do 9/11 families get a free one?

9/11 Hero George W. Bush Shilling Autographed 9/11 Baseball Cards

one of our favorite 9/11 memories, right here.What is the number one top most important thing to remember about how alcoholic clown prince George W. Bush acted in the wake of the 9/11 terrorist attacks? Was it the EIGHT THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED THIRTY-FOUR TRILLION DOLLAR WAR that he started for fun and oil and murder? No, because who remembers those things. That crazy elephantine orgy of torture and child execution is gone from the radar these days. So here you are, a signed “baseball card” of Hero George Dubya throwing a pitch at Yankee Stadium during Game 3 of the World Series, right after 9/11, to make us feel better. It is good to see that in these hard economic times, it is still possible to make a “9/11 memories” buck.

And of course Fox News reported on this:

“Our 2011 Allen & Ginter product will continue Topps’ historic tradition of chronicling heroes both on and off the playing field,” Topps VP, Mark Sapir, said in a statement. “We’re thrilled to announce that this year’s set will include limited edition autographs of our country’s 43rd President, George W. Bush – marking the first time ever that a living President has made their autographs available in a trading card product.”

The limited edition autograph cards feature an image of Bush throwing out the first pitch at Game 3 of the 2001 World Series at Yankee Stadium, just weeks after the 9/11 suicide bombings of the World Trade Center.

Also included are 10 special cards signed in red ink, some with inscriptions next to the former president’s autograph, including “#43” and “U.S.A.”

It is a thoughtful way to remember this, the event that killed thousands of human people and plunged America into a costly, pointless war. Good marketing, Topps.  [Fox News]

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      1. V572 der Plaatz

        Didn't he try out with the Bowie Baysox once? Good fielder, as I recall, but couldn't hit a curve ball.

        No, wait, that was our other Greatest Worst Scariest Enemy, Fidel Castro. Or was it Hugo "Ugo" Chavez? So many enemies….

        1. horsedreamer_1

          Sam Khalifa is Major League Baseball's only known Muslin. Though, I have my suspicions about Mat Gamel.

    1. Mahousu

      Yes, he gets a card. And you get a card, and you get a card, and you, and you.


    2. Steverino247

      No, OBL gets a dork who will bilk his fellow racist Christians into paying for the effort to find his corpse.

        1. riverside68

          If you're a Amin True Believer, all of them are edible.

          Ohhh . . you mean the cards, sorry, carry on then.

  1. lefty74

    He lead us to the fork in the road, and told us if we didn't take it, the terrorizers would.

  2. memzilla

    Shoe. I want him to autograph a shoe. Any bets that he wouldn't do it, given enough sweet, sweet Koch Dollahz?

    1. Nostrildamus

      Once you buy the card you're on the hook for massive payments ever year until all the brown people are dead.

    1. ProudLibunatic

      And Brown v. Murdoch just reminds me of Bush saying, of the British PM, that he was not as DOUR as he thought he'd be. Cause he's Scottish. The depth of Dubya's foreign policy knowledge. A ditty, (or something), about a "dour Scotsman."


  3. BaldarTFlagass

    His signature looks like it says "Zor El" or some weird shit like that. Or am I reading that wrong?

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Thanks for clearing that up for me. I've been putting off getting an eye exam, maybe I should stop procrastinating.

      1. Gleem_McShineys

        Consuella: "Penic erection was one of the many unsolved evolutionary mysteries surrounding sexuality. Every society had an elaborate subculture devoted to erotic stimulation. But nobody could quite determine how this… "
        Consuella points to a diagram of a flaccid male penis and scrotum

        Consuella: "…becomes this. "
        Consuella points to a signed baseball card of George W. Bush

        1. user-of-owls

          May: "Well quite clearly this is that mysterious mechanism."
          May points to a picture of Katherine Harris.

    1. zhubajie

      His mechanical signing machine got drunk on strong AC! You don't think he signs them himself, do you?

    2. ShaveTheWhales

      Clearly, it's "Jar El", simultaneously honoring his unborn sibling and Superman (or possibly Antwan Randle El).

      1. user-of-owls

        "Mr. Pot? I have a Mr. Kettle on Line Two who is shouting gibberish and calling you black. Should I transfer him to voicemail?"

      1. user-of-owls

        Agreed, but his reputation never really recovered from that Performance Ending Drug scandal at the very end of his career.

    1. user-of-owls

      Shit, you could create an entire collection just using the chupacabras from the Reagan lineup of butchers. Just ask a Nicaraguan. Or Salvadoran. Or Argentine, Chilean, Brazilian, Honduran, Uruguayan or Guatemalan. Oh, wait. you can't ask a Mayan from there because they were all exterminated by Ron's dear pal, Efrain Rios Montt.

      1. Dudleydidwrong

        The people of Grenada want Reagan to be immoralized (spelled correctly) on a card.

        1. PristineODummy

          Well, most of those who have a score to settle with that brainless zombie bastard are moldering in communal graves. Funny, isn't it, that the invading USArmians knew exactly who to round up and dump in said mass graves when they arrived?

    2. Fukui_sanYesOta

      Kissinger, with his coat of arms depicting crossed dead Cambodians on a pile of dead Cambodians.

  4. Oblios_Cap

    God, I hate that worthless piece of shit. I saw the pics of him at B. Ford's funeral and he's still the same slack-jawed asshole he always was.

    1. KenLayIsAlive

      It's like the old saying, you can can take the dick out of your ass, but you can't take the slack out of your asshole.

      What I'm saying is that America will never recover from the fucking GWB and his cronies gave it.

  5. Kidneys4Sale

    Even in this picture, he appears unsure of what he should do next. Thanks for the memories.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I watched that game. He threw a shitty first pitch.

      Of course, it's hard to pitch wearing a kevlar and chainmail vest. And if you're a stupid and talentless fucking pussy.

      1. PristineODummy

        I think in Georgeya's case, it's 40% the first and ELEBENTY BILLION PERCENT the second.

  6. i_AM_ready

    Love how you can see that throwing a ball really taxes his brain. Like how Linus sticks his tongue out in Peanuts when he's writing.

  7. BlueStateLibel

    Bush is a little late cashing in on the 9/11 crap merchandise, isn't he? He can't even do that right.

      1. flamingpdog

        THANK YOU, DOK! That's exactly what I've reminding myself for years, every time I get the slightest notion that they had sumthin' to do with it.

  8. Come here a minute

    It should come as no surprise that Mr. Bush rated the two of clubs.

    Also suitable for putting in the spokes of your bike to make it sound like a motor-sicle.

    1. flamingpdog

      It must stand for Masters of Business Administration, 'cause it sure don't stand for Mighty Bad Ass.

    2. PuckStopsHere

      I thought he was the "Education President." Or, was it the "War President?" Or was it the "Worst President of All Time?" I keep forgetting.

      1. Negropolis

        Fortunately, we don't have to choose just one. He can be all of them (Katie).

        Okay, someond can deduct me a whore-diamond for overplaying that overplayed meme.

  9. BaldarTFlagass

    Why in the FUCK is he wearing his dad's WWII leather flying jacket?!?!?! That oughtta really improve his ability to get it over the plate.

  10. Oblios_Cap

    It is a thoughtful way to remember this, the event that killed all thousands of human people and plunged America into a costly, pointless war. Good job, Topps.

    Not to mention the speeding up of the demise of the Republic.

    I always expected that it would be Fleer that would do this sort of thing.

    1. zhubajie

      That will be how historians remember him in 100 years: successfully installing Unitary Executive.

  11. Sue4466

    What about Cheney's card? If Bush is the standard, then certainly Cheney's a hero too.

    1. Fukui_sanYesOta

      That one just has a prone attorney lying in a pool of his own blood with LOL written on it.

        1. user-of-owls

          "Mister Therapy? I have a Ms. Terry O'Neill from NOW on Line One and sir, she seems hoppin' mad."

          1. user-of-owls

            "Um, Mister Therapy? Sorry to bother you again, but a Mr. Rob Light is on Line Three. He says he is Ms.Carey's agent and sir, he sounds all het up."

          2. PuckStopsHere

            Clearly, this Wall person has no athletic ability whatsoever and, as such, should fit in well with the Wizards.

  12. hagajim

    "one top most important thing to remember about how alcoholic clown prince George W. Bush?"

    That he's an alcoholic clown douchenozzle? Shit, I thought Allen and Ginter said Alien Hunter for a minute.

  13. rocktonsam

    I can't wait to put W's card between my bike spokes with a clothes pin and make noise that Jr made for eight years.

    Good times.


  14. Texan_Bulldog

    Does Rudy 'noun/verb/911' know about this? I thought he copyrighted everything 9/11-ish.

  15. BaldarTFlagass

    "Also included are 10 special cards signed in red ink"

    Given the cost of the wars and the cost to the economy of his policies, shouldn't they ALL be signed in red ink???

    1. PristineODummy

      Ah, hey now, hey now.

      On second thought, WTF. You're right. That whole goddamn douchebag should be dipped in blood and left to walk around slowly drying, sticking, and stinking up everything in his wake. It's what he did for eight years to the rest of us.

  16. orygoon

    If my dad, a former Rockefeller Republican (who voted for Obama, Wisconsin primary, 2008) were still alive, I'd get him one (well, copy/print) and send it to him–to use for asswipe, or to start a fire, or to shred.
    Dad just hated that Bush guy with a righteous passion. Makes me smile to remember the Bush-countdown calendar he sent me.

    1. Zombie_Reagan

      Heck, my father was a Goldwater Republican and he too HATED Dubya (and he also voted for Clinton 2x and Obama)

      1. horsedreamer_1

        My grandmother voted for Kennedy (Catholic convert) and Goldwater (she was a western girl), and she hated Bush. Basically, she was crazy, but even she had limits.

    2. PristineODummy

      My in-laws never ever voted for a Democrat in their lives, until Gee Dumbya showed up. Then they tore up their Republican party memberships, and never voted Republican again.

  17. Fukui_sanYesOta

    I'd buy it if it had WILLFULLY PIG-IGNORANT BELLICOSE CUNT emblazoned across the top.

    Did he sign it "FonZee"?

    1. Gleem_McShineys

      Looks like when he signed it, he was making the same face as he is on the card.


  18. edgydrifter

    …Topps’ historic tradition of chronicling heroes…

    Weird. I always thought heroes were people who were heroic, or at least really, really awesome. I know times are tough and hell, I'd even settle for defining "hero" as "a basically decent person," but calling Bush a hero stretches the definition way beyond absurdity.

    1. JustPixelz

      I agree! Heroes are people who run into burning buildings. Not the ones who ignore "bin Laden Determined to Attack in U.S." warnings. Then sit frozen in a classroom with school children while "America is under attack" and his heroic fellow citizens are fighting for their lives in airplanes and burning buildings.

    2. user-of-owls

      To be fair, though, if you look at the fine print you will notice that this is actually part of the Topps Tribute To Dada Series.

    3. flamingpdog

      Just a Fox typo is all. He was actually described in the press release as a gyro – in his case, a shit sandwich with Santorum dressing.

    4. zhubajie

      Epic heroes are arrogant and selfish, concerned with personal glory. He's got those. But they have heroic achievements, and he doesn't have those.

  19. comrad_darkness

    I distinctly remember this pansy and his VP panic-flying in fear around the U.S. telling no press where they were that day. In contrast Rudy had his ass downtown showing actually fucking leadership.

    1. Limeylizzie

      I have to admit, even though I loathed him before and after, Rudy was fantastic on that day, especially for us in NYC , he was the only person who seemed to give a shit about us, Bush was appalling.

    2. BaldarTFlagass

      Actually, I think Cheney was running the show from the War Room or something.

      And since he was in on it from the get-go, that's just what you'd expect.


    3. BlueStateLibel

      I give him credit for that, it sort of mitigates the fact that after the first bombing of the Trade Center, his administration decided to house NY's emergency center…in the Trade Center. Oh well.

    4. PristineODummy

      Cheney wasn't flying anywhere. The SS, knowing the true President, squirreled him into the secret bunker right away. It was Georgeya, the Forgotten Dunce, who was flying around refuelling, forgotten by everyone except the good folks on AF1 who were tasked with keeping his worthless ass safe.

  20. 5thstate

    Bush did nothing heroic.
    He did nothing competently.
    He can't even sign his name legibly.

  21. Groupshrug

    Does the baseball card included GWB's stats? I want to see how many errors they have down for him.

    1. HobbesEvilTwin

      while we're at it, let's count the deaths, tortures, maimings, renditions, refugees, spilled blood, wasted treasure ….

      ah fuck it; those stupid little cards aren't big enough.

  22. Rotundo_

    So am I the only one thinking that Dubya never learned cursive script? For that matter, are the speaking engagements and honoraria so few and far between that in order to "fill the coffers" he has to resort to shit like this to make rent? I know that in most circles the dude has stink all over him, and he can't really leave the country for fear of getting shipped off to the Hague for war crimes, but damn, how soon they forget…

    1. zhubajie

      He's probably dyslexic or something similar. He never read memos but had secretaries read them to him.

  23. Come here a minute

    Even if he gets away with the war crimes, he's sure to be convicted on armed robbery and kidnapping charges after trying to steal back his personal keepsakes from 9/11 memorabilia dealers.

      1. LetUsBray

        Pics like these are why I think the people calling Cowboy Caligula a "dry drunk" were only partly right.

      2. PristineODummy

        Jeezus! Thanks for reminding me yet again why I spent the entire Bushit Reign cringing in a corner. Christ, that fucker never had a shred of dignity, did he? And the teabaggers have the gall to criticise President Obama and his First Lady.

  24. JoshuaNorton

    marking the first time ever that a living President has made their autographs available in a trading card product

    It's the first time a "living president" has been that crass. (If you call that living.)

  25. Limeylizzie

    OK, I know next to nothing about baseball, after all it isn't cricket, but I do recall this monstrous dopey cunt just drooling every time some baseball team went to the White House.

      1. flamingpdog

        Kind of, with money borrowed from Poppy's friends, a sweetheart deal that allowed him to sit in an upscale box and make off with cool millions after it was all over.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      This raises the possibility of a W cricket card, with him positioned at Silly Fuck-off.

  26. ProudLibunatic

    Gee, Tops, thanks for reminding me of how I hate this fuckity-fuck-fuck, rat faced, smug, idiot, dipshit, fuck-face! (Did I forget fuck-head?)

    It's bad enough to be from NYC and be a Yankee Fan that has to endure the sight of Rudy "Ferret-Face" Giulliani and his dog-killer wife…BUT THIS!

  27. Mumbletypeg

    Kirsten can we have our Comment Winner of the Week award back in action pleeeease.. I can think of any number of contenders the past few weeks…

    1. HistoriCat

      I'm sure it will be breathlessly reported … any day now. Yup … reeeaaallll sooon ….

  28. Doktor Zoom

    I want the "Curveball" card, with a bunch of made-up statistics about Iraqi WMDs–no two are alike!

  29. Callyson

    Reminds me of what Homer Simpson said when he gave up beer for a month and then went to a ball game:
    "I never knew how boring this game was without beer."

  30. DahBoner

    If only W. had saved the condom from "Jeff Gannon", that would probably worth millions on eBay…

  31. LetUsBray

    Bah, call me when they come out with a Readers of "My Pet Goat" series of trading cards.

    1. PristineODummy

      Is he pushing a basket? Then he's wearing a codpiece. Otherwise, you'd see a depression where his dick is supposed to be.

  32. Pat_Pending

    This would only be appropriate if it were that turd's only way to make a living, sitting on a folding chair in front of a folding table waiting for 'fans' to pay 3 bucks a signature, waiting with his little stack of cards, waiting, waiting…

  33. Warpde

    Shannon Stone, a Texas Rangers fan, dies tiring to catch a baseball and Josh Hamilton will feel like a piece of shit for the rest of his life.

    Yet G "Yee-hah!" W is a fucking hero that has caused, through stooopidity, countless of lives.

    I need another drink.

    1. PristineODummy

      Pour me one too. I can't look at this hateful, spoiled little shit without feeling the overwhelming need for consciousness-altering substances.

  34. MinAgain

    marking the first time ever that a living President has made their autographs available in a trading card product.

    And President Bush's "how low can you go" campaign continues apace.

  35. GunToting[Redacted]

    Hooray! NooMan (or whatever) is following me again!! He's strangely infatuated with free grocery delivery. Apparently Barry was injecting his DNA into those Pakistani kids along with the fake vaccine. I'd try to figure it out, but I'm trying to cut back on my drinking.

    1. PristineODummy

      NoManhood appears to have changed his name about five times lately. First he followed me as Gimp. Then, for reasons known only to the extraplanetary creatures possessing his brain, he followed me twice more as Gimp. Then he changed his name to something Vietnamese-sounding, and followed me twice more. Today, he's BHO's Fake Vaccination, or something else, and he's following me yet again. Actually, he might be a she who just ain't gettin enough lovin. Michele Bachmann, maybe?

  36. BarackMyWorld

    Should make a great gift for the idiots in your life who insist America was on the right track right up until Jan. 20th, 2009.

  37. flamingpdog

    "Could a President George W. Bush someday be worth more than a Honus Wagner?"

    Considering a Honus Wagner card is so valuable because it's so rare, I suspect after five to ten years of people spitting on, burning, peeing on, and wiping their ass with the Bush card, it will be quite rare, too. Also.

    Oh, and Nomind/Dogass's card will be ruined by the multiple semen stains.

  38. C_R_Eature

    Are we ever going to be rid of this wretched Fuckstick?

    The only way I'd buy any of these cards is if all the proceeds went to all the surviving families of the people killed in the ill-conceived and executed wars (Iraq, Afghanistan, places we don't know about yet), on-the job fuckups (9/11, the Anthrax letters – remember them?). and mismanaged crises (Katrina, Enron – remember that? -the collapse of the worldwide banking system. Yes, that killed people) that this evil drunken sociopathic mannequin and his merry band of Droogs dumped upon the world.

    Oh, if all the money went to fund the International War Crimes Court I'd be good with that too.

    1. PristineODummy

      I'd love to see it happen, but I suspect that at least 1/3 of the country would be very much against it. Also, it sets bad precedent for the US to turn over its war criminals for the world court to deal with. At least until American Exceptionalism and the White Man's Burden have run their course. IIRC, Great Britain didn't turn over Churchill either, despite the fact that he was responsible for the deaths of millions of brown people. Currently, only Teh Browns get tried for that kind of stuff, although the recent trials of Whites like the Serbians, for example, are somewhat encouraging. But then again, that's a small, poor country that lost the bombfest. Ain't gonna happen to the country with the most and biggest guns.

  39. JackObin

    I need no further proof that baseball is for assholes. I mean, why isn't this blithering idiot out doing the work of his favorite philosopher, jesus christ?

  40. user-of-owls

    "You throw the first pitch with the arm you have—not the arm you might want or wish to have at a later time."

  41. MilwaukeeKent

    "Alright, you've covered your ass, now get out of here!"
    G.W.Bush to CIA daily briefer, who delivered the message "Bin Laden determined to strike in U.S.", early August 2001, in Crawford TX.

    Never Forget.

  42. Slim_Pickins

    Being the first LIVING President to make "their autographs available in a trading card product.” Implies dead Presidents do it all the time.

    1. user-of-owls

      Realistically, though, the Clemons/Rose ticket is only marginally less viable than any current configuration of the GOP field so…um, so…

      Clemons/Rose 12!
      The Crooks You Know!!

      And, fittingly, Tiririca as Senate Leader

  43. ttommyunger

    Arguably the most hated man in the World. Undoubtedly the most hated living man in the World. If he weren't such an oblivious cunt, I would feel sorry for him.

  44. rocktonsam

    his rookie card was more awesome

    he threw right handed to keep everybody off guard but it was the coke


  45. mavenmaven

    I'd be more excited if he was the first living ex-president to appear on Dancing With the Stars.

  46. berkeleyfarm

    He did ok for the Yankees that year – one of the few times I've felt any sympathy for the Bombers – but his record with the Rangers in last year's Series was similar, I think, to what the wars have both become.

  47. Negropolis

    And, here I was just starting to forget Shilling…

    You are a most cruel mistress, Wonkette, a most cruel mistress, indeed.

  48. lulzmonger

    Coming Soon: Dubya's Greatest Disco Hits On K-Tel™!

    "Hi, I'm President George Bush, & tonight I'd like to talk to you about diarrhea."

  49. Redhead

    I'm sure the local coke dealer would be happy to have a signed picture of one of his biggest consumers. Not in lieu of actual payment, of course (nice try, Georgie Boy!)

  50. GortRay

    I hate that smirking chimp motherfucker with a white hot rage that will keep me going when USAAmerica becomes "The Road." I am determined to outlive that vile piece of Bushit.

  51. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    bush cheney rove rummy rice
    The deceptions are in tatters.

    The September 11 Racket

  52. Dudleydidwrong

    "Hero" is one of the most bastardized words in our language, and as such it has become worthless; if all are heroes then none are heroes and those whose acts (see above) are truly heroic have been insulted beyond measure by the 'heroes" of sports and community service and every other act that is given that label. Bush is no more of a hero than some comic book non-existent cape wearer. Shame on you, George. Shame on you. I'm surprised that the bastard doesn't strut around with medals pinned to his fucking underwear.

  53. Neilist_Returns

    The story of his Medal of Honor is lost — LOST — to the world.


    (And you people claim I have no FEELINGS!!!!!)

    Boy! BOY! Another G&T here! Chop! Chop!

    And this time put some ice in it! I-C-E.

    Bloody wogs. This Club has not been the same since The Somme.

  54. zhubajie

    Maybe an unfinished MS? I heard him say in an interview that he had the plot worked out but hadn't constructed the dialog. Of course, his dialog cannot be imitated.

  55. Neilist_Returns

    You say "tomato," I say "knife waving homicidal little dwarfs with pigtails," etc.

    There's a song in there somewhere.

  56. BaldarTFlagass

    From what I've read, his habit was to spend quite a bit of time on the research, then sit down and crank the book out in a month or two. I remember thinking at the time I read it that it seemed there was little chance for anything posthumous being published. It's too bad. He was a cranky old conservative cuss, but I didn't know that when I read my first Flashman back at age 13 or so, and was hooked. I still go back and blast through the whole series every few years, got them all in hardbound for just that reason.

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