the cheesy Jeebus CDs out there.

ManchuCandidate July 18, 2011 at 10:20 am

I guess the fundies can always fall back to cooking Crystal Meth.

HistoriCat July 18, 2011 at 10:27 am

Burn the CDs? But his gospel recording was starting to get some traction!

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 12:20 pm

If there's going to be any burning of CDs, I vote we start with the Pat Boone's In A Metal Mood.

MissTaken July 18, 2011 at 10:10 am

"That is the difference between any one of our other traditional religions where it’s just about religious purposes"

Yes, because we all know the "traditional" religions like Christianity never try to use their religious beliefs to influence political discourse such as gay marriage, abortion rights, prayer in public schools, etc etc etc. Nope, never happens.

SayItWithWookies July 18, 2011 at 11:28 am

And of course, it was the Christian establishment that insisted on separation of church and state back in 1789, not the secular or forward-thinking members of the Constitutional Convention who recoiled in horror at the excesses of the religious conflicts in England where Catholics were forbidden from going to college, church land was taken, and non-protestants were burned at the stake. Or even here in the colonies, where Massachusetts towns banished Quakers and then cut their ears off if they came back.

That the framers intentionally applied the separation doctrine to all religions without specifying that Christianity was a favored viewpoint is well-documented too, 'cause they all discussed it for a long time. Tea partiers of course are blissfully ignorant of this.

MissTaken July 18, 2011 at 12:22 pm

But, but, but…we're a Christian Nation! I know this because I saw it on a sign once.

Weenus299 July 18, 2011 at 10:10 am

“They could say that,” Cain admitted. “They are objecting to the fact that Islam is both a religion and set of laws, Sharia law. …"

Islam could also be a refreshing new dessert on the Godfather's menu. Islam could be the feeling you feel when you wake up in the morning and you haven't yet realized that you have to pay money to an electric company, and drive to a place where you earn money to pay money, and shit like that. Islam could be your best friend coming over to drink a beer with you at sunset, and give you a hug, tell you that it's going to be all right, so that you can wake up the next morning and not commit suicide when you think about bills.

See? I can blather like an idiot too.

mereoblivion July 18, 2011 at 10:14 am

But such an eloquent idiot!

BaldarTFlagass July 18, 2011 at 10:14 am

Makes perfect sense to me.

LesBontemps July 18, 2011 at 10:26 am

Weenus299/Cain 2012!

deanbooth July 18, 2011 at 7:17 pm

Kids come running for the rich taste of Islam!

karen July 18, 2011 at 10:11 am

Why aren't any of these loons going bat-shit crazy about those ultra-orthodox Jews who live in their own communities with their own police and their own LAWS? Or, the Amish?

Where is the crazy black man on Sunday TV railing against the Amish? This I want to see.

James Michael Curley July 18, 2011 at 10:27 am

When a horse drawn four wheeled buggy is flown into a large metropolitan building.

karen July 18, 2011 at 10:37 am

It will happen. You just wait.

Basically my point was, I wish people would stop pandering to these racist dickheads. It's gotten to the point where I just sigh, then move on to the next absurd headline. I can barely muster the snark.

Gleem_McShineys July 18, 2011 at 4:05 pm

It will happen. You just wait.

What??!

"Zebediah Determined To Buggy Inside The U.S." is just a historical document, right?

FakaktaSouth July 18, 2011 at 10:28 am

Eric Cantor (the only Jewish R Senator) is a practicing kosher Orthodox Jewish person. They have all the separate cooking bowls and sinks and everything in their kitchen, and his mother-in-law does all the cooking so that their food doesn't touch. Which I think sounds like a huge pain in the ass, BUT NOBODY CARES!!! They have FOOD LAWS!!! Michelle Obama, no, Eric Cantor, yes.
ALso, he doesn't think Jesus is anything all that special.

glamourdammerung July 18, 2011 at 11:03 am

The only Jew Republican senator is Lieberman.

Cantor is a representative.

FakaktaSouth July 18, 2011 at 11:05 am

sorry sorry sorry you are right, of course!

comrad_darkness July 18, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Is Lieberman a U.S. Senator now? Is that what he's calling himself?

glamourdammerung July 18, 2011 at 7:33 pm

I think most folks call him that if only because most Americans do not know what the Likud party is.

AJWjr. July 18, 2011 at 10:30 am

What fun would that be, knowing the object of his hatred doesn't own a TV and therefore can't watch…

Fare la Volpe July 18, 2011 at 11:53 am

Silly Karen. White people aren't a threat!

zhubajie July 18, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Probably he would if he knew they existed.

neiltheblaze July 18, 2011 at 10:11 am

I can tell the Republican base really doesn't take Herman Cain seriously, because they haven't even asked for his birth certificate yet.

AJWjr. July 18, 2011 at 10:31 am

Nice!

SayItWithWookies July 18, 2011 at 11:49 am

Yeah, but it's well-documented that he makes shitty pizza, which is a guarantor of American citizenship right there.

Sue4466 July 18, 2011 at 10:12 am

Is it me or does the fundie Christian obsession with Sharia & the Muslins imposing their own version of religious law on everyone else just boil down to professional jealousy?

BlueMonkeh July 18, 2011 at 10:29 am

YES. Both hate on gays, want to keep women "in their place" and want children to be dutiful little servants to their fathers.

SayItWithWookies July 18, 2011 at 11:50 am

It's like the palm reader accusing the tarot card reader down the street of fraud.

Sue4466 July 18, 2011 at 11:59 am

McDonald's trying to shut down Burger King for selling unhealthy food.

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 12:40 pm

It's humorous. They hate Iran because they have a theocratic government, but they aren't allowed to do the same thing here.
It must grate on their nerves that the Founding Fathers saw fit to ensure that something like that can't happen in America, I think they use the Muslims and Sharia Law as a scare tactic to convince the American public to allow it, without changing the Constitution.
Hell, they've got that stupid Family Leader Pledge that they are trying to bludgeon the Republikllan candidates into signing, why not go full retard and demand that the Republiklan nominee must take on the title of "Ayatollah" or "Mullah"?

comrad_darkness July 18, 2011 at 2:31 pm

Really. These People they are hating on pray in public, to the same God, many many times a day. The American Xtians can't possibly compete. It's game over playing on a level playing field of True Faith.

zhubajie July 18, 2011 at 9:19 pm

Yes it does! Prots these days have given up on helping the poor, & certainly on any kind of prison ministry. So lots of poor people end up going to the competition, esp. in prison. I can't remember the title now, but some years ago I read a memoir by some big white guy who joined the (mostly black) Muslims in prison, because you had to belong to some group and they were the most reasonable. He went on to fighting Russians in Chechneya, trying to warn the CIA about Bin Laden, etc.

weejee July 18, 2011 at 10:13 am

Someone should beat him with the fabled rule-of-thumb bread stick.

bflrtsplk July 18, 2011 at 10:13 am

Hermie always comes through with the extra cheese.

Limeylizzie July 18, 2011 at 10:13 am

When i feel sad and think Hopey may lose the election, along come the Republican "A" team and I am sad no more.

sezme July 18, 2011 at 11:17 am

"Hopey!" I remember when we used to call him that. I can't decide what to call him now, but it isn't Hopey. Conciliatey?

not that Dewey July 18, 2011 at 11:34 am

Rope-a-Dopey?

sezme July 18, 2011 at 1:35 pm

I hopey so.

BlueMonkeh July 18, 2011 at 11:34 am

Not only does the competition look inept, but they make Hopey look like a genius.

Never forget….W – 2 terms – never did I think that guy would win in 2004, but it happened. I am constantly reminded of the stupidity of the duhMerkun population and what damage they can do when motivated.

ProgressiveInga July 18, 2011 at 10:14 am

Why are you all piling on Herman "he ain't heavy, and he ain't my brother" Cain?

El Pinche July 18, 2011 at 10:14 am

I'm glad Cain is addressing the core of our economic issues. Bigotry is good.

Seriously, is hating muslins his platform? I don't hear anything else from that uncle tom.

BlueMonkeh July 18, 2011 at 10:31 am

He's the GOP's new "black friend" – see, they're not racists against "the blacks" like Trump said.

El Pinche July 18, 2011 at 11:17 am

Paul Mooney would call Cain a "graham cracker." The GOP love the blacks who keep their place. What a way to get the bagger vote by hating muslims (bad sand niggers!).

prommie July 18, 2011 at 11:13 am

Hey, pizza-selling, and pizza-buying, thats pretty much the basis of our economy. Its called the new 'service" economy. And that drives the information-based economy, we use computers and interwebs to get coupons for the pizza we buy. Its a seamless web, all based on pizza.

ThundercatHo July 18, 2011 at 10:14 am

I agree with Hermie. There should be NO churches in any community. I mean, Ayn Rand was an atheist (a fact the tea baggers conveniently disregard) so let's just ban religion altogether. It's not like these assholes even follow the tenents of the religion the proclaim to practice.

guangho July 18, 2011 at 10:36 am

If I say I am a Christian that will make it magically true. Actually that sums up their governing philosophy pretty well. Say it and mean it!

JohnyEdge July 18, 2011 at 11:12 am

I give you Highland Park, Texas. Churches are prohibited by zoning law because they are so declasse.

samsuncle July 18, 2011 at 10:14 am

Cut Herman some slack. The only way he can get any attention is to out crazy Bachmann.

DashboardBuddha July 18, 2011 at 10:24 am

a high bar indeed

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Heard that douche nozzle, Rich Lowry say yesterday that if Rick Perry doesn't jump into the race, that it's going to be a two way battle between Michele and Mitt for the nomination.

Negropolis July 19, 2011 at 3:23 am

Well, then he's already lost, poor fool. 'Cause, Bachmann cornered crazy, shot it in the face, and not triumphantly wears it's treated pelt around her neck as a trophy.

OneYieldRegular July 18, 2011 at 10:14 am

While it's refreshing to hear a Republican speak out against merging religion and state, for real refreshment Cain should try my mosque-infused vodka. I really think it's my most successful concoction since the guava, passion fruit & Rastafarian-infused rum I made a couple years back.

prommie July 18, 2011 at 11:14 am

I made Episcopalian-infused Rye one time. It tasted like Seagrams 7. Made a great old-fashioned.

freakishlywrong July 18, 2011 at 10:15 am

They have to start yelling bout mosks again. Look for more on health care reform and messicuns as well. Yell about anything; as long as you don't have to discuss a solution.

RedNM July 18, 2011 at 10:15 am

Cain is right. Building a mosque in Murfreesboro, TN, less than 900 miles from ground zero is the height of insensitivity. For those who don't take him seriously yet, Herman Cain has exceptional executive experience. He was a high-ranking manager at Godfathers, ran the exemplary Federal Reserve in Kansas and was chairman of Nabisco's Oreo Cookie Division.

DangerHelvetica July 18, 2011 at 10:22 am

And a big wheel down at the cracker factory.

DashboardBuddha July 18, 2011 at 10:23 am

"Nabisco's Oreo Cookie Division"

Well, he seems to be good at handling dough.

NorthStarSpanx July 18, 2011 at 10:43 am

Oh, there's that big huge faith in "exceptional executive experience" again. It sure worked for Sarah Palin.

BlueMonkeh July 18, 2011 at 11:37 am

LOL…Palin's "executive experience" – as if being a mayor of some bumfuck town or half-term governor of some bum-fuck state is really "executive" experience. I've worked for middle-managers that were in charge of bigger employee populations than Snow-Snooki's constituency.

OneYieldRegular July 18, 2011 at 11:46 am

Like anyone should take pride in *management*.

PuckStopsHere July 18, 2011 at 12:15 pm

I see what you did there, with the cookies. Nicely judged, as they say in Golfe.

JoshuaNorton July 18, 2011 at 10:16 am

Maybe they can get approval if they promise to sell guns.

gvvt July 18, 2011 at 10:18 am

Like it says in the Book of Peace and Love: "… thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them…

"But thus shalt thou deal with them: ye shall destroy their altars, and break down their images, and cut down their groves, and burn their graven images with fire."

SpurningBeer July 18, 2011 at 10:50 am

…in Thy mercy."

comrad_darkness July 18, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Amen.

James Michael Curley July 18, 2011 at 10:19 am

People! We are failing in our game when the actual quotes from the wingers are weirder then the posts.

Lets snap up the snark, brighten the blaspheme, ramp up the rump; whatever that means.

CalamityJames July 18, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Ramp up the rump?

Yessssss sir!

TanzbodenKoenig July 18, 2011 at 10:20 am

The first amendment can say whatever you want it to when you're an illiterate Teabilly. Murfreesboro ain't exactly the intellectual capital of Tennessee, and I say that as a native Tennesseean.

guangho July 18, 2011 at 10:38 am

Union City is where Einstein hung his hat.

kissawookiee July 18, 2011 at 10:54 am

I don't trust people who can't even spell "Murphy" right.

ManchuCandidate July 18, 2011 at 11:01 am

It begs to ask… is there an intellectual capital of Tennessee?

Fare la Volpe July 18, 2011 at 12:06 pm

We have an ironic tribute to the Scopes monkey trial, if that counts for anything.

KeepFnThatChicken July 18, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Wherever us Tennessee Wonketters reside.

Madison County, REPERSENTIN'!

elviouslyqueer July 18, 2011 at 12:52 pm

NO WAY. I mean, bless your heart.

KeepFnThatChicken July 18, 2011 at 1:14 pm

srsly. well, sorta. during the day, anyway. I'm a commuterepersentin', for lack of a better phrase.

for some reason, I was pegging you (NPI) to be east Tennessee-ish.

CalamityJames July 18, 2011 at 2:01 pm

T!

elviouslyqueer July 18, 2011 at 11:18 am

How dare you impugn the stellar academic reputation of Miss Thing State University!

franco_pinyon July 18, 2011 at 11:43 am

I've got relatives in Murfreesboro and…. yeah, you're right.

FakaktaSouth July 18, 2011 at 10:20 am

Today in circular-conserva-nonsensicum, "We have the "constitutional" legal protection to practice whatever religion in spite of what the state says, and I'm going to use that to fuck over these religious people by telling them what kind of religion they can practice."
God damn they aren't even TRYING anymore.

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 12:48 pm

Well, they already have themselves convinced that Freedom of Religion does not equate to Freedom From Religion.

comrad_darkness July 18, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Yes. SIGH

Wilcoxyz July 18, 2011 at 10:21 am

What you talkin' 'bout, Wallace?

Nothingisamiss July 18, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Really, for the win.

songstar63 July 18, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Ain't ya supposed to be calling him WILLIS?

ThankYouJeebus July 18, 2011 at 10:22 am

I, for one, am grateful that religion has never influenced any laws here in US America.

Now, how many days off will the Senate get for Christmas this year?

Sheesko July 18, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Not to mention the no property tax thing.

SpurningBeer July 18, 2011 at 10:24 am

The separation-of-church-and-state canard© does not apply where the Sanctity of Marriage or Levitical abominations are concerned. All those heathens with their cotton-linen blend fabrics will rue the day they violated Jah's holy Rule of Law.

BlueMonkeh July 18, 2011 at 10:34 am

And don't forget the shellfish!

LesBontemps July 18, 2011 at 10:35 am

And the pork rinds!

elviouslyqueer July 18, 2011 at 12:00 pm

Not to mention that whole pesky adultery thing.

neiltheblaze July 18, 2011 at 6:59 pm

I think it's wonderful that the Catholic Church saw fit to give him cover. Their sense of morality, like Newt's, in entirely relative.

Arken July 18, 2011 at 10:24 am

I guess herman is also against synagogues since Jews are supposed to follow Mosaic law.

Of course, he probably thinks Mosaic Law is about tile specifications.

smitallica July 18, 2011 at 10:26 am

Oh, if only the Founding Fathers had put some language somewhere in the Bill of Rights preventing any laws that promote an establishment of religion, thereby making this rightwing obsession with Sharia a complete non-issue and total waste of everyone's fucking time.

MissTaken July 18, 2011 at 10:30 am

The Founding Fathers really fucked up by leaving that out of the Bill of Rights. Shame, really.

franco_pinyon July 18, 2011 at 11:38 am

I am tempted to say, "Amen!"

iburl July 18, 2011 at 10:26 am

Separation of church and state? Tell that to Rick Perry. I sure would like to play poker, drink at a bar after 2 am, buy a beer before noon on a Sunday, etc., etc., etc.,

weejee July 18, 2011 at 10:32 am

To separate curds and whey? That's not the way of the curs.

tribbzthesquidz July 18, 2011 at 10:27 am

Needs moar Abel!

raygotaway July 18, 2011 at 10:27 am

As always with Cain, nobody puts stupid in a corner. . . .

LesBontemps July 18, 2011 at 10:28 am

Well played, Mr. Cain. Your move, Mrs. Bachmann.

DaSandman July 18, 2011 at 10:28 am

Hermie's religious freak out regarding Islam once again makes the brutal point:

Everybody is somebody's nigger.

prommie July 18, 2011 at 11:16 am

Everybody wants somebody sometime. . . .

zhubajie July 18, 2011 at 9:25 pm

Of course; why do you think poors in America never work together?

PeaceWithHonor July 18, 2011 at 10:28 am

I'm sure Hermy has a whole raft of reasons why evangelical Christian sharia is okay.

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 12:51 pm

Islamic sharia says that women can only go in to public while wearing a burka. Xtian sharia says women must stay home.

CapeClod July 18, 2011 at 10:30 am

This country can also be proud of its tradition of seperation of reason from discourse.

KeepFnThatChicken July 18, 2011 at 10:32 am

I'm stealing the fuck out of this. Please don't be mad.

Serolf_Divad July 18, 2011 at 10:30 am

I would totally vote for Cain if his victory meant that we could outlaw any church that tried to insert itself into American politics.

BlueMonkeh July 18, 2011 at 11:39 am

I have a dream…

and super +++ to you my good man

National_Turkey July 18, 2011 at 10:30 am

It's nice to know that Mr. Cain sides with the "people in the community." It seems that the Muslims who live and work and worship in the area fail to meet either the "people" or "community" criteria.

JustPixelz July 18, 2011 at 10:51 am

Kinda reminds me of when the "people in the community" put up those "whites only" signs. And could afford a whole separate school system to keep the races apart. Because of the Bible, they said.

The way I understand it, the Constitution with its "equal protection" clauses overruled the people in the community. Thus America became Hell.

genxr July 18, 2011 at 11:41 am

Haley Barbour's White Citizens Council kept the KKK out and voluntarily integrated blacks into their society in 1997. So don't call them racist!

Redhead July 18, 2011 at 12:39 pm

Duh. They're Muslins so they must all be brown.

philpjfry July 18, 2011 at 10:31 am

Why not give a speech with just fear mongering buzz words. Ladies and gentlemen,
Muslims, Sharia Law, Death Panel, Health Care Rationing, Gay Marriage, raising taxes on the rich. Thank you and good night.

freakishlywrong July 18, 2011 at 10:48 am

That's "job creators" and don't forget "we'll be Greece in six months".

not that Dewey July 18, 2011 at 11:24 am

Unless you're Newt, in which case "we'll be in Greece for six months".

Negropolis July 19, 2011 at 3:42 am

Hey-O!

mavenmaven July 18, 2011 at 10:52 am

And this is different from the current Republican practice how?

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 12:54 pm

Heard the Demon Spawn, Liz Cheney, say yesterday that 1.4 trillion of spending could be cut immediately, just by repealing Obamacare.

Terry July 18, 2011 at 10:33 am

At the next GOP debate, the moderator should ask each candidate to define sharia law and a specific example of how it's been applied in American courts.

guangho July 18, 2011 at 10:39 am

Reality bias!

freakishlywrong July 18, 2011 at 10:49 am

It's kinda hard to pin down due to the fact that it's "creeping".

BlueMonkeh July 18, 2011 at 11:41 am

Judges that whip out their bible to impose sentencing?

Oh, right, that's the "GOOD" kind of religious interference.

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 12:54 pm

"Gotcha" journalism!

Rotundo_ July 18, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Now that would be funny: Imagine if they asked any of them anything that required an honest, non jingoistic load of shit reply. The choking sounds would be heard for miles and miles.

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 10:33 am

I don't care what these people do behind church doors, I just don't want it being paraded on the street or taught to my kids or given any special rights.

V572 der Plaatz July 18, 2011 at 10:48 am

That's what Pope Ratzi says too: just leave us alone and everything'll be fine. Now, send me a few altar boys.

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 10:54 am

Oh, thanks, I forgot to add, 'but, I do care what the church is doing behind my kids.'

BlueMonkeh July 18, 2011 at 11:42 am

…or to my kids behinds.

Bennie the Rat – head of one of the most corrupt global corporations evah.

starfanglednut July 18, 2011 at 10:34 am

Dear Herman,

Here is a better way to pander to the baggers:

Free triple cheese, 3 meats pizza with a cheese stuffed crust and ranch dressing dipping sauce, delivered, for all.

love,
Sfn

mookwrthwilson July 18, 2011 at 11:21 am

I always preferred 2 Triple Cheese, Side Order of Fries…

genxr July 18, 2011 at 11:43 am

With a guarantee it will not be delivered by a Muslin.

LiveToServeYa July 18, 2011 at 10:36 am

Oh, Herman, your fight isn't really with Barack Obama, it's with Muhammad Ali. Good luck, sucker.

KeepFnThatChicken July 18, 2011 at 10:37 am

I'm so glad that Mr. Cain thinks so little of his Constitution, that he's blindly ignoring it thanks to his (much larger) fear of Sharia.

If there was any better way to painlessly explain how enlightened our founding fathers were about removing religion from government affairs, I'd be hard-pressed to find one.

Respitetini July 18, 2011 at 10:37 am

Lol.

Somewhere inside (deep, deep inside), I kinda hope jackholes like this recognize the horrible, horrible irony of their statements and say them for the lulz.

But, nah. Probably not.

GhostBuggy July 18, 2011 at 10:38 am

Only in America!

CapeClod July 18, 2011 at 10:38 am

Just to stir the crazy pot a little bit, I'm going to send him a ham shaped like the ten commandments and then tell him to hurl it at the mosque.

genxr July 18, 2011 at 11:44 am

Mmmmmmmmm sacrilicious.

NorthStarSpanx July 18, 2011 at 10:38 am

"The people in the community know best. I happen to side with the people in the community.”

Meanwhile, people in the community:

Betty Walker Shoots At Puppy (named Cocaine) Instead Kills Husband, Robert Walker In Mississippi: Police

metamarcisf July 18, 2011 at 10:55 am

Poor little Cocaine. Thank the Lord he's okay.

MissTaken July 18, 2011 at 10:39 am

Herman's right! Can you imagine the horror when America is under Sharia Law and we can't get our cheese-stuffed crust pizzas with ham and sausage topping anymore??

guangho July 18, 2011 at 10:41 am

"Islam is both a religion and set of laws". This makes it completely different from Christianity and Judaism, for true.

Goonemeritus July 18, 2011 at 10:43 am

I guessing Herman didn’t spend a lot of time in his high school debating team. His argument is specious at best, all one would need do to show this is ask him his feelings about posting the Ten Commandments in a court room.

AJWjr. July 18, 2011 at 10:45 am

This is also what I hate about the town I live near, allowing more churches and synagogues than actual houses of worship, brothels.

Herman Cain should maybe smoke a little dope to soften his hate.

ShaveTheWhales July 18, 2011 at 3:01 pm

Well, that's a pleasant story.

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 10:49 am

I despise 99.9% of all religions but who could argue that the average Tennessian, male and female, would not look 5000% better in a full burqua?

KeepFnThatChicken July 18, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Harsh. And I lost five pounds hiking this weekend.

SOME OF US ARE TRYING, THANK YOU

BlueStateLibel July 18, 2011 at 10:51 am

Because it's not like Catholics or Jews have religious laws–oh wait, they do. But they are "bad" religions, too, so who cares.

metamarcisf July 18, 2011 at 10:53 am

Hey Cain. Hold the anchovies.

Tundra Grifter July 18, 2011 at 10:54 am

" Tennessee is practically Afghanistan, is how bad things have gotten.."

Let's see here.

Is Tennessee mountainous and landlocked? Check.

Poor schools and general lack of education for all? Check.

Poor economy that needs a serious boost? Check.

History of violence, armed citizens, etc.? Check.

Reactionary religious folks running around telling everybody else what to do? Check.

Very serious drug problem with disasterous effects on society? Check.

I've just got to go along with you on this one.

zhubajie July 18, 2011 at 9:28 pm

Afghans are skinny and fit; Tennesseeans?

Tundra Grifter July 18, 2011 at 10:14 pm

Z: You got me. I've never seen a photo of a fat Afghan.

DahBoner July 18, 2011 at 10:54 am

Reminds me of the English pilgrims. Almost as soon as they arrived in Mass for "religious freedom", they began to persecute Catholics, Quakers and Baptists, who all ran down to Tennessee..

HistoriCat July 18, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Where is that damn quote? I remember reading a quote from a letter (one of the Mathers maybe?) imploring a ship's captain to intercept Quakers coming to the New World and then suggesting that selling them in the slave markets would be a good outcome.

mavenmaven July 18, 2011 at 10:55 am

Why do I get "dictator for life" vibes from Mr Cain?

riverside68 July 18, 2011 at 11:03 am

Cause you're a racist?

genxr July 18, 2011 at 11:45 am

You read my t-shirt!

mavenmaven July 18, 2011 at 12:03 pm

I upfisted your comment, for the record, so obviously I can't be a racist. So there. But I really meant it by all his comments that he's the final arbitrator on what the law is, regardless of what the facts are.

riverside68 July 18, 2011 at 12:13 pm

Snark alert, All understood.

My comment intended to convey that I believe Mr. Cain would say any criticism of him is racist, no matter how reality based, but "We want our country back" is just good American's expressing their opinions.

"Don't bother me with mere facts, my mind is made up."

glamourdammerung July 18, 2011 at 10:58 am

“Our Constitution guarantees separation of church and state,” Cain explained.

And Cain just lost the teabagger vote.

GOPCrusher July 18, 2011 at 12:58 pm

And Xtine O'Donnell.

freakishlywrong July 18, 2011 at 10:59 am

Any chance of us separating church and hate?

riverside68 July 18, 2011 at 11:05 am

Let me check the records . . . . . . .. . .

I only went back 5,000 years, but so far the answer is, with a couple of minor exceptions, no.

ttommyunger July 18, 2011 at 11:07 am

We used to ride up to Murph-Town from Fort Campbell on weekends. Hunting was good, but you had to catch 'em young, before they started losing their teeth and plumping up; you know, around l6-17 (which is legal in Tennessee, and Georgia, and Alabama, etc.etc.). Oh, and Herman Cain is nucking futs, and dumb as a box of rocks.

DerrickWildcat July 18, 2011 at 11:13 am

Well, I guess all we have to do for his base to turn on him is find any evidence of a Muslim working at Godfather's Pizza.

LesBontemps July 18, 2011 at 11:17 am

Cain is just trying to lock up the Klan vote.

__kth__ July 18, 2011 at 11:20 am

One is almost nostalgic for the Bush years, when conservatives hoped to attract Arab-Americans and Hispanic-Americans into a big tent of homophobia, among other "family values". But despite the fairly obvious political upside, the good Christian Republicans couldn't overcome their revulsion at those people, so the marriage never took place.

The fallback is to try to engineer some kind of fundie-liberal alliance of convenience, over the undeniable cultural conservatism of many Muslims. But that's pretty 2002; I'm not the biggest fan of the Dawkins/Hitchens/Harris tendency, but I don't see them or their followers being obtuse enough to enlist in a culture war regiment led by Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann, or Herman Cain. Not in 2012.

franco_pinyon July 18, 2011 at 11:33 am

Always the dilemma with a Republican presidential candidate: Is he/she really dumb enough to believe that, or just doing the old "Joseph Goebbels" thing?

notreelyhelping July 18, 2011 at 11:37 am

You have to admit, the guy's living up to his destiny to end up an asterisk on a footnote within a parenthetical phrase of a chronological addendum.

ShaveTheWhales July 18, 2011 at 3:03 pm

A misery wrapped in an enema.

SilverTsunami July 18, 2011 at 11:37 am

I love to infuse extra virgin olive oil (only one virgin) with a mosque, some fresh garlic and lemon rind. Delicious on atrichokes!

donner_froh July 18, 2011 at 11:39 am

Roman Catholic Church = Right to Life = trying to impose ecclesiastical law on the nation. Out you go, Sisters of Perpetual Motion.

Chet Kincaid July 18, 2011 at 11:54 am

Just got back from a family reunion in Tennessee. I guess they are still going through Post-Kudzu Syndrome, the conditioned belief that anything foreign with a funny name will eventually get all over anything that ain't moving. Do YOU want to come home one day and find Sharia all over the barn and molesting your teenage daughter from head to toe?!

I also note with amusement that the TV at our motel powered on to FOX News, and no matter which channel you watched last, when you turned on the TV again, you got FOX News. What was marked on-screen as the local PBS station was only snow and a nasty burst of static three times as loud as the other stations, also.

zhubajie July 18, 2011 at 9:30 pm

In Chinese medicine, kudzu is used for treating alcoholism; it reduces cravings, they say. Could be useful lots of places!

zhubajie July 18, 2011 at 9:31 pm

I once stayed at a motel in West Memphis, Arkansas, just across the river from Memphis. The TV was chained to the wall.

SheriffRoscoe July 18, 2011 at 11:58 am

Dude is gettin' cray-cray y'all.

Chet Kincaid July 18, 2011 at 11:58 am

I'll bet Herman Cain hates black pepper, too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ip_gVSl46xI

widestanceroman July 18, 2011 at 11:59 am

I go back and forth between seeing this lunatic as the GOP's new minstrel act (like Steele but off-meds) and wondering when he'll just cold bare hands-kill a Muslim on stage.

cheaphits July 18, 2011 at 12:00 pm

And just sometimes, ya get what ya need.

Doktor Zoom July 18, 2011 at 12:03 pm

"Catholicism is both a religion and set of laws, Canon law. That is the difference between any one of our other traditional religions where it’s just about religious purposes. The people in the community don't want Romish influence in their community, and I stand with them."

Chet Kincaid July 18, 2011 at 12:10 pm

Exactly!! If we had a Romish president, would he be loyal to the Constitution, to the Pope, or to having the Secret Service sneak fresh strange into the White House every other night and mum's the word to Jackie?!

Mort_Sinclair July 18, 2011 at 12:10 pm

This man simply must be the GOP's nominee. And in a subversive subversion of the commonly subverted paradigm, he will choose Michele Bachmann as his running mate, win the election, and make Sarah Palin his Secretary of State. The he will place a few of his greying pubic hairs on both Bachmann's lunch pretzels as well as Palin's mooseburger roll and then surprise them both one day by coming to work with his pants down around his ankles. Film at eleven.

DangerHelvetica July 18, 2011 at 12:11 pm

I'm going to start spelling sharia as şħąřïǎ, to make it look extra scary.

Redhead July 18, 2011 at 12:38 pm

I'm so GLAD that Islam is the only religion that bases laws on its religious teachings and that the teabaggers' and conservatives' positions on things like abortion and gay marriage and birth control and prayer in schools and biology/evolution and what should be taught in schools and our country's international policies and relationships with other countries are based on sheer stupidity instead of their religious "ideas."

grandinquisitor July 18, 2011 at 12:40 pm

Wouldn't it benefit more Americans to put in place laws forbidding the opening of restaurants that sell really shitty pizza?

GeoffPeterson July 18, 2011 at 12:47 pm

The Bible isn't about laws? Funny how right-wing Christianists love to quote the Laws of Moses (particularly Leviticus 18:22-23) when it comes to arguing why homosexuality is wrong.

a_pink_poodle July 18, 2011 at 12:57 pm

Christian Dominionists have been combining church and state for centuries. Can we ban their churches please?

MLHencken July 18, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Can't this idiot stick to talking about things he knows about, like bad Gospel music and shitty pizza?

rocktonsam July 18, 2011 at 1:35 pm

the only question this idiot should be asking is whether or not I want extra cheese with that crappy pizza

Come here a minute July 18, 2011 at 2:16 pm

As the first amendment/commandment says, you shall have no other god but a crazy black man.

comrad_darkness July 18, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Hey, where's your brother Abel, buddy? That's what I want to know. Hey? Hey?

songstar63 July 18, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Politics and religion are NOT TO BE CONSIDERED ALIKE. WAke up and read your lessons!

neiltheblaze July 18, 2011 at 10:53 pm

So Herman Cain thinks he can get the Klan / Bircher vote. That's one First Class delusion he's got there.

Negropolis July 19, 2011 at 3:00 am

Yeah, and Herman Cain can fuck off for all I care. These fuckers are irony-resistant, it seems. A black man saying that the Constitution doesn't protect a Muslim's right to practice his or her religion in a house of worship? Yeah, fuck off. If the Christians get to practice their crazy shit, it's only fair (and it's only legal, most important) that the Muslims get to practice their wacky shit, too.

Suck my salty, chocolate balls, Herr Cain.

Negropolis July 19, 2011 at 3:05 am

the Bible, that book about dinosaurs.

Kirsten, my dear, the PC term is "Jesus-horses". Dinosaurs is the pagan/science word.

V572 der Plaatz July 18, 2011 at 10:58 am

Ha ha, him too! What a nuanced and sophisticated entertainer ol’ Red was. Didja know he used to collect and paint pictures of sad clowns? How poignant is that?

Chet Kincaid July 18, 2011 at 11:13 am

What the hell is this, the Sammy Maudlin Show?!

BlueMonkeh July 18, 2011 at 11:29 am

….or creepy

glamourdammerung July 18, 2011 at 11:30 am

I wonder if Michele Bachmann collects sad clown pictures in honor of her hero John Wayne Gacy?

BlueMonkeh July 18, 2011 at 11:53 am

Isn't her whole being kind of a sad clown homage?

V572 der Plaatz July 18, 2011 at 12:00 pm

And how ‘bout that Perry Como…that guy could craft a tune, huh? Hot-ziggety dog-diggety!

Chet Kincaid July 18, 2011 at 12:15 pm

HA HA! I want to bear your children!!

elviouslyqueer July 18, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Oh god no. I get nosebleeds if I cross the Tennessee River. We've been in Memphis for about a million years before recently decamping to The State That Skinny Forgot.

TanzbodenKoenig July 18, 2011 at 1:39 pm

God Memphis is the worst. I fled to the far side of the state a decade ago and never looked back. Knoxville may be full of inbred morons, but at least its a purty view

PristineODummy July 18, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Wow. My cats must be *rich* in bonus points by now.

Rotundo_ July 18, 2011 at 5:52 pm

I am not sure how one would milk a chicken, but I wouldn't drink what you got out of one.

Negropolis July 19, 2011 at 3:40 am

You know, I'm originally from Detroit, whose race relations feel like they aren't past the 1960's, at times. But, I've passed through Memphis a few times, and have kept sporadic note of its modern municipal politics, and their race relations feel like they are from the fucking 1860's. Mix that in with the humidity and mosquitos and I can't imagine a more miserable place. It may be in Tennessee, but it might as well be North Mississippi, at times.

A great place to visit, and I really mean that, but that's about it.

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