jesus also hates nature

Florida Tea Party Adopts Grievance Against Endangered Manatees

if tea partiers turned into manatees...Along with the Fed, health care reform, taxes, the TSA, Mexicans and secular governance, everyone can now add  “harmless, adorable manatees” to the list of things Tea Party Patriots would like to kill. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service proposed new rules to restrict motorized boating in a popular Florida wildlife refuge, because the boats are a threat to the endangered species. County officials have legitimate concerns that some of the regulations may harm business by dampening tourism to the refuge, but the Florida Tea Party, however, is officially upset because “God put humans before nature,” and “this is a United Nations plot.”

The St. Petersburg Times reports:

“We cannot elevate nature above people,” explained Edna Mattos, 63, leader of the Citrus County Tea Party Patriots, in an interview. “That’s against the Bible and the Bill of Rights.”

“We believe that (federal regulators’) aim is to control the fish and wildlife, in addition to the use of the land that surrounds this area, and the people that live here and visit. … As most of us know, this all ties in to the United Nations’ Agenda 21 and Sustainability.”

Agenda 21 is a program, adopted by the U.N. in 1992, to encourage countries around the world to promote only development that does not harm nature. Pundit Glenn Beck and other conservatives have attacked it as an attempt to impose world government’s rules on every aspect of American lives. The Citrus County tea party group’s website says Agenda 21 is “designed to make humans into livestock.”

Humans into livestock! Well here is something pretty terrifying: the manatee population in the bay has grown from 100 to over 550 since the federal wildlife refuge was established in 198o, and that is just too many of them for comfort. It is “manatee vs. human” as far as God, nature and Glenn Beck and the Bill of Rights are concerned. Whose side will you be on? [St. Petersburg Times]

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    Manatees are certainly smarter than the teabaggers.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      That doesn't take much…

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      and they also tend to resemble them.

      zing.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        No way. Manatees are adorable.

      • Doktor Zoom

        That's manatee libel! Aquatic mammals are gentle, graceful creatures who nurture their young. Teabaggers are just blubbery.

    • freakishlywrong

      And a lot more charming.

    • not that Dewey

      And smaller. And eat less.

  • Doktor Zoom
    • ttommyunger

      How inflammatory!

    • flamingpdog

      What's the difference between a Zeppelin and a Teabagger?

      One's an ugly, outdated, giant rigid gasbag that has a tendency to go down in flames, and the other is an airship.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    These fucker's won't be happy until the entire planet is graded flat and covered in concrete, and the only living animals are those that can be slaughtered to be sold in the meat department.

    • genxr

      The entire planet must be made hoveround-friendly. Hoverounds will have gun racks, so the teabaggers can shoot any animal they come across, for fun.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Was this not the whole point of "Atlas Shrugged?" (Not that anyone from Florida will be able to read in 10 years or so.)

    • HistoriCat

      It's what God wants – READ THE BIBLE!!!1!!1!

  • memzilla

    It's "Mana" and "Tee," not "Mana" and "Steve." Stop gay sea cow marriage now!

    Thanks heavens we have a responsible political faction to pay attention to this important stuff.

    • ArmoredBore

      I read that as "Mana Tree" for a second and got briefly excited. Then depressed to think that teabaggers would just cut such a thing down for Freedom™

      • horsedreamer_1

        Sometimes, the tree of mana must be bled by the boat propellors.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “God put humans before nature”

    Explain Noah and the Ark, then.

    • Doktor Zoom

      I love , just LOVE, that there are adult human beings that believe that story is literally true. It means that, should I ever decide to become a con artist, I will find plenty of victims.

      • SorosBot

        Even the Adam and Eve bullshit seems plausible before the story of Noah's Ark; hell, Santa Clause is more believable, and I'd have less contempt for an adult who believed in him.

        • HistoriCat

          Hold on – what are you saying about Santa?!?

    • Steverino247

      Noah and the Ark is a story used to make children think Bible stories are cute and has the added benefit of keeping insane former astronauts off the streets and up in the mountains of Turkey where they belong.

      Actually, the story made me wonder what kind of sick fucking god would drown his creations. And to wonder why he was so queer for fish and aquatic mammals?

      • GOPCrusher

        And why did Noah put two mosquitoes on, but left two unicorns off?

        • Steverino247

          The horns were too suggestive, sexually. Duh!

        • flamingpdog

          And he put on the leprosy bacteria [Take that, Judah Ben-Hur!], but forgot the dinosaurs.

        • JerkCade

          EVERYBODY! And dere were . . . green alligators and long-neck geese . . .

          • Janinthepan

            Humpty -back camels and chimpanzees! Don't forget the hand gestures!

  • Barb

    FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive.
    These idiots put the "duh" in Florida.

  • http://www.viewsfrommainstreet.com jane_cerva

    The mind boggles. A U.N. plot? How long do these idiots think humanity will last if we kill off all the other animals? Do they believe their god would really be happy with them for driving his creations into extinction?

    • freakishlywrong

      Their "God" is Dick Armey, so yeah, he'd be happy with that.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      And I love how Agenda 21 sounds just, so, so sinister, if you say it right.

      And are already incredibly paranoid.

      • BlueMonkeh

        are you really paranoid if you have to be told to be paranoid? conunDUHrum!

    • SorosBot

      Their god is a monstrous genocidal maniac, remember, who will force the vast majority of humanity to suffer for eternity simply for not worshiping him in the right way; so yes, that would make their god happy.

      • http://www.viewsfrommainstreet.com jane_cerva

        Oh, right. Of course. I don't know what I was thinking.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      It's always some kind of plot with these people. Obama wasn't born here. Iraq was behind 9/11. The U.N. is making us into livestock.

      Why don't they believe there's a government plan to keep them alive though health insurance reforms?

      • LesBontemps

        They do, and it's soshulizm, so better dead than red.

      • ArmoredBore

        It's a mindset that sees no room for coincidence, but can find Jesus in a piece of toast. I don't think they can just stop and consider that sometimes a cigar is just a penis. Wait, I mean a mother! Wait, NO! CIGAR!!

    • GOPCrusher

      The U.N. Plot is as old, if not older than the Flouride In The Water Supply Plot.
      In fact, I believe the preferred delivery Flouride Delivery System is a Black U.N. Helicopter.

    • finallyhappy

      The absolute stupidity of people who do not understand how animals/plants/fish tie into keeping the earth's ecosystem viable for humans is amazing. Or absolutely predictable given the below moron level intelligence of teabaggers.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    "“We cannot elevate nature above people”

    And we cannot elevate a Teatard's intellect above a 5th grader's.

    • Come here a minute

      Or a sea cow's.

  • YasserArraFeck

    hopefully, that other slow moving, bottom-feeding, flabby mammal, the Hanatee, will soon be extinct

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Dr. Science says the Hanntee is actually a member of the lizard family.

      • YasserArraFeck

        I don't think so – he definitely has large breasts

      • flamingpdog

        Snake family – he definitely speaks with forked tongue.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    This is surprising since so many Teabaggers resemble manatees in weight and body mass.

    • Nothingisamiss

      And facial expressions. Luckily, manatees do not carry protest signs, and very few manatees, I believe, are racist paranoid schizophrenics.

    • GOPCrusher

      Manatees do not operate Hoverrounds.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    "Mattos said she enjoys showing off the manatees to her grandchildren, but she had little use for the Save the Manatee Club, explaining, "If some of these environmental movements had been around in the days of the dinosaurs, we'd be living in Jurassic Park now." "

    Can't argue with that kind of logic.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      Nor should you, since it would be analogous to arguing with a manatee.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I hope she gets eaten by a velociraptor.

      • ChessieNefercat

        I'm pretty sure it would take a bigger critter to get her down. T-Rex, perhaps?

    • Nothingisamiss

      W…..T……F…..!

    • CapeClod

      Back in the days of the dinosaurs, these people were totally in the pocket of Big Meteor.

      • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

        Don't forget the endorsement from the man in the sky.

      • Grief_Lessons

        It was the fact that brave Christians of the dinosaur era correctly applied the teachings of the Bible that saved us from one-world tyrant-lizard based government.

    • Steverino247

      No, but you can slap the shit out of anyone who expresses it.

    • flamingpdog

      Pfft, we are living in Jurassic Park today, with Kochasaurs, TriSarahtops horridus, pterrorsaurs, and Tea wrecks.

      • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

        I would like to give you an upfist for each of your Republican dinosaurs.

  • FNMA

    For those keeping score at home, Florida's making a strong comeback, but Arizona and Texas are still in the lead.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      The uberfuhrer of Quartzite, AZ would like a word with you.

    • CapeClod

      And Alabama is looking to make a strong push on the outside.

  • Weenus299

    “designed to make humans into livestock.”

    Nobody in the Tee Partee ever witnessed a NASCAR race, or the clientelle at Wal-Mart, Best Buy, or any big box retailer, I guess. We're pretty much human cows.

    • Doktor Zoom

      WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!!!!

    • Boredw/Gravitas

      Why do I think that ole' Edna Mattos resembles a human cow?

    • ChessieNefercat

      "Nobody in the Tee Partee ever witnessed a NASCAR race, or the clientelle at Wal-Mart, Best Buy, or any big box retailer, I guess."

      In those circumstances, we can see the forest, but the TPers can't because they're the trees.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    You didn't know that Soylent Green was created in Florida, did you?

    • Sue4466

      can only hope.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      The Florida recipe is mostly ass-lard, plus scooter parts.

    • Steverino247

      You've got to tell them! Soylent Green is Teatards! Teatards…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “That’s against the Bible and the Bill of Rights.”

    I don't recall the Man vs. Nature Clause in the Bill of Rights. Guess I'd better read it again, for comprehension this time.

    • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

      Man vs. Nature? You mean that awful show on the Discovery Channel about a guy named "Bear" who purposely gets lost in the desert and survives by eating camel shit?

    • riverside68

      It's in the part about pursuing happiness with a warm gun against anything that moves. The west didn't win itself don't ya know?

      • horsedreamer_1

        Exactly. We won't get fooled, again.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      The Bible says man has dominion over the animals or something like that.

      If these folks really believe the government has no legitimate role in preventing animal cruelty (including death by destruction of habitat), they won't object to puppy fighting for profit.

    • Slim_Pickins

      Its the "Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of Happiness" right.

      • genxr

        When teabagger candidates sign a pledge, they don't mean the preamble.

  • edgydrifter

    "I sentence you to death for, uh… floating around and stuff."

    Mike Judge must have found his inspiration for Beavis and Butthead deep in the rotten heart of Florida.

  • BlueStateLibel

    So the Bill of Rights puts man over nature? Edna Mattos gets the big prize for Making Shit Up As You Go Along.

    • ChessieNefercat

      She's going to have to elbow a lot of people off the stage.

  • nounverb911

    Needs more hurricanes.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It's against the Bible? Really? So when The LORD gave Adam dominion over all the land and the critters thereupon, he really meant for him to run over every goddamn living thing with a motorboat? Way to make the Bible look more idiotic and arbitrary than it already is, teabagger.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Didn't they teach you in Sunday School about "Jesus in the Mojave," terrorizing the jackrabbits, roadrunners, and desert tortoises with his specially modified ATV?

    • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Reagan Still Dead

      Give her some slack. It's not easy to bend scripture or even facts to suits ones' subjective world view. She wants some roadkill manatees and that's what Ron Paul says she can get!

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        If her Sovereign Lord had sent manna and quail during a famine she'd probably still curse it for raining on her sideshow and clouding up her view of her narrow, narrow world.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      And on the seventh day, the Lord said:

      "here, Adam is a 26' Dodge Watercar, along with an offshore oil rig and a refinery. Go forth and make fuel, so that thy days may be filled with pleasure-boating."

    • ChessieNefercat

      I was raised Catholic and we were taught that being given dominion over God's creation (remember, He looked and saw that it was good) was a responsibility, not a right, and that it meant we were responsible for protecting and taking care of said creation.

      I'm pretty sure that is closer to what He is likely to have meant than go ahead and stomp and kill anything that you, personally, don't understand or see the need for.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Oh, come on — I believe it says in the Gospel According to Grover that The LORD intended for creation to be so small that it could be drowned in a bathtub.

  • V572 der Plaatz

    Yep, never noticed it in there before, but Article 3(a) of the Bill of Rights reads as follows:

    "Congreff shall make no law putting manateef above human beingf particularly if directed to do fo by United Nationf Agenda 21."

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      You have acquired the ability to see the invisible parts of the the Constitution. You are becoming a Tea Partier.

      • flamingpdog

        "Hey, keep your invisible hands off my invisible parts of the Constitution."

  • ttommyunger

    “God put humans before nature” If, by "Humans" you mean commercial interests.

    • Nothingisamiss

      And Scalia will argue just that.

      • ttommyunger

        And does, every time he opens his disgusting piehole.

    • SorosBot

      It's barely even that; like with the folks who want to zoom around on ATVs in state and national parks, they think natural areas should be sacrifice so they can get their rocks of zooming around in it.

      • ttommyunger

        I live among them, Soros…. I live among them.

    • GOPCrusher

      Isn't that why they want to defund the EPA?

      • ttommyunger

        Bingo!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    God put humans before nature

    But since Gawd put the 'man' in manatee then — duh — obvsly in this case Citrus Edna's argument = FAIL.

    • flamingpdog

      But woe be to the womanatee – 'cording to the Bible, she gots to be subservient to the manatee.

  • BeWoot

    Glad to learn the Bill of Rights takes a position on "no wake" zones. I already knew the Founders were four square against manatees but did not realize they were strong for motorboating.

    • HistoriCat

      Are you kidding? Jefferson was a well-known and quite proficient motorboater … wait – you're talking about boats. Uh, never mind.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Motorboating? Who brought Meghan McCanns into this?

    • MissTaken

      Oh we all know that Ben Franklin motorboated his way all around the colonies and Paris.

    • flamingpdog

      I thought the Teatards were moar into mindless motormouthing than motorboating.

  • freakishlywrong

    Y'know, I spent the fourth at that wildlife refuge. That was my thought; "too many fucking boats!" There is a spring they've shut off from boat traffic and you have to snorkel or paddle in, it was stunning. No, I didn't swim with the manatees, though I did see some; I get the feeling they don't really want to swim with us, just sayin'..
    Oh, and teatards? There's a ginormouns nuclear power plant on that river that could melt down and destroy everything soon, so, hang in there!

    • V572 der Plaatz

      Manatees are such snobs: don't want to swim with creatures who dice them up with outboard motors.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Yeah, but if those manatees get exposed to some kind of radiation or weird toxic chemicals, they could mutate into man-eaters and kill us ALL!!

    • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

      And yet, that would be preferable to listen to any more of this bible thumping Teabugger crap.

    • emmelemm

      I look forward to our new manatee overlords.

      (No really, I actually do.)

      • ChessieNefercat

        Yes, I'm already feeling the nice.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    “That’s against the Bible and the Bill of Rights.”

    While you can make the Bible–and probably every founding document of every religion–say anything you want, the Bill of Rights doesn't work that way. It is short, written in English just a few centuries ago and not screwed by by prophecies, commandments and damnation to hell.

    The Tea Party is the politics of willed stupidity.

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    Great. More idiotic Dominionist thinking, except now it is being latched on to by the teatards.

    I hope an orca jumps up and bites one of you stupid fuckers in two.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Then we'll just have to kill all the whales, duh. (Shout out to Bryan Fischer.)

    • flamingpdog

      Floriduh needs less Dominionist thinking, more orcanized religion.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      I hope an orca jumps up and bites one all of you stupid fuckers in two.

      /Fixed

  • bureaucrap

    “designed to make humans into livestock.”

    Not such a bad idea. I'm sure the bodyfat of the florida teabaggers alone, if properly liposuctioned and refined, could power Jacksonville for a year.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Tyler Durden approves of this sentiment!

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    This might back fire on the Teabaggers considering the similar shape between a Teabagger and a Manatee. Who can tell the difference?

    • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

      A manatee doesn't have its backside super-glued to a Hoveround®?
      ~

    • elviouslyqueer

      Manatees are generally skinnier.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ChurchofRealism

      One is a gelatinous mound of flesh and the other is a manatee.

    • Duly_Noted

      They had better stay home when the Manatee cull begins. Just sayin'.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "This might back fire on the Teabaggers considering the similar shape between a Teabagger and a Manatee. Who can tell the difference?"

      Aw, Manchu, how could you make those sweet manatees cry?

  • LabRodent

    You know Teabaggers have alot in common with manatees……

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Manly Teatards tried getting close, but found they were manateasers. This is anger over their rejection by the Conquistador's mermaids, nothing more.

  • elviouslyqueer

    “We cannot elevate nature above people,” explained Edna Mattos, 63, leader of the Citrus County Tea Party Patriots, in an interview. “That’s against the Bible and the Bill of Rights.”

    Um, Edna. According to my Bible, God waited around until the last minute to create man, and even then it was pretty much an afterthought. Also, we all know how well the whole "Adam and Eve not fucking up Paradise" worked out, amirite?

  • bureaucrap

    “That’s against the Bible and the Bill of Rights.”

    Gawd, these people are just using that for everything now… "The Bible and the Bill of Rights both say that Obama is a Socialist muslin and that all taxes are illegal!"

    It's right there in Judges 20:14: "And Belshazzar begat Raman; and Raman begat Issachar; and Issachar begat Yeshuel, who went to Bethel with his kine…" It's metaphoric of course but it's all right there for anyone who knows…

  • comrad_darkness

    Wake me when the Tea Party doesn't take the same stance on a topic as a spoiled five year old.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Somewhere there is a snot-spoiled five year old, hands on tiny hips, saying "I'm spoiled, I'm not a fat, fucking moron!

  • widestanceroman

    Let's put motorboats above those humans. That way, the People's transformation into hulking sea cows will be complete with scarred fatty backs.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    So this is the mentality that resulted in the biggest Medicare fraud artist in history being made Governor.

    I was born in Fort Lauderdale, meself. But the family moved out while I was still a toddler, thank the FSM.
    ~

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Isn't the problem in Florida all the people that live there that are from somewhere else originally?

      • BlueMonkeh

        It's kind of turning into our little Australia, no?

  • freakishlywrong

    Oh, and it took every ounce of willpower, ( and wine), to not beat the drivers of cars with bumper stickers with "Patriot on Board" and "I want my country back" with my fins. And, yes, they were all ancient fossils…

    • SenileAgitation

      You are strong! Patriot on board=crybaby on board. The more someone feels the need to proclaim his (or her, for the ladies!) patriotism, the more phony, pathetic and mentally suspect he (or she!) seems.

  • baconzgood

    Baconz doesn't trust those sea cows as far as I can throw them with thier "LOOK AT ME WITH SALT MARSH HABITAT AND PEOPLE THINKING I WAS A MERMAID AND MY BLUBBERY BODY THAT GETS IN THE WAY OF BACONZ'S JET SKI!!!". Fuckers.

  • user-of-owls

    Pull out the stencils.

    Spray paint the lumbering beasts' sides with: MANATEES FOR DR. RON PAUL!

    Watch as the Florida Tea Party demands that all boats be confiscated and declared illegal.

    Poof! Problem solved.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Let's see…First Amendment…speech, religion, press, assembly…the manatees aren't trying to protest at a funeral, are they?

    Second Amendment….guns… nope, that just gives the manatees a chance to shoot back…

    Third Amendment…no, not unless manatees are being quartered in your home…

    Fourth Amendment… search and seizure…are they trying to arrest a manatee?

    Fifth Amendment, nothing about manatees incriminating themselves in there…

    Sixth & Seventh Amendments….uh… no, the manatees ain't on trial…

    Eight Amendment…. aha! Running over manatees with speedboat propellers is definitely cruel and unusual, though I'm pretty sure that's not what she was getting at…

    Ninth Amendment–THIS has to be it–just because the Constitution enumerates rights, that doesn't mean that the people don't have the right to do whatever the fuck they want to in their paranoid delusions about the UN taking over. Toss in the Tenth Amendment so that the states have the power to be paranoid fucks, too.

    • WhatTheHeck

      Its not so much the Amendments the idiots are promoting, but more, the Commandments they found in a black book.

  • fuflans

    impose world government’s rules on every aspect of American lives

    this should be an improvement really.

  • WhatTheHeck

    If god wanted the Manatees to survive, s/he would have given them Hoverounds.
    So lets kill ’em all.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Hoverounds. Or maybe limpet mines.

  • user-of-owls

    Edna Mattos, 63, leader of the Citrus County Tea Party Patriots.

    What a fruit.

    • flamingpdog

      Definitely acidic.

    • comrad_darkness

      You are happily reminding me that these idiots will indeed die off. Unfortunately, not soon enough to save the country from their Dunning Kruger Masterpiece of Destruction.

  • Serolf_Divad

    “That’s against the Bible and the Bill of Rights.”

    Gosh, Edna. You say that like those are two different things. What are you, a communist?

    I've said before and I'll say it again: the GOP reaching out to the Tea Party crazies to reconstitute in the wake of the 2008 elections is as if the Democrats had reached out to Lyndon La-rouche and his crazies in the wake of Al Gore's "loss" to Dubya in 2000.

  • Selfish_T

    "If some of these environmental movements had been around in the days of the dinosaurs, we'd be living in Jurassic Park now."

    This is a pretty airtight argument.

    • YasserArraFeck

      You do realize that the only reason that we're not overrun with Tyrannosaurs and Stegosaurs is that Fred Flintstone was able to run those fuckers over with his foot-powered log-mobile? Imagine if some goddam' primordial UN had restricted Fred to, say, 5 mph. Dinosaurs everywhere!

    • SayItWithWookies

      Take care of the environment?! Do you even want to imagine what the world would look like if everybody got that harebrained idea into their head?!

    • SorosBot

      Besides which, wouldn't having dinosaurs around be totally awesome? Just imagine if you could ride around on a Triceratops.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Pamplona would be a bloodbath — not that I wouldn't watch the footage.

      • MissTaken

        Little Baby Jesus had a pet Triceratops named Pookie that he rode around on. He asked for a pony, but Joseph, being the dick step-father he was, said no.

        This is why Jesus said people are above nature when he wrote the Bill of Rights.

        • flamingpdog

          But when Baby Jesus got older, Joseph softened up and bought him a Biceratops with training wheels.

    • ChessieNefercat

      ""If some of these environmental movements had been around in the days of the dinosaurs, we'd be living in Jurassic Park now."
      –This is a pretty airtight argument."

      Well, airtight in the sense that a person would have to be somewhat oxygen-deprived to make it.

  • fuflans

    are the baggers the last horrific gasp of the baby boomers? in some weird old fat wingnut way?

    they certainly have the 'my way / my generation' crap down pat.

    • ChessieNefercat

      I'm smack in the middle of the boomer demographic (mid-50s birth and age; Wonder Years) and I find them to be absolutely horrifying.

  • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Reagan Still Dead

    The fossil fuel lobby was influential even in those days. See: What was a whale again?

  • JoshuaNorton

    Humans into livestock!

    And not very good livestock, at that. Unless there suddenly becomes an open market for 400 lb Hoveround-bound lumps of wingnut suet.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "… 400 lb Hoveround-bound lumps of wingnut suet."

      Thanks for the idea! I would be happy to cut you in on the profits from the sure fire millions to be made taking over the wire-square-suet-bird-feeder-thingys market!

      • BlueMonkeh

        and didn't whale blubber used to be burned in lamps 'n such for light?

        could Willie Nelson fuel his bus with teatard blubber?

    • finallyhappy

      Some health club got in trouble for saying that when the aliens come, they will eat the "fat ones" first.

  • orygoon

    It seems a no-brainer that it's more likely that God created manatees than that God created motorboats.

    But what I wonder is why God afflicted us with so many of these no-brainees.

  • Sue4466

    Really some people are willing to sacrifice every other living being and the entire planet for their own interests, even when those interests are just some entertainment bullshit.

    And for the record, human beings can't be put *above* nature because we're part of nature. What with being animals and all. Fuck.

  • http://theblueelite.blogspot.com simplyblue7

    Let us not be victims of the manatee agenda. You know…eating sea grass, moving slowly and what not.

  • Doktor Zoom

    I, for one, have just about had it with these Manateebaggers.

  • x111e7thst

    Is the UN trying to create Human/Manatee hybrids? The possibility cannot be discounted.

    • neiltheblaze

      That would explain Chris Christie.

      • AJWjr.

        Oh the humanatee!

        • Doktor Zoom

          And where did the Hindenburg crash? Lakehurst, NJ. I rest my case.

          (What's the difference between the Hindenburg and Rush Limbaugh ?

          One's a flaming Nazi gasbag, and the other's a Zeppelin)

    • SorosBot

      Homo Teabagus.

  • user-of-owls

    “We cannot elevate nature above people,”

    How about we empirically test this. We hoist up a nice 1300 lb. manatee, say, over Edna's head. Then we let go. If Edna gets turned into a bitter hate-pancake, then she's right!

    • Doktor Zoom

      You bastard. That's a waste of a perfectly good manatee.

      • ChessieNefercat

        Not to worry. I'm betting Edna will nicely cushion the helpful manatee for the necessary instant before she's flattened.

      • user-of-owls

        What, you got issues with Manikaze's all of a sudden? Go watch the History Channel or KillTV or somesuch.

  • Lucidamente1

    And I thought nothing could top Conan O'Brien's hornymanatee.com.

  • user-of-owls

    I'm going to reserve judgment on this until Sunday Mark Trail weighs in.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    The Tea Party has joined forces with the Lightbulb! http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/exclusive/battle-bulb

    • GOPCrusher

      This one just boggles the mind. How fucking stupid to you need to be, to be against replacing your light bulbs for something that is more efficient, lasts longer, and lowers your electricity bill?
      And they wonder why America doesn't take them seriously?

    • user-of-owls

      I had a disturbing dream about this last night in which the two types of bulbs became animate. On the inside was the new bulb, all twisted and poisonous (mercury, right?).

      And on the outside, the traditional bulb looked like this

      • flamingpdog

        Jimmy Carter's lost some of his baby fat.

  • neiltheblaze

    Our friend Edna's comments prove that some humans are already livestock.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    It's the Tea Party against the Manatee Party!

  • Allmighty_Manos

    I'd rather fight the manatees over there than fight them over here. The Book of Genesis made it clear that nature is a zero-sum game. The less animals roaming around means more for me.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Manatees = Satan (Queer)

    • Nostrildamus

      NEEDZ MOAR ALL CAPS

  • Selfish_T

    I wonder if Ms. Mattos realizes that the bald eagle featured on her twitter page (@anti_socialism) was for many years a federally protected species.

    • GOPCrusher

      And still is.

      • Selfish_T

        If that's the case, I'll take the blame for getting my info from wikipedia, which says they were removed from the threatened list in 2007. I will also plead ignorance about the workings of federal protection designations.

        • ChessieNefercat

          Based on recent Wikipedia escapades, I'd say that somewhere, sometime, it was shown that the bald eagle was in fact still endangered, after someone insisted it wasn't, and well, we know what happens next.

          Change Wikipedia, change history! Ta-da!

  • CapeClod

    When the robot apocolypse finally arrives, I'm joining the side with the shiny skins.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I think this woman may be a Carl Hiaasen character come to life.

    • freakishlywrong

      I was thinking that as well. These people have to be an elaborate librul parody, they really cannot be that awful and hateful, (can they)?

    • ChessieNefercat

      I've heard of him, but not read any of his books. Are they good (terribly subjective question, I know…)?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Yep. Well, I liked 'em.

  • SorosBot

    Where the fuck in the Bill of Rights does it say we can't put nature above humans, crazy Edna? And seriously, Edna, did you pick that as a parody of ridiculous outdated names old people have?

    And as for whether forbidden by the Bible, that doesn't matter, because the Bible is just a stupid old book that only an idiot would use as a basis for policy decisions, in fact the Bill of Rights that you just mentions expressly forbids it.

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    This proves that manatees are morally weak.

  • Terry

    You know all that tourism to the Refuge? Those people are going there to see stuff like the manatees. Just sayin', Citrus County.

    • Eve8Apples

      Damn right. No one goes to Florida to see teatards.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Why, with Christians, do they always throw stuff up that cannot be empirically proven?

    More to the point, why the hell should we care about the empirically unproven?

    What's worse: isn't it just as impossible to prove that our rights are inalienable…?

    Goddamn abstract ideas.

  • BklynIlluminati

    Old meme but it needs to happen
    http://www.gifbin.com/bin/florida.gif

    • BlueMonkeh

      WIN+++++++

  • sati_demise

    God may have put humans before nature, but he is silent on motor boats.

  • Duly_Noted

    "Against the Bible and the Bill of Rights," as if she has read either.

    Comments by Tea Partiers are merely canned idiocy being spewed by an organic life form (And I use that definition liberally) rather than an answering machine. There's no thought behind them or even understanding of what they are saying. It's a code that really means "I don't like this."

  • YasserArraFeck

    Teabagger Darwinism – Survival of the Fattest

  • Limeylizzie

    Citrus County makes everything puckered up.

  • AJWjr.

    At the risk of a shitstorm of downfisting, why does Floriduh hate Queen Latifah?

    • BlueMonkeh

      lol…that is some funny stuff

      • AJWjr.

        Yeah–I was a member there until God decided to semi retire from blogging.

  • Eve8Apples

    “We cannot elevate nature above people,…That’s against the Bible…"

    Didn't God tell Noah to save all the animals, including the manatees, because he was going to murder all the humans? In the Bible, manatees get to ride in boats, not get killed by them.

    • AJWjr.

      Two of them, anyway!

    • comrad_darkness

      That bible story (like all of them) means only what they want it to mean.

  • Guppy06

    Some people think of Florida as "South Alabama." I'm thinking "East Arizona" may be more fitting.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Obviously, the Citrus Tea has never heard of ecotourism.

    Tell 'em there's money to be made from the manatee, & they'll come around. Or, at least, their puppetmasters will.

    [humming]

    "A three hour Koch tour…"

  • philpjfry

    Is there some IQ test one has to fail before joining the TEA party?

  • Doktor Zoom

    Odd. Now I have this song stuck in my head.

  • Slim_Pickins

    I have a neighbor that rails about the GD manatees, and we're in Wisconsin!

    • horsedreamer_1

      Not as ironic as the no goverment regulation types railing against zebra mussels & other invasive species (Asian carp).

  • Poindexter718

    Holy feck, the idea of setting aside parcels of land to preserve wildlife originated in the UN?
    And all these years I thought Republican Prexy T. Roosevelt popularized the idea.

  • proudgrampa

    If loving manatees is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

    • Nostrildamus

      Please post URL.

      • proudgrampa

        Sorry, I don't have a URL.

        • BlueMonkeh

          pictures or GTFO

          : )

  • SheriffRoscoe

    We cannot elevate nature above people….

    Teabaggers. Give 'em a brain and they start thinkin' they're competing with nature.

  • Redhead

    Isn't wanting to kill cute little harmless animals for shits and giggles a sign of sociopathy? I'm guessing these guys wet the bed too…

    • ChessieNefercat

      And for God's sake, keep matches away from them. That's the trifecta, I believe.

  • Barrelhse

    Come on, Ice caps. Melt, baby melt!

  • Buckminster

    If I nail a boater, can I keep it for a mount?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Only after the abortion.

  • GOPCrusher

    “We believe that (federal regulators’) aim is to control the fish and wildlife, in addition to the use of the land that surrounds this area, and the people that live here and visit."

    She obviously does not grasp the concept of "regulators".

  • poncho_pilot

    stupid human tricks.

  • mavenmaven

    Next thing you know, you libunatics will allow evolved apes to rule the world!

  • DashboardBuddha

    "If some of these environmental movements had been around in the days of the dinosaurs, we'd be living in Jurassic Park now."

    If this were true than the dinos would have died of heart trouble from eating these folks for lunch.

    Edit: I just made myself laugh by thinking of a dinosaur version of Supersize Me!

  • flamingpdog

    Dammit, peoples, if we allow manatees to have equal rights with Teabaggers, they will be demanding free Medicare-provided Hoveroundcraft to get around the Everglades in.

  • Wilcoxyz

    After the nice whale saved Jonah, this is the thanks large water-dwelling mammals get. That's cold. God's a dick.

    • AJWjr.

      Nonononono, if you ask ANY bible-thumper, it was a fish. A giant fucking fish. Likely way too big to fit on Noah's ark, but why would you want to do that, when all the fish that wanted to could just swim around until the flood waters subsided, and then they would either dry up and die off or develop lungs and legs and feet and arms and…where was I going with this, anyway…

  • Selfish_T

    All joking and ridicule aside, the best response to this nuttery would be to donate a few bucks at http://savethemanatee.org/.

  • crybabyboehner

    The manatees have come for our hoverounds!

  • eastcoastelite

    Gonna make it a lot easier to get two of every animal on the next ark if they're mostly extinct

  • GOPCrusher

    The Tea Baggers got took it serious when Sarah Palin uttered the famous line in her much beloved reality show, Sarah Palin's Alaska, "Our family believes there is room for all of God's creatures, right next to the mashed potatoes."

  • SilverTsunami

    Manatees are not better than TPers–they're just better citizens than the TPers are.

  • sportshort

    Says right chere in duh Bibble: "And lo God put a motorboat on the water and it was good. Veruly did a big ass mammatee get in its way and God said, fuk it, run over the damn thing. They tastes good, too. Like chicken. Deep fry 'em for a real treat. Amen."

  • MissTaken

    “designed to make humans into livestock.”

    This sounds an awful lot like EVOLUTION to me. And we all know that theory was debunked years ago.

    • finallyhappy

      Humans share 60% of our DNA with banana trees and 75% with chickens. This is not a snark or a joke.

  • MrDorkbutt

    Which amendment in the Bill of Rights covers that? I assume he figures that is the gist of the 2nd Amendment.

  • GregComlish

    Fucking idiots. The reason people like places like places likes coasts and mountains and wildlife refuges is because of the perceived value of the natural world. The Manatees are part of that value. They are the wildlife for which the refuge was created. Motorboats are merely a vehicle in which people can experience whatever beauty is left. If all you care about is your shitty motorboat, then maybe you could visit any of the 99.9% of American waterways that are not within wildlife refuges.

  • carlgt1

    It's like putting carnival sideshow freaks in charge. actually that's not fair – freaks have far more compassion and intelligence than teabaggers, so I apologize to freaks everywhere!

  • Warpde

    “We cannot elevate nature above people,” explained Edna Mattos, 63, leader of the Citrus County Tea Party Patriots, in an interview. “That’s against the Bible and the Bill of Rights.”

    Hey Edna.
    Do us all a flavor and go to Jebus.
    He wants to have a little word with you about humanity.

  • C_R_Eature

    In actuality, the Tea Party was designed to make Livestock into a voting bloc.

  • nightshift21

    Fuckin' lazy manatees. They are not job creators and should be culled from the herd.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    We'll make great pets.