karl rove is doing a slow-clap

Fox News Droid Compares News Corp To Companies That Were Hacked

Mouth-breathing “Fox and Friends” commentator-of-the-day Bob Dilenschneider was roving around inside the decaying asbestos filling his skull cavity when he found this bizarre string of words to complain about all the media attention on the News Corp hacking scandal: “Citigroup, great bank. Bank of America, great bank. Are they getting the same kind of attention for hacking that took place less than a year ago that News Corp is getting today?” Yes, why ARE victims and criminals subjected to a different level of media scrutiny sometimes? That is very unfair!

Dildoschneider also explains that the “real issue” is hacking, because “we’ve got a serious hacking problem in this country” in almost the same breath that he says, “Murdoch, who owns it, has apologized, but some reason the public, the media keeps going over this again and again.” This is a good point, the very fact that this is a serious issue means that by definition we should be ignoring it and everyone just move on. Normally this is what the media is very good at!

Ugh, we hope it is not possible to grow eyeball tumors just from watching teevee segments that are so freakishly cancerous. [ThinkProgress]

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    1. Warpde

      Serious problem. Very, very serious Bob.
      And it takes a Hack such as you to to point it out.

    2. Swampgas_Man

      I've been to the pawn shop three times in the past two–

      O, I thought you said hocking problem!

  1. nounverb911

    Prince Al Waleed bin Talal is losing his patience with these putzes. The beheadings start at sunrise.

  2. FNMA

    First time I ever saw Fox and Friends, I thought it was some kind of clever parody of a morning news show, something The Onion might do. Man, those people are seriously under-medicated.

    1. GhostBuggy

      That's the thing about this show. You always hear about Hannity and O'Reilly and the big hitters, but there's never any "guess what crazy/racist/awful thing they said on Fox and Friends yesterday" stories floating around (outside of Media Matters, I guess). But it is surely one of their worst, most toadying programs.

  3. FidoMcCokefiend

    Replace Murdoch with Soros.

    Replace News of the World with New York Times.

    I'm sure that bastion of fair and balanced Doocy would still be pleading with all of us to simply move on and focus on important issues.

    Video needs more Kilmeade.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Absolutely. The Yahoo comments boards this AM were lighting up with the screams that the entire plot to bring down Fox and the Murdoch Empire is funded completely by George Soros and supported by the Obama Administration in the continuing efforts to silence dissention.

  4. hagajim

    Dildoschneider is the worst kind of dildo…one which makes no sense, provides no pleasure and can't fit in any hole. The fact that these dumbasses are defending their own shenanigans isn't surprising, it just shows yet again, that Faux can't be considered a news organization because they have no ethical standards.

    1. mormos

      they should just change their name to "glorious news of the reich" and be done with it.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        The douche in question has the name for it, which gives them a big step in that direction. That, and their right wing distortion of so-called news.

  5. Come here a minute

    Also, this guy on the bus sounded like he was hacking up a lung — why isn't he the subject of intense media scrutiny? Why is it okay that everybody just wanted get away from the guy?

    1. DashboardBuddha

      me too…it almost makes up for my shitty week. Almost. What I'm afraid of though is that he'll weasel out of this.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        In the US at least, since our Attorney General never met a power broker he could stand to prosecute, no matter how dire the crime. Oh, well, we don't want to look like we're picking on conservatives. Heaven forbid!

    2. DustBowlBlues

      Knowing the female version of Carrot Top is out on her ass is sweet, no? Anyone want to estimate how big a bitch she is?

    1. GOPCrusher

      Faux News Sunday with Chris Wallace.
      For the first 45 minutes.
      And the Fox Forum topic will be how this is further proof that the Communists want to destroy the Constitution.

  6. axmxz

    I hope Murdoch uses this defense strategy in court. "Sheesh, are you guys still on about this? I've already apologized!"

    1. SayItWithWookies

      "Criminalizing hacking will have a chilling effect on legitimate news gatherers everywhere!"

  7. Terry

    Murdoch apologized, so why should the FBI look into his employees' hacking into the voice mail of 9/11 victims and survivors? This is yet another example of the liberal press and their lackeys in law enforcement attempting to dig up dirt on a fine man and the beacons of journalistic integrity that he owns.

    (Honestly, Murdoch and his minions all should rot in hell.)

    1. genxr

      Do we have to point out again that there hasn't been a terrorist attack since 2000? Geez, these libeural libunatics just won't stop!

    2. PsycWench

      By definition, the person who apologizes was the victim (see Whittington, Harry) so of course Murdoch has established himself as the victim and of course we should not blame the victim. Not when the victim is affiliated with Fox, that is.

  8. Sue4466

    We should focus on hacking, by ignoring News Corp's hacking. That's the best way to get to the bottom this hacking thing. Gotcha.

        1. Not_So_Much

          Pretty full life, yes? Masturbating to goat pron and downfisting wonketeers from mom's basement. Surely they'll get a position of prominence in the new world order…

    1. tribbzthesquidz

      I haz two, count 'em 2! spankeez on my last 5 visitors today.
      Imagine better commentz.

    1. phlox✔

      If Dahmer was a Republican politician:
      "I'm sorry that you misinterpreted my killing and eating your sons as you did. That was not my intent."

      1. WhatTheHolyHeck

        "I totally didn't eat that Laotian boy, so obviously I didn't murder and consume every young male I came across. I resent the implication. Typical gotcha media."

      2. Negropolis

        You have to fit something in about this being a hit-job by the drive-by, liberal, lamestream media or some similar shit response.

  9. edgydrifter

    Yeah, why hasn't anyone apologized to Mohamed Atta? He died in the Trade Center on 9-11, too, you know.

  10. MLite

    I love how they talk about all of this as if they are not also owned by Rupert Murdoch (who has apologized, so why are we still talking about this?)

  11. Sue4466

    If only Steve Doocy he had a teevee show where he could talk about the things the media isn't covering.

    1. MissTaken

      Are you implying that Steve Doocy's teevee show is actually part of the "media" that he says doesn't cover the important things he talks about on his teevee show?

      You just blew my mind!

  12. MissTaken

    Sen Barton needs to apologize to News Corp for this trouble, just like he did to BP.

    1. LouBristol

      I just hope Obama doesn't use this as an excuse to impose a six-month moratorium on hacking 9/11 victims.

    2. arihaya

      uh he is a Representative not a Senator, yet

      but with the mad horde that is Texas, he will soon find his way in the Senate faster than you can imagine

  13. Goonemeritus

    I think Fox news has a done excellent work on this very issue. When that Wiki leaks first came to prominence didn’t fox call for the death penalty. That would seem to be a fair and balanced solution in this case too.

  14. freakishlywrong

    “we’ve got a serious hacking problem in this country” . Yes. Yes we do. We also have Fux News in this country, Disenhdildo or whatever the fuck your name is.

  15. JoshuaNorton

    Of course, there are no discernable, lucid thoughts in their head. They just emit sounds that may or may not be words. Who knows?

  16. Oblios_Cap

    I remember a time, in the distant past, when one individual would not have been allowed to own as much of the Lamestream Media as Uncle Rupert does. I wonder what changed that?

    1. HistoriCat

      "I wonder what changed that?"


  17. powersuit

    For a moment I thought Fox was in a 12-step program, at the point where they admit they have a problem. But then apparently Dildonker had a really hard week, you know, with everybody ACCUSING Fox and Rupert and all, and, what the hell, it's all the lamestream media's fault anyhow. So WHAT"S THE PROBLEM? THEY"RE VICTIMS TOO!

      1. horsedreamer_1

        I'm surprised that hasn't happened yet.

        Screen-cap this, so when it does, you can sue FOX for theft of intellectual property.

  18. horsedreamer_1

    Who's going to be the first to bring up Dan Rather's botched TANG story, in order to say, "Both sides do it"? Hannity? Anderson Cooper?


  19. DerrickWildcat

    The guy is right. My neighbor Jeff told me he was hacked and they did some stuff to his computer. Have any of you heard about Jeff being hacked before I just told you?
    I doubt it.
    Why is the media spending so much time on NewsCorp and not Jeff?

  20. prommie

    Its very difficult to believe that there is so little credible sociological research showing a corelation between stupidity and conservatism. In the end, what we call "intelligence," is the ability to detect and create appropriate analogies. "A is analogous to B, therefore, I can assume my experience with B will be useful in predicting what is going to happen with A." Conservatives, they can't seem to draw a proper analogy to save their lives.

    1. axmxz

      I doubt it's a matter of IQ. It's a matter of "death anxiety; system instability; dogmatism; intolerance of ambiguity, low openness to experience, and uncertainty; need for order, closure, and negative integrative complexity; and fear of threat and loss of self-esteem" (Stankov 2009, Intelligence 37, p 294). It's a whole syndrome.

      Also, one has to distinguish between true social conservatives (God guns and country), teatards (guns and country), and libertarians (guns sex drugs and rock-n-roll). Their motivations and views of the world are very different, even if they do all hate Democrats.

      On an anecdotal level, one of my most intelligent friends, a chemistry Ph.D., is a fierce libertarian with total visceral hatred for all manner of social safety nets. He thinks all social assistance needs to be private and based on charity, generalizing from his own behavior: he puts in several hours a week and a portion of his for-now-meager income into charity, ergo charity can bear the burden of the whole system. His astronomical intelligence in scientific matters doesn't automatically give him a good grip on human psychology, group behavior, or economics.

      1. Geminisunmars

        Thanks for the analysis. I'm always trying to understand how we can understand things so differently.

        1. axmxz

          It's not actually a difficult position to understand. It makes sense on some visceral level: everyone knows federal government is wasteful (insert rant about post office lines), and charity gives money directly where it's needed. Why not cut out the middleman and just have people finance each other *directly* instead of paying for a huge inefficient system of health care oversight?

          Trouble is, this sounds good in theory, but in practice it's unworkable. Even if people voluntarily gave enough money to support government health care programs, how does one coordinate payouts from these charitable donations? Who decides who gets how much for what procedure? Who sets reimbursement rates? Etc.

          1. prommie

            Your friend Spock's problem is he is trying to use logic to understand and assess the behavior of humans in complex social situations. Its "logical" to his Vulcan mind that poor people must be lazy, that private charity must be more efficient, blah blah blah with the whole litany of fiercely-held conservative myths. "Logic" unsupported by objective experimental data is responsible for so many myths. The bahavior of humans in complex social systems is not logical. Aspergery techies tend to go bull-moose Randian libertarian, despite their high intelligence, because the way their minds are wired makes them blind to this aspect of human nature. As with Spock, they expect logic and reason to enter into arenas where it rarely does (and they think this situation is gonna change, too, that they can just yell at people to act logically). And thus, you get your high-intelligence conservative. This makes sense to me, does it to you?

          2. axmxz

            Sounds about right.

            To be fair, I strongly suspect that once you discount high-intelligence libertarian optimists, the IQ of the rest of the conservatives will, in fact, be at about room temperature. But then again, one can make the same argument about liberals: take out the latte-sipping professors and you're left with salt-of-the-earth union workers.

            It'll be interesting to see how these very different aspects of the conservative movement resolve themselves in the next few election cycles. Honestly, I think Obama can eventually peel off the thinkers. He's Vulcan himself; he knows how to talk to his own kind.

          3. prommie

            There is also the sociopath element; the ones who know conservatism is all bullshit, and who just happily lie for their own ends.

          4. prommie

            Your leaving out the tragedy of the commons, freeloaders, and game theory. Its way more than a matter of practical distribution. It won't work for the same reason communism didn't work (in the sense no society has ever achieved that true communist state of utopian anarchy that was envisioned), it won't work because people just don't act that way.

          5. axmxz

            Exactly, which is why I mentioned group behavior and psychology. There's a metric ton of reasons why the government is the best candidate for the job, even if the overall pool of candidates is underwhelming. "Democracy is the worst form of government except for all those others that have been tried." Etc.

    2. Chet Kincaid

      That's probably true of FOX viewers, but what you saw in that video up there was just rushed, incompetent, half-assed hackery, and the guy knows it. FOX just throws shit up there and hopes some of it sticks.

      1. prommie

        Its really stupid, its just dumbass judgment, to sit and think up that weak-ass pathetic spin and actually believe anyone really will be stupid enough to beleive it.

    3. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Its very difficult to believe that there is so little credible sociological research showing a corelation between stupidity and conservatism."

      University faculty, college students, graduate students, Ph.D. scientists, and Nobel Prize winners are notorious for their liberal tendencies. Conservatards struggle to come up with any explanation that's not the obvious one.

  21. Mahousu

    Since apparently these guys don't have to make any kind of sense at all, why do they even bother trying to form sentences in English? Why not just grunt and moan at the screen for several minutes? Maybe the stray yip or two, just to liven things up a little.

  22. flamingpdog

    Papantonio said on the Ed radio show this morning that the long-time (20-25 year) Murdoch lawyers are jumping ship left and right. Sounds like the gig is up. Screw 'em!

    1. jaytingle

      Given that Murdoch, a billionaire in command of a global communications empire, is in deep, dark trouble one would assume that the lawyers would be holding fast by his side. That's how they make their living.

      1. Geminisunmars

        Maybe they advised him that all that hacking was perfectly legal. You know, like John Yoo and Baybee over that torture silliness.

  23. widestanceroman

    Murdoch just wants his life [of ill-gotten wealth] back so he can create more jobs [before he becomes a sperm bank in striped pajamas]!!111!!

      1. widestanceroman

        Moar Big left lies–that movie was really about Hope Camps (Obamaschwitz, Barackenwald, etc.) and was originally titled 'Hope Kampf.'

  24. MissTaken

    Seriously people. As the Supreme Court has established, corporations are individuals and hacking them is like raping a poor little white girl. Hacking an actual person, on the other hand, that's just News Corp getting to the stories that the media ignores which is activity covered by freedom of the press.

    Corporations = important
    People = collateral damage

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Scalia, Alito, & Thomas are fighting it out to see who gets to bring you on as a clerk.

    2. prommie

      Why, if we gave actual "people" first amendment rights to free speach, that would dilute the first amendment rights of the corporations.

  25. Nopantsmcgee

    How long before Faux shows a picture of Murdock with the caption, "Rupert Murdock, Democrat" under it?

  26. sportshort

    This almost godless need to "know things" is getting out of hand. I remember when we didn't need to have "truth" and "compassion". Lord, I long for the days when a trip to the store didn't mean researching how many ways every manufacturer on the planet was out to kill you. I would wish to return to the good days of keeping everything hidden until it festers and rots and causes more problems, but ones I would never have to deal with because I am already dead. Can I get an Amen?

  27. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Murdoch needs to be more like Cheney and get the victims to apologize. Then this would all go away.

      1. SorosBot

        Yes, but her family members should apologize. Hell, News of the World did them a favor, making them think their murdered daughter was really still alive for a time, that made them happy and hopeful!

  28. fuckbreitbart

    "Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury: Why should I be on trial for rape, when so many other women are out there, who I haven't raped, but who have been raped by other rapists?"

  29. OneYieldRegular

    One thing's for sure – this certainly helps underscore the sincerity of Murdoch's apology to the murdered girl's relatives.

  30. SorosBot

    All those people hacked by News Corp. should follow the lead of the dude Cheney shot and apologize to Rupert Murdoch.

  31. Wadisay

    Dilenschneider is just mailing this in. It isn't serious Fux News commentary until someone compares Murdoch with a holocost survivor.

  32. MinAgain

    See, it's okay to be a conscienceless corporate bastard, so long as you apologize afterwards.

    Request for bailout money in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

  33. FakaktaSouth

    I just don't get it. I watch that shit and it is such obvious propaganda speak, the way he confuses hacking with being hacked, and the way Steve Doocy (?) – who AGAIN makes me hope for hell – wraps it all up in a "meh, no biggie, it's ooooold news," never mentioning that dead girl, OR 9/11, not saying anything of value, but doing it in that WAY THAT THEY DO STUFF THAT MAKES ME CRAZY. I don't see how this is appealing to ANYONE – and I walk amongst them everyday. It makes me want to move to Seattle and work at an Inn.

    1. Weenus299

      It's like a kids' show, except you have a barely repressible urge to pull a Goodfellas on the characters.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        Downfisty is at work. I got you back to 1.

        In the other hand, Johnathan Alter is on MSNBC now, which is a good, good think. And he is smart.

  34. Oblios_Cap

    If Rupert sacfrifices a virgin to Dick CheneyBaal he'll probably get off without too much effort.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      I dunno. I bet it takes a case of viagra and several gallons of virgin's blood to get Rupe off.

  35. Texan_Bulldog

    Rupert libel!!!1!!!!

    Seriously, I'm surprised it was even mentioned on Fox. They have an admirable way of totally ignoring facts and living in their own little fantastic bubble.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Spring break is over, so they didn't have enough wet T-shirt contests to tsk about (and show twenty minutes of footage).

  36. BlueStateLibel

    Yes, remember this strategy when that state trooper pulls you over for going 90 mph and blowing the breathilizer. Just apologize, and then tell him (in no uncertain terms) to "move on, this is old news."

  37. Doktor Zoom

    You'd think that aliens had landed in New Jersey…AGAIN!

    Thank god–sounds like Fox is about to blow the lid off the YoyoDyne Conspiracy!

  38. Redhead

    You know, those brown people who did 9/11, well, terrorists blowing people up is a big deal. People get blown up in LOTS of other countries. But we don't focus on ANY of those victims as much as we focus on the brown people who blew other people up in 9/11. But yes, blowing people up is a big issue, and we should focus on that bigger issue and on solving it instead of focusing on the people who blew people up. Cause, you know, one of the terrorists apologized for that one bombing 15 years ago, so we should just all move on, really. Why are you criticizing the people who did 9/11 so much? I mean really. You stupid liberal media don't criticize any of the blown up victims NEARLY as much as you're criticizing the guys who blew up the 9/11 victims!

    And anyway, I TOTALLY know EVERYTHING about media. I was in PR for years which means it was my job to try to lie to the media and spin things to make my client look favorable.

  39. DaSandman

    Well, gee guys, I just don't know…

    Could it be because you are all a bunch of right wing extremist criminals?

    That would be my first guess.

  40. DashboardBuddha

    Actually, the video is pretty impressive. Yes, he's spewing word salad, but his articulation is great for someone talking with his mouth full of Murdoch cock.

  41. Guppy06

    Hell yes, we should hang and waterboard anybody who breaks into…

    … we did what now?

    Saying Fox News is intellectually honest is like saying Citi and BoA are great banks.

  42. bflrtsplk

    I had a serious problem with hacking a couple years back, but Robitussin and Jack Daniels cured it. Jack's an OK fellow long as you know how to communicate with him.

  43. SayItWithWookies

    FOX News: We invade your privacy, destroy evidence, fuck with the grieving, lie, cheat and steal, make excuses, minimize our evil, bribe our way to access, and come up with imaginary boogeymen, you decide.

  44. sati_demise

    Yes, why ARE victims and criminals subjected to a different level of media scrutiny sometimes?

    Is this a koan?

  45. north_of_moscow

    "Caylee Anthony: Great girl. But enough already. Hasn't her poor mother suffered enough?"

  46. MissTaken

    Doocy's right! The media should be spending their time on important issues like Obama's birth certificate, hot white girls who go missing, Pippa Middleton's sex life, and Miley Cyrus showing off her tattoo.

  47. DustBowlBlues

    WTF? I have a new follower, and I think he is a winger. You know who you are. If you're a freak, then tell me. If you are, forget DBB exists, got it?

  48. Poindexter718

    I wonder if Dilenschneider thinks Casey Anthony was subject to too much scrutiny relative to that of her kid?
    And by the way, what's a flak doing on the news critiquing the media? I suppose I might be interested in what this portly gasbag has to say about NewsCorp's PR effort (assuming he's not their paid flak, which would be REALLY unseemly), but a PR dude commenting on the media? Please.

  49. widestanceroman

    Just like our grand old party, a simple, "He lost his way." should suffice, even after the childrens' bodies are found.

  50. LiveToServeYa

    Yes, why doesn't someone feel sorry for those civilization-destroying bastards at Citi and BofA? 2008, NEVAH FORGIT!

  51. Limeylizzie

    A close friend of mine works for Bob Dilenschneider and he is so vile and so freakishly anti-gay that she has a journal of every insanely bigotted utterance , so that when she quits/gets fired because he thinks she is a lesbian-she ain't- she can sue the big and tall pants off him.

  52. alaninthecastro

    The "dilenschneider," as students of medieval sexuality (and, here at Wonkette, aren't we all?) well know, was a particularly unpleasant form of dildo, carved out of wood, with radiating ridges that, though meant to induce pleasure, more often induced internal bleeding. Now banned in most countries, the dilenschneider has enjoyed something of a resurgence among Tea Party members (and orifices!), who will pretend to enjoy anything the government frowns upon.

  53. Tundra Grifter

    I love Doocy's defense: "All of the people got fired [no they didn't!]; 99% of whom had nothing to do with it."

    That's a defense?

    Sometime back a poster here said he was going into the smallest room in his house to take a Doocy. Better than Santorum.

    PS: Where did that "decade ago" lie come from?

  54. KeepFnThatChicken

    Dilenschneider, PR flack, speaking of Fox's audience:

    "These are the drones you were looking for."

  55. JustPixelz

    We can easily get to the bottom of if and how News Corp staff broke our laws. Just waterboard every employee … 181 times. Any objections?

  56. franco_pinyon

    Yes! Why is the media beating this NewsCorp horse to death after, what, an entire week of new disclosures? Why aren't they pursuing breaking news and important issues like Obama's birth certificate?

  57. ttommyunger

    Jeez, so the Homicide Investigation and ensuing Coroner's Inquest I went through when I shot those guys in Missouri could have been avoided if I'd only apologized? Who knew?

  58. Negropolis

    Someone please tell me that the scientist/surgeon in the Nightmare Before Christmas was based on Rupert Murdoch.

  59. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    10 years of deceiving the public about 11 SEP 01

    when the walls come tumblin' tumblin'
    when the walls come crumblin' down

  60. Quayle2012_KNOT

    Perhaps Dilenscneider needs to be defined, a la Santorum. Maybe "A tool for the quick removal of dog shit from prominent public places or persons." Any other ideas?

  61. Sassomatic

    Think of all the trouble that could have been avoided for the last ten years of bin Laden had simply apologized. We all could have just moved on to more important things.

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