rick santorum is jealous

Herman Cain Secret Gospel Album Now Available Online

the eagle soars no more.Here is your “new” 1996 Herman Cain gospel album that managed to hide from the Internets up until now, and no surprises on this one really, it’s 100% crappy synthesizer tracks that remind us of when the Internet was just a bunch of Midi files floating around on GeoCities pages. Cain’s vocals also include some backup singing we are not sure is human… screaming eagles? Actually none of this album is as weird as this roadkill eagle logo we found on his website while we were looking this up. Pizza fans the “Cainiacs” freed this monstrosity onto the Internet, so blame them and not Herman Cain, who at least we can say would beat John Ashcroft in a singing competition.

Our quick capsule review gives this album a pretty solid “meh” next to hits like Orrin Hatch singing gay love songs for Ted Kennedy and immortal John Ashcroft ballad “Let the Eagle Soar,” which clinically counts as mind rape.

From CNN:

His album, “Sunday Morning,” was recently released on the Internet, courtesy of Draft Cain, an independent group not affiliated with the campaign. According to Cain’s campaign, the CD was originally released in 1996 by GLC Music, Selah Sound Production and Melodic Praise Records.

The 13-track gospel record was posted by Maurice Atkinson, the head of Draft Cain. It includes religious tracks like “Lord’s Prayer,” “I Must Tell Jesus,” “Hallelujah Square” and “Precious Lord.”

The former Godfather’s Pizza CEO and radio host is no stranger to the stage and is sometimes heard singing on the campaign trail.

So here are some lyrics from “Hallelujah Square.” In this dramatic piece, Herman Cain makes zero mention of Eagles, Freedom, Tears, Fetuses or Eagles, so uh, Rick Santorum, get on that.

I saw a blind man passing along
Pushing his way
As he passed through the throng
Tears filled my eyes
I said, “Sir, you can’t see”
With a smile on his face
He replied to me
I’ll see all my friends in Hallelujah Square
What a wonderful time
We’ll all have a fair
We’ll sing and praise Jesus
His glory to share
And you’ll not see one blind man
In Hallelujah Square.

We don’t think Jesus will ban blind people from heaven, but whatever, Herman Cain, that’s your call. [CNN]

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  • BaldarTFlagass

    I hope it's available on iTunes!!!

    • LabRodent

      If I said its on Napster would that be Racist?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Only if your last name is Imus.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Fanning the flames of intolerance, I see.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Available as a ring tone: call 800-O My Ears

    • widestanceroman

      Looney Tunes is more like it.

    • C_R_Eature

      No,it's available on MeMeMeMeMEMEMETunes.

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    Herman Cain is the new [bad, Republican] Z.Z. Hill.

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    Also, I feel sorry for the poor bastard who had to run the studio sessions when this was recorded.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      It was the low point in Rick Rubin's career.

    • PsycWench

      It was probably one of those life-changing events and he/she went back to college, got a degree and went on to actually improve lives, in penance.

  • SnarkoMarx

    The "roadkill eagle" looks like something fossilized under great pressure. That spray of fecal material near its tail probably contains trilobites.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      the downfister lives, apparently.

      • SnarkoMarx

        Hmmm?

        • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

          Q.E.D., I just upfisted you from a 0. One of the banned trolls, I suspect.

          Hurry up and set up a new account, Noman!

          • SnarkoMarx

            Danke

      • MissusBarry

        I think there're a couple this morning. Upfists for all the wonkeratti.

    • karen

      That image was jacked from deviantart. Emo for jesus!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Herman Cain makes zero mention of Eagles, freedom, tears, fetuses or Eagles"

    That's good, because I hate the fucking Eagles, man.

    • FNMA

      Abide, dude.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      The Dude: Do you find them much, these, stolen cars?
      Younger Cop: Sometimes. Wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck though.
      Older Cop: Or the Creedence.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Swear to god. For all the women who whipped themselves up into a middle-aged masturbatory maelstrom when the Eagles started touring again, I just don't understand why.

    • DahBoner

      Take it easy, man…

    • PristineODummy

      Except for that one pooping eagle on the cover, right?

    • C_R_Eature

      Agreed. "Don Henley Must Die"

  • Barb

    He should have tied this in with his pizza business. "What a Friend We Have in Cheeses" and "Had Jesus Been Here Your Anchovies Pizza Would Have Weighed 80 Pounds"

    • JerkCade

      Gimme that old pie religion

      • DahBoner

        Praise Cheeses!

        • Lascauxcaveman

          He's saving the hit "Don't Eat Baby Cheeses" for his upcoming Christmas album.

    • smitallica

      Deliver Us From Evil (In 30 Minutes or It's Free)?

    • ttommyunger

      "The Blessed Virgin Don't Wrestle-But You Oughta See Her Box"?

      • PristineODummy

        Oh, my. I hope you read your Bible twice as hard today in penance.

        • ttommyunger

          I am beyond the strength of penance, depending solely on Grace and Mercy ;)

          • PristineODummy

            Hey, I know those two gals. I think you're in trouble now. :)

          • ttommyunger

            Socially, or Biblically?

          • PristineODummy

            Slut.

          • ttommyunger

            Me? Guilty, yoah Honor!

          • PristineODummy

            Upfisted for honesty. :D

          • ttommyunger

            Too many witnesses for me to get by with a lie.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Barb, I think you have won the morning.

      • Barb

        Thanks Dashboard!

  • LabRodent

    Thought he would have covered Al Jolson greatest Hits, hes a big fan.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Does he do a cover of The Battleaxe Of the Republic?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Mr. Cain, you're no Al Green.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Gol-dang it, Cain, this has me convinced y'all are all Hallelujah Squares.

    • Grief_Lessons

      Can you imagine Hallelujah Squares as the shittiest knock off game show in history? Herman Cain in the centre square, D-list CHRISTIAN celebrities (hello Kirk Cameron) in the eight surrounding squares. Two diabetic contestants from the blue states answering bible trivia questions posed to them by the animatronic botoxed corpse of William Jennings Bryan.

      • horsedreamer_1

        For some reason, Charles Nelson Reilly would still be there.

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

          I recently learned he is "still here" — it looks like an entertaining show.
          Add to G_L's lineup: that actor who played Animal Mother in Full Metal… the wife from Everybody Loves Raymond… Hasselback chick from Survivor/The View and I'm sure there's some not-so-cleancut ones I'm forgetting, not to mention some recovering former child stars; Lance Kerwin comes to mind.

          • Grief_Lessons

            I'd like to go with Victoria Jackson for the block.

          • Thurman Munster IV

            "I'd like to go with Victoria Jackson for the COCK block."

            /fixed/

          • Grief_Lessons

            I'm a team player, lobbing up softballs like that…

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      With Lindsey Graham as Paul Lynde.

      • Nothingisamiss

        Oh, yes.

      • GOPCrusher

        FABULOUS!

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Where's the tune about the miracle that US America muscular war Jeebus did with the 7 slices and 2 crazy breads?

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      Could Herman Cain really feed 80,000 people with one large, extra-cheese pizza and a two liter bottle of carbonated corn-syrup?

      • mavenmaven

        In the state of our economy and with his party's economic plan, that may be the reality for many people…

  • EatsBabyDingos

    I hope he tries to be a mime next. That's a cd I'd listen to.

  • Steverino247

    Downfister is obviously a Cain supporter. So, fuck him with the pizza he got fat on.

    • fuflans

      crappy crappy pizza.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Be sure to use one that's fresh from the 450F oven.

  • CapeClod

    May a chorus of Florence Foster Jenkins' sing you to your inauguration, Herman Cain.

    • PristineODummy

      Thank goodness Cain will NEVER be inaugurated. Otherwise you might have the mass suicide of millions of your fellow Merkins on your hands.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Media whores, unite! You have nothing to lose but your
    dollars
    hearing
    taste
    propriety
    common sense
    control of your bowels

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Said the blind man, "Don't you see?"
    ~

    • ShaveTheWhales

      as he picked up the hammer and saw.

    • PristineODummy

      To his deaf brother.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Bipartisanship dictates a duet with Alvin Greene.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      Oh, yes. Just Alvin hollerin' in the background while Cain sings over it.

      Actually I think I may have heard that already, but it was on a Einstürzende Neubauten album.

      • EatsBabyDingos

        Or maybe they can redo the Flying Lizard's version of "Money (that's what I want)," dedicate it to his party, and ol' Alvin can sing the vaguely zombie-chant background vocals.

      • horsedreamer_1

        I think that was that Rob Zombie song with the Screamin' Jay Hawkins sample, actually.

    • AJWjr.

      Show me The Way…

  • LetUsBray

    You guys are all more racist than Jon Stewart for making fun of this work of art.

  • http://thethingsrepublicanshate.com/ Chillwaver

    The "ironic" value of this shit is so high that hipsters can't wait to get it on vinyl…

  • Limeylizzie

    Let the Deep Dish Soar.

    • horsedreamer_1

      That's Amore!

  • Schmegeg

    If he would just promise to only cut medicare a little bit he could be President. Now.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Guess we know why they called it GODfather's Pizza.

    • Barb

      GodFather, Son and Holy Ghost Pizza.

  • CapeClod

    OK, but when Sarah Palin puts out an album I'm going to puncture my own ear drums.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I've got an aural vision of Edith Bunker's singing at the beginning of "All in the Family."

      • Ducksworthy

        Buddy we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again. Oh, wait. We have the whole Tea Party, so never mind.

    • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

      Potential Palin album title: "Songs to slit your fucking throat by."

      • FNMA

        "Exile of Grifter Street."

        A person can hope…

        • horsedreamer_1

          If the Half-Term Duh'vnor records an album in France, she will lose all her supporters. So, yes, do it, Sarah.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Well, you can be sure there will be a cover of that old tune "Money (That's What I Want)", probably the opening track.

    • carlgt1

      I'd love to hear her cover The Who's "You Betcha You Betcha You Bet!"

  • http://wonkette.com/ Monsieur_Grumpe

    It could have been worse. It could have been a country album. I actually listened to some of the recordings. Not a horrible voice but his intonation is really bad in some spots and the arrangements are like having cotton candy shoved in every orifice in your body while main lining corn syrup.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      In the country music industry, there's only room for one black artist, and Charley Pride is still alive.

      • FNMA

        You forgot about what's-his-name, the Hootie guy.

        • horsedreamer_1

          & Cowboy Troy from Big n' Rich!

    • PsycWench

      I refuse to listen. I feel certain that it would be like the eagle soaring and then pooping into both of my eardrums.

  • Ducksworthy

    This is good news for Herman Cain. (Too soon?)

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    I have no respect for anyone who cuts a Christian record. This behavior is manifest in people who have a "look at meee!!" mentality, but would prefer shrouding it in a "it's for Him" blanket. There's no more ministry in it than the Armani suit a preacher wears.

    Meanwhile, the attention whore's face is on the album cover. One would think — being a Christian album — that Jesus's face would be on it.

    • FNMA

      Not to mention that Cain probably fucked Jesus out of any residuals.

    • GOPCrusher

      So you're basically betting the farm that Sarah Palin will do one next?

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Do you think "Our God is an Awesome God" is too white-bread for H-Cain to consider piping out a cover of it? I'm asking on behalf of Ms. Benincasa (on behalf of Jack Dorsey) and her recently shared parachurch-hymn-fetish, which sets a new bar for bible humping enthusiasts.

  • Serolf_Divad

    The 13-track gospel record was posted by Maurice Atkinson, the head of Draft Cain. It includes religious tracks like “Lord’s Prayer,” “I Must Tell Jesus,” “Hallelujah Square” and “Precious Lord.”

    Yeah, but if you listen closely to the very end of the song as the music fades you can barely make out the words:

    "Really wanna see you Lord/Hare Krisna, Hare, Hare/Hare Krishna…"

    • bagofmice

      By the gods!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      So will we be seeing a copyright infringement lawsuit by the Chiffons soon?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    None "Won't Get Fooled Again"?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      "Babbling O'Reilly?"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    If you play the album backwards, it praises Satan Queer Obama.

    • Ruhe

      Now that's apophenia I can believe in!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Herman Cain's candidacy reminds me of Ken Blackwell's run for Ohio Governor in 2006.

    In spite of helping steal the election for G.W. Bush here in 2004 when he was Secretary of State, the Republicans just weren't that into him as a Governor, for some reason…
    ~

    • PristineODummy

      I can't think what that might be. Pls 2 enlighten?

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    God Peddler Pizza?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Godbotherer Pizza.

  • mumbly_joe

    Is that song about how the disabled should kill themselves, because they won't be getting any soshulizm jesus hand-outs here on earth? I'm going to assume 'yes'.

  • LabRodent

    If you play it backwards he says "Obamas gonna win in a landslide over and over again. Scary

  • MissusBarry

    Perhaps I'll do some drugs, and try to sync it up with "Mystic Pizza." Ok, that was bad, even by my standards.

  • FakaktaSouth

    If Heaven means going to the fair with Herman Cain, I'd rather just be dead. (I hate the fair – and have ever since I threw up funnel cake behind the spider ride in 1981.)

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I only go to the fair to stare in awe and marvel at the people that work the carnival rides. It's like de-evolution in action.

      • FakaktaSouth

        Speaking of de-evolution, you should come let me show you around the Alabama State Fair, it will BLOW YOUR MIND.

        • Ducksworthy

          Word is, Minnesotans are going to be upset that there's no state fair this year because of "no new taxes".

        • Nothingisamiss

          Oh, gawd, Fakakta, that's a field trip I could believe in. (But then I'd want to die.)

          • FakaktaSouth

            See, it's all in how you look at it. I just walk around feeling all smart and thin, but then I'll always take superiority on the cheap. It's how I cope here in general. (and by talking shit on wonkette I guess, cause when you find another intellectually curious person you hold them so much closer and tighter)

    • Limeylizzie

      What is a Spider Ride? I too hate all those rides, I am a vomiter of some magnitude having suffered from motion sickness since childhood.

      • MissusBarry

        http://www.flatrides.com/Ride%20Index/EyerlySpide

        Sorry, I must get up on the html malarkey.

        • FakaktaSouth

          That's it! gaaaaaaaaaaaaaag…spinning and spinning on a small arm while the big arm also spins. When I see it, I smell hot dogs and want to puke.

        • Limeylizzie

          Eeeew, they call that the Whip in England, yes I have also vomited after that experience.

          • MissusBarry

            Sorry for the vom memories. I had a near-vom experience on the spider as a kid. In general, the spinning rides are not my best bet, but I do love a good roller coaster.

          • FakaktaSouth

            I have probably ralphed on all of them, but I "like" speed – esp compared to spinning or slinging or way up high. Oh forget it, I HATE it all – but apparently not as much as the diligent down-fister today. Whoever-they-is is hard at work…click click click…that's kinda impressive

          • MissusBarry

            Seriously, apparently McDownfisty loves both Hermie and spinning fair rides.

          • Limeylizzie

            My worst ever was on a thing called the Dive Bomber, I will see if I can find a picture, it rotated one way and then spun at the same time, I was a puking fool on that , both during and after the ride

        • AJWjr.

          Thought that was the Octopus…

    • DashboardBuddha

      I once watched my cousin riding on the spider. She had a thing for cotton candy and strawberry soda at the time. Watching the lovely arc of pink vomit spray across the midway and my cousin's subsequent embarrassment was one of the high points of my young life.

      • FakaktaSouth

        I bet that was amazing. I love pink!

        • Limeylizzie
          • DashboardBuddha

            Vomit Comet

          • FakaktaSouth

            That's the BULLET! EW! Panama City Miracle Strip – first time I felt "Gs" on my face. My poor dad was trapped in it with me and the whole time I was threatening – "I'm gonna puke!" the look of abject fear on the man's face…lucky for him I waited.

          • Limeylizzie

            It is the worst thing I have ever been on, well apart from that fat man I pity-fucked and I had to lift up his fat-apron in order to find the goods.

          • FakaktaSouth

            You weren't in The States with Gov Christie were you? Propping that shit up on your head will play hell with one's neck to be sure.

          • Limeylizzie

            Not quite that fat, but fat enough.

        • DashboardBuddha

          She loved pink too, still does but no more strawberry soda.

    • proudgrampa

      This thread reminds me of the Wall of Death:
      http://www.californiahellriders.com/id2.html

  • LesBontemps

    Needz moar Elijah Muhammad.

    • horsedreamer_1

      "The Final Call" meets the "The Final Countdown".

      • LesBontemps

        Okay, I had to go google "The Final Countdown," and then I threw up in my mouth. Let's just go with "needz moar cowbell."

        • horsedreamer_1

          It's a good song!

          But you're alright, LesBontemps ('cause your avatar makes me think of the commenter RolledMeat, at a long ago internet haunt of mine).

          • BaldarTFlagass

            Oh, I thought you were talking about the time travel movie.

          • PristineODummy

            Me too. This must be the SF-geek section.

  • Ducksworthy

    Is Hallelujah Square like Hollywood Squares only with famous meth snorting hypocrites?

    • Barb

      "Peter, I'll take Bristol Palin for the diagonal win" (the answer is always FALSE when you pick her. She doesn't know the truth)

    • __kth__

      Ted Haggard in the center square for sure

  • Radiotherapy®

    Say what you will, this guy could sure put out some cheesy platters.

  • baconzgood

    "I saw a blind man passing along
    Pushing his way
    As he passed through the throng
    Tears filled my eyes
    I said, “Sir, you can’t see”
    With a smile on his face
    He replied to me
    I’ll see all my friends in Hallelujah Square
    What a wonderful time
    We’ll all have a fair
    We’ll sing and praise Jesus
    His glory to share
    And you’ll not see one blind man
    In Hallelujah Square."

    My confounded partner she sais
    meow meow meow beep-beep
    next time you kids run through my yard go around
    I'm gonna call your mother and father down here
    I'm gonna break your arms and both your legs
    I'm gonna cut little gill slits in the side of your neck and
    BLOW IN 'EM WITH A STRAW!!!

    (FIXED)

    • Steverino247

      I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
      Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain
      He was looking for a candidate named Herman Cain
      Wanting to bash in his fucking brains

      Ahchoo! Don't be a werewolf in the rain.
      Ahchoo!

    • PristineODummy

      I LERVE when you talk dirty to me.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    The "roadkill eagle" looks like it was just stuffed through the turkey shredder behind Sarah Palin.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    OT

    We laugh a lot about teh Michele and her potential First Douchebag Marcus, but Barry's Administration has finally responded to moving marijuana off Schedule I with a loud and clear FOAD. That is batshit crazy, IMO.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Goddam liquor industry lobby.

      • DahBoner

        Partnership For A Drug Free America = Budweiser

    • PsycWench

      The Feds respond to any pro-marijuana legislation the way creationists respond to any basic information about evolution: chant your clearly disproven mantras while sticking your fingers in your ears.

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      How do you keep the corporate prisons full otherwise? There's no more jobs in the Marshall Islands; somewhere in America we still must manufacture goods!

    • ShaveTheWhales

      No DEA Agent Left Behind.

    • GOPCrusher

      We should never, ever hear anything bad again about Mexican Drug Cartels.

  • BornInATrailer

    Really? No Blazing Saddles reference yet?

    Son, I am disappoint.

  • El Pinche

    I love Buffalo Uncle Tom!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Oh sweet Jebus, a Crisco avatar.

      • El Pinche

        Yeah I'm sporting Newt's womannequin.

    • EatsBabyDingos

      He's a soda jerk?

  • horsedreamer_1

    Herman Cain should sue Deer Tick, for copyright infringement.

  • PsycWench

    It makes sense to me. Eat plenty of Herman Cain's pizza and you'll meet Jesus soon enough.

  • Weenus299

    I saw a blind man passing along
    Pushing his way
    As he passed through the throng
    So I pushed him down,
    because he's blind,
    and he can't see who I am.
    I got in a good slug in the ribs,
    then picked him up and
    slung him into the ropes
    and delivered a tomahawk chop
    into his gullet.
    Tears filled my eyes
    I said, “Sir, you can’t see”

    He replied to me
    I’ll see all my friends in Hallelujah Square
    What a wonderful time
    We’ll all have a fair
    We’ll sing and praise Jesus
    His glory to share
    And you’ll not see one blind man
    In Hallelujah Square.
    Because I gave him a DDT
    right there,
    and he's dead.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I like the logo. It has a cool Jasper Johns vibe.

    • lumpenprole

      Thought Ralph Steadman, I kinda like it too.

  • carlgt1

    how about 'Hallelujah I'm A Bagger?'

  • smitallica

    Every order of Cain's pizza comes with free Crazy Bread. And I do mean fuckin' CRAZY.

  • DashboardBuddha

    I'll take Jesus in the Hallelujah Square for the win!

  • bagofmice

    And by the way, if you see your mom this weekend, be sure and tell her I said …

  • __kth__

    I got a feeling I don't want to know

  • fuflans

    when the Internet was just a bunch of Midi files floating around on GeoCities pages

    i miss those days.

    • HistoriCat

      Good times.

  • ttommyunger

    Why does everybody in America think they are a singer? My sister and I would visit my comatose Granny and sis would invariably sing to her. I told her I hoped I never wound up like Granny 'cause I knew fucking well she would come by and sing to me if I did.

    • Steverino247

      As a youth, I had to put up with an afternoon of listening to an extremely drunk great aunt pounding on an out-of-tune upright paino and bellowing "The Old Rugged Cross" in her 29 Palms hovel.

      This is why I strenuously uphold the Geneva Conventions.

      • ttommyunger

        You will, indeed to to Heaven, my son, having spent your time in Hell.

        • Steverino247

          And I'll cling (bang) to the old (bang) rugged cross (bang).

          And exchange it for another fifth of vodka, probably.

          • ttommyunger

            My fav: “We are sinking deep in Sin……..Whooopeeee!” or “Amazing Grace, sit on my face!”

    • GOPCrusher

      I blame it on the Auto-Tune.

      • ttommyunger

        Good call.

    • PristineODummy

      My poor father, who couldn't carry a tune in a bucket or ten, would sing to himself quietly sometimes when working. Every song had the exact same goddamn tune, no matter how many times we played it or sang it for him. He just didn't get that whole "tune" thing. He died last year, and I would give both my arms to hear him singing one more time. I'd mock him, too, but hell.

      • ttommyunger

        Everybody has their job, his was to drive you quietly nuts, yours was to mock him in return. Fixed.

        • PristineODummy

          And you told me I was a lousy judge of character. Pfft! :P

          • ttommyunger

            Rule 1-Pay no attention to anything I say.

          • PristineODummy

            Yeah, I think that finally sank in. :)

          • ttommyunger

            Cool.

  • DaSandman

    Well, who amongst the Wonketeriat doesn't have a secret disco CD?

    The real question is can he cure the gheys and make em' all straight?

    • BornInATrailer

      Secret? I've got piles of disco.

      Why, the only KISS song on my iPhone is "I Was Made For Lovin' You"

    • AJWjr.

      Me. The closest I had to anything disco-related was Chuck Wagon and the Wheels singing Disco Sucks.
      Added bonus: "B" side was "Let's use the Arabs to Test the Neutron Bomb". which was good news for John McCain, even then.

    • PristineODummy

      One look at his nekky pikky and I'd be scared straight for sure.

  • Andrew Drinker

    8-track tape or GTFO

  • LiveToServeYa

    That would explain why the pepperoni topping looked like Jesus in a connect-the-dots.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      That reminds me of Father Guido Sarducci's "Find the Popes in the Pizza" contest.

      • PristineODummy

        Upfist for Father Guido.

  • OneDollarJuana

    Less of an ear-worm, more of an ear-python wrapped in sand paper.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Needz moar Herman Munster. No, it doesn't, its monstrous enough.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    your “new” 1996 Herman Cain gospel album

    You know who else took something that was "once old," and then magically or tragically caused it to "become new again"?

    • HistoriCat

      Coca-Cola?

  • Zombie_Reagan

    NEEDS MOAR SYNTH

    • Barrelhse

      Harelip.

  • DahBoner

    "I saw a blind man passing along"

    So I tripped him and stole his money.

    Because he is nothing but a lazy parasite, probably faking it.

    And I am a Mighty Job Producer!!!!

  • mavenmaven

    So how come this never happened in one of Cain's pizzas? http://www.heraldsun.com.au/lifestyle/the-other-s

    • DashboardBuddha

      Damn…that thing is hideous. It looks more like a skull or Jason's mask.

    • proudgrampa

      "It's already proven a good luck charm.

      "After discovering it, the owner of the store parked in a loading zone and didn't get a parking ticket,'' they wrote on eBay."

      Wow. Just wow.

      • Gunner Asch

        The owner was just playing it for the lulz. Those deported miscreants in Australia are smarter than us Puritans.

  • FlyOverGirl

    I sense a Broadway musical!!!!

  • mavenmaven

    Herman Cain has downfisting trolls as well? Or does he force his delivery boys to work with Spanky2b as part of their minimum wage?

  • Guppy06

    What does any of this have to do with The Crow?

    • Sue4466

      That's it! Exactly what it was reminding me of but couldn't think of.

      • Guppy06

        Maybe he's aiming for the goth vote.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    That's the thing I hate most about blind people, the way they push their way through the throng.

  • mavenmaven

    Somewhat OT, but given that he wrote two of the most memorable songs in American history, Sherwood Schwartz, who fueled much of what many of us watched when home sick from school, passed away http://www.tmz.com/person/sherwood-schwartz/

  • user-of-owls

    And you’ll not see one blind man
    In Hallelujah Square.

    This was a Puzzlah on Car Talk the other day. Why won't he 'see one blind man' in the square? Because he's blind. Because that's the first thing they do when you enter the square, they pop your little eyeballs out like so many apricot pits.

  • Barrelhse

    The eagle looks as if he just finished interviewing Lori Klein.

  • Sue4466

    Oh, for fuck's sake. Just found out the asshole who did the "draftcain" site is from Macon, GA. The city that also brought you Eric Erickson and Nancy Grace. As a transplant to Macon, I apologize for this trifecta of stupid.

  • Barrelhse

    Thumbs-up all around, it's on me.

  • C_R_Eature

    I'd like to see Hermie cover THIS LITTLE DITTY