REPUBLICAN FAMILY VALUES  5:00 pm July 14, 2011

Oklahoma First Daughter Does Sexxxy ‘Fashion Shoot’ In Gov’s Mansion

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Who knows that in Oklahoma, the governor’s name is Mary Fallin, raise your hand? And it is pronounced “Mary Failin’” as though it rhymes with “Palin.” WHAT ARE THE ODDS? Therefore, on that basis, we will share with you this ridiculous video according to the laws of ridiculousness, in which staunch social conservative Mary Fallin’s daughter decided she wanted to do a corny sexytime fashion shoot at the Governor’s Mansion.

For the record, we do not care what this young lady does with her time. In fact, we would like to encourage more politicians’ offspring to march around in tasteless drag costumes and six-inch heels in front of their Republican parents’ expensive homes (or really any children of family values Republicans). We would like Bristol Palin infinitely better if she did something more interesting than getting knocked up in a tent and forcing someone else to ghostwrite her memoir about this awkward, gross mistake, since we are forced to write about her anyway.  So there. Enjoy! [La Figa]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 225 comments }

Limeylizzie July 14, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Making Megs McCain look really classy, one whorish outfit at a time.

sati_demise July 14, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Both Gaga wannabees

prommie July 14, 2011 at 9:33 pm

It isn't just that it so "tarty." Its also, "retarded." Stupid, possibly deranged. Megan's boob shot, with the Salinger book in it, really was, well, classy, in comparison. And smart. This is sad, pathetic, and risible.

Limeylizzie July 14, 2011 at 9:51 pm

You are so right, it makes you wonder what the parents are like , she seems very pathetic .

Oblios_Cap July 15, 2011 at 8:05 am

I see the Eurotrash tour has come to Oklahoma.

horsedreamer_1 July 15, 2011 at 8:32 am

She'll be a back-up dancer for Flaming Lips at the OKC homecoming show.

She also might already be a SuicideGirl.

Madfall July 14, 2011 at 5:04 pm

Her name is going to end up in lights above a 'Gentleman's club'

weejee July 14, 2011 at 5:06 pm

For that, needz moar pole.

widestanceroman July 14, 2011 at 5:11 pm

That's what her outfit said.

Madfall July 14, 2011 at 5:12 pm

I am sure Polin' Failin will be along once she's completed her course in managing stripper heels.

GOPCrusher July 14, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Cinnamon Fallin to the main stage.

Omophagist July 14, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Let me know when that happens. BJs are no doubt really cheap in the backroom of an Oklahoma strip joint. I'm guessing about $5 and six pack of Milwaukee's Best is all it takes…then again dinner at Appleby's and a couple of Blue Moon pints would probably get me about the same distance with this girl.

Madfall July 14, 2011 at 6:39 pm

I wonder if there is a 'Track a stripper' App? So you could follow your favourite, ahem, performers from gig to gig.

Crank_Tango July 14, 2011 at 8:16 pm

no, but the cdc might track foci of infection, strains and whatnot.

flamingpdog July 14, 2011 at 11:34 pm

"Track a stripper"? I think you're confusing him with Levi Johnston.

weejee July 14, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Are you sure that wasn't Lindsey Graham?

elviouslyqueer July 14, 2011 at 5:11 pm

No no. Lindsey traded in his 6" FMPs long ago for more sensible kitten heels.

weejee July 14, 2011 at 6:48 pm

Silly me. Living in this neighborhood I shoulda known Graham was getting a bit too up in years for any serious platform diving.

Oblios_Cap July 15, 2011 at 8:02 am

I hear that Mitch McConnell likes the 6" pumps.

V572 der Plaatz July 14, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Love the aluminum storm door on the front of the gubernor's mansion. Stay klassy, Okkklahoma!

Rotundo_ July 14, 2011 at 6:13 pm

They're still adjusting to things like flush toilets and using paper instead of corn cobs in that house, so a few minor archetectural "misses" should probably be excused.

Eve8Apples July 14, 2011 at 7:24 pm

The "mansion" is actually a double wide FEMA trailer with a nice porch.

MittsHairHelmet July 14, 2011 at 5:05 pm

She's probly one of those girls on facebook who lets a creepy "photographer" take ridiculous pictures of them looking like a slut then posts it under the album title "Modeling Pics"

MissTaken July 14, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Leave my Facebook profile alone!

Crank_Tango July 14, 2011 at 5:37 pm

or how about that miss nascar chick who said she would absolutely not do topless/nude, so don't ask, and then bam! I get to see her butthole on teh interwebz.

not sure how they are connected but damn that girl was hot.

GOPCrusher July 14, 2011 at 5:51 pm

Pics or GTFO

Crank_Tango July 14, 2011 at 6:55 pm

I think they got pulled but there is a nice thumb here… http://www.totallynsfw.com/nsfw/nascars_miss_spri

horsedreamer_1 July 15, 2011 at 8:34 am

Paige Duke, I presume.

The name looks familiar, from a "Girls of the ACC" feature in Playboy, in '08-'09, but I am not positive on that. Think she might have been at Clemson?

ifthethunderdontgetya July 14, 2011 at 5:06 pm

(Much) Shorter Oklahoma Senator James Inhofe (R-Exxon):

See, I tole you there weren't no global warmin'!!!
~

PuckStopsHere July 14, 2011 at 5:07 pm

I'll bet there is a video out there of Marcus Bachmann wearing the same outfits. He looks like a whore, too.

Rotundo_ July 14, 2011 at 6:19 pm

What materials would you make a six inch stilletto heel platform shoe (also known as Fuck Me Pumps) that would work with Marcus? The front part of the shoe/sole is no big deal, but the stilletto heel would have to be titanium or carbon fiber to be safe for bearing that kind of load. The materials engineering of tranny shoes would actually be kinda cool, no doubt some crossover technologies from aircraft and weapon technologies. And neon feather accents.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 11:39 pm

Titanium seems to be all the rage among the teabagger set.

flamingpdog July 15, 2011 at 2:43 am

And the unindicted war criminal set.

user-of-owls July 14, 2011 at 8:16 pm

"Sure she [Michelle] was great, but don't forget Marcus did everything she did backwards…and in high heels!"

SorosBot July 14, 2011 at 5:08 pm

"Magazin"? Really? Dammit, Gov. Failin has shown that Palin is that America's worst ever governor when it comes to naming her children.

Limeylizzie July 14, 2011 at 5:10 pm

That's her name??? Oh my God, I thought it was some hip name for a magazine.

SexySmurf July 14, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Her name is actually Christina Fallin-Bacon, which sounds both slutty and delicious.

Nothingisamiss July 14, 2011 at 5:18 pm

Hubby and I will play fallin-Bacon tonight, actually. It's some salty fun!

anniegetyerfun July 14, 2011 at 5:31 pm

That's actually a nickname that the Jews were going to bless Michele Bachmann with, but now they can't.

Limeylizzie July 14, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Fuck me running ,what a fantastic name!

genxr July 14, 2011 at 5:39 pm

Christ on a falling bacon!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 9:05 pm

Christina "Failin' Bacon" it is. Thank the gods I wasn't hosting a mouthful of anything when I read that priceless tidbit.

mourningnmerica July 14, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Christina, Failin Bacon, I'd like the sausage links. And crispy on the hash browns.

OneDollarJuana July 14, 2011 at 5:08 pm

I'd say something about Debbie Does Dallas, but that's in Texas.

SexySmurf July 14, 2011 at 5:11 pm

I'd say something about Hustler's Girls of Oral Roberts U, but I just made that up.

genxr July 14, 2011 at 5:39 pm

do not want!

Angry_Marmot July 15, 2011 at 8:05 am

From the producers of Bring'Em Young University.

fartknocker July 14, 2011 at 6:10 pm

Do any of these titles work for you:

Nailin Fallin
Tammy Does Tulsa
Mary Does Muskogee

metamarcisf July 14, 2011 at 5:11 pm

Her name is Sharia Failin and she spends her time getting stoned in the town square out in Enid.

Limeylizzie July 14, 2011 at 5:11 pm

OT but delicious…Piers Morgan is now in the crosshairs for the NOTW saga, couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

Tommmcattt July 14, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Looks like the gimp got us, Lizzie. Do you want to shame him or shall I?

Limeylizzie July 14, 2011 at 6:53 pm

You go right ahead, darling.

Tommmcattt July 14, 2011 at 8:03 pm

Hear that Gimp? You're filth! FILTH I SAY! Crawl back in your filthy hole!

(It such a nice afternoon here my heart is hardly in it)

Nothingisamiss July 14, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Seriously, downfister, you're a fan of Rupert? Who'd a thunk it?

Crank_Tango July 14, 2011 at 5:33 pm

the best part is that asshole probably refers tho herself as a "producer" yet spends all day hovering over wonket producing absolutely nothing but ass spread.

Tommmcattt July 14, 2011 at 5:44 pm

And not the good kind of ass spread either!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 9:08 pm

You mean that cheesy, low-fat, artifically-flavored ass spread?

V572 der Plaatz July 14, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Plus OMG he banned Ann Coulter from his show for life!

Limeylizzie July 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Really?

V572 der Plaatz July 14, 2011 at 5:34 pm

I read HuffPo so you don’t have to….

Limeylizzie July 14, 2011 at 6:05 pm

Bless you.

HistoriCat July 14, 2011 at 11:25 pm

What does he have against transvestites?

KotBR July 15, 2011 at 8:46 am

On a normal night? Just his crotch.

GOPCrusher July 14, 2011 at 5:38 pm

AP source: FBI probing News Corp. 9/11 phone link
http://news.yahoo.com/ap-source-fbi-probing-news-

LetUsBray July 14, 2011 at 9:34 pm

Hey, that's a surveyor's mark!

Tommmcattt July 14, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Next up, David Huckabee in a speedo!

GOPCrusher July 14, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Dancing to Rick Astley.

elviouslyqueer July 14, 2011 at 5:37 pm
widestanceroman July 14, 2011 at 5:19 pm

Surely it's 467 Speedos stitched together. Or is there now a Chris Christie line?

Tommmcattt July 14, 2011 at 5:29 pm

It's actually a circus tent with a sideways "Vee" painted on the entry flap.

Heh. Think "David Huckabee" then immeditately think "Entry Flap". TeeHeeHee!

Ew.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 9:14 pm

It's actually a Chris-Craft line — they're modified boat tarps.

DashboardBuddha July 14, 2011 at 6:18 pm

Hey…I was just about to have dinner, but now food is the furthest thing from my mind. I think we may have a winning diet plan here!

user-of-owls July 14, 2011 at 8:14 pm

There is a very special place in hell for you.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 9:15 pm

As if we don't have enough problems down here…

SilverTsunami July 14, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Her last name is really Failin' Bacon? You made that up!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 9:16 pm

You can't make this stuff up.

DaSandman July 14, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Ah she's young. Needs a couple ghey besties to show her how to dress with taste and class.

Fashion emergency!

elviouslyqueer July 14, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Your move, Miss Gay Oklahoma.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 9:18 pm

This is why I love the Wonketeers — the education you get here is priceless.

Chillwaver July 14, 2011 at 5:20 pm

Fabulous…she's Lady Ga Ga meets Ann Coulter (or the latter in drag, same difference).

Dr_pangloss July 14, 2011 at 9:01 pm

Speaking of which did you see Chaz Bono on Bill Maher? He had two pre op trannies on the show.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Coulter after some world-class plastic surgery, maybe. (Any operation on Coulter is plastic surgery, by definition, but you know what I mean.)

sportshort July 14, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Dang! She is really super….tepid? It looks so sad, like a Slurpee party in the desert when the machine breaks and the buzzards start circling and…well, just fucking sad.

fuflans July 15, 2011 at 12:39 am

oh that's lovely.

and well, sad.

Nothingisamiss July 14, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Soooo I'm guessing when a white girl does it (sex in a tent, out of wedlock birth, jugs in a twitter pic, drag dancing in see through clothing) it's still all family values? It is so confusing.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 9:30 pm

The trick is to claim in public that you regret doing it, and maybe get some pseudo-Xtian pseudo-rehab if you can't easily sell the regret thing. What's brilliant is that you can keep on doing it, and keep on regretting it, with little loss of credibilty among the wingtard demographic. Heck, they'll even spend their meager SSD benefits on your book explaining why you regret it so much — so long as you describe what you did in sufficiently lurid detail (an important grifting pointer that Sarah forgot to teach to Brisdull.)

smitallica July 14, 2011 at 5:22 pm

I'd hit it.
And then I'd get the fuck out of Oklahoma as fast as I possibly could.

elviouslyqueer July 14, 2011 at 5:29 pm

But not before you ingested enough penicillin to cure Ecuador.

Tundra Grifter July 14, 2011 at 8:59 pm

"I got twenty years for lovin' her,
"From the Oklahoma Governor."

Sorry, that's all of that song that I can still remember.

MilwaukeeKent July 14, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Ah, Tom Waits, right? But not the same song with
"He bought a secondhand Nova from a Cuban-Chinese
And dyed his hair in the men's room of a Texaco."

Though that would also be good advice after hitting on the Governor's daughter, along with what Smitallica said…

Amo_of_Bogio July 14, 2011 at 10:31 pm

From the song and the album of the same name, Swordfishtrombone:

…And he got 20 years for lovin' her from some Oklahoma governor
said everything this Doughboy does is wrong

Now some say he's doing the obituary mambo
Now some say that he's hanging on the wall
Perhaps this yarn's the only thing that holds this man together
Some say he was never here at all

prommie July 15, 2011 at 8:11 am

She looks like a stage-4 clinger to me.

seppdecker July 14, 2011 at 5:24 pm

"Dr. Cox, does this lipstick make me look like a clown?"

"No Barbie, it makes you look like a prostitute who caters exclusively to clowns."

V572 der Plaatz July 14, 2011 at 5:37 pm

Are they really DSLs, or just made up to look like it? Let's check it out in the lab!

mourningnmerica July 14, 2011 at 6:15 pm

Best of day.

DashboardBuddha July 14, 2011 at 6:19 pm

What is that from?

seppdecker July 14, 2011 at 8:00 pm

That is Scrubs. Best show ever.

DashboardBuddha July 14, 2011 at 6:20 pm

My guess is that Barbie stopped blowing clowns because they taste funny.

axmxz July 14, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Those platform shoes cry out for live goldfish to swim in them.

user-of-owls July 14, 2011 at 8:21 pm

What the fuck was that from?? It's been buggin' the shit outta me forever! Some skit where a superpimp is sportin' them and starts slippin' and winds up having the whole street laughing at him

axmxz July 14, 2011 at 8:25 pm

I'll give you a hint, sucka: it's summertime, and the pimpin' is easy.

user-of-owls July 14, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Don't tease, bitch. Deliver, o you ain't gettin' dis fitty.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Here's a lead: http://www.flickr.com/photos/brettie/2384317858/s

None of those rubber goldfish swimming in Lucite, either — these are the real thing!

DerrickWildcat July 14, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Oklahoma has red dirt!

user-of-owls July 14, 2011 at 9:00 pm

I seriously doubt that Cherokee Nation is going to like that remark.

Now, Gated Community Golf Course And Martinis Nation, well they'll be all, "We've been saying that for years."

GhostBuggy July 14, 2011 at 5:27 pm

So, what's the over/under on when Mom issues a statement saying her daughter was tricked into this by the liberal "Hollywood-type" photographer?

GOPCrusher July 14, 2011 at 5:31 pm

This photo shoot had nothing to do with sex. Get your filthy librul mind out of the gutter!

GuyClinch July 14, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Future Suicide Girl.

By the way, is there anyone in this terrible world that actually enjoys that kind of juddering, sped-up shaky video editing?

GunToting[Redacted] July 14, 2011 at 7:21 pm

Upfistie for my favorites, the Suicide Girls!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 9:48 pm

When you're juiced on meth, the whole world looks like that — maybe you get used to it?

hagajim July 14, 2011 at 5:27 pm

I'm betting she posts on the Twitter for #ThongThursday – also.

anniegetyerfun July 14, 2011 at 5:27 pm

Hey, she's doing the see-through dress thingie! I'm so glad that trend has started, actually. I urge more women to please look into trying this look out, preferrably while visiting my lovely city, Seattle*.

*where it is currently raining in the middle of fucking JULY, thanks

emmelemm July 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Quit whining or we'll make you move to a Red State.

anniegetyerfun July 14, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Like California?

V572 der Plaatz July 14, 2011 at 5:39 pm

You won't see Jerry Brown's daughters dancing on the steps of the governor's mansion!

emmelemm July 14, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Touché!

Mumbletypeg July 14, 2011 at 6:00 pm

That site is hilarious. By "see-through dress thingie" I must've thought you were referring to that other politician's daughter who made "Kerry" nearly synonymous with, hm, carefree?

anniegetyerfun July 14, 2011 at 6:04 pm

Oh, Alexandra's take was less intentional, and probably not for the sake of Man Repelling.

It IS a great site. Can wear on you after a while – the creator is hilarious and fun, but after a couple of days, you sort of want to scream "NOT EVERYONE CAN AFFORD THOSE FUCKING 'FRIENDSHIP' BRACELETS, YOU RICH CHILD." And then I turn to Honestly WFT, who are fashionable and into DIY.

Mumbletypeg July 14, 2011 at 6:19 pm

"Honestly WTF" looks like a keeper. I recently discovered RunwayDIY but haven't had a chance to try making anything yet.

DashboardBuddha July 14, 2011 at 6:22 pm

from that website
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ATHrjuGbOGQ/Th2oFbxF9xI

tell me that doesn't look like Michael Jackson in drag.

AbsolutNathan July 14, 2011 at 5:28 pm

…As Marcus Bachmann seethes with righteous indignation. And jealousy.

edgydrifter July 14, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Ladies and gentlemen, I present you the next Mrs. Gingrich.

Guppy06 July 14, 2011 at 6:07 pm

She's not nearly blonde enough.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Yet.

El Pinche July 14, 2011 at 5:29 pm

What does she charge per hour? Is she GFE? BBBJ?

Guppy06 July 14, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Of course she is! Her mama taught her rightly that condoms cause AIDS!

Crank_Tango July 14, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Why do I get the impression that 20-something is what this young tori spelling charges for a tug job?

Nostrildamus July 14, 2011 at 5:30 pm

GOP Field Shake Up as Christina Fallin-Bacon Pole Numbers Rise

pinkocommi July 14, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Mary Fallin should stop judging other people for the choices they make and focus more on keeping her daughter off the pole.

orygoon July 14, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Hey, I have humble beginnings. I, too, was born in Oklahoma. So Mary F., I'm sayin' to you, you can rise above that hand you were originally dealt.

Come here a minute July 14, 2011 at 5:32 pm

Twenty-something? Like twenty-seventeen?

Callyson July 14, 2011 at 5:45 pm

2017 is the year she will finally get that GED.

FlownOver July 14, 2011 at 5:33 pm

There are reports of people who claim to have witnessed the statue of Will Rogers in Claremore weeping.

Callyson July 14, 2011 at 5:48 pm

Though he would not be entirely surprised by this:
"I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do." http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/w/will_

thefrontpage July 14, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Message to Mary Failin's daughter: The clothes are stupid, the pictures are stupid, the name "twentysomething" for a magazine is stupid, shooting anything like this at a governor's mansion is stupid, the video is stupid, and anyone at the governor's mansion and anyone in the Failin family involved in this is stupid.

fuflans July 15, 2011 at 1:00 am

and no honey, those shoes don't make your legs look like model legs.

Come here a minute July 14, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Um, she doesn't look much like the other models at http://www.twentysomethingmagazine.com/ .

Limeylizzie July 14, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Is there no hairdresser in Oklahoma who can do a decent buttery blonde and not just single process?

BTWBFDIMHO July 14, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Minnesota shut down and Oklahoma still open for business? I don't get it.

widestanceroman July 14, 2011 at 5:36 pm

We grow some butt-ugly cheap-ass whores in our small towns.

She's the kind of girl you don't take home to Mother, since Mother already threatened to kill her if she caught her blowing the hogs again. Hog semen is gold in these parts and Mother is not happy it's being squandered on sluts.

Callyson July 14, 2011 at 5:41 pm

Your move, Bristol…

SayItWithWookies July 14, 2011 at 5:42 pm

"Oklahoma sophisticated" must be like "Minnesota nice."

L188188 July 15, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Or Alaska Classy.

ttommyunger July 14, 2011 at 5:44 pm

They cut it short because after that last sit-down on the ground shot, they had to slide her over a manhole to get her on her feet again. Suction libel!

Guppy06 July 14, 2011 at 5:44 pm

And the morals and standards that produced this fine young woman, this upstanding member of society, are the very same that her mother's political party would impose on us all.

Remember: If you want more trollops, vote Republican!

GOPCrusher July 14, 2011 at 5:57 pm

In the famous words of that political pundit, Butthead. "Sluts rule"

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Republicans pine for that golden age in America when, in cities across this great and blessed land, street trollops provided an inexpensive ride for the working man.

mrblifil July 14, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Nothing peps up fashion footage than playing every clip at 300% speed so she looks like a keystone cop dungeon mistress/circus clown in drag.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 9:55 pm

Yeah, but what's that got to do with the film speed?

genxr July 14, 2011 at 5:59 pm

needz moar Yakkity Sax.

phlox✔ July 14, 2011 at 6:00 pm

You can't spell Fallin without FAIL.

NorthStarSpanx July 14, 2011 at 6:02 pm

Models don't wear those kind of shoes. Honolulu street walkers and classless Fredericks of Hollywood types yes, models no.

mourningnmerica July 14, 2011 at 6:11 pm

Yeah, so what's yer point? We don't always have to eat Chateau Briand. Sometimes you just want a big greasy sack of White Castles.

Angry_Marmot July 15, 2011 at 8:30 am

After you been having
Steak for a long time,
Beans, beans taste fine.

north_of_moscow July 14, 2011 at 6:04 pm

You can't blame the poor girl for her mother. Those shoes, on the other hand, well, bless her heart.

mourningnmerica July 14, 2011 at 6:09 pm

Harlot !!! Jezebel !!! Heathen !!!

She's pretty hot, though. I'd do her in a minute. I mean, literally.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 9:57 pm

I'd probably stick around until she started talking.

genxr July 15, 2011 at 12:05 pm

yeah, as soon as she catches her breath enough to start telling me about all the cool hipster hangouts in Oklahoma, I'm out of there like a scalded dog.

mourningnmerica July 14, 2011 at 6:13 pm

Tell the truth. Doesn't this video make you want to consider Sharia Law? A little bit?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 10:01 pm

The "whore of Babylon" look does suggest why Sharia was invented — but isn't Oklahoma exactly where they made that impossible?

genxr July 15, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Haha, charade you are! Thwarted again by the family values crowd, always one step ahead of you, lieberulunaticsocialismuslins!

mourningnmerica July 14, 2011 at 6:14 pm

For her to parade around like that, her mother must be a big fat whore.

DashboardBuddha July 14, 2011 at 6:16 pm

I bet her porn name will be Mary Fellatin'

DashboardBuddha July 14, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Seriously…is this what we have come to? The daughter of a state governor is doing (rancid) cheescake shots at the fucking governor's mansion.

The mind boggles.

OneYieldRegular July 14, 2011 at 6:50 pm

If "The Last Picture Show" had been remade in the early 1990's, I suspect it would've looked something like this.

hagajim July 14, 2011 at 6:51 pm

How about we do an all-girl sexytime and title it Fallin's nailin Palin and we can have her and Bristol star….can't get preggers that way.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 10:04 pm

In a tent, with wine coolers.

They can both sign into a Christian lesbian-cure clinic afterwards, if need be, before going on their red-state-only book tour.

Poindexter718 July 14, 2011 at 7:01 pm

It's Lady Hee-Haw!

sati_demise July 14, 2011 at 7:20 pm

oh, that is so win! you nailed it perfectly.

Warpde July 14, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Look a me Daddy.
I'm a sexy slut.
Just the way you like.

franco_pinyon July 14, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Oh my! What is up with these tight-ass, family values Repubs and their kids?

How could being raised by a gay couple seem suspect when the spokespeople for the Repubs social agenda have daughters like this, and Bristol Palin?

ProudLibunatic July 14, 2011 at 7:23 pm

I know, really has that "minister's daughter" vibe, doesn't it?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 10:05 pm

I can't wait to see how One-L Bachmann's adoptee harem turns out.

comrad_darkness July 15, 2011 at 8:42 am

Their non-stop freak out of making rules about how everyone else should live is one long cry for help.

Eve8Apples July 14, 2011 at 7:30 pm

Look for the tramp on the debut episode of "Pole Dancin' with the Stars"

genxr July 15, 2011 at 12:01 pm

Vote for Woz!!!

MaxUdargo July 14, 2011 at 7:31 pm

That's fashion? That's music? That's a governor's mansion?

Boy, if the internet were my front lawn…

comrad_darkness July 14, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Huh, the nickname Sarah Failin' never seems to come up. I guess we never got past Sarah Quitin' to think of it.

AlaskaGrrl July 14, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Oh, I saw this already on FetLife.com.

Tundra Grifter July 14, 2011 at 8:31 pm

That video was jerkier than homemade porn.

user-of-owls July 14, 2011 at 8:32 pm

You know, Tom Coburn sounding the debauchery alarm years all the way back in 2004!

Lesbianism is so rampant in some of the schools in southeast Oklahoma that they'll only let one girl go to the bathroom. Now think about it. Think about that issue. How is it that that's happened to us?

A true sage, that man. Plus, Oklahoma ended that fiscal with an unexpectedly large budget surplus, which the State Treasurer attributed to an inexplicable 950% surge in tourism receipts in and around Tahlequah, Atoka and Coalgate.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 10:10 pm

It would seem that Okie menfolk have become seriously undesirable. Could be the tinfoil hats, or the rampant misogyny. A combination of the two would certainly account for the current state of, umm, affairs.

Negropolis July 15, 2011 at 2:37 am

Man, where was that bathroom at my high school? All they had in the womens room at my high school was a coach and an end table. Don't ask; I won't tell.

genxr July 15, 2011 at 12:00 pm

It's true, they only let one girl go to the bathroom, and for that girl, life was good. For everyone else, it was four years of extreme discomfort.

Tundra Grifter July 14, 2011 at 8:33 pm

Speaking of motorboating…

user-of-owls July 14, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Call me Ishmael. Right?

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 10:20 pm

Might be a reference to Oppenheiner's link, six posts below.
Truly awfulsome stuff.

Dr_pangloss July 14, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Eh. I bang her on the govenors desk for the lulz.

user-of-owls July 14, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Not so much a Slut Walk as a Slut Jitterbug.

voodooeconomics July 14, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Pornographically she has qualities that could fit well in one of Lexington Steele epic movies.

prommie July 14, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Where is her zuchini?

prommie July 14, 2011 at 9:40 pm

I have watched it now, and I have nothing to say except that it suddenly struck me that she has all the talent, and looks, of Jessica Hahn. Jessica fucking Hahn.

fuflans July 15, 2011 at 12:49 am

wow.

J Rbt. Oppenheiner July 14, 2011 at 9:45 pm

Total trollop. And her poseur hipster husband just looks like a dick.
http://www.thelostogle.com/2011/06/21/mary-fallin

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 10:28 pm

OMFG!!!!!!!!! Words fail me. The Onion can only dream of dreaming up something like this.

This is worth a Wonkette page of its own — and a truly epic snarkfest.

Just for starters, hubbie-the-hipster (can I get a TM on "hickster"?), Mr. Bacon, is a 31-year-old "art student", and a partner (with daddy, no doubt) in an oil-and-gas scheme of some sort. (No need for Bacon to bring home the bacon; it arrives in the mail.)

It only goes downhill from there. Let me put it this way: Someone was apalled enough to comment that it made them "glad to be from Texas."

Negropolis July 15, 2011 at 2:41 am

Matthew Bacon is 31 years old and is a partner in an oil and gas company. Matt is also obtaining his degree at the University of Oklahoma. He is passionate about his work, music, art and design. He is also the care taker of Christina and Matt’s dog, Scruffy. He is a self proclaimed “Renaissance”

Honestly, you can't make this shit up.

genxr July 15, 2011 at 11:58 am

Now I know where I've seen him before. That episode of King of the Hill where the Pimp from "The OKC" comes into town. "That's how we do it in the OKC"

I, too, am a self-proclaimed Renaissance. Not Renaissance Man, I'm the whole fucking Renaissance.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 15, 2011 at 12:20 pm

You may have seen him on the Oklahoma Dep't of Corrections web site.
Convicted for possession with intent to sell.

If he was colored, and poor, he'd have been sent to the state penitentiary for a decade or two. But he's white, and rich, so he gets to marry the governor's daughter instead.

comrad_darkness July 15, 2011 at 8:29 am

I love Satire Proof. (Hey, that'd make a great band name . . .)

"So, if you want to buy the couple a $1,200 Versace Butterfly Garden Soup Tureen, feel free."

But the educated liberals are the "elites". Ha ha. Man the teatards are so getting played.

LetUsBray July 14, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Is everyone in a Rethuglican family all messed up and creepy?

Note: That's a rhetorical question.

lulzmonger July 14, 2011 at 9:59 pm

O for a jug of wine, a brick of hash & thou.
Just not in Oklafuckinhoma.

MilwaukeeKent July 14, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Does Betty Page know about those shoes? She's getting married, why do I think the wedding photographer won't be Larry Clarke and the band won't be the Flaming Lips?

ChuckieJesus July 14, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Wow, being a rich white girl must RULE.

Negropolis July 15, 2011 at 2:43 am

Well, it worked for Michael Jackson…up to a point, of course.

WinterOuthouse July 14, 2011 at 11:39 pm

Isn't that the chick Mark Sanford was banging in Argentina?

Negropolis July 15, 2011 at 2:45 am

Hiking the old Indian Nation and Muskogee Turnpikes, eh?

fuflans July 15, 2011 at 12:52 am

there's an ancient dilbert cartoon wherein dilbert confronts his unfed ego who tells him he's so unfed he's going to try out for a play.

this is what i thought of.l

Negropolis July 15, 2011 at 2:16 am

You know what they say, she may not be a hooker, but she's sure wearing a hooker's uniform.

Kind of OT, but some of the most miserable country I've ever had the pleasure of driving through was I-40 between OKC and Amarillo. Really, between OKC and Albuquerque. You haven't smelled hell until you've smelled mile-long stockyards.

DustBowlBlues July 15, 2011 at 10:35 am

Hideous. We have to do it twice last year. If I won the lottery, I'd give massive amounts of moohla to the NPR station in Cameron U, in SW OK so they can expand their signal to cover the TX Panhandle.=

We were adjusting the radio and clinging to their broadcast as hard as we could, then there was nothing. Nothing being Xian music, Country Music, Mexican music and, I assume if we'd search AM, Hate Talk. At the moment we realized our last touch with civilization had given way, I looked up at the exit sign. Who knew we'd be in fucking Bush, TX.

Negropolis July 15, 2011 at 9:01 pm

All that said, I've been down the Indian Nation Turnpike and through eastern and southeastern Oklahoma, and it's some beautiful, green country.

user-of-owls July 15, 2011 at 12:05 pm

Ah, yes, The Tunnel of Stench. In order to truly experience it, you simply must pass through it in mid-August. And stay overnight in Amarillo. In a shitty hotel where you are full-body embraced by The Stink and serenaded by the low-flying B-52s.

It's sort of a Tenth Wonder of the World. In opposite-world.

comrad_darkness July 16, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Oklahoma, where your meat goes to die.

horsedreamer_1 July 15, 2011 at 8:41 am

Didn't this gal win an Academy Award for screenwriting?

gurukalehuru July 15, 2011 at 9:00 am

Fashion Fallin. (pronounced failin')

DustBowlBlues July 15, 2011 at 10:23 am

You mean Mattress Mary? Who, while Lt. Guv with family values, had an affair with her bodyguard and dumped her husband. That mother? Yeah, you'd be right. She's family values slut with no neck. Seriously, no neck. When she looks to her side, she has to move her entire body.

Daughter stole her hair color from her tramp mother. But they're Republithugs. In the Bible Belt, that's all it takes to be family values.

PhilippePetain July 15, 2011 at 11:47 am

That is the worst cover version of any song ever.

L188188 July 15, 2011 at 2:18 pm

Like twenty-somethings read magazines…

DustBowlBlues July 15, 2011 at 3:15 pm

This went up after the old man commandeered the computer last night for his porn watch. (This isn't his kind of porn, anyway). I didn't get a chance to respond, but this AM checked the "Oklahoman''s" (worst newspaper in US, officially–according to Columbia School of Journalism) web site and there was no reference to this. Imagine. The Tulsa World got it.

Lame post, I know, but I felt obilgated to say something about the beloved homeland. After all, I can hear all the wonkeratti demanding. DustBowlBlues! What does she think. I haven't read most of the replies, but I'm assuming that's what you were saying.

MISTAHCOUGHDROP July 16, 2011 at 11:05 am

Is Miss OK running for Miss Dairy Queen? I'd vote for her if she would allow me to put new curtains up in the Manse. Cool?

dopper0189 July 16, 2011 at 11:18 am

What a bummer when I read the words "6 inch heels","conservative""prance"" I was assuming it would be another gay family value Republican not a plain Jane looking chick.

user-of-owls July 14, 2011 at 11:00 pm

No, no, fucking no. Teh clip I'ma looking for features a mob-a-laughing at teh pimp who's wobbling on teh aqua-heels. Maybe I is hallucinatin'. but I think I saw this scene in something or other.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 14, 2011 at 11:05 pm

It's a lead, dude. Mayfield did the song for the scene.

Angry_Marmot July 15, 2011 at 8:20 am
Tommmcattt July 14, 2011 at 11:56 pm

Beurre de cul, you mean? It is delicious…

horsedreamer_1 July 15, 2011 at 8:35 am

BaconzNude!

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