Iowan princess Michele Bachmann will not rest until she has run out of insane speech explosions to perform in front of a camera. Here she is, possibly wearing glitter eye makeup, getting mildly yelled at by Bill O’Reilly, because even he can’t stand her. You probably want to watch as little of this as possible, so you should just tune in around 1:33 or so to hear Michele Bachmann beg fans of The O’Reilly Factor to go to her website to learn about her “titanium spine” disability. Michele Bachmann is about to secure the robot-human crossbreed vote.
Political Wire
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Authors
Rebecca Schoenkopf (424)
Kirsten Boyd Johnson (927)
Sulagna Misra (4)
Kris E. Benson (11)
Liz Colville (170)
John Schoenkopf (7)
Jim Newell (5640)
Josh Fruhlinger (646)
Erik Jay (27)
Blair Burke (181)
{ 118 comments }
Makes sense. Titanium poisoning has been known to cause diarrhea of the mouth.
And her second favorite metal is lithium.
Swallows a cell phone battery. No more bipolar disorder.
Hey, wasn't that what Wolverine had???
Adamantium, actually. I would love to see Bachmann get an adamantium spine put in.
It's next to unobtainium, vibranium and cavorite on the periodic table.
don't forget atmospherium.
Would it keep her from running away crying from little old lady nuns?
I cannot watch that woman, even if she said "My husband is a big nelly fag".
Just watching Marcus on O'Donnell. He cries out for help in praying away teh ghey.
He is so gay and I am an actress so, believe you me, I know the gheys when I see 'em.
It wouldn't matter in the slightest that he's gay if he weren't a virulent homophobe and patent hypocrite. Hate yourself — it's your unalienable right, and Yah-Weh knows I certainly do — but why screw around with the psyches of others to quiet your own inner voices?
Let me tell ya, honey, you don't need to be an actress to see the ghey stickin' out all over Marcus. Liberace's mother, who would probably never admit her son was gay, would probably testify for Marcus when that happy day comes.
Michele Bachmann, fag hag. Who'd a thunk it?
C'mon, Lizzie, we all know we'd watch that!
You just made me laugh out loud.
You probably want to watch as little of this as possible…
OK, none! I'm just gonna make something up about what I think I would have watched.
~
And Marcus' spine is made of limp noodles.
Oh, I'm sure he's plenty back boned.
That's not his *spine,* honey.
Titanium spine? Sheesh, she's barely a chordate.
'Newly Famous Reptiloid Queen Appears With Stupid Old FAUX Nooze Shouty Falafel Man O'Reilly.'
~
Did Miche1le loofah O'Reilly?
I think she's confusing titanium with mercury, which would explain a lot.
Too bad she has a swiss-cheese brain.
Unfortunately, her titaniumism only makes her more vulnerable to bathroom lesbians!
I thought those were found only in Oklahoma?
She would like to make complex economic decisions based on what she's "hearing" from "ordinary Americans" in Iowa, South Carolina, etc. She may have to sell that titanium spine for scrap metal in a little while…
I've heard of people getting radio stations in their braces or dentures. Maybe she's picking up radio waves via her titanium spine? (Does it include a plate in her head?)
And here I thought it was just a huge stick up her ass. My bad.
A huge Slim Jim Giant Stick up her ass!
Your bad indeed!
Well, duh. Everyone knows one of the symptoms of Titanium Spine is staring wild-eyed into the camera and spouting off illogical nonsense like "my husband is straight and actually has sex with me". Nonsense I tell ya!
Into the camera? Clearly you are a recent convert to Bachmann-watching.
More things I don't want to think about. Thanks a bunch!
She also apparently has an "unable-to-age-naturally" disability. I'm no doctor, but I think it might be caused by her extensive plastic surgery.
Plastic? Or God's Play-Doh!
As much as I despise her and her politics, I want the name of her plastic surgeon. For future use, of course…
Extensive brain surgery?
Yes, they clearly installed cheek and lip implants, whilst removing the brain.
What's your problem? God told her to get the plastic surgery. It's not like she wanted to go to a plastic surgeon.
I thought it was her husband that told her what to do. "Go to law school. Be a tax lawyer. Go get that turkey neck fixed."
"…it might be caused by her extensive plastic surgery."
Well, doh! When you're made of plastic, who else are you going to call?
I'm fairly certain that if she was involved in a fiery tanker-truck crash, she'd come walking out of it sporting a mirror finish (and a really bad attitude.)
If her grip on reality was only one-billionth of that strength, well…
…well, she'd lose Iowa, that's for sure.
she probably has a titanium vibrator because that snatch hasn't seen anything but soft meat for decades.
Living up to your name, tonight. Thanks for that mental image.
Tonight, We are All Pukebo…BLLUUUURRRGH!!!!
Men masturbate. Women pleasure themselves. Miss Bachmann glows.
Or at least sparkles around her eye area.
Bachmann Titanium is this generation's Cubic Zirconia.
If she's Titania, is he Bottom?
Bachmann Titanium Overdrive
You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet…Baby, you just ain't seen nothin' yet.
She's the Six Million Dollar Stupid Ass Bitch.
Where were these fucktards when G.W. Bush was doubling the national debt with tax cuts for rich people, wars for rich people, and deregulation/boom/bust/bailouts for rich people?
Oh, right. Sucking Chimpy Face with those titanium lips.
~
That's because Michele One L My Bell only lets her titanium lips suck upon the whitest of chimpy faces.
"YOU WILL NOT DENY ME YOUR ESSENCE!!!"
When people like us were marching, protesting, blogging, screaming in the streets "This whole tower of shit is about to collapse," and getting our butts arrested, harassed, fined, and pranged by these selfsame righteous-assed fucking morons.
Pardon my bile.
Well, thanks to Obamacare, and it's destructive consequences, we'll all have to wait in line to get a titanium spine.
I don't know whether to be delighted w/ the constant stream of republican crazy or simply terrified.
can you imagine if dems fielded anything like this?
Thing is, they would never. Ever. Remotely approach this level of Crazy. Those kinds of Leftists either died out long ago or are in South America. There's just no room for them at all in American politics.
There's an old joke that goes:
"All I know about Politics are two things:
One – the Democrats are the Bad Guys
Two – the Republicans are the Crazy Guys."
That's never been more true than today.
I'm leaning more towards terrified at this point. The deems are so inept that it's almost a foregone conclusion that the senate majority is toast in this cycle and the Whitehouse in 2016 because as always, Americans will forget how fucking crazy the GOP is. Or even worse, embrace it.
Breaking news: It's not a spine. It's an antenna for receiving messages from the mothership.
Did she ask the whereabouts of John Conner?
She needs a hearing aid. Two thirds of the american people aren't saying "we can't keep raising the debt ceiling". They saying "WE CAN'T KEEP PAYING FOR PERPETUAL WAR!"
Just wait until the olds don't get their Social Security checks or any of the soldiers/veterans don't get what's due to them. I have a feeling stupid Michelle and all the Rs so against raising the debt ceiling will be backtracking quicker than a fat kid on a diet going into a candy store.
Remember when she yelled "You be da man!" at Michael Steele? She was a lot more fun back then. Now it's just getting sad and annoying.
LOL Whut?
Seriously, she did that?
As the proverbial heart attack.
The Bitch of Titanium vs. the Man of Steele!
Cage match tonite at the Mercury Theater!
I think by "titanium spine" she means "large air pocket between my ears."
Fair is fair. Michelle Bachmann will not vote to raise the debt ceiling under any circumstances. And I will not vote for Michelle Bachmann under any circumstances.
A scrap-metal brain transplant might help. I hear copper is valuable…it'd be far more capable of rational thought and takes on that lovely patina.
Wow, watching Bill O. openly laugh at her was worth those 10 seconds of my life I'll never get back.
Somebody just ask her what it IS – WHAT is the debt ceiling, Michele? I want to hear her explanation of what exactly she thinks it is and what we do instead – she just keeps repeating the term and you KNOW she has NO IDEA.
"Debt ceiling? In what sense, Bill?"
Today we are all Bill O'Reilly!
Wait..whaaat???
Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
On the Republican periodic table, titanium (used to make spines) is right next to bolognium (used to make policy and speeches).
Even Bill-O's normally Titanium Penis goes flaccid in the presence of the Bachmannater.
ugh…Bill has a titanium dick. I will have nightmares tonight.
In his own mind, Grasshopper, in his own mind….
Maybe one of those inflatable, detachable, ones, maybe with a leak….
..and a Loofah attachment.
I read that as "Bachmaneater". Twice.
I could eat a Bowling Ball if I had to, but I couldn't eat her.
Fembot. Japan apologizes for Crazy Eyed sexbot runamok.
Malaysia and Indonesia both apologize for allowing the word "amok" to enter a dictionary where it could be abused by the likes of Ol' KrazyEyes.
Well let's put that titanium spine theory to the test. Next thunderstorm, string that bitch up in a parasail and let's see what happens.
titanium spine supports a porridge brain. Design fail.
She's just confusing 2/3 of the American people with 2/3 of the voices in her head.
Dead giveaway she's a Cylon. Throw her in the brig.
Borg Queen. Titanium spine and listening to the voices in her head.
The only proper solution to Toasters is to airlock them.
I was thinking she might be a toaster, but no way–sure, the skinjobs are conniving, evil, brutal, and ruthless, but they're also smart.
Oh, and they have a plan. Michele doesn't haven have a clue.
Yeah right.
That is soooo Unlikely.
Holy fuck, that Bill O'Really is aging nicely, wouldn't you say? Christ, he looks like he hazarded a glance inside the Arc of the Covenant."
To paraphrase, "I think of a Republican and remove all reason and accountability."
I suddenly feel like have the ability to break titanium. Like…I reeeaaally want to beat the shit out of some titanium right now.
I don't know. Her congenital idiocy doesn't strike me as strange, at all.
I have mixed feelings. I'm glad someone calling Michele Bachmann on her bullshit, but I'm pissed that it's someone as smug and woman-hating as Bill O'Reilly.
Just as only Nixon could go to China, only someone as right wing as O'Reilly could call out Bachmann.
Only Michele Bachmann has the power to make Billo look reasonable. Almost reasonable at least.
Wonkbot went sentient and we saw what happen. Imagine what it will be like when that happens to Michele.
So, what's Sarah's excuse, then?
There is NO excuse for Sarah.
"very disciplined in her responses" = "I have a boatload of crazy bullshit talking points cued up in my dingbat, fembot robo-brain and there is no way in hell I am actually going to answer you truthfully or sincerely."
Here she is, possibly wearing glitter eye makeup
I thought you were kidding, but holy crap! Greenwich Village ravers on New Year's Eve have more sedate eye makeup. It's like she painted her eyes with cesium chloride.
Man, we got a slow connection going this morning here. Bill-O is coming on like Max Headroom.
Of course she has a titanium spine. It's a requirement to support the lead alloy that resides in her skull.
"Bill-O is coming on like Max Headroom. "
Sounds like an improvement.
Is he gonna shill for New Coke?
Also—doesn't this titanium spine give the TSA scanners a fit?
And in the sock drawer, left of the spare keys and loose marbles you'll find Marcus' 14-inch titanium dong.
Yeah…but that's for his use, not hers.
Corprolite!
Ugh. Nuttier than squirrel turds smeared with peanut butter and then rolled in more nuts.
She’s not a bad looking woman. She’s a bad *thinking* woman, though, and that’s seriously bad.
Titanium spine, with a marshmallow self will. Tell me what to do, daddy.
Titanium Spine/Huge Opening 2012
So, she's saying she had surgery to cure scoliosis?
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