FACTS ARE STUPID THINGS  7:28 pm July 12, 2011

Sarah Palin Was Also Wrong About That Slim Jim Thing

by Blair Burke

Seen here enjoying Todd's Monster SticksJust yesterday, we celebrated star actress of The Learning Channel, Sarah Palin, and her sweatshirt-glam cover on Newsweek magazine, where she bravely declared, “I can win,” even though she is not in any sort of snowshoe race or Scrabble match at the moment, not that she could possibly win either of those things. The most riveting piece of this important cover story was, of course, the part where Sarah Palin got all nostalgic for the imaginary time in her head when a lady could hop off her Tour Bus to Nowhere, wander into the mini-mart with a single dollar bill, and leave with a Slim Jim in hand. Apparently this happened to Sarah Palin, “just recently,” before beef jerky prices skyrocketed 169 percent. More than likely, though, Todd Palin just has an unquenchable thirst for Slim Jims.

Somebody (probably a trucker who got stuck reading Newsweek, for some reason) thought there was something wrong about this Slim Jim story, and called Politifact to complain. Politifact then used its Pulitzer Prize-winning skills to remind America that Sarah Palin is still always wrong about everything.

But even a 10.2 percent increase in beef prices — a major ingredient of Slim Jims, even if not the only one — does not explain a price rise of 169 percent, which is what Palin’s comparison would suggest.

Still, national statistics alone can’t settle this question. So we went directly to ConAgra, the food giant that makes Slim Jims.

Teresa Paulsen, a ConAgra spokeswoman, said that “we admire Mr. Palin’s taste and appreciate his support,” but added that “we haven’t raised the price significantly on any Slim Jim products.”

She also offered a possible explanation for the confusion. “Our iconic Slim Jim Giant Sticks are priced around $1.30,” Paulsen said. “Mr. Palin might have been reaching for one of our Slim Jim Monster Sticks, which offers double the meat for $2.30, or our Slim Jim Kippered Beef Steak, which typically sells for around $2.65.”

Todd probably got confused and thought that a Monster Stick is something that can be used to ward off a nearby monster. He planned to buy a crate of them and carry them on his person, whenever he is at home. [Politifact]

 
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{ 201 comments }

gvvt July 12, 2011 at 7:30 pm

Did he leave his monster stick at the massage parlor?

zhubajie July 12, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Loan it to a truck-stop harlot?

BlueMonkeh July 13, 2011 at 8:21 am

I believe "lot lizard" is the politically correct term.

philpjfry July 12, 2011 at 7:31 pm

I would like to beat Sarah with my monster stick

arihaya July 12, 2011 at 10:53 pm

i won't risk STD just to answer my curiosity

Barb July 12, 2011 at 7:32 pm

"monster stick?" Is this the pregnancy test Bristol is using lately? Conceived in a monster truck, detected with a monster stick.

BloviateMe July 12, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Nice, dipstick IN a dipstick. The paradox overwhelms the senses.

I need a wine cooler.

Texan_Bulldog July 12, 2011 at 7:39 pm

And a tent.

BloviateMe July 12, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Perry's probably pitchin' one right now, he loves the Monster Stick.

Texan_Bulldog July 12, 2011 at 7:43 pm

in his 'huge' opening.

FlyOverGirl July 13, 2011 at 12:07 am

Raised by a monster.

ifthethunderdontgetya July 12, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Salami Libel!
~

Doktor Zoom July 12, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Salami Al Ache 'em! The Muslins are everywhere! And what the hell are they doing jacking up the price of our dried processed cow-anus sticks?

tihond July 12, 2011 at 7:50 pm

More accurately, SALT LIBEL!

Doktor Zoom July 12, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Blutwurst Libel

TheJasonAlexanderFanClub July 12, 2011 at 9:07 pm

Go hang a salami, Sarah's a Slim Jim hog.

arihaya July 12, 2011 at 10:53 pm

"Jerky Libel" more like it

SexySmurf July 12, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Mr. Palin might have been reaching for one of our Slim Jim Monster Sticks, which offers double the meat for $2.30

That's what she said.

Seriously, that's what Ms. Paulsen said.

BloviateMe July 12, 2011 at 7:57 pm

That's no shit. I totally saw it too.

__kth__ July 12, 2011 at 8:22 pm

No way the PR lady stumbled into that double-meat monster stick image inadvertently. (She's kinda swee-dee-dee, btw (yes, I'm a pig)).

ShaveTheWhales July 12, 2011 at 9:41 pm

Love the new logo: "Let us stick a fucking spoon in your eye, hey?"

__kth__ July 12, 2011 at 10:28 pm

tl;dr (the adweek article, not you)

Gomez571 July 13, 2011 at 12:19 am

Oh, that Paulsen, I thought Pat Paulsen which made me spill my scotch.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 13, 2011 at 2:31 pm

But, it ain't the meat — it's the motion.

BloviateMe July 12, 2011 at 7:34 pm

Just the intimation of a Monster Stick has left Marcus Bachmann a quivering, semen-sopped mess of a "man."

Radiotherapy® July 12, 2011 at 8:25 pm

Santorum also makes him squirmish.

BlueMonkeh July 13, 2011 at 8:23 am

Santorum? He's soaking in it!

ifthethunderdontgetya July 12, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Teresa Paulsen, a ConAgra spokeswoman

Obviously a part of the liebunatic conspiracy against our Lady of the Twitter, the Persecuted.

~

Radiotherapy® July 12, 2011 at 8:28 pm

hey thunder, don't give our resident fuckface troll any ideas, he's liable to steal the liebunatic and take it over to brightfart. you know what else he stole?

trampndirtdown July 12, 2011 at 9:53 pm

A pair of his mom's panties?

comrad_darkness July 12, 2011 at 9:57 pm

It's not stealing if you wear them.

horsedreamer_1 July 13, 2011 at 8:33 am

Possession is nine-tenths.

genxr July 13, 2011 at 11:47 am

Hitler? Hitler's Brain?

edgydrifter July 12, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Mmmmmm… gas station meat.

Gleem_McShineys July 12, 2011 at 8:29 pm

By tappin' those shoes and making sure as he’s widening his stance through stalls to send those Slim Jims and Monster Sticks that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free.

Radiotherapy® July 12, 2011 at 8:29 pm

a favorite of republicans everywhere.

V572 der Plaatz July 12, 2011 at 8:33 pm

I like those hot dogs that rotate, apparently forever, on spindles under a heat lamp in a plastic box on the counter, their wrinkled skins gleaming in a rich coating of their own fat.

smokefilledroommate July 12, 2011 at 8:40 pm

I like the cheese machine that splurts out fake cheese on everything including those dogs.

starfanglednut July 12, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Does anybody actually eat those?

Larry McAwful July 13, 2011 at 12:21 am

Eat Slim Jims, get gas. Makes sense to me.

YasserArraFeck July 13, 2011 at 12:54 am

Slim Jim goes in, gas comes out. Who can explain it?

prommie July 13, 2011 at 11:12 am

This one time, on vacation in France (a canal boat on the Canal du Midi) I bought fresh duck magrets at a gas station.

ChessieNefercat July 12, 2011 at 7:37 pm

Who was the Sarah Palin of about 475 AD? Who was the Sarah Palin in Britain around mid-20th century? How about Russia 1917? Hapsburgs in 1914 or so?

I just wonder if people sensed impending doom to their empires with a similar yowling brainless harpy battening on all that was good and killing it dead and refusing to shut her stupid mouth and get out of the nations's face.

SexySmurf July 12, 2011 at 7:39 pm

The Sarah Palin of 1917 Russia? I'm going to go with Rasputin: Con man, religious zealot, crackpot, and couldn't be killed.

Limeylizzie July 12, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Margaret Thatcher.

Texan_Bulldog July 12, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Even senile & suffering from dementia, Maggie doesn't want any part of Snowbilly's magical mystery tour.

ShaveTheWhales July 12, 2011 at 9:42 pm

At all of those times.

zhubajie July 12, 2011 at 8:22 pm

So is she a dumber Rasputin?

Radiotherapy® July 12, 2011 at 8:35 pm

♪ ♫ Please allow me to introduce myself,
I'm a wench of grifting fame
I've been around for a year or two
Stole all the teabagger's faith ♪ ♫

fuflans July 12, 2011 at 8:40 pm

history of the devil.

AJWjr. July 12, 2011 at 9:26 pm

There has always been $arah, $arah has always been.

DashboardBuddha July 12, 2011 at 7:37 pm

"“Mr. Palin might have been reaching for one of our Slim Jim Monster Sticks, which offers double the meat "

My god…the jokes really do write themselves, don't they?

Terry July 12, 2011 at 8:21 pm

The GOP straight guys always end up reaching for a monster stick. It's fate.

Nostrildamus July 12, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Only an ignorant red-neck would know the price of Slim Jims. We may therefore conclude that Sarah is an elite intellectual.

Texan_Bulldog July 12, 2011 at 7:41 pm

Once again Snowbilly gets caught trying to amp up her 'every woman' cred by lying about something that was easily verifiable. Those dang gotcha facts!

Nothingisamiss July 12, 2011 at 8:43 pm

The journalist was asking a gotcha question. They do it all the time!!!

SheriffRoscoe July 12, 2011 at 7:42 pm

"Monster stick" could have so many connotations……

Nothingisamiss July 12, 2011 at 8:44 pm

Why didn't WaPo put the monster stick quote in their headline.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 13, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Not that many, really…

RedNM July 12, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Why does Slim Jism Powerstick hate the Constitution? I said Jism. I'm a Bachmann supporter.

Doktor Zoom July 12, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Yeah, but Obama said he got beef sticks in 57 states!

tihond July 12, 2011 at 7:51 pm

Channeling a WND commentator "We need to know more about Obama's beef stick."

Radiotherapy® July 12, 2011 at 8:37 pm

And that with a teleprompter.

SpurningBeer July 12, 2011 at 7:44 pm

"Speak loudly and carry a monster stick."

-Lou Sarah Roosevelt

Negropolis July 13, 2011 at 1:34 am

Teddy Libel!

SpurningBeer July 13, 2011 at 8:02 am

Bullmoose!

Fred_Wertham_Jr July 12, 2011 at 7:44 pm

There's meat in Slim Jims?

zhubajie July 12, 2011 at 8:24 pm

When they scrape out the sausage machine, the meat become Slim Jims.

OC_Surf_Serf July 12, 2011 at 7:44 pm

beef — a major ingredient of Slim Jims

I'd have to see a lab test to believe that…

(outta palin juice…and its only tuesday)

Terry July 12, 2011 at 8:26 pm

I used to work the cash register at a liquor store. I promise you that among the packaged meat snacks, Slim Jims have the least alarming ingredient list. One packaged sausage…not naming names…has beef lips as the first ingredient. They specifically say beef lips.

V572 der Plaatz July 12, 2011 at 8:34 pm

And who even knew cows have lips? The more you know…

Geminisunmars July 13, 2011 at 12:43 am

aka beef vulva.

edgydrifter July 12, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Wait. Palin's folksy anecdote pivots on the fact that either she or Todd actually bought something, which is obviously impossible as it would be a gross violation of the grifter code. More likely Todd bitched about prices as he was fishing all the crap he boosted out of his cargo shorts.

Tundra Grifter July 12, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Wouldn't Todd have been purchasing his Slim Jims in Alaska, where everything is hella expensive? Then he comes down to the Outside (aka, Lower 48) where prices are, generally, lower.

Particularly in the non-urban areas Duh Guv'Nor tours (again, where the entire cost of living tends to be lower) – she avoids the big cities like a gangster on the lam.

In other words, this "story" is total BS. Other than the obvious fact that Todd has a Slim Jim. That, I do believe.

Lionel[redacted]Esq July 12, 2011 at 7:49 pm

I think I understand the confusion. Todd Palin came out and said it has become much more expensive to suck on some meat, and Sarah just assumed he was talking about a Slim Jim.

greypanter July 12, 2011 at 7:49 pm

In her defense, it was a trick question: "Hey Sarah, what's on your mind?"

YasserArraFeck July 13, 2011 at 12:57 am

her hair….that's all….you betcha

LetUsBray July 12, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Every time Sarah Palin speaks, an angel jams an ice pick into his ear.

user-of-owls July 12, 2011 at 8:26 pm

Trotskyite!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 13, 2011 at 2:34 pm

…and looks around for another.

Pragmatist2 July 12, 2011 at 7:52 pm

Seeing as she is an Alaskan grifter with family ties to known felons, she probably uses the phrase "Slim Jim" to refer to a slim crowbar-like tool used to break into automobiles.

weejee July 12, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Well the Kock Brothas are trying to conduct a monster stick-up in a number of states.

tihond July 12, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Randy "Macho Man" Savage died to warn America about coming snack food inflation and to warn the British that they can have our heavily processed meat when they take it from our cold dead hands.

user-of-owls July 12, 2011 at 8:27 pm

He'll Slim Jim children,
but not the British children.

Doktor Zoom July 12, 2011 at 7:56 pm

I'm not sure exactly how Sarah and her supporters will turn this around and proclaim that she is actually right about this, but I am sure of this much: It will be a doozy, and it will be every bit as inane as the original claim.

(I'm going to save this comment for future use, pretty much any time Sarah Palin makes a claim about anything that can be fact-checked)

YasserArraFeck July 13, 2011 at 12:58 am

I haven't chacked yet, but is there a Slim Jim Wiki page to alter?

Doktor Zoom July 13, 2011 at 1:10 am

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slim_Jim_(snack_food

I am SOOOOO tempted to alter it to include Sara's price point analysis….

Biel_ze_Bubba July 13, 2011 at 2:36 pm

I'm waiting for Mitt to explain how it's Obama's fault.

Reagan Still Dead July 12, 2011 at 8:01 pm

Or they could have stopped at the store of one of those 'real' Murrican, free market price gougers who decide to charge a 300% mark up and blame it on the brother in the white House.

DahBoner July 12, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Specially up there in Woozilla, you would expect there would be several gyp joints, designed to separate drunk Eskimos from their whale blubber…

smokefilledroommate July 12, 2011 at 8:02 pm

So funny a millionaire would give a shit about something that costs 99 cents.

comrad_darkness July 12, 2011 at 8:20 pm

You can take the slim jim out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the slim jim. For one thing, it's too small for it to fit in there in the first place.

smokefilledroommate July 12, 2011 at 8:29 pm

You can't take the slim jim out of the trailer park because they'd get you for
b & e.

Radiotherapy® July 12, 2011 at 11:21 pm

If by "trailer park" you mean cunt, and by "slim jim" you mean pencil dick, then it makes perfect sense.

arihaya July 12, 2011 at 9:26 pm

she can't be a millionaire if she can't pretend to care about something that she doesn't

valgal2342 July 13, 2011 at 1:24 am

No no, all millionaires act like this, cheap fuckers.

Come here a minute July 12, 2011 at 8:05 pm

Politifact? Sarah is more of a Politihunch politician.

BlueStateLibel July 12, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Yawn, sun rises, sun sets, Sarah Palin gets her facts wrong.

smokefilledroommate July 12, 2011 at 8:12 pm

There should be some fact-checking into the "beef is a major ingredient of Slim Jims" bit.

__kth__ July 12, 2011 at 8:12 pm

Leaving aside the double entendre, isn't a Slim Jim Monster Stick somewhat of an oxymoron?

Schmannnity July 12, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Jumbo shrimp

Biel_ze_Bubba July 13, 2011 at 2:38 pm

No worse than "jumbo shrimp".

user-of-owls July 12, 2011 at 8:13 pm

Slim Jim Kippered Beef Steak (!?!?)

Editorial Assistant: Sir, Mr. Dante, you know, 'that' Mr. Dante, is on the phone again.
Editor: What the $#!^% does he want this time?!
Editorial Assistant: Well, he wants us to re-do the galley proofs. Again.
Editor: Now what?!
Editorial Assistant: You know, the usual, "I need to add another circle!" These last couple of years it never ends with this guy!

Crank_Tango July 12, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Finally, some good news for McCain.

WhatTheHeck July 12, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Paul Revere rode ahead of the British to warn the colonists the price of Slim Jims was going up so they should throw them into the harbor.

Crank_Tango July 12, 2011 at 8:17 pm

also, that egg-salad sandwich? worm eggs.

weejee July 12, 2011 at 8:20 pm

As a spin on the 'pray away the gay' meme of the right, how about a 'prey away the nays' and see if ConAgra would be willing to render Teapartiers to make Hoverround Slim Jims? They could package these treats with trading cards of MB's soul mate John Wayne Gacy, or Jeffrey Dahmer, or Ed Gein….the list goes on and on. Just some food for thought.

JoshuaNorton July 12, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Bachmann v. Palin.

Slapfight!!!!

Oh. Like you wouldn't pay good money to see that.

keepem_sikanpor July 12, 2011 at 8:33 pm

Well if there isn't going to be a mudfight…

MissusBarry July 12, 2011 at 9:48 pm

None of that slapping bullshit, I want full-on ultimate fighter cage match action.

Larry McAwful July 13, 2011 at 12:29 am

Hell, I'd even pay bad money to see that.

YasserArraFeck July 13, 2011 at 1:00 am

Slim Jims at ten paces

Schmannnity July 12, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Bend over for that dollar Slim Jim, Sarah.

comrad_darkness July 12, 2011 at 8:23 pm

A company called "ConAgra" claims to make food?

V572 der Plaatz July 12, 2011 at 8:36 pm

They make convincing food substitutes. Excellent mouth-feel!

arihaya July 12, 2011 at 9:22 pm

they might be sued by Pfizer if they make stimulant

ShaveTheWhales July 12, 2011 at 9:45 pm

And "manufacture" is the correct verb here.

J Rbt. Oppenheiner July 12, 2011 at 11:07 pm

Better than "Cargill Meat Solutions."

Doktor Zoom July 12, 2011 at 8:24 pm

Slim Jim Monster Sticks with double the meat….Slim Jim Monster Sticks with double the meat….

Nope. Dammit, I just can't come up with a single joke on this one. Blair, could you maybe post something a little less obscure?

user-of-owls July 12, 2011 at 8:24 pm

I foresee an impending tidal wave of terrible incidents gone awry involving hapless South Asian gas station attendants and slathering retards clad in wife beaters who are armed for bear, figuratively and literally, demanding their "Ninety-Nine Cent Slim Jim Goddammit, and if you say thar ain't no such thing, yer a goddamm lahr!"

No good can come of this. Fellow libunatics, I say unto thee: Steer thee clear of Love's until this dyeth down.

KeepFnThatChicken July 13, 2011 at 12:31 am

And for fuck's sake, don't go to Pilot! They're operated by newly-elected Tennessee Republican governor Bill Haslam.

assistantatlas July 12, 2011 at 8:24 pm

ConAgra probably should just lower the price of SlimJims to what the ice grifter says it is… unless they want a million rabid Palinites (ie–most of the people who buy SlimJims) screaming that they have their prices wrong.

Although wouldn't it be hilarious if they were the first ones on the fucking planet to just out-and-out declare "Bitch is wrong. She often is. Deal with it." I would probably actually buy a SlimJim in their honor if they did that.

ShaveTheWhales July 12, 2011 at 9:46 pm

I believe they just did, although, you know, politely.

mavenmaven July 12, 2011 at 8:25 pm

The monster Slim Jims sound appropriate for a "big opening".

JoshuaNorton July 12, 2011 at 8:28 pm

beef — a major ingredient of Slim Jims,

Suuuuure it is.

WhatTheHeck July 12, 2011 at 8:53 pm

Slim Jims – the other red meat. Its what's for dinner at the trailer park.

mookwrthwilson July 13, 2011 at 12:58 am

Bull taint counts as beef.

mumbly_joe July 13, 2011 at 9:19 am

It's pretty low on the ingredients list, honestly- it's more chicken than beef, and nearly 50% fat and salt, by weight.

Bots Meat Commission July 13, 2011 at 11:32 am

90% beef.
10% raccoon anus.

JackObin July 12, 2011 at 8:28 pm

Shit. And I thought this country was full of hillbilly half-wits.

Warpde July 12, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Where to begin?
Oh, I know.
Alaska has an 8 hour DST (9 hour Standard
Time) difference behind Greenwich Mean Time.
In the time it takes for the Slim Jimmies to get to Alaska the price of Beef went up 110%.
Store owners trading stock on the Internet on the NYSE saw this and jacked prices up before their first customer showed up and adjusted the price accordingly to reflect the world market.
Unfortunately Sarah, against Toddlers advice, waited until the morning to buy their Slimy Jimmies.
Only to find out that Speculators had cashed in and prices fell shortly after,
Forcing the store owners to re-adjust prices shortly after Palin made the purchase.

Fuck you all.
I'm sticking by my hypothesis.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 13, 2011 at 2:42 pm

If it can make some Wall St. schmuck a pile of money, you can be sure that it happens.

MinAgain July 12, 2011 at 8:29 pm

Slim Jim Monster Sticks has "gay sex toy" written all over it.

MinAgain July 12, 2011 at 8:31 pm

How ironic that I've been downfisted over a gay sex toy.

James Michael Curley July 12, 2011 at 8:29 pm

I don't think I ever ate a Slim Jim. I look at the thing and think, "It is alleged to be beef but looks like untanned rawhide and costs $45 a pound." I'll go to Delmonicos for one of their fillets at that price."

gurukalehuru July 13, 2011 at 6:04 am

Let's not get carried away. You can hate the Palin's, but still love Slim Jims. I certainly do.

mumbly_joe July 13, 2011 at 9:26 am

The Tabasco flavored ones are a bit of a guitly pleasure of mine, but I have no illusions about them being good, or even containing a plurality of beef.

StarsUponThars July 12, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Cue the Slim Jim Wikipedia page hack job beginning in 3 … 2 … 1 …

Radiotherapy® July 12, 2011 at 8:43 pm

This whole story is just r*t*rded.

Schmannnity July 12, 2011 at 10:47 pm

Careful, You'll go the way of J*ck St**f.

MissTaken July 12, 2011 at 8:44 pm

“Mr. Palin might have been reaching for one of our Slim Jim Monster Sticks, which offers double the meat"

For some reason really bad porno music keeps popping into my head.

C_R_Eature July 12, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Probably because:

*Knock, Knock* Click screeech.
"Hey lady, did you order the Pepperoni Pizza?"
"Why, yes!"
"Well here's the Pizza." *Thump*
"And here's the Pepperoni:" *Zz zzzzzzzzzzzzip!*
"Eeeeeek!!"

*Cue Cheesy Porno Music*

Radiotherapy® July 12, 2011 at 11:27 pm

♪ ♫ Wacka, wacka
Wacko, wacko ♪ ♫

fuflans July 12, 2011 at 8:46 pm

our lady of perpetual fuck-ups.

glamourdammerung July 12, 2011 at 8:50 pm

For our troop's sake, could Palin stop making stuff up?

comrad_darkness July 12, 2011 at 9:54 pm

For the troops and the children.

5thstate July 12, 2011 at 8:51 pm

I can't believe none of you have noticed yet that Slim Jims are made by a giant!
Of Food! Named ConAgra

So we went directly to ConAgra, the food giant that makes Slim Jims.

I for one welcome our powerful new edible overlord! Long live mighty ConAgra, against whom our sporks have proven puny and weak!!

C_R_Eature July 12, 2011 at 8:58 pm

Todd: My dick is a monster
Give me your heart

Sarah: Bwana Dik is a legend
Enormous thou art

Todd: My dick is a Harley
You kick it to start

Sarah: Bwana Dik speaks
The heavens will part

Todd: My dick is a dagger
I'll force it to fit
My dick is a reamer, baby
To scream up your slit

Sarah: Steam it!
Ream it!
Cream it!

Monsieur_Grumpe July 12, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Anyone who sort of quotes Zappa, Flo and Eddie is OK.

C_R_Eature July 12, 2011 at 9:17 pm

Thank you. The whole "Monster" dick theme made this appear in my head & I was compelled to write it down.

I miss Frank, but Dweezil's out there doing Yeoman's work with the Music.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 12, 2011 at 10:01 pm

I caught Dweezil's show. He did good. Frank would be proud.

C_R_Eature July 12, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Thumbs Up to that!

5thstate July 12, 2011 at 9:00 pm

In fact everyone is missing the BIG story here.

1) Beef prices are a major ingredient of Slim Jims—not beef, but beef prices.
2) ConAgra has a spokesperson, for Slim Jims! Surely the product speaks for itself!

Not_So_Much July 12, 2011 at 9:04 pm

More than likely, though, Todd Palin just has an unquenchable thirst for Slim Jims.

Is Slim Jim now a euphemism for cock?

Monsieur_Grumpe July 12, 2011 at 9:05 pm

I can't get over the "fact" that beef is a major ingredient of a Slime Jim.

BaldarTFlagass July 13, 2011 at 8:38 am

Well, technically true, if you count ground-up hooves, rectums, horns, lips, etc as "beef." It's alimentary, Watson.

Monsieur_Grumpe July 12, 2011 at 9:06 pm

You know, one of these days Sarah is going to be right about something. Yup, one of these days.

5thstate July 12, 2011 at 9:22 pm

Like July 15 for instance.

The Undefeated opens in the US on July 15
So does Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II; on July 15.

Epic!

ChessieNefercat July 12, 2011 at 9:25 pm

I'll bet the Harry Potter people are sooooo worried.

sezme July 12, 2011 at 9:15 pm

Rick Perry has an opening for Todd Palin's Slim Jim (or possibly his Monster Stick). See, everything is connected!

Redhead July 12, 2011 at 9:22 pm

"Sarah Palin Was Also Wrong"

You don't say. Wake me up when she gets something RIGHT.

rocktonsam July 12, 2011 at 9:51 pm

is there nothing this woman doesn't know that she can change her thought on and still be right?
stay stupid my friends

donner_froh July 12, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Our iconic Slim Jim Giant Sticks

May be a lot things (a penis substitute for Todd to suck on, for example) but iconic isn't one of them.

AJWjr. July 12, 2011 at 10:00 pm

Oh, and $arah–Slim Jims? Not Kosher. In case that Star of David dangling from your throat is choking you, or something.

Crank_Tango July 12, 2011 at 10:20 pm

lemme guess, next she calls out the swinestream media for sticking it to her and the todd?

Crank_Tango July 12, 2011 at 10:29 pm

hahaha nice to see you're still working this post, fisty. also, you're a total loser, I hope you are aware of that.

ManchuCandidate July 12, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Shorter ConAgra: "Sarah and Todd, you're both idiots."

ttommyunger July 12, 2011 at 10:50 pm

Anyone over 40 who eats anything sold in convenience stores or gas stations needs to wise up. Only a young body can tolerate that many toxins. 'Course, some folk over 40 are still in their teens developmentally; I'm talking to you, Sarah Barracuda.

ThundercatHo July 12, 2011 at 11:08 pm

True that. Besides, don't real men make their own damn jerky out of the wild game they have hunted and slaughtered themselves?

ttommyunger July 12, 2011 at 11:13 pm

Wouldn't know about that. I guess I'm not a real man like Todd or Ted (Tiny Goober) Nugent.

Radiotherapy® July 12, 2011 at 11:35 pm

Good point, wasn't she the mistress of moose jerky?

Larry McAwful July 13, 2011 at 12:28 am

I get my beef jerky at Trader Joe's, because I'm an elitist communist liberal. And I'm 41.

ttommyunger July 13, 2011 at 10:11 am

Nobody likes a braggart!

iburl July 12, 2011 at 11:15 pm

In other words, once again, the entire apparatus of American media and commerce are expended to examine the perpetual question:

"Is S___ P___ still a thick-headed, know-nothing, world-class dingbat who habitually spouts utter idiocy?"

lumpenprole July 12, 2011 at 11:20 pm

It's kinda funny that William Kristol had so much to do with bringing Sarah into the major league.

DerrickWildcat July 12, 2011 at 11:42 pm

Yeah, but a jug of milk still costs 45 dollars or something like that.

freddymcmurray July 12, 2011 at 11:52 pm

to quote Amerika's King George v1.0, "where's the beef?"

FannyBurney July 13, 2011 at 12:02 am

Nitrites libel!

Larry McAwful July 13, 2011 at 12:24 am

Once again, Wonkette's bias shines through. Michelle Obama was recently seen eating a huge bowl of Slim Jims swimming in grape soda, in public, which had around 1500 calories to it, at least, and no one even asked her if she knew how much it cost. You liberals.

prommie July 13, 2011 at 11:24 am

Grape Nehi, I am sure.

KeepFnThatChicken July 13, 2011 at 12:29 am

How she got Newsweek to run with "I Can Win" as the title — when clearly it just read "I'm Still Relevant!" is beyond me.

Gomez571 July 13, 2011 at 12:31 am

I'm still wondering why she got "ticked off" at Todd over the price of Slim Jims.

mrblifil July 13, 2011 at 12:54 am

She might want to consider snapping into a brain.

YasserArraFeck July 13, 2011 at 1:03 am

"Today, we are all plastic-wrapped strips of extruded cow gristle….."

Negropolis July 13, 2011 at 1:06 am

Sarah Palin, eh? I does not care. I does not care about her; I does not care for her. So, stop it, already. I couldn't care less about what she thinks about Libya, let alone some stupid, folksy shit she has to say about the price of a fleshy, smokey, carcinogenic stick of death.

BTW, don't speak ill of truckers. They are a lot more interesting and deep a people than you think. They are like traveling philosopher kings and queens if you can look past the lot lizards.

El Pinche July 13, 2011 at 1:07 am

Personally I think the Cuntress of Wasilla is starting to do product placements now.

Fun fact : If you take all of America's favorite foods and process all of it using some giant Haliburton grinder, you get the inside of a Slim Jim…salty , fatty, greasy shit paste.

Callyson July 13, 2011 at 1:16 am

Maybe Todd just wanted a piece of what Kortney has.
Um, perhaps I should rephrase that…

flamingpdog July 13, 2011 at 1:36 am

Slightly off topic, but has anyone noticed that "Sarah Palin" is an anagram of "Sharia Plan"? I'd be kinda scared if I weren't already paranoid.

fuflans July 13, 2011 at 1:50 am

well, they may take gov't in 2012, but at least they lost the light bulb vote.

smokefilleddoommate July 13, 2011 at 4:17 am

Maybe she was thinking of the Slim Jim Shortage of '09.

mumbly_joe July 13, 2011 at 9:13 am

I actually like how politifact manages to snark about how terrible Slim Jims are through the entire piece, pointing out that they're like 2% salt and 47% animal fat, and so basically have more spice and fat than meat. Just like anything Palin says.

An_Outhouse July 13, 2011 at 9:18 am

Woooooaaah – Slim Jim's contain beef?

vavavivivivi July 13, 2011 at 10:51 am

http://www.benzlogo.com/

I tide fashion Good-looking, not expensive Free transport

L188188 July 13, 2011 at 10:55 am

I am so glad America has found viable replacements for Jon and Kate Gosselin.

genxr July 13, 2011 at 11:44 am

$2.69 is the price of a slim jim and 3 condoms. I used to do the same thing when my parents gave me gas money. "Gee, the prices sure went up, didn't they?"

NorthStarSpanx July 13, 2011 at 1:37 pm

Sarah, hey Sarah, yeah you. I hope you and Bristol read this and read it to Todd Todd Todd (have you seen Todd?) and all the other biting blogs and gossip sites every single day to have anonymous chihuahua's tree you, you fucking freak of nature.

You lie like you breath, you exaggerate like a soap-box preacher, your breast size fluctuates with the venue. We know you'll blink, you aren't a big enough girl to handle a national campaign, your bus tour to test the waters showed how much you are reviled, you loser.

sportshort July 13, 2011 at 5:59 pm

These people just seem to be wandering in the "I'm Dumb" forest and smacking into "You're An Idiot" trees all the time don't they?

ibwilliamsi July 14, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Todd has a slim jim of his own, and was just wishing he had a chunky monkey.

BloviateMe July 12, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Santorum.

I'm outta material now.

weejee July 12, 2011 at 7:46 pm

In in return he'll give Todd his Slim Jim (aka pencil dick)

V572 der Plaatz July 12, 2011 at 8:30 pm

…which can lead to anal incontinence, according to the FAMiLY LEADER.

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