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America About To Lose Its Fancy Credit Card

Because of many reasons including “the nation cannot even agree to print more money,” the United States is in danger of losing its fancy AAA credit rating from Moody’s, the investing service that decides what countries and businesses have good credit. (Moody’s failed to predict the housing collapse and current financial meltdown, so who knows why we are listening to them today.)

Bloomberg reports:

Moody’s Investors Service raised the pressure on U.S. lawmakers to increase the government’s $14.3 trillion debt limit by placing the nation’s credit rating under review for a downgrade.

The U.S., rated Aaa since 1917, was put on review for the first time since 1996 on concern the debt threshold won’t be raised in time to prevent a missed interest or principal payment on outstanding bonds and notes, even though the risk remains low.

This is so serious, you guys! Barack Obama is even going to make the Republicans in Congress do a gay sleepover with him at Camp David, so everybody can act serious! [Bloomberg]

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115 comments

  1. Barb

    Lindsey Graham isn't invited to the gay sleepover? He's been pitching a tent for the other guys forever.

      1. Barb

        Did you see Jerry Seinfeld and Jon Steward, ripping Marcus apart last night? When they said that Marcus is so gay that he called "Top Gun" "that volleyball movie" I lost it.

          1. Barb

            I'm hoping to get some music online soon. Spotify is launching today and I'm hoping to get connected.

  2. Come here a minute

    I hope our new non-platinum credit card at least comes with a decent rewards program.

        1. mayor_quimby

          3 kinds of ketchup? What do you mean? Anything other than Heinz is shiite – and don't suggest that Hunts or Van de Kamp stuff, totally un-American.
          I plan to punish my kids by making them eat Hunts while I dip my fries in Heinz right in front of 'em. Tough love.

  3. tihond

    Obama will just have to do what anyone does when they have trouble making rent… He trim the CD collection and maybe sell some of the Library of Congress at the used bookstore. How much do you think a pawn shop would offer for an F-16?

    1. mayor_quimby

      I know Pakistan would simply kill for a few F-16's. Taiwan wants F-22 Raptors and will pay out the ass for them.

  4. hagajim

    So the U.S. is now being downgraded. Fittingly, it ties in with our moving to second world status. Welcome to the long, not-so-slow decline in Merika!

  5. MLHencken

    Great. GOP would rather put Uncle Sam's FICO score in the shitter than act like grown ups.

    I hope they put Cantor in the room next door so he can hear The President and First Lady going at it until the sun comes up. Fucker won't get any sleep, will get up terrified, and hopefully come to his senses.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Well, according to people like Bachmann, Ron Paul, and Louie Gohmert, the tales of impending doom that would be created by America defaulting on it's loans are just a scare tactic by the White House.
      So, don't worry. Be happy!

    1. Sparky_McGruff

      I'd guess there's an expired health insurance card from when we still had a decent job, and maybe even a metro ticket with $0.55. Is the blockbuster card still in there or did we throw it away yet?

      1. horsedreamer_1

        For whatever reason, I always have a DC Metro Card in my wallet, so, you're right. But, no, I don't live in DC.

        1. Sparky_McGruff

          I was kind of thinking of the "national wallet"; but I don't think there's much difference these days for most of us.

          Except for the Koch Brothers. They have blackmail photos of Eric Cantor in their wallets. Of course, their wallets are made from the scrotums of Republican house members.

    2. Doktor Zoom

      There's also a scrap of paper with what looks like a phone number on it, but America is damned if it remembers who the hell that is. Is that a "9" or a "7"?

  6. SorosBot

    Well then, the US should get Moody's to improve their credit rating just like Goldman Sachs, Lehman Brothers, and all the megabanks did, by paying them for a good rating.

    Seriously, why does anyone give a shit what this bribe-happy agency says?

    1. Barb

      Did you ever see the 20/20 report on the B.B.B.? They gave Chef Wolfgang Puck an "F" rating. He refuses to pay them for an "A" rating. You have to pay to get a good rating. They gave an A plus rating to the skinhead, neo-Nazi organization Stormfront. I guess they paid, eh?

      1. SorosBot

        It's so clearly a racket, it's ridiculous how credulously people treat these credit agencies. A good rating means a company has paid up; that's it.

    2. MissTaken

      How ratings agencies have avoided RICO charges all these years is beyond me. They run the biggest racket out there.

      1. WhatTheHolyHeck

        Considering the rating requirements contribute to the corporate drive for excessive profiteering, I couldn't agree more. Companies that take even a small hit to their profits in order to pay their people better are penalized with a lowered credit rating and have to pay more on their debt. It's sick. They are one of the fundamental flaws in our economy.

        1. WhatTheHolyHeck

          Wow, that was fast, wee trollie. Nice to know you're not idealistic, just a plain old douchebag.

          Do you push kids off swings in the playground too?

        2. GOPCrusher

          Same with the Stock Market. Amazing how a company's stock value always seems to go up when lay offs are announced.

    3. MightySix

      The spousal unit works in banking risk management and constantly calls bullshit on the ratings agencies, especially after they gave a big stamp of approval back on the mortgage backed securities.

    1. GuyClinch

      Hey, if it wasn't for one of those "shitty" secured cards, how could I have ever recovered my credit rating long enough to completely fuck it up again?

  7. Doktor Zoom

    No problem, guys. We can always get a payday loan down at the check cashing place, and then, once we hit the lottery, we can pay it all back. Also, if we need a little extra, we can sell our blood plasma.

    1. widestanceroman

      And by that time, there'll be a (R) in the White House again and deficits won' t matter.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        you know, if we all just emptied those jars of pennies on top of the dresser, we could pay for at least a few hours of the wars….

    2. mayor_quimby

      Do you live in my neighborhood?? There's a TitleMax across the street from the Western Union, but not a fuckin' bank to be seen.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Why is this the first I am hearing of this? She went to my state's flagship campus, after all.

        Also, why was one of the top Google hits for her name a discussion of her on a Ben Folds fan messageboard?

    1. flamingpdog

      Maybe China'll do us a favor and repossess the Capitol building and evict all the residents.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Posssible silver lining: Chinese hackers taking down GOP and teabagger websites.

  8. freakishlywrong

    S'ok. American Express investor services downgraded me in 2008 and I'm still here. (By "downgraded" I mean they shot my interest rate up to 28%). They are no longer what's in my wallet..

  9. Mumbletypeg

    do a gay sleepover with him at Camp David

    "Camp" David –*Gah,* it sounds so old school — isn't it about time they got with the 21st century? 'Camp' >> "CAMPUS".. and in lieu of "David"… well I'm sure Capital One will be happy to become the new sponsor in keeping with all our bastardized ball parks, concert pavilions and other locales for "beer summit" hubs of activity.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Also, found this, on Wikipedia entry for Camp David:

        First known as Hi-Catoctin,…

        So, this was America's first Hostel International hostelling site? & have any Presidents or other lodgers gotten athlete's foot, or worse, after staying & using the communal showers?

  10. Sharkey

    "(Moody’s failed to predict the housing collapse and current financial meltdown, so who knows why we are listening to them today.)"
    This.

    Since when do corporations hold sway over the entire US gover… oh. Right.

    I'm having a Moody Moment here.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Ol' Sarah better get on the bus for 2012. That face is going to look quite saggy in four years and be classified as a WMD Botox dump by then.

      1. Callyson

        She'll need the name of Michele Bachmann's plastic surgeon. Can't wait for the bitchslapping when Bachmann Turner Overdrive refuses to divulge that secret…

  11. bagofmice

    The US is pretty much becoming the Soviet Union.

    Think about it. We have a decade long occupation of Afghanistan, nuclear weapons, a capitol that is rigged for "the party", with a guy named Karl talking about a "permanent majority", our own version of Pravda that is "Fair and Balanced", and an insanely expensive Military that is crippling us with debt. We wiretap our citizens without warrants, kidnap and torture people all around the world, and have states like Georgia that want to stop people and ask them for their papers, so that they can put them in camps.

    Soviet America, whoooah-oh!

    1. horsedreamer_1

      So, do we have to take away the victory in the Cold War from George H.W. Bush?

      Is Bush-41 the Jim Tressel of politics?

    2. proudgrampa

      Well said, bagofmice.

      Further, we will be seeing currency controls, travel that is more restricted, and confiscation of just about every liberty we have.

      Have I mentioned that we are freakin' doomed?

      Buy gold, silver and oil. As inflation destroys the dollar, they are going to be the only things worth owning (and the government will probably take those from us, too).

      1. AbandonHope

        Silver has always seemed like a way better investment than gold, in that it has far more industrial uses. Tarnishes, though, so I guess there's that.

      2. zhubajie

        Orlov suggests stocking up on condoms, nuts, bolts, screws, batteries: small things that everyone needs but can't make themselves. Also, learn to grow your own veggies and to make friends with your neighbors.

      1. Biel_ze_Bubba

        What a fantastic pair of hunting buddies they'd be! I have a scifi/fantasy cover painting in mind, and it's scaring me.

      1. flamingpdog

        Time to institute gubmint-sponsored Russian bride immigration to 'Mur'ca. But that would be soshulism … of soshulism? I need wodka.

    3. axmxz

      Actually, we're like a bizzarro USSR: they had a creaky but operational space program, frustrating but life-sustaining universal healthcare, and hordes of grumpy world-class engineers in jobs below their skill level. America has a flashy but useless (now defunct altogether) space program, gadget-happy but unaffordable healthcare, and hordes of liberal arts majors shuffling paper for credit card companies.

  12. CapeClod

    I think we should sell our fleet of Los Angeles class attack submarines to, say, Switzerland so that Moodys knows that we have some ready cash.

  13. mumbly_joe

    Wait, so saying, publicly, that you're not going to be paying your bills somehow has consequences? Who would have suspected.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      As a tribute, at tonite's midnite opening for Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows, Pt. 2, I'm going to yell, "Fire!"

  14. ttommyunger

    So, if the Country defaults, interest rates will go up. Who gets the extra money when interest rates go up? THE FUCKING BANKERS, RIGHT? I get the funny feeling that the fix is in, folks and either way; they make out like bandits and we take it up the ass.

  15. DahBoner

    Republican presidents ran up 8 out of 9 Trillion of debt.

    And now, when a Black man is around, they don't want to pay it back…

  16. BarackMyWorld

    This economic brinksmanship ends 5-minutes after the bond-holders threaten to withhold their campaign contributions. FACT.

    1. GOPCrusher

      I'm surprised that Eric Cantor hasn't gotten a phone call from Goldman Sachs or someone like and explained to him to stop fucking around.

  17. proudgrampa

    Why are these agencies (Moody's, Standard and Poor's, Fitch) always so late to the party? These assholes should have started the downgrade process months (if not years) ago.

    By now, we would have been on the other side of any crisis. As long as we keep kicking the can down the road, the consequences are just going to get worse.

  18. Callyson

    No reason to trust Moody's, to be sure, but then again the Reeps are trying to say that a default would be no big deal. So confused…do I go with what the evil Wall Street lackeys are saying…or with what the evil Wall Street lackeys are saying?

  19. Wilcoxyz

    You libtards need to think inside the tiny, airless libertarian box.

    We create our own bond rating agency. Call it Randy's. And presto, we'll even get an upgrade.

  20. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Because a AAA from Moody's always guarantees the quality of the investment, right?

  21. zhubajie

    When Argentina defaulted, around 2000, some of the provinces started paying employees with "bonds", some with Isobel Peron's picture! MN, here's your answer! "Bonds" for workers! With Bachmann's picture on them!

Comments are closed.