pls let him borrow your truck nutz.Ever since the fake “should we raise the debt ceiling debate” started (the answer is YES OF COURSE), the GOP has been using this fake debate as leverage to extract deep cuts from any social program not for millionaires as a condition for approving a ceiling hike. “No ceiling hike without spending cuts aimed at killing the poor” is the demand they have made over and over, and that Obama insanely agreed to even while alienating everyone in his party, just to get a deal done. This has been going on for weeks. So, after all this, brave hero Mitch McConnell announced he no longer wants to make ANY spending cuts just so the deal fails and Obama is forced to raise the debt limit on his own.

Because this Congress is on pace to be one of the least productive in recent memory, you might think McConnell would be less interested in wasting the entire negotiation process to date on a shrug with “just blame Obama.” But, eh, the election is a year and a half away you said? He’ll just stick with his “blame Obama” paycheck until then.

From TPM:

The plan itself was clear enough: Republicans don’t really have the stomach to allow the country to default on its debt in pursuit of their decades-long goals of slashing deeply into popular entitlement programs. But instead of admitting that and extending President Obama’s borrowing authority through the 2012 election, McConnell proposed a Rube Goldberg-esque scheme by which Obama, by accepting some public embarrassment for himself and his party, could raise the debt limit on his own, with no policy strings attached.

No spending cuts for Republicans. No tax increases for Democrats. In effect, a clean debt-limit hike with all attendant political consequences, such as there are any, falling on the latter.

Ha ha, it is like the last month did not even exist in Washington. It is still May, everyone in D.C. [TPM]

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  • Fucking turtle-faced asshole is an asshole.

    • MLite

      I've always thought he was more owl faced. Remember Mr. Owl that tried to find out how many licks it too to get to the center of the Tootsie Roll pop? Yes, that was also a dick joke.

      • petehammer

        From the desk of Larry Gorshallow, Director of Habitats for Turtles and Owls:

        Please cease and desist your defamation of such beautiful creatures. If you continue to compare turtles and/or owls to turd-faced dog-humper Mitch McConnell, you will find yourself served with a lawsuit.

        Good day.

        • LesBontemps

          Turd-faced dog-humpers are now offended.

          • emmelemm

            Unfortunately, turd-faced dog-humpers tend to have higher powered lawyers than turtles and owls, so they will probably win the day.

          • riverside68

            The turd lobby and the dog humpers lobby are separately filing defamation litigation

            Against Larry Gorshallow, Director of Habitats for Turtles and Owls among others

    • EBGrey

      I am glad I am not the only one who see this resemblance.

  • MrFizzy

    Mr. Turtlehead crawls back into this shell. At least he's stuck smelling his own candy ass under there.

  • He has a Titanium Colostomy Bag.

    • And a Rubber Spine. Kind of explains the turtleness!

    • Redhead

      Why does he have Michele Bachmann's head up his ass? I thought that was Marcus' job.

  • …the GOP has been using this fake debate as leverage to extract deep cuts from any social program not for millionaires as a condition for approving a ceiling hike.

    Agreed, it's fake. From today's Treasury news:

    Treasuries are trimming their losses in the wake of the latest auction. The 10-year Note sale produced a bid-to-cover of 3.18, dollar demand of $66.7 billion, and an indirect bidder participation rate of 42.0%.

    U.S. Treasury obligations are in such grave danger that you can earn all of 2.9% a year on a 10 year T-note.

    • Mahousu

      2.9% a year for 10 years? Isn't that like 33% or so? In other words, DOUBLE-DIGIT INFLATION!!! No wonder the price of Slim Jims is OUT OF CONTROL!!!

      • horsedreamer_1

        You know the Heath-Palin family of eaters doesn't pay.

        Five Finger Discount — Grift into a Slim Jim!

      • OneDollarJuana

        Why is it that something called a "Slim Jim" actually makes you fat?

      • Yes you are correct, (1 plus (.029/2))^(2*10) = 33.36%

        (We give 'em semi-annual compounding, because that's how they pay.)

        • You guys are like Elton John and Daltrey at the pinball machines, with your graphing calculators.

  • His balls are probably with his chin.

    • Pat_Pending

      and his lips. Lotta essential parts missing on Yertle the Turtle.

    • Veritas78

      Elaine Chao hasn't kissed either since their wedding night.

    • PristineODummy

      But does he have a Man chin?

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    About time. Barry can now get some shit done.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      He's not getting shit unless he makes the wealthy pay some more taxes.

      I mean, sure, we can reduce debt by taking a big cut out of military spending, but that's also an anti-stimulative move, economy-wise. Without raising taxes, we are gonna be recessed for a long, long time.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    "So, after all this, brave hero Mitch McConnell announced he no longer wants to make ANY spending cuts just so the deal fails and Obama is forced to raise the debt limit on his own."

    How come no one told Obama he could do this? It would have saved him blowing the summer hanging out with Boehner and rat face Cantor.

    • flamingpdog

      Peoples been telling him all over the place – he's just had his fingers in his ears singing "la la la la la la, I can't hear you." The only ones getting blown this summer are the American people.

      • AJWjr.

        Damn it, I never got the memo on where to go to get mine…

      • hagajim

        We're not getting blown….we're getting ass raped w/out even a kiss.

      • OneDollarJuana

        Only the single ones.

    • My thought also. I always assumed he (Bammerz) had a backup plan along these lines, but it's odd to hear it coming from The Enemy.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Congress has to pass a bill authorizing this process, I believe. Which makes one wonder why they don't just raise the ceiling if that's what it amounts to anyway.

      • GOPCrusher

        Exactly. Which will result in the Republiklans/Tea Baggers accusing Obama of a power grab to advance his Socialist Agenda.
        By the 2012 election, voters will have probably have forgotten that the Republiklans gave him the power to do it, because the corporate overlords told them too.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Because THIS way somehow, somedamnway it's all Obama's fault if that ceiling gets raised. The rethugs can hold their breath til they turn blue, but that Ol' Bammerz just too powerful, what w/ the special powerz they dun give him.

        • mormos

          i want obama to say, "no, I'm not doing this on my own. you assholes are going to reach a deal or the country is going to default,." and see how the republicans react.

  • PuckStopsHere

    The repubs don't have the time to deal with the debt-ceiling bullshit as they are all way too busy CREATING JOBS!!!

    • OkieDokieDog

      The metal clothes hanger business will soar now that God's Own Party and the Holier Than Thou teabaggies have damn near made abortion and birth control illegal.

      • anniegetyerfun

        I'm making some straightened wire hangers with cute little tags that read "Oops! Wine coolers and camping don't mix!" and selling them on Etsy.

        • Hello Kitty Morning After Pill Cases.

        • ShaveTheWhales

          This comment should be getting more props. We need to raise your p-ceiling.

    • fuflans

      The repubs don't have the time to deal with the debt-ceiling bullshit as they are all way too busy CREATING JOBS!!! SAVING FETUSES AND INCANDESCENT LIGHT BULBS!!!

      • And the vote to save the bulbs failed, plus last I heard a federal judge had told the state of Indiana they can't withhold federal funds from Planned Parenthood. So they are failing even at the stuff they actually seem to care about.

        • emmelemm

          But did you see they pretty much nixed Planned Parenthood in New Hampshire? Surely a judge will eventually tell them to suck it, but in the meantime, boo on you, low income women of NH!

          Live free or die.

          • be rich or die, i think you mean

          • PristineODummy

            Live free or dDie.

            FIFY, no need to thank.

          • I had read that, but I'm betting that it will go to the courts, so I'm not counting it as a victory for the tards quite yet.

  • very wily – this way the federal government can avoid default, but the republicans won't have to take any responsibility for raising the debt ceiling. truly the gop is the party of personal responsibility!

    • AJWjr.

      I've pled nolo before, and the result was exactly the same as a guilty plea. McConnell and his ilk will always be known to me as the gang that approved raising the debt ceiling in 2011, just like they allowed da shrub to go to war all on his own. fuck 'em all.

      • Gleem_McShineys

        "SEE! He did what we allowed him to do! THIS IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!"

        What is our American Stupidity Index at now…will this idea sell? Or do we need some more Palin Shock History therapy to soften up some more brains first?

    • OneDollarJuana

      And the Republicans can roll their eyes and waggle their fingers every time Obama actually does raise the debt ceiling (assuming he does it on an as-needed basis). As I see it, lose-lose for Obama and the Dems.

      • No, it's a win, because nobody will give a shit. Obama should/must run on "the wingnuts won't let me do what needs doing, which is tax the motherfucking rich, so give me back my majorities!"

        • ChessieNefercat

          And that just might be so simple and straightforward that it would startle people into going "Huh, man's got a point. Well, okay then Barry."

      • PristineODummy

        It's actually a total win for the Prez. 1. He makes them look like the bunch of morons we know they are; 2. Mitch McConnell now has everyone howling for *his* blood instead of Barry's; 3. This move totally pitted Cantor against Boehner – they now seem to be locked in a death struggle; and 4. The psychological value of this – getting the Repubs to concede all this power – is already riling the Faithful. I understand the Teabaggers, who believed all that Republican rhetoric about the debt ceiling not being a problem, are feeling "betrayed." Hilarity should ensue shortly.

  • user-of-owls

    This is a perfect opportunity to pull out an oft-forgotten and inappropriately used word:


  • sportshort

    They can't wait to give more power to Obama so they can get out the robes and torches. "Burn the witch!" Which is code for n*gg*r.

    • PristineODummy

      That's what they think, but so far, every time they've gone toe-to-toe with him, they've been totally out-strategerized. My money's on Barry.

  • Callyson

    Actually, this is a good thing. It sounds like the CA state budget talks, where the Governor finally gave up on getting the Reeps to cooperate and got a budget through without their votes. (A sucky budget, but that's another rant.) This meant that the Reeps got *nothing* in the way of the pension and regulatory reforms that they wanted, and rendered themselves completely irrelevant.
    But Jerry Brown was only dealing with a minority party, whereas Obama faces a Reep majority in the House. If he can render them irrelevant in solving this problem, he's finally rebounding. Yes!

  • RoboGuppy

    I found his balls….they were in Rand Paul's mouth. Go figure.

    • Terry

      No, the Koch brothers keep them in an old Miracle Whip jar.

      • OkieDokieDog

        They're good company for Fetus Jar Bush.

        • OneDollarJuana

          And baby-blanket Santorum.

      • In an abandoned Air Force base hangar, all the Conservative, Wingnut, Teatard and Libertard Leaders gathered in the dead of night to present their testicles in jars to the Kochs. Now all of their nuts are locked away in a massive warehouse of file cabinets underneath Koch Industries World Headquarters in Kansas. Someone must have infected McConnell with an anti-virus made of his own testosterone! The Koch Smoking Man will NOT be amused.

    • That's why they like to be called tea baggers.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Did he take his ball with him?

    • user-of-owls

      Yeah, but he left his bat. Behind. In Rick Perry's Huge Opening.

    • PristineODummy

      Both of them.

  • widestanceroman

    There has been entirely too much Mr. Diseased Scrotum for a Neck in the news this week, and to make matters worse, most are posting photos of him. No one wants to see that criminal face twice in their lifetime.

    He always looks like he just got caught in a sweaty state peering into someone's bedroom.

    I prolly still need some anger management.

    • user-of-owls

      anger management

      Alternative Spelling: W-O-N-K-E-T-T-E

      • widestanceroman

        I'm touching the W-O-N-K-E-T-T-E where the anger touched me and it's helping, thanks.

    • Rotundo_

      The most fitting description of McConnell (from an appearance standpoint at least) that I have heard. Both the diseased scrotum neck and the just caught in a sweaty state peering into someone's bedroom perfectly describe him. BTW as I was writing this, I missed the "r" on "peering" and it occurs to me that he looks like that kind of jerk too.
      You don't need anger management. Mitch needs to be tossed into the nearest volcano as a sacrifice to the closet gods.

      • PristineODummy

        I love it when YOU ALL talk dirty to me.

  • …and that Obama insanely agreed to even while alienating everyone in his party, just to get a deal done.

    The word you are looking for is cravenly.

    This should come as no surprise. Obama's sellout was telegraphed when he made a 'bipartisan deficit commission' with Alan Simpson and Erskine Bowles as co-chairmen.

    FORMER U.S. SENATOR ALAN SIMPSON, Co-Chairman of The National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform

    Not one to ever mince words, Simpson said he's tired of the "greedy bastards" who are taking advantage of government spending and driving up the federal deficit.

    "All day long, there are people bitching about their government," Simpson said, "and all day long, they are hosing the government."

    The biggest offenders, he said, are recipients of Medicare, Social Security and Veterans Tricare.

    Heckuva job, Barry.

    • flamingpdog

      Deserves many, many upfists.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Anyone ever see Alan Simpson & Orrin Hatch in the same place?

      • flamingpdog

        Orrin is a product of Utah Mormon wingnutery. Al has just spent too many years with the persistent, mind-numbing Wyoming winds whistling between his ears.

    • OneDollarJuana

      But, but, but he's playing 5th-dimensional chess while doing the triple rope-a-dope!

      Isn't he?

      • wegot2dobetter

        I have to agree. Could it be that he was two steps ahead? promising a bunch of cuts ties to revenue increases he knew the repulitards would never accept. debt ceiling raised, no spending cuts, repubs are exposed as huge scoundrels. done, done and done. I think Obama is a much better strategist than he gets credit for.

    • NamelessGenXer

      You mean Barry's sellout that was the 3rd act of Kabuki Theater for Fuckwits that dumb fucking yokels like you bought hook, line and sinker?

      Once again, you lose all Deadhead cred. Please change your handle at once.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    Hopey needs to tell him to fuck off. As I understand it, this deal means raising the debt ceiling in three tranches before the 2012 election, requires spending cuts with each raise, and explicitly precludes any revenue increases either via tax increases or removal of tax loopholes.

    So it simply becomes yet another opportunity to bash the hopester for doing something which needs to be done, has to be done, in the run-up to 2012.

    "Hey, we're being invaded by zombies! Let's have endless bickering about whether to use machetes or shotguns!" Then the repubs would walk away and just blame the whole zombie invasion on democrats and complain that the price of shotgun shells has increased.

    • SayItWithWookies

      They only have to suggest spending cuts, but don't have to implement them. Republicans trade in empty promises so much they think they're Krugerrands.

      • NamelessGenXer

        Amazing how ill-informed the toothless inbred fuckwits are, init?

    • anniegetyerfun

      I like to picture these meetings between Congressional leaders and Barry involving Obamar frequently saying stuff like, "Fuck you, you turtle-face rat fucker. You know we can't do that, you insolent fuckwit. I should seriously just fuck up what remains of your ugly fucking face right now." And McDonnell mumbling something about the Good Ol' Days and Obamar sort of fake lunging at him… do you think they operate with more decorum than that?

      • Fukui_sanYesOta

        Everyone else seated, and Bammaz striding around behind them with a baseball bat, occasionally slamming it into the table and screaming in someone's face "NO, YOU DISINGENUOUS FUCKING PRICK"

        I'm likin' it. PPV on C-SPAN right there.

        • anniegetyerfun

          I'm afraid your scenario has actually aroused me ever so slightly.

          • jus_wonderin

            I agree. The scenario has made it such that I now have a bat to give to BO.

        • To recycle an old comment, I picture Barry glancing with amusement at the Fruit Of Islam while the Republicans yammer on, and then addressing Boehner as "my American friend."

      • MozakiBlocks

        From the WaPo's Business Section

        "Since pulling the plug on the deal, Boehner has been largely silent in the meetings, leaving House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) to present details of the House’s position. On Tuesday, people in both parties said, Obama tried to reestablish Boehner’s primacy.

        Cantor, who is advocating a smaller deal, at one point demanded that Obama offer the details of his vision for a “grand bargain.”

        “Where’s your paper?” he asked angrily.

        Obama snapped back: “Frankly, your speaker has it. Am I dealing with him, or am I dealing with you?”


        • A funny addendum: the two sides have apparently agreed that the debt ceiling must go up by $2.4 trillion to carry the country through to the end of 2012. A few days ago when the Repubs were demanding an equal amount in cuts, Obama said if that's your position, then show me what and where you want to cut. So a day or two later Cantor comes back with a list. The kicker: the list added up to less than $2 trillion. The fuckers couldn't even come up with cuts to match the position they were advocating, so now the strategy is to complain that Obama should be coming up with this shit. So apparently he is supposed to do Congress's job for it, and then spend the next year listening to them complain about what he does.

    • ArmoredBore

      Tangential, but I for one refuse to perpetuate the myth of the shotgun's status as the premiere anti-zombie weapon. Go M14 or go to hell!

      …crap, did I already start such a pointless debate? WHAT HAVE I DOOOOONE!?

      • GOPCrusher

        Beat em, or burn em. They go up pretty quick.

      • Gleem_McShineys

        Nobody cares for the Lobo, anymore?

  • SorosBot

    So basically, he's giving up on his hostage-taking and proposing a deal that would prevent Congress from holding the debt limit for ransom in the future, but figures it might hurt Obama politically to raise the debt limit himself even though it's a highly technical issue that no one outside of Washington really cares about.

    Well done; just when it seems the Democrats were caving yet again McConnell steps up and offers them more than they asked for.

  • mavenmaven

    The Republicans, for the good of the world, should take a cue from their beloved English House of Lords and just sit in the back of the room, nodding their heads disapprovingly and mumbling to themselves.

    • Timothy Bladel

      No, they do better making this Presidents life miserable. He is the one who decided to vastly expand everything in his first two years, now he has to deal with the outcome. All he has now is erroneous rhetoric, and a 44% average in the polls.

  • pinkocommi

    Well, at least this whole "raise the debt limit" debacle will put an end to the myth that the US has the best form of government ever.

    U-S-A! U-S-A! We're #1! We're #1!

    • OneDollarJuana

      At least 5.7 billion of us have already come to that conclusion.

    • The USA rides to the U.N. on the "exceptional" bus.

    • Timothy Bladel

      That myth has been gone.

  • Steverino247

    Obama offered to throw the elderly and disabled (including our Iraq and Afghanistan veterans on SSI) under the bus in exchange for getting some "give" on taxes and they still wouldn't go for the offer. Must have been really tempting for them, though. Perhaps, Obama knew they'd do this and played them. He's done it before. This is why I didn't get excited when he first made the offer. He had to be up to something wicked.

    • BlueStateLibel

      Oh yeah, the sweet temptation of trashing SS must have had them drooling…like looking into a highschool boys' locker room for them.

    • Timothy Bladel

      Wicked is a perfect word.

  • LabRodent

    I swear I had to draw Mitch McConnell to get into this Art School I seen in Parade Magazine in the 80s.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I've been trying for years to figure out what Mitch McConnell reminded me of, and thanks to you, I finally have my answer.

    • AJWjr.

      I wondered where your avatar came from.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I feel like the original turtle is less smug, and more simply happy to be an art model. That is, until they made him take off his shell.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Oh, was that the (butt) Pirate?

    • Gleem_McShineys

      Can you weasel like "SHITSY?"

    • VinnyThePooh


    • prommie

      In olden times, that art school advertised on matchbook covers.

      • GOPCrusher

        Close cover before striking!

        • user-of-owls

          Isn't that what Scott Walker said? Or something akin?

  • Who's the cheez eatin' surrender monkey now, GOPers?

    • GOPCrusher

      Seriously, shortly after hearing on NPR about Yertle The Turtle's Grand Scheme, the Yahoo comments board were lighting up with screams from the Tea Baggers of his betrayal.
      If he seriously thought that by trying to stick the entire blame on Obama for raising the debt ceiling, the Republiklans would be free of blame, he grossly underestimated the Lunatic Fringe.

  • Nostrildamus

    Ceding all power and responsibility to Obama is a marvelous strategy. Hope this becomes the new GOP policy on everything.

    • Timothy Bladel

      It really is, they have to vote to raise the limit two more times before election day, that is going to help those blue dogs.

  • flamingpdog

    McConnell proposed a Rube Goldberg-esque scheme by which Obama, by accepting some public embarrassment for himself and his party, could raise the debt limit on his own, with no policy strings attached.

    Didn't seem to embarrass Obama to go to war in Libya without Congressional authorization, so why should he be embarrassed to raise the debt limit the same way?

    Sorry, no snark, jus' mo' bitterness …

    • anniegetyerfun

      You say "war", Obamar says "limited tactical support". Le sigh….

      • flamingpdog

        Whatever happened to "police actions"? I remember there being one in Korea in the early 50s, and I personally remember the one in Chicago in the summer of 1968 ..

    • It's not much of a "war", and liberals were begging Obama to do SOMETHING for the poor brave Libyans the day before he did, but those are quibbles; Obama is Reagan!!!

  • Barry should make sure that the folks on the Hill know that the first checks he won't be writing will be for all members of Congress and their staphs.

    • user-of-owls

      and their staphs

      Even their fucking STD's get paid?? This is an outrage!

      • hagajim

        I thought it was a clever reference to their dicks. After all, Vitter's needs cash for his diaperthon.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Who could have known that the INABILITY to DO THEIR JOBS would have EVER been so blatantly laid bare. These assholes act like they are protesters outside the Capitol along with their fucktard followers who don't understand how government works, instead of actual MEMBERS OF GOVERNMENT. This is the ultimate result of taking "Government IS the problem" to its ultimate endgame. God I HATE THESE PEOPLE.

  • BlueMonkeh

    Again, funny how all this "debt ceiling raising" was just a matter of federal housekeeping (according to then Bush secretary of where we used to have money Mitch Daniels) when there wasn't a muslin sociamalist afro-amurkin in the white house.

    • freakishlywrong

      They, including the Whoretise, voted for it 9 times. They also includes Bachmann, natch. Without a peep.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      How is this little tidbit of information not being jammed into every eye and earhole of the American people at every opportunity by our good Prezident Hopiopath?

      • SockBunny

        Because he didn't know we paid to see a cage fight.

      • GOPCrusher

        Well, that wouldn't be in the spirit of bipartisanship.

  • user-of-owls

    Conservative lawmakers, commentators and activists pulled no punches in decrying the McConnell contingency as a sellout.

    Conservative blogger Erick Erickson dubbed the proposal the "Pontius Pilate Pass the Buck Act of 2011."

    FreedomWorks urged McConnell to "find his spine."

    South Carolina Sen. Jim DeMint, in an interview with CBS News on Wednesday, criticized the plan as something that makes it easier for the government to spend and borrow.

    ForAmerica Chairman Brent Bozell said in a statement that the proposal is the "sort of shenanigans that got Republicans thrown out of power in 2006."

    "If Mitch McConnell thinks caving to President Obama and allowing him to raise the debt ceiling without cuts is the way to become Senate Majority Leader he is sorely mistaken," Bozell said.

    This is from fucking FOX NEWS!! (Rather buried, as one might expect. As of the moment, the banner headline is: HAVE YOU BEEN CRAMMED? How terribly apropos.)

    In all seriousness, this move has me baffled. Absolutely everyone points out, explicitly, that this is a shameless political ploy. What in the fucking fuck do they expect to get out of this??

    • BlueMonkeh

      What in the fucking fuck do they expect to get out of this??

      I vote for a bag of salted rat dicks. Can it please be a bag full of salted rat dicks?

      • Upfisting or downfisting salted rat dicks, or perhaps a mix that follows the current Congressional split?

      • anniegetyerfun

        Salted POISONED rat dicks. I think?

        • BlueMonkeh

          I stand corrected!

    • GunToting[Redacted]


      • BlueMonkeh

        Oh crap, they haven't joined forces with the underpants gnomes, have they?

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          They tried, but were deemed by said gnomes to be far too evil and stupid.

    • hagajim

      I don't think I've seen so many dicks in one comment ever on the Wonkette. Usually its just one or two dicks, but today you played a five dick flush! Well done!

      • user-of-owls

        Well, they did tee it up for me pretty nicely.

    • SorosBot

      Obama called their bluff, and they weren't holding anything.

      • At least nothing bigger than could easily be handled with a small tweezers.

    • OneDollarJuana

      McConnell gets to say to his leash-holders that he tried, and maybe saving his political career.

    • baconzgood

      Blame the black guy.

    • SorosBot

      It just is weird, and refreshing, after seeing Obama act as if he has no balls and caving to the GOP so many times, to have at least one of the Republican leaders cave in to him and hear the lamentations of their pundits instead of us.

  • freakishlywrong

    God I hate this chinless asshole. Crawl back to your terrarium..

  • OH_Progressive

    The sad thing is the general public will hear "debt ceiling increase" and "Obama" and McChinless will get exactly what he wants. Once again, the Democrats will be punished for actually trying to govern for the betterment of the country versus scoring cheap political points while the walls collapse around them.

    Have fun running away from the economy while Obama can point to job growth, as slight as it is and especially in the automotive sector, while hammering the Republicans for abdicating their responsibilities to the country. The problem is that doesn't fit on a bumper sticker very well so it will go over the heads of the general populace.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    I'm not sure how this will all play out, so I'll just enjoy watching the GOP circular firing squad in the meantime.

  • JoshuaNorton

    Like Peggy Lee once sang Is that all there is to a Circus?

    The repiggies will pull any kind of 3 ring, smoke-and-mirrors stunts rather than tackle growing the economy to create the jobs, JOBS, JERBS they promised when they were elected.

    And, no, tax cuts for the rich bitches don't accomplish that. Hasn't yet. Never will.

  • Fukui_sanYesOta

    To quote Hank "Admiral Akbar" Paulson – IT'S A TARP!

  • What kind of fucking sense does THAT make?!

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Sounds like you expected Republican leaders to act like adults, Chet.

    • BlueMonkeh

      Forget it, Jake Chet. It's Chinatown Turtletown.

      • WIN.

        Don't have time to fully digest this story, but it appears they just outed themselves as a bunch of pussies.

    • Koch cents?

  • Does this mean I no longer get to hole up in the new panic room with bottled water and canned goods? Just as well — knowing me I'd totally space on remembering the can opener.

  • mumbly_joe

    No spending cuts for Republicans. No tax increases for Democrats. In effect, a clean debt-limit hike with all attendant political consequences, such as there are any, falling on the latter.

    So basically the exact thing that Obama and Democrats proposed in the first place, only Republicans are going to take credit for the idea? I guess Capitol Hill isn't all that different from my workplace, after all.

  • Sue4466

    What this shows is that the GOP is incapable of governance. They want to protest and push their agenda, but they do not want to make tough votes that are better for the country. Because they care more about their party and holding onto power than they ever gave a fuck about the United States.

    None of this is a surprise, really. It's just a bit surprising that they're being so open about it. Though, why not? it's not as if anyone in the mainstream will really call them on it. And it will all be Obama's fault anyway.

    But at some point, the ability to govern should be some small factor in deciding who to vote for.

    And all those fuckers should take off their goddamn flag lapel pins.

    • freakishlywrong

      No need to hide their awfulness Sue, Diebold will be picking the next election. Just don't be surprised if Dubya gets elected again..(wingtards, they suck at the tech stuff)..

    • GOPCrusher

      And Yertle The Turtle's passing shot was "As long as this President is in the Oval Office, we will never reach a compromise."
      Hey asshole, there never was a compromise in the Republiklan Plan. It's the same old song and dance since Jan 21, 2009. Just say "NO" to everything and then blame the Black Man In The White House.

      • Sue4466

        You're last paragraph is a pretty succinct history of the two and a half years.

        And of course what he means is "We refuse to govern unless the president is a republican."

        • comrad_darkness

          And even then "governing" meant spending 2 billion on 2 miles of border fence, so they can't even fall back on that.

  • OneYieldRegular

    In the face of such profound integrity and selfless, magnanimous statesmanship, I feel positively diminished.

    • GOPCrusher

      Daniel Webster, Henry Clay, and John C. Calhoun weep.

  • notreelyhelping

    Well, I guess they showed Obama. Hah! Now he'll have to…to…sign off on something that the electorate says they don't like but doesn't really give a shit about. During summer. With the kids out of school and cleaning the house before the barbeque. He's over, man! Over!

    Odd coincidence that this all emerged on the same day that mass business interests said: get it together, jerkoffs, and Barry said, um, no, we may not be able to to send SSI and Veterans benefits in August. It's almost like they had it tucked away in a desk drawer, just in case.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Teatards are against raising the debt ceiling until someone explains to them that they themselves are among the nation's creditors.

  • freakishlywrong

    Mitch the bitch would also prefer it if we just stop electing people as it isn't "working"…

    • BlueMonkeh

      Isnt' that the plan that a former Reagan (pbuh) budget official said was so bad it should have been written in crayon?

      • freakishlywrong

        Yep Monkeh. And it would also have the added bonus of rendering Paul Ryan's Path to the Shithouse™ unconstitutional. Ha ha!

  • hagajim

    Know what rhymes with tea bag? That's right – white flag. Fuckers walked back from the brink when Barry said he couldn't promise that SS checks would go out on Aug. 3 without a deal. Nothing like pissed off olds to get you to step away from the brink.

  • nounverb911

    Okay, I'll bite, it's all Mitch McConnell's fault.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    "No spending cuts for Republicans. No tax increases for Democrats. In effect, a clean debt-limit hike with all attendant political consequences, such as there are any, falling on the latter."

    So, basically the Democrats got EVERYTHING they wanted. A clean bill AND no entitlement cuts.

    Brilliant Obama is brilliant. I'm sorry I ever doubted his Magicness.

  • anniegetyerfun

    You know, it's just so crazy… that it might work!

    ETA: Oh, Steve Forbes! That is who he reminds me of. Both in terms of disingenuity and lack of jaw.

    • ttommyunger

      Big difference: Forbes' daddy was a closeted gay, McConnell's dad was a salamander.

    • Limeylizzie

      Yes, but I believe all Steve Forbes money couldn't clear up the acne, he had weird acne scars.

  • Meanwhile relief pitcher Cantor deals enough hissyfits at the suggestion of tax increases while my local paper, whose parent co.'s Board of Directors features Missus Cantor, just laid off another 20 personnel including some talented graphic designers, added to furloughs to the tune of 15 days/year. No one's hiding their stripes anymore — still I'd hoped this was the kind of behavior wherein such zoo antics lead to internal cannibalization, not the livelihoods of onlookers whose support is counted on to thrive as the industry has known it.
    Quality flies out the cage like gorilla poop all in the name of quantity, again.

  • SorosBot

    The GOP got a little too greedy here, and started counting their money while they're sittin' at the table; they should have known you never do that.

  • fuflans

    Because this Congress is on pace to be one of the least productive in recent memory…

    pansies. can't even save the incandescent bulb.

    • ChessieNefercat

      An even more pathetically puling and time wasting effort when you consider that the incandescent bulb wasn't being outlawed and didn't need saving anyway. It has to meet certain standards by a certain date. And some of the new and improved bulbs are on the market now.


      • comrad_darkness

        Improvement is change and change makes conservatives pee their pants.

      • PristineODummy

        And save lots of $$$.

  • Interesting posture, considering the deal concerns money they've already spent. This is just to agree how to pay for their accrued debts and these chinless government leeches decide to go the deadbeat route and let someone else get the blame for picking up the tab.

  • anniegetyerfun

    OT, but on the main page, Chinless Mitch is looking on in horror (delight?) as Kourtney deep-throats that cucumber/zucchini/phallic fruit.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Yep, that's quite an expression. We need alt-text reading "Oh, yes, Kortney, make Mitchy be a bad boy. Make me to do what you do, Mistress Kortney."

    • Suck My Balls

      Yes, but don't click the cucumber link, for the love of bacon!

  • El Pinche

    McConnell: 'I Refuse To Help Obama Reelection'

    At least he said what we knew all along. But nonetheless, fuck mcchinless in his ear.

    • GOPCrusher

      Well, he was the first one to say after the 2010 elections, that his main job was to ensure that Obama would be a one-term President.

  • RodneyBadger

    A common misconception about McConnell is that he has no chin. He has an obvious, if unremarkable, chin. The problem is he has no cheekbones with which to hold up his considerable jowls. And his jowls obscure his chin. The end result is that his face and head look like a broken axehandle. I hope this clears everything up.

    • jus_wonderin

      You must be a plastic surgeon. Excellent description.

      • LabRodent

        Or a Police Sketch Artist.

    • shirleyplz

      what about the LACK OF LIPS. he has no lips.
      this is the horror of the broken axehandleness that is mitch mcconnell.

      • GOPCrusher

        Mitch McConnell is really Frank Burns?

    • ttommyunger

      "his face and head look like a broken axehandle."….with terminal acne.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I actually feel as though he simply has a teeny-weeny little chin but no actual jawbones. But more than his face, I hate his voice. It's like a cartoon character, and not in a good way.

    • Negropolis

      You've been thinking WAY too much about this. lol

  • genxr

    Fine Whatever / Do What You Want 2012!

  • shrillharpy

    My family lives in KY and voted for this asshole AND Paul. Reminds me why I seldom visit them. I'm sorry. I'm so ashamed.

  • BlueStateLibel

    The laughs would have been great though, if the teabaggers all of a sudden stopped getting their Social Security checks. Imagine their outrage if all of a sudden they had stopped receving non-government money.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Better yet, Medicare took back all those free scooters and sold them to rich Chinamen, just to replenish petty cash.

    • I think you've gotten to the core of the matter.

    • genxr

      Keep yer gubmint hands offa mah social security!

  • CapeClod

    I think even McConnell realized that the House Majority is a Romper Room that was going to destroy the world economy and had to find some crazy way to get the debt limit raised.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Well, you are a more magnanimous person than I. I think he is just a fucknozzle in a snit.

  • SockBunny

    It is just unfathomab­le that Mother McConnell didn't understand how this morning's little quote was going to play against him all the way to November 2012. He even sucks at the 'self-serving' part.

  • ChessieNefercat

    "Because this Congress is on pace to be one of the least productive in recent memory…"

    That's kind of a mean thing to say, don't you think? Since this Congress has focused obsessively on almost nothing else but Reproduction, Restrictions and Requirements Thereof since the start.*

    *This does not include, of course, the time spent obstructing Obama's agenda and doing whatever possible to stomp the last sad little squawk out of the middle class. That is a given. I believe the Republicans consider these efforts to be productive.

  • jus_wonderin

    I have no snark for this. Fuckers! Weak pussified spineless dickwads. Republicans, by any other name. Fuck them.

  • EBGrey

    Given that McConnell has the face of a turtle (seriously, just look at him), I'm guessing his balls have retracted to the shriveled shell of his scrotum.

  • fuflans

    i do not understand the shenanigans here but that's not important.

    what i DO know is that a picture of mitch mcconnell after a picture of rupert murdoch after a picture of a bagger/manatee chimera is just too much (and shameful part of american history, etc.).

    • ChessieNefercat

      Yeah, we need FLOTUS (any random photo will do) or Barry striding along with his MIB shades, jacket slung.

      That would be the equivalent of a refreshing summer beverage after the air inversion you described.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Obama has not commented on this yet. He should hold another press conference castigating these lying douches, but I suspect he will thank them for graciously not tanking the nation's credit limit.

  • neiltheblaze

    And they say Republicans have no sense of humor!

  • Goonemeritus

    If one more news presenter repeats the bullshit that both sides refuse to compromise I will be forced to write a strongly worded letter or two. The Republicans are so afraid of their base that they literally can’t make any deal that doesn’t exclusively center on clubbing the poor and the working class to death.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "… exclusively center on clubbing the poor and the working class to death."

      Well, I wish they would practice on their base, a good many of whom fall into that group.

      • comrad_darkness

        I hit you because I love you, Baby, and besides it's the black guy's fault I hit you anyway.

      • DustBowlBlues

        As Bill Maher's "New Rules" well and truly demonstrated.

    • DustBowlBlues

      No kidding. The bull shit "fair and balanced" virus that dictates you have to keep everything equal, no matter what the truth is.

      • PristineODummy

        FWIW, it's really not working that well this time around. The Prez just raised some $80 million + , largely from small individual donors, ~250K of whom are NEW donors. Mittens Romneycare, who outraised all the other Republicans running for the nomination, pulled in $18 million, some of which is his own money. People I know who never gave to Obama before are writing him checks. Why? They're stupefied by the RepubliKKKlan lineup.

  • A typical Congressional solution: Do nothing but argue about it for six weeks and then make doing nothing as complex as possible.

  • elburritodeluxe

    It is AWESOME watching McConnell in the position of begging his party to change course after he played chicken on this issue.

  • metamarcisf

    When he dons his mirrored sunglasses, Mitch McConnell looks just like the prison guard in "Cool Hand Luke"

  • SheriffRoscoe

    How long you figure before the unwashed masses of Fox viewers point to this as evidence we are living under a dictatorship?

    • DashboardBuddha

      I'm sure grease covered and hoverround callused fingers are typing this very instant.

      • ChessieNefercat

        When I see comments like this and nod vigorously, I realize a tiny, sad part of me is relieved that my parents have gone to their reward. They would both be teabaggers, but oh Lord, if I had had to listen to my mother for the past 13 years (especially the last three) I would have a steel plate in my forehead an inch thick from the head banging.*

        *Ah well, she didn't like me anyway. I thought she wanted answers to her questions. Alas, they were rhetorical.

    • GOPCrusher

      8 AM today

  • philpjfry

    Because of republican intransiance, we are well and truly fucked.

  • comrad_darkness

    Destroy economy. Starve 51% of Americans. Blame Obama. Election 2012 Victory.

    Republican game plan, bitches.

  • comrad_darkness

    BTW, where were the fucking budget cuts when Republcans had the White House and fucking congress? Huh? Huh? Answer me that teahadist downfister.

  • James Michael Curley

    Many patients look like that when Dr. Magicfinger forgets to use a lube.

  • comrad_darkness

    Where are the jobs, Mitch? You said cutting taxes for the extremely wealthy would create jobs. You lie.

    • GOPCrusher

      After ten years of tax cuts, WHERE ARE THE JOBS?

      • ChessieNefercat

        Fools! Taxes haven't been cut enough!
        If one wealthy person anywhere is paying even one dollar in taxes,
        If one corporation anywhere is not getting money from the government on April fifteenth,
        If one hungry child or ailing old person is getting food or medicine,
        Then as God is their witness,* their work is not complete!

        When that holy day is here, then, then, maybe, peasant, you can have a job, you greedy bastard! Always wanting to know what's in it for you! Shame!

        *God is a witness and is pissed and has Peter at the gate busily making entries on the debit side of the ledger. I hope.

        • comrad_darkness

          One of my favorite quotes is:
          Anyone who tells you the government needs to encourage people to make money is a con man.

  • ttommyunger

    The Teatards in the Lower House will not be amused. They are morons, sent to the best job they will ever have (in their minds) by morons. Boehner may not survive this as Speaker. McConnell's job is not in question. Eric Cantor is fapping furiously thinking about the Office and Perks of the Speaker's Job. Meanwhile, Barry is blessed with opponents selected by the same folk who did the casting for "Freaks".

    • GOPCrusher

      Didn't Bible Spice just issue a warning to Speaker Drunky McNicotineStain to not raise the debt ceiling? I guess Yertle The Turtle didn't get the memo.

      • ttommyunger

        Yertle doesn't have a gaggle of Teatards with pitchforks in his own Senate Caucus to answer to. He knows Sarah swings about as much weight as a popcorn fart in a whirlwind.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Eric Cantor should always be referred to by his full name, Eric Smarmy Cantor. I am not a violent person, but I just want to smack the smug right off of him.

      • ttommyunger

        That would be a first. This pencil-necked pussyfart has NEVER been hit in the face hard, I'd bet the farm on that.

      • PristineODummy

        I'd love to say "Go for it," but I think you're looking at a 24/365 x infinity job. That Smug is bred in the bone.

  • Wow, so it looks like there is a length to which McConnell, at least, will not go! This is Kruschev pulling his motherfucking missiles out and taking them back to Moscow! He must really believe that the Democrats have finally grown testes and spines and won't cooperate on an onerous "grand compromise."

    Is it actually possible that Democrats have shown enough backbone to send the Turtle back into his shell? I have said that it is past time to let the worst happen so that everyone FEELS, not just understands, the consequences; Democrats have to get comfortable with the "unthinkable" if they want to win anything. Well it looks like the Wingnuts are the ones cracking under the pressure.

    And if he thinks the Wingnuts can campaign for 2012 portraying Obama as the single, crack-addicted, welfare-queen mother of the Debt Limit, he's ignoring the damage that they are doing to their own party with their Lock-Out tactics at all levels of government. It's a perfect opportunity for Barry to campaign under the theme of getting back the majority so that he doesn't have to agree to compromises we all hate. Obama can't be too fucking stupid to grind their faces in this!

    • NOT too long DID read

    • problemwithcaring

      Sadly, even if he was fucking stupid, he would still be one of the smartest people in dumb ass DC.

  • Guppy06

    Congress has long since abdicated its war-making powers to the White House exclusively, why not spending too?

    Dictatorial powers are OK for Republican MC's so long as it's done in the name of blame-shifting.

  • June_Cleaver2.0

    McConnell looks like that guy who turns into water in X-Men. I always think about that movie, when I see Mitch.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Am I the only one who thinks Boner and Turtle-face have absolutely no control over their caucuses? You dance with the Teabaggers, dickwads, and you lose control of your fucked political party. Like every g**dam pundit and news talker this side of the KKK predicted.

    • GOPCrusher

      They wound up the Crazies for the 2010 election. The chickens have come home to roost.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Well, they wooed, and courted, and flirted, and felt up, and did everything else they could to get the teabaggers to come to the dance with them.

      And now, guess what, maroons, in a switch on the old saying, you gotta dance with the ones you brought to the dance, or pay the price. Who knew those sweet things could be so scary?

    • PristineODummy

      Nope. The teabaggles in the Houses of the Peepul seem to believe that ignoring the looming debt crisis is perfectly fine, as the Stupublicans assured them. I have no idea what kind of game the Repugs were playing here, but I suspect they thought they could wind up the baggles with rhetoric that they, and everyone else, knew was just for show. The baggles, however, are a literal-minded lot and believed every word of it. Now they're furious about the perceived betrayal, but have lost most of whatever clout they had. So popcorn will be purchased, and hilarity will ensue. It's just a question of when. Right now the baggles are seeing this as a HUGE (no, not opening) victory for Obama. He is seven flavours of Antichrist this week.

  • DustBowlBlues

    On the upside, will the global economic collapse hurt millionaires? Then again, the Kochs aren't worried, as their Teabagger minions haven't been told to go back to treating the debt ceiling like a "housekeeping" (in the Bushies' word) measure?

  • DustBowlBlues

    It occurs to me that this is all the fault of yours truly, Dust Bowl Blues. A few weeks ago, I quipped that, since Republitards can be trusted to take exactly the opposite side of anything the Ds say, no matter how reasonable or factual, the DNC should launch a massive campaign against Russian Roulette. I assumed, of course, it would result in mass suicide on the part of Rs, especially Teabaggers.

    Little did I know that they all read "our" the wonket and would do exactly what I predicted, except instead of shooting themselves, they would play Russian Roulette with the global economy.

    I'm so sorry, my wonkette colleagues, that I did this bad thing.

  • Steverino247

    It would seem that the President's now legendary ability to quiet crying children has the same effect on whiny Republican Senators. Or is it his legendary fly swatting skill that's showing here?

    • ChessieNefercat

      I think it's his legendary ability to sneak up behind the stupid cats peeking into and laughing around the mousehole and yell "BOO!"

  • This reminds me of D.H. Lawrence's immortal poem, "Tortoise Shout." Except it's Mitch McConnell fucking himself in the ass.

  • Take the power with both hands, Barry-O, seize the bull by the horns, carpe bloody diem, then just go ahead and fire that rat's nest o' ne'er do wells. Then you can get some shit done.

  • Some time ago I read an article in which the writer had interviewed some of Obama's old students at the U of C about what kind of a teacher he was. One consensus was that he was brilliant at entertaining any argument, no matter how silly or far-fetched, by drawing the arguer's position out of him, helping him set it up, and then punching holes in it left and right. By the time he started with the hole-punching, the person had put himself on such shaky logical ground that he simply couldn't hit back. At the same time Obama would never belittle the person or the viewpoint, just gently demolish it.

    I don't know if it was by accident or design, but Barry did just that to the Republicans. I don't think I'd want to play poker with the guy. I think he'd clean me out.

    • PristineODummy

      He certainly is the past master of the poker face. I've heard and read that he is one helluva poker player. And certainly, that performance he put on during the WHCA dinner and that entire week before, after, and during, was something to behold. He'd send us home in a barrel.

      This makes the umpteenth time that the Republican party has had egg on its face after tangling with him. The psychological stress appears to be driving them crazy.

  • zhubajie

    So shut down the Dept of Defense! Let all those militias defend us!

  • benjo765

    You've been officially nominated for The Biggest Douche in the Universe Award!!!

  • lulzmonger

    Achievement Unlocked: NEUTICLES!

  • Suck My Balls

    Today we are all neutered turtles.

  • Timothy Bladel

    Do you think we are buying this, if we default, it will Mr. Obama's fault, and you know it. He is the one we decided to spend the last two years kicking the can down the road, so Republicans are going to force spending cuts, like they should. Now Obama and company want to whine about it, well he should not have scared the country into voting Republicans back into the house. He made his own bed, now he sleeps in it.

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