Thank you, Washington Post, our crappy lunch tasted better on the way back up. The killjoys in editorial have already changed this headline to read “Rick Perry has ‘huge’ opening as many in the GOP establishment remain uncommitted,” which does not matter because we now have our screen capture for the rest of eternity and every “Rick Perry is gay” rumor post ever written.
This is what counts as political reportage these days, typing about candidates’ “openings.” You think that’s subtle, do you? Just watch, dear friends, this is only the beginning. We are a year and a half out still. The words “Bachmann,” “Santorum” and “backdoor” could very easily appear in a “real journalism” sentence together sooner than you think.
Also, the quote from the WaPo article that gave us this amazing headline has so many blow job references that we do not even know where to start:
“It’s a huge opening for Rick Perry — huge, huge, huge,” said New Hampshire operative Mike Dennehy, who is neutral in the race. “If he announces and really announces with a bang, he could gobble up a solid third of the Republican Party establishment in New Hampshire and, I do believe, nationally.”
“HUGE HUGE HUGE BANG GOBBLE” is how we read that. Thanks, enjoy. [WaPo]
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It's exactly the size of his head.
Sadly, this head is slightly bigger…
“Never Eat Anything Bigger Than Your Head”?
Never stick your head up your ass.
Never stick your head up anything smaller than your head?
Which one?
“It’s a huge opening for Rick Perry — huge, huge, huge,”
Which end? Heads or tails?
That'll happen when you always have your head up your ass.
Rick Perry's Huge Opening– a film by Rick Perry/Goatse Productions.
Thinking "Perry" will have a new internet definition soon.
"It's like landing a 747 in the Grand Canyon."
"It's like landing a rubber-band balsawood plane in the Grand Canyon."
I thought it was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.
Or tossing a Vienna Sausage into the Valles Marineris.
Or piloting a blimp.
Oh he's not gay, he just enjoys some good Christian fisting from his wife. It's okay, it's in the bible.
http://www.sexinchrist.com/fist.html
Holy schmow! This is religion I could get behind. Celebrate a Fistival of Loving!
A Fistivus for the rest of us!
I believe you meant "for the wrist of us."
I could go back to the church for the BDSM!
This woman I was once friends with (translation: frustratedly had no chance with) was raised partly in England, and told me a story about being punished by the headmaster at her school: she had to stand looking out an open window and not make a sound or flinch while he paddled her. Is it something in the Thames?? (I think her particular kink was telling me that story.)
That is not allowed in a State school–those kinds of shenanigans are at those posh schools, fee-paying.
They were still paddling over here in public schools (U.S. definition) up until about '74, my ass recalls.
Well, you have to pay for that sort of thing around here, too.
Or so I'm told.
There's a band called Christian Fisting. True story.
Do they fist for Jebus?
Who wrote that site? He/she must have spent some quality time in the Moody Bible Institute Bookstore or equivalent, because that's a brilliant parody of Evangelical Christian discourse.
I got the link from an Atheist facebook page that I "like".
Does Little Ricky go to Dr. Bachmannn for treatment?
Rickey didn't lose his number?
… for fabulous treatment.
"Son, you have the most beautiful eyes. I could get lost in those forever. Do you like movies about powerful men on their knees?"
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
"There's just something about a line of strapping young men in uniform …"
Everything is bigger in Texas, including the assholes.
Dubya Bush is from Texas*, so Perry's got a pretty big asshole to surpass.
_________________
* actually born in Connecticut, my current home state where I breath that sweet, sweet Joementum every day
No, actually, it's just the assholes that are bigger. Common misconception.
Innuendo overload. I think I blacked out for a minute.
Caution: Wonkette may not be suitable for people sensitive to innuendo overload.
Yep, out the door and inuendo.
Actually, having a "huge opening" would not be an asset in the gay community. A tight asset is what is wanted.
I've been told that if you doing the whole team at once, a huge opening works best
Wow, everything is bigger in Texas
Not IQs.
Also compassion.
If Perry wins the nomination and picks Bachmann for Veep will Michele let Marcus go to the White House for sleep overs alone or will she demand a ménage à trois?
I'm still waiting for the Shelley-Sarah ménage à twat.
Well, knowing the reputation of the WaPo staff, I will take their word for it.
Man that's one giant rectum, or is that wrecked-'em?
Hell, I almost killed 'em
Word on the street is it's bigger than a Messican drug tunnel.
Wall Street or Main Street? (Don't say Back Street.)
From the linked article, 100% on the level: "View Photo Gallery–Campaign 2012: who's in and who's out?"
Mind if I take a pass on the pics and just take your word for it, Washington Post?
NSFW?
NSFA
I first read that as "take a piss on the pacs" – and that works too.
Even though Rick may be on the bottom now, he still has alot of power.
It's what we the gays call a "power bottom".
see what i did there?
also caption: "Is there something amyoosing about the name Biggus….Dickus?"
poor Texas Ranger/deputy sheriff/whatever he is.
He prayed for that God damned huge opening, God damnit.
I can't read this at the orifice
The word "asshole" is not in the Post's Style Manual.
Ironic no?
Figures prominently in the organizational chart, though.
they changed it to “Rick Perry has ‘huge’ opening as many in the GOP establishment remain uncommitted,” because not everyone in the GOP is a big opening fan, many of them still prefer little openings, like in their high school age pages.
So I guess he's looking for a huge dick? Mittens-Perry '12?
he looks a dr suess character in that picture.
Oh yeah. You know who else had a "huge opening"?
Bristol?
Michael Bay?
Pabl-O Picass-O?
Limpballs?
The Hangover II?
The Sham Wow guy (this answer is never wrong).
What if the question is, "Who else hasn't been arrested for punching a prostitute?"
Yeah but, he cleaned up the blood really quick…I mean, those Sham Wows fucking ABSORB man.
L.O.L.!
Catherine the Great?
OJ Simpson. That Buffalo offensive line was awesome back in the day.
Heidi Abromowitz?
The final Harry Potter movie?
The Clown hole at mini golf?
The state of Arizona?
Pearl Harbor?
Somewhere on his resume is a line that reads.
"Star of hit Internet site goatse.cx"
Karl Rove just realized where he left his car keys.
And his fake Rolex.
…and his car.
…and his hair, insight and human dignity.
but what will he do with his huge opening? will he ruthlessly take advantage of it, disregarding any discomfort or smears that could result? will he let someone else fill it? will he simply tease it, just to get attention? marcus bachmann wants to know!
He will use it to shit all over the American people!
But, said Dick Wadhams, a former Colorado Republican Party chairman, “that does not mean they’re sitting around waiting for Rick Perry specifically.”
“They just want to get it right,” Wadhams said, “and they’re going to be thinking with their heads in addition to feeling with their hearts.”
Which heads are you referring to, Dick Wad-hams? The ones on their necks or the ones on their peckers?
I'm always glad to hear from our old friend Dickwad Hams!
The killjoys in editorial have already changed this headline to read “Rick Perry has ‘huge’ opening as many in the GOP establishment remain uncommitted”
Um, actually, that makes it worse…or better, depending on your sense of humor and how long ago you last had something to eat…
And how you feel about scare-quotes.
they didn't quite clean it up enough, did they? Rick Perry still has his huge opening, and will welcome everyone tothe huge opening through his backdoor.
That's what you get with a wide stance….
And he doesn't want the TSA to touch it.
Where angels fear to tread. (And many a Pope as well).
Huge asshole has huge asshole.
Rick Perry's huge opening = Santorum out.
This proves it!
Murdoch DID take over the WaPo!
So when the fencers talk about "thrust" and "parry" it takes on an entirely different meaning. Not that fencing isn't the gayest possible sport already…
uh, oh, I fenced in college and after that-but it is only gay when guys do it, right? I mean, it is macho if I— never mind.
Here’s the rule I just made up: Sports w/cute outfits* = gay. N/A for women.______*Figure skating, football, NASCAR, baseball, etc
No, wrestling is the gayest possible sport!
That's not what John Irving says, wearing hiscute little singlet.
Fred Hiatt and company always have a hard-on for war, tax cuts for rich people, and screwing over everybody else.
Not to mention government handouts for b.s. 'educational' for-profits like Kaplan, Inc.
P.S. I can't be the only one who is laughing at Spanky2, the twisted downfister, working himself into a frenzy on this post.
~
Perry' s alias: Hugh Jopening.
Or in pinyin, "Hu Cho Pen Ng."
Seeking Hugh Jorgan.
If Ricky *is* gay, how is he going to keep from being outed by someone wanting to trip him up? There has to be someone out there that would launch that photon torpedo if it really existed. Audio of Gov. Goodhair in action or video, you would think someone would just happen to drop a few dozen copies of something somewhere or post them indiscreetly someplace. I'm not saying he is or is not, but I would think he would be cautious about opposition research and not just from democratic opposition.
'Rick Perry has "gaping" asshole, according to some in GOP establishment'.
Damn! I was going to post:
Perry admonishes his workers to "Win one for the Gapper."
You're doing a huckuva job, huge-holey.
Rick's "huge opening" guarantees a quick exit for Santorum…
I wonder if he's ever attended a Grand Opening.
In the latest Googling poll:
Rick Perry is gay 4.2M hits
Marcus Bachmann is gay 2.4M hits
Tejas should be very proud. Although Dr. Jebus can take some consolation in the fact that he did out-poll Rock Hudson.
Is that "huge opening" in his ass, his brain or the place in his chest where his heart should be?
Finally, someone opening up the conversation.
Sigh….
All of 'em, Katie!
i hope he doesn't become our next president.
Fuflans: I hope he doesn't become our next president.
Magic Lamp Genie Dude: Too easy!
he could gobble up a solid third of the Republican Party establishment in New Hampshire and, I do believe, nationally.”
Just called my stockbroker and yelled "Sell my portfolio and put everything into mouthwash and dental floss now!"
“If he announces and really announces with a bang, he could gobble up a solid third of the Republican Party establishment in New Hampshire and, I do believe, nationally.”
Gee, I kinda remember some other governor from Texas who quickly rose to the office of President with no federal experience. Yeah, he did one heckuva job. In fact, we're still haven't recovered from his bang up job performance. America is just yearning for another big helping of Texas incompetence.
Alternate caption: "Get down there soldier and give me fifty"
I'm sitting here trying to come up with an appropriate Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann quote from Full Metal Jacket, but there are too many of them to choose from and I've already drunk enough to become somewhat indecisive.
"Holey _____, Batman!"
Okay, folks. Knock yourselves out.
"Holy Cavernous Cloaca Batman!
Lone Star shaped/Lone Star sized orifice!
In other words, bisexual.
Gaping-ass jokes with references to fisting, santorum, and goatses: Thank you for reminding me why I love wonkette.
Calling Dr. Bachmann, Calling Dr. Bachmann, Code Pink.
Perry's 'opening' may be 'huge,' but Ron Paul's airship is 'rigid'!
When the going gets weird, the weird prolapse.
I once had to write an article about the closely related vaginal floor prolapse.
And there went lunch.
OT: Grover Norquist just caved on the debt limit, so clearly it's time for investor confidence, green shoots, and the rise of der jobcreators.
"Americans for Tax Reform founder and presidentGrover Norquist has made some enemies over the years for his conservative politics, but does he deserve to be called a terrorist?"
Why, yes. And the Gitmo suggestion for him is inspired.
When I think of Donald Trump, I think, "Huge." Now, when I think of Rick Perry, I'll think, "Huge, huge, huge." Big hair, even bigger backdoors.
At first I thought you said "even hairier backdoors." I plan to write to the company I took the speed-reading course from and demand a refund, of course.
So a Bachmann, a Santorum and a backdoor walk into a bar…
It sounds like Rick Perry is getting a blow job from a turkey.
Why, his asshole's so big that when he farts, it just goes "puhh."
Sorry, that's an old Navy canard.
Baldar T.: Hoist by his own canard.
Everyone says the GOP no longer has a "big tent," so I guess now they have to approach things from the other direction.
Not much relief there, since they are also loose and flappy in their dick-apertures. At least so I have heard.
"Hugh Jorgen" will be happy to hear about Rick's "Huge Opening".
It's Texas. Everything's outsized. They've got the biggest assholes under all creation.
Well it has to be huge to fit that many oil and coal companies up there.
Perry/Goatse 2012!
Huge Openings are totally Sharia Law.
Ok, I'm NOT clicking on any URLs in this one.
Rick, that's a nasty gash.
Huh? I think this is a bit of a reach.
Rick, Rick Rick.
We never would have thought you went Phhhhht instead of Brrrrrrrrrt.
You bad, bad boy.
Rick Perry IS a huge opening.
Sounds like it was written by John Fund, the gayest fuck on the WSJ's payroll, and that, my friend, is saying something; but not in a nice way.
And, verily, The Jesus says:
"Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to pass through Rick's "Huge Opening", than for a rich man…errr…"job creator" to enter the kingdom of God."
So says The Nazarene.
BTW, a bit disappointed no one has managed to fit in the phrase "gaping maw".
I can't find this one in my King James. But I'm sure that the verse, "Jesus wept" fits the situation.
Maybe, like "Santorum," became a noun, one day a "Perry" could become the term used for a really, really big, huge gaping opening. Just sayin'.
It could be the polite euphemism for goatse.
HUGEHUGEHUGEBANGGOBBLEMONSTERSTICK
(fixed)
http://www.benzlogo.com/
I tide fashion Good-looking, not expensive Free transport
The Bush Clone
neocon rick perry
one more willing puppet
status quo establishment
Did WaPo mean Katy Perry?
Everyone seems so edgy…so upset. It's OK, your personal share of the current US Debt is just over $500,000. With interest and inflation that could expand 500% over 20 years. Think of it like buying a really nice house…er…rather someone else buying a house and just sending you the bill. Ohhhhhhhh I meant like sending you, your wife, and your kids the bills….it never ends. I am pizzzed. You?
Dribbles? I suspect it just tumbles out like so many anchor babies.
And it will pour out like a mighty flood
Ezekiel 21:31
Dammit I SCOURED this tread and didn't see that.
This has to be great news for santorum.
Don't tell us it slipped by you
They were never allowed to do it to girls, in the UK, at least not in the State schools, because we have the tender parts.
I can attest to 1974, I was in Mississippi. Of course, being Mississippi, they probably still allow it, down there.
That's ludicrous. I have "tender parts," and they hang out on the outside, exposed to all manner of dangers; ain't all tucked up safe and sound.
I didn't say I agreed with it, but God knows what kind of crazy sexual fantasies that would have led to.
No doubt. I'm reading these books about post-war Britain by a guy named Kynaston; quite a lot of deprivation over there for the first 10 or 15 years after 1945, so maybe a lot of depravity to go along with it… Can't wait till he gets to the Swinging Sixties!
Memoirs of British writers are full of details.
I did see a pornographic re-write of _Jane Eyre_ once.
In Montgomery in 1968, the "coaches" would drill holes in the paddle to enhance its impact.
You should read Kenneth Tynan's diaries, quite entertaining.
I think the Bronte's are ripe for porn rewrites.
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