crazy batshit nonsense

Michele Bachmann Reveals Strange Disability to Bill O’Reilly

Iowan princess Michele Bachmann will not rest until she has run out of insane speech explosions to perform in front of a camera. Here she is, possibly wearing glitter eye makeup, getting mildly yelled at by Bill O’Reilly, because even he can’t stand her. You probably want to watch as little of this as possible, so you should just tune in around 1:33 or so to hear Michele Bachmann beg fans of The O’Reilly Factor to go to her website to learn about her “titanium spine” disability. Michele Bachmann is about to secure the robot-human crossbreed vote.


About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

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    1. V572 der Plaatz

      Just watching Marcus on O'Donnell. He cries out for help in praying away teh ghey.

      1. Limeylizzie

        He is so gay and I am an actress so, believe you me, I know the gheys when I see 'em.

        1. V572 der Plaatz

          It wouldn't matter in the slightest that he's gay if he weren't a virulent homophobe and patent hypocrite. Hate yourself — it's your unalienable right, and Yah-Weh knows I certainly do — but why screw around with the psyches of others to quiet your own inner voices?

        2. PristineODummy

          Let me tell ya, honey, you don't need to be an actress to see the ghey stickin' out all over Marcus. Liberace's mother, who would probably never admit her son was gay, would probably testify for Marcus when that happy day comes.

  1. Come here a minute

    Unfortunately, her titaniumism only makes her more vulnerable to bathroom lesbians!

  2. mavenmaven

    She would like to make complex economic decisions based on what she's "hearing" from "ordinary Americans" in Iowa, South Carolina, etc. She may have to sell that titanium spine for scrap metal in a little while…

    1. zhubajie

      I've heard of people getting radio stations in their braces or dentures. Maybe she's picking up radio waves via her titanium spine? (Does it include a plate in her head?)

  3. MissTaken

    Well, duh. Everyone knows one of the symptoms of Titanium Spine is staring wild-eyed into the camera and spouting off illogical nonsense like "my husband is straight and actually has sex with me". Nonsense I tell ya!

    1. Callyson

      As much as I despise her and her politics, I want the name of her plastic surgeon. For future use, of course…

    2. HistoriCat

      What's your problem? God told her to get the plastic surgery. It's not like she wanted to go to a plastic surgeon.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        I thought it was her husband that told her what to do. "Go to law school. Be a tax lawyer. Go get that turkey neck fixed."

    3. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "…it might be caused by her extensive plastic surgery."
      Well, doh! When you're made of plastic, who else are you going to call?

      I'm fairly certain that if she was involved in a fiery tanker-truck crash, she'd come walking out of it sporting a mirror finish (and a really bad attitude.)

  4. user-of-owls

    If her grip on reality was only one-billionth of that strength, well…

    …well, she'd lose Iowa, that's for sure.

  5. pukebot

    she probably has a titanium vibrator because that snatch hasn't seen anything but soft meat for decades.

    1. MissTaken

      That's because Michele One L My Bell only lets her titanium lips suck upon the whitest of chimpy faces.

    2. PristineODummy

      When people like us were marching, protesting, blogging, screaming in the streets "This whole tower of shit is about to collapse," and getting our butts arrested, harassed, fined, and pranged by these selfsame righteous-assed fucking morons.

      Pardon my bile.

  6. Radiotherapy®

    Well, thanks to Obamacare, and it's destructive consequences, we'll all have to wait in line to get a titanium spine.

  7. fuflans

    I don't know whether to be delighted w/ the constant stream of republican crazy or simply terrified.

    can you imagine if dems fielded anything like this?

    1. C_R_Eature

      Thing is, they would never. Ever. Remotely approach this level of Crazy. Those kinds of Leftists either died out long ago or are in South America. There's just no room for them at all in American politics.

      There's an old joke that goes:
      "All I know about Politics are two things:
      One – the Democrats are the Bad Guys
      Two – the Republicans are the Crazy Guys."

      That's never been more true than today.

    2. vodkamuppet

      I'm leaning more towards terrified at this point. The deems are so inept that it's almost a foregone conclusion that the senate majority is toast in this cycle and the Whitehouse in 2016 because as always, Americans will forget how fucking crazy the GOP is. Or even worse, embrace it.

  8. MinAgain

    Breaking news: It's not a spine. It's an antenna for receiving messages from the mothership.

  9. Ohforcripessake

    She needs a hearing aid. Two thirds of the american people aren't saying "we can't keep raising the debt ceiling". They saying "WE CAN'T KEEP PAYING FOR PERPETUAL WAR!"

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Just wait until the olds don't get their Social Security checks or any of the soldiers/veterans don't get what's due to them. I have a feeling stupid Michelle and all the Rs so against raising the debt ceiling will be backtracking quicker than a fat kid on a diet going into a candy store.

    1. flamingpdog

      The Bitch of Titanium vs. the Man of Steele!
      Cage match tonite at the Mercury Theater!

  10. pinkocommi

    Fair is fair. Michelle Bachmann will not vote to raise the debt ceiling under any circumstances. And I will not vote for Michelle Bachmann under any circumstances.

  11. MissusBarry

    A scrap-metal brain transplant might help. I hear copper is valuable…it'd be far more capable of rational thought and takes on that lovely patina.

  12. Texan_Bulldog

    Wow, watching Bill O. openly laugh at her was worth those 10 seconds of my life I'll never get back.

  13. FakaktaSouth

    Somebody just ask her what it IS – WHAT is the debt ceiling, Michele? I want to hear her explanation of what exactly she thinks it is and what we do instead – she just keeps repeating the term and you KNOW she has NO IDEA.

  14. ttommyunger

    Even Bill-O's normally Titanium Penis goes flaccid in the presence of the Bachmannater.

    1. PristineODummy

      Malaysia and Indonesia both apologize for allowing the word "amok" to enter a dictionary where it could be abused by the likes of Ol' KrazyEyes.

  15. ThundercatHo

    Well let's put that titanium spine theory to the test. Next thunderstorm, string that bitch up in a parasail and let's see what happens.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      I was thinking she might be a toaster, but no way–sure, the skinjobs are conniving, evil, brutal, and ruthless, but they're also smart.

      Oh, and they have a plan. Michele doesn't haven have a clue.

  16. PuckStopsHere

    Holy fuck, that Bill O'Really is aging nicely, wouldn't you say? Christ, he looks like he hazarded a glance inside the Arc of the Covenant."

  17. SarahsBush

    I suddenly feel like have the ability to break titanium. Like…I reeeaaally want to beat the shit out of some titanium right now.

  18. Negropolis

    I don't know. Her congenital idiocy doesn't strike me as strange, at all.

    I have mixed feelings. I'm glad someone calling Michele Bachmann on her bullshit, but I'm pissed that it's someone as smug and woman-hating as Bill O'Reilly.

    1. HistoriCat

      Just as only Nixon could go to China, only someone as right wing as O'Reilly could call out Bachmann.

  19. Callyson

    Only Michele Bachmann has the power to make Billo look reasonable. Almost reasonable at least.

  20. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Wonkbot went sentient and we saw what happen. Imagine what it will be like when that happens to Michele.

  21. MLHencken

    "very disciplined in her responses" = "I have a boatload of crazy bullshit talking points cued up in my dingbat, fembot robo-brain and there is no way in hell I am actually going to answer you truthfully or sincerely."

  22. tcaalaw

    Here she is, possibly wearing glitter eye makeup

    I thought you were kidding, but holy crap! Greenwich Village ravers on New Year's Eve have more sedate eye makeup. It's like she painted her eyes with cesium chloride.

  23. BaldarTFlagass

    Man, we got a slow connection going this morning here. Bill-O is coming on like Max Headroom.

    Of course she has a titanium spine. It's a requirement to support the lead alloy that resides in her skull.

  24. BornInATrailer

    Ugh. Nuttier than squirrel turds smeared with peanut butter and then rolled in more nuts.

  25. Steverino247

    She’s not a bad looking woman. She’s a bad *thinking* woman, ‎though, and that’s seriously bad. ‎

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