REPELLO MUGGLETUM  12:58 pm July 15, 2011

Harry Potter Teen Devil Magic Annihilates Sarah Palin Home Movie

by Ken Layne

Hogwarts welcomes multi-cultural students, even from Kenya! This is another way the HP stories are so different than exurban Tea Party old-people America.Faded reality-teevee grandma Sarah Palin was hoping her remaining fans — other bitter middle-aged white people who expect to get rich without working — would flock to the premiere of the new two-hour commercial/home movie about Sarah Palin. But in the Republican stronghold of Orange County, California, one of only ten theaters nationwide to release the propaganda last night had exactly one person in the audience. And that person was only there to write Harry Potter jokes about it, for The Atlantic. You see, last night was also the premiere of the last Harry Potter movie. And once again, the sexy powers of Witchcraft have obliterated the boring world of angry old unemployed people complaining about the Negro.

The Harry Potter saga is an exciting series of children’s books all about the importance of completing your education, having a community of loyal friends, wearing fancy school uniforms and defeating the greedy devil monsters. The Sarah Palin saga is about dumb white trash backstabbing their way into becoming greedy devil monsters. In this way, the stories are somewhat similar, but the audiences could not be more different. For example, the midnight showings of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 brought in $43.5 million. And the midnight showing of Sarah Palin’s Undefeated comedy brought in … twenty dollars, we guess?

Conor Friedersdorf of The Atlantic braved the empty theater showing the gross Palin thing while 5,000 happy costumed Harry Potter fans enjoyed hawt wizard teen-sex nocturnal emissions in the packed theaters all around him:

I realized that most people present were dressed in costume. The crowd was either showing ironic solidarity with Christine O’Donnell, the tea party candidate who is not a witch, or else everyone was there to see the Harry Potter movie playing on a majority of the theater’s 30 screens. Without any way of telling Palin moviegoers from Potter fans dressed up like muggles, I’d have to pay, go to the assigned theater, and look for interviewees.

I hurried through the teenage hordes, bypassed a concession stand that sold 1,020 calories of soda for $5.25, and entered theater number 30, hoping I’d have ample time before the previews to talk to some people. But inside, the theater was empty. I sat there alone for 20 minutes, at which point an usher stuck his head in the door, gave me a quizzical smile, and said, “How come you’re not watching Harry Potter?” Then he left me by myself again, and without any good answer.

Two young ladies did join him in the otherwise empty theater, for a few minutes, because the Harry Potter showings were all sold out and they quaintly assumed The Undefeated must at least be some kind of new action movie involving Megan Fox double-teamed by giant robots, but this was not the case. So the young ladies left, just like the starbursts that once danced from Sarah Palin’s aging, myopic eyes. Voldemort was defeated, Amen. [The Atlantic]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 224 comments }

Barb July 15, 2011 at 1:01 pm

I'm pretty sure she won't topple the awesome "Ishtar" box office ratings with her undefeated infomercial.

johnnymeatworth July 15, 2011 at 1:16 pm

But she may yet beat Gigli's first weekend take.

GOPCrusher July 15, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Somewhere, Ben Stein laughs sardonically.

SorosBot July 15, 2011 at 2:42 pm

It seems she may be even a worse wingnut failure than Atlas Shrugs.

CapeClod July 15, 2011 at 2:51 pm

If Murdoch wants to avoid the authorities, he now has the perfect hiding spot. In theaters showing "Undefeated."

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 15, 2011 at 5:55 pm

Sara Palin: The Heaven's Gate of Politics.

memzilla July 15, 2011 at 1:02 pm

Since this is the last movie of the Harry Potter series, we can only assume that Daniel Radcliffe was so enthralled by Mooselini that he decided to quit, too.

PsycWench July 15, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Actually, Rowlings quit. Radcliffe probably could have fought/kissed/talked back to Snape for one more movie.

HistoriCat July 15, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Kissed Snape? Never would have pictured you for one of those fan fic types.

axmxz July 15, 2011 at 1:02 pm

These insinuations are riddikulus. Boggart libel!

orygoon July 15, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Why do I have the feeling that this flick will have a sequel, even though it is a spectacular flop?

poncho_pilot July 15, 2011 at 1:15 pm

straight to dvd. starring Shannon Tweed, Eric Stoltz, and Ernie Hudson.

user-of-owls July 15, 2011 at 1:18 pm

spectacular flop

Quit talking about Palin's lady parts, it's gross!

poncho_pilot July 15, 2011 at 1:25 pm

"…like a giant, pink bat." –John Leguizamo

tribbzthesquidz July 15, 2011 at 2:39 pm

The Unundefeated

GOPCrusher July 15, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Going Rogue:The Musical

zhubajie July 15, 2011 at 7:56 pm

Probably they made'm both at once.

krazyvladimir July 15, 2011 at 8:34 pm

NAME does CITY, with guest appearance by Bristol Palin

gurukalehuru July 18, 2011 at 8:46 am

Revenge of the Undefeated
Return of the Undefeated
Curse of the Undefeated
Friday the Undefeated
Undefeated Down Under

ManchuCandidate July 15, 2011 at 1:05 pm

US America Shrugged.

V572 der Plaatz July 15, 2011 at 1:05 pm

Hi Ken! Great to hear from you!

Are there really 30-plex theaters in the O C? Isn't it awful enough there?

Ken Layne July 15, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Hello! And yes, the only architectural monuments of non-coastal Orange County are the megaplex/shopping mall/furniture store/Buca di Beppo/40 acre parking lots.

OkieDokieDog July 15, 2011 at 1:39 pm

I hope there's plenty of Big Box Baptist churches there. If not you can have some or all of the ones in Oklahoma.

horsedreamer_1 July 15, 2011 at 1:54 pm

Rick Warren's got ye covered, Orange County.

V572 der Plaatz July 15, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Home of the Crystal Cathedral, by golly! So sad on the Wiki:

On October 18, 2010, the board of the Crystal Cathedral filed for bankruptcy in Santa Ana, California.The church has received offers for the building from a real estate investment group and from Chapman University, both with the provision of being leased back to the church.
On July 3, 2011, local newspapers and other outlets reported that Robert H. Schuller had been voted off the church's board of trustees by the other board members.

They're even foreclosing on Yahweh!

Nopantsmcgee July 15, 2011 at 1:07 pm

If Sarah isn't deep throating a zucchini in this flix, and/or getting a mud facial, there's no point in seeing it whatsoever.

user-of-owls July 15, 2011 at 1:19 pm

All of America, and especially dermatologists, hate her.

DahBoner July 15, 2011 at 3:22 pm

All Pain's followers need now is a big pile of money…

memzilla July 15, 2011 at 1:07 pm

It would make sense to cast Sarah Palin as Voldemort's wife.

BlueMonkeh July 15, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Crazy Eyes Bachmann as Bellatrix?

Nopantsmcgee July 15, 2011 at 2:00 pm

I vote for Mrs. "The Other Mother" McCain.

fuflans July 15, 2011 at 3:33 pm

that's the part i wanted to play.

damn helena bonham carter.

PsycWench July 15, 2011 at 2:50 pm

I'm interested in candidates for the groveling, cowardly sidekick Peter Pettigrew aka Wormtail. Anyone from Fox News could work.

fuflans July 15, 2011 at 3:33 pm

well i could certainly see her splitting her soul for immortality.

Oblios_Cap July 15, 2011 at 1:08 pm

I guess the theaters will have no choice but to QUIT showing it.

LouBristol July 15, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Don't Retreat; Reload!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 15, 2011 at 8:35 pm

Don't Retreat; Rewind!

arihaya July 16, 2011 at 6:59 am

Don't Retreat,, Retwat, i mean Retweet

BarryOPotter July 15, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Halfway through, the house lights come up and the film stops. "Thanks for coming, but we're just going to end things here. I know it's not the actual end of the film, but that's all you'll get from us. If you buy another ticket, we'll screen the film from this point to the end, but not from the beginning, and certainly not the whole thing from start to finish. Rubes."

qwerty42 July 15, 2011 at 1:08 pm

From one of Friedersdorf's last grafs:

Shortly before the end of the film, a young couple entered, walked to the back row, started making out, then interrupted their session and left (spoiler alert) as Andrew Breitbart, who made one of several guest appearances, started talking about eunuchs. Then I was alone again, working. Instead of researching civil liberties violations, or the war in Libya, or the contest to elect the next president of the United States, I was both a journalist and the only member of the public willfully paying attention to Sarah Palin, as if standing in for the pathologies of my profession. …

SexySmurf July 15, 2011 at 1:10 pm

I'm guessing that's not the first time Andy has killed someone's boner.

CZL July 15, 2011 at 1:42 pm

So long as he doesn't kill Riley's, all is right with America.

ChessieNefercat July 15, 2011 at 1:50 pm

What the hell is it with Palin /Palin's flock and their obsession with the use of emasculating terms when discussing anyone they don't like? She is one sick, twisted weasel.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 15, 2011 at 8:37 pm

She's a mink, dammit!

zhubajie July 15, 2011 at 7:59 pm

So Breitbart is a eunuch? Or is he into eunuchs, like Pu Yi was?

SexySmurf July 15, 2011 at 1:08 pm

O/T I see Obama's campaign is advertising on a blog that makes fun of retards. I, for one, am offended.

Barrelhse July 15, 2011 at 1:45 pm

It Triggered a response?

horsedreamer_1 July 15, 2011 at 1:55 pm

That surveyor's mark was turned to cinders.

Gleem_McShineys July 15, 2011 at 3:30 pm

DOWN WITH WONKETTE! DOWN WITH OBAMA!

AND THERE ARE MANY MORE DOWNS WHERE THOSE CAME FROM!

SudsMcKenzie July 15, 2011 at 1:08 pm

She can always blame the Lame Stream movie goers.

Papa_Uniform July 15, 2011 at 1:08 pm

"….and once again, the sexy powers of Witchcraft have obliterated the boring world of angry old unemployed people complaining about the Negro."

See, you heathen Wonkettes. There IS a God.

CZL July 15, 2011 at 1:50 pm

And his name is Odin! All hail the One-Eyed King!

flamingpdog July 15, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Pastafarians, rejoice! His noodley goodness lives!

greenpatches July 15, 2011 at 1:09 pm

I'm sure the Lamestream 'Daily Prophet' will be all over this one.

hagajim July 15, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Hogwarts libel!

weejee July 15, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Hogwarts are toad-uhly awesome.

DaSandman July 15, 2011 at 1:10 pm

One audience member too many for that astro turf grifter propaganda as far as I'm concerned.

LesBontemps July 15, 2011 at 1:11 pm

Hmmm, two fairy tales about power-hungry villains. I'd go to the one with better special effects, too.

GunToting[Redacted] July 15, 2011 at 2:29 pm

Stop talking about Bristle's chin-magick!

Gleem_McShineys July 15, 2011 at 3:34 pm

If she had only used some "chin-magick" on Levi that night in the tent, she'd still have her virginity (mostly)!

poncho_pilot July 15, 2011 at 1:11 pm
SexySmurf July 15, 2011 at 1:15 pm

What part of the body is that, because it doesn't look like an arm or a leg?

poncho_pilot July 15, 2011 at 1:19 pm

i hope it's not the part you're implying it is because i can hear this individual saying something like: "i'm going to put Sarah Palin in your Oval Office." just plain tacky, that line.

Gleem_McShineys July 15, 2011 at 3:42 pm

McCain's cheek has that weird lump, but his balls look even weirder.

BlueMonkeh July 15, 2011 at 1:22 pm

McCain should be sentenced to have that tattooed to his face.

poncho_pilot July 15, 2011 at 1:30 pm

"when i asked her to sit on my face i didn't mean forever! no respect!"

flamingpdog July 15, 2011 at 2:51 pm

Ain't technology great? Someone invented artificial malignment melanoma!

Respitetini July 15, 2011 at 3:35 pm

She's now the butt of jokes on a Cheezburger site. If that's not a sign she's working on minute 16 or 17, I don't know what is…

fuflans July 15, 2011 at 3:35 pm

why oh why did i click that?

edgydrifter July 15, 2011 at 1:11 pm

I only watch train-based wingnut fantasies. Railroads or GTFO!

Angry_Marmot July 15, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Wasn't there a train scene in Nailin' Palin?

LouBristol July 15, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Straight-to-VD.

5thstate July 15, 2011 at 1:35 pm

You ( and a few others) are just destroying my attempts and at cynical hipster loucheness.

I actually cackled with glee at your comment. . .

LouBristol July 15, 2011 at 2:16 pm

If it weren't for all the awesome Wonketteers, I would ju-

freakishlywrong July 15, 2011 at 1:13 pm

See..See..I would have gone to Undefeated if I"d known you were supposed to wear costumes. . The opportunity for hilarity is limitless. I say we make this the new Rocky Horror, (the Wasilla Horror?) Just cold show up in our bump-its and '"smart" glasses and shit. Just don't pay to see that propaganda, sneak in.

genxr July 15, 2011 at 1:17 pm

I'm just a sweet Trans-Grifter, from Wasilla, Methsylvania.

freakishlywrong July 15, 2011 at 1:25 pm

The Rocky Horror Grifter Show

horsedreamer_1 July 15, 2011 at 1:56 pm

After losing Celebrity Apprentice, Meat Loaf could use the money.

Geminisunmars July 15, 2011 at 1:46 pm

Creature of the right

ThankYouJeebus July 15, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Punch-a punch-a punch-a punch me. I wanna feel dirty.

SexySmurf July 15, 2011 at 1:23 pm

I'll show up wearing $100,000 worth of clothes as soon as I can get the Republican Party to pay for them.

SorosBot July 15, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Here I thought The Room was the new Rocky Horror. Come to think of it, Tommy Wisseau's horrible acting might make Triumph of the Quitter more entertaining.

Ancient_Hacker July 15, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Speaking of those glasses, how many folks suspect they're prescription 0 diopters, just to look smarter?

Radiotherapy® July 15, 2011 at 1:13 pm

She must have shot her wad with Nailin' Palin
Sophomore efforts are typically lame.

johnnymeatworth July 15, 2011 at 1:22 pm

"From 'I Can See Russia' With Love?"

Angry_Marmot July 15, 2011 at 5:36 pm

And the third installment, Gristly Moms.

Not_So_Much July 15, 2011 at 1:14 pm

Does she get nekkid in it? That would scare the mentally balanced audience away.

RedNM July 15, 2011 at 1:14 pm

"The Undefeated" is so bad, one theatre owner called the bomb squad.

donner_froh July 16, 2011 at 1:28 pm

"The Undefeated" is so bad it wasn't released, it escaped.

Negropolis July 16, 2011 at 9:11 pm

LOL!

SpurningBeer July 15, 2011 at 1:14 pm

I'll have you know that Sarah was an adept student of Defense Against the Dark President when she was in junior college.

Expellio Obamus!

BlueMonkeh July 15, 2011 at 1:23 pm

WIN+++++

5thstate July 15, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Brilliant! I'm not kidding! Really excellent! .

SpurningBeer July 15, 2011 at 1:53 pm

You can pick her out in the class picture. She's the one with the scope on her wand.

YasserArraFeck July 15, 2011 at 1:59 pm

And the "Kid Who Survived" ended up with a surveyers mark scar on his forehead

user-of-owls July 17, 2011 at 1:18 am

That's no scope, it's a mirror and a mini-cam, the former so she can always see the center of the universe in real time, the latter so that the rest of us can see it on perpetual loop. Oh, and so she too can see it thus.

tribbzthesquidz July 15, 2011 at 2:48 pm

Obama can use this one: Dismissiouss Ignoramus!

DashboardBuddha July 15, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Awesome!

zhubajie July 15, 2011 at 9:54 pm

Taught at her church's Sunday school!

nounverb911 July 15, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Does Sarah quit halfway through the movie?

5thstate July 15, 2011 at 1:31 pm

Too easy

and yet, it HAD to be said. Bravery points for YOU!

ChurchofRealism July 15, 2011 at 1:16 pm

Haha, she's done like fucking dinner. I'd be embarrassed for her but my Schadenfreude is strong today so fuck her in her icy stank hole.

Limeylizzie July 15, 2011 at 1:49 pm

How much do I love icy stank hole, fantastique!

user-of-owls July 15, 2011 at 1:16 pm

There was a much better crowd for "The Quislings: Return of the Magic Negro."

genxr July 15, 2011 at 1:18 pm

So you could legally yell fire in that theater.

YasserArraFeck July 15, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Maybe not, but you can definitely call bullshit

privatejoker77 July 15, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Obviously this is the work of Satan to keep Palin down.

Goonemeritus July 15, 2011 at 1:20 pm

The few people wandering in were probably just those over sexed young wizards and witches looking for a more private setting to cast sexy time spells on one another.

genxr July 15, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Until Breitbutt cast his Expellius Boner!

SilverTsunami July 15, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Actually, a couple did wander in to make out, but they left before the reporter could politely interrupt and interview them.

Steverino247 July 15, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Forgetting that there is infrared surveillance going on in theaters these days to deter people from secretly taping the show and selling copies.

DashboardBuddha July 15, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Yeah baby..I do in fact have a magic wand.

zhubajie July 15, 2011 at 9:55 pm

No private rooms to rent for private encounters?

DerrickWildcat July 15, 2011 at 1:20 pm

I thought, "Horrible Bosses" was getting pretty good reviews.

WinterOuthouse July 15, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Harry should stick his wand up Palin's ass.

genxr July 15, 2011 at 1:26 pm

And pull the trigger until it goes click.

Nostrildamus July 15, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Orange County is evidently not part of Real America.

Limeylizzie July 15, 2011 at 1:50 pm

It's a blighted , rich, ridiculous shit hole, if that's what you mean.

OneYieldRegular July 15, 2011 at 1:22 pm

Aging wizard Sarah Palin sets off in a gaudy vacation bus vowing to destroy the liberal media's horcruxes, or whatever, also, but gives up halfway through her journey just because. However, by failing in the task she set out to accomplish, she manages to hold on proudly to her title as undefeated champion of Quittich. The end.

Radiotherapy® July 15, 2011 at 1:23 pm

I know this is obvious, but wasn't she defeated in the last election?

horsedreamer_1 July 15, 2011 at 1:27 pm

& in the race for Alaska Lt. Gov in 2002. & in the selection process for a Senator to fill out Frank Murkowski's term. & I doubt her high-school basketball team never lost.

GOPCrusher July 15, 2011 at 1:44 pm

2008 was all Juan McCain's fault.

horsedreamer_1 July 15, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Had Sarah been allowed to give her speech on Election Nite at Mc Cain's HQ, the Electoral College would have been swayed to unanimous decision in favour of the Mavericks.

GOPCrusher July 15, 2011 at 3:54 pm

This is great news for Dirk Nowitzki!

ChessieNefercat July 15, 2011 at 1:54 pm

"I know this is obvious, but wasn't she defeated in the last election?"

Liberal elitist fact nancy!

zhubajie July 15, 2011 at 9:56 pm

Beaten like a tough steak!

user-of-owls July 15, 2011 at 1:24 pm

"The movie may tempt even the most ardent conservatives to emulate their idol’s tenure as Governor and walk out halfway through.”

Richard Corliss, Time

SexySmurf July 15, 2011 at 1:25 pm

Hey look, a movie that actually got worse reviews than Atlas Shrugged.

JoshuaNorton July 15, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Sarah Palin is to the performing arts what Jamaca is to bobsledding.

BlueMonkeh July 15, 2011 at 1:33 pm

JAMAICAN BOBSLED TEAM 2012!!!

YasserArraFeck July 15, 2011 at 1:49 pm

Going downhill really fast?

Nostrildamus July 15, 2011 at 2:26 pm

and chafing on the bottom.

HistoriCat July 15, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Bobsled libel!

north_of_moscow July 15, 2011 at 1:27 pm

The Unseen. The Unfinished. The Unsane.

user-of-owls July 15, 2011 at 1:31 pm

I'm guessing 7-Up sent an entire delegation of lawyers up to AK.

horsedreamer_1 July 15, 2011 at 1:58 pm

Sarah is scraping bottom, yes.

DerrickWildcat July 15, 2011 at 1:28 pm

Well this is weird:

From Sarah's twitter
"SarahPalinUSA Sarah Palin
I haven't seen the final product, but I sure liked the sneak peek and rough cut. I'm looking forward to seeing… http://fb.me/10ydos9fQ
10 Jun"

The link ends up like this:
""Sarah Palin …"
This video is no longer available because the YouTube account associated with this video has been terminated due to multiple third-party notifications of copyright infringement from claimants including:

* Home Box Office
* The Star-Ledger/NJ.com
* Midwest 64 Multimedia, LLC

Sorry about that."

SARAH WHAT'S HAPPENING!
Has the libruls taken away your speech freedom again?!

ChessieNefercat July 15, 2011 at 1:56 pm

It would be awesome if the producer of this noisy piece of dreck never bothered to get permission to use Other People's Work.

zhubajie July 15, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Any chance the movie industry will sue her and take all of her money away?

5thstate July 15, 2011 at 1:29 pm

At the risk of repeating myself ( actually no risk, I AM repeating myself from the previous Palin Unravelled Thread) I offer these possible volume/episode titles for the Palin canon:

Sarah Palin and the Goblet of Lies?
Sarah Palin and the Giblets of Moose?
Sara Palin and the Prisoner of Alaskaban?
Sarah Palin and the Half-Baked Alaska?
Sarah Palin and the Order of Freedom Fries With That Also?
Sarah Palin and the Chamber of Commerce?

But as a bonus waste of your time, Palin's fakumentary will no doubt be labelled for DVD release as "The Unwatched"—DVD's make great coasters to protect your photolithographed wood-grain effect .thermal-film melamine coated furniture type products made from the cellulostic tears of rain forests cured with pee (I'm talking about urea, people!–Bear Grylls drinks it ALL THE TIME!)

elviouslyqueer July 15, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Oh Ken, you left out the best part of the article:

Shortly before the end of the film, a young couple entered, walked to the back row, started making out, then interrupted their session and left (spoiler alert) as Andrew Breitbart, who made one of several guest appearances, started talking about eunuchs.

Really, even the Onion couldn't make up shit like this.

KenLayIsAlive July 15, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Nobody can shrink a hard on like Andrew Breitbart.

ChessieNefercat July 15, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Is that why he's so noisy and crabby all the time?

KenLayIsAlive July 15, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Nah, that's just the side effects from the therapy he had with Marcus Bachmann.

zhubajie July 15, 2011 at 9:58 pm

No, because of his chronic crab infestation!

prommie July 15, 2011 at 1:32 pm

It needs a catchier name; how about "Triumph of the Shrill?"

BlueMonkeh July 15, 2011 at 1:34 pm

"Free Beer!"

ManchuCandidate July 15, 2011 at 1:39 pm

"You've Got Fail"

FNMA July 15, 2011 at 1:42 pm

"Birth of a Grifter."

nounverb911 July 15, 2011 at 1:48 pm

"Afterbirth of a Grifter".

Nostrildamus July 15, 2011 at 2:28 pm

Leave Bristol alone!

Limeylizzie July 15, 2011 at 1:52 pm

Quitler-The Final Days?

prommie July 15, 2011 at 1:53 pm

I bet she's raging in her grifter-bunker even as we speak.

HistoriCat July 15, 2011 at 2:23 pm

Downfall You Betcha.

Limeylizzie July 15, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Fab!

ShaveTheWhales July 15, 2011 at 2:37 pm

damn you.

SayItWithWookies July 15, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Heaven's Take

ThankYouJeebus July 15, 2011 at 2:24 pm

Gibberishtar

Nostrildamus July 15, 2011 at 2:29 pm

True Grift

emmelemm July 15, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Not only would I give the gold star to that title, but your moniker is awesome. Respect.

GOPCrusher July 15, 2011 at 2:38 pm

The Flim-Flam Woman

flamingpdog July 15, 2011 at 3:05 pm
genxr July 15, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Breitbart Wonka and the Eunuch Factory

not that Dewey July 15, 2011 at 6:03 pm

"Razing Arizona"

SpurningBeer July 15, 2011 at 9:48 pm

"That Darned Cunt"

Negropolis July 15, 2011 at 10:48 pm

"Citizen Pain"

"Terminator: The Sarah Palin Chronicles"

"Palin the Barbarian"

"Thelma & Lou-Sarah"

JustPixelz July 15, 2011 at 1:32 pm

What are you talking about Ken? According to its recently updated Wikipedia page, The Undefeated was SRO everywhere, won twelve Oscars and "defeated" (ha ha) the Harry Potter film.

MinAgain July 15, 2011 at 1:33 pm

And thus, Harry Potter's work was done.

CapnFatback July 15, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Midnight showing? Well, there's your problem. The average Sarah Palin fan eats dinner at 4 p.m., takes their dessert in pill form at 6:00, watches "The Wheel," and is in bed by 7:30.

ManchuCandidate July 15, 2011 at 1:40 pm

BTW, Obama as Harry… looks more like a tinted version of the Nerd from Robot Chicken or worse (because he kept hitting on my GF) Urkel.

OkieDokieDog July 15, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Remember when the 1st book came out and caused such a ruckus in the bible thumper community? There's a local newscaster woman here who is so bible humpy that she wouldn't even touch the book. Like she thought she'd get pagan cooties from it or something.
I'm sure this bitch was in line to have Palin autograph a copy of her cootie assed crap book.

BlueMonkeh July 15, 2011 at 1:48 pm

The first movie came out for my oldest kid's birthday – so we went to the movie as part of her party. She actually had two friends with parents that wouldn't let them go with us to see the devil & witchcraft movie because their preacher told them so.

tribbzthesquidz July 15, 2011 at 3:24 pm

My oldest kid is nicknamed Harry Potter. It's mostly his corrective eye-wear but he IS kinda spooky. I had extensive battles with my bible-thumping parents over the movies and books a few years back. They are not so worked up about it now.
I think there are many people who are really starting to question what the preacher tells them to do/think though not nearly enough. And probably not in time enough. Either.

ChessieNefercat July 15, 2011 at 2:02 pm

I like "cootie assed crap book." Thank you.

GOPCrusher July 15, 2011 at 4:09 pm

I'm sure that Bible Spice's minions will look upon the release of her movie the same weekend of the Harry Potter movie as a continuation of the war of good vs. evil. And the fact that no one went to see the Bible Spice movie as proof that America has become the land of godless heathens that needs to be saved from ourselves.

zhubajie July 15, 2011 at 10:00 pm

I believe ms. Rawlins (or however you spell it) is the rare church-going Briton. Later books clearly reflect worries about where the War-Against-Terror regime was heading.

SayItWithWookies July 15, 2011 at 1:45 pm

Sarah's been fighting the devil and invoking The LORD, the LORD's bastard offspring and the Holy Spirit for so long, it was only a matter of time before the world of fiction got tired of it and rose up against her.

tribbzthesquidz July 15, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Today, we are all works of fiction.

sportshort July 15, 2011 at 1:46 pm

What is this backlash into sanity mean? A return to craziness is just around the corner. Don't ever count a snowbilly grifter out. They just send away for a new magic "Fool 'Em and Rule 'Em" deck of cards.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 15, 2011 at 1:47 pm

I'm pretty sure that all the Sarah Palin fans quit when they saw the lines at the theater.

petehammer July 15, 2011 at 2:35 pm

They only quit to better prepare themselves for the sequel!!!1!!

thefrontpage July 15, 2011 at 1:53 pm

It's safe to say, though, that the more terrifying creatures, witches and demons were all on screen in the Palin movie.

prommie July 15, 2011 at 1:56 pm

I see a comeuppance in her immediate future.

mormos July 15, 2011 at 1:58 pm

i must buy that doll

Sharkey July 15, 2011 at 2:01 pm

I hate to ask, but was Conor Friedersdorf wearing an overcoat with hairy legs showing underneath?

JoshuaNorton July 15, 2011 at 2:03 pm

I'd like to know what everyone was smoking and/or drinking when this clown car pile-up even remotely sounded like a money making proposition.

Oblios_Cap July 15, 2011 at 2:04 pm

The theatre obviously wasn't hoverround accessable.

EBGrey July 15, 2011 at 2:04 pm

To be fair, this was a midnight showing of "The Undefeated." Palin's supporters have already eaten and are asleep in their trailers by 6:00 pm.

glamourdammerung July 15, 2011 at 2:06 pm

1,020 calories of soda for $5.25 is a pretty good deal.

stew1 July 15, 2011 at 2:10 pm

They forgot Palin fans demand boob and car crashes in their movie flicks. Rush Cut!

HistoriCat July 15, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Bravo.

petehammer July 15, 2011 at 2:32 pm

She would have had way more success with:

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Libel Prince

Negropolis July 15, 2011 at 10:50 pm

Okay, you won.

LetUsBray July 15, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Avada kedavra on your celebrityhood, Dumbelina!

littlebigdaddy July 15, 2011 at 2:37 pm

Palinensa vanesca! (waves wand)

Monsieur_Grumpe July 15, 2011 at 2:38 pm

And yet, Sarah is still undefeated in her mind.

GOPCrusher July 15, 2011 at 4:11 pm

The unwashed masses just haven't come to appreciate the sheer awesomeness that is, Bible Spice.

ShaveTheWhales July 15, 2011 at 2:39 pm

My memory is blurry (of course), but wasn't HP one of the things that the Alaskunt was hinting about maybe removing from the Wassily library during her mayoral reign?

Come here a minute July 15, 2011 at 2:46 pm

Sarah's people only come see her in person — that "moving picture machine" is pure evil witchcraft!

lowaltflier July 15, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Undefeated just got defeated. HA!

stew1 July 15, 2011 at 2:49 pm

Reportedly the doc sold out (!) in Greenville, Texas…population 46,000! Guess the tractor pull was cancelled.

flamingpdog July 15, 2011 at 3:17 pm

It was showing in the newly-opened Theater 9 at the Greenville 8.

berkeleyfarm July 15, 2011 at 8:20 pm

It's also been pretty hot in a lot of Texas, and theatres are air-conditioned.

A commenter on The Immoral Minority said the Grapevine, TX, theatre that "sold out" had about 80 seats, was in a nice A/C mall, and across the street from a mega-church of the kind where pastor would tell you to go or hand out "free tickets".

zhubajie July 15, 2011 at 10:01 pm

All the beer was sent to Minnesota!

BarryOPotter July 15, 2011 at 3:26 pm

Ken, what a BEAUTIFUL picture! I love it!

sati_demise July 15, 2011 at 3:33 pm

The best joke of the article?

"Shortly before the end of the film, a young couple entered, walked to the back row, started making out, then interrupted their session and left (spoiler alert) as Andrew Breitbart, who made one of several guest appearances, started talking about eunuchs"

Barrelhse July 15, 2011 at 3:36 pm

I'll skip the Palin movie and color the book instead.

fuflans July 15, 2011 at 3:44 pm

this is kinda off topic but last night i saw a gaggle of teens outside a theatre dressed in fairy wings.

i thought this was weird.

fuflans July 15, 2011 at 3:45 pm

i think we can safely conclude that baggers should leave film making to the liberals.

HarryButtle July 15, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Mudblood libel!

Flat_Earther July 15, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Not a single naked breast and nothing blew up. Who did they think was going to see it?

Captain_Klutz July 15, 2011 at 7:14 pm

It seems that no one wants to see Sarah's new self-promotion doco about her losing and quitting her way to glory, while everybody's just wild about Harry . . . go figure.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 15, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Seems entirely appropriate that the audience quit halfway through.

comrad_darkness July 15, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Movie is pretty fun, actually. Although it reminded me that I still haven't figured out the ending from the book. Fortunately, this is not important for my day-to-day existence.

Altho . . . A few too many scenes of Harry in Hogwarts Rubble Boot Camp. But that's my only crit.

Wait, what were we talking about?

Negropolis July 15, 2011 at 10:32 pm

nocturnal emissions

at least be some kind of new action movie involving Megan Fox double-teamed by giant robots

Ken Layne, you are a Wonkette treasure. A 24-carat whore-diamond, if you will.

Negropolis July 15, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Sarah Palin and the Deathly Hollow(s) Brain.

Sarah Palin and the Braindead Princess.

mavenmaven July 16, 2011 at 2:15 am

The Undefeated 2: Rise of the Bachmann!!!

mrblifil July 16, 2011 at 7:56 am

I just had a nocturnal emission reading this, and it's the first thing in the morning!

user-of-owls July 16, 2011 at 4:54 pm

Plan 4.5 From Outer Space.

NorthStarSpanx July 18, 2011 at 10:33 am
GunToting[Redacted] July 15, 2011 at 2:27 pm

I would purchase said edifice and turn it into the world's largest tittie bar. C'MON PowerBall!!!

flamingpdog July 15, 2011 at 2:43 pm

Ben Stein: "Schuller? Schuller? Anyone?"

zhubajie July 15, 2011 at 7:58 pm

I'm hoping the Aga Khan or the Dalai Lama buy it! If it became a Shi'ite mosque, fundies coast-to-coast would shit themselves to death, which would be good for the rest of us! If it became a Tibetan Buddhist temple, well, they are usually decorated with giant paintings of the various boddhisattvas fucking!

GOPCrusher July 15, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Wouldn't even have to change the name, because The Crystal Cathedral would be a great tittie bar name.

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