SAW IT IN A NICOLAS CAGE MOVIE ONCE  3:26 pm July 12, 2011

Paultards Race To Discover Secret Meaning of Ron Paul Retirement

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

it all makes sense now.Ron Paul, currently on his third run for president, is finally “in it to win” this time: he announced he will not seek re-election to his Congressional seat so he can focus on his presidential run. This has led to a massive outpouring of grief from sobbing Paultards, who all want to know WHO NOW POSSIBLY will be that lone person to cast “nay” votes on bills to divest U.S. government interests supporting genocide in Darfur. Cooler heads, however, have correctly figured out that this move is all just part of Ron Paul’s secret plan. 

All of this is happening over at the Daily Paul, where the news has hit like a tornado in a trailer park. Is there a secret plan to use the secret code written in the Constitution by the Founders that can give Ron Paul instructions on how to win a national election with 1-3 states? Or was Ron Paul just predestined by the Constitution to come save America from itself, as the Founders wrote? OH LOOK AND HERE IS SOME OF THE CODE:

THERE ARE SO MANY CLUES TO UNRAVEL. CALL NADER, HE WILL HELP FIND THE ANSWER.

We look forward to the Paul/Nader/Gore/Johnson 2012 ticket. [Daily Paul/ The Facts]

 
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{ 278 comments }

nounverb911 July 12, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Paul’s “Use By” date expired a long time ago.

MLHencken July 12, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Actually, I think there is a picture of him in some secret lair of the Illuminati, with the following caption:

"Do NOT use, even in case of emergency."

ifthethunderdontgetya July 12, 2011 at 3:29 pm

All we are saying, is give tards a chance.
~

JustPixelz July 12, 2011 at 3:43 pm

May as well. We gave* Bush a chance. And then another chance**.
__________________________
* he stole it
** both times

WunkRocker July 12, 2011 at 4:16 pm

http://bit.ly/mP7PGv – trucknuuuuuuutz

ShaveTheWhales July 12, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Tear off the band-aid and give peas a chance.

Come here a minute July 12, 2011 at 3:29 pm

I have a secret document that explains it all. Meet me at midnight by the Gravel pit.

JustPixelz July 12, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Is it a map to a room full of treasure? Are we meeting at the gravel pit or the Mike Gravel pit?

WunkRocker July 12, 2011 at 4:09 pm

§ÛĉЌ іז ŧαř₫ş!!!!!!!!11111wononewanjuan

Andrew Drinker July 12, 2011 at 3:42 pm
SilverTsunami July 12, 2011 at 5:07 pm

Can't we meet at the conversation pit this time?

arihaya July 12, 2011 at 3:30 pm

He is just planning to spend more time with his family, under health coverage of the socialist Medicare

Barb July 12, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Rue Paul has a better chance. he can be the POTUS and the FLOTUS all at once.

biocurious July 12, 2011 at 3:42 pm

And he'd say more reasonable things during the debates.

tymberwolf817 July 13, 2011 at 9:15 am

Please tell me the debates will involve lip-synching for their lives.

Fare la Volpe July 12, 2011 at 3:50 pm

And you know who gets shit done in a cabinet meeting? A mob of bitches decked in wigs and Gucci pumps.

Barb July 12, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Get shit done, get out before the 5 o'clock shadow shows. I like it!

zhubajie July 12, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Sounds like Giuliani

OneDollarJuana July 12, 2011 at 4:03 pm

This is why Giuliani should run again.

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Also Buddy Roemer. Oh, wait, he is. Never mind.

nounverb911 July 12, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Can we set Ron Paul adrift in his blimp now?

poncho_pilot July 12, 2011 at 3:55 pm

air flow, ice floe…one of the two.

OC_Surf_Serf July 12, 2011 at 3:31 pm

No more Rep. Ron Paul? Another Texas town will be not be missing its idiot.

nounverb911 July 12, 2011 at 3:35 pm

There seems to be a lot of that going on in Texas lately, Nancy Grace should investigate.

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 4:52 pm

She'll just want them all executed. How fun is that. Oh. Wait. I see what you did there.

Negropolis July 12, 2011 at 11:59 pm

I wouldn't wish Nancy Grace on my worst, mortal enemies.

poncho_pilot July 12, 2011 at 3:56 pm

i just spent a week in Lake Jackson, TX. they have enough to go around.

Terry July 12, 2011 at 4:48 pm

Tom DeLay's wee bit of gerrymandering took Paul's district (runs along the coast south of Galveston) and mashed in chunk of Galveston County known to be infested with liberals, gays, and immigrants, thus knocking out the old Galveston district that was reliably Democratic. Hopefully, Paul not running will allow the liberals, gays, and immigrants to get some representation that doesn't frickin offend them.

JoshuaNorton July 12, 2011 at 3:31 pm

Needs moar made-up shit about the Constitution.

SorosBot July 12, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Needs moar freedumb also too.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 12, 2011 at 3:33 pm

There's a certain charm to the Paultards' earnest nuttiness, which sets them apart from the GOP/bagger/wingnut nastiness and stupidity. I'll miss them.

HistoriCat July 12, 2011 at 4:01 pm

I promise to miss them too if they ever go away.

genxr July 12, 2011 at 4:05 pm

I feel the same way about downfist troll.

GOPCrusher July 12, 2011 at 4:21 pm

Sadly, I think we may be witnessing the birth of another cult like Scientology.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 12, 2011 at 4:36 pm

The libertardians have been at the cult stage for years.

glamourdammerung July 12, 2011 at 6:58 pm

The passed that hurdle long ago.

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 4:53 pm

I don't think you'll have to. They'll probly start HEARTing Rand.

Banelm July 12, 2011 at 6:38 pm

When they first appeared, they seemed like the wackiest outlier possible. After two years of teabaggers, Ron Paul looks like Vanilla with nuts mixed in.

FNMA July 12, 2011 at 3:33 pm

"Heck of a last stand"?
Where have I heard that phrase before?

nounverb911 July 12, 2011 at 3:37 pm

FEMA headquarters?

LabRodent July 12, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Nazi Germany?

Rosie_Scenario July 12, 2011 at 3:43 pm

Paul/ Custer 2012

SayItWithWookies July 12, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Little Big Easy?

Geminisunmars July 12, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Lemonade dispensary manned by juveniles at State and Main?

MLHencken July 12, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Smokey and the Bandit II?

horsedreamer_1 July 12, 2011 at 3:54 pm

"Empty Cans" by the Streets?

poncho_pilot July 12, 2011 at 3:57 pm

Golgotha?

riverside68 July 12, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Fort Apache, Bronx?

GOPCrusher July 12, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid?

SorosBot July 12, 2011 at 4:07 pm

X-Men 3?

SorosBot July 12, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Christopher Reeve?

MLHencken July 12, 2011 at 4:25 pm

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen?

Terry July 12, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Could we rename the Paultards to be Custards?

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 4:53 pm

Hitler's bunker?

Chet Kincaid July 12, 2011 at 5:23 pm

metamarcisf got more answers, but I give the edge to FNMA for avoiding the stock question-form and for the quality of the responses. Golf clap!

weejee July 12, 2011 at 3:33 pm

Is the bassackwards R similar in meaning to the backwards K in bazebawl meaning ya struck out with the bat on your shoulder? It must, it simply must.

Rosie_Scenario July 12, 2011 at 3:44 pm

The "R" looks suspiciously Russian. Wake up, sheeple!!11!!!11!

ifthethunderdontgetya July 12, 2011 at 3:33 pm

All we are saying, is stay in bed and grow your hair.
~

Radiotherapy® July 12, 2011 at 3:34 pm

If he wins 3/5ths of the electoral college he probably would win.

BaldarTFlagass July 12, 2011 at 4:40 pm

Shhh! Don't tell anyone.

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 4:55 pm

Well, yeah, and if my uncle had tits, he'd be my aunt.

Larry McAwful July 13, 2011 at 12:07 am

Sometimes that happens. But not always.

WhatTheHeck July 12, 2011 at 3:34 pm

He's going to do a Sarah Palin type ‘road trip’ in his blimp.
This might take a year or two, by which time he will decide to make a run for it.

poncho_pilot July 12, 2011 at 3:59 pm

him and Phileas Fogg.

muthalovin July 12, 2011 at 3:37 pm

I bet this secret plan involves sweet baby jesus and gold… And that blimp…. Oh, I just freaked myself out.

revmatty July 12, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Ron Paul stayed flat.

MLHencken July 12, 2011 at 4:28 pm

And Chris Christie stayed…oh,its just too easy.

Christie is a mean, obese bully with a name better suited to a bisexual disc jockey from an AM Oldies radio station. In Delaware.

JustPixelz July 12, 2011 at 3:38 pm

I KNEW the "plain language of the Constitution" had a lot of secrets. Like how to "elect" Ron Paul POTUS after he wins "1-3 states". That's why the Tea Parties looove the Constitution … because it has secrets only they can see.

emmelemm July 12, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Invisible ink!!1!!!

BaldarTFlagass July 12, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Who will Ron Quixote's Sancho Panza be?

Rosie_Scenario July 12, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Chris Christie?

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 4:56 pm

He's got the panza for it.

smokefilledroommate July 12, 2011 at 4:57 pm

What about the Danza?

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 10:07 pm

Who is this "Danza" of whom you speak?

horsedreamer_1 July 12, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Drew Carey?

smokefilledroommate July 12, 2011 at 3:56 pm

A gold bullion outfitted to look like Ayn Rand?

riverside68 July 12, 2011 at 3:59 pm

All of the Paultards, Katie

glamourdammerung July 12, 2011 at 11:56 pm

His longtime pal Willis "The Holocaust is a lie" Carto.

pukebot July 12, 2011 at 3:38 pm

it's a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, covered in shit.

SudsMcKenzie July 12, 2011 at 3:38 pm

The Ron is dead, long live the Rand.

orygoon July 12, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Er, no. I have a list of people whom I wish to have shorter-than-average life spans, and Rand just made it.

Guppy06 July 12, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Socialism bad! Nepotism good!

Chet Kincaid July 12, 2011 at 4:41 pm

Harry Osborn discovers Dad's masks and stinkbombs!!

Andrew Drinker July 12, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Yeah, uh, the whole collecting delegates thing when you're a minor candidate doesn't work. Just ask Dennis Kucinich about his 2004 run, where he pretty much tried to do the same thing.

Having said that, good luck Ron Paul. At least good luck to the 47% of your views I agree with, and a big F.O. to the other 53%.

Lascauxcaveman July 12, 2011 at 4:15 pm

Yeah. For every "legalize harmless recreational drugs," there's always a "nothing should ever be regulated, EVER." You can flip that 1 Amero coin a zillion times, and half the time, it's still coming up crazy.

LetUsBray July 12, 2011 at 10:44 pm

"Nothing should ever be regulated, except for the lady parts of the people who have them. Regulating those is totally cool."

Negropolis July 13, 2011 at 12:02 am

Wait, is he a pro-lifer?

V572 der Plaatz July 12, 2011 at 4:46 pm

People don't realize how close Kucinich was to negotiating a co-presidency with Barry.

inapewetrust July 12, 2011 at 3:40 pm

"legalizeliberty", haha, oh man these guys

fuflans July 12, 2011 at 3:51 pm

i thought the same thing when i read that.

in general i find paultards far more enduring than teatards, but shit like that…

guangho July 12, 2011 at 3:40 pm

Who will proclaim the virtues of independence and small government while seeking earmarks to promote shrimp production in Texas now?

biocurious July 12, 2011 at 3:40 pm

National Treasure 3: The Ron Paul Story

OkieDokieDog July 12, 2011 at 3:41 pm

The Good Doctor? I didn't know Dr. Gonzo was running for POTUS. Where the hell is Oscar Zeta Acosta? I really would vote for him before I'd vote for this idiotic Ron Paul person or his equally idiotic son.

mavenmaven July 12, 2011 at 3:42 pm

two words: the hindenberg

jakegittes July 12, 2011 at 3:44 pm

If he wins, I hope that we will all celebrate on Independance Day, when the ghosts of all of the Founding Fathers end up on Dancing with the Stars, just independancing themselves and all of us into some kind of crazy red, white and blue rapture.

Lascauxcaveman July 12, 2011 at 4:17 pm

That'd be pretty cool even if he didn't win. It'd take something like that to get me to watch that show.

mookwrthwilson July 12, 2011 at 3:44 pm

This way of winning the presidency is so genius…it has never happened in over 220 years of electing presidents!!!

metamarcisf July 12, 2011 at 3:44 pm

You know who else had one heck of a last stand?

nounverb911 July 12, 2011 at 3:46 pm

John Wayne?

MLHencken July 12, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Charles Bukowski?

fuflans July 12, 2011 at 3:50 pm

custer?

Callyson July 12, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Downfisting troll?

Sue4466 July 12, 2011 at 3:52 pm

Custer?

horsedreamer_1 July 12, 2011 at 3:55 pm

Heather Mills?

Nothingisamiss July 12, 2011 at 4:00 pm

Ftw.

Negropolis July 13, 2011 at 12:10 am

Oooo, you're good.

BaldarTFlagass July 12, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Achilles?
(for you Led Zep buffs)

RedNM July 12, 2011 at 4:13 pm

You've got some Presence

Chet Kincaid July 12, 2011 at 4:51 pm

The mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the earth. Or shrug, whatever.

BaldarTFlagass July 12, 2011 at 4:00 pm

44th (East Essex) Regiment of Foot at Gandamack?

GOPCrusher July 12, 2011 at 4:02 pm

300 Spartans?

smokefilledroommate July 12, 2011 at 4:02 pm

The lemonade kids at the U.S. Open?

Nostrildamus July 12, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Lucy van Pelt?

poncho_pilot July 12, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Christopher Reeve?

GOPCrusher July 12, 2011 at 4:26 pm

I bow before your poor taste.

BaldarTFlagass July 12, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Charles Krauthammer? Oh wait.

SorosBot July 12, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Optimus Prime? (I'm talking the good movie here, not those shitty Michael Bay live action crapfests).

metamarcisf July 12, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Threat Level Midnight?

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Mr. Catherine Kieu Becker?

AJWjr. July 12, 2011 at 6:49 pm

Oh, ow…

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 10:10 pm

Hey, at least somebody got it.

AJWjr. July 12, 2011 at 10:28 pm

All my friends from OC sent the story to me. My take-away from it, avoid mail-order brides from SE Asia, they'll cut your dick off!

gullywompr July 12, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Priapus?

jakegittes July 12, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Well, I don't know about his last stand, but he has a huge opening. Rick Perry.

LetUsBray July 12, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Kortney's giant zucchini?

Negropolis July 13, 2011 at 12:10 am

Chief Joseph?

LabRodent July 12, 2011 at 3:45 pm

Ron Paul would have made a good Sharper Image Manager at most. What a Country!

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Not sharp enough.

jus_wonderin July 12, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Will someone save me before I fully retreat into my Dino-bellum?

SayItWithWookies July 12, 2011 at 3:47 pm

This is the kind of strategizing that results when 5,000 dungeon masters form their own political party.

Fare la Volpe July 12, 2011 at 3:52 pm

They can't allow Iran to acquire Magic Missiles.

Biel_ze_Bubba July 12, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Perhaps they know the answer to the great burning question of the day: how many hit points does Mitt Romney have?

jus_wonderin July 12, 2011 at 4:35 pm

If this was software, I could dig into the code and tell you. After I lowered them, of course.

SudsMcKenzie July 12, 2011 at 4:38 pm

+1

TheMightyHaltor July 13, 2011 at 12:18 am

d4 + 1

MLHencken July 12, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Paul/Rupaul 2012, bitches.

jus_wonderin July 12, 2011 at 3:50 pm

Paul, Rupaul. "Shaken, not stirred?"

riverside68 July 12, 2011 at 4:02 pm

what about Les Paul?

MLHencken July 12, 2011 at 4:20 pm

The late Lester William Polsfuss, Wizard of Waukesha, was, in the end, too good for this world, and far too good to ever run for Vice President of Delusional Jerk-Offs.

May he strum away at the Iriduum Jazz Club in the sky.

HistoriCat July 12, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Fuck that – Rupaul is second to no one!

Nostrildamus July 12, 2011 at 3:48 pm

… the Paul/Nader/Gore/Johnson ticket …

After that it's Johnsons all the way down.

OneYieldRegular July 12, 2011 at 3:50 pm

R3V#&$%#$@!(*@^$><%$%$#~+0lution THIS!

Guppy06 July 12, 2011 at 4:06 pm

CARRIER LOST

V572 der Plaatz July 12, 2011 at 4:48 pm

To that, I say ℠ ® © ™¶ § &sup1; &sup2; &sup3;€ ¥ £ä ¿ ¡ ö ñ ű ú ßáéí!!!1!

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 5:00 pm

You would.

fuflans July 12, 2011 at 3:50 pm

mr scott ryan:

i like how this is shaping up too!

smokefilledroommate July 12, 2011 at 3:50 pm

He's out of the House so he can focus on losing his Presidential bid–a win-win, really.

dr_giraud July 12, 2011 at 3:51 pm

A downfisting Paultard stalks the interwebs. . . .

4TheTurnstiles July 12, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Yeah, but what does the REAL Ron Paul have to say?
http://www.eaglebankblog.com

Fare la Volpe July 12, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Worst. National Treasure. Ever.

fuflans July 12, 2011 at 3:53 pm

win a national election with 1-3 states

i think this must be a second amendment solution.

carlgt1 July 12, 2011 at 3:54 pm

nothing says love liberty & freedom better than "let's find loopholes so Ron Paul can win the presidency with only 8% of the vote"!"

Callyson July 12, 2011 at 3:55 pm

This guy has five kids, counting Randy, so we may not have heard the last from the Pauls…
bring on the lolz…

Chet Kincaid July 12, 2011 at 4:54 pm

And then there's Tito Paul and Marlon Paul.

Fare la Volpe July 12, 2011 at 3:55 pm

"A 6'5" 275lb. man with tears running down my face."

I love how he had to specify both his height and his weight – all to dispel our deeply hurtful stereotype that Paultards live off arugula and vigorous outdoor activity.

SayItWithWookies July 12, 2011 at 4:01 pm

Hey, don't discount the swing vote potential of America's sentimental libertarian bear bloc.

MLHencken July 12, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Fucking no one ever listens to Ranger Smith. Do NOT feed the Bears.

Chet Kincaid July 12, 2011 at 4:55 pm

But how many Penn Jillettes are out there, really?

smokefilledroommate July 12, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Apparently they 'carry him inside them' now. Like a weird little libertarian doctor baby or something. Fucking creepy.

GOPCrusher July 12, 2011 at 4:28 pm

I was thinking more along the lines of an Alien.

smokefilledroommate July 12, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Spawn Paul?

DashboardBuddha July 12, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Win!

Biel_ze_Bubba July 12, 2011 at 4:27 pm

My guess: he's lying about his height.

Lascauxcaveman July 12, 2011 at 4:28 pm

That 6? Well, it's actually a 5.

DahBoner July 12, 2011 at 4:46 pm

I'm 6'4", under 200 and am not underweight.

Unless he is a center for the Knicks, 275 is overweight/obese, even for that height…

El Pinche July 12, 2011 at 5:02 pm

It's a secret in men's want ad in paultard code . Tears=semen

Geminisunmars July 12, 2011 at 5:24 pm

Oh, El P – I love that talking dog. Aaaaaawwwwwww, no chicken with cheese!

El Pinche July 12, 2011 at 7:11 pm

Yeah lately I've been hooked on funny animal videos, but that one is a classic.

Gleem_McShineys July 12, 2011 at 8:01 pm

S Ξ M Ξ N A T ↑ ☼ N

__kth__ July 12, 2011 at 5:07 pm

He thinks it makes him sound like a tough guy moved to tears, as opposed to the blubbering fat fuck that he no doubt is.

smokefilledroommate July 12, 2011 at 5:11 pm

I also like how the post 'A little bummed out' is followed by 'Don't be bumbed'.

glamourdammerung July 12, 2011 at 6:08 pm

You forgot the self diagnosis of Asperger syndrome.

user-of-owls July 12, 2011 at 7:23 pm

Well it's no surprise that if you over-stuff the casing, you're gonna have tears. Even a novice sausage-maker could tell you that.

Poindexter718 July 12, 2011 at 3:58 pm

The solution, my friends, involves Freemasons, a speculum, Rick Santorum and lots of baby oil.
That is all I can reveal at this juncture.

MLHencken July 12, 2011 at 4:29 pm

You left out the Illuminati.

MissusBarry July 12, 2011 at 4:41 pm

I'm generally a nice, nonviolent liberal, but if Rick Santorum was ever anywhere near me with a speculum, he'd be having an early reunion with all those aborted ghost fetii he loves so much. Oh, wait, not where you were going. Oh, well, a true statement, nonetheless.

Chet Kincaid July 12, 2011 at 4:58 pm

Don't forget Rasputin and the Nazi Thule Society.

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Rick Santorum doesn't DO baby oil. Unless it's made from fresh babies, that is.

Reagan Still Dead July 12, 2011 at 5:05 pm

There is that Bilderberg / Skull and Bones key party coming up.

You haven't heard? I've said too much…

horsedreamer_1 July 12, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Is that one in three states, or 33% of the states, or one to three states, as in Vermont, Oregon, &/or Idaho?

Either way, of course, Ron is expecting to split the vote enough to throw this into the house (Obama 265 electoral votes, GOP 260, Paul 12).

Reagan Still Dead July 12, 2011 at 5:12 pm

No, you moran 1-3 states means TWO. Two states by *snicker* write -in vote and he's the presnit!

Actually I think it what your numbers suggest, although taking 16+ states, seriously? (However that's 20 states using flea bagger maths)

Lascauxcaveman July 12, 2011 at 5:42 pm

No, he can do it. The only trick is get 46 or 47 of the other states to secede before election day.

TheMightyHaltor July 13, 2011 at 12:20 am

I think it means one minus three states, which is exactly how many Ron Paul will win.

ManchuCandidate July 12, 2011 at 3:58 pm

Such a spry 75 year old man.

Considering how bad the job aged both Barry and Bubba, I'm guessing Ron Paul would look like the cryptkeeper at the end of his, LOL, "term."

RedNM July 12, 2011 at 4:00 pm

What do you mean at the "end" of his "term"?

SorosBot July 12, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Well I guess that last part gave NaderPaulKucinichGravel a stiffy.

5thstate July 12, 2011 at 3:59 pm

From the Daily Paul (really? every damn day?)
Submitted by Tominellay on Tue, 07/12/2011 – 15:46.

Ron Paul has led this horse to water…up to us to drink it, elect him president...

Horse? Maybe he means Magic Pony? Then the paultards drink the water, and shazam—Prez Paul!

Seems to me that farcical aquatic ceremonies are hardly the basis for a system of government, but then they do have a horse.

Wait! Does the horse represent the blimp?

MissTaken July 12, 2011 at 4:08 pm

As if a Paultard has ever drank water. Diet Coke or Die!

SorosBot July 12, 2011 at 4:50 pm

I think it's all Mountain Dew.

GOPCrusher July 12, 2011 at 4:30 pm

IMPORTANT SUGGESTION: Drink the water upstream from the horse.

carlgt1 July 12, 2011 at 4:43 pm

Ron Paul has brewed the Kool Aid — it's up to us to drink it!

Chet Kincaid July 12, 2011 at 5:00 pm

"Seems to me that farcical aquatic ceremonies are hardly the basis for a system of government,"

Leave AquaBuddha out of this!!

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 5:08 pm

Sounds like they're planning to drink the horse. Cum shots?

5thstate July 12, 2011 at 8:28 pm

That's what I thought at first, but what a gynecologist and his horse do together that makes grown men cry is entirely their business.
Hands off my Horse Cum! .
Cummed-on Enough Already.
Did you remember to water my Tree of Liberty with Horse Cum? 'Cos it looks a bit wilted.

LiveToServeYa July 12, 2011 at 4:00 pm

The legalization of pot will take a big, hefty hit.

zhubajie July 12, 2011 at 8:43 pm

If only the stoners would remember to vote….

Gratuitous World July 12, 2011 at 4:00 pm

if you choose to drink the free market benzene water, please flip back to comment page 3 to continue the search for the presidential gold in the Klan's gun shack, right next to the cases of Monster Energy drink.

weejee July 12, 2011 at 4:01 pm

The TardBlimp has gone flatulence-line. Run outa gaz.

OneDollarJuana July 12, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Pssst. A bit of advice. If it's on YouTube it's not a secret.

Clancy_Pants July 12, 2011 at 4:03 pm

"I like how this is shaping up" ????
That's like Custer at the Little Big Horn saying "We have them right where we want them!"

5thstate July 12, 2011 at 4:04 pm

Best Paultard Comment Yet , for realz:

"This is stupid…
Submitted by phenn on Tue, 07/12/2011 – 14:45.
A 6'5" 275lb. man with tears running down my face.

Don't ever think that for one moment Dr. Paul that anything you have done has ever been in vain. We all carry you inside us now, and it will never go away, you have taught and inspired us.

Let's roll! "

Yeah, Ron Paul is Harry Potter/doomed 9/11 airplane passenger. With a horse.

widestanceroman July 12, 2011 at 4:15 pm

I think that means they all blew him and are now incubating some new horrible life form.

BaldarTFlagass July 12, 2011 at 4:20 pm

Yeah. The phrase "We all carry you inside us now, and it will never go away" really makes me a little queasy.

5thstate July 12, 2011 at 4:27 pm

Yeah…

"We all carry you inside us now, and it will never go away….like a tumor which can flourish and grow, free from the interference of big government socialized medicine"

carlgt1 July 12, 2011 at 4:20 pm

where do they get this bizarre "inspiration"? There's certainly nothing in Ron Paul's record that makes me think he's a shining beacon of freedom or whatever. And these zealots would dare criticize people who got excited about Obama?

5thstate July 12, 2011 at 8:41 pm

DOCTOR Ron Paul is like a noble WASP Lakota chief, who gets upset and teary about Ameros instead of piles of trash—or something, There's got to be peyote involved. and SKOAL. Who knows?

Nostrildamus July 12, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Let's roll

Certainly more realistic than walking at 275 lb.

Barrelhse July 12, 2011 at 5:17 pm

Those are beautiful words.
I'm gettin' like all misty.

AJWjr. July 12, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Is that horse as in heroin, or like a Trojan?

5thstate July 12, 2011 at 8:35 pm

Like a Trojan touched for the very first time, maybe
Or heroin, or a Trojan horse, or a condom?
Or as in "he's from Troy, he's a Trojan'

Basically what ever Doctor Ron Paul want it to be…bless him ! ,

Tommmcattt July 12, 2011 at 4:06 pm

Additionally, if you cross your fingers and shout "No Backsies" it becomes illegal to impeach any president with the initals "RP".

IT'S RIGHT THERE IN THE CONSTITUTION PEOPLE!

p∑∆ƈ∑ ð∪+ !!!!

user-of-owls July 12, 2011 at 7:29 pm

illegal to impeach any president with the initals "RP".

Oh fuck…you know who else is a 'contender' from Texas??

Pragmatist2 July 12, 2011 at 4:07 pm

This all proves one thing: writing computer code develops parts of the brain that drive out the ability to deal with reality.

Nostrildamus July 12, 2011 at 4:10 pm

With this inspiration, I will no longer work at the AM/PM mart so I can focus all my energy on winning the lottery.

Clancy_Pants July 12, 2011 at 4:10 pm

You think we have a new Paultard downfister or is it the same ol' Breitbarttard douchebag?

Clancy_Pants July 12, 2011 at 4:13 pm

He answered my question by immediately following me. Welcome Dau Tranh (Breitbarttard)

MLHencken July 12, 2011 at 4:22 pm

Welcome to the saddest club in the world.

GOPCrusher July 12, 2011 at 4:49 pm

Different player, same song.
I wish that one of them could come up with some independent thought and pithy remarks.

SorosBot July 12, 2011 at 4:58 pm

It's the same old guy; for some reason he likes to change his name, then unfollow and re-follow everyone; what he thinks it's for I have no clue.

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 5:15 pm

If you're lucky, he'll follow you three times in the space of two days! (My own personal record so far.)

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 10:01 pm

Neither does he.

AJWjr. July 12, 2011 at 7:02 pm

Code word libunatic, it's the same old spanky2b.

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 10:00 pm

That teensy-weensy pricklet is following ME now. What, Gimp in a leather bottom mask wasn't enough? This guy's probly into poop-play, though. A poopy bottom.

Fox n Fiends July 12, 2011 at 4:11 pm

Lets just hope Dr. Paul starts a third party as soon as possible, we may need this Ross Perot 2.0 in 2012.

Lascauxcaveman July 12, 2011 at 4:11 pm

I'm guessing these Constitutional secrets are the same crazy secrets discovered by local housewife to lose ugly belly fat. It's spam, paultards, don't open it.

GOPCrusher July 12, 2011 at 4:51 pm

They sell Extenze at most of the big chain drug stores now. You don't need to order your male enhancement products on the Internet anymore.

widestanceroman July 12, 2011 at 4:59 pm

But, those lovely Asian ladies really do want to love me, right?

ShaveTheWhales July 12, 2011 at 4:59 pm

It's that "One weird Constitutional secret"!!!!!

GOPCrusher July 12, 2011 at 4:14 pm

Someone's tinfoil hat is on too tight.

zhubajie July 12, 2011 at 8:44 pm

If you don't ground them right, they only concentrate the rays!

MissTaken July 12, 2011 at 4:16 pm

This is good news for costume shops that specialize in colonial garb.

Fare la Volpe July 12, 2011 at 4:17 pm

YourOpenBook has some great Paultard conniption fits going down. My favorite comment, though, is this jolly fellow:

"Ron Paul? Isn't that the guy Bruno tried to make a pass at in his movie?"

Gleem_McShineys July 12, 2011 at 8:14 pm

YES!!

9000 waxed anuses to that intertube denizen!

BaldarTFlagass July 12, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Hey now it's time for you and me
Got a revolution Got to revolution
Come on now we're marching to the sea
Got a revolution Got to revolution
Who will take it from you
We will and who are we
we are volunteers of America

I don't think this is quite what Paul Kantner and Marty Balin had in mind when they wrote this song.

carlgt1 July 12, 2011 at 4:22 pm

maybe they are thinking more like Lennon:

You want a Paul-tard revolution, well, you know…
we all love to read Ayn Rand.

got a loophole in the Consitution, well, you know….
that's the teabag secret plan!

ShaveTheWhales July 12, 2011 at 5:01 pm

I'm thinking more "Up against the wall, up against the wall, motherfuckers".

Larry McAwful July 13, 2011 at 12:12 am

Or maybe "Either go away or go all the way in."

DahBoner July 12, 2011 at 4:29 pm

OH LOOK AND HERE IS SOME OF THE CODE:

"Take 3 tokes off AQUA BUDDHA and then hang up a sign at a lunch counter that says:"

NO SMOKING BLACKS

BaldarTFlagass July 12, 2011 at 4:30 pm

If he gets elected, will we all have to start writing in those bizarre symbols? I hope not, I have a hard enough time just doing the Alt-13 and Alt-14 thing for the musical notes.

mumbly_joe July 12, 2011 at 4:55 pm

NORMAL LETTERING IS A CONSPIRACY PERPETRATED BY THE FEDERAL RESERVE.

Chet Kincaid July 12, 2011 at 4:34 pm

It's like when the Balrog ate Gandalf!!

V572 der Plaatz July 12, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Obstetro-Congressman-Mister-Doctor Ron Paul says sensible things about not having so many discretionary wars. But when he gets to talking about the gold standard, the Fed an evil conspiracy, etc, it makes you think he's probably a better physician than an economist.

Nonetheless he'll be missed! Rand isn't nearly so charming.

user-of-owls July 12, 2011 at 8:01 pm

I first read, "Obstrepero-Congressman," which I think more aptly captures the essence of the man if not his vocation.

V572 der Plaatz July 12, 2011 at 8:29 pm

He's likethe wacky relative at a family party who corners you and wants to talk about the 200-mpg carburetor that GM or the oil companies bought up and suppressed. “No, really! I saw it in Popular Mechanix! Can't remember which issue, but it's true!”

user-of-owls July 12, 2011 at 9:11 pm

Oh no, that's the sane relative. The one who tries to foist a badly-xeroxed copy of a John Birch Society newsletter or say today's Washington Times, now that's the one where you want to simulate Sudden-Onset-Hemorrhagic-Fever symptoms.

mumbly_joe July 12, 2011 at 4:53 pm

"Secret way to have Ron Paul win 2012 Election"

You know, for people who love liberty so much, they seem to like anti-democratic tyranny an awful lot.

GOPCrusher July 12, 2011 at 4:56 pm

And his son could fix that.

El Pinche July 12, 2011 at 5:01 pm

It's like a Hagar / Van Halen reunion ALL OVER AGAIN!

Reagan Still Dead July 12, 2011 at 5:02 pm

Quick, has anyone heard of the sudden disappearance or headless finding of a circuit boy recently?

glamourdammerung July 12, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Ron is simply retiring to spend more time with his family. And Holocaust denier pals.

CrunchyKnee July 12, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Paul/3/4's of Texas 2012!

Chet Kincaid July 12, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Based on Dr. Paul's decades of experience as a practicing GynoMysogynist, there is no problem that can't be solved with a liberty-yeast-pill and a freedom douche! To the stirrups, America! Ride the Invisible Hand!!

Barrelhse July 12, 2011 at 5:15 pm

The Walrus is Paul.

philpjfry July 12, 2011 at 5:37 pm

If these people were any more stupid their involuntary muscles would stop.

mumbly_joe July 12, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Also, doesn't that backwards R look kinda… I dunno… Communist?????

glamourdammerung July 12, 2011 at 6:08 pm

They were only using wingdings in the hope of hitting the swastika one.

user-of-owls July 12, 2011 at 6:24 pm

You can't spell 'independant' without 'pedant'!

DashboardBuddha July 12, 2011 at 7:09 pm

yep…and if he runs as an independent, he'll hang around the neck of the GOP and drag them down.

Larry McAwful July 13, 2011 at 12:15 am

Is that why the Paul Party's mascot is an albatross? Finally, that makes sense! I'd long thought it should be the armadillo, because it's from Texas, is small, has thick armor, and is often found smashed along the side of the road. But the albatross is a good one, too.

Nostrildamus July 12, 2011 at 7:22 pm

You can't spell 'independant' without 'pedant'

'inept' also.

glamourdammerung July 12, 2011 at 7:01 pm

I love how everything with Paultards comes down to hidden messages and unproveable as well as unfeasible conspiracy. And everyone who disagrees is never just wrong, but horrific and evil personified. Kind of sounds like schizophrenia to me.

Redhead July 12, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Well junior paul thinks you don't need a license to practice medicine. I guess senior pauly thinks you don't need votes to be president.

Thedongsofwar July 12, 2011 at 7:07 pm

There are not a lot of good combinations for the words "Secret" and "Election".

user-of-owls July 12, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Um, "Secretion"?

Larry McAwful July 13, 2011 at 12:16 am

Sorry. Rick Santorum's already using that one.

smitallica July 12, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Yes, the founders devised a BRILLIANT electoral system whereby delegates pick the president, thereby ensuring that, say, a Demoocrat's vote in Texas will be meaningless and a single county in Ohio can give George Bush a second term. Go fuck yourselves, founding fathers.

user-of-owls July 12, 2011 at 7:28 pm

Really not much of a mystery here, you dizzy children, just a misplaced hyphen: In the Founders' day, you win 1-3 states, it's called a 'unanimous vote,' not a 'secret.'

BlueStateLibel July 12, 2011 at 7:28 pm

This sounds like some movie with Tom Hanks in it that's boring and hard to follow.

Fred_Wertham_Jr July 12, 2011 at 7:36 pm

Worse. Nicholas Cage.

TheJasonAlexanderFanClub July 12, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Peoria mom discovers one weird old tip in Constitution to elect Ron Paul to the presidency! <click here>

Warpde July 12, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Ron Paul?
He's sill alive?
Damn!!!!

ttommyunger July 12, 2011 at 11:07 pm

Relax, Paultards, Young Rand is waiting in the wings, breathing through his mouth, eyes glazed, hair akimbo, semi-erect and ready to take the Baton from the Master of Crazy.

ThundercatHo July 12, 2011 at 11:43 pm

I saw him referred to as the "intellectual godfather" of the tea party. Any sentence that puts intellect and tea party together is hilarious.

Larry McAwful July 13, 2011 at 12:09 am

If Ron Paul can collect enough superdelegates, he can totally pull this off. And when you look at the sheer number of Republican superdelegates, it becomes obvious that all Future President Paul has to do is… oh, wait… never mind…

Negropolis July 13, 2011 at 12:22 am

Who will be the crazy grandpa of the Congress, now? Our Robert Byrd is gone, no longer there to wander the halls at night looking for the chamber doors. Now our poor Ron Paul Revere won't be there to scream at us that the debt ceiling is coming in fast, whilst ringin' those bells and shootin' those warnin' shots.

I'd nominate John Conyers, Sandy Levin, and John Dingell, all octagenarian Democrats from the Metro Detroit, but none have the force of personality, alone, to respectably carry such a burden and title. BARBARIC!

vavavivivivi July 13, 2011 at 10:50 am

http://www.benzlogo.com/

I tide fashion Good-looking, not expensive Free transport

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi July 13, 2011 at 11:16 am

"Paultards" ?

See You Soon
no Gore please
thank you much

PristineODummy July 12, 2011 at 10:41 pm

I don't know who came up with that shit about demure, submissive Asian women. I have a Thai gf whose mother told her to keep ducks in case she needed to cut her old man's dick off. Feed it to them, she said, and he'll never sew it back on. Urk.

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