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191 comments

    1. Twinklesnot

      Trying to picture him "practicing his masculinity." He needs to up his practice time from NOTHING to, say, 45 minutes a day. Geez, can't he even make an effort in public?

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        He's got it, meet his Heterosexual Accountability Partner for godssake, the woman is running for President.

    2. JustPixelz

      "a dose of his fabulous therapy." – fixed

      If I was married to Michele Bachmann, I'd switch teams too.

      Maybe he should go on Queer Eye to learn how to "man up".

    3. NYNYNYjr

      Newsflash: About 30 years ago someone gave him this therapy. And it "worked". Hopefully someone squeals and tells the whole story. Research idea: who was known for doing ex-gay therapy in Minnesota in the late 70s?

  1. fuflans

    while i appreciate this is an important political development, in future please warn me if i will have to watch michele and marcus dance.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Yes, that was painfully awkward. It's probably the closest those 2 have been to each other since their wedding night.

      I also know that really true believers don't dance–everyone knows it's like having sex standing up. Michelle & Marcus are FRAUDS–(he apparently in more ways than one!).

    2. prommie

      That was the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. It was so surrealy bizarre, it could have been a scene in Eraserhead.

    1. MaxUdargo

      One thing for sure, Marcus Bachmann doesn't really understand heterosexuality, does he? For him it's a moral choice. You see, we all have "curiosity" and sometimes want to have sex with people of our own sex, we just need to resist these sinful urges.

      I can only speak for male heterosexuals, but that's not how it works. I do not walk down the street every day saying to myself, "Hey, look at that guy. He's really hot. Look at that ass! Boy, I'd sure like to stick my…. BUT IT WOULD BE WRONG."

      No, being heterosexual isn't a moral choice, which is why I assume being a homosexual isn't a moral choice. It's how you're wired. My heterosexuality isn't a moral stance.

      But for Marcus, being a heterosexual is something that requires moral fortitude. It requires discipline and commitment. You have to resist temptation and stand firm.

      Marcus is very confused.

      1. Rarian Rakista

        Same thing with some of these outspoken parents on the dangers of child molestation by strangers who enact all these crazy laws that do not stop the 90% of molestation that mostly comes from relatives.

    2. The_Great_Gazoo

      All of their foster kids were girls. All 23 of them.

      Marcus was admirably self-aware.

  2. bumfug

    Nothing that comes out in the sane media will have the slightest effect on the dipshits who are inclined to vote for Bachmann. That would be like thinking that scientific proof would have some kind of impact on people who believe in creationism.

    1. GregComlish

      That's not even the point. The point is to make everybody else scared as hell of Bachmann and her base.

  3. problemwithcaring

    Bachmann speaks with such conviction about suppressing gay thoughts. Like from personal experience almost.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        It's going well for maybe as much as 3 million voters that are brave enough to cast their votes sneaking past the Black Panthers.

        Oh and Michele, you aren't running for a dinky congressional seat or even VP, so you don't get to pick and chose which questions you'll take or provide non-answers to.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      I was too busy paying attention to the flapper 'do on the (surprisingly) worthwhile reportress from Tina Brown's Internet Tendency.

  4. pinkocommi

    Let's pray away the Teatards. No one is born a Teatard. It is a lifestyle choice and a bad one at that.

    1. PsycWench

      No, the man's eyes are scientifically proven to be designed to be directed towards the woman's cheeseburger.

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Mine, too. But, if the cheese is that bad, she really ought to get a prescription.

      1. Gleem_McShineys

        "Can God make a rock that is so heavy even HE can't lift it?"

        I think you're getting into this sort of territory.

    1. prommie

      He sounds like Python's Pilate, doesn't he? I wonder if he cured his friend, Bigguth Dickuth.

  5. Callyson

    From Marcus Bachmann…
    "Barbarians need to be educated. They need to be disciplined…"
    Indeed. You, Michele, and your nutcase supporters do need to be educated and disciplined. Not necessarily in that order…

  6. Negropolis

    Are we sure that Marcus isn't a lesbian?

    Saw this on Hardball, last night. I was really kind of glad Chris did this, and just straight out called bullshit on the movement, though, I would like to see the media string on Michele a bit longer to let the fall hurt more when it inevitably happens. I fear that she exists so outside reality that she won't be brought back down to earth unless it's made to hurt.

    1. PsycWench

      I particularly liked his expression and tone of voice when he mentioned having interviewed her himself, with the unspoken follow-up "and it's fucking useless".

  7. CapnFatback

    GODDAMMIT, JR! You should have made it clear that Evan was only metaphorically destroying the Bachmanns.

    I expected by video's end that Evan would be brandishing Michelle's cold, dead eyes on his animal-pelt codpiece as a trophy. Sigh.

    (Oh, why must my fantasies always have a hint of Beastmaster to them?)

  8. ManchuCandidate

    You know who invents their own fantasy world to deny reality? (Not a goodwin joke.)

    Kids. Reality sucks especially when everything you thought was true turns out to be a pile of bullshit, but you either face it or go insane trying to deny it away.

    I don't see Mish as an adult. Sure she's of the age, but she's got no sense of responsibility and has the shallowest understanding (if any) of the deadly nature of the power she seeks. She always struck me as someone who is emotionally brittle and would shatter the second any kind of serious shit went in her general direction (a lot like Lou Sarah or many others in the GOPer whack pack.) Not a quality you want in a leader with life/death responsibilities or any responsibilities for that matter. Watched my former CEO (a man of similar emotional "toughness") panic and destroy a 150 year old company because he was too much of an insecure chickenshit to make a tough decision so he opted to push us into bankruptcy and dissolution instead.

    As much as Barry gets shit for some of the stupid things he does (and rightfully so), I'd still rather have someone like him in charge. He knows being preznit is serious shit.

    1. bagofmice

      Santa. A big beardy man in the sky we use to get children to behave. Allah, God, and Zeus, big beardy men in the sky we use to get women and children to behave.

    2. C_R_Eature

      Your personality analysis is Spot-On, ManchuCandidate. Add a militant Christian Dominionist theology and an army of True Believers pushing her forward as chosen by God to save America, feeding into each others' psychopathologies and you've got someone who's truly dangerous.
      I think the good news is that Bachmann will never be able to keep from total collapse during the rigors of the Presidential campaign. She's already getting Weird and the pressure hasn't even started yet. Remember – this is a woman who fled in terror from a couple of lesbians in a rest room. Can you imagine how she's react to – oh, say, the week where Barry dealt with a Media Firestorm around his birth certificate and as an aside, directed the killing of Osama Bin Laden? She'd fold like a cheap suit on Day One.
      I wouldn't put this Glittery-Eyed Manaic in charge of a rowboat on a pond in a calm day.

      1. Negropolis

        She's already getting Weird and the pressure hasn't even started yet.

        About as good an observation as any, at the moment. What's been amazing is that her handlers have kept her looking halfway sane for as long as they have, 'cause truth is that everyone knows she doesn't have the mental strength to get through this process. This ain't Anoka. Michele would never make it in real America.

        1. C_R_Eature

          I'm no Seer, but I predict a full-scale Public Meltdown that ends this campaign. I am definitely stocking up on Popcorn.

          1. Negropolis

            Ray Charles could have seen the emotional fragility of this woman. When (not if) she melts down, it will be epic. It's an open secret that she's allergic to regular human interaction which was summed up the other day when it was reported that her husband bizarrely told some folks looking to meet her after a rally that they could essentially look at her and but weren't allowed to touch.

          2. horsedreamer_1

            Plus, the whole assumption of lesbianism on the part of an ex-nun in a bathroom.

            Anyway, Michele's only running as a career move, to transition from office-holder to perpetual candidate. She knows she's not going to be in the House come 2013, regardless the Tea Party, since Minnesota is losing a seat & she's going to be redistricted into a unwinnable (for her) district, so why not try to become the House's first President since Benjamin Harris? (Crucially, also a Civil War officer, so he had more than the House going for him.)

          3. superdave

            I was curious, so I googled and ended up at Wikipedia reading about President Benjamin Harrison. But he was a Senator.

            So more googling and I found that James Garfield was the only one to go from the House to the Presidency.

            And along the way there was a long detour into the Wikipedia page of General William Tecumseh Sherman. So, yeah, not a lot getting done here at work today.

          4. C_R_Eature

            Upfisted for the wonderful Ray Charles metaphor! I saw that odd story. Who do they think she is – some kind of low-rent Evita?

    3. Terry

      "I don't see Mish as an adult. Sure she's of the age, but she's got no sense of responsibility and has the shallowest understanding (if any) of the deadly nature of the power she seeks. "

      She's conveniently removed from herself the necessity to think. If there's a decision to be made, instead of reasoning it out she prays and the voice in her head tells her what to do, surprising confirming what she wanted to do anyway.

    4. 4tehlulz_lite

      It really comes down to who you trust with nuclear arsenal, isn't it?

      Obama could screw everything up (I don't think he has but whatevs), but the greatest service to his country would be preventing Palin and Bachmann from getting the keys to Armageddon.

    5. ThundercatHo

      Many upfists for "whack pack". I hadn't heard that one before and it is so perfect.

    6. father_moray

      He who bows, grovels and wet kisses a fat Saudi King's Ring of Royalty is to your liking? Dude!

        1. father_moray

          No, not at all. Nice try but following a local custom versus bowing to and then prostrating one's self before a more dominant wanker is another. Our Lord is NOT the Fattie Roll of Saud! Might be yours but clearly not mine. If that's all you got then no wonder Obama can't get his coalition up! 2 years and 7 Trillion dollars indebt to America's sworn enemies does not give you any room to brag.:))

          1. ManchuCandidate

            Figures, only an utter toady would spin it that way. The Bushes have been sucking up to the Royal House of Saud for 40 years and the black guy who bows is the sucker.

            BTW, 6 Trillion of that debt is from W's awesome tax cuts to the 1% and the wars he started (one of them utterly unnecessary.)

          2. father_moray

            Ohhhhh so Media Matters Marxist talking points…unfortunately the expenditures and debt obligations all have Obama's signatures now…wait until ObamaCare ramps up…kiss your US credit rating goodbye….maybe kiss the US $ good bye. next you will be telling me it was BushCare all along….sounds like you inhabit a freshly painted corner where Babbles the Clown replays CDs of Bush Did It Over and Over. The 1% pay over 80% of your taxes. Would bet you also like the taste of Food Stamp cheese.:)) you're funny.

          3. ManchuCandidate

            Glad to make you laugh. But the relationship between the Sauds and Bushs are touted often by the Bushes themselves although not after 2001 for some reason.

            While we're talking about inherited things. How's that Clinton surplus?

            Thanks for making me laugh too.

          4. father_moray

            Clinton what? Your bubba buster dried up when bubba missed the easy target and then the WTC exploded. ReWriting history is all you got, laughing boy. The disease America suffers are the socialists, communists, Czarists, Sorosians, Kaganites, VanJonsians and Pelosian CarpetBaggers boreworming what's left of Pelosi's America. BTW her personal wealth from being a govt. servant nearly doubled in the past two years. Again, auto-painted pretend corners are fun, yes??? Nevermind, Michelle's Cure comes…watch the horizon. The Tea Party Tsunami you FEAR is building well offshore and in deep waters. And no matter your Alinsky wiggles and giggles: it comes for you.:)) you're funny.

          5. father_moray

            LOL? Hope you bought GOLD when it was affordable…hope you can run faster than the Zombies…:)))

  9. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I would bet that Marcus has disciplined, and been disciplined, by a lot of barbarians over the years.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        Fighting it so much, succumbing when he just can't take it anymore – is probably the hardest "O" he experiences. Hurts so good.

  10. DerrickWildcat

    The most controversial aspect of reparative therapy is the, "Sucking the Gay out of the patient" technique that only Marcus Bachman is qualified to perform at the clinic.

  11. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You got to love when a politician can do nothing but repeat the same thing over and over again.

    Of course, with Bachmann, it is possible that the silicon chip inside her head has been switched to overload.

    1. Negropolis

      I wish you could. I really do. I wish there was a God, because he'd have long since smited these bastards.

    2. nonbeliever7

      I prayed at my gin bottle altar for the stupid to go away and it did (praise Hendricks). But then it came back in the morning so I'll try again tonight.

  12. glamourdammerung

    Off topic, but I see the teabagger "tidal wave" won another election.

    For the Democrats. Again.

    1. Negropolis

      Just wait to see November 2012. These fuckers are going to be shocked, I tell you. It literally took them less than half a year, this time, to reach peak wingnut trying to repeal light bulbs and murder Medicare and…it's like they have another political death wish or something.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      The 2011-12 High School Debate season has its topic:

      RESOLVED: The United States government should substantially change its policy toward ex-gay therapy.

  13. Radiotherapy®

    This reminds me: I have the cure for poison ivy: pray hard for two weeks and it will definitely be gone!

    1. finallyhappy

      I guess GOD hates me because I had to take lots of steroids to get rid of the oozing mess my arm became.

  14. e_z

    Zombies, look to George Romero for hints on how to deal with them, at least how to deal with them in a movie.

  15. Angry_Marmot

    "…Think about how hard it would be for a straight person to make themselves gay." Maybe we have this backwards. Could marriage to Michele have turned Marcus gay?

    1. Terry

      Their thoughts before marriage:

      Marcus: Oh, a naive and stupid woman who will marry me and not notice.

      Michele: He likes me, he really likes me! I better marry him, another great catch like this might not come along.

  16. gurukalehuru

    Am I the only one who thinks he looks like Benny Hill – a very gay Benny Hill. Maybe one of you young hipsters with mad computer skillz could redo that dance, with a bit of Yakkety Sax.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Benny was more open about his alternative lifestyle, though. (All the cross-dressing.)

    2. FakaktaSouth

      There you go – I keep thinking he's got the same hand mannerisms as Cam on Modern Family (but I LOVE Cam) – so maybe that's it – Cam and Benny Hill (for whom I also have an affinity) had an evil baby – and it's Marcus Bachmann.

    3. tymberwolf817

      I've been long wanting to recreate Palin's "shootin' those guns and ringin' those bells" version of Paul Revere's ride to the tune of Yakkety Sax. Complete with Paul Revere on a hobby horse chasing scantily glad women dressed as redcoats.

  17. DemonicRage

    This is an amazing post. On a day when a major story breaks concerning activities of her husband, candidate just robotically intones, "I'm running for President of The United States and I'm here to talk about jobs," refusing to answer the question. Just truly amazing that anyone could still take such a candidate seriously.

    1. Negropolis

      Truth is that no one really is. Sure, the media is building her up, but it's only so they can do what they do with people like her: to tear them down. Given the incredibly terrible field thus far, and the bat-shit insanity of the GOP that even the media is beginning to grow tired of, they need a little entertainment, and they'll make this monkey dance for all she's worth until they can't sell any more newspapers on her bullshit. We're very clearly coming up on the point, it seems.

      1. Terry

        Don't you sort of feel bad for Huntsman? He's not crazy, has some qualifications, but he can't get anyone to listen to him. The nutjobs in the field, on the other hand….

        1. Negropolis

          I do feel pretty sorry for him. Mostly because his party has gone so far to the right that even a traditional conservative Republican (which Huntsman is) can't be taken seriously by them, anymore.

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      I just love the smile on her face when questioning causes her needle to stick in the groove and the same recorded message repeats itself. The smile looks as if someone painted it on–a demented cartoonist, perhaps?

  18. Barb

    "The truth is that God designed our eyes to be attracted to……breasts……."
    My eyes are the same eyes as any guy's eyes. (too much rhyming for 4:00 A.M.) Do we get "male" and "female" eyes at birth?

    I just awoke and I am cranky until this Mountain Dew kicks in. I'm tired of these idiots focusing on a woman's right to choose and gay people/marriage, not to mention religion. It's smoke and mirrors to cover the fact that they have no ideas for job creation and how to save this country from going the rest of the way to hell. Dr Bachmann takes government money, Sarah Palin's family gets government run health care coverage and these politicians will be getting their pensions on time. Fucking idiots!

    1. Terry

      "The truth is that God designed our eyes to be attracted to……breasts……."

      This sounds like the defense of a guy caught sexually harassing a woman.

    2. nonbeliever7

      Fully agree on two critical points.
      YES Mountain dew is perfect in the morning. (I count it as one of my 5 daily fruits.)
      YES, fucking idiots.

    3. BaldarTFlagass

      I'd like to have word with God on his design; he should have put those breasts on Eve's back instead of up front. Something to hold onto whilst hugging and smooching and doin' it doggy-style. Or at least put an auxiliary pair back there, though I imagine that would seriously complicate brassiere design.

      1. Nothingisamiss

        #winning. You must use this where it will get more upfists. I have a feeling this loooong election cycle of 2012 will be just the time.

    4. JustPixelz

      The only idea they have for job creation is tax cuts. Which we tried for the past 10 years? Thanks Dubya,

      I think only lady legislators should vote on laws about lady parts.

      Also, can someone pass a damn law to get Barb some Mountain Dew for chrissakes?!?

  19. Mumbletypeg

    reparative therapy

    Does reparative therapy exist for that thing they do appearing just before the 3:00 mark… I think they call it shagging but I have no name for the curdled bile sensation that it creates in my throat

  20. BaldarTFlagass

    If he can pray away the gay, can he pray my green eyes blue? Can he pray me from my current 5'10" to 6'2" or so? That'd be pretty nice.

  21. PsycWench

    What is it with candidates who think an interview on a news segment should be some sort of showcase campaign stop, and refuse or deflect the real questions? That evasiveness and entitlement mentality should be much more destructive to a campaign than any answer to the actual questions.

  22. GregComlish

    WHY ISN'T BACHMANN TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT OBAMA (BI-SEXUAL) SATAN QUEER (BI-SEXUAL) COMMUNIST??

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Yeah, you see them all the time on them Capital One commercials. Marcus has to "leave the room" each time one of those ads airs.

  23. __kth__

    We always crack wise about homophobes being closet cases, but wow! this guy needs to stop, drop, and roll.

  24. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Practicing masculinity therapy? WTF is that? Smashing beer cans against your forehead?

    Our eyes are designed to be attracted to women’s breasts? Do they go “BOOOOOOIIIING!!!” and pop out of their sockets when this happens?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      When I start to feel the onset of the swish, I go camping in the wilderness, with only a knife and a piece of string.

  25. Weenus299

    Bachmann conspirator "My Job" has blocked me from viewing this pwnership. Please describe WTF happened.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      For every time I complained about not being able view these things at work — having watched this earlier a.m. from home — I TAKE IT BACK ALL OF IT cuz there's no undoing what that image of them dancing has done to my noggin.

    2. HistoriCat

      Dancing Bachmans. Bullshit "gay is evil" therapy. Evan Hurst speaking.

      The first you're better off not seeing. The second is exactly as you would expect. The third is the most interesting highlight from a Wonkette perspective.

  26. raygotaway

    Guys like Marcus are the reason us fat girls got to dance with anyone in high school.
    They also colored our hair and did the boys we dreamed of doing.

  27. FakaktaSouth

    It does come down to choice, really — just look at the results. Evan seems like such a cool guy, smart, rational and quite a cutie. Marcus Bachmann has chosen to deny who he is – and look at how HE turned out. CHOOSE WISELY PEOPLE!!!!!

  28. Steverino247

    Why are there no faith-healing dentists? Why doesn't "Doctor" Bachmann reach into mouths and let the power of Christ compel teeth to line up properly? Why aren't these assholes lining up outside Walter Reed to put limbs back together from when the believers in some other spook blew them off with explosives? Because it's all bullshit. It's long past time for people to give any kind of credence to these magic stories. I'm happy at least one TV program has called this out for what it is.

  29. DaRooster

    Dude… you are gay.

    (That is all… except… stop trying to fix people and tell your loopy wife to LOOK AT THE FUCKING CAMERA… unless you think it will steal your Succubus soul.)

    1. Redhead

      What the holy hell. If that looney tune is saying that and believes it, then he believes in deities other than god – so he's not Christian. Right? I mean, part of the whole Christianity deal is that God is the ONLY God. So while this guy is off "fixing" Japan because he thinks their problems stem from the existence of (and interactions with) some deity this guy thinks can't exist, but does exist and is screwing with Japan… Perry's turning to this guy for religious help (in a religion which this guy is contradicting) solving the state's problems. Correct?

      Can someone point this out to them and make their heads explode?

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      I tried to have sex with the Sun Goddess one night when she was sitting on the bar stool next to mine. Told me to fuck off and threw a glass of Kirin in my face. That's how I became an atheist.

      My theology is at least as good as Rick's.

      1. DashboardBuddha

        it's just as well she scorned you. You would only get burned. btw – it looks like Fisty McDownfist has been busy this morning.

  30. smitallica

    Know who tries to pray gay people straight?
    Closeted, self-loathing gay people who think they've prayed themselves straight.

  31. smitallica

    It takes a special kind of cunt to turn a question about reparative gay therapy into being about job creation.

  32. El Pinche

    In summary, it's called brain washing and Marcus Bachmann is absolutely, positively gay. I love the Wonktard-runned media.

  33. DrBobNM

    wow, and Bachmann may well be the gop prez candidate?

    conservatives are in heap of trouble.

    I have tried to convince folks on Breitbart that she is poison, but nobody sees it. I guess that does not come as a surprise to those posting here.

    1. father_moray

      Trouble? Your paying off the US Debt is trouble…your share…Oooops….your family's and your kids' share is well over $1,500,000 (one wife and one kid) and with interest and inflation could grow 500% to 1000%. In debt and bankrupt is real…the dollar failing would mean you would have to buy food with Yuan. I like a balanced budget with paid off credit cards, don't you?

      1. DrBobNM

        dad…

        couldn't agree more on the fiscal end. However, there is such a thing as personal freedoms, and if bachmann seriously thinks this fiasco with her hubby will improve her chances of being nominated/elected or endear herself to somebody, she's got another thing coming.

        1. father_moray

          Dr.:
          Dr. Bachmann is nothing compared to the man behind Obama: Soros.

          Michelle is as clear as PlexiGlass compared to the Planet Eater guiding the current POTUS For Rent. No comparison.

          1. DrBobNM

            I agree on Soros, the self-proclaimed smartest man in the world, and self-proclaimed future leader of the world. He is evil, whereas Michelle is a choice for POTUS which is a little worrisome. Night and day.

  34. ttommyunger

    I cannot remember the point in my life when I decided to like pussy. I do know it would take a lot more that Marcus and his team of closeted pussyfarts to wean me off of it and onto something else – like dicks. These people are not only pathetic, they are injurious to troubled humans. I hope their Theology is correct, for if it is, there is a special place in Hell for hypocritical grifters like themselves.

    1. NorthStarSpanx

      Well, how do I sign up to become gay? Oh that's right, tax dollars supporting PBS. I guess it evens out then.

  35. HelmutNewton

    All snark aside, I don't think I've ever seen a politician who so completely inhabits her own nutty fantasy bubble. Even Palin can't compete with her in this area. Imagine if Todd was a self-hating closet case?

    1. father_moray

      Seems like your "Snark" is still ON….Pelosi nearly doubled her personal wealth in just two years….while the rest of us turned into raisins…talk about Jet Green! Or is that Soylent Green? Rather unbalanced view from your penthouse.

  36. elburritodeluxe

    If you think that's controversial, wait till you hear about their cure for black people!

  37. father_moray

    So are the two commentators saying that Gay is a "disorder…that can't be cured?" This is all so confusing!

  38. PlanetWingNut

    This is Good News for Herman Cain (to replace and cause it rhymes with This is Good for John McCain)

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