saw it in a nicolas cage movie once

Paultards Race To Discover Secret Meaning of Ron Paul Retirement

it all makes sense now.Ron Paul, currently on his third run for president, is finally “in it to win” this time: he announced he will not seek re-election to his Congressional seat so he can focus on his presidential run. This has led to a massive outpouring of grief from sobbing Paultards, who all want to know WHO NOW POSSIBLY will be that lone person to cast “nay” votes on bills to divest U.S. government interests supporting genocide in Darfur. Cooler heads, however, have correctly figured out that this move is all just part of Ron Paul’s secret plan. 

All of this is happening over at the Daily Paul, where the news has hit like a tornado in a trailer park. Is there a secret plan to use the secret code written in the Constitution by the Founders that can give Ron Paul instructions on how to win a national election with 1-3 states? Or was Ron Paul just predestined by the Constitution to come save America from itself, as the Founders wrote? OH LOOK AND HERE IS SOME OF THE CODE:

THERE ARE SO MANY CLUES TO UNRAVEL. CALL NADER, HE WILL HELP FIND THE ANSWER.

We look forward to the Paul/Nader/Gore/Johnson 2012 ticket. [Daily Paul/ The Facts]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    Paul’s “Use By” date expired a long time ago.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      Actually, I think there is a picture of him in some secret lair of the Illuminati, with the following caption:

      "Do NOT use, even in case of emergency."

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    All we are saying, is give tards a chance.
    ~

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      May as well. We gave* Bush a chance. And then another chance**.
      __________________________
      * he stole it
      ** both times

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Tear off the band-aid and give peas a chance.

  • Come here a minute

    I have a secret document that explains it all. Meet me at midnight by the Gravel pit.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Is it a map to a room full of treasure? Are we meeting at the gravel pit or the Mike Gravel pit?

      • WunkRocker

        §ÛĉЌ іז ŧαř₫ş!!!!!!!!11111wononewanjuan

    • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker
    • SilverTsunami

      Can't we meet at the conversation pit this time?

  • arihaya

    He is just planning to spend more time with his family, under health coverage of the socialist Medicare

  • Barb

    Rue Paul has a better chance. he can be the POTUS and the FLOTUS all at once.

    • biocurious

      And he'd say more reasonable things during the debates.

      • http://drtomatoipresume.wordpress.com/ tymberwolf817

        Please tell me the debates will involve lip-synching for their lives.

    • Fare la Volpe

      And you know who gets shit done in a cabinet meeting? A mob of bitches decked in wigs and Gucci pumps.

      • Barb

        Get shit done, get out before the 5 o'clock shadow shows. I like it!

      • zhubajie

        Sounds like Giuliani

    • OneDollarJuana

      This is why Giuliani should run again.

      • PristineODummy

        Also Buddy Roemer. Oh, wait, he is. Never mind.

  • nounverb911

    Can we set Ron Paul adrift in his blimp now?

    • poncho_pilot

      air flow, ice floe…one of the two.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    No more Rep. Ron Paul? Another Texas town will be not be missing its idiot.

    • nounverb911

      There seems to be a lot of that going on in Texas lately, Nancy Grace should investigate.

      • PristineODummy

        She'll just want them all executed. How fun is that. Oh. Wait. I see what you did there.

      • Negropolis

        I wouldn't wish Nancy Grace on my worst, mortal enemies.

    • poncho_pilot

      i just spent a week in Lake Jackson, TX. they have enough to go around.

    • Terry

      Tom DeLay's wee bit of gerrymandering took Paul's district (runs along the coast south of Galveston) and mashed in chunk of Galveston County known to be infested with liberals, gays, and immigrants, thus knocking out the old Galveston district that was reliably Democratic. Hopefully, Paul not running will allow the liberals, gays, and immigrants to get some representation that doesn't frickin offend them.

  • JoshuaNorton

    Needs moar made-up shit about the Constitution.

    • SorosBot

      Needs moar freedumb also too.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    There's a certain charm to the Paultards' earnest nuttiness, which sets them apart from the GOP/bagger/wingnut nastiness and stupidity. I'll miss them.

    • HistoriCat

      I promise to miss them too if they ever go away.

      • genxr

        I feel the same way about downfist troll.

    • GOPCrusher

      Sadly, I think we may be witnessing the birth of another cult like Scientology.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        The libertardians have been at the cult stage for years.

      • glamourdammerung

        The passed that hurdle long ago.

    • PristineODummy

      I don't think you'll have to. They'll probly start HEARTing Rand.

    • Banelm

      When they first appeared, they seemed like the wackiest outlier possible. After two years of teabaggers, Ron Paul looks like Vanilla with nuts mixed in.

  • FNMA

    "Heck of a last stand"?
    Where have I heard that phrase before?

    • nounverb911

      FEMA headquarters?

    • LabRodent

      Nazi Germany?

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Paul/ Custer 2012

    • SayItWithWookies

      Little Big Easy?

    • Geminisunmars

      Lemonade dispensary manned by juveniles at State and Main?

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      Smokey and the Bandit II?

    • horsedreamer_1

      "Empty Cans" by the Streets?

    • poncho_pilot

      Golgotha?

    • riverside68

      Fort Apache, Bronx?

    • GOPCrusher

      Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid?

    • SorosBot

      X-Men 3?

    • SorosBot

      Christopher Reeve?

      • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

        The Adventures of Baron Munchausen?

    • Terry

      Could we rename the Paultards to be Custards?

    • PristineODummy

      Hitler's bunker?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      metamarcisf got more answers, but I give the edge to FNMA for avoiding the stock question-form and for the quality of the responses. Golf clap!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Is the bassackwards R similar in meaning to the backwards K in bazebawl meaning ya struck out with the bat on your shoulder? It must, it simply must.

    • Rosie_Scenario

      The "R" looks suspiciously Russian. Wake up, sheeple!!11!!!11!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    All we are saying, is stay in bed and grow your hair.
    ~

  • Radiotherapy®

    If he wins 3/5ths of the electoral college he probably would win.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Shhh! Don't tell anyone.

    • PristineODummy

      Well, yeah, and if my uncle had tits, he'd be my aunt.

    • Larry McAwful

      Sometimes that happens. But not always.

  • WhatTheHeck

    He's going to do a Sarah Palin type ‘road trip’ in his blimp.
    This might take a year or two, by which time he will decide to make a run for it.

    • poncho_pilot

      him and Phileas Fogg.

  • http://www.muthalovin.com muthalovin

    I bet this secret plan involves sweet baby jesus and gold… And that blimp…. Oh, I just freaked myself out.

  • revmatty

    Ron Paul stayed flat.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      And Chris Christie stayed…oh,its just too easy.

      Christie is a mean, obese bully with a name better suited to a bisexual disc jockey from an AM Oldies radio station. In Delaware.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    I KNEW the "plain language of the Constitution" had a lot of secrets. Like how to "elect" Ron Paul POTUS after he wins "1-3 states". That's why the Tea Parties looove the Constitution … because it has secrets only they can see.

    • emmelemm

      Invisible ink!!1!!!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Who will Ron Quixote's Sancho Panza be?

    • Rosie_Scenario

      Chris Christie?

      • PristineODummy

        He's got the panza for it.

        • http://t.co/83Yq8x9 smokefilledroommate

          What about the Danza?

          • PristineODummy

            Who is this "Danza" of whom you speak?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Drew Carey?

    • http://t.co/83Yq8x9 smokefilledroommate

      A gold bullion outfitted to look like Ayn Rand?

    • riverside68

      All of the Paultards, Katie

    • glamourdammerung

      His longtime pal Willis "The Holocaust is a lie" Carto.

  • pukebot

    it's a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, covered in shit.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    The Ron is dead, long live the Rand.

    • orygoon

      Er, no. I have a list of people whom I wish to have shorter-than-average life spans, and Rand just made it.

    • Guppy06

      Socialism bad! Nepotism good!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Harry Osborn discovers Dad's masks and stinkbombs!!

  • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

    Yeah, uh, the whole collecting delegates thing when you're a minor candidate doesn't work. Just ask Dennis Kucinich about his 2004 run, where he pretty much tried to do the same thing.

    Having said that, good luck Ron Paul. At least good luck to the 47% of your views I agree with, and a big F.O. to the other 53%.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Yeah. For every "legalize harmless recreational drugs," there's always a "nothing should ever be regulated, EVER." You can flip that 1 Amero coin a zillion times, and half the time, it's still coming up crazy.

      • LetUsBray

        "Nothing should ever be regulated, except for the lady parts of the people who have them. Regulating those is totally cool."

        • Negropolis

          Wait, is he a pro-lifer?

    • V572 der Plaatz

      People don't realize how close Kucinich was to negotiating a co-presidency with Barry.

  • http://thefastertimes.com/absurdnews/ inapewetrust

    "legalizeliberty", haha, oh man these guys

    • fuflans

      i thought the same thing when i read that.

      in general i find paultards far more enduring than teatards, but shit like that…

  • guangho

    Who will proclaim the virtues of independence and small government while seeking earmarks to promote shrimp production in Texas now?

  • biocurious

    National Treasure 3: The Ron Paul Story

  • OkieDokieDog

    The Good Doctor? I didn't know Dr. Gonzo was running for POTUS. Where the hell is Oscar Zeta Acosta? I really would vote for him before I'd vote for this idiotic Ron Paul person or his equally idiotic son.

  • mavenmaven

    two words: the hindenberg

  • jakegittes

    If he wins, I hope that we will all celebrate on Independance Day, when the ghosts of all of the Founding Fathers end up on Dancing with the Stars, just independancing themselves and all of us into some kind of crazy red, white and blue rapture.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      That'd be pretty cool even if he didn't win. It'd take something like that to get me to watch that show.

  • mookwrthwilson

    This way of winning the presidency is so genius…it has never happened in over 220 years of electing presidents!!!

  • metamarcisf

    You know who else had one heck of a last stand?

    • nounverb911

      John Wayne?

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      Charles Bukowski?

    • fuflans

      custer?

    • Callyson

      Downfisting troll?

    • Sue4466

      Custer?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Heather Mills?

      • Nothingisamiss

        Ftw.

      • Negropolis

        Oooo, you're good.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Achilles?
      (for you Led Zep buffs)

      • RedNM

        You've got some Presence

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        The mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the earth. Or shrug, whatever.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      44th (East Essex) Regiment of Foot at Gandamack?

    • GOPCrusher

      300 Spartans?

    • http://t.co/83Yq8x9 smokefilledroommate

      The lemonade kids at the U.S. Open?

    • Nostrildamus

      Lucy van Pelt?

    • poncho_pilot

      Christopher Reeve?

      • GOPCrusher

        I bow before your poor taste.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Charles Krauthammer? Oh wait.

    • SorosBot

      Optimus Prime? (I'm talking the good movie here, not those shitty Michael Bay live action crapfests).

      • metamarcisf

        Threat Level Midnight?

    • PristineODummy

      Mr. Catherine Kieu Becker?

      • AJWjr.

        Oh, ow…

        • PristineODummy

          Hey, at least somebody got it.

          • AJWjr.

            All my friends from OC sent the story to me. My take-away from it, avoid mail-order brides from SE Asia, they'll cut your dick off!

          • PristineODummy

            I don't know who came up with that shit about demure, submissive Asian women. I have a Thai gf whose mother told her to keep ducks in case she needed to cut her old man's dick off. Feed it to them, she said, and he'll never sew it back on. Urk.

    • gullywompr

      Priapus?

    • jakegittes

      Well, I don't know about his last stand, but he has a huge opening. Rick Perry.

    • LetUsBray

      Kortney's giant zucchini?

    • Negropolis

      Chief Joseph?

  • LabRodent

    Ron Paul would have made a good Sharper Image Manager at most. What a Country!

    • PristineODummy

      Not sharp enough.

  • jus_wonderin

    Will someone save me before I fully retreat into my Dino-bellum?

  • SayItWithWookies

    This is the kind of strategizing that results when 5,000 dungeon masters form their own political party.

    • Fare la Volpe

      They can't allow Iran to acquire Magic Missiles.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Perhaps they know the answer to the great burning question of the day: how many hit points does Mitt Romney have?

      • jus_wonderin

        If this was software, I could dig into the code and tell you. After I lowered them, of course.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      +1

      • TheMightyHaltor

        d4 + 1

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    Paul/Rupaul 2012, bitches.

    • jus_wonderin

      Paul, Rupaul. "Shaken, not stirred?"

    • riverside68

      what about Les Paul?

      • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

        The late Lester William Polsfuss, Wizard of Waukesha, was, in the end, too good for this world, and far too good to ever run for Vice President of Delusional Jerk-Offs.

        May he strum away at the Iriduum Jazz Club in the sky.

    • HistoriCat

      Fuck that – Rupaul is second to no one!

  • Nostrildamus

    … the Paul/Nader/Gore/Johnson ticket …

    After that it's Johnsons all the way down.

  • OneYieldRegular

    R3V#&$%#$@!(*@^$><%$%$#~+0lution THIS!

    • Guppy06

      CARRIER LOST

    • V572 der Plaatz

      To that, I say ℠ ® © ™¶ § &sup1; &sup2; &sup3;€ ¥ £ä ¿ ¡ ö ñ ű ú ßáéí!!!1!

      • PristineODummy

        You would.

  • fuflans

    mr scott ryan:

    i like how this is shaping up too!

  • http://t.co/83Yq8x9 smokefilledroommate

    He's out of the House so he can focus on losing his Presidential bid–a win-win, really.

  • dr_giraud

    A downfisting Paultard stalks the interwebs. . . .

  • http://www.frso.org/index.htm 4TheTurnstiles

    Yeah, but what does the REAL Ron Paul have to say?
    http://www.eaglebankblog.com

  • Fare la Volpe

    Worst. National Treasure. Ever.

  • fuflans

    win a national election with 1-3 states

    i think this must be a second amendment solution.

  • carlgt1

    nothing says love liberty & freedom better than "let's find loopholes so Ron Paul can win the presidency with only 8% of the vote"!"

  • Callyson

    This guy has five kids, counting Randy, so we may not have heard the last from the Pauls…
    bring on the lolz…

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      And then there's Tito Paul and Marlon Paul.

  • Fare la Volpe

    "A 6'5" 275lb. man with tears running down my face."

    I love how he had to specify both his height and his weight – all to dispel our deeply hurtful stereotype that Paultards live off arugula and vigorous outdoor activity.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Hey, don't discount the swing vote potential of America's sentimental libertarian bear bloc.

      • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

        Fucking no one ever listens to Ranger Smith. Do NOT feed the Bears.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        But how many Penn Jillettes are out there, really?

    • http://t.co/83Yq8x9 smokefilledroommate

      Apparently they 'carry him inside them' now. Like a weird little libertarian doctor baby or something. Fucking creepy.

      • GOPCrusher

        I was thinking more along the lines of an Alien.

        • http://t.co/83Yq8x9 smokefilledroommate

          Spawn Paul?

          • DashboardBuddha

            Win!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      My guess: he's lying about his height.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        That 6? Well, it's actually a 5.

    • DahBoner

      I'm 6'4", under 200 and am not underweight.

      Unless he is a center for the Knicks, 275 is overweight/obese, even for that height…

    • El Pinche

      It's a secret in men's want ad in paultard code . Tears=semen

      • Geminisunmars

        Oh, El P – I love that talking dog. Aaaaaawwwwwww, no chicken with cheese!

        • El Pinche

          Yeah lately I've been hooked on funny animal videos, but that one is a classic.

      • http://intensedebate.com/logout Gleem_McShineys

        S Ξ M Ξ N A T ↑ ☼ N

    • __kth__

      He thinks it makes him sound like a tough guy moved to tears, as opposed to the blubbering fat fuck that he no doubt is.

    • http://t.co/83Yq8x9 smokefilledroommate

      I also like how the post 'A little bummed out' is followed by 'Don't be bumbed'.

    • glamourdammerung

      You forgot the self diagnosis of Asperger syndrome.

    • user-of-owls

      Well it's no surprise that if you over-stuff the casing, you're gonna have tears. Even a novice sausage-maker could tell you that.

  • Poindexter718

    The solution, my friends, involves Freemasons, a speculum, Rick Santorum and lots of baby oil.
    That is all I can reveal at this juncture.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      You left out the Illuminati.

    • MissusBarry

      I'm generally a nice, nonviolent liberal, but if Rick Santorum was ever anywhere near me with a speculum, he'd be having an early reunion with all those aborted ghost fetii he loves so much. Oh, wait, not where you were going. Oh, well, a true statement, nonetheless.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Don't forget Rasputin and the Nazi Thule Society.

    • PristineODummy

      Rick Santorum doesn't DO baby oil. Unless it's made from fresh babies, that is.

    • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Reagan Still Dead

      There is that Bilderberg / Skull and Bones key party coming up.

      You haven't heard? I've said too much…

  • horsedreamer_1

    Is that one in three states, or 33% of the states, or one to three states, as in Vermont, Oregon, &/or Idaho?

    Either way, of course, Ron is expecting to split the vote enough to throw this into the house (Obama 265 electoral votes, GOP 260, Paul 12).

    • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Reagan Still Dead

      No, you moran 1-3 states means TWO. Two states by *snicker* write -in vote and he's the presnit!

      Actually I think it what your numbers suggest, although taking 16+ states, seriously? (However that's 20 states using flea bagger maths)

      • Lascauxcaveman

        No, he can do it. The only trick is get 46 or 47 of the other states to secede before election day.

    • TheMightyHaltor

      I think it means one minus three states, which is exactly how many Ron Paul will win.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Such a spry 75 year old man.

    Considering how bad the job aged both Barry and Bubba, I'm guessing Ron Paul would look like the cryptkeeper at the end of his, LOL, "term."

    • RedNM

      What do you mean at the "end" of his "term"?

  • SorosBot

    Well I guess that last part gave NaderPaulKucinichGravel a stiffy.

  • 5thstate

    From the Daily Paul (really? every damn day?)
    Submitted by Tominellay on Tue, 07/12/2011 – 15:46.

    Ron Paul has led this horse to water…up to us to drink it, elect him president...

    Horse? Maybe he means Magic Pony? Then the paultards drink the water, and shazam—Prez Paul!

    Seems to me that farcical aquatic ceremonies are hardly the basis for a system of government, but then they do have a horse.

    Wait! Does the horse represent the blimp?

    • MissTaken

      As if a Paultard has ever drank water. Diet Coke or Die!

      • SorosBot

        I think it's all Mountain Dew.

    • GOPCrusher

      IMPORTANT SUGGESTION: Drink the water upstream from the horse.

    • carlgt1

      Ron Paul has brewed the Kool Aid — it's up to us to drink it!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      "Seems to me that farcical aquatic ceremonies are hardly the basis for a system of government,"

      Leave AquaBuddha out of this!!

    • PristineODummy

      Sounds like they're planning to drink the horse. Cum shots?

      • 5thstate

        That's what I thought at first, but what a gynecologist and his horse do together that makes grown men cry is entirely their business.
        Hands off my Horse Cum! .
        Cummed-on Enough Already.
        Did you remember to water my Tree of Liberty with Horse Cum? 'Cos it looks a bit wilted.

  • LiveToServeYa

    The legalization of pot will take a big, hefty hit.

    • zhubajie

      If only the stoners would remember to vote….

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    if you choose to drink the free market benzene water, please flip back to comment page 3 to continue the search for the presidential gold in the Klan's gun shack, right next to the cases of Monster Energy drink.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    The TardBlimp has gone flatulence-line. Run outa gaz.

  • OneDollarJuana

    Pssst. A bit of advice. If it's on YouTube it's not a secret.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Clancy_Pants

    "I like how this is shaping up" ????
    That's like Custer at the Little Big Horn saying "We have them right where we want them!"

  • 5thstate

    Best Paultard Comment Yet , for realz:

    "This is stupid…
    Submitted by phenn on Tue, 07/12/2011 – 14:45.
    A 6'5" 275lb. man with tears running down my face.

    Don't ever think that for one moment Dr. Paul that anything you have done has ever been in vain. We all carry you inside us now, and it will never go away, you have taught and inspired us.

    Let's roll! "

    Yeah, Ron Paul is Harry Potter/doomed 9/11 airplane passenger. With a horse.

    • widestanceroman

      I think that means they all blew him and are now incubating some new horrible life form.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Yeah. The phrase "We all carry you inside us now, and it will never go away" really makes me a little queasy.

        • 5thstate

          Yeah…

          "We all carry you inside us now, and it will never go away….like a tumor which can flourish and grow, free from the interference of big government socialized medicine"

    • carlgt1

      where do they get this bizarre "inspiration"? There's certainly nothing in Ron Paul's record that makes me think he's a shining beacon of freedom or whatever. And these zealots would dare criticize people who got excited about Obama?

      • 5thstate

        DOCTOR Ron Paul is like a noble WASP Lakota chief, who gets upset and teary about Ameros instead of piles of trash—or something, There's got to be peyote involved. and SKOAL. Who knows?

    • Nostrildamus

      Let's roll

      Certainly more realistic than walking at 275 lb.

    • Barrelhse

      Those are beautiful words.
      I'm gettin' like all misty.

    • AJWjr.

      Is that horse as in heroin, or like a Trojan?

      • 5thstate

        Like a Trojan touched for the very first time, maybe
        Or heroin, or a Trojan horse, or a condom?
        Or as in "he's from Troy, he's a Trojan'

        Basically what ever Doctor Ron Paul want it to be…bless him ! ,

  • Tommmcattt

    Additionally, if you cross your fingers and shout "No Backsies" it becomes illegal to impeach any president with the initals "RP".

    IT'S RIGHT THERE IN THE CONSTITUTION PEOPLE!

    p∑∆ƈ∑ ð∪+ !!!!

    • user-of-owls

      illegal to impeach any president with the initals "RP".

      Oh fuck…you know who else is a 'contender' from Texas??

  • Pragmatist2

    This all proves one thing: writing computer code develops parts of the brain that drive out the ability to deal with reality.

  • Nostrildamus

    With this inspiration, I will no longer work at the AM/PM mart so I can focus all my energy on winning the lottery.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Clancy_Pants

    You think we have a new Paultard downfister or is it the same ol' Breitbarttard douchebag?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Clancy_Pants

      He answered my question by immediately following me. Welcome Dau Tranh (Breitbarttard)

      • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

        Welcome to the saddest club in the world.

      • GOPCrusher

        Different player, same song.
        I wish that one of them could come up with some independent thought and pithy remarks.

      • SorosBot

        It's the same old guy; for some reason he likes to change his name, then unfollow and re-follow everyone; what he thinks it's for I have no clue.

        • PristineODummy

          If you're lucky, he'll follow you three times in the space of two days! (My own personal record so far.)

        • PristineODummy

          Neither does he.

      • AJWjr.

        Code word libunatic, it's the same old spanky2b.

      • PristineODummy

        That teensy-weensy pricklet is following ME now. What, Gimp in a leather bottom mask wasn't enough? This guy's probly into poop-play, though. A poopy bottom.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Lets just hope Dr. Paul starts a third party as soon as possible, we may need this Ross Perot 2.0 in 2012.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    I'm guessing these Constitutional secrets are the same crazy secrets discovered by local housewife to lose ugly belly fat. It's spam, paultards, don't open it.

    • GOPCrusher

      They sell Extenze at most of the big chain drug stores now. You don't need to order your male enhancement products on the Internet anymore.

    • widestanceroman

      But, those lovely Asian ladies really do want to love me, right?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      It's that "One weird Constitutional secret"!!!!!

  • GOPCrusher

    Someone's tinfoil hat is on too tight.

    • zhubajie

      If you don't ground them right, they only concentrate the rays!

  • MissTaken

    This is good news for costume shops that specialize in colonial garb.

  • Fare la Volpe

    YourOpenBook has some great Paultard conniption fits going down. My favorite comment, though, is this jolly fellow:

    "Ron Paul? Isn't that the guy Bruno tried to make a pass at in his movie?"

    • http://intensedebate.com/logout Gleem_McShineys

      YES!!

      9000 waxed anuses to that intertube denizen!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Hey now it's time for you and me
    Got a revolution Got to revolution
    Come on now we're marching to the sea
    Got a revolution Got to revolution
    Who will take it from you
    We will and who are we
    we are volunteers of America

    I don't think this is quite what Paul Kantner and Marty Balin had in mind when they wrote this song.

    • carlgt1

      maybe they are thinking more like Lennon:

      You want a Paul-tard revolution, well, you know…
      we all love to read Ayn Rand.

      got a loophole in the Consitution, well, you know….
      that's the teabag secret plan!

    • ShaveTheWhales

      I'm thinking more "Up against the wall, up against the wall, motherfuckers".

      • Larry McAwful

        Or maybe "Either go away or go all the way in."

  • DahBoner

    OH LOOK AND HERE IS SOME OF THE CODE:

    "Take 3 tokes off AQUA BUDDHA and then hang up a sign at a lunch counter that says:"

    NO SMOKING BLACKS

  • BaldarTFlagass

    If he gets elected, will we all have to start writing in those bizarre symbols? I hope not, I have a hard enough time just doing the Alt-13 and Alt-14 thing for the musical notes.

    • mumbly_joe

      NORMAL LETTERING IS A CONSPIRACY PERPETRATED BY THE FEDERAL RESERVE.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    It's like when the Balrog ate Gandalf!!

  • V572 der Plaatz

    Obstetro-Congressman-Mister-Doctor Ron Paul says sensible things about not having so many discretionary wars. But when he gets to talking about the gold standard, the Fed an evil conspiracy, etc, it makes you think he's probably a better physician than an economist.

    Nonetheless he'll be missed! Rand isn't nearly so charming.

    • user-of-owls

      I first read, "Obstrepero-Congressman," which I think more aptly captures the essence of the man if not his vocation.

      • V572 der Plaatz

        He's likethe wacky relative at a family party who corners you and wants to talk about the 200-mpg carburetor that GM or the oil companies bought up and suppressed. “No, really! I saw it in Popular Mechanix! Can't remember which issue, but it's true!”

        • user-of-owls

          Oh no, that's the sane relative. The one who tries to foist a badly-xeroxed copy of a John Birch Society newsletter or say today's Washington Times, now that's the one where you want to simulate Sudden-Onset-Hemorrhagic-Fever symptoms.

  • mumbly_joe

    "Secret way to have Ron Paul win 2012 Election"

    You know, for people who love liberty so much, they seem to like anti-democratic tyranny an awful lot.

  • GOPCrusher

    And his son could fix that.

  • El Pinche

    It's like a Hagar / Van Halen reunion ALL OVER AGAIN!

  • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Reagan Still Dead

    Quick, has anyone heard of the sudden disappearance or headless finding of a circuit boy recently?

  • glamourdammerung

    Ron is simply retiring to spend more time with his family. And Holocaust denier pals.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Paul/3/4's of Texas 2012!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Based on Dr. Paul's decades of experience as a practicing GynoMysogynist, there is no problem that can't be solved with a liberty-yeast-pill and a freedom douche! To the stirrups, America! Ride the Invisible Hand!!

  • Barrelhse

    The Walrus is Paul.

  • philpjfry

    If these people were any more stupid their involuntary muscles would stop.

  • mumbly_joe

    Also, doesn't that backwards R look kinda… I dunno… Communist?????

    • glamourdammerung

      They were only using wingdings in the hope of hitting the swastika one.

  • user-of-owls

    You can't spell 'independant' without 'pedant'!

    • DashboardBuddha

      yep…and if he runs as an independent, he'll hang around the neck of the GOP and drag them down.

      • Larry McAwful

        Is that why the Paul Party's mascot is an albatross? Finally, that makes sense! I'd long thought it should be the armadillo, because it's from Texas, is small, has thick armor, and is often found smashed along the side of the road. But the albatross is a good one, too.

    • Nostrildamus

      You can't spell 'independant' without 'pedant'

      'inept' also.

  • glamourdammerung

    I love how everything with Paultards comes down to hidden messages and unproveable as well as unfeasible conspiracy. And everyone who disagrees is never just wrong, but horrific and evil personified. Kind of sounds like schizophrenia to me.

  • Redhead

    Well junior paul thinks you don't need a license to practice medicine. I guess senior pauly thinks you don't need votes to be president.

  • http://strangestoriesaboutsadpeople.blogspot.com/ Thedongsofwar

    There are not a lot of good combinations for the words "Secret" and "Election".

    • user-of-owls

      Um, "Secretion"?

      • Larry McAwful

        Sorry. Rick Santorum's already using that one.

  • smitallica

    Yes, the founders devised a BRILLIANT electoral system whereby delegates pick the president, thereby ensuring that, say, a Demoocrat's vote in Texas will be meaningless and a single county in Ohio can give George Bush a second term. Go fuck yourselves, founding fathers.

  • user-of-owls

    Really not much of a mystery here, you dizzy children, just a misplaced hyphen: In the Founders' day, you win 1-3 states, it's called a 'unanimous vote,' not a 'secret.'

  • BlueStateLibel

    This sounds like some movie with Tom Hanks in it that's boring and hard to follow.

    • http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=351473119155 Fred_Wertham_Jr

      Worse. Nicholas Cage.

  • TheJasonAlexanderFanClub

    Peoria mom discovers one weird old tip in Constitution to elect Ron Paul to the presidency! <click here>

  • Warpde

    Ron Paul?
    He's sill alive?
    Damn!!!!

  • ttommyunger

    Relax, Paultards, Young Rand is waiting in the wings, breathing through his mouth, eyes glazed, hair akimbo, semi-erect and ready to take the Baton from the Master of Crazy.

  • ThundercatHo

    I saw him referred to as the "intellectual godfather" of the tea party. Any sentence that puts intellect and tea party together is hilarious.

  • Larry McAwful

    If Ron Paul can collect enough superdelegates, he can totally pull this off. And when you look at the sheer number of Republican superdelegates, it becomes obvious that all Future President Paul has to do is… oh, wait… never mind…

  • Negropolis

    Who will be the crazy grandpa of the Congress, now? Our Robert Byrd is gone, no longer there to wander the halls at night looking for the chamber doors. Now our poor Ron Paul Revere won't be there to scream at us that the debt ceiling is coming in fast, whilst ringin' those bells and shootin' those warnin' shots.

    I'd nominate John Conyers, Sandy Levin, and John Dingell, all octagenarian Democrats from the Metro Detroit, but none have the force of personality, alone, to respectably carry such a burden and title. BARBARIC!

  • vavavivivivi

    http://www.benzlogo.com/

    I tide fashion Good-looking, not expensive Free transport

  • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    "Paultards" ?

    See You Soon
    no Gore please
    thank you much