Who knows that in Oklahoma, the governor’s name is Mary Fallin, raise your hand? And it is pronounced “Mary Failin’” as though it rhymes with “Palin.” WHAT ARE THE ODDS? Therefore, on that basis, we will share with you this ridiculous video according to the laws of ridiculousness, in which staunch social conservative Mary Fallin’s daughter decided she wanted to do a corny sexytime fashion shoot at the Governor’s Mansion.
For the record, we do not care what this young lady does with her time. In fact, we would like to encourage more politicians’ offspring to march around in tasteless drag costumes and six-inch heels in front of their Republican parents’ expensive homes (or really any children of family values Republicans). We would like Bristol Palin infinitely better if she did something more interesting than getting knocked up in a tent and forcing someone else to ghostwrite her memoir about this awkward, gross mistake, since we are forced to write about her anyway. So there. Enjoy! [La Figa]
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Making Megs McCain look really classy, one whorish outfit at a time.
Both Gaga wannabees
It isn't just that it so "tarty." Its also, "retarded." Stupid, possibly deranged. Megan's boob shot, with the Salinger book in it, really was, well, classy, in comparison. And smart. This is sad, pathetic, and risible.
You are so right, it makes you wonder what the parents are like , she seems very pathetic .
I see the Eurotrash tour has come to Oklahoma.
She'll be a back-up dancer for Flaming Lips at the OKC homecoming show.
She also might already be a SuicideGirl.
Her name is going to end up in lights above a 'Gentleman's club'
For that, needz moar pole.
That's what her outfit said.
I am sure Polin' Failin will be along once she's completed her course in managing stripper heels.
Cinnamon Fallin to the main stage.
Let me know when that happens. BJs are no doubt really cheap in the backroom of an Oklahoma strip joint. I'm guessing about $5 and six pack of Milwaukee's Best is all it takes…then again dinner at Appleby's and a couple of Blue Moon pints would probably get me about the same distance with this girl.
I wonder if there is a 'Track a stripper' App? So you could follow your favourite, ahem, performers from gig to gig.
no, but the cdc might track foci of infection, strains and whatnot.
"Track a stripper"? I think you're confusing him with Levi Johnston.
Are you sure that wasn't Lindsey Graham?
No no. Lindsey traded in his 6" FMPs long ago for more sensible kitten heels.
Silly me. Living in this neighborhood I shoulda known Graham was getting a bit too up in years for any serious platform diving.
I hear that Mitch McConnell likes the 6" pumps.
Love the aluminum storm door on the front of the gubernor's mansion. Stay klassy, Okkklahoma!
They're still adjusting to things like flush toilets and using paper instead of corn cobs in that house, so a few minor archetectural "misses" should probably be excused.
The "mansion" is actually a double wide FEMA trailer with a nice porch.
She's probly one of those girls on facebook who lets a creepy "photographer" take ridiculous pictures of them looking like a slut then posts it under the album title "Modeling Pics"
Leave my Facebook profile alone!
or how about that miss nascar chick who said she would absolutely not do topless/nude, so don't ask, and then bam! I get to see her butthole on teh interwebz.
not sure how they are connected but damn that girl was hot.
Pics or GTFO
I think they got pulled but there is a nice thumb here… http://www.totallynsfw.com/nsfw/nascars_miss_spri…
Paige Duke, I presume.
The name looks familiar, from a "Girls of the ACC" feature in Playboy, in '08-'09, but I am not positive on that. Think she might have been at Clemson?
(Much) Shorter Oklahoma Senator James Inhofe (R-Exxon):
See, I tole you there weren't no global warmin'!!!
~
I'll bet there is a video out there of Marcus Bachmann wearing the same outfits. He looks like a whore, too.
What materials would you make a six inch stilletto heel platform shoe (also known as Fuck Me Pumps) that would work with Marcus? The front part of the shoe/sole is no big deal, but the stilletto heel would have to be titanium or carbon fiber to be safe for bearing that kind of load. The materials engineering of tranny shoes would actually be kinda cool, no doubt some crossover technologies from aircraft and weapon technologies. And neon feather accents.
Titanium seems to be all the rage among the teabagger set.
And the unindicted war criminal set.
"Sure she [Michelle] was great, but don't forget Marcus did everything she did backwards…and in high heels!"
"Magazin"? Really? Dammit, Gov. Failin has shown that Palin is that America's worst ever governor when it comes to naming her children.
That's her name??? Oh my God, I thought it was some hip name for a magazine.
Her name is actually Christina Fallin-Bacon, which sounds both slutty and delicious.
Hubby and I will play fallin-Bacon tonight, actually. It's some salty fun!
That's actually a nickname that the Jews were going to bless Michele Bachmann with, but now they can't.
Fuck me running ,what a fantastic name!
Christ on a falling bacon!
Christina "Failin' Bacon" it is. Thank the gods I wasn't hosting a mouthful of anything when I read that priceless tidbit.
Christina, Failin Bacon, I'd like the sausage links. And crispy on the hash browns.
I'd say something about Debbie Does Dallas, but that's in Texas.
I'd say something about Hustler's Girls of Oral Roberts U, but I just made that up.
do not want!
From the producers of Bring'Em Young University.
Do any of these titles work for you:
Nailin Fallin
Tammy Does Tulsa
Mary Does Muskogee
Her name is Sharia Failin and she spends her time getting stoned in the town square out in Enid.
OT but delicious…Piers Morgan is now in the crosshairs for the NOTW saga, couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
Looks like the gimp got us, Lizzie. Do you want to shame him or shall I?
You go right ahead, darling.
Hear that Gimp? You're filth! FILTH I SAY! Crawl back in your filthy hole!
(It such a nice afternoon here my heart is hardly in it)
Seriously, downfister, you're a fan of Rupert? Who'd a thunk it?
the best part is that asshole probably refers tho herself as a "producer" yet spends all day hovering over wonket producing absolutely nothing but ass spread.
And not the good kind of ass spread either!
You mean that cheesy, low-fat, artifically-flavored ass spread?
Plus OMG he banned Ann Coulter from his show for life!
Really?
I read HuffPo so you don’t have to….
Bless you.
What does he have against transvestites?
On a normal night? Just his crotch.
AP source: FBI probing News Corp. 9/11 phone link
http://news.yahoo.com/ap-source-fbi-probing-news-…
Hey, that's a surveyor's mark!
Next up, David Huckabee in a speedo!
Dancing to Rick Astley.
FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP
Surely it's 467 Speedos stitched together. Or is there now a Chris Christie line?
It's actually a circus tent with a sideways "Vee" painted on the entry flap.
Heh. Think "David Huckabee" then immeditately think "Entry Flap". TeeHeeHee!
Ew.
It's actually a Chris-Craft line — they're modified boat tarps.
Hey…I was just about to have dinner, but now food is the furthest thing from my mind. I think we may have a winning diet plan here!
There is a very special place in hell for you.
As if we don't have enough problems down here…
Her last name is really Failin' Bacon? You made that up!
You can't make this stuff up.
Ah she's young. Needs a couple ghey besties to show her how to dress with taste and class.
Fashion emergency!
Your move, Miss Gay Oklahoma.
This is why I love the Wonketeers — the education you get here is priceless.
Fabulous…she's Lady Ga Ga meets Ann Coulter (or the latter in drag, same difference).
Speaking of which did you see Chaz Bono on Bill Maher? He had two pre op trannies on the show.
Coulter after some world-class plastic surgery, maybe. (Any operation on Coulter is plastic surgery, by definition, but you know what I mean.)
Dang! She is really super….tepid? It looks so sad, like a Slurpee party in the desert when the machine breaks and the buzzards start circling and…well, just fucking sad.
oh that's lovely.
and well, sad.
Soooo I'm guessing when a white girl does it (sex in a tent, out of wedlock birth, jugs in a twitter pic, drag dancing in see through clothing) it's still all family values? It is so confusing.
The trick is to claim in public that you regret doing it, and maybe get some pseudo-Xtian pseudo-rehab if you can't easily sell the regret thing. What's brilliant is that you can keep on doing it, and keep on regretting it, with little loss of credibilty among the wingtard demographic. Heck, they'll even spend their meager SSD benefits on your book explaining why you regret it so much — so long as you describe what you did in sufficiently lurid detail (an important grifting pointer that Sarah forgot to teach to Brisdull.)
I'd hit it.
And then I'd get the fuck out of Oklahoma as fast as I possibly could.
But not before you ingested enough penicillin to cure Ecuador.
"I got twenty years for lovin' her,
"From the Oklahoma Governor."
Sorry, that's all of that song that I can still remember.
Ah, Tom Waits, right? But not the same song with
"He bought a secondhand Nova from a Cuban-Chinese
And dyed his hair in the men's room of a Texaco."
Though that would also be good advice after hitting on the Governor's daughter, along with what Smitallica said…
From the song and the album of the same name, Swordfishtrombone:
…And he got 20 years for lovin' her from some Oklahoma governor
said everything this Doughboy does is wrong
Now some say he's doing the obituary mambo
Now some say that he's hanging on the wall
Perhaps this yarn's the only thing that holds this man together
Some say he was never here at all
She looks like a stage-4 clinger to me.
"Dr. Cox, does this lipstick make me look like a clown?"
"No Barbie, it makes you look like a prostitute who caters exclusively to clowns."
Are they really DSLs, or just made up to look like it? Let's check it out in the lab!
Best of day.
What is that from?
That is Scrubs. Best show ever.
My guess is that Barbie stopped blowing clowns because they taste funny.
Those platform shoes cry out for live goldfish to swim in them.
What the fuck was that from?? It's been buggin' the shit outta me forever! Some skit where a superpimp is sportin' them and starts slippin' and winds up having the whole street laughing at him
I'll give you a hint, sucka: it's summertime, and the pimpin' is easy.
Don't tease, bitch. Deliver, o you ain't gettin' dis fitty.
Here's a lead: http://www.flickr.com/photos/brettie/2384317858/s…
None of those rubber goldfish swimming in Lucite, either — these are the real thing!
Oklahoma has red dirt!
I seriously doubt that Cherokee Nation is going to like that remark.
Now, Gated Community Golf Course And Martinis Nation, well they'll be all, "We've been saying that for years."
So, what's the over/under on when Mom issues a statement saying her daughter was tricked into this by the liberal "Hollywood-type" photographer?
This photo shoot had nothing to do with sex. Get your filthy librul mind out of the gutter!
Future Suicide Girl.
By the way, is there anyone in this terrible world that actually enjoys that kind of juddering, sped-up shaky video editing?
Upfistie for my favorites, the Suicide Girls!
When you're juiced on meth, the whole world looks like that — maybe you get used to it?
I'm betting she posts on the Twitter for #ThongThursday – also.
Hey, she's doing the see-through dress thingie! I'm so glad that trend has started, actually. I urge more women to please look into trying this look out, preferrably while visiting my lovely city, Seattle*.
*where it is currently raining in the middle of fucking JULY, thanks
Quit whining or we'll make you move to a Red State.
Like California?
You won't see Jerry Brown's daughters dancing on the steps of the governor's mansion!
Touché!
That site is hilarious. By "see-through dress thingie" I must've thought you were referring to that other politician's daughter who made "Kerry" nearly synonymous with, hm, carefree?
Oh, Alexandra's take was less intentional, and probably not for the sake of Man Repelling.
It IS a great site. Can wear on you after a while – the creator is hilarious and fun, but after a couple of days, you sort of want to scream "NOT EVERYONE CAN AFFORD THOSE FUCKING 'FRIENDSHIP' BRACELETS, YOU RICH CHILD." And then I turn to Honestly WFT, who are fashionable and into DIY.
"Honestly WTF" looks like a keeper. I recently discovered RunwayDIY but haven't had a chance to try making anything yet.
from that website
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ATHrjuGbOGQ/Th2oFbxF9xI…
tell me that doesn't look like Michael Jackson in drag.
…As Marcus Bachmann seethes with righteous indignation. And jealousy.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present you the next Mrs. Gingrich.
She's not nearly blonde enough.
Yet.
What does she charge per hour? Is she GFE? BBBJ?
Of course she is! Her mama taught her rightly that condoms cause AIDS!
Why do I get the impression that 20-something is what this young tori spelling charges for a tug job?
GOP Field Shake Up as Christina Fallin-Bacon Pole Numbers Rise
Mary Fallin should stop judging other people for the choices they make and focus more on keeping her daughter off the pole.
Hey, I have humble beginnings. I, too, was born in Oklahoma. So Mary F., I'm sayin' to you, you can rise above that hand you were originally dealt.
Twenty-something? Like twenty-seventeen?
2017 is the year she will finally get that GED.
There are reports of people who claim to have witnessed the statue of Will Rogers in Claremore weeping.
Though he would not be entirely surprised by this:
"I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do." http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/w/will_…
Message to Mary Failin's daughter: The clothes are stupid, the pictures are stupid, the name "twentysomething" for a magazine is stupid, shooting anything like this at a governor's mansion is stupid, the video is stupid, and anyone at the governor's mansion and anyone in the Failin family involved in this is stupid.
and no honey, those shoes don't make your legs look like model legs.
Um, she doesn't look much like the other models at http://www.twentysomethingmagazine.com/ .
Is there no hairdresser in Oklahoma who can do a decent buttery blonde and not just single process?
Minnesota shut down and Oklahoma still open for business? I don't get it.
We grow some butt-ugly cheap-ass whores in our small towns.
She's the kind of girl you don't take home to Mother, since Mother already threatened to kill her if she caught her blowing the hogs again. Hog semen is gold in these parts and Mother is not happy it's being squandered on sluts.
Your move, Bristol…
"Oklahoma sophisticated" must be like "Minnesota nice."
Or Alaska Classy.
They cut it short because after that last sit-down on the ground shot, they had to slide her over a manhole to get her on her feet again. Suction libel!
And the morals and standards that produced this fine young woman, this upstanding member of society, are the very same that her mother's political party would impose on us all.
Remember: If you want more trollops, vote Republican!
In the famous words of that political pundit, Butthead. "Sluts rule"
Republicans pine for that golden age in America when, in cities across this great and blessed land, street trollops provided an inexpensive ride for the working man.
Nothing peps up fashion footage than playing every clip at 300% speed so she looks like a keystone cop dungeon mistress/circus clown in drag.
Yeah, but what's that got to do with the film speed?
needz moar Yakkity Sax.
You can't spell Fallin without FAIL.
Models don't wear those kind of shoes. Honolulu street walkers and classless Fredericks of Hollywood types yes, models no.
Yeah, so what's yer point? We don't always have to eat Chateau Briand. Sometimes you just want a big greasy sack of White Castles.
After you been having
Steak for a long time,
Beans, beans taste fine.
You can't blame the poor girl for her mother. Those shoes, on the other hand, well, bless her heart.
Harlot !!! Jezebel !!! Heathen !!!
She's pretty hot, though. I'd do her in a minute. I mean, literally.
I'd probably stick around until she started talking.
yeah, as soon as she catches her breath enough to start telling me about all the cool hipster hangouts in Oklahoma, I'm out of there like a scalded dog.
Tell the truth. Doesn't this video make you want to consider Sharia Law? A little bit?
The "whore of Babylon" look does suggest why Sharia was invented — but isn't Oklahoma exactly where they made that impossible?
Haha, charade you are! Thwarted again by the family values crowd, always one step ahead of you, lieberulunaticsocialismuslins!
For her to parade around like that, her mother must be a big fat whore.
I bet her porn name will be Mary Fellatin'
Seriously…is this what we have come to? The daughter of a state governor is doing (rancid) cheescake shots at the fucking governor's mansion.
The mind boggles.
If "The Last Picture Show" had been remade in the early 1990's, I suspect it would've looked something like this.
How about we do an all-girl sexytime and title it Fallin's nailin Palin and we can have her and Bristol star….can't get preggers that way.
In a tent, with wine coolers.
They can both sign into a Christian lesbian-cure clinic afterwards, if need be, before going on their red-state-only book tour.
It's Lady Hee-Haw!
oh, that is so win! you nailed it perfectly.
Look a me Daddy.
I'm a sexy slut.
Just the way you like.
Oh my! What is up with these tight-ass, family values Repubs and their kids?
How could being raised by a gay couple seem suspect when the spokespeople for the Repubs social agenda have daughters like this, and Bristol Palin?
I know, really has that "minister's daughter" vibe, doesn't it?
I can't wait to see how One-L Bachmann's adoptee harem turns out.
Their non-stop freak out of making rules about how everyone else should live is one long cry for help.
Look for the tramp on the debut episode of "Pole Dancin' with the Stars"
Vote for Woz!!!
That's fashion? That's music? That's a governor's mansion?
Boy, if the internet were my front lawn…
Huh, the nickname Sarah Failin' never seems to come up. I guess we never got past Sarah Quitin' to think of it.
Oh, I saw this already on FetLife.com.
That video was jerkier than homemade porn.
You know, Tom Coburn sounding the debauchery alarm years all the way back in 2004!
Lesbianism is so rampant in some of the schools in southeast Oklahoma that they'll only let one girl go to the bathroom. Now think about it. Think about that issue. How is it that that's happened to us?
A true sage, that man. Plus, Oklahoma ended that fiscal with an unexpectedly large budget surplus, which the State Treasurer attributed to an inexplicable 950% surge in tourism receipts in and around Tahlequah, Atoka and Coalgate.
It would seem that Okie menfolk have become seriously undesirable. Could be the tinfoil hats, or the rampant misogyny. A combination of the two would certainly account for the current state of, umm, affairs.
Man, where was that bathroom at my high school? All they had in the womens room at my high school was a coach and an end table. Don't ask; I won't tell.
It's true, they only let one girl go to the bathroom, and for that girl, life was good. For everyone else, it was four years of extreme discomfort.
Speaking of motorboating…
Call me Ishmael. Right?
Might be a reference to Oppenheiner's link, six posts below.
Truly awfulsome stuff.
Eh. I bang her on the govenors desk for the lulz.
Not so much a Slut Walk as a Slut Jitterbug.
Pornographically she has qualities that could fit well in one of Lexington Steele epic movies.
Where is her zuchini?
I have watched it now, and I have nothing to say except that it suddenly struck me that she has all the talent, and looks, of Jessica Hahn. Jessica fucking Hahn.
wow.
Total trollop. And her poseur hipster husband just looks like a dick.
http://www.thelostogle.com/2011/06/21/mary-fallin…
OMFG!!!!!!!!! Words fail me. The Onion can only dream of dreaming up something like this.
This is worth a Wonkette page of its own — and a truly epic snarkfest.
Just for starters, hubbie-the-hipster (can I get a TM on "hickster"?), Mr. Bacon, is a 31-year-old "art student", and a partner (with daddy, no doubt) in an oil-and-gas scheme of some sort. (No need for Bacon to bring home the bacon; it arrives in the mail.)
It only goes downhill from there. Let me put it this way: Someone was apalled enough to comment that it made them "glad to be from Texas."
Honestly, you can't make this shit up.
Now I know where I've seen him before. That episode of King of the Hill where the Pimp from "The OKC" comes into town. "That's how we do it in the OKC"
I, too, am a self-proclaimed Renaissance. Not Renaissance Man, I'm the whole fucking Renaissance.
You may have seen him on the Oklahoma Dep't of Corrections web site.
Convicted for possession with intent to sell.
If he was colored, and poor, he'd have been sent to the state penitentiary for a decade or two. But he's white, and rich, so he gets to marry the governor's daughter instead.
I love Satire Proof. (Hey, that'd make a great band name . . .)
"So, if you want to buy the couple a $1,200 Versace Butterfly Garden Soup Tureen, feel free."
But the educated liberals are the "elites". Ha ha. Man the teatards are so getting played.
Is everyone in a Rethuglican family all messed up and creepy?
Note: That's a rhetorical question.
O for a jug of wine, a brick of hash & thou.
Just not in Oklafuckinhoma.
Does Betty Page know about those shoes? She's getting married, why do I think the wedding photographer won't be Larry Clarke and the band won't be the Flaming Lips?
Wow, being a rich white girl must RULE.
Well, it worked for Michael Jackson…up to a point, of course.
Isn't that the chick Mark Sanford was banging in Argentina?
Hiking the old Indian Nation and Muskogee Turnpikes, eh?
there's an ancient dilbert cartoon wherein dilbert confronts his unfed ego who tells him he's so unfed he's going to try out for a play.
this is what i thought of.l
You know what they say, she may not be a hooker, but she's sure wearing a hooker's uniform.
Kind of OT, but some of the most miserable country I've ever had the pleasure of driving through was I-40 between OKC and Amarillo. Really, between OKC and Albuquerque. You haven't smelled hell until you've smelled mile-long stockyards.
Hideous. We have to do it twice last year. If I won the lottery, I'd give massive amounts of moohla to the NPR station in Cameron U, in SW OK so they can expand their signal to cover the TX Panhandle.=
We were adjusting the radio and clinging to their broadcast as hard as we could, then there was nothing. Nothing being Xian music, Country Music, Mexican music and, I assume if we'd search AM, Hate Talk. At the moment we realized our last touch with civilization had given way, I looked up at the exit sign. Who knew we'd be in fucking Bush, TX.
All that said, I've been down the Indian Nation Turnpike and through eastern and southeastern Oklahoma, and it's some beautiful, green country.
Ah, yes, The Tunnel of Stench. In order to truly experience it, you simply must pass through it in mid-August. And stay overnight in Amarillo. In a shitty hotel where you are full-body embraced by The Stink and serenaded by the low-flying B-52s.
It's sort of a Tenth Wonder of the World. In opposite-world.
Oklahoma, where your meat goes to die.
Didn't this gal win an Academy Award for screenwriting?
Fashion Fallin. (pronounced failin')
You mean Mattress Mary? Who, while Lt. Guv with family values, had an affair with her bodyguard and dumped her husband. That mother? Yeah, you'd be right. She's family values slut with no neck. Seriously, no neck. When she looks to her side, she has to move her entire body.
Daughter stole her hair color from her tramp mother. But they're Republithugs. In the Bible Belt, that's all it takes to be family values.
That is the worst cover version of any song ever.
Like twenty-somethings read magazines…
This went up after the old man commandeered the computer last night for his porn watch. (This isn't his kind of porn, anyway). I didn't get a chance to respond, but this AM checked the "Oklahoman''s" (worst newspaper in US, officially–according to Columbia School of Journalism) web site and there was no reference to this. Imagine. The Tulsa World got it.
Lame post, I know, but I felt obilgated to say something about the beloved homeland. After all, I can hear all the wonkeratti demanding. DustBowlBlues! What does she think. I haven't read most of the replies, but I'm assuming that's what you were saying.
Is Miss OK running for Miss Dairy Queen? I'd vote for her if she would allow me to put new curtains up in the Manse. Cool?
What a bummer when I read the words "6 inch heels","conservative""prance"" I was assuming it would be another gay family value Republican not a plain Jane looking chick.
No, no, fucking no. Teh clip I'ma looking for features a mob-a-laughing at teh pimp who's wobbling on teh aqua-heels. Maybe I is hallucinatin'. but I think I saw this scene in something or other.
It's a lead, dude. Mayfield did the song for the scene.
Spoiler alert.
Beurre de cul, you mean? It is delicious…
BaconzNude!
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